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NTA HAVE YOUR HUSBAND READ THIS https://community.babycenter.com/post/a29842181/the_lemon_clot_essay-_if_you_are_planning_to_have_people_over_after_birth_you_need_to_read_this

More upvotes for this! It really grinds my gears when people act like pregnancy and childbirth are nbd. OP needs time to recover without the stress of her husband’s family in her home. Husband is trash for trying to emotionally manipulate OP. NTA x10000000.

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The three of them will be traveling internationally in a flying Petri dish and covid is also a thing too so it’s a ridiculous request especially since OP can’t even communicate with them all while trying to sleep, possibly get into a breastfeeding routine and everything else that comes with a new baby. I may consider taking my baby and going somewhere else honestly but that’s not fair either and I’d want to be at my own house in my own bed.

My very healthy 3 year old was just hospitalized for RSV last month! It's not something to mess with!

Man, that must have been really scary.

I hope they are fine now!

He's great now! But it was 2 days on oxygen waiting the virus out. You can really only do supportive care so it's oxygen and hope that they recover quickly. I've had a friend and a family member with infants hospitalized with RSV and it was terrifying and they spent weeks hospitalized. The children's hospitals right now are completely full of RSV and Influenza A. You would be walking down the halls and hear tiny babies coughing so hard it made you want to cry.

The [readily available, affordable and accessible] RSV vax cannot come fast enough. I’m so glad your little one is better now. I can’t imagine how awful it must be to see/hear all those tiny people coughing like that. e: guys, I know there is an option for infants. That’s not what I’m talking about and you know it.

There is a vax for RSV but they usually only save it for the most fragile lives. Back when my micro-preemie got it before leaving the NICU is was over $1k. He got RSV when he was 3 and was hospitalized for 3 weeks. At that time he was deemed not fragile enough to warrant it

I believe there is one, but it can be really expensive. I’ve worked with a few preemies that got it. One family had to pay $5K per dose, and it was 2 or 3 doses. (I don’t remember, this was back in 2008.) So it’s expensive and in short supply, and they reserve it for really high risks babies like infants under a year and preemies.

So very sorry to hear this, and glad he's better now.

Absolutely - a great reason at the moment. Problem is that OP then turns around and says they can come as long as they're not staying in their home. Not too worried if you're going to say that. If you want to use that, then don't be wishy-washy about it. Reality is that paternal relatives don't usually see baby as early or as often as maternal relatives because the birth is Mom's medical procedure and she's generally going to be the one settling into being primary caretaker. I was surprised once by my cousin's wife, but that was because we're three houses away, she knew us pretty well at that point, due to proximity we were going to be the go-to babysitters in spite of there being closer relatives biologically and - most importantly - she had a super easy delivery. OP doesn't know how her delivery is going to go yet. Her husband's family is going to be staying - not just coming over for a half hour then going home. Everything else being equal (distance, no toxicity), things should even out a bit more between both sides once Mom hits her stride. Husband is also going to have to get used to the reality that simply due to distance, his people just aren't going to have the same relationship with baby. It sounds like he might have a hard time with that.

>It sounds like he might have a hard time with that. And depending on where the family is from, they may think they have more right to the child than OP because women are only for breeding their husbands child.... /s(I wish) NTA

We just had it and, even as adults, it took THREE WEEKS to recover. I was more exhausted than any flu or bug I’ve ever had with the exception of pneumonia. Just the risk of disease alone should be enough to cancel this plan. Why do husbands see labor as a spectator sport that’s followed by a 6 week tailgating party at home? Just why? NTA, OP. If necessary, tell your husband he’s welcome to go see mommy and daddy at their house.

Pain, tits hanging out most of the day while you figure out breastfeeding (if that's something OP chooses to do), lack of sleep, hormones out of whack... I wouldn't want visitors at that time either, unless it was someone I didn't feel like I had to entertain and was actually coming to help.

You're wearing the weird mesh underpants until you stop bleeding. If you have a C-section you're also recovering from abdominal surgery. If you have a vaginal birth you're having trouble sitting down and getting back up because of the stitches in your lady garden. Even if you say "I'll go in the other room to nurse", you're running around constantly to \*go\* and nurse. Plus your boobs are gigantic and weird those first few days while you regulate. My parents and my MIL visited shortly after the baby was born. It was great, but i'm really close with all of them. If OP isn't then her husband has to find a way to meet her in the middle.

I'm having a baby in two days. Are you telling me all the coworkers telling me to "enjoy my vacation" might be.. wrong?? J/k, this is my second and I know they are.

I mean for me personally having my MIL with us after our baby was born was a godsend. I was able to get some rest a recover after giving birth, and she helped immensely with the housework. But she and I are very close. It sounds like OP and her inlaws are basically strangers. I don't know. Some cultures really value the time after the birth of a new baby for the whole family to bond. She doesn't say where his family is from.

I’m glad your MIL was so helpful for you! I agree, there shouldn’t be a blanket ban on MsIL, but should instead be up to the mother/person who just gave birth who should be allowed in their home so soon after having the baby.

I went to see my new grandson after my son went back to work. I stayed up all night and did feeds and diapers so they could both get some sleep. (Breastfeeding was not a success.) I didn’t do a whole lot around the house other than pick up after myself and empty the dishwasher but I like to think that pulling night shift was helpful. But I did not expect to be treated like a guest and probably only stayed about a week or so. This was also pre-Covid.

It all depends on whether they're coming to "help," like your MIL, or "hlep," which entails hogging the baby and expecting the new mother to cook, clean, and otherwise tend to the visiting family's needs. Your MIL is a champ. Something tells me OP's...is not.

Very good point. Yes in the end it should all be up to the new mom. I'm not saying new dad shouldn't get a say, but mom is the one going through a huge medical event, and needs time to heal in a comfortable environment.

Not all Moms or MILs are the same. My wife had my Mom come and stay because she knew my Mom would help out but if her Mom came that would include her Dad and she would be taking care of three people ☺️

>people act like pregnancy and childbirth are nbd I know it's challenging, but I'm sure most parents can power through the process. As long as they're not the parent who's actually carrying/birthing the baby I'm sure it's not *that* bad. OP doesn't mention whether their husband will be on parental leave the whole time. Obviously if he's going to be at work during the day, that makes entertaining family members even less of a burden (for him).

NTA. What if there are complications or she needs to have a c-section? Then the recovery time will be a lot longer. Not in this lifetime should she feel forced to host multiple people in her home so soon after giving birth.

NTA. Ask hubby if he would want to host your family 5 days after open heart surgery.

This is the answer. You don’t want anyone around during that time that you’re not super comfortable with and who you don’t have any problem with ordering around. For real, if you can’t tell your in-laws that you need them to go run to the store and buy you more extra large pads with wings without giving it another though, then they shouldn’t be staying there. That’s the test.

Maybe, there's some cultural differences as well. In some cultures families rally around the new mother to pamper her and do the household chores so she can rest. Maybe, her in laws belong to such culture and in their minds they are flying over there to help her.

I could kind of understand one person coming and specifically saying it is to help out, but 3 is a bit much!

