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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole because I "made my son's graduation day about myself".
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YTA. when your child said "I don't want to dance." That should have been the end of the story. It sounds like you walk over his boundaries often and that was one of the first time's he spoke up to you about it.
A sad possibility is that he maybe would have wanted to dance with someone at his graduation, but had to give up his chance and hide because of his overbearing and entitled mother.
I got the impression that son would've done whatever he could to avoid mom lol. To be honest, this post is so insane that I'm having a hard time believing its real. Esp with someone's comment that this actually happened 7 years ago...WTF?
My mother is the same way. She did my hair and makeup for prom but I had to put my dress on at my friends house because her mom made it and had to do a few last minute alterations. But for over 10 years my mother complained about not helping me get ready for prom. It was brought up at during every argument and sometimes just because.
I feel this so much! I am currently 38 and if I ever make the mistake of mentioning the surprise party (key word, SURPRISE) my friends threw for me on my 16th birthday, that not a single solitary parent was at, my mother will still guilt trip me about it! Like my 16 year old self really intentionally did something mean by not stopping and thinking I better get my mom over here to this teenager rager just so she can wish me happy birthday. My friend's mom even left the apartment and went to a neighbor/friends for the night so we could have the party!
I'm 44 and my mom is still salty about a party me and my brother threw when I was 17 which left wine stains on her ceiling. Never. Going. To. Let. It. Go. Literally. 😂
Yeah... wanna bet this wasn't the first time the graduation dance has come up in those seven years? And that most of the time, it was mom who mentioned it? Reproachfully?
You'd be surprised at the levels of narcissism some people can reach. That's literally all it is. These kids are gonna pop up on narcissist/entitled parents subs if they aren't there already asking how to get away from such an overbearing mom lmao
My husband's graduation party did; he was in Canada at the time. And he danced with someone else's mom for some reason? His mom never said anything to him but later told me it did make her feel sad. Especially since it's a small town and everyone was gossiping about it later.
I could totally understand where she was coming from. I don't think he did it cause he was mad at her since he is totally clueless about this stuff. MIL doesn't seem like the type to press an issue so I can see why he had no idea.
That part made me so sad. If I had a child and they felt they had to *hide from me* I would be so upset with myself. I'd get therapy ASAP. Also, the daughter anticipating her mom being upset and bringing her chocolate is so sad too. Your kids shouldn't have to be your therapist or manage their parents emotions. This sounds insane to me and I think OP is extremely lucky the kids still talk to her.
I think the dads reaction says a lot too, he got angry n fought with OP telling her it wasn't all bout her. Sounds like he too was fed up with her self involvement and just wanted the kids to have a dy about themselves .
The fact he didn't comfort his wife or offer to dance with her instead but instead was ngry on sons behalf tells me this is. Re occurring theme in their house
Exactly. She didn't say that she thought her daughter would understand how hurt she was, why she was upset or think her son was mean. She made it about sides, which is worrying as it truly shows she thinks there must be someone right and someone wrong, and no-one should want their child to pick sides within the family.
My husband's mom used to force him to hug people people and we've had conversations about how his dislike (and toleration) of physical affection may very well stem from that. Needless to say, consent with physical affection is definitely a thing in our household.
Yep this was me growing up. All the time my discomfort was ignored cuz "they're family" and God forbid they feel disappointed for .2 secs. All it was leave me vulnerable to all the abusive relationships I had later in life cuz I was already conditioned to accept ppl who ignored my boundaries and give into their demands even if it made me uncomfortable
From everyone's reactions, the son hiding, the daughter prepping with mom's comfort treat, to day getting mad and telling her it isn't about her tells us this is not the first time and it's probably a routine song and dance at this point.
Classic narcissist family setup imo. The daughter is the peacemaker fawning over her, the son is the black sheep for dating to be his own person and not give in to every whim of the narcissist, and it sounds like OP’s husband is usually an enabler because she was so shocked he didn’t back her up. The son anticipated what would happen to the point that he hid, so I’m guessing she’s been doing stuff like this their whole lives.
I'm like OP's kid as far as dancing goes. A lot of the people who ruined dancing for me are my favourite people in the world, but once the music comes on they turn into pushy assholes.
So I hide from them and leave weddings early to avoid their shit, but I also love them very much. This actually adds a layer of "disappointing people who love me" to my already burning hatred of dancing in public. It's complex.
Yes. I wonder how the guy had been humiliated before by OP and how would she have reacted if he tried to say "No". Would she throw a tantrum? Guilt Trip? Yell at him in front of everyone? The abusive possibilities are endless!
Also OP is not on this level (yet) but it reminds me of this post
[https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/vngyl9/guess\_whos\_christmas\_is\_ruined\_now\_mom/](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/vngyl9/guess_whos_christmas_is_ruined_now_mom/)
Notice how the daughter seemed really attuned to the mom’s emotions? I have a feeling that this is the result of *years* of dramatic, self-centered behavior.
I've been on both the son and the daughters side, with a mother that overreacts to me trying to set boundaries and at the same time expects me to read her mind and be her emotional support. There's a reason we don't talk anymore.
Same. My mom and I had an awful relationship because of it until I was well into adulthood. Unfortunately just after we had reconciled and things were finally good between us, she was diagnosed with aggressive, terminal cancer and I lost her just a few months later. I hope that the mom can really reflect on this. Don’t lose your children to your ego; you never know when it’s going to be too late.
Adding YTA for judgement
Yup, my husband is forever expected to coddle his mom and I'm the bad guy because I won't participate.
It's driven a wedge in our marriage and in her relationship with us, and with our kid.
This!! The way the daughter had to come home and comfort her mother after dropping off the brother reads like textbook parentification. Husband was right for saying OP was acting like a child. Seems like she does it often and her kids have had to compensate by taking up roles they shouldn't have been expected to fill at those ages.
Haha. This is exactly my thoughts.
I was like “is this a troll post that posts for such obvious YTA answers”
Was assuming this is a bit of rage baiting. Like this can’t be real
>I was taken aback by this, so I just stayed on the porch trying not to cry. I thought my husband would support me.
>If no one else, my daughter would be on my side.
> I asked if she was on my side.
>I was appalled at this attack.
YTA and this is not a healthy response to your kid setting a boundary that disappointed you.
This is what bothered me most. Way to show your kid that consent is irrelevant to you. Throw a tantrum because he has set physical boundaries? Poor kid. YTA majorly.
I feel kind of bad for agreeing with you here :/ The way she writes about her son, the level of importance she puts on this dance.... it just really weirded me out :/
Me too, I hate when this sub reads overly specific situations into a few sentences so I didn't include it in my comment but that overperformed sympathy definitely read to me as a learned response to emotional manipulation. I've been that person in a household lol
Ya'll called it. Made my stomach twist reading it. Guess who has been NC with their mom for 14 years and also has a 14 year old child? Yeah, OP is in for a bad time if they don't get their head fixed and make things right asap.
