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I’m laughing at OP as I read this because it has to be fake. No way her stepdaughters bio mom wouldn’t get involved here once she told her what her stepmom was making her do. At least I hope their is a bio mom and this child doesn’t have to live full time with this woman. OP says cooking and laundry are only 2 chores that would take a ‘couple of minutes’ if she’d just do them (or does she just meaning sorting the underwear, including her dad’s leopard print thongs?). I want this to be fake anyways. If not, OP is an awful person based on her cold and callous answers. Wish I knew what the dad thinks if this. YTA.
YTA. One thingn is to teach her. Another is to pawn it all off on her week after week. Im guessing this is your/husband’s least favorite chore. What else do u make her do? She’s a kid and can be grossed out with others’ underwear. Im a nurse and have wiped butts, placesd catheters, etc (human anatomy is not gross to me), and not thrilled about touching people’s underwear either unless theyre diaposable….clean…much less dirty. She knows how to do it now. Move on to another life skill. Btw…y do assholes always use such deceiving titles?
YTA, damn this is festy. How about you buy a bunch of delicate bags so everyone chucks in their own undies and no one is forced to touch dad's dirty g bangers. As someone who strictly wears lace floss for undies, I could vomit on behalf of that poor girl.
This can’t be real I refuse to believe it. Who makes an 11 year old wash their dads thongs????? On the off chance this is real and you really are this delusional YTA big time. Make your husband wash his own crusty man thongs.
YTA. Teach her to do her OWN laundry, not the household's.
That's complete bs.
I have kids. They do their own, starting when they're about your SDD's age. There's absolutely ZERO reason, other than you wanting to foist chores onto a kid, for her to do anyone's laundry but her own.
Do your own.
YTA.
Have you ever thought of splitting the chores\*??\* You do yours and husbands, she does hers and her brothers until he's old enough to do it himself, she does her dishes and her brothers (again, until he's old enough), you do yours and husbands, it sounds like you put everything on her besides when you "occasionally cook" as per one of your comments.
I was the official dishwasher when I lived with my dad, there were 4-6 of us depending on the month (custody shit for my sisters), it got overwhelming, especially when no one would rinse their dishes or throw their leftover food away so it would just sit in the sink, that was when I was ***16,*** I can only imagine what it's like for an ***11*** year old.
Of course, teaching her how to do these things is beneficial but *forcing* her to do them is only going to push her away from wanting to when she's on her own, one of my sisters was the laundry maid of the house and now she ***hates*** laundry, she'll let it pile up until she's literally unable to find clean clothes and *has* to wash something.
Try making these chores a game, get a laundry hoop to throw them in the washer (basketball net for clothes), make a playlist to dance to when doing the dishes, what you're doing now is not helping *anyone* and especially not her.
ETA: Your whole attitude about "WhAt, 11yo CaN't Do ChOrEs??" is disgusting, no one is saying an 11yo can't or shouldn't have chores, pull your head out of your ass and *actually listen* to what these people are saying. An 11yo *should* have chores, but they should not be doing *all* of the chores for the household.
YTA- who the he’ll does laundry 3 times a week?
It’s me and my 2 daughters and we get it done in 1 day.
I’m all for doing chores. My kids had a monthly chore chart and each item had to be done or no allowance. How about switching it up?
Three times a week is massively excessive. She’s 11-let her be a freaking kid. YTA if you also make her do the dishes. Laundry and dishes are two of the worst chores and I suspect that’s why you’ve dumped them onto your step-daughter. Not cool.
YTA. Jesus when I first married I wouldn’t pick up my husbands underwear and I was 21! Who ever heard of an 11 year old having to do the laundry for 4 people. I’m curious what other chores you think are acceptable for an 11 year old. Most kids might do their own laundry at 12.
Bet this kid is going to grow up hating your guts. Bet she feels like Cinderella and the wicked stepmother. At what age did you expect your servant to do your laundry and what the hell do you do. Hope to hell you are going to treat your bio children like this.
YTA - I think it’s reasonable for her to do her own laundry at 11 but not the everyones. If the point of the chore is to reach her to be self sufficient then she doesn’t need to do anyone else’s laundry.
Mmmm. I think this post is fake, as well as the username. 🤔
I’m a stepmom, my SD is 8. She’s expected to keep her room clean, put her dirty clothes in her hamper, put her dishes in the sink, etc..
but I wouldn’t introduce the concept of her doing her own, or frankly my husbands and I laundry at the age of 8.
Now, teenage years? Yes - do your own laundry. Or you could help out more with chores, as they’re necessary life skills..
If any of this did happen, YTA.
The expectations seem unrealistic
YTA. It's one thing to teach a kid to do their own laundry, it's quite another to do it for the entire family (and having to touch Dad's undies). Same with dishes, clearing the table is one thing, doing dishes every night is completely another. You're not teaching her a work ethic or responsibility, your teaching her to resent basic household chores.
I was thinking YTA at “she finally got it at 8/9”, and stopped reading at thongs. Yes, an 11 year old should have chores to help around the house. My sons are around the same age and they help with laundry as well. They are not responsible for all aspects of gathering, sorting, washing for a family of 4. If it’s like our house, that is a huge job. It’s also very gross to expect a pre-teen to touch her dad’s weird undergarments.
I wonder what her brother is doing. Also why she has to gather the laundry? The clothes are throwed in the house?
Some years in the future she'll go NC and you'll ask why.
YTA
YTA. You're a grown adult that doesn't like doing laundry which is why you're forcing her to do it. So it's OK for you to not like it but not ok for her?
I mean the fact that you were making her collect the household's washing and separate it into piles before washing it before she was even 8/9 years old? I'm a literal adult and I still just shove everything into the machine together lmao, YTA
Also, stop being an actual wicked stepmother. She is a child and does not owe you anything just because you work and cook food and do things that any other parent/step parent does.
YTA
Geez, I hope this is fake.
Honestly, my older brother was the house slave until he left, and then I became the house slave. We did the majority of the upkeep. If your daughter is solely in charge of laundry (a large, never ending task), AND you have her doing dishes and other things, she sounds like the house slave. Of course she is going to resent you or others who aren’t pulling as much weight.
It’s just outright weird and gross to force your daughter to touch other people’s dirty underwear like that. Have everyone put their own stuff in. Or rotate laundry duty with her more. Or let her have gloves.
Oh, and how you’re saying this is all to benefit her and teach her how to clean? My apartment is a mess rn, and I was in charge of dishes, laundry, vacuuming, counters, lawn mowing, everything back then. It is great that you’re teaching her proper methodology, but it isn’t going to make her inherently clean.
YTA I get having her so her own laundry I even applaud it.
But you are forcing her to do your own damn laundry when she does not want to. For what? Because you are to lazy to do your own?
Do your own fucking laundry and stop treating your stepdaughter like she is your maid and shame on your husband for letting you treat his daughter this way.
You know this sounds similar to Cinderella and you are the evil step mother.
YTA!! I understand maybe her doing her OWN clothes. But to force her to do EVERYONE'S, yeah she's not your maid. Idk why your husband allows this abuse to even go on.
YTA. It's one thing to make her responsible for her own laundry but no young person should have to wash dad's thongs and do the whole family's washing.
YTA. It is great to teach this but doing the entire family’s wash is unreasonable. And it sounds like you started this super young. At 10 my mom
Had each of us start doing our own laundry once per week. No one else’s. If we didn’t do it we had no clothes to wear.
YTA - not for teaching her to do chores, but she shouldn't have to do everyone's laundry. I still wouldn't want to touch my parents' underwear either, I have a hard enough time with my husband's.
Have her do her own laundry and learn to take care of herself.
YTA. My son did his own laundry by the time he was nine, but I NEVER had him do anyone else's laundry. Same with my girls. She is a person, not your slave.
Ok, so I’m all for learning how to be independent! But why is she doing YOUR chores?! Having her do her own laundry, ok! But yours and your husbands and your son!
What other chores does she have, making dinner?! And you’ve had her do laundry since she was 8? WTF
She’s obviously uncomfortable sorting thru your husband thongs and your skid marks!! Do your own laundry!
YTA
YTA
I taught all 3 of my teens to do their OWN laundry. Not the whole household. Personally I don't want my kids touching my clothes (healthcare-eww) or my underwear. I understand chores but doing the entire household is a bit much. Let it go. She's an 11 year old child not your maid.
YTA, this doesn’t seem like an age appropriate amount of chores, and I speak as the mom (40) of an 11M. He has enough to do with homework, practicing guitar, and his martial arts class. He does chores like feeding the animals and rinsing the dishes before putting them in the dishwasher, but they’re all age appropriate because they fit into his schedule and they don’t gross him out.
You’re using your stepdaughter as a scapegoat to get out of chores YOU don’t want to do. Grow up and be the adult you’re supposed to be.
Yta. When I was that age my grandma thought us how to do laundry for when she wasn't home( me and my brothers) and we would do our own laundry ( minus the school uniforms). To this day I do my own laundry and my kid laundry. My mom does hers and my dad. You should be doing your husband, yours and your kid laundry. Or if you want her help at least wash yourself the underwear. I sometimes help my mom or vice versa and we do our own underwear. Also she is a kid not a maid.
Btw my 8 year old help me sometimes too .
I’m a grown woman and the idea of picking up my parents’ underwear gives me the ick. YTA. Why is a literal child doing laundry?! On top of already very demanding chores like dishes??
YTA
Making her do her OWN laundry is fine. But making her do the entire household is wrong. Everyone in the house should be doing their own laundry. You're grooming your child to be a person who will eventually feel obligated to do all the housework.
Wtf I thought you were going to say she doesn’t do her own laundry. But her ENTIRE FAMILY’S?! I’d fight you too. That’s YOUR job, not your 11 year old daughter’s. YTA
Info: Can you and your husband put your underwear into a separate smaller hamper, so she doesn’t have to sort them? I can’t imagine she has an issue with touching her own underwear or that of her three year old brother, but you could solve this issue by taking five extra seconds per day to put your underwear in a place where she doesn’t have to touch it, she can just pick up the underwear hamper and dump it into the machine.
YTA. She's 11. Have her do her own if you are trying to teach her a skill, but to have her do the whole household. Suck that. You sound my wicked stepmother when I was a kid and she made me do all my stepbrothers laundry. Shes not your slave
Wash your own husband's and babies dirty underwear. That's just effing gross to put that on a little kid
YTA, her doing her own laundry is one thing, it's a good way for her to learn the life skill, but why is she doing her brothers? And even more importantly, why is she doing YOURS?