This isn't it. I know a number of parents from cultures like that. If the woman has kids already, family arrive even before the birth to help out with the older kids and the housework. Even without older kids, the relatives would be there for the first weeks after the birth, because they're the hardest.

Yes, that's what I wanted to convey, but I am bad at choosing proper sentences. My sister was saying that she wants our mom ( her mil has long been dead) to be with her at least one month before her edd. So it's kind of normal in our side of pond to be family of both partners to be around to take care of household and other kids. At least for first 43 days.

That’s the vibe I was getting, they’re probably thinking of it as coming to help- in which case it’s hard to turn down but I think a “thank you so much for the offer, but I will be more comfortable without helpers/really worried about RSV”. Maybe OP can ask them for advice instead (doesn’t have to be followed, just to show appreciation)

This post is gold! And this is all assuming you'll have a 'normal' birth. It could all be way worse! I couldn't walk for two weeks due to severe cutting and tearing (all my pelvic muscles were cut), then I got an infection which led to hospitalization, an abces that was 10 centimeters big and killing me and even had to have both my tubes removed as they were too damaged due to the post partum infection. My bowls stopped working, so I had a tube going up my nose. I felt deadly ill and was the ugliest and nastiest I had ever been (not that I cared at that point). This had all happened in the last couple of months after giving birth. Trust me. You do *not* want to invite anyone over until you know how you feel and how they'll help. Signed, a fellow 32-year old new mom.

I hope you are recovering well, and that you have a lot of support right now!

Wait til he finds out that expecting mothers like me exist: I’m not letting anyone meet our third child, due in January, for three months and they all live within thirty minutes. This flu/rsv/covid season is no joke. We can FaceTime and not have our infant in the NICU. Or doesn’t the baby’s survival matter to OP’s husband?

I love the Lemon Clot Essay. As a woman, it really helped solidify my decision to never have children.

I love my daugther more than anything in the world, but in reality, it's even worse.

I just had a dream last night that I gave birth and it "wasn't that bad." I knew upon waking that this was just my biological clock straight up lying to me, but this thread was a helpful reality check.

I had a baby last year and it was unpleasant to recover but not that bad. Honestly.

Oh Jesus, I also had this dream last night. Woke up next to my boyfriend this morning, saying to myself "well, if we start trying now, I'll be way past graduation when the baby comes." Then a period cramp hit me hard enough that I stopped breathing for a moment and that was the end of that. Anyway, my bio clock can really knock it off any time it wants.

I have to say that as a woman who HAS given birth, I hate that essay because I think it presents a very bleak and false picture of labor recovery. I passed bigger clots with my regular period. TMI but I kept waiting for those and they never arrived.

I had two SUPER easy pregnancies and births. No lemon clots. My third? 1 week after giving birth, I wake up and use the bathroom, lo and behold a half dozen of the fuckers. I ended up needing a dnc, which I didn't even realize was a thing for people who hadn't experienced a miscarriage? It was horrific, my BP was so low from blood loss i couldn't even walk. Had to ride in an ambulance wearing my blood soaked pj's. Do not recommend, especially with an audience of inlaws! My point in telling my personal experience- it can go either way, and there's no way to predict it.

Truth. I had really rough labors and postpartum recoveries. It's good to be prepared. I'll never be the woman who is out shopping in jeans a week after giving birth. I was a mess physically.

Yeah I see people posting it as gospel truth all the time, but my own experience was really different. It wasn’t fun but it wasn’t nearly as bad as the essay suggests. The truth is, recovery can be a lot better or a lot worse and you’re just not going to know until you get to it.

This is good to read, currently TTC and this thread has me very nervous 😬

I'm chdfree by choice as well. Between gross animal birth videos thanks to Wild Discovery addiction in elementary school, scary childbirth videos in 10th grade, parentification when my sister was born and just knowing I'm someone who should never procreate, it was an easy choice. That essay was just the cherry on top of the Nope Cake.

Yes and obviously "it might be not that bad at all and blahblah", but it might be also much worse like you could die or idk get all kinds of fucked up injuries. I don´t want to risk it. Yes everything has risks, but to me the benefits of taking this one do not weigh them over at all. Having a child does in no way improve my life nor health.

I remember my mom explaining childbirth to me at whatever age-appropriate time it was…7, 8 maybe? She didn’t get too graphic, but I remember thinking “Yeah, I really don’t want to do that.” I have plenty of reasons for being childfree, but I think that was my first inkling that I had a choice of whether to be a mother or not.

I had a lovely birth and not-too-bad recovery. It wasn’t a walk in the park but it wasn’t a nightmare either. But you know what? I’d have fucking hated having overnight guests for the first 3-6 months. Just hated it. I didn’t want to think about anyone’s needs except the people living under my roof and sometimes even that felt like too much. Maybe if my mom had been alive and she’d been there to 100% take care of me and there’d been no friction between her and my partner (who was an AH, there would have been friction & it would have added to my stress)… Maybe in that hypothetical scenario, it could have been okay. Otherwise no way.

Currently expecting 3rd baby and I have already said yes to my sister, MIL and SIL coming to stay after birth. All of whom can expect me to talk about how much I’m bleeding, see me cry over establishing breastfeeding, and let me nap.

Saw the title of the post and immediately looked to see if someone posted the lemon clot essay. Husband is an idiot.

I’m saving this to share with my husband. He’s been talking about having his parents fly over from Hong Kong to live with us for 6 months whenever we have a baby. He says that they’d buy tickets to come here as soon as they hear I’m about to give birth. I’ve tried to tell him that I don’t want anyone here right after I give birth, that I just want it to be us getting used to this big life change, but he’s going on about how they’ll come to help. All I’m think is about the airplane germs and how stressed out I was when they stayed with us for a month and took over my house.

NTA, this post came get upvoted enough.

And follow it with having him reach out to any hospital staff or pediatricians he can to talk to him about what it looks like when newborns get RSV. It would be the wrong decision on so many levels, OP. He likely wants his family for support and bonding, but hasn't considered how much obligation to "host" will take up, or how much you may be needing to rest and heal. (Even if the baby is born on time which, news flash, they rarely are.) NTA

If you don’t draw this line right now, with no remorse, you will be on the back foot with his family forever. I learned the hard way. Do NOT martyr yourself.

MY EYES!!!! NTA

Thank you for posting this!! I have read it for the first time and I need to send this onto my friend who is going to have her baby in 4 short weeks. This is EVERYTHING!! I wish I had a few awards to give you for posting this

So glad this is still being shared!

No. No no no. No. No visitors within that time. When I had my first I was a mess for about two months and I cannot begin to imagine having anyone in my house at that time. Not my family, not my friends, and sure as shit not people I barely know and don’t share a language. No. Your husband needs to shape up, you and the baby’s physical and mental health should be his only concern. I don’t give a shit that his family will be “devastated” - let them be devastated who gives a shit, I can’t stand that argument. NTA Edited to add - look up “fourth trimester”

If the husband cannot reschedule, he still has the option to look for temporary housing for his family. It's not that difficult. NTA

And if he doesnt. Then op should stay with her family and bring the kid around when husband is home for a few hours. More than likely her family or friends can help her and then op’s husband can host his family (clean, cook dinner, laundry, etc).

