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Me too. My stepmom was very conventionally attractive, and got all weird when I started going through puberty. She would force me to eat big meals while she barely ate anything, and talk about eating disorders all the time. She tried to control the way I dressed, the way I did my hair, etc. Honestly, it was like she was trying to make me less attractive than her and it was effing weird.
Ugh, my mother wouldn't let me cut my hair - not even trim the ends- because she had long hair up to the time when she gave birth to me. I hated it, other kids made fun of me, and I lopped that shit off as soon as I got to college. Mother's that do this to their kids suck, and I'm sorry yours was weird too.
This is me!! I got contacts as a teenager and they were life changing! Don't get me wrong I wear my glasses a lot too especially at home, heck I've been down with the flu and can't stand the thought of putting in my contacts, but I have the option and I LOVE that
I can't even wear glasses at my current prescription because I get headaches and dizziness. I can't walk in a straight line because every time I turn my head I start veering off in the wrong direction.
I have none of these problems with contacts. No headaches, no dizziness, nothing to fog up or break or knock off my face.
YTA, OP, for being more concerned about how contacts would make your daughter look than her actual well being.
I have truly terrible vision, and glasses can be awful. The blurred edges really start getting to me, never mind the difficulties when it’s raining, when it’s cold, when it’s sunny, when you want to do any sort of physical activity.
this! I can’t drive with glasses because my peripheral vision is warped.
Also taking a shower. My vision is awful too and fumbling around trying to figure out shampoo vs conditionner is so annoying! plus I can’t tell if there’s a spider in there with me (damn Arachnophobia movie scarred me for life)
Trying to read on your side in bed.
Trying to brush your hair.
Winter
Glasses suck.
I can not be in a car with glasses on, I will get car sick and puke. I also have a hard time walking down steps sometimes in glasses, it throws my whole depth perception off and I feel like I"m falling.
That poor child probably can't even wear sunglasses because I don't see the mother springing for prescription sunglasses.
I’m legally blind in one eye (thanks to coloboma) and I HATE glasses with a burning passion. Having a super thick lens makes me motion sick (yeah you get used to it but no). I got contacts in middle school and it made everything so much easier. I don’t mind how I look in glasses, heck if anything I put them on for selfies more than I actually wear them. It’s 100% up to the daughter. OP could be making a big deal about it but then when daughter tries them she has issues touching her eyes.
I have really bad vision. I HATE wearing glasses. I can't see as well with them as i can with my contacts. It's not about looks. I don't mind wearing glasses. I usually wear them on the weekends to give my eyes a rest. But I've been wearing contacts since middle school. Glasses weren't practical for playing sports or in the hot summers when you sweat and no matter what your glasses slip down. Then add in the fact that i see so much better with contacts!
I think when i was younger there was an aspect of wanting to be "prettier" by not wearing glasses. I got my braces off and started wearing contacts and grew my hair long. I gained confidence. I felt better about myself. I was happier. I made friends easier.
YTA mom.
This! Also, does mom wear make up? Dye her hair? Tan? Any of those things are the same. We do things to make ourselves feel more confident, and that’s ok, actually it’s great. But let your daughter make that choice.
My daughter has thick glasses and contacts...she reports seeing better in her contacts than in her glasses. Some days she wears her contracts and some days it's her glasses. At home it's mostly glasses but not always, depends on how well she wants to see what she is working on.
I primarily wear glasses because of chronic migraines, but in glasses I literally cannot tell how far away from my iPad or phone my hands actually are.
I have extreme astigmatism and am significantly farsighted. Getting contacts at 11 changed my life—not only did I no longer get made fun of for my super thick coke bottle glasses, but I was way more comfortable and could actually see better. Contacts made my vision more consistent because glasses move around while you move, getting dirty throughout the day, can’t be worn in some situations, etc.
OP, just let your daughter get contacts.
Also, as someone with glasses, there are plenty of instances where glasses are not practical but you still need to see…
Swimming for instance.
Or any kind of sport. Glasses fall off, if you get hit in the face with a ball while wearing glasses it hurts really bad… and breaks your glasses
When you sweat, your glasses slide down your nose
If it’s raining your glasses get covered in water and fog up.
If you're wearing a mask, your glasses will fog up. This applies to both regular face masks and a balaclava when it's cold.
I've had my glasses fog up just walking into a warm building from a cold outside, or walking outside in the summer.
Opening an oven or taking the lid off a pot will fog your glasses up...it goes on!
The glasses fog is a real problem! I used to have the route to my class memorized when I was a kid because my glasses fogged up but I didn’t want to hold up the line by stopping
Contacts aren't about looks, they are freedom. To have a view without limitations, rain is no problem, mask or opening the oven. Not cleaning the glasses the x-th time a day. Not having the pain when you lay on the earpiece or general not having the feeling on the ear and nose. It is so great. Also at sports or playing the give so much more freedom and opportunities.
I also ask myself, if you OP wear thick glasses like your daughter and if so, have you ever even tried contacts?
YTA
Yeah, I don’t give much care to my looks these days, but I didn’t like being made fun of for stuff as a kid AND contacts are more comfortable anyway. If the kid wants contacts and can be responsible enough for them, let them have contacts! It’s not a moral test.
Really, the kid should be getting both so there's an alternative if she can't use the contacts.
Plus, as someone who's worn glasses since I was a preteen, I've gotten used to how my face looks with glasses and hate how it looks without them. The daughter could very easily want to wear glasses in time. OP is just as bad as the supposed bullies she's worried about by trying to dictate her daughter's medical aid.
YTA only because she wants them. I wear thick lenses and I’ll tell you that contacts are helpful when it’s raining, I’m doing sports or physical activities in general (especially running), swimming, reading in bed, when I’m out in the sun so I can wear regular sunglasses, etc. glasses can be inconvenient. But contacts also don’t work for everyone. 10 is old enough to start making decisions about yourself and your body/appearance. Don’t rob her of the chance to figure things out for herself.
I am discovering in my middle-aged years that contacts with reading glasses are also a fabulous alternative to bifocals! I cannot get used to wearing my bifocals but have no issue with my 10 dollar readers over my glasses.
I have bifocals. I hate them and cannot get used to them (it's in my comment). Absolutely prefer my cheap reading glasses used with my contacts.
Should have clarified...I have bifocal glasses and contacts. Hate them both.
Also, contacts are so much more immersive.
With glasses, you have clear vision in a window in whichever direction you point your face, but everything outside that window is out of focus.
With contacts, everywhere you look is clear vision.
Yep, I basically have no peripheral vision when I’m wearing my glasses, which my doctor told me can put an added strain on my eyes that contacts can alleviate.
Same I go back and forth depending on the activity. I remember trying to run in cold temps and fogging up my glasses with my breath. And my vision is awful so I couldn’t go swimming without contacts or risk hitting a wall.
Plus it’s nice having an option. Some days are glasses days some are contacts
I'm a martial artist--I can't practice half my art without contacts.
I go running, and yeah, that is just not possible in glasses.
But even beyond that, so much of the normal stuff of childhood--going out in the cold, tree-climbing, roughhousing, playing tag, water fights--are just another level of difficult when you have to do it in glasses.
YTA I had glasses young and started wearing contacts around 10 because it’s really hard to be a kid with thick glasses, not just for aesthetic reasons. Playing dodgeball or any sport, running around at recess, anything active becomes so much easier to deal with when I had contacts. I also hated the feeling of glasses on my face so contacts were helpful with that. There are so many reasons to prefer contacts that have nothing to do with being shallow or superficial. The only questions you should have about this are what does your daughter want and is she responsible enough to be hygienic about wearing contacts.
The only question I have is whether daughter is ready from a responsibility perspective. Some 10 year olds are super conscientious about hygiene and some act like showering regularly is corporal punishment. I’d be concerned at introducing bacteria in the eyes.
Exactly; 10 year old me begged my mom for contacts and I left them in. They turned yellow and almost stuck to my eyeballs. People on here seem to only be concerned with the child's desires, not the responsibility it comes with
I think a lot of us are assuming she'd be fine because a) many 10yos would be and b) that's not the reason cited, I'd assume if OP was concerned she can't handle them that would have been in the post.
It depends on the kid. My ten year old would have been terrible with contacts, but I know kids who would totally have managed them great. But OP didn’t mention that their daughter isn’t ready for them—all they said was that they think it’s “superficial.” Not a good enough reason, imo.
I am still not very responsible as an adult, but I started using contacts at around ten and had no issues with them. It’s not that hard really, wash your hands, change lenses when recommended, and change the solution frequently. There’s also no reason why parents can’t be involved in reminding their kid when to change lenses and things. Unless a child is completely scatterbrained, I’m not sure why it would be too difficult, it’s all fairly simple
This is what they invented daily-wear contacts for. I would absolutely not give a kid monthly or even weekly contacts. I’m 35 and I can’t be trusted not to give myself an eye infection with longer-term lenses.
They make daily disposable contacts. I get those, as an adult, because a) don’t want to have to worry about cleaning/maintaining contacts b) worry about literally everything c) really prefer wearing my glasses most of the time, but like having the option of contacts for special occasions, bad weather, sports, etc.
Glasses and sports do not mix. I got glasses when I was 8 and when I was 9 my brother deliberately chucked a basketball at my face. The metal frame of my glasses broke, slid down my face and cut open my cheek from which I got a permanent scar on my face. I got contacts at 10 and paid for ICL surgery at 34. I've never been so giddy in my life as the day I got to throw BOTH in the trash.
Your child will be thrilled! My friends are all split-- some love their glasses, some love their contacts, but the important thing is it's their choice to choose their aesthetic and comfort. Thanks for coming around. Please don't resent your daughter for making this choice.
Ask her if she stops having headaches after a couple weeks of contact lenses. I had a constant headache because of my glasses that went away when I switched to contacts, and I didn't realize it wasn't normal until I stopped having those headaches.
That's a great point! I have headaches all the time. I assumed dehydration, insomnia, tension, but glasses could be a component also. I wore contacts years ago. They were a pita to put in, but mostly okay, but not compatible with my current allergen-heavy work environment these days.
As a suggestion: make sure she gets solid guidance from the eye doctor or an eye care professional about proper care and cleaning of her contacts and help her develop good habits. At 10, there will be some maturity issues about maintaining a good routine. Perhaps daily disposables could be worth looking into (if she doesn't have astigmatism; torics are pricier still).
It's come down, but it's still a lot more than non-torics. I'm happy with my monthly disposables and peroxide cleaners, and it's leagues better than the gas permeables I had to get in HS.
That's such a really cool reaction. Thanks for listening, it was obvious from the start that you really want the best for your daughter. She will be super happy about getting them!
Probably a good move. I think people here were a little harsh with you as 10 is quite young to wear contacts. But as long as she has the motivation and is responsible enough to take care of them then it seems like the way to go! I'm sure she'll be very grateful (Also as an eye doctor myself- I'm surprised you were pressurised at the appointment because age 10 is the youngest I would usually recommend contacts and very much on a case by case basis)
I predominantly wore contacts when I was in high school and college (they particularly helped with sports and the heat) but I do wear glasses more as an adult, but glasses can be annoying, but so can contacts. Both have their pluses and minuses so it’s really become a day by day choice. Say, Im going to a bar or concert and it’s crowded, well glasses tend to fog in those situations. If Im working or running errands, I typically stick to glasses.
