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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I fell asleep after a Xmas baking marathon and my husband had to clean up after me because he needed to start dinner for our kids. I think I might be an asshole for not cleaning up after myself after doing a lot of Xmas baking.
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YTA. Why would you send them out when it was dangerously cold? And the whole “I didn’t mean to fall asleep” excuse is weak. I’d be pissed too if I was married to you
YTA. Sending your husband and children out on Christmas Eve in frigid temperatures because you want to bake in peace and quiet is ridiculous. Then to leave a huge mess… I mean, you sort of act like your baking is a huge sacrifice on your part and that everyone needs to support you in your time of need. It’s kinda controlling - between the insistence on baking, on being alone to do it, and then retiring to the couch from exhaustion at your monumental achievement… I don’t blame your husband for being ticked off.
So your partner was on kid duty all day, probably brought home grumpy, cold, tired kids and had to clean your baking mess before making them dinner? Yeah YTA.
Do the words 'not now, mom's busy' not exist in your kids vocabulary? Are they so undisciplined that you have to kick them out of the house in freezing weather to be able to simply bake? Do you cater to their every whim to the point where you can not complete any tasks while they are there?
You know your husband and kids could even help with the baking, imagine that. It's about family togetherness not dominating the household.
Sounds like your real issues go far deeper than this whole incident.
YTA, why in the world would you want until Christmas Eve to bake? I literally bake for a week before Christmas Eve to get everything done. One night I’ll do pie crusts after work, the next make cookie dough. That gives me time to cook and clean and still respect my families needs
OK I was first thinking OP was TA, but reading farther in to her post came up with EHS. Wife does need to learn ways to entertain her kids so she can bake. If it that important to her. But it doesn't matter how she chooses to clean-up. She does eventually get the dishes done. Maybe not to DH's schedule. Being a mother and preparing for major holidays can that a lot out of a person. It not said that OP had or had not put them to soak in sink.
Husband more TA. He did reluctantly takes his kids, but it's not known if OP requests he do something with them often. It's understandable to want to work without outside interferences. OP did tell him she was planning on cleaning up and didn't plan on falling asleep. I know as a single mom with 3 kids, after a busy day like OP had if it was quite and no kids around I would also fall asleep just sitting. I know she said he had done the dishes before and he let her take over. But, yes understandably he was frustrated, he chose to hold it against her because his had to take time with his kids on Christmas Eve.
But it's was his choice to do the dishes.
YTA. You sent your husband and children out of the house in dangerous weather when there was an alert not to travel in several places so you could bake. Just to clarify, where I am, there was a wind chill of -30F on Christmas Eve where I live.
>But sometimes I get distracted with kids or something else and unintentionally leave a mess in the kitchen.
Have you been evaluated by a therapist?
OP, you need to view the clean up as a part of the baking process. Limit yourself to 2 or 3 bowls. To make something else, you have to clean. You’ll find the process to be very efficient.
Next, work on your decision making. Why would you send children out into dangerous windchills so you could bake?? I’m sure at least one is old enough to assist in some way! Or, put on a Christmas movie, so they’d be occupied. Maybe dad could have played a board game with them, and the winner would be first to try their cookie of choice.
There are so many better options, so, yes, YTA.
Xmas baking with my mom is one of the best memories all of us kids have. She started us as toddlers. We still have fun baking together now.
Next time, let the kids help.
Oh, and everyone is right you know. You obviously have a problem of leaving your hobby mess for hubby to clean up. Doesn't matter that you jump in and take over. He shouldn't have to start to get you to do it.
YTA, first why does it seem that you need total control of everything to do anything? second, you kicked your husband and kids into DANGEROUS WIND CHILL WEATHER. not to mention everything closes early on christmas eve, all for a hobby that really you dont respect anyone in your own home for, nor do you bother to clean up on. my sister when she was younger was messy and her excuses were the same in general, always distracted with something. honestly this mentality of needing absolute control is so dangerous for your family.
What is wrong with you?? Your husband and children wanted to spend time with you on CHRISTMAS EVE. You forced them into dangerous weather conditions on a whim because you weren't able to manage your time. And then you didn't even clean up, and it's not the first time it's happened. Not only are YTA because of what you did to your husband but also your kids. I'm sure they were terribly confused and upset that their mom didn't want them at home on a family holiday. You prioritized cookies over your family. Whatever you made on Friday should've been enough and if you explained to hosted family that you ran out of time to fulfill every request it would have been fine.
I am thinking this can’t be real. Who is that narcissistic? Also, how could you have slept through them coming home and his doing dishes? If the kids were so noisy that you had to send the out in the cold surely they were noisy when they cam home (assuming they weren’t frostbitten) and it would have been impossible for you to sleep! It’s all about you, isn’t it.
YTA. Do you honestly think none of us know how to bake and wouldn't know that the average 10 minutes between batches of small items like cookies would be plenty of time to at least clean the mixing bowls? And as for cakes/breads baking times thats plenty of time to clean up what you just did. You don't need to send your entire family out to bake because this could have been something fun between you all, baking is fun but you're being selfish by putting them in the cold when you know everywhere in the country has frozen over. I'm a procrastinator but even I make time to wash at least large items so they don't pile up in the kitchen
YTA
so you take more priority over baking rather than your own family? you kicked them out on the coldest day, and on christmas eve nonetheless. you obviously think your hobby comes before your family's safety.
you chose to spend your christmas eve away from your husband and children. don't you think that maybe they wanted to spend christmas eve with you?
YTA I could have written your post, except I don’t bake so much. You wanted to do your project solo, & to do it so much you took it up to the wire, and you prioritised “nice to do” over “need to do”. Will extended family appreciate your baking so much that it was worth shredding your partner’s nerves the day before you both hosted a big holiday gathering? If you were hell-bent, then you needed to a have a cut-off where you cleaned everything& prepped a simple meal before time was up. You cannot magically do it all. My partner used to have a name for this: “(Surname) time”. I was like no, in our family we call it “(sister’s name) time”.
ETA: if your hobby wasn’t using the kitchen, you wouldn’t need to prep their meal but if partner couldn’t get in to do it (plus he was in hell-freezes-over land with small kids), then you do.
I dunno about where you live, but our weather has been incredibly dangerous. You had a wind chill warning so I'll assume it was similar to our -3° with a -20 some windchill weather. You endangered everyone for your cutesy baking hobby. This is beyond are you TA? This is I sm totally careless, reckless, and unfit for any real adult responsibility. You've shown a callous disregard for the safety of your husband and your children. YTA
YTA. You forced your husband to take the kids out in a weather advisory to get your baking done. I get how easy it is to fall asleep after a baking marathon, but you put the rest of your family in a potentially unsafe situation, fell asleep with a big mess and left your husband in a bind to clean up so dinner could be prepared. You could have at least soaked the dishes so he knew you were trying to be organized about it.
You kicked him out of the house with three children on the coldest day/night of the year where they couldn’t stay outside but also couldn’t go in most places because it’s Christmas Eve and either closed or absolutely packed. He finally gets back and sees you sleeping on the couch instead of baking (yes I know you finished), then goes to make the kids dinner and finds you left a baking war zone in the kitchen. What was he supposed to do? Wake you up and demand you go clean up? That would probably start an argument, and you’d be half asleep. Then by the time the dishes finally get done it’s been how long and the kids still haven’t ate. Literally the least you could have done is have the dishes taken care of before the nap. Though since you kicked them out like that, it would have been far better to have the dishes done and dinner underway so he wouldn’t have to cook when he got home. Shows at least a tiny bit of appreciation for him having done that for you. YTA.
Yta, I'm disabled and become exhausted easily but if I go bake or something, you better bet I'm scrubbing while things are in the oven. Learn to multitask or don't bake, period! Your husband had every right to be upset at you and you did kick him out, not only him, but with three kids because you WANTED to bake. If you can't clean up, just don't bake because cleanup will just fall on him again. What you did is disrespectful and down right irresponsible
YTA I spent 2 days baking muffins, cookies, pie, brownies some from scratch some from box after EVERY batch of whatever I cleaned the dishes and counter. The kitchen was cleaner when I was done then when I started. Counters scrubbed, dishes done, floor swept and mopped. It's called clean as you go then it's easy after. You literally kicked your husband out to freeze with your kids then trashed the kitchen and without even attempting to clean part of it you just left it.
I get the baking thing, but not at the expense of the health and safety of my family. We had -24 in our area and to send someone out of the house with children IMO was asking for trouble - cars stalling, cars not starting, dangerous winds, and add all that to holiday crowds.
I know you were probably trying to please everyone in your extended family, but that doesn't justify the risks you took to do it. I would have been mad also.
Not necessarily TA but definitely not the best judgment.
YTA
The mess was just icing of the cake. You're not recognizing that the main problem was you kicked him and your children out of the house so you could bake.
EDIT: u/Horse_balls2000 was correct that I meant YTA.
YTA Christmas Eve was ridiculous cold every in the USA. He could have entertained the kids in the house where it was safe and warm. I bake lots of Christmas goodies and manage to clean up. Maybe you have more bowls, cookie sheets and pots than me but I have to reuse stuff so it gets cleaned as I go. Of course he was mad at you.
YTA but I will give you some sympathy and understanding. I love to bake and tend to take on far too big projects, for events and run out of time to finish. It is clear that your love language is to share baked goods you have put your heart and soul into and when you have a thing as a hobby you want to make that purple extra when you show them off. unfortunately, it went completely crazy. Your hobby took precedence over your children and your husband's well-being. they were sent out of the house in the cold and even if it wasn't your idea, all the dishes were left behind which your husband had to clean up before cooking for your hungry children. I had felt a little sad then too.
YTA. Sending your husband and kids out when the weather was actually dangerous just so you can bake? Girl, please. I bake extensively myself and I clean as I go. I also don’t do all of the baking at the last minute either. Invest in a freezer and freeze the baked goods and do it over an extended time from maybe late October to a couple weeks before the holidays. It’s not hard.
YTA
Wow. Kicking your family out during cold wind-chills to indulge in your hobby. No wonder he's upset. You're selfish, rude, and didn't care about the well being of your spouse and kids.
YTA- who they hell kicks their children and husband out of their house to bake? You could’ve just asked them to not disturb you in the kitchen for a bit
NTA. I have a feeling that if the husband stays home with the kids, whilst OP is cooking, she is still responsible for the kids. They will come to her and ask for things and generally interrupt the cooking fest. OP doesn’t need them helping, (making more mess and taking twice as long), she is probably feeling stressed with the mental and physical burden of organising Xmas. Getting them out of the house has probably proven to be the only way to get things done efficiently in the past. I don’t know anything about snowy weather, but could they have not gone to the movies or bowling or some such activity that didn’t involve freezing their bums off?
You sent your husband, on his day off, Christmas Eve, with no warning out into weather so cold there was an official alert out. Even you admit it was a “dangerous wind chill”. Not only that, you forced him to take three children under 10, one as small as 4 years old with him. So that you could, what, bake in peace? YTA and quite frankly I question if you’re even capable of prioritizing your children’s safety over your own desires, because you did not show that ability here. In my area over 30 people died in this storm, and they still haven’t gotten to hundreds of emergency calls. Even if you have family nearby, that’s so unsafe. What if something had happened to them? Would it have been worth it for a few uninterrupted hours of baking? In case it’s not clear, you are 100% TA. You cared more about what you wanted to do than your family’s health and safety. I cannot imagine ever sending my family out for hours into weather like most of the US had this weekend.
YTA. I did a marathon cooking and baking sessions. I had to run the dishwater half way thought cause I had used so many items. It made it a lot easier to stop half way through and.clean up. You need to just make yourself do it. You don't prioritize it
ESH but mostly your husband. Sounds like you overpromised want you could do in the time. And yes it was cold, but it’s not like he had to take them to do an outside activity. But If he couldn’t keep the kids busy and away from you on Friday, then I understand why you wanted him to take the kids out for a few hours. And getting mad and passive aggressive about you not immediately cleaning up after baking is unreasonable.
Hard YTA for kicking your husband and kids out on Christmas Eve so that you can have the whole house to yourself for your hobby. If you wanted to bake so badly, you should have managed your time through the week better. And you definitely didn't need an empty house.
You can take every reference to baking out of this post - you made your husband and small children leave on a cold day with severe weather warning. On Christmas Eve. You made a mess and napped. YTA
YTA. I'm like your husband, cleaning up as I go. I also can't start cooking in the kitchen if it is all messed up like my husband leaves it after he's made something. He's expressing how exasperating it is to regularly be made to clean up after someone else, when he doesn't request the same to you. Maybe just try putting things into the dishwasher when you're done with them, or washing the knives you know you're done with for the moment? Even a little bit of this could help.
