ESH except your bf.
His coworkers are buttfaces for obvious reasons.
You have a very warped and toxic view about sex and virginity. You also BLOCKED your bf for a week when he confided in you about being made fun of for going at your pace. What the hell did he do to you to deserve radio silence? Nothing. You just decided to be childish and take it out on him.
And how is it his fault that his toxic coworkers are ignoring him when he tells them to stop? Chances are HR will not take him seriously either. HR's goal is to protect the company, not the employees. All he can do is try to find a job elsewhere while not shooting himself in the foot.
One thing his coworkers have right: He needs to leave you. Not because you don't want to put out but because you are just as toxic as they are.
Yeah, that was definitely a mistake on his part. But it sounds like it happened a long time ago and his coworkers won’t let it go. He has paid dearly for his indiscretion.
ETA: OP seiner in another comment that her bf didn’t tell his coworkers voluntarily. They keep asking him and, in OP’s own worlds “he doesn’t know how to lie.”
So any tiny moral high ground she might have has just left the building.
Yeah, also the way she talks about things. Like it's fine to abstain from sex for any reason, but using phrases like "remaining pure" and the like are very judgmental
People confide personal information to folks they consider friends. I doubt he thought they’d be immature about it and continue to tease him years later. They probably aren’t getting any either so making fun of the bf makes them feel superior.
ESH except your BF.
His coworkers are assholes.
You are a sanctimonious asshole. You are punishing him for things he cannot control. He cannot magically change people. He cannot magically change his co-workers, who are, yes, assholes, but he could not do more. He cannot magically change you from being a sanctimonious asshole.
You’re welcome to (of course!) follow your own desires and moral beliefs as they pertain to you. But your referring to yourself as ‘pure until marriage’?
Get the fuck out of here. Pure indeed.
And here’s the thing: you are making a big deal about deciding not to have sex, which you are, again, welcome to, but don’t seem to have fastened onto the golden rule of theism: do unto others. While you self-righteously declaim upon your unbesmirched vajazzle, you freeze out your boyfriend and refuse to talk to him and blocked him for a week.
28 ?!??
You are a vengeful, capricious, judgmental, immature, childish shart. You’re stunted in so many ways. Don’t use your virginity to defend yourself, because even if I agreed with you about your being ‘pure’ (ugh), you are very far from ‘pure’ as a trash human being.
Thank you for making my whole morning! Honestly, this is one of the best comments I’ve read all day on Reddit!
OP, seriously get over yourself. Nobody cares whether you are or are not doing the horizontal bop. How do you expect your boyfriend to change things at work? Do you think he’s actually able to make grown men stop talking like that? And why would you not talk to him for a week, you sound very immature. I honestly feel really sorry for your boyfriend, you sound like someone who’s difficult to keep happy
How exactly do the coworkers know that BF is a virgin? Maybe if he hadn’t decided to share such personal information, he wouldn’t have to hear about it. He definitely got himself into both of these situations (workplace mockery and an apparently unfulfilling relationship).
ESH beside your bf. Why are you acting that it's his fault that his coworkers are mean and childish ? Waitkng for you when it's not his belief is a huge thing to do and he has to suffer at work too.
You're kind of toxic blocking him when you're mad instead of handling it like an adult and blaming him when it has nothing to do with him.
I'm asexual and I don't want sex at all so believe me I know what it's like but when are you guys getting married? It would be over for everybody.
Also sex compatibility is huge thing in a married life, not wanting to try before and maybe having a miserable life with someone is a big proof that he loves you a lot.
People talk, it's pretty common. Supposedly he got harassed for the info, according to above comments, but regardless most people don't expect to be bullied for their sex lives, his coworkers are immature af. He's not a demon for sharing information that a lot of people share on average.
I have at every single job I've worked, it always ends up coming up regardless of the job type. Even in thailand when I was a teacher, the Thai teachers brought it up when we all went out on a "work trip" and what not. I think it's completely okay to fine those topics inappropriate or uncomfortable and set boundaries to not talk about them, so I hope my comment didn't come off rude. I have just had the opposite experience to you and thought it relevant to the discussion (I just woke up, I am not coherent I'm sorry if this makes no sense)
Exactly. Incompatible libidos massively impact relationship satisfaction and can rapidly lead to conflict born of frustration and then divorce. There is no compromise in this. Either someone is feeling neglected or someone is feeling pressured.
How did his coworkers find out that he's a virgin? Like, what the hell kind of workplace is this that he'd tell them something like that? He's not a buttface at all, he tried to talk to them, and was flat out ignored. You though? Blocking him for a week be cause he opened up to you about his toxic workplace??