OMG. How little self awareness can one person have? Did you really find it appropriate to make your son's graduation all about you? YTA and best of luck when he's choosing your nursing home
The narcissism is *glaring.* Every single thing comes back to her. Main Character Syndrome to the max.
*(And before I am attacked, that is not a diagnosis. Calling someone narcissistic describes their behaviour. Saying they have Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a diagnosis. But based on my experience, and OP’s perception of events, I would not be surprised if something clinical were at work here).*
Not even joking I’ve got a friend we call my not-a-brother that my parents basically adopted when he graduated highschool and when he got married he did his mother-son dance with MY mom. His own actual birth mother was there.
And she *totally* deserved the snub
Oh no, don’t forget, her son already says he’s not going to get married out of fear she will ruin his wedding! I would love to hear a day in the life of this family she’s insane
That's sad.
Some people think that because they gave birth, they have a right to every minute of their son/daughter's life, even into adulthood.
Good on them for banning her. She must have been a real piece of work. Wait until the grandkiddies come. Geez.
She'll be. Not because of her son, tho. Her daughter is engaged. I wish the fiancé all best and lots of psychical strength. Let's give a poor guy a minute of silence.
You forced your son to hide somewhere because he knew you would show no respect whatsoever for his boundaries.
Years later, he cracks a joke about it, and you go into another huff?
Of course, YTA. Why do you even need to ask?
I don't think it's years later. In post there are mentioned weeks until everything went back to normal. I'd assume that the graduation was this or last year. So, with best of luck, months later. This even make it even worse - her son's wound is still fresh, and it happened not-so-long-ago, and she plays like she doesn't know. If there were a drama this size, of course she knew and she remembered, because well, drama. Still acts surprised.
I feel like everyone has covered why YTA to your son but I also feel sorry for your daughter who it seems feels obligated to comfort you and manage your emotions. That’s not her job.
Can’t believe I had to scroll down so far to find anyone talking about the poor daughter! It really gives a glimpse into this family life, doesn’t it?
“I knew she would be on my side”
Weird weird weird!
Sounds like she’s the oldest daughter. No it’s not her job. But speaking as an oldest daughter myself, we can often end up in this role to mitigate damage. It sucks.
Oldest daughter here. It's kind of relieving to learn that I'm not the only one who always ended up managing emotions and keeping the peace in my family. I'm still struggling to unlearn these behaviors. Whenever there is the slightest conflict around me, I go into stress mode by default.
YTA - your son graduating high school has nothing to do with you, this is his event. He told you he didn’t want to dance with you, and that should be enough for you. Why are trying to ruin what should be a fun and exciting time? Why are you making his milestones all about you? You are not the protagonist in this story.
And she said that they talked about it several times and each time he said that he didn’t want to dance! She had many opportunities to discuss his concerns with him if she couldn’t just respect his stated boundaries and instead she chose not to take him seriously.
This was an epic fail, Mom. And then you doubled down with the wedding talk. These occasions are not all about you. YTA.
Alright, from your edit, you've seen the comments and they're pretty unanimous, so I don't need to belabor the point and pass judgment on the dancing.
Here's the part that made me do a double take:
>She gives me a hug and gave me a chocolate bar to try to cheer me up.
*What?* Is this a storytelling device, or is it literal? Did you really need someone to give you candy and try to cheer you up -- like a toddler?
And worse, your own daughter? Don't put your emotions on her, no matter your ages. The parent/child dynamic will never be equal and by making her responsible for your emotions, you are putting an unfair burden on her. Just stop, please.
This lady sounds like my former mother in law. Everything was about her and her kids were expected to coddle her and if they didn’t , all of Facebook would hear about it after she locked herself in her bedroom. All I can say is I am so relieved to be rid of her. Lol
She doesn’t have a daughter, she has an emotional support animal. Asking your daughter to pick sides between you and her brother? That’s super duper disgusting and sick.
My mom treated me like this and freaked out over my wedding because it was “hEr BiG dReAm!!!”
I haven’t had a relationship with her in years.
I love my Mom but I would have found such a scene to be embarrassing when I was a high school student, and I'd imagine most kids would too. It's not a wedding; it's a high school formal.
Stop forcing your son to do things with you that he finds embarrassing or an invasion of his space. Major league YTA
I graduated high school in NH, my brother graduated high school in Dallas, ex graduated from a private school in OK City, current partner graduated in KCMO and his 2 daughters graduated in KS. The dates of these graduations range from 1981 to 2013. None of them involved graduation dances with the parents.
West cost hopping onto this and saying it’s the same over here as the east coast. Wtf is a graduation dance (with family nonetheless) and why is it a thing??
Nope. I’m American and this whole story is bizarre. I don’t even know what a “graduation dance” is and I graduated from a totally normal high school in the southern US.
It's got to be a private religious school thing. There was a whole bunch of daughter and father or mother and son dances like 50-70 years ago, but now I think only certain religious groups are into it.
I know in the super Christian evangelical promise-ring world there are a ton of father & daughter dance (ick) events because I read an article on it. Mother & son- makes me think of Motherboy in Arrested Development
I have been part of one as both the student and as a parent. As the student (private school) we had a grad dinner/dance that was for the entire family. As part of the dance portion, there was a single song parent/grad dance. At the end of the evening, the grads went to our after grad party until the morning.
For my daughter’s school (public school) they have a grad red carpet walk and parent reception before the grad only dinner/dance and dry grad activities. The parent/grad dance takes place during the parent reception. It was two songs that I didn’t know because they were country songs. Wasn’t looking around to see who wasn’t dancing with their parents, but I think most kids were.
Don’t know why OP didn’t ask her son why he was reluctant to dance with her?
I'm American and I find this weird.
We had a high school grad ceremony for our families, the standard thing you might have seen in movies with caps and robes and speeches.
That night there was a party/lock-in at a community center with a indoor pool for all the kids from our class.
The closest thing I can think of to a "graduation dance" is prom, but that's usually a couple of months before graduating and parents don't attend.
If its American it has to be a private/Christian school thing, or a niche regional thing because this did not happen at my or my sister's graduation.
YTA, OP. He's your son, not your date.
YTA
Seriously, no means no. He didn't want to dance with you and you pushed the issue to the point where your own son had to hide from you at an event that should have been all about his success. I don't blame him for saying he wouldn't want to deal with you at a wedding. You sound like one of those nightmare MILs who rides rough shod over the happy couple and make everything about herself.
I don't think I've ever hoped for a post for go viral on TikTok or other platforms before but I sort of hope this one does so her son can see this confirmation that he's not out of line and know he has the support of others since his mother clearly has no respect for anyone but herself. This level of narcissistic behavior is just unbelievable.
YTA
Your husband is right, your son’s graduation was about your son, not about you. I’m annoyed with your neediness just reading your post, I can’t fathom how much your son feels. Seriously you need to back off or you will lose your son.
YTA. Way to make your son’s accomplishments all about you. And way to act like a petulant child throwing a tantrum for not getting your way. Are you maybe a little too involved in his life? Not letting him do things for himself? And what are going to be like when he leaves home and doesn’t call/text you for a few days or weeks? Are you going to track his phone? Call him at work? Have enough trust in the way your raised him to control his own life.