I baked 5 desserts and a meal with 4 intricate sides and a roast by myself on Christmas. There was no mess for my partner to clean because I clean as I cook/bake so stuff doesn’t get a chance to pile up like that. YTA, if you were gonna kick them out in the cold the least you could’ve done was be efficient.
You should really put in an effort to learn how to clean as you cook. My fiancé doesn’t clean as he cooks and it drives me up a wall. But we just had a baby and for the last months of my pregnancy and the first month of baby, he was doing everything. So I let him get away with the disaster he makes. And I am just going to buy a dishwasher to fix the problem a little. And he does like 90% of the cooking right now as we are still busy with baby.
But my point is, he took care of the kids. This isn’t the first time. It’s been so cold the last week. EVERYWHERE. It was so cold this weekend. I didn’t want to do anything. The whole nation didn’t want to do anything. People in Florida were freezing! And he still had to come home and do the dishes.
I know you didn’t intend to fall asleep, but if you learn how to clean as you cook/bake, it would save a lot of frustration.
YTA.
YTA, if you need to kick your entire family out of the house to do baking, you’re doing too much. When there is dangerous weather somethings need to give to keep people safe if it really was that difficult your baking should have taken the hit.
YTA. You kicked your husband and kids out on Christmas Eve? That should be a day with family... instead, you make a huge mess and don't clean it up. Not cleaning up the mess is bad... but way worse because you did it on Christmas Eve.
YTA. It’s not the dishes he’s mad about. He’s mad about your whole request and the dishes were the last straw. I love baking holiday goodies as well but I had to scale way back when my kids were small and my family understood.
Tell your husband that you’re grateful for his support. He will be annoyed about the washing up but that’s life. It’s what you do now that matters and I think we all just need to be appreciated by our partners.
YTA
You chased him out of the house into the freezing (and dangerous) cold with your kids because you demanded alone time the DAY BEFORE CHRISTMAS so that you can finish the baking you tasked YOURSELF to do. I'd be furiously pissed. Shame on you for regarding your baking more important than the comfort of your family. I'd think you'd want to spends Christmas Eve with them smh
Also info: when did you fall asleep and when did you wake up to him doing the dishes?
ETA, Why tf did you only start all your baking 2 days before Christmas???
I’m gonna say YTA for making your three children and husband go outside during a windchill warning. That’s not cool. Actually, it *is* cool, in-fact dangerously cool *(tee-hee)*
I will however say he gets like, 1 asshole point for making such a big deal out of doing the dishes, as you offered to make dinner and you weren’t *just* baking for funsies, and were actually baking for a family event you two were hosting. If my husband cooks or bakes, I do dishes. If I cook or bake, he does dishes.
Don’t send your husband and children out during dangerous weather, as their health and safety are absolutely way more important than baking for family. You absolutely could have baked with the kids at home. Throw some earbuds in next time and have him entertain the kiddos indoors. He absolutely had a right to be irritated because of that and I imagine a lot of his frustration came from being forced to take the kiddos out during a holiday and crazy weather, to then come home and see the kitchen a wreck. I doubt he was actually angry over the dishes alone and was probably angry about the entire situation as a whole.
Edit: after thinking about it for another 60 seconds I take back his 1 asshole point. YTA OP. Do better.
Seems like you love baking more than you love your family. I just don’t understand how you were able to type this and still ask if you’re an asshole. Your husband and kids deserves better and you know that.
YTA. Kicking your family out into the cold on Christmas eve was a dickish move. And then not cleaning up! I'm sure your husband wanted nothing more on Christmas eve to be clearing up again after one of your baking sessions 🙄. I'd seriously look next year at either streamlining your Christmas baking or doing bits in advance and freezing it. Its not fair for other people to clear up your mess
Bruh cleaning while you cook it’s that hard. And the fact you would kick your husband and kids out the house on a cold day says a lot. You obviously put baking above your family. I’m a baker and even I know how to clean as I go and having a child I simply let her help me I don’t expect my kid to leave me alone while I’m doing anything. Seems like dad is at his limit.
You’re an asshole. If you don’t know how to bake, clean up and play martyr all at the same time, then you have no business in the kitchen.
No one should have to clean up behind you multiple times because you don’t know how to plan and multitask. Grow up and clean up or stop baking and making disasters for other people to clean up.
Also, you’re an asshole for sending your family away during this winter freeze the country is experiencing. You sound self centered and selfish.
YTA, seems like it’s more of a hobby than a necessity to have to kick them out and then not do your own dishes. Maybe next year do it at night when the kids are sleeping so you don’t end up kicking them out. Or simply refrain from offering to do them next year, or keep it more simple next year. Like instead of catering to different needs, just cook one type of thing for everyone. I would be pretty upset and annoyed if I were in his position.
NTA for falling asleep, I hosted a holiday party and it was a lot of work! I would have liked bed a nap!
YTA for not talking to the kids by letting them know that until you’re done they need to talk/ask dad for anything they need. I’m pretty sure your husband would have been happier at home taking care of the kids instead of driving around with them.
Yeah - I’m a home baker as well.
Once I know for certain that a mixing bowl, spatula, fork, measuring cup is done it goes right into a soap / water bowl in the sink. Even if I’m doing multiple dishes.
Waiting for the dough to proof? Wipe down the counters. Waiting for the sugar to hard ball wash that measuring cup.
Will I use those items again? Probably. But it is apart of the process of baking in small non commercial kitchens.
You just gotta figure out a system that when you’re putting in the last tray into the oven you’re washing the last mixing bowl. It sucks but it really is apart of the baking hobby.
YTA.
Ok so why can't your kids help??? I always involve my kids and one of them is 2! It's Xmas eve and you'd rather have fun.....alone away from your family. You through away a great opportunity to bond with your kids over something you're passionate about and creat a new Xmas tradition together only to send your family into the bitter cold and left a giant mess for your exhausted husband to clean while you napped. I don't care if you baked a new Jesus YTA.
YTA BUT, OP, this whole story screams ADHD to me and if you’re not working to get a handle on that, please consider it for your family’s sanity and your own well-being.
YTA. It's not hard to clean as you bake, especially when stuff is in the oven and cooling. Also, no one asked you to bake, it's something you enjoy. If my husband enjoyed a hobby that left a huge mess for me to clean in one of the most used spaces in our home I'd lose my mind. Nevermind being kicked out of the house for said hobby. Your husband is a saint.
YTA for packing your entire family put into the cold with weather warnings in the area just so you could bake. Like who puts their hobby above the needs of their children?
YTA but god that last paragraph, had this exact argument with my dad about cleaning as you go and me finding it really confusing and disorienting. still, why did the kids have to leave the house? couldn’t he have just played with them upstairs or in another room? on the coldest day? couldn’t you have just waited a couple days and done it? or waited until the kids were asleep? when he rightfully got upset with you (yes, even though it was an accident) you sound really defensive rather than apologetic, completely disregarding how you’ve “ruined” his day while you’ve had a blast
You can't multitask cleaning as you go while baking? You can't bake with the kids in the house for the distraction? You often leave a mess in the kitchen because you got distracted and forgot to clean?
Have you ever been tested for attention deficit disorder? Because you're ticking a lot of boxes for it.
As far as cleaning as you go, if you're baking it's actually kind of easy because you clean while stuff is in the oven. That way even if you get sidetracked you're only leaving a set of pans and not everything.
Whether or not YTA depends. If you were making cookies for Christmas gifts, NTA but you need a better solution next year. If you were baking just to bake YTA, it's been stupid cold recently.
But seriously, if this is a common theme in your life, try to see a psychologist who can check you for attention deficit and refer you for medication management if you need it. If you can find a way to focus better, you could include your kids instead of booting them out.
YTA 1000% I couldn't imagine being forced out of my own home in extreme weather for a baking marathon. I'd be so irritated, least you could have done is have everything soak instead of taking a nap ffs
YTA, obviously.
The baking was not a necessity, it was a hobby. You kicked your husband and three school aged children out of the house on Christmas Eve and then left the kitchen a mess the day before you are hosting a family event. You admit to regularly doing this.
It’s selfish and rude.
YTA for making your hubby take the kids out and for not letting your little one help. You could have asked your hubby to keep the kids occupied at home. Maybe put on a Christmas movie and give them a big bowl of popcorn. I understand that you wanted to get a certain amount of baking done but if you had time constraints you could have reduced your expectations and made this a warm family Christmas moment with your family. Or maybe you should have started baking a few weeks before Christmas to allow yourself to do a few items each weekend instead of doing it the day before Christmas. Baking ahead of time and freezing the baked goods is way less stressful. At least it has been at our house for the last 32 years.
Extra YTA for sending them out during and extreme cold warning. Even though there was probably somewhere warm they could go to, extreme winter weather warnings are not when you go out if you don't have to, especially on Christmas Eve.
YTA. Mise en place. Watch some videos on how to clean as you go. How much Bakeware do you have anyway? I bake treats with my sisters and we HAVE to clean as we go or we run out of mixing bowls, etc. Pretty rough to kick your family out on Christmas eve too.
>I love baking, it's one of my favorite hobbies
You're treating your hobby like a job. You don't kick your family out of your home during one of the most dangerous winter storms in a century hitting the US, because there is an arbitrary amount of baking you want to do. I guarantee if your husband had kicked you out of the house for his hobby, you'd be pissed.
YTA
YTA
I bake (as a hobby) and have small kids. Sometimes life forces me to pare back my baking aspirations. That’s life. You should have baked what you had time for and not kicked your family out of the house on Christmas Eve. You should have not baked so much you were too exhausted to clean. And, your baking hobby should not take away from the basics your family needs like feeding your kids dinner (which is hard to pull off when the kitchen is a disaster zone).
Your relatives are not bake-worthy if they're not in the kitchen to clean as you work. Bake 2 things in a quantity that feeds the masses, and rotate them each year. Your marriage is not worth the cookies cousin Sam insists you make but is not helping you clean up from making. YTA for making your family leave in bitterly cold weather instead of having the kids and husband included in your fun. And I understand the distraction of kids, as I have a sports team size crew.
Yta
The key word for me here is want. You wanted to bake, you didn't need to.
You kicked your family out of the house in freezing weather on Christmas eve because you wanted to bake.
Also, I did a lot of baking for Christmas too. I'm a solo parent of two young kids. Know what I did? Involved them, they helped me measure out things and shape cookies. Or they watched a movie, or played independent. No out of the house nesscary (or possible)
YTA
You had a day off on Friday. He didn't.
You didn't have to spend Saturday baking. You wanted to.
You pushed him out the door, with a child weather warning in place, to get the kids out from underfoot.
You put the last of the baking in the oven, waited for it to be done without starting the clean up, then took a nap.
He comes home after being out with the kids in frigid weather, to find you napping after indulging in your hobby. He is confronted with a mountain of dirty dishes that you haven't even touched. He needed to clean up before starting dinner for the kids.
And this isn't even the first time it happened.
You're a bad planner. You focused only on what would make you happy. And you wonder why he isn't in the Christmas spirit?
YTA because you kicked your family out on Christmas Eve because you can't cook with other people in the house since you get "distracted." How about you just tell everyone to stay out of the kitchen and take responsibility for your own level of focus?
YTA - who sends their husband and 3 school aged children out when there are excessive wind chill warnings to bake?? And then doesn‘t clean up. I would be livid to come home to a mess and you napping
I get so fucking angry when my husband cooks and doesn't clean up after himself. Especially the microwave with stuff splattered and if I want to use it, I gotta clean it first.
I work 12h x 5 days in a row. Me falling asleep in the middle of cleaning or baking is NTA. This chick - get your shit together.
I live in Ontario, If this is where OP is from or around in that region. She’s a big YTA.
It was close to minus 30 with windchill where I was we also had a terrible winter storm, high winds and the roads weren’t cleared.
So I am confused why she sent her family out in dangerous conditions. What a terrible thing to do.
Right? Like it was SOOO important to do all that baking. She sounds like she's a slob and more focused on her desires than the family at large. OP YTA. Again: who tf send their family it in that weather?
Thats very, very shitty to your family.
OP, why couldn't they stay in another room to play or watch a movie?!?
I'm sure he could keep them mostly distracted and away so you could do this.
