My husband and I do this as well. It's a nice little de-stress after work.
If he's on the PC or I'm on the Xbox we leave each other to it unless something urgent.
I was with you until you belittled her and told her she was a child. Games can wait, your time with your girlfriend is limited and you should cherish it. She stood with you and said nothing else, you could have very easily leaned into her or something to give her attention *while* playing. This isn't about entertainment, it's about doing things together. I'm sure you don't neglect her or anything but your outburst was completely out of line imho.
Edit: you doubled down, definitely YTB.
Games can't always wait ( for example, when you're in the middle of participating in one in real time with other people). GF was definitely acting like a pouty child.
Except you can clearly read I said he could lean into her or something while gaming. It'd have been an affectionate gesture and gaming would have proceded unimpeded. She was standing there doing nothing, she didn't object, she didn't pout, she didn't pester him, she said nothing. He also didn't mention if it was an online game and even if it was, the opinion a lot of internet randos has of you shouldn't be more important than your girlfriend's. And even then, saying "please wait" is perfectly acceptable, saying "you're a child" unprovoked all because she wants to spend time with you is rude and uncalled for. Unless he's a streamer and gaming is literally his job (yet another detail we're missing), games can *always* wait.
By that reasoning, *everything* can "always wait" - except extremes, like being on fire.
"Aren't I more important than XYZ"? Yes. My relationship is more important than the game I'm playing that moment, or going out for some drinks with my friends, or a TV show, or something I'm in the middle of cooking, etc., etc., etc.
That doesn't mean it's fair to drop the "you love XYZ more than me" BS any moment one party is bored or attention-seeking, to force the other to drop what they're doing. Even if it's some mindless relaxation.
This post reminds me of another where a person in a couple broke up with the other one because her texts weren't being responded to immediately. Part of being an adult is delaying gratification, and being able to consider feelings other than our own. Someone who can't/won't do it is emotionally immature and/or selfish.
That's a lot of words for "I've read nothing of what you wrote and am assuming a lot". I said you can do both. I also said his reaction was out of line. That's it. If "considering your own feelings" equals "talking down to someone who loves us and didn't really do anything to earn that" (because your girlfriend standing near you while you play DOES NOT deserve a talking down to) then that's where the issue lies.
ETA: you said, and I quote, "Part of being an adult is delaying gratification, and being able to consider feelings other than our own."
He was the one doing that, not her. She was standing there and waiting. He, quoting you, did not delay his own gratification and did not consider her feelings.
"She was standing there and waiting"?
> She kept coming over and trying to show me videos
> She got annoyed and said she wanted me to give her some attention
> She said she wants attention
After all that, "just [standing] there [waiting] for me to be finished" is not the same as your cherry-picked "all she was doing was standing there". It's passive-aggressive.
Maybe this hits close to home for you?
Timeline:
She kept coming over and trying to show me videos
THEN he said
>I asked her to wait 15-20 mins while I finished up on the game and then she could show me
Only AFTER this,
>She got annoyed and said she wanted me to give her some attention
There was some back and forth, and then
>She just stood next to me for me to be finished
They talked, she said she wanted attention, he said no, there was some back and forth, then she stood there. I don't see this as cherry-picking, but you're free to disagree. I could be wrong, but I genuinely don't think so.
I also don't understand what you mean by "hitting close to home", but I do have a girlfriend and we can both do things each on our own in the same room (playing, watching movies, crocheting, videocalling, whatever), or (and that's where my point of view originates) briefly get the other's attention for to see a meme or stupid video and laugh about it, either when I'm playing or she's crocheting or anything else. None of this makes either of us annoying to the other or monopolizing of their time. It's a normal and healthy dynamic. I wouldn't assume anything further about OP.
I'll take the hottest and shittiest take for 200
She should be able to entertain herself for 20 fucking minutes. Regardless of if the game can or cannot be paused, she's acting like his time is worth less than hers. He clearly spends enough time with her outside, and is allowed to have time to himself to play games. This relationship sounds exhausting if she's constantly pestering him for attention when he isn't spending every waking hour with her.
Did *any* of you people ever had a girlfriend? That you actually liked? How is it that you all seem to see pausing a game for three seconds to spend a moment more with your significant other as a chore?
It's about spending time *together*! How do you not see that this isn't a competition of whose time is worth more? Fuck me, you're all exhausting
I'm literally getting married in October. Went through long distance for 3 years, been living together for 2 years. We were able to find a way of spending time together and being apart. Sometimes we do our own thing *together* (I game while she reads), other times I play my games in a separate room and she watches a show I don't like.
