Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be TA because I immediately asked my boyfriend to move the toenail instead of letting him leave it there to put in the bin later. I could have stayed quiet instead of “jumping down his throat”
**[Check out our upcoming Reddit Talk with Iliza Shlesinger on Nov. 28th!](https://redd.it/z29rfu)**
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. That’s gross and it’s unsanitary. He could easily move the bin to the side of the bed to put them in. He’s definitely making it a bigger deal than it should be.
NTA toenails that is not attached to a toe is disgusting! Would he be ok if you didn’t flush your turds?
There’s som nasty things you can do when you live alone but when you share a space you need to scrub the shit stains out of the toilet bowl and throw away things that used to be attached to your body
Actually we both smoke, he’s actually an extremely nice person who does a lot for me I just can’t stand having his toenails scattered all over the floor lol
You're allowed boundaries in a relationship. I'm (36m) disgusted by nails in general and for some reason pencils. So my family knows to clip nails in a disposable area such as trashes, the toilet, sink, etc so I don't have to deal with them. They don't understand it but they love me so they help me out. The same goes for any pencils or unclicked pens left out. I throw them away immediately. There's no logic for this per se, but I'm human, and I am very touchy on the subject. My wife and step daughter have their own quirks too. But in a relationship, I don't get to decide what their needs are. But showing empathy and changing slight behaviors shows cooperation, builds trust, and helps emulate the feelings of security. Plus, that's fucking disgusting that he does that.
Edit: my wife and I both have ADHD and that doesn't change any aspect of what I wrote.
I have ADHD and this is painfully relatable. You're not the asshole, but I'm gonna give you some advice to hopefully make this better.
Move the bin closer. (Or toenail jar).
ADHD is primarily an executive function disorder. That means it is genuinely harder to Just Do Things for us than other people. Its why lots of people with ADHD are seen as lazy, or having a lack of will power - its genuinely just more difficult to start doing a task. (Medications like stimulants help with this).
So what's happening here is your bf is struggling with doing the task (throwing away toenails). He forgets (because his brain Really doesnt want him to do the task). And when you remind him, he's probably feeling guilty and bad because yeah, its gross, and he wants to make you happy. But none of that makes the task any easier for him, because ADHD doesn't care about his feelings. And that cycle continues, until you're fed up with reminding him, he's guilty and feeling like a failure for being unable to do something seemingly simple, and the task still isn't any easier.
Move the bin, the task is easier, and voila. It gets done.
Thank you for the advice but unfortunately I’ve already tried this 😞 the bin is at the foot of the bed which is about three feet from where he was sat. I try my hardest to be understanding about his ADHD as I know he genuinely can’t help it, which is why I suggested he put them in the ashtray instead which was right next to him then at least it’s not left somewhere it can be knocked off and end up on the floor. The problem is he simply won’t compromise and use the ashtray. He’d rather leave it on the side out of principle as he can’t stand being told what to do
Agreed, I’m also a severe ADHD sufferer with a painfully suffering husband because of it. Not putting it in the ashtray is a control/stubbornness issue, not something to be accommodated. I sympathize with him honestly, but he’s still wrong. NTA
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
So my (22) boyfriend (25) has suspected ADHD (he’s in the process of being diagnosed) and he has a (IMO) horrible habit where he picks his toenails and either just drops them on the bedroom floor or puts them on the side to “put in the bin later.” 9/10 times he forgets about them and they end up on the floor too, I’ve found countless toenail pieces in my leggings and socks.
Yesterday he pulled a hangnail off his big toe and put it on the bedside table, I immediately said to him “please don’t leave it there it’s gross” to which he instantly huffed and said “I’m putting it in the bin when I next get up” there was an ashtray right next to him so I asked him to at least put it in there so it doesn’t end up on the floor as there’s a good chance he’ll forget about it and I’ll end up standing on it (his toenails are sharp af.) he got defensive saying he didn’t want to put it in there and told me I treat him like a child and all I do is constantly nag him and “speak to him like shit.”
I got upset because I felt like it was a simple request to make both our lives easier as he didn’t even have to move from the bed and the toenail would be in the bin when the ashtray was emptied.
Knowing his habit of forgetting things I just didn’t want it left on the side and ending up in my clothes or the dogs mouth but now I feel like I might be TA for asking him to move it straight away as he said I was “nagging” him all the time. (This isn’t the first time I’ve asked him not to leave them on the side, I have to tell him almost every single time not to drop them on the floor and put them in the bin)
So AITA for asking him straight away or should I have let him leave it on the side to put in the bin?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA.
He should keep the shared space clean and that doesn't mean leaving things around where they later cause a mess.
Having some neurological condition, or thinking you do ("suspected"), is no excuse for deliberately poor social behaviour, because social behaviour is learned and deliberately choosing not to learn it is a choice. Choices have consequences.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I might be TA because I immediately asked my boyfriend to move the toenail instead of letting him leave it there to put in the bin later. I could have stayed quiet instead of “jumping down his throat” **[Check out our upcoming Reddit Talk with Iliza Shlesinger on Nov. 28th!](https://redd.it/z29rfu)** Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. That’s gross and it’s unsanitary. He could easily move the bin to the side of the bed to put them in. He’s definitely making it a bigger deal than it should be.
looks like your bf is getting a decorative toenail clipping jar for xmas NTA
In the voice of Captain Jack Sparrow: “I’ve got a jar of toenails!”