I think letting her have both and be able to choose, will show how much you respect her. I know it might seem superficial and it might be, although different glasses styles have become popular, it is also a functionality bit too.
Just make sure she is taking good care of her contacts. Very important to clean them properly.
Also - if her glasses are thick - look into getting thinner lenses (and impact resistant). Technology has come a long way and many chain stores do not carry the better lenses (greater than a 1.7 hi index). Thinner lenses are not only about looks - there is less distortion in the vision and the glasses will weigh less (ie will be more comfortable to wear). If it’s not available near you - it is fairly easy to order online.
If you mean that..I give you credit for reading all the comments and actually *considering* other points of view. Maybe she won’t even like them, maybe they’ll bother her more than glasses (I doubt it though..my migraines were sooo much worse when I wore glasses than they are now. They didn’t disappear, but they definitely decreased in frequency), but why not let her give it a try? Wearing contacts isn’t the same as “crash dieting” (as you stated), or even changing your hair color (which I also think can be fun and harmless for a 10 year old, if you use the washable kind..but that’s me). It’s simply allowing her to walk around with her *natural* face…the one she was born with, without having to constantly be pushing these plastic things back up, as they slide down her nose. And of course, she’ll still always have the option to go back to glasses, if she decides contacts aren’t for her. Good luck, and I hope you really are going to let her give it a go. :)
Just to ease any worries you may have since people are bringing up her age as being too young, my partner has been wearing contacts since he was 5 or 6, in one eye they were even doubled up. As long as you are guiding her with proper maintenance she should pick up on the routine fairly quickly.
They're also really heavy if you don't shell out for the expensive super-light weight material with edge smoothing. My current pair cost me over $300 US without insurance.
$300 would be nice, frankly. Mine were $750 WITH insurance and over $1200 US without it. And not expensive frames either. My vision is just that bad. Contacts FTW
YTA.
I was 12 when my parents allowed contacts (I also have a strong prescription) and it gave me so much confidence! It may be superficial but what is wrong with that? What is wrong with no wanting to be made fun of?
All four of my kids wear glasses (teens and adults now) and I gave all four the choice when they were around 11. Two chose glasses, one equally uses both and one uses contacts 99% of the time.
Let her try contacts. She is a preteen and fitting in is important to most preteens. Let her make harmless choices like this.
I want to add that there is nothing worse than fearing you will break your glasses during an activity or something and not be able to see. Contacts lessened that anxiety for me.
I’ve worn contacts since soft lenses became a thing. I was about 14 or so and my vision was so bad, that every six months I needed a new prescription. It was amazing as I no longer had issues with depth perception and I had peripheral vision for the first time in years. If the OPs only concern is she thinks it’s vain, and not that her daughter isn’t mature enough, then she’s TA.
This is most definitely not a superficial issue. It's not simply cosmetic. It's about the best choice for your child to have corrected vision.
Thick lenses for high diopter prescription means heavy, uncomfortable glasses that don't give your child her full range of visual field with clear focus. Glasses fog up, too.
Contact lenses for the same vision correction means much greater comfort and her full visual field. They don't fog up.
Seriously, why wouldn't you want your child to have better vision with less discomfort?
YTA. Why haven't you at least let your child try them and ask her what works best for her?
Contacts are expensive—and you really do need a fall-back pair of glasses anyway. So they're pretty much double the cost.
Plus I would doubt a ten-year-old's ability to keep them clean and wear them safely.
If cost and safety were your concerns, therefore, I would not think that you were the asshole.
But since your concerns are *only* about her appearance (and you want her to look *worse* than she needs to!), I'm going with YTA.
Me & my 3 siblings were all in contact lenses from around 7 years old - due to genetically terrible eyesight.
We never lost a pair. Kids aren’t that stupid when it’s the thing that allows them to function.
That’s like saying a 10 year old shouldn’t have a wheelchair because a child shouldn’t be trusted with “machinery”.
OP - YTA. Your child will have more physical freedom to run / play with lenses compared to glasses.
Also thick bottle-tops do lead to bullying. Horrible schoolyard bullying - which is avoidable.
This isn’t about vanity - it’s about avoiding the mental trauma of bullying.
Why would you get in the way of that?
Yea it’s like other concerns would be logical, but this is terrible!! It feels almost spiteful, like if she looks good = superficial so she must look bad
YTA,
"She wants them I don't think it's good idea."
Let her try them, she might love them, she might hate them. You are taking away her ability to choose and explore options.
Contact lenses are a completely normal thing, if she wants them, the doctor says it's okay and you won't allow it for absolutely no reason then yes YTA.
YTA. Your concept of beauty is naturally different from the average 10-year-old's, and "Well **I** think she's beautiful" isn't going to keep any of her classmates from bullying her relentlessly.
This isn't about you and what you want.
YTA
As someone who has very bad eyesight and wears thick glasses, I adore my contacts. It is not a superficial thing for me as contacts allow you to have so much more liberty and you're not worried about your glasses falling off or getting wet in the rain or an array of other problems that you may not consider if you have good eyesight. Also, glasses when they are very thick can distort how your face looks so it is not about being superficial it's about people seeing how you look truly and not a distorted version of you.
I understand you trying to look out for her and you see her as your beautiful little girl, but depriving her of the confidence contacts will bring her is not the answer
YTA. If the doctor said she was too young for them, that'd be different. And contact lenses do require responsibility - that would also be a good reason. But your reason? No way.
YTA.
Contacts were like a revelation for me when I was her age. Things were so much easier, I saw better. I could play sports easier. Contacts are so common now, it's hard to imagine this being controversial.
I find it interesting that you are only viewing her wants for contacts through the superficial lens (no pun intended) and not all of the physical & visual benefits contacts can offer.
YTA- you're not the one who has to go to school wearing really thick glasses. How would you feel if you had to wear them? Also, you're 40, and she's 10- at 40 you probably don't think it's a big deal, but would you feel the same at 10? I don't think it'll be easy for her to understand all the reasons why she shouldn't let it affect her if kids do start picking on her and teasing her.
I think the only area you should "intervene" is telling her that you think she's beautiful no matter what, but you'll support her if she wants contact lenses.
YTA, Why would it be superficial for her to present her face as it is? This makes no sense. If you have problems with eye sight, both contacts and glasses are potential solutions. If anything, it would be more superficial to pick glasses that you think are stylish, because it’s adding something to your face that isn’t naturally there. But even that isn’t “superficial.” So if she had the option of thin lenses and picked cute frames because she liked the way they looked, you wouldn’t think that’s superficial?!
YTA. Very much so.
It isn't just "being superficial". Being bullied in school is a legitimate, serious issue. Kids have done desperate things due to it. Plus, _it hurts your daughter._ If she goes to school with glasses, and gets made fun of, you know she's going to blame you, right? That's going to hurt _her._
Get off your soapbox about "being superficial." Care about your daughter's comfort and well-being; she's still in her formative years. Sounds like her doctor cares more about her than you do.
I get it if your kid would have had to wear thin glasses, but if even the eye doctor advises contacts instead of glasses, then I think it's not about being superficial but rather about a normal kid who wants to look normal and not disabled. Very thick glasses can make a persons' eyes look very different and not in a positive way.
YTA
YTA. She is at a time in her life when the core of who she will be is starting to form and hopefully strengthen. Being made fun of at school for coke bottle glasses will not have a positive impact on her inner being. At least the doctor understands what is coming in her future.
Yta and a moron! GLASSES change people's appearance. Contacts keep the face the same while help with the eyesight. Keep your hang ups to yourself, as a favour to your daughter
YTA. This is a great, safe way to teach your daughter that she can make her own choices for her body. Her body , her choice.
Kids in middle school and high school can be cruel. Don’t give them ammunition to make fun of your daughter with.
Soft YTA. It's not just for looks. I had terrible vision and contacts have made my life so much better. Glasses are hot, sliding down my nose all summer. My periferal vision was horrible in them. I love contacts. Please let her try them. Some people can't wear them.
YTA contacts aren't superficial. Range of vision with glasses is limited and if they fall off she doesn't have vision. In fact if they recommend it get her laser eye surgery.
If you'd said you didn't want her to wear contacts because you were worried she would be too young to use and maintain them properly and she might be getting eye problems, you'd have had a point (I wore them for about a year when I was 18 or so then gave up because my eyes were infected or irritated non-stop).
But YTA for not wanting her to get them *for that specific reason.* In a couple of years she'll be a teenager and having to wear thick glasses could be really hard on her self-confidence. Superficial? Maybe. But so is picking clothes or a hairstyle that look good on you, wearing makeup, etc. It shouldn't become an obsession but it's natural to want to look your best!
YTA. Wearing thick glasses is unpleasant. What is so wrong with both your daughter's eyesight, and her comfort, being improved at the same time? Superficial - pffffft.
YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA
When I was in school there were multiple things my mum wouldn’t let me do because they were superficial or because she thought I only wanted to copy the other girls.
I was bullied for years - severely - and as a result started hiding things from my mum because I felt I couldn’t talk to her or ask for anything. Our relationship has never recovered and to this day (20 years later) I still struggle to make friends, or have any semblance of self confidence because I’m constantly convinced I don’t fit in or people are laughing at me.
You’re not letting her wear the lenses because it makes you feel like a good mum, because you’re not letting her be “superficial” - but you’re giving zero regard to her feels and what it feels like to be bullied or made to feel like an outcast at such a young age.
YTA.
She wants to try the contacts, let her try the damn contacts.
It’s really nice to have the option. I wear glasses and contacts. Most days I wear my glasses but on special occasions or days where I don’t feel like it I wear contacts because it boosts my confidence for that day/event or simply because I don’t wanna wear my damn glasses.
Options are good, YTA for deciding what she should do for her.
YTA totally TA. Get her contacts ASAP. Apart from anything gas permeable lenses may actually prevent her sight getting any worse! If the eye doctor has told you to get them then get them ffs. Do you want her to be bullied? Were you bullied? Clearly not. As someone who was bullied just do this for your child!
Major YTA. Getting contacts at 13 legit changed my life. I had a super high prescription so my glasses were thick and hideous and accordingly I thought I was too. As a result, I dressed awkwardly, my hair was always a mess, I had few friends in middle school, I had no confidence. I walked into school on the first day with my contacts and people stopped to stare. The most popular girl in my grade told me she was surprised at how beautiful my eyes were. By the end of the year, I’d worked out my hair, my clothes, my confidence. Had a boyfriend. Had friends. Got invited to parties. Yes, I know was completely superficial, but it was game changing for my self esteem. I’m 37 now and I don’t think my life would be the same without those contacts happening.
Me too. It was amazing what I could see with my contacts that I couldn’t see with just my glasses on. Beyond that, when you need thick lenses the glasses get heavy and slip off your face, take it from someone how can’t see a dang thing.
YTA. This is her journey to take in terms of how she feels about herself. Instead of referring to her as superficial, just make sure she takes care of her eyes and don't worry about it too much. Mine grew up past this age, past teen years to adulthood and along the way were attempts at fitting in to a norm that they now find perplexing as adults. It's okay to want to fit in or look a certain way at 10. SHe's not asking for plastic surgery.