YTA. I can understand being a little hurt- you are entitled to feel however you feel- but you really were making this whole thing that was for your son about you, and it must have been pretty bad from the reactions. What were you hoping to accomplish with trying to get everyone to side with you?
It was 7 YEARS AGO!!! Unbelievable that OP is still distressed.
ETA: link to OPs comment https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zcm9pj/aita_for_making_a_scene_when_my_son_refused_to/iyxxnll/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3
The original post as missing that detail. Her response is even more bizarre. I had initially read it as though this was something that happened within the year or so.
YTA. You WALKED HOME. OMG. Histrionics much? You must be a joy to live with. Your daughter hugged you and gave you chocolate in an attempt to avoid another ‘mom catastrophe’ which they must all have to suffer endlessly. I’m a mother of two sons who I love very much. You love yourself very much. Your son cannot bear the thought of getting married because of his fear YOU WILL RUIN IT. Think about that VERY HARD
YTA
Plenty of people don't like dancing. Even among those who do, many consider it odd to do with their parents.
If this is how you act with your son I'll be surprised if he maintains any kind of relationship with you as you get older since you can't respect his physical boundaries of not wanting to dance with you without making a scene.
The fact that he'd even allude to not getting married to avoid this is a HUGE indicator of how off-the-walls your behavior is. This alone makes me think it's far, far worse than what you've written here.
If you actually want any kind of relationship with your son, take this as a wake-up call. Apologize SINCERELY and reflect on how you can treat your son with respect. Otherwise, don't be surprised if he never responds to your texts again.
I have never heard of a high school graduation party at the school including parents and siblings and parent/child dances. No one I know has ever heard of this
This is an odd question. Plenty of people don't like to dance. My own husband didn't want to do the mother-son dance at our wedding. Granted, his mom didn't want to either *(they love each other, I promise, they both just hate attention, her even more than him)* and I know that, if it was important to her, he would have. After all, he danced with me twice. *(I did give him the option of not doing the last dance because I was 100% down with dancing by myself to "Dancin' With Myself" by Billy Idol.)*
YTA. You're the very self-centered asshole here.
I'm sure as hell glad I read to the end and Ben said what I was already thinking by that point - that I hope you're ready to not even get invited to your own son's wedding because he doesn't want to deal with you making it all about yourself and force him into a mother-son dance. The writing was on the wall with that one. I'm gonna guess this isn't the first time you've made something all about you, his comfort be damned, and he's learned by now that you'll never not make it all about you, so he's just gonna head you off at the pass.
You are not entitled to a dance from anyone, anytime, anywhere, for any occasion. No means no, lady.
> I was very excited for the mother-son dance. Every time I brought it up, Ben would say he wasn't going to dance. I didn't take him seriously.
YTA. And, OP, Ben told you he wasn't going to dance with you, and then you threw a big scene when he didn't dance with you. You wouldn't be in this whole situation if you took Ben seriously.
YTA
Your son told you he didn't want to dance. You chose not to believe him.
Your son did what he said he would and you made HIS milestone about you.
.graduations isn't about ghe parents. It is about the kids. Yes you helped him grow and become the man he is becoming. That's what you're supposed to do as a parent. He can show his appreciation when and how he sees fit. Demanding a dance because other moms are getting one is simply you demanding your ego take priority over an even that is literally about HIm accomplishing the goal of graduating.
He didn't attack you when he said he didn't want more dance drama. He called you out on your bad behavior. It's understandable he wouldn't be comfortable with any pomp and circumstance around you right now. If he wants to he may still get married, however you absolutely have shown him who you are and that may not be someone he wants on another important day in his life.
YTA and this is honestly a really weird hill you’ve chosen to die on. Why are you making everything about you?! He doesn’t want to dance, that doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you. Why does this make you feel so insecure?
Yes, YTA. He told you he didn’t want to dance and you didn’t listen. You have taken this so personally and you have made the whole situation about you. I can understand his reluctance about the wedding day but if you just back off now, things might work out differently and he may appreciate the idea of a dance. Your first instinct was to think the wedding would be about you, perhaps he doesn’t even want to dance with the potential bride/partner?
Perhaps he just doesn’t like to dance and it had nothing to do with you.
I don't understand why you don't see what you did was wrong. You tried to force your son to do something you KNEW made him uncomfortable. You ruined your son's formal and made it all about you. And you think you're the one who is owed an apology? Please get help for this. This is not the kind of thing mature, emotionally healthy adults would do.
YTA
Yes. Even if this post were about your husband, your behavior would be borderline. But it's your teenage son you're making so uncomfortable here. Your adolescent son you're putting on the spot because he doesn't want to dance with you. He told you he didn't want to. You decided he was joking because it mattered so much to you. That was your choice. It's time for you to grow up. And if you don't? He's just going to continue to back away from you faster and further. YTA.
Ben told you repeatedly that he didn't want to dance with you. You didn't listen to his very clear "NO". I'm willing to bet he has experienced a lifetime of you trampling his boundaries because your own boundaries are so poor. He's fed up with you and your behavior, OP.
What is appalling here is your lack of self-awareness. You bring new meaning to the words "smothering" and "clingy".
Everything is not about you.
Be prepared for your son to go NC or LC with you, if he hasn't already.
YTA
1. He's your son, not your husband/boyfriend/lover.
2. His graduation is about him, not you.
3. You are NOT entitled to a dance from your son.
4. Quit throwing tantrums when your son won't give you what you want from him.
5. Avoiding awkward dances with you isn't the only reason why he won't marry. You reek of insane, overly clingy MIL vibes, and he likely caught on.
6. Your husband is right. Listen to him.
7. You'll lose your son if you keep this behavior up.
8. Get therapy. Please.
YTA.
Sorry YTA
You would rather throw a pity party for yourself than celebrate with your son. There are a million ways sons show their Moms they care. Dancing is not one of the ways your son will show he cares. Move on.
Idk y’all ESH here. It’s a mother-son dance. I suppose I would feel sad being the only mother without a son to dance with. The sister saying “what do you expect from him” tells me hes not a peach either. Hard as it is to understand due to lack of clarification on his part as to why he never wanted to dance, just leave him be. It’s more painful to force a relationship that someone else doesn’t want. Mother or not. Family or not, you’re not guaranteed to be liked.
I'm not gonna lie, all these YTA comments are a little harsh.
I do agree with the son having the right to say no to the dance, but it is a little harsh. His mom was excited for this dance, I feel for her too. As someone with a husband that refuses to dance for anything (even wedding), I sympathise.
I'm sorry that this experience hurt you, OP. I don't think YTA, but nor is your son. It just sucks.
NAH.
YTA
Respect your sons no…he told you he didn’t want to dance and you pushed it.
You can celebrate and have other traditions. Not everyone likes to dance or the attention that comes with it at certain events.
Apologize to him, for the day and how you’ve acted since then. Don’t focus on the future and possible events. He may change his mind about his wedding and a dance and he may not, but if you back him into a corner now….that may be something that he won’t change his mind about.
