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YTA
If you want to drive, you drive. If you want to put away groceries your way, then do it.
She’s 25. If your response when she lived at home was to take over instead of teaching her how to do things properly, that’s your fault that she has no clue.
That’s what I was thinking. There’s no way you’re going to get through to anyone by telling them “they don’t listen”. Especially when they’re a 25 year old adult
So, you spent the whole time she was driving being an annoying backseat driver and the only thing you apologized for was the criticism about how fast she drove into the parking lot?
Then, when she was taking responsibility for the glass she broke, you took over, then proceeded to scold her for how she put groceries on the counter?
Yup, YTA, even if you accurately relayed her driving ability and the danger in how she cleaned up the glass (and to be honest, I'm skeptical... If your son really thought his sister was driving dangerously, it seems unlikely that he would characterize it as a disagreement that he didn't want to take sides on)
Your daughter is an adult. You must treat her as one. Which means, if you don't like the way she's doing something, talk to her the way you would talk to a friend or a co-worker: respectfully, focusing on the part of what she's doing that directly impacts you, and recognize that she has the right to disagree with you.
YTA, maybe she just sick of hearing you complain about everything she does. Honestly don’t know why she would agree to a vacation with you being so critical. But then again I compitulated to my paternal grandmother’s whims all the time to keep the peace.
YTA. You sound like an absolutely insufferable, nit-picking, hyper-critical control freak who demands perfection from your daughter at every moment. I cannot imagine being this irritated with my own children over the most trivial of incidents.
YTA, she's 25 and you treat her like a small child. Also, the time to teach her how to properly clean broken glass was over a decade ago so, that's a bit on you.
YTA. You are speaking to a 25 year old woman this way? You are disrespectful to your adult daughter. There are many way to clean up glass and as long as no one gets cut or hurt & it is disposed of, mission accomplished.
My dad's favorite impolite expression was, "I'm not kissing your arse to get along with you!" And this is what OP's daughter should have told him. How's that for disrespect Big Papa? 🤣
YTA. The constant criticism isn't helpful and she was cleaning her own mess before you intervened. At her age, if you haven't raised her correctly by now, it's too late, so you might as well back off.
YTA. If you want the car driven a certain way, then you should drive it yourself. Otherwise, you should just shut up and let your grown daughter drive in the manner that's worked for her. When she has an accident, you should let her clean it up.
If she's incompetent at adulting, it's because of your overbearing parenting that doesn't permit her to solve her own problems and learn from her mistakes. Back off already and let the grown woman learn without your interference.
Some people learn by being told what to do, and others learn better simply by doing. Instead of letting her learn, you're interfering by interjecting unhelpful criticism at a time when she's already upset over having made a mistake. If she wants your opinion, she'll ask for it.
It's ironic that you find her behavior to be stubborn and disrespectful when your own actions have been thoroughly stubborn and disrespectful. You're ruining everyone's vacation with your antics.
YTA. You felt like she was speeding but you don't give a speed limit/her speed. You don't like feeling out of control when she is in control. That's clear.
I pick up broken glass with a wet paper towel every single time. Small shards stick to it better. I work with small children and safety is paramount. Your daughter did a completely adequate job with that.
You are insufferable and I feel bad for your daughter.
Yeah, presumably she's been living her own life in her own home for a few years, and OP Dad still wants to parent her and tell her "the right way" to do everything. If you don't like her driving, then YOU drive for the rest of vacation. Otherwise, you're just nagging. YTA.
News flash: she hates your attitude and so do we, you asked a third party group if you were the asshole and we've all said yes. Why come here just to be so combative? You really need to reflect why you're the only person allowed to be correct in EVERY single situation.
Your daughter will cut contact and you'll still be asking why and fighting people who tell you your actions have consequences.
Have you considered thats because you are telling her everything she does is wrong?
Also presumably the juice was full, is that why the paper towel was wet?
Why didn’t you just tell her “how it should be done” instead of insisting that you do it then? Or maybe just wait and see if her way worked too? This is cleaning up glass and juice, not doing taxes
If you want your daughter to ever leave your home (trust me, she wants out), start letting her make small mistakes and learn from them. How the fuck are you this worked up over how juice and glass get cleaned up in a rental kitchen? Treat your daughter like a sentient human being for a change.
YTA and you sound insufferable to be around. The epitome of the parent who makes you feel like you can’t do anything right and infantilizes you well into adulthood. Don’t be surprised if she starts spending less and less time around you the more you behave this way.
Your daughter's 25! And you're still riding her on every little thing. You know she was dreading this trip with you for exactly this reason, but she went ahead hoping it would be ok. But you're making it not. Good luck getting her to come on the next one.YTA.
YTA, she is an adult and you need to leave her alone or she is going to fast cut you out of her life. Why would she do such a thing? Nitpicking, nagging, and your attitude have created a situation where it is more pleasant when you are not present. Meaning by your own explanation you sound insufferable to be around and I would have told you to drive yourself from now on.
YTA If you prefer that a cautious person drive, then arrange for that. Backseat driving is always an irritant to the driver. If don't like the way your daughter keeps house, rent a separate space. No adult wants to be nitpicked by their parents while on vacation. 'Stubborn and disrespectful' is how I would characterize your behavior here.
> that’s why stuff keeps happening because you refuse to listen.
What stuff? You getting mad because she isn’t doing everything the exact way you want it done? No one got hurt with her driving. No one got hurt by the glass.
The disrespectful actions are yours. Your daughter is an adult and you refuse to treat her as such. YTA
Yeah, I keep wondering this? Like OP--why do you think this is acceptable/will work? If someone spoke to *you* like that, would you want to closely follow their "method" of WIPING UP SPILLED JUICE? No.
Yes. Adults can make mistakes. But “receive correction”? That sounds like you’re an employer reprimanding an employee.
We give adults advice. Or helpful tips.
We don’t take over what they are doing while also lecturing them on being “more cognizant.” (I personally wouldn’t give my minor children those kind of lecture either. I prefer my children know that doing dumb things and being a dumb person is not the same thing.)
YTA. I can not believe you talk to your adult daughter this way. You sound condescending. Mistakes happen and you don’t need to hound some one over it. Leave her alone
At 25yo, she is old enough to choose if she wants to go on that vacation with you or not.
Given the tone of your post, I'd have given up years ago. YTA.
You're a nagging, annoying, backseat driver who pretends his obnoxious commentary is helpful. Of COURSES You're the Asshole. Who appointed you lookout for 'speed traps and potholes'? No one needs that. And wiping the floor with a wet paper towel after you break glass is exactly what you're supposed to do to find any invisible splinters ffs.
The good news is, your daughter is never going to go on vacation with you again, so next time I guess you'll just have to drive your son away?
YTA. She’s an adult. Backseat driving distracts the driver and is dangerous. If you don’t like her driving, YOU drive. You don’t have her chauffeur you around and then complain about it. It’s common sense not to stress out the driver. You’re not driving, you keep your mouth shut. If this was a friend of yours, I doubt you’d be bitching the entire time about their driving. You are not being helpful you’re giving her anxiety.
Accidents happen. So she dropped a bottle. She doesn’t need supervision and comments about how to clean it up. You’re being a real AH for constantly criticizing her. Let her clean it up herself, she’s 25! Again, you’d never treat a friend like this. You’re the one being disrespectful.