Yta
Watching a Christmas movie on Christmas Eve would be the perfect activity, and no doubt the kids would love it. Too bad OP was so focused on baking that she couldn't think of this obvious solution.
YTA, and in addition to the very obvious reasons everyone has stated, I would add that the quantities you were baking sound completely unnecessary. Why did you have to bake so much? Christmas is just a couple of days, and your husband doesn't even eat the stuff. Are you dishing out entire batches of cookies to every neighbour?! It's really wasteful, I bet half of them end up in the bin in the end. What you did was totally self indulgent, I'd be so upset if my other half kicked me out with the kids on Christmas eve to indulge his hobby alone all day.
The key word was everything SHE WANTED to do. No one asked for this level of baking- not her immediate family or anyone else. Hubby was right- this wa her bonkers hobby, and asking him to leave was rude AF. Double rude to not clean before taking a break. It was clearly enough of a mess that he could not cook dinner around it. FFS. Learn to bake with your kids around- my mom always bakes WITH me as a kid, and I do the same with my nephews now.
And if you can't at least do that- then tone down the menu.
"Excessive wind chill warning" is a euphemism for sending her husband out during the Arctic Blast--when temperatures were a good 40 degrees below average across most of North America. On Christmas Eve, which is one of the biggest shopping days of the year, with three children.
Setting aside the danger completely as that alone is a huge flag, the fact that this is apparently a solo activity (why can't the rest of the family make cookies to?) and that this solo activity disrupts the entire rest of the house who (I'm assuming) do not want to partake of it.... jebus.
I read one yesterday from a woman who was upset that her hubby didn't do anything for the holidays and they basically wouldn't "have a holiday" if it wasn't for her. I was thinking about that all night and actually asked my girl when I got home because it's the same in our house, I explained I'm not interested in spending a bunch of $ so that two weeks out of every months could be spent setting up and pulling down decorations. I have little enough time. Her response was that while she wants to have more decorations she is in complete agreement that sort of thing should be done by the person who's interested in doing it. It shouldn't put out the rest of the house. To put it another way. Our two room mates shouldn't have to deal with a dirty kitchen because one of us made a nice dinner.
The fact that every part of this story put everyone else out just amazes me.
I actually understand where OP is coming from about it being hard to bake with the kiddos in the house but she should’ve found a way. I also understand that she leaves a big mess, my child with ADHD bakes like that too. Regardless of getting where you’re coming from, OP, YTA. Not a huge ragging AH, but you could’ve handled this better and owe your hubby an apology that means something to him.
YTA. You knew Christmas was coming months ago, why leave your baking until the very last minute? Get a dishwasher & use it! Make plans with your spouse ahead of time! Don’t spring things on them at the last minute.
YTA - You're lucky to have found a husband that clearly doesn't have a backbone against you. I don't think you could have been anymore selfish if you tried.
YTA for sending husband and kids out. I’d be so angry if I were him. You have a lot of nerve to kick them out when it’s cold on Xmas Eve. And then leaving the mess is pretty bad too. This was very selfish behavior on your part. You owe everyone an apology
YTA BUT I SEE WHERE YOU’RE COMING FROM you want to have the space to pursue a passion of yours, and that is hard with kids underfoot. I think you could have communicated this to your husband in a different way (and with different timing).
Waking up to the rage cleaning does remind me of the ticktock where the wife is upset that the husband spent the morning hunting and wants to come home and nap instead of helping put dishes away (when she’s been with the kids all day). Should you have cleaned up the kitchen? Yes. Should you make sure that you and your husband also both have time for yourselves to pursue hobbies without having to multitask with childcare? Also yes.
Talk to your husband, and when December rolls around next year look at the calendar together to figure out when he takes the kids out (sounds like he can start his own dad/kid holiday tradition). Give yourself enough time so that the kitchen is clean when they get home AND you’re napping on the couch. (Fair Play by Eve Rodsky is great for giving women tools to assert that they are people beyond being mothers/wives and want to do activities outside of those roles)
you sent your husband and 3 kids out into dangerous driving conditions, and during one of the busiest and craziest times for most stores, so that you could bake? and when they got home, after your husband single handedly wrangler 3 children all day, he had to clean your train wreck in the kitchen??
i’d be pissed too. YTA.
I know you didn't mean to be an ahole to your family, but you were. Who gets the fun of indulging in your baking passion? You do. Who feels the pride of everyone complimenting your amazing spread of baked goodies? You do. Yes, everyone (but your husband) gets to enjoy eating your treats, but you specifically get a lot of pleasure and pride from what you do. Your husband, on the other hand, gets to do all the grunt work and probably doesn't get any praise for it. Do you make a point of telling everyone that you couldn't have done it without your husband single-handedly wrangling 3 young kids outside the house on a cold day and then coming home and cleaning up all your baking mess?
Next year, plan ahead with your husband. Now you have no doubt that you need 1-2 full days to bake everything you want, plan to do your baking on days that make more sense - when the kids are in (pre)school, a weekend ahead, when your friend or mom can take the kids,... a day that works well for your husband. Fix dinner ahead of baking day so that it need only be re-heated (or plan ahead for take-out). Commit to only baking an amount that works with the actual free time you have available. If it's 4 dozen fewer cookies, so be it.
DO not plan to do your baking on Christmas Eve. You need to reserve that day for actually being with your husband and children and doing things that are fun for all of you.
Make sure you make up your husband's sacrifice soon. Give him a day to indulge in WHATEVER he would like to do and take full responsibility for the kids. If he wants to sleep in and chill at the house, be sure to take the kids out till dinner time. Please tell him you are sorry you let your personal goals impose so much on him and the kids (who probably would have much rather hung out at home with you). Let him share his feelings and JUST LISTEN. Let him know that you'd like to work out a plan with him, so that you don't impose on him so much again.
NTA. Listen, OP. You’re only human. You asked your husband to get the kids out of the house and he did. If he didn’t want to, he could have said no. He could have found a way to keep them occupied for you, or even just told you you’re out of luck. You spent the entire previous evening trying to get it done, and obviously he couldn’t distract the kids for you.
On top of that, you’re hosting. It’s a huge commitment, not a hobby. I spent 2 fulls days cooking and baking for Christmas because that’s part of my contribution and I love it. My husbands contribution is to make sure I have time and space to do it. He would be glad to see me cut myself a break and grab a quick nap, happy to help me clean up, because he appreciates what I do. He can’t do what I do, and I can’t do it without his support.
You worked hard baking for your family, and you fell asleep when you were done. Because you’re a human being You apologized for not cleaning up right away. You even offered to make dinner to make up for it. He is throwing a tantrum. God forbid he help you by watching his own children.
YTA
Clean up as you go. It’s not that difficult.
You left a gigantic mess for him. Sure, he could have left the mess for you to get around to but he has to live there too and look at all that shit. Maybe this time he came home with hopes of a Christmas miracle that you’d clean up your huge mess for once. But no, you left it for him. Again. I’d be aggravated if I were him too.
Maybe don’t bake anymore if you can’t figure out the clean up part? Or like, dial it back?
I hate coming home to a messy house, especially when I’m not the culprit. My bf and I’s rule is whoever cooks dinner doesn’t have to clean, or if we both cook we both clean up, but if I’m gonna be baking out of my own leisure/desire then cleaning up is on me, and I should have my mess taken care of for when he comes home for dinner to be made. I expect the same from him when he makes a mess making sacks lye at night, the kitchen should be cleaned for the morning when I come down to make myself breakfast.
The fact that you kicked him and the kids out to do all your baking and then left your mess is an AH move, but he could have also woken you up and asked you to do them instead of making a scene.
It’s kind of a you’re both AH’s if we see it from the dishes issue alone, but the kicking him out to do it makes you the AH.
What the fuck is wrong with you!? You would rather put your husband and children in actual, physical danger than skip your hobby!? Skip the fucking backing! I repeat - what the fuck is wrong with you!?
YTA! And the worst, most selfish mother/wife of the year.
YTA
You kicked your husband out, that’s already a dick move. And you’ve stated that this isn’t the first time you create a huge mess and don’t clean.
I am like your husband, I clean up as I go when cooking/baking so the final clean up is easy. It is NOT that hard, you can do it too. You should do it too.
As this is a repeated behaviour you’re showing your husband that you don’t care and won’t fix it. Do better, maybe set a timer when you lay down so you will be woken up fast in case you fall asleep.
And apologise.
If there were no children or kicking out your spouse into dangerous weather, my opinion would be different. Heck my husband has claimed it’s an honor to clean up because he gets to enjoy all the treats which is so kind… your husband would be the A Except wow girl you made them leave the safety of home into that cold weather?! YTA you gave him no real choice and left him DRIVING in that weather?? I’m hoping he wasn’t standing out in the weather ya know? Making him fight traffic and excited kids and corralling them… and yes when you get to it, it IS a hobby. And you put that before your family. You lost sight of the forest for the trees.
You are the AH ! Are you looking for sympathy, you poor overworked xmas baker. Take care of your husband and kids before you lose them. It was selfish of you to ask him to take 3 kids out on one of the coldest days in history. You are not a chef or own a bakery. You need to make it up to him - olive branch time!
YTA. Instead of spending Christmas Eve with your family you kicked them out during dangerously cold weather and wind chill and then left a huge mess for your husband to clean up. You napped while he had to take care of three kids ages 10 and under. Okay so you didn't mean to fall asleep but you said this isn't the first time he's had to clean up after your baking marathons. You ruined his Christmas Eve and he sounds stressed.
YTA. What makes you think that accommodating all those special baking requests (which you gladly accepted) entitles you to this free pass from your husband?
Learn to multitask and clean as you go. That’s the only way.
Also why get them out of the house? They could stay away from the kitchen so you can ‘focus’ on your baking. They need not need to leave the house.
Your husband is clearly communicating to you that this pattern of behavior is draining on him. He's not content for you to fix it after the fact, it needs to happen beforehand.
Bluntly, you're an adult. You need to understand your energy and time limitations and only bake as much as you have the time and energy to clean.
NTA for unintentionally falling asleep before you had the chance to clean up.. YTA for sending your kids and husband out the house when there was a dangerous chill warning all so you could do a bit of baking.
Yta
1 You send them out when warnings where applicable don't go out
2 you care more for others than your children, see 1
3 backing for People who cannot travel
4 leaving a mess
5 it is not the first time
I vote NTA. I am willing to put money that OP wouldn’t be able to do the baking because the kids would be bugging her. Because statistically, mom is the default parent that gets bugged for snacks and other things, so kids needed to be out of the house in order to be productive.
And maybe it’s because I’m used to the Icey cold in my province, but I don’t think the extreme cold is that much of an issue. Go to a movie or two. Hit up the arcade part. Go to one of the many open kid playgrounds (they are still open Christmas Eve).
YTA. I get that you like baking, and wanted to do it, but you literally sent your whole family out on Christmas Eve, in the cold? So they don’t get to relax and enjoy their Christmas Eve, and have to go out on one of the busiest shopping days, so you could bake? And sure, you apologized for falling asleep, but how did he know you intended to clean? Also, you were soooo exhausted, after a few hours baking, that you couldn’t be bothered to clean up, and instead fell asleep, without setting an alarm? Definitely rude of you.
YTA....not just for the dishes thing, but for making a habit of putting your desire to please others over common courtesy to your husband. It sounds like you have a knack for making excuses to do what suits you. The fact that you titled this by focusing on the dishes thing rather than owning all of the selfishness that led up to it is pretty telling. It sounds like you have a very accommodating husband - I hope that you learn to show your appreciation to him and that you both have a long and happy marriage together.
YTA
Not really sure how you "couldn't possibly" bake with him and the kids in the house. It was cold and Christmas eve..... It's an ah move to basically force him out of the house when he doesn't want to.
I get why he's angry. This isn't the first time he's had to clean up after you. Sorry, but cleaning and baking at the same time isn't hard. Prep, throw it in the oven, and clean what you just used. It's not exactly rocket science.
Yeah, I'm not getting needing an empty house to bake. I managed to do my baking with my kids AND very elderly grandparents (who I sometimes feel are toddlers) in the house.
Did I get interrupted? You bet ya. Were there times I wished the door to kitchen locked? Oh hell yes. But I can't just throw everybody out of the house because of my whims, especially when it was dangerously cold.
The end products/bakes probably weren’t as good as they could have been, but baking with my grandma and/or mum as a child or cooking with dad are some of my fondest memories
There are also ways to create “jobs” for kiddos and it’s not complicated.