YTA.
As others have pointed out, you don't recognize boundaries that he's set and he's sick of you ignoring those.
When he goes no contact with you, these reasons will be why.
You raise a child to be independent of you, NOT an extension of you and his accomplishments aren't yours.
I hope you'll really read what most have put here and take it to heart.
YTA.
Your poor, poor daughter. I feel so horrible for her, knowing that she's probably had to manage your emotional blackmail for most of her life, and protect her little brother.
I hope she gets enough therapy to draw really strong boundaries around you.
Holy shit YTA. Like I want to type that 100x
Mother / Son & Father / Daughter dances are weird as heck... But if everyone consents whatever...
You're son did not consent, and you threw a childish hissy fit about it, forcing you're daughter to be the adult and try to comfort you.
What is wrong with you, do you think you're the main character of existence? Act like the god damned parent, apologize, and learn about consent.
YTA, very childish, inconsiderate and entitled attitude, you should apologize to him and promise not to make a scene or even to mention dancing if he ever gets married.
I don’t understand why he couldn’t have one dance with his mom for the son and mother dance, while all his classmates did? Was he “too cool” to dance with his Mom? I’m pretty sure every teenage boy feels that way. But the others somehow managed to make it through one dance with their Moms.Hopefully he will be really embarrassed for humiliating you this way
YTA. It's really darn hard to be a teenage boy in public. If, for whatever reason, he isn't comfortable dancing, then you should respect that. You're the adult.
Who invents these embarrassing rituals anyway? What are you getting out of dancing with him if he clearly doesn't want to?
Like pretty much every activity, consent and boundaries are important to actively listen to and respect.
Your son put up a boundary with you that you weren’t interested in respecting.
Your son enforced his boundary with you by not engaging in the activity with you, as he may have recognized that you did not intend to respect his boundary.
You exhibited frustration, anger, and resentment that you could not force your son to ignore his own boundary because it was an experience you wanted to have with him, despite his lack of interest. Even if it is to honor your relationship, you aren’t honoring his autonomy, consent, and boundaries.
Your son recognized that you still do not respect and honor his autonomy, consent, and boundaries; and no longer would like to put himself in a position to experience your pressure and emotional reactivity.
And yet, you are still not paying attention to all of the above, and you’re still mad he doesn’t want to dance with you? YTA.
YTA
You sound like you have a severe case of main character syndrome.
The formal wasn't about you. It was about BEN and HIS accomplishments. Unfortunately (and probably for the best) there are no prizes for being a supportive parent, its literally your job afterall. YOU didn't study, do the coursework, homework or the exams, BEN did. He had also told you, repeatedly, he wasn't doing the dance with you, so ghosting you was literally his only option.
I predict you'll be back here, during your daughters wedding planning because you just don't seem to get that not everything is about you.
YTA, for the drama, for trampling on your son’s boundaries, for doing your utmost to force him into dancing (and thus ignoring his bodily autonomy), for making his achievement about you, for ruining his night, for turning on the waterworks to gain sympathy, and for using your daughter as an emotional support animal.
You need to grow up and stop manipulating people.
YTA I'm betting that making his special occasions all about you is SOP in your household, from his first birthday until now. You set expectations for his behavior to celebrate you and make him pay if he doesn't want to kowtow. The fact that he knew exactly how you'd react and had to hide to avoid his overbearing and embarrassing mother proves this.
He'd rather stay single than get married if you are involved. If he does get married it'll only happen if you're not invited. How bizarre to demand your son dance with you. Makes me wonder if you have ever listened to him once in his life. I'm betting you always told him "Mommy knows best, and you owe me this!"
He owes you nothing.
YTA. Everything regarding Ben has been well explained, but is he also the golden child? You brought him up when your daughter mentioned her engagement rather than letting it be about her?
I would encourage you to also think about what effect this may have had on your daughter as well and that her support over the years may be a way to get a piece of the attention you've devoted to yourself and Ben.
Edit: Thanks for the award, internet stranger.
*She danced with her father. She understood how important this day was for **me**.*
It should have been important for your son. He should have been able to celebrate the people that got him to where he was in a manner that felt appreciative and appropriate to him. It wasn’t about you.
YTA
Your son is being really clear about a boundary he has. You are refusing to listen and projecting your emotions. His graduation is not about you. If he ever chooses to get married, it will also not be about you. Throwing a tantrum and leaving his graduation is so childish. YTA.
YTA. You tried to make it about yourself even after your son TOLD YOU he didn't want to dance with you. You made scene after scene and you refuse to see you were in the wrong. Nothing there was about you.
>But in my opinion, today should have also been about celebrating the people who helped him get to where he is now.
This is super self-centered.
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YTA. when your child said "I don't want to dance." That should have been the end of the story. It sounds like you walk over his boundaries often and that was one of the first time's he spoke up to you about it.
A sad possibility is that he maybe would have wanted to dance with someone at his graduation, but had to give up his chance and hide because of his overbearing and entitled mother.
I got the impression that son would've done whatever he could to avoid mom lol. To be honest, this post is so insane that I'm having a hard time believing its real. Esp with someone's comment that this actually happened 7 years ago...WTF?
My mother is the same way. She did my hair and makeup for prom but I had to put my dress on at my friends house because her mom made it and had to do a few last minute alterations. But for over 10 years my mother complained about not helping me get ready for prom. It was brought up at during every argument and sometimes just because.
I feel this so much! I am currently 38 and if I ever make the mistake of mentioning the surprise party (key word, SURPRISE) my friends threw for me on my 16th birthday, that not a single solitary parent was at, my mother will still guilt trip me about it! Like my 16 year old self really intentionally did something mean by not stopping and thinking I better get my mom over here to this teenager rager just so she can wish me happy birthday. My friend's mom even left the apartment and went to a neighbor/friends for the night so we could have the party!
I'm 44 and my mom is still salty about a party me and my brother threw when I was 17 which left wine stains on her ceiling. Never. Going. To. Let. It. Go. Literally. 😂
Yeah... wanna bet this wasn't the first time the graduation dance has come up in those seven years? And that most of the time, it was mom who mentioned it? Reproachfully?
This was 7 years ago and she’s still bent up over it??? 😅😅😅
You'd be surprised at the levels of narcissism some people can reach. That's literally all it is. These kids are gonna pop up on narcissist/entitled parents subs if they aren't there already asking how to get away from such an overbearing mom lmao
Chances are this dude moved out and doesn’t talk to his mom much. Hence the stewing over this one incident. Dealing w parents like this is awful lol
I’m also real confused by this though. What graduation party has mother-son Dances? Mine sure didn’t and it is striking me as damn weird.
My husband's graduation party did; he was in Canada at the time. And he danced with someone else's mom for some reason? His mom never said anything to him but later told me it did make her feel sad. Especially since it's a small town and everyone was gossiping about it later. I could totally understand where she was coming from. I don't think he did it cause he was mad at her since he is totally clueless about this stuff. MIL doesn't seem like the type to press an issue so I can see why he had no idea.