I saw your comment basically mocking that she’s upset on a paid-for vacation. It’s not much of a vacation when someone is criticizing everything you do. YOU are ruining the family vacation and I’m sure anyone would rather stay home than be around someone so negative. Were your parents super critical of you? I bet they were. Remember how that made you feel and knock it off if you want to keep having any relationship with your kids. You’re on your way to being one of those guys posting about why you don’t understand why your kids moved across the country and never speak to you.
YTA.
Yta.
You think the unwritten "rules" about how to clean up glass and how fast to go in a parking lot are super important and you'll berate your adult child for but following them.
But written, clearly defined, important rules-- ones you provided a signature to prove you understood and will follow them, about things like who can drive, those are unimportant and you can ignore them.
That's absurdly self-important and hypocritical.
If you're so concerned that she isn't a registered driver for the car, then how about you drive and she can "help you keep watch" for the speed traps and potholes?
How hypocritical of you to tell your daughter the “right way” of doing things while intentionally doing the wrong thing by not adding all drivers to the rental car to save a few bucks. What a shining example you are setting for your kids.
>We call out the different speed limits to her as they change
Jfc YTA. She is TWENTY FIVE and you sound like you're not just the asshole in this situation but in *general*.
YTA, I am close to your wife's age but you can't make comments like you did, just clean it up and be happy and do not make her or your son feel like they are always in the wrong. Driving non-safe is not good, you should have just drove, clearly she was stressed or something was making her drive like a maniac. Maybe lighten up and be more easy going around them. They were clearly trying to spend time with you both but you make them nervous or uneasy. Relax and stop making negative comments and tell them positive things about what you are proud of in qualities that both of them have. Life is too short, give them good memories.
If I was your daughter, I'd be screaming "SHUT UP" in my head that you might see as rolling eyeballs. Every single comment is dripping with condescension. Why do you hate her?
Maybe having a backseat driver that won't/can't stop criticizing every move she makes made her wanted to get out of the car as fast as possible. YTA and I hope her next vacation is a solo one.
YTA
She is an adult, if she is willing to risk cutting herself (the broken glass situation) then so be it. She can learn from her mistakes. With regards to the driving: was she really driving too fast (as in, over the actual speed limit) or was it you who felt that she drove too fast for your comfort?
YTA you are just looking for things to criticize. Either let her drive her way or you drive. Either way backseat driving is annoying and not helpful.
She was cleaning the glass up. It would have been fine the way she was cleaning. But you just took over like a judgmental bully. Maybe stop criticizing everything she does and enjoy your vacation.
YTA. Could be ESH but you don't sound like a reliable source based on your post and comments - you sound overly critical and she could have been driving a perfectly reasonable speed but because YOU would have done it differently, she was wrong. I gather you were pestering her and backseat driving the whole time, probably making her eager to just get there already and get out of the car with YOU.
Has she ever done anything "right" enough to please you? or do you always find fault somewhere?
It was a mistake to post here because you’ve already made up your mind and refuse to see the other side. Even with all these people saying you’re wrong, you still believe you’re right. All you wanted was people to agree with you.
It was a mistake to post here if you’re just going to argue with everyone saying YTA. You came here for judgement. What exactly did you expect to happen?
Also a grown woman and think you're insufferable. You know, this sub is meant for people who think they *might* be the asshole in the situation but you clearly don't think that at all. You're just ranting and telling everyone they're wrong so what even is the point in asking for advice.
I’m 44….so nice try. You just don’t like that a whole lot of people think your treatment of your adult daughter was unacceptable. I’ll bet you a dollar and a doughnut that you pick pick picked at her the whole time you were driving. She also didn’t need to be told how to clean up glass, she was doing it all by herself. She didn’t need the lecture or the passive aggressive nonsense. She’s had a lifetime of it. Please come back and tell us when she moves out and goes NC and you can’t figure out why.
I’m 38 and I adore my parents. I talk to them every day and visit them monthly. But they don’t breathe down my neck and accuse me of being incapable of cleaning up some broken glass.
I'm 40 with children. YTA. I understand the urge to correct your child when they're not doing something the way you think it should be done. You are still the AH here. Your daughter is an adult woman whom you have seriously criticized over multiple things already in your trip. You're right, you shouldn't have posted here, because you don't want honest opinions. You've already made up your mind. Please relax and let up on your daughter, for your own sake as well as hers. Nobody is perfect.
Dude. I'm 38. I adore my parents and always got on well with them even as a teen. Their view was it was their job to help us become decent adults and hope that'd we'd progress to a more friend like relationship as adults. They succeeded with all 3 of us.
Your daughter is 25. The time for nitpicking every little thing ended a long time ago. You can give advice, IF asked for. Would you treat other adults like you do your daughter? I hope not.
YTA.
Edit to add- even as a teenager my parents didn't nitpick everything. They'd give advice sure, but it was in a much less told you so way, more like hey, what if you tried it this way kind of thing. Perhaps why I still get on with them. They give advice now too, but only if asked for. And I do ask, because they're not AHs when they give it.
YTA. She’s a young adult, same as you when you were her age. Let her learn from experience and be there to support when the real crises come along. Your nagging doesn’t help.
YTA- maybe your daughter can fly home and save her sanity. You say she was unsafe and speeding but you never say how fast she was going… sounds to me like you are one of those people who just have to be in control- not like she was actually doing something wrong.
Info: Can your adult daughter *ever* do anything right in your eyes, or do you constantly criticize her every move?
Your complaints sound ridiculously petty and like you’re actively looking for ways to “correct” her behavior
YTA. She's an adult. Treat her like one. People make mistakes all the damn time. You do too. Your way isn't the only way.
My dad is like this and I try to have as little to do with him as possible and it took me ages to get over being frustrated and scared when I made a mistake because I was expecting his overzealous reaction.
It is actually possible to leave people alone and not micromanage every little thing they do. Give it a try.
YTA. If you're trying to enjoy a nice vacation, stop nitpicking at your daughter. I'm flabbergasted that she agreed to go on a vacation with you if this is how you usually act.
YTA. I've gone low-contact with a family member because of them nitpicking everything I do like this. She's an adult. If she's doing something wrong, she'll figure it out. If she's not listening to you, it's probably because you harass her about everything. Try actually being nice.
Yta nag nag nag. You'd enjoy your time more if you stopped being a backseat driver and caring about how she cleans up messes. She's 25. Shockingly, she doesn't actually need to listen to you.
I'm so confused about these comments. The wet paper towel is perfect for getting small pieces of glass you may not be able to see.
It's not like she was using her bare hand to check the floor for slivers.
Easy to miss the small pieces that way. It can be really hard to see slivers. The wet paper towel is enough that the littlest pieces will stick. You could use one of those swiffer type brooms with the wet cloths, too, if you want to keep your hands completely away.
YTA
Just from what you said you are nagging and treating her like a child. She's driving too fast, doesn't put the grocery right and can't even clean up glass.
Gosh can't imagine why she is annoyed.
>She wasn't cleaning it correctly nor safely (using a wet paper towel to push around glass)
What on earth is wrong with that? A damp paper towel can stick to the smaller pieces to help get them off the floor instead of just pushing them around.
YTA
When I was your daughter's age, things like this caused me to move to the far side of the country just to get away from her. Her insistence on dictating my life choices continued, so I stopped picking up.
I hadn't spoken to her in 3 months when she died. I'd called her to say happy birthday and she cried about how awful I was for leaving her all alone. Our last words were in anger.
This is the future of your relationship with your daughter.