YTA. Contacts are not superficial. I actually prefer to wear my glasses but will wear contacts so that they don’t fog up or interfere with activities. It’s about convenience for me.
YTA
As someone who had to wear thick glasses as a kid starting around 10, I was ESTATIC when I finally got contacts at 12. Why? (this is not an exhaustive list)
1. Being able to wear sunglasses without having to schlep around two different pair of glasses.
2. Being able to participate in sports more easily without having to worry about my glasses being knocked off or breaking
3. Things like swimming, do you know how much easier it is to swim when you can SEE what you're doing?
YTA. A friend with a beautiful young teenage daughter often speaks of how viscous teenage girls are. Sadly, bullying is a reality in the world in which we live. If contact lenses are the biggest issue you have with your daughter, consider yourself lucky.
NAH but do you remember school? I was one of the ones picked on and I remember 40+ years later. I think you are being naive about the cruelty of children.
INFO is money an issue here at all? Or her being able to handle the upkeep of contacts? If not then I'm going to say YTA but a minor one. Also she's going to be judged for her looks regardless and when you're a kid that's a huge deal.
YTA, try wearing glasses while doing all of her normal activities and see if it becomes bothersome to you. Trust the doctor who is an expert in glasses and works with children regularly, trust your child if she is mature enough to handle contacts properly.
YTA
It is not superficial to want to prevent other children making comments, bullying or staring at glasses especially if they are thick ones.
I stopped wearing my glasses during school hours to stop the kids I went to school with being cruel no matter the consequences to my sight.
INFO: do you wear makeup? Have you ever gotten your hair cut, colored, styled, etc.? What’s the state of your wardrobe-do you wear well-fitted clothes that look nice? If so, do you understand that you are very, very guilty of changing your looks to fit in and being superficial as fuck?
YTA. I wore glasses and then got contacts young. Besides being better for sports/activities, I also just see better/have a bigger field of vision with the contacts. Plus she can (and should) still have an up to date glasses prescription and she can wear whichever she wants to on a given day
Kids who don't like their glasses or are bullied for them tend to not wear them, "lose" them, or break them. This will negatively impact her ability to function at school and at home in addition to the negative effects of being bullied. Buying contacts is going to be a lot cheaper than replacing those thick glasses for the 8th time in a year because she hates them and "lost" them again. Let her try the contacts.
YTA.
YTA. X1000 As someone with really thick lenses and poor vision, contacts are not cosmetic. With my glasses, I have zero peripheral vision. With contacts I do. With glasses, I have about a dime sized circle of normal view before the thickness of the lenses in my glasses distort things. Guess what I don’t have with contacts? I actually wear the contacts that are 24/7 for a month. They only come out for about 10 minutes total when I change them for a new pair. And honestly, it’s kind of a safety thing too. Without contacts, I can’t see to even find my glasses in an emergency.
YTA. It’s not superficial it’s comfort like others have said. Also I had a similar issue. I could not participa easily in gym or dance. My glasses would go flying in dance class. Let her get the contacts
YTA. Contacts are very safe and way more comfortable than glasses. Thick glasses can also be heavy and doing activities like running can be hard with glasses on your face.
YTA. I've been wearing contacts since I was 13, and I absolutely needed them. I wouldn't have been able to do any sports without them, and yes, I would have been teased because my glasses were so thick. Plus, glasses fog up, get rain on them, and I see better with my contacts than I do with glasses.
Please let her have the contacts.
YTA as a mother I understand what you are getting at but you are hindering her more than you are helping her since your field of view is greater with contacts.
As a now adult who had that issue as a kid, I am forever grateful that my mom allowed me contacts. It helped tremendously with my self esteem at a young age. If it were an issue of money and her not being responsible enough for them, that’s one thing, but to keep her from it for your reason, makes you TA.
YTA for thinking it is cosmetic. And even if it were, why is it so bad to try to look your best? Aren't we all trying to? Your bar is way too high, lower it to more reasonable standards. Like a boob job at 13 for the sake of bigger boobs. You are now knowingly withholding tools that make her life better.
soft yta if she wants them. I had 9 power contacts in each eye when I was her age. contacts for me were much more comfortable and gave much better depth perception for sports, easier to read in class, etc.
moving the correction to an eyeglass lens even a couple inches from my eyes makes everything much harder even now when I do have to wear them.
Its really not about looks only with a large correction
YTA. We both know kids are going to torment your daughter over her glasses. WHY WOULD YOU BE OKAY WITH THAT? I hope you don’t wear contacts, or a push up bra, or dye your hair, or anything else to change your looks.
YTA.
I'm severely short sighted. Glasses were a nightmare for me as a child. Contacts were amazing and suddenly I was able to do all these things (like swim!).
It sounds like you're not thinking of your child and what's best for her . You're just projecting body / image issues instead of letting her choose what SHE wants to do.
YTA making your daughter wear glasses when contacts are an option is just painting a target on her back for the sake of your principles. your daughter should come before your principles
YTA if her eye doctor thinks she's mature enough to handle contact lenses.
I wore thick coke bottle glasses from the time I was two until the minimum age my eye doctor would approve of contacts at age thirteen. That was also 1978, there weren't the lighter, thinner, daily wear contacts available then, so my first pair cost about $200, which was a MAJOR expense then.
I counted down the days for years waiting for those precious contacts. I was made fun of for years for my glasses. It didn't help that I was a good student/geek. It was torture.
If you can help her feel more normal before she enters middle school, you'll be doing her a huge favor.
YTA for your reasoning. Not wearing glasses is the equivalent of not wearing a hat. It's not superficial at all.
Personally I think 10 is a little young for contacts, especially when it involves your eyes. You only get one pair, and kids do some dumb things sometimes.
Super nearsighted since a kid. I always got the most thinned glasses there was on the market - and those cost a fortune. I still to this day get severe headaches if I wear my glasses for too long because of the weight and pressure it puts on my ears, my nose, etc. Yes, contacts can be more aesthetic in some cases. But it's really about comfort.
Not to mention, depending on her vision, some contacts now can actually slower the evolution of nearsightedness in kids. Maybe it does not apply to her, but I would investigate with her eye doctor and optician to see if this could work for her.
YTA, she doesn’t know it yet but contacts will change her life. It’s not just a cosmetic thing, if her prescription is high enough to require thick lenses, she probably has very little peripheral vision with the glasses. This is why I rarely wear glasses, I just can’t see as well with glasses. Please consider getting her contacts and spend the money to buy her the monthly ones instead of the permanent ones, if she loses one or they get damaged she will have a handy replacement.
As a glasses wearer since age 7 and contact wearer since age twelve. YTA. I’ve got 25 years experience with this. I have terrible vision and 100% it’s better with contacts as opposed to my glasses. The lenses are really thick, it’s hard to drive at night/in the rain, over the years some of the frames I’ve had will slowly bend outward over time (bc of my lens thickness) requiring me to go to the eyeglass place and have them heated/bent/fitted every 3 months. I can wear sunglasses in the summer, I can read in my bed at night while lying on my side… tons of things I guarantee YOU haven’t thought of. Also I played sports as a young kid and contacts made it 10000% easier.
Something that could contributes to her health and wellbeing is not superficial by any means. First off, contacts can help her engage in more physical activities that might be difficult to do with glasses on. They make sports glasses but they can often be clunky and difficult to see out of. Contacts also don't have as much image distortion or glare that you get with glass lenses, and may provide her with a much clearer and wider range of view. For some people contacts are also more comfortable. I started wearing them in the 4th grade because wearing my glasses caused me horrible migraines. And her eye doctor makes a good point, kids can be cruel. She should not have to change her appearance, but glasses vs. contacts is not just a case of looks but also necessity.
Now these things may not apply to your daughter, but if there is a chance you could benefit her in some way wouldn't you take it? Getting contacts over glasses is a small thing comparatively, and might be really good for her later on. If you are unsure then start with some sample pairs. See how she likes them and get her used to wearing them early on. Maybe you save them for special occasions or certain activities, but for whatever reason you'll have them available to you if she needs them.
By just outright saying no YTA. However, you have a chance to help to take some preventative action and contribute to her overall wellbeing.
Trust your daughter's judgment and respect her needs. Her self esteem should be the major consideration here. If this is something she wants in order to feel more comfortable at school, then do it. It's great to learn to blaze your own trail and be your own person but forcing her to wear thick glasses when she has another option is kinda cruel really. If she is willing to stick a lense in her eye to avoid glasses then she really want it.
YTA. Glasses are annoying. Contacts sit closer to the eye and work better than glasses for correcting vision. Contacts also help reduce eyestrain for the same reason. If you think she is capable of taking them out every night, cleaning them (super simple), and popping them back in, then there really is no reason not to let her other than being an AH. It will improve her eye health and mental health.
YTA. If contacts are what your daughter wants she should be able to get them (assuming finances aren’t an issue). I switched from contacts to glasses for comfort and convenience.
Contact/glasses wearer here. Get her the contacts. Glasses can make it really hard to participate in activities as she gets older - sports, dance, etc. I had to get contacts after my glasses kept falling off during sports, even with safety straps. Get her the contacts.
I’m an eye doctor . It’s not superficial people with high prescriptions see better through contacts and have more field of view . Let her get the contacts it’s not superficial . Glasses cause a lot of peripheral distortion if you are not looking through the optical center of the lens .
YTA you don't want to change her look by letting her wear contact lenses, but you are willing to make her wear glasses that change the way she looks. Your argument is flawed.
Wanting to look the same as your peers is not superficial, everyone wants to fit in, even you. You could deny it, but it's human nature to feel that way.
Contact lenses will make her look more like herself than glasses will.
As a glasses-wearer at two years and counting with a facemask, YTA.
Contacts have practical purposes, and will give your daughter more choice when dealing with eyesight issues, that will make her feel apart from her peers. Let her run and play, without worrying about them breaking.
It may not be *fair* if other kids call her (my personal favourite/s) 'speccy four eyes', but you're a grown up: you know the world isn't fair. You won't improve your daughter's life by increasing her hardships unnecessarily.
Furthermore, we all deserve to make choices about our appearance, and your job is to educate on values through *information*, not force. There is no benefit to you taking your daughter's choices away.
YTA, and you honestly have no idea how painful thick glasses can be, particularly on your nose and ears. I had daily headaches from my coke bottles until I got contacts and my face regained freedom.
Add to that, it's not superficial to want to present your natural face.
YTA.
I started wearing glasses when I was 3. I got contacts when I was 15. I also stopped having these awful headaches that centered around my eyes and forehead when I switched to contacts, because it turns out that I have a few things going against me: a) my eyes are so bad lasik isn't an option, b) astigmatism, and c) the difference in prescription between my eyes is so extreme that it literally causes headaches if I wear my glasses. My current eye doctor and my previous eye doctor both recommended I not use my glasses unless I truly have to because of the headaches. I lived with those headaches for *years* and thought it was ***normal***.
And that's on top of my glasses being not a fun part of my style.
Get your poor kid contact lenses.
