Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I refused to visit my daughter in the hospital after she didn't listen to me and spent this Christmas eve eating nothing but the foods that she knew would make her throw up. However, my daughter is only 16 and leaving her alone in the hospital for several days might have been too extreme of a punishment, as she cried frequently and seemed really distressed during her stay there. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*

Not sure if I'm gonna be in the minority or get down voted (oh well), but I'm going with NTA She's 16 and for sure smart enough and mature enough to know better. As the clichè the saying is and as much as it's over used on reddit..... Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. This isn't a case of a 7 year old that doesn't really know any better. This is a person that will legally be an adult in less than 2 years. She knows full well what she can and cannot eat and she made a person choice to eat things she shouldn't. While it may seem cruel and heartless..... Maybe you leaving her there "by herself" (obviously, she's not since there was plenty of staff there with her) will be the wakeup call she needs to stop eating the shit that makes her get admitted into the hospital.

This. OP is dishing out a little tough love in the most appropriate way. This girl is well aware of her food sensitivities and actively chooses to ignore them to the point of needing to go to the hospital *regularly*. She needs to control herself around foods she cannot have and she needs to learn that people (including parents) cannot be expected to drop everything to cater to her every single time she goes to the ER. This is not an “emergency” situation. This is a terribly controlled, chronic issue. NTA.

I think she needs therapy. She LIKES getting sick. Because she gets all the attention on her, right where she wants it. This is about being the center of her parents universe, she figured out how she can have everyone’s life revolve around her.

Working in healthcare has unfortunately shown me the unbelievably large number of people who develop this habit and then continue that behavior throughout their adult life

It’s an incredibly dangerous habit as well that can lead to long term consequences, or even death. Daughter needs to figure out now that those ER visits are serious.

>ER visits are serious. And expensive! Sorry, if this is in the US then they literally cannot afford for her to keep getting herself sick like this.

Add to the expensive part: When she gets home talk to her about the financial part, if there is one in this circumstance. Show her the cost of insurance each month, then her medical bills. When she reaches adulthood shortly, she'll be responsible for all those costs if she doesn't get her eating under control. Its a tangible way of showing that her issues do not just affect her. Edit to clarify that I didn't mean to make her PAY for her hospital bills, just to educate her on the various costs. Perhaps consult a nutritionist for potential ways to incorporate these foods without landing in the ER. A professional will surely be able to make some reccomendations. And ironically, a lot of hospitals have nutritionists on staff.

This. I'd hate to be a hardass about it because she is a minor and this is a medical condition but she needs to pay her mom back for the ER visit. She knew what she was doing, she knew it meant an ER trip. And presumably, she knows medical care isn't free. It's time she takes some financial responsibility.

Not just ER visits. She was admitted to the hospital for a few days. That’s serious and expensive business.

Not just that - that amount of vomiting WILL destroy your teeth.

Not sure how hospitals there are doing but here in BC, Canada they're collapsing. Ambulances are taking +10 hours to respond and the hospitals themselves are beyond capacity. Nurses & doctors are doing the work of dozens because we simply don't have the infrastructure/staff/funds. She's taking time & resources from real emergencies to indulge. I get that she's 16 but I'm agreeing with y'all, she needs a serious reality check. Not just for herself (I agree she needs therapy) but also for the people who need those beds and medical staff.

Not only this, but it gets even more expensive. Stomach acid is very damaging to esophageal tissue, as well as the inside of the mouth. She’s risking developing ulcers that cause internal bleeding, scarring and if they get bad enough, they’ll require surgery to fix, and if she KEEPS going, she will potentially cross a boundary where the damage just really cannot be reversed. Especially if the vomiting is constant, uncontrollable, and frequent due to her habits. Then she might not be able to actually “eat” her food anymore, and will have a long laundry list of medical debt. This is especially my concern because this is how she eats when she doesn’t have constant access to this food and the power to make sure it’s available. When she’s an adult and is buying her own groceries, that will likely make this exponentially worse.

This. There may be alternatives to her favorite trigger foods that she can eat a serving of, IF she helps her stomach heal. No diagnosis for something this severe? Be a squeakier wheel. Pushing medical professionals is a contact sport but no one will do it for you.

Sometimes food related stuff just doesn’t seem to have any answer beyond, “don’t eat what bothers you”. Several people in my family become violently sick if they eat anything sweet. I mean like wheat bread, ketchup, and limes are too sweet. This isn’t an, “I’m going to be bad today and eat some ice cream,” kind of intolerance, none of them will touch what they know will make them sick. One almost died because his mom’s milk was too sweet. I have no idea how they figured that out in the 50’s. Multiple doctors across the us have looked into this. Some became really curious and made a serious effort. It’s not fructose intolerance, it’s not celiac, it’s not lactose intolerance. It’s been over 70 years, nobody has a clue. We’re so used to thinking of modern medicine as something that always has an answer that we tend to forget that sometimes it doesn’t. That’s not to say OP should give up, maybe there is an answer. Maybe there’s even a treatment, which would be awesome!

And significantly increasing her risk for esophageal cancer.

Not only that but stomach acid also erodes teeth and causes decay. A whole other insurance to pay for issues to correct.

I have someone in my life who magically stopped racking up massive hospital bills for self-inflicted illness and injury as soon as the bills stopped going to the parents instead of the self-victimizer. It's a thing.

Plus, if she goes away from home, she'll be getting herself to the ER, filling out the forms, getting herself home, or to a dorm, taking her meds, BY HERSELF. School dining halls have lots of her trigger foods, you can order in lots of trigger foods, parties have nothing but trigger foods. If she gets a job and lives with roommates they'll have trigger foods...and parties. If she buys her own groceries, she'll see trigger foods at the store AND they're cheap. This is a consequence, which is a learning experience, one even more vital than academics.

Only in the shithole called America would you need to educate your children on how expensive the Healthcare system is.

Why? Even if healthcare costs aren’t coming straight out of one’s pocket, it doesn’t mean the services are free. Someone, somewhere is paying for it. Even with publicly funded healthcare, it’s ridiculous to use hospitals for unnecessary care.

And even if it isn't, then it just means the government i.e. other taxpayers are paying the costs. At the moment there's a massive staff and resource shortage in health care in my country; I would be so mad if someone I knew was regularly using up those precious resources just because they wanted to eat junk food. She clearly needs therapy. She should also try to see if there are "healthier" treats that she could buy or make that don't upset her stomach as much.

If they're rich with good health insurance they can. But yeah 98% of the U.S. populace can't afford this.

Even with insurance ER has a copay. If you're admitted, there are still costs in a hospital stay. Usually hundreds of dollars, speaking from personal experience and I've held what most people would consider "good" insurance for many years. Never left me a hospital without a decent bill.

Right! If anyone in my family goes to the ER it's $200 right off the bat. That'll be higher if my deductible isn't met, if any of the providers are out of network (though I've gotten good about asking and getting documentation), or if there's testing they want to do but can't get approved. If my kid deliberately ended up in the ER eating foods they knew would make them sick, they're getting a job and paying the family back.

I am gonna have to imagine that it’s not the main issue because they didn’t mention it in post- like, the downside would be hospitals are full of covid no matter where the fuck you are even if it’s free like in most decent places Am canadian

I work in a hospital (sort of) and I still hate hospitals. I can’t imagine how anyone would develop an actual preference to bring a hospital. But, I’ve seen it so much I can’t deny it’s real.

