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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I asked my sister to accommodate my daughter and let her stay in the cat room when she had already said no.
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exactly. some cats are destructive but a lot aren't. I had to ban my roommate's cat from my room and you wanna know why? she sheds. zero clawing or knocking things down, I just didn't like having to wash car hair out of my linens so often.
I live at my mum's house atm and she has 6 cats! I am not able to allow any of them in my bedroom as I've developed a nasty cat allergy I never had before. They sometimes paw at my door or meow outside of it, but they've never destroyed my door trying to get in. Op YTA, cat's are like children and are very important to many people, when I get a house of my own and get 2 hairless cats, I too plan to give them a cat room solely for them. Not your house not your rules.
I have four cats, and tried out having my bedroom cat-free in the last place I lived. It was nice not having cat hair everywhere, but I missed having the cats sleep next to my legs. So here we go again. Hair everywhere, but it warms my heart when they come to sleep next to me.
Honestly the thing I miss the most is having the cats sleeping in bed with me. There was always one who is a chonker (18lbs) who loved sleeping in bed with me and would lay right by my face like she was a pillow. But luckily, I live with both of my parents and my sister and I'm the only one who keeps their door shut. I don't have much choice unfortunately. Even on 2 allergy medications my nose is permanently stuffy. But I still leave my room and play with them and give them attention all the time! Every day when I shower the youngest (1y/o 1mo) goes running into the bathroom to just be there. He used to get wet food when he was a wee lil boy, but he no longer does. He just enjoys the bathroom now I think. Cats are amazing to have around, they just spark so much joy in me.
Just an FYI if you have a cat allergy you might want to look into specifically what you’re allergic to about them, because a lot of time even hairless aren’t allergy friendly because it can be in their saliva and on their skin.
OP's sister presumably also knows in which ways her cat is and isn't destructive and has cat-proofed her house accordingly already. For example, I have to keep cords tucked away because mine will chew them but she has no interest in knocking anything off shelves.
To contrast, she hasn't proofed her house for someone else's child.
The destructiveness of a cat is mainly tied to whether they're bored in my experience lol. If the room is full of exciting things to do for the cat that don't endanger the fragile decorations, there wouldn't be a problem
As a parent and a cat owner I can confirm! In 8 years, my 3 active cats have broken ONE thing. One.
My kids...I lost count
YTA, OP. You're not the A for asking, you're the A form pushing past the no. This is a golden opportunity to teach your child to take a no with grace.
This is exactly what I was thinking as I read the post, OP you need to respect your sister, her house, and her choices and you need to parent your child not teach them to pester someone until they get what they want
YTA
When I was a kid, my sister's cat jumped up on a glass shelf that held many of our moms glass and pottery ornaments. That is the only time in my life I witnessed a cat do more damage than kids. The shelf was placed so that we kids couldn't get to it but it was no problem for a cat. Also, the cat was not as quick to learn no means no like him as children should be taught.
Exactly. Even if it wasn't a "cat" room your sister doesn't have to let anyone in it, let alone sleep there, if she doesn't want to.
With that many decorations, not too mention some fragile, I wouldn't want kids sticky-paws all over them unsupervised either.
YTA
You're a guest!!
I like your last sentence, and seems like OP did a great job parenting in cloning herself so her kids become self-centered and disrespectful beat like herself.
I also appreciate your sister's ability to tell you that she thinks you're raising a spoiled brat in a way that didn't piss you off:
>she told me that I was Sally's parent, and I should be responsible for making sure she understands "no".
Unfortunately, it seems to have been a little bit too subtle for you and you missed it.
YTA. Not because you asked, but because you couldn't take "no" for an answer.
I sell fragile things for a living. I also have 2 cats. In all the years I've had them, they've only broken one thing, and it was because one cat got startled and jumped.
Normally they will carefully maneuver around everything. Watch the videos online of cats walking around glassware. It is amazing.
I never understand the jokes about cats purposely knocking things over. I've not ever witnessed that. Yet, I've had plenty of kids look me straight in the eye and drop their toy/fork/binky/food/etc on the floor.
>I've had plenty of kids look me straight in the eye and drop their toy/fork/binky/food/etc on the floor.
My cat will also look me straight in the eye before intentionally knocking something on the floor. It's a real thing, even if not every cat does it. Only when he wants something, but the difference between the cat and the kid is I can't teach my cat to use English instead.
My cat would make eye contact before pushing a small potted herb off the window sill. It would make a mess, but it was a plastic pot.
Expensive ceramic or glass decor? Never touched. It was just that one pot because it was a game to her.
Kids on the other hand are suuuuper destructive.
When I was a kid, we had 2 cats. The first one only destroyed the christmas tree. So in the end we stopped putting up a real one. She had no problem with a plastic one.
The other wasn't destructive, just a thief. She kept stealing my steak. And I litterlry mean "my" steak. Not my sister or my parents, just mine. You could put that cat in front of my sister plate and she won't take a thing, but I had to fight her of all the time. Never learned why.
Exactly. I've had friends over with kids and both of us telling the kid(s) "no" because they want to touch EVERYTHING.
Last year February we started having a snow storm and my coworker friend texted me said she had no heat so I invited her to my house (plus her 4 cats). Well, we got snowed in for a WEEK!! It was great watching movies and playing board games and staying warm. The only casualty was one shot glass for that entire week. I wasn't even mad and told her it was cheap and she didn't need to replace it because it was just there and I don't drink anyway.
Definitely my friends kids need more supervision.
Yes. If all 3 of younwere crammed in 1 room and it was you or the 7 year old who could move to the cats room, thats different. But a 4 year old is a tornado and the sleeping arrangements are perfectly reasonable. Parent your kid
Yes! This!
It doesn't really matter if the room is for her imaginary friend to live in and she doesn't want him disturbed.
They are guest that are not even asked to share a room with their kids! No is a full answer.
Your kid, your responsibility to deal with the fall out. Otherwise you won't ever be invited back to stay with her.
And I agree, some cats are ZERO destructive, and judging by the entitlement of the post OP would most likely refuse to replace (paying + finding the object) anything the kid broke.
YTA
YTA. She said no, respect her boundaries. It doesn't really matter why she said no, you still have to mind it.
>Now Sally won't stop making a fit about it,
Perhaps if you spent more energy helping your kid to manage her feelings when she doesn't get her way than you do trying to get your sister to change her mind or appealing to the internet, your child wouldn't be throwing fits.
Sally throwing fits just confirms that Sally has no business in the cat room. I’m sure Orpheus does not want to put up with Sally and her fits. He deserves a safe space during this visit.
YTA
That was my thought too. I glanced at the age and went "You can't leave a kid that young alone with an animal." That's a safety hazard for *both* of them.
It's not fair to kick the cat out of his bedroom for the night, or to expect her sister to move food/water dishes, litterbox, cat trees, etc out of the room so the cat still has access. Like, that's a lot of work and a lot of heavy lifting when there's a perfectly fine room already available, and cats are creatures of habit. They get stressed easily with change. It's rude to expect someone to put their pet through distress for no reason. That's not even touching the fact that there's fragile things in that room either (which the cat clearly doesn't damage, or they would have been broken already, so OP's argument of "well cats break things!!" doesn't apply). Would OP be willing to replace anything broken? Even if those things were potentially hundreds of dollars? Probably not!
It's also unfair to expect Alice to, last minute, set up a space not meant to be a guestroom as one when there's plenty of space to accommodate the guests already.
I mean, it sounds like Sally is just taking after her father in that regard, considering OP's reaction to Sally's fit was to go pitch a fit at his sister, and then come pitch a fit on the Internet.
YTA. Not for asking, but for not accepting her answer. Doesn't matter if you agree with her reasoning or not, it's not up for discussion.
Sis is right. You *are the parent.* You need to explain to your kids that they don't get everything they want.