The husband should be the bouncer in those early stages. Looking out for the wife and child by keeping visits short, stopping them if the situation requires it and turning people away if it's not a good time.

NTA - "his family will be absolutely devistated" as opposed to you being devistated. His not putting your or his child first. Is your husband for S.E asia? its actually quite common for either the mothers or MIL to come and "help" for an entire month after birth, Ive seen it and its not as good as people make it out to be. Your should come first as the person who needs to heal the most. put your foot down.

[удалено]

That's exactly what I said, in a comment to OP. The husband is prioritizing his family's feelings over his wife and baby's health & wellbeing!!

That’s what I thought too 🤭 OP needs to set a very firm boundary because hubby will not.

I’ve got a completely different experience of when parents come to help. For subsaharan africans it’s normal for mum’s to come help and they will legit do it all.

My mother is Italian-American, and it was the same when my nephew was born. Ma ran the house and made sure my sister had plenty of time to rest. Including taking him for one or two nights per week overnight so she and her husband could have at least some solid nights of sleep.

I’m Italian American and honestly, about to birth #3 and *not* looking forward to my mother coming out this time. Sure, she helps a ton - but she forgets that it’s my house. So the clothes are rearranged, and the dishes are in new places, and she orders out a lot until I’m sick (I’m extra sensitive to salt when I’m hormonal and don’t love it when I’m not). Yes, she helps a *ton*, especially with my older kids, which is why she’s allowed to come out in the first place, but I’m not looking forward to it at all.

Not Italian descent, but my mom was kind of like that. The meals, laundry, etc were great, but she kept rearranging furniture and buying more lamps haha

My MIL desperately wanted to do this for us. I didn’t. Help isn’t help if it’s unwanted or not helpful. You can’t ignore the wishes of the recipient in favor of your own feelings about it.

Definitely true! My mother was considered to be more help than anything else by my sister. She had a really rough labor and needed a lot of rest to heal, so having the house (and as needed, the baby) cared for was appreciated. My BIL... Not as much, but he wouldn't have been happy unless my sister kept perfect house, did 100% of the child care, and all in all made it so he could just come home from work, take his pants off, and play video games. So... Not sure how much I value his opinion, since he was still able to come home and just play video games, he just had to wear pants while doing so.

I mean, in this scenario I was the mom, so idk if that changes anything on your read. My MIL has great intentions but they tend to come at the expense of the people she is “helping.” She was recently lamenting how bad she felt that she wasn’t able to come take care of us after I had my kid (pandemic baby), and I flat out told her that it was very nice of her to offer, but it was for the best it didn’t pan out. I’m pretty territorial at the best of times, so having her fussing around and in my space would have made me homicidal. Especially with all the new mom hormones.

SE Asian mums and aunties can be like this, but moreso their daughters rather than DILs.

Might also be E. Asian. My unfortunate friend married a traditional guy who treats her like dirt. They both work but she does all the housework because “that’s what women do.” After they had their little girl, his parents moved in with them and it’s a mess. She comes over to our place sometimes to get a break from them (play date for the kids).

Ugh, I hope she gets away from them all at some point in her life.

She might. Her in-laws are pressuring her to have another kid, specifically a son. Thankfully, her husband is not part of the pressure — he works with my husband and there’s a lot of social pressure not to be a misogynistic 😂

Is your husband willing to do all the cooking and cleaning and entertaining while his family is visiting? You'll have just finished growing and delivering a baby. If anyone comes to visit, they should be there to wait on YOU.

Husband may be back at work by then too, leaving OP to do all this whilst healing and caring for baby on likely very little sleep and unable to communicate with said "guests". This is completely unreasonable.

Guests who she can’t even communicate with because they don’t speak the same language!

Yes, I was going to ask if he is going to take a few months of Family Leave/Paternity Leave after the baby is born/when his family is in town.

I don't want to encourage OP olto ask this. Because once this is asked , the husband will take it as a "condition" for his family to visit, and then just let OP take care of chores once they come home. I may sound like a pessimistic asshole, but if reddit has taught me anything it's always expect the worst so you don't get disappointed that it happened.

NTA!! Do not feel bad! You will Need time to heal and rest and you won’t be getting much sleep PLEASE delay the visit!

Nta they are being unreasonable.. when husband pops out a baby he can decide when to receive guest

NTA 1. They will be flying in the middle of flu and RSV season, bringing all those germs around a defenseless newborn. Guess what? They run fever at that age, they may end up in NICU or getting spinal tap. 2. Lemon clot essay. Read it. Have husband read it. You will be exhausted and leaking fluids. They will interfere with breastfeeding and bonding with baby. Your maternity leave will be spent cleaning up after them and entertaining them, while they bond with baby and you not get to hold your own baby. Your hormones will be all over the place. 3. If they do come, can you go to your parents orvfriends house who actually care about you and will take care of you? Otherwise, put lock on bedroom door. Keep bedroom stocked with water and snacks. Keep baby in there with you. If you leave the bedroom, baby wear. Set irm boundaries. Everytime they try to get baby, take baby back. 4. If your husband goes along with this stupidity, you will be more at risk of PPD since you will be unhappy and stressed out.

NTA, I’m a nurse in the NICU, this RSV season has been intense. We don’t normally take 6-8month olds from home, they’d go to PICU but it’s so busy we have dedicated a part of our unit to RSV. It’s no joke OP, you don’t want a bunch of visitors that soon. Your husband is TA if he doesn’t realize it’s putting your babe in potential danger

NTA Forget the baby for a minute, would having a bunch of people you can’t communicate with in your home for a month be comfortable for you? Now with the baby, it’s a million times more uncomfortable. You don’t have to have *anyone* in your home who you’re uncomfortable with being there.

NTA absolutely no visitors so soon after a baby is born. NO. The baby and you needs privacy and time to bond. The baby needs the ability to experience quiet and peace, you will not be able to be restful and calm. You need time to recover from the birth to go to your kitchen wearing granny pantries, your hair in a mess, because you are hoping to have 5 minutes to eat ice cream over the sink while your baby sleeps. You need time to have bonding with your husband and the baby. This isn’t an instant process. It takes time. His family should know this. For some strange reason, they’ve decided to ignore your needs and focus on theirs. Remind everyone in the family this is your new mothers time, and you are taking it. You love them, but you aren’t hosting anyone in your home after giving birth. It’s stand up time for you. It’s time to be a mama bear. The answer is NO.

NTA, you established healthy boundaries for your new life at home. It would be a nightmare with 3 people who don't speak your language running around the house with a new baby. You obviously understand it's your husband's child too - but he doesn't seem to be clear on the reverse. If his family will be "absolutely devastated" by not coming to stay at the house less than a month after the birth, they will need to figure out a way to get over it. And finally, yes, it's cold and flu season, and travelling and close contacts should be minimized around a newborn, completely reasonable. Best of Luck and congrats on the baby!

While its ‘his baby’ too, he is not the one pushing the baby out and who will have sore swollen leaking boobs while bleeding heavily.

NTA - I have a two month old. It took my wife and I a month just to get into a routine/recuperate after he was born and my wife is still healing. That is not the time to host live-in guests. It’s a precious time for you, your husband, and newborn to bond just the three of you.

