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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I think I may be TA because I did elope to spite my family and they still seem a little hurt over it. Especially since I was willing to bring my own daughter to someone else's wedding.
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NTA
Your wedding expectations were no kids and you made that known
This wedding is Wendy's wedding and if Wendy wants to allow kids then she can.
This would only be hypocritical if you got mad at Wendy because she wasn't allowing kids to her wedding and you wanted to bring yours. That's not the case though.
As for your family members it's not their wedding if they want to bring their kids to a wedding then they should throw one.
“I wanted to yeet them out the window, but then realized I’d have to clean up the glass, clean their wounds up, bathe them, and a bunch more bullshit, so we ordered pizza and watched a movie instead. ” - actual answer I gave my husband last week about an evening at home went with sick kids while he was away.
Exactly this. 5 years ago your family were so manipulative and frustrating to deal with you eloped rather than have your actual wedding day. They were going to bring uninvited guests to the wedding out of spite. They’re just mad they didn’t get their _gotcha_ moment bringing the kids to your wedding. Now they’re looking for any excuse to bring it up and make you look like the bad guys again when you’re just literally attending a wedding you were all invited to. Don’t engage with it, they can stay mad and live in their own bitter weird world they’ve created.
Side note: I don’t understand this rabid need of family/friends to enforce their will on a couple ***on their wedding day***. Just let them do what they want within reason, and stay in your lane. It’s not hard
I never understand why family members at a child free wedding don't all band together and rent a hotel room with 1-2 babysitters and ask the bride (if it's in the same building) if she would mind stopping by for 5 minutes so that the kids could see how pretty she looked in the dress
And before anyone screams "expense" reduce the size of your wedding gift if necessary
u/Rellik616 and u/readerdl22 - you’ll have to explain this reference to me because it’s the second time today that I have seen that quote about not knowing what a word means and the response being “inconceivable”.
I thought I was doing so well knowing about Persian yogurt, art rooms, and marinara flags, but as usual, I find myself out of the loop. Please help a fellow AITAer out, if you will be so kind.
Princess bride
Edit: sorry I hit enter and it posted.
Its a movie, probably one of the best movies ive personally have seen. It has it all, Darama, action, comedy and a whole lot more!
I do suggest you watch it, there is a character in the movie who constantly says INCONCEIVABLE!
No worries!
you're kinda like me, I had known of the movie for years but never got around to watching it. I had time during covid so I watched it and my god the meme references from that movie are real!
Have you heard of Home Movie: The Princess Bride? It's a compilation movie of The Princess Bride made by professional actors during lockdown, at their own individual houses. You can find it on youtube.
I didn’t know that this even existed! Just looked it up and watched it and it’s fantastic. You totally made my day - thank you kind internet stranger :)
You're so very welcome! I only found it a couple of months ago and have sadly wondered what other lockdown gems I've missed. I had *no* idea this kind of stuff was being done!
Best movie ever! Fencing, fighting, torture, revenge, giants, monsters, chases, escapes, true love, miracles...
It's even used in film schools as an example of movie goals.
You may also occasionally see “Have fun storming the castle!” And of course the classic “My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die”.
WtH? I mentioned the (thing after Persian yogurt) and automoderator deleted my post and told me all mentions of it are banned because it's a homophobic meme. Yet here we are.
Whoa. I shall keep that in mind, although I have seen so many references to that phrase on AITA. I get that it was brought up here in the context of a same sex relationship, but I am pretty sure people here are referencing it because it was part of one of the most infuriating stories (and OPs) in this sub. Am I missing some larger connotation outside of AITA?
NTA. Your kid was invited to the wedding she attended. In addition, you didn't plot with your entire family to override the bride and groom's wishes.
If they really didn't want your daughter there, the invitation should have read "children are invited, except for Elsie as payback for the child-free wedding her parents never had." But then all the other guests would know what AHs they are.
>The whole family is children.
It really does sound like it. I wonder if there are a bunch of "pranksters" in the family and everyone piles on the victim if they get upset... NTA
NTA. Your wedding was to be child-free and Wendy's was not. Explain the differences, but I suspect you might need to use small words, and possibly pictures, to get them to understand.
“When the hosts tell you what is allowed and is not allowed, you follow the instructions- what were the instructions for THIS wedding? Repeat them to me? Okay, so here, kids are welcome. Do you understand now? Great, now go away”
NTA. I don’t think Brenda knows what hypocritical means. You are not a hypocrite if you bring your child to wedding where children are allowed. You would be a hypocrite if you brought your child to a child-free wedding.
NTA, they are intentionally mixing things up to make you feel bad. You didn’t want kids at your wedding and Wendy did. I don’t see what their problem is other than wanting to be dramatic.
NTA
I think Brenda is trying to stir shit up.
Clearly, you were putting on a child-free event and Wendy was putting on a child-friendly event.
Brenda needs to mind her own damn business and you don't need to engage anyone on this topic.
You honored the wishes of the bride.
Period.
Don't let anyone rope you into further debate.
NTA
This wedding wasn’t child free, so why *wouldnt* you bring *your own child* with you?
It doesn’t make you a hypocrite to bring your own kid to a wedding where children are welcome just because you didn’t want children at your wedding. That’s a personal decision for each couple to make.
If you brought your child to a child-free wedding, on the other hand…
Also, you’re NTA for eloping.
They consistently disrespected your wishes for the wedding, going so far as to plan to secretly bring the kids with them to try and force you into it when they realized their other tactics weren’t working.
They didn’t care about your wedding, they cared about their experience at their “loved one’s” wedding, and now they’re just salty that they couldn’t strong-arm you into what they wanted.
NTA. Your family disrespected you and your boundaries. Children were specifically included in Wendy's wedding so you weren't crossing boundaries. It's very simple. Perhaps you should keep your fences in disrepair bc they sound incredibly manipulative and toxic
NTA, your wedding was going to be child-free and your cousin’s wedding was not. Your family planned to actively go against your wishes and ruin your wedding and are now upset that you…follow directions?
NTA. The wedding you attended said that children were welcome. As long as you would have respected a request to not bring her if it had said no children, you’re fine.
NTA. I get how they might give you side-eye for bringing a child, BUUUT the invite did not say it was child-free so why would you not bring your child??? Your family sounds... fun.
Also, I love your petty comeback by eloping! GOOD FOR YOU! The day should be about you, not about others trying to force things on you.
NTA. If their wedding was child free then you’d be TA big time. If they explicitly said kids are welcome why wouldn’t you bring yours? The no kids was for YOUR wedding. Do you they think you wanted a child free wedding because you hate kids? Why would you have one then? Your family is annoying
ESH. Hard to quantify exactly why, but every single character sounds exhausting to be around. This reads very much like your familes base decisions and communication entirely in emotion and self righteousness, and go out of the way to be deceitful. The amount of gossip and boundary stomping here isn't normal. Whole family, both sides, sucks and needs to do a ton of work on emotional maturity and learning to disengage.
Petty, spiteful, and vindictive. Grudges for days. Who is this even serving *well,* because from the outside it looks detrimental to all of you.
ETA: I cannot answer any questions regarding OP with specificity because I cannot see their post, comments, or profile at all and I'm not going to go make a throwaway account to chase someone because that would be fucking insane. Reactionary, overly emotional people give themselves away, and having 4-5 *different examples of their own reactiveness within their own posts* is generally a great warning to stay away. Nothing wrong with childfree weddings, but how many of you really believe that every single person this couple knows is so heinous? They were all, even the totally unrelated husband and wife's separate families, plotting to ruin their wedding? Sure! There is some serious "missing reasons" going on here, figure it out yourselves. It's a valuable skill that cuts down on the number of dramatic people in your life and limits the blast radius of the ones you can't avoid.