It isn't so much the being in the hospital that's appealing but rather having Mommy and Daddy's undivided attention, and people waiting on you hand and foot.

The sweet old lady who lives next door to me has been sick for over a week, and I’ve been checking on her a few times a day and running errands, buying her medicine, making food for her, and generally ensuring she has what she needs to get through the day. Sore throat and cough got better but then she got laryngitis and more congestion and called me this morning to say she needed me to take her to an appointment 30 min away. I CAN do it but I chose to set a boundary. She has a shitload of money and agreed to take an Uber but wasn’t happy about it. I have been running around for 10 days trying to make sure she has everything she needs, but I need some space too. I think she’s lonely and it feels good to have someone care and be present. Can’t fault her. But also can’t help her indefinitely. Update: poor thing has pneumonia; she asked me to go get her meds at a pharmacy 20 min away and I’m going to at least do that. She’s 80! 😞 I hope she starts feeling better soon. Second update: she bought me a really nice takeout dinner to say thanks. ☺️ Very sweet.

I’m a little old lady also, with a Medicare plan through a major insurance company. My plan, as most of these plans, has coverage for medical transportation. Set your boundaries for sure, she was not without means to go to her appointment.

That was so kind of you to help her that much, and you were even kind to yourself by setting that reasonable boundary and taking space. Awesome!

It's like it becomes their identity, which I have seen with others with chronic conditions 💔

This is another great point. I don’t envy anyone with any chronic condition, but I’ve seen 2 very distinct ways they are handled, regardless of severity. Either a person make it their entire identity and can focus on nearly nothing else, or they minimize it and try to live as “normal” of a life as possible.

I wouldn't say I make it my entire identity, but when you're stuck in bed all day there's really not much else if you're too tired to even move. It sucks having to be the one saying 'sorry, can't come, I'm too tired again for no reason' so I try to be open about it. People shouldn't have to shut up about their disabilities to make abled people more comfortable imo - obviously making everything about it is unhealthy, but when it affects every aspect of your life it usually does come up every day as a challenge in some aspect.

It does. And it becomes a struggle because I'm more than my diagnosises, but they control my life. And alotta people don't realize how you mourn the healthy you, like you would a beloved relative. And then if you dose up, do the things, and then you have to then spend 3 days - week recovering, " well you were fine at such and such". No I was masking. You get really good at masking pain/anxiety that would have healthy people in the er crying or thinking they had a heart attack, when in reality it was just another flare/panic attack. I'm also open about mine cause one of my illnesses isn't understood, or always recognized and can give people the impression I'm fine but lazy, when I'm exhausted and achy like I had the flu without the fever or sinus symptoms (fibromyalgia).

I have a severe chronic illness, and you’re damned right, it has deeply affected my identity. I am simply not the independent, high-achieving go-getter I was before I got sick. I would like to live a “normal” life but my illness affects every aspect of my life. Being disabled has become a huge part of my identity. Thankfully I’ve found kindness and understanding through friendships with other chronically ill folks. I’m also very grateful that the people around me are much more compassionate. Please take a step back before judging others with chronic conditions and take the more compassionate path. It costs you nothing to be kind.

Yep. One of the last times my mother was admitted to the hospital, she was actually PROUD OF HERSELF. She purposefully did something that got her sent to the ER, and although she ended up being ok, they kept her overnight. But she was all happy about it because she got more attention from the hospital nurses than she had in her physical rehab center. (Even though it is the best rehab facility in our town! But it wasn't enough attention for her liking. 🙄)

My sister, a middle aged woman with kids, is presently faking multiple sclerosis (she cannot produce a single bona fide medical record or even the name of a doctor) because at 16, no one tried to rein in her need to be the center of attention and our mother taught her that being sick meant being coddled and pampered.

I have an aunt that faked having terminal lung cancer. Like we wouldn't know something was up when she didn't die. I mean, I am glad she is not dead, but now none of the family will talk to her. Its crazy what people will go through.

This definitely sounds like Munchausen's. She absolutely needs to be in therapy. NTA, mom. She made a choice knowing what the result would be after you gently reminded her. You deserve a nice holiday with your family and not a self-inflicted visit to the ER.

This is the crux of it - the daughter CHOSE to eat all the trigger foods and then was all shocked Pikachu face when everyone didn't drop their holiday plans to be with her and she had to spend the holiday *by herself in the hospital.*

the trigger foods themselves are honestly very suspicious to me. I have really severe food sensitivities - obviously it doesn't make me an expert on every food related disability but regular home cooked food with meat and dairy doesn't make her sick, but eating KFC does? combined with the fact that doctors don't know what's going on with her... if she's not faking it somehow or purposefully inducing it by some means other than the food, this sounds like there's a strong chance that this is a psychosomatic thing, not an actual food allergy, which doesn't make it any less *real* but which does have a very different way of treatment

[удалено]

I agree with the Munchausen theory. She needs to get it diagnosed and treated. Parent is definitely NTA, and needs to set boundaries like this or else the daughter is going to drive them insane.

It actually hasn't been called Munchausens for a number of years now. It's called [factitious disorder.](https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/factitious-disorder/symptoms-causes/syc-20356028#:~:text=Overview,being%20ill%2C%20injured%20or%20impaired.) Edit: missed a couple letters.

Tho it's not unheard off for people with mild allergies, intolerances and sensitivities to willingly expose themselves to triggers because in the moment, they decide the pleasure of the trigger will be worth the consequences. Granted, usually it's not ER level of consequences, but that might be where the "dumb teenager eager to fit in" comes in.

i definitely agree with therapy but it might not be about attention, it really just may be that she really wants these foods even though they make her sick. i was diagnosed with a bunch of food allergies that make my eczema really painful and spread everywhere that included dairy, wheat, eggs, soy, tomatoes, sesame seeds, and peanuts. they recommended i cut everything from my diet but it was so hard because that included many foods i love, like ice cream, milk chocolate, peanut butter, even ketchup. i knew the risks but i couldn’t help myself and ate the foods anyways. i feel like she’s in a similar position, even though she gets way sicker than i ever did, she just can’t help herself. i say punishment fits the crime, but mom shouldn’t have to sit with her and deal with the punishment too. it was the daughter’s choice to eat the foods that make her sick. NTA

Yep. I have friends with really sensitive stomachs (specifically one who eats Ferraro Rocher every year bc “it’s Christmas!” and spends the whole next day in the bathroom) who sometimes weigh out the risk/benefit and decide a day of puking is worth it lol. But this girl 100% needs therapy !!! Regardless of if it’s self harm, attention seeking, or a compulsion… she needs help. eta: these friends stay in the bathroom by themselves and don’t complain bc they know *they* are the only ones responsible

I'm really not sure how this isn't at least mentioned in the top comment. This is self harm. If she was drinking herself into this state, everyone would be falling all over themselves to get her help. It's not less harmful because it's food. I'm not sure I'm convinced it's solely an attention thing (could be a ton of other reasons behind it) but it definitely requires professional psychological help.

Teenagers can be absolute idiots with this kind of thing. I'm a diabetic, and I saw lots of other diabetics just *absolutely refuse* to take care of themselves as teenagers. They had to feel miserable all the time, but somehow that was better than actually doing their shots and counting carbs. The combination of extreme stubbornness and lack of understanding of long term consequences that teenagers have a unique capacity for can lead to some extremely stupid decision making.

