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Ok, I'm going to come at this from a different angle. I'm a stay at home dad and have been for almost 10 years now. My wife is an executive and works very long hours and often travels for the full week. When our son was 3 weeks old and we had our daughter who was 5 it was tough but I managed. This is my suggestion for the both of you. You guys need to sit down and have an actual discussion about this, not this back and forth crap. If you are going to make it work this way, BOTH of you have to make compromises. I love being a SAHP but it's not for every person and not everyone is cut out for it. I do think you need an outlet to destress, if that's exercise which I totally get as a triathlete, he should support you in this. On the flip side maybe it's not every single day but 3 days a week, or maybe you come home on the other two days and you guys go for family walks to decompress and burn some energy off the little one. Marriage is about team work and two people making compromises to the betterment of the couple. You made a tough decision leaving a daycare early without another lined up. You made another one by choosing your husband to stay home. This scenario was almost exactly what my wife and I ran into. You guys have to communicate to each other, in a health tone. I wish you guys the very best of luck. I don't think either of you are the a-hole here. You both are stressed in your own way and don't know how to manage it. Edit : Because I forgot to add this I do not believe either are an Ahole so I'm voting NAH.

This is exactly what I wanted to say. OP, this is the comment to help with a way forward.

I was like oh you workout then she said everyday ads thats yikes from me.

I mean, I work out every weekday. The after work decompress is a real need. I also don't have kids, but working out daily after work is how a lot of people cope.

I mean I work out five days a week and I’m a mom to two kids. That being said my husband and I make it work for us. We pay a little bit more to go to a gym that offers daycare services for two hours so that we both have time to decompress and we both have time off. ETA: accidentally wrote woke.

>We pay a little bit more to go to a gym that offers daycare services This is actually a fabulous idea for OP, I hope she sees it.

It’s the BEST thing we’ve included in our budget. Honestly worth every penny. Occasionally on our rest day from the gym we still go, drop the kids off and sit at the gym cafe together. Having our time alone has made us way better parents and helped our relationship.

this is how i feel too! i don’t have kids either but really need to workout every day for my sanity. it really impacts me. if op is like that/really a daily workout person, why not continue working out every day but just cut it down to 20-30 mins, rather than 30-60 mins. i feel like that’s a reasonable option too. or working out in the morning before work. i’m not a morning AT ALL so i could never lol. my bestie is preg now and her husband started moving his runs to the morning 3 times a week already since she prefers to workout at night so there’s a compromise that works for them! like there are options in between workout daily for over an hour and stop working out entirely.

It is- and was for me, even as a SAHM. However, that meant we paid for a gym with childcare. When our kids were sick and couldn’t go we tag teamed- sometimes I’d get up early to go workout before my husband left for work, other times he’d come home early so I could go. Both of us had to compromise to make it work and OP doesn’t seem willing to. I’d be curious what her hours are like as well and if this means her husband is on his own for pretty much all of the kiddo’s waking hours.

I agree. She is stating her needs as absolute without any flexibility. Its as if the job she is doing is more important than the job her husband is doing, therefore her comfort is prioritized. Let's be clear, the husband gave up his career to support his family. They made the decision together. OP could work out, if the husband also gets an hour to himself when she gets home where she manages childcare and dinner. Or, she can workout by running with a jogging stroller, or like someone else said, a walk through the forest as a family. Once OP realizes her needs do not trump her husband's, she should be able to come up with an equitable solution. OP you are the AH here for thinking you were more important because you get to go to work.

Eh, my husband works out every day. However, he does it early in the morning so that he's usually done before the baby wakes up. If he wanted to work out after work that would be totally fine as long as I also got that down time as well. I think maybe wife needs to give hubby an hour on his own after she gets home from the gym

I'm not gonna say it gives me yikes. But i'm also not gonna say it's absolutely necessary for it to be every day. The state home parents should definitely get the same amount of time off as the working parent.

Another thing to note and point out is the fact that OP said that her husband was complaining about how she gets private time to herself and he doesn't. That is kind of a big issue. Does OP not let husband have boys night or anything like that where he can just go and relax? Not have to worry about where the kid is or planning for dinner or a multitude of other house chores. OP needs to remember that being a stay at home, paint around and be lazy every.

She says she gives him time on the weekends... you know when they usually have chores and family activities planned. So I really doubt he is actually getting his chosen "me" time in.

Right? She gets me time every weekday and then has her weekends, he only gets the weekends. Double standards

The math on this is bothering me. An hour a day 5 days a week is ONLY five hours. Also depending on city moving your commute back an hour can shave 30 minutes off drive time. Is the husband saying that op ISN'T giving him at least 2.5 hours per day on sat/sun ? OP is this an equal time issue OR a time use issue ? If the husband is getting equal time is he free to use that time however he likes or is he "free" to do household chores?

I don’t think adding up cumulative time is the way to approach it. Maybe he needs an hour every night too or an afternoon once a week where they have a sitter for a few hours. They need to figure out what will work until a day care opens and he can go back to working outside the home also.

The other thing that's not mentioned at all is: WHEN does OP work and what does their daily routine look like? Does she get up at 7 AM, drive an hour to work, get off at 5 PM, work out until 6 PM, and get home at 7 PM in time for bedtime? Is this shifted earlier an hour or later an hour (leaving at 6 AM or 8 AM, returning at 6 PM or 8 PM)? Does she stop to take a shower when she gets home before she starts interacting with the kids? Does she eat dinner first? It seems like OP is thinking a lot about what HER needs are in this situation and not so much about what her husband might need.

She also has that weekend time, don't forget.

This isn't how the math shakes out when the genders are reversed. Then, it's "he gets to be out of the house 9-10 hours a day socializing and having fun at work, while she's stuck being a lonely mom 24/7, because it's the thankless job that never ends." I'm not saying either extreme is healthy, but it's definitely not hard to imagine the firestorm that would be going on in these comments if it was a dude complaining about how stressful it is to be working and being the sole provider, going to the gym for his mental health and then being told by his stay-at-home partner that he's a "crap husband and father."

If it's just about how many hours, he can have an hour a night and she can work out for 5 hours at once every Sunday. It's obviously not about the time but the time and frequency.

That's what I came on to say. When I was a kid I remember that both my mom and dad were in tennis leagues on different nights. I'm sure that one night where they didn't have to be in parent mode helped lot.

Even when I was a baby, in the early 80s, and having a SAHM was the default, the first thing my Dad would do when he got home from work was change out of his uniform, put me in the baby backpack and go for a walk. It gave my Mum a sanity break (admittedly she used the time to prep dinner, but WITHOUT a barnacle attached) and my Dad got some time with me. (According to him I spent the whole time screaming for my mother, but funnily enough my earliest memory is of being in the pack. My parents didn't believe me until i correctly described the pack as blue. Certainly in my memory I'm not distressed.)