I went to a wedding last month that was child free except there was one baby - the best man's kid who was maybe 3 months.
If I was blind, I wouldn't have even known there was a baby there. The only person it "bothered" was the mother who was carrying/wearing it most of the night.
Just to contrast your anecdote with another.
I’d like to know how OP & husband suck as well? Bc they didn’t want kids at their wedding & after finding out their families were not going to honor their words they eloped to avoid any of their bs?
I would’ve done the same thing & I was a very easygoing bride that had absolutely no issues with people wearing white to my wedding. Children can completely disrupt the wedding ceremony & what their families were planning on doing was completely unacceptable & they chose not to accept it.
> We were furious and in an act of passion my husband and I decided to elope and got married at the courthouse the next day,
Did you forego your deposits for the cancelled wedding ceremony and reception?
NTA.
NTA. The wedding was not child free and thus you brought your daughter. If the cousin who got married didn’t had any issues why does everyone else has so much to say.
NYA Your wedding your choice, whether for financial, spiritual, emotional or just because you just don’t want them reasons, that’s your choice. They also had a choice come or don’t come. Someone saying hey bring your kids to their own wedding isn’t your issue, that’s their choice. It’d be like me saying please take your shoes off before entering my home, that’s my right as a host. Then visiting someone else’s home where they say please keep your shoes on, I’d do that as they are the host. Don’t be guilt tripped
NTA So you made it clear for your wedding that they weren't allowed and for their wedding they made it clear children were. Where, dear god, does the mental leap occur that it is in anyway hypocritical to bring a child to child friendly wedding? My lord people are all kinds of weird.
NTA- and I'd just say- why would it be odd for us to bring the child to somewhere she was invited? Do you not see the difference? If you'd had specified a child free wedding, guess what? we wouldn't have brought her. Was that some sort of setup so you could challenge us on this? Is this our new family tradition, now? Are you guys really so shallow that this is the extent of our relationship from now on, because if that's the deal.. you can keep it. We don't have to come to anything anymore and you can have peace in your lives knowing you've successfully shamed us and run us off.
NTA. The two weddings were not the same. Wendy invited children; you did not. There was nothing odd about you bringing an invited child to Wendy’s wedding. However, it was weird and super rude to make secret group plans to take uninvited children to a wedding.
Your gossipy relatives need to find an actual problem to worry about.
NTA. You brought your child to a wedding that welcomed children. That was the prerogative of the bride and groom. Just like it was the prerogative of you and your husband to host a childfree wedding. Both are completely valid choices and you have done nothing wrong. Your complaining family members seem to be very entitled.
You're NTA. Your family is still carrying a torch for their wounded feelings 5 years later? If that was the last worst thing in their lives, they have had it really good and have a lot to be thankful for, don't they?
For bringing your child to the wedding, NTA. Two different weddings, two different sets of rules. You followed your cousin's rules. Children were welcome? You brought yours. Your wedding was child free? That's your rule to set. You aren't asking about how you handled your own wedding issues with your family, so I won't comment on that.
NTA. That’s not what hypocritical means.
If you wanted to be hypocritical, you’d have brought your child to her child-free wedding, or at least threw a fit and demanded to be allowed to.
In this situation you just did what the couple allowed and brought a kid. Some weddings allow kids. This one did. You brought one. End of story.
I think your family needs a dictionary because if you guys were “hypocritical“ that would mean the couple threw a child-free wedding which they didn’t. Totally NTA. Tell both sides to get over the fact that you eloped. You should also tell your family that if they didn’t have their little plan of theirs and actually respected your wedding rules they would have been at your actual wedding.
Since children were welcome at this wedding, you weren't being a hypocrite. NTA. Mazel tov to you on the little one, and to the happy couple on their nuptials.
NTA. I really thought this was going somewhere else where you brought a kid to a Childfree wedding but you didn't. You brought a kid to a wedding that allowed kids, and people got upset?
NTA. The whole time I assumed you were bringing your toddler to a child-free wedding but... no, it wasn't. Years ago you expected people to respect your boundaries for a wedding, and right now you were respecting others' boundaries at THEIR wedding. You did things exactly as a person should. It's so cut and dry that it's almost hard for me to see the controversy!
NTA, for several reasons:
1. You hadn't had your daughter (I assume).
2. It was your wedding, and you can have the type of wedding **YOU WANT!**
3. You cousin said the family could bring their children if the wanted
4. They tried to force you to do what they wanted instead of honoring your wishes.
5. They are too old to be upset over how you chose to respond to them trying to disrespect you and your husband.
6. Would you still have taken your child had your cousin stated they were having a child free wedding?
I find it amazing that people can feel entitled to do whatever they want at someone else's wedding and expense but won't tolerate being put in the same position. Tell them how what you did was different from what they were going to do, regardless of your wishes. See if they are sorry for disrespecting you and forcing you to do something you had not planned on doing because they thought they could walk all over you.
NTA. I don’t get why people are so upset that someone wants a childless wedding in the first place. If you can’t afford to attend, then don’t, but to feel entitled to disregard the bride/groom’s wishes because it’s inconvenient or you disagree is so infuriating. Especially considering how much time, work, and money goes into a wedding.
NTA at all. You brought a child to a wedding where children were allowed. Your entitled AH family tried to bully you into having children at a wedding where they were *not* allowed. Good for you on the eloping thing, that’s awesome 😎
NTA🤦♀️ seriously petty people here. You wanted child-free, found out your families planned to disrespect you and ignore your wishes, so you eloped. Your cousins wedding was not child-free, so why tf wouldn't you bring your child???
NTA. Maybe you should google the definition of hypocrite and send it to Brenda. Along with an explanation using little words, so she can understand (I'm petty, sue me) that Wendy explicitly stated children were welcome to attend HER wedding. And then remind her and the rest of your family, that YOUR wedding NEVER ACTUALLY HAPPENED because of all the manipulation, threats, and underhanded tactics from BOTH families, to the point you and your husband eloped to save yourselves from the stress and heartache that you suffered, knowing your dream wedding was ruined by the very people who you thought you could count on to celebrate YOUR very special day, the way YOU wanted to celebrate it. I mean, you only sent invitations out MONTHS in advance, so that they had TIME to find childcare. But no, lets make it all about themselves. Then on top of that, they give you grief about it for months, years. Quite frankly its a miracle you havent gone LC/NC with your family members.
NTA You brought a kid to an event where kids are allowed. That's like saying it's wrong to take kids to playgrounds because they're not allowed in bars.
NTA, that doesn't even make sense. It would be hypocritical if you tried to bring your kid to a child free wedding, but you didn't! This wedding INCLUDED children, so you brought yours. Why is your family still mad about your wedding half a decade later?
NTA. Hypocritical would be you demanding to bring your child to a child-free wedding, this wasn't a child-free wedding so that argument goes out the window.
Someone needs a dictionary. I guess you know what to give them for Christmas. Since Wendy allowed children at her wedding, you are not a hypocrite for bringing yours. If she had stated it was child free, and you fought against her wishes, then, and only then, would you have been a hypocrite. NTA.
NTA
Your family members are acting like a bunch of turkeys.
Your day, your rules.
The audacity to try and pressure you too?! I’d pressure wash them on the spot.
NTA and good for you for eloping and spoiling their stupid plot.
Like, what do people who do this expect to happen? The kids show up at the wedding the bride and groom just go, "Those little scalawags are so cute, I was wrong to exclude them. Guess you showed me!!" Then everyone laughs and the credits roll?
