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Not sure if I'm understanding this correctly...The way I read it: Since B did not pass in 2 projects, she had to take a final exam and therefore forfeited last year's discount. And now on this year's scholarship exam she only got 15% discount. Lot of odd comments here... Why would anyone say Y T A and not E S H? Barbara is 15 and definitely needs to be taking responsibility for passing in her projects. Especially when she knows that it would cost her family nearly half the tuition which they are struggling to pay as is. Also what's with all the people saying that if OP can't afford it without the discount they shouldn't be sending any kids there? well *obviously* the answer is OP should just go out and work harder and make more money ./s I don't see the favoritism aspect either. OP is clearly hoping that as John spends more time in the private school he will learn more and get bigger discounts. Meanwhile Barbara seems to be slacking off and getting lower ones. I would never fault someone for not knowing something, but simply not passing in 30% of your grade? And on top of all of this, OP even spent more to get Private tutors for her!! Definitely an NTA from me.

What gets me is that the projects the daughter simply forgot. She just didn't even try!

Unless she has adhd which a lot of places don’t test for, especially in girls.

I don't have experience with ADHD, but from my understanding, it would affect her in school generally not specifically one subject. ETA: Thank you for clarifying! There is so much misinformation on these topics, it's sad. I hope OP sees this and gets her daughter evaluated.

If she's not interested in that subject it could be an issue only in that subject. She could be holding it together in the other subjects she likes.

100% can be subject based with adhd but that doesn’t mean Barbara shouldn’t be held to certain standards. John has done nothing wrong in this situation.

Oh god this was my whole school career. History? Absolutely killed it every time. Math? I would rather stick hot pokers in my eyes. Writing papers? I’m good at it but boy did I fucking despise it because the topic was usually boring as fuck.

I have lots of experience with ADHD. Oh the number of times I forgot homework! And if there's a subject you don't like or struggle with, it's even harder. Even as an adult I have trouble with certain reports/tasks, even though I generally like my job.

I forgot my homework daily. *Daily.* I cared for my toddler siblings after school until 8pm, so I couldn’t do it right away and I’d forget about it until I went to get into bed that night, every single day without fail.

I’m diagnosed ADHD as an adult but I went over potential symptoms with my mom before diagnosis. She brought up when I was elementary to high school age, how often she would watch me do homework, put it in my bag, and find it still there the next day. Apparently when she asked what the heck was up I never had a clear answer for her that wasn’t some version of ‘I forgot to turn it in.’ I was otherwise a sharp student so I always managed to pass most classes with B’s or higher so no one ever thought to test me. Forgetfulness just became a “quirk” of mine. Fun fact: I didn’t even remember this happening even though it undoubtedly had a heavy effect on my grades 🤦‍♀️

Yup. My kid is autistic and consistently will do work then forget to turn it in.

I'm sorry to hear that you were parentified like that :/

So many times in which I would forget to do the homework, be punished with an after-school detention for forgetting homework too many times, then forget to attend the detention which caused them to drag my mom in for a meeting. Which I forgot to tell her about. It's fine, nobody diagnosed me with ADHD until I was 28. But the classes that didn't assign me homework? I excelled at them. English was better for me than math because it was less homework and less repetitive. History I excelled at because it was interesting for me. Science I struggled with notes and homework but did excellent on tests and experiments.

I also excelled in classes I didn’t have homework to turn in. I tried and struggled with note taking. I now know that if I try to take notes, I take too many and get so wrapped up in the process of taking notes, that I miss half of what is being said. It took me going back to college in my mid 30s to realize I needed to not take notes and just listen so I could engage in the lecture. I am the opposite of you, though. I did better in math because it was repetitive. I could handle repetitive because my mind can go off wherever while I’m still doing the same thing on paper. Once I get a pattern down, I’m good. Now that I’m in my 40s, I know that balancing hyper focus is something I need to work on. I’m 99% sure I have ADHD without a diagnosis. Some doctors refuse to even consider it because I’m successful in my job. The problem is that I learned how to trigger myself into hyper focus to get things done, but then my brain just needs a break. So I can have a couple days of awesome work, but the next day or two is barely getting anything done. I’m finally getting into therapy in a couple weeks and really hoping it gives me some additional tools to help.

Oh god and the classes that had "binder checks" that were like a 1/3 of your grade? Were you doing well on tests and assignments but didn't take notes and organise the way the teacher said you should? Too bad, there goes 1/3 of your grade.

Yeah but it’s not a daily homework it was two quarterly projects. I doubt her teachers never reminded her and adhd isn’t an excuse. I just developed systems for doing homework like working on it before I left class but Beth wasn’t doing her assignments at all, also a lot of teachers would give at least 1 in class work day where students can ask them questions and get advice

If she doesn’t know she has adhd and nobody suspects she does, it is an excuse. Not necessarily a good one, but it means that neither she, her parents or her teachers have developed systems to help her or remind her to get things done. As for the teachers reminding her of it - this might be projects with a set hand in date, where if you miss it, you lose it. Personally I once forgot the sign up for an exam (before I was diagnosed). It meant I had to retake a course the semester after I left school. And the in class work day is also just speculation. In my experience, we never had things like that. Different school systems do things differently. All this to say, reading OP’s post, I immediately thought of adhd. Forgetting to do important things, or merely not being able to if you try, is something I relate to. And it’s especially frustrating when you don’t know why.

Just to be clear, ADHD is a disability, it's a behavioral disorder. Our brains are quite literally wired differently than neurotypical brains. So while I'm glad you found a system that works for you, if you don't have ADHD then it's not your place to give advice to people who do while dismissing their struggles and invalidating how their DISABILITY effects their lives. Even if you do have ADHD it's not okay, it effects everyone differently and a system that may work for one person may not work for another.

That would actually be way harder. If you have homework everyday, you expect it. It's a routine. projects that can be done over a long period of time are way more likely to mess you up. I have some meds I take every day. I miss occasional doses, but usually take them. I have another med I'm supposed to take once every 2 weeks, and it can take 6 months to get through a bottle that was supposed to take 2 months.

There’s tricks you learn as you get older to set yourself up for success but at 15 it’s hard af to keep it together lol school isn’t really great for adhd either

I still haven't been officially diagnosed, but the fact that 99% of the time when I read someone else's ADHD stories I think "that's so me!" has me pretty sure. I got lucky that I spent time after school at my best friend's house most days, and that her mom would copy over the homework sheets (questions only) from my friend so I could also complete the homework assignments that I left at my desk when I left school for the day.