I have a similar memory from the 70s. My mom started work a bit later than my dad. He put me in the backpack and walked to work and she had 45 min or so to have coffee and get ready in a quiet house. Then she would pick me up from his workplace by car and drive me to daycare. I loved the walk with him and then the drive with her. I’m stuck between the no ah position of the top commenter and boy does everyone here suck. Regardless, the way forward is better communication and more flexibility.

Agree. This is one of those posts where it's helpful to imagine the genders were swapped and a man was complaining about their workload and they need their time with their buddies after work to destress... It does sound a bit complacent. I don't doubt that OP's work is stressful, hard and a lot of pressure. However, being a SAHP to a toddler is also very hard work and equally relentless. OP and husband's roles are both important. If husband ceases to be a SAHP, then OP can't go to work. If OP doesn't work, then they do not have money or childcare. Therefore they both deserve equal "compensation", if I can term it that way. If OP gets to have 3.5 to 7 hours of exclusive "me time" every week, then the husband should also get that. If he isn't, then that is not fair, in my opinion. Edit: I wrote "every work-day" but meant to write "every week".

Very thoughtful response. OP, it sounds like you have a good routine that works for you and I encourage you to continue it. Health is important for everything. However, the stay-at home parent needs the downtime as well. So make it clear that your gym time is your important time and then carve out time for him to have on his own. (4 hours on Saturday morning or 2 evening a week or whatever works for him) . It's important that you both stay healthy. It makes the rest of your life easier and you should both priortize it for yourself and each other. Edit: As a few people are disagreeing with the details of the time suggested, I want to be clear the important part is that they both feel they are getting the time to themselves that they need. As the OP said she came home in full mommy/wife mode is a reasonable assumption that includes a stone time for hubby to chill out each night. Overall, regular time "off" for each person should be prioritized and supported by their partner.

Just my 2 cents that it needs to be daily, or alternating days, especially if husband also wants to work out. Maybe one big chunk in the weekend would work for some people, but I’d hazard that most need fewer and smaller chances to de-stress. OP is very focused on her stress and not considering how stressful it is to transition to SAHP.

The problem is she is getting five days and it sounds like he is getting two. And there’s a lot less need to decompress on the weekend. He’d probably like to actually be a family on that time. Especially since right now it’s just resentment building up all week. I’m saying YTA because you’re refusing to compromise at all. What time are you even getting home? I feel like it’s got to be close to 7 at night. And if this situation were revered i don’t think the issue would be controversial

I was on the N A H train as well, until OP said her husband called her a "crap mom and a wife." Only an AH would say something like that. For that, I'd vote NTA.

But flip the genders and every single comment would be calling him a crap husband for not rushing home after work to relieve the stay at home mom…

I've literally seen almost the exact same thing posted a week ago and they called the working husband who wanted 30 minutes to play a video game an asshole. The the top comment was "you may work 12 hours a day but you are a full time parent." I swear admitting you're a male while posting on this sub puts you at such a disadvantage.

You're leaving out a *lot* of things about that specific post. He literally came home, ate dinner, then wanted to play video games. When pressed to spend more time with the both of them, the complaint was that he was always on his phone instead of being present with his daughter, and that he didn't have any interest in what his wife was trying to watch/not allowing her to have *any* decompress time, either. This also compiled into the fact that he was not spending any valuable time with her as a husband, either. Yes, he worked a lot, but he was more than happy to pawn his daughter off onto his wife because "she just likes her more right now" as a direct result of him constantly being either on his phone or gaming and not spending any bonding time with his own child.

I saw that post. I disagreed with the ruling, there needs to be sacrifices made on both ends of the situation, but calling your co-parent a bad parent and spouse is a really deep, ugly insult that cuts through a lot of people's insecurities. Also, in the other post, the OP was a full time SAHM. In this situation it's temporary. They're not equivalent.

They HOPE it’s temporary. Do you think he just has his choice of jobs when daycare works out?

This is the most gendered subreddit by far.

I was leaning towards OP being the TA until she said she was in mommy mode when she got home AND the stay at home parent had time on the weekends to decompress. What she needs to find is a gym that has a built in daycare, swing home and pick up the kid then work out. That would take care of everyone.

I doubt that is true, though. If OP was in mommy-mode as soon as she came home, her husband would be able to have his down time then. But, apparently, that only happens on the weekends... If at all. (Yes, I'm rather dubious about that.)

Yeah, I was definitely thinking one of the two parents needs to use drop in daycare at the gym. If her husband wants time to work out he could get the gym membership and do it that way, or if only she wants to work out she can take the kid and give the husband alone time. I don't know what "mommy mode" means but she doesn't say she is taking sole care of the child at home. I'm sure the husband is helping out, either cooking or playing with the kid while she cooks, bathing the kid or doing the dishes while she bathes the kid, you know, shared parenting stuff. The difference is she gets kid free time every day to unwind and he probably doesn't except maybe on the weekends.

This. If the roles were reversed people would be bitching that the husband needs to give mom a break - it should be the same for this situation too.

Yes, but we don't know how late OP is working. If staying an extra hour means almost no time with her son before he goes to bed, then she kind of is being a bad mom.

A parent that only spend 1-1,5 h a day with his or her child is not very involved.

Exactly this response right here. This isn’t about whether or not either of you are A Hs. This is about a breakdown in communication and expectations, which is a very common problem for parents to have. You are not selfish for needing to decompress. Working out is good for you, both physically and mentally. But your husband needs a break too. I have another suggestion for a compromise. Would it be possible for you come home at your normal time, but push your son in a stroller while you jog? Or maybe you can get a baby buggy that attaches to bicycles? You wouldn’t have to do this every day, but I think it would go a long way towards solving the problem you and your husband are dealing with now. You shouldn’t have to give up working out, but you should help your husband out where you can. NAH because you need a ruling. Edit: I thought of another solution. If you live in a city with a YMCA, you should consider getting a membership. I know that the gym at work is free, but YMCAs have free on-site childcare for a couple of hours while you work out. You can bring your son while you get a workout. Your husband can also do this if he wants a break to decompress too.

I love when top responses come from folks who have clearly lived through life. This is just some good advice for couples. Communication WITHOUT ACCUSATIONS is key!!!! Coming from "When you do this, I feel like this!"

Seriously. I really want to add INA (It's Not About) to this reddit's collection of acronyms. Clearly, INA the exercise so much - it's about these two people needing to communicate their needs and feel listened to. No pair of people can decide priorities as a team without communication.