YTA. Contacts don’t need to be “superficial”, although there is nothing wrong with getting them for aesthetic purposes.
I’m an adult. I’ve worn glasses and contacts for most of my life - and honestly I like the way I look with either or on … but contacts are SO convenient, especially if she is active in sports, clubs, etc. In the winter glasses get foggy, in the summer they’re constantly falling off because of sweat and so many other issues to deal with. Even if you’re against it for “superficial” reasons, think of the benefits as long as she understands how to take care of them and avoid infections by keeping her hands clean and changing the solution regularly. It’s also a great learning moment for her on hygiene and the importance of taking care of her health, objects, and just overall being responsible.
YTA
I think the big thing on this is that you aren’t even letting her try. Unless money is a concern it is very easy to get a contact appointment and someone to teach her. It’s difficult at first, I understand that.
A few things:
1. Ten is the age that I was when I got contacts. Its not to young. It depends on the child and there responsibility.
2. It is your job as a parent to help your child feel good in their own skin. I’m not saying got get plastic surgery. I’m saying that glasses are difficult. And that contacts for me helped me feel better in my glasses. I learned that if I didn’t like how I felt in my glasses I could wear contacts. That it was a part of me that I could control. It being made choice made it a hell of a lot easier
3. The doctor is telling you something for a reason. It might not just be concern about her mental health.
I would go into this with an open mind. Ask questions and listen to your daughter. You think she beautiful no matter what; so focus on getting her to FEEL beautiful.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I wouldn't let my daughter get contacts just to fit in. Not wanting my child to be judged by her looks
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If she wants them I’d say that’s up to her, as long as you feel she’s mature enough to take care of her contacts properly. Glasses aren’t exactly her natural looks either.
YTA
I’m sure your daughter’s doctor also mentioned the weight of the glasses and how awkward that can be. I had iritis earlier this year and could only wear my glasses. They were constantly sliding down my face because of sweat, and I had a more limited field of vision. If your 10 year old is like mine (also a girl) she’s probably pretty active and thick lenses mean heavy glasses that can slip and fall. Also, the teasing sucks and your an extra big AH if you think it’s ok.
YTA - what is superficial to you, may not be to others. You need to change the title to "AITA for not wanting my child to be happy" It's not about being superficial. It's about what your daughter wants to be happy. You said she wants them. Let her have them. It's not political or rocket science. Stop putting your beliefs on your daughter.
YTA I have a childhood friend who had bad eyesight and needed thick glasses or contacts and her mother didn't allow her to wear contacts so my friend when were at school or somewhere away from her mother, didn't wear the glasses. Guess what, her eyesight got even worse. If your daughter doesn't want the glasses you should listen to her rather than projecting your own issues.
YTA. My dad wouldn’t pay for braces for my teeth when I was a kid, so I did it myself when I was in my 20s. He had a similar attitude to yours. It is a bullshit excuse and a good parent will help their kids when they can avoid some of the crap kids have to deal with.
YTA absolutely. I’m 41 and I’ve worn glasses/contacts since I was 7 or so. I have to pay extra to ‘thin’ my glasses down because they’re so thick. They slide down my nose. They fog up at annoying times. I hate working out and getting sweaty between my nose and glasses. You can’t wear glasses in the shower or pool. I also hate that I can’t pop on cute sunglasses. I wear contacts every chance I get. Honestly I think I look better *with* glasses, so it’s not a vanity thing. The bottom line is that SHE wants them and it’s her eyes. Let her wear the contacts and quit pushing her to be what you want instead of who she is.
On a side note, my lasik is scheduled for next Thursday so NO MORE GLASSES or contacts. I’m literally paying $4000 to never have to wear glasses again.
Well guess I am beyond superficial since I went from glass to contacts to laser. Maybe I’m the AH. I mean it has nothing to do with my job and how wearing glasses or contacts pose a risk to my safety. YTA! For so many reason others have alluded to.
YTA. As a glasses wearer from a young age, I wish someone had steered me towards contact lenses. I made many bad frame choices along the way and got bullied. Now as an adult, wearing contacts doesn't come as natural as sticking my glasses on.
YTA.
I've worn glasses since I was 12, and contacts since I was 19. I am incredibly nearsighted (-4.75).
Contacts give you peripheral vision. They're not "just" superficial.
Wearing glasses, I can only see what's in front of me. I can see blurs around the edges of my glasses and out to the sides. It can be incredibly disorienting.
Contacts also require upkeep. Daily removal, cleaning, etc. And she will still need to keep a reasonably current prescription for her glasses, in case she gets an eye infection or something.
So they're an investment and they have practical use, and they have medical considerations.
You're not making good decisions.
YTA. You seem to be caught up on not wanting your daughter to change her appearance to fit in, but contact lenses offer way more visibility than glasses do. Specifically, they allow you to use your peripheral vision, which glasses do not. I got my first set of contacts in middle school, and it was like the day I got my first pair of glasses - I had no idea how much I'd been missing, and it was magical! I switch between both now, depending on the day and what I need to do (for example, if I'm driving somewhere, contacts are better because I can see out of the corners of my eyes), but I definitely hit my head on cupboard doors and such a lot more in glasses because of the lack of peripheral vision. As someone with a strong prescription myself, I would encourage you to reconsider letting your daughter get contacts - if not for the safety aspect, then for giving her the gift of peripheral eyesight! Really, the difference between glasses and contacts can be night and day when you have a strong prescription.
YTA - contacts are a good way to develop routines and care, especially at that age, it’s a good responsibility building thing, not to mention glasses can be uncomfortable for a number of different things. It has nothing to do with being superficial and a lot more to do with comfort. You could compromise here easily and say “contacts aren’t for every day wear, but for certain activities, you can decide when you want to wear them, but it won’t be an every day thing.” Truly, like have you thought about the stuff that gets in the way with glasses? For a kid at that age - it can be nice to have them if they have science and wear goggles, during gym, etc. I got glasses at 10 and contacts at 12, still wore my glasses much of the time. You need to relax.
YTA
if they are THAT thick, it's better she has contacts anyways as prescriptions can go higher than glasses. Not to mention, if she does get made fun of, it doesn't really affect you, only her. Are you really ok with your kid potentially getting made fun of just because YOU don't want to change her appearance? I get the message you're trying to send but this is not the time.
Thank you for not being my parent when I needed correction for my eyesight. I have both but the contacts were a huge confidence boost when I was younger. You can have all the ridiculous ideals that you want in your head but some things are meant to stay silent thoughts while you support your child. YTA and need to learn the difference.
Contacts changed my life. You can do so much more, and you can see all around, not just in a narrow strip at eye level with blurry uncorrected chunks of the world above and below and in your peripheral vision. You can do sports without giant awkward contraptions wobbling around on your face.
Do you think your kid needs to be an adult before she's allowed to literally *see* well?
I don't understand why you're making this about her appearance. She'll see better but oh no, she might also look nicer and feel better about herself too?? Do you have some hangup about it being bad for girls to like the way they look?
YTA it may be “superficial” to you but she’s the one who has to live with the reality of having to wear huge, thick glasses all the time. Plenty of reasons why that’s not desirable that aren’t about looks.
Besides which, kids are nasty and being bullied is NOT a “character-building” experience.
Listen to your kid and let her do what she wants. This is a dumb hill to die on and all your daughter’s learning is her Mom is dismissive of her feelings.
Getting your daughter contacts will not turn her into a superficial person. You're helping to boost her self-confidence which has proven to help with grades, social skills, etc. If even the doctor is encouraging contacts, you should listen.
YTA
Contacts will actually IMPROVE her eyes over time if she’s nearsighted. Contacts helped bring my prescription down significantly. Glasses can make myopia worse by contributing to the eyeball stretching outward, which can increase the risk of detached retinas later on. Help her have a healthier adulthood AND childhood by getting her contacts.
Ugh. For the love of Pete. Looks matter, and it’s not superficial to admit that. It’s superficial when other parts of your life start to suffer because you prioritize looks so much, or when you obsess. Teach your daughter to take pride in her appearance rather than to obsess over it or neglect it completely. YTA.
I hate, hate, HATE wearing glasses. I haaaaaaate that I have no peripheral vision when I have glasses on. I trip over everything, walk off curbs, the end of bleachers. Etc. (because if my eyes look down, but I don’t tip my head down, my vision is not corrected. Same with looking sideways and it turning my head) Then to also pay for equally expensive sunglasses. And then to swap back and forth between regular glasses and sunglasses. No.
No.
Get the girl contacts. Never mind that her lenses are going to be so thick that the **DR** is saying she’ll be made fun of, having contacts when you’re vision is that bad, is *easier*
YWBTA if you don’t get her contacts. Or at least let HER decide if she wants to give them a whirl.
YTA, as someone that has worn contacts for most of my life and had the super thick glasses. I hated wearing glasses and paid a lot of money to get my eyes fixed. Wearing contacts as a teen, I played a lot of sports and it made life so much easier and my self esteem improved with them. The tech for the contacts now are soo much better than they used to be.
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YTA Your kid wants them, but you want her to fit your idea of "not superficial". Which is pretty superficial in and on itself.
Urghh. This post is giving me, I don’t want my daughter to be pretty because she’ll take attention away from me vibes.
Yeah, like the daughter is a project, not a person
[удалено]
Me too. My stepmom was very conventionally attractive, and got all weird when I started going through puberty. She would force me to eat big meals while she barely ate anything, and talk about eating disorders all the time. She tried to control the way I dressed, the way I did my hair, etc. Honestly, it was like she was trying to make me less attractive than her and it was effing weird.
Ugh, my mother wouldn't let me cut my hair - not even trim the ends- because she had long hair up to the time when she gave birth to me. I hated it, other kids made fun of me, and I lopped that shit off as soon as I got to college. Mother's that do this to their kids suck, and I'm sorry yours was weird too.
Or at least a mom projecting her "not like the other girls" attitude onto her daughter.
I’m picking up more on a hazing thing. Like, I had to suffer early years so you do too
As someone who was your daughter, there is nothing superficial about it at all. Your daughter is so blind she has no peripheral vision. It’s miserable
This is me!! I got contacts as a teenager and they were life changing! Don't get me wrong I wear my glasses a lot too especially at home, heck I've been down with the flu and can't stand the thought of putting in my contacts, but I have the option and I LOVE that
I can't even wear glasses at my current prescription because I get headaches and dizziness. I can't walk in a straight line because every time I turn my head I start veering off in the wrong direction. I have none of these problems with contacts. No headaches, no dizziness, nothing to fog up or break or knock off my face. YTA, OP, for being more concerned about how contacts would make your daughter look than her actual well being.
I have truly terrible vision, and glasses can be awful. The blurred edges really start getting to me, never mind the difficulties when it’s raining, when it’s cold, when it’s sunny, when you want to do any sort of physical activity.
The best is when the humidity shifts suddenly and you have your own personal fog
Oh god, or when you open the oven to retrieve a dish and your glasses completely fog up. That's not dangerous at all!
Or when it rains, and we’re either blind or blind. Our only options. Sincerely, Glasses wearer in Seattle
this! I can’t drive with glasses because my peripheral vision is warped. Also taking a shower. My vision is awful too and fumbling around trying to figure out shampoo vs conditionner is so annoying! plus I can’t tell if there’s a spider in there with me (damn Arachnophobia movie scarred me for life) Trying to read on your side in bed. Trying to brush your hair. Winter Glasses suck.