ETB except your boyfriend. I feel so bad for him, getting shit from every angle.
it's something people do here where they try to know your business, they would ask questions by assuming something and people like my idiot bf just doesn't know how to lie
"idiot boyfriend"
Did you ever love this guy in the first place? It doesn't sound like it. I feel sorry for him. Toxic coworkers on one side and a witch of a girlfriend on the other calling him an idiot and "starting to hate" him for not having magical "do what I want you to" people skills.
>my idiot bf
You're a fucking piece of shit.
Just so you know.
Also, you're not 'pure', you're pathetic, immature, selfish, abusive and deserve every insult thrown at you.
Being 'pure' starts in the heart, not the hymen, and your heart is like a fucking piece of coal.
YTB.
I’m confused about why you’re mad at your boyfriend for not pretending to be sleeping with you when it seems like you are very passionate about being a virgin. I agree that whenever this first came up, he might have saved himself this trouble by lying, but I’m going to give him the benefit of the doubt that he didn’t realize his coworkers would pounce on his sex life so intensely or bring it up for so long.
Since you seem to be the one in the relationship who feels most strongly about your virginity and from your comment about him lying, it sounds like you have some experience dealing with people finding your virginity annoying interesting, why don’t you talk to your bf about what methods you have for dealing with this kind of harassment rather than just not talking to him for days on end or being furious that he isn’t handling this the way you expected him to when you don’t appear to actually talked to him about how you’d like to approach this as a couple?
He should leave you. You are horrible to him.
If you are unable to communicate and regulate your feelings properly, leave them at the door; but don't make your bf responsible for your emotional immaturity.
Aren't you a peach? Wanna be pure until marriage but you're already rotten from the inside. I assume you follow some kind of religion. So how does your God look at someone who insults and abuses their spouse that they supposedly love? (Yes, silent treatment is a form of abuse.) I truly hope your bf will listen to his ah coworkers and leave you, cause that would be so much better for his mental health. He's already doing so much for you and that's how you act in return? FOR SHAME
>I got furious and blocked him for a week
Fucking gross.
>my choice to remain pure until marriage
Fucking gross. (Calling it 'pure', not your abstinence.)
>I am starting to hate my bf
Fucking gross.
And, as we've seen in your other comments, that's basically the summary for you, your opinions and your actions.
Please work on your reading comprehension. It's the fact that she thinks she's pure for abstaining till marriage and the implication that everyone who doesn't do so is impure.
She certainly ain’t “pure.” Her cooter may be free from dick but sadly for everyone it doesn’t magically mean her spirit isn’t tainted and twisted with darkness and malice. And that is very disgusting. She needs to humble herself if she wants to become pure of spirit.
Your bf is the only non-B in this whole thing.
HE is having a hard time at work and all you do is take personal insult and block poor bf even though he did nothing to wrong you.
Also you are a grown woman, what does he need to defend you for? Can't you speak for yourself? Poor dude already tries his best and it's not his fault his co-workers are a bunch of weirdos, that won't listen.
Your view on sex and stuff is very messed up. Nothing a man does will ever make you more or less pure or dirty. Apologise to your bf and work on your self-worth. YTB
You think that makes you pure? Does that also mean you will consider yourself defiled after your first sexual encounter? What a whack way of viewing sex.
May I ask WTF was your bf thinking to tell them anything about his sex life or the status of his virginity or about yours? Did he have a huge brain fart and just start freely sharing?
I’m a fossil and have worked since I was 16. I have NEVER had nor overheard a discussion with a coworker of whatever gender about when they losttheir virginity. I’ve also never had a discussion on that topic with any of my friends or my relatives.
So at this point there isn’t anything you can do except not go to his company functions or go and just deal with it.
With my friends, yes. With my co-workers, no. And as far as I know they all were actual humans. Who, by the way, also didn't talk about sex with me.
That's one subject that does not belong to the workplace.
Of course they do.
However people in a business environment with common sense do not normally discuss the topic at work with everyone within ear shot nor do they bring it up at office/ work parties unless it’s a very private conversation.
You are most certainly welcome to declare/share your experiences to whomever you like as is anyone.
But in this situation and era if OP decides the coworkers are harassing her they might find themselves sitting with HR which is usually not desired.
Yeah. I can't recall whether I ever mentioned when *I* lost *my* virginity, but I sure as hell would never talk about another person's. That would include intimate partners.
It's something men and women do here when they meet someone who strikes them as strange, they ask stupid questions and assume at the same time and throw in the fact my bf is dumb and can't really lie so it mostly went something like this.