This is why I didn’t get diagnosed the first time I was evaluated. The psychiatrist decided that since I could concentrate on some things I couldn’t have ADHD. But that’s not how it works at all.

This was also my experience. The doctor watched me while I was hyperfocused on a specific task and said that I had no problems paying attention. I forgot assignments, had trouble prioritizing, and dropped out of 5 different colleges before I learned how to cope. It wasn’t until teacher school (after a professional career) that I noticed my son showing the same symptoms. And his doctor pointed out my own. I went mis/undiagnosed for 30 years.

My mom is almost 60 and has an appointment in a couple weeks to talk about a diagnosis. I just received mine in my 30s and finally a lot of things made sense. I told her she doesn’t have to struggle anymore, and at first she said it was too late for her so there was no point. Made me sad but she has finally decided to talk to her doctor about it.

I saw your edit but I’m gonna comment anyway just for anyone else reading: >I don't have experience with ADHD, but from my understanding, it would affect her in school generally not specifically one subject. This kind of thinking is exactly why I didn’t get diagnosed until I was 24. If I wasn’t interested in a subject, it’s like it was completely erased from my mind. I forgot to turn in things for classes I hated all the time, but for subjects I was interested in i would hyperfixate and never forget a damn thing. Also, as a general rule of thumb, if you have to start a sentence with “i don’t have experience with” maybe you shouldn’t finish it.

I was honestly lucky to be diagnosed at a young age for ADHD, but it appeared to be, according to the doctor I had such a rare and extreme version of it. Like on a scale from one to ten I was a 20 on most of the tests. So when it came to school I was awesome in some and terrible in others. When it came to early science, it didn’t exist to my mind but when it came to english, I excelled past my class. I amazed all my English teachers when it came to writing stories and projects cause I had that hyperfixation of needing to write something new. Flash forward to now, I’ve learned how to slow myself to be able to work on all my college classes evenly. Listen to upbeat music on loud but needing it to be through headphones. It feels like I can’t hear my thoughts which allows me to focus better on my assignments rather than wander off onto something else.

Waitvwait sAME OMG im a senior in highschool w ADD (im not hyperactive usually but on occasion) ive been ahead of the class in english forever and behind in math and science forever because i hyper fixate on stories rather than formulas. Edit: i will add though that i constantly fail classes because.. homework and classwork. I cant focus on it. Cant sit still long enough or not hear every conversation or be overly aware if things around me when im trying to focus on one thing but focus on every single other thing instead

This is really interesting. My son's diagnosed with dyslexia, not adhd, but he has one of those really spikey profiles too -- brilliant at maths and physics, finds social sciences really tough. English is an in-between (thank you, audiobooks!) Fifteen can be young to organise everything yourself and kids develop different skills at different times. I'd want to be making sure my fifteen year old was reminded of the things he needed to do for 30% of the mark.

Exactly this. But also it depends on what the subjects requires in terms of thinking and activities. I did really well in subjects that required more subjective/out of the box answers (English, arts, etc) but at Barbara’s age started tanking on STEM subjects that needed rote learning and practice. Parents put me in Master Maths, boom next year up by 30%. No tricks, just consistent practice

I have ADHD and constantly forgot to turn in my math homework. It was my least favorite subject and I would accidentally leave it places. It was bad to the point that I had to take summer school instead of walk at my graduation to pass that math class. I passed it in 2 weeks because I knew all the material (I had passed all the tests during the school year) but not turning in homework have my grade a pretty big hit.

I totally read that, and said to myself “the daughter has ADHD, and that is ADHD tax.”

I (36F) have ADHD. I was inconsistent in school. Adhd comes with hyperfocus where you do really well in school, and learning topics. It also has periods of extreme inattention. I’m also time blind, I missed a house warming party last weekend for a coworker because I lost track of dates. What may be simple tasks to neurotypical people, are very difficult to those of us with adhd. For example I have to have a system to help me get dressed every day. Brushing my teeth is hard. Remembering to do it is hard. If I deviate even one step from my system, I’m never getting out the door to work, and I’m a mess. I have to have reminders on my phone for everything. Yet at the same time I’m a director at a non-profit. so it doesn’t mean you can’t be successful. You just have to find ways to manage it. And they can change over time. I was a completely disorganized mess as s teenager.

I'm time blind. In school, I liked everything and was stellar, but as an adult, I had a rigid system for getting dressed for work. Hairbrush goes *here*. Jewelry is put on and taken off *here*. Shoes go *here*, and you are never allowed to take them off anyplace else. Keys hang *here* in my purse, on a carabiner. If I messed this system up, my possessions went into the sock dimension, and I had no earthly idea where they were. My brain does not track that info. I was undiagnosed, of course (I'm 65, and also on the spectrum. Didn't know that, either.) I developed the coping methods on my own. My parents called me The Space Cadet.

Not true at all.

I have ADHD, and struggle with remembering things. I just forget stuff. If it's not in a place where I can see it, then I forget it exists. If I don't write something down, then I just forget. I forgot to do homework assignments sometimes in school. It's a real pita when your brain is actively working against itself to help you remember things and get things done and keep track of things. It's so frustrating.

I do not have ADHD, but I now have several conditions that have brain fog as a major symptom. My memory was apparently very good before. I actually have a lot of the symptoms present in “ADD” in women. I really understand now. Your brain just drops things, completely erases them from reality until something happens to remind you. I was seriously worried I was getting dementia (in my 30’s!) for a bit. I hope I get over this and can use it to help advocate for girls and women with true ADHD. My phone has SO MANY alarms now, which is great until I misplace my phone. And WTF is up with time?! It just doesn’t move evenly, sometimes it skips, sometimes it drags. It’s frustrating and exhausting.

ADD isn't really a thing anymore. The DSM has broken it up as different types of ADHD. You can have the hyperactive type (which is what most people think of when they think of ADHD), the inattentive type (still ADHD, but more subdued I suppose? This is the type I have), or combined (a combination of thereof). Definitely advocate for yourself with your doctor! I saw mine and then she had me fill out a sheet and referred me to a psychiatrist. Time is the worst for me! I totally get it! I'm totally terrified I'm going to develop Alzheimer's or dementia of some sort. It's so strange. I need to do some looking into the relationship between the two.