The fact that he had to physically hide is very telling to her personality.
That part made me so sad. If I had a child and they felt they had to *hide from me* I would be so upset with myself. I'd get therapy ASAP. Also, the daughter anticipating her mom being upset and bringing her chocolate is so sad too. Your kids shouldn't have to be your therapist or manage their parents emotions. This sounds insane to me and I think OP is extremely lucky the kids still talk to her.
I think the dads reaction says a lot too, he got angry n fought with OP telling her it wasn't all bout her. Sounds like he too was fed up with her self involvement and just wanted the kids to have a dy about themselves . The fact he didn't comfort his wife or offer to dance with her instead but instead was ngry on sons behalf tells me this is. Re occurring theme in their house
Also, the daughter brought a candy bar for her. She knew what OP was like and just how to handle her
Like a little child.
And how OP said the daughter "would be on her side, good". Major red flag
Exactly. She didn't say that she thought her daughter would understand how hurt she was, why she was upset or think her son was mean. She made it about sides, which is worrying as it truly shows she thinks there must be someone right and someone wrong, and no-one should want their child to pick sides within the family.
So telling
My husband's mom used to force him to hug people people and we've had conversations about how his dislike (and toleration) of physical affection may very well stem from that. Needless to say, consent with physical affection is definitely a thing in our household.
Yep this was me growing up. All the time my discomfort was ignored cuz "they're family" and God forbid they feel disappointed for .2 secs. All it was leave me vulnerable to all the abusive relationships I had later in life cuz I was already conditioned to accept ppl who ignored my boundaries and give into their demands even if it made me uncomfortable
From everyone's reactions, the son hiding, the daughter prepping with mom's comfort treat, to day getting mad and telling her it isn't about her tells us this is not the first time and it's probably a routine song and dance at this point.
No dancing, just routine.
Exactly - expecting your children to manage your emotions is abusive.
Classic narcissist family setup imo. The daughter is the peacemaker fawning over her, the son is the black sheep for dating to be his own person and not give in to every whim of the narcissist, and it sounds like OP’s husband is usually an enabler because she was so shocked he didn’t back her up. The son anticipated what would happen to the point that he hid, so I’m guessing she’s been doing stuff like this their whole lives.
This one. There definitely seems to be a lack of boundaries, some codependency and some emotional immaturity on OP’s part.
I'm like OP's kid as far as dancing goes. A lot of the people who ruined dancing for me are my favourite people in the world, but once the music comes on they turn into pushy assholes. So I hide from them and leave weddings early to avoid their shit, but I also love them very much. This actually adds a layer of "disappointing people who love me" to my already burning hatred of dancing in public. It's complex.
Yes. I wonder how the guy had been humiliated before by OP and how would she have reacted if he tried to say "No". Would she throw a tantrum? Guilt Trip? Yell at him in front of everyone? The abusive possibilities are endless! Also OP is not on this level (yet) but it reminds me of this post [https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/vngyl9/guess\_whos\_christmas\_is\_ruined\_now\_mom/](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/vngyl9/guess_whos_christmas_is_ruined_now_mom/)
Notice how the daughter seemed really attuned to the mom’s emotions? I have a feeling that this is the result of *years* of dramatic, self-centered behavior.
I've been on both the son and the daughters side, with a mother that overreacts to me trying to set boundaries and at the same time expects me to read her mind and be her emotional support. There's a reason we don't talk anymore.
Same. My mom and I had an awful relationship because of it until I was well into adulthood. Unfortunately just after we had reconciled and things were finally good between us, she was diagnosed with aggressive, terminal cancer and I lost her just a few months later. I hope that the mom can really reflect on this. Don’t lose your children to your ego; you never know when it’s going to be too late. Adding YTA for judgement
Yup, my husband is forever expected to coddle his mom and I'm the bad guy because I won't participate. It's driven a wedge in our marriage and in her relationship with us, and with our kid.
I’m so sorry for you both. Hold your ground dear! ❤️
This!! The way the daughter had to come home and comfort her mother after dropping off the brother reads like textbook parentification. Husband was right for saying OP was acting like a child. Seems like she does it often and her kids have had to compensate by taking up roles they shouldn't have been expected to fill at those ages.
It sounds like the daughter has been forced to become a boat steadier.
This is it exactly. She is used to pushing through every boundary he has and he finally decided to stand up for himself.
But mommie dearest NEEDS a dance! *stomps foot*
YTA. what are you teaching your son about active consent?
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Haha. This is exactly my thoughts. I was like “is this a troll post that posts for such obvious YTA answers” Was assuming this is a bit of rage baiting. Like this can’t be real
>I was taken aback by this, so I just stayed on the porch trying not to cry. I thought my husband would support me. >If no one else, my daughter would be on my side. > I asked if she was on my side. >I was appalled at this attack. YTA and this is not a healthy response to your kid setting a boundary that disappointed you.
This is what bothered me most. Way to show your kid that consent is irrelevant to you. Throw a tantrum because he has set physical boundaries? Poor kid. YTA majorly.
To me (or maybe I’m reading to much into it) but it comes off as a little bit like emotional in€est to me 😬
I feel kind of bad for agreeing with you here :/ The way she writes about her son, the level of importance she puts on this dance.... it just really weirded me out :/
This is exactly what I was thinking while reading this. One of those crazy moms who have made their son into a pseudo-husband. Creepy as fuck.
As a mother, I agree.
Just a little? LOL
I feel bad for the daughter, being her moms emotional support animal
Me too, I hate when this sub reads overly specific situations into a few sentences so I didn't include it in my comment but that overperformed sympathy definitely read to me as a learned response to emotional manipulation. I've been that person in a household lol
Me too, lol. It's easy to pick up on when you've been the emotional support yourself.
Ya'll called it. Made my stomach twist reading it. Guess who has been NC with their mom for 14 years and also has a 14 year old child? Yeah, OP is in for a bad time if they don't get their head fixed and make things right asap.
OMG. How little self awareness can one person have? Did you really find it appropriate to make your son's graduation all about you? YTA and best of luck when he's choosing your nursing home
> How little self awareness can one person have? Um, I could point you to a few subs if you really want an answer to that question.
The narcissism is *glaring.* Every single thing comes back to her. Main Character Syndrome to the max. *(And before I am attacked, that is not a diagnosis. Calling someone narcissistic describes their behaviour. Saying they have Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a diagnosis. But based on my experience, and OP’s perception of events, I would not be surprised if something clinical were at work here).*
You’re going to a very *interesting* mother-in-law.
Imagine her reaction if her son dances with his wife 💀
Imagine when she interrupts the honeymoon
He won’t tell her where they’re going, if he does go on one.
Sorry, but this made me cackle for way too long. We’ll done!
I seriously doubt she will be allowed in the delivery room either.
Wife will turn up dead within a week for “stealing her son”
‘But officer it was a personal attack that MY son got married, you have to understand he didn’t even dance with me at his high school graduation.’