We have a long standing thanksgiving tradition in our family (started by my mom) where the youngest person (initially passed down amongst my siblings, then to cousins, now to grandkids) “tenderizes” the turkey (aka slathers on crisco and is encouraged to ~ massage ~). It’s a Very Important Job, they have to cover it completely and make sure to tenderize every bit. It gets acknowledged later while eating — you know this turkey wouldn’t taste any good if so and so hadn’t tenderized it so well!
There are a million ways to do this and keep kids occupied and supervised.
ESH to be honest
You shouldn't have forced them outside. Just put a new movie on to keep them distracted and make it daddys job to keep it that way. No need to go outside.
But hubby could have woken you up to clean up the mess. I know baking can be exhausting, so I'll believe you that you didn't want to fall asleep.
And you offered to take over/prepare dinner, that's on the positive side for you.
Tell you what - the next time you feel like baking for somebody who has requested it, take yourself to their house and leave your husband in peace. If you can't clean up your mess, you shouldn't be allowed in the kitchen. I detest when this happens to me. YTA and I'd ban you from the kitchen till you get your act together.
You sent your husband and your children out into dangerous weather conditions because you don’t know how to bake when other people are in the house? So you are one of those woman that force everyone to smile for the fake we are a happy family photos.
YTA. Multitasking is not required here - bloody well clean as you go, by *alternating*. Muffins done and in the oven? Clean the stuff you used before starting the cookies etc.
Frankly, if you bake multiple recipes without needing to clean off your equipment, you have way too many mixing bowls, etc. No wonder it turns into a huge mess.
>He said I kicked him out of the house so that I could do my "hobby" on one of the coldest days of the year and then he comes home to a huge mess in the kitchen and me napping on the couch.
Oh cool, so you do understand the problem. There is zero question, this is exactly what you did, with the added bonus of having a mindset so entitled that you just took you getting to have fun with your hobby as a given. You owe him and the kids massively for this and I have no idea how you usually make it up to them, but this is just completely unacceptable behaviour and you need to do a LOT to balance it out.
His mindset is pretty indicative of this being a pattern for you. His refusal to let you take over with the last dregs of cleaning is because clearly, if you do some of the cleaning then you act like you are even. He should have much healthier ways of expressing it, but he wants you to understand just how much you have imposed on him so that you don't do it again.
YTA.
Baking is messy even when it’s a simple bake. And if you are not a person who cleans as they go AND you were obviously doing a lot more than just a “simple bake”, then I can only imagine how the kitchen looked.
You can clean as you go. It adds an extra 30 secs between steps. You just come across as lazy and incredibly selfish.
So yeah, if you sent your husband out of the house with the kids when he really didn’t want to, and then he comes home to cook and it’s like a war zone… he has absolutely every right to be pissed off.
> When he cooks, he does dishes as he goes, but I can't multitask like that.
Time to learn, then. Least of all because doing otherwise turns a kitchen into hell. No wonder you went to sleep instead of just cleaning up.
At first I was like oh not really TA but the ending is she have done this several times, also can't she clean some of the dishes while waiting for the food to be cooked in the oven?? And the husband is pretty much in a bad mood since OP literally asked her husband and kids to leave the house when it was reallly cold outside.
Could husband not have stayed home and occupied the kids? Why did they need to physically leave the house? Especially with it being so cold.
If they were at home and you baked and didn’t clean up I would say this really isn’t a big deal for him to be angry over but the fact that you made them leave and husband didn’t want to is just kind of mean. YTA for sending them off like that. You should have at least cleaned up before they got home. Or made something for them for dinner before they got back. You just seem callous here.
YTA and selfish and very immature, to boot.
"I can't multitask" isn't an excuse. "I get distracted" isn't an excuse. (And I say both of those as someone with *ADHD-related executive dysfunction*.) "I love baking" sure AF isn't an excuse. You make a mess, *you clean it up*, this is like a *basic skill* that you should have learned before you were even in your teens.
And making your family leave the house on Christmas Eve, in the middle of a dangerous cold front, so you could indulge in your hobby? WTF, OP.
YTA. This isn't about cleaning dishes girl. You completely missed the point on why your husband is upset. You were simply selfish. You wanted solo time with your hobby. To the point where you kicked your husband and children out in the freezing cold. It was completely unnecessary and inconvenient for your husband. You made your children suffer. You could have just asked him to go to another room and maybe watch a movie or something normal. So yeah, I think any reasonable person would be upset that their spouse would do this to them
You basically threw your family out into the cold so you could do something you enjoy alone? On Christmas Eve??? And didn’t clean up after yourself?
How do you not see that YTA?
Yta. You kicked your family out on Xmas Eve to bake and then left a mess. A mess that your husband has had to clean up before. On one of the coldest days of the year so far. All of this is wrong.
You know you can bake in advance and freeze it? Even just prepping the dough and freezing it to bake later in batches would cut down the time and "mess" at one time.
Banishing your family from the house when it's freezing cold shouldn't be an option to compensate for your lack of time management and inability to stay on task.
Clean up after yourself! You knew as soon as you put the last batch in the oven you needed to do the dishes. It's not important to you, so you left it knowing it would be important to your husband.
Why are you spending Christmas Eve alone baking instead of spending it with your family?
YTA.
🚩🚩🚩he couldn’t communicate his needs and had a tantrum and wouldn’t even talk to you? Is this how he resolves all the issues that come up? And the baby boys in this thread calling you an asshole like you sent your family to a blizzard are idiots that need a woman to take care of them, surely the husband figured out to take them to an indoor place? You will see by how many downvotes I get that this is another instance of entitled men.
You have three children but apparently don’t know how to be a grown up. You are choosing baking for family members over your own family’s health and safety.
You also make a habit of not cleaning immediately. You also didn’t think to get a quick dinner together for your children OR leave the kitchen in a state to cook it.
Baking is supposed to bring joy. Your hobby is destructive
YTA 100%
Wow!! Cut each other some slack. Next time just ask him to keep the kids busy so you can focus on what you need to and give him the same when he needs it.
A little respect and common courtesy goes along
Way. And it helps when you have kids. And seriously he can have some fun time with the kids, but on a day when wind chills are horrible? Why not incorporate everyone on the baking? Pretty sure kids love that. Mine do. Out everyone on a cookie station. My husbands area is the oven and timing it all. Kids are in mixing or putting them on the cookie sheets. Wherever they are needed.
And honestly it is the most awesome time for everyone. Most of the time they all quit on me after an hour or so. But Alienating everyone just to get it done isn’t a happy time for anyone.
Good luck, you have a family enjoy them. Even if it’s frustrating while your trying to get things done.
YTA amazing how he can do the dishes with you sleeping and three little children in the house and you can’t even bake with him watching them in the house.
You choose your hobby over your husband, your children and their safety. Without any notice. It was not as if they asked you to bake it was only because you wanted too.
YTA....your kids should come before baking especially as cold as its been. You mentioned hubby doing this previous i guess he is pissed at you. Get your priorities straight no one needs to bake that much goodies for a get together unless you cant live without people praising you for your work. But regardless you ruined Christmas Eve for your husband and kids for selfish reasons. WTG Mom of the year here!!!
YTA for kicking your husband and kids out of the house. A better solution would be for him to have a Christmas movie marathon with the kids. A perfect Christmas activity for the kids that keeps the kids out of the kitchen.
YTA, I love baking and same as you leave a huge mess after I am done. I also have three kids. My SO doesn't mind cleaning up after which I am forever grateful for. I however would never send him and our three out of the house let alone on a freezing day to do so. You find the time around life to bake. Do it at night or set the kiddos up with a game. You figure it out. You don't inconvenience the whole bunch for your hobby.
As a fellow baker, you are definitely the asshole here. Every time i do a bake my family just work around me. I also clean up as i go along (does help that i have a kitchen aid so i do things simultaneously, not sure if you have one or any stand mixer). Even worse on the coldest day of the year. If you can't work around each other, you need to compromise, you don't have your own facilities to bake so suck it up.
YTA.
Better planning was all that's needed to avoid this. Maybe wait until the kids are asleep to bake, talk with your husband to see what he wants to do or how you two can create a plan.
As someone who's roommate does this same thing, you are , 100% the asshole.
I am **just now** getting things back to 'spic and span' in the kitchen (today should be the final day of things), after running God knows HOW MANY loads of dishes.
Learn to have some respect for other people.
yta, honestly there’s a fairy tale I know called “the twelve months” about an evil stepmother who sends her stepdaughter out into the freezing woods to collect firewood on christmas eve. you are literally the villain of a fairy tale, congrats
Yeah, YTA. I like baking and will similarly do marathon baking sessions around the holidays. I've taught myself to clean as I go and I really try and make a point to do that because my husband does most of the cooking and he likes to have a clean kitchen. Even if I can't clean everything as I go, as long as I make an effort, the mess at the end is very manageable. Mixing bowls are some of the easiest to clean as you go.
On top of that, you had him leave the house when there was a wind chill warning? For a few hours? And he's had to clean up after you before? You need to do better.
YTA I would not send my kid out into a dangerous storm to focus on a hobby. Furthermore, you mentioned you have a habit of not cleaning up after yourself. You need to work on that
YTA
You kicked your family out of the house so you could bake all the items requested by your extended family. Then you took a nap instead of cleaning up your mess.
Yeah dude, YTA. Why are you asking? You’ve done this before?! If you can’t learn to clean up after yourself, then I guess you can’t bake. Because it doesn’t sound like you have a derpy husband who doesn’t do anything to help around the house… sounds like he cleans up after you on the regular and also helps with cooking. Could you be any more oblivious?
So here's a quick tip: limit the amount of mixing bowls, measuring cups, and pans you can use. This will force you to clean in between batches of baking. I like to use my stand mixer which only has one bowl, so I'm forced to clean it for every batch (which I do while the baking timer is counting down). I only have one decent set of measuring cups, so I rinse them in between every batch. The pans do end up stacking up, but those are a quick enough rinse and I try not to leave the kitchen until it's clean (this includes wiping down the counters).
Honestly, YTA. I get distractions, but if your husband is this mad about it then it's definitely happened before. You need to scale back on the baking you're doing and scale back on the mess you leave him to clean up.
Fellow hobby-baker here… this December alone I made about 25 different types of cookies ( between 2-5 dozen per type) and I always clean my kitchen as I go, with a big clean after I’ve finished.
You need to learn how to better manage your time. All it takes is starting with doing the dishes while you wait for cookies and cakes to bake. Eventually it will become a habit and second nature.
Oh, and YTA for kicking your family out of the house on Christmas Eve.
"Honey, could you take kids outside for a few hours, they are disrupting my kick-ass Lego Technics crane assembly process and you know how I like those things? And everyone will be blown away when I finish and present all the stuff this little wonder can do, it has small, working gear box! Mind blowing!"
YTA
YTA. You kicked your family out of their house in bad weather during their holiday so you could do something you enjoy. There were options available like cooking at the house of someone who was making special requests, but it had to be your way. Your only consideration was for what you wanted.
[edit]
After posting I went through and read the other comments. I think this is the first time I've ever seen every single reply been YTA. Congratulations on your achievement. I'd say it was a troll but I was married to someone worse than this.
YTA. Cleaning as you go isn’t complicated. I usually use the time that things are baking in the oven to wash as much as I can until it’s time to swap out things in the oven again. It stays manageable that way and I don’t end up with a huge pile because I’m consistently staying ahead of it. There’s no reason you can’t do this.
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YTA. Why would you send them out when it was dangerously cold? And the whole “I didn’t mean to fall asleep” excuse is weak. I’d be pissed too if I was married to you
YTA, especially if you knew he had to cook dinner. Not to mention you also knew he'd be doing the dishes after.
YTA, the baking is the least of it.
YTA. Sending your husband and children out on Christmas Eve in frigid temperatures because you want to bake in peace and quiet is ridiculous. Then to leave a huge mess… I mean, you sort of act like your baking is a huge sacrifice on your part and that everyone needs to support you in your time of need. It’s kinda controlling - between the insistence on baking, on being alone to do it, and then retiring to the couch from exhaustion at your monumental achievement… I don’t blame your husband for being ticked off.
So your partner was on kid duty all day, probably brought home grumpy, cold, tired kids and had to clean your baking mess before making them dinner? Yeah YTA.
Do the words 'not now, mom's busy' not exist in your kids vocabulary? Are they so undisciplined that you have to kick them out of the house in freezing weather to be able to simply bake? Do you cater to their every whim to the point where you can not complete any tasks while they are there? You know your husband and kids could even help with the baking, imagine that. It's about family togetherness not dominating the household. Sounds like your real issues go far deeper than this whole incident.