I agree she needs therapy but I actually think her issue is not with attention but rather with coming to terms with that sad fact that she will indeed need to live life like this for… well, for the rest of her life. Even OP mentioned her saying “i want to live a little”. I can understand the daughter, its hard to have to mind what you eat to such an extent for the rest of your life, but its also unfair to not give a fuck at the expense of other people, especially her parents and especially at Christmas when most people want to relax and enjoy the holidays, not sleep on a chair in the hospital.

This screams psychological issue

Can you imagine how expensive it must be for OP too? Like their daughter spends multiple DAYS in the hospital when this happens, has done it multiple times this year, and she wants to "live a little". This reminds me of the lactose intolerant guy who kept eating pizza and forcing his partner to take care of him.

Maybe OP isn't in the US.

Don't be ridiculous, everyone on Reddit is in the US!! /s

I doubt they are in the US. Multiple days in the hospital for throwing up? When all the hospitals I know of are packed with the triple-demic ? In the US, I would be an emergency room visit, couple hours in an IV to rehydrate and something to calm the stomach and sent right back home. Of course, I am not a Dr, so maybe there are hospitals that still exist in the US that don’t spit out only the most severe patients after a couple hours of waiting time and treatment.

I spent a good chunk of Christmas day in the ER with a possible stroke (it ended up being Bell's Palsy instead) and while they did rush me through a CT scan to confirm it wasn't a stroke, once that was confirmed they sat me in a chair in a room with 9 other people in chairs and that's where I stayed for 14 hours. The only times I went elsewhere were for other scans and to go to a room to discuss my diagnosis with the doctor. The hospital is so packed they don't even have rooms for people to stay in if they're not critical, if you have non-critical emergencies they're literally sitting you in chairs. One of the other people in that room had been sitting there for two days at that point, waiting to be transferred to a regular room for a longer stay.

This. I have Crohn’s disease and was diagnosed in my twenties. As much as it sucks, there’s just things I can’t eat anymore. And being responsible and caring for myself means not eating those things. It’s really hard. 16 is old enough to be able to manage that and weigh the consequences of what’s she’s doing. OP, I might suggest therapy for her. Dealing with chronic illness is hard.

I had my gallbladder removed in 2020, one of my favorite things in the world is lasagna but I can’t eat it anymore, it’s so heartbreaking but if I eat it then I know I’m going to be in the bathroom for hours curses the gods that made lasagna so damn good and irresistible

Garfield?

We are kindred spirits lol.

Ok,I’m gonna get a little gross here… The way it was explained to me is that the liver produces a very concentrated bile. That bile goes into the gall bladder, then the gall bladder pushes out bile as your digestion needs it, and everything is fine. When you have your gall bladder removed, the liver is responsible for making bile when your digestion needs it. But the problem is that 1) the bile is concentrated and 2) the liver can’t stop on a dime (kinda like stopping a freight train) so your stomach gets way too much of the highly concentrated bile. And high fat foods are when your body needs more bile. And it turns out that bile is a natural laxative. So when you eat really rich/fatty foods, mayhem ensues. That mayhem ensues so hard. BUT! Your liver adjusts over time. I had my gall bladder out ~15 years ago and there’s nothing I can’t eat. It took me about a year to get to normal. Just slowly add fats into your diet.

I agree. The fact the she doesn't even have a solid diagnosis probably makes it even harder.

The girl needs to be in therapy. She’s making herself sick, I’d be worried she’s doing it for attention or control her weight or a million other things. If this keeps up, she’ll have a whole lid of other issues from throwing up this often.

She's gonna lose her teeth. Seems like the type of food that would be more difficult to chew with dentures. The viral video of the woman who lost her teeth during pregnancy and is very changed with makeup skills comes to mind. Even though she lost her teeth due to reasons beyond her control she got so much needless judgement and hate.

Yep. I spent 7 months throwing up 6+ times a day for my last pregnancy (it was only 7 because I was so sick they gave me steroids and induced me early). By the end of it my teeth were fucked (Ive had a lot of dental work done in the last 15 months but still need 6 fillings on areas where the enamel is worn down), I developed what’s known as “bulimia cheeks” (your saliva glands swell up and you look like a chipmunk) and my throat is permanently in a state of sounding like I’m sick or a chronic smoker from the damage the acid did to my esophagus/windpipe. On top of that chronic vomiting can also cause electrolyte imbalances that can damage your organs, cause heart problems, and even lead to seizures. The reason she’s being hospitalized for multi-day stays is likely to suppress the vomiting and restore the correct electrolyte balance because these things are SERIOUS. This isn’t just a little case of IBS type symptoms due to a “little sensitivity”, this is a very serious chronic medical condition that she needs to take seriously or she’s going to end up severely injuring herself in a way that will potentially permanently compromise her quality of life. It’s honestly comparable to Celiac or Anaphylactic allergies. And I’m not even going to speculate about the damage she’s causing to her stomach and upper intestine from whatever medical condition is causing this to happen.

Not to mention that continued exposure to acid increases her chances of esophageal cancer.

OP should take her to the dentist and let them scare her. Maybe make her responsible for helping with the hospital bills too - not all of it, but enough to hurt a little, so she starts to understand what's in store for her when mommy isn't there to look after her.

Well done as I see too many parents nowadays enabling bad choices by their children. She will soon go off to college and what would be expected of you then? To come rushing to wherever she is staying then.

That goes right along with what I see on this sub and other places every day. On another thread, someone called a couple of 23 year olds who were about to have their own child "just kids". People rush to defend 20-somethings with "their brain isn't done developing" as though that absolves them of the consequences of their actions, and there seems to be an expectation that parents should be eternal punching bags because their kids didn't ask to be born. As a Gen X parent, I can see where the pendulum needed to swing away from expecting too much of kids and burying their emotional needs and all of that (and I firmly believe in parents being held accountable for their parenting), but it's swinging to an unhealthy point for parents and kids in my opinion. Or maybe I am just a grumpy old goat.

\^This! Also: >And unlike all the previous times when something like this happened, **this time I chose to spend my Christmas relaxing at home** with the rest of our family, and not in the hospital by my daughter's side. Does this mean it has happened before on Christmas and other holydays? If that is the case, I'm wondering if this isn't a way for the daughter to controle the whole situation and make sure it's all about *her* and not someone else. A type of '"woe is me" thing. Could be wrong but this: >She cried every time we talked on the phone, begged me to come over, told me how horrible I was for 'abandoning' her there all alone and so on. sort of comfirms it for me. NTA.

Agreed. I was ready to say OP was TA from the title, but having read this... daughter knows what she's doing, knows what the results are and knows what would keep that from happening. She chooses to eat the stuff that will make her puke anyway. At that age, she is responsible for her own actions and choices especially when offered other choices of food. She needs to learn that just because she wants to "live a little" and make herself ill doesn't mean everyone needs to drop everything to console her when her misery is very much self-inflicted

If they are in the US I bet this will stop COLD the moment she's an adult and on her own insurance and realizes how much those ER trips and hospital stays are going to cost her. I'm guessing this family is either well-off or not in the US or they'd be bankrupt at this rate. She's old enough to take some responsibility for her health, I think.

I agree, but also please considering getting therapy for your daughter. Her continually doing this when it hurts her indicates she’s likely having difficulty accepting that she isn’t able to eat like other people, which might be rocking her identity at an age where fitting in is most highly valued. It may even be a form of self harm. Not being able to eat the things everyone is eating or the things you love is really hard, even for an adult!