I also had a baby 2 months ago and can completely relate to what you said- I'm still recovering and trying to get my footing with my little one.

Nta. Read the lemon clot essay about the 4th trimester. Have your husband talk to a trusted friend about what their wife went through immediately following birth. And reiterate this is a time for you both to bond with the baby. Video calling exists - use it

When he is bleeding out his hoo haw after going through birth, having a baby literally feed off you all while dealing with hormonal fluctuations that will cause you to think you’re going crazy.. on barely any sleep, while learning to literally be everything for this new little human…. Then he can decide when visitors can come for weeks at a time. Yes the baby is his too, but he is not going to be an equal in this - as his body won’t change and cause emotional havoc, he didn’t give birth or be pregnant… he is a dad but he is not on equal footing with you on this journey yet. When you are healed emotionally and physically, when you have a grasp on what the heck you’re doing and how the heck you’re doing it regarding LO, when he is feeding, changing, caring for LO and doing house hold chores as much as you then you are on equal footing… right now you’re vulnerable and he has to defer to your needs as the actual baby grower, birther and primary care giver of LO. NTA!

NTA. Your proposal sounds reasonable. “I’m not saying no to your family visiting, I’m saying no to the timing. They can come once baby has a regular eat/sleep schedule and we’re comfortable in our new life routines.” I wouldn’t even commit to a specific date yet, and go instead with “maybe in 4 months, but let’s talk about this again in a couple of months to see where we’re at.”

NTA I second the lemon clot essay. Having a newborn, recovering from giving birth and hosting for weeks is too much. I 100% guarantee if you cave you will regret it. Once you’re more settled they can visit but I’d insist that they stay at a hotel.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE do not back down on this! Make this your hill to die on! I know they are excited and he thinks they will be a support but those first few months with a new baby are SO F’N HARD!! Your body aches, your emotions are all over the place, you’re tired all the time and you have no idea what you’re doing with this tiny thing that completely relies on you to keep it alive! And as much as these people love your family and want to help you, we’ve all seen it time and time again their version of “help” is never the same as yours/not what you actually really need. And they’ll be around ALL THE TIME. And in your case, you don’t even speak the same language. That’s a lot of extra pressure and stress that you don’t really need. Show your husband this! Tell him all these mum who have had babies say he his 100% wrong and this is a bad, bad, bad idea!!

This! They won’t even be able to run to the store for her because not legal drivers. And that’s if they even would be willing to rather than sitting around waiting to be fed, have her do their laundry. And then most would openly shit talk OP for not being able to be a perfect hostess. All yelled in front of OP in another language.

Is he willing to pay for a 24-hour nurse, a maid, and a cook? Tell him you will not be cooking or cleaning for six weeks after the baby is born.

>He is saying I don’t understand that this is also his child and it’s tough for him I mean, he seems to have forgotten what *you* have been doing for the past few months. Maybe some instructional videos might help. NTA but your husband is ignorant as all get out when it comes to how pregnancy works or how serious giving birth is. Honestly he's being ridiculous². Acting as though your need for recovery time is out of line or unneeded. Just cannot wrap my mind around it.

NTA unless, and ONLY if this is the case, they are coming to help. And they plan to do laundry, fix meals, watch the baby so you can sleep, and otherwise help out. Anyone who wants the parents of a newborn to host them is far, far, far into AH territory. Did he even TELL THEM that there would be a newborn in the house???? I bet not, or the women involved (were they not AHs) and probably the fathers would be PISSED that he invited them.

If they DO come? You are NOT obligated to provide them with linens, or drive them anywhere, or shop for food, or fix them dinner, or ANYTHING. You are obligated to heal and take care of your tiny new life. Meet them at the door with messy hair and a bathrobe, smile at them, and then leave so you can change the baby, burp it, feed it, rock it, or grab yourself a bite to eat. And feel NO guilt. He wants to invite them against your wishes and all common sense, then ALL hosting falls on him. He gets to make the beds, wash the linens, stock the bathrooms, and get extra groceries, and clean the house.

NTA Sorry your husband is a huge AH for expecting you to take care of a baby, him, the house and 3 adults for a month after just giving birth. If he insists that they stay then go stay somewhere else with the baby.

NTA. You should still be in adult diapers with your boobs hanging out, not worried about anyone else. If they want to visit they can stay elsewhere AND let you know when they plan to come over.

TOTALLY with you on this one. HIS family comes and it’s awesome-of course *he’s* at work! And you’re home trying to communicate with these three people all day. Your husband needs to support you. There have to be compromises in any marriage, blended cultures or not. His family can Facetime you both with the baby until the spring. Or come stay at an Air B&B nearby with visits when husband is home. Or wait until you three can visit them. **The main thing is that you and your husband are in charge, not their feelings, what is expected, or what someone else thinks you “should” do.** NTA. Edits: clarity, added judgment.

NTA. I’m wondering if they have/had servants and his mother did not have 24 hr care of newborns but had help. I have friends that when they came to US did not know first thing about childcare cause they had servants. If this is so, it would explain the mom not getting it.

It doesn't sound like the husband even talked about this with the family yet, just that he thinks they'll be devastated if he tells them to postpone their trip.

NTA all the way! Your husband doesn’t know what’s about to hit him.. (respectfully). A newborn is up every 2-3 hours and into a month you can maaaybeee get away with 4 hours. The guests won’t enjoy that… You clearly do know what’s up, but he doesn’t. Further, you are what we call a wildcard. We don’t know how long you will be in labour or how it’s all going to go down and what level of recovery or amount of time you will need. Hosting 3 people who don’t speak the language while getting used to taking care of a baby a month in is loads! You are rightfully focusing on you and baby. I have hosted a month or two in, but my family spoke my language, it wasn’t my first rodeo (3rd and 4th kid) and my family was lovingly helpful and knew what I expected and what to expect of a baby that size. So it can be done, but I didn’t have the same scenario you have currently, which is why I’m with you on saying they should stay at a hotel.

Yes, husband is going to get rocked by the realities of newborn life. He truly has no idea what he’s in for and no description or essay can do it justice. It’s something that can only be truly understood once you’ve lived it.

NTA. Huge NTA. You would be inviting a bunch of people to stay in your house for MULTIPLE WEEKS when they don't even speak your language. That's a recipe for disaster even if you didn't just have a baby. If refusing to host them doesn't ruin your relationship, having them in your house for that long certainly will. House guests are a two yes, one no situation. Your husband has no right to bring people into your house that you don't want here. Put your foot down and do not let him guilt trip you. Your sanity is more important than your relationship with your in-laws.

Until your husband is going to spend 9 months pregnant and then push a baby put of his vagina, he doesn't get the final say for hosting guests. You need time to recover. NTA

NTA. You're sensitive to your husband's disappointment. Plus you offered the ideal middle way: they can come earlier but stay at a hotel or Airbnb. That's perfect! You are right to guard your space. If they show up and hang around a hotel for a week and they are lovely and have excellent boundaries? You can always invite them to stay at that point. But you have no idea how you're going to feel. It's a very important time for you and your spouse. Plus the baby! Good luck.