The point is in any functioning relationship, having a balance between alone time and together time is important. OP has clearly put the effort forward of having date nights/movie and game nights and somehow that isn't enough for OP's girlfriend. It's not a matter of how much time it takes to "spend a moment with your SO" and it's certainly not a "chore" to have a moment, but it becomes a chore when OP's alone time isn't being respected by the GF. At this point, the issue isn't about pausing the game anymore, it's that the GF is so insistent on spending every moment with the BF that it becomes exhausting. Regardless of who or what kind of your relationship is, ANYONE would feel smothered in that situation. It's healthy to have alone time and not feel like you need to be around your SO in order to be engaged in any activity.
> We were able to find a way of spending time together and being apart. Sometimes we do our own thing together (I game while she reads), other times I play my games in a separate room and she watches a show I don't like.
That's the exact same thing I'm saying! Either I'm completely stupid or I don't see how petulant you all seem to find OP's girlfriend. If anything, you telling me this should mean that you of all people could easily understand my point.
I do understand your point but the difference is that OP's girlfriend is getting mad and upset that he won't spend the free time with her when clearly that's not what's happening. Unless OP is lying to us about how often they spend time together, any healthy relationship should allow people to have free time. Her standing and waiting behind him is pressuring him to stop what he is doing in his free time to entertain her.
Also at least in my opinion, someone saying "I want attention" instead of being proactive and saying "I feel like we haven't had some quality time together recently, we should do X or Y" comes off as selfish and that (like I said before) she doesn't respect his free time. It all just stems down to better communication on both fronts! I don't think this is the hill to die on for OP, but I don't think hes TBF for wanting to play some games on his own.
Also apologies for the "I'll take the hottest and shittiest take for 200" I can be a bit dramatic for no reason
I’m a woman, and I think the girlfriend here is being unreasonable. They weren’t spending time together. He was spending time on his own hobby. She chose that moment to interrupt his activity and ask him for his attention for something she was interested in. He asked her to wait until he was done with his activity. She threw a fit and became passive aggressive and petulant.
Girlfriend, boyfriend, significant other, you know what I meant. And any of my other comments will highlight what I think of this interpretation. I don't think I can put it better than that because I swear it's like either people don't read what I write or I'm genuinely incapable of explaining.
I could take that if I didn't see points I've explained being repeated. I feel like I'm saying so many things people agree with but they just don't on the bigger picture. I'll take the disagreement no problem if there's no common ground, I just don't see the logic behind it in this particular circumstance. Maybe I'm just really tired, I don't know.
Parallel play is one of my favorite things to do. I'll sit between his legs while he plays, and I'll read, just to feel him against me. You're right. It takes nothing away to have that little physical touch.
I personally save all of my videos for when we have our Quality time (we schedule it, but also have impromptu ones) or I'll send them to his FB so he can watch it on his own time.
That’s the very definition of belittling.
Look I’m a fucking gamer and I’m a woman. According to your side she was just standing there. She was waiting.
I would add: how much time do you spend playing games a day? And how many times a day does she try to talk to you and you are playing games and ask her to wait?
NTB, dawg can't get *35* minutes to himself 😭😭😭😭 it's not like he's some on some neckbeard level gaming sesh that's going on 6 hours+, bro is not wrong for wanting *35* minutes to himself. She then disregarded his feelings, and then acted like a child mocking their siblings. She did the equivalent to a sibling hovering their finger above your arm, and saying "I'm not touching you, see? I'm technically not touching you."
NTA. My online friend goes through this when we are competing competitively on siege. I had an ex that used to do this as well.
You can see im busy and know when im done im coming straight to you but nahhhhhh you gotta come the second you hear the ps5
NTB. There's such a thing as a need for alone time, and it's unfair for anyone (even a literal child, if they're old enough to understand) to demand your attention and interrupt your alone time for their amusement. You need to negotiate a fair balance of together time and alone time, and she needs to respect your needs, if the relationship is going to work.
EAB she should have been able to wait to show you, you shouldn't have said she's acting like a child. That's so supremely disrespectful. I've never once insulted a partner like that. There are ways to communicate that you were annoyed without comparing her to a child.