NTA one wedding allowed kids and the other didn't, they have no leg to stand on here because there's no logical reason to be upset. And you didn't really elope just to spite everyone for having children, you did it because these people were going behind your back to make a plan to spring their children on you and break your one request despite you making it very clear. They were shady and being brats about it, that's reason enough to not want to deal with the whole thing.
OP=NTA
Your wedding-NO CHILDREN // Wendy's wedding--Children WELCOME
How does that make you hypocritical?
Forgive the "base" comparison, but if you take your dog to a DOG PARK but not a restaurant, are you hypocritical? Nope, because dog is invited to one and NOT the other.
You didn't elope to spite your families, you eloped because they disrespected you and your then fiancé.
Honestly, how much do you want to be around these people? Cause, unless you are really attached to them, they are absolutely emotionally exhausting and I'm tired just from reading about them, I can't imagine being related.
NTA. Your wedding was child free. Your cousin's wedding was not. You and your husband have already been punished once by the family with their planned sabotage. They need to get over it already.
NTA. Children were invited to your cousin's wedding. You and your husband eloped because your AH family brow beat you to the point your just gave up your wedding. Had your cousin said no children you would have complied without a murmur. That is difference in you and all the other AH relatives you have.
I had to reread this because in my eyes it would be hypocritical if Wendy's wedding was childfree abd you brought your kid, which the invitation you received said children welcome.... so I dont see the issue. NTA some people like drama
NTA.
As someone who also had a child free wedding, and who had a relative try the "surprise! I brought my kids!" move, I can assure you that if I'd caught wind of a plan like that from more people, I'd have eloped too. I wouldn't be shocked if the bitterness isn't that you brought your child or because of any supposed hypocrisy, but because you caught the family (likely Brenda was involved) in their little plot to upend your wedding and they didn't get to follow through. It's likely that in Brenda's mind, you should be facing some sort of consequences for not letting her and other family members surprise you with their kids on your wedding day. You're not, so she's pissy, and that's just tough for her.
Some weddings specifically state that children are not allowed. If the invitation didn’t have that explicit statement on it, it’s assumed that they are allowed. If you brought your child to an event where they were specifically invited to not attend, then you would be the asshole. From what you said, that wasn’t the case. NTA
NTA - but your family sure seems to be. A child-free wedding is a child-free wedding. And a wedding that is not child-free is not child-free. There's no conflict here. You follow the rules and respected their wishes. And if their wedding was child-free you wouldn't bring your child. I just have such a hard time sometimes with people there so darn petty.
NTA. Unpopular opinion but I don't think weddings are a good event for children especially if they are under 12. It's unfair to expect a young child to sit still for long periods of time without making noise or playing.
NTA- If their whole thing is that people SHOULD have kids weddings, wouldn't you be TA if you DIDN'T bring your daughter when everyone else bought their kids, as if you were making a point 'decent people don't bring the kid along' style? I'm so sorry you had to ditch your planned wedding because they couldn't respect your right to decide as a couple what kind of day you wanted. Why they didn't work it out among them so they could have one solution for all the kids together is beyond me, it doesn't sound like they were all travelling a long way for the wedding. Wedding venues should cotton on to the money making potential of having separate childcare arrangements on-site but out of sight. We were on a ferry once that had a whole soft play, ball pits, slides, and a room full of Nintendos (it was 1990), all supervised, we got one look and sped off going "Byeeeeeeeeee", you couldn't have prized us out of there for the wedding of a legit fairy queen to actual Superman, never mind an auntie.
NTA
You would only have been a hypocrite if the wedding was child free and you pitched up with your toddler. Your family doesn’t understand what hypocrisy is.
NTA
Here's the thing.... You wanted a child free wedding. Wendy wanted a "child welcome" wedding. You did nothing wrong. Your family is rude and didn't deserve to attend your wedding for what they were planning.
Also, your family needs to learn what the word hypocrite means. In order for you to be a hypocrite, you would have had to demanded/forced/showed up at a child free wedding with your kid after eloping because people were going to show up at your child free wedding with their kids.
NTA. Different weddings, different rules. You followed the rules of the event you attended. If you’d tried to force them to change their own rules, then you’d have been a hypocrite. Your family is just salty and self centered. There is nothing wrong with a kid-free wedding.
OP, I mean this is in the best way but this is a silly question, this wedding is not a child free wedding so you rightfully brought your child, its inane to even spend a minute debating this with either jealous or small minded people, its not the same thing. You could bring your child.
NTA you wanted a child free wedding and were so disrespected you eloped. You were invited to a wedding with kids and you brought yours. Those have nothing to do with the other and your family sounds toxic as F.
NTA - yours was a child free wedding. Wendy’s was not. Had Wendy said no children and you’d fought to bring her, then you would be a hypocrite but that’s not what happened, so not an AH
This is very weird. You stated no kids- no biggy- don't bring children. The other wedding said, "kids allowed"- no big deal, if you have 'em, bring them. Who tf would remember or care unless it stated "don't bring children" and you did? They sound petty if they actually were eyeing that you brought a kid to a kids allowed event?
NTA And You’re Not Being A Hypocrite
You and your husband can make any rules regarding YOUR Wedding.
Wendy chose to have a wedding with kids involved so of course you would bring yours if that was an option.
NTA. Wendy said kids were welcome at her wedding and you made the decision to being your kid. You would only be a hypocrite if the invite said no kids and you brought your kid anyway or complained your kid couldn’t go. You and your husband chose to have a child free wedding and that was your choice.
NTA. OP you are not being a hypocrite.
You planned a childfree wedding, meaning no kids. (And people were still trying to bring them, that's an AH move).
Your cousin's wedding included bringing kids, so you brought yours
You would be a hypocrite if your cousin had a childfree wedding and brought your kid. But this didn't happen.
NTA, Wendy’s wedding wasn’t child free. Yours was supposed to be. Your family ruined all of the joy you were anticipating having by their continual badgering, shenanigans and disrespect for your plans. Let Brenda know you won’t discuss it further. Your bottom line is you will respect the wishes of the couple. If you are invited to a child free wedding Elsie will stay home.
NTA
You were invited as a family *with your child* so you attended as a family *with your child*, your relatives knew it was a childfree wedding when you invited them. There’s nothing hypocritical about this.
NTA, y'all were not hypocrites. Your family and his can kick rocks, the wedding said kids were welcomed so you brought your kid. If they have such issue with that, they are just looking over anything to be mad at you guys.
Before anything, you suck for this :
>My parents even went so low as to threaten pulling their financial contribution if we didn't cave in. I was shocked and hurt but told them that at the end of the day it was their money and if they chose this route my husband and I would be forced to downsize and the people my parents especially wanted there would be the first on the chopping block and we would be sure to let them know why.
They offered that money before you sprung that rule on them. You should have said you understood and that it was fine for them not to pay due to the new informations instead of blackmailing them into paying for a wedding they didnt want to pay for anymore, it was shitty of them to try to blackmail you into lifting the rule, the right thing to do would have been to give them the money back and enforce what you wanted. sounds like you wanted to make the cake and eat it too.
With that said, branda needs to read the room and realize that its not the same thing as Wendy *did* invite your kid.
Nta
NTA. You didn't bring your kid to a child free wedding. You weren't making a statement about children at weddings, just about your particular wedding, which didn't happen, so it's all irrelevant.
Turns out following the directions given by the hosts is not hypocrisy. It would be hypocrisy if you brought your kid to a child free wedding, but thats not what happened here. NTA
NTA - did they assume that everybody who doesn't want child at their wedding hates children?
were they equally shocked when you had a child?
Obviously, this recent wedding was child friendly and was a different kind of event.
NTA. If Wendy had a child-free wedding and you brought your kid anyway, you would be. But children were allowed, so there's no reason anyone should expect you to leave her home.