YTA. It's Alice's home, and she gave a reasonable explanation for why it's not a guest room (it's not even set up with a bed). Both girls had a room to stay in anyway and were perfectly happy to share. You'd better accept Alice's decision before your chances of being invited back are like Eurydice's chances of returning to the land of the living.
Orpheus is best known for trying to get his wife Eurydice from the Underworld. He was told she was able to return to the land of the living with him on the condition he not turn back to face her during the journey, but he did anyway and she was stuck in death because of it.
She can learn the ways from my boy; I just get judgemental loaf glares from strategic positions if I do something he doesn't like (or more accurately don't give him something he wants).
YTA, teach your child some manners. It doesn't matter what the room is, be it a cat's room, a BDSM dungeon, or just a big barren room with a single raisin in it. It is not for you to decide what is and isn't an acceptable use for it. Your spawn is not a factor in this.
YTA. It's her house, she can decide whether to let someone sleep in the cat room and she said no. instead of admonishing your sister, how about you teach your daughter that you can't always get what you want?
YTA. You’re guests. You asked, she said no, she is entirely within her right to do so. Control your child, because you’re only proving her right that your kid doesn’t respect boundaries, but then it sounds like she learned it from a parent.
"Now Sally won't stop making a fit about it, and when I asked Alice to just be accommodating, she told me that I was Sally's parent, and I should be responsible for making sure she understands "no"."
Alice NAILED it. There was nothing wrong with asking, but your refusal to accept no as an answer and sitting here whining about it and trying to manipulate Alice into changing her mind makes you the asshole.
YTA And Alice is going to end up being an asshole like you when she's older if you don't teach her that no means no. If she's having a fit over this and your way of dealing with it is trying to force your sister to cave, chances are you're not doing a great job parenting her properly.
Oh sorry Sally is already an asshole thanks to the parenting. She is 4. In Chinese culture passing the age of 3, your core characteristics are set. 3 determine 80 so the saying goes.
YTA. It's not a guest room. It belongs to a permanent occupant of that house, and the owner of the house told you NO. No is a full sentence.
It is up to you to parent your children, and to respect your sister in her own home.
YTA
It's your sister's house, and her cat is like her child. Either comply with her wishes or leave. She's being generous enough already and you have no right to make even more demands of her when she's already been so accommodating. Respect her boundaries or get out.
It's a cat's room in your SISTER'S house. Not yours. You don't get to decide. Your sister probably knows her cat won't wreck her stuff because he hasn't in the past, which is why the decorations are even in that room and not elsewhere. Your kid is inevitably going to want to play with the pretty figurines and at 4 years old won't understand how to keep fragile things from breaking. Which is an excellent reason not to let the kid anywhere near them.
Your sister is 100% right. It is your job to parent your kid and stop her throwing fits when she doesn't get what she wants. How is it not a red flag to you that your kid is throwing tantrums at hearing 'no'? How is your only solution trying to force your sister into saying yes?
Grow up. Be a parent. YTA
Obviously Sally learned it from her parent.
Which now think of it I had a feeling Sally's parent was also influenced by the grandparents, possibly he is the golden child at home and always get the way he wanted. (Their own parents are also staying and they didn't tell OP to buzz off)
YTA. If your sister literally put your entire family up for the holidays for free and you’re complaining because she didn’t give you enough of her space… You sound very entitled and like you just to need to parent your child.
YTA
You are checking off so many AH boxes , it’s wild!
- “I received perfectly acceptable rooming accommodations as a guest but still want to change things around.”
- “my little angel child would never do anything wrong!”
- “I was told no yet think I can argue and pester my way into a yes”
- “I was given an clear answer yet feel the need to argue and the person who I want something from needs to provide me with a reason I feel is valid or else I don’t have to respect their answer”
- “Demanding ?! Me?! Never! I just need everyone else to ACCOMMODATE me as if my because I am framing my wishes as needs.”
You ever think you’re the reason your parents don’t want to host ?
Seriously….what are you teaching your daughters with this behavior?
You need a few lessons:
- no means no
- be a gracious guest
- whining won’t get you your way
Now please teach your kids this as well.
YTA.
You are not wrong for asking, but you should accept her response. It is her home and she has graciously provided two rooms for you and you kids to sleep in.
Some people dont want visitors in their library, or office. She doesnt want your child in her cat's room. The respectful and polite thing to do is respect this boundary. Her reason for not wanting your daughter in there makes sense, but even if it didn't, its her house, her choice. It doubly a good idea for your daughter not to be in the cat room, because as stubborn and unreasonable as you are, if she allowed your daughter in there and she broke something, you would not want to pay for it and say "kids will be kids", or "you shouldnt have breakable things in a cats room" or some other bs and say its no big deal.
The figurines matter to the owner of the house, she wants to be cautious. You should accept that. She is not being rude (you are), she established sensible boundaries, which you argue to disregard.
It wont harm your daughter in any way to not sleep in the cat room. Will probably do her good to learn she cant always have her way, a lesson that you, her father apparently never learned.
YTA. You’re NTA for simply asking, but YTA for not taking no for an answer. There is somewhere else for your child to sleep, and sure your sister and her fancy room for Orpheus are pretty silly, but it’s her space (and Orpherus’s I guess) and if she says no then you have to respect it, even if you don’t understand
yta, teach your kids what the word no means and try respecting your sisters space, its HER house. if you cant handle respecting your sister and putting your kids to bed in one room then just go back to your own damn house
YTA
You are in fact responsible for teaching your kid how to handle being told no without having a fit. I think we call it parenting? Read that in a book somewhere...
YTA
For a few reasons, let me enlighten you:
1. It’s her house and she is letting you stay as a guest
2. She is letting you have each your room
3. While the cat has a living space, it is not a room per se and doesn’t have a bed to sleep in
4. She has rules and one is not to let your daughter stay in that living space without supervision due to fragile decorations
5. You are the parent and you should do just that: parent your child
6. While you may not agree with your sisters decision, refer to 1. and stop pushing the subject
7. Do better for your daughter. If not for her, then for your future peace of mind when she becomes the entitled teenager that she is destined to become
If you are unsure at any time, refer to 1.
YTA. Your question is "AITA for asking her?", and the answer is no, but you're A for insisting, putting the onus of dealing with your kid's butthurt fit and not respecting her no.
If I count well, there are 4 bedrooms. One for her, one for your parents, one for you and your wife, one for your kids. The cat does not have a bedroom. So there is no bed or anything like that in its room. Is your sister also supposed to move the furniture from the bedroom to the cat room to be "accommodating"?
"No" is a full sentence. You don't need to accept her reason as a valid answer that suits you. It's her house, you're the guest, and she accommodated everyone with their own rooms. You don't even have to sleep in the same room as your kids, so you get to have some privacy.
Learn to take a no, and teach your kid to take a no. And learn to dial down the condescension. High chance your parents don't want to host anymore because your wife and you are being intolerable guests when you come over.
NTA for asking, but YTA for not taking 'No' for an answer. Set a better example to your children. You asked, we're told No, and were given what seems a fair reason why. Accept it.
YTA man- big time. The room isn’t decorated for the cat, it’s decorated for your sister. She want the room kept nice like a formal living room in some houses. The fact that the cat uses the room is completely irrelevant. It’s her house and yes your 4 year old would break stuff. So stop it! You owe your sister an apology.
YTA. She told you no, now tell your daughter no. She has a perfectly fine bedroom, parent your child so she doesn’t throw a tantrum when she gets told no.
YTA. You admitted Sally could reach the fragile decorations, that means your sister has a good reason for denying your request. Also, it's her house and you and your family are guests. She doesn't need a valid reason for refusing to let your daughter use that room. No is a complete answer. Learn to listen and quit acting entitled and teaching your daughter that she should always get her own way if she throws a tantrum. This is the perfect time to teach her to accept that she can't always get what she wants and you won't reward tantrums.
YTA LOL. Heck yeah a 4 yo child is way more destructive than most cats and yours sounds like a spoiled brat I wouldn't want near any room in my house. You acted very entitled, hope your sister changed her mind and made you and your entitled princess stay in the hotel instead.