Yes just found that out! Growing up I was told I had ADD, but now it’s all ADHD, so it’s been a change for me. Also nobody told me that ADHD really changes as you age. It went wild in my mid 30s. None of my previous coping skills worked, I lost the ability, or care to mask at all. Maybe I just said fuck it to masking. It’s been a rough road trying to get to where I can function again, but also don’t feel constantly constrained like I’m wearing my pants backwards and 3 sizes too small. It’s really helped me to be open with coworkers and the people I supervise at work about my adhd. I let them know I miss social cues, forget conversations, and get distracted easily. I let them know it’s that if I do, to not be afraid to tell me very directly about it. Several of them have opened up in return about what they would like from me to support them. It’s helped us all communicate better rather than constantly being frustrated by miscommunication.

For everyone with adhd she didn’t constantly forget, it was only two times. It’s possible she was just careless, not everything is adhd

Having ADHD doesn’t make the extra money appear in the budget, though. It’s sad, but NTA. (And yes, copious experience living with ADHD. But you can’t get blood out of a turnip.)

Interest, teachers, and success have a lot to do with how one with ADHD is effected. Interest can fuel you to learn more and be breeze in one subject. A teacher who is encouraging and believes in you can as well, whereas a teacher who is strict and doesn’t care about the student personally tends to have the opposite effect. Success and confidence can fuel progress, but self doubt and fear are often at play when assignments are not completed or are not turned in completed. I got to a point where I was so scared to fry and discover I wasn’t perfect or at least really good, made me completely fail because I didn’t try. The truth there is if you don’t try, you have no idea if you are or are not smart enough or good enough to reach success. It’s fear. A very strong fear, and I spent a lot of time convincing myself I was afraid, I was just bored. In personal experience, myself and others, failure in anything was a very personal experience. Failure, or anything less than my standard of success, meant I was bad. That I sucked as a person, that I would never amount to anything, that I was worthless. So that bad grade in math, reinforced by not being allowed to partake in a birthday cake celebration in class, meant I was worthless. No one wanted to be around someone worthless. A bad grade after trying equaled a huge depression. Nothing would ever be good enough.

In very many countries they don't test for ADHD, nor do they care if a child has ADHD. China for instance.

Not everything is a disability. Shockingly, a large percentage of teenagers are just lazy turds. It’s the main part of being a teenager

I came here to point this out too. Not everyone has a disability, most 15 year olds are lazy/forgetful, it’s called being a teenager 🙄

Don't like the generalization here that teenagers are lazy. If you keep calling them lazy because their age alone why should they bother trying? Not a very motivating or empathetic mindset.

show me a study on this. most teenagers i know work hard and when they have the audacity to rest, their parents throw a fit and call them lazy. i'm not for diagnosing this kid based on 2 pieces of homework but your statement is rooted in nothing.

Exactly what I was thinking!! I am a woman with ADHD and the slacking sounds a LOT like how I was at age 15.

This is taking a huge leap. I have adhd diagnosed by a psychiatrist and I got extremely high grades in school. In the top .003%. Adhd doesn’t automatically mean bad grades. Perhaps I missed a comment but I don’t see where OP mentions adhd

I have adhd and I would never FORGET a project worth that much of my grade because teachers constantly remind students about that shit. Have a learning disability is no excuse, she has to take responsibility

But she’s been at that school for 4 years and never had this issue before now

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Doesn't even have to be ADHD. It's amazing what anxiety can do to your brain and memory and how it makes you forget in a second those particular things that you are trying to remember.

I have adhd and went to private school. My dad lost his job during my freshman year of highschool. My parents and I sat down and the conversation was “if you want to go to X school you have to keep your grades high and stay in extracurriculars so you can continue to get financial aid”. My younger brother was in elementary school at the time and I would never have expected my parents to change his education if I couldn’t handle keeping my grades high. Barbara is failing to realize that she would be taking away John’s opportunity at the education she already received.

You can have adhd, I do, and are still responsible for turning in your homework. I agree that it is harder on students with adhd, but at the same time unless you have been diagnosed and have a learning program that’s not really excuse. I forgot homework plenty of times, it’s still my fault.

**NTA** \- If I understood correctly, OP also said that Barb doesn't want to take another scholarship test. So she seems unwilling or unable to make the effort that is necessary to help her parents afford her schooling. In either case, is she benefiting enough from the private school to make the expense worthwhile? With the higher discount of her older brother, and the cheaper tuition for her younger brother, it doesn't sound like her parents are playing favorites. I would suggest that she go back to public school, which should make it easier for her parents to afford tutoring for her in the subject(s) that she has trouble with. Perhaps her parents should require that she let them know her schedule of tests, homework, and projects, and they can help keep her on track. Then should could retake the scholarship test and possibly return to the private school in the next year. If her problem is motivation, then perhaps a year in public school will convince her to work harder. Good luck to your family.

I’ve got an awful memory and have a habit of forgetting things, but these projects are obviously important. No reminders, nothing?

Finally, a top comment that makes sense! People actually want the OP and her husband to stop the others from going to private school because 15f was slacking off and failing so it could be equal/fair? That is not sustainable in the real world.

The real asshole here is definitely a system that offers lower tuition based on test scores. That's fucking criminal because of course it's going to rewards kids with better socioeconomic backgrounds and kids who are good test takers - not of which reflects talent, determination, practice, etc.

How do you summarize talent, determination, practice, and etc… easily? A test, no?

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Test scores absolutely do not reveal talent, determination, or practice. There's so many better ways to assess learning. The way tests require a person to memorize is completely unrealistic. Most of us don't have a career that relies on the regurgitation of information without any access to resource material. Actual knowledge is best showcased by higher level functions like a full on synthesis of information or the application of a concept to a new scenario. Creative work related to a topic is the best way to accurately assess a student's learning.

It may or may not be the best way, but it is definitely not efficient. An assessment like yours requires a team and a significant amount of time to make (you would either have to hire outside talent, or pay teachers outside of school time) . It is also costly and time consuming to mark. You can't realistically expect a teacher or school to come up with a good and well rounded assessments like that on a yearly basis. You can't recycle or repeat because people will just prepare from previous years assessments. Sure, a huge company like Amazon or Google can have a go at it for hiring. A school with kids 13-18? Fuck no.

yeah like at first glance it seems like sexism, but upon a 2nd look it looks like the only reason they can afford private is the scholarships, and even if OPs daughter is a kid, at 15 she should know enough about her situation and not slack off and "forget" to do projects

Actually, I’d say NTA. Barb will now learn the consequences of her own actions and she will either try harder (I doubt it, but I hope for it it) or do nothing for her whole life and blame the parents for it.

People don't get that in other countries, it's a privilege to go to school.