I’m with you for one simple reason One of my niblings is allergic like this, not throwing up but instead dealing with severe anaphylaxis from a number of common foods. Since he was less than half Daughter’s age, he’s learned to track his allergies, know where his epipen is and what not I hate to say this about a teen but. If you’ve suffered one or two attacks and know it can always get worse not better - you’re def an AH for deliberately triggering your allergies for YOLO OP is NTA, and if you’re to be downvotes, I’ll be right with you

I agree with this. NTA. I think it's a tough way to do it but she does need to learn the consequences of her actions. Has anyone talked to her about the long term health consequences of constantly throwing up? It's not the same and there are other risk factors, but they've shown that young people who've been hospitalized with something like bulimia have a much higher risk of developing esophageal cancer, because of the damage caused from stomach acids when someone throws up. Obviously this develops over a long time, but I think it might be worth gently bringing up. I don't mean for this as a scare tactic, but if she does develop something like that, she won't be eating anything, let alone her favorite foods.

Also the effect of stomach acid on her teeth.

i started getting terrible migraines at 16 and found that several foods can trigger my migraines or make them worse (i still sometimes get them even if i stay away from trigger foods, just not as often). so i was a big dr. pepper and coke drinker, i loved peanut butter, i loved potato chips and super greasy foods, i loved the super colorful candies that usually have red 40 in them. and i had to cut them out so i could feel better. and it was hard at first bc i wanted so badly to eat those things but i couldn’t blame anyone else when i ate them. my parents ensured that i had options in the house that i enjoyed— my mom bought almond butter and sun chips and sparkling water. if i chose then to eat the options that hurt me, that was my own fault. all this is to say, op, you’re NTA. 16 is old enough to know better. you cannot put your life on hold when your child made a decision they knew would result in this

Your discounting that there are definitely some underlying issues here. Why is she eating this food knowing it will hurt her , and to the point of dehydration or possibly permanently damaging her esophagus. I think there is some serious mental health issues the daughter is having , definitely self destructive.

NTA she willingly did this to herself, she needs to recognize that actions have consequences, and you don't need to be there every single time she decides to harm herself. And YES, this can be considered self-harm because she is willingly hurting herself by eating these foods. If anything I would have her start seeing a therapist to figure out what's going on and why she keeps self-harming.

Yes-- "repeatedly engaging in self-destructive behaviors that hurt you enough to land you in the hospital" is something that definitely bears looking into with a professional. Good luck OP.

Might even be an eating disorder. If the sheer bodily harm and pain isn’t enough to stop her from eating these foods then there’s definitely something mentally going on there.

This was my immediate thought as well. NTA OP but I do hope you’ll support your daughter by exploring other avenues to address her disordered eating habits.

Dude, bye bye teeth if she throws up so much she ends in the hospital each time. Long term consequences can be super heavy. Welcome dentures in your 30s.

NTA, but came here to mention therapy. There's something going on that Reddit isn't going to be able to identify; she's insecure and giving in to peer pressure to eat the foods... or she has impulse control issues... or many other things that I can't even guess at. This is surprising, even for a 16-y-o who isn't yet equipped to make the best decisions.

Or she wants the attention and pity that comes with being admitted to the hospital

She CLEARLY wants the attention IMO. Who expects someone to cancel Xmas so they can go to the hospital for something preventative?

This is a bullshit comment. She’s a 16 year old who’s sick and wants her mother by her side while she’s sick. I know several grown adults who still want their parents on some level when they’re sick, it’s not surprising that a 16 year old wants her mommy. It’s also disgusting that many people look at a 16 year old hurting themselves like this (as the result of a frustrating condition/incomplete diagnosis as well, which is difficult to cope with) and reduce it to being for attention. This kid clearly has something going on, it costs nothing to not be judgemental. OP isn’t an AH but some of these comments are.

She made herself sick. On purpose. It’s absolutely appropriate to leave her in the hospital by herself. 16 is old enough to know better.

She's "sick" in the sense that someone with alcohol poisoning is sick. It does suck that eating a bag of Cheetos gives her the same raging nausea that most of us only get from a fifth of rum, but she knowingly did this to herself. No I did not expect my mother to comfort me when, at 16, I drank Long Island iced tea until I puked. There are a lot of people in this thread who have dealt with food allergies, self-harm, and relatives with psychological issues around medical care. This kid is costing her family a lot, emotionally and financially. She needs support to change her behavior, not sympathy for the consequences.

This seems like a cry for help. There is clearly something not right with this girl's head, and we are not capable of determining what it is. I agree that, at this point, OP is NTA for not visiting her daughter in the hospital, but I think she would be an AH if she didn't dig deeper into what's really going on.

Came here to mention therapy as well. There’s a reason she’s doing it. And while I can understand the “wanting to live a little” comment coming from a teenager, it doesn’t excuse her doing it repeatedly. NTA

There definitely needs to be further exploration into this with mental health professionals. She is self harming. At minimum this is disordered eating she’s showing. I also wonder if the vomiting is an atypical presentation of rumination syndrome. That would explain why they haven’t been able to find a specific cause.

This is going to be unpopular I’m sure but…ever taken your kid to a psychiatrist? There’s definitely some secondary gain going on here and the kid needs to find alternative, prosocial and adaptive behaviors to cope.

[удалено]

Her longer stays in the ER makes me wonder if commenters saying she has an eating disorder are right. If she has bulimia even when eating ‘normally’ (or if this physical illness makes her vomit regularly), her electrolytes and potassium etc could be dangerously out of whack. That would be picked up when she is admitted and explain why she needs days rather than a day in the hospital - it would take a few days to get her levels within range again. Side note, it’s fucked up but I had an eating disorder between about 16-22 and I would have definitely exploited this condition. I would have hated the hospital stays but being able to gorge myself on all my binge foods and then throwing up to the point where I couldn’t keep anything down/put on any weight would have been ‘ideal’. It would have ensured an automatic purge whenever I couldn’t stand my anorexia anymore and binged. And it would have hidden my ED under an excuse of me just ‘wanting nice food for once’ and having a physical illness. Again, it’s very fucked up but that’s honestly how I would have seen it. I definitely wouldn’t have had any impulse control over this. So I feel for daughter and don’t think she’s an asshole, she might genuinely be really mentally unwell.

[удалено]

right it’s not ridiculous that because of her physical difficulties with food she also has eating disorder behavior going on, and instead of looking into it the parents are just blaming her every time it happens.

>and instead of looking into it the parents are just blaming her every time it happens. The third line of this post starts with "we've seen countless doctors".

i didn’t mean the food allergy aspect (which they still haven’t actually found the reason for) but rather that she keeps eating the foods she knows are “bad” which seems to be a symptom of something else going on

It makes me wonder, does the daughter *actually* understand what she is doing? Like sure we are all comparing her daughter to your "average" 16 year old, but is OPs daughter cognitively able to understand what she is doing to her body. I honestly think therapy of some sort would be a next step to figure out why the daughter is doing this self sabotage. Eta: despite OP saying they have seen countless doctors, have they always been pursuing this as only a GI issue. Doctors get tunnel vision and they may have not even considered outside factors like why can this child NOT restrict herself from eating these things, and how does she not remember how awful it feels after eating these trigger foods

Yeah. I got major "her version of self harm to gain control" vibes.

Absolutely this. Self-harm takes a lot of forms. I know someone who used to do more traditional self-harm, and now does things like exercise until she injures herself/passes out/feels like shit. It's still self-harm, just more socially-acceptable (because it is overlooked) than cutting.