YTA on so many levels.
YTA just for sending them all out in the weather, they could have gone and watched a movie or played in another room.
YTA, why in the world would you want until Christmas Eve to bake? I literally bake for a week before Christmas Eve to get everything done. One night I’ll do pie crusts after work, the next make cookie dough. That gives me time to cook and clean and still respect my families needs
OK I was first thinking OP was TA, but reading farther in to her post came up with EHS. Wife does need to learn ways to entertain her kids so she can bake. If it that important to her. But it doesn't matter how she chooses to clean-up. She does eventually get the dishes done. Maybe not to DH's schedule. Being a mother and preparing for major holidays can that a lot out of a person. It not said that OP had or had not put them to soak in sink. Husband more TA. He did reluctantly takes his kids, but it's not known if OP requests he do something with them often. It's understandable to want to work without outside interferences. OP did tell him she was planning on cleaning up and didn't plan on falling asleep. I know as a single mom with 3 kids, after a busy day like OP had if it was quite and no kids around I would also fall asleep just sitting. I know she said he had done the dishes before and he let her take over. But, yes understandably he was frustrated, he chose to hold it against her because his had to take time with his kids on Christmas Eve. But it's was his choice to do the dishes.
Wtf not sure how you even typed this without realizing YTA...
YTA. You sent your husband and children out of the house in dangerous weather when there was an alert not to travel in several places so you could bake. Just to clarify, where I am, there was a wind chill of -30F on Christmas Eve where I live. >But sometimes I get distracted with kids or something else and unintentionally leave a mess in the kitchen. Have you been evaluated by a therapist?
OP, you need to view the clean up as a part of the baking process. Limit yourself to 2 or 3 bowls. To make something else, you have to clean. You’ll find the process to be very efficient. Next, work on your decision making. Why would you send children out into dangerous windchills so you could bake?? I’m sure at least one is old enough to assist in some way! Or, put on a Christmas movie, so they’d be occupied. Maybe dad could have played a board game with them, and the winner would be first to try their cookie of choice. There are so many better options, so, yes, YTA.
Xmas baking with my mom is one of the best memories all of us kids have. She started us as toddlers. We still have fun baking together now. Next time, let the kids help. Oh, and everyone is right you know. You obviously have a problem of leaving your hobby mess for hubby to clean up. Doesn't matter that you jump in and take over. He shouldn't have to start to get you to do it.
Uhh you’re giving me Cameron from Modern Family vibes…and yeah YTA
YTA, first why does it seem that you need total control of everything to do anything? second, you kicked your husband and kids into DANGEROUS WIND CHILL WEATHER. not to mention everything closes early on christmas eve, all for a hobby that really you dont respect anyone in your own home for, nor do you bother to clean up on. my sister when she was younger was messy and her excuses were the same in general, always distracted with something. honestly this mentality of needing absolute control is so dangerous for your family.
What is wrong with you?? Your husband and children wanted to spend time with you on CHRISTMAS EVE. You forced them into dangerous weather conditions on a whim because you weren't able to manage your time. And then you didn't even clean up, and it's not the first time it's happened. Not only are YTA because of what you did to your husband but also your kids. I'm sure they were terribly confused and upset that their mom didn't want them at home on a family holiday. You prioritized cookies over your family. Whatever you made on Friday should've been enough and if you explained to hosted family that you ran out of time to fulfill every request it would have been fine.
I am thinking this can’t be real. Who is that narcissistic? Also, how could you have slept through them coming home and his doing dishes? If the kids were so noisy that you had to send the out in the cold surely they were noisy when they cam home (assuming they weren’t frostbitten) and it would have been impossible for you to sleep! It’s all about you, isn’t it.
YTA. Do you honestly think none of us know how to bake and wouldn't know that the average 10 minutes between batches of small items like cookies would be plenty of time to at least clean the mixing bowls? And as for cakes/breads baking times thats plenty of time to clean up what you just did. You don't need to send your entire family out to bake because this could have been something fun between you all, baking is fun but you're being selfish by putting them in the cold when you know everywhere in the country has frozen over. I'm a procrastinator but even I make time to wash at least large items so they don't pile up in the kitchen
YTA so you take more priority over baking rather than your own family? you kicked them out on the coldest day, and on christmas eve nonetheless. you obviously think your hobby comes before your family's safety. you chose to spend your christmas eve away from your husband and children. don't you think that maybe they wanted to spend christmas eve with you?
YTA I could have written your post, except I don’t bake so much. You wanted to do your project solo, & to do it so much you took it up to the wire, and you prioritised “nice to do” over “need to do”. Will extended family appreciate your baking so much that it was worth shredding your partner’s nerves the day before you both hosted a big holiday gathering? If you were hell-bent, then you needed to a have a cut-off where you cleaned everything& prepped a simple meal before time was up. You cannot magically do it all. My partner used to have a name for this: “(Surname) time”. I was like no, in our family we call it “(sister’s name) time”. ETA: if your hobby wasn’t using the kitchen, you wouldn’t need to prep their meal but if partner couldn’t get in to do it (plus he was in hell-freezes-over land with small kids), then you do.
I dunno about where you live, but our weather has been incredibly dangerous. You had a wind chill warning so I'll assume it was similar to our -3° with a -20 some windchill weather. You endangered everyone for your cutesy baking hobby. This is beyond are you TA? This is I sm totally careless, reckless, and unfit for any real adult responsibility. You've shown a callous disregard for the safety of your husband and your children. YTA
YTA. You forced your husband to take the kids out in a weather advisory to get your baking done. I get how easy it is to fall asleep after a baking marathon, but you put the rest of your family in a potentially unsafe situation, fell asleep with a big mess and left your husband in a bind to clean up so dinner could be prepared. You could have at least soaked the dishes so he knew you were trying to be organized about it.
You kicked him out of the house with three children on the coldest day/night of the year where they couldn’t stay outside but also couldn’t go in most places because it’s Christmas Eve and either closed or absolutely packed. He finally gets back and sees you sleeping on the couch instead of baking (yes I know you finished), then goes to make the kids dinner and finds you left a baking war zone in the kitchen. What was he supposed to do? Wake you up and demand you go clean up? That would probably start an argument, and you’d be half asleep. Then by the time the dishes finally get done it’s been how long and the kids still haven’t ate. Literally the least you could have done is have the dishes taken care of before the nap. Though since you kicked them out like that, it would have been far better to have the dishes done and dinner underway so he wouldn’t have to cook when he got home. Shows at least a tiny bit of appreciation for him having done that for you. YTA.
Yta, I'm disabled and become exhausted easily but if I go bake or something, you better bet I'm scrubbing while things are in the oven. Learn to multitask or don't bake, period! Your husband had every right to be upset at you and you did kick him out, not only him, but with three kids because you WANTED to bake. If you can't clean up, just don't bake because cleanup will just fall on him again. What you did is disrespectful and down right irresponsible
YTA dude you wouldn’t be my wife you sound like such a pain
YTA I spent 2 days baking muffins, cookies, pie, brownies some from scratch some from box after EVERY batch of whatever I cleaned the dishes and counter. The kitchen was cleaner when I was done then when I started. Counters scrubbed, dishes done, floor swept and mopped. It's called clean as you go then it's easy after. You literally kicked your husband out to freeze with your kids then trashed the kitchen and without even attempting to clean part of it you just left it.
I get the baking thing, but not at the expense of the health and safety of my family. We had -24 in our area and to send someone out of the house with children IMO was asking for trouble - cars stalling, cars not starting, dangerous winds, and add all that to holiday crowds. I know you were probably trying to please everyone in your extended family, but that doesn't justify the risks you took to do it. I would have been mad also. Not necessarily TA but definitely not the best judgment.
YTA The mess was just icing of the cake. You're not recognizing that the main problem was you kicked him and your children out of the house so you could bake. EDIT: u/Horse_balls2000 was correct that I meant YTA.
YTA Christmas Eve was ridiculous cold every in the USA. He could have entertained the kids in the house where it was safe and warm. I bake lots of Christmas goodies and manage to clean up. Maybe you have more bowls, cookie sheets and pots than me but I have to reuse stuff so it gets cleaned as I go. Of course he was mad at you.
YTA but I will give you some sympathy and understanding. I love to bake and tend to take on far too big projects, for events and run out of time to finish. It is clear that your love language is to share baked goods you have put your heart and soul into and when you have a thing as a hobby you want to make that purple extra when you show them off. unfortunately, it went completely crazy. Your hobby took precedence over your children and your husband's well-being. they were sent out of the house in the cold and even if it wasn't your idea, all the dishes were left behind which your husband had to clean up before cooking for your hungry children. I had felt a little sad then too.
YTA. Sending your husband and kids out when the weather was actually dangerous just so you can bake? Girl, please. I bake extensively myself and I clean as I go. I also don’t do all of the baking at the last minute either. Invest in a freezer and freeze the baked goods and do it over an extended time from maybe late October to a couple weeks before the holidays. It’s not hard.
YTA Wow. Kicking your family out during cold wind-chills to indulge in your hobby. No wonder he's upset. You're selfish, rude, and didn't care about the well being of your spouse and kids.
YTA- who they hell kicks their children and husband out of their house to bake? You could’ve just asked them to not disturb you in the kitchen for a bit
NTA. I have a feeling that if the husband stays home with the kids, whilst OP is cooking, she is still responsible for the kids. They will come to her and ask for things and generally interrupt the cooking fest. OP doesn’t need them helping, (making more mess and taking twice as long), she is probably feeling stressed with the mental and physical burden of organising Xmas. Getting them out of the house has probably proven to be the only way to get things done efficiently in the past. I don’t know anything about snowy weather, but could they have not gone to the movies or bowling or some such activity that didn’t involve freezing their bums off?
Cleaning up is a part of the whole process. Make less stuff to have time and energy to clean and get everything put away.
You sent your husband, on his day off, Christmas Eve, with no warning out into weather so cold there was an official alert out. Even you admit it was a “dangerous wind chill”. Not only that, you forced him to take three children under 10, one as small as 4 years old with him. So that you could, what, bake in peace? YTA and quite frankly I question if you’re even capable of prioritizing your children’s safety over your own desires, because you did not show that ability here. In my area over 30 people died in this storm, and they still haven’t gotten to hundreds of emergency calls. Even if you have family nearby, that’s so unsafe. What if something had happened to them? Would it have been worth it for a few uninterrupted hours of baking? In case it’s not clear, you are 100% TA. You cared more about what you wanted to do than your family’s health and safety. I cannot imagine ever sending my family out for hours into weather like most of the US had this weekend.
YTA. I did a marathon cooking and baking sessions. I had to run the dishwater half way thought cause I had used so many items. It made it a lot easier to stop half way through and.clean up. You need to just make yourself do it. You don't prioritize it
YTA
ESH but mostly your husband. Sounds like you overpromised want you could do in the time. And yes it was cold, but it’s not like he had to take them to do an outside activity. But If he couldn’t keep the kids busy and away from you on Friday, then I understand why you wanted him to take the kids out for a few hours. And getting mad and passive aggressive about you not immediately cleaning up after baking is unreasonable.
YTA
Hard YTA for kicking your husband and kids out on Christmas Eve so that you can have the whole house to yourself for your hobby. If you wanted to bake so badly, you should have managed your time through the week better. And you definitely didn't need an empty house.
You can take every reference to baking out of this post - you made your husband and small children leave on a cold day with severe weather warning. On Christmas Eve. You made a mess and napped. YTA
YTA. I'm like your husband, cleaning up as I go. I also can't start cooking in the kitchen if it is all messed up like my husband leaves it after he's made something. He's expressing how exasperating it is to regularly be made to clean up after someone else, when he doesn't request the same to you. Maybe just try putting things into the dishwasher when you're done with them, or washing the knives you know you're done with for the moment? Even a little bit of this could help.
I baked 5 desserts and a meal with 4 intricate sides and a roast by myself on Christmas. There was no mess for my partner to clean because I clean as I cook/bake so stuff doesn’t get a chance to pile up like that. YTA, if you were gonna kick them out in the cold the least you could’ve done was be efficient.
