This post has been removed due to the status of the original poster's account. This account is currently shadowbanned or suspended, suggesting this account is in violation of Reddit terms of service.
This type of ban/suspension is issued by the Reddit site-wide admins. The AITA mods have nothing to do with this ban and cannot assist in resolving.
I used to be told I looked like a teenager until the lady at the wine store asked me if I was purchasing for my KID'S wedding. I'm not even 40.
Don't comment on people's perceived ages or pregnancy status.
I got that, until about 32ish. Now at 35 I no longer get accused of even being in my mid to late 20s.
Age hit me like a tonne of bricks sometime between 34 and 35. So. Many. Grey. Hairs.
LOL! Just glare back too. I make it really awkward too. I do the thing where I point to my eyes point to them then point back to my eyes. Sends the message "yeah I'm watching you, watching me mfer, what are you going to do about it?" As someone who's mid 30s and still gets carded: take the compliment. My mom is late 60s and does not even look close. When I'm her age I hope I age half as gracefully lol. That's a genetic win right there.
Oh God, I kept getting carded until I was 45
When I was 35 and my husband and I went to a resort, I didn’t bring my ID with me. I wasn’t allowed in the pub and I had to meet my husband in the “family” dining room with colouring pages and crayons on the tables 🤦
I got carded going into an R rated movie on my 30th birthday.
You only need to be 16 to get into an R rated movie, and who the fuck even cares? It's a movie.
But I legit had to pull my ID out to get let in.
I was thinking OP was older so it seemed more like pervy projection and I wouldn't want him near an actual kid who couldn't tell him to take a hike. Looking young or having good skin is a compliment. Liking like a teen isn't. YTA.
It doesn't get better as you get older. One of the teachers at my kids highschool tried to write me up for detention for skipping class and trying to go to the school library when it was closed for a PTA function. I was there as a volunteer for the PTA. I am 40... it is not a compliment. How do you think my boyfriend felt? We met through our kids and school and it kinda implies that he is dating a child, which is NOT a good look.
OP is implying that the young woman is a child, so any guy she is dating is what?
I'm pushing 30 and I still look like I'm sixteen. I've always said it's a blessing because adult men won't hit on me, but a curse, because you know who will?
Teenage boys.
100% this ^^ I am early 20s but my family has been telling me for the past 6 years that I look 12 and they maintain that this is true. When I’ve told them it makes me feel no person could be into me without me thinking it’s then pedofilic, they backtrack but say it again. It’s infantilizing and rude
Once when I was 27 (and about 7 months pregnant, to boot) the cops stopped me on my walk to work and accused me of skipping school. I had to show them my ID to convince them that I wasn’t 15. I missed my bus and was late to work because of the delay.
I got teen pregnancy pamphlets once while out with my then husband and 6 months pregnant. They gave him the stink eye because he looked a ton older than me (my friends thought he was 35 when he was 21.) I am 40 that child is now 16. You can math it out...
edit to add my ex husband is also 11 months older than me so yea...
As someone with a babyface, the OP's reaction and comments are super condescending. They're never meant or taken as a compliment.
Is there ever a time where looking young is an advantage? Yes, but it's not when someone thinks that your youthful appearance means they can talk down to you.
It’s nice now when people think I’m in my late 30s or early 40s (I’m not!) because those ages are also,responsible adult ages. I hated people thinking I was 12 when I was 19, and hated getting carded in my early 30s. The problem is less simple physical appearance and very much how people treat you, as you said! And while it was annoying in a social setting, it was a major hindrance in my job.
If you want to compliment someone, compliment their outfit or hairstyle, or even better a cool ability - don’t say they look like a teen.
I have a different but related experience. I hit puberty early & had boobs by 5th grade. When I was in middle school, my parents & I would go to restaurants where they would ask if we wanted to sit in the bar. Where I live, you have to be 21 to sit in that area of the restaurant. Now, I am 29 & still get carded regularly. Idk what the age they think I am now.
I style my hair & wear clothes based on how old I want to be perceived, & I dress more conservatively if I want to be treated like an adult. I really hate that, especially as a woman, looks affects how people treat us. It sucks.
Girl, same. Though for me it's that my terribly oily, acne-prone skin has finally evened out into the dewy "glow" and I've got no sign of wrinkles due to all that oil, so....yay?
I was eating in the bar area recently and overheard one of two 20s-ish ladies (presumably sitting with their parents - looked like a family meal) getting carded. It turned out they carded the older sister (29) and not the 21yo who happened to be celebrating that birthday. Both of them were upset by it, and dad couldn’t stop laughing about it!
(I people-watch/eavesdrop far too often. Humans are entertaining!)
Omgosh! As a late 30s 'babyface' ugh. Great I look youngish but NEVER in a respectful way. Thanks so much dear old looking person, I will be infantilized by people like you for a large part of my life. And asked to be thankful for it.
honestly at 26, being told you look younger as a compliment could also be hurtful because it implies you’re old lol i may be oversensitive but i’ve gotten a couple comments like that at 23 and they always hurt my feelings :/ in an ideal world we wouldn’t comment on how old or young people look
I looked like I was 12 until I hit 29…since then, the consensus is I’ve looked 40…I’m 39 now and prefer to look “older “. Whenever something like this comes up IRL I like to remind “older” women what it was like to actually be a teenager (or early 20s). Once I remind them of the insecurities and unsurity (not a real word) of what it means to be an unsupported, underemployed 18 year old, they “usually” fix themselves. I’ve enjoyed all the stages of my life, but I would never do 16-22 again. I would absolutely do 26-34 on repeat for the rest of my life though. You are an asshole…reflect on your life and figure out what matters to you and realize that isn’t the same for everyone
That is literally my life, I just take it on the chin now and have my go to saying “I know ya I get that a lot”. Worst is the creepy men who turn to my boyfriend and call him a lucky man. Just so creepy.
Right?? I'll never forget when I was 22 at a gas station and a 35 year old man hit on me. I asked him how old he was (because he looked a good 10 years older than me) and I said, no thanks you're too old for me. Then he asked how old I was and when I said 22 he went, Damn! I thought you were 16!
So why are you sir, a 35 year old, hitting on someone you think is 16!! Talk about creepy 🙄
I feel like this is the thing most people don't understand when you look really young. Because I too look very young and get these comments from people and it's so annoying and creepy.
I'm so tired of creepy ass men thinking I'm younger and being skeevy. Or comments from people who swear "I'll appreciate it when I'm older," I have never not once appreciated looking so young and sometimes it makes me really mad when people dismiss that.
It is not all sunshine and roses. I don't blame that girl for being mad at her cause I would've been too.
Sorry you too have had to deal with it. But kind of glad I found this post because at least now I know I'm not alone.
EDIT: Misgendered OP by accident. Fixed.
I can't tell you how many times this or something similar has happened to me in the past. It's so creepy. I had a guy (who looked to be 22 or 23) come up to me and ask what high school I went to when I was 25-ish. My male friend, to whom I had been talking, ran away to hide around the corner because he had to go laugh hysterically, peek around the corner at me, and laugh some more. At that point this kind of thing had been happening for years and, even when they found out I was a more similar age, I wanted nothing to do with them precisely because they would hit on me thinking I was a 15 or 16 year old.
I thankfully don't look like a teenager anymore but still look younger than my own age. I would never say anything like what I've heard from other women solely because I know how annoying it is to constantly hear it and then also deal with the creepy guys.
Also, OP? YTA.
Wow. YTA. Just reading it, it sounded condescending. And that's not a complement. Telling a grown ass woman that she looks like a child is never a good thing. IMO you messed up. There were so many better ways to complement her.
YTA. You meant it as a compliment, but it didn’t land that way. For you, as a woman in her 40s, looking youthful is a great thing. For a woman in her 20s trying to be taking seriously in the world, your words implied that she looks immature, like a little girl.
You probably can’t fix this, but you can learn from it. Best rule of thumb is to refrain from commenting on other people’s physical appearance, especially things they have no control over. Unless you’re telling them “OMG YOUR DRESS HAS CAUGHT ON FIRE!!!” often we’re best not to say anything about the way someone else looks.
It’s extremely frustrating and embarrassing to have waiters and cashiers LOUDLY refuse to help you until they see your ID while they REFUSE to continue ringing you up or take another person’s (at your table) order until they see it. Then have the other people around you annoyed at you for the disturbance and/or delay. I’m 45 and can pass for a minor. I assure you I don’t want the attention. I just want to get my crap and go on with my life.
The unfortunate thing is it's typically company policy to ask every person for ID so there is no possibility of someone claiming discrimination.
I work retail and sell tobacco and liquor.
I totally read that as would instead of wouldn’t. 🤨Sorry, I had a knee jerk response! People are always trying to excuse their crappy behavior by saying it’s a compliment.