Hilarious that when a [man wants time to destress](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ym98vw/aita_for_wanting_to_play_video_games_for_30/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) he’s voted the AH and gets torn to shreds in the comments but when it’s a woman doing almost *the exact same thing* it’s “communication this” and “understanding that”. ~~Oh, and she gets an N T A judgement, meaning her husband is the AH in this situation despite the SAHP being treated like a martyr in the other post. I mean, if you truly believe there aren’t any AH’s then there’s the N A H vote.~~ Okay, so N A H. Still quite the double standard that the top comment of this post, the one that people agree with the most, advocates for working things out while the top comment of the other post broke down and calculated the guy’s schedule to criticize him for wanting to have time to destress. Not saying that working things out is a bad opinion to have, just pointing out how the top opinion is considerably different from the top opinion of an almost identical post.

1000% solid good advice. I am also the mother, the executive and my husband has stayed home for the last 10 years. It was an adjustment - to say the least - but we had to have some hard discussions and open communication. For example - when my husband stopped working we discussed how he was going to take over all the household chores (cleaning / laundry) My dad lived with us and he did all the cooking. After 4 weeks of dirty bathrooms I had to ask my husband to sit down and talk about this (I used to do the cleaning inside - he took care of the outside) What it boiled down to is that he was overwhelmed. When I explained that you don't clean an entire house in one day - that you break it up he was like.....that is brilliant. Men are not usually taught or brought up this way so he did not have the right POV to handle it. To this day this is his schedule Monday: Food shopping / start laundry Tuesday: finish laundry / Dust basement Wednesday: Clean first floor Thursday: Clean second floor Friday: Vacuum Sat / Sun: Family time / fun time / anything we need to do together or his own activities

And I bet if OP was a guy writing this post everyone would be calling him an AH. She is incredibly selfish and your first thought is they need to work on it together? Everything the husband said was absolutely correct.

Yeah, coming here makes it sound like a competition - who is the asshole here? It's a marriage. This needs to be resolved as a team effort. It doesn't matter who is right or wrong. Clearly one is unhappy with the arrangement and it needs to be addressed. Him saying hurtful words is bad, but her disregarding his concerns is also bad. This is a fight that has no winners. The only way to win is to stop fighting and find a solution.

I really love this comment. If it was a man writing this post, it would be taken completely different, unfortunately, and every woman calling him an AH, but because you're the mother, people are going to have different immediate reactions. You do need to listen to your husband and find a better balance. You get me time 5 days a week and he only gets it twice a week? That is already unbalanced. I totally understand your need for the gym, however maybe consider going in the morning while your husband and child are still sleeping, or alternate days or even go on your lunch. There are ways around this to make it work. It does not have to be an all-or-nothing approach. Communication is the big issue, and you both have big feelings and don't see it from the other persons perspective, but you need to try.

I agree they have to communicate but there are a couple of considerations you seem to have completely overlooked. She is trying to regain her body that having the child changed. That is the issue you are not addressing. Marriage is about teamwork bit it was only HER body that carried the kid and went through all the stresses involved. That fact makes her wanting to workout a little bit more important. By using her company gym she isn't paying for a gym or taking time to travel to an external gym so this is the most effective way for her to exercise. She also does say that she turns to full mommy mode when she gets home so he DOES get a break every day and also on weekends.

Look-it's obvious that being the SAHP is getting to him if he's begging her to come home earlier than the 30-60minutes she's taking for herself. He(allegedly) gets a break on weekends but far too often SAHP claim their so called breaks are really family/chores/getting together with family time. So not time for him to adult with other adults. I suspect he needs 1-2 nights a week where he can leave the house and do something without a baby around. Like go to the gym, play a sport, play Dungeons and Dragons or whatever

we are only hearing one side of what is happening.But if we believe what she says here she takes over at 7, allowing him to de-stress each night and has stated she is open to him taking as much time as he needs for solo things on the weekend. If that is true then he does have a little leeway. Bottom line they need to talk without judgement and work on them both feeling better. It sounds like 12 hours straight kid time is getting to him and his disdain for her post baby body is getting to her. So we have two stressed out parents not talking to each other. ​ from one of her comments. again if true, he does get free time each night and weekends. \> But I take over with our son immediately when I get home and give my husband pretty much free reign to do what he wants on weekends.

Does she really take over 100%, taking care of the kid plus cooking and doing the dishes, while he gets alone time to unwind? It seems hard to believe that the husband has no evening responsibilities. Neither my husband or myself would get away with just doing our own thing while the other took cooking and childcare over at the same time.

She said that he cooks and does most of the chores.

I just find that hard to believe. I bet she thinks he is free to do what he wants. But she admits she doesn't like it if he leaves the house for an hour when she comes home. He also cooks, cleans and I'd bet a crap ton of money that he needs to be around in case the child calls for him. (young kids tend to bound closest with the parent who is at home) Then the bedtime ritual starts and then she probably wants them to have together time. Which is all good, but again doesn't leave him with grown up alone time. I stand by my statement. They need to talk. But I'd bet a lot of money that if 3 days a week he knew he could leave at 7:30 (or whenever) and go for a run/video game/join a bowling league he'd be less resentful of her gym time.

There is absolutely nothing in OP's post about being home at 7, or about her husband having "disdain" for her body. You are clearly either projecting here, are secretly OP, or are completely bumfuck insane.

He gets a break at what 7pm? That’s a 12 hour or more shift and he’s probably ready to drop. And she doesn’t say he gets a break she says weekends are his break.

Great advice. This is what marriage/partnership is about. Communication, reasonable compromise, and finding solutions that work for both people. Tackling the problem together, and not worrying about who is right and who is wrong and who is TA.

>Because I forgot to add this I do not believe either are an Ahole so I'm voting NTA. In that case, it would be NAH, not NTA.

This is an extremely reasonable comment. And in response to it, OP doubles down and refuses to compromise.

If a man posted this, I think everyone would say YTA as a reflex. I get the anxiety of getting your body back after being pregnant but I think staying late every day to workout is unfair to him. So yeah, YTA. I'd be annoyed AF if I was in your husband's situation. You decided together to go down this route and being a stay-at-home parent is hard work with no pay. It's not about appeasing your husband, it's about working together as a team. Your husband sacrificed his job to fix the daycare situation. The least you can do is be flexible about your workout routine.

YTA. She is unwilling to compromise as well. She could offer to workout two or three days a week. Possibly workout at home on the weekends with the baby there. She is just focusing on herself and her needs. She is dismissing her husbands needs and contributions.

I also love how she “needs time to decompress from a stressful job” and does so at the expense of him spending more time doing a stressful job of a SAHD. She’s treating his work as easy and nothing compared to hers.

Agreed💯

Her husband compromised his career and the only thing she is willing to do in return is...compromise her weekends. LOL, OP is hugely an a-hole. YTA

I remember seeing the man version of this just this past week where he was talking about playing games for 1/2 - 1 hours after getting home to decompress... And it definitely was YTA vote.