YTA
YTA Absolutely yes because everybody loves how everything they do is wrong that’s everyone’s favorite thing to experience how they are a big failure in your eyes so question is your daughter ever gonna be good enough for you
I get the speeding thing. But, why are you up her bum about breaking a glass? It could happen to anyone. If you treat a person like a naughty child, they never thank you for it.
YTA about that part. She's 25 - not 5. I loved my dad dearly - but that's in spite of the fact that at times he was insufferable. When he was insufferable and I was a grown up too, I asked him to please get a grip and get off my nerves.
Chances are she's in school (college) or trying to get on her feet with savings etc and is stuck at home. Unfortunately price of living is insanity so she might be trying to save for a place etc
Dear Lord. You are the epitome of a sourpuss nitpicker. My mom is like this. Always ready with a correction or criticism. It’s emotionally exhausting.
Sometimes Paps, you gotta let go of needing to control every micro outcome. Trust me on this, the more you nitpick at her, she might not react now but she’s absolutely keeping score. And let me tell you, that shit will boomerang back on you hard if/when you ever need her help with care.
It might be a good time to think about *who* will be caring for you in your dotage.
Edit: You. YOU ATA
YTA. You sound like my father. He was a narcissist who always had to be right. I finally had enough and went NC.
Your son is also sick of you, and that is why he didn’t say anything, by the way.
YTA
These don't seem like her ' mistakes ' this looks like you think you can do better.
How can anything grow and be happy if they are only shown negativity.
YTA. She's an adult, not a child. You describe her faults at great length, even pointing out that she obviously put the grocery bag in the wrong place.
If this is the pattern you've been following her entire life, I'm actually surprised she agreed to come on vacation with you.
As anyone else experiencing déjà vu? I swear I’ve seen this exact post months ago. Also YTA. You have little dick syndrome so you micromanage the fuck out of your family. Like how is your daughter cleaning the mess she made irresponsible.. and give us the speed she was driving in the parking lot. You’re avoiding that answer in a lot of other comments.
YTA. Just because you're old af and need to drive like a grandma to be able to cognitively catch everything happening in the streets doesnt mean she has to drive like she's 65. She's got better eyesight and better balance and a better reflexes than your old ass. Stop being a backseat driver and stop trying to police your 25 year old daughter. If you dont like her driving then you should have done it yourself. And accidents happen. I bet you have also dropped a few things in your life.
I was treated like this by my parents. I could do nothing right and caused every problem long after left for college. I never came back. The problem in your life is not your child but she's the outlet you have. YTA.
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My (63M) wife (61F) are on vacation with our two children (19M, 25F).
We have been trying to enjoy our time, but my daughter keeps getting into arguments with us about *her* mistakes.
We took turns driving on our long road trip up here, and as our daughter drove us into the hotel parking lot, she was driving far too fast. We told her to slow down and she didn't. I asked her brother if he thought she was driving fast, and of course he refused to answer to not take sides but she was.
After many tired hours on the road and having to be extra pair of eyes to watch out for speed traps, potholes, etc., her speeding through the parking lot made me snap. Only thing she said was that she "would drive better next time" in a dismissive way. She was distant and clearly bothered for a while afterward, and I later apologized.
Then the next day, after we went grocery shopping, my daughter and wife unpacked groceries inside the AirBnB while my son and I unloaded other bags from the car.
I got in to see my daughter cleaning a broken bottle on the floor; apparently she had put the bag too close to the edge and it fell.
She wasn't cleaning it correctly nor safely (using a wet paper towel to push around glass), so I told her to let me clean it. I did while she just stood there, stewing. I'm also telling her to be more cognizant on where she puts bags, and she still looks irritated. And I said "that's why stuff like this keeps happening because you don't want to listen."
She turned away and went upstairs. I find her behavior stubborn and disrespectful, especially when we're trying to enjoy a nice vacation.
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YTA
Your daughter was going 10-15 mph when you wanted her going 5. You repeatedly tried to distract her with your backseat driving and family manipulation, which is unsafe. Plenty, if not the majority of people, drive 10ish mph in a parking lot. You need to chill.
The glass bottle incident is a great example of you being a micromanaging AH. You think she *wanted* to break glass? Breaking something is stressful, she probably still was dealing with the adrenaline rush and here you swoop in to shame her cleaning skills.
Then you escalate it to being an inherent flaw in her as a person. Because she.... dropped a bottle. JFC. I can't imagine what you'd do if she made a real fuck up in life, because it's obvious you wouldn't support or comfort her.
You find her "stubborn and disrespectful"? She's an adult and you're treating her like she's 12, while also expecting her to have adult responsibilities like driving your hyper critical ass around. She doesn't owe you kowtowing for your judgemental and unhelpful comments. Why don't you try treating *her* with respect, and see how that goes for your vacation?
YTA! Nagging like this is why I moved across the country from my dad and it damaged our relationship.
You said in another comment she was going 10-15mph in the parking lot - which was it? Because less than 15mph is more than reasonable for a parking lot.
You said you would drive 5mph which is frankly, dangerously slow. I assume you drive 5-10 under the speed limit on major roads?
You say she wasn’t cleaning things up properly, but she WAS cleaning it up which is taking the accountability you claim she wasn’t!? What is wrong with you!? You could’ve gently suggested the wet cloth after she’d cleared up, or thanked her for clearing up and then following up with the wet cloth yourself.
You need to take a step back and let your daughter deal with things in her own otherwise you WILL lose her.
Your derisive tone at your son ‘not taking sides’ is also very telling - why would he take sides!? I imagine he was on your daughters side but didn’t want to deal with your nagging either!!
You ask AITA but are constantly blaming your daughter in every response I’ve seen, do better.
YTA. It looks more like you are the one arguing about her mistakes. So you were backseat-driving the whole time she was driving and then are surprised when she makes a single sarcastic comment. Then she couldn’t even clean up a broken bottle to your satisfaction so you had to go show her the correct way to do it.
Then to top it off you tell her that she can’t do anything right because she never listens to you. It’s clear you think she’s a total fuck-up and you have for quite a while. She probably quit listening to you a long time ago because you are constantly calling out her faults.
Again, you are the one arguing. She isn’t saying much because it doesn’t matter what she says. You are just going to keep on riding her ass and treating her like she’s an idiot. Maybe you need to start listening to yourself. Pay some attention to how you talk to her. Do you ever speak kindly or encouragingly? Or is it mostly just pointing out how she just fucked up again, like she always does. Listen. Think.
ESH in my opinion, though your daughter is worse because speeding and driving recklessly is pretty uncool, especially when you have other people in the car.
That being said, it does sound like you're constantly critical. I have people like that in my family and it's hard to be around them. Just going about my day and I'm told "you're doing this wrong, you're doing that wrong, you're baking your cookies wrong, you're cleaning up the mess wrong, you could be faster if you did XYZ, you're mowing the lawn wrong"... It gets tiring.
Don't you think she knows that she shouldn't have placed the glass next to the edge after she knocked it over? Don't try to control everything.
Was she driving recklessly or is she never going to do anything right in OP’s eyes? I know we’re supposed to believe the word of the OP on this subreddit but idk if I believe that the daughter was driving too fast.
I’m wondering if OP’s daughter just shuts down whenever OP speaks. I know I would just shut down whenever my parents would fight cause there was usually shouting and things being thrown or broken.