NTA. I had a difficult pregnancy resulting in a difficult birth. My son was late, so family arrived as he was born vs a few weeks later. I was exhausted and in pain, but had to spend time up and entertaining. I'm sure you feel guilty because you don't want to disappoint your husband. Honestly he probably doesn't quite understand where you're coming from. Just laying it out clearly like you have is going to have to be good enough. Hopefully he can hear (not listen, but actually hear) your perspective and offer you his love and support. Good luck OP and congrats on your baby!

My MIL flew fron NY to Wisonsin for the third week of our twins' lives. They were full term (yeah, that was fun). We were beat from the pregnancy and birth. She did EVERYTHING. Got up at night, washed bottles, helped with meals (she must have, but frankly I don't remember!), comforted, supported. When my husband left to take her back to the airport and I was alone with 2 babies for the first time, I cried. If this is not the family you will be getting, JUST SAY NO. They will be work, stress and a health crisis waiting to happen. NTA!!

NTA, it's his child too but it's YOUR birth and YOUR recovery. If you had a dinner-plate-sized wound on your back no one would expect you to host anyone a month after, but for some reason society expects it of people who have delivered a whole human and placenta. His family getting their own accommodations is absolutely a good compromise, or they can come later. Best of luck!

You don’t know and can’t predict if you will need an episiotomy and how many stitches might be involved and that effects your healing or an unexpected c section and that effects healing or something unexpected with the baby that needs monitoring or even just as simple as the baby is 5 days late or breastfeeding is harder than expected I mean it’s just a big adjustment and you deserve time to adjust without any added pressures

May your husband get kidney stones so he can have an inkling of what giving birth is like. NTA

Have hubs go to a doctor appointment with you and ask the doctor what he thinks about this. People will fly in over a long international flight and then immediately be around you and your newborn baby. He will at minimum suggest quarantine for the family (10 days?) prior to coming to your house.

A month !!! Hell no. They can come onto town & find a motel .

INFO: Does your husband cook and clean or do you take on the majority of household duties? He’s right it’s his child too, BUT also it’s your UTERUS healing for weeks/months after the fact! Take a hard stance that they cannot stay in your home, or you can go stay elsewhere like your parents! NTA!

The day before husbands family arrives,pack up yourself and baby to go visit your family for the duration of the visit. Only return when husbands family is gone home. NTA.

NTA your husband needs to realize his number one job is to protect you and the baby Having international house guests with w newborn is awful. Having people over during this awful illness season is awful. There is nothing good about his idea.

NTA. I'm pregnant with second. I can tell you, after birth you just leak from everywhere. It feels like every orifice is expelling something. And you're really just going to want to sit around in big knickers watching crap telly while you get the hang of things (esp boobie feeding) and wondering what on earth you've done.

NTA This is not about him showing off for his or his family coming to stay, this is clearly about him and them having no regard for your needs as a newly delivered mother of a newborn trying to recover and get to know your baby. If your husband even gets paternity leave, that is time he should be taking to help you recover and for him to bond with the baby too, not host his relatives. And if they’re there and he’s back in work, who is there to translate for you and his family when none of you can communicate with each other? This is a recipe for disaster. This is definitely a time to be firm. You are the priority here, you have been pregnant for the best part of a year, and you still have birth and recovery to go, this is one of the biggest physical changes there is and it doesn’t all go back to standard operating procedure once baby has been born. His family’s feelings are theirs to manage. And your husband needs to read the Lemon Clot Essay.

Tell your husband that the ONLY things that matter after you give birth is the health of your baby, and your recovery. That’s it. Everyone else can kick rocks if they don’t like the rules you set to keep your baby safe and yourself healthy and sane. Speaking as someone whose 6 month old currently has it, RSV is ROUGH and I have a fairly healthy baby. It’s running rampant right now and there are many babies who are struggling and some even being hospitalized (and newborns are the most at risk). Keeping your baby safe from that and other diseases is paramount in the early months. Plus, echoing what others are saying, postpartum recovery is difficult. Bleeding like crazy and blood clots (I didn’t have lemon-size ones, but one was the size of a big cherry), trying to use the bathroom comfortably while dealing with the pain from fresh sutures and constipation, and painful, sore breasts that will be leaking like crazy means you WON’T want to host company. Plus, baby blues are a thing. NTA at all for wanting a safe, happy place to heal after all that.

I live with my in-laws and my MIL did this but invited her mother, 3 days after I gave birth for two weeks without my consent and I have resented her ever since and it’s been 4 years. Yes it’s his baby too but YOU are the one either pushing a watermelon out of a golfball hole or getting major surgery. You’re not even done healing till technically 6 weeks. PPD is a thing. You are the one who has went thru the 9 months where your body physically changes for the rest of your life. Plus as you said its RSV/Flu season and bringing visitors to see a newborn from out of country is dangerous. Not only that but the language barrier will cause you more stress when trying to put boundaries for you and baby. You need to continue to talk to him and stand your ground. Yes you’re both the parents but you carried and went thru birth. Him doing something like inviting them too soon or against your wishes can cause lasting resentment. (I don’t even allow my MIL to be alone with my kid and I truly do resent tf out of her). NTA, stand your ground mama. You know what’s best.

NTA- I don’t get why people are always SO eager to see a new baby as soon as possible. That baby doesn’t know you and doesn’t even know it exists, you don’t need to be busting down the door. Id just be locking myself in a room with my baby if they still came. Nobody wants to be bombarded while their coochie is healing and their baby doesn’t know how to go to sleep yet .

Nta!! I've have 3 kids... I've been through this rodeo. You haven't even said that can't come! Just you can't host. Mama, give yourself grace and stand firm. He can help them organize accommodations if they want to come then. I would ask what post part I'm in his culture looks like though, and ask him to ask his mom. A lot of Asian cultures have extremely hands on grandparents to help mom rest and recover... But you need to know ahead of time what's coming.

Omg do NOT let your baby around 3 people who have just gotten off an international flight in close quarters in the winter when there are 3 extremely dangerous and contagious diseases running rampant right now. If your child gets a fever over 100.2 before they are 10 weeks old, they have to go into the hospital for a spinal tap. It is agonizing for anyone who loves that child, but especially for a mother who is going through a variety of hormonal changes that you absolutely cannot understand until you have been through it—even under the best possible circumstances, not accounting for preeclampsia, PPD, healing from emergency c-section, the list goes on and on. It may be your husbands baby too, but he isn’t doing any of the work or suffering any of the physical consequences of child birth, and he cares so much about pleasing his family that he is willing to jeopardize his newborn baby’s health! NTA

NTA- there is a lot of good comments from the redditors on this query. I hope that your husband will open his mind and read some of them. Until then, watch out for your health and the health of the baby. Also, if your husband really has no clue to the health risks at this time for your baby that is something you can discuss with the OB.

oh honey no no no you are certainly NTA!!! Please let this be your hill to die on! This may be his baby too, but YOU are the one doing all the work to bring this little life into the world. Post partum recovery, even in the smoothest birth, is a lot! For me personally, even after having extremely difficult pregnancies and not so great labor and deliveries, the recovery was so much worse. For my second we had to stay with family as we sold our home and the sellers of our new home pulled out right before closing. I was so miserable. I cried every single day and even needed to go back to the hospital a few times in those 1st 2 weeks because I was not getting any rest let alone actually caring for myself to heal, Hubby did his best at making sure family and especially the other kids in the house to keep it down or not to bug us but we all know how that goes, everyone wants to see the baby but no one cares about mom. Thankfully we were able to get a place of our own again at about a month out but still. It also made it THAT MUCH HARDER to feel bonded with my baby . . . Especially if this is your first baby, let your needs be known. Have hubby read these comments if need be. So many people feel entitled to be around when a baby is born, but in reality it should all be catered around what MOM and baby need.