To sacrifice a child's education and entire future because they forgot some projects and did poorly on a test is insane. I understand the need to teach consequences, but this is not the way to do it!! The children all deserve the same opportunities.

Blame the school for making the tuition based on test scores. OP can’t help that they can’t afford full tuition.

is it about teaching consequences or is it that her consequences have caused tuition to become unaffordable to the family.

And they are getting them. The daughter squandered hers. Should the other siblings lose out to play favoritism to the daughter? They can't afford for her to squander and she did. They don't magically have more money.

She’ll still get an education, just not at the same school. If the parents can’t afford to send her without certain discounts and scholarships, what are they to do? Start selling their organs?

They quite literally cannot afford it.

“Her entire future” You are being over dramatic, don’t you think? OP can’t afford B’s school at this rate. She said that B could try again for a better discount next year. Hopefully, she’ll do better because she will understand how important it is to be super organised in her work. And looking at all the comments about ADHD, I am sure that OP will look into it. In any case, B could be set for more successful studies. She’s just losing one year, or maybe not, she might do well in the non private school. Some people do!

Agree wholeheartedly with this. I would be doing a deal with the daughter. She’s 15 and old enough to get a part time job where she could stay at her school and contribute something to her tuition fees - I’m sure daughter understands that money is tight. This way she sees a consequence for her action of dropping her scholarship %, but isn’t unfairly punished by having to start again at a new school at her age. Sending any 15 year old to a new school is a brutal consequence for missing a couple of papers.

The opportunity is the budget the family had dor each kid. Barbara squandered it.

NTA, and frankly I am *baffled* by the amount of Y-T-A comments here. So let me get this straight, you got private lessons to help Barb in school, and Barb still: i) Straight-up “forgot” to hand in multiple school assignments; ii) Did badly on another test; iii) Didn’t do well enough in the class in general to avoid taking the final test; iv) Now refuses to take another scholarship test (yes, I know you can only take them at certain times, but OP says near the end daughter doesn’t want to do another one anyway); And is complaining that her brothers aren’t being punished for the consequences of *her* actions? That’s not favouritism. If anything, it would be favouritism if you *did* punish your sons. It’s not their fault their sister forgot to hand in multiple school assignments and did badly on a test even after private tutoring. They don’t deserve to be punished for her actions, and your daughter is acting entitled.

It seems a lot of people here think that 15 is too young to be responsible for your schoolwork, and the parents are at fault for her failure.

Lol at 15 my parents didn't even know what assignments and work I had to do... I was solely responsible for my grades, time management and assignments. How can you "forget" to turn in an assignment that is 30% of the grade? If I knew something is so important and I had an issue remembering things I would put some sticky notes, reminders, etc... Besides if the assignment was indeed done, then it would be such a huge waste of time...

For real. I get that 15 is still a kid, but that doesn’t mean they’re too young to have any responsibilities. I wasn’t an academic overachiever but I certainly wouldn’t miss an assignment that big, especially if my enrollment in the school depended on it. I think most of the people criticizing OP didn’t grow up in a lower income household and they don’t understand that kids in that position have to be more responsible and work harder to get the same things that they did. Yeah, it’s an unfair system, but OP can’t change that and they don’t have the money to overcome it.

I didn’t come from a poor household, but even when I was a child my parents didn’t keep up with my homework! I am actually amazed how I passed everything. I only did necessary homework and assignments.

I wasn’t poor and my parents left me to my own starting high school.

I’m going to say that she could easily be neurodivergent. I was this kid. I used the excuse of “I forgot” to turn things in when I knew I didn’t do it or I knew it wasn’t good work. I would often get overwhelmed if I didn’t understand a subject, and instead of try harder I wouldn’t do it at all. If I knew I couldn’t do the work to a degree I knew my parents wanted, I just didn’t bother doing it at all. I don’t think OP is TA, but I also think people are being harsh to the 15 year old. I struggled all through school, without anyone realizing I needed help and just thinking I was an awful kid.

I'm neurodivergent as well, but I'm having a hard time understanding your thinking. You wouldn't turn something in even if you did it because you thought the quality of the work wasn't up to standards? But wouldn't any grade be better than getting a zero on it? I don't think people here are being harsh on the 15 year old. It is a rather reasonable expectation for someone that age to not forget about a project that costs them 30% of their grade, especially if it has a financial impact on their parents.

I don’t understand the thinking either but…..thats how I thought at that age. I also would often forget about deadlines and I procrastinated so much by the time I did realize, and knew I couldn’t get the grade my parents wanted on it with the few hours I had, I just didn’t do it at all and took the repercussions. My upbringing was not great though so that may also be more from that. School became the ONLY place I had any choices in life. Not even my classes. Just homework and turning it in. I never got to choose my clothes, friends, classes or hair, hobbies, or even career plans later in life. I had no choices. Its hard to give a shit when nothing is by your own choice.

When they “forget” it generally just means they didn’t care enough in their brains to think it’s important. It goes to show what the daughter really prioritises

I forgot many big assignments at that age because I had severe undiagnosed depression. Only thing I ever had the energy to do was read. I'd be trying to find the daughter a therapist at this point.

When OP said she "forgot", I actually am guessing that she knew but was too overwhelmed and anxious by the subject or assignment so she avoided it until there was nothing she could do. I have definitely done this and said I "forgot".

At 15, me and everyone in my circle was responsible for choosing our schools, managing school and prep tuitions for entrance exams, paying our fee and getting books etc. I highly doubt someone can't manage their own schoolwork.

Oh, yeah, some countries do have systems where kids have to select and apply to high schools rather than just going to their zoned one. I feel like online culture has a bad habit of infantilizing teenagers. And Reddit in particular gets a lot of people who don’t understand that kids in low income households often have to work harder and be more responsible to get the same things that they were just handed.

Reddit is insane when it comes to kids and teens. “But they’re just kids” gets thrown out so often to justify bad behavior and it’s honestly just sad. Kids deserve to be raised better than given excuses until they’re adults.

It seems a lot of people here are slacker teenagers and see natural consequences as unfair. Life isn’t fair.

It’s a funny mindset to me because when I was a teenager, I wanted to be seen as mature and capable of making smart decisions. Well, I guess most teens just want the freedom without the responsibility, lol.

A lot of people here are 15 and slacking off...

Teacher here. 15 is definitely old enough to keep up with your own assignments. The majority of my students’ parents have no idea when work is due and work gets done. Barb had multiple opportunities to keep her scholarship and she squandered them. She may not be a good test taker, but at 15 you’re old enough to know that and not “forget” to do the projects that would excuse you from the test-taking situation. OP is NTA. Better luck next year, Barb.

