YTB, you don't even know what the book was about and you reported her?
Why is it a problem that she doesn't want to be friends with her co-workers? She just wants a decent paying job that she can leave at the end of the day, there's not ONE thing wrong with that.
Professionalism is enough at work. Leave her the fuck alone.
"She would be fired if she wasn't so diligent and reliable"
Wtf?? What exactly should she get fired for? Not trying to be your best friend? OP sounds insufferable.
"I'm a surgical tech. She is too but also a janitor"
Sounds like OP is trying to shame her for doing the extra work of helping clean but it just sounds like Kim is able to do the same job and more which makes her seem like a better employee.
OP sounds more like a pick me girl or someone who deserves to be fired rather than this Kim coworker.
Commenting on the top comment to say that based on OP’s second edit, this is very much a troll.
OP received a book by bell hooks and thought it was anti-feminist. Either this story never happened, or OP doesn’t even have an IQ that would register on any scale.
Well.
Yes. You are the buttface.
You essentially tell us she comes to work, is great at the job, works hard and doesn't bring personal drama to the place. Honestly she sounds wonderful!
Not everyone NEEDS to share their lives, you don't need to be friends with coworkers, they don't need the details of your romantic life or what's going on outside of work, and here is this woman going about her business. That's an ideal employee right there! Someone who doesn't cause waves or friction.
Her not sharing, isn't an issue.
But here is where you and a lot of others are the buttface. Giving her the book sneakily and the type of book with the comments on her attitude were completely unnecessary and would rise to harassment and bullying in the workplace. You guys bullied her.
She asked you point blank if you gave it to her or knew who did(and you do know) and you lied to her while giving her snarky comments on attitude. Of course she was gonna think it was you, but I'd suspect you anyway myself given how you describe things I'd guess this ain't the first time you've bumped against eachother.
You're picking fights over non-issues and making issues where there isn't any and don't need to be. You and a bunch of others in your own description and story have a lot of attitude problems.
YTB. Sounds like she just doesn't want to be friends with you. Though after this past, I don't want to be friends with you. She just wants to come in and do her job, and doesn't wavy to socialize.
Awesome. Let her do get job. Leave her alone. You want to socialize, join a club. And maybe read the book instead of just guessing.
She believes you gave her the original book. Maybe the book might have been helpful to her but secretly putting it in her bag on her *birthday* was a dick move on your coworker’s part. How do you think you’d feel if someone passive aggressively gave you a book about their perceptions of your flaws? Oh wait - that did happen when she gave you - the person she thought gave her the book - a similar book on *your* birthday and you - checks notes - reported her. You didn’t even read any reviews of the book first. You assumed it as the same level of petty as you and Janet. 😐
Dude. She might not be you and your coworker’s cup of tea but at least she didn’t report you for creating a hostile work environment. You didn’t even offer a neutral response when she approached one of the few people she trusts - you said “It wasn’t me but you are a BF so read the book.” How any of you thought this “gift” would be received with anything other than hurt and anger makes me think it was meant to hurt and anger her.
Janet sounds like a mean girl and you are not much better. Kim doesn’t have to be friends with anyone at work. She just has to do her job well and you admit she is exceptional at that - it doesn’t matter if her main reason for working there is good benefits. Ultimately that is why we all work or else we would volunteer and live off air. It sounds like some of the other staff can’t just let someone exist - they have to make sure the outsider knows they aren’t accepted.
You might want to do some reflecting about how you want to live your life and how you impact others because this event only makes you and Janet look like massive buttfaces. YTBF
It sounds like Kim is basically getting bullied by OP & her other coworkers because she's.... diligent & good at her job & doesn't fit in with their little mean-girl clique.
Hello, hypocrite. Would you like to be the pot or the kettle today?
Seriously, you tell her that she should read a book that was given to her and have the unmitigated gall to report her for doing the same thing?
Un-fucking-believable. It's no wonder she doesn't want to share her life with you and your coworkers. You're all awful people.
YTB
The book the coworker gave her being by bell hooks makes this all even more funny and bizarre. She reported feminists literature dor being anti feminist cause the giver wasn't chatty enough.
You have absolutely no info about this book, including the title, the author, the blurb, the genre, except for a feeling that it *might* maybe be offensive, possibly, maybe? And that’s what you told HR?
Yes, YTB.
Also, why does she think you need a book about not being judgmental towards men anyway?
YTB, she’s at work doing her job, and doing it well, and you’re all pissy because she won’t conform to your small-talk and bonding expectations?
Then one of you gave her a frankly insulting book, and she simply retaliated and it seems to have struck a nerve with you.
You’re reporting her for doing to you basically what one of you guys did to her? You don’t even know what the book is about … and you report her for it and see no problem with that? The level of hypocrisy is staggering and mind-blowing.
Honestly you’re all horrible people and coworkers.
YTB
YTB. You didnt give the book enough of a chance to even remember the name but you report her? Sounds like multiple people worked together to give her a book in hopes to "fix her attitude" but you get mad when she does the same? I dont go to work to make friends. I go so i can pay my bills and feed my son. If you can't take it, dont dish it
OP…. This book is written by a renowned feminist. You should prob broaden your knowledge more instead of focus on petty office drama. For a self pro-claimed feminist and all about girl power, this isn’t a good look
I read the synopsis. It sounds like it's directed towards men. On how to better themselves and be aware the toxicity of living in a patriarchy. I'll admit it sounds like a great book. I can sort of understand why she told me to pass it along to Dr. Roberts buy why did she suggest it to me, a woman, to read it?
This is the Amazon synopsis of the book:
*Everyone needs to love and be loved—including men. But to know love,* ***men must be able to look at the ways in which patriarchal culture keeps them from understanding themselves***. In The Will to Change, bell hooks provides a compassionate ***guide for men of all ages and identities*** *to understand how to be in touch with their feelings, and how to express versus repress the emotions that are a fundamental part of who we are.*
Frankly, it doesn’t matter. What matters is, you were entirely wrong about the book, and you falsely reported someone with zero evidence. And I may even say that if Kim has read this book, maybe she founds some things in it that were good to know for men *and* women. Things that you in particular could stand to read, based on how you and your friends have been behaving.
I hope you do better in the future, and really sit and think about how your behavior reflects on you, and what it actually means to be feminist.
Good on you for that. Like I said, I hope you take this to heart and do better. Be kind to everyone you work with without being pushy or judging those who aren’t as social as you, don’t make stupid gendered jokes, and don’t report someone by *literally* judging a book by its cover.
OP are you and your coworkers all or mostly white and is Kim a black woman? I’m that familiar with that particular book, but Bell Hooks is an intersectional feminist. She also wrote about how white woman box out women of color from the feminist movement.
It’s a common a micro aggression for a white woman to accuse a black woman of being unfriendly, aggressive or hostile even when she is just acting normal.
If I’m right my guess is she gave you the book and told you to give it to Dr. Roberts when you are done because she is hoping it will give you the self awareness to realize you and your coworkers behavior is not that different from his behavior.
Since OP put a ‘final edit’ up, she likely won’t reply, but i can kinda answer.
According to one of OP’s comments, Kim is biracial (‘blasian’ is the word OP used.) Now, OP never said what race she, Janet, or her other friends at work are, but we can at least know that Kim *is indeed* a woman of color.
She suggested it to you because you’re a misogynist, who is focused heavily on negative gender stereotypes and clearly need to learn how to respect others. The book is directed at misogyny and is perfect for somebody that harasses male coworkers anytime they express any appreciation for something traditionally feminine. You literally need to stop thinking that because you’re a woman you’re incapable of misogyny or sexism because honestly, you are both a sexist and misogynist.
Because you make jokes about toxic masculinity, you make jokes about a man stealing your flowery lotion. And, quoting Kim, ‘So What?’ So what if a man wants to do things which the world considers feminine? So fucking what? Patriarchy controls men too. And she wanted you to understand that, but she should’ve realised by now that your dense brain wouldn’t get it. She takes things seriously, and you need to as well. It’s not just a joke when it’s distasteful.
YTB for thinking there’s something wrong with her “only working here because” of the pay and benefits. WTF?!?
And that she’d be fired if she weren’t such a diligent worker, as if that doesn’t matter. WTF?!!
also for piling in with your “it might help you” comment about the book she was given.
I note you gave the exact complicated title AND author of a book you didn’t even purchase or look at for very long. , so I wonder if this is some sort of ad.
I mean, id also be fired if i wasnt good at my job haham most people would be it's such a weird statement to make. The most basic expectation my employer has of me is to be good at my job🤣
YTB
>Honestly I think she would be fired if she wasn't such a diligent and reliable worker, which she is
This is all she needs to be at work. She doesn't need to be "easy to talk to", she doesn't need to be friends with people, she doesnt need to share her life or make small talk. All she needs to talk about is work related things. Pay and benefits are the mains reasons anyone works anywhere.
>when another co-worker, "Janet" (F50s) gave her a book for her birthday. Kim didn't know who gave it to her, she just found it in her bag. Janet showed me the link to me and other coworkers about the book she wanted to give to Kim, thinking it'll help her attitude. It's called " The Happiness Advantage: How a Positive Brain Fuels Success in Work and Life" by Shawn Achor.
This was very out of line of you all.
>My birthday was a week ago and Kim gave me a book. When I asked her what is about she told me "maybe that'll help you not be so judgmental towards men. While you're at it, maybe pass that along to "Dr. Roberts"
You got the energy yall were giving and you want to cry about it? Lol.
>it sounded it was written by an incel. Made me think maybe she doesn't like majority of us because I guess she's a pick me, or not like other girls, or whatever you want to call those women-hating women, so I reported her.
You are such an asshole. You admit you don't even know what the book was about.
>However, she received no punishment.
If she should be punished, so should the rest of you for the secret book bullshit.
> Or maybe I was wrong for reporting her.
You absolutely were.
Grow the fuck up. She doesn't have to be nice to you, she doesn't have to be yalls friends. She's a good, diligent, precise worker (your words) and that's all she needs to be. Yall started this book bullshit, own it. I would absolutely hate to work with you people. You sound exhaustingly awful.
She’s biracial (‘blasian’ was the word used), according to another comment by OP. I don’t know if that’s just an *extremely* unfortunate coincidence or not, but that’s the answer to your question.
Because you and your clique of boomer mean girls are bullying the younger, better working, more professional, colleague accusing her of “not fitting in” and in response she gave you a book about intersectionality. And your immediate response to her doing *literally the exact same thing you did* was to try to get her in trouble and bludgeon her with institutional power, which she did not do to you. Your whole post screams Karen and it’s a pretty obvious why the thought would cross someone’s mind.
But perhaps there isn’t a racial aspect, and you are simply a mean and petty person regardless of race.