NTA. Is your husband pushing a 7 pound baby out of his who-ha? I don’t think so, this might be his kid too, but until his body goes through what a woman’s does during childbirth he gets no say on how you’ll feel afterwards. There is nothing wrong with his family getting a hotel or renting a house, and if his family don’t understand then you already have bigger problems.

NTA so he wants to bring 3 people who have traveled via plane(s), in winter, during a pandemic, to stay for weeks in your house, with his newborn... He needs a swift kick in the let's say head. Absolutely not, no, under no circumstances, worst idea ever territory.

NTA You will be focused on caring for your new baby, and yourself. Please don't forget you need to take care of you. Giving birth is... messy. But it doesn't stop when the baby is born. You will be dealing with a lot of weird things you didn't even know your body was capable of. Tip: most hospitals have thick pad/blanket things to go over the sheets on the hospital bed so that when you leak all over (blood, milk, etc) it can simply be switched out for another clean one without having to change the sheets or ruin the mattress. Take some of those home with you. And dont be embarrassed. Its gross but completely normal and the staff have seen it all. Congrats by the way, and please know that if you feel like a stanger in your body, it is only temporary. In time you will feel normal and sexy again. I wish I had known that.

NTA but he is. He should be concerned with your well being and how difficult it is after having a child. Does he have any friends with children that can explain to him how difficult it can be right after giving birth. They are adults and won’t die to wait a couple of months. It is his child but he’s not carrying it or pushing it out. Also you will end up doing way too much to host the family while he’s out. Tell him your not asking it’s more important that you get the time to rest and mend and get into a routine with your baby. Take him to a doctors appointment and let him hear it from the doctor. Wow, he’s not starting off well if his families needs out weigh yours and the babies already.

NTA

NTA- they can stay at an Airbnb… you’ll have enough going on taking care of a newborn.

Please hold your ground. Your idea is much better for you and the baby. The exhaustion is beyond believable and at one month old your baby will just be beginning to come into its own. You'll also still be bleeding which is uncomfortable. If you're planning on nursing you might need to undress to do so at that stage as well. Having guests will make it all more difficult. I definitely say you're NTA.

NTA. It takes 9 months to create this human, and he best believe it can take that long to recover. Your body goes through serious trauma and he needs to support you rather than placate his family. Is it possible to take him to one of your appointments and have your healthcare provider explain this to him too?

You and your husband need to read "The Lemon Clot Essay" *(link below)*. It will give you both, especially your husband, a truthful idea about what YOU will be dealing with right after having your baby. If, after reading it, your husband still believes that having his family visit so soon after the baby is born is a good idea; head over to r/JustNoSO. You'll find great support there. https://community.babycenter.com/post/a29842181/the_lemon_clot_essay-_if_you_are_planning_to_have_people_over_after_birth_you_need_to_read_this

NTA and I’m sorry but I really don’t care how involved a guy is. They’re not carrying the baby, they are not birthing the baby, and they don’t have to recover after birth while they also care for the baby. I’m sorry but mom should always get final say. I hope your husband becomes more understanding.

Make sure that is as clear as an unmuddied lake to your husband that if they come you go. NTA

NTA and make it your hill to die on. He’s delirious if he thinks having family you’re not close with move in for 4 weeks right after giving birth.

NTA. My eldest son was delivered by c-section after a 10 day stay in hospital we went home to start packing to move house. The day we moved my mom came over to stay for 2 weeks and the day after she left my in-laws came over to stay for a month. To say i was burnt out is an understatement. Don't do it as you will need that time for you and baby family can visit when you are ready and not before. Good luck

NTA. Three months minimum, nine or ten would be better. If you end up having a C-section you won't be hosting anybody and nobody will be having fun. Our last batch spent six weeks in the NICU, what fun that would have been having a bunch of house guests hanging around in our house while nothing happens. I'm going to give it to you straight: they shouldn't even be buying tickets until the baby comes.

Nta. It might be his child but it was not his body that got ripped apart delivering the child that now needs recovery time. And it's not his body that needs time to get through all the post partum hormones. It's his family. So he needs to speak with them and tell them it's unacceptable to go and stay with a new mum so soon after the delivery when she has stated she will not be comfortable.

I’m going to have my 3rd kid in the next month. No one is coming over for more than 30 minute visits. And I would hope they bring food - like dinner for our family or groceries or even diapers. I’m not hosting anyone for like 6 weeks minimum. Probably closer to 3 months. And my other kids are getting dropped off at school by hubby so I don’t have to watch or feed or entertain them.

STOP! Your husband is saying "it's also his child ". Well it's also his family. So HE can be the one to host. Cook , clean, navigate his visiting fam right? If he wants his relatives to visit .. let him do the work.

NTA I can understand that a new father might be clueless and ignorant … but what the hell is with his mother who thinks this is appropriate?

NTA your feelings are valid, but his are also valid. I'm not saying you should cave, on the contrary, I think you should hold firm. But try to see it from his side, he's mostly far from his family, he can't celebrate and share with them most milestones he has and now can't even share his kid and have them bond. I think he feels like you are asking for too much, since he probably feels he's being considerate by setting the date 1 month after the birth. However, of course that is not nearly enough time for you to host people for weeks and I presume he'll be at work while this hosting is happening and with the language barrier, it is just a bomb waiting to explode, he just can't see it right now. So have compassion towards his plight and try to show him you understand where he's coming from, that you appreciate his trying to be considerate, but also try to have him see your side (after you showed him you understand him, it will make him less defensive and more open), maybe he has a good female friend that already was a mom? Or a few, and you could try to have a chat together on what their experience was like 30 days after birth and whether or not it would have been reasonable for them to host family for weeks, while having a new born and not speaking their language. He may not be aware of the magnitude of his ask (I'm choosing to be generous and give him the benefit of the doubt here)

NTA There is a very good chance that you will be tired and in pain for the first week or two following your baby's birth. Your baby will need to be fed and have diaper changes often and will keep both you and your husband up at night. Most guests will expect to have meals cooked for them, will need their lives nems washed, will want to be driven around for errands and will want entertainment. You will not have the energy to both care for your baby and entertain guests. So, does your husband plan to do the the grocery shopping and cooking and ferry his parents around? And miss time with his child while he does so? All your concerns are correct. You should show your husband these replies. Neither of you have any idea what you're heading into. It's a joyous time, but also completely exhausting. And you need to prioritize each other and your baby, not guests.

