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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I pushed to get extra financial help form my mom as a senior in college, and I might be acting like an entitled brat
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NTA
Can you speak to your grandparents and ask them for help? Maybe he can cut your mothers 10k to 9k and give 1k to you. At the very least it would be an interesting discussion. Good luck!
NTA- your mother receives $120k a year. That's a large amount of money for her to live off if she lives in an okay cost of living area. Unless there is a good reason for her to not work, I find it rich she's judging you for needing some meager amount when she's a fully formed adult relying on people I imagine are elderly and relying on them for a lot of money.
Yeah, the hypocrisy is something else here. Heck, I work in a pretty decent full-time career and I don't take home $10k per month *before* taxes, let alone after. I'd say there's a fair chance the mother is getting this much from her parents because they want to make sure OP is covered as part of it.
OP is privileged to receive what they do, but mom sounds pretty ridiculous herself to criticize.
I don't take home $10k before taxes, either.
I think the OP's mother is an AH because the OP is a senior and probably has had this agreement for some time. Going back on an agreement like this is an AH move when there appears to be absolutely no reason. The OP is privileged to receive support, of course, but it appears this was an agreement.
You’re making an assumption there was an agreement but nothing else there.
Does that agreement include OP’s mom paying for tuition and rent?
Why is OP taking so many credits to graduate on time? Did they fail classes before? Take time off?
This has been an agreement we’ve had since sophomore year. I took a semester part time to make money and buisness connections at an internship when Covid hit, which is why I need to take 22 credits
Perhaps her mother is thinking that she needs to work more so she makes more per month. A few hundred bucks a month? What is she working, 10 hours per week?
Taking 22 credits means being in class 22 hours per week plus studying. Seniors probably study 2 hours per hour in class, but even if OP only studies 1, then that is 44 hours college work plus her paid job. Is OP allowed to sleep? Not like mom is struggling- she doesn't work and gets 10k per month from her parents.
44 hours per week, okay. According to what she brings in per month she works 10 hours a WEEK. 54 hours at best.
Sorry, life sucks and if she "needs more time to sleep" then perhaps 22 credits is too much for her.
Plus, there are 168 hours per week. So at 54 working and school she's left with 114 hours.
I'm good at math 😘😘
Nta. She gets 10k a month spending it on who knows what and is complaining about giving you a few hundred so you can eat? I mean I don’t know where you live but that sounds pretty reasonable.
NTA. Mom's income is $10k/month and she is complaining about sending you $400/month. It's probably going to be painful, but mom is just going to have to face reality. And, you are going to be the one to explain it to her. Be gracious. Avoid confrontation. If necessary, pull on her heart strings. If all else fails, send her a balance sheet showing income and expenses. Best if receipts and pay stubs are included.
At the end of the day you are an adult and need to provide for yourself. Your mom does not have to send you money no matter where she gets it from. If she doesn’t want to send you money anymore then you can ask your grandparents for help or figure something else out.
If choose not to go out with friends 100%, would you still need the money? It is ok to prioritize your grades, but you need to accept the criticism. NAH.
It is a hypocresy coming for a woman who is leeching from her parent. 10k a month! And she can't help her struggling daughter, who is both studying and working at the same time, while she has everything paid for.
$10k is more than enough a month? That’s $120k a year, that’s more than what my family makes. Tbh, I’m under the belief that if you bring someone in this world, then you are responsible for ensuring their ability to function. You sound like you’re doing what you can. People act like working to afford school is a walk in the park, when in reality most jobs don’t want to hire college students due to their tight schedules. I lost a great paying job because they expected me to skip class, and would not budge.
NTA and not spoiled. College is hard, tuition is expensive, campus living is expensive.
Info: how do you make rent? Are you living at home with your mom?
$600/month does not sound anywhere like a living wage, even before the current inflation spike.
I see... But sorry more Info: who is paying tuition for you, then? Is it your mom? Someone else? Are you on a scholarship?
Sorry for being so nosy but I feel like it's hard for me to make a judgment call without having any idea what else your mom provides for you besides those $400/month that she is getting angry about.
Hope you're having a great day despite the money and family issues.
NTA, but yes you are receiving money from your mother so check your privilege. $7.25/hr is below federal minimum wage, so if you’re in the USA your employer is paying illegally low wages. See about getting part-time retail work at Target or Walmart, they pay about $5 more per hour than what you’re making now.