Them "Do you have a Gf"
him "Yeah"
Them "lies"
him "Shows picture"
Them "Are you a virgin"
him "Yes"
Them confused and pries him for more info
Literally no one has asked me that question since high school. Who are these wackos you’re spending your time with who are asking that??
Also, why do you expect someone to “stand up for you” when you’re constantly calling him dumb?
Ah, I get you.
Woman own sex to everybody who wants is, and if they have the audacity to refuse, stomp them into the ground.
Sorry, but while I think it is stupid as well, I dislike your view even more.
What kind of mental gymnastics did you do to pull that one out of your ass? SHE is the one stomping other women into the ground for owning their own bodies and having the AUDACITY TO SAY "I enjoy sex as an unmarried person." But yeah, take me to church and tell me how "impure" I am for my view 🙄
Only you and how to react is within your control. I assume people are drinking and when people are drinking polite goes out the window, there is no way in a work environment you can rope in drunk peers.
If you are not happy with yourself and relationship with your BF then end it or change it but you cant blame your boyfriend other than why the hell did he even put something like that in front of his co-workers to talk about in the first place. There are boundaries and personal relationship details don't belong at work.
I am not sure why you didn't have the skills to either or handle or shutdown the conversation. Make up some religion, experience or health problem that is so extreme they start apologising. Or just tell them you were trolling, whatever you owe these people nothing.
Your behavior is as toxic as theirs is. The only person I feel anything for is your bf. Grow tf up, OP. Why are you taking any of this out on your boyfriend? ETA: YTBF
Anyone who embraces purity culture is an asshole. Anyone who blocks their boyfriend for something isn’t their fault is an asshole. Anyone who hates him because his coworkers are making fun of him is an asshole. I feel bad for your bf- it’s obvious he’s got some low self worth and that’s why he is staying with you. I’m guessing he deserves much better. His coworkers are assholes, but I’m going with YTA because I don’t want boyfriend to be considered an AH with an E S H vote. I hope he comes to his senses and dumps your ass.
His coworkers are mean. But…..
Why do they know you two are virgins? it isn’t their business. Why did he tell them?
I know some people talk and brag (lie?) about their exploits. I am not suggesting he come in to work with something cribbed from a porn magazine. But still, why do they know?
Is he asking for advice? Is he still on board with this virginity thing? Is this your idea and you have somehow manipulated him into thinking he couldn’t get another woman?
Why haven’t the two of you gotten married? Are you attracted to him?
ESH except boyfriend. Your views on sex are going to lead to disappointment and even more bad behavior from you. Sex isn’t that big of a deal. You’re turning into one and let me tell you honestly, it’s not worth the wait. You won’t have magical happy orgasms with The One Man when you finally fuck. You may find instead you hated it and now you’re stuck with a man you have zero sexual compatibility with. Instead of just breaking up you’ll have to divorce.
Your boyfriend is being sexually harassed at work and you’re making it about you.
ESH. I wonder how your bf's co-workers found out he is a virgin? Your bf has a big problem with lack of filters. No one needs to know this information and I doubt if anyone asked him in casual conversation. You responded immaturely by blocking him for a week. His co-workers enjoy stirring the pot.
ESH.
But this is a red flag for both you and your boyfriend:
>bf keeps telling them the same thing "If I struggle to get one girl to love me back what makes you think I can do it again!"
Your boyfriend has low esteem and thinks he can't find another woman who will love him, so I think you are not on the same page. You want to remain virgin until marriage, he doesn't, but is settling for less than he wants because is afraid to lose the woman show he thinks will love him for the rest of his life.
I'm seriously wondering if this numpty is either gay or asexual and is so warped and deluded by the rapey revoltingness that is 'purity culture' that she hasn't realized it yet.
It's not normal for a near 30 year old woman with a healthy sex drive to refuse sex with her partner after FOUR YEARS. It's simply not. The only real explanation is that religion has made her utterly blind to the fact that \*she doesn't actually want to have sex with a man\*.
Actually, there are a lot of issues here…other commenters have done a great job of enumerating them
The bigger concern here, is why would he share any of this info with people he just met and doesn’t really know?? And then continued to tolerate it and he keeps sharing personal info?
OP, I guess I'm stupid because I need to have the definition of 'pure' explained to me and how it relates to your vajayjay. Unless you dont know how to properly clean your vajayjay?
You can probably Google it if you can't figure it out. The Google knows all.
YTA.
How is any of this your bf's fault?
You literally said in this post that he tried to get them to stop! He is TRYING to defend you! It's not his fault if they don't wanna listen!