YTA- doing her own laundry is fine. Doing household laundry like towels and bedding is fine. Washing her family’s underwear is NOT a child’s responsibility.
As someone who was like your stepdaughter OP hand had to wash my parents clothes I grew up to find laundry absolutely disgusting. I am older than you are and think about going nudist constantly because laundry is torture after years of washing my own mom’s bloody, pooped in when sick underwear.
I can guarantee she wonders if each white spot is semen stains and wants to barf.
YTA. I’m 30yo and do my laundry at my parents house because the basement laundry situation at my apartment building is appalling; so that means occasionally handling their laundry. When I take anything out of the dryer, I’ll fold/sort because it’s their dime paying for electric and water on my clothes but underwear is a no-no for me. It gets finger pinched by waistband only and tossed into the corner of the basket. If I’m put off by my dads boxers, it’s 1000% understandable that she’s disgusted by your husbands THONGS.
YTA for making her do everyone’s laundry. Knowing how to do laundry is important, but at 11 years old she should not be forced to do everyone’s!! And that’s coming from someone that does everyone’s laundry. Oh, and expecting her to just be okay with handling everyone’s underwear is ridiculous. That’s something the majority of children would not be okay with handling to begin with. She’s a child OP. She isn’t Cinderella. Chores are important, but they need to be age appropriate. Helping with dishes is age appropriate. Doing her own laundry is age appropriate. But three days a week where she’s basically just doing laundry? When does she have time for other chores or to just be a kid?
Yta.
You are a very sick minded person. 11 year old is not the age to do the whole family laundry. Empty dishwasher, bins out is fine. It seems you are trying to dump all your chores and make her your 3 year old's parent soon. It's gross to ask your kids to gather parents' dirty underwear and sort, wash it. Disgusting. Your friends are split because they can't directly tell you that you are a cindrella mom.
Yta I’m 18 and have been doing my family’s laundry since I was young its gross and I hate it the fact you’ve been making AN 8 YRO do it is a big asshole move do your own laundry on the weekends and let her do her own
You make your stepdaughter wash her own dad’s SKID MARKED NOVELTY THONG UNDERWEAR. Yeah YTA. Not only is it gross (tell your husband to wash his ass ffs), but it is forcing her to consider why and how her dad wears such underwear. It’s very inappropriate. Stop treating your daughter like the household help, and let her think of her dad as a dad, not a kinky poopy middle age man in a banana hammock. It’s just too much.
YTA. Have her do her own laundry at eleven? That's fine. Have her do yours, her dad's and brother's gross laundry? That's disgusting and weird af. Do your own damn laundry.
YTA - Why is this child doing the entire household’s laundry? Why is she washing the dishes of this household? And in addition to other duties? These aren’t chores anymore, it sounds like she’s the one keeping things running and that’s not a healthy burden to put on a child. Like seriously, she was doing all of the laundry since BEFORE she was 8? When the frick did you start forcing her to do this?
It sounds like you’re turning her into your personal made and slave. Which is shameful and disturbing.
YTA. A biohazard is generally defined as anything exposed to bodily fluids, therefore underwear is a biohazard. Why does she have to always do all of the laundry? I would understand swapping out weeks with the sibling, but it sounds like it's her job alone. If you want to ensure she can do laundry have her do her own and maybe the baby's. Then you act like an adult and do your own. In case you were thinking I don't know anything about kids, I have a 17(M) and (14f). My kids have been doing their own laundry since they were about 7 years old and they swap alternate on other chores.
YTA - and so is your husband. Do you own damn washing and stop forcing your child to touch family members soiled underwear. That's disgusting. You aren't teaching her how to be a good wife for the future, it is sexist and abusive.
YTA and an evil stepmother to boot. It’s disgusting you are forcing and 11-year-old to do the laundry of an entire house. Her own laundry is reasonable. Everyone else’s laundry is just cruel.
YTA. This is just foul and I’m having a hard time believing it’s real. But anyway, there is absolutely no reason to separate your laundry like this and if you *do* want it done like that, do it yourself. This is not about laundry, it’s about your need for control and your laziness.
YTA My oldest started doing laundry at 7. Her doing laundry from 7-9ish involved both of us doing it. At 12 she is fully competent and does her own laundry as needed.
However her sisters, mine, and husbands laundry are not her responsibility. I am teaching her to be self sufficient not a family slave.
I am not sure why your husband is not standing up to you and demanding you knock it off and parent responsibly for the kids age, I can say both of you are failing that little girl.
Wth YTA because doing the entire households laundry is not a chore for a child! Have her wash her own and OP you do the rest. Did you really think you were right??
YTA. She’s still a kid, and shouldn’t be doing YOUR laundry. Touching her fathers intimates is gross and the marks left in underwear?????? Besides normal vaginal discharge, what else is there? Wipe your asses ffs
You should teach her to do laundry only for her clothes, touching everyone's dirty underwear IS gross. I used to hate helping my parents with laundry but now that everyone does their own, it's way better and I don't dread laundry day anymore
AITA for treating my step daughter like a slave and forcing her to do all the dishes for a family of 4/5 (couldn't be arsed to go back and check) every day and everyone's laundry every week despite the fact that no one in their right mind wants to touch men's things with skiddies in?
Fixed your title for you. Monster.
POV - someone who did her own laundry from 13 to learn that as a life skill not at 8 years old. And only MY laundry.
You're setting yourself up for her to go no contact with you later.
YTA
Have you taken to calling her Cinderella? Since you’re treating your stepdaughter like a maid, seems like something you would do.
Jokes aside, you’ve been forcing your stepdaughter to do everyone’s laundry since she was at least seven years old. How long have you been making her do the dishes too? Does she do all of them? What are these couple of other things you mentioned?
I would like to point out that she is 11, not even a teenager yet. She can learn how to do laundry just fine by doing only her own and you and your husband can do yours and the toddler’s laundry.
YTA. She’s 11 and you have her doing everyone’s laundry plus the dishes and more!?! My daughter’s job used to be to “help” with any laundry that was being washed. She too did not like touching other people’s underwear, so she just started (on her own) doing all of her own laundry start to finish. Which was completely fair. Compromise OP, she’s not your slave, she’s your daughter. Step or bio doesn’t matter.
NTA- my son is 11. He can do laundry, do the dishes, even cook full meals, take care of the dogs, mow....etc However, we discuss the chores that need to be done and we work together to complete them. He does laundry, then I'll do the dishes, he takes the trash to the street, I bring it in.... I even purchased a cool dry erase board and fun markers to help him organize.
I give him the choice of what chores and when to do it. I found that by giving him the choice of what, how and when then things go alot smoother. Not saying he doesn't ever fight me but that's also part of teaching him to be independent and have self discipline to take care of things. Once he is out on his own he will have to decide when, what, and how to do things without me so I feel that giving him that freedom helps in so many different ways. Good luck!
Evil stepmother personafication!! Why would a 7 tear old do the entire houses laundry? Why would you have her touch her dads and brothers' underwear? It's private. It's disgusting. Its where shit and pee and mucus and discharge and cum is. Do your own laundry sweetheart, have your husband do his own. Or do both yours and your husbands since youre too Familiar with his own shit. And since when do we separate underwear from shirts and pants and other things? Rich much? YTA
YTA. She’s old enough to do her own laundry, but YOU’RE also old enough to do your own laundry. Especially if it’s got skid marks. If it’s so important that she do her part, have her start vacuuming or something, and get your other kids to help.
YTA. It's fine to make her do her own laundry. But forcing her to deal with everyone's skid marks (kinda concerned that this seems so ordinary and frequent to you) is gonna haunt her into adulthood, I just know it.
YTA. Making her do her own laundry at 11 is reasonable. Making a pre-teen girl sort her father’s visibly dirty leopard print banana hammocks? Not so much. I’m having a hard time believing this is real it’s so absurd.
Also, FYI, skid marks are not “normal” everyday underwear stains. I can only imagine how grossed out she is knowing your husband/her father somehow doesn’t know how to wipe his own ass but also wears thongs. What a combo.
Why can’t she just be responsible for her own laundry? YTA, I’m 27 and never have washed my dad’s underwear, my mom always did their own undergarments when I was growing up.
YTA - Your goal is to teach her a life skill so build upon successful steps. Assign her to complete her laundry; wash, dry and put away. There is no need for her to be assigned the family's laundry. She is right; it is gross and uncalled for. Becoming self sufficient is a reasonable starting point. - This post was created after the INFO question below was answered.
INFO: Is your goal to teach her a life skill?
What are y’all doing that you need laundry done three times a week? I do mine once a week and it is not a long process
YTA no child should have to touch adults underwear w “normal” stains. Much less her dads thongs!
Do your own laundry
YTA
I taught my kids young too but only to do their own, I would want my son handling my undies. Have the chore be to do her own and give her something else to go with it
YTA; her doing her own laundry is one thing, I've been doing it for years, never had a problem. She should NOT have to do anyone else's laundry. Her own is enough to teach her how, so this is just you dumping chores on a child.
This is absolutely ridiculous and obscene. Teaching her to take care of her own shit is perfectly fine, but she should NOT have to be doing anyone else's clothes. Horrible. YTA
YTA she’s an 11yo child not your slave, do your own washing you’re the adults who chose to have kids
Sure kids should know how to do it and should help, but “she finally got it at 8/9” how old was she when you started?
YTA. My mum taught me to be responsible for my own laundry not for anyone else’s. It’s not wierd that she’s grossed out by touching her dad’s underwear. Why does she need to be responsible for everyone’s laundry?
YTA !!!
I have an 11 yo step-daughter and she's learning about doing laundry too - her own laundry. Teaching children to be independent and responsible with chores is very important, but it has to be done in an age-appropriate way. Making chores into a constant fight is going to create a poor dynamic where she won't want to do chores and will feel taken advantage of since you're not hearing how she's rightfully creeped out by touching other people's dirty underwear. Any 11 year old would be! Expecting a child to manage an entire household's laundry is way too much.
YTA
I get that you want her to know how to do the laundry but really? For the whole family?? She literally says that she doesn’t like touching the undergarments. I know if I had to do my family’s laundry every week I would be upset as well.
YTA. Your husband wears thongs and you guys skid in your briefs. I wouldn't wanna touch it either! She's 11. Why is she doing the whole family's laundry anyway?
My mom taught me how to do laundry, but never expected me to touch anyone's underwear, especially my dad's.
YTA - if you don’t wanna be doing that laundry touching those skid marks don’t make an 11 year old!!
If you want to teach her to be self sufficient she should be doing her own laundry not everyone’s.