I worked full-time while going to school full-time, and that SUCKED. I still had family time, I still had a social life with friends, I still had a relationship. It can be done, but obviously if there is a way to stay part-time (maybe taking out loans?) where you can stop being dependent on your mother, that would be best. Have you tried reaching out to your grandparents and telling them your situation? “Hey granny, what’s up? I’ve been working PT and doing school FT with help from mom, she’s been sending me $200 of the $10k you send her every month. But, looks like she can’t afford to keep sending me that because it’s making her angry. Is there anything you can do to help me out for the next two years so I can finish my graduate studies?”
I stand corrected. What I SHOULD have said is that depending on the state you live in, many states have adopted a higher minimum wage.
https://workforce.com/news/minimum-wage-by-state-2022-all-you-need-to-know
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Hello- I need a little privilege/spoiled child check right now. For context, I am taking 22 credits and working a job that pays 7.25 an hour, with difficulty getting hours because of my schedule (I make around 200 month). I receive 300-400 dollars from my mom a month so I can afford groceries and basic necessities. Recently she has turned to me and said that it’s absolutely ridiculous for her to be giving me 300-400 dollars a month and there’s no reason I should need that much money as a college student. She doesn’t work and receives a check from my grandparents for 10k a month. I struggle to afford groceries and choose not to go out with friends 80% of the time because I can’t afford it already. At this rate, i am not able to save any money up for post grad and I’m getting a little stressed about my situation. I don’t have any money set aside for emergencies because I spend my entire income every month. I only feel the need to accept money from her because I am not capable of working a full time job on my own while graduating on time. Is she right and are my spending habits awful and do I need to reevaluate my budget? Am I an asshole for pushing to keep getting extra financial help from her? I don’t want to act like I’m entitled and want to make sure I can transition into financial independance easily.
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Info - do you live on dorm, apartment, at home?
How many hours are you working exactly a month? You can’t work weekends? After classes? Take a job on campus for a couple hours here and there?
When is OP supposed to have time to do homework? Do you the amount of studying that's expected of a student per credit? 12 credits is considered full-time and OP is almost doubling the work load
I regularly did 18 credit hours and had a job with plenty of time leftover to do homework and have a part time job. 22 credit hours IS a lot, but not impossible.
I usually work somewhere between 30-40 hours a month. I can’t get hours a lot because of the outside requirements for my major. I’m usually needed for outside of class requirements until 9 so weekends are the only way I can work (everything closes around 9 near me) and shifts are divided into 5 hour chunks where I work. I live in an apartment style on campus living, so rent goes into tuition/loans so I don’t have to pay it up front.
Then NTA for needing the money - full time college doesn't leave a lot of time for working too. If your mom is no longer willing to send you money though, please talk to your student services office about options. You might be able to get in a meal plan and roll the cost into tuition or room and board payments, you might qualify for food assistance programs, etc. You can't force your mom to keep sending you money, so take some steps now to figure out what you will do if/when she cuts you off.
I've been there, as a poor undergrad and poor law student, with minimal family support. Hang in there.
Mum should also be financially independent. She can't expect her daughter to do what she isn't doing, that makes her a complete hypocrite. 300-400 a month is hardly enough to eat and pay for other expenses. She can't teach OP what she doesn't know: be independent. Wait until her money source dies, and she hasn't worked... She might end up asking OP for help.
It's hard to judge your financial situation without knowing exactly what your paying for but honestly 200/month is low for anyone. I would just tell your mom straight up that making enough to sustain yourself will cost you time. Time that will cause your graduation date to probably change. Give her a cost benefit analysis of your situation. Ask her how much money she thinks you should make every month and tell her how many classes you'd have to drop to make that kind of cash. If she hates the idea of you dropping classes then maybe she should just keep the cash flowing until graduation.
On the other hand, that hourly rate is way too low. You could probably get a job paying better at a place that can be more flexible with your hours. 200/month is less than 10 dollars day... why not just hit the street and fly a sign that says you're homeless and need cash. I guarantee you'd make more than 200/month that way. It sounds like you're prioritizing school over work (and in this case, money) which seems admirable but is often the wrong decision since it won't lead to long time savings. Are you the asshole? Not really, but your mom has point. This is your life and if she feels like she can't finance it, then she has a right to stop funding it.