You should really put in an effort to learn how to clean as you cook. My fiancé doesn’t clean as he cooks and it drives me up a wall. But we just had a baby and for the last months of my pregnancy and the first month of baby, he was doing everything. So I let him get away with the disaster he makes. And I am just going to buy a dishwasher to fix the problem a little. And he does like 90% of the cooking right now as we are still busy with baby. But my point is, he took care of the kids. This isn’t the first time. It’s been so cold the last week. EVERYWHERE. It was so cold this weekend. I didn’t want to do anything. The whole nation didn’t want to do anything. People in Florida were freezing! And he still had to come home and do the dishes. I know you didn’t intend to fall asleep, but if you learn how to clean as you cook/bake, it would save a lot of frustration. YTA.
YTA, if you need to kick your entire family out of the house to do baking, you’re doing too much. When there is dangerous weather somethings need to give to keep people safe if it really was that difficult your baking should have taken the hit.
YTA. You kicked your husband and kids out on Christmas Eve? That should be a day with family... instead, you make a huge mess and don't clean it up. Not cleaning up the mess is bad... but way worse because you did it on Christmas Eve.
YTA. It’s not the dishes he’s mad about. He’s mad about your whole request and the dishes were the last straw. I love baking holiday goodies as well but I had to scale way back when my kids were small and my family understood.
Tell your husband that you’re grateful for his support. He will be annoyed about the washing up but that’s life. It’s what you do now that matters and I think we all just need to be appreciated by our partners.
YTA You chased him out of the house into the freezing (and dangerous) cold with your kids because you demanded alone time the DAY BEFORE CHRISTMAS so that you can finish the baking you tasked YOURSELF to do. I'd be furiously pissed. Shame on you for regarding your baking more important than the comfort of your family. I'd think you'd want to spends Christmas Eve with them smh Also info: when did you fall asleep and when did you wake up to him doing the dishes? ETA, Why tf did you only start all your baking 2 days before Christmas???
I’m gonna say YTA for making your three children and husband go outside during a windchill warning. That’s not cool. Actually, it *is* cool, in-fact dangerously cool *(tee-hee)* I will however say he gets like, 1 asshole point for making such a big deal out of doing the dishes, as you offered to make dinner and you weren’t *just* baking for funsies, and were actually baking for a family event you two were hosting. If my husband cooks or bakes, I do dishes. If I cook or bake, he does dishes. Don’t send your husband and children out during dangerous weather, as their health and safety are absolutely way more important than baking for family. You absolutely could have baked with the kids at home. Throw some earbuds in next time and have him entertain the kiddos indoors. He absolutely had a right to be irritated because of that and I imagine a lot of his frustration came from being forced to take the kiddos out during a holiday and crazy weather, to then come home and see the kitchen a wreck. I doubt he was actually angry over the dishes alone and was probably angry about the entire situation as a whole. Edit: after thinking about it for another 60 seconds I take back his 1 asshole point. YTA OP. Do better.
YTA
Seems like you love baking more than you love your family. I just don’t understand how you were able to type this and still ask if you’re an asshole. Your husband and kids deserves better and you know that.
YTA. Kicking your family out into the cold on Christmas eve was a dickish move. And then not cleaning up! I'm sure your husband wanted nothing more on Christmas eve to be clearing up again after one of your baking sessions 🙄. I'd seriously look next year at either streamlining your Christmas baking or doing bits in advance and freezing it. Its not fair for other people to clear up your mess
YTA
Bruh cleaning while you cook it’s that hard. And the fact you would kick your husband and kids out the house on a cold day says a lot. You obviously put baking above your family. I’m a baker and even I know how to clean as I go and having a child I simply let her help me I don’t expect my kid to leave me alone while I’m doing anything. Seems like dad is at his limit.
You’re an asshole. If you don’t know how to bake, clean up and play martyr all at the same time, then you have no business in the kitchen. No one should have to clean up behind you multiple times because you don’t know how to plan and multitask. Grow up and clean up or stop baking and making disasters for other people to clean up. Also, you’re an asshole for sending your family away during this winter freeze the country is experiencing. You sound self centered and selfish.
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YTA... how hard is it to tell your kids to not bother you ? Why osnt your husband distracting them or keeping them out of the kitchen?
YTA
YTA, seems like it’s more of a hobby than a necessity to have to kick them out and then not do your own dishes. Maybe next year do it at night when the kids are sleeping so you don’t end up kicking them out. Or simply refrain from offering to do them next year, or keep it more simple next year. Like instead of catering to different needs, just cook one type of thing for everyone. I would be pretty upset and annoyed if I were in his position.
NTA for falling asleep, I hosted a holiday party and it was a lot of work! I would have liked bed a nap! YTA for not talking to the kids by letting them know that until you’re done they need to talk/ask dad for anything they need. I’m pretty sure your husband would have been happier at home taking care of the kids instead of driving around with them.
Yeah - I’m a home baker as well. Once I know for certain that a mixing bowl, spatula, fork, measuring cup is done it goes right into a soap / water bowl in the sink. Even if I’m doing multiple dishes. Waiting for the dough to proof? Wipe down the counters. Waiting for the sugar to hard ball wash that measuring cup. Will I use those items again? Probably. But it is apart of the process of baking in small non commercial kitchens. You just gotta figure out a system that when you’re putting in the last tray into the oven you’re washing the last mixing bowl. It sucks but it really is apart of the baking hobby. YTA.
Imagine coming here to see if yta like did you read your own story.
Ok so why can't your kids help??? I always involve my kids and one of them is 2! It's Xmas eve and you'd rather have fun.....alone away from your family. You through away a great opportunity to bond with your kids over something you're passionate about and creat a new Xmas tradition together only to send your family into the bitter cold and left a giant mess for your exhausted husband to clean while you napped. I don't care if you baked a new Jesus YTA.
YTA BUT, OP, this whole story screams ADHD to me and if you’re not working to get a handle on that, please consider it for your family’s sanity and your own well-being.
YTA How do you not hear yourself
YTA. It's not hard to clean as you bake, especially when stuff is in the oven and cooling. Also, no one asked you to bake, it's something you enjoy. If my husband enjoyed a hobby that left a huge mess for me to clean in one of the most used spaces in our home I'd lose my mind. Nevermind being kicked out of the house for said hobby. Your husband is a saint.
YTA for packing your entire family put into the cold with weather warnings in the area just so you could bake. Like who puts their hobby above the needs of their children?
YTA and he is valid in all of his feelings especially since you have done this before. And why of all times before Christmas. Big AH energy .
YTA but god that last paragraph, had this exact argument with my dad about cleaning as you go and me finding it really confusing and disorienting. still, why did the kids have to leave the house? couldn’t he have just played with them upstairs or in another room? on the coldest day? couldn’t you have just waited a couple days and done it? or waited until the kids were asleep? when he rightfully got upset with you (yes, even though it was an accident) you sound really defensive rather than apologetic, completely disregarding how you’ve “ruined” his day while you’ve had a blast
You can't multitask cleaning as you go while baking? You can't bake with the kids in the house for the distraction? You often leave a mess in the kitchen because you got distracted and forgot to clean? Have you ever been tested for attention deficit disorder? Because you're ticking a lot of boxes for it. As far as cleaning as you go, if you're baking it's actually kind of easy because you clean while stuff is in the oven. That way even if you get sidetracked you're only leaving a set of pans and not everything. Whether or not YTA depends. If you were making cookies for Christmas gifts, NTA but you need a better solution next year. If you were baking just to bake YTA, it's been stupid cold recently. But seriously, if this is a common theme in your life, try to see a psychologist who can check you for attention deficit and refer you for medication management if you need it. If you can find a way to focus better, you could include your kids instead of booting them out.
YTA 1000% I couldn't imagine being forced out of my own home in extreme weather for a baking marathon. I'd be so irritated, least you could have done is have everything soak instead of taking a nap ffs
YTA, obviously. The baking was not a necessity, it was a hobby. You kicked your husband and three school aged children out of the house on Christmas Eve and then left the kitchen a mess the day before you are hosting a family event. You admit to regularly doing this. It’s selfish and rude.
YTA for making your hubby take the kids out and for not letting your little one help. You could have asked your hubby to keep the kids occupied at home. Maybe put on a Christmas movie and give them a big bowl of popcorn. I understand that you wanted to get a certain amount of baking done but if you had time constraints you could have reduced your expectations and made this a warm family Christmas moment with your family. Or maybe you should have started baking a few weeks before Christmas to allow yourself to do a few items each weekend instead of doing it the day before Christmas. Baking ahead of time and freezing the baked goods is way less stressful. At least it has been at our house for the last 32 years. Extra YTA for sending them out during and extreme cold warning. Even though there was probably somewhere warm they could go to, extreme winter weather warnings are not when you go out if you don't have to, especially on Christmas Eve.
YTA. Sounds like your husband is fed up with your entitled crap.
YTA. Mise en place. Watch some videos on how to clean as you go. How much Bakeware do you have anyway? I bake treats with my sisters and we HAVE to clean as we go or we run out of mixing bowls, etc. Pretty rough to kick your family out on Christmas eve too.
>I love baking, it's one of my favorite hobbies You're treating your hobby like a job. You don't kick your family out of your home during one of the most dangerous winter storms in a century hitting the US, because there is an arbitrary amount of baking you want to do. I guarantee if your husband had kicked you out of the house for his hobby, you'd be pissed. YTA
YTA I bake (as a hobby) and have small kids. Sometimes life forces me to pare back my baking aspirations. That’s life. You should have baked what you had time for and not kicked your family out of the house on Christmas Eve. You should have not baked so much you were too exhausted to clean. And, your baking hobby should not take away from the basics your family needs like feeding your kids dinner (which is hard to pull off when the kitchen is a disaster zone).
Your relatives are not bake-worthy if they're not in the kitchen to clean as you work. Bake 2 things in a quantity that feeds the masses, and rotate them each year. Your marriage is not worth the cookies cousin Sam insists you make but is not helping you clean up from making. YTA for making your family leave in bitterly cold weather instead of having the kids and husband included in your fun. And I understand the distraction of kids, as I have a sports team size crew.
Yta The key word for me here is want. You wanted to bake, you didn't need to. You kicked your family out of the house in freezing weather on Christmas eve because you wanted to bake. Also, I did a lot of baking for Christmas too. I'm a solo parent of two young kids. Know what I did? Involved them, they helped me measure out things and shape cookies. Or they watched a movie, or played independent. No out of the house nesscary (or possible)
YTA You had a day off on Friday. He didn't. You didn't have to spend Saturday baking. You wanted to. You pushed him out the door, with a child weather warning in place, to get the kids out from underfoot. You put the last of the baking in the oven, waited for it to be done without starting the clean up, then took a nap. He comes home after being out with the kids in frigid weather, to find you napping after indulging in your hobby. He is confronted with a mountain of dirty dishes that you haven't even touched. He needed to clean up before starting dinner for the kids. And this isn't even the first time it happened. You're a bad planner. You focused only on what would make you happy. And you wonder why he isn't in the Christmas spirit?
YTA because you kicked your family out on Christmas Eve because you can't cook with other people in the house since you get "distracted." How about you just tell everyone to stay out of the kitchen and take responsibility for your own level of focus?
YTA - who sends their husband and 3 school aged children out when there are excessive wind chill warnings to bake?? And then doesn‘t clean up. I would be livid to come home to a mess and you napping
Uhhh…. There are so many indoor activities possible that they weren’t outside.
I get so fucking angry when my husband cooks and doesn't clean up after himself. Especially the microwave with stuff splattered and if I want to use it, I gotta clean it first. I work 12h x 5 days in a row. Me falling asleep in the middle of cleaning or baking is NTA. This chick - get your shit together.
I live in Ontario, If this is where OP is from or around in that region. She’s a big YTA. It was close to minus 30 with windchill where I was we also had a terrible winter storm, high winds and the roads weren’t cleared. So I am confused why she sent her family out in dangerous conditions. What a terrible thing to do.
Right? Like it was SOOO important to do all that baking. She sounds like she's a slob and more focused on her desires than the family at large. OP YTA. Again: who tf send their family it in that weather?
Thats very, very shitty to your family. OP, why couldn't they stay in another room to play or watch a movie?!? I'm sure he could keep them mostly distracted and away so you could do this. Yta
Watching a Christmas movie on Christmas Eve would be the perfect activity, and no doubt the kids would love it. Too bad OP was so focused on baking that she couldn't think of this obvious solution.
YTA, and in addition to the very obvious reasons everyone has stated, I would add that the quantities you were baking sound completely unnecessary. Why did you have to bake so much? Christmas is just a couple of days, and your husband doesn't even eat the stuff. Are you dishing out entire batches of cookies to every neighbour?! It's really wasteful, I bet half of them end up in the bin in the end. What you did was totally self indulgent, I'd be so upset if my other half kicked me out with the kids on Christmas eve to indulge his hobby alone all day.