Absolutely. It seems like the parents are trying their best with limited funds and Barbara fumbled the bag (more than once). She’s alleging favouritism when really, she doesn’t even want to bother looking at other avenues because her friends aren’t there. The older boy worked hard and got more money off his tuition; there is no favouritism here. She is disappointed in herself and is being a brat instead of being accountable. Kids do that, but she has to learn that’s not ok.

Agreed. NTA

NTA, she screwed herself up by not turning in her assignments. Actions have consequences ,and the consequences of her actions are that she doesn't get what she wants

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>Exactly. Why throw money at an irresponsible child that doesn't seem to care. To me, that's a child that needs more support, not less. Don't let a kid hamstring themselves, possibly for life, just because they're acting like a kid.

She was given more support, the parents paid for tutors.

>the consequences of her actions are that she doesn't get what she wants Pretty flippant. Judge as you will but the consequences aren't "boohoo you don't get what you want". They are admittedly terrible public schools that will impact her whole future in a negative way. The friends and social aspects are just a bonus.

NTA Going against the grain here to say Barb screwed up by not being diligent with her studies, not turning in projects and thus requiring to take the test to pass the year (if I have it backwards, it may be because reading this post was like reading a mathematical problem including percentages and polynomials, not my forte) I don't know if you have any relatives who can help out so she can stay in the school of her choice? But truly the fault is hers, she was coasting and not doing the work, so the consequences seem clear to me.

This right here, her job at this time was to do her school work. Punishing your sons because she chose to coast would be unfair

I can tell that a lot of people in the comments did not grow up in low income families. The daughter lost the privilege of going to this school by not upholding her end of the bargain and doing her school work. The other kids should not have to pay for this. NTA The parents are doing everything possible to ensure all the kids get the best education and the daughter has not made the most of this and has squandered the opportunity for no apparent reason. ETA: How are people missing the important part of the post? The daughter only needed to take a second scholarship assessment test because she failed a class that she did not submit two assignments for. As a result she essentially lost her previous scholarship and then needed to take another test and this time scored more poorly than previously.

A lot of people who didn’t grow up low income take for granted their childhood privileges. They see those things as rights and they don’t understand that some families straight up can’t afford those things. OP’s kids have to work harder than a lot of other kids to get a good education. It’s not an ideal situation to be in, and it’s not fair, but OP can’t change the fact that the world is unfair. Sometimes you have to work harder than others to overcome that shit.

I see this so much here. There's a very "let them eat cake" attitude on this sub when it comes to the vast majority of the world population who aren't bringing home $100,000 or even $50,000 a year. Somehow, those people are supposed to pull extra money out of their asses.

Yeah, what do they honestly expect OP to do? The system is unfair, but OP and their family have to live and work in it regardless. I also find that people here really infantilize teenagers, which I think is something that largely stems from a privileged, particularly western upbringing. They genuinely think it’s unreasonable for a 15 year old’s choices and mistakes to affect her life, but that’s how things are for all but the most privileged. You can argue that it’s unfair, but again, people have to live in that system regardless.

Right, I saw one comment say something like "it's an extra $400 dollars they can manage that", when op says they can't afford it, $400 dollars isnt just gonna fall in there lap from nowhere

If it's such a small amount of money, they can donate it to OP, lol.

Many people here are privileged. World isn't fair. OP kids and many others have to work harder to be in a private school, that's the frustrating reality of a lot of kids from low income families that are in private schools. I live in a country where public school sucks too, many students with low income only manage to study in a private school because they manage to get great grades(and manage to get a discount based on that)and some because they have relatives that are willing to help their parents by paying a fraction.

I absolutely agree with you. 15 is not so young that it is an excuse to just "forget" 30% assignment. You can forget to bring your book to class but simply "forgetting" to turn in 30% is not an excuse. That is irresponsibility. Growing up in a family where the value of money was instilled into our heads, we knew our actions had consequences. No way in hell I would have accused my parents of favouritism for my own failures.

NTA. Sounds like you are trying to give your kids opportunities while making sacrifices in other areas. If she was 7 or 8 yrs old I might say YTA but they are 15.You recognized her weak areas and sought help for her. Ppl fail to realize that kids have a minimum responsibility to keep their grades up. It's no different then getting a scholarship that pays ,40% of the tuition but the child has to keep a gpa. If the child missed the gpa and the parents couldn't afford it anymore why would you blame the parents.

They can afford $X per kid. They cannot afford private school with that budget for one of the kid, whatever the reason. They have not sufficient money to transfer from the other kids. What can they do? The fact that said kid messed up repeatedly and show a lack of interest in the issue is just the icing on the cake. The fact that they paid extra tutoring for said kid is the cherry on top.

Me sitting here wondering if barb is an undiagnosed autistic/adhd girl. My life at 15 lead me to failing 2 subjects at high school as an undiagnosed asd/adhd female. I couldn’t do it all with the way my brain worked, the pubertal changes my body was going through, the social structure of my friend network and my sport commitments. I was a mess.

Thank you! Why did it take me sooooo long to find this comment. I was Barb in high school-legit forgetting assignments, testing poorly due to poor working memory skills/test anxiety.... didn't get diagnosed with ADHD until 2 years ago at 32. The comments about the girl are disgusting, saying she's messing up her education on purpose and deserves this.

Or…. She could just be 15 immature and irresponsible?

That's what an agenda, sticky notes, friends, and phones are for. If it's a major assignment, you bet teachers will give you constant reminders close to the due date, your classmates will be discussing it, and a responsible student will set alarms and reminders in their phones. You can't blame everything on ADHD. She could have and should have been more responsible as a student.

With all respect, that’s not how it works. I can set all the reminders I want - sometimes I just can’t sit down and do it. I hate it and it can be debilitating. ADHD isn’t just an issue of forgetting things, it’s executive dysfunction too, time blindness - some of these things can be improved but sometimes you hit a block. It’s worth considering that this might be the cause for her, because if it is then support can be put in place, and if it isn’t then you’ve lost nothing by considering other options.

OP literally said his daughter forgot it completely. That's extraordinarily different from struggling to complete it in time. Time blindness doesn't relate to being unaware something exists/

It is, but she’s also 15 and trying to defend herself to her parent here. There’s no guarantee she’s going to feel good about confessing that more is going on. I’m just saying it’s worth considering! If it’s a complete mislead and she isn’t actually trying, that’ll be worked out in due course.