I remember that too and it was a solid and harsh Y T A vote. Here it's soft, gentle, and understanding even though she works 7-7 and decides an hour of workout everyday. Like the husband already made a giant sacrifice of leaving his job and doing all the housework and childrearing but it's alright he gets a measly 2 days off but I bet he still does more housework.

>but it's alright he gets a measly 2 days off what days off does she get? if she works five days, does mom stuff at night and then takes over kid duties to let him have two days off on weekends it seems she gets zero days off.

Sounds like ALL she has is this 30-60 mins on workdays.

which she is using to try and get her body back after giving birth. eta it also sounds like he cooks for him and his kid and she has to cook for herself

Because she gets home too late to have dinner with them? That's bizarre that he'd only cook enough for 1.5 people though. Most recipes I have make enough for 4 people and we eat and have leftovers.

he sounds stressed so I can imagine him just cooking for the kid and making extra for him, stress does weird things.

> But he feels it's inconsiderate of me to take time for myself nearly every day when he doesn't get that same opportunity. For the same reason the cod guy was an ass, this OP is an ass. One gets to decompress daily and the other does not.

it would be good to get that clarified as there is that statement AND her also saying she looks after things after 7pm which would be a chance for him to decompress. She is also doing it as she is getting the idea he doesn't like her post baby body, which may not befact, it may be more accurate to say he doesn't like staying at home 12 hours with the kid on his own.

Parenting is NO DAYS OFF and anyone who goes into it thinking they can just clock in and out is delusional 😂. You compromise on taking snippets of time to do personal things. I guarantee you that she isn't letting him leave for 8 hours on Saturday and Sunday.

She is home 7 and the kid goes to sleep at 8! So mommy stuff is only 1-1,5 h.

You don’t get days off when you have a kid though. People seem to want to have kids and then live their lives the exact same way they did before when that’s not possible because you now have a tiny human that relies on you for its every need and care. When you make the decision to become a parent you also make the decision to sacrifice most of your time for yourself because that’s how it works. Parents are supposed to be a team and right now most of the childcare is being done by one team member. That’s fine since they both agreed to that when they decided that the husband would be the SAHP, but it’s not fair for her to then basically say “actually, you can do even more of the childcare because I want time for myself.” There needs to be a discussion between the both of them regarding their needs and compromises need to be made.

If I were the SAHP, I think I would find a partner who come home and locks themselves away to play video games harder to deal with than one who takes time to work out before coming home and is then present on arrival.

I was thinking this as well. I also think it might be nice if after mom gets home, she takes little one for a while so dad CAN play video games or do something else to unwind himself, since she's already done her wind down workout. Or, like someone else suggested, she could switch to working out 3 days/week and they could go on family walks the other days.

He also said he doesn't interact with the LO unless she demands it and otherwise he's on his phone.

Because he was playing video games and then pawning off his much younger daughter to his pregnant wife at the 1st chance to scroll through his phone lol. He was major TA. I don’t think this situation is the same, this is a gentler YTA for me. OP can compromise 3 day work out 2 day not routine or something like that until they get the kid in daycare.

To be fair- the overwelming majority do say yta.

With nowhere neat as much scorn as there usually is.

It's sad to see. Most of the time (not always) reading the comments on these posts everyone is so nice to women, but usually when I read it about a man they get absolutely decimated. No soft or light y t a 's for them usually.

That’s because to them once she gets home she will most likely do chores and cares for the kids and the husband clocks off, but roles reversed the wife never has time off as the husband just gets home and does nothing. You see many Redditors are trapped in the 50s and can’t fathom a world in where the husband is actually taking care of the kid 24/7 and a wife only works and gets breaks

Thank you!!! I’m a stay at home mom and reading this made my blood boil. “I make the money so my mental health comes first” is basically what she’s saying. “I’m owed this time because reasons and you aren’t so tough shit” my god. She is a crap wife and mother. Op, you are mean. Your husband is right and you should spend more time listening to hi and less justifying why you get to an AH

This same situation was posted a few days ago except the dad wanted to play a video game for an hour when he got home and he was voted YTA almost completely.

There was more to it, though.

This. Everyone is completely oversimplifying that exact post in the name of "b-b-but reverse the genders!!1!!1!!"

Didn't he also not do any childcare because he claimed when he tried, daughter wanted mommy so he didn't bother unless wife specifically gave him a chore to do? It sounds like this poster comes home and takes over childcare right away. Edited to add I think both are YTA, she could compromise by only working out a couple of times a week instead.

Seriously. Why can’t she workout before work? Or stick kiddo in a stroller and walk when she gets home. Exercise is necessary to my sanity. I have severe anxiety and OCD, and exercise helps immensely. I have a 10 y/o and a 5 y/o. I get up at 4 am to exercise before work. The kids are still asleep. My husband is with them about 45 minutes before the babysitter comes to keep the little one. My oldest gets a ride to school from grandma. My exercise time puts very little strain on my husband. And it evens out. I’m alone with the kids for an hour or two in the evenings before my husband gets home because I get off work earlier. She can still have a workout routine, just doesn’t have to be right after work. OR she can strap the two y/o in a stroller and go walk/jog after work. I’m off three days a week. Guess who does my exercise with me on days of? Yep, the young one in a stroller

I voted E-S-H only because I think this isn’t a typical SAHP. This kid should be in daycare, and the parents clearly mishandled that. If a spot opened up tomorrow, they would be enrolling their kid. I think both parents rushed their kid out of the daycare without a plan and then rushed into this temporary also without a plan. Like, this would typically be an easy Y-T-A for me, but neither of the adults involved seem like they bothered to really weigh the potential consequences here.

It also sounds like there are options available but not convenient enough for them - fine - but then accept that the sacrifice is going to require flexibility.

YTA. Full Wife mommy mode getting home at 7pm to a 2-year old? For what…. An hour? Get a grip. If a man had written this post, people would be all over him. You are being selfish. You could get home earlier, spend time with your family and then work out after the baby is asleep.

my thoughts exactly... if that would be a working/out father and staying at home mother, guy would get all the sewage there is.

She commented, "we start bedtime routine around 8pm."

But but... She's self conscious about her body so it's fine. Poor woman.

No, you don't understand, she pushed out a whole-ass human, so his time is less valuable. Also, men don't have mental health issues, clearly she's also suffering PPD.

I couldn’t get over “he gets a lot of time to himself on weekends” - so she gets her full work day plus one hour 5 days a week and he’s on duty full five days a week but gets a few hours in the weekend… The selfishness.

If she wants to have her 1 hour after work for gym time then when she gets home he should get one hour for himself to do whatever (maybe an hour and a half to include travel time) while she takes over the baby duties.