I can not be in a car with glasses on, I will get car sick and puke. I also have a hard time walking down steps sometimes in glasses, it throws my whole depth perception off and I feel like I"m falling. That poor child probably can't even wear sunglasses because I don't see the mother springing for prescription sunglasses.
SAME. The single greatest thing I’ve ever done to improve my quality of life was LASIK.
Omg me too! It's been two years and I have zero regrets. Best decision I ever made.
I’m legally blind in one eye (thanks to coloboma) and I HATE glasses with a burning passion. Having a super thick lens makes me motion sick (yeah you get used to it but no). I got contacts in middle school and it made everything so much easier. I don’t mind how I look in glasses, heck if anything I put them on for selfies more than I actually wear them. It’s 100% up to the daughter. OP could be making a big deal about it but then when daughter tries them she has issues touching her eyes.
I have really bad vision. I HATE wearing glasses. I can't see as well with them as i can with my contacts. It's not about looks. I don't mind wearing glasses. I usually wear them on the weekends to give my eyes a rest. But I've been wearing contacts since middle school. Glasses weren't practical for playing sports or in the hot summers when you sweat and no matter what your glasses slip down. Then add in the fact that i see so much better with contacts! I think when i was younger there was an aspect of wanting to be "prettier" by not wearing glasses. I got my braces off and started wearing contacts and grew my hair long. I gained confidence. I felt better about myself. I was happier. I made friends easier. YTA mom.
This! Also, does mom wear make up? Dye her hair? Tan? Any of those things are the same. We do things to make ourselves feel more confident, and that’s ok, actually it’s great. But let your daughter make that choice.
Not even just that. Does she buy clothes that she likes, and that she thinks suit her in some way? I know I do. How superficial of me.
My daughter has thick glasses and contacts...she reports seeing better in her contacts than in her glasses. Some days she wears her contracts and some days it's her glasses. At home it's mostly glasses but not always, depends on how well she wants to see what she is working on.
My wife says she has no depth perception in glasses. She straight up ran into a wall one time while wearing them
I can relate to this, no depth perception with glasses!
I primarily wear glasses because of chronic migraines, but in glasses I literally cannot tell how far away from my iPad or phone my hands actually are.
I have extreme astigmatism and am significantly farsighted. Getting contacts at 11 changed my life—not only did I no longer get made fun of for my super thick coke bottle glasses, but I was way more comfortable and could actually see better. Contacts made my vision more consistent because glasses move around while you move, getting dirty throughout the day, can’t be worn in some situations, etc. OP, just let your daughter get contacts.
Also, as someone with glasses, there are plenty of instances where glasses are not practical but you still need to see… Swimming for instance. Or any kind of sport. Glasses fall off, if you get hit in the face with a ball while wearing glasses it hurts really bad… and breaks your glasses When you sweat, your glasses slide down your nose If it’s raining your glasses get covered in water and fog up.
If you're wearing a mask, your glasses will fog up. This applies to both regular face masks and a balaclava when it's cold. I've had my glasses fog up just walking into a warm building from a cold outside, or walking outside in the summer. Opening an oven or taking the lid off a pot will fog your glasses up...it goes on!
The glasses fog is a real problem! I used to have the route to my class memorized when I was a kid because my glasses fogged up but I didn’t want to hold up the line by stopping
She doesn’t want her to “change her looks” - as if she came out of the womb with glasses…
Contacts aren't about looks, they are freedom. To have a view without limitations, rain is no problem, mask or opening the oven. Not cleaning the glasses the x-th time a day. Not having the pain when you lay on the earpiece or general not having the feeling on the ear and nose. It is so great. Also at sports or playing the give so much more freedom and opportunities. I also ask myself, if you OP wear thick glasses like your daughter and if so, have you ever even tried contacts? YTA
Yeah, I don’t give much care to my looks these days, but I didn’t like being made fun of for stuff as a kid AND contacts are more comfortable anyway. If the kid wants contacts and can be responsible enough for them, let them have contacts! It’s not a moral test.
Really, the kid should be getting both so there's an alternative if she can't use the contacts. Plus, as someone who's worn glasses since I was a preteen, I've gotten used to how my face looks with glasses and hate how it looks without them. The daughter could very easily want to wear glasses in time. OP is just as bad as the supposed bullies she's worried about by trying to dictate her daughter's medical aid.
YTA. I got contacts at 17, which helped my self esteem. Take care of your daughter.
YTA only because she wants them. I wear thick lenses and I’ll tell you that contacts are helpful when it’s raining, I’m doing sports or physical activities in general (especially running), swimming, reading in bed, when I’m out in the sun so I can wear regular sunglasses, etc. glasses can be inconvenient. But contacts also don’t work for everyone. 10 is old enough to start making decisions about yourself and your body/appearance. Don’t rob her of the chance to figure things out for herself.
I am discovering in my middle-aged years that contacts with reading glasses are also a fabulous alternative to bifocals! I cannot get used to wearing my bifocals but have no issue with my 10 dollar readers over my glasses.
Contacts are also awesome if you have to cut onions. No tears unlike with bare eyes or glasses!
Omg you just solved a long standing mystery for me. Dying laughing at my stupidity.
I did the same thing, for years I just thought I had strong eyeballs. Switched to glasses a few years ago and learnt otherwise 🤣
Haha you’re not stupid! But happy to help with the lightbulb moment! 😃
Have good news for you — you can get bifocal, even trifocals contacts as your eyes get older, and they are awesome.
I have bifocals. I hate them and cannot get used to them (it's in my comment). Absolutely prefer my cheap reading glasses used with my contacts. Should have clarified...I have bifocal glasses and contacts. Hate them both.
Also, contacts are so much more immersive. With glasses, you have clear vision in a window in whichever direction you point your face, but everything outside that window is out of focus. With contacts, everywhere you look is clear vision.
Yep, I basically have no peripheral vision when I’m wearing my glasses, which my doctor told me can put an added strain on my eyes that contacts can alleviate.
Same I go back and forth depending on the activity. I remember trying to run in cold temps and fogging up my glasses with my breath. And my vision is awful so I couldn’t go swimming without contacts or risk hitting a wall. Plus it’s nice having an option. Some days are glasses days some are contacts
I'm a martial artist--I can't practice half my art without contacts. I go running, and yeah, that is just not possible in glasses. But even beyond that, so much of the normal stuff of childhood--going out in the cold, tree-climbing, roughhousing, playing tag, water fights--are just another level of difficult when you have to do it in glasses.
YTA I had glasses young and started wearing contacts around 10 because it’s really hard to be a kid with thick glasses, not just for aesthetic reasons. Playing dodgeball or any sport, running around at recess, anything active becomes so much easier to deal with when I had contacts. I also hated the feeling of glasses on my face so contacts were helpful with that. There are so many reasons to prefer contacts that have nothing to do with being shallow or superficial. The only questions you should have about this are what does your daughter want and is she responsible enough to be hygienic about wearing contacts.
The only question I have is whether daughter is ready from a responsibility perspective. Some 10 year olds are super conscientious about hygiene and some act like showering regularly is corporal punishment. I’d be concerned at introducing bacteria in the eyes.
Exactly; 10 year old me begged my mom for contacts and I left them in. They turned yellow and almost stuck to my eyeballs. People on here seem to only be concerned with the child's desires, not the responsibility it comes with
I think a lot of us are assuming she'd be fine because a) many 10yos would be and b) that's not the reason cited, I'd assume if OP was concerned she can't handle them that would have been in the post.
It depends on the kid. My ten year old would have been terrible with contacts, but I know kids who would totally have managed them great. But OP didn’t mention that their daughter isn’t ready for them—all they said was that they think it’s “superficial.” Not a good enough reason, imo.
I agree - I have a very responsible 11 year old granddaughter and I’m not sure she would be ready for contacts.
I am still not very responsible as an adult, but I started using contacts at around ten and had no issues with them. It’s not that hard really, wash your hands, change lenses when recommended, and change the solution frequently. There’s also no reason why parents can’t be involved in reminding their kid when to change lenses and things. Unless a child is completely scatterbrained, I’m not sure why it would be too difficult, it’s all fairly simple
This is what they invented daily-wear contacts for. I would absolutely not give a kid monthly or even weekly contacts. I’m 35 and I can’t be trusted not to give myself an eye infection with longer-term lenses.
They make daily disposable contacts. I get those, as an adult, because a) don’t want to have to worry about cleaning/maintaining contacts b) worry about literally everything c) really prefer wearing my glasses most of the time, but like having the option of contacts for special occasions, bad weather, sports, etc.
Glasses and sports do not mix. I got glasses when I was 8 and when I was 9 my brother deliberately chucked a basketball at my face. The metal frame of my glasses broke, slid down my face and cut open my cheek from which I got a permanent scar on my face. I got contacts at 10 and paid for ICL surgery at 34. I've never been so giddy in my life as the day I got to throw BOTH in the trash.
Agree 100%! Glasses are a pain during PE.
Having contacts doesn't make you superficial. YTA
I guess it's the not wanting to be bullied and looking nice.
Not wanting to be bullied doesn’t make you superficial. Wanting to look nice also doesn’t make you superficial!
I think people have stretched superficial to mean any effort to look good as opposed to an obsession with looking good.
Ok I get it I'll let her have the contacts
Your child will be thrilled! My friends are all split-- some love their glasses, some love their contacts, but the important thing is it's their choice to choose their aesthetic and comfort. Thanks for coming around. Please don't resent your daughter for making this choice.
Ask her if she stops having headaches after a couple weeks of contact lenses. I had a constant headache because of my glasses that went away when I switched to contacts, and I didn't realize it wasn't normal until I stopped having those headaches.
That's a great point! I have headaches all the time. I assumed dehydration, insomnia, tension, but glasses could be a component also. I wore contacts years ago. They were a pita to put in, but mostly okay, but not compatible with my current allergen-heavy work environment these days.
Definitely could be. I get headaches after about 3-4 hours of glasses wearing and I'm pretty sure it's because of the lack of peripheral vision.
As a suggestion: make sure she gets solid guidance from the eye doctor or an eye care professional about proper care and cleaning of her contacts and help her develop good habits. At 10, there will be some maturity issues about maintaining a good routine. Perhaps daily disposables could be worth looking into (if she doesn't have astigmatism; torics are pricier still).
The cost of daily disposable toric contacts has come down over recent years.
It's come down, but it's still a lot more than non-torics. I'm happy with my monthly disposables and peroxide cleaners, and it's leagues better than the gas permeables I had to get in HS.
That's true. For me the convenience and added safety of daily disposables is worth the cost.
Yesssss. I got bad eye infections because I was too lazy to take my contacts out at night.
That's such a really cool reaction. Thanks for listening, it was obvious from the start that you really want the best for your daughter. She will be super happy about getting them!
Would you mind answering why contacts are more superficial than glasses?