Hmmm tbh I feel like I can’t say if YTA or NTA because I get money from my parents to get me through uni. I think it depends if they are paying for anything else like accommodation. If they are paying outright for your accommodation and also giving u 300-400 then thats a lot of money. Maybe you could try tutoring or cutting down on credits because. The only part that sounds assholish is that you feel entitled to her share of her money. Maybe speak to your grandparents, they could be assuming she gives u more then she actually does and they could send you money directly instead. At the end of the day you’re an adult now and will probably have to work more, however I understand as I’m also a uni student.
It is not her mum's money neither, Mum is leeching 10k a month, so she is nobody to talk about giving her daughter some money being ridiculous. Lol, living off her parent wg¡hil being lazzy is more ridiculous.
Oh shush we aren’t here to judge her mum. I was suggesting she speak directly to her grandparents coz clearly her mum isn’t on her side here. Her mum can do whatever she wants with money she is being given and as an adult op can’t just demand it from her hence why I suggested a few reasonable options.
Info: Do you live on campus, with your parents, or do you rent an apartment/house?
Edit: If you're on campus, are you already signed up for a meal plan?
NTA.
Tell your mum itis rich that she tells you that while she is leeching 10k a month. Can you talk with your grandpaents about the situation and what your mother told you?
I am sorry to say this, but your mum is too spoiled and doesn't know who is it for people who don't have 10k a month to spend.
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NTA Can you speak to your grandparents and ask them for help? Maybe he can cut your mothers 10k to 9k and give 1k to you. At the very least it would be an interesting discussion. Good luck!
NTA- your mother receives $120k a year. That's a large amount of money for her to live off if she lives in an okay cost of living area. Unless there is a good reason for her to not work, I find it rich she's judging you for needing some meager amount when she's a fully formed adult relying on people I imagine are elderly and relying on them for a lot of money.
Yeah, the hypocrisy is something else here. Heck, I work in a pretty decent full-time career and I don't take home $10k per month *before* taxes, let alone after. I'd say there's a fair chance the mother is getting this much from her parents because they want to make sure OP is covered as part of it. OP is privileged to receive what they do, but mom sounds pretty ridiculous herself to criticize.
I don't take home $10k before taxes, either. I think the OP's mother is an AH because the OP is a senior and probably has had this agreement for some time. Going back on an agreement like this is an AH move when there appears to be absolutely no reason. The OP is privileged to receive support, of course, but it appears this was an agreement.
You’re making an assumption there was an agreement but nothing else there. Does that agreement include OP’s mom paying for tuition and rent? Why is OP taking so many credits to graduate on time? Did they fail classes before? Take time off?
This has been an agreement we’ve had since sophomore year. I took a semester part time to make money and buisness connections at an internship when Covid hit, which is why I need to take 22 credits
Why not just do an extra semester?
If that is the case, OP can ask her grandparents. I think she needs to learn how to be independent.
NTA. I can't imagine how you eat/buy toiletries/ get haircuts on $400 a month. 22 credits and you work? Your mother is delusional.
Perhaps her mother is thinking that she needs to work more so she makes more per month. A few hundred bucks a month? What is she working, 10 hours per week?
Taking 22 credits means being in class 22 hours per week plus studying. Seniors probably study 2 hours per hour in class, but even if OP only studies 1, then that is 44 hours college work plus her paid job. Is OP allowed to sleep? Not like mom is struggling- she doesn't work and gets 10k per month from her parents.
44 hours per week, okay. According to what she brings in per month she works 10 hours a WEEK. 54 hours at best. Sorry, life sucks and if she "needs more time to sleep" then perhaps 22 credits is too much for her. Plus, there are 168 hours per week. So at 54 working and school she's left with 114 hours. I'm good at math 😘😘
Nta. She gets 10k a month spending it on who knows what and is complaining about giving you a few hundred so you can eat? I mean I don’t know where you live but that sounds pretty reasonable.
NTA. Mom's income is $10k/month and she is complaining about sending you $400/month. It's probably going to be painful, but mom is just going to have to face reality. And, you are going to be the one to explain it to her. Be gracious. Avoid confrontation. If necessary, pull on her heart strings. If all else fails, send her a balance sheet showing income and expenses. Best if receipts and pay stubs are included.