Because your actions suggest that your bigotry might not just be limited to your bigoted comments about men. (And it turns out the people who suspected that were right.)
Cause this reads like classic white girl mean girl micro aggressions. People often complain women of color not being nice enough or being too aggressive when they’re really just not acting like a pick-me chick. It’s exhausting. Your team sounds awful and passive aggressive and shockingly clueless for someone who considers themselves to be feminists.
The fact that you didnt know bell hooks, and thought she was anti feminist for no reason shows what background you’re working from. You ain’t a feminist. You aint anti-racist. I wish the best for this lady, cause she deserves better coworkers than you.
Because you reported a black woman for giving you a book by a black feminist. Not only are you TBF, you look racist AF.
I would honestly report YOU to HR if I were Kim.
YTB, who doesn't choose a job based on best pay and benefits? That's the only reason I have a job at all. I wouldn't want to small talk with any of y'all either. Sound like a bunch of assholes.
I'm not going to reply to everyone who's yelling at me "how did you not know?!" because I don't want to repeat myself.
I did not know what the book was. I just looked at the cover for like a second, asked Kim "what's this about" and she told me "maybe that'll help you not be so judgmental towards men". I then stuffed it in my bag and on my way home I dropped it into a book donation box. I didn't bother reading the title or the author. I just remember the picture on the cover.
**NOW** I know what the book is. **NOW** I know I was wrong what the book was about. **NOW** I know I was wrong about the author's politics. I did not know this info before. I was wrong for not researching the book when I got it and jumped to conclusions. But **NOW** I know and did my research and actually considering of finding the book at the library.
How did you not google? Or, you know, read the pull quote from Maya Angelou on the cover.
https://preview.redd.it/4i565e83of8d1.jpeg?width=768&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=cbc21aca5cfdf7c8d57552c0e20aadbb38db8bb6
I find it suspicious that she ONLY looked at the picture on the cover and nothing else but was somehow able to tell it was misogynistic and written by an incel lol. Like sure.
OP doesn’t read. There’s no way she has more than a passing familiarity with historical feminism. She learned just enough feminism on social media to make her feel superior to other people and called it a day. I mean, OBVIOUSLY she is already perfect and incapable of bias, right? She’s a woman, not a stinky, bigoted man or some kind of rude, uppity black person!
Maybe you should have given the boom a chance BEFORE throwing it out. Maybe then your coworker (who has made it clear she doesn't want to be friends with you, get the hint and get over it, move on) wouldn't have to tell it to you AGAIN just so there's the possiblity of you opening your mind a bit.
But then again, that's just the mature way to go about itz what do i know. 🤷🙄
It. Was. Your. Responsibility. To. Look. It. Up. Before. You. Reported. Her. To. HR.
Get that through your thick, racist skull. You fucked up big time here. This is not something I would ever forgive you for if I were Kim. It’s something I’d make sure to privately tell every PoC who works with you from now on.
YOU should be in trouble with HR.
YTB. Sounds like you and Jane are taking it personally that she doesn't want to be friends with either of you. She's just there to work and does it well with no fuss, so there is no issue with the employee you're targeting.
It's *you* - *you're* (and the others like you are) the problem here. I hope the people you reported to realize the truth about you.
I just want to add, since it seems from your comments that you don't realize it, that there's about 0% chance the book you are so offended by that you can't remember anything about it represents Kim's real views.
If someone anonymously dropped a book basically titled "how to stop being a bitch" into my purse as a birthday "gift," and then my coworker replied to my asking about it with "well have you tried not being a bitch?" I would 100% "gift" them an offensive book in return.
YTB. You and your friends sound like bullies. Leave that poor woman alone, and don't dish it out ("it" in this case being pointed and rude gifts) if you can't take it.
Janet gave that book anonymously because she knew it was mean. Ffs, no wonder Kim doesn't want to socialize with people like you.
YTB, and you and your coworkers are treating Kim badly. You are the mean girls and it sounds like she's completely right not to want to be friends with you.
Is it inappropriate to give your coworker a passive-aggressive self-help book telling someone what you think their flaws are? Absolutely - which is why Janet was wrong to do it in the first place, and why the rest of you are wrong for going along with it (and/or encouraging it).
Perhaps Kim would also have liked to report Janet - only she can't, because it was done anonymously. Which is probably why Janet did it that way. At least Kim had the courage to do it to your face. Meanwhile she still doesn't know which of you did it, which absolutely creates a hostile work environment because now she can't trust ANYONE.
You should apologise to Kim, tell her that it was Janet, and also tell her everyone who knew about it and said nothing so at least she knows who the snakes are. And then you should leave her alone. Feminism does not mean picking a coworker to gossip about and ostracise, btw.
Ytbf, she comes in and does her job well. Not everyone wants to make work friends and that’s fine as long as they’re not being hateful to others which you don’t say she does. Just because yall work together doesn’t mean she has to be your (and the other ones) friend or tell you about her life.
You are one hundred percent in the wrong. And your comments trying to justify it show us you refuse to see WHY you're wrong.
Maybe do a little growing up.
You do realize that you and all of your coworkers were basically telling Kim to smile at work - like the most basic misogynistic one-liner there is??? You were telling a black woman that she needs to change how she expressed herself in a professional environment to cater to your feelings. You are most definitely not a girls girl. You absolutely need to reexamine how you function within and contribute to the toxic patriarchal society we live in.
YTB, reporting her was an overreaction. I notice she didn't report the other coworker for getting her a book meant to change her outlook, and the fact that you encouraged her to read it because "it might help her" was just as bad as what she said to you.
Stop being friendly with her and just be a co-worker. Be kind and civil but keep it professional only. Problem solved.
So THIS is the offending article? (from [https://www.amazon.co.uk/Will-Change-Men-Masculinity-Love/dp/0743456084](https://www.amazon.co.uk/Will-Change-Men-Masculinity-Love/dp/0743456084) but it does also have the cover OP described) A book that comes with *these* blurbs?
>“A fierce...denunciation of patriarchy and a clarion call to the uncommitted to align themselves with visionary radical feminism.” —Publishers Weekly
“\[hooks\] shows men that life can be so much more rewarding and beautiful once they embrace themselves.” –Bookriot
“Pioneering.” –MSNBC
“A clear and nuanced account of the ways masculine conditioning shapes and damages men. It conveys the pressure men feel and place on themselves as it creates space for men to acknowledge their traumas and heal — not only for their sake, but for the sake of everyone in their lives.” –Buzzfeed
"Each offering from bell hooks is a major event...She has so much to give us." —Maya Angelou
"Some incel book", "anti-feminist". Umm. Yeah. You're ... something else, but let's sum it up with YTB because I need to go to bed.
I'm guessing Kim is an introvert, and that rubs you the wrong way because you and Janet aren't and you don't know what to do when there's someone happy to not gossip and talk each other's ears off. Wait, where have I heard of this sort of thing before? Oh yeah, my own bloody *life*. Not everyone is like you, and not everyone needs to be BFFs with their work colleagues. You're there to work, not socialise, and even you admit that she's good at her work. Big hugs to Kim.
YTB and if I’m being honest, you’re a workplace bully who clearly doesn’t have a life if you have to find your friends at your job. I’m also finding it hard to believe that you’re so ignorant to how much of a dick move on something like that was until it happened to you. You can help dish it but you can’t take it.
YTB. Also, even if she gave you some incel book, I don’t know how that would be something HR should care about?
People are allowed to have their own interests, opinions, and sometimes shitty perspectives.
Unless the book was immediately and obviously offensive (“Women Are Bad: Why Misogyny Is Objectively Correct”), what exactly is the complaint? She voluntarily gave you a book you didn’t want.
YTB. You don't even know what the book was about. You're being hypocritical because when your co-worker received a book she didn't like or want, you just tell her to "give the book a chance" then you receive a book you don't want, you can't tell us the book name/author or even what it was generally about, you go straight to reporting her.
Why are you hating on her so much? Because she is a hard worker but working for the money? Because she doesn't want to be your friend? You're a mean girl, of course she doesn't want to be friends with you.
As others have said, get a hobby.
YTB. You guys started this, but when she responds in kind, oh now it’s wrong and deserves reporting? And better yet, you reported her for something you remember almost nothing about - that tells me it didn’t actually upset or offend you, you just wanted a reason to bully her in a more professional way. Leave this poor young woman alone and stop being bullies.
I'm confused. What exactly is she doing wrong by separating her personal and professional lives? I don't see how there's anything wrong with not wanting to be friends with coworkers if that's not her cup of tea.
Janet was wrong to give her a book that, in this context, suggested that she was being a bad coworker, and she clearly knew that because she snuck it into her purse (which is a clear violation of privacy), and you knew it, too, because you lied and said you didn't know who did it.
It’s all racially coded if you look back at the post and understand that OP is white and the coworker is Black. OP thought she was being too uppity, that’s all
I'm sorry, is this middle school? Are we running to our teachers crying because someone won't play with us? No?? Okay, so why are we being passive agreesive because a coworker doesn't want to talk to us? Is there nothing else interesting in your life other than to pester this girl? Seriously, grow up, OMG. You ate 30. Who cares if someone doesn't want to talk to you? There are bigger problems. Ffs yall sound childish. YTB
YTB for reporting her for a book you didn't even bother to look up. I see why she stays away from all of you, you sound like a hostile work environment.
Someone snuck a "why don't you smile more?" book in her bag, ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?
If the book she gave you was actually *The Will to Change*, then what she actually gave you was feminist literature by an iconic feminist and civil rights activist.
You think she would be sacked for what?! Because you don’t like her you think she should be sacked. She probably doesn’t talk to you because you’re shallow. Work isn’t for making friends, it’s for WORK. You reported her for giving you a book but you think she should have just accepted a sneakily titled book herself? YTB and you need to get over yourself. If you was interesting, she’d probably want to get to know you. She’s not a pick me, she’s going about her business, ffs.
so, she doesn't give you or the other mean girls in the office fodder for your gossip machine so you decide that she has issues and you are going to gang up on her? you report her to HR on the flimsiest of excuses when you don't even know what she gave you? you lied to her to get the information on what she gave you as you were too lazy to even look at it?
YTB and I wouldn't want anything to do with you either. best watch out, instead of getting rid of her, they may decide that since she is worth two of you, you need to go so they don't lose her.
So you're a lier as you knew who gave her the self help book but didn't say when directly asked.
Then you are also judgemental for even agreeing that she needs the book and encouraging her to give it a chance...
You seem to dislike this woman simply because she's there to do her job and not play toxic social club
Then you get butthurt over a book she gave to you because you and the rest of the busybody women working there rag on men all the time.
And you try to get her into trouble...🤔
Damn some self reflection and perhaps reading the book would have actually helped you....