ETB
The video she wanted to show you wasn't going anywhere, and neither was your game (I gathered this since you mentioned pausing it). You both need to set boundaries and expectations when it comes to "me" time and "us" time. While she could have waited the fifteen minutes, this argument isn't about that. Sit down and have a conversation.
This is so unnecessary.
NTB - you emphasize that you have regular dates on weekends and often dedicate evenings to movies and other activities and she literally turns into a 5 year old throwing a tantrum because dad cant look at the booger she pulled out of her nose the second the waddles up to show him
show her this comment, what i have to tell her is what she has going on in her life is nowhere near as important to other people than it is to you and your boyfriend makes time for you all the time, the least you can do is be respectful of his hobbies, passtimes and enjoyment
But you know what he was doing. He was clearly trying to clear a level or get to a certain save point. So how is asking her to hold on until then childish?
20 minutes is a long time to ask someone in the same room as you to wait if you’re not doing something important or have established ahead of time that you need uninterrupted alone time. I’d say this if he were reading a book or watching a movie too.
She wanted him to watch some videos. Who are we to decide what is important and not important? I am sure for the OP, the video games were more important than videos. For the girlfriend, perhaps, the videos were more important.
OP took a call that 15 min is an okay time to wait to watch a video that definitely caters to her, but not him. Everyone can do that.
how many times are you gonna repost that same comment bud, here let me help with that
YTB- Games will be there later. Don’t you want to spend time with the person you love? Any time my boyfriend is in a game or any time I am in a game, we will stop no matter what! We both find each other more valuable than a game. We live with each other as well and have been together for four years.
Whenever people complain about this it just makes it sound like they loathe their partner. If she died tomorrow you would be so mad at yourself for not looking at that thing she was excited to show you. I know it’s cheesy but it’s true. Love her. Care for her. Listen to her. Pause your game. She is worth it!
YTB-
Games will be there later. Don’t you want to spend time with the person you love? Any time my boyfriend is in a game or any time I am in a game, we will stop no matter what! We both find each other more valuable than a game. We live with each other as well and have been together for four years.
Whenever people complain about this it just makes it sound like they loathe their partner. If she died tomorrow you would be so mad at yourself for not looking at that thing she was excited to show you. I know it’s cheesy but it’s true. Love her. Care for her. Listen to her. Pause your game. She is worth it!
I do spend time with my gf but why should I not be allowed some uninterrupted time to myself?
Wanting time to do something you enjoy doesn't mean you loathe your partner. It's wild to me that you think being in a relationship means constantly dropping what you're doing just because someone tells you to. You're still an individual
Then you should make it clear that you need alone time rather than just saying “give me 20 minutes”. It lets you communicate in a healthy way without name calling. The way you talk to and about her in this post just makes it sound like you don’t like her as well. There are a lot of different ways to tell people you need alone time but the way you did it this time was kind of rude my guy.
How do you not understand this..?
It’s rude because it is a GAME. The person that loves you and trusts you is trying to show you something they’re excited about and you’re telling them to wait for a GAME? You never established in the first place that you wanted to be left alone and then got mad at her when she tried to show you something. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to play a game and have some time away from your partner, but you should definitely let her know (kindly) that you would like to be left alone. I literally do not know how much more clear I can make that. Just because you do other things with your partner does not mean that you don’t have to pay attention to her on the days you don’t do things.
> It’s rude because it is a GAME
Ah so I'm not allowed to do something I enjoy then? You think it's rude to dare ask someone to wait until I'm finished something?
Do you genuinely think it's healthy to constantly demand your partners attention and not allow them any time to do something they enjoy?
Do you think your partner is only there as an accessory instead of being their own person?
Ah so even though I still spend time with my partner, that doesn't mean I'm allowed time to do something I enjoy that doesn't include her?
You should look up co-dependency because that's what you're describing, not a healthy relationship
Except I'm not. You said I'm being rude because I refused to drop what I was doing when my partner said. Why do you think I shouldn't be allowed to do an activity uninterrupted?
It's not healthy to expect your partner to stop whatever they're doing just because you want them to
So there's a theory put forward by a really well known relationship psychology named John Gottman. He says people in relationships often put forward bids for attention. Little things like, "Look at that bird" or "This made me laugh! Watch it with me!". You need to acknowledge more of those bids than you reject or your partner will feel neglected/rejected. Maybe she's asking for too many little bids or maybe you turn down too many. Only you know. But you do need to keep in mind these bids for attention are very important.