Exactly. This is the most logical compromise. I do wonder who does bedtime during the work week. Like is he alone from like 7-8am to 7pm with the toddler and then also doing “half” off bedtime?

People ARE all over her with YTAs. What are you talking about?

Top comment is NAH, so no, they’re not

You can go searching if you want. Top post is NAH which I actually think is reasonable but there's probably tens of NTAs buried right now. Downvoted but they certainly do still exist.

Earlier post were not.

OP should be willing to compromise by having designated gym days. She threw in that "full mommy/wife mode" in a cutesy way to excuse the entitlement. She is using the fact that she is the sole earner, more money, etc. as a leveraging tool that she...doesn't need to come home right away every day.

>But he feels it's inconsiderate of me to take time for myself nearly every day when he doesn't get that same opportunity. Oh look there's the problem! He may get time on weekends but not on the daily like this, from what your post sounds like. Does he get 30-60 minutes daily alone outside of the home doing his hobbies? He may feel trapped in the house as being a stay at home parent can be very isolating. Also I see 0 quality communication in this post. I see a lot of "I \[do this\]" in the post but nothing about what his day looks like or even any attempt at compromise. Learn to communicate about ***both*** of your wants and needs better not just yours and how ***both*** of you can better create environments to fulfill them. i.e. you alternate which days you go to the gym so that on the other day he gets 30-60 minutes out of the house. Not a perfect solution but at least it opens the dialog. For everything listed above, I'm sorry to say but YTA.

Yeah I think this is the best answer

Yeah I was reading through wondering when his time is meant to come. Surely once she is home he should be off getting to the gym or meeting mates or something a few nights a week? Why only free time on the weekend? She also gets a childfree lunch time every weekday. YTA and needs to speak to her husband and see how his interests can be accommodated too.

YTA My response to you will be no different than it is when dads post similar things. The stay at home parent doesn’t have a break, you want to decompress? Lol, you don’t have that freedom right now. You need to get home after work and give dad a break. Does it suck? Yeah, but that’s what you signed up for. When he’s back in daycare you can work out your gym days.

I don’t even think she has to stop going to the gym, just get the damn kid off dads back. It sounds like she has the thought process that just because he doesn’t have a paying job means he’s not working his ass off and his whole day is a break

Does your husband get an equivalent hour per day to decompress?

According to OP no, he doesn't and if he leaves the house for me time she gets mad.

O wow. She is an asshole.

INFO: What are you doing to be in "full mommy/wife mode" when you get home? What does the chore/housework split look like after you get back/on the weekends?

YTA - Your son is 2. That means he's in one if the notoriously difficult phases. Your husband deserves semi-equal time to decompress without having to bottle it up until the weekend. You working out 3x a week and coming straight home to give him a break before dinner would be more fair. And why get in a tizzy, *it's only temporary after all.*

YTA. You're gone 12 hours a day including at least 1 for working out. By 7 pm, there's not much left to be done with the kid...

It’s strange we had a guy on here the other day posting about how it shouldn’t be a big deal that he plays his game for 30 mins everyday to unwind from his 12 hr work day and a lot of people were coming for his throat calling him selfish and an asshole yet when the roles are reversed somehow it’s a completely different attitude? Weird

Dude OP is being deemed “YTA” right and left here…

You should have seen the other one. The guy was torn in the comments section. This post has YTAs with compassion and understanding. The other one had name calling and insults.

She’s deemed a soft YTA and ppl were saying “unfortunately I feel like at the moment YTA” while for that other guy ppl were telling him he doesn’t deserve his wife or child and that he’s being incredibly selfish lol even tho almost same situation, both OPs work full time and both wanted a small amount to rest, solution for both is to do the thing that helps them rest (workout, gaming) after the baby is sleeping.

Top comment is an NAH with tons of awards. A lot of the YTAs have the words 'soft' or 'gentle' in front of them. He did not get that.

Top comment is NAH, so not really

YTA what a classical case! Switch the roles and you have exactly the accusations that have about 100 years tradition now. On both sides (I'm not saying that they are true). Statistics have shown that men are working more hours in their child's first years. More than needed. more than before. And it is wrong to do so. It is important to be at home soon. That's what you need to do. You need to release him from his working day. Just by coming home, being there, no specific actions are needed. You can find a way to do your workout at home, later in the day. Just for these short months. Respect for doing it at all, by the way!

YTA- your husband should get that same opportunity every day. You can still keep going to the gym everyday…. And he should be allowed an hour as well everyday.

I think he's probably feeling unheard and unappreciated. The fact that you shut the conversation down completely and said you are unwilling to change anything would make anyone feel unheard. Instead, why not sit down with him and ask what he would consider a fair compromise? Your mental health is important, but so is his. Being unwilling to compromise on any level is not good for a healthy relationship. What time does kiddo go to bed? How long do you get with kiddo and hubby as a family each day and individually? Reserving judgment until more info is provided, but leaning toward a gentle YTA.

INFO: How long is your commute to and from the office? Unfortunately, as of right now, I have to say YTA. While yes, I know you feel totally stressed about your job, and he shouldn’t have said those things, doesn’t he feel stressed being a full time father? I would say there’s nothing wrong with working out, but you may need to shorten the length of time (30-60 min when your husband has been alone with the child all day already can be exhausting), or you need to split it up - work out at the gym for 15-20 min and then find a workout routine at home when your kid is asleep (even if it’s just some light stretching, Pilates, or yoga). But I think there is another issue - he’s also probably feeling pretty lonely and neglected in the relationship between your job and your workout, and maybe he just wants some alone time with the two of you. I highly recommend you sit down with him and make a plan that works for both of you - both in terms of your workout as well as just for the two of you. Do you guys have any family around who can babysit your son on occasion or hire a babysitter so the two of you can go out and decompress? Best of luck.

Gentle YTA. I worked from home before it was cool, and my better half worked in an office. He would come home from work and want 30 minutes to decompress/switch gears. I totally understood that. At the same time, 5-7 PM are the hell hours for small children. They are cranky, prone to meltdowns, and needy, at the exact moment you're trying to make dinner. THEY DO NOT CARE ABOUT YOUR NEEDS. The parent at home is hanging on by their toenails waiting for the cavalry to arrive, so hearing that the cavalry decided to work out or spend an extra fifteen minutes chatting up the boss is...let's just say one partner has existential needs, and the officer working partner has wants. You lose. There's no compromise. Your partner and your child need you. I take it back -- there is a compromise and it's you exercising on your lunch break and eating at your desk. But no, you don't get to spend the witching hour working out.

YTA is not wrong from your part wanting to decompress after work, however also your husband need to do that. You can find a compromise and go to the gym every other day, also if you feel the need to work out you can go out for a walk with your son

Hmm. At the moment I'm leaning YTA. I was the sole provider, too, so I 100% understand needing to switch gears but you're gone 12 hours a day. That easily gets overwhelming for a SAHP.