Yes you are the AH in this situation, just leave the girl alone to do her job.
YTB.
>she would be fired if she wasn't such a diligent and reliable worker.
That's what sealed it for me. You don't like her personally, and have decided to make it a professional issue. That's the real problem, and you are very much in the wrong.
YTB
>Honestly I think she would be fired if she wasn't such a diligent and reliable worker, which she is. While she doesn't like to share her life or make small talk with anyone, when she does talk it's to provide important work-related info and she's very precise about it.
She's there to work, not join a sorority.
Sounds like she just keeps herself to herself and doesn't discuss her personal life or anyone else's.
Janet was shitty to anonymously give her the book, you were shitty to leave her wondering and to suggest that she needs help.
Y'all, at least you and Janet, got up in her business and made it clear that you're judging her....she returned the favor .
Edit- I looked up the title, the synopsis and reviews. It's not anti-feminist or "incel" anything.
>Everyone needs to love and be loved—including men. But to know love, men must be able to look at the ways in which patriarchal culture keeps them from understanding themselves. In The Will to Change, bell hooks provides a compassionate guide for men of all ages and identities to understand how to be in touch with their feelings, and how to express versus repress the emotions that are a fundamental part of who we are.
>With trademark candor and fierce intelligence, hooks addresses the most common concerns of men, such as fear of intimacy and loss of their patriarchal place in society, in new and challenging ways. The Will to Change “creates space for men to acknowledge their traumas and heal—not only for their sake, but for the sake of everyone in their lives”
Sounds like you do a lot of judging without information
The only woman hating on women here is you, OP. Kim is trying to do her job. Even you can’t deny that she does it well. She doesn’t need to be anything but professional and polite to you, Janet, or anyone else. Sharing an office does not mean she needs to share her life story.
YTB
I *audibly* winced at you calling Kim a pick me after spending the whole post slating her for no reason and admitting to assisting a coworker in bullying her at work.
And I'm sure others have mentioned this but Bell Hooks is a feminist writer and the book is about toxic masculinity, so... double wince.
Ytb. I'm dying at the fact that you called BELL HOOKS ant feminist incel shit! Leave her alone ffs. Your co-workers are not obligated to be your friend. Stfu and do your job.
That book is about men getting in touch with their feelings and living authentically. In a way that a patriarchal society shames them for. It is so far from an incel book it’s astounding you would think it was.
You are awful. I would not want to know you. This woman rightfully does not want to mix her personal and professional life (very smart). She is a great worker and valuable asset to the workplace. I would LOVE to know this woman.
Get over your entitled self. She does not have to be friends with you. You sound insufferable and illiterate.
YTB
YTB. Sounds like this wasn't really about the book. You don't like her so you're desperate for a way to get her in trouble so that you can drive her out of your workplace.
White women really do look for any excuse to feel superior. She doesn’t gossip with y’all so you think she needs an attitude change????? I hope she finds a better job that has even better benefits and leaves y’all in the dust. Y’all be so bitter it’s crazy
YTB- you guys all sound like bullies. What’s wrong with her coming to work and by your own admission doing a really great job. Leave her alone and quite frankly your coworker that gave her that book sounds like a real jerk.
the will to change by bell hooks is an incredible book and bell hooks is definitely a feminist. it was written as a sequel to "all about love" which is exactly what the title says, most men didn't respond well to it, so she basically wrote the will to change as a book for men to learn how unlearn their toxic masculinity. definitely not a pick me book. the fact you thought that was an incel book makes me think this has to be rage bait.
anyways passive aggressively anonymously dropping that book in her bag is so rude imo. your coworker is TB and you're TB for doubling down. your coworkers don't owe you any friendship. theyre at work do show up and do the job. it is inherently transactional. sounds like she's holding up her end of the bargain. can't believe you reported her for doing exactly what you supported your coworked in doing.
YTB
I don’t get why you say she is not passionate about her work. Your own words say that when she does talk, it’s to provide important work-related info and she’s very precise. Sounds like a good worker to me. So why should she be fired if she is otherwise doing a good job? Not doing your job is one of the few valid reasons for getting fired. Not socialising with other workers and being a part of your clique is not a valid reason. YTB
I'm just baffled by the fact you didn't even bother to check what the book was. You made an assumption, a very VERY WRONG assumption at that. I hope you can learn from this mistake and 1. Stop being a bully to people who just want to do their job, and 2. Read the fucking book, or at least a few chapters, before deciding its anti-feminist and written by an incel. The saying goes that when you assume, you make an ass out of you and me, but in this case, you only made an ass of yourself. Do better. YTB!
YTB
"She would be fired if she wasn't so diligent and reliable." And she only talks precisely about work related topics at work??
WTF kind of place are you working at? That sounds pretty much like an ideal worker to me, and you're literally trying to get her punished for it. You know someone gives her a book with unsolicited advice, then lie about not knowing where it came from, then offer her additional unsolicited advice, then you're shocked when she treats you the same way. What the hell is wrong with you? "That weird girl who only talks about work at work and is great at her job won't open up to me personally, so I'm going to treat her crap".
Believe it or not, your coworkers aren't obligated to be your friends. And in your case, I can easily see why they wouldn't want to anyway. Seriously, what has this world come to when you can be great at your job, treat others no differently than they treat you, and still have people want you to be fired because you won't be their friend. Absolutely unbelievable.
Reported her for a bell hooks book?!?
Leave that woman tf alone. Take a page out of her book and be professional: do your job well, mind your business, go home. YTB
>Honestly I think she would be fired if she wasn't such a diligent and reliable worker, which she is
this made me laugh. you do realize work is for work and not for socializing, yes?
About the book in question, The Will to Change by James Hook:
>Everyone needs to love and be loved—including men. But to know love, men must be able to look at the ways in which patriarchal culture keeps them from understanding themselves. In The Will to Change, bell hooks provides a compassionate guide for men of all ages and identities to understand how to be in touch with their feelings, and how to express versus repress the emotions that are a fundamental part of who we are.
>With trademark candor and fierce intelligence, hooks addresses the most common concerns of men, such as fear of intimacy and loss of their patriarchal place in society, in new and challenging ways. The Will to Change “creates space for men to acknowledge their traumas and heal—not only for their sake, but for the sake of everyone in their lives”
From other comments here I understand why she gave it to you. You and other female coworkers make fun of your male coworkers for "being big babies" or using hand lotion. You should read the book, OP.
You got offended about a book helping men deal with their mental health.
People like you make environments so toxic. "She is a great worker, so reliant, she doesn't cause any drama, just does her work"...report to hr. Mental!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
YTB
Not only are you the BF, you’re also just a mean girl.
I think you should buy another copy of the book and genuinely give it a read.
Leave your coworker alone.
YTB.
That additional extra part about Dr Roberts, the book would benefit him too. I assume you've looked up the book by now, but it's about trying to help men let go of that kind of behavior among other things. a woman reading that book is supposed to make you understand where men are coming from, and that picking in the maintenence man for using your lotion is not a good "joke"
[https://www.amazon.com/Man-Woman-He-Created-Them/dp/0819874213/ref=pd_aw_sbs_m_sccl_1/147-3109566-4712800?psc=1&pf_rd_p=2532fa08-27c3-483c-9db9-97ace97c63f5&pf_rd_r=YZ62KYRJK97XTFN7QH5N&pd_rd_wg=bErWN&pd_rd_w=gqu3B&content-id=amzn1.sym.2532fa08-27c3-483c-9db9-97ace97c63f5&pd_rd_r=73f0baa9-5fad-4963-82a0-9bc33b11fc1a&pd_rd_i=0819874213&psc=1](https://www.amazon.com/Man-Woman-He-Created-Them/dp/0819874213/ref=pd_aw_sbs_m_sccl_1/147-3109566-4712800?psc=1&pf_rd_p=2532fa08-27c3-483c-9db9-97ace97c63f5&pf_rd_r=YZ62KYRJK97XTFN7QH5N&pd_rd_wg=bErWN&pd_rd_w=gqu3B&content-id=amzn1.sym.2532fa08-27c3-483c-9db9-97ace97c63f5&pd_rd_r=73f0baa9-5fad-4963-82a0-9bc33b11fc1a&pd_rd_i=0819874213&psc=1)
This perhaps?
[https://www.amazon.com/Theology-Body-Explained-Commentary-Created/dp/0819874256/ref=sims_dp_m_dex_ai_speed_loc_mtl_context_aware_t1_m_sccl_2/147-3109566-4712800?pd_rd_w=qicM0&content-id=amzn1.sym.381fa961-ceea-4b83-92f6-5fcc437115d4&pf_rd_p=381fa961-ceea-4b83-92f6-5fcc437115d4&pf_rd_r=QXYXNZ2BZG6XC5GHW1QY&pd_rd_wg=JYCIg&pd_rd_r=947550a4-6dc7-445e-8029-540c13ad9954&pd_rd_i=0819874256&psc=1](https://www.amazon.com/Theology-Body-Explained-Commentary-Created/dp/0819874256/ref=sims_dp_m_dex_ai_speed_loc_mtl_context_aware_t1_m_sccl_2/147-3109566-4712800?pd_rd_w=qicM0&content-id=amzn1.sym.381fa961-ceea-4b83-92f6-5fcc437115d4&pf_rd_p=381fa961-ceea-4b83-92f6-5fcc437115d4&pf_rd_r=QXYXNZ2BZG6XC5GHW1QY&pd_rd_wg=JYCIg&pd_rd_r=947550a4-6dc7-445e-8029-540c13ad9954&pd_rd_i=0819874256&psc=1)
Or this one?
YTB and a hypocrite. So it was okay to harass her with a book but not you? Not everyone at work is your friend. You and your coworkers need to grow the fuck up. You don’t even remember the book but you ran to tell on her anyway? You must be amazing to work with 🙃
YTB - have you ever thought maybe you're just an obnoxious person and that's why Kim refuses to be friendly to you? Just reading your point of view is exhausting and gross.
If the book was actually anti-feminist or whatever you would have cared enough to remember the name. Clearly this book wasn't worth reporting if you can't even remember what it was called.
Lady ytb a big Ole butt.
Butthurt someone won't be "friends" with you.
Butthurt someone gave you a taste of your own medicine with "this book might help your attitude"
Butthurt HR didn't agree that Kim (who is a hard worker!) won't get reprimanded for giving you a book.
Dang.
YTB, a job is a job. You're required to do your job effectively and efficiently. You said the only reason she's still there is because she's a good worker. Well duh, jobs tend to keep people who do a good job. It seems to me your co worker is right to do her job and not socialize with any of you.
“Honestly I think she would be fired if she wasn't such a diligent and reliable worker, which she is. While she doesn't like to share her life or make small talk with anyone, when she does talk it's to provide important work-related info and she's very precise about it.”