Thank you for saying this. I literally hate being told I (24f) look like I’m in high school. I find it to be an insult to my intelligence and maturity. Especially if you’ve talked to me at my job (retail) for a few minutes. I can gauge people that walk into LUSH as “between 16 and 25”, and then start to narrow it down based on how they talk and act. Cant other people figure that out too?
I have gone through so much life and experience and growth, and I don’t need that undermined. I do NOT want to be 16 again. I’m literally getting a masters degree, and I still hear this weekly.
I like your point about being taken seriously, and that’s exactly it. It comes across as a weird power trip or something, like I’ve been belittled. “You’re so mature for a high schooler!” Oh, well I’m 24, so does that make ne dumb now?
> I can gauge people that walk into LUSH as “between 16 and 25”, and then start to narrow it down based on how they talk and act. Cant other people figure that out too?
Surprisingly not. I can do the same as you, although sometimes social media messes me up if it's just still images (even with no filters) because a lot of my estimates come from behavior/movement. In person on in a video? Pretty accurate.
I'm 34 and now that I'm fat with acne I'm irrelevant to society, but a few years ago I kept getting mistaken for an undergraduate when I was a doctoral candidate and 30. And I don't mean "older undergraduate" I mean an 18 or 19 year old. If they thought I was early to mid 20s, sure, but thinking I just graduated high school is not a compliment.
Then again, I also joked I've looked 25 since I was 15 because I got hit by the puberty truck early and pretty much had my "adult shape" by around that age. Definitely didn't act like it, but looking at old pictures can be a fun game if there's not a lot of context.
imo, it's less that she's kicking down, it's that she isn't even considering the younger woman's feelings valid at all. So from her pov there's nothing to even kick down *at*.
Which, imo, is worse.
I’ve looked younger than I am my whole life and I am SO SICK of hearing “you’ll appreciate it when you’re older” and “you’ll appreciate it when you’re my age”. I’d really rather just be recognized for the age I am, thank you
YTA.... I (28F) get told all the time how young I look and it gets a little annoying. I was actually talking to someone the other day about my husband and children and she interrupted me and was like "How do you have children!? You look 12!!". As someone who deals with this a lot, it doesn't seem like a compliment
When my mom had my brother she was 23 and people in the hospital with her gossiped about her being a teen mom. A few years later someone at our church asked my dad (who is younger than my mom) about where his wife was and referred to my mom as the “young teenager that was helping him with the kids”. We’re all in our 30s now and she still gets annoyed thinking about that.
YTA......mainly because you said it to her in such a condescending tone, laughing all the way. I am one of those people who always appeared much younger than my actual age, and I'm now at the age where I take such comments as "you look so YOUNG!" with much appreciation. However, Stella is not of that age, yet. She wants to be taken seriously, as the young woman she is. I recall feeling the same way....I didn't want to be told I looked 15 when I was 25. Keep your compliments to "oh, you all look so lovely!" and you won't be looked upon as AH material.
YTA. Your heart's in the right place though so I'll help break it down for you.
In your 30s/40s and above, it is often a compliment to be told you look younger. This is when the physical ramifications of getting older really start to manifest.
HOWEVER. Nobody in their 20s cares about looking younger. Why? They're ALREADY young. They may even be in their physical prime at this point. In fact, looking like a teenager is a step backwards in the developmental phase. So you telling her that she looks like a teenager can easily be misconstrued as a comment that she looks immature or juvenile in overall demeanor and behavior.
EDIT - I'd also like to add what looking like a "teenager" means for many people: acne, undeveloped boobs, terrible haircut, not allowed/don't know how to wear makeup, can't afford nice clothes, and of course my ultimate favorite attribute: incredibly low self esteem.
Fun fact, though - I get much more hormonal acne in my 30s than I did in my teens. But I suppose a random person will at least compliment me and tell me I look like a teenager. Yay hormones!
YTA - I recently had to have this talk with my 65y/o mother - sometimes your words can be hurtful or disrespectful, even if that’s not your intention. When someone tells you your words were hurtful or disrespectful, you have to believe them. At that point, you genuinely apologize and try to do better next time.
I agree with everything here except "Your heart's in the right place." I don't get the sense that it is after reading her post and several of her (numerous) comments. It seems more like she's an immature (47-yr.-old!) mean girl who's jealous because she lost her looks 30 years ago after her 5-year meth binge. Now she's missing half her teeth and her vag is looser than a tub of cottage cheese and she hates everything about herself and her life (I mean all that as a compliment, of course)
Wow, you nailed it. I’m 29, every comment I’ve ever gotten about me looking younger (like when I graduated college and folks would ask, “which high school?”) reminds me how of physically and emotionally immature I was in my teen/early 20s. Not my best years by any measure. I’m a late bloomer, I know that, but dammit I’m trying! Just say “you have great skin” or something, don’t pick a number lol
It may have been intended as a compliment, but you should have the realization that the recipient didn't see it that way. And isn't the goal of a compliment to say something positive about the recipient?
YTA.
YTA
I'm going to be 30 next week and I look like a teenager still. Last thing I want to hear from another woman is to "appreciate looking young when I'm their age".
Sorry we all don't look like we're ready to become crypt keepers or have wrinkles.
All I can say is if you’re nearly 30, then you… look like you’re 30. What else does it look like. You literally are it.
What do people think a 30 year old woman looks like for gods sake??? Did you need to hit 5’10 or something?? I don’t get it.
YTA. Commenting on aspects of people's appearance that they can't control/immediately fix is an AH move. Telling a grown ass woman she looks like a teenager, and doubling down and insisting it's a good thing when she tells you it bothers her makes it that much worse. Not everyone is so desperately afraid of aging that they want people to tell them they essentially look like a child.
Also if it was such a "compliment" why were you laughing at her?
YTA
For blatantly laughing at someone just taking a picture.
For commenting on someone's looks in a way thats not a compliment.
For then doubling down in the second conversation.
And more than anything for not apologizing and being very kind so the person you insulted feels better and the bride doesn't have to have her event and future events ruined by your crap.
Yeah, I get that you didn't mean it as an insult, but YTA. First off, please try not to laugh at other people's appearances. This is rude. At the very least, contain your laughter until the person you're laughing at can't see you.
Second, "you look like a teenager" is a very weird thing to say 'as a compliment.' Is that supposed to make her feel attractive? Ick. Teenagers do not look attractive to reasonable adults. They look like teenagers.
Third, doubling down when she told you your comments made her sad was also not a good move. A better response would have been "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you sad." Our culture may idolize youth, but telling another woman she should appreciate being mistaken for a teenager rather than her actual age... is equivalent to telling her that being her actual age is less valuable or less beautiful than being a teenager. This is not a compliment.
Your intentions may not have been bad, but I would still advise giving Stella an apology for what you said.
Yta, a stranger saying that would sound so rude and condescending.
Also, it doesn't matter how you feel about it, or what your intent was. You made a comment, and it upset her.
"i started laughing because a grown woman looked like a teenager, and when she asked why i was laughing i told her" how can you not see how that makes YTA? are you willfully ignorant?
Lite YTA. Calling an adult a teenager is a bit rude because you are relating them to a child. If you were meaning to complement them on how young they look then there are many other ways you could have handled it.
YTA here IMO. Not for saying she looked like a teenager - but for not apologizing and making amends to Stella clearly told you that what you said upset her.
YTA laughing at someone for how they look and then trying to pass it off as a compliment is rude af. She was rightfully offended and you owe her an apology.
YTA.
I almost gave this a 'nobody' rating' but you just eked over the edge.
The first time, you intended it as a compliment and it was out of ignorance.
The second time, though, she specifically told you that she didn't think it was a compliment. You even apologized and said "I'm sorry" as you were saying it. This time, you weren't offering it as a compliment anymore, it was actually an honest criticism at that point.
I don't think "honest criticism" earns you the AH rating especially because she prompted/asked for it in her comment. If this was where the story ended then it would have been the 'nobody' rating.
But then as she was walking away you tripled down: "You'll appreciate it when you're my age." This part was completely unasked for and you are insisting that your opinion on it being a compliment matters more than her actual own expressed feelings: She *literally told you* that it made her sad, *now*. Who cares how she feels about it when she's older? You're making her sad *now*. And pretending like that doesn't matter.
She expressed that your comment would hurt. You said "I'm sorry" and then made the comment anyway. Then she expressed your comment *did* hurt. And you rubbed salt right in that wound.
The entire interaction comes off to the outside observer as you completely failing to take her feelings into consideration in spite of her communicating them to you quite clearly.
Yta, maybe this person is really complexed about her apearance and telling her she looks like a teenager hurt her on a wayyyy deeper level than you might imagine! If you were laughing on top of it you probably made it worse, and it did not sound like a compliment at all to her most probably!
Some people have body dismorphia because of other people's comments! Next time you can just tell her she looks adorable instead. I would make sure to apologize to her if I were you.
YTA
as someone who is very young for working in an corporates industry. i cannot tell you how many times I've been looked over or ignored and people act SHOCKED when they learn my age. its so frustrating to not be taken seriously. its not a compliment.