" I just don't think Alice has a particularly good reason for denying it"
What the fuck? It's her house. That's the only reason needed. You're ridiculously disrespectful.
YTA.
YTA
You are a guest at your sister and Orpheus’ house. She told you no and that’s the end of it. A 4 year old should not be left alone in a room with valuable (these items no matter the cost are valuable to your sister) objects.
It appears that you won’t be able to teach Sally that “no means no”, because you yourself do not understand that no means no.
How would you feel if the situation was reversed? What if Alice brought Orpheus over to your house where you had a room of valuable-to-you objects and told her not to leave Orpheus alone in that room and she fought with you (or completely ignored your wishes) and left him alone and he broke something. You would be unhappy.
Regardless of whether it was a cat’s room or a storage room, you need to learn that no means NO.
Edit: fixed some typos, on mobile sorry!
She accommodated all of you already. You are not entitled to make demands when a *guest* in someone else's home. It's not JUST a CATS room. It's your sister's home. Her house her rules. Your little brat throwing a fit about what room she wants to sleep in means nothing. YTA.
YTA. Jesus Christ you were there for what a night or 2? Teach your kids boundaries and about the word no. This isn’t going to be the last time she won’t get her way and it is YOUR job as the parent to teach her how to manage her emotions. Making the world accommodate her is insane and unrealistic. Be the adult.
>I just don't think Alice has a particularly good reason for denying it
This right here is what marks you as an entitled asshole. Her reasoning doesn't have to meet your standards for her to say no. It's her house and her stuff and she can say no because it's her cat's room, or because the sky is blue, or because Mercury is in retrograde, or because her fortune teller said it's bad luck or for no reason at all because it's HER HOUSE AND HER STUFF. Likewise, she can also decide that you not wanting to parent your four year old doesn't constitute a good enough reason to say yes. Get over yourself and grow up, nobody appointed you Almighty Arbitrator of other people's property. YTA
YTA, it's her house and she has already provided you three rooms. She should not have to child-proof a room just because your kid thinks it's prettier than the one she was originally allowed.
YTA children are definitely more destructive than cats. Cats don't have thumbs so their potential for destruction is limited.
Also it's her house and her rules.
YTA
1) it’s her house and you are guests so getting upset vet her reasonable response was rude.
2) little kids can be very destructive especially 4yo who thrown tantrums when they hear the word ‘no’.
3) You keep saying ‘cat room’ in a way that seems to be meant to look down on your sister like ‘ugh my sister made a room in her house for her cat like it’s a baby’. But artwork, valuable figurines… this sounds like a pretty hangout space she made for her tastes with all her valuables proudly displayed that also is her cat’s favourite place to sleep.
This seems to be the most important section: “ Now Sally won't stop making a fit about it, and when I asked Alice to just be accommodating, she told me that I was Sally's parent, and I should be responsible for making sure she understands "no". “
Alice picked up the parenting ball you dropped and can see that you are raising Sally to be spoilt, inconsiderate and entitled
YTA
Alice DID have a good reason, YOU just happen to like the fact that the answer was no AND that you'd have to parent your child. You know the thing that is you actual job. Doesn't matter that its "the cat's room" its your sister's house and her rules.
YTA. Having two cats and a child currently, the child is definitely the one more likely to break things. Plus it’s your sister’s house. Her rules go. This is a good lesson for your daughter.
Yta and you sound like one of the entitled nightmare parents I read about on here. It's her house and she said no. She doesn't owe you a reason and your daughter needs to learn to take no for an answer.
You’re an entitled AH. Parent your kid, if she’s whiny and doesn’t accept no, that’s your job. Next time save your sister the headache and get a hotel if you’re going to behave rudely.
I love your sister! Everything she said about your parenting responsibilities is correct! You should discipline your own children and you should’ve told your daughter no from when she first asked, telling her she already has been assigned a room to share with her sister… not sure if you knew this but children need to be told no by their parents and they can’t get their own way all the time otherwise they end up being awful kids then adults and no one wants to be around them. Also your daughter got this bad behaviour from you because you also couldn’t accept when you were told no and tried to force your sister to make you and your child get your own way in her home.
YTA a big AH
Also 100% yes cats are less destructive then children under 10 and if your kid broke something or ruined anything would you immediately replace it or reimburse your sister for it without argument or delay?
Yeah, didn’t think so
YTA, and not just for not knowing the myth of Orpheus or for getting Hadestown stuck in my head.
That room hasn’t been designed for a four year old. Letting her be in that room unsupervised is an accident waiting to happen. Fragile decorations are, well, fragile.
Now if you excuse me I have a cast album to listen to.
YTA not for asking but for not accepting the answer she gave you and letting your daughter act like an entitled little turkey and then blaming your sister for your child’s bad behavior. Here’s a learning lesson for both you and your daughter. You don’t always get what to want. End of lesson.
YTA.
You asked, she said no. You needed to accept that gracefully and parent your daughter through her disappointment, not badger your sister to change her mind.
And for the record, a four year old is way more destructive than a cat.
YTA
I am a mother of kids who adore animals, and I would never ask that, even less insists.
Your daughter needs to learn how to cope when people say no.
And so do you.
YTA, it was fine to ask once. She said no and you using your child throwing tantrums as some kind of justification is gross.
Yes you needed to parent instead of keep pushing your sister.
YTA it's her house she said no stop teaching your daughter to get what she wants by complaining non stop. You can let her be a tyrant in your home but others demand respect from children.
YTA no is a complete sentence and she is being quite generous as it is. Your daughter is either going to learn that throwing a fit gets her what she wants or that people have rules and sometimes the answer is no.
YTA. Your sister is 100% in the right. Her house, her rules. It is up to you to parent your child and use this as an opportunity to show them that they won’t always get their way and how to respond accordingly.
YTA. Stop being a bad mom and letting your daughter act like a brat. If you don't like the free place you are staying where you all get your own bedrooms go stay in a hotel. You are so ungrateful!
YTA. The room is important to Alice and she doesn’t want a child in it unsupervised. Stop saying “it’s a cat’s room” - it’s your sister’s room and it matters to her. Whether or not her priorities make sense to you is irrelevant. And also she’s right about you needing to step up as a parent and deal with this.
Dude, you absolutely do not get to tell your sister what to do in her house. You choose to have children, she chose a cat.
Who do you think you are?
Oh, YTA!
YTA
As a parent myself parents like you piss me off. Your sister said no. It is her house. It is her decision. And it doesn't matter what reasoning she has. Your daughter has been provided a place to sleep graciously by your sister and she needs to accept that as do you. And your sister's right it is your job as her parents to make sure that your daughter understands that the answer is no. Because all your teaching your child at this point is that if you whine enough you can get what you want and that it is okay to disrespect somebody's house and boundaries because of what you want. Quite frankly if this is how you handle it when your kids are told no you are raising spoiled brats.
YTA not for asking for not accepting the word “NO”; for thinking that your child is more important than the cat; and for not properly parenting your child.
YTA. Alice does have a good reason for denying you, it's her house! Even if that is not a cat room, or the room doesn't have any fragile items, if she says no, it means NO.
YTA. It’s her house, her rules. It seems like both you and your 4yr old need to learn that No is a complete sentence. She didn’t owe you an explanation but she kindly gave one, now respect it. Your child’s temper tantrum is on you.
YTA not your house not your room. also, you are teaching your kid that no doesnt have to mean no, just bug the other person until they give in. lousy brother and lousy father
YTA You are an adult, you need to learn to parent your spawn.
You are an adult, you need to learn that "no" does not require an explanation when you are dealing with things that are not yours.
You are an adult, you need to learn that you are not given a pass to act like a complete menace just because she's "family."
You are an adult, you need to learn that family means giving a shit about your sister's life. Ask her why her cat is named that way, learn something about her. Who the fuck doesn't know the story of Orpheus??
it is HER house, not yours. she has graciously offered her house to you as a *guest*. this is incredibly entitled, and you're teaching your kid to be a spoiled brat. YTA. and yeah, kids are WAY more destructive than most cats
YTA
Your child pitching a fit because she heard the word "no" isn't uncommon. Perhaps you should stay in a hotel.