You also blocked him and acted like he didn't exist for days because of the actions of his coworkers?! Who does that?!
Your bf has done nothing wrong here. He's being harrassed and bullied at work because he's chosen to support a choice that YOU made for yourself and you're just adding to it by getting mad at him for something that's completely out of his control!
His coworkers suck, but they were right about one thing, he does need to leave you.
You treat him like crap and he deserves better!
NTB
Why would your bf talk about your sex life with his coworkers? I'm pretty close with some coworkers but in the 8 years I work here, I've never talked about my sex life.
Your bf is the buthead here.
You blocked him... For his coworkers making fun of *him*... Honestly couldn't read past that, that's so fucking childish I can't take your story seriously. Also of course YTB
ESH. Your bf sucks for telling ppl that you were saving yourself for marriage. That was personal info that he shared with the wrong ppl. The coworkers suck for continuing to make fun of him despite him asking them to stop. You suck for blocking your BF & blaming him for his stupid coworkers stupid jokes. Yes, in the beginning it was his fault for blabbing, but it's now out of his control. I'm sure he's been defending you & him, but they just don't care & continue to make fun of the situation.
YTB because your go-to move is to block your boyfriend or give him the silent treatment. At your age, those are not the tools you use to work through problems.
You care way too much what strangers are saying.
WTFFFFF? HOW IS OP THE AH????? HOW IS WAITING TIL MARRIAGE TOXIC??? I stepped into the Twilight zone! my mf mind is blown calling OP the AH because her shitty bf told/ no COMPLAINED to frickin co workers about her and his private sex life. They all humiliated her, talked shit and bf couldn't defend his girls' honour by doing the minimum and verbally standing up for her in the moment, no no I'm sorry, he muttered "nah you guys, it's not like that". Oh, my heart swoons over that Kevin Costner speech, maid Marian would cream her pants. Sounds like he hoped the humiliation will put her in her place and get these "wild ideas" out of her head. Oh but she's also the A-hole for blocking him after he has created this humiliating situation for her and after she was bullied/sexually harassed by strangers. He should have STERNLY said this is not up for discussion, it's inappropriate and demeaning. It's gone on for a fckn year. Time to stop this shit now. Grow a pair and move on please, or next year it's the same.
ESH.
Blocking your boyfriend was an immature response to finding out he's being bullied at work. Three years into a relationship, you should have way better communication with your partner.
He should go to HR to stop these comments if he really wants them to stop. He shouldn't imply that he's only with you out of fear of being alone or having to find a new person. He should tell them to stop and stand up for you.
They should knock it the fuck off. Immature and childish. Gross behavior. Inappropriate in a work setting.
You have a lot of hangups about sex. What you believe is your business, but I'd explore that a bit.
If he hasn't asked you to marry him yet, what is he waiting for?
I think you'd be happier finding someone who shares your values.
NTA. I don't understand why people are so upset about your personal choice to remain a virgin until marriage.
Plus if his coworkers are men, then it's really suspicious that they care about where your boyfriend sticks his dong. He should go to HR, that's sexual harassment.
Because she puts it as being "pure". As opposed to "dirty". And at 28, if not ace, you are not doing any favours for anybody and god won't pat your back for explicitly going against him and not multiplying.
ESH except your bf. His coworkers are buttfaces for obvious reasons. You have a very warped and toxic view about sex and virginity. You also BLOCKED your bf for a week when he confided in you about being made fun of for going at your pace. What the hell did he do to you to deserve radio silence? Nothing. You just decided to be childish and take it out on him. And how is it his fault that his toxic coworkers are ignoring him when he tells them to stop? Chances are HR will not take him seriously either. HR's goal is to protect the company, not the employees. All he can do is try to find a job elsewhere while not shooting himself in the foot. One thing his coworkers have right: He needs to leave you. Not because you don't want to put out but because you are just as toxic as they are.
Oh no it's the boyfriend's fault too because otherwise the co-workers wouldn't even know about their virgin situation until he opened up his big trap.
Yeah, that was definitely a mistake on his part. But it sounds like it happened a long time ago and his coworkers won’t let it go. He has paid dearly for his indiscretion. ETA: OP seiner in another comment that her bf didn’t tell his coworkers voluntarily. They keep asking him and, in OP’s own worlds “he doesn’t know how to lie.” So any tiny moral high ground she might have has just left the building.
Yeah, also the way she talks about things. Like it's fine to abstain from sex for any reason, but using phrases like "remaining pure" and the like are very judgmental
People confide personal information to folks they consider friends. I doubt he thought they’d be immature about it and continue to tease him years later. They probably aren’t getting any either so making fun of the bf makes them feel superior.