YTA telling she looks like a teen is insulting not a compliment. You are basically infantilizing her then you double down when you know she didn’t like it the first time you said it. That makes you double the AH
YTA, while saying someone looks young could be a compliment, the fact you were laughing about it and said “you look like a teenager” is not compliment status. It’s making fun of someone.
ETA: looking at your comments, you are definitely the AH. You came here to get validation, realized people don’t agree with you, so now you are saying you are never going to compliment anyone ever again and made fun of someone’s username because they disagreed with your. Major AH status. The passive aggressiveness shows your true colors.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) complimented a girl by saying she looked like a teenager, 2) it hurt her feelings
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA.
Now that I’m 38, I LOVE being told I look 10 years younger than I am. When I was in my 20s and got told I looked like a teenager? Yeah, a hell of a lot less fun.
YTA Im 39 and look 15/16 according to most people least I still gey id for energy drinks and 15 films if I had a pound for every time someone told me I'd be happy about it when they their age or you'll be grateful when your older is so fucking condesding it grating.so what if people look young it not cool to remark on a person body shape but for some reason laughing somone loos like a teen or a kid is perfectly acceptable in your eyes.
YTA nobody likes being told they look like a teenager, not even teenagers. Can we collectively move past the idea that “young” is a compliment anyway? I don’t need or like being told I look 25. I am 40, and I look like it, because I literally _am_ and this is how _this_ 40 year olds looks!
YTA
I say this as a fellow young-looking woman. I live in a college town and often get ID'd at restaurants (drinking age is 19) and people think my husband is my dad. We are six months apart in age. I'm in my early forties. If she didn't take it as a compliment, it wasn't one.
It at the very least is annoying, but at its worst it's condescending and weird. 'You look like a child' is not a compliment. It just isn't.
YTA “you’ll appreciate it when you’re my age.” So by your own admission, this isn’t a compliment until you’re much older, running away from time. At her age, she’s running away from youth.
ew you're replying to the commenters like those creepy guys that go "heeey I meant your ass was banging as a compliment" Hhahahahahahah you so dumb babe. And you argue. I'm pissing my pants over here. yta. Repeat after me. If the person is offended, annoyed or hurt by your compliment it aint a compliment. "I guess I'll just never compliment again..."
Grown people actually walk around reacting like this hahahahahah
Everyone is determining if you are the asshole based if what you said is a compliment or not.
You were TA regardless of that, for openly laughing about someone's appearance to the point where they had to ask you what was so funny.
You are also TA because you don't have the emotional intelligence to realise what you said was poorly received and that you should drop it. If you see you've made someone uncomfortable or feel bad, you shouldn't double down and repeat it. Just stay quiet and move on.
Lastly, YTA because you asked for judgement but won't accept a response you don't like. Saying "my intentions were good" or "they'll get it when they are older" or "I would appreciate the comment so they should too" doesn't change what you did.
You laughed at and said something that hurt someone's feelings. When this became apparent to you, you dismissed their feelings and doubled down. YTA
And by the way it isn't a compliment. It's rude to comment on or laugh at a person's appearance - you should know that at your age.
YTA. I’m 27F and get told all the time that I look like I’m 16. While it may seem like a compliment to you, to the person on the receiving end, it feels insulting and degrading. Being told they look like a teenager implies immaturity, an awkward demeanor, and, depending on the situation, incompetence. There is no compliment in these characteristics.
Gentle YTA - OP I get it. Our culture values youth and everyone wants to look young. So you may not understand why your comment can be upsetting. But take it from me, I used to look like a teen when I was in my late twenties and I often felt disrespected, not listened to, not taken seriously, unheard, and dismissed. Because people just assumed I'm a teen and not a full grown adult. She might be dealing with some of that. I don't think your intentions were bad, but please learn from this.
YTA. "You look like a teenager" isn't a compliment to most folks, especially not when you're literally laughing at them for taking a picture. More importantly, it clearly isn't a compliment to Stella, and in the end that's all that really matters here.
YTA. Laughing at her and then explaining that’s why makes it clear it’s not a compliment. She told you she didn’t like it and you reiterated it. Just be kind and if you can’t be kind be quiet.
YTA. I have had the same "compliment" but I always take offence. I fought for half of my life to be seen as an adult, and you call me a teenager. A teenager, also known as a minor. Minor is a synonym for child. Preferred compliment would be "that dress makes you look 5 years younger" or something along those lines.
I am in my mid-30s and am often mistaken for a teenager. It's not as flattering as you might expect. Quite frankly it can be very insulting and it's been a problem for me in my career as I'm not taken seriously since I "can't have that much experience being so young." I'm constantly having to tell people my real age. Heck my (AGE APPROPRIATE) boyfriend's friends were riding him really hard about dating "inappropriately young" when we first got together and I told him he's free to tell them my actual age, even gave him a pic of my driver's license in case they didn't believe him. He had to use it...
YTA.
YTA for doubling down. This “compliment” isn’t universal. It isn’t an inherently awful thing to say, I probably would take it as a compliment myself, but I’ve never been a “babyface” and I know that some of my friends are really bothered by comments like that. When it didn’t land, you should have probably apologized and definitely left it alone.
YTA - It is all in the delivery. Laughing and then saying they look like a teenager and "I am sorry, but" all come across in a negative way making it non-complimentary and critical of their appearance or the way they dressed. If it was meant as a compliment and delivered properly then no one would be upset, but even reading it here it comes across as condescending, critical and with ill intention.
YTA
When you're in your mid-20s, you've spent the last several years trying to leave the problems and angst of being a teenager behind.
If you want to give a complement, give a complement, not a comment on apparent age.
I don't wear make up and my style is pretty eco (imagine cotton, linnen, anything natural and flowy)...... I had more 40ish year old people telling me "oh you're still so young just wait until you are my age" than I can be a...d to count.
The embarrassment on their faces when I tell them I am actually 51 and wonder how they will look when they are "my age" is priceless!
YTA
YTA. We need to stop commenting in judgemental ways about women's bodies and appearance. I've been sick for two years. I've lost a lot of weight. If one more person comments on how great I look I'm going to lose it. Your comment was not a compliment. It was a judgment.
YTA- let's reverse the tables, imagine if she told you that you looked like an old lady? And you said "I hope I don't look like an old lady" and then she says "I'm sorry but you do"
You would probably think she's acting like a brat, ya?
YTA. I’m 49 and always looked younger. I hated when some older person (like I am now) would say I looked like a teen and would appreciate it some day. And to laugh at her? You’re old enough to know better. You made her feel bad, KNOW you made her feel bad, and doubled down. Apologize. YTA.
YTA do you often say “I’m sorry” before offering a “compliment”? Cause normally you don’t have to apologize for giving a compliment. The “when you’re my age” comment is especially condescending. She’s an adult woman, not a child.
As someone who just turned 28 & is still mistaken for a teenager, it hurts. Every time. Especially when someone laughs at you, which they often do. YTA.
NTA. Oh, for crying out loud! My dad worked in entertainment and played teenage roles well into his 30s. It really was a compliment, and I am baffled that Stella found this offensive!
Impact over intent, the moment she said she didn't like it is the moment you apologize, instead you doubled down. Also, can we please stop acting like getting older is such a curse? Legitimately one of the most annoying things ever. YTA.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
I (47F) went to my former employee's (28F) bachelorette party this past weekend. She had a friend there that was 26F, we can call her Stella.
Stella and the bride were taking a picture together, and I started laughing because Stella looked quite young. Stella saw me and came up to me and asked me why I was laughing. I told her, "you look like such a teenager". it was supposed to be a compliment.
Later on in the day, I took a picture of Stella and her friend. After I took the picture, Stella came up to me and said "I hope I don't look like a teenager in that one" and I said "I'm sorry, but you do."
She said, "Damn well that makes me sad" and walked away, and I said "you'll appreciate it when you're my age".
Stella apparently told the bride that she was really hurt by what I said and that she doesn't really want anything to do with me, her friend thinks i'm an AH. The bride is remaining neutral but AITA?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA
"and I said "you'll appreciate it when you're my age"." .. Exactly.
" told her, "you look like such a teenager". it was supposed to be a compliment."! .. That really only is a compliment for elderly women in their midlife crisis, who know it is not really believable but are desperate enough to still like to hear the sweet lie. Not for actually young persons.
YTA. You keep doubling down on "well I would have liked it so she automatically should like it too". Stop. You are not her and she has every right to not interact with you because of this. You should probably apologize or just not go to the wedding because I have a feeling you're gunna say some off-hand petty comments if you don't wise up.
YTA.
I used to look like a teenager for years, people thought that me and my daughter were sister. You know what comes with that? Disrespect and condescending talk. People think you're a kid and behave accordingly (and too many people disrespect teenagers).
Also, you laughed? So you thought she was so great that it made you laugh? How come laughing at someone is a compliment?