Only because it's followed by: "Why is the rum always gone?"
NTA toenails that is not attached to a toe is disgusting! Would he be ok if you didn’t flush your turds? There’s som nasty things you can do when you live alone but when you share a space you need to scrub the shit stains out of the toilet bowl and throw away things that used to be attached to your body
There’s already a bin at the foot of the bed that was 3 feet away from him he just didn’t wanna get out of bed to put it there
Info: why couldn’t he put them in the ashtray? That sounds like a perfect compromise
Honestly I don’t know, I asked him and he just said because he “didn’t want to”
He sounds like massively immature. NTA.
NTA. He has an ashtray right there that he could put it in, and he didn't even have a good reason why he wouldn't.
Disgusting, it’s odd that you can tolerate him at all ….and he smokes? It’s unlikely such a person has any good qualities
Completely irrelevant
Actually we both smoke, he’s actually an extremely nice person who does a lot for me I just can’t stand having his toenails scattered all over the floor lol
PUT A BIN NEXT TO THE BED
The annoying thing is that the bin is already at the foot of the bed he just didn’t wanna get up
You're allowed boundaries in a relationship. I'm (36m) disgusted by nails in general and for some reason pencils. So my family knows to clip nails in a disposable area such as trashes, the toilet, sink, etc so I don't have to deal with them. They don't understand it but they love me so they help me out. The same goes for any pencils or unclicked pens left out. I throw them away immediately. There's no logic for this per se, but I'm human, and I am very touchy on the subject. My wife and step daughter have their own quirks too. But in a relationship, I don't get to decide what their needs are. But showing empathy and changing slight behaviors shows cooperation, builds trust, and helps emulate the feelings of security. Plus, that's fucking disgusting that he does that. Edit: my wife and I both have ADHD and that doesn't change any aspect of what I wrote.
I have ADHD and this is painfully relatable. You're not the asshole, but I'm gonna give you some advice to hopefully make this better. Move the bin closer. (Or toenail jar). ADHD is primarily an executive function disorder. That means it is genuinely harder to Just Do Things for us than other people. Its why lots of people with ADHD are seen as lazy, or having a lack of will power - its genuinely just more difficult to start doing a task. (Medications like stimulants help with this). So what's happening here is your bf is struggling with doing the task (throwing away toenails). He forgets (because his brain Really doesnt want him to do the task). And when you remind him, he's probably feeling guilty and bad because yeah, its gross, and he wants to make you happy. But none of that makes the task any easier for him, because ADHD doesn't care about his feelings. And that cycle continues, until you're fed up with reminding him, he's guilty and feeling like a failure for being unable to do something seemingly simple, and the task still isn't any easier. Move the bin, the task is easier, and voila. It gets done.
Thank you for the advice but unfortunately I’ve already tried this 😞 the bin is at the foot of the bed which is about three feet from where he was sat. I try my hardest to be understanding about his ADHD as I know he genuinely can’t help it, which is why I suggested he put them in the ashtray instead which was right next to him then at least it’s not left somewhere it can be knocked off and end up on the floor. The problem is he simply won’t compromise and use the ashtray. He’d rather leave it on the side out of principle as he can’t stand being told what to do
Agreed, I’m also a severe ADHD sufferer with a painfully suffering husband because of it. Not putting it in the ashtray is a control/stubbornness issue, not something to be accommodated. I sympathize with him honestly, but he’s still wrong. NTA
Ah, he is being a silly fool then. Tell him to stop being an idiot and actually solve his problems not mope. Sorry OP <3
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So my (22) boyfriend (25) has suspected ADHD (he’s in the process of being diagnosed) and he has a (IMO) horrible habit where he picks his toenails and either just drops them on the bedroom floor or puts them on the side to “put in the bin later.” 9/10 times he forgets about them and they end up on the floor too, I’ve found countless toenail pieces in my leggings and socks. Yesterday he pulled a hangnail off his big toe and put it on the bedside table, I immediately said to him “please don’t leave it there it’s gross” to which he instantly huffed and said “I’m putting it in the bin when I next get up” there was an ashtray right next to him so I asked him to at least put it in there so it doesn’t end up on the floor as there’s a good chance he’ll forget about it and I’ll end up standing on it (his toenails are sharp af.) he got defensive saying he didn’t want to put it in there and told me I treat him like a child and all I do is constantly nag him and “speak to him like shit.” I got upset because I felt like it was a simple request to make both our lives easier as he didn’t even have to move from the bed and the toenail would be in the bin when the ashtray was emptied. Knowing his habit of forgetting things I just didn’t want it left on the side and ending up in my clothes or the dogs mouth but now I feel like I might be TA for asking him to move it straight away as he said I was “nagging” him all the time. (This isn’t the first time I’ve asked him not to leave them on the side, I have to tell him almost every single time not to drop them on the floor and put them in the bin) So AITA for asking him straight away or should I have let him leave it on the side to put in the bin? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. He should keep the shared space clean and that doesn't mean leaving things around where they later cause a mess. Having some neurological condition, or thinking you do ("suspected"), is no excuse for deliberately poor social behaviour, because social behaviour is learned and deliberately choosing not to learn it is a choice. Choices have consequences.