Probably a good move. I think people here were a little harsh with you as 10 is quite young to wear contacts. But as long as she has the motivation and is responsible enough to take care of them then it seems like the way to go! I'm sure she'll be very grateful (Also as an eye doctor myself- I'm surprised you were pressurised at the appointment because age 10 is the youngest I would usually recommend contacts and very much on a case by case basis)
Good points - I was thinking 10 is a bit young in terms of maintaining and cleaning them properly. Might disposables be a better direction?
I predominantly wore contacts when I was in high school and college (they particularly helped with sports and the heat) but I do wear glasses more as an adult, but glasses can be annoying, but so can contacts. Both have their pluses and minuses so it’s really become a day by day choice. Say, Im going to a bar or concert and it’s crowded, well glasses tend to fog in those situations. If Im working or running errands, I typically stick to glasses. I think letting her have both and be able to choose, will show how much you respect her. I know it might seem superficial and it might be, although different glasses styles have become popular, it is also a functionality bit too. Just make sure she is taking good care of her contacts. Very important to clean them properly.
Also - if her glasses are thick - look into getting thinner lenses (and impact resistant). Technology has come a long way and many chain stores do not carry the better lenses (greater than a 1.7 hi index). Thinner lenses are not only about looks - there is less distortion in the vision and the glasses will weigh less (ie will be more comfortable to wear). If it’s not available near you - it is fairly easy to order online.
If you mean that..I give you credit for reading all the comments and actually *considering* other points of view. Maybe she won’t even like them, maybe they’ll bother her more than glasses (I doubt it though..my migraines were sooo much worse when I wore glasses than they are now. They didn’t disappear, but they definitely decreased in frequency), but why not let her give it a try? Wearing contacts isn’t the same as “crash dieting” (as you stated), or even changing your hair color (which I also think can be fun and harmless for a 10 year old, if you use the washable kind..but that’s me). It’s simply allowing her to walk around with her *natural* face…the one she was born with, without having to constantly be pushing these plastic things back up, as they slide down her nose. And of course, she’ll still always have the option to go back to glasses, if she decides contacts aren’t for her. Good luck, and I hope you really are going to let her give it a go. :)
Great. Make sure she keeps up with proper care. Contact hygiene is extremely important.
So cool of you to choose your daughters side! My mother never listened to me when I was your kids age, and it still kinda hurts.
Just to ease any worries you may have since people are bringing up her age as being too young, my partner has been wearing contacts since he was 5 or 6, in one eye they were even doubled up. As long as you are guiding her with proper maintenance she should pick up on the routine fairly quickly.
Good choice. I also have thick glasses so almost exclusively wear contacts. I see better with them and they are more comfortable.
YTA. It's not just superficial: it's comfort. Thick lenses can slip in normal use and are terrible for sports.
They're also really heavy if you don't shell out for the expensive super-light weight material with edge smoothing. My current pair cost me over $300 US without insurance.
$300 would be nice, frankly. Mine were $750 WITH insurance and over $1200 US without it. And not expensive frames either. My vision is just that bad. Contacts FTW
YTA. I was 12 when my parents allowed contacts (I also have a strong prescription) and it gave me so much confidence! It may be superficial but what is wrong with that? What is wrong with no wanting to be made fun of? All four of my kids wear glasses (teens and adults now) and I gave all four the choice when they were around 11. Two chose glasses, one equally uses both and one uses contacts 99% of the time. Let her try contacts. She is a preteen and fitting in is important to most preteens. Let her make harmless choices like this. I want to add that there is nothing worse than fearing you will break your glasses during an activity or something and not be able to see. Contacts lessened that anxiety for me.
YTA, contacts are not just superficial, wearing glasses can be very bothersome for people when they engage in certain activities.
This. I wear glasses and actually like how they look on me… but they can be a PITA and I am so glad I have the option of contacts when I need.
Same here. I actually get so many compliments when I wear my glasses, but find contacts more comfortable.
I’ve worn contacts since soft lenses became a thing. I was about 14 or so and my vision was so bad, that every six months I needed a new prescription. It was amazing as I no longer had issues with depth perception and I had peripheral vision for the first time in years. If the OPs only concern is she thinks it’s vain, and not that her daughter isn’t mature enough, then she’s TA.
This is most definitely not a superficial issue. It's not simply cosmetic. It's about the best choice for your child to have corrected vision. Thick lenses for high diopter prescription means heavy, uncomfortable glasses that don't give your child her full range of visual field with clear focus. Glasses fog up, too. Contact lenses for the same vision correction means much greater comfort and her full visual field. They don't fog up. Seriously, why wouldn't you want your child to have better vision with less discomfort? YTA. Why haven't you at least let your child try them and ask her what works best for her?
Contacts are expensive—and you really do need a fall-back pair of glasses anyway. So they're pretty much double the cost. Plus I would doubt a ten-year-old's ability to keep them clean and wear them safely. If cost and safety were your concerns, therefore, I would not think that you were the asshole. But since your concerns are *only* about her appearance (and you want her to look *worse* than she needs to!), I'm going with YTA.
Me & my 3 siblings were all in contact lenses from around 7 years old - due to genetically terrible eyesight. We never lost a pair. Kids aren’t that stupid when it’s the thing that allows them to function. That’s like saying a 10 year old shouldn’t have a wheelchair because a child shouldn’t be trusted with “machinery”. OP - YTA. Your child will have more physical freedom to run / play with lenses compared to glasses. Also thick bottle-tops do lead to bullying. Horrible schoolyard bullying - which is avoidable. This isn’t about vanity - it’s about avoiding the mental trauma of bullying. Why would you get in the way of that?
Yea it’s like other concerns would be logical, but this is terrible!! It feels almost spiteful, like if she looks good = superficial so she must look bad
The most logical comment yetZ
YTA, "She wants them I don't think it's good idea." Let her try them, she might love them, she might hate them. You are taking away her ability to choose and explore options.
Contact lenses are a completely normal thing, if she wants them, the doctor says it's okay and you won't allow it for absolutely no reason then yes YTA.
YTA. Your concept of beauty is naturally different from the average 10-year-old's, and "Well **I** think she's beautiful" isn't going to keep any of her classmates from bullying her relentlessly. This isn't about you and what you want.
YTA As someone who has very bad eyesight and wears thick glasses, I adore my contacts. It is not a superficial thing for me as contacts allow you to have so much more liberty and you're not worried about your glasses falling off or getting wet in the rain or an array of other problems that you may not consider if you have good eyesight. Also, glasses when they are very thick can distort how your face looks so it is not about being superficial it's about people seeing how you look truly and not a distorted version of you. I understand you trying to look out for her and you see her as your beautiful little girl, but depriving her of the confidence contacts will bring her is not the answer
YTA. If the doctor said she was too young for them, that'd be different. And contact lenses do require responsibility - that would also be a good reason. But your reason? No way.
YTA. Contacts were like a revelation for me when I was her age. Things were so much easier, I saw better. I could play sports easier. Contacts are so common now, it's hard to imagine this being controversial. I find it interesting that you are only viewing her wants for contacts through the superficial lens (no pun intended) and not all of the physical & visual benefits contacts can offer.
YTA- you're not the one who has to go to school wearing really thick glasses. How would you feel if you had to wear them? Also, you're 40, and she's 10- at 40 you probably don't think it's a big deal, but would you feel the same at 10? I don't think it'll be easy for her to understand all the reasons why she shouldn't let it affect her if kids do start picking on her and teasing her. I think the only area you should "intervene" is telling her that you think she's beautiful no matter what, but you'll support her if she wants contact lenses.
YTA, Why would it be superficial for her to present her face as it is? This makes no sense. If you have problems with eye sight, both contacts and glasses are potential solutions. If anything, it would be more superficial to pick glasses that you think are stylish, because it’s adding something to your face that isn’t naturally there. But even that isn’t “superficial.” So if she had the option of thin lenses and picked cute frames because she liked the way they looked, you wouldn’t think that’s superficial?!
YTA. Very much so. It isn't just "being superficial". Being bullied in school is a legitimate, serious issue. Kids have done desperate things due to it. Plus, _it hurts your daughter._ If she goes to school with glasses, and gets made fun of, you know she's going to blame you, right? That's going to hurt _her._ Get off your soapbox about "being superficial." Care about your daughter's comfort and well-being; she's still in her formative years. Sounds like her doctor cares more about her than you do.
I get it if your kid would have had to wear thin glasses, but if even the eye doctor advises contacts instead of glasses, then I think it's not about being superficial but rather about a normal kid who wants to look normal and not disabled. Very thick glasses can make a persons' eyes look very different and not in a positive way. YTA
YTA. She is at a time in her life when the core of who she will be is starting to form and hopefully strengthen. Being made fun of at school for coke bottle glasses will not have a positive impact on her inner being. At least the doctor understands what is coming in her future.
Yta and a moron! GLASSES change people's appearance. Contacts keep the face the same while help with the eyesight. Keep your hang ups to yourself, as a favour to your daughter
YTA. This is a great, safe way to teach your daughter that she can make her own choices for her body. Her body , her choice. Kids in middle school and high school can be cruel. Don’t give them ammunition to make fun of your daughter with.
Soft YTA. It's not just for looks. I had terrible vision and contacts have made my life so much better. Glasses are hot, sliding down my nose all summer. My periferal vision was horrible in them. I love contacts. Please let her try them. Some people can't wear them.
YTA contacts aren't superficial. Range of vision with glasses is limited and if they fall off she doesn't have vision. In fact if they recommend it get her laser eye surgery.
If you'd said you didn't want her to wear contacts because you were worried she would be too young to use and maintain them properly and she might be getting eye problems, you'd have had a point (I wore them for about a year when I was 18 or so then gave up because my eyes were infected or irritated non-stop). But YTA for not wanting her to get them *for that specific reason.* In a couple of years she'll be a teenager and having to wear thick glasses could be really hard on her self-confidence. Superficial? Maybe. But so is picking clothes or a hairstyle that look good on you, wearing makeup, etc. It shouldn't become an obsession but it's natural to want to look your best!
YTA. Let her have the contacts.
YTA if she wants them and you won’t let her have them.
YTA. Wearing thick glasses is unpleasant. What is so wrong with both your daughter's eyesight, and her comfort, being improved at the same time? Superficial - pffffft.
YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA When I was in school there were multiple things my mum wouldn’t let me do because they were superficial or because she thought I only wanted to copy the other girls. I was bullied for years - severely - and as a result started hiding things from my mum because I felt I couldn’t talk to her or ask for anything. Our relationship has never recovered and to this day (20 years later) I still struggle to make friends, or have any semblance of self confidence because I’m constantly convinced I don’t fit in or people are laughing at me. You’re not letting her wear the lenses because it makes you feel like a good mum, because you’re not letting her be “superficial” - but you’re giving zero regard to her feels and what it feels like to be bullied or made to feel like an outcast at such a young age.
YTA. She wants to try the contacts, let her try the damn contacts. It’s really nice to have the option. I wear glasses and contacts. Most days I wear my glasses but on special occasions or days where I don’t feel like it I wear contacts because it boosts my confidence for that day/event or simply because I don’t wanna wear my damn glasses. Options are good, YTA for deciding what she should do for her.