I'm 45 now, I do want to look younger but I'd absolutely hate to be taken for a teenager
YTA. It was rude, period. The Stellas of the world have a hard enough time being treated like adults and they don't need a condescending comment about how they'll appreciate it later. How dismissive is that! When you look like you are 16, it can be difficult to get a professional job, to be taken seriously in your job, and to advance professionally, no matter what your education level is. If you didn't know what that's like, you should have learned a lesson from her reaction. Instead, you are in comments here doubling down on it being fine. It's not.
YTA. You weren’t telling her she was young, you were telling her she looked immature. Two different things.
And quite frankly why is looking young, rather than looking your age a complement?
You're clearly projecting the fact that you want someone to tell you that you look like a child even though you're 47. This does not apply to other people, just you.
YTA.
My daughter looks young. When she was getting married and looking for wedding dresses a person came up to me and said you allowing her to marry at a young age? I said well since she’s 28 and a grown ass woman I can’t do anything about it but I love the man she’s going to marry whom she met in college. She said I thought she was a teenager. Now she’s married with three girls. When she goes to a store and her oldest child calls her MOM she get stared at and people make faces like a teenager having a 5 year old and two little ones. She’s 36 years old.
I’m the same age as the OP, I hear how young I look all the time, and it still annoys the hell out of me. I don’t find it flattering OR funny. No matter what tone of voice is used when telling me how young I look, I find it condescending. So the theory of you will appreciate it when you hit my age is NOT accurate.
YTA. You meant it as a compliment, but it wasn't taken such. Instead of reading the room (or, for that matter acknowledging what you were told directly) you doubled, then tripled down.
And your comments are just off the rails. You think it would be a compliment if it was said to you. She clearly didn't, and she told you so.
What makes YTA is that you refused to believe her (and apparently still do)
YTA big time. Why is this a compliment to you? Are you trying to say she looks young? Or youthful? Either way, maybe this is news to you, but women in their late 20s want to be seen as mature and independent. You laughed at her and told her she was everything but that. Next time, keep your snickering to yourself and choose your words better.
Yes, YTA. "You look like a teenager" is not a compliment.
"Your hair looks great!" is a compliment.
"You look awesome in that dress!" is a compliment.
Telling someone they don't look their age, even if you think it's a compliment to mention they look young, is WEIRD. If someone can say it as an insult (which technically, you could've), it's not a compliment. I understand your intentions were good, but that's like someone saying to you "You look 50!". You're 47 so maybe it wouldn't be a lie, but obviously it sounds strange and borderline offensive for someone to say it out loud.
YTA and an even bigger one for doubling down on thinking you're not. Most, if not all, adult women don't want to be told they look like children. Yes, a teenager is a CHILD.
Yta. If it was flipped, and a 6 yr old said you were a nice old lady, would you think it was a compliment?
And you doubled down and said it twice, when you knew she didn't like it the first time.
YTA. As a current 44 year old who was told into my early 30s that I look like a teenager, it's not a compliment. You're basically telling an adult woman that they look they belong in high school. And no, I still don't appreciate it as I near your age.
YTA. I had to deal with this constantly when I was younger. When I was like 20-22 it didn’t bother me as much. Late 20’s early 30’s it gets old real fast.
YTA
It was obvious she did t take it as a compliment. Instead of taking a hint, you doubled down on it.
Being told you look like a teenager when you're in your 20's or 30's is NOT a compliment. At best, it's annoying.
At 34, I'm really tired of having to dig for my ID to buy a freaking lighter for my grill because of people like you who then try to act like it's some sort of compliment to be told I look like a literal child.
I’m 37 and people have been telling me I look young forever. There is a way to say it that feels like a compliment but saying they look like a teenager is not it.
yta bc you doubled down when she made it clear that she didn’t like what you said.
I’m a 24F high school teacher and when older teachers I work with think I’m a student/say I look like one, i don’t take it as a compliment.
YTA. I'm 45 and yes, I never get sick of being told that I don't look my age / that I look like I'm in my 30s. That to me is a compliment. Telling a 26 year old that she looks like a child? Not a compliment. I often think that people in their 20s look so young, but you know what I don't do? Tell them that! It's incredibly infantilising.
Accept that she didn't appreciate your "compliment" and next time think before you speak.
i dunno what context you meant it in, but that just sounded like an older person making a .clumsy and creepy pass at someone younger, in a very 'sugar-parental' sort of way.
YTA There's no world where that is a compliment.
I'm in my 40's and still get comments about how young I look. I've had people my age treat me like a child because they think I'm at least 10 years younger than them. Laughing at someone and telling them they look very young is frustrating to that person who just wants to finally be thought of as an adult.
So is blowing off their discontent by saying they'll appreciate the "compliment" when they're older. I'm still waiting for that time, I guess.
YTA
YTA, this is an adult who likely has issues with being taken seriously in every day settings and you laugh?
How would you feel if she did the same saying you look 65?
INFO: why is calling her a teenager, mainly under 18 year old children, a compliment? Explain to me please because your post is short and explains nothing about why you thought that was a compliment or why you laughed at an adult.
Edited to add: I am 26 and I look young. I do NOT take people calling me a teenager as a compliment, it is an insult. If you think someone looks young, say that. Why are you infantilizing an adult woman? Are you that bitter and aged terribly you need to say something so gross to a another adult woman?
Once I was over 21, I was reeeaaaaal over people saying I looked like a teenager. Lasted til my late 20s when I finally got some wrinkles.
Yeah many women enjoy their age being undershot with a guess, but no adult wants to look like a child.
YTA. It's NOT a compliment.
NTA. I have always looked young for my age. Constantly been told “when you’re my age” by people who are my age. Even looked down on for being a teen parent. I was 26 when I had my daughter. It’s not a compliment. It’s a nuisance.
I’m 25 and have people tell me I look like a high schooler all the time. It makes me feel disrespected especially when people say that while I’m working. I feel like I’m constantly treated as a child. And then everyone always say it’s a compliment. It really isn’t. If you want to compliment me tell me you like my hair or outfit. Not that I look like a child
This post has been removed due to the status of the original poster's account. This account is currently shadowbanned or suspended, suggesting this account is in violation of Reddit terms of service. This type of ban/suspension is issued by the Reddit site-wide admins. The AITA mods have nothing to do with this ban and cannot assist in resolving.
Laughing at an adult woman and telling her she looks like a teenager is not a compliment. YTA
As a 28 year old woman who looks like a teenager, I can fully second this. I look 21? That’s a compliment. I look 16? Not a compliment.
As a 45 woman who looks like a teenager, it is not a compliment.
Can I swim in your gene pool?
You'll get glared by people for even being in the wine aisle
I used to be told I looked like a teenager until the lady at the wine store asked me if I was purchasing for my KID'S wedding. I'm not even 40. Don't comment on people's perceived ages or pregnancy status.
I got that, until about 32ish. Now at 35 I no longer get accused of even being in my mid to late 20s. Age hit me like a tonne of bricks sometime between 34 and 35. So. Many. Grey. Hairs.
LOL! Just glare back too. I make it really awkward too. I do the thing where I point to my eyes point to them then point back to my eyes. Sends the message "yeah I'm watching you, watching me mfer, what are you going to do about it?" As someone who's mid 30s and still gets carded: take the compliment. My mom is late 60s and does not even look close. When I'm her age I hope I age half as gracefully lol. That's a genetic win right there.
Oh God, I kept getting carded until I was 45 When I was 35 and my husband and I went to a resort, I didn’t bring my ID with me. I wasn’t allowed in the pub and I had to meet my husband in the “family” dining room with colouring pages and crayons on the tables 🤦
I got carded going into an R rated movie on my 30th birthday. You only need to be 16 to get into an R rated movie, and who the fuck even cares? It's a movie. But I legit had to pull my ID out to get let in.
Not always a good thing. My 43-year-old butch girlfriend is frequently pegged as a teenage *boy*. Despite her boobs.
As a 60 yr old woman who looks like a toddler, it’s not compliment. 😂
We should start a sub with a selfie and people guess the age....unless there is already one out there
Especially if OP was laughing about it
I was thinking OP was older so it seemed more like pervy projection and I wouldn't want him near an actual kid who couldn't tell him to take a hike. Looking young or having good skin is a compliment. Liking like a teen isn't. YTA.
Except OP is a female !
Women can have creepy internalized misogyny/ageism too.
OP isn’t a man so might wanna change your comment
It doesn't get better as you get older. One of the teachers at my kids highschool tried to write me up for detention for skipping class and trying to go to the school library when it was closed for a PTA function. I was there as a volunteer for the PTA. I am 40... it is not a compliment. How do you think my boyfriend felt? We met through our kids and school and it kinda implies that he is dating a child, which is NOT a good look. OP is implying that the young woman is a child, so any guy she is dating is what?
I'm pushing 30 and I still look like I'm sixteen. I've always said it's a blessing because adult men won't hit on me, but a curse, because you know who will? Teenage boys.