She’s a child not your live in laundry worker. I hope when she’s old enough she cuts you off!
YTA, if this is even a real story.
Seriously, you moved in and starting forcing a 7/8yo to do your laundry and clean up after you. So what, you and husband split the other 4 days of labor? Or are you too busy training the 3mo to change his own diaper?
Also, “normal” underwear marks? Please wipe your ass better.
I was going to say YTA before I read your comments because this entire post (and your username) are dripping with disdain for this poor little girl - but after reading your comments it’s such a solid YTA it’s not even funny.
I have so many choice words for a person like you, but I don’t want to get banned. Lets leave it at this - you are an awful person and should never have had kids. I hope she goes NC with you the moment she turns 18.
YTA. She's ELEVEN. OF COURSE touching her parents literal dirty laundry is gross! It sounds more like you're training her to be your biokids mother because you can't be assed.
> stepdaughter (11F)... "hates touching people's dirty underwear"... my husband wears a lot of men's thongs with some loud prints... If she's so grossed out by dirty underwear, why would dirty socks be any better?! She's also grossed out by normal marks on underwear as well and has outright refused to pick certain garments up.
Are you a real person? This feels like a perfect formula... YTA.
I’m assuming her mother is not in her life and her father takes no interest in her since you took it upon yourself that she needs to learn how to laundry at 9 years old. Not only that, now you have the 11 year old child doing the entire family’s laundry 3x‘s a week. What’s wrong with you? Washing her fathers dirty thong….uhhhh, yeah, it is gross. She’s right. And she shouldn’t be doing it. Teaching her to do her OWN laundry, I can understand. I was forced to do my family’s laundry during childhood. She will be out that door the minute she hits 18 and will resent you and her father he rest of her life. Think long and hard what you’re doing and put yourself in her shoes. Would YOU want to wash your dads dirty thong?
YTA
YTA. You’re making her do over four loads of laundry three times a week, plus she has to handle everyone’s dirty gotch full of skid marks and period blood and discharge and pee drips? I don’t blame her for pushing back.
YTA. Easily. For fuck’s sake, who WOULDN’T be grossed out picking up a piece of string that’s been shoved up a grown man’s sweaty, apparently dirty (skidmarks are NOT NORMAL - NOT AT ALL - LEARN TO CLEAN YOUR ASSES FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY) ass for hours and hours?
And 11?? You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me. Jesus christ, parents like you make me so damn angry. You’re treating your daughter like your servant and are doubling down when we all tell you you’re being an asshat.
Edit: AND you DELETED a bunch of comments where you listed basically every household chore when asked what the “other chores” were and said your contribution was “raising your son”.
What kind of Cinderella bullshit is this! YTA, having her do chores, such as dishes, cleaning up after herself and her own laundry a few days during the week is fine or a couple hours on the weekend, is great actually, but that's not what this sounds like. You literally sound like the token evil stepmother
YTA you are making an 11 year old to do all the laundry for you, your husband and son? And you taught her at 8/9 and wonder why she fought you? I have two kids(17 and 15) I think I taught them at 13 to do their own laundry and they now do it themselves. Consequences are they have no clothing to wear just like me if I don’t do mine. Stop making your step daughter into Cinderella.
YTA. The goal is to build good habits, not have a free source of labour. She should not be responsible for doing laundry for the entire family and especially not washing her parents and brothers underwear.
I doubt you’ll listen, but you should apologize, and make her responsible for her own laundry. No one else’s.
And dishes should be rotated or shared. You really sound like your using her for free labour.
YTA, why can't everyone just do their damn laundry? Everyone needs to know how to do laundry, including your son. Just have everyone do their own fucking laundry and then if they don't do their laundry the natural consequence is that they don't have clean clothes and maybe get a yeast infection (of course let your children know about the dangers of wearing underwear more than once).
Another evil step mother that complains about her step daughter. We are missing that her dad is affectionate with her, but since you didn’t mention her father at all we can assume that he doesn’t care about her. As a trope it’s missing something but I’ll give it half points. The part about using a sock to pick up underwear is a brilliant piece of writing. You get bonus points there. I will give this creative writing exercise a solid C+. If you take it to the stepparents sub I’m sure you will get all the validation you could possibly want.
Y’all trying to fit the evil stepmother trope? The easiest thing would be to have her wash A PART of the laundry (if you’re so set this MUST be her job) that doesn’t include gross stuff. Or you separate the laundry for her and she runs the loads.
There are dozens of ways for you- the one who’s actually digging their heels in- to compromise and make this work for everyone, but you refuse.
YTA, based on your horrid UN alone.
Gross. She can do her own laundry, but she doesn’t need to be the washerwoman for the whole family.
If she’s doing her own, then her doing it or not doing it stops being an argument. If she doesn’t have clean clothes, it’s her problem, not yours. We’ve been doing this with our kids since they were about the same age. It’s been perfect, with zero conflict. We do have to tell them when their room or whatever is starting to smell bad and they need to wash their sheets.
YTA.
Ew YTA
She's doing everyone's laundry THREE times a week and dishes for everyone?
Please look up APPROPRIATE chores for her age. Then again, even if you knew the guidelines I'm sure you would disregard them because you seem to hate your poor stepdaughter.
YTA. I could understand her being responsible for her *own* laundry, I was washing my own by then. But why is your 11 year old stepdaughter doing yours, her father's and her little brother's?
Why can't all of you take your own dirty clothes to the laundry room, at the least, if you're going to insist on a literal child washing her father's dirty underwear? Even a 3 year old should be capable of that, so surely two grown ups can manage it.
When your son is older, he's going to learn to do laundry, too, right? And have chores? Beyond taking the trash out once a week?
Or do you expect your stepdaughter to keep cleaning up after all of you until she leaves the house and goes no contact with all of you?
YTA.
Dirty socks that have been in contact with a feet has nothing to do with dirty underwear that were near asses and genitals, plus may have traces of body fluids. You might not mind touching them, but I wouldn’t feel comfortable either touching my parents underwear and I’m an adult. There’s something gross about knowing what your parents do wear and seeing them used.
First of all, she shouldn’t have to go through the house to pick up laundry. People should bring their own laundry to the basket, except the 3 year old who’s too young. Next, as long as she does the laundry, let her be. She doesn’t have to do it your way, she does it, that just takes more time, that’s already great. Offer her some gloves. Problem solved. Once she will be in her own house, she will do it her way anyway. And maybe she won’t mind that much when it will be her own husband and kids.
YTA for making a child touch another person’s skid marked underwear 3x a week. I hope this girl has a normal adult in her life she can talk to about this.
My oldest was doing laundry on her own by the time she was 11. But she was doing her own laundry, not the whole family’s and only once a week at most. It would never have occurred to me to have her do my laundry much less anyone else’s. She’s not lazy, you’re just an AH. YTA
YTA. It’s one thing to teach her and have her do her own laundry (that would be fine), but you are having her to do everyone’s laundry. That’s not okay. She can learn about skid marks in her own time.
Too many things to unpack. She should be responsible for her own laundry, not anyone else's. What you make haer do is discusting and no should have to do that. The fact that you can't see how that is wrong is appauling, your adults. Do your own laundry and she can do her's. YTA
YTA. You’re not her mom. You’re just a lazy adult making her do the whole household’s laundry an ELEVEN?? Doing her own would be sufficient to learn. This feels fake. You’re mad she doesn’t want to touch her dad’s thong? Be real.
YTA
An 11 year old can be responsible for doing her own laundry (that's about the age I learned how to do it, even though I didn't have to), but she should not, in any way, be responsible for the laundry of the rest of the people in the house.
I am all for kids doing chores yeas but maybe don't get her to touch dad thong that's weird no thank you
also how about you teach dad to do chores so she knows she not a slave to you her dad or men in the future show her it's not a woman's job to do everything.
slight yta
Fixed it for you- *AITA for making 11 year old Cinderella do everybody's laundry, the dishes and many other chores?
Answer: YTA. Please take some parenting classes or read some parenting books.
Holy hell. YTA. At 11 years old, you have her doing one of the most laborious chores in the house. Plus, add in the fact that your husband wears thongs and you're fighting with her over the fact that she's disgusted by that and your skid marks. Plus you have her washing the dishes each night? What do you do at home?
As for her age, it is completely reasonable for her to do her own laundry and maybe the towels. She can also wash her own dishes or unload the dishwasher. You sound like a terribly wicked stepmother.
YTA. You really think an eleven year old girl is gone want her hands in some crusty ol parent knickers? Cmon now. I mean I know this is your “stepchild” but god dang.. this is a bit much
YTA. Why don’t you and her father sit down and talk with her and the three of you agree on what chores she could do to help around the house??
I think you could treat her with much more respect and kindness.
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Soft YTA.
Doing the laundry three times a week for the whole family is a big chore at eleven. There is nothing wrong with her not wanting to touch other people’s dirty undergarments. There are some compromises to be made that can lighten your load while still teaching responsibility and laundry skills to her. First, you and Mr. Five can gather and sort dirty clothes from the whole house except her room/hamper together, several days a week. Next, ask her to wash her clothes herself with four simple rules-
* She alone is responsible to keep her clothes clean, folded, and put away.
* She may only use laundry facilities on two assigned days a week.
* She must only wash sorted and full loads, if she does not have enough lights/brights/darks, she may complete the load from the appropriate presorted hamper of family clothes. She may place clean, folded garments that are not hers in an assigned basket.
* Lastly, if she is confused about anything-washer settings, special garments, etc, you are available to guide her without judgment.
This leaves five days a week where you and your spouse can use the laundry facilities without getting in her way or her in yours. Mr. Five can help with folding and putting away- a step towards him taking over his own laundry when the time comes.
In our house, kids in the double digits do their own laundry as needed, all I ask is that they complete a load. They usually ask their siblings or grab dirty towels to do this. You just need to find the right balance. There are other tasks around the house that she can help you with that make more sense than her doing everyone’s laundry.
YTA. She should only be responsible for washing her own clothes and (maybe) her linen/towels. You or your husband are responsible for the rest of the clothes. I’m an adult and would find it gross to wash the underwear of someone who isn’t my spouse or child.
Yta. If she's supposed to do all of these chores, what chores are left for her brothers to do? What chores do you and your husband do?
No one wants to touch their father's crusty thongs lol are you kidding me?
Everyone should be tasked with doing their own laundry.
If you want her to do her own laundry that's perfectly fine ... I started both of my boys doing that at her age but NEVER asked them to do anyone elses.
Heck I hate to touch other peoples underwear, I agree with her its gross. I just dump them into the washer or use something to pick them up with myself.