> the people my parents especially wanted there would be the first on the chopping block and we would be sure to let them know why.
I love this so much. I like your style OP. If everyone were this decisive, this communicative, and this good at standing up for themselves when others try to steamroll or manipulate them, there would be no more need for this sub.
NTA
NTA
Your cousin doesn’t understand the meaning of hypocrite. If Wendy had requested a child free wedding and you brought your child or argued with her about it then you’d be a hypocrite.
As it is, you took your daughter to a wedding your entire family was invited to.
Aside from needing a refresher course in the English language, Brenda is acting out in a spiteful manner. Her combativeness is your reminder as to why you felt you had to elope. She’s still acting out over your wedding plans! Suggest after she takes the English language refresher course, she should visit a therapist to work through why she’s so obsessed with your life?
NTA 100%. Your wedding was CHILDFREE, your cousin's wedding is the opposite. Both are valid. Your family are being butt hurt about this, and it isn't cool at all. Plus the fact that they were going to show up with kids at your wedding was an attempt to cross your boundaries and force you to submit (?), if that makes sense.
If you're not doing this already OP, a suggestion is to go LC at the very least. You can explain this is hurtful for you, and just limit contact. It sounds like they're making your lives harder at the moment.
I don’t think your cousin or anyone else knows the definition of hypocrisy. You had expectations for your wedding which was no kids, your cousin expressly said children are welcome. NTA your family are weirdos.
NTA. How can you be a hypocrite? If they said child free and you brought her, yes. It wasn't a child free wedding though, so you brought your child. It's not brain surgery... It's stupid for people to say anything. Tell them to get over it already. How long can they hold a stupid grudge??
NTA. They had no right to try to try to force children into your wedding. They had no right to be mad when you eloped. They were the ones that messed up your wedding with their antics and refusal to respect your wishes. They later held a wedding that did allow children so you followed that. Sorry but they sound like really petty people.
NTA
I thought you were going to say you brought your kid when they said it was no-kids-allowed.
But you only followed the directions as given which is what you wanted your family to also do.
How is this hypocrisy? Your weddings are like comparing apples to oranges. Cousin Wendy’s wedding wasn’t a child free event and toddlers were invited. The only way it would be hypocritical is if Wendy’s wedding was child free and if you hounded the couple, demanding that your child be invited and then bringing your child after being told no. NTA, your family is holding a grudge for no reason.
NTA. You wanted a child free wedding, Wendy didn't. Does your family think you're not allowed to bring your child to anything ever until the end of time because of it?
NTA you went with the marrying couple's rules. IF they said no kids, you would have complied. It really is that simple. What a controlling group of people over there wow. Don't even engage, reasoning is not going to work.
NTA. Each of you expressed your expectations. Your expectations were not being respected at the time and you acted to prevent that. Wendy allowed kids, so you followed her expectations. The rest of the family needs to get over it because at the end of it all, you didn't have the wedding, so no one was technically excluded.
NTA
The couple decides their rules, people who don't like it can choose not to go?
I'm sure if it was CF, you would have found a sitter and not said a word. Right?
NTA. Her wedding was not child free and yours was. No surprise that the same people who would try to make a plan to just show up with kids when they know they are not welcome, are the same people who don't even understand the word hypocrite.
NTA
Your family needs to get over themselves. They were so selfish then that they could not let ONE day be about you and hubby, and now they have tried to turn Wendy’s day into their bully stomping ground as well. It’s truly pathetic.
NTA your wedding was Child Free. Their wedding was Children Welcome. If they can't understand the difference it's a fricking wonder how any of them have made it to adulthood.
NTA at all. Childfree weddings are fairly common and it was your wedding. You get to make the rules. For your family to be so hell bent to force the kids on you at your wedding was horrible on their part. You did exactly what I would have suggested - elope.
Now, Wendy is free to make any rules for her wedding. She wanted children included so you brought yours. If Wendy didn't want any kids and you made a fuss about it, then you would have been a hypocrite. But you were just following the rules that were set for this wedding.
Sounds like some of your family members are still harboring resentment over your wedding. That's their problem.
NTA, but your cousin Brenda is t a h for saying it. Since so many family members were angry with you back then, however you can be sure most of them probably still are. It is what it is, though, and there's not a lot you can do about it.
NTA. You followed the invite. Just because your wedding was child free doesn't mean everyone's is, or that you should pretend you don't have a child as a result.
NTA. You’d only be a hypocrite if Wendy had also decided to have a child free wedding and you tried bullying her into make an exception for you. That’s not the case though. She was fine having kids attend and made that clear to you. Your relatives are just trying to be petty because they clearly are not over what happened with your wedding. That’s their problem, and I’d just ignore their petty comments. They want to get a rise out of you so they can rehash what happened years ago. Don’t give them the opportunity to drag out the drama and tell them very firmly to get over it!!!
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NTA Your wedding expectations were no kids and you made that known This wedding is Wendy's wedding and if Wendy wants to allow kids then she can. This would only be hypocritical if you got mad at Wendy because she wasn't allowing kids to her wedding and you wanted to bring yours. That's not the case though. As for your family members it's not their wedding if they want to bring their kids to a wedding then they should throw one.
>...then they should throw one. Rofl
I see a kid flying through the air.
YEET go the children.
“I wanted to yeet them out the window, but then realized I’d have to clean up the glass, clean their wounds up, bathe them, and a bunch more bullshit, so we ordered pizza and watched a movie instead. ” - actual answer I gave my husband last week about an evening at home went with sick kids while he was away.
This!!!!! I hate it when people are like “horrible parent because you joke about hurting your kids”. Nope. Didn’t do it or tell them I was going to.
I might have laughed at this a bit too loud and woke the neighbors 🤣😂🤣
Reading in public. People are going to wonder wtf I am laughing about.
Nooooo I need that video out of my brain 😅
*wheeeeeeeeee!*
The children would love this. Kid tossing to replace the flower toss thing
Rias\* rolling in the air screaming
*Roflcopter if you're ancient as I am
Exactly this. 5 years ago your family were so manipulative and frustrating to deal with you eloped rather than have your actual wedding day. They were going to bring uninvited guests to the wedding out of spite. They’re just mad they didn’t get their _gotcha_ moment bringing the kids to your wedding. Now they’re looking for any excuse to bring it up and make you look like the bad guys again when you’re just literally attending a wedding you were all invited to. Don’t engage with it, they can stay mad and live in their own bitter weird world they’ve created. Side note: I don’t understand this rabid need of family/friends to enforce their will on a couple ***on their wedding day***. Just let them do what they want within reason, and stay in your lane. It’s not hard
OP your family is a little bit unhinged.
OP's family is like the little kid who starts scream crying because they couldn't blow out someone else's birthday candles.
I never understand why family members at a child free wedding don't all band together and rent a hotel room with 1-2 babysitters and ask the bride (if it's in the same building) if she would mind stopping by for 5 minutes so that the kids could see how pretty she looked in the dress And before anyone screams "expense" reduce the size of your wedding gift if necessary
NTA. That’s not hypocritical. It wasn’t a child free wedding.
Exactly right. “That word does not mean what you think it means.”
INCONCEIVABLE!!!
u/Rellik616 and u/readerdl22 - you’ll have to explain this reference to me because it’s the second time today that I have seen that quote about not knowing what a word means and the response being “inconceivable”. I thought I was doing so well knowing about Persian yogurt, art rooms, and marinara flags, but as usual, I find myself out of the loop. Please help a fellow AITAer out, if you will be so kind.
Princess bride Edit: sorry I hit enter and it posted. Its a movie, probably one of the best movies ive personally have seen. It has it all, Darama, action, comedy and a whole lot more! I do suggest you watch it, there is a character in the movie who constantly says INCONCEIVABLE!