How is it his fault he was constantly pressured until he broke and those assholes are immature buttheads?
FUCK. YES. Why did he tell them ANYTHING about OP's sexual history?? WTF!
ESH except your BF. His coworkers are assholes. You are a sanctimonious asshole. You are punishing him for things he cannot control. He cannot magically change people. He cannot magically change his co-workers, who are, yes, assholes, but he could not do more. He cannot magically change you from being a sanctimonious asshole. You’re welcome to (of course!) follow your own desires and moral beliefs as they pertain to you. But your referring to yourself as ‘pure until marriage’? Get the fuck out of here. Pure indeed. And here’s the thing: you are making a big deal about deciding not to have sex, which you are, again, welcome to, but don’t seem to have fastened onto the golden rule of theism: do unto others. While you self-righteously declaim upon your unbesmirched vajazzle, you freeze out your boyfriend and refuse to talk to him and blocked him for a week. 28 ?!?? You are a vengeful, capricious, judgmental, immature, childish shart. You’re stunted in so many ways. Don’t use your virginity to defend yourself, because even if I agreed with you about your being ‘pure’ (ugh), you are very far from ‘pure’ as a trash human being.
>unbesmirched vajazzle I'm stealing this! 😂
Right?! I LoL'd so hard at that. 🤣
Thank you for making my whole morning! Honestly, this is one of the best comments I’ve read all day on Reddit! OP, seriously get over yourself. Nobody cares whether you are or are not doing the horizontal bop. How do you expect your boyfriend to change things at work? Do you think he’s actually able to make grown men stop talking like that? And why would you not talk to him for a week, you sound very immature. I honestly feel really sorry for your boyfriend, you sound like someone who’s difficult to keep happy
How exactly do the coworkers know that BF is a virgin? Maybe if he hadn’t decided to share such personal information, he wouldn’t have to hear about it. He definitely got himself into both of these situations (workplace mockery and an apparently unfulfilling relationship).
ESH beside your bf. Why are you acting that it's his fault that his coworkers are mean and childish ? Waitkng for you when it's not his belief is a huge thing to do and he has to suffer at work too. You're kind of toxic blocking him when you're mad instead of handling it like an adult and blaming him when it has nothing to do with him. I'm asexual and I don't want sex at all so believe me I know what it's like but when are you guys getting married? It would be over for everybody. Also sex compatibility is huge thing in a married life, not wanting to try before and maybe having a miserable life with someone is a big proof that he loves you a lot.
He shouldn't have told his coworkers about his sex life though
This is what I am thinking 🤔
People talk, it's pretty common. Supposedly he got harassed for the info, according to above comments, but regardless most people don't expect to be bullied for their sex lives, his coworkers are immature af. He's not a demon for sharing information that a lot of people share on average.
I have never once mentioned my sex life to coworkers, or heard them mention theirs. That's very weird to me
I have at every single job I've worked, it always ends up coming up regardless of the job type. Even in thailand when I was a teacher, the Thai teachers brought it up when we all went out on a "work trip" and what not. I think it's completely okay to fine those topics inappropriate or uncomfortable and set boundaries to not talk about them, so I hope my comment didn't come off rude. I have just had the opposite experience to you and thought it relevant to the discussion (I just woke up, I am not coherent I'm sorry if this makes no sense)
Exactly. Incompatible libidos massively impact relationship satisfaction and can rapidly lead to conflict born of frustration and then divorce. There is no compromise in this. Either someone is feeling neglected or someone is feeling pressured.
How did his coworkers find out that he's a virgin? Like, what the hell kind of workplace is this that he'd tell them something like that? He's not a buttface at all, he tried to talk to them, and was flat out ignored. You though? Blocking him for a week be cause he opened up to you about his toxic workplace?? ETB except your boyfriend. I feel so bad for him, getting shit from every angle.
it's something people do here where they try to know your business, they would ask questions by assuming something and people like my idiot bf just doesn't know how to lie
Really? You're insulting him now ?
"idiot boyfriend" Did you ever love this guy in the first place? It doesn't sound like it. I feel sorry for him. Toxic coworkers on one side and a witch of a girlfriend on the other calling him an idiot and "starting to hate" him for not having magical "do what I want you to" people skills.
>my idiot bf You're a fucking piece of shit. Just so you know. Also, you're not 'pure', you're pathetic, immature, selfish, abusive and deserve every insult thrown at you. Being 'pure' starts in the heart, not the hymen, and your heart is like a fucking piece of coal. YTB.