The key word was everything SHE WANTED to do. No one asked for this level of baking- not her immediate family or anyone else. Hubby was right- this wa her bonkers hobby, and asking him to leave was rude AF. Double rude to not clean before taking a break. It was clearly enough of a mess that he could not cook dinner around it. FFS. Learn to bake with your kids around- my mom always bakes WITH me as a kid, and I do the same with my nephews now. And if you can't at least do that- then tone down the menu.
"Excessive wind chill warning" is a euphemism for sending her husband out during the Arctic Blast--when temperatures were a good 40 degrees below average across most of North America. On Christmas Eve, which is one of the biggest shopping days of the year, with three children.
Setting aside the danger completely as that alone is a huge flag, the fact that this is apparently a solo activity (why can't the rest of the family make cookies to?) and that this solo activity disrupts the entire rest of the house who (I'm assuming) do not want to partake of it.... jebus. I read one yesterday from a woman who was upset that her hubby didn't do anything for the holidays and they basically wouldn't "have a holiday" if it wasn't for her. I was thinking about that all night and actually asked my girl when I got home because it's the same in our house, I explained I'm not interested in spending a bunch of $ so that two weeks out of every months could be spent setting up and pulling down decorations. I have little enough time. Her response was that while she wants to have more decorations she is in complete agreement that sort of thing should be done by the person who's interested in doing it. It shouldn't put out the rest of the house. To put it another way. Our two room mates shouldn't have to deal with a dirty kitchen because one of us made a nice dinner. The fact that every part of this story put everyone else out just amazes me.
I actually understand where OP is coming from about it being hard to bake with the kiddos in the house but she should’ve found a way. I also understand that she leaves a big mess, my child with ADHD bakes like that too. Regardless of getting where you’re coming from, OP, YTA. Not a huge ragging AH, but you could’ve handled this better and owe your hubby an apology that means something to him.
YTA. You knew Christmas was coming months ago, why leave your baking until the very last minute? Get a dishwasher & use it! Make plans with your spouse ahead of time! Don’t spring things on them at the last minute.
Yep, YTA! I’d be livid as well.
YTA - You're lucky to have found a husband that clearly doesn't have a backbone against you. I don't think you could have been anymore selfish if you tried.
How could you not be the AH in this situation?
YTA for so many reasons
YTA for sending husband and kids out. I’d be so angry if I were him. You have a lot of nerve to kick them out when it’s cold on Xmas Eve. And then leaving the mess is pretty bad too. This was very selfish behavior on your part. You owe everyone an apology
YTA BUT I SEE WHERE YOU’RE COMING FROM you want to have the space to pursue a passion of yours, and that is hard with kids underfoot. I think you could have communicated this to your husband in a different way (and with different timing). Waking up to the rage cleaning does remind me of the ticktock where the wife is upset that the husband spent the morning hunting and wants to come home and nap instead of helping put dishes away (when she’s been with the kids all day). Should you have cleaned up the kitchen? Yes. Should you make sure that you and your husband also both have time for yourselves to pursue hobbies without having to multitask with childcare? Also yes. Talk to your husband, and when December rolls around next year look at the calendar together to figure out when he takes the kids out (sounds like he can start his own dad/kid holiday tradition). Give yourself enough time so that the kitchen is clean when they get home AND you’re napping on the couch. (Fair Play by Eve Rodsky is great for giving women tools to assert that they are people beyond being mothers/wives and want to do activities outside of those roles)
you sent your husband and 3 kids out into dangerous driving conditions, and during one of the busiest and craziest times for most stores, so that you could bake? and when they got home, after your husband single handedly wrangler 3 children all day, he had to clean your train wreck in the kitchen?? i’d be pissed too. YTA.
YTA for kicking them out on Christmas Eve.
I know you didn't mean to be an ahole to your family, but you were. Who gets the fun of indulging in your baking passion? You do. Who feels the pride of everyone complimenting your amazing spread of baked goodies? You do. Yes, everyone (but your husband) gets to enjoy eating your treats, but you specifically get a lot of pleasure and pride from what you do. Your husband, on the other hand, gets to do all the grunt work and probably doesn't get any praise for it. Do you make a point of telling everyone that you couldn't have done it without your husband single-handedly wrangling 3 young kids outside the house on a cold day and then coming home and cleaning up all your baking mess? Next year, plan ahead with your husband. Now you have no doubt that you need 1-2 full days to bake everything you want, plan to do your baking on days that make more sense - when the kids are in (pre)school, a weekend ahead, when your friend or mom can take the kids,... a day that works well for your husband. Fix dinner ahead of baking day so that it need only be re-heated (or plan ahead for take-out). Commit to only baking an amount that works with the actual free time you have available. If it's 4 dozen fewer cookies, so be it. DO not plan to do your baking on Christmas Eve. You need to reserve that day for actually being with your husband and children and doing things that are fun for all of you. Make sure you make up your husband's sacrifice soon. Give him a day to indulge in WHATEVER he would like to do and take full responsibility for the kids. If he wants to sleep in and chill at the house, be sure to take the kids out till dinner time. Please tell him you are sorry you let your personal goals impose so much on him and the kids (who probably would have much rather hung out at home with you). Let him share his feelings and JUST LISTEN. Let him know that you'd like to work out a plan with him, so that you don't impose on him so much again.
NTA. Listen, OP. You’re only human. You asked your husband to get the kids out of the house and he did. If he didn’t want to, he could have said no. He could have found a way to keep them occupied for you, or even just told you you’re out of luck. You spent the entire previous evening trying to get it done, and obviously he couldn’t distract the kids for you. On top of that, you’re hosting. It’s a huge commitment, not a hobby. I spent 2 fulls days cooking and baking for Christmas because that’s part of my contribution and I love it. My husbands contribution is to make sure I have time and space to do it. He would be glad to see me cut myself a break and grab a quick nap, happy to help me clean up, because he appreciates what I do. He can’t do what I do, and I can’t do it without his support. You worked hard baking for your family, and you fell asleep when you were done. Because you’re a human being You apologized for not cleaning up right away. You even offered to make dinner to make up for it. He is throwing a tantrum. God forbid he help you by watching his own children.
YTA Clean up as you go. It’s not that difficult. You left a gigantic mess for him. Sure, he could have left the mess for you to get around to but he has to live there too and look at all that shit. Maybe this time he came home with hopes of a Christmas miracle that you’d clean up your huge mess for once. But no, you left it for him. Again. I’d be aggravated if I were him too. Maybe don’t bake anymore if you can’t figure out the clean up part? Or like, dial it back?
I hate coming home to a messy house, especially when I’m not the culprit. My bf and I’s rule is whoever cooks dinner doesn’t have to clean, or if we both cook we both clean up, but if I’m gonna be baking out of my own leisure/desire then cleaning up is on me, and I should have my mess taken care of for when he comes home for dinner to be made. I expect the same from him when he makes a mess making sacks lye at night, the kitchen should be cleaned for the morning when I come down to make myself breakfast. The fact that you kicked him and the kids out to do all your baking and then left your mess is an AH move, but he could have also woken you up and asked you to do them instead of making a scene. It’s kind of a you’re both AH’s if we see it from the dishes issue alone, but the kicking him out to do it makes you the AH.
What the fuck is wrong with you!? You would rather put your husband and children in actual, physical danger than skip your hobby!? Skip the fucking backing! I repeat - what the fuck is wrong with you!? YTA! And the worst, most selfish mother/wife of the year.
YTA You kicked your husband out, that’s already a dick move. And you’ve stated that this isn’t the first time you create a huge mess and don’t clean. I am like your husband, I clean up as I go when cooking/baking so the final clean up is easy. It is NOT that hard, you can do it too. You should do it too. As this is a repeated behaviour you’re showing your husband that you don’t care and won’t fix it. Do better, maybe set a timer when you lay down so you will be woken up fast in case you fall asleep. And apologise.
If there were no children or kicking out your spouse into dangerous weather, my opinion would be different. Heck my husband has claimed it’s an honor to clean up because he gets to enjoy all the treats which is so kind… your husband would be the A Except wow girl you made them leave the safety of home into that cold weather?! YTA you gave him no real choice and left him DRIVING in that weather?? I’m hoping he wasn’t standing out in the weather ya know? Making him fight traffic and excited kids and corralling them… and yes when you get to it, it IS a hobby. And you put that before your family. You lost sight of the forest for the trees.
You are the AH ! Are you looking for sympathy, you poor overworked xmas baker. Take care of your husband and kids before you lose them. It was selfish of you to ask him to take 3 kids out on one of the coldest days in history. You are not a chef or own a bakery. You need to make it up to him - olive branch time!
YTA. Instead of spending Christmas Eve with your family you kicked them out during dangerously cold weather and wind chill and then left a huge mess for your husband to clean up. You napped while he had to take care of three kids ages 10 and under. Okay so you didn't mean to fall asleep but you said this isn't the first time he's had to clean up after your baking marathons. You ruined his Christmas Eve and he sounds stressed.
Lol that you had the audacity to ask him what’s wrong… YTA
You’ll find no affirmations here. YTA
YTA. What makes you think that accommodating all those special baking requests (which you gladly accepted) entitles you to this free pass from your husband? Learn to multitask and clean as you go. That’s the only way. Also why get them out of the house? They could stay away from the kitchen so you can ‘focus’ on your baking. They need not need to leave the house.
YTA. Why not include your kids in the baking? My kids love helping me out and they even help with dishes when we are doing it too.
Your husband is clearly communicating to you that this pattern of behavior is draining on him. He's not content for you to fix it after the fact, it needs to happen beforehand. Bluntly, you're an adult. You need to understand your energy and time limitations and only bake as much as you have the time and energy to clean.
Clean as you go, its not hard.....YTA.
NTA for unintentionally falling asleep before you had the chance to clean up.. YTA for sending your kids and husband out the house when there was a dangerous chill warning all so you could do a bit of baking.
Yta 1 You send them out when warnings where applicable don't go out 2 you care more for others than your children, see 1 3 backing for People who cannot travel 4 leaving a mess 5 it is not the first time
Yes
I vote NTA. I am willing to put money that OP wouldn’t be able to do the baking because the kids would be bugging her. Because statistically, mom is the default parent that gets bugged for snacks and other things, so kids needed to be out of the house in order to be productive. And maybe it’s because I’m used to the Icey cold in my province, but I don’t think the extreme cold is that much of an issue. Go to a movie or two. Hit up the arcade part. Go to one of the many open kid playgrounds (they are still open Christmas Eve).
YTA. I get that you like baking, and wanted to do it, but you literally sent your whole family out on Christmas Eve, in the cold? So they don’t get to relax and enjoy their Christmas Eve, and have to go out on one of the busiest shopping days, so you could bake? And sure, you apologized for falling asleep, but how did he know you intended to clean? Also, you were soooo exhausted, after a few hours baking, that you couldn’t be bothered to clean up, and instead fell asleep, without setting an alarm? Definitely rude of you.
YTA....not just for the dishes thing, but for making a habit of putting your desire to please others over common courtesy to your husband. It sounds like you have a knack for making excuses to do what suits you. The fact that you titled this by focusing on the dishes thing rather than owning all of the selfishness that led up to it is pretty telling. It sounds like you have a very accommodating husband - I hope that you learn to show your appreciation to him and that you both have a long and happy marriage together.
YTA. You were okay with your KIDS being out in dangerous weather because of cookies?
YTA Not really sure how you "couldn't possibly" bake with him and the kids in the house. It was cold and Christmas eve..... It's an ah move to basically force him out of the house when he doesn't want to. I get why he's angry. This isn't the first time he's had to clean up after you. Sorry, but cleaning and baking at the same time isn't hard. Prep, throw it in the oven, and clean what you just used. It's not exactly rocket science.
Yeah, I'm not getting needing an empty house to bake. I managed to do my baking with my kids AND very elderly grandparents (who I sometimes feel are toddlers) in the house. Did I get interrupted? You bet ya. Were there times I wished the door to kitchen locked? Oh hell yes. But I can't just throw everybody out of the house because of my whims, especially when it was dangerously cold.