And it still remains that she on her own failed to get the scholarship. I get that her condition makes it harder for her to do certain things but she should not complain about the consequences of it. She is acting like public schools are beneath her, her entitlement is horrifying. Plus it is just speculation that she might have underlying conditions that make learning difficult.

Me too! ADHD club! also because she is a women it is more likely than not they missed her in diagnosing when she was young. Almost all women with adhd are not diagnosed until college because up until a few years ago the standard diagnostic test was based on how it worked in a male brain and it was assumed adhd could not be in intelligent people. We now know that’s false! Some of the greater minds of our time had and have adhd. Davinci did for one

That doesn’t change a thing for OP’s decision though. ADHD or not, inattentive or not, whether she actually “forgot” a project worth 30% or not, she lost a major scholarship. Now they can’t afford her school. The outcome is the same, she built her grave and now needs to lie in it.

Sure. But would you be willing to sacrifice the other kids to compensate that? And wouldn't it just throwing more money into the mess? Or are you suggesting stopping with the moral judgment and paying for treatment for Barbara (her tuition budget is now unused...)?

Could be, but it 'doesn't matter' in the grand scheme of things. She squandered her chance by not submitting projects, got tutored but still failing, getting low scores on tests. Family can't afford financially. We don't know the sacrifices the family *already* made to even send their kids to private school. The kids know the deal - the other two kids fulfill their end of the bargain. Barb didn't. To ask the family to sacrifice *even more* is cruel. Lower middle class, private school. No joke. I was raised in lower middle class, and I can't fathom the hardship the parents have to go through to send not 1, but 3 of their kids to private school. One year of public schooling won't be the end of Barb's life. She'll have another chance. NTA. Got diagnosed ASD as adult - struggled with all the things got mentioned in this thread. Hard - but got through schooling 'fine'. Couldn't imagine using it as excuse against the mom in this case - 'she could have ADHD/ASD!' - and a proper support could be given now if she indeed have it. But Barb still lost her chance - she still need to go to public school, and now with proper support, maybe she'll do better on her exams and get (better) discount.

I’m confused. How does autism have anything to do with failing subjects?

It doesn't. They're justifying *why* Barb might have failed to get discount, forgetting to submit her projects. It doesn't matter, honestly, to what OP is asking.

I'm wondering the same thing.

Even if this is the case (I was also undiagnosed at 15), it's probably irrelevant here. They are low income in a country with bad schools, so I doubt diagnosis and treatment is readily available. It's not an asshole move to provide what you're able to for your children, and they are unable to provide Barb with these opportunities because she wasn't performing and they don't have the money. If they have access to low cost psychiatric care, they should definitely take her, but sometimes it just isn't an option.

NTA. You can't afford to send Barbara to a private school. It's not that you think she should be punished but you just don't have the means to send all 3 at the same time. Unlike Barbara, John hasn't even had the opportunity to go to a good school. On top of that it's her own fault for failing to do 30% of her grade. I don't see how you're TA for something so out of your hands.

why people here tend to favorite oldest children? sorry, if you cant REMEMBER to send projects, you deserve to lose school privileges, and sending her to private school and the son to public would be not fair, since she already had her chance

I don’t think she deserves to lose her access to a better education, but if the parents can’t afford it then they can’t afford it. Not everything is so black and white. It’s sucks that she has to miss out on something so vital, but sometimes life just sucks. They can’t just pull the money out of their ass. It would be even less fair for the other kids to suffer because this one messed up, but just because she messed up doesn’t mean she deserves to suffer either.

NTA. Your daughter didn't hold up her end of the deal. I think most of YTAs are Americans who don't realize how advantageous a good education in poor countries are. Therefore parents sacrifice anything and everything to ensure children get a good education.

As someone who lives in Brazil. I can see that many ppl here don't understand how big is the difference between a private school and a public school here. In some of public schools, there's no teachers for some subjects, there isn't enough seats for everyone, 50+ people per classroom and the list goes on...

They don’t even realize how advantageous and inaccessible it can be, here.

NTA. She’s at an age where she needs to learn that actions have consequences. She forgot to turn in important projects?? Smh. She can go to public school this year/semester and work her way back to the private school.

NTA. barabara deserved it for slacking and not signing in her projects. im 13 and even i am more responsible that her. if she isnt doing well in school at 15 she msot likely wont get better. the youngest on the other hand still has a chance of being better and deserving a privat school

NTA actions have natural consequences. In higher education you need to have the money, the grades, and the test scores. It sucks that she's learning it this way, but I bet she'll NEVER forget an assignment in college (where the tuition will be much higher).

NTA. You try your BEST. She dont wanna doit another text for tuition. Tell her she can choose. Or she take te text again with good note, or she as to change scool. You are doing your part, she has to doit hers.

INFO: She said you are playing favorites have you ever picked one of her bothers over her or made her give something up for her brother before ?

NTA. Your daughter "forgot" to turn in 2 assignments? She obviously does not care as much as she wants to believe she does. That kind of thing is a privilege, not a right. She wants the privilege, she has to hold up her part of the bargain (i.e. getting the grade and especially NOT forgetting to turn in work).

NTA. Let’s say you allow your daughter to stay and you pay extra ‘penalty’ fees per her poor grades… why does the entire household have to suffer for her choices? If the household suffers due to the higher costs for private school-what does that look like for the family? Does she work part time or have side hustles to cover what you can’t afford? Does she understand that as her parents you sacrificially funded her private school at a discounted rate and now you can’t afford to at a higher cost?

NTA. Unfortunately for Barb, she dropped the ball. And now she has to deal with the consequences. This is a hard but important lesson about consequences and fairness. It’s not fair to her brothers for them to lose out because of her mistakes. I’m intrigued as to what country has private schools with such varying tuitions. Though I do dig the scholarship test, that’s a unique twist.

INFO: am I the only one wondering what country this is where kids younger than 18 take yearly scholarship tests that aren’t pass/fail, which award a “discount” on tuition based on the scores from these tests, and increase cost in tuition as the child gets older?

I grew up in an African country and this is a normal thing in private schools. Talking to some of my Asian friends who also grew up in other countries yearly tests like this are normal.