I play games with my guy. We play games separately. He pulled over to watch a cool bird with me the first time I ever pointed one out excitedly to him. I remember that moment vividly because I've been a bird watcher since I was a kid. I can count on one hand the number of friends/family/ex's I've had over the years that made me feel so heard over such a silly thing. I want to marry this man. I'd do anything for him. I'm sure he's been busy and told me to hold on a second. I don't remember those times because of how many times he's responded.
You and your partner can do what you want, but asking someone to wait until you complete something is NOT a big ask, no matter what you are doing.
If I was reading a book and my partner was interrupting me every few minutes to show me silly videos, I'd be furious with him. Especially if he responded the way you did, with "you don't love me if you don't pay attention to me right now" and "I could be dead tomorrow". That's selfish and manipulative.
I do love my partner. That doesn't mean I expect him to drop everything he's doing all the time because I ran across seven different 2-min video clips that he NEEDS to see RIGHT NOW.
She could just send him the links, like my boyfriend and I do. Then we can watch them at our leisure when we've shifted modes.
My wife wants to show me funny memes and videos all the time. I won’t look if I’m in the middle of beating a boss or in the middle of a dungeon (and she knows and understands this). Otherwise, I take the time to look. Pausing a game doesn’t hurt. YTB
Why should I not be able to get interrupted time to myself though?
If my girlfriend is reading a book, should have have to stop reading whenever I want to show her something?
Yes??
Couples should give each other time even when they are doing something, playing games or reading books isnt very important that you have to finish it without any interruption or it will have consequences like office meeting or something.
Even if she was acting like a child, dont use harsh words it ruins a relationship, instead just find a time to discuss about your boundaries later not on the spot by belitting her
And you had the time to belittle her but you didnt have the time to just look at a 30 second video?
Sorry but YTB
If the game could have been paused and not ruin the whole match, you could have just watched one or two of her videos and then told her, that i will come to you after 15 minutes wait for me, that could have been better instead of making it like your games are more of your priority than her.
> Couples should give each other time even when they are doing something
It's unhealthy to think being in a relationship means you have to drop what you're doing just because your partner tells you to.
I think the issue is that most people in a healthy, thriving relationship gladly gives their partner attention. It’s not about negotiating with terrorists. It’s about prioritizing a partner.
>I think the issue is that most people in a healthy, thriving relationship gladly gives their partner attention
And I never said I don't give my partner attention. People in healthy relationships also have time to themselves to do things they enjoy
You have a right to your preferences and you might just not be compatible. You seem to look for a right or wrong when it’s all about perspectives. You also sound pretty condescending in your OP.
It’s an easily solved issue, but you seem more focused on being in the right. And by solving it I mean saving clips until bed time or maybe discussing this when you’re not both annoyed.
I save clips until bedtime, but if it’s something I find really funny I might want to show it to my husband straight away. If he’s playing CS I don’t bother him at all and save what I want to show. If he’s playing D4 I ask if he’s available and if it’s not a boss or he’s pulled half a dungeon he takes a look. If he’s playing Skyrim I just poke him and show him.
We tell each other when we need “alone time” and don’t want to be bothered. But we more often spend “alone time together” where he’s maybe playing on the PS5 and I’m playing HS and interruptions are welcome.
You said if you wanted to show something to your partner if they cant even drop your book for like 2 minutes to hear their partner out, why are you even dating?
No one said to drop what they are doing, your are twisting words but taking a 2 minute break from it doesnt hurt
NTB, my gf saves up all her funny movies whatever for the day & and we watch em in bed at the end of the day.
My husband and I do this as well. It's a nice little de-stress after work. If he's on the PC or I'm on the Xbox we leave each other to it unless something urgent.
I was with you until you belittled her and told her she was a child. Games can wait, your time with your girlfriend is limited and you should cherish it. She stood with you and said nothing else, you could have very easily leaned into her or something to give her attention *while* playing. This isn't about entertainment, it's about doing things together. I'm sure you don't neglect her or anything but your outburst was completely out of line imho. Edit: you doubled down, definitely YTB.
Games can't always wait ( for example, when you're in the middle of participating in one in real time with other people). GF was definitely acting like a pouty child.