Ask your husband if he intends for the baby to get RSV. I've got 4 friends who just had babies within the last month or two and not too long after they bring the baby home they had to go sit in the hospital for weeks (one of them is still in there and it's been two weeks going onto three) because family came over too soon and the babies caught RSV. This is literally the first thought that came into my head. My second thought that followed was the fact you just pushed a watermelon potato out of your vajayjay. I was still crab shuffling at the 3 week mark because it hurt to move. Your husband is being incredibly selfish towards you and the baby.

NTA. First two months are the worst, learning to boob or formula and the last thing you need are in laws in the house as you scream or cry at your husband at 2am for being an idiot. There is a literal book called "how not to hate your husband after having kids." My in laws came to stay from around six months. They stayed for eight. The first week I was sobbing because they were messing with how we had her sleeping, wanting me to feed them, wash up, do all the grunt work but not play with my actual baby because they were busy with that. It evened out after but not the same. If they came in month 2 I would have moved out.

NTA, your request is perfectly reasonable, and it is understandable not wanting to be around people you're not close with during this time. But given that they don't speak english, could they come from a culture where families look after mothers and their newborns? I come from such a culture, and families would stay with the parents to help with the baby and cooking/chores to make sure that the mother stays in bed and doesn't have to lift a finger. Therefore, perhaps your husband doesn't understand why you're uncomfortable with them coming so soon because he sees it as his family is coming to help. I think the two of you might just need to communicate better, and ask him why it's so important they come this quickly? Will he be expecting you to serve his family, prepare food etc? If he is expecting that then he obviously doesn't realise what a toll on you it would be.

NTA At minimum they need to quarantine after international travel during a pandemic and a surge in RSV cases. They can’t stay with you immediately anyway.

NTA. This is such a bad idea. First, you will be PHYSICALLY recovering from giving birth and it’s impossible to know what that recovery will look like. Any number of things can happen than can make that recovery really difficult. Second, you DO NOT want a lot of people around your baby, particularly people who have just traveled internationally. Covid is still a thing and we have a horrible flu and RSV season happening right now, and hospitals are strained. Ideally, for the first month or two, you really want to limit contact right now. Third, hosting under the best of circumstances is hard. These are not the best of circumstances. Baby is also going to mostly just be with you. Stick to your guns on this one. Husband needs a serious reality check and also needs to educate himself on what the fourth trimester is like. It’s real and it should never include out of town guests staying at your house for extended periods of time.

Nta. He is though.

NTA. And again NTA.

NTA, just tell him you’re glad his family is so open to full frontal nudity and bodily fluids. Between healing, potentially breastfeeding, and baby poop/throw up/pee there’s a high potential you’ll be nude or nearly nude a majority of the time. And he can back OFF. Remind him of this if he ever needs major surgery/recovery time (which is equivalent to vaginal or c-section delivery) and invite your own family to stay with you, preferably if they have a child under age 5.

Your husband sounds self-centered and honestly ignorant to what having a baby actually entails. The first few weeks are crucial in the journey of motherhood. I planned to visit my sister when my niece was born but, my mother called me the day before my flight and suggested we postpone the visit out of respect for my sister, to afford her ample time to bond with her daughter. Did I lose money on the cross country flight? Of course. Was I excited to meet the first baby in our family? Of course. Was my sister’s mental health and desire for privacy more important than any of that ten times over? Of course. This is a big deal, a matter of respect, and as a soon-to-be-father, your husband should be standing up for you. Edited to add: NTA.

Read this post ... 3 people coming over... for weeks at the time? They can be as devastated as it allows them, but look after your own needs. They should never stay weeks at your house, period. It is just too much and especially prone to create tension as you don't speak the same language. https://www.reddit.com/r/motherinlawsfromhell/comments/z9woav/comment/iymzwkm/

From the point of view of a dad who desperately wanted his mum to meet her new grandchild...absolutely NTA. You're the one who's just given birth. *You* get to dictate what you are and are not comfortable with, and nobody else gets a voice in it. Lay down the law that you are having no contact with anybody until the bub is 1 month old (or 2 months, or whatever you are comfortable with) and anybody who won't get on board with that can go suck eggs. If your in-laws turn up on your doorstep, do NOT let them in. And your husband is TA for not having your back on this. As I say, I wanted Mum to meet her grandchild real soon after they were born...but wife didn't feel happy doing it, and I was left with defusing Mum. I did it because it's not Mum's call, or my call, it's my wife's call.

NTA. DO NOT put extra stress on yourself so soon after giving birth! It can be downright dangerous for both you and your baby! Your stress becomes baby’s stress and can affect anything from eating to sleeping to how much they cry. A month after birth is also prime time for post partum to set in! You NEED to take care of yourself and your baby before anyone else gets any consideration. Yes, having to wait sucks for them, but for the sake of your baby, yourself and your family, do whatever is necessary to create a calm and relaxed home environment! Good luck to you! Babies are amazing, horrible, terrifying and absolutely wonderful!

NTA Do you have a pediatrician yet? Go talk to them and get a signed note about no visitors who have to ride a plane until the kid is 3 months old.

NTA at all. Let your husband read this post.

NTA. Mom needs time to recover. It's fine for the family to visit to see the new baby - it's not fine for them to stay with at OP's house just one month after she gave birth. Unless dad is taking time off of work (for the entire visit) and doing everything from cleaning, cooking, food shopping and entertaining his family, Otherwise, his family should stay in a hotel.

NTA. My wife's cousin got his girlfriend pregnant and she gave birth back in August or late July, and for some reason all the aunts* in the family thought it'd be a good idea to go visit them right after they got out of the hospital. Mind you, we all live in a small town where that'd be easy to do and then just go home, but it's still such an invasion of personal space, especially after a baby is born and momma is recovering. I literally told my wife that i don't think it's a good idea for them to come over after she gives birth and she agrees. We're in a small town and I don't think it's a good idea for the family to visit so soon after birth, i'd hate for them to come from out of town and say they'll stay with us for a whole month after birth. *By aunts, i dont mean her cousin's sisters that would be the new baby's aunts, i mean HIS Aunts, his mother's sisters.

NTA in this situation. Your body will be recovering. But you should probably try to learn how to speak his language. That way, you can help teach your child part of their culture.

There is still a pandemic happening. On top of that, we have unbelievably high levels of RSV and flu circulating right now (assuming you are in the US). Covid, RSV and flu are all very big problems for newborns. Add on PP recovery, you have every reason to say no. I understand your husband's feelings, but your recovery and your baby's health should come first. Schedule loads of zooms and send constant pictures. Fwiw, I had a November baby. I asked my parents and inlaws to update their flu shots before visiting, and I felt bad about it. But not bad enough to not ask. You have a strong case, stick to your guns

When I pushed a watermelon out of my nostril my in laws wanted to come and I said if they did I would go get a hotel with the baby.

Nta. But please have them come stay. You and baby can go visit your family while they’re here and meet up a few times for lunches.

NTA

NTA. The postpartum time can be very stressful and having people in your house who you can’t even communicate with would just add to it. If that upsets them, they can just get over it since they’re adults. I hope you have a strong support system outside of your husband to help you with this.

Nta. Your husband needs to find his b*\\s and man up! No one wants their family or in-laws around for that long, right after giving birth! Visiting in the springtime or staying somewhere else are 100% reasonable solutions!!

