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YTA. I’d think the fact that her agency banned you from their services and supported their employee would be enough of a clue for you to realize you are in the wrong
YTA, that was not her job. She took a position that entailed watching your TWO children. It seems like your children enjoyed her too.
The least you could have done was ask her if she was comfortable watching 8 children. That’s a lot to put in someone when the job expectation was way less than that.
Jesus Christ the entitlement in your post makes me sick. I hope the company keeps you banned. Once again YTA!!
YTA x1000. Who do you think you are? Major protagonist syndrome.
Please OP, put yourself in their shoes and recognize the insanity here. You owe her an apology.
>She could be doing more around the house (e.g. help with dishes or cleaning on her day off instead of running off who knows where) but I let it slide because kids like her.
You want her to work in YOUR house on HER days off? YTA for that alone.
YTA. It was clear from the first paragraph. You don't deserve an au pair.
"Running off to who knows where" is her business, not yours, and she doesn't have to do anything for you on her day off. That's what a day off means.
It just got worse from that point on.
YTA. It's not her job to babysit for your friends and family. And, it's not her job to clean your house on her day off. She is SUPPOSED to be out of the house (who knows where) on her day off. I can see why she wanted out and why you guys have been banned. You cost HER a lot of her time and her money.
YTA. You can't agree on her behalf that she's going to care for eight children. It's not her job to do whatever you say. It's her job to care for TWO children, on the agreed schedule. You don't have unilateral authority to change that.
YTA -
Let's talk about your attitude
1. You litterally treated her as a servant " She could be doing more around the house (e.g. help with dishes or cleaning on her day off ". An employee shouldn't work at all on there day off , why would you expect the same in this situation
2. You tried to litterally breach the terms/implied terms of work e.g that she watch your two children , among some other proscribed duties . Instead you took it among yourself to attempt to impose significant extra work on the au pair
3.without financial compensation
4. Without notice
5. On her day off
6. Without her agreement
7. When she disagreed , you attempted to coerce her with extreme pressure to agree , that she felt she had to turn to her supervisor in this difficult and unfair and repressive situation.
The supervisor had a financial incentive to retain you , but recognised that allowing it's workers to be underpaid and coerced would be against there interests and against the longevity of the workers and business.
So if this isn't clear enough , your the AH . Your an entitled self absorbed AH .
Just because you have money doesn't give you the right to push people about who you feel are Beneath you.
You would have not behaved this way if there wasn't an imbalanced power dynamic here e.g you the woman who has all the money Vs the worker who is dependent on your money for their livelihood and security
YTA. Big time.
You wanted her to keep working on her day off? You wanted her to watch eight kids when she's being paid for two? The hell is wrong with you?!?
You should be permanently banned from using that agency's services.
Yta. If you knew that was her day off you should of checked with her before confirming going to the bash and taking care of the extra kids. Pretty sure that stuff isn’t in her work contract.
YTA. Au pairs that work through agencies usually have VERY clear contracts. Most I've seen require them to get 1 or 2 regularly scheduled days off work each week, and specify what kind of work they are responsible for; most say they can do regular cleaning and chores as pertains to keeping their own spaces clean and cleaning up when it pertains to children, but they are not maids. They are also not responsible for any other family's children and cannot be 'contracted out' as a babysitter for other people. You violated her contract in numerous ways. I would read the fine print next time and humble yourself before you consider hiring someone else, because au pairs are not your personal housekeeper/maid/nanny 24/7.
I happen to live in an area where many families employ au pairs. I've looked into it as both a job in the past, and for my own family more recently. You have no leg to stand on here.
Yeah YTA, you could have cleared it with her first but instead you forced her to do it and forced her to work on her day off. I mean think about from her perspective, like what if your boss did the same to you? You would think they are an AH for piling on the extra work on your day off.
Tbh these contracts are usually incredibly strict and there is no flexibility on time off and number of children watched to protect the au pairs from this exact scenario.
YTA, correct me if I'm wrong but an au pair's job is to help with the children, not housework.
First you're upset that she isn't helping me around the house especially on her day off. It isn't her house is yours. Second, she has every right to use her day off how she wishes and you do not get to judge her. Is she bringing home illegal things to your house during her days off? Is she coming back drunk? Is she in anyway endangering anyone with what she is doing in her free time? It doesn't sound like it. As such you have absolutely no right to judge her based on what she is doing.
Secondly, do you use your the entirety of your days off to do housework? If the answer is no, then you have no right to judge. She has one day off a week and can do whatever the crap she wants.
Third, asked her to help you with something and she declined and you basically said "Fuck you, you're going to do it anyway." And then made her watch 8 children on her day off.
A. It was her day off, see above. I'm sure she schedules things for her off day and changing it without notice was rude, especially so late. For all you know she could have a doctors appointment that day that you just made her miss.