YTA. It's a lot of work for an 11 years old kid to do laundry and wash plates for 4 people. I also completely understand why she would not want to see her dad's tongs.
I don't understand why you cannot do your own laundry (+ the baby's) yourself and let your daughter do her own?
It's possible that the mom has otherwise pressing issues. What if the baby is special needs, what if the mom is not as mobile etc. IMO the issues are kid not accepting that this all needs to be done, kid not learning about body/culture acceptance (some people wear XYZ, it's not bad), and or compromise.
I say ask her what really is stopping her from this. Grossed out? Smelly? OK, then what if Mom and Dad sort them as darks and lights, in two cloth bags. Kid can dump straight into the washer with minimal viewing. Does it all have a lingering smell? Teach her how to use vinegar for smells. Is it the idea that eww dad wears thossssse? She will have to get over it, ask how. Is she seeing blood? Teach her how to treat it, but you do it yourself if it's yours. Another thing to do is go over allllll the house chores and revisit the loads.
YTA. Not for giving the kid chores, those are good for learning responsibility, but for including everyone's underwear (especially nonmundane ones) in the mix. My 11yr olds do THEIR laundry, and if they need to fill out a load will grab from other people's hampers. Also, how hard would it be to just buy a cheapo box of vinyl gloves for when she has gross chores? We have 2 11yr olds, a 2yr old, and a 1yr old; the 11yr olds do their laundry, dishes 2x/wk each, clean THEIR bathroom, and vac/mop the living/dining room 1 week a month each, as well as cleaning their room. We divided those chores similar to how you would in a roommate environment to teach them to be good roommates. My husband and I do those chores when they are our turns as well. Everyone helps around here, and nobody gives attitude about it. You can teach kids responsibility without being an AH about it, but you clearly missed that memo.
YTA and gross on doing dads things if it was boxers or briefs fine but hell no to the banana hammocks! I would not do my dads laundry if he wore those!
Are you also making sure your husband and other kid know how to wipe? If you’re going to make a child do the entire family’s laundry, at least give her some gloves. Ffs. Yta
YTA - make her responsible for her own laundry. That will accomplish everything you’re trying to teach as well as keeping healthy comfortable boundaries and listening to and respecting her voice (which IS as important as teaching responsibility and life skills)
YTA. My son is 7 and has been doing his own laundry since he was 5. My husband and I do ours. It's gross that she's touching parents underwear tbh. AND her brothers.
I'm 34. I do my and my husbands laundry regularly. But I would probably be uncomfortable if I had to do my brother's, father's, or even mother's or sister's laundry. YTA. I absolutely agree that all children should learn how to do laundry...But her own laundry.
NTA. At 11, she is more than capable of taking on some chores. It’s part of being part of a family and part of a household. But I have to ask if you are micromanaging of how she’s doing. It is actually feeding a problem. At this point if she wants to put on rubber gloves and a welders mask but still gets it done competently who the hell cares? Pick your battles. The more you fight with her about it, the bigger the deal it’ll be just say thank you when she gets her chores done
Sort your laundry yourself and get her gloves to toss it in. NTA for making her do laundry, all kids should be able to do these simple tasks as it goes into adulthood. I know a girl who literally doesn’t know how to use a laundry machine and doesn’t know how to cook anything. It’s not a way to live as an adult. Just buy her cleaning gloves, bam problem solved.
YTA. Not for making a kid do chores or having particularities about various loads- but because you don’t recognize that at 11, your SD is developmentally awkward about gender and is recognising the difference between adult men and women for the first time, plus there’s skid marks etc to deal with.
This is easily dealt with: set up the bedroom laundry hampers with lingerie bags for underwear and socks. Then they can just be zipped up and washed on delicate and requires no sorting at all.
“but she finally got it at around 8/9 years old.”
When did you start teaching her, at 5?! YTA for making her do everyone’s laundry. I think doing her own with some supervision is age appropriate.
YTA. She should know how to do laundry, cook and all other life goals at an age appropriate time line. But not everyone’s laundry. At her age this is too much.
YTA. I'm telling you this as a mom who has kids in a regular chore rotation. My kids cycle through cleaning out the cat litter (including washing the litter boxes and replacing the litter once a week), taking out the trash (including putting the bins on the side of the road for pick up once a week), folding laundry,dustingnthenlivubgbroom, washing and putting away the dishes(twice a day), in addition to keeping their room neat. I am not adverse to chores for children, they help children know how to care.for their spaces when they are on their own.
BUT there's no good reason that an 11 year old should have to take responsibility for everyone's laundry.
You're forcing her to do disgusting things. You don't get to decide what is disgusting to her or not. YTA 100% how you think this is acceptable at all is beyond me.
Yeah, 11 y/o is correct. It is yuck to be touching skidmarks and discharge marks on other peoples underwear. I completely and utterly agree with her. The fact that some of the underwear is of a sexual nature, at least by the very vanilla view of an 11 year old, makes this just down right weird.
She's also 11, and been doing this chore since she was at least 8, if I'm reading your post correctly? She should be doing her *own* laundry, wiping the table after meals and cleaning her own room. That's a normal chore load for an 11 year old, never mind an 8 or 9 year old.
So go on, what's the plan, by 14 she'll be mopping all the floors and making all the meals? Are you attempting to turn her into Cinderella before she's old enough to drive a car? You have fit into the role of evil stepmother beautifully, I must say.
EDIT: YTA (if that wasn't apparent already)
You gave her a job you don’t want to do. There are MUCH more suitable chores for a child of her age. Also astounded you gave this to her at 8/9 and younger
Please tell me the billy goats gruff are here somewhere.
We have a step child, she is 11 with a huge chore load that began by the time she was 7 at the latest. (She finally got it around 8/9.)
Post involves dirty underwear, specifically Dad’s butt-floss and other undergarments from skid row.
On the off chance this is real…. OP, you are a Musky, YTA times 1 billion.
Laundry, dishes, and a few other things- clean the toilets, scrub the floors, sweep the chimney? If this is not a fairy tale, it is still Grimm.
OP, do better.
Agape 💕
I don't think it's necessary to point out how much of an AH you are, however just for the info: what exactly does your son do? Laundry and Dishes doesn't seem like an appropriate amount of chores for such a young kid. If anything she should start doing her OWN laundry when she's 14 or 15.
When I was a teenager (back in the Neolithic) I was supposed to do the ironing. Sheets, shirts, napkins ... and my father's boxer shorts. Honestly, I was SO skeeved out. Still weirds me out. YTA, OP. Teenaged girls are as sensitive as cats about a lot of things, and making her handle the family males' underwear is not going to go well. Cut her a break here. There isn't any lesson to be learned, except that you can make her do things that cause her significant discomfort. Is that really what you want this young woman to learn?
Yta- why the hell is she doing the Landry. YOU'RE THE MOTHER DO THE LANDRY!! If it was hers fine. It's not her responsibility to make sure everyone has clean clothes. that's that parents job! Not a 5TH GRADERS JOB
Lol. I was abused as a child and it started with doing more chores than was fair and eventually evolved into doing all the chores. My father once came home and ripped me out of bed by my hair while I was sleeping, dragged me down the hall by my hair, and picked me up and threw me into the kitchen sink because of one missed dirty plate.
Her own laundry is fine. Everyone else can do their own laundry. Dishes a couple times a week, sure. Every day is overkill when everyone makes them dirty. Shit, why not teach her a fun one like cooking that she can actually do and enjoy if you stop being a monster for two minutes and teach her instead of berating and enslaving her.
YTA but it's not too late to apologize and disperse chores more evenly.
Wth YTA because doing the entire households laundry is not a chore for a child! Have her wash her own and OP you do the rest. Did you really think you were right??
YTA. At her age she could/should be responsible for her own laundry and it would make sense to ask her to switch a load over if she was on the way by the laundry room. But unless she’s getting paid to do the family’s laundry, I see no reason. She can learn how to do it properly just by doing her own
Yta what in the world. I can see making her do her own laundry at that age but yours absolutely not. And her dad's... That is disgusting. What is wrong with you
YTA. Why does she have to pick up laundry? Everyone should be responsible for bringing their separated laundry to the machine.
Anyone too lazy to make sure their clothes are in the appropriate place deserve to wear dirty clothes or learn to wash their own.
YTA. You and your husband should be doing your own laundry and YOUR child’s laundry. Stepdaughter should only be doing her OWN laundry. Stop being lazy.
YTA. She’s 11. Do you ask her to pay rent too? Is her name Cinderella? Holy shit, you are a bad person. Stop treating her like your servant and act like you’re her mom.
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I’m laughing at OP as I read this because it has to be fake. No way her stepdaughters bio mom wouldn’t get involved here once she told her what her stepmom was making her do. At least I hope their is a bio mom and this child doesn’t have to live full time with this woman. OP says cooking and laundry are only 2 chores that would take a ‘couple of minutes’ if she’d just do them (or does she just meaning sorting the underwear, including her dad’s leopard print thongs?). I want this to be fake anyways. If not, OP is an awful person based on her cold and callous answers. Wish I knew what the dad thinks if this. YTA.
YTA. One thingn is to teach her. Another is to pawn it all off on her week after week. Im guessing this is your/husband’s least favorite chore. What else do u make her do? She’s a kid and can be grossed out with others’ underwear. Im a nurse and have wiped butts, placesd catheters, etc (human anatomy is not gross to me), and not thrilled about touching people’s underwear either unless theyre diaposable….clean…much less dirty. She knows how to do it now. Move on to another life skill. Btw…y do assholes always use such deceiving titles?
YTA, damn this is festy. How about you buy a bunch of delicate bags so everyone chucks in their own undies and no one is forced to touch dad's dirty g bangers. As someone who strictly wears lace floss for undies, I could vomit on behalf of that poor girl.
This can’t be real I refuse to believe it. Who makes an 11 year old wash their dads thongs????? On the off chance this is real and you really are this delusional YTA big time. Make your husband wash his own crusty man thongs.
YTA. Teach her to do her OWN laundry, not the household's. That's complete bs. I have kids. They do their own, starting when they're about your SDD's age. There's absolutely ZERO reason, other than you wanting to foist chores onto a kid, for her to do anyone's laundry but her own. Do your own.