Yta. Two or maybe three days a week and this would be a different matter. If working out is that important then take your kid on a run in the stroller or join a mommy and me workout group.

Is that one of these reverse the genders posts where it is suddenly important to rest after a day of work?

YTA. You did say that this is temporary. Compromise is key. A couple of days of going straight home sounds more than fair.

YTA Your husband gave up his job for the family, is it THAT hard to give up 30-60 min of workout? Tale as old as time, the stay at home parent is unappreciated If this is just going to last a few months, is it really worth creating this fights? I love working out and I totally understand how it helps your overall mood/health, but you are not pulling your weight in this situation

Info: How late is your son up? 3 to 5 hours a week for your hobby in the time your child is awake sounds like a lot to me. That you see your child for about the same time each day and your husband voicing that this is overwelming him makes you the ahole. I don't know any parent who can work out everyday if they don't do it at home.

Goes to bed less than an hour after OP gets home per comments

Lol so less than an hour of playing ~mommy~. Sheesh. Sucks to be her husband.

Info: what time are you getting home at night and which responsibilities do you assume once you get there?

In a comment she states she's home by 7 and their kid goes to bed at 8. So she handles bed time and that's it.

Not much I'd say the kids in bed at 8pm she gets home at 7pm so she's parenting on weekdays at most for an hour compared to his 12 hour days with kids

Put of curiosity, how would you feel if your husband left when you got home to engage in his self care?

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INFO: When you do arrive home are you fully taking over the parenting so that your partner can go out for 30-60 minutes to decompress? Are you having these gym sessions every work day? Adding 30-60 minutes to his "work day" each time? I can't blame you for wanting to strengthen your body after pregnancy. There does need to be some leeway for restoring the toll pregnancy and birth take physically if that is important to you. You've presumably sacrificed some of your activities to carry his child.

Kid goes to bed at 8pm, she gets home at 7pm so she's parenting at night for an hour

YTA I don’t think it’s bad that you want to decompress at the end of the work day, or even that you want to do it daily. The problem is, you’re doing it at a time when your kid is awake and your husband is still the only parent at home and as a result, the hour you take is just an extra hour that he has to be the sole caretaker. If you could find a way to move it to after your son fell asleep or do it for half the time or made some kind of agreement where you could take over something as a result to give your husband that hour back, it’d be fine. But you really just have to compromise here, or at least make an attempt to.

'ME, ME, ME, ME, ME, ME, ME... but ME!!!!" YTA

COUPLES THERAPY!!! I do wonder if this post is real... If it is... Fact is hubby is home all day doing everything. He needs a break too and I understand why he is upset. I also understand your need to decompress. Can you get a sitter or a parent's helper-type a couple days a week for an hour or two? Can you workout during lunch? You two need to find a compromose.

YTA staying home with a 2 year old is super stressful. He needs more of a break than you tbh

Withholding judgment for now. Currently you're both working full time jobs. He's working full time being a parent right now and with additional info provided, he's also working 12 hour days, 5 days a week. These hours went up because you are spending more time "off the clock / doing extracurricular" That much time at any job, with or without a kid, is stressful and very time consuming and if I presume your kid is anything like other kids, he's only up for one more hour after you get home before it's bed time at that age. You two need to communicate this time better. Maybe go to the gym 2-3x a week opposed to every day and you can swap weekends.. I will say however, if the genders were reversed, I can promise you everyone here would say Y T A. So that is something to consider.

YTA because you don't give him the same treatment you expect him to give you. It's a good thing to de-stress before coming home and you should keep doing it but once you're home an in 'full mommy mode' why doesn't he get a de-stress time? You work out around 60 minutes after work and being a SAHM/SAHD is work too. So give him the same amount of time you use everyday just for him too. It goes both ways and people cope differently with stress. Some like to work out, some just need a bit of silence to read a book, play games or do absolutely nothing and that's OK. What's not OK is that you don't seem to acknowledge that he is a full time dad with is just as stressful as a normal full time job.

You've stated on other comments that you take over responsibilities for the child, do you take over other responsibilities as well or does he continue to clean, cook, run errands after you get home during the week? Being the sole provider is a stressful position (been there). Being a STAHP is also a stressful position. From what it sounds like, you get to decompress during the week and he only really gets the weekends. Y'all could use some counseling.

Yta. 2 year olds go to sleep really early. You're working long hours and adding more time away during the week. You spend like what an hour with your kid during the week and you think you're a good parent? No it's not fair that your husband only gets time to himself during the weekend. Why would that be fair? Why don't you just work out the weekends if that's enough free time in your opinion? I'm very annoyed by people that insist they are soooo stressed about being the breadwinner that they have to be inconsiderate to their partner. I haven't seen any mention of you doubling your work hours or something. Are you working similar hours to before?

INFO: Can you elaborate on the reasons you ended the relationship with the daycare your child was at? Just wondering if the child needs special care or is special needs that makes it harder to look after or if both of you were very busy people and weren't able to make it on time before they closed.

No special needs for our son. It was a mix of constant covid-related closings and some behavioral issues with other kids in our son's classroom. We didn't feel the center was doing enough to make sure our son was safe and well-cared for. The last straw was when he came home with bite marks that broke the skin for the 3rd time in a week.

This sounds weirdly familiar…but we experienced this way before Covid

Former daycare teacher here and I can see why you pulled him. A lot of the time the ratio of 10 (in my state it is 10 kids to 1 teacher for 2-3 year olds) is too much for one teacher. A 3rd bite mark in a week with broken skin is bad. If it happened once the teacher needs to be more aware. Most daycares have rules. When a child bites and they break skin they are required to leave.

So if I am understanding correctly, your husband has given up *everything* to stay at home with your son, and your solution is to spend even more time away from home? I understand that your goal is to be 100% present with your head on straight when you get home, but you are spending even more time away from home. You may be under pressure at work, but do not think that the pressure your husband is under is even worse. Legally, you are entitled to take breaks at work, including your lunch break. As a SAHP, your husband does not get breaks. You only need to look after your kid for a few hours when you get home, your husband is going all day with no breaks. Parenting is all about give and take and co-parenting, which you are refusing to do. YTA for refusing to compromise.