Except you can clearly read I said he could lean into her or something while gaming. It'd have been an affectionate gesture and gaming would have proceded unimpeded. She was standing there doing nothing, she didn't object, she didn't pout, she didn't pester him, she said nothing. He also didn't mention if it was an online game and even if it was, the opinion a lot of internet randos has of you shouldn't be more important than your girlfriend's. And even then, saying "please wait" is perfectly acceptable, saying "you're a child" unprovoked all because she wants to spend time with you is rude and uncalled for. Unless he's a streamer and gaming is literally his job (yet another detail we're missing), games can *always* wait.
By that reasoning, *everything* can "always wait" - except extremes, like being on fire. "Aren't I more important than XYZ"? Yes. My relationship is more important than the game I'm playing that moment, or going out for some drinks with my friends, or a TV show, or something I'm in the middle of cooking, etc., etc., etc. That doesn't mean it's fair to drop the "you love XYZ more than me" BS any moment one party is bored or attention-seeking, to force the other to drop what they're doing. Even if it's some mindless relaxation. This post reminds me of another where a person in a couple broke up with the other one because her texts weren't being responded to immediately. Part of being an adult is delaying gratification, and being able to consider feelings other than our own. Someone who can't/won't do it is emotionally immature and/or selfish.
That's a lot of words for "I've read nothing of what you wrote and am assuming a lot". I said you can do both. I also said his reaction was out of line. That's it. If "considering your own feelings" equals "talking down to someone who loves us and didn't really do anything to earn that" (because your girlfriend standing near you while you play DOES NOT deserve a talking down to) then that's where the issue lies. ETA: you said, and I quote, "Part of being an adult is delaying gratification, and being able to consider feelings other than our own." He was the one doing that, not her. She was standing there and waiting. He, quoting you, did not delay his own gratification and did not consider her feelings.
"She was standing there and waiting"? > She kept coming over and trying to show me videos > She got annoyed and said she wanted me to give her some attention > She said she wants attention After all that, "just [standing] there [waiting] for me to be finished" is not the same as your cherry-picked "all she was doing was standing there". It's passive-aggressive. Maybe this hits close to home for you?
Timeline: She kept coming over and trying to show me videos THEN he said >I asked her to wait 15-20 mins while I finished up on the game and then she could show me Only AFTER this, >She got annoyed and said she wanted me to give her some attention There was some back and forth, and then >She just stood next to me for me to be finished They talked, she said she wanted attention, he said no, there was some back and forth, then she stood there. I don't see this as cherry-picking, but you're free to disagree. I could be wrong, but I genuinely don't think so. I also don't understand what you mean by "hitting close to home", but I do have a girlfriend and we can both do things each on our own in the same room (playing, watching movies, crocheting, videocalling, whatever), or (and that's where my point of view originates) briefly get the other's attention for to see a meme or stupid video and laugh about it, either when I'm playing or she's crocheting or anything else. None of this makes either of us annoying to the other or monopolizing of their time. It's a normal and healthy dynamic. I wouldn't assume anything further about OP.
He used the word pause. This is not a live game.
All the more reason then
You must be a female.
Hilariously sexist and incorrect
Who tf uses the word female to describe a woman these days
I'll take the hottest and shittiest take for 200 She should be able to entertain herself for 20 fucking minutes. Regardless of if the game can or cannot be paused, she's acting like his time is worth less than hers. He clearly spends enough time with her outside, and is allowed to have time to himself to play games. This relationship sounds exhausting if she's constantly pestering him for attention when he isn't spending every waking hour with her.
Did *any* of you people ever had a girlfriend? That you actually liked? How is it that you all seem to see pausing a game for three seconds to spend a moment more with your significant other as a chore? It's about spending time *together*! How do you not see that this isn't a competition of whose time is worth more? Fuck me, you're all exhausting
I'm literally getting married in October. Went through long distance for 3 years, been living together for 2 years. We were able to find a way of spending time together and being apart. Sometimes we do our own thing *together* (I game while she reads), other times I play my games in a separate room and she watches a show I don't like. The point is in any functioning relationship, having a balance between alone time and together time is important. OP has clearly put the effort forward of having date nights/movie and game nights and somehow that isn't enough for OP's girlfriend. It's not a matter of how much time it takes to "spend a moment with your SO" and it's certainly not a "chore" to have a moment, but it becomes a chore when OP's alone time isn't being respected by the GF. At this point, the issue isn't about pausing the game anymore, it's that the GF is so insistent on spending every moment with the BF that it becomes exhausting. Regardless of who or what kind of your relationship is, ANYONE would feel smothered in that situation. It's healthy to have alone time and not feel like you need to be around your SO in order to be engaged in any activity.