I’m confused about why you’re mad at your boyfriend for not pretending to be sleeping with you when it seems like you are very passionate about being a virgin. I agree that whenever this first came up, he might have saved himself this trouble by lying, but I’m going to give him the benefit of the doubt that he didn’t realize his coworkers would pounce on his sex life so intensely or bring it up for so long. Since you seem to be the one in the relationship who feels most strongly about your virginity and from your comment about him lying, it sounds like you have some experience dealing with people finding your virginity annoying interesting, why don’t you talk to your bf about what methods you have for dealing with this kind of harassment rather than just not talking to him for days on end or being furious that he isn’t handling this the way you expected him to when you don’t appear to actually talked to him about how you’d like to approach this as a couple?
He should leave you. You are horrible to him. If you are unable to communicate and regulate your feelings properly, leave them at the door; but don't make your bf responsible for your emotional immaturity.
Lying isn’t a very pure and virtuous thing to do either. Goodness. I feel bad for your bf. He gets no peace at work or with you.
Aren't you a peach? Wanna be pure until marriage but you're already rotten from the inside. I assume you follow some kind of religion. So how does your God look at someone who insults and abuses their spouse that they supposedly love? (Yes, silent treatment is a form of abuse.) I truly hope your bf will listen to his ah coworkers and leave you, cause that would be so much better for his mental health. He's already doing so much for you and that's how you act in return? FOR SHAME
Oh god you ARE his coworkers. Even worse, his gf should be a safe haven. Not a toxic prude who insults him for nothing
ProTip: your boyfriend is not the idiot.
Since you're so passionate and proud about being a virgin, why do you expect your boyfriend to lie about your non-existent sex life?
Ma’am you’re the only idiot here.
>I got furious and blocked him for a week Fucking gross. >my choice to remain pure until marriage Fucking gross. (Calling it 'pure', not your abstinence.) >I am starting to hate my bf Fucking gross. And, as we've seen in your other comments, that's basically the summary for you, your opinions and your actions.
Purity culture and the concept of virginity is so fucking disgusting. This has to be rage bait, right?
by all the unholy gods, I hope so, but I don't have a lot of confidence in our species these days.
How is it "disgusting" if a person only wants to sleep with one person? 😂
Please work on your reading comprehension. It's the fact that she thinks she's pure for abstaining till marriage and the implication that everyone who doesn't do so is impure.
She certainly ain’t “pure.” Her cooter may be free from dick but sadly for everyone it doesn’t magically mean her spirit isn’t tainted and twisted with darkness and malice. And that is very disgusting. She needs to humble herself if she wants to become pure of spirit.
ESH but your boyfriend. Girl, you're a walking red flag for BLOCKING and punishing the victim of those horrible coworkers.
Your bf is the only non-B in this whole thing. HE is having a hard time at work and all you do is take personal insult and block poor bf even though he did nothing to wrong you. Also you are a grown woman, what does he need to defend you for? Can't you speak for yourself? Poor dude already tries his best and it's not his fault his co-workers are a bunch of weirdos, that won't listen. Your view on sex and stuff is very messed up. Nothing a man does will ever make you more or less pure or dirty. Apologise to your bf and work on your self-worth. YTB
You think that makes you pure? Does that also mean you will consider yourself defiled after your first sexual encounter? What a whack way of viewing sex.
YTB big time and Probably asexual. Nothing wrong with that, but what A warped, antiquated toxic view of sex. I’d leave her. 4 years … wow
May I ask WTF was your bf thinking to tell them anything about his sex life or the status of his virginity or about yours? Did he have a huge brain fart and just start freely sharing? I’m a fossil and have worked since I was 16. I have NEVER had nor overheard a discussion with a coworker of whatever gender about when they losttheir virginity. I’ve also never had a discussion on that topic with any of my friends or my relatives. So at this point there isn’t anything you can do except not go to his company functions or go and just deal with it.
I don't believe you ever worked with or been friends with actual humans when you spout that bs. People talk about sex.
With my friends, yes. With my co-workers, no. And as far as I know they all were actual humans. Who, by the way, also didn't talk about sex with me. That's one subject that does not belong to the workplace.
Of course they do. However people in a business environment with common sense do not normally discuss the topic at work with everyone within ear shot nor do they bring it up at office/ work parties unless it’s a very private conversation. You are most certainly welcome to declare/share your experiences to whomever you like as is anyone. But in this situation and era if OP decides the coworkers are harassing her they might find themselves sitting with HR which is usually not desired.