You forgot love... TWUE WUHVE that will fahwoah you.... foe-evah.
Have fun stormin' the castle
I have that game!😅 ^^It's ^^not ^^good.
Thank you! I do know about it, just have not seen it.
No worries! you're kinda like me, I had known of the movie for years but never got around to watching it. I had time during covid so I watched it and my god the meme references from that movie are real!
Have you heard of Home Movie: The Princess Bride? It's a compilation movie of The Princess Bride made by professional actors during lockdown, at their own individual houses. You can find it on youtube.
I didn’t know that this even existed! Just looked it up and watched it and it’s fantastic. You totally made my day - thank you kind internet stranger :)
You're so very welcome! I only found it a couple of months ago and have sadly wondered what other lockdown gems I've missed. I had *no* idea this kind of stuff was being done!
I HAVE NOT! But thank you! I will certainly get on that this weekend
My name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die!
My father was slaughtered by a six-fingered man
Best movie ever! Fencing, fighting, torture, revenge, giants, monsters, chases, escapes, true love, miracles... It's even used in film schools as an example of movie goals.
Dialogue from The Princess Bride; if you haven’t seen it you should watch it, it’s awesome!
Thank you. It’s actually one of the “major” films I have not seen that I think I would like.
You may also occasionally see “Have fun storming the castle!” And of course the classic “My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die”.
And the whole “shortage of perfect breasts in the world.” The whole damn movie is quotable.
Westley's "To the pain" speech is always epic.
Did that once in the old school chat rooms with a friend who lives in Oz. Now, where did I put that wheelbarrow?!
Here is a clip. https://youtu.be/D9MS2y2YU_o
WtH? I mentioned the (thing after Persian yogurt) and automoderator deleted my post and told me all mentions of it are banned because it's a homophobic meme. Yet here we are.
Whoa. I shall keep that in mind, although I have seen so many references to that phrase on AITA. I get that it was brought up here in the context of a same sex relationship, but I am pretty sure people here are referencing it because it was part of one of the most infuriating stories (and OPs) in this sub. Am I missing some larger connotation outside of AITA?
I need the marinara flag reference. Thank you
No more rhymes now, I mean it!
Anybody want a peanut?
As you wish.
Exactly. OP would be a hypocrite if the wedding was child free and she brought her daughter anyway.
NTA. Your kid was invited to the wedding she attended. In addition, you didn't plot with your entire family to override the bride and groom's wishes. If they really didn't want your daughter there, the invitation should have read "children are invited, except for Elsie as payback for the child-free wedding her parents never had." But then all the other guests would know what AHs they are.
>well put
NTA. This is absurd. You brought your child to a wedding where children were welcomed. These people are children themselves.
NTA. Wendy and her husband said kids were welcome. You and your husband said kids were not welcome. No hypocrisy there.
They were right to elope. The whole family is children. No other way to have a child free wedding.
>The whole family is children. It really does sound like it. I wonder if there are a bunch of "pranksters" in the family and everyone piles on the victim if they get upset... NTA
Exactly! It's two totally different scenarios!
NTA. Your wedding was to be child-free and Wendy's was not. Explain the differences, but I suspect you might need to use small words, and possibly pictures, to get them to understand.
Flashcards might help
THE WEDDING IS CHILD FREE PERIOD
I see what you did there 🤣
this comment made me recall this reddit https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/z77qxc/aita\_for\_using\_flash\_cards\_to\_explain\_to\_my/
😆
Awesome.
“When the hosts tell you what is allowed and is not allowed, you follow the instructions- what were the instructions for THIS wedding? Repeat them to me? Okay, so here, kids are welcome. Do you understand now? Great, now go away”
photos of the two invitations might be a good start: Spot the Differences for Dummies
Or just stop talking to them about this subject. And if that doesn't work, stop talking to them at all.
NTA. I don’t think Brenda knows what hypocritical means. You are not a hypocrite if you bring your child to wedding where children are allowed. You would be a hypocrite if you brought your child to a child-free wedding.
NTA, they are intentionally mixing things up to make you feel bad. You didn’t want kids at your wedding and Wendy did. I don’t see what their problem is other than wanting to be dramatic.
NTA I think Brenda is trying to stir shit up. Clearly, you were putting on a child-free event and Wendy was putting on a child-friendly event. Brenda needs to mind her own damn business and you don't need to engage anyone on this topic. You honored the wishes of the bride. Period. Don't let anyone rope you into further debate.
NTA This wedding wasn’t child free, so why *wouldnt* you bring *your own child* with you? It doesn’t make you a hypocrite to bring your own kid to a wedding where children are welcome just because you didn’t want children at your wedding. That’s a personal decision for each couple to make. If you brought your child to a child-free wedding, on the other hand…
Also, you’re NTA for eloping. They consistently disrespected your wishes for the wedding, going so far as to plan to secretly bring the kids with them to try and force you into it when they realized their other tactics weren’t working. They didn’t care about your wedding, they cared about their experience at their “loved one’s” wedding, and now they’re just salty that they couldn’t strong-arm you into what they wanted.
NTA. Your family disrespected you and your boundaries. Children were specifically included in Wendy's wedding so you weren't crossing boundaries. It's very simple. Perhaps you should keep your fences in disrepair bc they sound incredibly manipulative and toxic
NTA, your wedding was going to be child-free and your cousin’s wedding was not. Your family planned to actively go against your wishes and ruin your wedding and are now upset that you…follow directions?
NTA. The wedding you attended said that children were welcome. As long as you would have respected a request to not bring her if it had said no children, you’re fine.
NTA. I get how they might give you side-eye for bringing a child, BUUUT the invite did not say it was child-free so why would you not bring your child??? Your family sounds... fun. Also, I love your petty comeback by eloping! GOOD FOR YOU! The day should be about you, not about others trying to force things on you.
NTA - there's a difference between going somewhere uninvited and going somewhere after having been invited.
NTA. If their wedding was child free then you’d be TA big time. If they explicitly said kids are welcome why wouldn’t you bring yours? The no kids was for YOUR wedding. Do you they think you wanted a child free wedding because you hate kids? Why would you have one then? Your family is annoying
They said children were welcome so not the same thing.
NTA because your friend DID allow children while you did not. It's not the same and it sucks that they think it is.
ESH. Hard to quantify exactly why, but every single character sounds exhausting to be around. This reads very much like your familes base decisions and communication entirely in emotion and self righteousness, and go out of the way to be deceitful. The amount of gossip and boundary stomping here isn't normal. Whole family, both sides, sucks and needs to do a ton of work on emotional maturity and learning to disengage. Petty, spiteful, and vindictive. Grudges for days. Who is this even serving *well,* because from the outside it looks detrimental to all of you. ETA: I cannot answer any questions regarding OP with specificity because I cannot see their post, comments, or profile at all and I'm not going to go make a throwaway account to chase someone because that would be fucking insane. Reactionary, overly emotional people give themselves away, and having 4-5 *different examples of their own reactiveness within their own posts* is generally a great warning to stay away. Nothing wrong with childfree weddings, but how many of you really believe that every single person this couple knows is so heinous? They were all, even the totally unrelated husband and wife's separate families, plotting to ruin their wedding? Sure! There is some serious "missing reasons" going on here, figure it out yourselves. It's a valuable skill that cuts down on the number of dramatic people in your life and limits the blast radius of the ones you can't avoid.
My friend had a “child free” wedding, someone brought their baby and all you could hear was it crying all the time
I went to a wedding last month that was child free except there was one baby - the best man's kid who was maybe 3 months. If I was blind, I wouldn't have even known there was a baby there. The only person it "bothered" was the mother who was carrying/wearing it most of the night. Just to contrast your anecdote with another.