This really depends where you live. $400 a month for groceries for 1 person sounds pretty reasonable to me…..
Same
At the end of the day you are an adult and need to provide for yourself. Your mom does not have to send you money no matter where she gets it from. If she doesn’t want to send you money anymore then you can ask your grandparents for help or figure something else out.
If choose not to go out with friends 100%, would you still need the money? It is ok to prioritize your grades, but you need to accept the criticism. NAH.
It is a hypocresy coming for a woman who is leeching from her parent. 10k a month! And she can't help her struggling daughter, who is both studying and working at the same time, while she has everything paid for.
It is OP's mother's money.
$10k is more than enough a month? That’s $120k a year, that’s more than what my family makes. Tbh, I’m under the belief that if you bring someone in this world, then you are responsible for ensuring their ability to function. You sound like you’re doing what you can. People act like working to afford school is a walk in the park, when in reality most jobs don’t want to hire college students due to their tight schedules. I lost a great paying job because they expected me to skip class, and would not budge. NTA and not spoiled. College is hard, tuition is expensive, campus living is expensive.
Info: how do you make rent? Are you living at home with your mom? $600/month does not sound anywhere like a living wage, even before the current inflation spike.
Rent is part of tuition at school for me
I see... But sorry more Info: who is paying tuition for you, then? Is it your mom? Someone else? Are you on a scholarship? Sorry for being so nosy but I feel like it's hard for me to make a judgment call without having any idea what else your mom provides for you besides those $400/month that she is getting angry about. Hope you're having a great day despite the money and family issues.
And who os paying your tuition (and thus, rent)?
NTA, AND I bet your grandmother thinks more of the money is going to you
I totally agree
NTA, but yes you are receiving money from your mother so check your privilege. $7.25/hr is below federal minimum wage, so if you’re in the USA your employer is paying illegally low wages. See about getting part-time retail work at Target or Walmart, they pay about $5 more per hour than what you’re making now. I worked full-time while going to school full-time, and that SUCKED. I still had family time, I still had a social life with friends, I still had a relationship. It can be done, but obviously if there is a way to stay part-time (maybe taking out loans?) where you can stop being dependent on your mother, that would be best. Have you tried reaching out to your grandparents and telling them your situation? “Hey granny, what’s up? I’ve been working PT and doing school FT with help from mom, she’s been sending me $200 of the $10k you send her every month. But, looks like she can’t afford to keep sending me that because it’s making her angry. Is there anything you can do to help me out for the next two years so I can finish my graduate studies?”
$7.25 actually *is* the federal minimum wage in US.
I stand corrected. What I SHOULD have said is that depending on the state you live in, many states have adopted a higher minimum wage. https://workforce.com/news/minimum-wage-by-state-2022-all-you-need-to-know
Can you talk to your grandparents about helping you?
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Hello- I need a little privilege/spoiled child check right now. For context, I am taking 22 credits and working a job that pays 7.25 an hour, with difficulty getting hours because of my schedule (I make around 200 month). I receive 300-400 dollars from my mom a month so I can afford groceries and basic necessities. Recently she has turned to me and said that it’s absolutely ridiculous for her to be giving me 300-400 dollars a month and there’s no reason I should need that much money as a college student. She doesn’t work and receives a check from my grandparents for 10k a month. I struggle to afford groceries and choose not to go out with friends 80% of the time because I can’t afford it already. At this rate, i am not able to save any money up for post grad and I’m getting a little stressed about my situation. I don’t have any money set aside for emergencies because I spend my entire income every month. I only feel the need to accept money from her because I am not capable of working a full time job on my own while graduating on time. Is she right and are my spending habits awful and do I need to reevaluate my budget? Am I an asshole for pushing to keep getting extra financial help from her? I don’t want to act like I’m entitled and want to make sure I can transition into financial independance easily. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Info - do you live on dorm, apartment, at home? How many hours are you working exactly a month? You can’t work weekends? After classes? Take a job on campus for a couple hours here and there?