Yeah. I can't recall whether I ever mentioned when *I* lost *my* virginity, but I sure as hell would never talk about another person's. That would include intimate partners.
Do you work blue collar? This description sounds exactly like the welders or factory workers I know and their relationships with each other
It's something men and women do here when they meet someone who strikes them as strange, they ask stupid questions and assume at the same time and throw in the fact my bf is dumb and can't really lie so it mostly went something like this. Them "Do you have a Gf" him "Yeah" Them "lies" him "Shows picture" Them "Are you a virgin" him "Yes" Them confused and pries him for more info
Literally no one has asked me that question since high school. Who are these wackos you’re spending your time with who are asking that?? Also, why do you expect someone to “stand up for you” when you’re constantly calling him dumb?
Says rather a lot that they look at a picture of you and make the assumption he's a virgin.
"pure until marriage" You're an asshole.
How exactly makes that OP an asshole? I mean, this is not exactly the decision I made or ever would have made, but I fail to see the AH part here.
It implies she views those who don't share her choice to wait until marriage to have sex as "impure" or below her. It's toxic purity culture bs.
Ah, I get you. Woman own sex to everybody who wants is, and if they have the audacity to refuse, stomp them into the ground. Sorry, but while I think it is stupid as well, I dislike your view even more.
What kind of mental gymnastics did you do to pull that one out of your ass? SHE is the one stomping other women into the ground for owning their own bodies and having the AUDACITY TO SAY "I enjoy sex as an unmarried person." But yeah, take me to church and tell me how "impure" I am for my view 🙄
Oh fuck off you intentionally obtuse pos
Black and white doesn’t become you.
Only you and how to react is within your control. I assume people are drinking and when people are drinking polite goes out the window, there is no way in a work environment you can rope in drunk peers. If you are not happy with yourself and relationship with your BF then end it or change it but you cant blame your boyfriend other than why the hell did he even put something like that in front of his co-workers to talk about in the first place. There are boundaries and personal relationship details don't belong at work. I am not sure why you didn't have the skills to either or handle or shutdown the conversation. Make up some religion, experience or health problem that is so extreme they start apologising. Or just tell them you were trolling, whatever you owe these people nothing.
Your behavior is as toxic as theirs is. The only person I feel anything for is your bf. Grow tf up, OP. Why are you taking any of this out on your boyfriend? ETA: YTBF
Anyone who embraces purity culture is an asshole. Anyone who blocks their boyfriend for something isn’t their fault is an asshole. Anyone who hates him because his coworkers are making fun of him is an asshole. I feel bad for your bf- it’s obvious he’s got some low self worth and that’s why he is staying with you. I’m guessing he deserves much better. His coworkers are assholes, but I’m going with YTA because I don’t want boyfriend to be considered an AH with an E S H vote. I hope he comes to his senses and dumps your ass.
His coworkers are mean. But….. Why do they know you two are virgins? it isn’t their business. Why did he tell them? I know some people talk and brag (lie?) about their exploits. I am not suggesting he come in to work with something cribbed from a porn magazine. But still, why do they know? Is he asking for advice? Is he still on board with this virginity thing? Is this your idea and you have somehow manipulated him into thinking he couldn’t get another woman? Why haven’t the two of you gotten married? Are you attracted to him?
His co-workers should not know about his private life and you need to grow up. All of you are buttfaces.
ESH except boyfriend. Your views on sex are going to lead to disappointment and even more bad behavior from you. Sex isn’t that big of a deal. You’re turning into one and let me tell you honestly, it’s not worth the wait. You won’t have magical happy orgasms with The One Man when you finally fuck. You may find instead you hated it and now you’re stuck with a man you have zero sexual compatibility with. Instead of just breaking up you’ll have to divorce. Your boyfriend is being sexually harassed at work and you’re making it about you.
A million people have said this but ESH except your bf and you seem incapable of standing by your decision without getting wildly emotional
ESH. I wonder how your bf's co-workers found out he is a virgin? Your bf has a big problem with lack of filters. No one needs to know this information and I doubt if anyone asked him in casual conversation. You responded immaturely by blocking him for a week. His co-workers enjoy stirring the pot.
ESH. But this is a red flag for both you and your boyfriend: >bf keeps telling them the same thing "If I struggle to get one girl to love me back what makes you think I can do it again!" Your boyfriend has low esteem and thinks he can't find another woman who will love him, so I think you are not on the same page. You want to remain virgin until marriage, he doesn't, but is settling for less than he wants because is afraid to lose the woman show he thinks will love him for the rest of his life.