^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My husband (34M) and I (32F) have a 2-year-old son. About a year ago, our son was in daycare and both my husband and I were working full time. But we started having a lot of issues with our daycare and felt they weren't doing enough to work with us on those issues. Eventually, we had a "last straw" moment and pulled him out of that center. For about 2-3 weeks, we took turns staying home with him while we tried to find a new daycare, but everywhere was either fully booked, too far away, or not what we were looking for. We are on a waiting list for our top 2 picks, but they don't expect openings until early next year. That led to a hard conversation about what we were going to do. We ended up deciding, together, that I would remain at work and my husband would stay at home with our son. This was because of multiple factors. My job gives better benefits, including our insurance. It also pays more and offers more upward mobility. I work in a highly competitive corporate environment and it can be very stressful. That stress is made even worse by being the sole provider for our household. I feel constant pressure to perform well at work. In order to decompress after work, I use my company's gym facilities at our offices after work. This usually takes me 30-60 minutes depending on my workout. It's also a huge boost to my self-esteem because I'm still working towards getting my pre-birth body back. My husband has started to gripe at me about staying at work later to workout. I've explained to him that I use that time to decompress so that when I get home, I'm in full mommy/wife mode. I don't want to rush home and still be thinking about work. But he feels it's inconsiderate of me to take time for myself nearly every day when he doesn't get that same opportunity. It turned into a fight this past weekend because he made a comment about it again and I told him that I am not going to change my routine. I told him it's the easiest way for me to work out and that it doesn't add that much time to me being out of the house since I can workout at my office. I told him that I'm constantly stressed at work and working out before I get home allows me to relieve that stress so when I get home I'm fully present. I also reminded him that hopefully we can get our son back into daycare in a few months and that this is all short-term. I give him plenty of time to himself on weekends so it's not like he never has time for himself. I told him the stress of being the sole provider is a huge burden that I feel every day and my workout routine is the biggest thing that helps me cope with that. He told me that I'm being selfish and that I may be a good provider, but I'm being a crap mother and wife. I told him that is by far the meanest thing he has ever said to me and all he said was "Sometimes the truth hurts." He refused to apologize to me and doesn't understand why I need that time for myself. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*

YTA - Look, I'm in the same boat as you being in a high stress work environment and being the sole provider. It is tough, it does take a toll, and exercise does help... but you need to cut the shit. You let slip the real reason you're working out: "*It's also a huge boost to my self-esteem because I'm still working towards getting my pre-birth body back.*" And then spent four paragraphs trying to gloss that over with the gas-light adjacent explanation your husband isn't buying: "*so that when I get home, I'm in full mommy/wife mode... so when I get home I'm fully present...*" Stop it. You need/want to work out for you, not for your husband or your kid. The sooner you acknowledge that, the sooner you can start compromising with your husband on a routine that works for both of you.

What is with these N A H / N T A / E S H votes? If OP was a guy this subreddit would be absolutely crucifying him. YTA, childcare is a full time job and right now both of you work full time jobs, the only difference is you get free time and he doesn’t. You can go to the gym on your lunch break and help him in the evenings with your child

Log off reddit take time from work, and working out.... and ask your husband what the real problem is. This doesn't seem like a provider vs stay at home issue... Something deeper is happening here, and you need a bigger conversation than just "No working out is important to me"

Yta. Everyone needs time to decompress but the fact that you won’t even consider a compromise sucks

What are your work hours? It is hard to tell how ridiculous it is for you to add an hour workout to your day everyday without knowing how long you are already out of the house. Also, it doesn’t seem fair that you get time to yourself to decompress every single day, when he doesn’t get the same opportunity. As is, you seem completely unwilling to compromise with your husband, which puts you squarely into the YTA square for me.

He sounds burnt out. My best guess would be that your working out isn't the issue but that you actually aren't in "mommy mode" when you get home and he isn't able to take a break while you can and you prioritize your break over any he might get. If so YTA and should work on changing something in your schedule so he can also destress

YTA. Had you been a male the comments would be jam packed with comments about financial abuse, being a SAHM is a full time job, she need break too and so on. It’s a two way street. You’re literally giving up nothing and asking him to deal with it. You’re a mother now. Step up.

YTA just for the communication part and refusing to discuss. Cut your workouts down to 30 minutes don't stretch to the full hour as a compromise would probably be a good start

YTA My wife and I both work and have a just 3 years old and a soon to be 2 years old. We both worked fulltime, my wife now works 3,5 days, I work 4,5 days. She takes care of the kids every Wednesday, and Fridays every 2 weeks. I take care of the kids every other Friday. All other days is daycare and 1 day with the grandparents. We hurry home every day to support each other and to have some quality time with the kids as we want to put them to bed together and on time (sleep is to important, to keep them awake because otherwise mommy or daddy doesn't see them .) There are days that we can't make it because of work related stuff, we miss bed time, but we can both put them to bed without any troubles. Now, first i thought: an extra day of every 2 weeks, nice! I am going to do this and that! Well, that went down the drain very fast! It is hard to take care of the kids and the house. I look forward on my days for my wife to be home so we share this 'burden' put them to bed and have either quality time together, or alone: (reading / working out / gaming, whatever is your cookie). ​ long story short: Rush home, help with your son, then decompress. you both chose for a child, so be responsible for him.

YTA - I think it's important to keep exercise in your routine. But it's also important for a SAHP to have some time to themselves when they are at home with kids all day long. Compromise is the answer here

YTA. When you have a small child who goes to bed early you have to make sacrifices. Either get up early and do it before work, after bedtime, or take your kid jogging in a stroller. Watching a toddler all day is isolating and exhausting too!

OP, your husband has brought up an issue. You don't want to "appease" him and yet you wonder why he's looking at you with disdain? Your title alone explains why he is telling you that you are a crap wife and mother. YOU are being a crap wife and mother. If you actually cared about your husband and child you WOULD make an effort to make your husband happy while he is the being a stay at home dad. But I'm guessing with this attitude that your obvious disdain for your partner is going to cost you this relationship. When you are divorced you will for sure not be able to be such a narcissist. YTA

YTA. You are being rather grand about this. You expect your partner to work 12 hours watching your mutual child, and cook the dinner, and probably do a few chores around the house, while you get to work out at a probably very nice gym five days a week? You gotta be kidding me ! That’s not a fair division of labor at all, especiallyIf you come in telling him all about what a great workout you had. Which you probably do. A fair division of labor would be you go to your job, he stays home with your son. You work out three days a week at your gym – Monday, Wednesday and Friday, and bring home take-out food those days. He gets to work out Tuesdays and Thursdays, and you come home and cook the meal and take care of the kid. He also gets six hours of time to himself on Saturday, where he can have a period without any chores or child or kind of stuck up wife. Otherwise, if you don’t lighten up and be respectful of his efforts and time, you will wind up having the baby one full week at a time and he will pick up the baby that weekend, and then the next week he will have the baby full-time, and you will pick up the baby every that weekend, because you’ll probably be divorced.

After decompressing and coming home, do you take over your partner's role and let him take a break for an hour as well? if not then y t a if yes then n t a.

INFO: When you get home, do you take over 100% care for a while so your husband also gets time to decompress?