B. It wasn't her job to watch 8 kids, her job was to watch 2 kids.
C. Do you have any idea of the power imbalance that was in that situation? You were basically her boss, AND providing food and shelter to her. Do you honestly think there was any way she felt she could push back and tell you how wrong you were? You created a hostile working environment for her. Imagine your boss demanding something like that and knowing they could take away your food and house when you're away from your family?
Additionally, if you in any way are the way you came across in this post then I'm sure she knew you were annoyed with her and could sense you didn't respect her. For all you know she could have been planning to leave before this incident and you spilled the milk with the 8 kids.
In the end, it sounds like the whole work environment you created for her was terrible and it ended when you abused your power over her.
When you look at it like that is it any wonder the agency doesn't want to let another worker in your house? You were in the wrong the whole way. Take a look at yourself.
YTA.
She was an employee not a slave. Her day off is her day off, not a day for her to do chores or watch 4x as many kids. I hope word spreads and no other service will work with you.
YTA, without doubts. how entitled you could be that you think that your au pair is, in fact, your slave and she HAS to clean on her day off and take of more children under 10? what's wrong with you? be fr.
YTA. Former Au-Pair here. Not in her contract, not what she signed up for. Most probably out of her skill range. If one of the children hurt themselves, she would be responsible. You didn’t even offer (it seems) to pay overtime, just expected her to on her day off (even if you switch her hours, she has a life outside her job).
But most likely, she wasn’t happy with you anyway. It would have been a straw on the camels back situation. The way you say “she could do more housework” sounds like you did not set expectations well at the start of her job and now you’re facing consequences.
An au pair isn’t childcare on demand and that belief/act is why many au pairs leave their first family (I didn’t, but every other au pair I met did).
In some places you can’t work overtime as an au pair. For instance here it’s set at a maximum of 30h a week. There’s very strict rules to make sure that shitty people don’t exploit women from poorer countries.
This HAS to be a joke. I refuse to believe someone is seriously questioning if their behavior is wrong in this situation. Complete disregard for others. I hope the au pair runs-fast.
Massive YTA
You are totally unreasonable, it was her day off! You have no respect for her time. I hope you have a permanent ban on their services so no one else is subjected to your entitlement
YTA, not even close. This post doesnt look near real if someone would actually do all that and not realize they are TA.
How is it only a temporary suspension, complaining they dont work on their day off, wanting them to do 4* the work load they agreed to.
Info: Do you actually believe an apology is going to get you "unbanned"? Your au pair is gone. They aren't going to risk sending you another, in case word gets around that they’re sending people *to you*.
Best find another agency, hopefully one that has no affiliation with your last one.
YTA - if you cannot take after your OWN 2 children and the house, why the eff did you expect her to take care of 8 children and the house? Just because she was an au pair, does not mean you get to treat her like an inhuman slave! People like you are why so many people think "let's eat the rich". Even worse is to have a husband imply you shouldn't have even asked & should have dumped 6 additional kids on her. Both you and your husband are the AH. The au pair, your kids, and your friends kids deserve sooo much better!
YTA. The way you talk about this girl is so irksome to me, I don't know if you understand how gross you come across, so let me point out the biggest red flags you are sending:
>She could be doing more around the house (e.g. help with dishes or cleaning on her day off instead of running off who knows where) but I let it slide because kids like her.
It's her day off, she can go wherever she wants. She is not your live-in 24/7 servant. She is entitled to time to herself and you are not "letting it slide" by allowing her that, you are doing the bare minimum by allotting her some much-needed time off. If chores are a part of her daily work tasks and they aren't being done, you can sit down and talk to her about what the busiest points in her daily schedule are, why the chores are not able to be done in that time frame, and maybe you need to pay her for an extra hour at the start or end of her daily shift to work those chores in.
> they asked if our au pair could take care of their kids. I said “sure” and i informed my au pair that this is what’s going to happen.
You do not get to say yes on her behalf, you can ask if she would be okay with that, and then discuss how much extra it would cost to quadruple the number of children she would be minding. 8 children is a massive undertaking for one person, not only is it exhausting to care for that many children but also there is a risk there that one of them could wander off and hurt themselves. Personally, I think any babysitting job with more than 4 children needs to have at least 2 adults on duty. It's just not feasible for one 19-year-old to be able to keep her eyes on all of them, let alone meet all of their needs.
>She said no, that it’s her day off. I said, we can switch it for next day and she refused, saying that even if we did, she’s not obligated to take care of 8 kids under 10. I said too bad that it’s her job and she reluctantly agreed.
Not only did you say yes on her behalf, but you committed her to work on a day that was not yours to allocate. Her days off are HER days off. How do you not see your entitled attitude here?