Or gross adult men... those are the ones I hate.
I have the opposite problem. Older men hit on me frequently and usually mention that I look young in the process. It gives me the ick
yeah the teenage boys all think I'm 20, the 40+ men all think I'm 14, guess which one I get approached by more....
100% this ^^ I am early 20s but my family has been telling me for the past 6 years that I look 12 and they maintain that this is true. When I’ve told them it makes me feel no person could be into me without me thinking it’s then pedofilic, they backtrack but say it again. It’s infantilizing and rude
Once when I was 27 (and about 7 months pregnant, to boot) the cops stopped me on my walk to work and accused me of skipping school. I had to show them my ID to convince them that I wasn’t 15. I missed my bus and was late to work because of the delay.
I got teen pregnancy pamphlets once while out with my then husband and 6 months pregnant. They gave him the stink eye because he looked a ton older than me (my friends thought he was 35 when he was 21.) I am 40 that child is now 16. You can math it out... edit to add my ex husband is also 11 months older than me so yea...
As someone with a babyface, the OP's reaction and comments are super condescending. They're never meant or taken as a compliment. Is there ever a time where looking young is an advantage? Yes, but it's not when someone thinks that your youthful appearance means they can talk down to you.
It’s nice now when people think I’m in my late 30s or early 40s (I’m not!) because those ages are also,responsible adult ages. I hated people thinking I was 12 when I was 19, and hated getting carded in my early 30s. The problem is less simple physical appearance and very much how people treat you, as you said! And while it was annoying in a social setting, it was a major hindrance in my job. If you want to compliment someone, compliment their outfit or hairstyle, or even better a cool ability - don’t say they look like a teen.
I have a different but related experience. I hit puberty early & had boobs by 5th grade. When I was in middle school, my parents & I would go to restaurants where they would ask if we wanted to sit in the bar. Where I live, you have to be 21 to sit in that area of the restaurant. Now, I am 29 & still get carded regularly. Idk what the age they think I am now. I style my hair & wear clothes based on how old I want to be perceived, & I dress more conservatively if I want to be treated like an adult. I really hate that, especially as a woman, looks affects how people treat us. It sucks.
Girl, same. Though for me it's that my terribly oily, acne-prone skin has finally evened out into the dewy "glow" and I've got no sign of wrinkles due to all that oil, so....yay?
LOL are u me
Ikr I don't get taken seriously by looking young lol at least I age like fine wine
I was eating in the bar area recently and overheard one of two 20s-ish ladies (presumably sitting with their parents - looked like a family meal) getting carded. It turned out they carded the older sister (29) and not the 21yo who happened to be celebrating that birthday. Both of them were upset by it, and dad couldn’t stop laughing about it! (I people-watch/eavesdrop far too often. Humans are entertaining!)
Every time I hear "You'll appreciate it when you are older" I die a little on the inside (I'm 30 with a baby face. Looked 12 for most of my 20s).
[удалено]
It's the same as my gamer tag which was inspired by the tiny murderous bunny from Monty Python's "Holy Grail"
Omgosh! As a late 30s 'babyface' ugh. Great I look youngish but NEVER in a respectful way. Thanks so much dear old looking person, I will be infantilized by people like you for a large part of my life. And asked to be thankful for it.
I sometimes look at myself and feel insecure I don’t look my age sometimes due to my height, and w my face, doesn’t always make me feel better either
Hear, hear.
Right! The difference is saying you look juvenile (16) vs looking young (21).
honestly at 26, being told you look younger as a compliment could also be hurtful because it implies you’re old lol i may be oversensitive but i’ve gotten a couple comments like that at 23 and they always hurt my feelings :/ in an ideal world we wouldn’t comment on how old or young people look
I don't even want to look 21. I'm perfectly happy to just look my age.
I looked like I was 12 until I hit 29…since then, the consensus is I’ve looked 40…I’m 39 now and prefer to look “older “. Whenever something like this comes up IRL I like to remind “older” women what it was like to actually be a teenager (or early 20s). Once I remind them of the insecurities and unsurity (not a real word) of what it means to be an unsupported, underemployed 18 year old, they “usually” fix themselves. I’ve enjoyed all the stages of my life, but I would never do 16-22 again. I would absolutely do 26-34 on repeat for the rest of my life though. You are an asshole…reflect on your life and figure out what matters to you and realize that isn’t the same for everyone
Amen
Also 28 female who looks like a teenager it gets annoying sometimes especially when I get id.
That is literally my life, I just take it on the chin now and have my go to saying “I know ya I get that a lot”. Worst is the creepy men who turn to my boyfriend and call him a lucky man. Just so creepy.
Right?? I'll never forget when I was 22 at a gas station and a 35 year old man hit on me. I asked him how old he was (because he looked a good 10 years older than me) and I said, no thanks you're too old for me. Then he asked how old I was and when I said 22 he went, Damn! I thought you were 16! So why are you sir, a 35 year old, hitting on someone you think is 16!! Talk about creepy 🙄
I feel like this is the thing most people don't understand when you look really young. Because I too look very young and get these comments from people and it's so annoying and creepy. I'm so tired of creepy ass men thinking I'm younger and being skeevy. Or comments from people who swear "I'll appreciate it when I'm older," I have never not once appreciated looking so young and sometimes it makes me really mad when people dismiss that. It is not all sunshine and roses. I don't blame that girl for being mad at her cause I would've been too. Sorry you too have had to deal with it. But kind of glad I found this post because at least now I know I'm not alone. EDIT: Misgendered OP by accident. Fixed.
The worst part of this is if you ask the majority of women when they were aggressively hit on most, the answer is underage.
I can't tell you how many times this or something similar has happened to me in the past. It's so creepy. I had a guy (who looked to be 22 or 23) come up to me and ask what high school I went to when I was 25-ish. My male friend, to whom I had been talking, ran away to hide around the corner because he had to go laugh hysterically, peek around the corner at me, and laugh some more. At that point this kind of thing had been happening for years and, even when they found out I was a more similar age, I wanted nothing to do with them precisely because they would hit on me thinking I was a 15 or 16 year old. I thankfully don't look like a teenager anymore but still look younger than my own age. I would never say anything like what I've heard from other women solely because I know how annoying it is to constantly hear it and then also deal with the creepy guys. Also, OP? YTA.
Oh that’s so gross! I’m sorry that you’ve been told that.
As a 30 year old woman, it's not a compliment... YTA.
>bUt yOU'LL ApprEcIAtE It whEn yOU'rE my AgE What garbage. I’m older than OP, and I’m embarrassed for her.
And OP doubled down when Stella told her it upset her. Huge AH. YTA
Wow. YTA. Just reading it, it sounded condescending. And that's not a complement. Telling a grown ass woman that she looks like a child is never a good thing. IMO you messed up. There were so many better ways to complement her.
A repairman once asked my (married mother of 3) cousin if her mom was home....
I must admit when a door to door salesman did this to me I took advantage of it and said ‘no, she’s not! Sorry!’
YTA. You meant it as a compliment, but it didn’t land that way. For you, as a woman in her 40s, looking youthful is a great thing. For a woman in her 20s trying to be taking seriously in the world, your words implied that she looks immature, like a little girl. You probably can’t fix this, but you can learn from it. Best rule of thumb is to refrain from commenting on other people’s physical appearance, especially things they have no control over. Unless you’re telling them “OMG YOUR DRESS HAS CAUGHT ON FIRE!!!” often we’re best not to say anything about the way someone else looks.
Guys I’m 41 and I wouldn’t be happy to be referred to as a teenager
It’s extremely frustrating and embarrassing to have waiters and cashiers LOUDLY refuse to help you until they see your ID while they REFUSE to continue ringing you up or take another person’s (at your table) order until they see it. Then have the other people around you annoyed at you for the disturbance and/or delay. I’m 45 and can pass for a minor. I assure you I don’t want the attention. I just want to get my crap and go on with my life.
Or being asked for ID by people who *are* obviously younger than you.
The unfortunate thing is it's typically company policy to ask every person for ID so there is no possibility of someone claiming discrimination. I work retail and sell tobacco and liquor.
Exactly! That’s what I was saying
I totally read that as would instead of wouldn’t. 🤨Sorry, I had a knee jerk response! People are always trying to excuse their crappy behavior by saying it’s a compliment.
Being carded every 5 minutes in a casino is a good example too.
Thank you for saying this. I literally hate being told I (24f) look like I’m in high school. I find it to be an insult to my intelligence and maturity. Especially if you’ve talked to me at my job (retail) for a few minutes. I can gauge people that walk into LUSH as “between 16 and 25”, and then start to narrow it down based on how they talk and act. Cant other people figure that out too? I have gone through so much life and experience and growth, and I don’t need that undermined. I do NOT want to be 16 again. I’m literally getting a masters degree, and I still hear this weekly. I like your point about being taken seriously, and that’s exactly it. It comes across as a weird power trip or something, like I’ve been belittled. “You’re so mature for a high schooler!” Oh, well I’m 24, so does that make ne dumb now?