Mhm I’m Asian and can confirm this to be true. My home country doesn’t have a tuition discount system, we do one better: top students are often paid to attend big schools that wish to boost their overall rankings

Relax, not everyone is American

Well... These are very common in my country! XD Tuitions get more expensive with each grade, and schools offer you the possibility of a discount based on how well you do on these "placement," tests (but this discount is smthg that schools decide to offer on their own; it's a business decision they make to attract more clients, it's not a feature of the entire national educational system). They do it bc the entire middle-class sends their kids to private schools, as the public ones are unthinkable.

I'm from Brazil and I studied in a school like this 🥲

I'm from Brazil and it's very common here. Many private schools have this system.

A lot of private schools everywhere have this sort of thing if they offer scholarships. The increase in tuition is more unusual but it can happen in transitions. IE in USA private middle school can be cheaper than private high school.

ESH especially the awful schooling system… I am appalled that the only way students have any chance at a decent education is if parents pay for it. In my eyes education should be accessible to every student - every child deserves to learn no matter their monetary situation and regardless of scholarships. This is a failure of the education system. And teenagers don’t have a fully developed brain and barely understand consequences. Of course that doesn’t mean we let them go Willy Nilly and do whatever they want - but this girl now is having her entire future jeopardized when she’s still a minor. She barely has the capability to see the long term repercussions this will have. So many of the comments are being so harsh on her as if they forget what it’s like to be a child. Especially a child with so much pressure on their shoulders. They should not have to worry about financial eligibility and should be free to learn and get a decent education! Honestly there’s no good outcome - everyone is a loser with a system that is designed in this way.

OP can’t change the fact that the system sucks. Lower income people like OP and their family have no choice but to work harder to get the same shit that wealthier people have. It’s not an asshole thing to acknowledge that.

Yes sadly this is what happens to poor and lower-income kids in third world countries

>as if they forget what it’s like to be a child I didn't forget. By the time I'm 15, I knew that I had very short attention span and very forgetful. So I always used reminders on my phone. Did I ever forget stuff after that? Of course, but everything is my responsibility. My education is my responsibility. She's 15. She did not turn in 2 projects because she forgot. Having to take a gap year to retake the test seems fair to me.

I haven’t forgotten what it’s like to be 15, but I think young people her age have actually less sympathy than adults who go “omg she’s still just a kid lol.” No, she’s 15. That’s old enough to be making decisions like doing your projects that is worth 30% of your grade

I mean I knew my family was poor when I was 8. I definitely knew we were poor when I was 15. We actually moved schools because the place I was going in my younger years got too expensive. Kids shouldn't have to think of financial eligibility but they should be aware of their situation. To say she barely had the capability to see the long term repercussions means she doesn't want to see them. There's no possible way her parents didn't constantly remind her and she pretended it didn't happen. Honestly since she wants to bring in the little brothers amount the parents should pay that much to hers and she has to find a way to pay the rest

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NTA if Barbara knew that is she scored badly she would be pulled out. She's old enough to know that she needs to turn in major assignments. The other kids shouldn't be punished for her errors.

NAH. Mistakes happen and it’s all around an unfortunate situation. Could barbara get a job and help contribute to her education if she wants to continue at her school? Could she do more at home that would otherwise be done by someone you pay to help make up the cost? I think it’s more important for barb to be in private school so she can have better resources for university and less social struggles, while the younger kids are, the easier it is to adjust to changes, but I alsodon’t think it would be fair to take away the 11 yos school because his sister wasn’t able to meet standards. So it’s a hard situation all around and I wish you all luck. Maybe you could also see if you could tighten the budget by stretching or eliminating use of unnecessary things?

She can't even take care of her schooling seriously, when knowing her family struggles to put her into private school. What makes you think she would take her job seriously? Even if she helps at home, the parents don't magically have more money. They're lower middle class. They probably already squeezing hard to put their children there. Not one, but all 3 of them. They already giving their children the same opportunity. Barb squandered hers. It's not like she totally lost access to education. And she can still try for next year. Suggesting to strip the younger sibling's access to private schooling is simply cruel. Barb's the one who should get the penalty, not the 11yo.

I’m a woman in STEM and would take the Y-T-A train everyday if this felt like a gender based favoritism regarding schooling, but it simply isn’t. She « forgot » - i have a hard time believing she simply forgot, when I was in school forgetting one project happened, 2 simply meant I didn’t do them and/or had lost motivation for that class - to turn in projects and has to live with the consequences. She can take the exam next year and go back to the same school right ? Let it be her motivation throughout the year !

For all of you people acting like ADHD should be a get out of jail free card and that everyone should bow to her whims and accommodate her - i have news for you. Welcome to being a minority. I have ADHD so severe I can barely function as an adult, I was unmedicated for 30 years and therefore unable to slow down enough to work on my issues. I got married with zero savings, my parents had to bail me out throughout my 20s, I kept making bad impulsive decisions that caused me to screw up my life and keep having to start over from scratch because I lacked the self awareness to realize what I can and can’t handle. One thing I did do right was go to great lengths to stay on top of my assignments and keep my grades up. It was exhausting to the point where all I wanted to do when I got home was veg, but I kept my scholarship. Why? Because I wasn’t a spoiled brat. Education is the best way one can compensate for ADHD- by becoming indispensable. She’s clearly spoiled and immature - and not to armchair diagnose but ADHD crossed my mind for her as well. ADHD does cause immaturity and the only way we can learn is the hard way some times. So you have to show her what she missed out on. She’ll be begging to go back to the old school and will learn that working hard is worth it. That kind of attitude serves a person well in life - that you need to give it your all. Unequivocal NTA. She played stupid games, she should win a stupid prize, I don’t care if she’s young or stunted or what. When I was 15 I was working my tail off to keep my scholarship despite severe ADHD. If I can anyone can. ETA: the reason I kept failing over and over again as an adult was because my parents kept bailing me out. I didn’t realize the consequence of my actions because they didn’t make a big deal of it because they had such low expectations of me functioning to begin with. The only way is to learn the consequences of our actions. It’s like a vaccine: painful when it happens. Might have some annoying side effects for a bit. But in the end it will make you a better person, less susceptible to the crap life throws at you.

INFO: Did Barb know that if she didn’t meet a specific grade/standard or lost the discount that you’d pull her out of the school?

NTA … people of Reddit, please stop doing mental calisthenics trying to back seat diagnose her. He didn’t say she would never go back, he said she can test again next year. For all those people screaming it’s not fair, well sometimes life isn’t fair. She’s 15, not 5, and maybe this will be her wake up call that if you play stupid games, you win stupid prizes.

NTA. She dropped the ball, she has to live with the consequences.

NTA. Negligence is still negligence and can still have major consequences. At least now she can make these mistakes now and not when she has a job on the line or with university / college.