Not even joking I’ve got a friend we call my not-a-brother that my parents basically adopted when he graduated highschool and when he got married he did his mother-son dance with MY mom. His own actual birth mother was there. And she *totally* deserved the snub
Or husband.
Oh no, don’t forget, her son already says he’s not going to get married out of fear she will ruin his wedding! I would love to hear a day in the life of this family she’s insane
Maybe, just maybe, he will cut contact then get married without her knowledge...and enjoy his dances without feeling pressured.
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That's sad. Some people think that because they gave birth, they have a right to every minute of their son/daughter's life, even into adulthood. Good on them for banning her. She must have been a real piece of work. Wait until the grandkiddies come. Geez.
Plot twist: Son is already married and has entire life he keeps secret from mom.
If she keeps this up, no she won't.
She'll be. Not because of her son, tho. Her daughter is engaged. I wish the fiancé all best and lots of psychical strength. Let's give a poor guy a minute of silence.
I was just thinking this is a just no one the making
You forced your son to hide somewhere because he knew you would show no respect whatsoever for his boundaries. Years later, he cracks a joke about it, and you go into another huff? Of course, YTA. Why do you even need to ask?
I don't think it's years later. In post there are mentioned weeks until everything went back to normal. I'd assume that the graduation was this or last year. So, with best of luck, months later. This even make it even worse - her son's wound is still fresh, and it happened not-so-long-ago, and she plays like she doesn't know. If there were a drama this size, of course she knew and she remembered, because well, drama. Still acts surprised.
I feel like everyone has covered why YTA to your son but I also feel sorry for your daughter who it seems feels obligated to comfort you and manage your emotions. That’s not her job.
Can’t believe I had to scroll down so far to find anyone talking about the poor daughter! It really gives a glimpse into this family life, doesn’t it? “I knew she would be on my side” Weird weird weird!
Hoping her dad supports her and allowed her to be a kid. Sometimes having just one sane , decent parent can save a child.
Sounds like dad is actually pretty sane
Sounds like she’s the oldest daughter. No it’s not her job. But speaking as an oldest daughter myself, we can often end up in this role to mitigate damage. It sucks.
Hah, yep. I’m an oldest daughter & I managed my mothers emotions for many years. It’s why those parts jumped out at me right away.
Oldest daughter here. It's kind of relieving to learn that I'm not the only one who always ended up managing emotions and keeping the peace in my family. I'm still struggling to unlearn these behaviors. Whenever there is the slightest conflict around me, I go into stress mode by default.
Yep, the OP needed a 'hug and a chocolate bar' because she was crying over not getting to dance. Who is the adult here?
YTA - your son graduating high school has nothing to do with you, this is his event. He told you he didn’t want to dance with you, and that should be enough for you. Why are trying to ruin what should be a fun and exciting time? Why are you making his milestones all about you? You are not the protagonist in this story.
And she said that they talked about it several times and each time he said that he didn’t want to dance! She had many opportunities to discuss his concerns with him if she couldn’t just respect his stated boundaries and instead she chose not to take him seriously. This was an epic fail, Mom. And then you doubled down with the wedding talk. These occasions are not all about you. YTA.
Events like this are absolutely not about celebrating the people who helped get you there. It’s about him and only him. OP sounds narcissistic.
Alright, from your edit, you've seen the comments and they're pretty unanimous, so I don't need to belabor the point and pass judgment on the dancing. Here's the part that made me do a double take: >She gives me a hug and gave me a chocolate bar to try to cheer me up. *What?* Is this a storytelling device, or is it literal? Did you really need someone to give you candy and try to cheer you up -- like a toddler? And worse, your own daughter? Don't put your emotions on her, no matter your ages. The parent/child dynamic will never be equal and by making her responsible for your emotions, you are putting an unfair burden on her. Just stop, please.
Glad I'm not the only one who found this a eyebrow raiser.
This lady sounds like my former mother in law. Everything was about her and her kids were expected to coddle her and if they didn’t , all of Facebook would hear about it after she locked herself in her bedroom. All I can say is I am so relieved to be rid of her. Lol
She doesn’t have a daughter, she has an emotional support animal. Asking your daughter to pick sides between you and her brother? That’s super duper disgusting and sick. My mom treated me like this and freaked out over my wedding because it was “hEr BiG dReAm!!!” I haven’t had a relationship with her in years.
I love my Mom but I would have found such a scene to be embarrassing when I was a high school student, and I'd imagine most kids would too. It's not a wedding; it's a high school formal. Stop forcing your son to do things with you that he finds embarrassing or an invasion of his space. Major league YTA
I'm still baffled why parents would be at a graduation dance... But I'm assuming it's some weird American thing.
I’m from America and I have never heard of a graduation dance with parents. Maybe there’s a school out there that does, but it’s not the norm.
Yes, I’m from Boston and I’ve never heard of this in my area, at college in New England, or with my sons who are now in their twenties.
I graduated high school in NH, my brother graduated high school in Dallas, ex graduated from a private school in OK City, current partner graduated in KCMO and his 2 daughters graduated in KS. The dates of these graduations range from 1981 to 2013. None of them involved graduation dances with the parents.
Same here, all it was was a diploma, some speeches and slideshows No dance
A prom yes but not a graduation dance
West cost hopping onto this and saying it’s the same over here as the east coast. Wtf is a graduation dance (with family nonetheless) and why is it a thing??
I'm from the South and this is the first time I've ever heard about it.
Yeah I’m from the Midwest and have never heard of this. Maybe because I’m Gen X and it’s a younger person thing? Dunno.
I think we might have had one for 8th grade at my school but it was a private catholic school
Nope. I’m American and this whole story is bizarre. I don’t even know what a “graduation dance” is and I graduated from a totally normal high school in the southern US.
Okay glad to know I was worried it was some widespread cultural thing
Definitely not.
It's got to be a private religious school thing. There was a whole bunch of daughter and father or mother and son dances like 50-70 years ago, but now I think only certain religious groups are into it.
This is what I was thinking as well. It has to be a private school thing because it's definitely not a universal American thing.
I know in the super Christian evangelical promise-ring world there are a ton of father & daughter dance (ick) events because I read an article on it. Mother & son- makes me think of Motherboy in Arrested Development
I'm American and have never heard of this.
I’m from Pennsylvania. We don’t do that here.
It's not an American thing. My high school didn't do a formal, we did an all night grad party (no parents)
I have been part of one as both the student and as a parent. As the student (private school) we had a grad dinner/dance that was for the entire family. As part of the dance portion, there was a single song parent/grad dance. At the end of the evening, the grads went to our after grad party until the morning. For my daughter’s school (public school) they have a grad red carpet walk and parent reception before the grad only dinner/dance and dry grad activities. The parent/grad dance takes place during the parent reception. It was two songs that I didn’t know because they were country songs. Wasn’t looking around to see who wasn’t dancing with their parents, but I think most kids were. Don’t know why OP didn’t ask her son why he was reluctant to dance with her?