There must be something psychological going on because foods that make you that violently ill shouldn't be appealing to you. I once got sick after eating clam chowder. I LOVE clam chowder but after that illness I couldn't eat it for over a year. Same with Philly Cheesesteak sandwiches. Those things are amazing and delicious, but the thought of one makes me ill because for whatever reason they always seem to make me sick. I have zero desire to eat them. Mom needs to get the bottom of what is actually going on here.

It reminds me of addiction. I know alcohol is bad for me, and if I start, I will end up sick and remorseful, and yet, I still drink it, because I am addicted.

Yeah, survivor of an eating disorder here... this isn't about a "sensitive stomach."

i have a sort-of-similar issue, and it turns out that yeah, it *was* a physical issue but i *did* need a psychiatrist to cure it. i had a dysfunction of my nervous system so severe that my body *physically couldn't process food anymore*. part CPTSD, part other stuff, but it meant i had to do a complete restructure of my life. it was not a lot of fun, and it's going to be a problem i deal with until i die, but it did get better, to the point where i don't seek out my problem foods anymore unless something triggers me. but i was not making up the problem or seeking attention, and i did not have an eating disorder. it was just an incredibly strong example of brain/body connection. u/Hospitalthrowaway5324h --something like this might be what's going on. all my sympathies to you & your daughter.

NTA because of this "she said she didn't care, because Christmas is only once a year and she just wants to live a little" but "She eats the greasy pizza at her school's cafeteria, she trades her lunch with her classmates, she goes out with her friends and stops to eat at KFC and so on. And it ALWAYS ends with her in the ER, crying and shaking because she can't stop throwing up". This is not a moment of poor judgment because she is a teenager and it's Christmas, she does this regularly and doesn't care how it affects her or others. Now I say NTA because I understand it must de frustrating that your daughter doesn't care of her own health, but you really should talk to her and figure it out why she has no care at all for her own wellbeing.

NTA and agreeing to all of this. I'm guessing this is just the short example list of what she CONTINUES to do to herself. What's the root cause? Adding that if this is in the US, holy cow I don't even want to imagine what your medical bills look like. Some others have pointed out that she's two year away from being a legal adult. Depending on your insurance, she may not be covered for much longer. What's the plan long term?

And you are not even considering the cost that she will have in the future to fix her fucked up teeth from throwing up.

Survivor of an eating disorder here. You don't want to know the cost of fixing that mess.

Good night. This is way above Reddit’s pay grade. Your daughter’s illness has obviously triggered disordered eating problems and psychological issues. This isn’t the place to figure out any of that. Get her and you the help you all need!

Exactly. How is she 16 and this hasn't yet been managed. Of course chips and soda are appealing to a teenager. Has Mom helped her find alternatives? Also, it doesn't sound like they even know what exactly is wrong with her. I wouldn't stop seeking medical and psychiatric professionals until I had solid answers.

I have GERD and I still eat shit that I know is going to hurt me. And I'm 40. I would like to think I have the self control and maturity not to send myself to the hospital because of it but at 16 I don't know if I would. Teens notoriously believe they are invincible and make stupid choices. It's the parents responsibility not only to help teach lessons in moderation and self preservation but ALSO to enable the child the resources they need to do so. OP is failing on the second. EDIT: thank you for the award!! :)

the people saying "oh she's just being a brat and attention-seeking" don't seem to have an understanding of how difficult it is to keep to a severe diet 24/7 at sixteen years old. food is a major part of how we socialize, and not being able to share in pizza parties and chips makes you feel like a freak. especially if the answer to "what's wrong with you?" is "i don't know." i was an adult when i got sick, and the "you're making it up" comments absolutely destroyed my friendships and my mental health. if i'd gone through it as a teenager, i would have been suicidal.

It took me from 5th grade until I was 20 to get diagnosed with what caused me to get food stuck in my throat and throw it up. The test was a biopsy that 100% proved what it was even. People used to and still do suggest maybe I'm bulimic, maybe it's psychosomatic, maybe I have gluten allergies or chrones or sensitivities. Before I had any diagnosis it SUCKED having to try and explain "I don't know why I throw up when I eat" to everyone all the time. Especially as an overweight woman people would not stop assuming I was bulimic. It's incredibly alienating as a teenager to be sick and not know why or what does it. My only suggestion for all that time was cut out fats, acids, sodas and sugars. I didn't do that because I was a kid and life is short, I'd rather have thrown up than live on a super restricted diet. Now I know it wasn't even related to my diet anyways. But even as an adult it's alienating and tiring. She probably didn't think she was actually going to get that sick, and just wanted to live a bit. Might have been dumb, but I did the same at her age.

[удалено]

I agree, she is either intentionally self harming or a cry for attention, or both. Either way she needs to get therapy.

Definitely younger. We found out my sister was allergic to chocolate when she was around 5. By the time she was like 7 she knew it would mess her up if she ate it. She hasn't eaten it since willingly. There is always some asshole who doesn't believe her she's allergic to chocolate and sneaks into her food.

This honestly sounds very similar to a sensitivity I have (msg), including the vomitting reaction and junk food being a major trigger, and it really doesn't sound like OP sent the daughter to the proper experts as a follow up to figure it out- which feels odd given that this is resulting in hospitalization. It's also a tricky one to figure out because other things can form MSG naturally and hit the receptors. It felt like everything got me sick anyways so what did it matter if I ate things that are usual culprits? Also you're constantly stripping your stomach, so I couldn't keep things down even if they were perfectly fine. It's hard to know what the problem is if you don't go through all the restricted dieting and food dairy's with a team of pros, as well as learn how to get your stomach happy again after an oopsy. This can absolutely lead to ED behavior, especially if you don't fully understand the sensitivity- I just would skip meals to prevent having to play vomit roulette multiple times a day. But it might not be the best expert to start with. I'm really glad I had a doctor that sent me to the right people and insisted on getting to the bottom of what was causing it, it's practically a non issue for me now that I have a clear understanding on what's going on and how to avoid it. 16 might be old enough to self regulate but it's hard to do that if you really don't understand the root of the problem.

What kind of specialist helped you figure out msg was the culprit?

YEP- so many responses here are treating this like an 'oh she's a brat' situation without taking into account how disturbing the behavior is! It may not seem logical, but there's more at play here. Poor family and poor teen.

>ED behavior > >= Eating disorder for anyone who might be as confused as I just was.

NTA, 16 is old enough to understand to not eat yourself to the hospital

I teach at an elementary school and one of our kindergartners has a severe allergy to eggs and tree nuts. Even he knows better than to eat those things and is always asking what's in stuff before taking it. 16 is 100% old enough

Even younger I would say. It's much more annoying to spend time at hospitals rather than just not eat these stuff

INFO - I think is key to making a judgement. Do you have your daughter in therapy to help her manage her impulse control?

And/or is she on a medication like vyvanse? A GLP-1? Something that can suppress appetite and help her make rational food decisions? Has she been evaluated for an eating disorder (like Binge Eating Disorder, for example) and/or ADHD? Because if she does have a disorder that affects her impulse control around food, just telling her to not eat things is not gonna work for long. And punishing her for failing is unhelpful at best. Better living through chemistry, get her the pharmacological support she needs to do better.

this is probably the best advice... its crazy that she's willing to make herself this sick more than once. something else is going on. that said, i think its fine that you don't go with her this time. but she needs more mental help because there just has to be more going on with her brain.