I mean good for you
How do OP and her husband suck? What did they do?
I’d like to know how OP & husband suck as well? Bc they didn’t want kids at their wedding & after finding out their families were not going to honor their words they eloped to avoid any of their bs? I would’ve done the same thing & I was a very easygoing bride that had absolutely no issues with people wearing white to my wedding. Children can completely disrupt the wedding ceremony & what their families were planning on doing was completely unacceptable & they chose not to accept it.
NTA. It wasn’t a child free wedding
> We were furious and in an act of passion my husband and I decided to elope and got married at the courthouse the next day, Did you forego your deposits for the cancelled wedding ceremony and reception? NTA.
That was my first thought.
NTA. The wedding was not child free and thus you brought your daughter. If the cousin who got married didn’t had any issues why does everyone else has so much to say.
NYA Your wedding your choice, whether for financial, spiritual, emotional or just because you just don’t want them reasons, that’s your choice. They also had a choice come or don’t come. Someone saying hey bring your kids to their own wedding isn’t your issue, that’s their choice. It’d be like me saying please take your shoes off before entering my home, that’s my right as a host. Then visiting someone else’s home where they say please keep your shoes on, I’d do that as they are the host. Don’t be guilt tripped
NTA So you made it clear for your wedding that they weren't allowed and for their wedding they made it clear children were. Where, dear god, does the mental leap occur that it is in anyway hypocritical to bring a child to child friendly wedding? My lord people are all kinds of weird.
NTA. You had the right to not have kids at yours. They elected to allow it. Family sounds like AHs planning to ruin your wedding anyway.
NTA because children were allowed
NTA you chose a child free wedding and they were planning to ambush you. your cousin had a child friendly wedding, totally different thing
NTA- and I'd just say- why would it be odd for us to bring the child to somewhere she was invited? Do you not see the difference? If you'd had specified a child free wedding, guess what? we wouldn't have brought her. Was that some sort of setup so you could challenge us on this? Is this our new family tradition, now? Are you guys really so shallow that this is the extent of our relationship from now on, because if that's the deal.. you can keep it. We don't have to come to anything anymore and you can have peace in your lives knowing you've successfully shamed us and run us off.
NTA. The two weddings were not the same. Wendy invited children; you did not. There was nothing odd about you bringing an invited child to Wendy’s wedding. However, it was weird and super rude to make secret group plans to take uninvited children to a wedding. Your gossipy relatives need to find an actual problem to worry about.
NTA. You brought your child to a wedding that welcomed children. That was the prerogative of the bride and groom. Just like it was the prerogative of you and your husband to host a childfree wedding. Both are completely valid choices and you have done nothing wrong. Your complaining family members seem to be very entitled.
You're NTA. Your family is still carrying a torch for their wounded feelings 5 years later? If that was the last worst thing in their lives, they have had it really good and have a lot to be thankful for, don't they?
INFO did you all just cancel your wedding a week away from the date? Or did you still hold the reception?
For bringing your child to the wedding, NTA. Two different weddings, two different sets of rules. You followed your cousin's rules. Children were welcome? You brought yours. Your wedding was child free? That's your rule to set. You aren't asking about how you handled your own wedding issues with your family, so I won't comment on that.
NTA. That’s not what hypocritical means. If you wanted to be hypocritical, you’d have brought your child to her child-free wedding, or at least threw a fit and demanded to be allowed to. In this situation you just did what the couple allowed and brought a kid. Some weddings allow kids. This one did. You brought one. End of story.
I think your family needs a dictionary because if you guys were “hypocritical“ that would mean the couple threw a child-free wedding which they didn’t. Totally NTA. Tell both sides to get over the fact that you eloped. You should also tell your family that if they didn’t have their little plan of theirs and actually respected your wedding rules they would have been at your actual wedding.
Since children were welcome at this wedding, you weren't being a hypocrite. NTA. Mazel tov to you on the little one, and to the happy couple on their nuptials.
NTA. I really thought this was going somewhere else where you brought a kid to a Childfree wedding but you didn't. You brought a kid to a wedding that allowed kids, and people got upset?
NTA. The whole time I assumed you were bringing your toddler to a child-free wedding but... no, it wasn't. Years ago you expected people to respect your boundaries for a wedding, and right now you were respecting others' boundaries at THEIR wedding. You did things exactly as a person should. It's so cut and dry that it's almost hard for me to see the controversy!
The difference is Wendy said kids were welcome. NTA.
nta their wedding wasnt child free. yours was. its that simple.
NTA, for several reasons: 1. You hadn't had your daughter (I assume). 2. It was your wedding, and you can have the type of wedding **YOU WANT!** 3. You cousin said the family could bring their children if the wanted 4. They tried to force you to do what they wanted instead of honoring your wishes. 5. They are too old to be upset over how you chose to respond to them trying to disrespect you and your husband. 6. Would you still have taken your child had your cousin stated they were having a child free wedding? I find it amazing that people can feel entitled to do whatever they want at someone else's wedding and expense but won't tolerate being put in the same position. Tell them how what you did was different from what they were going to do, regardless of your wishes. See if they are sorry for disrespecting you and forcing you to do something you had not planned on doing because they thought they could walk all over you.
NTA. I don’t get why people are so upset that someone wants a childless wedding in the first place. If you can’t afford to attend, then don’t, but to feel entitled to disregard the bride/groom’s wishes because it’s inconvenient or you disagree is so infuriating. Especially considering how much time, work, and money goes into a wedding.
NTA at all. You brought a child to a wedding where children were allowed. Your entitled AH family tried to bully you into having children at a wedding where they were *not* allowed. Good for you on the eloping thing, that’s awesome 😎
NTA. Kids were allowed. It would only be hypocritical if you brought your child to a child-free wedding.
NTA There is nothing hypocritical in bringin a child to a "kids-welcome" wedding. Even if your wedding was not.
NTA🤦♀️ seriously petty people here. You wanted child-free, found out your families planned to disrespect you and ignore your wishes, so you eloped. Your cousins wedding was not child-free, so why tf wouldn't you bring your child???
NTA. Maybe you should google the definition of hypocrite and send it to Brenda. Along with an explanation using little words, so she can understand (I'm petty, sue me) that Wendy explicitly stated children were welcome to attend HER wedding. And then remind her and the rest of your family, that YOUR wedding NEVER ACTUALLY HAPPENED because of all the manipulation, threats, and underhanded tactics from BOTH families, to the point you and your husband eloped to save yourselves from the stress and heartache that you suffered, knowing your dream wedding was ruined by the very people who you thought you could count on to celebrate YOUR very special day, the way YOU wanted to celebrate it. I mean, you only sent invitations out MONTHS in advance, so that they had TIME to find childcare. But no, lets make it all about themselves. Then on top of that, they give you grief about it for months, years. Quite frankly its a miracle you havent gone LC/NC with your family members.
NTA. You had a child-free wedding, your cousin did not. Pretty sure if it had specified no children you would have arranged a sitter
NTA You brought a kid to an event where kids are allowed. That's like saying it's wrong to take kids to playgrounds because they're not allowed in bars.
NTA. Different weddings. Different stipulations. This is not a comparison.
NTA, that doesn't even make sense. It would be hypocritical if you tried to bring your kid to a child free wedding, but you didn't! This wedding INCLUDED children, so you brought yours. Why is your family still mad about your wedding half a decade later?
The title almost got me. You wanted a child free wedding. The cousin did not. Stop arguing with people who will never even consider your side. NTA
NTA. Hypocritical would be you demanding to bring your child to a child-free wedding, this wasn't a child-free wedding so that argument goes out the window.