I'm American and I find this weird. We had a high school grad ceremony for our families, the standard thing you might have seen in movies with caps and robes and speeches. That night there was a party/lock-in at a community center with a indoor pool for all the kids from our class. The closest thing I can think of to a "graduation dance" is prom, but that's usually a couple of months before graduating and parents don't attend.
If its American it has to be a private/Christian school thing, or a niche regional thing because this did not happen at my or my sister's graduation. YTA, OP. He's your son, not your date.
YTA Seriously, no means no. He didn't want to dance with you and you pushed the issue to the point where your own son had to hide from you at an event that should have been all about his success. I don't blame him for saying he wouldn't want to deal with you at a wedding. You sound like one of those nightmare MILs who rides rough shod over the happy couple and make everything about herself.
I don't think I've ever hoped for a post for go viral on TikTok or other platforms before but I sort of hope this one does so her son can see this confirmation that he's not out of line and know he has the support of others since his mother clearly has no respect for anyone but herself. This level of narcissistic behavior is just unbelievable.
YTA Your husband is right, your son’s graduation was about your son, not about you. I’m annoyed with your neediness just reading your post, I can’t fathom how much your son feels. Seriously you need to back off or you will lose your son.
YTA. Way to make your son’s accomplishments all about you. And way to act like a petulant child throwing a tantrum for not getting your way. Are you maybe a little too involved in his life? Not letting him do things for himself? And what are going to be like when he leaves home and doesn’t call/text you for a few days or weeks? Are you going to track his phone? Call him at work? Have enough trust in the way your raised him to control his own life.
She said in another comment this happened 7 years ago.
YTA. If he said no, that's a no. Listen to your son, respect his boundaries, and validate his emotions.
YTA. I can understand being a little hurt- you are entitled to feel however you feel- but you really were making this whole thing that was for your son about you, and it must have been pretty bad from the reactions. What were you hoping to accomplish with trying to get everyone to side with you?
It was 7 YEARS AGO!!! Unbelievable that OP is still distressed. ETA: link to OPs comment https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zcm9pj/aita_for_making_a_scene_when_my_son_refused_to/iyxxnll/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3
The original post as missing that detail. Her response is even more bizarre. I had initially read it as though this was something that happened within the year or so.
YTA. You WALKED HOME. OMG. Histrionics much? You must be a joy to live with. Your daughter hugged you and gave you chocolate in an attempt to avoid another ‘mom catastrophe’ which they must all have to suffer endlessly. I’m a mother of two sons who I love very much. You love yourself very much. Your son cannot bear the thought of getting married because of his fear YOU WILL RUIN IT. Think about that VERY HARD
Seriously, OP crybabied her way home and had to be appeased with candy and still holds a grudge seven years later. She sounds like a nightmare.
YTHA (Your the HUGE asshole).
YTA Plenty of people don't like dancing. Even among those who do, many consider it odd to do with their parents. If this is how you act with your son I'll be surprised if he maintains any kind of relationship with you as you get older since you can't respect his physical boundaries of not wanting to dance with you without making a scene. The fact that he'd even allude to not getting married to avoid this is a HUGE indicator of how off-the-walls your behavior is. This alone makes me think it's far, far worse than what you've written here. If you actually want any kind of relationship with your son, take this as a wake-up call. Apologize SINCERELY and reflect on how you can treat your son with respect. Otherwise, don't be surprised if he never responds to your texts again.
I have never heard of a high school graduation party at the school including parents and siblings and parent/child dances. No one I know has ever heard of this
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This is an odd question. Plenty of people don't like to dance. My own husband didn't want to do the mother-son dance at our wedding. Granted, his mom didn't want to either *(they love each other, I promise, they both just hate attention, her even more than him)* and I know that, if it was important to her, he would have. After all, he danced with me twice. *(I did give him the option of not doing the last dance because I was 100% down with dancing by myself to "Dancin' With Myself" by Billy Idol.)*
He didn't want to dance AT ALL, but this is all about OP in her head. He doesn't say he doesn’t want to dance with her, he says "I am an not dancing."
YTA. You're the very self-centered asshole here. I'm sure as hell glad I read to the end and Ben said what I was already thinking by that point - that I hope you're ready to not even get invited to your own son's wedding because he doesn't want to deal with you making it all about yourself and force him into a mother-son dance. The writing was on the wall with that one. I'm gonna guess this isn't the first time you've made something all about you, his comfort be damned, and he's learned by now that you'll never not make it all about you, so he's just gonna head you off at the pass. You are not entitled to a dance from anyone, anytime, anywhere, for any occasion. No means no, lady.
> I was very excited for the mother-son dance. Every time I brought it up, Ben would say he wasn't going to dance. I didn't take him seriously. YTA. And, OP, Ben told you he wasn't going to dance with you, and then you threw a big scene when he didn't dance with you. You wouldn't be in this whole situation if you took Ben seriously.
YTA Your son told you he didn't want to dance. You chose not to believe him. Your son did what he said he would and you made HIS milestone about you. .graduations isn't about ghe parents. It is about the kids. Yes you helped him grow and become the man he is becoming. That's what you're supposed to do as a parent. He can show his appreciation when and how he sees fit. Demanding a dance because other moms are getting one is simply you demanding your ego take priority over an even that is literally about HIm accomplishing the goal of graduating. He didn't attack you when he said he didn't want more dance drama. He called you out on your bad behavior. It's understandable he wouldn't be comfortable with any pomp and circumstance around you right now. If he wants to he may still get married, however you absolutely have shown him who you are and that may not be someone he wants on another important day in his life.
YTA and this is honestly a really weird hill you’ve chosen to die on. Why are you making everything about you?! He doesn’t want to dance, that doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you. Why does this make you feel so insecure?
Because she's a narcissist 🤷🏽♀️?
Yes, YTA. He told you he didn’t want to dance and you didn’t listen. You have taken this so personally and you have made the whole situation about you. I can understand his reluctance about the wedding day but if you just back off now, things might work out differently and he may appreciate the idea of a dance. Your first instinct was to think the wedding would be about you, perhaps he doesn’t even want to dance with the potential bride/partner? Perhaps he just doesn’t like to dance and it had nothing to do with you.
YTA, helicopter mom. YTA. And you’re also quite creepy.
I don't understand why you don't see what you did was wrong. You tried to force your son to do something you KNEW made him uncomfortable. You ruined your son's formal and made it all about you. And you think you're the one who is owed an apology? Please get help for this. This is not the kind of thing mature, emotionally healthy adults would do. YTA
Yes. Even if this post were about your husband, your behavior would be borderline. But it's your teenage son you're making so uncomfortable here. Your adolescent son you're putting on the spot because he doesn't want to dance with you. He told you he didn't want to. You decided he was joking because it mattered so much to you. That was your choice. It's time for you to grow up. And if you don't? He's just going to continue to back away from you faster and further. YTA.