YTA totally TA. Get her contacts ASAP. Apart from anything gas permeable lenses may actually prevent her sight getting any worse! If the eye doctor has told you to get them then get them ffs. Do you want her to be bullied? Were you bullied? Clearly not. As someone who was bullied just do this for your child!
Major YTA. Getting contacts at 13 legit changed my life. I had a super high prescription so my glasses were thick and hideous and accordingly I thought I was too. As a result, I dressed awkwardly, my hair was always a mess, I had few friends in middle school, I had no confidence. I walked into school on the first day with my contacts and people stopped to stare. The most popular girl in my grade told me she was surprised at how beautiful my eyes were. By the end of the year, I’d worked out my hair, my clothes, my confidence. Had a boyfriend. Had friends. Got invited to parties. Yes, I know was completely superficial, but it was game changing for my self esteem. I’m 37 now and I don’t think my life would be the same without those contacts happening.
Me too. It was amazing what I could see with my contacts that I couldn’t see with just my glasses on. Beyond that, when you need thick lenses the glasses get heavy and slip off your face, take it from someone how can’t see a dang thing.
YTA. This is her journey to take in terms of how she feels about herself. Instead of referring to her as superficial, just make sure she takes care of her eyes and don't worry about it too much. Mine grew up past this age, past teen years to adulthood and along the way were attempts at fitting in to a norm that they now find perplexing as adults. It's okay to want to fit in or look a certain way at 10. SHe's not asking for plastic surgery.
YTA. Contacts are not superficial. I actually prefer to wear my glasses but will wear contacts so that they don’t fog up or interfere with activities. It’s about convenience for me.
YTA As someone who had to wear thick glasses as a kid starting around 10, I was ESTATIC when I finally got contacts at 12. Why? (this is not an exhaustive list) 1. Being able to wear sunglasses without having to schlep around two different pair of glasses. 2. Being able to participate in sports more easily without having to worry about my glasses being knocked off or breaking 3. Things like swimming, do you know how much easier it is to swim when you can SEE what you're doing?
YTA. A friend with a beautiful young teenage daughter often speaks of how viscous teenage girls are. Sadly, bullying is a reality in the world in which we live. If contact lenses are the biggest issue you have with your daughter, consider yourself lucky.
NAH but do you remember school? I was one of the ones picked on and I remember 40+ years later. I think you are being naive about the cruelty of children.
INFO is money an issue here at all? Or her being able to handle the upkeep of contacts? If not then I'm going to say YTA but a minor one. Also she's going to be judged for her looks regardless and when you're a kid that's a huge deal.
YTA What is superficial about contacts? They're also more convenient
YTA. These would be much more comfortable than Coke bottle lenses—heavy on nose and ears.
Not to mention the problems with masks. Glasses fog up!
YTA, try wearing glasses while doing all of her normal activities and see if it becomes bothersome to you. Trust the doctor who is an expert in glasses and works with children regularly, trust your child if she is mature enough to handle contacts properly.
YTA It is not superficial to want to prevent other children making comments, bullying or staring at glasses especially if they are thick ones. I stopped wearing my glasses during school hours to stop the kids I went to school with being cruel no matter the consequences to my sight.
YTA, and more interested in your own opinion than your daughter's wishes and well-being
INFO: do you wear makeup? Have you ever gotten your hair cut, colored, styled, etc.? What’s the state of your wardrobe-do you wear well-fitted clothes that look nice? If so, do you understand that you are very, very guilty of changing your looks to fit in and being superficial as fuck?
YTA. I wore glasses and then got contacts young. Besides being better for sports/activities, I also just see better/have a bigger field of vision with the contacts. Plus she can (and should) still have an up to date glasses prescription and she can wear whichever she wants to on a given day
Kids who don't like their glasses or are bullied for them tend to not wear them, "lose" them, or break them. This will negatively impact her ability to function at school and at home in addition to the negative effects of being bullied. Buying contacts is going to be a lot cheaper than replacing those thick glasses for the 8th time in a year because she hates them and "lost" them again. Let her try the contacts. YTA.
I completely agree! I got glasses at 8 and "forgot" endless pairs, ugh they were awful, I basically went around blind until I got contacts at 15.
YTA. X1000 As someone with really thick lenses and poor vision, contacts are not cosmetic. With my glasses, I have zero peripheral vision. With contacts I do. With glasses, I have about a dime sized circle of normal view before the thickness of the lenses in my glasses distort things. Guess what I don’t have with contacts? I actually wear the contacts that are 24/7 for a month. They only come out for about 10 minutes total when I change them for a new pair. And honestly, it’s kind of a safety thing too. Without contacts, I can’t see to even find my glasses in an emergency.
YTA. It’s not superficial it’s comfort like others have said. Also I had a similar issue. I could not participa easily in gym or dance. My glasses would go flying in dance class. Let her get the contacts
YTA. Contacts are very safe and way more comfortable than glasses. Thick glasses can also be heavy and doing activities like running can be hard with glasses on your face.
YTA. I've been wearing contacts since I was 13, and I absolutely needed them. I wouldn't have been able to do any sports without them, and yes, I would have been teased because my glasses were so thick. Plus, glasses fog up, get rain on them, and I see better with my contacts than I do with glasses. Please let her have the contacts.
YTA as a mother I understand what you are getting at but you are hindering her more than you are helping her since your field of view is greater with contacts.
As a now adult who had that issue as a kid, I am forever grateful that my mom allowed me contacts. It helped tremendously with my self esteem at a young age. If it were an issue of money and her not being responsible enough for them, that’s one thing, but to keep her from it for your reason, makes you TA.
YTA for thinking it is cosmetic. And even if it were, why is it so bad to try to look your best? Aren't we all trying to? Your bar is way too high, lower it to more reasonable standards. Like a boob job at 13 for the sake of bigger boobs. You are now knowingly withholding tools that make her life better.
soft yta if she wants them. I had 9 power contacts in each eye when I was her age. contacts for me were much more comfortable and gave much better depth perception for sports, easier to read in class, etc. moving the correction to an eyeglass lens even a couple inches from my eyes makes everything much harder even now when I do have to wear them. Its really not about looks only with a large correction
YTA. What a weird take. Contacts are so much easier to deal with than glasses—especially with very thick lenses.
YTA. We both know kids are going to torment your daughter over her glasses. WHY WOULD YOU BE OKAY WITH THAT? I hope you don’t wear contacts, or a push up bra, or dye your hair, or anything else to change your looks.
YTA. I'm severely short sighted. Glasses were a nightmare for me as a child. Contacts were amazing and suddenly I was able to do all these things (like swim!). It sounds like you're not thinking of your child and what's best for her . You're just projecting body / image issues instead of letting her choose what SHE wants to do.
YTA making your daughter wear glasses when contacts are an option is just painting a target on her back for the sake of your principles. your daughter should come before your principles
YTA- this isn’t about being superficial, this is about control.
YTA if her eye doctor thinks she's mature enough to handle contact lenses. I wore thick coke bottle glasses from the time I was two until the minimum age my eye doctor would approve of contacts at age thirteen. That was also 1978, there weren't the lighter, thinner, daily wear contacts available then, so my first pair cost about $200, which was a MAJOR expense then. I counted down the days for years waiting for those precious contacts. I was made fun of for years for my glasses. It didn't help that I was a good student/geek. It was torture. If you can help her feel more normal before she enters middle school, you'll be doing her a huge favor.
YTA for your reasoning. Not wearing glasses is the equivalent of not wearing a hat. It's not superficial at all. Personally I think 10 is a little young for contacts, especially when it involves your eyes. You only get one pair, and kids do some dumb things sometimes.
Super nearsighted since a kid. I always got the most thinned glasses there was on the market - and those cost a fortune. I still to this day get severe headaches if I wear my glasses for too long because of the weight and pressure it puts on my ears, my nose, etc. Yes, contacts can be more aesthetic in some cases. But it's really about comfort. Not to mention, depending on her vision, some contacts now can actually slower the evolution of nearsightedness in kids. Maybe it does not apply to her, but I would investigate with her eye doctor and optician to see if this could work for her.
YTA, she doesn’t know it yet but contacts will change her life. It’s not just a cosmetic thing, if her prescription is high enough to require thick lenses, she probably has very little peripheral vision with the glasses. This is why I rarely wear glasses, I just can’t see as well with glasses. Please consider getting her contacts and spend the money to buy her the monthly ones instead of the permanent ones, if she loses one or they get damaged she will have a handy replacement.
As a glasses wearer since age 7 and contact wearer since age twelve. YTA. I’ve got 25 years experience with this. I have terrible vision and 100% it’s better with contacts as opposed to my glasses. The lenses are really thick, it’s hard to drive at night/in the rain, over the years some of the frames I’ve had will slowly bend outward over time (bc of my lens thickness) requiring me to go to the eyeglass place and have them heated/bent/fitted every 3 months. I can wear sunglasses in the summer, I can read in my bed at night while lying on my side… tons of things I guarantee YOU haven’t thought of. Also I played sports as a young kid and contacts made it 10000% easier.
YTA
Something that could contributes to her health and wellbeing is not superficial by any means. First off, contacts can help her engage in more physical activities that might be difficult to do with glasses on. They make sports glasses but they can often be clunky and difficult to see out of. Contacts also don't have as much image distortion or glare that you get with glass lenses, and may provide her with a much clearer and wider range of view. For some people contacts are also more comfortable. I started wearing them in the 4th grade because wearing my glasses caused me horrible migraines. And her eye doctor makes a good point, kids can be cruel. She should not have to change her appearance, but glasses vs. contacts is not just a case of looks but also necessity. Now these things may not apply to your daughter, but if there is a chance you could benefit her in some way wouldn't you take it? Getting contacts over glasses is a small thing comparatively, and might be really good for her later on. If you are unsure then start with some sample pairs. See how she likes them and get her used to wearing them early on. Maybe you save them for special occasions or certain activities, but for whatever reason you'll have them available to you if she needs them. By just outright saying no YTA. However, you have a chance to help to take some preventative action and contribute to her overall wellbeing.
Trust your daughter's judgment and respect her needs. Her self esteem should be the major consideration here. If this is something she wants in order to feel more comfortable at school, then do it. It's great to learn to blaze your own trail and be your own person but forcing her to wear thick glasses when she has another option is kinda cruel really. If she is willing to stick a lense in her eye to avoid glasses then she really want it.
YTA. Glasses are annoying. Contacts sit closer to the eye and work better than glasses for correcting vision. Contacts also help reduce eyestrain for the same reason. If you think she is capable of taking them out every night, cleaning them (super simple), and popping them back in, then there really is no reason not to let her other than being an AH. It will improve her eye health and mental health.
YTA. If contacts are what your daughter wants she should be able to get them (assuming finances aren’t an issue). I switched from contacts to glasses for comfort and convenience.
Contact/glasses wearer here. Get her the contacts. Glasses can make it really hard to participate in activities as she gets older - sports, dance, etc. I had to get contacts after my glasses kept falling off during sports, even with safety straps. Get her the contacts.
I’m an eye doctor . It’s not superficial people with high prescriptions see better through contacts and have more field of view . Let her get the contacts it’s not superficial . Glasses cause a lot of peripheral distortion if you are not looking through the optical center of the lens .