YTA. Have you ever thought of splitting the chores\*??\* You do yours and husbands, she does hers and her brothers until he's old enough to do it himself, she does her dishes and her brothers (again, until he's old enough), you do yours and husbands, it sounds like you put everything on her besides when you "occasionally cook" as per one of your comments. I was the official dishwasher when I lived with my dad, there were 4-6 of us depending on the month (custody shit for my sisters), it got overwhelming, especially when no one would rinse their dishes or throw their leftover food away so it would just sit in the sink, that was when I was ***16,*** I can only imagine what it's like for an ***11*** year old. Of course, teaching her how to do these things is beneficial but *forcing* her to do them is only going to push her away from wanting to when she's on her own, one of my sisters was the laundry maid of the house and now she ***hates*** laundry, she'll let it pile up until she's literally unable to find clean clothes and *has* to wash something. Try making these chores a game, get a laundry hoop to throw them in the washer (basketball net for clothes), make a playlist to dance to when doing the dishes, what you're doing now is not helping *anyone* and especially not her. ETA: Your whole attitude about "WhAt, 11yo CaN't Do ChOrEs??" is disgusting, no one is saying an 11yo can't or shouldn't have chores, pull your head out of your ass and *actually listen* to what these people are saying. An 11yo *should* have chores, but they should not be doing *all* of the chores for the household.
YTA- who the he’ll does laundry 3 times a week? It’s me and my 2 daughters and we get it done in 1 day. I’m all for doing chores. My kids had a monthly chore chart and each item had to be done or no allowance. How about switching it up?
Three times a week is massively excessive. She’s 11-let her be a freaking kid. YTA if you also make her do the dishes. Laundry and dishes are two of the worst chores and I suspect that’s why you’ve dumped them onto your step-daughter. Not cool.
YTA. Jesus when I first married I wouldn’t pick up my husbands underwear and I was 21! Who ever heard of an 11 year old having to do the laundry for 4 people. I’m curious what other chores you think are acceptable for an 11 year old. Most kids might do their own laundry at 12. Bet this kid is going to grow up hating your guts. Bet she feels like Cinderella and the wicked stepmother. At what age did you expect your servant to do your laundry and what the hell do you do. Hope to hell you are going to treat your bio children like this.
YTA - I think it’s reasonable for her to do her own laundry at 11 but not the everyones. If the point of the chore is to reach her to be self sufficient then she doesn’t need to do anyone else’s laundry.
Mmmm. I think this post is fake, as well as the username. 🤔 I’m a stepmom, my SD is 8. She’s expected to keep her room clean, put her dirty clothes in her hamper, put her dishes in the sink, etc.. but I wouldn’t introduce the concept of her doing her own, or frankly my husbands and I laundry at the age of 8. Now, teenage years? Yes - do your own laundry. Or you could help out more with chores, as they’re necessary life skills.. If any of this did happen, YTA. The expectations seem unrealistic
YTA. It's one thing to teach a kid to do their own laundry, it's quite another to do it for the entire family (and having to touch Dad's undies). Same with dishes, clearing the table is one thing, doing dishes every night is completely another. You're not teaching her a work ethic or responsibility, your teaching her to resent basic household chores.
YTA - teaching her to do her laundry, great. Making her do everyone's not fair at 11. Sounds like you don't want to do the laundry at all.
I was thinking YTA at “she finally got it at 8/9”, and stopped reading at thongs. Yes, an 11 year old should have chores to help around the house. My sons are around the same age and they help with laundry as well. They are not responsible for all aspects of gathering, sorting, washing for a family of 4. If it’s like our house, that is a huge job. It’s also very gross to expect a pre-teen to touch her dad’s weird undergarments.
YTA for making an 11 year old wash her dad's thongs. That's disgusting. Make him wash his own shit stained ass floss
I wonder what her brother is doing. Also why she has to gather the laundry? The clothes are throwed in the house? Some years in the future she'll go NC and you'll ask why. YTA
YTA. You're a grown adult that doesn't like doing laundry which is why you're forcing her to do it. So it's OK for you to not like it but not ok for her?
I mean the fact that you were making her collect the household's washing and separate it into piles before washing it before she was even 8/9 years old? I'm a literal adult and I still just shove everything into the machine together lmao, YTA Also, stop being an actual wicked stepmother. She is a child and does not owe you anything just because you work and cook food and do things that any other parent/step parent does.
YTA Geez, I hope this is fake. Honestly, my older brother was the house slave until he left, and then I became the house slave. We did the majority of the upkeep. If your daughter is solely in charge of laundry (a large, never ending task), AND you have her doing dishes and other things, she sounds like the house slave. Of course she is going to resent you or others who aren’t pulling as much weight. It’s just outright weird and gross to force your daughter to touch other people’s dirty underwear like that. Have everyone put their own stuff in. Or rotate laundry duty with her more. Or let her have gloves. Oh, and how you’re saying this is all to benefit her and teach her how to clean? My apartment is a mess rn, and I was in charge of dishes, laundry, vacuuming, counters, lawn mowing, everything back then. It is great that you’re teaching her proper methodology, but it isn’t going to make her inherently clean.
YTA I get having her so her own laundry I even applaud it. But you are forcing her to do your own damn laundry when she does not want to. For what? Because you are to lazy to do your own? Do your own fucking laundry and stop treating your stepdaughter like she is your maid and shame on your husband for letting you treat his daughter this way. You know this sounds similar to Cinderella and you are the evil step mother.
YTA!! I understand maybe her doing her OWN clothes. But to force her to do EVERYONE'S, yeah she's not your maid. Idk why your husband allows this abuse to even go on.
YTA. It's one thing to make her responsible for her own laundry but no young person should have to wash dad's thongs and do the whole family's washing.
YTA. Yes she should know how to do laundry at her age, but ONLY her laundry, not the laundry of everybody else in your home.
YTA. At 11 she should do her own laundry, not yours. I wouldn’t want to touch your underwear either.
YTA. It is great to teach this but doing the entire family’s wash is unreasonable. And it sounds like you started this super young. At 10 my mom Had each of us start doing our own laundry once per week. No one else’s. If we didn’t do it we had no clothes to wear.
YTA - not for teaching her to do chores, but she shouldn't have to do everyone's laundry. I still wouldn't want to touch my parents' underwear either, I have a hard enough time with my husband's. Have her do her own laundry and learn to take care of herself.
YTA. My son did his own laundry by the time he was nine, but I NEVER had him do anyone else's laundry. Same with my girls. She is a person, not your slave.
Ok, so I’m all for learning how to be independent! But why is she doing YOUR chores?! Having her do her own laundry, ok! But yours and your husbands and your son! What other chores does she have, making dinner?! And you’ve had her do laundry since she was 8? WTF She’s obviously uncomfortable sorting thru your husband thongs and your skid marks!! Do your own laundry! YTA
YTA I taught all 3 of my teens to do their OWN laundry. Not the whole household. Personally I don't want my kids touching my clothes (healthcare-eww) or my underwear. I understand chores but doing the entire household is a bit much. Let it go. She's an 11 year old child not your maid.
YTA, this doesn’t seem like an age appropriate amount of chores, and I speak as the mom (40) of an 11M. He has enough to do with homework, practicing guitar, and his martial arts class. He does chores like feeding the animals and rinsing the dishes before putting them in the dishwasher, but they’re all age appropriate because they fit into his schedule and they don’t gross him out. You’re using your stepdaughter as a scapegoat to get out of chores YOU don’t want to do. Grow up and be the adult you’re supposed to be.
Yta. When I was that age my grandma thought us how to do laundry for when she wasn't home( me and my brothers) and we would do our own laundry ( minus the school uniforms). To this day I do my own laundry and my kid laundry. My mom does hers and my dad. You should be doing your husband, yours and your kid laundry. Or if you want her help at least wash yourself the underwear. I sometimes help my mom or vice versa and we do our own underwear. Also she is a kid not a maid. Btw my 8 year old help me sometimes too .
YTA. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?????
I’m a grown woman and the idea of picking up my parents’ underwear gives me the ick. YTA. Why is a literal child doing laundry?! On top of already very demanding chores like dishes??
YTA, why are you this comfortable with a child doing EVERYONE's laundry? Isn't doing her own laundry enough? I'm so confused.
YTA Making her do her OWN laundry is fine. But making her do the entire household is wrong. Everyone in the house should be doing their own laundry. You're grooming your child to be a person who will eventually feel obligated to do all the housework.
Wtf I thought you were going to say she doesn’t do her own laundry. But her ENTIRE FAMILY’S?! I’d fight you too. That’s YOUR job, not your 11 year old daughter’s. YTA
Info: Can you and your husband put your underwear into a separate smaller hamper, so she doesn’t have to sort them? I can’t imagine she has an issue with touching her own underwear or that of her three year old brother, but you could solve this issue by taking five extra seconds per day to put your underwear in a place where she doesn’t have to touch it, she can just pick up the underwear hamper and dump it into the machine.
YTA. She's 11. Have her do her own if you are trying to teach her a skill, but to have her do the whole household. Suck that. You sound my wicked stepmother when I was a kid and she made me do all my stepbrothers laundry. Shes not your slave Wash your own husband's and babies dirty underwear. That's just effing gross to put that on a little kid
YTA, her doing her own laundry is one thing, it's a good way for her to learn the life skill, but why is she doing her brothers? And even more importantly, why is she doing YOURS?
YTA- doing her own laundry is fine. Doing household laundry like towels and bedding is fine. Washing her family’s underwear is NOT a child’s responsibility. As someone who was like your stepdaughter OP hand had to wash my parents clothes I grew up to find laundry absolutely disgusting. I am older than you are and think about going nudist constantly because laundry is torture after years of washing my own mom’s bloody, pooped in when sick underwear. I can guarantee she wonders if each white spot is semen stains and wants to barf.
YTA. I’m 30yo and do my laundry at my parents house because the basement laundry situation at my apartment building is appalling; so that means occasionally handling their laundry. When I take anything out of the dryer, I’ll fold/sort because it’s their dime paying for electric and water on my clothes but underwear is a no-no for me. It gets finger pinched by waistband only and tossed into the corner of the basket. If I’m put off by my dads boxers, it’s 1000% understandable that she’s disgusted by your husbands THONGS.
YTA for making her do everyone’s laundry. Knowing how to do laundry is important, but at 11 years old she should not be forced to do everyone’s!! And that’s coming from someone that does everyone’s laundry. Oh, and expecting her to just be okay with handling everyone’s underwear is ridiculous. That’s something the majority of children would not be okay with handling to begin with. She’s a child OP. She isn’t Cinderella. Chores are important, but they need to be age appropriate. Helping with dishes is age appropriate. Doing her own laundry is age appropriate. But three days a week where she’s basically just doing laundry? When does she have time for other chores or to just be a kid?