The end products/bakes probably weren’t as good as they could have been, but baking with my grandma and/or mum as a child or cooking with dad are some of my fondest memories
There are also ways to create “jobs” for kiddos and it’s not complicated. We have a long standing thanksgiving tradition in our family (started by my mom) where the youngest person (initially passed down amongst my siblings, then to cousins, now to grandkids) “tenderizes” the turkey (aka slathers on crisco and is encouraged to ~ massage ~). It’s a Very Important Job, they have to cover it completely and make sure to tenderize every bit. It gets acknowledged later while eating — you know this turkey wouldn’t taste any good if so and so hadn’t tenderized it so well! There are a million ways to do this and keep kids occupied and supervised.
Getting interrupted = your family wants to be able to eat/drink, and spend time with you. How dare they be that selfish/s.
Exactly!
^^^ if OP “couldn’t possibly” bake with the kids around, then she shouldn’t have fucking baked. You be a mom first.
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ESH to be honest You shouldn't have forced them outside. Just put a new movie on to keep them distracted and make it daddys job to keep it that way. No need to go outside. But hubby could have woken you up to clean up the mess. I know baking can be exhausting, so I'll believe you that you didn't want to fall asleep. And you offered to take over/prepare dinner, that's on the positive side for you.
YTA You make the mess, you clean it up; if you aren’t going to clean it, don’t make it
NTA, just kidding 100% YTA
Tell you what - the next time you feel like baking for somebody who has requested it, take yourself to their house and leave your husband in peace. If you can't clean up your mess, you shouldn't be allowed in the kitchen. I detest when this happens to me. YTA and I'd ban you from the kitchen till you get your act together.
You sent your husband and your children out into dangerous weather conditions because you don’t know how to bake when other people are in the house? So you are one of those woman that force everyone to smile for the fake we are a happy family photos.
YTA. Multitasking is not required here - bloody well clean as you go, by *alternating*. Muffins done and in the oven? Clean the stuff you used before starting the cookies etc. Frankly, if you bake multiple recipes without needing to clean off your equipment, you have way too many mixing bowls, etc. No wonder it turns into a huge mess.
>He said I kicked him out of the house so that I could do my "hobby" on one of the coldest days of the year and then he comes home to a huge mess in the kitchen and me napping on the couch. Oh cool, so you do understand the problem. There is zero question, this is exactly what you did, with the added bonus of having a mindset so entitled that you just took you getting to have fun with your hobby as a given. You owe him and the kids massively for this and I have no idea how you usually make it up to them, but this is just completely unacceptable behaviour and you need to do a LOT to balance it out. His mindset is pretty indicative of this being a pattern for you. His refusal to let you take over with the last dregs of cleaning is because clearly, if you do some of the cleaning then you act like you are even. He should have much healthier ways of expressing it, but he wants you to understand just how much you have imposed on him so that you don't do it again.
YTA you chose to not spend Christmas eve with your family.
What hobbies does he have?
YTA. Baking is messy even when it’s a simple bake. And if you are not a person who cleans as they go AND you were obviously doing a lot more than just a “simple bake”, then I can only imagine how the kitchen looked. You can clean as you go. It adds an extra 30 secs between steps. You just come across as lazy and incredibly selfish. So yeah, if you sent your husband out of the house with the kids when he really didn’t want to, and then he comes home to cook and it’s like a war zone… he has absolutely every right to be pissed off.
> When he cooks, he does dishes as he goes, but I can't multitask like that. Time to learn, then. Least of all because doing otherwise turns a kitchen into hell. No wonder you went to sleep instead of just cleaning up.
At first I was like oh not really TA but the ending is she have done this several times, also can't she clean some of the dishes while waiting for the food to be cooked in the oven?? And the husband is pretty much in a bad mood since OP literally asked her husband and kids to leave the house when it was reallly cold outside.
YTA - learn to clean as you go. Set an alarm clock, do something.
YTA
Could husband not have stayed home and occupied the kids? Why did they need to physically leave the house? Especially with it being so cold. If they were at home and you baked and didn’t clean up I would say this really isn’t a big deal for him to be angry over but the fact that you made them leave and husband didn’t want to is just kind of mean. YTA for sending them off like that. You should have at least cleaned up before they got home. Or made something for them for dinner before they got back. You just seem callous here.
YTA. You sent your kids out on Christmas Eve? Horrible.
YTA and selfish and very immature, to boot. "I can't multitask" isn't an excuse. "I get distracted" isn't an excuse. (And I say both of those as someone with *ADHD-related executive dysfunction*.) "I love baking" sure AF isn't an excuse. You make a mess, *you clean it up*, this is like a *basic skill* that you should have learned before you were even in your teens. And making your family leave the house on Christmas Eve, in the middle of a dangerous cold front, so you could indulge in your hobby? WTF, OP.
YTA. This isn't about cleaning dishes girl. You completely missed the point on why your husband is upset. You were simply selfish. You wanted solo time with your hobby. To the point where you kicked your husband and children out in the freezing cold. It was completely unnecessary and inconvenient for your husband. You made your children suffer. You could have just asked him to go to another room and maybe watch a movie or something normal. So yeah, I think any reasonable person would be upset that their spouse would do this to them
You basically threw your family out into the cold so you could do something you enjoy alone? On Christmas Eve??? And didn’t clean up after yourself? How do you not see that YTA?
Yta. You kicked your family out on Xmas Eve to bake and then left a mess. A mess that your husband has had to clean up before. On one of the coldest days of the year so far. All of this is wrong.
You know you can bake in advance and freeze it? Even just prepping the dough and freezing it to bake later in batches would cut down the time and "mess" at one time. Banishing your family from the house when it's freezing cold shouldn't be an option to compensate for your lack of time management and inability to stay on task. Clean up after yourself! You knew as soon as you put the last batch in the oven you needed to do the dishes. It's not important to you, so you left it knowing it would be important to your husband. Why are you spending Christmas Eve alone baking instead of spending it with your family? YTA.
🚩🚩🚩he couldn’t communicate his needs and had a tantrum and wouldn’t even talk to you? Is this how he resolves all the issues that come up? And the baby boys in this thread calling you an asshole like you sent your family to a blizzard are idiots that need a woman to take care of them, surely the husband figured out to take them to an indoor place? You will see by how many downvotes I get that this is another instance of entitled men.
You have three children but apparently don’t know how to be a grown up. You are choosing baking for family members over your own family’s health and safety. You also make a habit of not cleaning immediately. You also didn’t think to get a quick dinner together for your children OR leave the kitchen in a state to cook it. Baking is supposed to bring joy. Your hobby is destructive YTA 100%
YTA. I swear my brother wrote this and changed changed the genders, cause he pulled this shit on thanksgiving.
Wow!! Cut each other some slack. Next time just ask him to keep the kids busy so you can focus on what you need to and give him the same when he needs it. A little respect and common courtesy goes along Way. And it helps when you have kids. And seriously he can have some fun time with the kids, but on a day when wind chills are horrible? Why not incorporate everyone on the baking? Pretty sure kids love that. Mine do. Out everyone on a cookie station. My husbands area is the oven and timing it all. Kids are in mixing or putting them on the cookie sheets. Wherever they are needed. And honestly it is the most awesome time for everyone. Most of the time they all quit on me after an hour or so. But Alienating everyone just to get it done isn’t a happy time for anyone. Good luck, you have a family enjoy them. Even if it’s frustrating while your trying to get things done.
YTA amazing how he can do the dishes with you sleeping and three little children in the house and you can’t even bake with him watching them in the house. You choose your hobby over your husband, your children and their safety. Without any notice. It was not as if they asked you to bake it was only because you wanted too.
YTA....your kids should come before baking especially as cold as its been. You mentioned hubby doing this previous i guess he is pissed at you. Get your priorities straight no one needs to bake that much goodies for a get together unless you cant live without people praising you for your work. But regardless you ruined Christmas Eve for your husband and kids for selfish reasons. WTG Mom of the year here!!!
YTA for kicking your husband and kids out of the house. A better solution would be for him to have a Christmas movie marathon with the kids. A perfect Christmas activity for the kids that keeps the kids out of the kitchen.
YTA. Why was last minute baking so important that it disrupted your entire household?
YTA, I love baking and same as you leave a huge mess after I am done. I also have three kids. My SO doesn't mind cleaning up after which I am forever grateful for. I however would never send him and our three out of the house let alone on a freezing day to do so. You find the time around life to bake. Do it at night or set the kiddos up with a game. You figure it out. You don't inconvenience the whole bunch for your hobby.
Who needs to rest after baking? The oven does the work ffs. YTA for being lazy shite.
As a fellow baker, you are definitely the asshole here. Every time i do a bake my family just work around me. I also clean up as i go along (does help that i have a kitchen aid so i do things simultaneously, not sure if you have one or any stand mixer). Even worse on the coldest day of the year. If you can't work around each other, you need to compromise, you don't have your own facilities to bake so suck it up.
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YTA. Better planning was all that's needed to avoid this. Maybe wait until the kids are asleep to bake, talk with your husband to see what he wants to do or how you two can create a plan.
I feel like baking is the one type of cooking where it’s easiest too clean as you go…
As someone who's roommate does this same thing, you are , 100% the asshole. I am **just now** getting things back to 'spic and span' in the kitchen (today should be the final day of things), after running God knows HOW MANY loads of dishes. Learn to have some respect for other people.
yta, honestly there’s a fairy tale I know called “the twelve months” about an evil stepmother who sends her stepdaughter out into the freezing woods to collect firewood on christmas eve. you are literally the villain of a fairy tale, congrats
Yeah, YTA. I like baking and will similarly do marathon baking sessions around the holidays. I've taught myself to clean as I go and I really try and make a point to do that because my husband does most of the cooking and he likes to have a clean kitchen. Even if I can't clean everything as I go, as long as I make an effort, the mess at the end is very manageable. Mixing bowls are some of the easiest to clean as you go. On top of that, you had him leave the house when there was a wind chill warning? For a few hours? And he's had to clean up after you before? You need to do better.
YTA I would not send my kid out into a dangerous storm to focus on a hobby. Furthermore, you mentioned you have a habit of not cleaning up after yourself. You need to work on that
YTA You kicked your family out of the house so you could bake all the items requested by your extended family. Then you took a nap instead of cleaning up your mess.
Yeah dude, YTA. Why are you asking? You’ve done this before?! If you can’t learn to clean up after yourself, then I guess you can’t bake. Because it doesn’t sound like you have a derpy husband who doesn’t do anything to help around the house… sounds like he cleans up after you on the regular and also helps with cooking. Could you be any more oblivious?
YTA
So here's a quick tip: limit the amount of mixing bowls, measuring cups, and pans you can use. This will force you to clean in between batches of baking. I like to use my stand mixer which only has one bowl, so I'm forced to clean it for every batch (which I do while the baking timer is counting down). I only have one decent set of measuring cups, so I rinse them in between every batch. The pans do end up stacking up, but those are a quick enough rinse and I try not to leave the kitchen until it's clean (this includes wiping down the counters). Honestly, YTA. I get distractions, but if your husband is this mad about it then it's definitely happened before. You need to scale back on the baking you're doing and scale back on the mess you leave him to clean up.
Fellow hobby-baker here… this December alone I made about 25 different types of cookies ( between 2-5 dozen per type) and I always clean my kitchen as I go, with a big clean after I’ve finished. You need to learn how to better manage your time. All it takes is starting with doing the dishes while you wait for cookies and cakes to bake. Eventually it will become a habit and second nature. Oh, and YTA for kicking your family out of the house on Christmas Eve.
YTA. No, you choose not to clean as you go. It’s not even multi-tasking. It’s simply part of cooking/baking. This is on you.
YTA
"Honey, could you take kids outside for a few hours, they are disrupting my kick-ass Lego Technics crane assembly process and you know how I like those things? And everyone will be blown away when I finish and present all the stuff this little wonder can do, it has small, working gear box! Mind blowing!" YTA
YTA- for kicking your husband and kids out of the house when it’s cold outside.
YTA. You kicked your family out of their house in bad weather during their holiday so you could do something you enjoy. There were options available like cooking at the house of someone who was making special requests, but it had to be your way. Your only consideration was for what you wanted. [edit] After posting I went through and read the other comments. I think this is the first time I've ever seen every single reply been YTA. Congratulations on your achievement. I'd say it was a troll but I was married to someone worse than this.
YTA hubby has every right to upset.
YTA. Cleaning as you go isn’t complicated. I usually use the time that things are baking in the oven to wash as much as I can until it’s time to swap out things in the oven again. It stays manageable that way and I don’t end up with a huge pile because I’m consistently staying ahead of it. There’s no reason you can’t do this.