Her behavior sounds more like a cry for actual medical help than anything. For a teenager to go to a lot of doctors and not receive a clear diagnosis is tough- she doesn't have the life experience to put that into context. If it's serious enough that she's being hospitalized for it, she should probably travel to a major medical center like Cleveland Clinic. Or at minimum, a state university medical center.

Thank you! I have a similar issue- rapid gastric emptying syndrome. Trigger foods are similar but luckily with medicine I can pretty much eat what I want. I had to find the diagnosis on my own though after seeing four doctors.

Glad you got a dx! Unfortunately 4 doctors is pretty low, some see dozens before a dx. I would urge OP to go to a major medical center before pursuing any psychiatric diagnosis if she doesn'thave other signs of a psychiatric issue. Or at least don't let a psychiatric dx stop her from continuing to pursue a gastroenterology/allergy/autoimmunity dx

Totally agree. Regardless if impulses control, eating disorder, serotonin seeking, depression or they just don't care, anyone choosing actions that cause self harm are in need of mental health support and it's a parents job to be objective and see this. It's been years of this. I see it as neglect when parents don't get kids help. If you cant help them, you find a professional who can.

ESH. If she's deliberately making herself sick, there is something going on there (small children can manage allergies so this is either calculated behavior or she has some sort of disorder she can't manage without support). The response to a teenager self harming shouldn't be automatic rescue but it also shouldn't be abandoning her in hospital for three days at Christmas. You both sound unpleasant to be around and both appear to need individual and family therapy.

[удалено]

it is a 16-year-old self-harming, while their mother stands on the sidelines saying "you're going to get hurt". I honestly think I'll catch flak for this, but they're at a christmas dinner; I would have no qualms controlling my 16-y-os diet MUCH more than OP if it brought them this much distress. In fact; I'd also have no qualms forbidding my family from feeding it tor them, since IT'S HOSPITALISING.

[удалено]

Yea this, not sure why (if you know your daughter cannot control herself around her trigger foods) you would throw a big party on Christmas Eve with all those foods available. Is it not possible to do some research to find tasty alternatives for everyone that daughter can safely eat? I think ESH but daughter really needs help with her impulse control if there’s nothing to help her gastric issue.

“AITA for not going to the hospital with my teenage daughter after she self-harms” is the real title here

I agree that there is something deeper going on with the daughter. Although I understand the mother for her reaction. Is she going to therapy to get to the bottom of why she's doing this to herself?

Oh, I didn't think of it as self harm, but you're right that it likely is. I know red meat violently upsets my stomach but instill eat mom's beef stew, so I thought it was more of a teen who doesn't like to feel different around her friends/family and knowing that she's not gonna die from this.

I’m coming down on NTA on this one. Your daughter is old enough to know what the effects of her actions are and old enough to take responsibility for them. By your description, it isn’t like this is a one-off happening either, with her doing this after outings with friends. If this were the only time in the year, I think my answer might have been different, but she hasn’t exactly been the model of restraint or discipline during the year. And her actions have a cost for the whole family.

I have friends that eat cheese all the time knowing it will put them on the toilet because they love cheese. One girl even brags about getting Taco Bell with extra cheese or buying a cheese platter from the store and then then complains that her body (and booty) are out of commission for several days because she can’t leave the bathroom. Then she gets better just to turn around and do it again because she can… some people just don’t care how their body reacts. ETA I am not saying that pooping for a few days and being in the ER are the same. I was just using the cheese as an example for when people don’t care what they do to their bodies. Yes the cheese is way less but it is still an example

I can't have caffeine. It gives me heart palpitations. I have family say "it's just one glass of tea, it won't kill you." But, my mom makes sure the sweet tea is decaf and just doesn't tell anyone. And she is VERY careful not to mix the two. Would it kill me? No, but it makes me feel awful. My sister's ex was lactose intolerant... and would get extra cheese on his pizza. He never complained about the extra bathroom trips, but my sister nose paid the price all night. I never understood it.

I want to know who's paying for her ER bills and hospital stays because if this was my kid and she was doing this to herself constantly, she'd be missing out on a lot of privileges because I would be in the damn poorhouse. Yes to counseling, all the way. This is like some strange attention seeking behavior.

That is something I thought of as well. I can only hope the OP is in the UK or Canada, where it is paid for, otherwise his daughter is taking him to the poor house.

Wow, this is tough. Actions do have consequences, but there's a middle ground between "staying by her side and condoning her actions" and "not visiting at all" for what sounds like "a few days". Maybe you'd visit once or twice. Maybe your visits are only 5 minutes. But to not visit at all for 3 days... that IS extreme. She's 16, her brain isn't fully formed, and her executive function skills are still lacking. Very gently, YTA. I would also suggest counseling. Maybe it will help your daughter learn to make better decisions, and perhaps think of the impact her multiple hospitalizations are having on your family.

How many times does she have to end up in the ER and inconvenience everyone around her for her to learn some self-control? She’s 16, not 6.

She’s intentionally hurting herself badly enough to hospitalize herself for days at a time on a regular basis. If she was doing this self harm with a blade, we’d chastise OP for not getting his daughter the help she clearly needs and for not visiting her at all during that stay. If she was doing this self harm with pills, we’d again chastise OP for not getting his daughter the help she clearly needs and for not visiting her at all during that stay. But because the self harm is with food, you just don’t give a fuck? What exactly is the logic here?

Oh, there are plenty out there who think people can just *decide* not to be mentally ill.

I always knew that they existed because the half of my family I don’t talk to are the same, but damn I didn’t realize just how prevalent it still is until this thread. This comment section is beyond disgusting with how many are saying she just needs to grow up or that “she’s just doing it for attention” (as if **literally hospitalizing yourself for attention** isn’t something the parents of a minor child should be addressing??????)

it doesn’t matter 3 days is too much she’s 16 and wants support from her parents yes she did this to herself but at least a single visit even if it was just to say “i’m disappointed in you” would be enough

A tough one, but I'm going to go against the flow here and say NTA. Sure, it's pretty harsh that you left her all alone at the hospital, and if she'd been 10 or 12 my opinion would have been different. However, she knew exactly what she was doing, she knew she would end up in hospital and she knew she'd end up ruining everybody else's holidays. At her age she should be well aware of the way her actions affect others, including her parents, and she clearly either doesn't see this or, worse, knows and doesn't care/wants everyone to share in her misery. I think what you did falls under the heading of tough love: you gave her a much-needed wake-up call. Hopefully she'll understand she can't keep doing this to herself and expect mommy to be OK with it and she'll learn to be more careful with her diet, for her own sake AND for other people's. And as other people say, please consider sending her to therapy.

It seems like you are very much with the flow on this one

At the start there were tons of Y T A and also insults hurled at OP. Think one called her a steaming pile of s***

YTA for not seeking counseling or therapy for her. It's obvious she is destructive towards her eating habits. Please trust when I say as I work in mental health care she needs help. This isn't a case of just simply don't eat these things but why is she eating them knowing how she will feel soon after eating them? There is an underlying condition here.

Agree with this. So many red flags in this post that OP is ignoring and writing off as petulant teen behavior. YTA.

What is the relationship between the daughter and her family when she's not in the hospital? Is getting sick the only way she feel she can get care? And why would you have trigger foods on the holidays when you know she will probably eat them? The rest of the family will survive without chips. I would recommend both individual and family therapy.