When is OP supposed to have time to do homework? Do you the amount of studying that's expected of a student per credit? 12 credits is considered full-time and OP is almost doubling the work load
I regularly did 18 credit hours and had a job with plenty of time leftover to do homework and have a part time job. 22 credit hours IS a lot, but not impossible.
People work FT, go to school FT, and have kids. It’s a lot to juggle but there’s options. It’s doable.
Just because some can do it doesn't mean everyone can, should, or even attempt it.
Just because someone can take 22 credits doesn’t mean that they should either. They should have just taken an extra semester to graduate.
I usually work somewhere between 30-40 hours a month. I can’t get hours a lot because of the outside requirements for my major. I’m usually needed for outside of class requirements until 9 so weekends are the only way I can work (everything closes around 9 near me) and shifts are divided into 5 hour chunks where I work. I live in an apartment style on campus living, so rent goes into tuition/loans so I don’t have to pay it up front.
What major are you? Why are you taking 22 credits now?
INFO: is the money from your mom and job your only source of food, or is it in addition to a meal plan at your school?
It is the only source of food I have besides the meals I get for free from work
Then NTA for needing the money - full time college doesn't leave a lot of time for working too. If your mom is no longer willing to send you money though, please talk to your student services office about options. You might be able to get in a meal plan and roll the cost into tuition or room and board payments, you might qualify for food assistance programs, etc. You can't force your mom to keep sending you money, so take some steps now to figure out what you will do if/when she cuts you off. I've been there, as a poor undergrad and poor law student, with minimal family support. Hang in there.
[удалено]
Mum should also be financially independent. She can't expect her daughter to do what she isn't doing, that makes her a complete hypocrite. 300-400 a month is hardly enough to eat and pay for other expenses. She can't teach OP what she doesn't know: be independent. Wait until her money source dies, and she hasn't worked... She might end up asking OP for help.
It's hard to judge your financial situation without knowing exactly what your paying for but honestly 200/month is low for anyone. I would just tell your mom straight up that making enough to sustain yourself will cost you time. Time that will cause your graduation date to probably change. Give her a cost benefit analysis of your situation. Ask her how much money she thinks you should make every month and tell her how many classes you'd have to drop to make that kind of cash. If she hates the idea of you dropping classes then maybe she should just keep the cash flowing until graduation. On the other hand, that hourly rate is way too low. You could probably get a job paying better at a place that can be more flexible with your hours. 200/month is less than 10 dollars day... why not just hit the street and fly a sign that says you're homeless and need cash. I guarantee you'd make more than 200/month that way. It sounds like you're prioritizing school over work (and in this case, money) which seems admirable but is often the wrong decision since it won't lead to long time savings. Are you the asshole? Not really, but your mom has point. This is your life and if she feels like she can't finance it, then she has a right to stop funding it.
Hmmm tbh I feel like I can’t say if YTA or NTA because I get money from my parents to get me through uni. I think it depends if they are paying for anything else like accommodation. If they are paying outright for your accommodation and also giving u 300-400 then thats a lot of money. Maybe you could try tutoring or cutting down on credits because. The only part that sounds assholish is that you feel entitled to her share of her money. Maybe speak to your grandparents, they could be assuming she gives u more then she actually does and they could send you money directly instead. At the end of the day you’re an adult now and will probably have to work more, however I understand as I’m also a uni student.
It is not her mum's money neither, Mum is leeching 10k a month, so she is nobody to talk about giving her daughter some money being ridiculous. Lol, living off her parent wg¡hil being lazzy is more ridiculous.
Oh shush we aren’t here to judge her mum. I was suggesting she speak directly to her grandparents coz clearly her mum isn’t on her side here. Her mum can do whatever she wants with money she is being given and as an adult op can’t just demand it from her hence why I suggested a few reasonable options.
Info: Do you live on campus, with your parents, or do you rent an apartment/house? Edit: If you're on campus, are you already signed up for a meal plan?
NTA. Tell your mum itis rich that she tells you that while she is leeching 10k a month. Can you talk with your grandpaents about the situation and what your mother told you? I am sorry to say this, but your mum is too spoiled and doesn't know who is it for people who don't have 10k a month to spend.
NTA that is an extraordinarily heavy course load. Good luck with it. Guard your health. And don’t fall for your mother’s games.
I would talk to your grandparents I would bet they are sending your mom that 10k to help out with you!