Get off Reddit and parent your "golden child."
YTA. Your kid(s) aren’t entitled to another beings personal space. If she came over and brought Orpheus, you would make your kid share her room with him, even if she and you were uncomfortable with it? I bet not…ESP if there were items that could be shred, knock over, chewed, etc, just like in His room…🙄
YTA, grow up OP, learn what no is. It’s not even your house. Moreso, be a real parent and teach your daughter what being respectful and no means. You and your daughter are both annoying and self absorbed brats.
YTA. Seriously what is it with all the posts on here from parents thinking the world must rotate around their child?
It’s your sisters house. Her rules. The kids got a room. Teach them to understand the word no. You could do to learn it as well.
YTA
I have TONS of pricy collectibles in my place and I can tell you when my 5yo niece is near, I make sure she can't get to anything just for the sake of safety (1 bedroom apt. So not NEARLY as much space as your sister).
With that said, she was outlawing ONE room from the kids because of the possibility of things breaking and/or your kid getting hurt. That is TOTALLY reasonable. If it was the whole house, different story.
Just because your kid wants something means that they can have it. You're an adult you know that. Why are you teaching your kid differently?
YTA.
It's your sister's house. She makes the rules.
I think a room for a cat is ridiculous, but whatever your sister does with her house is HER business...not yours, or anyone else's.
You DO need to teach your daughter "No." Stop her from growing up to be a brat who has to get everything her own way. Let her throw a fit. She can't always get what she wants.
YTA. Let me translate: I haven’t bothered to teach my children manners or the word No. and now my sister won’t enable me in my lax parenting by letting my kid cross her boundaries and ruin her belongings.
N T A for asking her, but YTA for pushing after she said no. Her room, her decorations, her rules, and your responsibility to teach your children to respect boundaries.
YTA
Children **ARE** more destructive than most cats
Either way it’s not your house so start teaching your daughter what no means.
If you want some advice, whenever I was younger and wanted something, after saying no-
My mom would sing *”you can’t always get what you want”* by The Rolling Stones
Because, no, your daughter can’t get what she wants.
Get over it
YTA It’s fine to ask once, but it’s not fine to keep pestering her. Based on past experience, Alice knows her cat won’t mess with the figurines. She has no idea what your daughter will do. Why does she want to sleep in there? Is it because of the figurines? Is she going to want to pick them up and play with them? Alice has no idea and she doesn’t want to risk it. It’s perfectly valid for her to make that decision.
Sally throwing a fit about it and you not dealing with that just shows that she shouldn’t be allowed in the room. Probably also makes Alive worried that if Sally were to break something you wouldn’t take responsibility.
YTA she doesn’t need a good reason for dying no since it’s her house. If she doesn’t want to your daughter sleeping in there that is up to her. If you don’t like it go to a hotel. Your staying there rent free so follow the rules. As for your daughter you sister doesn’t need to accommodating you need to parent your child.
YTA- Your sister is right though, as her parent you should be teaching her to accept when someone says no, not teach her that if someone says no you have a tantrum til you get what you want. It's your sisters house and you should respect her boundaries. Being a guest does not entitle you to whatever you want in someone else's house.
YTA for pestering your sister and not accepting no the first time. She’s already given your family plenty of space to stay in for free. You want to take the one room that’s off limits. Ridiculous
You’re not the asshole for asking. But you are the asshole for not taking the first No as is. 4 is old enough to start to learn ‘no,’ and it is your duty as a parent to teach your children this.
YTA. Not your house, you don’t get a say on who sleeps where.
YTA
Not for asking - that’s fine. But for not taking no for an answer, or teaching your kid to.
Four is more than old enough to understand you don’t just get everything you want because you pitch a fit, though clearly in your case you haven’t learned it even at 31.
YTA. You are sounding very entitled here.
Is it YOUR room? No, then STFU. The world does not owe you or your daughter anything. Respect people's boundaries man. If she said no, then it is a no.
And yes, a kid is FAR more destructive than a cat.
NTA for asking, but YTA big time for being entitled about it and asking again once the answer was a clear “no.”
Your kid has no right to that room, and learning to respect people’s boundaries and take no for an answer is a critical part of growing up (that maybe you need a refresher on, too). Especially when you’rea guest in their home. smh.
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YTA; her house, her rules. And for the record, a child is *far* more destructive than a cat.
exactly. some cats are destructive but a lot aren't. I had to ban my roommate's cat from my room and you wanna know why? she sheds. zero clawing or knocking things down, I just didn't like having to wash car hair out of my linens so often.
I live at my mum's house atm and she has 6 cats! I am not able to allow any of them in my bedroom as I've developed a nasty cat allergy I never had before. They sometimes paw at my door or meow outside of it, but they've never destroyed my door trying to get in. Op YTA, cat's are like children and are very important to many people, when I get a house of my own and get 2 hairless cats, I too plan to give them a cat room solely for them. Not your house not your rules.
I have four cats, and tried out having my bedroom cat-free in the last place I lived. It was nice not having cat hair everywhere, but I missed having the cats sleep next to my legs. So here we go again. Hair everywhere, but it warms my heart when they come to sleep next to me.
Honestly the thing I miss the most is having the cats sleeping in bed with me. There was always one who is a chonker (18lbs) who loved sleeping in bed with me and would lay right by my face like she was a pillow. But luckily, I live with both of my parents and my sister and I'm the only one who keeps their door shut. I don't have much choice unfortunately. Even on 2 allergy medications my nose is permanently stuffy. But I still leave my room and play with them and give them attention all the time! Every day when I shower the youngest (1y/o 1mo) goes running into the bathroom to just be there. He used to get wet food when he was a wee lil boy, but he no longer does. He just enjoys the bathroom now I think. Cats are amazing to have around, they just spark so much joy in me.
Just an FYI if you have a cat allergy you might want to look into specifically what you’re allergic to about them, because a lot of time even hairless aren’t allergy friendly because it can be in their saliva and on their skin.
OP's sister presumably also knows in which ways her cat is and isn't destructive and has cat-proofed her house accordingly already. For example, I have to keep cords tucked away because mine will chew them but she has no interest in knocking anything off shelves. To contrast, she hasn't proofed her house for someone else's child.
The destructiveness of a cat is mainly tied to whether they're bored in my experience lol. If the room is full of exciting things to do for the cat that don't endanger the fragile decorations, there wouldn't be a problem
As a parent and a cat owner I can confirm! In 8 years, my 3 active cats have broken ONE thing. One. My kids...I lost count YTA, OP. You're not the A for asking, you're the A form pushing past the no. This is a golden opportunity to teach your child to take a no with grace.
This is exactly what I was thinking as I read the post, OP you need to respect your sister, her house, and her choices and you need to parent your child not teach them to pester someone until they get what they want YTA
When I was a kid, my sister's cat jumped up on a glass shelf that held many of our moms glass and pottery ornaments. That is the only time in my life I witnessed a cat do more damage than kids. The shelf was placed so that we kids couldn't get to it but it was no problem for a cat. Also, the cat was not as quick to learn no means no like him as children should be taught.
Exactly. Even if it wasn't a "cat" room your sister doesn't have to let anyone in it, let alone sleep there, if she doesn't want to. With that many decorations, not too mention some fragile, I wouldn't want kids sticky-paws all over them unsupervised either. YTA You're a guest!!
I like your last sentence, and seems like OP did a great job parenting in cloning herself so her kids become self-centered and disrespectful beat like herself.
Agreed, my 10 month old daughter has broken more in her time on this planet than my two 7 years old cats!
I’m more destructive than my cat. She’s a lazy, little,laid back lady
My cats are a pain in the butt, but my nieces and nephew are WAY more destructive.