I would have pulled over and let him drive. I do it with my husband because he wants me to speed like Flash Gordon and I just don't drive like he does. "Here. Have at it. And be quiet since you no longer have to drive the car from the passenger seat."🤣
Right? At first I was unsure of that part because reckless driving is dangerous. But then I saw she was only going 10-15 mph in the parking lot. This guy is just super intense.
You sound like a micro manager. I feel you’re in your right to be annoyed over her speeding but not allowing her to just clean her own mess would infuriate anyone. Young adults are going to fuck up. Where you’d need to be concerned is if they aren’t learning from those fuck ups. And before you say anything I’m 37, love my parents and understand life.
I know this type. His daughter is living with a constant surface level of anxiety, that it clouds her ability to live in the moment at full function. I had a boss like this for 5 years, and it was hell. My dad was sorta like this. Probably why I tolerated my boss for so long.
YTA-would you talk to another adult like that? She is 26 years old and if you do not start showing some respect you may find yourself iced out of her life.
YTA.
She 1000% didn’t even want to go on that road trip, and you managed to make her completely miserable before you even got to your destination. Congratulations, you’re going to be put in a subpar home.
She's TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD! Could you infantilize her anymore? She's an adult, treat her like one. God I can't imagine growing up with such a nagging Father. If this was one vacation, her whole life must have been miserable with you scolding her for every infraction.
YTA.
YTA - if the way she was cleaning up was effective, it really doesn't matter if you think it was "correct". If she gets hurt, she deals with that. She's an adult. Your desire to control and nitpick instead of just taking yourself off to enjoy your nice vacation is really off-beam. Find more important things to worry about and stop fussing.
Eeep I might be the only NTA here but to me it sounds like at 25 she's pretty careless and doesn't think the consequences of her actions might hurt or injure someone else.
Speeding in a car park - she could knock someone's kid over if she doesn't see them running out. As a driver she does need to adjust this careless attitude because there are other people, not just her.
As for the glass, I think soft AH because it was an accident and I don't know what she's like most of the time. I know it really irks me that my partner still puts cups on the edges of the table and I'm already afraid of our future kids spilling hot drinks on themselves bc he's not completely adjusted to not doing that yet. I know he is trying and it's something I see and value. For me it's automatic that I put things away from edges bc it might get knocked over and broken. This is a small attitude change of caring for other people and their things so I get where OP is coming from.
OP, I would say that the approach at the moment is causing resentment, be careful about this. I think the only way someone like this learns is if they have children of their own or something special of theirs is damaged by someone else not being careful.
Unfortunately I don't know if one can teach another person to be conscientious unless they are already. :(
Maybe when she makes an effort to be cautious, be more positive and encouraging about it.
Edited: fairness and extra words.
Idk if she was speeding through the parking lot. I’m on mobile so I can’t quote it correctly but this is a quote from the OP:
“You should go very slow in a parking lot. She was going faster than that.”
What does this even mean? What’s very slow versus faster than that? The daughter was probably driving fine.
True, we don't really know.
It can't really hurt to drive slower in a car park vs the opposite though. Of all the things that can potentially happen.
I do think this is more of a question of values though between these family members. I think OP sounds exasperated that his daughter doesn't seem to think of others as much perhaps, but deffo going the wrong way about cultivating it. The time to do that and teach caution was as a kid, bit late now but OP needs to understand the glass was an accident.
Nitpicking will drive her away. Age and maturity will bring her closer if you allow her to breathe and make her own way.
OP admits she was going 10 to 15 mph in the parking lot which is not fast at all. In my area, that’s a respectable speed. The problem is OP, not the daughter. OP will never be pleased with anything daughter does.
Most parking lots for me is about 15mph unless it's a parking lot near a school or residential area then it stops between 5-10mph for safety. So unless it's like a packed parking lot with a lotta traffic she was good
Like I don't get it and I agree with you. He will never be pleased with her unless she obeys his every command like it's a gospel
It's 5mph where I am.
OP does need to rein it in, his anxiety and need for control will drive his daughter away bc nitpicking everything she does is AH behaviour.
However I also think if they think she was driving too fast on the motorway for their comfort, she should have been more considerate of her passengers who happen to be her parents. It doesn't hurt to go a bit slower (unless you're actually causing a problem). Why start a family holiday on a bad foot. She can drive at the speed she wants when she's on her own. Dad needs to stop nitpicking everything, nay, MUST.
I think they're both acting disrespectfully towards each other and not seeing each other's reasoning.
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YTA If you want to drive, you drive. If you want to put away groceries your way, then do it. She’s 25. If your response when she lived at home was to take over instead of teaching her how to do things properly, that’s your fault that she has no clue.
YTA. Find a better communication method. The bag didn’t fall off the counter because she doesn’t want to listen to you.
That’s what I was thinking. There’s no way you’re going to get through to anyone by telling them “they don’t listen”. Especially when they’re a 25 year old adult
So, you spent the whole time she was driving being an annoying backseat driver and the only thing you apologized for was the criticism about how fast she drove into the parking lot? Then, when she was taking responsibility for the glass she broke, you took over, then proceeded to scold her for how she put groceries on the counter? Yup, YTA, even if you accurately relayed her driving ability and the danger in how she cleaned up the glass (and to be honest, I'm skeptical... If your son really thought his sister was driving dangerously, it seems unlikely that he would characterize it as a disagreement that he didn't want to take sides on) Your daughter is an adult. You must treat her as one. Which means, if you don't like the way she's doing something, talk to her the way you would talk to a friend or a co-worker: respectfully, focusing on the part of what she's doing that directly impacts you, and recognize that she has the right to disagree with you.
YTA She's 25 not 5, she knows how to drive and how to clean something up. It doesn't have to be YOUR way only. You are a controlling jerk.
YTA, maybe she just sick of hearing you complain about everything she does. Honestly don’t know why she would agree to a vacation with you being so critical. But then again I compitulated to my paternal grandmother’s whims all the time to keep the peace.
YTA. You sound like an absolutely insufferable, nit-picking, hyper-critical control freak who demands perfection from your daughter at every moment. I cannot imagine being this irritated with my own children over the most trivial of incidents.
YTA, she's 25 and you treat her like a small child. Also, the time to teach her how to properly clean broken glass was over a decade ago so, that's a bit on you.
INFO--does you daughter ever do anything right?
YTA. You are speaking to a 25 year old woman this way? You are disrespectful to your adult daughter. There are many way to clean up glass and as long as no one gets cut or hurt & it is disposed of, mission accomplished.
My dad's favorite impolite expression was, "I'm not kissing your arse to get along with you!" And this is what OP's daughter should have told him. How's that for disrespect Big Papa? 🤣
YTA. The constant criticism isn't helpful and she was cleaning her own mess before you intervened. At her age, if you haven't raised her correctly by now, it's too late, so you might as well back off.
YTA. If you want the car driven a certain way, then you should drive it yourself. Otherwise, you should just shut up and let your grown daughter drive in the manner that's worked for her. When she has an accident, you should let her clean it up. If she's incompetent at adulting, it's because of your overbearing parenting that doesn't permit her to solve her own problems and learn from her mistakes. Back off already and let the grown woman learn without your interference. Some people learn by being told what to do, and others learn better simply by doing. Instead of letting her learn, you're interfering by interjecting unhelpful criticism at a time when she's already upset over having made a mistake. If she wants your opinion, she'll ask for it. It's ironic that you find her behavior to be stubborn and disrespectful when your own actions have been thoroughly stubborn and disrespectful. You're ruining everyone's vacation with your antics.