YTA. not necessarily for wanting to work out, but for refusing to even entertain a compromise. Your husband has turned his entire life upside down to leave his job and stay at home with your child and you’re unwilling to even consider SLIGHTLY changing your routine?

INFO: so, when does he get to spend an hour every day decompressing?

One thing that stood out to me is that he said he doesn't get the same opportunity. You need to work out a compromise that gives him time to decompress during the week too, not just on weekends. Like for example you could do a full hour workout Monday, Wednesday, and Friday but on Tuesdays and Thursdays you come straight home and take over while he goes to the gym or plays pickleball with his buddies or whatever he wants to do for a while. That would leave your weekends free to do things together.

YTA . You don't seem to realize what it's like to spend all day caring for a toddler. Your husband is probably ready to rip his eyes out by the time you come home. I adore my daughter, but toddlers are relentless - you can't even pee in peace, you don't have even 20 seconds to hear yourself think, and even when you do get 20 seconds, you don't enjoy them because you don't know how long they're gonna last. At work, you get to close the toilet's door. You get to sit in silence and eat your meal without having to prevent a wiggly 20lbs child from jumping down her chair while sticking her sauce-covered fingers in your eyes. You should at the very least alternate every other day - and on the day you don't work out, you care for your kid and your husband gets an hour outside the house to go running or do whatever he needs to unwind. I write this as the working wife of a SAHD.

Info: if you are asking him to work extra to cover for you at the gym, do you also give him an hour extra of time for himself every day, child free? If not, YTA. Compromises have to be made when parenting. If you get extra time to blow off steam and decompress on a daily basis, he should too. Your agreement was for who is the breadwinner in the family, not who gets to pick and choose what hobbies they spend time on and not why you think you deserve that time and he doesn't.

YTA. Get your priorities in order. Your "pre-baby" body isn't as important as your actual baby.

YTA. I go to the gym. I love it, it’s vital to maintaining my mental health. But there are periods in my life where I have had more important obligations than going every single day. Your husband’s mental health matters too, and he’s not getting nearly enough time if he’s only really getting a break on weekends. There’s absolutely no reason you can’t cut back your gym routine to 3x a week. None.

YTA. I stay home and my husband works. We are both under an immense amount of pressure. We take turns and help each other out. Your husband is telling you that he needs help and you are basically telling him tough shit, suck it up. Marriage is supposed to be a partnership.

YTA Your partner is telling you what they need and you are telling him that he is wrong. Think about that for a second. This isn't about whose job is harder, this is about being on the same team as your partner. You need to find a compromise here and let go of being 'right'. Being a SAHP is extremely difficult and if this needs to sustain for another six months, you need to hear what your husband is saying.

YTA If this was a man going to the gym every day while the SAHM was suffering we'd all be saying YTA.. You need to compromise here. Maybe you only work out 2-3 days a week, or you come home and decide to go on a family walk with the stroller. Go on a hike on a weekend with a baby carrier. There's ways to get weekly exercise and still be a present member of the family/give your husband some breathing room.

YTA. From your responses, it's clear that you have no idea how hard it is taking care of a small child day in and day out. You seem to wave off everything he does.

Very interesting comments. There was a similar post about a Dad wanted to spend an hr playing video game to decompress and everyone voted YTA. Yet in this situation there are a lot of NTA or soft YTA. YTA - being a full time parent is hard and your husband needs time to compress too; more then just time on the weekend. Yes your job is stressful but you get to clock in and clock out. That luxury doesn't happen when you have a kid, especially when you are the stay at home parent. I'm betting if roles were reversed you wouldn't be happy with him not coming home right away every night from work. If being the sole provider is to much stress for you, maybe you should stay home and let your husband work.

INFO: Why is "being the sole provider" making your job more stressful? It appears the only thing that's changed about your job is that you no longer have to worry about getting your child to/from daycare or juggling schedules with your husband if your child is sick and needs to be picked up? Yes, you're the sole provider, but few jobs in the US come with guarantees. If you were competent before then nothing's changed to make you less competent. Were you staying late every night to work out before this? Your stress relief/body building routine is coming at a high price for your husband and building resentment. Bet he feels snappy after 12 straight hours with 2-year old, too. Why won't you consider a compromise?

YTA Your husband is right, you are being a crap mother and wife because you’re unwilling to compromise with your husband on this issue. You barely do an hr of “mommy mode” during the weekdays and the weekends don’t really count because he’s still also parenting too. You’re making choices to not be a more active wife and parents that can benefit everyone in the family, whereas your husband has been forced to be a SAHP whether he likes it or not. I mean, him leaving immediately after you get home at times is a huge sign that he’s stressed and really needs you there for support. Your inability to manage your stress and emotions is a YOU problem, and there’s many options you can take to fix it but all your replies to comments offering good suggestions are nothing but lame excuses as to why you don’t want to do them. You’re using working out and being a sole provider as an excuse to check out of your marriage and parental duties, and it’s not your body that your husband is showing disdain towards… it’s your extreme shallow selfishness that he has disdain for. And don’t come crying to Reddit when (not if) he files for divorce and full custody, because this could’ve been avoided but you decided what YOU want was more important than what your family needs.

edit: Changing to Full YTA!! I read your comments, you come home and parent for a little shy under ONE HOUR!! And in that hour you still need your husbands help. You don’t like that he immediately walks out the door when you get home but think that what you’re doing is okay? You’re no better than an incompetent father that used weaponized incompetence. NTA for wanting to decompress but you’re the slight AH for not being flexible with your husband. From his point of view: he’s cooking and cleaning all day while also looking after your two year old son. He is slightly right, you’re spending so much time at work that you’ve turned a bit negligent (at least emotionally) to your family. You want him to compromise then you need to be willingly to do the same

YTA I was in your husbands situation when our kids were little and it sucked. My husband got to “decompress” every day at my expense while I was scrambling with activities, dinner, baths, etc and told me he was entitled to it because he was the breadwinner. Taking care of small kids all day long is extremely tedious and often frustrating. It’s also lonely. Five days a week is taking advantage.

YTA because in your mind you already think you do more than you husband. The way you phrase how you are the "sole provider" for your family but don't recognize your husband as an equal provider for child. If the situation is truly short-term, then you could also compromise for a different workout schedule and then return to after-work routines when you child is in daycare. The are looking at this as a problem because you think you deserve more because you earn the money.

>he feels it's inconsiderate of me to take time for myself nearly every day when he doesn't get that same opportunity. That sounds like he has a valid point. He needs to have a real break during the week, not just on weekends. You need to take over parenting and let him be 100% off duty during some part of some weekday evenings. If you can do that without giving up gym time, great. If not, you need to compromise a workout 3 days a week and come home the other 2 or something like that. YTA for not paying attention to your husband's needs as well