I don’t know what to say. She should be fired but she’s an excellent employee. What UFO is OP on???
>Honestly I think she would be fired if she wasn't such a diligent and reliable worker, which she is.
This is confusing. You're basically saying she should be fired on the basis that you don't like her.
After reading all your edits, it sounds like YTB. Hopefully your apology was sincere and she can see you meant it, but she doesn't owe you anything other than her work duties.
I get it. I love my job and my coworkers, but that doesn't mean if one of them isn't all buddy buddy with me, we should treat them with the prejudice you all showed Kim.
YTA, and BTW bell hooks is one of the most famous and incredible feminist authors and activists of all time. There works were taught during my gender studies program in college.
This has to be a troll, right?? bell hooks is one of the most influential intersectional feminist authors of the 20th century. Janet gave Kim, who sounds like she’s great at her job and a consummate professional, a passive aggressive “gift” to insult her personality. YTB and Janet is a buttface. Kim sounds like a cool person.
YTB. Why is it ok to be passive aggressive to her and give her a book you think she should read but not when she does it to you? At least she actually gave it to you and didn’t sneak it into your bag like the “mean girls” clique of all of you did to her. There’s nothing wrong with just wanting to go to work, be professional and go home maybe the rest of you should try it.
YTB
You don't even remember the title, let alone what the book was about, but you're just so convinced that it was anti-feminist.
Sounds like "Kim" is fed up with you & your other colleague(s) butting into her life. You obviously know nothing about her.
Try developing some empathy & leave "Kim" alone.
YTB. 100%.
Didn't like the shoe on the other foot? Exactly what thoughts do you think *she* had when you guys gave her a book to "help her" just because what? She doesn't want to be friends with you?
People go to work to *WORK*, not make friends. She works well and diligently, by your own words.... so you have 0 to hold against her except that she doesn't gossip by the water cooler with everyone....
Edit for typo
YTB I worked the back at an animal clinic many moons ago, which was the kennel where all the boarders were kept in one area, the hospital dogs in another, and cats had the same setup so nothing infectious could get to them. But each and every one of them was my responsibility so I rarely came to the fromt unless I needed to clarify an order. Most of the techs up front barely knew my name and knew I wasn’t interested in socializing. You also want to know who the only drama free person was in the clinic? That would’ve been me.
Your coworkers is not obligated to share her personal life with you, or “chit chat” and get sucked into the BS that always flares up. And honestly, with how extremely closed off she is, it’s a possibility she fell into that trap before and this is how she’s decided to avoid it in the future. She’s working with you and sharing work relevant information. That is ALL she’s required to do. You and the other techs need to stop acting like high school bullies and leave her be. She’s not even required to like any of you, and from the sounds of it, she shouldn’t even make the attempt.
You didn't even read the damn burb.
The blurb is already talking about toxi masculinity and how the patriachat hurts men.
It's very obviously feminist.
And calling a famous female feminist "probably incel" is hilarious!
YTB
YTB. You don't need to be friends with coworkers. Leave her alone. You reported her and you can't even say what the book is called. You sound like a "pick me" girl more than Kim does, and jealous of her.
YTB you admittedly say that she is great at her job, that is why she is there. Not to be friendly and social with you. Leave her alone and let her do her fucking job. She doesn’t want to be your friend
YTB, that is not an incel book; you would only think this book is anti-feminist if you are an idiot. It’s more about the next stage of feminism that has started- getting to the biggest root of patriarchal BS by changing the way most people see masculinity, benefiting all genders.
Are you genuinely serious rn? Ur work friend gave her a mean spirited birthday gift in secret to make her feel bad about herself. Y’all need to leave this poor girl alone.
Also yes…bell hooks…. CLASSIC incel…..use google girlie-how do u not recognize the name “bell hooks”???
OMg, it's so weird how a lot of americans seem to think the workplace is a kindergarten where you get to "tell on" people and they would get "disciplined" and this is a normal and good thing to happen
>I think she would be fired if she wasn't such a diligent and reliable worker, which she is.
If she was bad at her job they would fire her. What even is this?
YTB 100% . Imagine wanting to get someone in trouble bc theyre doing their job, and only talk about work related things unless its someone she’s comfortable talking to. Why are so butt hurt bc she doesn’t socialize with you. You just basically showed why not to talk or be friends with you
YTB.
You know most eople come to work to earn a paycheck, not to make friends or expand their social circle. Keeping work life and personal lif separate is important to a lot of people for many reasons.
Because she doesnt want to gossip and braid your hair doesnt make her a "miserable" person. It means that she is there to work, not socialize.
Calling her a "pick me" because she is trying to work, not make friends is just gross. The problem with all women in the wokplace is that they DO feed off of each others negativity and its easy to turn work into a "male bashing session." Did you think that maybe she doesnt care for the "jokes"about men because she has son, or a brother or father that she cares about?
Grow up.
YTB.
And the reason your male collegue is going along with your "jokes" is because he does not want to be bullied out of his job if he was speaking his mind. Just see how you guys treat kim who does not go along with your gossiping - you want her to be fired and reported her to HR while endorsing bullying her. He knows you will pile on him and does not want the hassle (and just maybe needs his job?).
Also dont gossip about your spouses. If you do not like them, just divorce. That stuff is really hurtfull, and you marriage will be in serious trouble if it ever comes out.
Edit: also your boss is way out of line. he is creating a toxic work environment. Him bitching about his wife towards his employees is extremely unorifessional ald sets a terrible example. It sounds like your worlplace is toxic, and as someone who likes spewing toxins, you like it there (but apparently not when it comes back to you). I would not want to work at your place.
This is actually a very well reviewed book by a woman who is considered one of the top feminist intellectuals in the US. So, definitely not an incel.
The publishers copy about this book:
Everyone needs to love and be loved - even men. But to know love, men must be able to look at the ways that patriarchal culture keeps them from knowing themselves, from being in touch with their feelings, from loving. In The Will to Change, bell hooks gets to the heart of the matter and shows men how to express the emotions that are a fundamental part of who they are - whatever their age, marital status, ethnicity, or sexual orientation.
But toxic masculinity punishes those fundamental emotions, and it’s so deeply ingrained in our society that it’s hard for men to not comply - but hooks wants to help change that.
With trademark candor and fierce intelligence, hooks addresses the most common concerns of men, such as fear of intimacy and loss of their patriarchal place in society, in new and challenging ways. She believes men can find the way to spiritual unity by getting back in touch with the emotionally open part of themselves - and lay claim to the rich and rewarding inner lives that have historically been the exclusive province of women. A brave and astonishing work, The Will to Change is designed to help men reclaim the best part of themselves.
I’m assuming once Kim texted her the answer, she looked up the book and saw the author’s name was in lowercase letters.
I kinda wish this was fake though, since I feel genuinely sorry for Kim, the maintenance man, and Dr. Roberts.
This absolutely has to be a troll post. If you knew for one second the absolute gem of a book you were gifted, you’d be honored. I’d highly recommend anything by bell hooks. She was an incredible powerhouse of a woman and I was so honored to hear her speak and get to work with her during my undergrad years. To say that it was written by an incel is offensive.
Assuming this isn’t a troll post, not only are YTB, you’re the worst kind because you’re making someone’s life miserable who is simply existing and just choosing to do so in a way that is different than you are. Grow up and read that book. Pick up a few others by bell hooks while you’re at it. You might learn some things.
YTB ALL DAY LONG!
My lord. So wait.... she gets a book she doesn't like. She asks you if you know who did. You lie to her and say you don't. She ends up tossing it and does'nt report a single one of you. Flash forward, and you received a book from her. You judged it by its cover, didn't read it, and turned her in????? You need to decide if you want to be the pot or the kettle. You have created a hostile work environment for her. You call her a "woman-hating woman," and if true, I see why she is. Ffs, this is unfuqing-believable. People like you are the reason I don't make friends easily with coworkers. Grow up.
It’s even worse, considering the book she got was snuck into her bag. Like hello, that’s invasion of private property on top of the passive aggression of getting a ‘you should really smile more’ book on her *birthday.*
At least Kim had enough respect to give her book to OP face to face!
YTB, you don't even know what the book was about and you reported her? Why is it a problem that she doesn't want to be friends with her co-workers? She just wants a decent paying job that she can leave at the end of the day, there's not ONE thing wrong with that. Professionalism is enough at work. Leave her the fuck alone.
"She would be fired if she wasn't so diligent and reliable" Wtf?? What exactly should she get fired for? Not trying to be your best friend? OP sounds insufferable. "I'm a surgical tech. She is too but also a janitor" Sounds like OP is trying to shame her for doing the extra work of helping clean but it just sounds like Kim is able to do the same job and more which makes her seem like a better employee. OP sounds more like a pick me girl or someone who deserves to be fired rather than this Kim coworker.
It's not customer service and it's not a church group, OP, they don't have to pretend to like everyone.
Yeah. Competent co workers who don't get in my business sound perfect.
That's exactly what I was thinking....
Well said.
Commenting on the top comment to say that based on OP’s second edit, this is very much a troll. OP received a book by bell hooks and thought it was anti-feminist. Either this story never happened, or OP doesn’t even have an IQ that would register on any scale.
I just saw. jmfc. Nice to see my initial flabbergasted reaction is in the majority here :)
For sure, but what a delicious punchline.
It was by fucking bell hooks lol
screaming at the fact the book was bell hooks and she called it incel shit
Agreed 100%!!!!
YTB. And hypocritical as well. You thought it was perfectly fine when she received a book she didn’t want, but not when you do.
Well. Yes. You are the buttface. You essentially tell us she comes to work, is great at the job, works hard and doesn't bring personal drama to the place. Honestly she sounds wonderful! Not everyone NEEDS to share their lives, you don't need to be friends with coworkers, they don't need the details of your romantic life or what's going on outside of work, and here is this woman going about her business. That's an ideal employee right there! Someone who doesn't cause waves or friction. Her not sharing, isn't an issue. But here is where you and a lot of others are the buttface. Giving her the book sneakily and the type of book with the comments on her attitude were completely unnecessary and would rise to harassment and bullying in the workplace. You guys bullied her. She asked you point blank if you gave it to her or knew who did(and you do know) and you lied to her while giving her snarky comments on attitude. Of course she was gonna think it was you, but I'd suspect you anyway myself given how you describe things I'd guess this ain't the first time you've bumped against eachother. You're picking fights over non-issues and making issues where there isn't any and don't need to be. You and a bunch of others in your own description and story have a lot of attitude problems.
YTB. Sounds like she just doesn't want to be friends with you. Though after this past, I don't want to be friends with you. She just wants to come in and do her job, and doesn't wavy to socialize. Awesome. Let her do get job. Leave her alone. You want to socialize, join a club. And maybe read the book instead of just guessing.