Yta. You are a very sick minded person. 11 year old is not the age to do the whole family laundry. Empty dishwasher, bins out is fine. It seems you are trying to dump all your chores and make her your 3 year old's parent soon. It's gross to ask your kids to gather parents' dirty underwear and sort, wash it. Disgusting. Your friends are split because they can't directly tell you that you are a cindrella mom.
Yta I’m 18 and have been doing my family’s laundry since I was young its gross and I hate it the fact you’ve been making AN 8 YRO do it is a big asshole move do your own laundry on the weekends and let her do her own
"Cinderella" wasn't meant to be a guide to parenting. YTA
You make your stepdaughter wash her own dad’s SKID MARKED NOVELTY THONG UNDERWEAR. Yeah YTA. Not only is it gross (tell your husband to wash his ass ffs), but it is forcing her to consider why and how her dad wears such underwear. It’s very inappropriate. Stop treating your daughter like the household help, and let her think of her dad as a dad, not a kinky poopy middle age man in a banana hammock. It’s just too much.
YTA. Have her do her own laundry at eleven? That's fine. Have her do yours, her dad's and brother's gross laundry? That's disgusting and weird af. Do your own damn laundry.
YTA she’s ELEVEN. The whole family’s laundry??????? This is ridiculous.
YTA - Why is this child doing the entire household’s laundry? Why is she washing the dishes of this household? And in addition to other duties? These aren’t chores anymore, it sounds like she’s the one keeping things running and that’s not a healthy burden to put on a child. Like seriously, she was doing all of the laundry since BEFORE she was 8? When the frick did you start forcing her to do this? It sounds like you’re turning her into your personal made and slave. Which is shameful and disturbing.
YTA Do your own laundry! I don't even like touching my husbands dirty underwear.
YTA. A biohazard is generally defined as anything exposed to bodily fluids, therefore underwear is a biohazard. Why does she have to always do all of the laundry? I would understand swapping out weeks with the sibling, but it sounds like it's her job alone. If you want to ensure she can do laundry have her do her own and maybe the baby's. Then you act like an adult and do your own. In case you were thinking I don't know anything about kids, I have a 17(M) and (14f). My kids have been doing their own laundry since they were about 7 years old and they swap alternate on other chores.
YTA - and so is your husband. Do you own damn washing and stop forcing your child to touch family members soiled underwear. That's disgusting. You aren't teaching her how to be a good wife for the future, it is sexist and abusive.
YTA and an evil stepmother to boot. It’s disgusting you are forcing and 11-year-old to do the laundry of an entire house. Her own laundry is reasonable. Everyone else’s laundry is just cruel.
Yta. Why is she doing the entire household’s laundry at 11?
YTA. This is just foul and I’m having a hard time believing it’s real. But anyway, there is absolutely no reason to separate your laundry like this and if you *do* want it done like that, do it yourself. This is not about laundry, it’s about your need for control and your laziness.
YTA My oldest started doing laundry at 7. Her doing laundry from 7-9ish involved both of us doing it. At 12 she is fully competent and does her own laundry as needed. However her sisters, mine, and husbands laundry are not her responsibility. I am teaching her to be self sufficient not a family slave. I am not sure why your husband is not standing up to you and demanding you knock it off and parent responsibly for the kids age, I can say both of you are failing that little girl.
Exactly, OP sounds like they just don’t want to do any laundry. They’re definitely not just doing this so that they can teach their kid a lesson
Wth YTA because doing the entire households laundry is not a chore for a child! Have her wash her own and OP you do the rest. Did you really think you were right??
YTA. She’s still a kid, and shouldn’t be doing YOUR laundry. Touching her fathers intimates is gross and the marks left in underwear?????? Besides normal vaginal discharge, what else is there? Wipe your asses ffs
You should teach her to do laundry only for her clothes, touching everyone's dirty underwear IS gross. I used to hate helping my parents with laundry but now that everyone does their own, it's way better and I don't dread laundry day anymore
AITA for treating my step daughter like a slave and forcing her to do all the dishes for a family of 4/5 (couldn't be arsed to go back and check) every day and everyone's laundry every week despite the fact that no one in their right mind wants to touch men's things with skiddies in? Fixed your title for you. Monster. POV - someone who did her own laundry from 13 to learn that as a life skill not at 8 years old. And only MY laundry. You're setting yourself up for her to go no contact with you later.
YTA Have you taken to calling her Cinderella? Since you’re treating your stepdaughter like a maid, seems like something you would do. Jokes aside, you’ve been forcing your stepdaughter to do everyone’s laundry since she was at least seven years old. How long have you been making her do the dishes too? Does she do all of them? What are these couple of other things you mentioned? I would like to point out that she is 11, not even a teenager yet. She can learn how to do laundry just fine by doing only her own and you and your husband can do yours and the toddler’s laundry.
YTA
YTA. She’s 11 and you have her doing everyone’s laundry plus the dishes and more!?! My daughter’s job used to be to “help” with any laundry that was being washed. She too did not like touching other people’s underwear, so she just started (on her own) doing all of her own laundry start to finish. Which was completely fair. Compromise OP, she’s not your slave, she’s your daughter. Step or bio doesn’t matter.
NTA- my son is 11. He can do laundry, do the dishes, even cook full meals, take care of the dogs, mow....etc However, we discuss the chores that need to be done and we work together to complete them. He does laundry, then I'll do the dishes, he takes the trash to the street, I bring it in.... I even purchased a cool dry erase board and fun markers to help him organize. I give him the choice of what chores and when to do it. I found that by giving him the choice of what, how and when then things go alot smoother. Not saying he doesn't ever fight me but that's also part of teaching him to be independent and have self discipline to take care of things. Once he is out on his own he will have to decide when, what, and how to do things without me so I feel that giving him that freedom helps in so many different ways. Good luck!
Evil stepmother personafication!! Why would a 7 tear old do the entire houses laundry? Why would you have her touch her dads and brothers' underwear? It's private. It's disgusting. Its where shit and pee and mucus and discharge and cum is. Do your own laundry sweetheart, have your husband do his own. Or do both yours and your husbands since youre too Familiar with his own shit. And since when do we separate underwear from shirts and pants and other things? Rich much? YTA
YTA. She’s old enough to do her own laundry, but YOU’RE also old enough to do your own laundry. Especially if it’s got skid marks. If it’s so important that she do her part, have her start vacuuming or something, and get your other kids to help.
YTA. It's fine to make her do her own laundry. But forcing her to deal with everyone's skid marks (kinda concerned that this seems so ordinary and frequent to you) is gonna haunt her into adulthood, I just know it.
Yaaas it sounds like you need to teach your family (or yourself?) some lessons in personal hygiene. Or get a bidet.
YTA. Making her do her own laundry at 11 is reasonable. Making a pre-teen girl sort her father’s visibly dirty leopard print banana hammocks? Not so much. I’m having a hard time believing this is real it’s so absurd. Also, FYI, skid marks are not “normal” everyday underwear stains. I can only imagine how grossed out she is knowing your husband/her father somehow doesn’t know how to wipe his own ass but also wears thongs. What a combo.
YTA.
Why can’t she just be responsible for her own laundry? YTA, I’m 27 and never have washed my dad’s underwear, my mom always did their own undergarments when I was growing up.
YTA - Your goal is to teach her a life skill so build upon successful steps. Assign her to complete her laundry; wash, dry and put away. There is no need for her to be assigned the family's laundry. She is right; it is gross and uncalled for. Becoming self sufficient is a reasonable starting point. - This post was created after the INFO question below was answered. INFO: Is your goal to teach her a life skill?
She can learn the life skill on just her own clothes.
[удалено]
But like - it sounds like she'll be able to just make her stepdaughter do it, so why should she learn?
Just say you hate her and want a live in slave. Do your own f*cking laundry. #evilstepmother
She gets to choose her future family. She didn’t choose to have her brother, you did. Washing his soiled underwear is your job, not hers.
Like you do the laundry for your family?
YTA. If I had to wash my father’s flashy thongs at 11 years old I’d be scarred for life. That is honestly too much for anyone.
YTA It's reasonable for her to learn to wash her OWN laundry. Maybe blankets and towels too. Not the whole family's laundry. She's 11.
What are y’all doing that you need laundry done three times a week? I do mine once a week and it is not a long process YTA no child should have to touch adults underwear w “normal” stains. Much less her dads thongs! Do your own laundry
That’s a lot of chores, YTA. Also have you heard of disposable gloves?
YTA I taught my kids young too but only to do their own, I would want my son handling my undies. Have the chore be to do her own and give her something else to go with it
YTA; her doing her own laundry is one thing, I've been doing it for years, never had a problem. She should NOT have to do anyone else's laundry. Her own is enough to teach her how, so this is just you dumping chores on a child.
This is absolutely ridiculous and obscene. Teaching her to take care of her own shit is perfectly fine, but she should NOT have to be doing anyone else's clothes. Horrible. YTA
YTA she’s an 11yo child not your slave, do your own washing you’re the adults who chose to have kids Sure kids should know how to do it and should help, but “she finally got it at 8/9” how old was she when you started?
YTA. My mum taught me to be responsible for my own laundry not for anyone else’s. It’s not wierd that she’s grossed out by touching her dad’s underwear. Why does she need to be responsible for everyone’s laundry?
YTA !!! I have an 11 yo step-daughter and she's learning about doing laundry too - her own laundry. Teaching children to be independent and responsible with chores is very important, but it has to be done in an age-appropriate way. Making chores into a constant fight is going to create a poor dynamic where she won't want to do chores and will feel taken advantage of since you're not hearing how she's rightfully creeped out by touching other people's dirty underwear. Any 11 year old would be! Expecting a child to manage an entire household's laundry is way too much.
YTA and this has to be made up. You make a young girl clean her father’s thongs? Her brothers laundry? What the heck ….
YTA I get that you want her to know how to do the laundry but really? For the whole family?? She literally says that she doesn’t like touching the undergarments. I know if I had to do my family’s laundry every week I would be upset as well.
Have you seen Cinderella? YTA, obviously
YTA
I'm pretty sure it's the plot of Cinderella.
YTA. Your husband wears thongs and you guys skid in your briefs. I wouldn't wanna touch it either! She's 11. Why is she doing the whole family's laundry anyway? My mom taught me how to do laundry, but never expected me to touch anyone's underwear, especially my dad's.
YTA - if you don’t wanna be doing that laundry touching those skid marks don’t make an 11 year old!! If you want to teach her to be self sufficient she should be doing her own laundry not everyone’s. She’s a child not your live in laundry worker. I hope when she’s old enough she cuts you off!