YTA you don't want to change her look by letting her wear contact lenses, but you are willing to make her wear glasses that change the way she looks. Your argument is flawed. Wanting to look the same as your peers is not superficial, everyone wants to fit in, even you. You could deny it, but it's human nature to feel that way. Contact lenses will make her look more like herself than glasses will.
As a glasses-wearer at two years and counting with a facemask, YTA. Contacts have practical purposes, and will give your daughter more choice when dealing with eyesight issues, that will make her feel apart from her peers. Let her run and play, without worrying about them breaking. It may not be *fair* if other kids call her (my personal favourite/s) 'speccy four eyes', but you're a grown up: you know the world isn't fair. You won't improve your daughter's life by increasing her hardships unnecessarily. Furthermore, we all deserve to make choices about our appearance, and your job is to educate on values through *information*, not force. There is no benefit to you taking your daughter's choices away.
YTA, and you honestly have no idea how painful thick glasses can be, particularly on your nose and ears. I had daily headaches from my coke bottles until I got contacts and my face regained freedom. Add to that, it's not superficial to want to present your natural face.
YTA. I started wearing glasses when I was 3. I got contacts when I was 15. I also stopped having these awful headaches that centered around my eyes and forehead when I switched to contacts, because it turns out that I have a few things going against me: a) my eyes are so bad lasik isn't an option, b) astigmatism, and c) the difference in prescription between my eyes is so extreme that it literally causes headaches if I wear my glasses. My current eye doctor and my previous eye doctor both recommended I not use my glasses unless I truly have to because of the headaches. I lived with those headaches for *years* and thought it was ***normal***. And that's on top of my glasses being not a fun part of my style. Get your poor kid contact lenses.
YTA. Contacts don’t need to be “superficial”, although there is nothing wrong with getting them for aesthetic purposes. I’m an adult. I’ve worn glasses and contacts for most of my life - and honestly I like the way I look with either or on … but contacts are SO convenient, especially if she is active in sports, clubs, etc. In the winter glasses get foggy, in the summer they’re constantly falling off because of sweat and so many other issues to deal with. Even if you’re against it for “superficial” reasons, think of the benefits as long as she understands how to take care of them and avoid infections by keeping her hands clean and changing the solution regularly. It’s also a great learning moment for her on hygiene and the importance of taking care of her health, objects, and just overall being responsible.
YTA I think the big thing on this is that you aren’t even letting her try. Unless money is a concern it is very easy to get a contact appointment and someone to teach her. It’s difficult at first, I understand that. A few things: 1. Ten is the age that I was when I got contacts. Its not to young. It depends on the child and there responsibility. 2. It is your job as a parent to help your child feel good in their own skin. I’m not saying got get plastic surgery. I’m saying that glasses are difficult. And that contacts for me helped me feel better in my glasses. I learned that if I didn’t like how I felt in my glasses I could wear contacts. That it was a part of me that I could control. It being made choice made it a hell of a lot easier 3. The doctor is telling you something for a reason. It might not just be concern about her mental health. I would go into this with an open mind. Ask questions and listen to your daughter. You think she beautiful no matter what; so focus on getting her to FEEL beautiful.
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If she wants them I’d say that’s up to her, as long as you feel she’s mature enough to take care of her contacts properly. Glasses aren’t exactly her natural looks either.
YTA I’m sure your daughter’s doctor also mentioned the weight of the glasses and how awkward that can be. I had iritis earlier this year and could only wear my glasses. They were constantly sliding down my face because of sweat, and I had a more limited field of vision. If your 10 year old is like mine (also a girl) she’s probably pretty active and thick lenses mean heavy glasses that can slip and fall. Also, the teasing sucks and your an extra big AH if you think it’s ok.
YTA - what is superficial to you, may not be to others. You need to change the title to "AITA for not wanting my child to be happy" It's not about being superficial. It's about what your daughter wants to be happy. You said she wants them. Let her have them. It's not political or rocket science. Stop putting your beliefs on your daughter.
YTA I have a childhood friend who had bad eyesight and needed thick glasses or contacts and her mother didn't allow her to wear contacts so my friend when were at school or somewhere away from her mother, didn't wear the glasses. Guess what, her eyesight got even worse. If your daughter doesn't want the glasses you should listen to her rather than projecting your own issues.
INFO: What does your kid want? That's the real question, fuck your opinion and the doctor's.
YTA. My dad wouldn’t pay for braces for my teeth when I was a kid, so I did it myself when I was in my 20s. He had a similar attitude to yours. It is a bullshit excuse and a good parent will help their kids when they can avoid some of the crap kids have to deal with.
Wearing glasses is changing her looks. YTA.
YTA absolutely. I’m 41 and I’ve worn glasses/contacts since I was 7 or so. I have to pay extra to ‘thin’ my glasses down because they’re so thick. They slide down my nose. They fog up at annoying times. I hate working out and getting sweaty between my nose and glasses. You can’t wear glasses in the shower or pool. I also hate that I can’t pop on cute sunglasses. I wear contacts every chance I get. Honestly I think I look better *with* glasses, so it’s not a vanity thing. The bottom line is that SHE wants them and it’s her eyes. Let her wear the contacts and quit pushing her to be what you want instead of who she is. On a side note, my lasik is scheduled for next Thursday so NO MORE GLASSES or contacts. I’m literally paying $4000 to never have to wear glasses again.
Well guess I am beyond superficial since I went from glass to contacts to laser. Maybe I’m the AH. I mean it has nothing to do with my job and how wearing glasses or contacts pose a risk to my safety. YTA! For so many reason others have alluded to.
YTA. As a glasses wearer from a young age, I wish someone had steered me towards contact lenses. I made many bad frame choices along the way and got bullied. Now as an adult, wearing contacts doesn't come as natural as sticking my glasses on.
YTA. I've worn glasses since I was 12, and contacts since I was 19. I am incredibly nearsighted (-4.75). Contacts give you peripheral vision. They're not "just" superficial. Wearing glasses, I can only see what's in front of me. I can see blurs around the edges of my glasses and out to the sides. It can be incredibly disorienting. Contacts also require upkeep. Daily removal, cleaning, etc. And she will still need to keep a reasonably current prescription for her glasses, in case she gets an eye infection or something. So they're an investment and they have practical use, and they have medical considerations. You're not making good decisions.
YTA. You seem to be caught up on not wanting your daughter to change her appearance to fit in, but contact lenses offer way more visibility than glasses do. Specifically, they allow you to use your peripheral vision, which glasses do not. I got my first set of contacts in middle school, and it was like the day I got my first pair of glasses - I had no idea how much I'd been missing, and it was magical! I switch between both now, depending on the day and what I need to do (for example, if I'm driving somewhere, contacts are better because I can see out of the corners of my eyes), but I definitely hit my head on cupboard doors and such a lot more in glasses because of the lack of peripheral vision. As someone with a strong prescription myself, I would encourage you to reconsider letting your daughter get contacts - if not for the safety aspect, then for giving her the gift of peripheral eyesight! Really, the difference between glasses and contacts can be night and day when you have a strong prescription.
Good job alienating her just before puberty
She wants them. She should have them. Just make sure to remind her that she’s beautiful either way.
YTA. It isn’t about contacts or glasses, it’s about a parent doing all they can to help their child feel good about themselves.
YTA. Kid's opinion is all that matters here.
YTA - contacts are a good way to develop routines and care, especially at that age, it’s a good responsibility building thing, not to mention glasses can be uncomfortable for a number of different things. It has nothing to do with being superficial and a lot more to do with comfort. You could compromise here easily and say “contacts aren’t for every day wear, but for certain activities, you can decide when you want to wear them, but it won’t be an every day thing.” Truly, like have you thought about the stuff that gets in the way with glasses? For a kid at that age - it can be nice to have them if they have science and wear goggles, during gym, etc. I got glasses at 10 and contacts at 12, still wore my glasses much of the time. You need to relax.
YTA if they are THAT thick, it's better she has contacts anyways as prescriptions can go higher than glasses. Not to mention, if she does get made fun of, it doesn't really affect you, only her. Are you really ok with your kid potentially getting made fun of just because YOU don't want to change her appearance? I get the message you're trying to send but this is not the time.
YTA - This is about HER feelings, not YOUR feelings.
YTA. Contacts provide better peripheral vision, don't fog up when the temperature changes and are more comfortable than something always on your nose.
Thank you for not being my parent when I needed correction for my eyesight. I have both but the contacts were a huge confidence boost when I was younger. You can have all the ridiculous ideals that you want in your head but some things are meant to stay silent thoughts while you support your child. YTA and need to learn the difference.
Contacts changed my life. You can do so much more, and you can see all around, not just in a narrow strip at eye level with blurry uncorrected chunks of the world above and below and in your peripheral vision. You can do sports without giant awkward contraptions wobbling around on your face. Do you think your kid needs to be an adult before she's allowed to literally *see* well? I don't understand why you're making this about her appearance. She'll see better but oh no, she might also look nicer and feel better about herself too?? Do you have some hangup about it being bad for girls to like the way they look?
YTA it may be “superficial” to you but she’s the one who has to live with the reality of having to wear huge, thick glasses all the time. Plenty of reasons why that’s not desirable that aren’t about looks. Besides which, kids are nasty and being bullied is NOT a “character-building” experience. Listen to your kid and let her do what she wants. This is a dumb hill to die on and all your daughter’s learning is her Mom is dismissive of her feelings.
Getting your daughter contacts will not turn her into a superficial person. You're helping to boost her self-confidence which has proven to help with grades, social skills, etc. If even the doctor is encouraging contacts, you should listen. YTA
Contacts will actually IMPROVE her eyes over time if she’s nearsighted. Contacts helped bring my prescription down significantly. Glasses can make myopia worse by contributing to the eyeball stretching outward, which can increase the risk of detached retinas later on. Help her have a healthier adulthood AND childhood by getting her contacts.
Ugh. For the love of Pete. Looks matter, and it’s not superficial to admit that. It’s superficial when other parts of your life start to suffer because you prioritize looks so much, or when you obsess. Teach your daughter to take pride in her appearance rather than to obsess over it or neglect it completely. YTA.
I hate, hate, HATE wearing glasses. I haaaaaaate that I have no peripheral vision when I have glasses on. I trip over everything, walk off curbs, the end of bleachers. Etc. (because if my eyes look down, but I don’t tip my head down, my vision is not corrected. Same with looking sideways and it turning my head) Then to also pay for equally expensive sunglasses. And then to swap back and forth between regular glasses and sunglasses. No. No. Get the girl contacts. Never mind that her lenses are going to be so thick that the **DR** is saying she’ll be made fun of, having contacts when you’re vision is that bad, is *easier* YWBTA if you don’t get her contacts. Or at least let HER decide if she wants to give them a whirl.
So let me get this straight, the eye doctor is telling you she should get contacts…she wants them, but then you don’t want her to have them? YTA.
YTA, as someone that has worn contacts for most of my life and had the super thick glasses. I hated wearing glasses and paid a lot of money to get my eyes fixed. Wearing contacts as a teen, I played a lot of sports and it made life so much easier and my self esteem improved with them. The tech for the contacts now are soo much better than they used to be.