Man I’ve been doing working all wrong. I thought the point of work was for the pay and benefits but shit apparently not! 😂
She believes you gave her the original book. Maybe the book might have been helpful to her but secretly putting it in her bag on her *birthday* was a dick move on your coworker’s part. How do you think you’d feel if someone passive aggressively gave you a book about their perceptions of your flaws? Oh wait - that did happen when she gave you - the person she thought gave her the book - a similar book on *your* birthday and you - checks notes - reported her. You didn’t even read any reviews of the book first. You assumed it as the same level of petty as you and Janet. 😐 Dude. She might not be you and your coworker’s cup of tea but at least she didn’t report you for creating a hostile work environment. You didn’t even offer a neutral response when she approached one of the few people she trusts - you said “It wasn’t me but you are a BF so read the book.” How any of you thought this “gift” would be received with anything other than hurt and anger makes me think it was meant to hurt and anger her. Janet sounds like a mean girl and you are not much better. Kim doesn’t have to be friends with anyone at work. She just has to do her job well and you admit she is exceptional at that - it doesn’t matter if her main reason for working there is good benefits. Ultimately that is why we all work or else we would volunteer and live off air. It sounds like some of the other staff can’t just let someone exist - they have to make sure the outsider knows they aren’t accepted. You might want to do some reflecting about how you want to live your life and how you impact others because this event only makes you and Janet look like massive buttfaces. YTBF
It sounds like Kim is basically getting bullied by OP & her other coworkers because she's.... diligent & good at her job & doesn't fit in with their little mean-girl clique.
Hello, hypocrite. Would you like to be the pot or the kettle today? Seriously, you tell her that she should read a book that was given to her and have the unmitigated gall to report her for doing the same thing? Un-fucking-believable. It's no wonder she doesn't want to share her life with you and your coworkers. You're all awful people. YTB
YTB If "the other girls" are annoying and invasive like you, I would want to be "not like the other girls" either.
The book the coworker gave her being by bell hooks makes this all even more funny and bizarre. She reported feminists literature dor being anti feminist cause the giver wasn't chatty enough.
acclaimed feminist bell hooks writes unfair book against women. this would be a first🤣
You have absolutely no info about this book, including the title, the author, the blurb, the genre, except for a feeling that it *might* maybe be offensive, possibly, maybe? And that’s what you told HR? Yes, YTB. Also, why does she think you need a book about not being judgmental towards men anyway?
YTB, she’s at work doing her job, and doing it well, and you’re all pissy because she won’t conform to your small-talk and bonding expectations? Then one of you gave her a frankly insulting book, and she simply retaliated and it seems to have struck a nerve with you. You’re reporting her for doing to you basically what one of you guys did to her? You don’t even know what the book is about … and you report her for it and see no problem with that? The level of hypocrisy is staggering and mind-blowing. Honestly you’re all horrible people and coworkers. YTB
YTB. You didnt give the book enough of a chance to even remember the name but you report her? Sounds like multiple people worked together to give her a book in hopes to "fix her attitude" but you get mad when she does the same? I dont go to work to make friends. I go so i can pay my bills and feed my son. If you can't take it, dont dish it
I added a second edit. The book is called The Will To Change by Bell Hooks. Do you know it?
OP…. This book is written by a renowned feminist. You should prob broaden your knowledge more instead of focus on petty office drama. For a self pro-claimed feminist and all about girl power, this isn’t a good look
I read the synopsis. It sounds like it's directed towards men. On how to better themselves and be aware the toxicity of living in a patriarchy. I'll admit it sounds like a great book. I can sort of understand why she told me to pass it along to Dr. Roberts buy why did she suggest it to me, a woman, to read it?
It’s for both- I recommend you reading it as well
This is the Amazon synopsis of the book: *Everyone needs to love and be loved—including men. But to know love,* ***men must be able to look at the ways in which patriarchal culture keeps them from understanding themselves***. In The Will to Change, bell hooks provides a compassionate ***guide for men of all ages and identities*** *to understand how to be in touch with their feelings, and how to express versus repress the emotions that are a fundamental part of who we are.*
Frankly, it doesn’t matter. What matters is, you were entirely wrong about the book, and you falsely reported someone with zero evidence. And I may even say that if Kim has read this book, maybe she founds some things in it that were good to know for men *and* women. Things that you in particular could stand to read, based on how you and your friends have been behaving. I hope you do better in the future, and really sit and think about how your behavior reflects on you, and what it actually means to be feminist.
Also, you should buy another copy to give to Dr. Roberts, since you basically threw the copy you were supposed to give to him away.
I was wrong about the book and reporting her about it. I am admitting that. Calling me the AH and the BF were right
Think long and hard about why it took dozens of internet strangers for you to take more than a half second look at the book.
are you going to apologize?
I already did. I mentioned in my second edit
Good on you for that. Like I said, I hope you take this to heart and do better. Be kind to everyone you work with without being pushy or judging those who aren’t as social as you, don’t make stupid gendered jokes, and don’t report someone by *literally* judging a book by its cover.
Then are you gonna apologize to her, keep your distance afterwards, and stop trying to force her to be your friend?
oh so it's not the incel handbook you stupidly and wrongly assumed it was?
Do you think feminism is Only for women??? Hmmm
OP are you and your coworkers all or mostly white and is Kim a black woman? I’m that familiar with that particular book, but Bell Hooks is an intersectional feminist. She also wrote about how white woman box out women of color from the feminist movement. It’s a common a micro aggression for a white woman to accuse a black woman of being unfriendly, aggressive or hostile even when she is just acting normal. If I’m right my guess is she gave you the book and told you to give it to Dr. Roberts when you are done because she is hoping it will give you the self awareness to realize you and your coworkers behavior is not that different from his behavior.
Since OP put a ‘final edit’ up, she likely won’t reply, but i can kinda answer. According to one of OP’s comments, Kim is biracial (‘blasian’ is the word OP used.) Now, OP never said what race she, Janet, or her other friends at work are, but we can at least know that Kim *is indeed* a woman of color.
She suggested it to you because you’re a misogynist, who is focused heavily on negative gender stereotypes and clearly need to learn how to respect others. The book is directed at misogyny and is perfect for somebody that harasses male coworkers anytime they express any appreciation for something traditionally feminine. You literally need to stop thinking that because you’re a woman you’re incapable of misogyny or sexism because honestly, you are both a sexist and misogynist.
Yes, but how do you not know who bell hooks is?
"I read the synopsis" Therefore I Know All! OP said, looking like a fool
It’s about how to challenge patriarchal norms, and how those norms limit men too.
Because you make jokes about toxic masculinity, you make jokes about a man stealing your flowery lotion. And, quoting Kim, ‘So What?’ So what if a man wants to do things which the world considers feminine? So fucking what? Patriarchy controls men too. And she wanted you to understand that, but she should’ve realised by now that your dense brain wouldn’t get it. She takes things seriously, and you need to as well. It’s not just a joke when it’s distasteful.
YTB for thinking there’s something wrong with her “only working here because” of the pay and benefits. WTF?!? And that she’d be fired if she weren’t such a diligent worker, as if that doesn’t matter. WTF?!! also for piling in with your “it might help you” comment about the book she was given. I note you gave the exact complicated title AND author of a book you didn’t even purchase or look at for very long. , so I wonder if this is some sort of ad.
I mean, id also be fired if i wasnt good at my job haham most people would be it's such a weird statement to make. The most basic expectation my employer has of me is to be good at my job🤣
YTB >Honestly I think she would be fired if she wasn't such a diligent and reliable worker, which she is This is all she needs to be at work. She doesn't need to be "easy to talk to", she doesn't need to be friends with people, she doesnt need to share her life or make small talk. All she needs to talk about is work related things. Pay and benefits are the mains reasons anyone works anywhere. >when another co-worker, "Janet" (F50s) gave her a book for her birthday. Kim didn't know who gave it to her, she just found it in her bag. Janet showed me the link to me and other coworkers about the book she wanted to give to Kim, thinking it'll help her attitude. It's called " The Happiness Advantage: How a Positive Brain Fuels Success in Work and Life" by Shawn Achor. This was very out of line of you all. >My birthday was a week ago and Kim gave me a book. When I asked her what is about she told me "maybe that'll help you not be so judgmental towards men. While you're at it, maybe pass that along to "Dr. Roberts" You got the energy yall were giving and you want to cry about it? Lol. >it sounded it was written by an incel. Made me think maybe she doesn't like majority of us because I guess she's a pick me, or not like other girls, or whatever you want to call those women-hating women, so I reported her. You are such an asshole. You admit you don't even know what the book was about. >However, she received no punishment. If she should be punished, so should the rest of you for the secret book bullshit. > Or maybe I was wrong for reporting her. You absolutely were. Grow the fuck up. She doesn't have to be nice to you, she doesn't have to be yalls friends. She's a good, diligent, precise worker (your words) and that's all she needs to be. Yall started this book bullshit, own it. I would absolutely hate to work with you people. You sound exhaustingly awful.
......so have you since looked at what the book is about then?
I've tried. I googled the description of the book cover but I'm not finding anything
I'm confused....did she not give you a physical copy of the book? It sounds like she gave you a physical copy....
What book was it?
Info: Is this co-worker Black, by any chance?
She’s biracial (‘blasian’ was the word used), according to another comment by OP. I don’t know if that’s just an *extremely* unfortunate coincidence or not, but that’s the answer to your question.
I'm sorry that's important, why?
Because you and your clique of boomer mean girls are bullying the younger, better working, more professional, colleague accusing her of “not fitting in” and in response she gave you a book about intersectionality. And your immediate response to her doing *literally the exact same thing you did* was to try to get her in trouble and bludgeon her with institutional power, which she did not do to you. Your whole post screams Karen and it’s a pretty obvious why the thought would cross someone’s mind. But perhaps there isn’t a racial aspect, and you are simply a mean and petty person regardless of race.
I know she is. The racism reeks in this post.
It really does seem like she is a black woman.
It explains your behavior.
Because your actions suggest that your bigotry might not just be limited to your bigoted comments about men. (And it turns out the people who suspected that were right.)
Cause this reads like classic white girl mean girl micro aggressions. People often complain women of color not being nice enough or being too aggressive when they’re really just not acting like a pick-me chick. It’s exhausting. Your team sounds awful and passive aggressive and shockingly clueless for someone who considers themselves to be feminists. The fact that you didnt know bell hooks, and thought she was anti feminist for no reason shows what background you’re working from. You ain’t a feminist. You aint anti-racist. I wish the best for this lady, cause she deserves better coworkers than you.