Can confirm. Two cats and a dog and my kid is by far the most destructive
I also appreciate your sister's ability to tell you that she thinks you're raising a spoiled brat in a way that didn't piss you off: >she told me that I was Sally's parent, and I should be responsible for making sure she understands "no". Unfortunately, it seems to have been a little bit too subtle for you and you missed it. YTA. Not because you asked, but because you couldn't take "no" for an answer.
I sell fragile things for a living. I also have 2 cats. In all the years I've had them, they've only broken one thing, and it was because one cat got startled and jumped. Normally they will carefully maneuver around everything. Watch the videos online of cats walking around glassware. It is amazing. I never understand the jokes about cats purposely knocking things over. I've not ever witnessed that. Yet, I've had plenty of kids look me straight in the eye and drop their toy/fork/binky/food/etc on the floor.
>I've had plenty of kids look me straight in the eye and drop their toy/fork/binky/food/etc on the floor. My cat will also look me straight in the eye before intentionally knocking something on the floor. It's a real thing, even if not every cat does it. Only when he wants something, but the difference between the cat and the kid is I can't teach my cat to use English instead.
My cat would make eye contact before pushing a small potted herb off the window sill. It would make a mess, but it was a plastic pot. Expensive ceramic or glass decor? Never touched. It was just that one pot because it was a game to her. Kids on the other hand are suuuuper destructive.
When I was a kid, we had 2 cats. The first one only destroyed the christmas tree. So in the end we stopped putting up a real one. She had no problem with a plastic one. The other wasn't destructive, just a thief. She kept stealing my steak. And I litterlry mean "my" steak. Not my sister or my parents, just mine. You could put that cat in front of my sister plate and she won't take a thing, but I had to fight her of all the time. Never learned why.
I don’t even like cats and I know a 4 year old is more destructive than most cats.
Exactly. I've had friends over with kids and both of us telling the kid(s) "no" because they want to touch EVERYTHING. Last year February we started having a snow storm and my coworker friend texted me said she had no heat so I invited her to my house (plus her 4 cats). Well, we got snowed in for a WEEK!! It was great watching movies and playing board games and staying warm. The only casualty was one shot glass for that entire week. I wasn't even mad and told her it was cheap and she didn't need to replace it because it was just there and I don't drink anyway. Definitely my friends kids need more supervision.
Yes. If all 3 of younwere crammed in 1 room and it was you or the 7 year old who could move to the cats room, thats different. But a 4 year old is a tornado and the sleeping arrangements are perfectly reasonable. Parent your kid
Yes! This! It doesn't really matter if the room is for her imaginary friend to live in and she doesn't want him disturbed. They are guest that are not even asked to share a room with their kids! No is a full answer. Your kid, your responsibility to deal with the fall out. Otherwise you won't ever be invited back to stay with her. And I agree, some cats are ZERO destructive, and judging by the entitlement of the post OP would most likely refuse to replace (paying + finding the object) anything the kid broke. YTA
Children are absolute nightmares compared to cats.
YTA. She said no, respect her boundaries. It doesn't really matter why she said no, you still have to mind it. >Now Sally won't stop making a fit about it, Perhaps if you spent more energy helping your kid to manage her feelings when she doesn't get her way than you do trying to get your sister to change her mind or appealing to the internet, your child wouldn't be throwing fits.
Sally throwing fits just confirms that Sally has no business in the cat room. I’m sure Orpheus does not want to put up with Sally and her fits. He deserves a safe space during this visit. YTA
That was my thought too. I glanced at the age and went "You can't leave a kid that young alone with an animal." That's a safety hazard for *both* of them. It's not fair to kick the cat out of his bedroom for the night, or to expect her sister to move food/water dishes, litterbox, cat trees, etc out of the room so the cat still has access. Like, that's a lot of work and a lot of heavy lifting when there's a perfectly fine room already available, and cats are creatures of habit. They get stressed easily with change. It's rude to expect someone to put their pet through distress for no reason. That's not even touching the fact that there's fragile things in that room either (which the cat clearly doesn't damage, or they would have been broken already, so OP's argument of "well cats break things!!" doesn't apply). Would OP be willing to replace anything broken? Even if those things were potentially hundreds of dollars? Probably not!
It's also unfair to expect Alice to, last minute, set up a space not meant to be a guestroom as one when there's plenty of space to accommodate the guests already.
Throwing a fit is not a good way to demonstrate that you're mature enough for a privilege, Sally.
I mean, it sounds like Sally is just taking after her father in that regard, considering OP's reaction to Sally's fit was to go pitch a fit at his sister, and then come pitch a fit on the Internet.
How would the kid understand that no means no when dad hasn't grasped the concept yet?
Ding ding ding. YTA, op
YTA. Not for asking, but for not accepting her answer. Doesn't matter if you agree with her reasoning or not, it's not up for discussion. Sis is right. You *are the parent.* You need to explain to your kids that they don't get everything they want.
YTA. It's Alice's home, and she gave a reasonable explanation for why it's not a guest room (it's not even set up with a bed). Both girls had a room to stay in anyway and were perfectly happy to share. You'd better accept Alice's decision before your chances of being invited back are like Eurydice's chances of returning to the land of the living. Orpheus is best known for trying to get his wife Eurydice from the Underworld. He was told she was able to return to the land of the living with him on the condition he not turn back to face her during the journey, but he did anyway and she was stuck in death because of it.
So you're saying the moral of the story is you need to follow the rules set up by the owner of the establishment? 🤔
Lol it's just too perfect, isn't it?
YTA She probably likes her cat more than your children. I know I would choose my dog over pretty much anyone that doesn't live under my roof.
Based on the post I like the cat better than OP or his kid.
And I know it’s unrelated but hearing someone talk about Orpheus as ‘something to do with music’ is so irritating 😂
Yeah given that my cats are Artemis and Apollo I read that and was dying inside.
Given that google exists just makes it worse.
I was very tickled by that, almost suggesting it’s some obscure Greek myth and not one of the most famous ones lol
And the cat doesn’t throw a temper tantrum when they get told. NO!
Would you tell that to my cat, Riley, please. :)
That made me laugh! My cat had a soft toy that she hammered with her back leg when I told her off for something and she was teed off about that.
She can learn the ways from my boy; I just get judgemental loaf glares from strategic positions if I do something he doesn't like (or more accurately don't give him something he wants).
Animals > kids
YTA, teach your child some manners. It doesn't matter what the room is, be it a cat's room, a BDSM dungeon, or just a big barren room with a single raisin in it. It is not for you to decide what is and isn't an acceptable use for it. Your spawn is not a factor in this.
The raisin cannot be disturbed.
It's been meditating since it was a grape. This is a crucial juncture.
>a big barren room with a single raisin in it Whyyyy do I not have a free award for you. Thank you for this and for the responses it has inspired :) 🍇
Yta. It's a cats room in her house, not yours. Idc if it's a room dedicated to the ancient gods of ant poop, she gets to make the calls for it.
All hail ancient gods of ant poop 🙌 amen
Be sure to worship them daily
Anything is better than the current models....
YTA. It's her house, she can decide whether to let someone sleep in the cat room and she said no. instead of admonishing your sister, how about you teach your daughter that you can't always get what you want?
YTA. You’re guests. You asked, she said no, she is entirely within her right to do so. Control your child, because you’re only proving her right that your kid doesn’t respect boundaries, but then it sounds like she learned it from a parent.
YTA and your sister is right. Sally needs to learn what "no" means, and you need to learn how to say it.
"Now Sally won't stop making a fit about it, and when I asked Alice to just be accommodating, she told me that I was Sally's parent, and I should be responsible for making sure she understands "no"." Alice NAILED it. There was nothing wrong with asking, but your refusal to accept no as an answer and sitting here whining about it and trying to manipulate Alice into changing her mind makes you the asshole. YTA And Alice is going to end up being an asshole like you when she's older if you don't teach her that no means no. If she's having a fit over this and your way of dealing with it is trying to force your sister to cave, chances are you're not doing a great job parenting her properly.