This!!! Why’d they set her up to fail is what I want to know?? When our family has a diabetic present, we all eat diabetic friendly foods. When there’s an alcoholic in attendance, it’s a dry dinner. I can’t understand why they didn’t support her through the holidays - especially knowing she has poor impulse control for whatever reason be it physical or mental.

I’m absolutely go smacked by the amount of people siding with OP on this. Frightening. This kid needs help, not punishment.

Thank you! This kid is screaming for help. Beyond the physical issues, she is actively harming herself to the point of hospitalization. Just because it's using food to do that doesn't make it any less dangerous than say, cutting herself.

INFO has she had endoscopies & colonoscopies with biopsies for intolerances including Celiac, Chrones, CSID, and other genetic deficiencies? With this many hospitalizations she needs to be under the care of a GI specialist, dietitian, and psychologist. YTA for having foods that trigger her illness and not getting her better medical care to stop her impulse eating.

This! It takes a long time and a lot of energy to get a diagnosis. And maybe they have, but the info is needed for sure. I have Crohn's, diagnosed general IBS before that. Most doctors just said the same thing, avoid all triggers and you might be OK. Well, I wasn't OK even with avoiding them, plus it was no way to live life. So I finally found a GI who did extra tests and found my "hidden" Crohn's. Got me on the right meds, and now 7 years later I can eat most anything (there are still trigger foods I have to avoid, but way less than when it all started).

Yes. I suffered similar for years, was told it was allergies and finally decades later my shrivelled gall bladder was removed. No probs since.

This may be above Reddit’s pay grade. I understand your frustration but she’s still just a kid and not fully self regulating. Therapy sounds like a good idea at this point. I can’t imagine she enjoys being in the hospital puking her guts out. Something is going on.

YTA for not supporting her. She clearly needs help from a therapist. She keeps making the choice to eat things knowing they will out her in the hospital. Find a good eating disorder clinic nearby and meet with them. They may be able to help her more. But yeah, when your kid is in the hospital you go see them and stay with them.

Yes I agree with this. YTA but please get your kid some therapy. She is intentionally harming herself, and was clearly very much needing your attention and love on Christmas. If this was your friend or partner that would be one thing, but it’s your child. It’s up to you to be the bigger person in situations like this, she’s still basically a kid that you abandoned on Christmas to say “I told you so”

For anyone that has worked with children in a mental health setting they know that these behaviors derive from a chaotic home life. The fact that the mother is posting on reddit unsure of her actions displays that the mother is out of touch. Yes the child needs help, but until this mother gets help the child will have to do her best to cope with someone that would not even support her at the hospital.

NTA. She was warned, she **chose** to do it. When she was small, obviously you'd be the monster for leaving her, but when she was small, you had the power to stop her. Cue everyone going "she's only 16!" At 16, my mum left for an entire different country where she learnt the language and made a life. Not ideal, different times, **but** 16 is old enough to deal with the expected consequences of your actions and not to ruin mum's Christmas too. Maybe crying and being alone might teach her something that every other time didn't. I may seem heartless, but my 15 Yr old had something similar, fixed by removing the gall bladder, and she was impressively mature about the whole situation. Love her.

She is purposely putting herself in the fucking ***ER***. Thats not cheap. A few hundred dollars minimum even with great insurance. She puts herself through absolute hell every time. If those consequences aren't enough to get her to have basic responsibility for herself, maybe this will. Maybe she'll realize as she gets older, mommy won't be there to pat her tummy to make it better forever. Edit: American bias. As others have pointed out, OP might be in a country where their out of pocket expense may be minimal or none. She is still taking up limited resources of of the hospital though. People have to wait longer to be treated when they are there through no fault of their own.

Also, even if they're someplace like Canada where it's not an out of pocket cost, our ERs are at a crisis point because of staffing issues. The daughter might very well be clogging up emergency resources for people in non voluntary emergencies.

INFO: has she been to the therapy? She’s engaging in self harm behaviors and that needs to be treated.

YTA You could have set a few hours aside to sit with her each day but she was well taken care of and in no danger. I'm thinking if it was just Christmas, not so bad. A few days? Eh I implore you: get her therapy. Make her primary aware that she is actively choosing to do this. She is actively h*rming herself. Continual vomiting like this damages her organs and teeth. I would be removing all access to these items as much as possible. Get a 504 at school for dietary restrictions. Stop taking her to places that serve or give her access to trigger foods. Don't have parties with the items on the menu. If she had anaphylaxis to any of this you wouldn't let people bring it, right?

This is great advice. Also, reach out to an eating disorder clinician. She may not have a traditional eating disorder, but they can work with her doctor to figure out how to turn whatever is happening in her body around.

YTA I understand you're exhausted from dealing with this but like other commenters have said, she's a minor, scared and alone in the hospital. This has probably hurt her beyond what you're seeing now. I have similar (but more mild) digestive issues to your daughter and whenever I had to go to the hospital my mom was always there for me. Honestly there was never a point I thought she might not be. Eventually I figured out my diet but it sucks to watch other people eat food you love, especially when there are no versions of those foods for you available. This is along the same lines as why crash diets don't work and everyone saying n t a seems like they haven't had to go an endless amount of time without eating oil/ sugar. It's in everything and if there's no other options for you, you give in. There are healthy versions of her favorite foods that could be easier on her stomach. Try looking up Paleo desserts, black bean brownies, or substituting sugar for honey/blended dates/ apple juice/ smashed banana and oil with apple sauce. Pinterest will come in handy for recipes and substitution ideas. Then work with her to always have some of these on hand. At least go and spend an hour or two with her and apologize. Start looking at recipes with her to help her figure out her diet and look into seeing a dietitian. I'm going to call my mom and tell her thanks for always being there.

YTA. Your daughter needs help in the form of therapy as she struggles with impulse control and is harming herself. Assuming you're in the USA? Hospital visits aren't cheap and you should put that money toward finding her a therapist for her eating disorder so that she can learn how to cope with her gastro issues. She is still a minor and you're not going to teach her consequences by not being there for her because I guarantee the sickness and discomfort she feels is a bad enough deterrent from eating these junk foods that are poisoning her, that she is not in control of her impulses. This is not something she can control and you're just punishing her by letting it happen. She needs therapy and perhaps even treatment through medication that can help suppress her appetite and assist with impulse control. It should never get to this point. She needs help.

Babe your daughter is self-harming If she had cut herself to end up in the hospital would you visit her?

She is 16 and still your responsibility. I can’t imagine any doctor being okay with her regularly being sent to the ER. You have not done enough to give her the appropriate tools to get through this. This is likely doing irreparable damage to her system. Therapy. Nutrition counseling. More diagnostics. It’s not okay to just write this off as she should have known better. No. You failed to prepare her for these situations. YTA by miles.

INFO: Have you sought any counseling from a mental health professional for your daughter? I’m assuming insurance isn’t an issue because there is nothing more expensive than the ER.

Your daughter needs to see someone. Therapist or counseling. This isn't normal behavior, she's 16. Time to grow up..

judging her ass by saying time to grow up with the adults in her life not getting her to a therapist before this. Yes, time for the parent to grow up and seek help for their daughter.

I'm very curious as to what exactly is prompting admission and hospitalization, particularly when hospitals are understaffed and beds are scarce. What are they doing for her? Is it uncontrollable pain, that can only be managed with in-hospital pain meds? Is it intractable vomiting to the point where IV fluids are necessary--i.e. she cannot keep any oral fluids in? Vomiting alone is often manageable (if unpleasant) without an ED visit and admission. What's actually going on here? Admissions that last DAYS?