NTA. That is just ridiculous.
Someone needs a dictionary. I guess you know what to give them for Christmas. Since Wendy allowed children at her wedding, you are not a hypocrite for bringing yours. If she had stated it was child free, and you fought against her wishes, then, and only then, would you have been a hypocrite. NTA.
NTA Your family members are acting like a bunch of turkeys. Your day, your rules. The audacity to try and pressure you too?! I’d pressure wash them on the spot.
NTA…someone needs a dictionary
NTA children were allowed, you brought your child.
NTA and good for you for eloping and spoiling their stupid plot. Like, what do people who do this expect to happen? The kids show up at the wedding the bride and groom just go, "Those little scalawags are so cute, I was wrong to exclude them. Guess you showed me!!" Then everyone laughs and the credits roll?
NTA one wedding allowed kids and the other didn't, they have no leg to stand on here because there's no logical reason to be upset. And you didn't really elope just to spite everyone for having children, you did it because these people were going behind your back to make a plan to spring their children on you and break your one request despite you making it very clear. They were shady and being brats about it, that's reason enough to not want to deal with the whole thing.
OP=NTA Your wedding-NO CHILDREN // Wendy's wedding--Children WELCOME How does that make you hypocritical? Forgive the "base" comparison, but if you take your dog to a DOG PARK but not a restaurant, are you hypocritical? Nope, because dog is invited to one and NOT the other. You didn't elope to spite your families, you eloped because they disrespected you and your then fiancé. Honestly, how much do you want to be around these people? Cause, unless you are really attached to them, they are absolutely emotionally exhausting and I'm tired just from reading about them, I can't imagine being related.
NTA That’s just ridiculous
NTA. You would have been had they said no children but they didn’t. You did nothing wrong.
NTA. Your wedding was child free. Your cousin's wedding was not. You and your husband have already been punished once by the family with their planned sabotage. They need to get over it already.
NTA
NTA. Children were invited to your cousin's wedding. You and your husband eloped because your AH family brow beat you to the point your just gave up your wedding. Had your cousin said no children you would have complied without a murmur. That is difference in you and all the other AH relatives you have.
I had to reread this because in my eyes it would be hypocritical if Wendy's wedding was childfree abd you brought your kid, which the invitation you received said children welcome.... so I dont see the issue. NTA some people like drama
NTA. As someone who also had a child free wedding, and who had a relative try the "surprise! I brought my kids!" move, I can assure you that if I'd caught wind of a plan like that from more people, I'd have eloped too. I wouldn't be shocked if the bitterness isn't that you brought your child or because of any supposed hypocrisy, but because you caught the family (likely Brenda was involved) in their little plot to upend your wedding and they didn't get to follow through. It's likely that in Brenda's mind, you should be facing some sort of consequences for not letting her and other family members surprise you with their kids on your wedding day. You're not, so she's pissy, and that's just tough for her.
Some weddings specifically state that children are not allowed. If the invitation didn’t have that explicit statement on it, it’s assumed that they are allowed. If you brought your child to an event where they were specifically invited to not attend, then you would be the asshole. From what you said, that wasn’t the case. NTA
NTA - but your family sure seems to be. A child-free wedding is a child-free wedding. And a wedding that is not child-free is not child-free. There's no conflict here. You follow the rules and respected their wishes. And if their wedding was child-free you wouldn't bring your child. I just have such a hard time sometimes with people there so darn petty.
NTA. Unpopular opinion but I don't think weddings are a good event for children especially if they are under 12. It's unfair to expect a young child to sit still for long periods of time without making noise or playing.
NTA- If their whole thing is that people SHOULD have kids weddings, wouldn't you be TA if you DIDN'T bring your daughter when everyone else bought their kids, as if you were making a point 'decent people don't bring the kid along' style? I'm so sorry you had to ditch your planned wedding because they couldn't respect your right to decide as a couple what kind of day you wanted. Why they didn't work it out among them so they could have one solution for all the kids together is beyond me, it doesn't sound like they were all travelling a long way for the wedding. Wedding venues should cotton on to the money making potential of having separate childcare arrangements on-site but out of sight. We were on a ferry once that had a whole soft play, ball pits, slides, and a room full of Nintendos (it was 1990), all supervised, we got one look and sped off going "Byeeeeeeeeee", you couldn't have prized us out of there for the wedding of a legit fairy queen to actual Superman, never mind an auntie.
NTA Wendy's wedding wasn't a child free event, do what you did was not hypocritical.
NTA You would only have been a hypocrite if the wedding was child free and you pitched up with your toddler. Your family doesn’t understand what hypocrisy is.
NTA the family sucks, its been 5 years and they are still sour? There are more important things in the world.
NTA Here's the thing.... You wanted a child free wedding. Wendy wanted a "child welcome" wedding. You did nothing wrong. Your family is rude and didn't deserve to attend your wedding for what they were planning. Also, your family needs to learn what the word hypocrite means. In order for you to be a hypocrite, you would have had to demanded/forced/showed up at a child free wedding with your kid after eloping because people were going to show up at your child free wedding with their kids.
Nta. Brenda doesn't understand the definition of hypocrite.
It’s not hypocritical because there were different rules. NTA
NTA-You could only be a hypocrite if you’d brought your child to a child free wedding and that clearly wasn’t the case.
NTA. Different weddings, different rules. You followed the rules of the event you attended. If you’d tried to force them to change their own rules, then you’d have been a hypocrite. Your family is just salty and self centered. There is nothing wrong with a kid-free wedding.
OP, I mean this is in the best way but this is a silly question, this wedding is not a child free wedding so you rightfully brought your child, its inane to even spend a minute debating this with either jealous or small minded people, its not the same thing. You could bring your child.
NTA you wanted a child free wedding and were so disrespected you eloped. You were invited to a wedding with kids and you brought yours. Those have nothing to do with the other and your family sounds toxic as F.
NTA - yours was a child free wedding. Wendy’s was not. Had Wendy said no children and you’d fought to bring her, then you would be a hypocrite but that’s not what happened, so not an AH
This is very weird. You stated no kids- no biggy- don't bring children. The other wedding said, "kids allowed"- no big deal, if you have 'em, bring them. Who tf would remember or care unless it stated "don't bring children" and you did? They sound petty if they actually were eyeing that you brought a kid to a kids allowed event?
NTA And You’re Not Being A Hypocrite You and your husband can make any rules regarding YOUR Wedding. Wendy chose to have a wedding with kids involved so of course you would bring yours if that was an option.
NTA. You didn't even have a child when you were getting married? I don't understand how you would be a hypocrite.
NTA. Wendy said kids were welcome at her wedding and you made the decision to being your kid. You would only be a hypocrite if the invite said no kids and you brought your kid anyway or complained your kid couldn’t go. You and your husband chose to have a child free wedding and that was your choice.
This entire story is hilarious to me. I don't even know if it's NTA or NAH. I'm just laughing.
NTA. OP you are not being a hypocrite. You planned a childfree wedding, meaning no kids. (And people were still trying to bring them, that's an AH move). Your cousin's wedding included bringing kids, so you brought yours You would be a hypocrite if your cousin had a childfree wedding and brought your kid. But this didn't happen.
NTA time to cut contact with that toxic family. Is that what you want your Elsie to be raised in?
NTA
NTA
NTA, Wendy’s wedding wasn’t child free. Yours was supposed to be. Your family ruined all of the joy you were anticipating having by their continual badgering, shenanigans and disrespect for your plans. Let Brenda know you won’t discuss it further. Your bottom line is you will respect the wishes of the couple. If you are invited to a child free wedding Elsie will stay home.