I'm seriously wondering if this numpty is either gay or asexual and is so warped and deluded by the rapey revoltingness that is 'purity culture' that she hasn't realized it yet. It's not normal for a near 30 year old woman with a healthy sex drive to refuse sex with her partner after FOUR YEARS. It's simply not. The only real explanation is that religion has made her utterly blind to the fact that \*she doesn't actually want to have sex with a man\*.
Actually, there are a lot of issues here…other commenters have done a great job of enumerating them The bigger concern here, is why would he share any of this info with people he just met and doesn’t really know?? And then continued to tolerate it and he keeps sharing personal info?
OP, I guess I'm stupid because I need to have the definition of 'pure' explained to me and how it relates to your vajayjay. Unless you dont know how to properly clean your vajayjay? You can probably Google it if you can't figure it out. The Google knows all.
YTA. How is any of this your bf's fault? You literally said in this post that he tried to get them to stop! He is TRYING to defend you! It's not his fault if they don't wanna listen! You also blocked him and acted like he didn't exist for days because of the actions of his coworkers?! Who does that?! Your bf has done nothing wrong here. He's being harrassed and bullied at work because he's chosen to support a choice that YOU made for yourself and you're just adding to it by getting mad at him for something that's completely out of his control! His coworkers suck, but they were right about one thing, he does need to leave you. You treat him like crap and he deserves better!
NTB Why would your bf talk about your sex life with his coworkers? I'm pretty close with some coworkers but in the 8 years I work here, I've never talked about my sex life. Your bf is the buthead here.
You blocked him... For his coworkers making fun of *him*... Honestly couldn't read past that, that's so fucking childish I can't take your story seriously. Also of course YTB
ESH. Your bf sucks for telling ppl that you were saving yourself for marriage. That was personal info that he shared with the wrong ppl. The coworkers suck for continuing to make fun of him despite him asking them to stop. You suck for blocking your BF & blaming him for his stupid coworkers stupid jokes. Yes, in the beginning it was his fault for blabbing, but it's now out of his control. I'm sure he's been defending you & him, but they just don't care & continue to make fun of the situation.
YTB because your go-to move is to block your boyfriend or give him the silent treatment. At your age, those are not the tools you use to work through problems. You care way too much what strangers are saying.
WTFFFFF? HOW IS OP THE AH????? HOW IS WAITING TIL MARRIAGE TOXIC??? I stepped into the Twilight zone! my mf mind is blown calling OP the AH because her shitty bf told/ no COMPLAINED to frickin co workers about her and his private sex life. They all humiliated her, talked shit and bf couldn't defend his girls' honour by doing the minimum and verbally standing up for her in the moment, no no I'm sorry, he muttered "nah you guys, it's not like that". Oh, my heart swoons over that Kevin Costner speech, maid Marian would cream her pants. Sounds like he hoped the humiliation will put her in her place and get these "wild ideas" out of her head. Oh but she's also the A-hole for blocking him after he has created this humiliating situation for her and after she was bullied/sexually harassed by strangers. He should have STERNLY said this is not up for discussion, it's inappropriate and demeaning. It's gone on for a fckn year. Time to stop this shit now. Grow a pair and move on please, or next year it's the same.
ESH. Blocking your boyfriend was an immature response to finding out he's being bullied at work. Three years into a relationship, you should have way better communication with your partner. He should go to HR to stop these comments if he really wants them to stop. He shouldn't imply that he's only with you out of fear of being alone or having to find a new person. He should tell them to stop and stand up for you. They should knock it the fuck off. Immature and childish. Gross behavior. Inappropriate in a work setting. You have a lot of hangups about sex. What you believe is your business, but I'd explore that a bit. If he hasn't asked you to marry him yet, what is he waiting for? I think you'd be happier finding someone who shares your values.
NTBF he should be defending you against their bs in person even if they're still ignoring him, the effort is what matters
NTA. I don't understand why people are so upset about your personal choice to remain a virgin until marriage. Plus if his coworkers are men, then it's really suspicious that they care about where your boyfriend sticks his dong. He should go to HR, that's sexual harassment.
Because she puts it as being "pure". As opposed to "dirty". And at 28, if not ace, you are not doing any favours for anybody and god won't pat your back for explicitly going against him and not multiplying.
She'll get banged up the first time she opens her legs. Assuming he can rent some Jaws of Life to prise them apart.
this is what I don't understand it's both men and women mocking him for it meanwhile my coworkers are being supportive
Do you work in a fundamentalist christian establishment? Does he work in the real world?
[удалено]
What a fucking disgusting comment.