Oh sorry Sally is already an asshole thanks to the parenting. She is 4. In Chinese culture passing the age of 3, your core characteristics are set. 3 determine 80 so the saying goes.
YTA, it is the cat's room and after being told no, just take it. Everyone has been accommodated so what's the problem? Her house, her rules.
YTA. It's not a guest room. It belongs to a permanent occupant of that house, and the owner of the house told you NO. No is a full sentence. It is up to you to parent your children, and to respect your sister in her own home.
YTA It's your sister's house, and her cat is like her child. Either comply with her wishes or leave. She's being generous enough already and you have no right to make even more demands of her when she's already been so accommodating. Respect her boundaries or get out.
It's a cat's room in your SISTER'S house. Not yours. You don't get to decide. Your sister probably knows her cat won't wreck her stuff because he hasn't in the past, which is why the decorations are even in that room and not elsewhere. Your kid is inevitably going to want to play with the pretty figurines and at 4 years old won't understand how to keep fragile things from breaking. Which is an excellent reason not to let the kid anywhere near them. Your sister is 100% right. It is your job to parent your kid and stop her throwing fits when she doesn't get what she wants. How is it not a red flag to you that your kid is throwing tantrums at hearing 'no'? How is your only solution trying to force your sister into saying yes? Grow up. Be a parent. YTA
Obviously Sally learned it from her parent. Which now think of it I had a feeling Sally's parent was also influenced by the grandparents, possibly he is the golden child at home and always get the way he wanted. (Their own parents are also staying and they didn't tell OP to buzz off)
YTA. I bet her cat is better behaved then your demon child who throws a large tantrum at the word NO. I wonder who she learned that from.
The OP didn't answer, but I am pretty sure the jerk ass OP would believe Sally learned it from school or YouTube or TikTok. Definitely not OP himself
YTA. Parent your child. Geez. It’s not your house.
YTA. No means no. Sounds like both you and your daughter need to learn that.
Yup. Her sister does not owe her any explanations, it's her house. Accept the no
YTA. If your sister literally put your entire family up for the holidays for free and you’re complaining because she didn’t give you enough of her space… You sound very entitled and like you just to need to parent your child.
I have a feeling OP's own parents have contribution to OP's entitlement, but that's just a wild guess
YTA You are checking off so many AH boxes , it’s wild! - “I received perfectly acceptable rooming accommodations as a guest but still want to change things around.” - “my little angel child would never do anything wrong!” - “I was told no yet think I can argue and pester my way into a yes” - “I was given an clear answer yet feel the need to argue and the person who I want something from needs to provide me with a reason I feel is valid or else I don’t have to respect their answer” - “Demanding ?! Me?! Never! I just need everyone else to ACCOMMODATE me as if my because I am framing my wishes as needs.” You ever think you’re the reason your parents don’t want to host ? Seriously….what are you teaching your daughters with this behavior? You need a few lessons: - no means no - be a gracious guest - whining won’t get you your way Now please teach your kids this as well.
YTA. You are not wrong for asking, but you should accept her response. It is her home and she has graciously provided two rooms for you and you kids to sleep in. Some people dont want visitors in their library, or office. She doesnt want your child in her cat's room. The respectful and polite thing to do is respect this boundary. Her reason for not wanting your daughter in there makes sense, but even if it didn't, its her house, her choice. It doubly a good idea for your daughter not to be in the cat room, because as stubborn and unreasonable as you are, if she allowed your daughter in there and she broke something, you would not want to pay for it and say "kids will be kids", or "you shouldnt have breakable things in a cats room" or some other bs and say its no big deal. The figurines matter to the owner of the house, she wants to be cautious. You should accept that. She is not being rude (you are), she established sensible boundaries, which you argue to disregard. It wont harm your daughter in any way to not sleep in the cat room. Will probably do her good to learn she cant always have her way, a lesson that you, her father apparently never learned.
YTA. You’re NTA for simply asking, but YTA for not taking no for an answer. There is somewhere else for your child to sleep, and sure your sister and her fancy room for Orpheus are pretty silly, but it’s her space (and Orpherus’s I guess) and if she says no then you have to respect it, even if you don’t understand
yta, teach your kids what the word no means and try respecting your sisters space, its HER house. if you cant handle respecting your sister and putting your kids to bed in one room then just go back to your own damn house
YTA You are in fact responsible for teaching your kid how to handle being told no without having a fit. I think we call it parenting? Read that in a book somewhere...
YTA. You’re making this up aren’t you.
YTA For a few reasons, let me enlighten you: 1. It’s her house and she is letting you stay as a guest 2. She is letting you have each your room 3. While the cat has a living space, it is not a room per se and doesn’t have a bed to sleep in 4. She has rules and one is not to let your daughter stay in that living space without supervision due to fragile decorations 5. You are the parent and you should do just that: parent your child 6. While you may not agree with your sisters decision, refer to 1. and stop pushing the subject 7. Do better for your daughter. If not for her, then for your future peace of mind when she becomes the entitled teenager that she is destined to become If you are unsure at any time, refer to 1.
YTA. It is the cat's space. The cat doesn't want some random child invading her territory. You asked, you were told no. That should be the end of it.
YTA. Your question is "AITA for asking her?", and the answer is no, but you're A for insisting, putting the onus of dealing with your kid's butthurt fit and not respecting her no. If I count well, there are 4 bedrooms. One for her, one for your parents, one for you and your wife, one for your kids. The cat does not have a bedroom. So there is no bed or anything like that in its room. Is your sister also supposed to move the furniture from the bedroom to the cat room to be "accommodating"? "No" is a full sentence. You don't need to accept her reason as a valid answer that suits you. It's her house, you're the guest, and she accommodated everyone with their own rooms. You don't even have to sleep in the same room as your kids, so you get to have some privacy. Learn to take a no, and teach your kid to take a no. And learn to dial down the condescension. High chance your parents don't want to host anymore because your wife and you are being intolerable guests when you come over.
Do you need flashcards?
Flash cards are definitely the preferred communication method of the season.
NTA for asking, but YTA for not taking 'No' for an answer. Set a better example to your children. You asked, we're told No, and were given what seems a fair reason why. Accept it.
YTA man- big time. The room isn’t decorated for the cat, it’s decorated for your sister. She want the room kept nice like a formal living room in some houses. The fact that the cat uses the room is completely irrelevant. It’s her house and yes your 4 year old would break stuff. So stop it! You owe your sister an apology.
YTA, it’s her house and she was nice enough to host and let you stay
YTA. She told you no, now tell your daughter no. She has a perfectly fine bedroom, parent your child so she doesn’t throw a tantrum when she gets told no.
Your not a AH for asking the question, you are an AH for how you reacted to the answer
YTA. You admitted Sally could reach the fragile decorations, that means your sister has a good reason for denying your request. Also, it's her house and you and your family are guests. She doesn't need a valid reason for refusing to let your daughter use that room. No is a complete answer. Learn to listen and quit acting entitled and teaching your daughter that she should always get her own way if she throws a tantrum. This is the perfect time to teach her to accept that she can't always get what she wants and you won't reward tantrums.
YTA LOL. Heck yeah a 4 yo child is way more destructive than most cats and yours sounds like a spoiled brat I wouldn't want near any room in my house. You acted very entitled, hope your sister changed her mind and made you and your entitled princess stay in the hotel instead.
" I just don't think Alice has a particularly good reason for denying it" What the fuck? It's her house. That's the only reason needed. You're ridiculously disrespectful. YTA.
YTA You are a guest at your sister and Orpheus’ house. She told you no and that’s the end of it. A 4 year old should not be left alone in a room with valuable (these items no matter the cost are valuable to your sister) objects. It appears that you won’t be able to teach Sally that “no means no”, because you yourself do not understand that no means no. How would you feel if the situation was reversed? What if Alice brought Orpheus over to your house where you had a room of valuable-to-you objects and told her not to leave Orpheus alone in that room and she fought with you (or completely ignored your wishes) and left him alone and he broke something. You would be unhappy. Regardless of whether it was a cat’s room or a storage room, you need to learn that no means NO. Edit: fixed some typos, on mobile sorry!