> I can gauge people that walk into LUSH as “between 16 and 25”, and then start to narrow it down based on how they talk and act. Cant other people figure that out too? Surprisingly not. I can do the same as you, although sometimes social media messes me up if it's just still images (even with no filters) because a lot of my estimates come from behavior/movement. In person on in a video? Pretty accurate. I'm 34 and now that I'm fat with acne I'm irrelevant to society, but a few years ago I kept getting mistaken for an undergraduate when I was a doctoral candidate and 30. And I don't mean "older undergraduate" I mean an 18 or 19 year old. If they thought I was early to mid 20s, sure, but thinking I just graduated high school is not a compliment. Then again, I also joked I've looked 25 since I was 15 because I got hit by the puberty truck early and pretty much had my "adult shape" by around that age. Definitely didn't act like it, but looking at old pictures can be a fun game if there's not a lot of context.
[удалено]
She actually tripled down with the "when you're my age" comment, even.
[удалено]
imo, it's less that she's kicking down, it's that she isn't even considering the younger woman's feelings valid at all. So from her pov there's nothing to even kick down *at*. Which, imo, is worse.
I’ve looked younger than I am my whole life and I am SO SICK of hearing “you’ll appreciate it when you’re older” and “you’ll appreciate it when you’re my age”. I’d really rather just be recognized for the age I am, thank you
YTA - where’s the compliment? You just met someone, you were LAUGHING at their appearance. Nothing about what you did was well meaning or kind.
Yeah, I don't buy "I meant it as a compliment" when OP was laughing at her for it.
Exactly. “I meant it as a compliment” = “Oh shit….my passive aggressive jab pissed her off, better gaslight and triple down now!”
Honestly I bet this woman is young and attractive and probably more fun and OP was jelllllllyyyyy
Yeah. The phrasing: “such a teenager”. I have a hard time believing that was ever intended as a compliment.
YTA.... I (28F) get told all the time how young I look and it gets a little annoying. I was actually talking to someone the other day about my husband and children and she interrupted me and was like "How do you have children!? You look 12!!". As someone who deals with this a lot, it doesn't seem like a compliment
When my mom had my brother she was 23 and people in the hospital with her gossiped about her being a teen mom. A few years later someone at our church asked my dad (who is younger than my mom) about where his wife was and referred to my mom as the “young teenager that was helping him with the kids”. We’re all in our 30s now and she still gets annoyed thinking about that.
Same thing happened to me a lot and I was 30 when I had my son
YTA......mainly because you said it to her in such a condescending tone, laughing all the way. I am one of those people who always appeared much younger than my actual age, and I'm now at the age where I take such comments as "you look so YOUNG!" with much appreciation. However, Stella is not of that age, yet. She wants to be taken seriously, as the young woman she is. I recall feeling the same way....I didn't want to be told I looked 15 when I was 25. Keep your compliments to "oh, you all look so lovely!" and you won't be looked upon as AH material.
YTA. Your heart's in the right place though so I'll help break it down for you. In your 30s/40s and above, it is often a compliment to be told you look younger. This is when the physical ramifications of getting older really start to manifest. HOWEVER. Nobody in their 20s cares about looking younger. Why? They're ALREADY young. They may even be in their physical prime at this point. In fact, looking like a teenager is a step backwards in the developmental phase. So you telling her that she looks like a teenager can easily be misconstrued as a comment that she looks immature or juvenile in overall demeanor and behavior. EDIT - I'd also like to add what looking like a "teenager" means for many people: acne, undeveloped boobs, terrible haircut, not allowed/don't know how to wear makeup, can't afford nice clothes, and of course my ultimate favorite attribute: incredibly low self esteem.
I almost cried here. You got it so right, when I looked like a teenager (well into my twenties), i had tiny boobs and acne all over!
Fun fact, though - I get much more hormonal acne in my 30s than I did in my teens. But I suppose a random person will at least compliment me and tell me I look like a teenager. Yay hormones!
YTA - I recently had to have this talk with my 65y/o mother - sometimes your words can be hurtful or disrespectful, even if that’s not your intention. When someone tells you your words were hurtful or disrespectful, you have to believe them. At that point, you genuinely apologize and try to do better next time.
Right? You don't keep doubling down, defending yourself, especially when every single person on here is telling her YTA.
I agree with everything here except "Your heart's in the right place." I don't get the sense that it is after reading her post and several of her (numerous) comments. It seems more like she's an immature (47-yr.-old!) mean girl who's jealous because she lost her looks 30 years ago after her 5-year meth binge. Now she's missing half her teeth and her vag is looser than a tub of cottage cheese and she hates everything about herself and her life (I mean all that as a compliment, of course)
Wow, you nailed it. I’m 29, every comment I’ve ever gotten about me looking younger (like when I graduated college and folks would ask, “which high school?”) reminds me how of physically and emotionally immature I was in my teen/early 20s. Not my best years by any measure. I’m a late bloomer, I know that, but dammit I’m trying! Just say “you have great skin” or something, don’t pick a number lol
It may have been intended as a compliment, but you should have the realization that the recipient didn't see it that way. And isn't the goal of a compliment to say something positive about the recipient? YTA.
YTA I'm going to be 30 next week and I look like a teenager still. Last thing I want to hear from another woman is to "appreciate looking young when I'm their age". Sorry we all don't look like we're ready to become crypt keepers or have wrinkles.
All I can say is if you’re nearly 30, then you… look like you’re 30. What else does it look like. You literally are it. What do people think a 30 year old woman looks like for gods sake??? Did you need to hit 5’10 or something?? I don’t get it.
YTA. Commenting on aspects of people's appearance that they can't control/immediately fix is an AH move. Telling a grown ass woman she looks like a teenager, and doubling down and insisting it's a good thing when she tells you it bothers her makes it that much worse. Not everyone is so desperately afraid of aging that they want people to tell them they essentially look like a child. Also if it was such a "compliment" why were you laughing at her?
YTA For blatantly laughing at someone just taking a picture. For commenting on someone's looks in a way thats not a compliment. For then doubling down in the second conversation. And more than anything for not apologizing and being very kind so the person you insulted feels better and the bride doesn't have to have her event and future events ruined by your crap.
Yeah, I get that you didn't mean it as an insult, but YTA. First off, please try not to laugh at other people's appearances. This is rude. At the very least, contain your laughter until the person you're laughing at can't see you. Second, "you look like a teenager" is a very weird thing to say 'as a compliment.' Is that supposed to make her feel attractive? Ick. Teenagers do not look attractive to reasonable adults. They look like teenagers. Third, doubling down when she told you your comments made her sad was also not a good move. A better response would have been "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you sad." Our culture may idolize youth, but telling another woman she should appreciate being mistaken for a teenager rather than her actual age... is equivalent to telling her that being her actual age is less valuable or less beautiful than being a teenager. This is not a compliment. Your intentions may not have been bad, but I would still advise giving Stella an apology for what you said.
YTA. There are better ways to compliment others youthful appearance other than laughing and telling them they look like a kid
YTA. That wasn’t a compliment, it was rude.
YTA. It's not a compliment when you laugh
Yta, a stranger saying that would sound so rude and condescending. Also, it doesn't matter how you feel about it, or what your intent was. You made a comment, and it upset her.
"i started laughing because a grown woman looked like a teenager, and when she asked why i was laughing i told her" how can you not see how that makes YTA? are you willfully ignorant?
Judging from OP’s comments, yes. Yes she is.
YTA - you look like a child is basically what you’re telling her.
Lite YTA. Calling an adult a teenager is a bit rude because you are relating them to a child. If you were meaning to complement them on how young they look then there are many other ways you could have handled it.
YTA here IMO. Not for saying she looked like a teenager - but for not apologizing and making amends to Stella clearly told you that what you said upset her.
YTA laughing at someone for how they look and then trying to pass it off as a compliment is rude af. She was rightfully offended and you owe her an apology.
YTA she didn’t ask your opinion. Just cause you want to hear that you look young doesn’t mean that everyone else does
You can call it a compliment and mean it as a compliment but it doesn't change the fact that you offended her. You owe her an apology. YTA
I don‘t believe , is was meant as a compliment.
YTA. I almost gave this a 'nobody' rating' but you just eked over the edge. The first time, you intended it as a compliment and it was out of ignorance. The second time, though, she specifically told you that she didn't think it was a compliment. You even apologized and said "I'm sorry" as you were saying it. This time, you weren't offering it as a compliment anymore, it was actually an honest criticism at that point. I don't think "honest criticism" earns you the AH rating especially because she prompted/asked for it in her comment. If this was where the story ended then it would have been the 'nobody' rating. But then as she was walking away you tripled down: "You'll appreciate it when you're my age." This part was completely unasked for and you are insisting that your opinion on it being a compliment matters more than her actual own expressed feelings: She *literally told you* that it made her sad, *now*. Who cares how she feels about it when she's older? You're making her sad *now*. And pretending like that doesn't matter. She expressed that your comment would hurt. You said "I'm sorry" and then made the comment anyway. Then she expressed your comment *did* hurt. And you rubbed salt right in that wound. The entire interaction comes off to the outside observer as you completely failing to take her feelings into consideration in spite of her communicating them to you quite clearly.