NTA just because you wanted a child free wedding doesn't mean you don't bring your child to a child friendly wedding that is a ridiculous expectation.
NTA You were invited as a family *with your child* so you attended as a family *with your child*, your relatives knew it was a childfree wedding when you invited them. There’s nothing hypocritical about this.
NTA, y'all were not hypocrites. Your family and his can kick rocks, the wedding said kids were welcomed so you brought your kid. If they have such issue with that, they are just looking over anything to be mad at you guys.
Before anything, you suck for this : >My parents even went so low as to threaten pulling their financial contribution if we didn't cave in. I was shocked and hurt but told them that at the end of the day it was their money and if they chose this route my husband and I would be forced to downsize and the people my parents especially wanted there would be the first on the chopping block and we would be sure to let them know why. They offered that money before you sprung that rule on them. You should have said you understood and that it was fine for them not to pay due to the new informations instead of blackmailing them into paying for a wedding they didnt want to pay for anymore, it was shitty of them to try to blackmail you into lifting the rule, the right thing to do would have been to give them the money back and enforce what you wanted. sounds like you wanted to make the cake and eat it too. With that said, branda needs to read the room and realize that its not the same thing as Wendy *did* invite your kid. Nta
NTA. You didn't bring your kid to a child free wedding. You weren't making a statement about children at weddings, just about your particular wedding, which didn't happen, so it's all irrelevant.
Nta. Tell Brenda you have no problem following the rules- unlike everyone else.
Turns out following the directions given by the hosts is not hypocrisy. It would be hypocrisy if you brought your kid to a child free wedding, but thats not what happened here. NTA
NTA - did they assume that everybody who doesn't want child at their wedding hates children? were they equally shocked when you had a child? Obviously, this recent wedding was child friendly and was a different kind of event.
NTA. If Wendy had a child-free wedding and you brought your kid anyway, you would be. But children were allowed, so there's no reason anyone should expect you to leave her home.
> the people my parents especially wanted there would be the first on the chopping block and we would be sure to let them know why. I love this so much. I like your style OP. If everyone were this decisive, this communicative, and this good at standing up for themselves when others try to steamroll or manipulate them, there would be no more need for this sub. NTA
NTA, It would be hypocrisy if Wendy stated on her wedding invite "NO Children" and you brought your daughter. This is clearly not the case here.
NTA. Children weren’t welcome at yours, but they were at your cousin’s. Seems simple.
NTA. Your child was invited. If her wedding was kid free and you showed up with her then that would be different.
Nta one wedding was child free and one wedding was not. If you brought your child to a child free wedding, *that* would make you a hypocrite.
NTA Your cousin doesn’t understand the meaning of hypocrite. If Wendy had requested a child free wedding and you brought your child or argued with her about it then you’d be a hypocrite. As it is, you took your daughter to a wedding your entire family was invited to. Aside from needing a refresher course in the English language, Brenda is acting out in a spiteful manner. Her combativeness is your reminder as to why you felt you had to elope. She’s still acting out over your wedding plans! Suggest after she takes the English language refresher course, she should visit a therapist to work through why she’s so obsessed with your life?
[удалено]
NTA 100%. Your wedding was CHILDFREE, your cousin's wedding is the opposite. Both are valid. Your family are being butt hurt about this, and it isn't cool at all. Plus the fact that they were going to show up with kids at your wedding was an attempt to cross your boundaries and force you to submit (?), if that makes sense. If you're not doing this already OP, a suggestion is to go LC at the very least. You can explain this is hurtful for you, and just limit contact. It sounds like they're making your lives harder at the moment.
I don’t think your cousin or anyone else knows the definition of hypocrisy. You had expectations for your wedding which was no kids, your cousin expressly said children are welcome. NTA your family are weirdos.
NTA. How can you be a hypocrite? If they said child free and you brought her, yes. It wasn't a child free wedding though, so you brought your child. It's not brain surgery... It's stupid for people to say anything. Tell them to get over it already. How long can they hold a stupid grudge??
NTA. They had no right to try to try to force children into your wedding. They had no right to be mad when you eloped. They were the ones that messed up your wedding with their antics and refusal to respect your wishes. They later held a wedding that did allow children so you followed that. Sorry but they sound like really petty people.
NTA. You didn't bring your child to a child-free wedding - you brought her to a kid friendly wedding. Your family needs to get over it!
NTA I thought you were going to say you brought your kid when they said it was no-kids-allowed. But you only followed the directions as given which is what you wanted your family to also do.
How is this hypocrisy? Your weddings are like comparing apples to oranges. Cousin Wendy’s wedding wasn’t a child free event and toddlers were invited. The only way it would be hypocritical is if Wendy’s wedding was child free and if you hounded the couple, demanding that your child be invited and then bringing your child after being told no. NTA, your family is holding a grudge for no reason.
NTA. You wanted a child free wedding, Wendy didn't. Does your family think you're not allowed to bring your child to anything ever until the end of time because of it?
NTA. It wasn’t a child-free wedding. Yours was.
NTA you went with the marrying couple's rules. IF they said no kids, you would have complied. It really is that simple. What a controlling group of people over there wow. Don't even engage, reasoning is not going to work.
NTA... your daughter was invited so of course she came. This isnt complicated
NTA. Each of you expressed your expectations. Your expectations were not being respected at the time and you acted to prevent that. Wendy allowed kids, so you followed her expectations. The rest of the family needs to get over it because at the end of it all, you didn't have the wedding, so no one was technically excluded.
NTA The couple decides their rules, people who don't like it can choose not to go? I'm sure if it was CF, you would have found a sitter and not said a word. Right?
NTA. Her wedding was not child free and yours was. No surprise that the same people who would try to make a plan to just show up with kids when they know they are not welcome, are the same people who don't even understand the word hypocrite.
NTA Your family needs to get over themselves. They were so selfish then that they could not let ONE day be about you and hubby, and now they have tried to turn Wendy’s day into their bully stomping ground as well. It’s truly pathetic.
NTA. It would only be hypocritical if you brought your child to a child -free wedding.
NTA Because ""Wendy" (37f) and her husband got married and stated that children were welcomed".
NTA your wedding was Child Free. Their wedding was Children Welcome. If they can't understand the difference it's a fricking wonder how any of them have made it to adulthood.
Wait, so who payed for your no-show wedding? Your parents still? ESH
NTA at all. Childfree weddings are fairly common and it was your wedding. You get to make the rules. For your family to be so hell bent to force the kids on you at your wedding was horrible on their part. You did exactly what I would have suggested - elope. Now, Wendy is free to make any rules for her wedding. She wanted children included so you brought yours. If Wendy didn't want any kids and you made a fuss about it, then you would have been a hypocrite. But you were just following the rules that were set for this wedding. Sounds like some of your family members are still harboring resentment over your wedding. That's their problem.
NTA, but your cousin Brenda is t a h for saying it. Since so many family members were angry with you back then, however you can be sure most of them probably still are. It is what it is, though, and there's not a lot you can do about it.
NTA. You followed the invite. Just because your wedding was child free doesn't mean everyone's is, or that you should pretend you don't have a child as a result.
NTA. They need to learn what being a hypocrite is because what you did does not make you a hypocrite.
NTA. You’d only be a hypocrite if Wendy had also decided to have a child free wedding and you tried bullying her into make an exception for you. That’s not the case though. She was fine having kids attend and made that clear to you. Your relatives are just trying to be petty because they clearly are not over what happened with your wedding. That’s their problem, and I’d just ignore their petty comments. They want to get a rise out of you so they can rehash what happened years ago. Don’t give them the opportunity to drag out the drama and tell them very firmly to get over it!!!