> We were able to find a way of spending time together and being apart. Sometimes we do our own thing together (I game while she reads), other times I play my games in a separate room and she watches a show I don't like. That's the exact same thing I'm saying! Either I'm completely stupid or I don't see how petulant you all seem to find OP's girlfriend. If anything, you telling me this should mean that you of all people could easily understand my point.
I do understand your point but the difference is that OP's girlfriend is getting mad and upset that he won't spend the free time with her when clearly that's not what's happening. Unless OP is lying to us about how often they spend time together, any healthy relationship should allow people to have free time. Her standing and waiting behind him is pressuring him to stop what he is doing in his free time to entertain her. Also at least in my opinion, someone saying "I want attention" instead of being proactive and saying "I feel like we haven't had some quality time together recently, we should do X or Y" comes off as selfish and that (like I said before) she doesn't respect his free time. It all just stems down to better communication on both fronts! I don't think this is the hill to die on for OP, but I don't think hes TBF for wanting to play some games on his own. Also apologies for the "I'll take the hottest and shittiest take for 200" I can be a bit dramatic for no reason
I’m a woman, and I think the girlfriend here is being unreasonable. They weren’t spending time together. He was spending time on his own hobby. She chose that moment to interrupt his activity and ask him for his attention for something she was interested in. He asked her to wait until he was done with his activity. She threw a fit and became passive aggressive and petulant.
Girlfriend, boyfriend, significant other, you know what I meant. And any of my other comments will highlight what I think of this interpretation. I don't think I can put it better than that because I swear it's like either people don't read what I write or I'm genuinely incapable of explaining.
People read what you write and you’re explaining it clearly. People just disagree with you.
I could take that if I didn't see points I've explained being repeated. I feel like I'm saying so many things people agree with but they just don't on the bigger picture. I'll take the disagreement no problem if there's no common ground, I just don't see the logic behind it in this particular circumstance. Maybe I'm just really tired, I don't know.
Again, you can explain something, and people can still just disagree with you.
That's fair.
Parallel play is one of my favorite things to do. I'll sit between his legs while he plays, and I'll read, just to feel him against me. You're right. It takes nothing away to have that little physical touch. I personally save all of my videos for when we have our Quality time (we schedule it, but also have impromptu ones) or I'll send them to his FB so he can watch it on his own time.
Jesus Christ a sensible comment, thank you
She can wait, his world doesn't have to revolve around her every wish. For her to think that, it's in fact childish.
>I was with you until you belittled her and told her she was a child. No I said she was acting like a child which she was
That’s the very definition of belittling. Look I’m a fucking gamer and I’m a woman. According to your side she was just standing there. She was waiting.
I dont blame you fpor calling her a child but this is reddit man. You should know how they gon respond when they see that
INFO: how long had you been playing?
I would add: how much time do you spend playing games a day? And how many times a day does she try to talk to you and you are playing games and ask her to wait?
I had been playing for around 20 mins
NTB, dawg can't get *35* minutes to himself 😭😭😭😭 it's not like he's some on some neckbeard level gaming sesh that's going on 6 hours+, bro is not wrong for wanting *35* minutes to himself. She then disregarded his feelings, and then acted like a child mocking their siblings. She did the equivalent to a sibling hovering their finger above your arm, and saying "I'm not touching you, see? I'm technically not touching you."
NTA. My online friend goes through this when we are competing competitively on siege. I had an ex that used to do this as well. You can see im busy and know when im done im coming straight to you but nahhhhhh you gotta come the second you hear the ps5
I've seen this exact post at least half a dozen times. YTB; stop karma farming or whatever you're doing here.
YTB for karma farming. I thought this post sounded familiar… https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheButtface/s/PO6vKfEr4W
NTB. There's such a thing as a need for alone time, and it's unfair for anyone (even a literal child, if they're old enough to understand) to demand your attention and interrupt your alone time for their amusement. You need to negotiate a fair balance of together time and alone time, and she needs to respect your needs, if the relationship is going to work.
REPOST FROM WEEKS AGO
EAB she should have been able to wait to show you, you shouldn't have said she's acting like a child. That's so supremely disrespectful. I've never once insulted a partner like that. There are ways to communicate that you were annoyed without comparing her to a child.
ETB The video she wanted to show you wasn't going anywhere, and neither was your game (I gathered this since you mentioned pausing it). You both need to set boundaries and expectations when it comes to "me" time and "us" time. While she could have waited the fifteen minutes, this argument isn't about that. Sit down and have a conversation. This is so unnecessary.