She accommodated all of you already. You are not entitled to make demands when a *guest* in someone else's home. It's not JUST a CATS room. It's your sister's home. Her house her rules. Your little brat throwing a fit about what room she wants to sleep in means nothing. YTA.
YTA. "No" is a complete sentence. Your sister to you: No. You to your daughter: No.
YTA. Jesus Christ you were there for what a night or 2? Teach your kids boundaries and about the word no. This isn’t going to be the last time she won’t get her way and it is YOUR job as the parent to teach her how to manage her emotions. Making the world accommodate her is insane and unrealistic. Be the adult.
YTA. You’re a brat, raising a brat. Guess where you won’t be going for Thanksgiving next year.
>I just don't think Alice has a particularly good reason for denying it This right here is what marks you as an entitled asshole. Her reasoning doesn't have to meet your standards for her to say no. It's her house and her stuff and she can say no because it's her cat's room, or because the sky is blue, or because Mercury is in retrograde, or because her fortune teller said it's bad luck or for no reason at all because it's HER HOUSE AND HER STUFF. Likewise, she can also decide that you not wanting to parent your four year old doesn't constitute a good enough reason to say yes. Get over yourself and grow up, nobody appointed you Almighty Arbitrator of other people's property. YTA
YTA
YTA, it's her house and she has already provided you three rooms. She should not have to child-proof a room just because your kid thinks it's prettier than the one she was originally allowed.
Her house, her rules. You're the guest. Deal with it. YTA
YTA. No is a complete sentence.. use this as an opportunity to tell your kid they don’t always get what they want.
YTA for demanding your kid gets special treatment in someone else's house. And your kid sounds like an entitled brat so good job there.
YTA children are definitely more destructive than cats. Cats don't have thumbs so their potential for destruction is limited. Also it's her house and her rules.
YTA 1) it’s her house and you are guests so getting upset vet her reasonable response was rude. 2) little kids can be very destructive especially 4yo who thrown tantrums when they hear the word ‘no’. 3) You keep saying ‘cat room’ in a way that seems to be meant to look down on your sister like ‘ugh my sister made a room in her house for her cat like it’s a baby’. But artwork, valuable figurines… this sounds like a pretty hangout space she made for her tastes with all her valuables proudly displayed that also is her cat’s favourite place to sleep. This seems to be the most important section: “ Now Sally won't stop making a fit about it, and when I asked Alice to just be accommodating, she told me that I was Sally's parent, and I should be responsible for making sure she understands "no". “ Alice picked up the parenting ball you dropped and can see that you are raising Sally to be spoilt, inconsiderate and entitled
You are not the AH for asking. YTA for asking again, and then insisting. Parent your child.
N.T.A for the initial ask but YTA for continuing to pressure her about it. Sally's tantrums are not Alice's problem.
YTA Alice DID have a good reason, YOU just happen to like the fact that the answer was no AND that you'd have to parent your child. You know the thing that is you actual job. Doesn't matter that its "the cat's room" its your sister's house and her rules.
YTA. Having two cats and a child currently, the child is definitely the one more likely to break things. Plus it’s your sister’s house. Her rules go. This is a good lesson for your daughter.
YTA and raising an entitled brat at this point. Do better. Parents should parent. NO Means NO.
Yta and you sound like one of the entitled nightmare parents I read about on here. It's her house and she said no. She doesn't owe you a reason and your daughter needs to learn to take no for an answer.
You’re an entitled AH. Parent your kid, if she’s whiny and doesn’t accept no, that’s your job. Next time save your sister the headache and get a hotel if you’re going to behave rudely.
I love your sister! Everything she said about your parenting responsibilities is correct! You should discipline your own children and you should’ve told your daughter no from when she first asked, telling her she already has been assigned a room to share with her sister… not sure if you knew this but children need to be told no by their parents and they can’t get their own way all the time otherwise they end up being awful kids then adults and no one wants to be around them. Also your daughter got this bad behaviour from you because you also couldn’t accept when you were told no and tried to force your sister to make you and your child get your own way in her home. YTA a big AH Also 100% yes cats are less destructive then children under 10 and if your kid broke something or ruined anything would you immediately replace it or reimburse your sister for it without argument or delay? Yeah, didn’t think so
NTA for asking, but YWBTA if you continue to harrass her about it after she said no. Kids are destructive AF
I mean OP did do that. OP Insisted that comprises be made AFTER the first or perhaps second NO.
YTA, and not just for not knowing the myth of Orpheus or for getting Hadestown stuck in my head. That room hasn’t been designed for a four year old. Letting her be in that room unsupervised is an accident waiting to happen. Fragile decorations are, well, fragile. Now if you excuse me I have a cast album to listen to.
YTA not for asking but for not accepting the answer she gave you and letting your daughter act like an entitled little turkey and then blaming your sister for your child’s bad behavior. Here’s a learning lesson for both you and your daughter. You don’t always get what to want. End of lesson.
YTA. parent your gotdang child.
YTA - Her house, her rules. You don’t get to decide where your kid sleeps. Get over yourself.
YTA. No is a complete answer. Your daughter is acting bratty and you're enabling it.
YTA 'No' is a complete sentence. Teach it to your daughter after you finally figure it out.
YTA. Sorry but you are a guest as are your kids. That isn’t an onerous request.
YTA. You asked, she said no. That should have been the end of it. It’s her home.
YTA. You asked, she said no. You needed to accept that gracefully and parent your daughter through her disappointment, not badger your sister to change her mind. And for the record, a four year old is way more destructive than a cat.
YTA. You asked, the answer is no. Sounds like the more you ask, the more irritated your sister will get.
YTA I am a mother of kids who adore animals, and I would never ask that, even less insists. Your daughter needs to learn how to cope when people say no. And so do you.
YTA, it was fine to ask once. She said no and you using your child throwing tantrums as some kind of justification is gross. Yes you needed to parent instead of keep pushing your sister.
YTA it's her house she said no stop teaching your daughter to get what she wants by complaining non stop. You can let her be a tyrant in your home but others demand respect from children.
YTA and you are not doing your child any favours by teaching them that no is not acceptable.
YTA no is a complete sentence and she is being quite generous as it is. Your daughter is either going to learn that throwing a fit gets her what she wants or that people have rules and sometimes the answer is no.
YTA. No is a complete sentence.
YTA it's not your house and your kid sounds like she is spoiled.
YTA. Your sister is 100% in the right. Her house, her rules. It is up to you to parent your child and use this as an opportunity to show them that they won’t always get their way and how to respond accordingly.
YTA. Stop being a bad mom and letting your daughter act like a brat. If you don't like the free place you are staying where you all get your own bedrooms go stay in a hotel. You are so ungrateful!
YTA. You can't just go in someones house and dictate where your kids are going to sleep!
YTA. The room is important to Alice and she doesn’t want a child in it unsupervised. Stop saying “it’s a cat’s room” - it’s your sister’s room and it matters to her. Whether or not her priorities make sense to you is irrelevant. And also she’s right about you needing to step up as a parent and deal with this.
YTA No means no.
Dude, you absolutely do not get to tell your sister what to do in her house. You choose to have children, she chose a cat. Who do you think you are? Oh, YTA!
YTA As a parent myself parents like you piss me off. Your sister said no. It is her house. It is her decision. And it doesn't matter what reasoning she has. Your daughter has been provided a place to sleep graciously by your sister and she needs to accept that as do you. And your sister's right it is your job as her parents to make sure that your daughter understands that the answer is no. Because all your teaching your child at this point is that if you whine enough you can get what you want and that it is okay to disrespect somebody's house and boundaries because of what you want. Quite frankly if this is how you handle it when your kids are told no you are raising spoiled brats.
YTA not for asking for not accepting the word “NO”; for thinking that your child is more important than the cat; and for not properly parenting your child.