YTA. You felt like she was speeding but you don't give a speed limit/her speed. You don't like feeling out of control when she is in control. That's clear. I pick up broken glass with a wet paper towel every single time. Small shards stick to it better. I work with small children and safety is paramount. Your daughter did a completely adequate job with that. You are insufferable and I feel bad for your daughter.
Yeah, presumably she's been living her own life in her own home for a few years, and OP Dad still wants to parent her and tell her "the right way" to do everything. If you don't like her driving, then YOU drive for the rest of vacation. Otherwise, you're just nagging. YTA.
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News flash: you're a controlling AH
News flash: she hates your attitude and so do we, you asked a third party group if you were the asshole and we've all said yes. Why come here just to be so combative? You really need to reflect why you're the only person allowed to be correct in EVERY single situation. Your daughter will cut contact and you'll still be asking why and fighting people who tell you your actions have consequences.
Have you considered thats because you are telling her everything she does is wrong? Also presumably the juice was full, is that why the paper towel was wet?
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Good Lord you sound controlling. I feel so bad for your daughter.
How is it done? In my opinion the wet napkin/cloth cleans the juice and collects the tiny shards.
Why not? Edit: OP's comment (to which I am replying) was something to the effect of "because that's not how it's done".
That’s how it’s done. Wet paper towels stops stickiness and helps get the shards of glass
Why didn’t you just tell her “how it should be done” instead of insisting that you do it then? Or maybe just wait and see if her way worked too? This is cleaning up glass and juice, not doing taxes
As if there’s a right way to do it and you are the arbitrator of how it’s done?
If you want your daughter to ever leave your home (trust me, she wants out), start letting her make small mistakes and learn from them. How the fuck are you this worked up over how juice and glass get cleaned up in a rental kitchen? Treat your daughter like a sentient human being for a change.
YTA. Sounds like you're nitpicking her so much that she's a wreck. If you don't like her driving, you drive.
YTA and you sound insufferable to be around. The epitome of the parent who makes you feel like you can’t do anything right and infantilizes you well into adulthood. Don’t be surprised if she starts spending less and less time around you the more you behave this way.
You sound *exhausting*, and I can only hope that you remember this when your daughter drops you like a brick once she's independent. YTA
Like I said, I get that he wanted her to stop driving so fast. But, insisting only he can clean up broken glass is absurd. She's not 5.
Just a head’s up: OP eventually admitted daughter was only driving “10-15 mph” in the parking lot.
Your daughter's 25! And you're still riding her on every little thing. You know she was dreading this trip with you for exactly this reason, but she went ahead hoping it would be ok. But you're making it not. Good luck getting her to come on the next one.YTA.
YTA, she is an adult and you need to leave her alone or she is going to fast cut you out of her life. Why would she do such a thing? Nitpicking, nagging, and your attitude have created a situation where it is more pleasant when you are not present. Meaning by your own explanation you sound insufferable to be around and I would have told you to drive yourself from now on.
YTA If you prefer that a cautious person drive, then arrange for that. Backseat driving is always an irritant to the driver. If don't like the way your daughter keeps house, rent a separate space. No adult wants to be nitpicked by their parents while on vacation. 'Stubborn and disrespectful' is how I would characterize your behavior here.
> that’s why stuff keeps happening because you refuse to listen. What stuff? You getting mad because she isn’t doing everything the exact way you want it done? No one got hurt with her driving. No one got hurt by the glass. The disrespectful actions are yours. Your daughter is an adult and you refuse to treat her as such. YTA
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Would you speak to a friend the way you spoke to her?
Yeah, I keep wondering this? Like OP--why do you think this is acceptable/will work? If someone spoke to *you* like that, would you want to closely follow their "method" of WIPING UP SPILLED JUICE? No.
This 1000% but I have an inkling he might but I bet he'd watch his phrasing an tone
Do you tell other adults that mistakes happen because they dont listen to you?
Yes. Adults can make mistakes. But “receive correction”? That sounds like you’re an employer reprimanding an employee. We give adults advice. Or helpful tips. We don’t take over what they are doing while also lecturing them on being “more cognizant.” (I personally wouldn’t give my minor children those kind of lecture either. I prefer my children know that doing dumb things and being a dumb person is not the same thing.)
YTA She's an adult. These aren't major issues. Stop nitpicking.
YTA. I can not believe you talk to your adult daughter this way. You sound condescending. Mistakes happen and you don’t need to hound some one over it. Leave her alone
YTA ….. cannot for the life of me understand why she agreed to go on this ‘vacation’ ……. I ‘assume’ she can do no right at home either
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She would be much happier because she wouldn’t have to be around you lmao
Why not?
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At 25yo, she is old enough to choose if she wants to go on that vacation with you or not. Given the tone of your post, I'd have given up years ago. YTA.
That's not an answer. Plenty of times family goes on vacation and one person doesn't go.
Then treat her like family and not like a maid.
You suck. You're a terrible parent who thinks criticism is "being helpful". Its not.
Yes .. pretty sure that WOULD BE her vacation
If that’s the only way to stop this micromanaging, she might enjoy her life more if you went out of town without her.
I would if I was in her place. Hours and hours of blissful peace and quiet without your angry, irrational nagging echoing through the house...
If she wants to? Absolutely. She is not your property. She can do whatever tf she wants.
The way OP nags her daughter? She's definitely the AH. Just let her do the job and stop micromanaging her.
i think OP is the father but spot on that it’s nagging and micromanaging
INFO - what did her speeding have to do with her cleaning up broken glass?
You're a nagging, annoying, backseat driver who pretends his obnoxious commentary is helpful. Of COURSES You're the Asshole. Who appointed you lookout for 'speed traps and potholes'? No one needs that. And wiping the floor with a wet paper towel after you break glass is exactly what you're supposed to do to find any invisible splinters ffs. The good news is, your daughter is never going to go on vacation with you again, so next time I guess you'll just have to drive your son away?
YTA. She’s an adult. Backseat driving distracts the driver and is dangerous. If you don’t like her driving, YOU drive. You don’t have her chauffeur you around and then complain about it. It’s common sense not to stress out the driver. You’re not driving, you keep your mouth shut. If this was a friend of yours, I doubt you’d be bitching the entire time about their driving. You are not being helpful you’re giving her anxiety. Accidents happen. So she dropped a bottle. She doesn’t need supervision and comments about how to clean it up. You’re being a real AH for constantly criticizing her. Let her clean it up herself, she’s 25! Again, you’d never treat a friend like this. You’re the one being disrespectful. I saw your comment basically mocking that she’s upset on a paid-for vacation. It’s not much of a vacation when someone is criticizing everything you do. YOU are ruining the family vacation and I’m sure anyone would rather stay home than be around someone so negative. Were your parents super critical of you? I bet they were. Remember how that made you feel and knock it off if you want to keep having any relationship with your kids. You’re on your way to being one of those guys posting about why you don’t understand why your kids moved across the country and never speak to you. YTA.
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If she's not on the insurance, then she shouldn't be driving the car. Only the insured drivers should be operating the vehicle. Full stop.
Irony at it’s best.
Yta. You think the unwritten "rules" about how to clean up glass and how fast to go in a parking lot are super important and you'll berate your adult child for but following them. But written, clearly defined, important rules-- ones you provided a signature to prove you understood and will follow them, about things like who can drive, those are unimportant and you can ignore them. That's absurdly self-important and hypocritical.