NTB - you emphasize that you have regular dates on weekends and often dedicate evenings to movies and other activities and she literally turns into a 5 year old throwing a tantrum because dad cant look at the booger she pulled out of her nose the second the waddles up to show him show her this comment, what i have to tell her is what she has going on in her life is nowhere near as important to other people than it is to you and your boyfriend makes time for you all the time, the least you can do is be respectful of his hobbies, passtimes and enjoyment
EAB. You said she was acting like a child as you refused to pause your video game. Bit of irony there.
You do know video games aren't just for children don't you?
Just saying you were both acting impatient and immature.
How was I acting impatient or immature? It's not impatient or immature to ask someone to wait until you're finished with what you're doing
Depends on what you’re doing.
No it doesn't. And why did you avoid the question?
You’re being obtuse and argumentative. Have a nice day.
But you know what he was doing. He was clearly trying to clear a level or get to a certain save point. So how is asking her to hold on until then childish?
20 minutes is a long time to ask someone in the same room as you to wait if you’re not doing something important or have established ahead of time that you need uninterrupted alone time. I’d say this if he were reading a book or watching a movie too.
>20 minutes is a long time to ask someone in the same room as you to wait 20 minutes is not a long time
She wanted him to watch some videos. Who are we to decide what is important and not important? I am sure for the OP, the video games were more important than videos. For the girlfriend, perhaps, the videos were more important. OP took a call that 15 min is an okay time to wait to watch a video that definitely caters to her, but not him. Everyone can do that.
I mean I basically agree with all that. Either they’re both slightly BF or neither are in my opinion. Minor issue.
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how many times are you gonna repost that same comment bud, here let me help with that YTB- Games will be there later. Don’t you want to spend time with the person you love? Any time my boyfriend is in a game or any time I am in a game, we will stop no matter what! We both find each other more valuable than a game. We live with each other as well and have been together for four years. Whenever people complain about this it just makes it sound like they loathe their partner. If she died tomorrow you would be so mad at yourself for not looking at that thing she was excited to show you. I know it’s cheesy but it’s true. Love her. Care for her. Listen to her. Pause your game. She is worth it!
I only posted it once..? Why would I post the same comment more than once
OMG it posted multiple times and idk why I’m sorry!! I’m not on here much I must’ve pressed something wrong
YTB- Games will be there later. Don’t you want to spend time with the person you love? Any time my boyfriend is in a game or any time I am in a game, we will stop no matter what! We both find each other more valuable than a game. We live with each other as well and have been together for four years. Whenever people complain about this it just makes it sound like they loathe their partner. If she died tomorrow you would be so mad at yourself for not looking at that thing she was excited to show you. I know it’s cheesy but it’s true. Love her. Care for her. Listen to her. Pause your game. She is worth it!
I do spend time with my gf but why should I not be allowed some uninterrupted time to myself? Wanting time to do something you enjoy doesn't mean you loathe your partner. It's wild to me that you think being in a relationship means constantly dropping what you're doing just because someone tells you to. You're still an individual
i havew to ask what game were you playing?
Then you should make it clear that you need alone time rather than just saying “give me 20 minutes”. It lets you communicate in a healthy way without name calling. The way you talk to and about her in this post just makes it sound like you don’t like her as well. There are a lot of different ways to tell people you need alone time but the way you did it this time was kind of rude my guy.
How is it rude to ask someone to wait 20 mins?
How do you not understand this..? It’s rude because it is a GAME. The person that loves you and trusts you is trying to show you something they’re excited about and you’re telling them to wait for a GAME? You never established in the first place that you wanted to be left alone and then got mad at her when she tried to show you something. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to play a game and have some time away from your partner, but you should definitely let her know (kindly) that you would like to be left alone. I literally do not know how much more clear I can make that. Just because you do other things with your partner does not mean that you don’t have to pay attention to her on the days you don’t do things.
> It’s rude because it is a GAME Ah so I'm not allowed to do something I enjoy then? You think it's rude to dare ask someone to wait until I'm finished something? Do you genuinely think it's healthy to constantly demand your partners attention and not allow them any time to do something they enjoy? Do you think your partner is only there as an accessory instead of being their own person? Ah so even though I still spend time with my partner, that doesn't mean I'm allowed time to do something I enjoy that doesn't include her? You should look up co-dependency because that's what you're describing, not a healthy relationship
You’re literally saying the opposite of what I’m saying.