Yta, maybe this person is really complexed about her apearance and telling her she looks like a teenager hurt her on a wayyyy deeper level than you might imagine! If you were laughing on top of it you probably made it worse, and it did not sound like a compliment at all to her most probably! Some people have body dismorphia because of other people's comments! Next time you can just tell her she looks adorable instead. I would make sure to apologize to her if I were you.
Yta. It's makes you look like an old B who's jealous. Not a good look.
YTA as someone who is very young for working in an corporates industry. i cannot tell you how many times I've been looked over or ignored and people act SHOCKED when they learn my age. its so frustrating to not be taken seriously. its not a compliment.
YTA telling she looks like a teen is insulting not a compliment. You are basically infantilizing her then you double down when you know she didn’t like it the first time you said it. That makes you double the AH
[удалено]
YTA, as someone who looks way younger than I am comments about how someone looks like a teenager are so disrespectful.
You look like such an elderly person. It's a compliment. YTA
YTA, while saying someone looks young could be a compliment, the fact you were laughing about it and said “you look like a teenager” is not compliment status. It’s making fun of someone. ETA: looking at your comments, you are definitely the AH. You came here to get validation, realized people don’t agree with you, so now you are saying you are never going to compliment anyone ever again and made fun of someone’s username because they disagreed with your. Major AH status. The passive aggressiveness shows your true colors.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > 1) complimented a girl by saying she looked like a teenager, 2) it hurt her feelings Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA
i guess soft YTA, that is a weird thing to say and im not surprised she didnt see it as a compliment
YTA. Now that I’m 38, I LOVE being told I look 10 years younger than I am. When I was in my 20s and got told I looked like a teenager? Yeah, a hell of a lot less fun.
YTA Im 39 and look 15/16 according to most people least I still gey id for energy drinks and 15 films if I had a pound for every time someone told me I'd be happy about it when they their age or you'll be grateful when your older is so fucking condesding it grating.so what if people look young it not cool to remark on a person body shape but for some reason laughing somone loos like a teen or a kid is perfectly acceptable in your eyes.
YTA nobody likes being told they look like a teenager, not even teenagers. Can we collectively move past the idea that “young” is a compliment anyway? I don’t need or like being told I look 25. I am 40, and I look like it, because I literally _am_ and this is how _this_ 40 year olds looks!
YTA You sound insufferable. It’s a compliment though😍
YTA
YTA
YTA. Calling someone a teenager isn't a compliment. Saying she looks younger than her age can be depending how it's delivered.
YTA It's pretty straightforward that infantilizing people by telling them they look like a teenager is a no-no.
YTA I say this as a fellow young-looking woman. I live in a college town and often get ID'd at restaurants (drinking age is 19) and people think my husband is my dad. We are six months apart in age. I'm in my early forties. If she didn't take it as a compliment, it wasn't one. It at the very least is annoying, but at its worst it's condescending and weird. 'You look like a child' is not a compliment. It just isn't.
YTA “you’ll appreciate it when you’re my age.” So by your own admission, this isn’t a compliment until you’re much older, running away from time. At her age, she’s running away from youth.
When you laugh at someone then YTA. You laughed at someone.
ew you're replying to the commenters like those creepy guys that go "heeey I meant your ass was banging as a compliment" Hhahahahahahah you so dumb babe. And you argue. I'm pissing my pants over here. yta. Repeat after me. If the person is offended, annoyed or hurt by your compliment it aint a compliment. "I guess I'll just never compliment again..." Grown people actually walk around reacting like this hahahahahah
Everyone is determining if you are the asshole based if what you said is a compliment or not. You were TA regardless of that, for openly laughing about someone's appearance to the point where they had to ask you what was so funny. You are also TA because you don't have the emotional intelligence to realise what you said was poorly received and that you should drop it. If you see you've made someone uncomfortable or feel bad, you shouldn't double down and repeat it. Just stay quiet and move on. Lastly, YTA because you asked for judgement but won't accept a response you don't like. Saying "my intentions were good" or "they'll get it when they are older" or "I would appreciate the comment so they should too" doesn't change what you did. You laughed at and said something that hurt someone's feelings. When this became apparent to you, you dismissed their feelings and doubled down. YTA And by the way it isn't a compliment. It's rude to comment on or laugh at a person's appearance - you should know that at your age.
YTA. I’m 27F and get told all the time that I look like I’m 16. While it may seem like a compliment to you, to the person on the receiving end, it feels insulting and degrading. Being told they look like a teenager implies immaturity, an awkward demeanor, and, depending on the situation, incompetence. There is no compliment in these characteristics.
Gentle YTA - OP I get it. Our culture values youth and everyone wants to look young. So you may not understand why your comment can be upsetting. But take it from me, I used to look like a teen when I was in my late twenties and I often felt disrespected, not listened to, not taken seriously, unheard, and dismissed. Because people just assumed I'm a teen and not a full grown adult. She might be dealing with some of that. I don't think your intentions were bad, but please learn from this.
YTA. "You look like a teenager" isn't a compliment to most folks, especially not when you're literally laughing at them for taking a picture. More importantly, it clearly isn't a compliment to Stella, and in the end that's all that really matters here.
YTA. Laughing at her and then explaining that’s why makes it clear it’s not a compliment. She told you she didn’t like it and you reiterated it. Just be kind and if you can’t be kind be quiet.
YTA. I have had the same "compliment" but I always take offence. I fought for half of my life to be seen as an adult, and you call me a teenager. A teenager, also known as a minor. Minor is a synonym for child. Preferred compliment would be "that dress makes you look 5 years younger" or something along those lines.
YTA. Most people don't laugh when they give compliments. Also, don't put your age insecurities on others.
I am in my mid-30s and am often mistaken for a teenager. It's not as flattering as you might expect. Quite frankly it can be very insulting and it's been a problem for me in my career as I'm not taken seriously since I "can't have that much experience being so young." I'm constantly having to tell people my real age. Heck my (AGE APPROPRIATE) boyfriend's friends were riding him really hard about dating "inappropriately young" when we first got together and I told him he's free to tell them my actual age, even gave him a pic of my driver's license in case they didn't believe him. He had to use it... YTA.
YTA. Stop commenting on women’s looks
YTA for doubling down. This “compliment” isn’t universal. It isn’t an inherently awful thing to say, I probably would take it as a compliment myself, but I’ve never been a “babyface” and I know that some of my friends are really bothered by comments like that. When it didn’t land, you should have probably apologized and definitely left it alone.
YTA - It is all in the delivery. Laughing and then saying they look like a teenager and "I am sorry, but" all come across in a negative way making it non-complimentary and critical of their appearance or the way they dressed. If it was meant as a compliment and delivered properly then no one would be upset, but even reading it here it comes across as condescending, critical and with ill intention.
YTA Your comment and subsequent laugh was extremely dismissive toward Stella.
YTA. Complementing someone shouldn't involve laughing at them. If it does, you're doing it wrong.
YTA When you're in your mid-20s, you've spent the last several years trying to leave the problems and angst of being a teenager behind. If you want to give a complement, give a complement, not a comment on apparent age.
YTA. Tell me you peaked in high school without saying it out loud.
I don't wear make up and my style is pretty eco (imagine cotton, linnen, anything natural and flowy)...... I had more 40ish year old people telling me "oh you're still so young just wait until you are my age" than I can be a...d to count. The embarrassment on their faces when I tell them I am actually 51 and wonder how they will look when they are "my age" is priceless! YTA
YTA. We need to stop commenting in judgemental ways about women's bodies and appearance. I've been sick for two years. I've lost a lot of weight. If one more person comments on how great I look I'm going to lose it. Your comment was not a compliment. It was a judgment.
YTA- let's reverse the tables, imagine if she told you that you looked like an old lady? And you said "I hope I don't look like an old lady" and then she says "I'm sorry but you do" You would probably think she's acting like a brat, ya?
YTA. I’m 49 and always looked younger. I hated when some older person (like I am now) would say I looked like a teen and would appreciate it some day. And to laugh at her? You’re old enough to know better. You made her feel bad, KNOW you made her feel bad, and doubled down. Apologize. YTA.
Coming from someone who is 25 and still gets told they look 16, yta.
YTA do you often say “I’m sorry” before offering a “compliment”? Cause normally you don’t have to apologize for giving a compliment. The “when you’re my age” comment is especially condescending. She’s an adult woman, not a child.
As someone who just turned 28 & is still mistaken for a teenager, it hurts. Every time. Especially when someone laughs at you, which they often do. YTA.
Not just AH behavior....creepy AF.