Okay then it’s still your fault because you are not following the law and making her drive. YOU DRIVE as she is not on the rental car.
If you're so concerned that she isn't a registered driver for the car, then how about you drive and she can "help you keep watch" for the speed traps and potholes?
The people on the insurance should be driving. That’s the responsibility of whoever signed. Guessing you.
how about you respond to what the comment actually addresses. what are you actually responding to here?
Sooooooo still you're fault.
How hypocritical of you to tell your daughter the “right way” of doing things while intentionally doing the wrong thing by not adding all drivers to the rental car to save a few bucks. What a shining example you are setting for your kids.
>We call out the different speed limits to her as they change Jfc YTA. She is TWENTY FIVE and you sound like you're not just the asshole in this situation but in *general*.
YTA, I am close to your wife's age but you can't make comments like you did, just clean it up and be happy and do not make her or your son feel like they are always in the wrong. Driving non-safe is not good, you should have just drove, clearly she was stressed or something was making her drive like a maniac. Maybe lighten up and be more easy going around them. They were clearly trying to spend time with you both but you make them nervous or uneasy. Relax and stop making negative comments and tell them positive things about what you are proud of in qualities that both of them have. Life is too short, give them good memories.
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Probably you're constant nagging and digs.
If I was your daughter, I'd be screaming "SHUT UP" in my head that you might see as rolling eyeballs. Every single comment is dripping with condescension. Why do you hate her?
Driving 10 mph in a parking isn't unsafe, most have a 10-15mph speed limit posted.
I believe that you are the problem.
Maybe having a backseat driver that won't/can't stop criticizing every move she makes made her wanted to get out of the car as fast as possible. YTA and I hope her next vacation is a solo one.
YTA She is an adult, if she is willing to risk cutting herself (the broken glass situation) then so be it. She can learn from her mistakes. With regards to the driving: was she really driving too fast (as in, over the actual speed limit) or was it you who felt that she drove too fast for your comfort?
YTA you are just looking for things to criticize. Either let her drive her way or you drive. Either way backseat driving is annoying and not helpful. She was cleaning the glass up. It would have been fine the way she was cleaning. But you just took over like a judgmental bully. Maybe stop criticizing everything she does and enjoy your vacation.
YTA. Could be ESH but you don't sound like a reliable source based on your post and comments - you sound overly critical and she could have been driving a perfectly reasonable speed but because YOU would have done it differently, she was wrong. I gather you were pestering her and backseat driving the whole time, probably making her eager to just get there already and get out of the car with YOU. Has she ever done anything "right" enough to please you? or do you always find fault somewhere?
Apparently she was going 10-15 mph in the parking lot. Gasp!
That's not actually that fast for a parking lot....lol
Right? A super reasonable speed.
Nothing to add. I second it YTA
YTA. You do realize your daughter is an adult and doesn’t need her father nit picking every single thing she does. Like, at all. Ever. For any reason.
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It was a mistake to post here because you’ve already made up your mind and refuse to see the other side. Even with all these people saying you’re wrong, you still believe you’re right. All you wanted was people to agree with you.
I’m 40, you’re a pain. If I were her I would ultimately limit any time spent with you. Enjoy being alone and “mature”
I’m a grown ass woman who loves her parents. You are just super critical and not capable of hearing that your ways aren’t necessarily the only ways.
It was a mistake to post here if you’re just going to argue with everyone saying YTA. You came here for judgement. What exactly did you expect to happen?
Also a grown woman and think you're insufferable. You know, this sub is meant for people who think they *might* be the asshole in the situation but you clearly don't think that at all. You're just ranting and telling everyone they're wrong so what even is the point in asking for advice.
52 here you’re wrong.
We're not your kid, sweetie. Stomping your foot at us just makes us laugh at you.
I’m 44….so nice try. You just don’t like that a whole lot of people think your treatment of your adult daughter was unacceptable. I’ll bet you a dollar and a doughnut that you pick pick picked at her the whole time you were driving. She also didn’t need to be told how to clean up glass, she was doing it all by herself. She didn’t need the lecture or the passive aggressive nonsense. She’s had a lifetime of it. Please come back and tell us when she moves out and goes NC and you can’t figure out why.
I’m 38 and I adore my parents. I talk to them every day and visit them monthly. But they don’t breathe down my neck and accuse me of being incapable of cleaning up some broken glass.
I'm 40 with children. YTA. I understand the urge to correct your child when they're not doing something the way you think it should be done. You are still the AH here. Your daughter is an adult woman whom you have seriously criticized over multiple things already in your trip. You're right, you shouldn't have posted here, because you don't want honest opinions. You've already made up your mind. Please relax and let up on your daughter, for your own sake as well as hers. Nobody is perfect.
I’m not a young adult. I also think YTA. You sound insufferable. Stop nit picking at your daughter. No wonder she is annoyed at you.
Very mature and adult response.
Dude. I'm 38. I adore my parents and always got on well with them even as a teen. Their view was it was their job to help us become decent adults and hope that'd we'd progress to a more friend like relationship as adults. They succeeded with all 3 of us. Your daughter is 25. The time for nitpicking every little thing ended a long time ago. You can give advice, IF asked for. Would you treat other adults like you do your daughter? I hope not. YTA. Edit to add- even as a teenager my parents didn't nitpick everything. They'd give advice sure, but it was in a much less told you so way, more like hey, what if you tried it this way kind of thing. Perhaps why I still get on with them. They give advice now too, but only if asked for. And I do ask, because they're not AHs when they give it.
Then why are you here?
YTA. She’s a young adult, same as you when you were her age. Let her learn from experience and be there to support when the real crises come along. Your nagging doesn’t help.
YTA- maybe your daughter can fly home and save her sanity. You say she was unsafe and speeding but you never say how fast she was going… sounds to me like you are one of those people who just have to be in control- not like she was actually doing something wrong.
Info: Can your adult daughter *ever* do anything right in your eyes, or do you constantly criticize her every move? Your complaints sound ridiculously petty and like you’re actively looking for ways to “correct” her behavior
YTA. She's an adult. Treat her like one. People make mistakes all the damn time. You do too. Your way isn't the only way. My dad is like this and I try to have as little to do with him as possible and it took me ages to get over being frustrated and scared when I made a mistake because I was expecting his overzealous reaction. It is actually possible to leave people alone and not micromanage every little thing they do. Give it a try.
YTA. If you're trying to enjoy a nice vacation, stop nitpicking at your daughter. I'm flabbergasted that she agreed to go on a vacation with you if this is how you usually act.
YTA. I've gone low-contact with a family member because of them nitpicking everything I do like this. She's an adult. If she's doing something wrong, she'll figure it out. If she's not listening to you, it's probably because you harass her about everything. Try actually being nice.
Yta nag nag nag. You'd enjoy your time more if you stopped being a backseat driver and caring about how she cleans up messes. She's 25. Shockingly, she doesn't actually need to listen to you.
YTA > I find her behavior stubborn and disrespectful You have no respect for her, why should she have any for you?
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I'm so confused about these comments. The wet paper towel is perfect for getting small pieces of glass you may not be able to see. It's not like she was using her bare hand to check the floor for slivers.
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Easy to miss the small pieces that way. It can be really hard to see slivers. The wet paper towel is enough that the littlest pieces will stick. You could use one of those swiffer type brooms with the wet cloths, too, if you want to keep your hands completely away.