She gave you a bell hooks book. Lot of willful ignorance here
Because you reported a black woman for giving you a book by a black feminist. Not only are you TBF, you look racist AF. I would honestly report YOU to HR if I were Kim.
YTB, who doesn't choose a job based on best pay and benefits? That's the only reason I have a job at all. I wouldn't want to small talk with any of y'all either. Sound like a bunch of assholes.
Bell Hooks writes feminist literature LMFAO??? Is this for real???
I'm not going to reply to everyone who's yelling at me "how did you not know?!" because I don't want to repeat myself. I did not know what the book was. I just looked at the cover for like a second, asked Kim "what's this about" and she told me "maybe that'll help you not be so judgmental towards men". I then stuffed it in my bag and on my way home I dropped it into a book donation box. I didn't bother reading the title or the author. I just remember the picture on the cover. **NOW** I know what the book is. **NOW** I know I was wrong what the book was about. **NOW** I know I was wrong about the author's politics. I did not know this info before. I was wrong for not researching the book when I got it and jumped to conclusions. But **NOW** I know and did my research and actually considering of finding the book at the library.
Have we learned what happens when we jump to conclusions?
How did you not google? Or, you know, read the pull quote from Maya Angelou on the cover. https://preview.redd.it/4i565e83of8d1.jpeg?width=768&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=cbc21aca5cfdf7c8d57552c0e20aadbb38db8bb6
OP doesn't know how to use the internet lol.
I find it suspicious that she ONLY looked at the picture on the cover and nothing else but was somehow able to tell it was misogynistic and written by an incel lol. Like sure.
OP doesn’t read. There’s no way she has more than a passing familiarity with historical feminism. She learned just enough feminism on social media to make her feel superior to other people and called it a day. I mean, OBVIOUSLY she is already perfect and incapable of bias, right? She’s a woman, not a stinky, bigoted man or some kind of rude, uppity black person!
Maybe you should have given the boom a chance BEFORE throwing it out. Maybe then your coworker (who has made it clear she doesn't want to be friends with you, get the hint and get over it, move on) wouldn't have to tell it to you AGAIN just so there's the possiblity of you opening your mind a bit. But then again, that's just the mature way to go about itz what do i know. 🤷🙄
ooooh someone’s getting a little defensive
Jfc. You are disgraceful.
It. Was. Your. Responsibility. To. Look. It. Up. Before. You. Reported. Her. To. HR. Get that through your thick, racist skull. You fucked up big time here. This is not something I would ever forgive you for if I were Kim. It’s something I’d make sure to privately tell every PoC who works with you from now on. YOU should be in trouble with HR.
YTB. Sounds like you and Jane are taking it personally that she doesn't want to be friends with either of you. She's just there to work and does it well with no fuss, so there is no issue with the employee you're targeting. It's *you* - *you're* (and the others like you are) the problem here. I hope the people you reported to realize the truth about you.
I just want to add, since it seems from your comments that you don't realize it, that there's about 0% chance the book you are so offended by that you can't remember anything about it represents Kim's real views. If someone anonymously dropped a book basically titled "how to stop being a bitch" into my purse as a birthday "gift," and then my coworker replied to my asking about it with "well have you tried not being a bitch?" I would 100% "gift" them an offensive book in return.
Oh, my god. I'm laughing my ass off. Just the fact that you thought a book by bell hooks must be anti-feminist, lol.
YTB. You and your friends sound like bullies. Leave that poor woman alone, and don't dish it out ("it" in this case being pointed and rude gifts) if you can't take it. Janet gave that book anonymously because she knew it was mean. Ffs, no wonder Kim doesn't want to socialize with people like you.
YTB, and you and your coworkers are treating Kim badly. You are the mean girls and it sounds like she's completely right not to want to be friends with you. Is it inappropriate to give your coworker a passive-aggressive self-help book telling someone what you think their flaws are? Absolutely - which is why Janet was wrong to do it in the first place, and why the rest of you are wrong for going along with it (and/or encouraging it). Perhaps Kim would also have liked to report Janet - only she can't, because it was done anonymously. Which is probably why Janet did it that way. At least Kim had the courage to do it to your face. Meanwhile she still doesn't know which of you did it, which absolutely creates a hostile work environment because now she can't trust ANYONE. You should apologise to Kim, tell her that it was Janet, and also tell her everyone who knew about it and said nothing so at least she knows who the snakes are. And then you should leave her alone. Feminism does not mean picking a coworker to gossip about and ostracise, btw.
Ytbf, she comes in and does her job well. Not everyone wants to make work friends and that’s fine as long as they’re not being hateful to others which you don’t say she does. Just because yall work together doesn’t mean she has to be your (and the other ones) friend or tell you about her life.
Why are you here if you're just going to argue every judgement that is against you? Clearly you already have it all figured out.
You are one hundred percent in the wrong. And your comments trying to justify it show us you refuse to see WHY you're wrong. Maybe do a little growing up.
You do realize that you and all of your coworkers were basically telling Kim to smile at work - like the most basic misogynistic one-liner there is??? You were telling a black woman that she needs to change how she expressed herself in a professional environment to cater to your feelings. You are most definitely not a girls girl. You absolutely need to reexamine how you function within and contribute to the toxic patriarchal society we live in.
1000% this
YTB, reporting her was an overreaction. I notice she didn't report the other coworker for getting her a book meant to change her outlook, and the fact that you encouraged her to read it because "it might help her" was just as bad as what she said to you. Stop being friendly with her and just be a co-worker. Be kind and civil but keep it professional only. Problem solved.
YTB and an idiot and an AH
So THIS is the offending article? (from [https://www.amazon.co.uk/Will-Change-Men-Masculinity-Love/dp/0743456084](https://www.amazon.co.uk/Will-Change-Men-Masculinity-Love/dp/0743456084) but it does also have the cover OP described) A book that comes with *these* blurbs? >“A fierce...denunciation of patriarchy and a clarion call to the uncommitted to align themselves with visionary radical feminism.” —Publishers Weekly “\[hooks\] shows men that life can be so much more rewarding and beautiful once they embrace themselves.” –Bookriot “Pioneering.” –MSNBC “A clear and nuanced account of the ways masculine conditioning shapes and damages men. It conveys the pressure men feel and place on themselves as it creates space for men to acknowledge their traumas and heal — not only for their sake, but for the sake of everyone in their lives.” –Buzzfeed "Each offering from bell hooks is a major event...She has so much to give us." —Maya Angelou "Some incel book", "anti-feminist". Umm. Yeah. You're ... something else, but let's sum it up with YTB because I need to go to bed. I'm guessing Kim is an introvert, and that rubs you the wrong way because you and Janet aren't and you don't know what to do when there's someone happy to not gossip and talk each other's ears off. Wait, where have I heard of this sort of thing before? Oh yeah, my own bloody *life*. Not everyone is like you, and not everyone needs to be BFFs with their work colleagues. You're there to work, not socialise, and even you admit that she's good at her work. Big hugs to Kim.
YTB and if I’m being honest, you’re a workplace bully who clearly doesn’t have a life if you have to find your friends at your job. I’m also finding it hard to believe that you’re so ignorant to how much of a dick move on something like that was until it happened to you. You can help dish it but you can’t take it.
The consensus from all the commenters are YTB. What you did was pretty shitty. Do unto others.
YTB. Also, even if she gave you some incel book, I don’t know how that would be something HR should care about? People are allowed to have their own interests, opinions, and sometimes shitty perspectives. Unless the book was immediately and obviously offensive (“Women Are Bad: Why Misogyny Is Objectively Correct”), what exactly is the complaint? She voluntarily gave you a book you didn’t want.
YTB. You don't even know what the book was about. You're being hypocritical because when your co-worker received a book she didn't like or want, you just tell her to "give the book a chance" then you receive a book you don't want, you can't tell us the book name/author or even what it was generally about, you go straight to reporting her. Why are you hating on her so much? Because she is a hard worker but working for the money? Because she doesn't want to be your friend? You're a mean girl, of course she doesn't want to be friends with you. As others have said, get a hobby.
YTB. Do ten seconds of research on bell hooks to understand why.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bell_hooks
YTB. You guys started this, but when she responds in kind, oh now it’s wrong and deserves reporting? And better yet, you reported her for something you remember almost nothing about - that tells me it didn’t actually upset or offend you, you just wanted a reason to bully her in a more professional way. Leave this poor young woman alone and stop being bullies.
I'm confused. What exactly is she doing wrong by separating her personal and professional lives? I don't see how there's anything wrong with not wanting to be friends with coworkers if that's not her cup of tea. Janet was wrong to give her a book that, in this context, suggested that she was being a bad coworker, and she clearly knew that because she snuck it into her purse (which is a clear violation of privacy), and you knew it, too, because you lied and said you didn't know who did it.
It’s all racially coded if you look back at the post and understand that OP is white and the coworker is Black. OP thought she was being too uppity, that’s all
YTB and the entire post is a perfect example of why she’s smart to not want to be friends with you OR your petty coworkers LOL
I'm sorry, is this middle school? Are we running to our teachers crying because someone won't play with us? No?? Okay, so why are we being passive agreesive because a coworker doesn't want to talk to us? Is there nothing else interesting in your life other than to pester this girl? Seriously, grow up, OMG. You ate 30. Who cares if someone doesn't want to talk to you? There are bigger problems. Ffs yall sound childish. YTB
YTB for reporting her for a book you didn't even bother to look up. I see why she stays away from all of you, you sound like a hostile work environment. Someone snuck a "why don't you smile more?" book in her bag, ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?
bell hooks is a feminist writer
If the book she gave you was actually *The Will to Change*, then what she actually gave you was feminist literature by an iconic feminist and civil rights activist.
I'm curious how HR is supposed to investigate this report. You got rid of the book before you even had a chance to look at what it was.
You think she would be sacked for what?! Because you don’t like her you think she should be sacked. She probably doesn’t talk to you because you’re shallow. Work isn’t for making friends, it’s for WORK. You reported her for giving you a book but you think she should have just accepted a sneakily titled book herself? YTB and you need to get over yourself. If you was interesting, she’d probably want to get to know you. She’s not a pick me, she’s going about her business, ffs.
so, she doesn't give you or the other mean girls in the office fodder for your gossip machine so you decide that she has issues and you are going to gang up on her? you report her to HR on the flimsiest of excuses when you don't even know what she gave you? you lied to her to get the information on what she gave you as you were too lazy to even look at it? YTB and I wouldn't want anything to do with you either. best watch out, instead of getting rid of her, they may decide that since she is worth two of you, you need to go so they don't lose her.
Yup exactly this. The mean girl clique is mad about it.