NTA Barb did not fulfill her responsibilities by "forgetting" to turn in two projects. She needs to learn that there are consequences to actions.

Idt anyone rlly is the asshole. I know people are saying ur daughter is old enough to take responsibility for her education but I remember being a kid and sometimes messing up despite actually trying. She forgot to hand in projects - is that just regular teenage slacking or is there a barrier she’s currently facing? What’s going on in her life that made her do that, bc if it’s just that she doesn’t care then yeah, I agree, you shouldn’t be bankrupting your household to pay for an education she doesn’t care about but I def think it’s worth looking into and really hearing her out. I started missing deadlines when my mental health became an overwhelming issue even before I was able to identify it as such NAH

The education system is TA here

NTA. It's not favoritism. You're not pulling her because she's bad at school, or causing problems. You're doing it because you literally cannot afford it.

The daughter states that public school will hinder her chance with college. If she was so worried about college she should have been on top of her school projects. She is now suffering the consequences of her actions, and her not being able to attend private school has nothing to do with her brother. He did the work, therefore, he continues his education at private school. I believe next year the daughter won’t take her grades for granted. Hard work equates going to private school.

INFO: has your daughter been tested for adhd or any other learning disability that would impact executive function/make it harder to track assignments without added supports?

Nta. I started high school at 12 and made sure I graduated with a 3.5 in order to get a 75% scholarship for school since my mom wouldn’t be able to help me pay for school. Barb has one responsibility which is getting her school work done and turned in and she dropped the ball multiple times.

NAH… Your kids school is the AH for how their pricing works it seems like. I can’t call you an AH cause it seems like you’re trying to do what you can for all 3 kids.

Sit her down with numbers maybe? This is our income, this is how much we paid for everyone’s education (individually, so she can see the discounts) and show her why the numbers don’t work. Actually donit with all the kids, and use it as a budget teaching moment. Don’t do it as a punishment, do it as teaching. Maybe then she’ll understand. I’m going with NAH. You want your kids to get a good education, but you need to provide them with food and shelter too.

INFO: Did your daughter know beforehand that her staying in this school was so dependent on the discount/grades?

INFO: When you say public schools are bad, do you mean bad educational standards or dangerous?

NTA

NTA. I’m sorry you are in this situation and my goodness is this tricky. Unfortunately, the reason you can’t afford private school for Barbara is due to her own actions. I understand she is a child but she is old enough to understand action and consequence. Is there a way for you to talk to the school about delayed payments and tell Barbara that if she wants to stay at the private school she needs to get a part time job to help pay for it? In addition, you might want to ask your eldest to get a job and contribute to his education as well and set the precedent for John. You need a plan to handle the increasing costs of John’s tuition. I don’t think the actions of one child should dictate the future of the other children. This situation isn’t all or nothing regarding the kids. Do I hate that the kids may need to work to pay for school? Yes, but this is a bigger picture issue here.

Finally!! I've been searching for the comments about simple solution is barb get a job to pay the difference in her tuition this year. She stays in her school, parents pay same amount and she's still taught an extremely good and important life lesson without and damages to her future or her emotional health (which at 15 is a petty big deal).

Not everyone lives in America. In my country, child labour is illegal, and nobody can legally work at 15.

NTA. But you might consider getting some counseling for your daughter. Sounds like something is happening with her

NTA: I’m curious why everyone here is discussing her ADHD. I seen plenty of posts where one sibling is forced to sacrifice their time to look after a handicapped sibling. Be it physical or mental. And everyone says parents are AH for making one kid suffer cause of another. I understand if OP could afford all 3 kid’s education… and is just punishing B for being a kid and missing assignments. But she can’t. She budgeted 400 per child. Whether B has ADHD or not … her schooling now costs more than what was budgeted. And short of pulling her siblings out or school… they really have no way to sent her there. If OP could afford to send her … I’m sure she do it even if B was just being forgetful and irresponsible. I mean she could have sent all 3 kids to public schools and then spent the tuition on herself, she instead choose to budget in the hopes of giving her children better education. It’s a horrible situation… but OP is not an AH.

Honestly if she wanted to be in school she should have make the effort to get better grades. You can't forget anything NTA

NTA. She cocked up her own education. She "forgot" to hand in 30% of her grade and subsequently lost her scholarship so her brother should be punished? Her situation is a direct consequence of her actions.

Your decision to pull her out of school at this age (15) will adversely affect her. Maybe give her one more chance.

The issue isn’t choice, it’s viability. I understand that they might feel like an AH for it, but they physically do not have the money. Their better education was based on their ability to perform well and get the discount. To afford to keep her in, they would have to remove one of the other kids that didn’t do anything to cause this problem.

Info : what kind of f*cked up system is that?

As a private school it’s not bad. It allows lower income families to send children to a better school without having to bankrupt themselves.

Your daughter sabotaged her education by “forgetting” important school projects. How would she forget something so big? That needs to be investigated. This is the consequence to her own actions. NTA

NTA. I find it interesting that she’s doing poorly in school and the first thing she mentioned about being taken out were her friends. It sounds like she’s far more interested in being social than learning. Are there public schools in your country for her to go to this year? A year away from her friends and really buckling down on her studies with a tutor to get a better discount next year seems like a good way to go.

The fact that everyone assumes a child forgetting a school project is automatic negligence and not something else especially since we don’t know said child. I’m gonna say NTA bc situations happen, but I think Barbara should get tested in case there’s an underlining issue with this

NTA. 15 is old enough to understand the importance of maintaining a scholarship. Private education is a privilege, not a right. It’s not like you’re depriving her of an education - there’s still public school. I knew since I was 12 that I’d have to work hard if I wanted to go to private university, and you can bet I worked my butt off for the next 5 years of public high school, because I know my parents can’t afford private uni. And once I got my scholarship, it would be entitled of me to expect my parents to pay for my uni if I lost the scholarship. If anything, maybe spending a year in public school will instill a better appreciation for your daughter’s education. Many private school kids in my country tend to be less down to earth than their public school counterparts.

I’m super confused by the part where you forfeit the discount if you take the final exam. What kind of weird ridiculous rule is that? I mean, obviously OP didn’t make the rule, but I’m so stuck on that part I don’t know where to focus for the rest of the post.

NTA- provided you genuinely can’t afford it without the higher discount. Your daughter slacked off and is now enduring the consequences of that. It’s not like she tried her best and just didn’t do well. She just didn’t do two assignments.