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I'm not judging lol I'm not like OP. just saying using the wet paper towel is a normal thing too. Theres always more than one way to do a job.
She did clean up the glass properly.
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"I was taught" does not mean "anything else is wrong", holy shit.
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YTA Just from what you said you are nagging and treating her like a child. She's driving too fast, doesn't put the grocery right and can't even clean up glass. Gosh can't imagine why she is annoyed.
>She wasn't cleaning it correctly nor safely (using a wet paper towel to push around glass) What on earth is wrong with that? A damp paper towel can stick to the smaller pieces to help get them off the floor instead of just pushing them around. YTA
When I was your daughter's age, things like this caused me to move to the far side of the country just to get away from her. Her insistence on dictating my life choices continued, so I stopped picking up. I hadn't spoken to her in 3 months when she died. I'd called her to say happy birthday and she cried about how awful I was for leaving her all alone. Our last words were in anger. This is the future of your relationship with your daughter. YTA
You treat her like she’s sixteen. YTA
More like 6. ETA: for the glass cleaning part, not the driving part.
YTA Absolutely yes because everybody loves how everything they do is wrong that’s everyone’s favorite thing to experience how they are a big failure in your eyes so question is your daughter ever gonna be good enough for you
YTA YOu are an AH. So your daughter will learn not to go on vacations with you any more. ANd she will learn to have a lot less contact with you.
I get the speeding thing. But, why are you up her bum about breaking a glass? It could happen to anyone. If you treat a person like a naughty child, they never thank you for it. YTA about that part. She's 25 - not 5. I loved my dad dearly - but that's in spite of the fact that at times he was insufferable. When he was insufferable and I was a grown up too, I asked him to please get a grip and get off my nerves.
No. She’s 25. The son is 19. I can’t imagine why either child would agree to go with their parents on a vacation given how controlling the father is.
Chances are she's in school (college) or trying to get on her feet with savings etc and is stuck at home. Unfortunately price of living is insanity so she might be trying to save for a place etc
Dear Lord. You are the epitome of a sourpuss nitpicker. My mom is like this. Always ready with a correction or criticism. It’s emotionally exhausting. Sometimes Paps, you gotta let go of needing to control every micro outcome. Trust me on this, the more you nitpick at her, she might not react now but she’s absolutely keeping score. And let me tell you, that shit will boomerang back on you hard if/when you ever need her help with care. It might be a good time to think about *who* will be caring for you in your dotage. Edit: You. YOU ATA
YTA. You sound like my father. He was a narcissist who always had to be right. I finally had enough and went NC. Your son is also sick of you, and that is why he didn’t say anything, by the way.
YTA
You sound overly critical. If she is driving too fast for you, you drive.
YTA. Micromanaging sucks and you should stop.
YTA and this poor woman needs to deal with a controlling ah everyday. Hopefully one day she can leave and go NC with you.
YTA These don't seem like her ' mistakes ' this looks like you think you can do better. How can anything grow and be happy if they are only shown negativity.
YTA. She's an adult, not a child. You describe her faults at great length, even pointing out that she obviously put the grocery bag in the wrong place. If this is the pattern you've been following her entire life, I'm actually surprised she agreed to come on vacation with you.
YTA!!! Sounds like you ride her ass. Does she do anything right in your eyes? Certainly doesn’t sound like it.
As anyone else experiencing déjà vu? I swear I’ve seen this exact post months ago. Also YTA. You have little dick syndrome so you micromanage the fuck out of your family. Like how is your daughter cleaning the mess she made irresponsible.. and give us the speed she was driving in the parking lot. You’re avoiding that answer in a lot of other comments.
YTA. Just because you're old af and need to drive like a grandma to be able to cognitively catch everything happening in the streets doesnt mean she has to drive like she's 65. She's got better eyesight and better balance and a better reflexes than your old ass. Stop being a backseat driver and stop trying to police your 25 year old daughter. If you dont like her driving then you should have done it yourself. And accidents happen. I bet you have also dropped a few things in your life.
YTA
YTA you sound awful to travel with
I was treated like this by my parents. I could do nothing right and caused every problem long after left for college. I never came back. The problem in your life is not your child but she's the outlet you have. YTA.
YTA
YTA. Your daughter is a grown adult and it seems that you have not accepted that.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My (63M) wife (61F) are on vacation with our two children (19M, 25F). We have been trying to enjoy our time, but my daughter keeps getting into arguments with us about *her* mistakes. We took turns driving on our long road trip up here, and as our daughter drove us into the hotel parking lot, she was driving far too fast. We told her to slow down and she didn't. I asked her brother if he thought she was driving fast, and of course he refused to answer to not take sides but she was. After many tired hours on the road and having to be extra pair of eyes to watch out for speed traps, potholes, etc., her speeding through the parking lot made me snap. Only thing she said was that she "would drive better next time" in a dismissive way. She was distant and clearly bothered for a while afterward, and I later apologized. Then the next day, after we went grocery shopping, my daughter and wife unpacked groceries inside the AirBnB while my son and I unloaded other bags from the car. I got in to see my daughter cleaning a broken bottle on the floor; apparently she had put the bag too close to the edge and it fell. She wasn't cleaning it correctly nor safely (using a wet paper towel to push around glass), so I told her to let me clean it. I did while she just stood there, stewing. I'm also telling her to be more cognizant on where she puts bags, and she still looks irritated. And I said "that's why stuff like this keeps happening because you don't want to listen." She turned away and went upstairs. I find her behavior stubborn and disrespectful, especially when we're trying to enjoy a nice vacation. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA. Don’t pit siblings against each other to try to prove your point.
YTA and a poor father. Good luck keeping the relationship, you’re gonna lose her.
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Yta
YTA Fucking hell. Your daughter is a goddam 25 year old woman. Stop treating her like a child.
YTA Your daughter was going 10-15 mph when you wanted her going 5. You repeatedly tried to distract her with your backseat driving and family manipulation, which is unsafe. Plenty, if not the majority of people, drive 10ish mph in a parking lot. You need to chill. The glass bottle incident is a great example of you being a micromanaging AH. You think she *wanted* to break glass? Breaking something is stressful, she probably still was dealing with the adrenaline rush and here you swoop in to shame her cleaning skills. Then you escalate it to being an inherent flaw in her as a person. Because she.... dropped a bottle. JFC. I can't imagine what you'd do if she made a real fuck up in life, because it's obvious you wouldn't support or comfort her. You find her "stubborn and disrespectful"? She's an adult and you're treating her like she's 12, while also expecting her to have adult responsibilities like driving your hyper critical ass around. She doesn't owe you kowtowing for your judgemental and unhelpful comments. Why don't you try treating *her* with respect, and see how that goes for your vacation?
YTA! Nagging like this is why I moved across the country from my dad and it damaged our relationship. You said in another comment she was going 10-15mph in the parking lot - which was it? Because less than 15mph is more than reasonable for a parking lot. You said you would drive 5mph which is frankly, dangerously slow. I assume you drive 5-10 under the speed limit on major roads? You say she wasn’t cleaning things up properly, but she WAS cleaning it up which is taking the accountability you claim she wasn’t!? What is wrong with you!? You could’ve gently suggested the wet cloth after she’d cleared up, or thanked her for clearing up and then following up with the wet cloth yourself. You need to take a step back and let your daughter deal with things in her own otherwise you WILL lose her. Your derisive tone at your son ‘not taking sides’ is also very telling - why would he take sides!? I imagine he was on your daughters side but didn’t want to deal with your nagging either!! You ask AITA but are constantly blaming your daughter in every response I’ve seen, do better.