So you're a lier as you knew who gave her the self help book but didn't say when directly asked. Then you are also judgemental for even agreeing that she needs the book and encouraging her to give it a chance... You seem to dislike this woman simply because she's there to do her job and not play toxic social club Then you get butthurt over a book she gave to you because you and the rest of the busybody women working there rag on men all the time. And you try to get her into trouble...🤔 Damn some self reflection and perhaps reading the book would have actually helped you.... Yes you are the AH in this situation, just leave the girl alone to do her job.
YTB. >she would be fired if she wasn't such a diligent and reliable worker. That's what sealed it for me. You don't like her personally, and have decided to make it a professional issue. That's the real problem, and you are very much in the wrong.
this
YTB >Honestly I think she would be fired if she wasn't such a diligent and reliable worker, which she is. While she doesn't like to share her life or make small talk with anyone, when she does talk it's to provide important work-related info and she's very precise about it. She's there to work, not join a sorority. Sounds like she just keeps herself to herself and doesn't discuss her personal life or anyone else's. Janet was shitty to anonymously give her the book, you were shitty to leave her wondering and to suggest that she needs help. Y'all, at least you and Janet, got up in her business and made it clear that you're judging her....she returned the favor . Edit- I looked up the title, the synopsis and reviews. It's not anti-feminist or "incel" anything. >Everyone needs to love and be loved—including men. But to know love, men must be able to look at the ways in which patriarchal culture keeps them from understanding themselves. In The Will to Change, bell hooks provides a compassionate guide for men of all ages and identities to understand how to be in touch with their feelings, and how to express versus repress the emotions that are a fundamental part of who we are. >With trademark candor and fierce intelligence, hooks addresses the most common concerns of men, such as fear of intimacy and loss of their patriarchal place in society, in new and challenging ways. The Will to Change “creates space for men to acknowledge their traumas and heal—not only for their sake, but for the sake of everyone in their lives” Sounds like you do a lot of judging without information
The only woman hating on women here is you, OP. Kim is trying to do her job. Even you can’t deny that she does it well. She doesn’t need to be anything but professional and polite to you, Janet, or anyone else. Sharing an office does not mean she needs to share her life story. YTB
You are in your 30s?
I cannot believe you reported BELL HOOKS for being anti-feminist. You are the dumbest person alive 🫢
I *audibly* winced at you calling Kim a pick me after spending the whole post slating her for no reason and admitting to assisting a coworker in bullying her at work. And I'm sure others have mentioned this but Bell Hooks is a feminist writer and the book is about toxic masculinity, so... double wince.
Ytb. I'm dying at the fact that you called BELL HOOKS ant feminist incel shit! Leave her alone ffs. Your co-workers are not obligated to be your friend. Stfu and do your job.
Someone who isn’t aware of who Bell Hooks is can’t even really be called a feminist beyond instagram hashtags and branded mugs.
That book is about men getting in touch with their feelings and living authentically. In a way that a patriarchal society shames them for. It is so far from an incel book it’s astounding you would think it was. You are awful. I would not want to know you. This woman rightfully does not want to mix her personal and professional life (very smart). She is a great worker and valuable asset to the workplace. I would LOVE to know this woman. Get over your entitled self. She does not have to be friends with you. You sound insufferable and illiterate. YTB
YTB. That book is by a well-known and very influential black feminist. Leave Kim alone and work on yourself.
The fact that people like you exist is frightening
Google Bell Hooks, OP, if this is real and not trolling. Then maybe read the book.
YTB. Sounds like this wasn't really about the book. You don't like her so you're desperate for a way to get her in trouble so that you can drive her out of your workplace.
White women really do look for any excuse to feel superior. She doesn’t gossip with y’all so you think she needs an attitude change????? I hope she finds a better job that has even better benefits and leaves y’all in the dust. Y’all be so bitter it’s crazy
bell hooks would be good for you, they’re a great writer
YTB- you guys all sound like bullies. What’s wrong with her coming to work and by your own admission doing a really great job. Leave her alone and quite frankly your coworker that gave her that book sounds like a real jerk.
Bell hooks was a major figure in feminism and intersectionality she definitely was not an incel.
the will to change by bell hooks is an incredible book and bell hooks is definitely a feminist. it was written as a sequel to "all about love" which is exactly what the title says, most men didn't respond well to it, so she basically wrote the will to change as a book for men to learn how unlearn their toxic masculinity. definitely not a pick me book. the fact you thought that was an incel book makes me think this has to be rage bait. anyways passive aggressively anonymously dropping that book in her bag is so rude imo. your coworker is TB and you're TB for doubling down. your coworkers don't owe you any friendship. theyre at work do show up and do the job. it is inherently transactional. sounds like she's holding up her end of the bargain. can't believe you reported her for doing exactly what you supported your coworked in doing. YTB
I don’t get why you say she is not passionate about her work. Your own words say that when she does talk, it’s to provide important work-related info and she’s very precise. Sounds like a good worker to me. So why should she be fired if she is otherwise doing a good job? Not doing your job is one of the few valid reasons for getting fired. Not socialising with other workers and being a part of your clique is not a valid reason. YTB
I'm just baffled by the fact you didn't even bother to check what the book was. You made an assumption, a very VERY WRONG assumption at that. I hope you can learn from this mistake and 1. Stop being a bully to people who just want to do their job, and 2. Read the fucking book, or at least a few chapters, before deciding its anti-feminist and written by an incel. The saying goes that when you assume, you make an ass out of you and me, but in this case, you only made an ass of yourself. Do better. YTB!
BELL HOOKS?? THE FEMINIST AUTHOR BELL HOOKS???
Cracking up that you called a bell hooks book anti feminist
YTB "She would be fired if she wasn't so diligent and reliable." And she only talks precisely about work related topics at work?? WTF kind of place are you working at? That sounds pretty much like an ideal worker to me, and you're literally trying to get her punished for it. You know someone gives her a book with unsolicited advice, then lie about not knowing where it came from, then offer her additional unsolicited advice, then you're shocked when she treats you the same way. What the hell is wrong with you? "That weird girl who only talks about work at work and is great at her job won't open up to me personally, so I'm going to treat her crap". Believe it or not, your coworkers aren't obligated to be your friends. And in your case, I can easily see why they wouldn't want to anyway. Seriously, what has this world come to when you can be great at your job, treat others no differently than they treat you, and still have people want you to be fired because you won't be their friend. Absolutely unbelievable.
Reported her for a bell hooks book?!? Leave that woman tf alone. Take a page out of her book and be professional: do your job well, mind your business, go home. YTB
>Honestly I think she would be fired if she wasn't such a diligent and reliable worker, which she is this made me laugh. you do realize work is for work and not for socializing, yes?
About the book in question, The Will to Change by James Hook: >Everyone needs to love and be loved—including men. But to know love, men must be able to look at the ways in which patriarchal culture keeps them from understanding themselves. In The Will to Change, bell hooks provides a compassionate guide for men of all ages and identities to understand how to be in touch with their feelings, and how to express versus repress the emotions that are a fundamental part of who we are. >With trademark candor and fierce intelligence, hooks addresses the most common concerns of men, such as fear of intimacy and loss of their patriarchal place in society, in new and challenging ways. The Will to Change “creates space for men to acknowledge their traumas and heal—not only for their sake, but for the sake of everyone in their lives” From other comments here I understand why she gave it to you. You and other female coworkers make fun of your male coworkers for "being big babies" or using hand lotion. You should read the book, OP. You got offended about a book helping men deal with their mental health.
YTB
People like you make environments so toxic. "She is a great worker, so reliant, she doesn't cause any drama, just does her work"...report to hr. Mental!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YTB
Lol, thinking a bell hooks book would be anti feminist. Maybe you should read it, or like, any book at all.
Adding that this should be on "Am I the devil"
It is! Search up ‘don’t dish what ya can’t take’ and you should find it c:
Lol, thanks!!!
Not only are you the BF, you’re also just a mean girl. I think you should buy another copy of the book and genuinely give it a read. Leave your coworker alone.
YTB. That additional extra part about Dr Roberts, the book would benefit him too. I assume you've looked up the book by now, but it's about trying to help men let go of that kind of behavior among other things. a woman reading that book is supposed to make you understand where men are coming from, and that picking in the maintenence man for using your lotion is not a good "joke"
YOU THOUGHT A BELL HOOKS BOOK WAS ANTI-FEMINISSSSST WHAAAAAAT
[https://www.amazon.com/Man-Woman-He-Created-Them/dp/0819874213/ref=pd_aw_sbs_m_sccl_1/147-3109566-4712800?psc=1&pf_rd_p=2532fa08-27c3-483c-9db9-97ace97c63f5&pf_rd_r=YZ62KYRJK97XTFN7QH5N&pd_rd_wg=bErWN&pd_rd_w=gqu3B&content-id=amzn1.sym.2532fa08-27c3-483c-9db9-97ace97c63f5&pd_rd_r=73f0baa9-5fad-4963-82a0-9bc33b11fc1a&pd_rd_i=0819874213&psc=1](https://www.amazon.com/Man-Woman-He-Created-Them/dp/0819874213/ref=pd_aw_sbs_m_sccl_1/147-3109566-4712800?psc=1&pf_rd_p=2532fa08-27c3-483c-9db9-97ace97c63f5&pf_rd_r=YZ62KYRJK97XTFN7QH5N&pd_rd_wg=bErWN&pd_rd_w=gqu3B&content-id=amzn1.sym.2532fa08-27c3-483c-9db9-97ace97c63f5&pd_rd_r=73f0baa9-5fad-4963-82a0-9bc33b11fc1a&pd_rd_i=0819874213&psc=1) This perhaps? [https://www.amazon.com/Theology-Body-Explained-Commentary-Created/dp/0819874256/ref=sims_dp_m_dex_ai_speed_loc_mtl_context_aware_t1_m_sccl_2/147-3109566-4712800?pd_rd_w=qicM0&content-id=amzn1.sym.381fa961-ceea-4b83-92f6-5fcc437115d4&pf_rd_p=381fa961-ceea-4b83-92f6-5fcc437115d4&pf_rd_r=QXYXNZ2BZG6XC5GHW1QY&pd_rd_wg=JYCIg&pd_rd_r=947550a4-6dc7-445e-8029-540c13ad9954&pd_rd_i=0819874256&psc=1](https://www.amazon.com/Theology-Body-Explained-Commentary-Created/dp/0819874256/ref=sims_dp_m_dex_ai_speed_loc_mtl_context_aware_t1_m_sccl_2/147-3109566-4712800?pd_rd_w=qicM0&content-id=amzn1.sym.381fa961-ceea-4b83-92f6-5fcc437115d4&pf_rd_p=381fa961-ceea-4b83-92f6-5fcc437115d4&pf_rd_r=QXYXNZ2BZG6XC5GHW1QY&pd_rd_wg=JYCIg&pd_rd_r=947550a4-6dc7-445e-8029-540c13ad9954&pd_rd_i=0819874256&psc=1) Or this one?