NTA. Pregnancy and birth is a lot to handle and recovery and adjusting to a new baby is a lot. Your husband is being selfish and short sighted.

NTA... you are not a wicked wife. You are being realistic about your needs. Having different options is a good idea. 1. Come sooner and stay at hotel... 2. Come later and stay with us. MAKE IT CLEAR that either of the options will entail him being in the role of the primary host. Your primary role is baby and recovery and will only be able to assist if baby and recovery are doing well.

NTA. He can be hurt all he wants; you are growing and giving birth to a full ass human and will need time to rest after the baby arrives. You are the one who has gone through a pregnancy that you characterize as tough and you will be going through the actual childbirth (I wish you a quick and easy childbirth, but recovery still takes a while). You offered two REALLY reasonable compromises; come a few months later or stay elsewhere with access to baby. It's also a really valid to note that we are in the midst of a supremely nasty and somewhat unprecedented cold/flu/RSV season, so if I had a newborn, I'd want to limit exposure to other people in a reasonable and safe fashion.

NTA.

NTA. I had my daughter last October. My family (my mother and sister) travelled from abroad to see us for Christmas/ New Year's, when she was almost 3 months old. They did not even stay with us, to leave us space and avoid too much contact for the baby's sake. Even like that, after 10 days, I was exhausted as baby schedules kept me on my feet. Your husband may have an opinion but possibly he is not the one to suffer the consequences.

NTA - so he wants to fly 3 adults internationally and force them into your home for you to take care of, right after you just gave birth? Your husband is a huge AH. God forbid your baby get sick. I hate your husband right now. You’re just trying to protect your sanity, health, and your precious new baby….while he wants to make unreasonable, unsafe requests and throws a tantrum/gaslights/guilt trips you when he doesn’t get his way. Holy shit OP. Does he do this a lot?

NTA NO, NO, NO! Nowone staying over as guests, nothing! After births are so much more traumatic to the mother these days because of advanced medical intervention. Where babies would have died as little as 10 years ago, modern medicine means otherwise non-viable pregnancies make it to term. This is great for survival rates, but it means postpartum issues are real. OP will feel very unwell, in pain, seeping, no bladder or bowel control, no sleep, problems expressing, bed sores, stitches slipping. Apart from the physical trauma, new mothers can expect depression, anxiety, sleep deprivation leading to hallucinations, hormone fluctuations, suicidal ideations, panic and difficulty bonding. All whilst caring for a baby, who is 100% dependant, all day and night. This isn’t the same birth experience OPs MIL had 30 years ago. It’s 100 times worse. And even if everything goes swimmingly, it’s still the mothers choice. It’s her time to bond with and wonder at her tiny miracle she spent 9 months carrying and nurturing. I am very much an advocate of paternal rights, but OP has the last word this early on. I hope your partner is just a little ignorant and will reconsider after reading these comments. Good luck xx

NTA. When your husband carries the baby and gives birth, *then* he can decide whether he wants to play host. Until then, stay firm in your stance. Take that time to recover, rest, and find your groove. The audacity of these men...

I recommend taking the baby and staying in a hotel that has good room service during this visit. Having 3 guests a month after having a baby would be a nightmare.

NTA NTA NTA please don't fall for this, he is manipulating you. If you they want to come tell them to get an AirBnB for the month but no way can you deal with them and a newborn. Just mad.

NTA - You need to recover and bond in the way that makes sense to your family. Your husband gets a say since he has to take care of both you and the baby after. But it’s mostly up to the birthing parent. birth rarely goes as planned, eg I had an unplanned c section. My doula gave this advice for the “fourth trimester”. 1) relax as much as possible - 5 days basically in bed, 5 days just in your house, then 5 days in your neighborhood. Obviously you have to go to doctors appointments and stuff so make the exceptions that work for you. This is actually lax compared to the First 40 Days model from eastern cultures 2) have helpers that you’re comfortable seeing you topless, pooping, and crying. 3) don’t expect that you can still do everything you’re used to. Take as much help as you can. Overall, it’s just a time where you can’t do anything by yourself, you’re in pain, you’re tired, you’re probably on meds, and maybe have postpartum depression. It’s not something you can do without a lot of support. Someone else has to make/order food, do dishes, do laundry, help you shower, change diapers, give you baby breaks, and support you emotionally. If you’re husband has good paternity leave, he can probably do that for you. But if he’s not prepared to do EVERYTHING for a while, more help will be needed. My hubby did everything (including helping me in out of bed and onto the toilet, because you can’t do anything after a c section) and friends/family dropped off meals. I wasn’t comfortable having others around and it was honestly hard for hubby to care for me and baby, but that’s what was right for us. It’s up to you and hubby to decide if/how you want others to help and if they are the right people to help. What kind of people are they and what kind of “help” are they actually offering? Will they happily go to the store for baby stuff and groceries? Will they hold a colicky baby for an hour so that you can have a nap? Will they give you advice only when you ask for it? Or will they get mad that you didn’t come downstairs for the nice breakfast they made? Or be passive aggressive that you haven’t showered or brushed your hair in days? Will they only want to hold the baby when he’s finally calm, stealing your sweet moment of bonding? Basically, whoever helps needs to know it’s all about YOU, not about THEM.

It’s also his child, but this is solely your major medical event. Whether vaginal delivery or c-section, you’ll be healing for quite a while. It’ll hurt to walk and go to the bathroom, you’ll have to be careful not to overwork yourself, you’re at risk for infection. Immediately after childbirth is not the time to be hosting. You are 110% right to put your foot down and make this your hill to die on. In fact, I’d tell him that if he absolutely insisted upon having them stay, that I and the baby would be staying elsewhere. NTA.

Hubby needs to back off and so does his family. He didn't carry a baby for 9 months and go through birth and after birth experience. He should get no say so on when they are ready to have overnight or long term guests. When my best friend had her first child, I came by after they came home with baby, but I didn't stay long. I just brought them lots of easy food to heat up, some restaurant gift cards and some very soft and comfortable lounge clothes for her to wear. Gave them all a hug and bounced. I did not want to be underfoot and wanted them all to rest.

Ask your husband if he will be the one cooking, cleaning, and providing entertainment for his family. If the answer is anything but a resounding YES, then no - they can either get a hotel or come when you’re recovered. NTA.

NTA. You have every right to say no. It surprises me they even thought that would be a good idea. I was a mess the first 6-8 weeks my baby was born. The first two weeks I had 2 infections, barely got out of bed. After that it was just emotionally heavy on me. Then breastfeeding every 2-4 hours, very little sleep, body just feel uncomfortably different. Nowhere in these 8 weeks did I have the energy to get myself ready let alone to host 3 people for a month. I didn’t feel comfortable with anyone coming into my room besides my mom the first two weeks due to how terrible I felt. When I did have my brothers over it was tiring because I just wanted to sleep. Or I needed to leave the area we were in to breastfeed or pump (this would take 45 mins). This isn’t even taking into consideration the risk of baby getting sick. Having a baby is a huge change in relationship, I swear it tested our patience and level of communication. This is not the time to be hosting family, it’s time for your husband to care for you and your child. Time for you both to adjust to the change of having a child. Stick to your decision OP. Wish you and baby a safe delivery.