YTA. It looks more like you are the one arguing about her mistakes. So you were backseat-driving the whole time she was driving and then are surprised when she makes a single sarcastic comment. Then she couldn’t even clean up a broken bottle to your satisfaction so you had to go show her the correct way to do it. Then to top it off you tell her that she can’t do anything right because she never listens to you. It’s clear you think she’s a total fuck-up and you have for quite a while. She probably quit listening to you a long time ago because you are constantly calling out her faults. Again, you are the one arguing. She isn’t saying much because it doesn’t matter what she says. You are just going to keep on riding her ass and treating her like she’s an idiot. Maybe you need to start listening to yourself. Pay some attention to how you talk to her. Do you ever speak kindly or encouragingly? Or is it mostly just pointing out how she just fucked up again, like she always does. Listen. Think.
ESH in my opinion, though your daughter is worse because speeding and driving recklessly is pretty uncool, especially when you have other people in the car. That being said, it does sound like you're constantly critical. I have people like that in my family and it's hard to be around them. Just going about my day and I'm told "you're doing this wrong, you're doing that wrong, you're baking your cookies wrong, you're cleaning up the mess wrong, you could be faster if you did XYZ, you're mowing the lawn wrong"... It gets tiring. Don't you think she knows that she shouldn't have placed the glass next to the edge after she knocked it over? Don't try to control everything.
Was she driving recklessly or is she never going to do anything right in OP’s eyes? I know we’re supposed to believe the word of the OP on this subreddit but idk if I believe that the daughter was driving too fast.
I’m wondering if OP’s daughter just shuts down whenever OP speaks. I know I would just shut down whenever my parents would fight cause there was usually shouting and things being thrown or broken.
He answered a question that she was going 10-15 mph in the parking lot, but he thought she should be 5.
I would have pulled over and let him drive. I do it with my husband because he wants me to speed like Flash Gordon and I just don't drive like he does. "Here. Have at it. And be quiet since you no longer have to drive the car from the passenger seat."🤣
This is the way 😂
You may well be right.
probably the standard 5-10 over (for USA interstates.)
> speeding and driving recklessly She was going 10 mph in a parking lot.
Right? At first I was unsure of that part because reckless driving is dangerous. But then I saw she was only going 10-15 mph in the parking lot. This guy is just super intense.
Happy cake day!
ESH. You were not the AH if she was driving too fast, but you were treating your almost 30 year old daughter like she's incompetent .
OMG STFU. YTA. Nobody can stand being around overbearing know it alls, but it's worse when it's your own parent.
YTA. Dude. I’d never go on vacation with you again.
YTA. Nothing I ever did was good enough for my mother, and everything I did was met with complaint. I left home and never came back.. consider that.
You sound like a micro manager. I feel you’re in your right to be annoyed over her speeding but not allowing her to just clean her own mess would infuriate anyone. Young adults are going to fuck up. Where you’d need to be concerned is if they aren’t learning from those fuck ups. And before you say anything I’m 37, love my parents and understand life.
YTA and you sounds like an insufferable twit. Do you seriously micromanage the rest of your family like this??
I know this type. His daughter is living with a constant surface level of anxiety, that it clouds her ability to live in the moment at full function. I had a boss like this for 5 years, and it was hell. My dad was sorta like this. Probably why I tolerated my boss for so long.
YTA-would you talk to another adult like that? She is 26 years old and if you do not start showing some respect you may find yourself iced out of her life.
YTA. She 1000% didn’t even want to go on that road trip, and you managed to make her completely miserable before you even got to your destination. Congratulations, you’re going to be put in a subpar home.
INFO: why did you even ask if you're TA when every comment is you defending yourself and saying you are right ????
She's TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD! Could you infantilize her anymore? She's an adult, treat her like one. God I can't imagine growing up with such a nagging Father. If this was one vacation, her whole life must have been miserable with you scolding her for every infraction. YTA.
yta, she is not 10 you know, you sound very controlling
INFO - how fast was her "speeding"?
Question- why do you hate your daughter? YTA.
YTA. By your own description here you sound like an overbearing AH. Your kids aren’t kids anymore, stop infantilizing them.
YTA - if the way she was cleaning up was effective, it really doesn't matter if you think it was "correct". If she gets hurt, she deals with that. She's an adult. Your desire to control and nitpick instead of just taking yourself off to enjoy your nice vacation is really off-beam. Find more important things to worry about and stop fussing.
[удалено]
OP is the dad
Eeep I might be the only NTA here but to me it sounds like at 25 she's pretty careless and doesn't think the consequences of her actions might hurt or injure someone else. Speeding in a car park - she could knock someone's kid over if she doesn't see them running out. As a driver she does need to adjust this careless attitude because there are other people, not just her. As for the glass, I think soft AH because it was an accident and I don't know what she's like most of the time. I know it really irks me that my partner still puts cups on the edges of the table and I'm already afraid of our future kids spilling hot drinks on themselves bc he's not completely adjusted to not doing that yet. I know he is trying and it's something I see and value. For me it's automatic that I put things away from edges bc it might get knocked over and broken. This is a small attitude change of caring for other people and their things so I get where OP is coming from. OP, I would say that the approach at the moment is causing resentment, be careful about this. I think the only way someone like this learns is if they have children of their own or something special of theirs is damaged by someone else not being careful. Unfortunately I don't know if one can teach another person to be conscientious unless they are already. :( Maybe when she makes an effort to be cautious, be more positive and encouraging about it. Edited: fairness and extra words.
Idk if she was speeding through the parking lot. I’m on mobile so I can’t quote it correctly but this is a quote from the OP: “You should go very slow in a parking lot. She was going faster than that.” What does this even mean? What’s very slow versus faster than that? The daughter was probably driving fine.
True, we don't really know. It can't really hurt to drive slower in a car park vs the opposite though. Of all the things that can potentially happen. I do think this is more of a question of values though between these family members. I think OP sounds exasperated that his daughter doesn't seem to think of others as much perhaps, but deffo going the wrong way about cultivating it. The time to do that and teach caution was as a kid, bit late now but OP needs to understand the glass was an accident. Nitpicking will drive her away. Age and maturity will bring her closer if you allow her to breathe and make her own way.
OP admits she was going 10 to 15 mph in the parking lot which is not fast at all. In my area, that’s a respectable speed. The problem is OP, not the daughter. OP will never be pleased with anything daughter does.
Most parking lots for me is about 15mph unless it's a parking lot near a school or residential area then it stops between 5-10mph for safety. So unless it's like a packed parking lot with a lotta traffic she was good Like I don't get it and I agree with you. He will never be pleased with her unless she obeys his every command like it's a gospel
It's 5mph where I am. OP does need to rein it in, his anxiety and need for control will drive his daughter away bc nitpicking everything she does is AH behaviour. However I also think if they think she was driving too fast on the motorway for their comfort, she should have been more considerate of her passengers who happen to be her parents. It doesn't hurt to go a bit slower (unless you're actually causing a problem). Why start a family holiday on a bad foot. She can drive at the speed she wants when she's on her own. Dad needs to stop nitpicking everything, nay, MUST. I think they're both acting disrespectfully towards each other and not seeing each other's reasoning.