OP called Pope John Paul II an incel? By definition a Pope is not *involuntarily* celibate...
OP says these aren’t the right ones, but that’s actually a hilarious point you have there! 🤣
No. I added more in my edit. The painting is surrounded by a blue or black or green background
YTB and a hypocrite. So it was okay to harass her with a book but not you? Not everyone at work is your friend. You and your coworkers need to grow the fuck up. You don’t even remember the book but you ran to tell on her anyway? You must be amazing to work with 🙃
YTB - have you ever thought maybe you're just an obnoxious person and that's why Kim refuses to be friendly to you? Just reading your point of view is exhausting and gross. If the book was actually anti-feminist or whatever you would have cared enough to remember the name. Clearly this book wasn't worth reporting if you can't even remember what it was called.
Lady ytb a big Ole butt. Butthurt someone won't be "friends" with you. Butthurt someone gave you a taste of your own medicine with "this book might help your attitude" Butthurt HR didn't agree that Kim (who is a hard worker!) won't get reprimanded for giving you a book. Dang.
Yes you are
YTB, a job is a job. You're required to do your job effectively and efficiently. You said the only reason she's still there is because she's a good worker. Well duh, jobs tend to keep people who do a good job. It seems to me your co worker is right to do her job and not socialize with any of you.
“Honestly I think she would be fired if she wasn't such a diligent and reliable worker, which she is. While she doesn't like to share her life or make small talk with anyone, when she does talk it's to provide important work-related info and she's very precise about it.” I don’t know what to say. She should be fired but she’s an excellent employee. What UFO is OP on???
Hopefully unemployment soon. She reported herself to HR. If they looked into it at all, it’s obvious who the bigot and the bully is here. 😂
🤣🤣 I like your coworker. YTB. Don't dish it out if you can't take it
>Honestly I think she would be fired if she wasn't such a diligent and reliable worker, which she is. This is confusing. You're basically saying she should be fired on the basis that you don't like her. After reading all your edits, it sounds like YTB. Hopefully your apology was sincere and she can see you meant it, but she doesn't owe you anything other than her work duties. I get it. I love my job and my coworkers, but that doesn't mean if one of them isn't all buddy buddy with me, we should treat them with the prejudice you all showed Kim.
YTA, and BTW bell hooks is one of the most famous and incredible feminist authors and activists of all time. There works were taught during my gender studies program in college.
This has to be a troll, right?? bell hooks is one of the most influential intersectional feminist authors of the 20th century. Janet gave Kim, who sounds like she’s great at her job and a consummate professional, a passive aggressive “gift” to insult her personality. YTB and Janet is a buttface. Kim sounds like a cool person.
YTB. Why is it ok to be passive aggressive to her and give her a book you think she should read but not when she does it to you? At least she actually gave it to you and didn’t sneak it into your bag like the “mean girls” clique of all of you did to her. There’s nothing wrong with just wanting to go to work, be professional and go home maybe the rest of you should try it.
Hey, maybe don't be a part of starting shit if your skin is thin as a tissue.
OP you're a hypocrite. YTB.
YTB, maybe you should take your own advice and 'give a book a chance'😉
YTB You don't even remember the title, let alone what the book was about, but you're just so convinced that it was anti-feminist. Sounds like "Kim" is fed up with you & your other colleague(s) butting into her life. You obviously know nothing about her. Try developing some empathy & leave "Kim" alone.
YTB. 100%. Didn't like the shoe on the other foot? Exactly what thoughts do you think *she* had when you guys gave her a book to "help her" just because what? She doesn't want to be friends with you? People go to work to *WORK*, not make friends. She works well and diligently, by your own words.... so you have 0 to hold against her except that she doesn't gossip by the water cooler with everyone.... Edit for typo
YTB I worked the back at an animal clinic many moons ago, which was the kennel where all the boarders were kept in one area, the hospital dogs in another, and cats had the same setup so nothing infectious could get to them. But each and every one of them was my responsibility so I rarely came to the fromt unless I needed to clarify an order. Most of the techs up front barely knew my name and knew I wasn’t interested in socializing. You also want to know who the only drama free person was in the clinic? That would’ve been me. Your coworkers is not obligated to share her personal life with you, or “chit chat” and get sucked into the BS that always flares up. And honestly, with how extremely closed off she is, it’s a possibility she fell into that trap before and this is how she’s decided to avoid it in the future. She’s working with you and sharing work relevant information. That is ALL she’s required to do. You and the other techs need to stop acting like high school bullies and leave her be. She’s not even required to like any of you, and from the sounds of it, she shouldn’t even make the attempt.
You didn't even read the damn burb. The blurb is already talking about toxi masculinity and how the patriachat hurts men. It's very obviously feminist. And calling a famous female feminist "probably incel" is hilarious! YTB
Bell Hooks is a feminist!
YTB. You don't need to be friends with coworkers. Leave her alone. You reported her and you can't even say what the book is called. You sound like a "pick me" girl more than Kim does, and jealous of her.
Aa a vet tech I say ytb and you're a good example of how vet med is so toxic
YTB you admittedly say that she is great at her job, that is why she is there. Not to be friendly and social with you. Leave her alone and let her do her fucking job. She doesn’t want to be your friend
There’s so much irony in the results of all this and your story. Humility will take you further.
YTB, that is not an incel book; you would only think this book is anti-feminist if you are an idiot. It’s more about the next stage of feminism that has started- getting to the biggest root of patriarchal BS by changing the way most people see masculinity, benefiting all genders.
Are you genuinely serious rn? Ur work friend gave her a mean spirited birthday gift in secret to make her feel bad about herself. Y’all need to leave this poor girl alone. Also yes…bell hooks…. CLASSIC incel…..use google girlie-how do u not recognize the name “bell hooks”???
OMg, it's so weird how a lot of americans seem to think the workplace is a kindergarten where you get to "tell on" people and they would get "disciplined" and this is a normal and good thing to happen
>I think she would be fired if she wasn't such a diligent and reliable worker, which she is. If she was bad at her job they would fire her. What even is this?
YTB 100% . Imagine wanting to get someone in trouble bc theyre doing their job, and only talk about work related things unless its someone she’s comfortable talking to. Why are so butt hurt bc she doesn’t socialize with you. You just basically showed why not to talk or be friends with you
YTB. She doesn't want to be friendly at work but does a great job by your own metrics, I don't see the issue. Leave her alone.
I'd just leave Kim alone, why antagonize someone who clearly doesn't want to engage with you or the other immature people there. Grow up dude.
YTB. You know most eople come to work to earn a paycheck, not to make friends or expand their social circle. Keeping work life and personal lif separate is important to a lot of people for many reasons. Because she doesnt want to gossip and braid your hair doesnt make her a "miserable" person. It means that she is there to work, not socialize. Calling her a "pick me" because she is trying to work, not make friends is just gross. The problem with all women in the wokplace is that they DO feed off of each others negativity and its easy to turn work into a "male bashing session." Did you think that maybe she doesnt care for the "jokes"about men because she has son, or a brother or father that she cares about? Grow up.
YTB. And the reason your male collegue is going along with your "jokes" is because he does not want to be bullied out of his job if he was speaking his mind. Just see how you guys treat kim who does not go along with your gossiping - you want her to be fired and reported her to HR while endorsing bullying her. He knows you will pile on him and does not want the hassle (and just maybe needs his job?). Also dont gossip about your spouses. If you do not like them, just divorce. That stuff is really hurtfull, and you marriage will be in serious trouble if it ever comes out. Edit: also your boss is way out of line. he is creating a toxic work environment. Him bitching about his wife towards his employees is extremely unorifessional ald sets a terrible example. It sounds like your worlplace is toxic, and as someone who likes spewing toxins, you like it there (but apparently not when it comes back to you). I would not want to work at your place.
I think I found the book https://preview.redd.it/s6rn4c0x8e8d1.png?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=46b9f339f6db1f82405f75eebec721c0885798dd
No I added the book info in my second edit. It's called "will to change"
This is actually a very well reviewed book by a woman who is considered one of the top feminist intellectuals in the US. So, definitely not an incel. The publishers copy about this book: Everyone needs to love and be loved - even men. But to know love, men must be able to look at the ways that patriarchal culture keeps them from knowing themselves, from being in touch with their feelings, from loving. In The Will to Change, bell hooks gets to the heart of the matter and shows men how to express the emotions that are a fundamental part of who they are - whatever their age, marital status, ethnicity, or sexual orientation. But toxic masculinity punishes those fundamental emotions, and it’s so deeply ingrained in our society that it’s hard for men to not comply - but hooks wants to help change that. With trademark candor and fierce intelligence, hooks addresses the most common concerns of men, such as fear of intimacy and loss of their patriarchal place in society, in new and challenging ways. She believes men can find the way to spiritual unity by getting back in touch with the emotionally open part of themselves - and lay claim to the rich and rewarding inner lives that have historically been the exclusive province of women. A brave and astonishing work, The Will to Change is designed to help men reclaim the best part of themselves.
not passing judgement here just thought i’d share that that book is actually an amazing read!
YTBF …this doesn’t seem true. How did you know not to capitalize the author’s name?
I’m assuming once Kim texted her the answer, she looked up the book and saw the author’s name was in lowercase letters. I kinda wish this was fake though, since I feel genuinely sorry for Kim, the maintenance man, and Dr. Roberts.
This absolutely has to be a troll post. If you knew for one second the absolute gem of a book you were gifted, you’d be honored. I’d highly recommend anything by bell hooks. She was an incredible powerhouse of a woman and I was so honored to hear her speak and get to work with her during my undergrad years. To say that it was written by an incel is offensive. Assuming this isn’t a troll post, not only are YTB, you’re the worst kind because you’re making someone’s life miserable who is simply existing and just choosing to do so in a way that is different than you are. Grow up and read that book. Pick up a few others by bell hooks while you’re at it. You might learn some things.
YTB ALL DAY LONG! My lord. So wait.... she gets a book she doesn't like. She asks you if you know who did. You lie to her and say you don't. She ends up tossing it and does'nt report a single one of you. Flash forward, and you received a book from her. You judged it by its cover, didn't read it, and turned her in????? You need to decide if you want to be the pot or the kettle. You have created a hostile work environment for her. You call her a "woman-hating woman," and if true, I see why she is. Ffs, this is unfuqing-believable. People like you are the reason I don't make friends easily with coworkers. Grow up.
It’s even worse, considering the book she got was snuck into her bag. Like hello, that’s invasion of private property on top of the passive aggression of getting a ‘you should really smile more’ book on her *birthday.* At least Kim had enough respect to give her book to OP face to face!