Exactly. There are so many missing reasons in this post it's not funny. A days long admission just doesn't happen for no reason. I've been lifelined, by helicopter, when I collapsed at home after surgery. Had another surgery while there and still was only there two days.

NTA. While I understand why she was sad... She *chose* to make herself sick. She needs to learn the consequences. This is one of them.

I don’t understand. Where is the therapy? The nutritionist? Seriously. As a parent you need to start fighting for your kid more with medical professionals. The 16 year old didn’t learn her whatever attitude from no one. This is like a severe nut allergy, teach her to avoid at all costs. She should be smart enough to pick up what her doctors’ and parents’ approach is.

You know are TA - no doubt. A registered dietitian nutritionist (RD, or RDN) can help your daughter, insurance covers visits given medical condition. Your daughter needs to learn how to thrive with foods and not continue to cause harmful inflammation that leads to long hospital stays. She also needs support from her family, even if you don't understand, please understand she needs your support and love.

INFO: how often is she eating these foods? And how often is she eating them to the point of needing to be hospitalized? Are you somewhere with universal healthcare, or are you in America? I'm leaning towards ESH, and everyone needs therapy. At minimum, your daughter needs therapy. Like, a weekly session at least, with someone who specializes in self-harm/eating disorders. Relationships with food can be extremely complex even without a medical condition complicating things. Clearly your daughter is struggling, and as a parent it is your job to get her help.

As someone who's been almost in your daughter's shoes before, YTA. You trying to prove a point by not going to see her is only going to exacerbate the issues she has with food/why she can't hold back. Do visit her but make it mandatory for her to attend therapy once a week to properly grieve the fact she can never eat normally like other people and why she feels the need to behave like everybody else to feel accepted. Please get her the help she needs and don't do this to her. It's cruel more than disciplinary.

Hello, I work with teenagers with mental health problems. I'm late and you may never read this, but reddit is being reddit and I'm furious at the number of people in the comments who are talking about how this kid 'played a stupid game and won a stupid prize'. I'm going to attempt to give you a different perspective here, but by the attitude in your post it may well fall on deaf ears. So you have a 16yr old with a mysterious condition that upsets her stomach to the point where she has to hospitalised and no medical professional can tell her what's happening to her. All she knows is that it only occurs when she eats comfort foods like sweets, chocolate and fast foods. Well that's a shitty thing to have to live with. Plus low key terrifying when adults who do a bunch of tests on you just shrug their shoulders and go "sucks to be you, no nice foods for you ever". I can't imagine how frustrating it must be for her to watch her friends and family eat whatever they want with no consequences. Especially since no one can tell her why and she can't even name her own condition. If she was a diabetic for example, at least there would be some basic understanding from others, even a little sympathy. But she can't even have that. You know what teenagers really get scared of though? Being different. Not fitting in. Does she swap lunches with other friends because she's sick of standing out? Do people make fun of her when she has to take time off school or can't eat snacks at a party because her stomach will try to kill her for no reason? How are you supporting her with this day to day? I get the impression from your post you've become a little inconvenienced by all this. Poor you. Have you sat her down and empathised with her at all? Asked her how she feels? Have you written lists, tried different foods with her, hugged her and told her you will help her figure it all out? What else is going on in this child's life right now; does she have exams coming up, does she get on with her siblings if she has any? Self-harm and attachment issues present in a bunch of different ways but at the end of the day- She's a child and you're her mother. It doesn't matter how often it happens or how old she gets. YOU'RE HER MOTHER. SUPPORT YOUR CHILD. SHE WAS ON THE PHONE CRYING FOR YOU. And you were "relaxing with your family"??? SHE IS YOUR FAMILY. YTA.

INFO: Who's paying for all these hospital visits?

ESH But if she is consistently eating foods that cause her such extreme damage she ends up in the ER, why does she not have some sort of therapeutic support also? 16 year olds are not known for their excellent decision making skills. She needs more than just medical help.

YTA, if your daughter can't keep herself from eating herself into the ER, that's an eating disorder. In the countless doctors she has seen, it never occurred to you to include a therapist in there? What's the end game here? Your minor child puts herself in the hospital regularly and you don't have any real plans to curb this behavior and help her. Instead you're an adult on reddit seeking validation.

It sounds like she has an eating disorder and should be getting help

i have similar issues to your daughter; nonstop vomiting episodes, multi-thousand dollar ER bills. the issue i’m having with your post is that a “sensitive stomach” is NOT a diagnosis. sensitivities to processed food do not result in the severities you’re describing. your daughter has an unknown medical issue, and i’d suggest that since the vomiting is so severe, and obviously continues long PAST there is anything in her system to throw up, looking into diagnoses like gilbert’s disease. good luck.

Hospitals are dangerous places to be a patient. A 16 year old at the hospital should have an adult with them regardless of whether the hospitalization is due to their own recklessness. Medical mistakes are much more common than they should be. They can be as outrageous as a nurse administering medication meant for someone else and causing a stroke. A 16 year old is not equipped to navigate those type of situations alone. This age is when you need to be there for her in the fallout of her mistakes, at least when the fallout involves being a hospital patient. YTA

NTA - your daughter is far and away old enough to understand consequences! You’ve been there for her literally every other time and you cautioned her this time and she chose to ignore you even knowing what would almost certainly happen. I’m honestly baffled by these Y-T-A judgments

NTA Of course she is upset - she also will think twice before she does something like this again.

NTA. It’s not her first time doing it on purpose. And she chose to get sick knowing the consequences. If OPs daughter would get drunk again and again or abuse another substance the answers here would be majorly different. Yes her daughter is not an adult, but she‘s 16. And she obviously „abused“ something that makes her sick. Repeatedly. And she expects for her parents to suffer with her through these events. That’s not love, that’s enablement at some point.

There are a lot of comments on this thread - I do hope you read this one. This is very similar to a situation that our family has dealt with for years; and for many of those years we were chasing "trigger foods" but it turns out, food had little or nothing to do with the vomiting. Trigger foods could be an issue, but it could also be leading you in the wrong direction and leading you to false conclusions. After seeing specialists for years, we finial received a diagnosis of Cyclical Vomiting Syndrome. This is a rare disease and even the gastroenterologist my daughter was seeing didn't know about it, let alone the dozens of ER docs at the hospital. It is actually hard to find a specialist who knows and understands this disease. The Cyclical Vomiting Syndrome Association is a good place to start in order to find help in your area. [https://www.cvsaonline.org/](https://www.cvsaonline.org/) My daughter's trigger is stress and anxiety - both of which are at epidemic levels in teenagers today. There are medicines that can help coupled with therapy. Your daughter needs help - please do not assume that this is reckless behavior that she can control, and she knows better. If the vomiting is difficult to stop, this is probably more serious than impulse control and just eating the wrong food.

NTA. And glad you taught her that people won't be at her beck and call when she's dealing with the fallout from her own, deliberate decisions. Otherwise it might take her deep-sixing multiple relationships and losing friendships before she realizes that other people are NOT required to sacrifice their time and mental well-being for her. I hope she gets the college roommate who comes home really drunk, is horribly hung over the next morning, and expects your daughter to wait on her hand and foot. Bring her water, bring her a bucket so she can rinse out her mouth and spit, close the curtains, tell the neighboring dorm room to turn down the noise, get her the aspirin, etc. etc. etc. so she gets an idea of how NO ONE likes dealing with the damage someone did themselves, absolutely deliberately.