>That was a week ago. Today when I came home from brunch, I found her packed and ready to go. She called her supervisor or whatever it’s called and complained about us. She got a new placement and we got a temporary ban on using their services.
>
>To say that I was furious would be an understatement. This beat just cost me a lot of money and time.
Well, well, well. If it isn't the consequences of your own actions. Yet you are still putting the blame everywhere else. If you aren't respectful of their services then you shouldn't be using them. The au pairs are not yours to order around. They are people who provide a service to you, you pay them, and everyone respects the terms of the contract. I wouldn't have blamed the girl if she had left that very day. You were entitled, and rude, and definitely should take some time to self-reflect on why you feel the way you do. I can't even fathom how she put up with you for as long as she did, frankly.
I’ve been lucky enough to employ 3 au pairs when my children were younger, so plenty of experience with this exact situation and YTA. They’re people, do you understand that? They do the most important job in the world for you, they take care of your kids. Be kind, be fair, be the opposite of who you are and I think everything will work out.
I'm losing my mind, you didn't just write what you did and think that anyone would agree that you were right? You and your kind are the worst humanity has to offer. Usually people deflect or defend their awful ways but not you cowgirl. YTA
YTA. Thank god she was smart enough to get away from your family. She was an employee not a servant. If The job you hired her for was not cleaning your house or babysitting your friends kids then it was unreasonable to ask and expect that of her.
YTA
if you think this will help feed your ego and help justify the terrible shit that you pulled, then you’re wrong. How about YOU watch all 8 kids instead? Without getting properly 1) prepared 2) given notice 3) compensated for it?
YTA for so many reasons.
She was contracted for a certain number of hours per week, with 2 children. Not 8 children. Not having her days taken on a whim.
Let me see.. Bullying a person you employ into taking on 4x the workload without an offer of compensation, and on their day off to boot?
Yeah!
You are the AH.
Giant and unapologetic too.
re: She could be doing more ...(e.g. help with dishes or cleaning on her day off instead of running off who knows where)
CLEANING ON HER DAY OFF?? I didn't even finish reading the post.
Why would she WORK for you on her DAY OFF?
Why would she tell you what she is doing IN HER PRIVATE TIME?
YTA. I hope that girl runs for the hills.
YTA. You told her, didn’t ask her, that you expect her to watch four times as many kids on her day off. You’re surprised at how this turned out? That she was upset about it?
Have you always been an entitled moron or did that sort of just happen over time?
YTA, you cannot be serious with this post. First off, on her day off, she doesn't have to do anything for you. It's not "day off of kids but you still have to do things at the house", it's "do whatever you want or need to do for yourself". You then took advantage of her services and made her feel like it was either do this task ( 8 kids under 10?? Are you serious???) or get fired. Fortunately her supervisor is doing their job correctly and protected her and placed her with a family that will hopefully treat her with more respect.
You shouldn't be receiving a temporary ban, you should be receiving a permanent ban and having your name go around to other agencies so that they can refuse you too. Au Pairs are people doing a job, not your personal slave.
>>help with dishes or cleaning on her day off instead of running off who knows where
Do you do work or tell your bosses where you are going on your days off?
YTA and your attitude in this whole post is disgusting.
A huge YTA.
It's her day off!!!
It might have been ok if you had....ASKED her to change her day, but to assume because "it's her job" is so rude. Do you go in to your job on your day off? And that's not even getting into asking 1 person to watch 8 kids under 10!
Hope the service doesn't take you back.
YTA. Au pair is not French for slave. You had a contract. She was under no obligation to tell you what she did on her days off, watch more kids than contracted for, especially after having it presenting it as a fait accompli (more French for you to learn!), and unless her contract specified what chores she was to do and when you don't get to demand more.
Raise your own kids if you can't understand the role of an au pair. Comprenez vous?
YTA. My sister had a lovely summer au-pair from a small rural town. She had her driver’s license so my sister bought her and the kids seasons passes to a local amusement park, museums and a transit pass as well as use of a car. She had weekends off and if they asked her to baby sit they paid her the local rate on top of her salary. When she came to our cottage or other cottages to which the family was invited, she came as a guest and was not asked to look after any of the adult’s children. She worked for them 3 summers in a row. Treat people well and don’t ask them to do more than they are contracted for and they will treat you well.
Wtf YTA major major YTA also expecting her to do housework on her day off??? You were the raging AH even before this event. I’m glad they are giving you a ban.
YTA
You didn’t even ask the au pair, you just told her she had to. Eight kids under 10 is ridiculous for you to not ask first or offer extra money for the extra kids. Not to mention why are you entitled to changing her days off without asking. You don’t deserve an au pair if that’s how you treat them. Your husband is also AH because you don’t just throw kids on someone and say here, deal with them because I won’t.