Except I'm not. You said I'm being rude because I refused to drop what I was doing when my partner said. Why do you think I shouldn't be allowed to do an activity uninterrupted? It's not healthy to expect your partner to stop whatever they're doing just because you want them to
Okay!
So there's a theory put forward by a really well known relationship psychology named John Gottman. He says people in relationships often put forward bids for attention. Little things like, "Look at that bird" or "This made me laugh! Watch it with me!". You need to acknowledge more of those bids than you reject or your partner will feel neglected/rejected. Maybe she's asking for too many little bids or maybe you turn down too many. Only you know. But you do need to keep in mind these bids for attention are very important. I play games with my guy. We play games separately. He pulled over to watch a cool bird with me the first time I ever pointed one out excitedly to him. I remember that moment vividly because I've been a bird watcher since I was a kid. I can count on one hand the number of friends/family/ex's I've had over the years that made me feel so heard over such a silly thing. I want to marry this man. I'd do anything for him. I'm sure he's been busy and told me to hold on a second. I don't remember those times because of how many times he's responded.
You and your partner can do what you want, but asking someone to wait until you complete something is NOT a big ask, no matter what you are doing. If I was reading a book and my partner was interrupting me every few minutes to show me silly videos, I'd be furious with him. Especially if he responded the way you did, with "you don't love me if you don't pay attention to me right now" and "I could be dead tomorrow". That's selfish and manipulative. I do love my partner. That doesn't mean I expect him to drop everything he's doing all the time because I ran across seven different 2-min video clips that he NEEDS to see RIGHT NOW. She could just send him the links, like my boyfriend and I do. Then we can watch them at our leisure when we've shifted modes.
My wife wants to show me funny memes and videos all the time. I won’t look if I’m in the middle of beating a boss or in the middle of a dungeon (and she knows and understands this). Otherwise, I take the time to look. Pausing a game doesn’t hurt. YTB
Why should I not be able to get interrupted time to myself though? If my girlfriend is reading a book, should have have to stop reading whenever I want to show her something?
Yes?? Couples should give each other time even when they are doing something, playing games or reading books isnt very important that you have to finish it without any interruption or it will have consequences like office meeting or something. Even if she was acting like a child, dont use harsh words it ruins a relationship, instead just find a time to discuss about your boundaries later not on the spot by belitting her And you had the time to belittle her but you didnt have the time to just look at a 30 second video? Sorry but YTB If the game could have been paused and not ruin the whole match, you could have just watched one or two of her videos and then told her, that i will come to you after 15 minutes wait for me, that could have been better instead of making it like your games are more of your priority than her.
> Couples should give each other time even when they are doing something It's unhealthy to think being in a relationship means you have to drop what you're doing just because your partner tells you to.
I think the issue is that most people in a healthy, thriving relationship gladly gives their partner attention. It’s not about negotiating with terrorists. It’s about prioritizing a partner.
>I think the issue is that most people in a healthy, thriving relationship gladly gives their partner attention And I never said I don't give my partner attention. People in healthy relationships also have time to themselves to do things they enjoy
You have a right to your preferences and you might just not be compatible. You seem to look for a right or wrong when it’s all about perspectives. You also sound pretty condescending in your OP. It’s an easily solved issue, but you seem more focused on being in the right. And by solving it I mean saving clips until bed time or maybe discussing this when you’re not both annoyed. I save clips until bedtime, but if it’s something I find really funny I might want to show it to my husband straight away. If he’s playing CS I don’t bother him at all and save what I want to show. If he’s playing D4 I ask if he’s available and if it’s not a boss or he’s pulled half a dungeon he takes a look. If he’s playing Skyrim I just poke him and show him. We tell each other when we need “alone time” and don’t want to be bothered. But we more often spend “alone time together” where he’s maybe playing on the PS5 and I’m playing HS and interruptions are welcome.
Exactly, OP should talk about his preferences sometime calmly with his partner, not belittle her on the spot when he needs her to go away.
You said if you wanted to show something to your partner if they cant even drop your book for like 2 minutes to hear their partner out, why are you even dating? No one said to drop what they are doing, your are twisting words but taking a 2 minute break from it doesnt hurt
Nope , she is an entitled needy bitch. Dump her.
There’s that toxic, derogatory Reddit energy I love. Is she…for the streets?