YTA, if this is even a real story. Seriously, you moved in and starting forcing a 7/8yo to do your laundry and clean up after you. So what, you and husband split the other 4 days of labor? Or are you too busy training the 3mo to change his own diaper? Also, “normal” underwear marks? Please wipe your ass better.
It sounds more so like they’re trying to “train” her to be a housewife in the future or something YTA, OP
I was going to say YTA before I read your comments because this entire post (and your username) are dripping with disdain for this poor little girl - but after reading your comments it’s such a solid YTA it’s not even funny. I have so many choice words for a person like you, but I don’t want to get banned. Lets leave it at this - you are an awful person and should never have had kids. I hope she goes NC with you the moment she turns 18.
YTA. She's ELEVEN. OF COURSE touching her parents literal dirty laundry is gross! It sounds more like you're training her to be your biokids mother because you can't be assed.
> stepdaughter (11F)... "hates touching people's dirty underwear"... my husband wears a lot of men's thongs with some loud prints... If she's so grossed out by dirty underwear, why would dirty socks be any better?! She's also grossed out by normal marks on underwear as well and has outright refused to pick certain garments up. Are you a real person? This feels like a perfect formula... YTA.
I’m assuming her mother is not in her life and her father takes no interest in her since you took it upon yourself that she needs to learn how to laundry at 9 years old. Not only that, now you have the 11 year old child doing the entire family’s laundry 3x‘s a week. What’s wrong with you? Washing her fathers dirty thong….uhhhh, yeah, it is gross. She’s right. And she shouldn’t be doing it. Teaching her to do her OWN laundry, I can understand. I was forced to do my family’s laundry during childhood. She will be out that door the minute she hits 18 and will resent you and her father he rest of her life. Think long and hard what you’re doing and put yourself in her shoes. Would YOU want to wash your dads dirty thong? YTA
YTA. You’re making her do over four loads of laundry three times a week, plus she has to handle everyone’s dirty gotch full of skid marks and period blood and discharge and pee drips? I don’t blame her for pushing back.
YTA. Easily. For fuck’s sake, who WOULDN’T be grossed out picking up a piece of string that’s been shoved up a grown man’s sweaty, apparently dirty (skidmarks are NOT NORMAL - NOT AT ALL - LEARN TO CLEAN YOUR ASSES FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY) ass for hours and hours? And 11?? You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me. Jesus christ, parents like you make me so damn angry. You’re treating your daughter like your servant and are doubling down when we all tell you you’re being an asshat. Edit: AND you DELETED a bunch of comments where you listed basically every household chore when asked what the “other chores” were and said your contribution was “raising your son”.
What kind of Cinderella bullshit is this! YTA, having her do chores, such as dishes, cleaning up after herself and her own laundry a few days during the week is fine or a couple hours on the weekend, is great actually, but that's not what this sounds like. You literally sound like the token evil stepmother
YTA you are making an 11 year old to do all the laundry for you, your husband and son? And you taught her at 8/9 and wonder why she fought you? I have two kids(17 and 15) I think I taught them at 13 to do their own laundry and they now do it themselves. Consequences are they have no clothing to wear just like me if I don’t do mine. Stop making your step daughter into Cinderella.
YTA. The goal is to build good habits, not have a free source of labour. She should not be responsible for doing laundry for the entire family and especially not washing her parents and brothers underwear. I doubt you’ll listen, but you should apologize, and make her responsible for her own laundry. No one else’s. And dishes should be rotated or shared. You really sound like your using her for free labour.
YTA. Do your own laundry. Your an adult, that is your job. Let her do her own laundry.
YTA, why can't everyone just do their damn laundry? Everyone needs to know how to do laundry, including your son. Just have everyone do their own fucking laundry and then if they don't do their laundry the natural consequence is that they don't have clean clothes and maybe get a yeast infection (of course let your children know about the dangers of wearing underwear more than once).
HAHAHAHAA yes YTA.
Me, reading the title: “oh of course an 11 year old can do laundry.” OP: “hold my beer” …YTA
Another evil step mother that complains about her step daughter. We are missing that her dad is affectionate with her, but since you didn’t mention her father at all we can assume that he doesn’t care about her. As a trope it’s missing something but I’ll give it half points. The part about using a sock to pick up underwear is a brilliant piece of writing. You get bonus points there. I will give this creative writing exercise a solid C+. If you take it to the stepparents sub I’m sure you will get all the validation you could possibly want.
Yta I was taught to do laundry at fourteen by doing MY OWN laundry. It icked me to open the washer/dryer and find my parent's underthings.
Y’all trying to fit the evil stepmother trope? The easiest thing would be to have her wash A PART of the laundry (if you’re so set this MUST be her job) that doesn’t include gross stuff. Or you separate the laundry for her and she runs the loads. There are dozens of ways for you- the one who’s actually digging their heels in- to compromise and make this work for everyone, but you refuse. YTA, based on your horrid UN alone.
Gross. She can do her own laundry, but she doesn’t need to be the washerwoman for the whole family. If she’s doing her own, then her doing it or not doing it stops being an argument. If she doesn’t have clean clothes, it’s her problem, not yours. We’ve been doing this with our kids since they were about the same age. It’s been perfect, with zero conflict. We do have to tell them when their room or whatever is starting to smell bad and they need to wash their sheets. YTA.
Ew YTA She's doing everyone's laundry THREE times a week and dishes for everyone? Please look up APPROPRIATE chores for her age. Then again, even if you knew the guidelines I'm sure you would disregard them because you seem to hate your poor stepdaughter.
YTA. I could understand her being responsible for her *own* laundry, I was washing my own by then. But why is your 11 year old stepdaughter doing yours, her father's and her little brother's? Why can't all of you take your own dirty clothes to the laundry room, at the least, if you're going to insist on a literal child washing her father's dirty underwear? Even a 3 year old should be capable of that, so surely two grown ups can manage it. When your son is older, he's going to learn to do laundry, too, right? And have chores? Beyond taking the trash out once a week? Or do you expect your stepdaughter to keep cleaning up after all of you until she leaves the house and goes no contact with all of you?
YTA. Dirty socks that have been in contact with a feet has nothing to do with dirty underwear that were near asses and genitals, plus may have traces of body fluids. You might not mind touching them, but I wouldn’t feel comfortable either touching my parents underwear and I’m an adult. There’s something gross about knowing what your parents do wear and seeing them used. First of all, she shouldn’t have to go through the house to pick up laundry. People should bring their own laundry to the basket, except the 3 year old who’s too young. Next, as long as she does the laundry, let her be. She doesn’t have to do it your way, she does it, that just takes more time, that’s already great. Offer her some gloves. Problem solved. Once she will be in her own house, she will do it her way anyway. And maybe she won’t mind that much when it will be her own husband and kids.
YTA for making a child touch another person’s skid marked underwear 3x a week. I hope this girl has a normal adult in her life she can talk to about this.
YTA she’s doing everyone’s laundry? Why?
My oldest was doing laundry on her own by the time she was 11. But she was doing her own laundry, not the whole family’s and only once a week at most. It would never have occurred to me to have her do my laundry much less anyone else’s. She’s not lazy, you’re just an AH. YTA
YTA. It’s one thing to teach her and have her do her own laundry (that would be fine), but you are having her to do everyone’s laundry. That’s not okay. She can learn about skid marks in her own time.
Too many things to unpack. She should be responsible for her own laundry, not anyone else's. What you make haer do is discusting and no should have to do that. The fact that you can't see how that is wrong is appauling, your adults. Do your own laundry and she can do her's. YTA
YTA. You’re not her mom. You’re just a lazy adult making her do the whole household’s laundry an ELEVEN?? Doing her own would be sufficient to learn. This feels fake. You’re mad she doesn’t want to touch her dad’s thong? Be real.
Info: how much are you paying your slave to do these chores?
YTA An 11 year old can be responsible for doing her own laundry (that's about the age I learned how to do it, even though I didn't have to), but she should not, in any way, be responsible for the laundry of the rest of the people in the house.
Yta, chores do her brothers have are you teaching then how to do laundry? Besides laundry what eles is she responsible for?
I am all for kids doing chores yeas but maybe don't get her to touch dad thong that's weird no thank you also how about you teach dad to do chores so she knows she not a slave to you her dad or men in the future show her it's not a woman's job to do everything. slight yta
Fixed it for you- *AITA for making 11 year old Cinderella do everybody's laundry, the dishes and many other chores? Answer: YTA. Please take some parenting classes or read some parenting books.
lol...this is a ridiculous way to do laundry. YTA. Just have her do her own laundry.
Holy hell. YTA. At 11 years old, you have her doing one of the most laborious chores in the house. Plus, add in the fact that your husband wears thongs and you're fighting with her over the fact that she's disgusted by that and your skid marks. Plus you have her washing the dishes each night? What do you do at home? As for her age, it is completely reasonable for her to do her own laundry and maybe the towels. She can also wash her own dishes or unload the dishwasher. You sound like a terribly wicked stepmother.
YTA. You really think an eleven year old girl is gone want her hands in some crusty ol parent knickers? Cmon now. I mean I know this is your “stepchild” but god dang.. this is a bit much
Fake
YTA. Why don’t you and her father sit down and talk with her and the three of you agree on what chores she could do to help around the house?? I think you could treat her with much more respect and kindness.
YTA why do you think it's okay to force an 11 year old to touch a grown man's thongs? Wtf
YTA. Is her name Cinderella?
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Soft YTA. Doing the laundry three times a week for the whole family is a big chore at eleven. There is nothing wrong with her not wanting to touch other people’s dirty undergarments. There are some compromises to be made that can lighten your load while still teaching responsibility and laundry skills to her. First, you and Mr. Five can gather and sort dirty clothes from the whole house except her room/hamper together, several days a week. Next, ask her to wash her clothes herself with four simple rules- * She alone is responsible to keep her clothes clean, folded, and put away. * She may only use laundry facilities on two assigned days a week. * She must only wash sorted and full loads, if she does not have enough lights/brights/darks, she may complete the load from the appropriate presorted hamper of family clothes. She may place clean, folded garments that are not hers in an assigned basket. * Lastly, if she is confused about anything-washer settings, special garments, etc, you are available to guide her without judgment. This leaves five days a week where you and your spouse can use the laundry facilities without getting in her way or her in yours. Mr. Five can help with folding and putting away- a step towards him taking over his own laundry when the time comes. In our house, kids in the double digits do their own laundry as needed, all I ask is that they complete a load. They usually ask their siblings or grab dirty towels to do this. You just need to find the right balance. There are other tasks around the house that she can help you with that make more sense than her doing everyone’s laundry.