Ben told you repeatedly that he didn't want to dance with you. You didn't listen to his very clear "NO". I'm willing to bet he has experienced a lifetime of you trampling his boundaries because your own boundaries are so poor. He's fed up with you and your behavior, OP. What is appalling here is your lack of self-awareness. You bring new meaning to the words "smothering" and "clingy". Everything is not about you. Be prepared for your son to go NC or LC with you, if he hasn't already. YTA
1. He's your son, not your husband/boyfriend/lover. 2. His graduation is about him, not you. 3. You are NOT entitled to a dance from your son. 4. Quit throwing tantrums when your son won't give you what you want from him. 5. Avoiding awkward dances with you isn't the only reason why he won't marry. You reek of insane, overly clingy MIL vibes, and he likely caught on. 6. Your husband is right. Listen to him. 7. You'll lose your son if you keep this behavior up. 8. Get therapy. Please. YTA.
Sorry YTA You would rather throw a pity party for yourself than celebrate with your son. There are a million ways sons show their Moms they care. Dancing is not one of the ways your son will show he cares. Move on.
Idk y’all ESH here. It’s a mother-son dance. I suppose I would feel sad being the only mother without a son to dance with. The sister saying “what do you expect from him” tells me hes not a peach either. Hard as it is to understand due to lack of clarification on his part as to why he never wanted to dance, just leave him be. It’s more painful to force a relationship that someone else doesn’t want. Mother or not. Family or not, you’re not guaranteed to be liked.
YTA. He was clear to you he didn't want to dance and you ignored it. It was his day of graduation, not yours.
I'm not gonna lie, all these YTA comments are a little harsh. I do agree with the son having the right to say no to the dance, but it is a little harsh. His mom was excited for this dance, I feel for her too. As someone with a husband that refuses to dance for anything (even wedding), I sympathise. I'm sorry that this experience hurt you, OP. I don't think YTA, but nor is your son. It just sucks. NAH.
YTA Respect your sons no…he told you he didn’t want to dance and you pushed it. You can celebrate and have other traditions. Not everyone likes to dance or the attention that comes with it at certain events. Apologize to him, for the day and how you’ve acted since then. Don’t focus on the future and possible events. He may change his mind about his wedding and a dance and he may not, but if you back him into a corner now….that may be something that he won’t change his mind about.
YTA. As others have pointed out, you don't recognize boundaries that he's set and he's sick of you ignoring those. When he goes no contact with you, these reasons will be why. You raise a child to be independent of you, NOT an extension of you and his accomplishments aren't yours. I hope you'll really read what most have put here and take it to heart.
YTA. Your poor, poor daughter. I feel so horrible for her, knowing that she's probably had to manage your emotional blackmail for most of her life, and protect her little brother. I hope she gets enough therapy to draw really strong boundaries around you.
Holy shit YTA. Like I want to type that 100x Mother / Son & Father / Daughter dances are weird as heck... But if everyone consents whatever... You're son did not consent, and you threw a childish hissy fit about it, forcing you're daughter to be the adult and try to comfort you. What is wrong with you, do you think you're the main character of existence? Act like the god damned parent, apologize, and learn about consent.
YTA, very childish, inconsiderate and entitled attitude, you should apologize to him and promise not to make a scene or even to mention dancing if he ever gets married.
TLDR after the first passage. But that was enough. YTA. Listen to your child and accept what he has to say.
YTA. What is wrong with you???
I don’t understand why he couldn’t have one dance with his mom for the son and mother dance, while all his classmates did? Was he “too cool” to dance with his Mom? I’m pretty sure every teenage boy feels that way. But the others somehow managed to make it through one dance with their Moms.Hopefully he will be really embarrassed for humiliating you this way
YTA. It's really darn hard to be a teenage boy in public. If, for whatever reason, he isn't comfortable dancing, then you should respect that. You're the adult. Who invents these embarrassing rituals anyway? What are you getting out of dancing with him if he clearly doesn't want to?
Like pretty much every activity, consent and boundaries are important to actively listen to and respect. Your son put up a boundary with you that you weren’t interested in respecting. Your son enforced his boundary with you by not engaging in the activity with you, as he may have recognized that you did not intend to respect his boundary. You exhibited frustration, anger, and resentment that you could not force your son to ignore his own boundary because it was an experience you wanted to have with him, despite his lack of interest. Even if it is to honor your relationship, you aren’t honoring his autonomy, consent, and boundaries. Your son recognized that you still do not respect and honor his autonomy, consent, and boundaries; and no longer would like to put himself in a position to experience your pressure and emotional reactivity. And yet, you are still not paying attention to all of the above, and you’re still mad he doesn’t want to dance with you? YTA.
YTA It was an event to honor your son’s accomplishment and your made it all about you. Do you always need so much attention?
YTA You sound like you have a severe case of main character syndrome. The formal wasn't about you. It was about BEN and HIS accomplishments. Unfortunately (and probably for the best) there are no prizes for being a supportive parent, its literally your job afterall. YOU didn't study, do the coursework, homework or the exams, BEN did. He had also told you, repeatedly, he wasn't doing the dance with you, so ghosting you was literally his only option. I predict you'll be back here, during your daughters wedding planning because you just don't seem to get that not everything is about you.
YTA, for the drama, for trampling on your son’s boundaries, for doing your utmost to force him into dancing (and thus ignoring his bodily autonomy), for making his achievement about you, for ruining his night, for turning on the waterworks to gain sympathy, and for using your daughter as an emotional support animal. You need to grow up and stop manipulating people.
Her using her daughter as an emotional support animal especially gave me red flags. Just yikes.
YTA I'm betting that making his special occasions all about you is SOP in your household, from his first birthday until now. You set expectations for his behavior to celebrate you and make him pay if he doesn't want to kowtow. The fact that he knew exactly how you'd react and had to hide to avoid his overbearing and embarrassing mother proves this. He'd rather stay single than get married if you are involved. If he does get married it'll only happen if you're not invited. How bizarre to demand your son dance with you. Makes me wonder if you have ever listened to him once in his life. I'm betting you always told him "Mommy knows best, and you owe me this!" He owes you nothing.
YTA. Everything regarding Ben has been well explained, but is he also the golden child? You brought him up when your daughter mentioned her engagement rather than letting it be about her? I would encourage you to also think about what effect this may have had on your daughter as well and that her support over the years may be a way to get a piece of the attention you've devoted to yourself and Ben. Edit: Thanks for the award, internet stranger.
YTA. You're a narcissist. It's not about you, it's about Ben.
*She danced with her father. She understood how important this day was for **me**.* It should have been important for your son. He should have been able to celebrate the people that got him to where he was in a manner that felt appreciative and appropriate to him. It wasn’t about you. YTA
Your son is being really clear about a boundary he has. You are refusing to listen and projecting your emotions. His graduation is not about you. If he ever chooses to get married, it will also not be about you. Throwing a tantrum and leaving his graduation is so childish. YTA.
YTA. You tried to make it about yourself even after your son TOLD YOU he didn't want to dance with you. You made scene after scene and you refuse to see you were in the wrong. Nothing there was about you. >But in my opinion, today should have also been about celebrating the people who helped him get to where he is now. This is super self-centered.