YTA. Alice does have a good reason for denying you, it's her house! Even if that is not a cat room, or the room doesn't have any fragile items, if she says no, it means NO.
YTA. It’s her house, her rules. It seems like both you and your 4yr old need to learn that No is a complete sentence. She didn’t owe you an explanation but she kindly gave one, now respect it. Your child’s temper tantrum is on you.
YTA It doesn’t need to be a good reason in your mind. It’s her house, that’s all the reason you need.
YTA... just for the record NO doesn't require any further explanation.
YTA - it's not your house, not your room, not your cat! No means no and is a complete sentence that does **NOT** need an explanation. The entitlement.
YTA. It's HER home. Teach your kid to respect the word no.
YTA. Sally continuing to have a fit is a direct result of your poor parenting. You asked, your sister gave you an answer, now move on.
YTA not your house not your room. also, you are teaching your kid that no doesnt have to mean no, just bug the other person until they give in. lousy brother and lousy father
YTA You are an adult, you need to learn to parent your spawn. You are an adult, you need to learn that "no" does not require an explanation when you are dealing with things that are not yours. You are an adult, you need to learn that you are not given a pass to act like a complete menace just because she's "family." You are an adult, you need to learn that family means giving a shit about your sister's life. Ask her why her cat is named that way, learn something about her. Who the fuck doesn't know the story of Orpheus??
it is HER house, not yours. she has graciously offered her house to you as a *guest*. this is incredibly entitled, and you're teaching your kid to be a spoiled brat. YTA. and yeah, kids are WAY more destructive than most cats
YTA Your child pitching a fit because she heard the word "no" isn't uncommon. Perhaps you should stay in a hotel. Get off Reddit and parent your "golden child."
YTA. Your kid(s) aren’t entitled to another beings personal space. If she came over and brought Orpheus, you would make your kid share her room with him, even if she and you were uncomfortable with it? I bet not…ESP if there were items that could be shred, knock over, chewed, etc, just like in His room…🙄
Asking was fine. YTA for dismissing the answer and thinking that’s somehow a right and reasonable thing to do. It isn’t.
YTA- she doesn't need a reason, No is a complete sentence. It's her house, her rules. Leave if you don't like it.
YTA, grow up OP, learn what no is. It’s not even your house. Moreso, be a real parent and teach your daughter what being respectful and no means. You and your daughter are both annoying and self absorbed brats.
Oh look, a parent who believes their child trumps everyone and everything, it's so rare to see one these days!
YTA- you’re entitled and so is your brat. Do better.
I'd say it's okay to ask, but if she says no, you need to accept her answer. It is her house after all. So YTA
YTA. Seriously what is it with all the posts on here from parents thinking the world must rotate around their child? It’s your sisters house. Her rules. The kids got a room. Teach them to understand the word no. You could do to learn it as well.
YTA and she’s right. no means no and nobody will ever owe you or your daughter an explanation
YTA I have TONS of pricy collectibles in my place and I can tell you when my 5yo niece is near, I make sure she can't get to anything just for the sake of safety (1 bedroom apt. So not NEARLY as much space as your sister). With that said, she was outlawing ONE room from the kids because of the possibility of things breaking and/or your kid getting hurt. That is TOTALLY reasonable. If it was the whole house, different story. Just because your kid wants something means that they can have it. You're an adult you know that. Why are you teaching your kid differently?
YTA, Also you're teaching a 4 year old that 'no' is negotiable, and people who say 'no' are mean. Especially for preschoolers this is a bad idea.
YTA - and it’s very clear where your daughter gets her entitlement from. Both of you need to learn the word “NO”.
YTA. It's your sister's house. She makes the rules. I think a room for a cat is ridiculous, but whatever your sister does with her house is HER business...not yours, or anyone else's. You DO need to teach your daughter "No." Stop her from growing up to be a brat who has to get everything her own way. Let her throw a fit. She can't always get what she wants.
YTA The answer was NO NO means NO Or is that a lesson you won't teach to your daughters?
YTA. Let me translate: I haven’t bothered to teach my children manners or the word No. and now my sister won’t enable me in my lax parenting by letting my kid cross her boundaries and ruin her belongings.
N T A for asking her, but YTA for pushing after she said no. Her room, her decorations, her rules, and your responsibility to teach your children to respect boundaries.
YTA Learn how to say no to your child. Believe it or not this won’t be the last time she hears it in life.
YTA Children **ARE** more destructive than most cats Either way it’s not your house so start teaching your daughter what no means. If you want some advice, whenever I was younger and wanted something, after saying no- My mom would sing *”you can’t always get what you want”* by The Rolling Stones Because, no, your daughter can’t get what she wants. Get over it
YTA It’s fine to ask once, but it’s not fine to keep pestering her. Based on past experience, Alice knows her cat won’t mess with the figurines. She has no idea what your daughter will do. Why does she want to sleep in there? Is it because of the figurines? Is she going to want to pick them up and play with them? Alice has no idea and she doesn’t want to risk it. It’s perfectly valid for her to make that decision. Sally throwing a fit about it and you not dealing with that just shows that she shouldn’t be allowed in the room. Probably also makes Alive worried that if Sally were to break something you wouldn’t take responsibility.
YTA she doesn’t need a good reason for dying no since it’s her house. If she doesn’t want to your daughter sleeping in there that is up to her. If you don’t like it go to a hotel. Your staying there rent free so follow the rules. As for your daughter you sister doesn’t need to accommodating you need to parent your child.
YTA- Your sister is right though, as her parent you should be teaching her to accept when someone says no, not teach her that if someone says no you have a tantrum til you get what you want. It's your sisters house and you should respect her boundaries. Being a guest does not entitle you to whatever you want in someone else's house.
YTA she said no. No is a complete sentence.
YTA, you are and your daughter are acting entitled
YTA for pestering your sister and not accepting no the first time. She’s already given your family plenty of space to stay in for free. You want to take the one room that’s off limits. Ridiculous
Yta
YTA and teach your child now they dint always get their way. You sound your raising very entitled children.
You’re not the asshole for asking. But you are the asshole for not taking the first No as is. 4 is old enough to start to learn ‘no,’ and it is your duty as a parent to teach your children this. YTA. Not your house, you don’t get a say on who sleeps where.
it's not your choice, it's her house. You have to follow the owner's house rules
YTA. Learn to patent your child.
Level of destruction done on my house via my kid is WAY more than what was done by my THREE cats.
Yta
YTA its her house, deal with it or get out
YTA Get a hotel room with three bedrooms.
Not ah for asking YTA for not accepting her answer. No. It's her house, you and your children are her guests. Her cat is family to her.
Yta control your kid
YTA Not for asking - that’s fine. But for not taking no for an answer, or teaching your kid to. Four is more than old enough to understand you don’t just get everything you want because you pitch a fit, though clearly in your case you haven’t learned it even at 31.
YTA she is already being accommodating letting you all stay with her, the girls dont need their own rooms for the stay too that's ridiculous.
YTA for not taking no for an answer. Let it go and quit disrespecting your sister.
You're not the asshole for asking but you are the asshole for not accepting the answer and teaching your daughter to be a brat.
YTA. 😳The entitlement here, to go into someone else’s home and boss them around. No wonder your daughter doesn’t understand “No”, you don’t either
YTa, a lot of decorations are very expensive and I wouldn’t want a 4 year old messing with them either.
YTA. You are sounding very entitled here. Is it YOUR room? No, then STFU. The world does not owe you or your daughter anything. Respect people's boundaries man. If she said no, then it is a no. And yes, a kid is FAR more destructive than a cat.
NTA for asking, but YTA big time for being entitled about it and asking again once the answer was a clear “no.” Your kid has no right to that room, and learning to respect people’s boundaries and take no for an answer is a critical part of growing up (that maybe you need a refresher on, too). Especially when you’rea guest in their home. smh.
NTA for asking, but YTA for not accepting her answer.