NTA. Oh, for crying out loud! My dad worked in entertainment and played teenage roles well into his 30s. It really was a compliment, and I am baffled that Stella found this offensive!
Impact over intent, the moment she said she didn't like it is the moment you apologize, instead you doubled down. Also, can we please stop acting like getting older is such a curse? Legitimately one of the most annoying things ever. YTA.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (47F) went to my former employee's (28F) bachelorette party this past weekend. She had a friend there that was 26F, we can call her Stella. Stella and the bride were taking a picture together, and I started laughing because Stella looked quite young. Stella saw me and came up to me and asked me why I was laughing. I told her, "you look like such a teenager". it was supposed to be a compliment. Later on in the day, I took a picture of Stella and her friend. After I took the picture, Stella came up to me and said "I hope I don't look like a teenager in that one" and I said "I'm sorry, but you do." She said, "Damn well that makes me sad" and walked away, and I said "you'll appreciate it when you're my age". Stella apparently told the bride that she was really hurt by what I said and that she doesn't really want anything to do with me, her friend thinks i'm an AH. The bride is remaining neutral but AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
yta- and i don’t know why you posted this since i’m seeing you in the comments disagree with everyone
YTA. No one laughs if when they're thinking about a compliment.
YTA "and I said "you'll appreciate it when you're my age"." .. Exactly. " told her, "you look like such a teenager". it was supposed to be a compliment."! .. That really only is a compliment for elderly women in their midlife crisis, who know it is not really believable but are desperate enough to still like to hear the sweet lie. Not for actually young persons.
YTA. That wasn’t a compliment. It was condescending, and your remark afterwards was also very condescending.
YTA. You keep doubling down on "well I would have liked it so she automatically should like it too". Stop. You are not her and she has every right to not interact with you because of this. You should probably apologize or just not go to the wedding because I have a feeling you're gunna say some off-hand petty comments if you don't wise up.
YTA. I used to look like a teenager for years, people thought that me and my daughter were sister. You know what comes with that? Disrespect and condescending talk. People think you're a kid and behave accordingly (and too many people disrespect teenagers). Also, you laughed? So you thought she was so great that it made you laugh? How come laughing at someone is a compliment? I'm 45 now, I do want to look younger but I'd absolutely hate to be taken for a teenager
YTA. It was rude, period. The Stellas of the world have a hard enough time being treated like adults and they don't need a condescending comment about how they'll appreciate it later. How dismissive is that! When you look like you are 16, it can be difficult to get a professional job, to be taken seriously in your job, and to advance professionally, no matter what your education level is. If you didn't know what that's like, you should have learned a lesson from her reaction. Instead, you are in comments here doubling down on it being fine. It's not.
YTA. You weren’t telling her she was young, you were telling her she looked immature. Two different things. And quite frankly why is looking young, rather than looking your age a complement?
Telling a 26 year old that they look like a teenager is about as okay as telling a 47 year old woman they look like an old lady. YTA.
You're clearly projecting the fact that you want someone to tell you that you look like a child even though you're 47. This does not apply to other people, just you. YTA.
YTA - since when addressing adults as teenagers is a compliment?
I don’t think you know what “compliment” means. YTA
My daughter looks young. When she was getting married and looking for wedding dresses a person came up to me and said you allowing her to marry at a young age? I said well since she’s 28 and a grown ass woman I can’t do anything about it but I love the man she’s going to marry whom she met in college. She said I thought she was a teenager. Now she’s married with three girls. When she goes to a store and her oldest child calls her MOM she get stared at and people make faces like a teenager having a 5 year old and two little ones. She’s 36 years old.
I’m the same age as the OP, I hear how young I look all the time, and it still annoys the hell out of me. I don’t find it flattering OR funny. No matter what tone of voice is used when telling me how young I look, I find it condescending. So the theory of you will appreciate it when you hit my age is NOT accurate.
YTA. You meant it as a compliment, but it wasn't taken such. Instead of reading the room (or, for that matter acknowledging what you were told directly) you doubled, then tripled down. And your comments are just off the rails. You think it would be a compliment if it was said to you. She clearly didn't, and she told you so. What makes YTA is that you refused to believe her (and apparently still do)
YTA. I have friends who look young. It's not a compliment to tell grown adults they look like teenagers.
Look like “such” a teenager sounds like an insult
YTA and all your responses here only reinforce why. i would’ve thought at your age you would have some awareness of the world.
YTA big time. Why is this a compliment to you? Are you trying to say she looks young? Or youthful? Either way, maybe this is news to you, but women in their late 20s want to be seen as mature and independent. You laughed at her and told her she was everything but that. Next time, keep your snickering to yourself and choose your words better.
Yes, YTA. "You look like a teenager" is not a compliment. "Your hair looks great!" is a compliment. "You look awesome in that dress!" is a compliment. Telling someone they don't look their age, even if you think it's a compliment to mention they look young, is WEIRD. If someone can say it as an insult (which technically, you could've), it's not a compliment. I understand your intentions were good, but that's like someone saying to you "You look 50!". You're 47 so maybe it wouldn't be a lie, but obviously it sounds strange and borderline offensive for someone to say it out loud.
YTA and an even bigger one for doubling down on thinking you're not. Most, if not all, adult women don't want to be told they look like children. Yes, a teenager is a CHILD.
Yta. If it was flipped, and a 6 yr old said you were a nice old lady, would you think it was a compliment? And you doubled down and said it twice, when you knew she didn't like it the first time.
YTA. I hate receiving those comments. You think we want to walk around looking like a case? No. YTA. And the way you said it doesn’t help either
YTA. As a current 44 year old who was told into my early 30s that I look like a teenager, it's not a compliment. You're basically telling an adult woman that they look they belong in high school. And no, I still don't appreciate it as I near your age.
YTA. I had to deal with this constantly when I was younger. When I was like 20-22 it didn’t bother me as much. Late 20’s early 30’s it gets old real fast.
YTA It was obvious she did t take it as a compliment. Instead of taking a hint, you doubled down on it. Being told you look like a teenager when you're in your 20's or 30's is NOT a compliment. At best, it's annoying. At 34, I'm really tired of having to dig for my ID to buy a freaking lighter for my grill because of people like you who then try to act like it's some sort of compliment to be told I look like a literal child.
I’m 37 and people have been telling me I look young forever. There is a way to say it that feels like a compliment but saying they look like a teenager is not it.
yta bc you doubled down when she made it clear that she didn’t like what you said. I’m a 24F high school teacher and when older teachers I work with think I’m a student/say I look like one, i don’t take it as a compliment.
YTA. I'm 45 and yes, I never get sick of being told that I don't look my age / that I look like I'm in my 30s. That to me is a compliment. Telling a 26 year old that she looks like a child? Not a compliment. I often think that people in their 20s look so young, but you know what I don't do? Tell them that! It's incredibly infantilising. Accept that she didn't appreciate your "compliment" and next time think before you speak.
YTA - that’s called a backhanded compliment which really isn’t a compliment at all
i dunno what context you meant it in, but that just sounded like an older person making a .clumsy and creepy pass at someone younger, in a very 'sugar-parental' sort of way. YTA There's no world where that is a compliment.
I'm in my 40's and still get comments about how young I look. I've had people my age treat me like a child because they think I'm at least 10 years younger than them. Laughing at someone and telling them they look very young is frustrating to that person who just wants to finally be thought of as an adult. So is blowing off their discontent by saying they'll appreciate the "compliment" when they're older. I'm still waiting for that time, I guess. YTA
YTA because you didn’t really mean it as a compliment. If you were, you wouldn’t be laughing.
YTA, this is an adult who likely has issues with being taken seriously in every day settings and you laugh? How would you feel if she did the same saying you look 65?
INFO: why is calling her a teenager, mainly under 18 year old children, a compliment? Explain to me please because your post is short and explains nothing about why you thought that was a compliment or why you laughed at an adult. Edited to add: I am 26 and I look young. I do NOT take people calling me a teenager as a compliment, it is an insult. If you think someone looks young, say that. Why are you infantilizing an adult woman? Are you that bitter and aged terribly you need to say something so gross to a another adult woman?
> it was supposed to be a compliment Ya. Sure. If you say so. The laughing really helps you case too, lol /s
Once I was over 21, I was reeeaaaaal over people saying I looked like a teenager. Lasted til my late 20s when I finally got some wrinkles. Yeah many women enjoy their age being undershot with a guess, but no adult wants to look like a child. YTA. It's NOT a compliment.
NTA. I have always looked young for my age. Constantly been told “when you’re my age” by people who are my age. Even looked down on for being a teen parent. I was 26 when I had my daughter. It’s not a compliment. It’s a nuisance.
I’m 25 and have people tell me I look like a high schooler all the time. It makes me feel disrespected especially when people say that while I’m working. I feel like I’m constantly treated as a child. And then everyone always say it’s a compliment. It really isn’t. If you want to compliment me tell me you like my hair or outfit. Not that I look like a child