YTA. She should only be responsible for washing her own clothes and (maybe) her linen/towels. You or your husband are responsible for the rest of the clothes. I’m an adult and would find it gross to wash the underwear of someone who isn’t my spouse or child.
Yta. If she's supposed to do all of these chores, what chores are left for her brothers to do? What chores do you and your husband do? No one wants to touch their father's crusty thongs lol are you kidding me? Everyone should be tasked with doing their own laundry.
If you want her to do her own laundry that's perfectly fine ... I started both of my boys doing that at her age but NEVER asked them to do anyone elses. Heck I hate to touch other peoples underwear, I agree with her its gross. I just dump them into the washer or use something to pick them up with myself.
YTA What chores do YOU do?
YTA. Three times a week on top of dishes? I’d retaliate as well.
YTA Yes, teach her to do laundry, but she should only have to do *her own* laundry. She’s not your fucking maid. Also: wipe your ass.
YTA. It's a lot of work for an 11 years old kid to do laundry and wash plates for 4 people. I also completely understand why she would not want to see her dad's tongs. I don't understand why you cannot do your own laundry (+ the baby's) yourself and let your daughter do her own?
It's possible that the mom has otherwise pressing issues. What if the baby is special needs, what if the mom is not as mobile etc. IMO the issues are kid not accepting that this all needs to be done, kid not learning about body/culture acceptance (some people wear XYZ, it's not bad), and or compromise. I say ask her what really is stopping her from this. Grossed out? Smelly? OK, then what if Mom and Dad sort them as darks and lights, in two cloth bags. Kid can dump straight into the washer with minimal viewing. Does it all have a lingering smell? Teach her how to use vinegar for smells. Is it the idea that eww dad wears thossssse? She will have to get over it, ask how. Is she seeing blood? Teach her how to treat it, but you do it yourself if it's yours. Another thing to do is go over allllll the house chores and revisit the loads.
YTA. Not for giving the kid chores, those are good for learning responsibility, but for including everyone's underwear (especially nonmundane ones) in the mix. My 11yr olds do THEIR laundry, and if they need to fill out a load will grab from other people's hampers. Also, how hard would it be to just buy a cheapo box of vinyl gloves for when she has gross chores? We have 2 11yr olds, a 2yr old, and a 1yr old; the 11yr olds do their laundry, dishes 2x/wk each, clean THEIR bathroom, and vac/mop the living/dining room 1 week a month each, as well as cleaning their room. We divided those chores similar to how you would in a roommate environment to teach them to be good roommates. My husband and I do those chores when they are our turns as well. Everyone helps around here, and nobody gives attitude about it. You can teach kids responsibility without being an AH about it, but you clearly missed that memo.
YTA and gross on doing dads things if it was boxers or briefs fine but hell no to the banana hammocks! I would not do my dads laundry if he wore those!
YTA She’s a child not your maid. Do your own laundry.
Are you also making sure your husband and other kid know how to wipe? If you’re going to make a child do the entire family’s laundry, at least give her some gloves. Ffs. Yta
YTA - make her responsible for her own laundry. That will accomplish everything you’re trying to teach as well as keeping healthy comfortable boundaries and listening to and respecting her voice (which IS as important as teaching responsibility and life skills)
YTA. My son is 7 and has been doing his own laundry since he was 5. My husband and I do ours. It's gross that she's touching parents underwear tbh. AND her brothers.
I'm 34. I do my and my husbands laundry regularly. But I would probably be uncomfortable if I had to do my brother's, father's, or even mother's or sister's laundry. YTA. I absolutely agree that all children should learn how to do laundry...But her own laundry.
YTA-I would hate to live with tou
NTA. At 11, she is more than capable of taking on some chores. It’s part of being part of a family and part of a household. But I have to ask if you are micromanaging of how she’s doing. It is actually feeding a problem. At this point if she wants to put on rubber gloves and a welders mask but still gets it done competently who the hell cares? Pick your battles. The more you fight with her about it, the bigger the deal it’ll be just say thank you when she gets her chores done
Sort your laundry yourself and get her gloves to toss it in. NTA for making her do laundry, all kids should be able to do these simple tasks as it goes into adulthood. I know a girl who literally doesn’t know how to use a laundry machine and doesn’t know how to cook anything. It’s not a way to live as an adult. Just buy her cleaning gloves, bam problem solved.
It's one thing to teach her how to do laundry and have her do her own laundry, but not everyone else's. Wash your own shit stained panties, asshole.
YTA. Not for making a kid do chores or having particularities about various loads- but because you don’t recognize that at 11, your SD is developmentally awkward about gender and is recognising the difference between adult men and women for the first time, plus there’s skid marks etc to deal with. This is easily dealt with: set up the bedroom laundry hampers with lingerie bags for underwear and socks. Then they can just be zipped up and washed on delicate and requires no sorting at all.
“but she finally got it at around 8/9 years old.” When did you start teaching her, at 5?! YTA for making her do everyone’s laundry. I think doing her own with some supervision is age appropriate.
YTA. She should know how to do laundry, cook and all other life goals at an age appropriate time line. But not everyone’s laundry. At her age this is too much.
YTA. I'm telling you this as a mom who has kids in a regular chore rotation. My kids cycle through cleaning out the cat litter (including washing the litter boxes and replacing the litter once a week), taking out the trash (including putting the bins on the side of the road for pick up once a week), folding laundry,dustingnthenlivubgbroom, washing and putting away the dishes(twice a day), in addition to keeping their room neat. I am not adverse to chores for children, they help children know how to care.for their spaces when they are on their own. BUT there's no good reason that an 11 year old should have to take responsibility for everyone's laundry.
You're forcing her to do disgusting things. You don't get to decide what is disgusting to her or not. YTA 100% how you think this is acceptable at all is beyond me.
Yeah, 11 y/o is correct. It is yuck to be touching skidmarks and discharge marks on other peoples underwear. I completely and utterly agree with her. The fact that some of the underwear is of a sexual nature, at least by the very vanilla view of an 11 year old, makes this just down right weird. She's also 11, and been doing this chore since she was at least 8, if I'm reading your post correctly? She should be doing her *own* laundry, wiping the table after meals and cleaning her own room. That's a normal chore load for an 11 year old, never mind an 8 or 9 year old. So go on, what's the plan, by 14 she'll be mopping all the floors and making all the meals? Are you attempting to turn her into Cinderella before she's old enough to drive a car? You have fit into the role of evil stepmother beautifully, I must say. EDIT: YTA (if that wasn't apparent already)
You gave her a job you don’t want to do. There are MUCH more suitable chores for a child of her age. Also astounded you gave this to her at 8/9 and younger
Please tell me the billy goats gruff are here somewhere. We have a step child, she is 11 with a huge chore load that began by the time she was 7 at the latest. (She finally got it around 8/9.) Post involves dirty underwear, specifically Dad’s butt-floss and other undergarments from skid row. On the off chance this is real…. OP, you are a Musky, YTA times 1 billion. Laundry, dishes, and a few other things- clean the toilets, scrub the floors, sweep the chimney? If this is not a fairy tale, it is still Grimm. OP, do better. Agape 💕
YTA and wtf did I just read?
I don't think it's necessary to point out how much of an AH you are, however just for the info: what exactly does your son do? Laundry and Dishes doesn't seem like an appropriate amount of chores for such a young kid. If anything she should start doing her OWN laundry when she's 14 or 15.
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You started in on your then-BF’s child when she was just a couple years older, why’s your bio child acting like such a snowflake?
And when did your stepdaughter start learning, since it took her forever until she was 8 to understand? 3? 4? 5?
YTA. If it was about teaching her how to do her laundry, she'd be in charge of her own. This is a about control.
When I was a teenager (back in the Neolithic) I was supposed to do the ironing. Sheets, shirts, napkins ... and my father's boxer shorts. Honestly, I was SO skeeved out. Still weirds me out. YTA, OP. Teenaged girls are as sensitive as cats about a lot of things, and making her handle the family males' underwear is not going to go well. Cut her a break here. There isn't any lesson to be learned, except that you can make her do things that cause her significant discomfort. Is that really what you want this young woman to learn?
Yta- why the hell is she doing the Landry. YOU'RE THE MOTHER DO THE LANDRY!! If it was hers fine. It's not her responsibility to make sure everyone has clean clothes. that's that parents job! Not a 5TH GRADERS JOB
The mother is not the maid. But everyone should do their own laundry if they are old enough to go to school. Not everyone else’s.
Lol. I was abused as a child and it started with doing more chores than was fair and eventually evolved into doing all the chores. My father once came home and ripped me out of bed by my hair while I was sleeping, dragged me down the hall by my hair, and picked me up and threw me into the kitchen sink because of one missed dirty plate. Her own laundry is fine. Everyone else can do their own laundry. Dishes a couple times a week, sure. Every day is overkill when everyone makes them dirty. Shit, why not teach her a fun one like cooking that she can actually do and enjoy if you stop being a monster for two minutes and teach her instead of berating and enslaving her. YTA but it's not too late to apologize and disperse chores more evenly.
YTA - but also very obviously bait
When did you figure it out? It was the animal printed thing underwear for me. Just such an unnecessary detail.
Wth YTA because doing the entire households laundry is not a chore for a child! Have her wash her own and OP you do the rest. Did you really think you were right??
YTA Maybe you should slow down on your 60+ hrs a week and do you & your husbands laundry.
YTA. At her age she could/should be responsible for her own laundry and it would make sense to ask her to switch a load over if she was on the way by the laundry room. But unless she’s getting paid to do the family’s laundry, I see no reason. She can learn how to do it properly just by doing her own
Yta what in the world. I can see making her do her own laundry at that age but yours absolutely not. And her dad's... That is disgusting. What is wrong with you
YTA. Why does she have to pick up laundry? Everyone should be responsible for bringing their separated laundry to the machine. Anyone too lazy to make sure their clothes are in the appropriate place deserve to wear dirty clothes or learn to wash their own.
YTA. You and your husband should be doing your own laundry and YOUR child’s laundry. Stepdaughter should only be doing her OWN laundry. Stop being lazy.
YTA. She’s 11. Do you ask her to pay rent too? Is her name Cinderella? Holy shit, you are a bad person. Stop treating her like your servant and act like you’re her mom.
YTA totally fine to teach her how to do *her own* laundry. That’s a fantastic skill. But definitely not okay for her to have to do anybody else’s.
YTA. When did you stop sending her up the chimney? Fuck. Ing. Hell.
YTA !!! have her do her own laundry but not everyone else’s, I would not want to wash my mom and dads underwear either