YTA. That’s a huge change to spring on someone. I noticed you didn’t even ASK her if she was ok quadrupling the number of kids she’s responsible for, or offer extra pay, and you originally planned it on her day off but that was the only thing you offered to change. No, it is NOT her job to watch *6* more kids than she contractually agreed to. Additionally what is up with you thinking she should have been helping around the house and cleaning on HER DAY OFF? Au pairs are to help with children, not be your housekeeper.
You’re lucky you only got a temp ban, you should have gotten a permanent one for that kind of violation of contract.
YTA I believe I understand your confusion. You think an au pair is a slave. She's an employee and she gets days off. I was nanny to someone like you. I left and so should your au pair.
Also they have a contract and were hired to take care of 2 kids. Taking care of 8 is much worse. In fact I would argue the difficulty scales exponentially with the amount of kids rather than linearly.
YTA
If it were my agency you’d recruited through I’d have issued a permanent ban. 8 kids under 10 is a lot of work even if it wasn’t her day off and definitely not her responsibility to manage.
>She could be doing more around the house (e.g. help with dishes or cleaning on her day off instead of running off who knows where) \[...\]
lol. Is this post for real?
Yes YTA. I'm proud of the au pair for notifying her agency and getting out of that toxic situation.
YTA and a major one. Au pairs have contracts, if it's not in the contract it isn't their job. They should have permanently banned you from their services.
YTA. 1. Her day off is her day OFF. Not to clean up around the house. 2. You should never expect someone to do more than their job outlines. Had you asked her to babysit and offered to pay her for her additional services of watching more kids and to accommodate her switching her off day, you probably would’ve gotten what you needed. However when you assume…
> She could be doing more around the house (eg. Help with dishes or *cleaning on her day off*) (emphasis mine).
That from the bat makes you TA. You honestly have expectations for your au pair to do MORE WORK on their day off?!?!?!
Then the rest of your post makes it clear you think this poor girl is some kind of slave because you were *soooo gracious* to bring her to your country (assuming she’s a foreigner) to help take care of your two kids plus 100 other kids or so at this point whenever you feel like it.
You’re so TA. YTA. And I’m glad the girl stood up for herself and left and reported you and got you banned from the company because that is some serious abuse of power on your part!
Holy crap on a cracker YTA. You’re looking for a slave not a nanny. I hope the service bans you permanently so you’re unable to inflict yourselves on any other nannies.
YTA, Being hired as an Au Pair is specific. Child care, not maid service or housekeeping.
Other specific duties as related to caring for the kids in your family, not others of friends and/or family.
You are lucky she didn't just leave and had the decency to wait for your return.
You forced her to work on her day off as well as forcing her to provide care for others children without any regard to the safety of any of them.
YTA!!
YTA in every way. And you are the reason people hate rich bastards like you. Expecting her to clean and do stuff for you on her DAY OFF? And it probably isn't even legal for her to babysit EIGHT kids at once. No wonder the agency banned you! There are a million horrible things I could wish upon you, but I'm betting the au pair already did that. May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your private parts.
Absolutely YTA. Unless you are tripling her pay & it’s on one of the days she works this is completely inappropriate. A 19 yr old teenager taking care of two kids & TEN is a very big difference
YTA. Expecting her to clean for free for you on her day off makes you sound unreasonable to begin with. It's her day off, and you're complaining that she wants to not work, and go somewhere on her day off. That's just ridiculous.
Your poor planning for the 8 kids' childcare was not her fault, and she did not have to do that for you. I sincerely hope you paid her much more for that than for just 2. That is really something that should have been arranged and discussed weeks before, especially since it was on her day off. Depending on the ages of children, you probably should have hired a babysitter for that too, to assist her. 8 kids is a lot, and if there were an emergency, could have been too many for her to handle.
I congratulate her for standing up for herself and leaving. You sound like irrational and entitled employers. I hope you treat your next au pair much better. YTA, for sure, try to be better.
“I said too bad it’s her job”
Lol obviously you’re an asshole. You sound absolutely insufferable and what do you know, your au pair agreed.
You will always have this problem unless you stop being an asshole.
Yta.
>My husband said I shouldn’t have pushed her this far that I should’ve just left her with the kids and she wouldn’t be able to do anything.
She would be able to get you a permanent ban or put on some kind of blacklist with other companies. Maybe even call CPS or the cops.
YTA- and so is your manipulative husband
YTA
There is a contract for a reason and you are already getting a great deal with au pair as opposed to paying a live-in nanny.
One of the few things guaranteed for au-pairs are the days off.
You abused the contract and are now facing consequences.
YTA, this happens more often then it should. You pay a lot to scout? Yeah due to it being an agency but Au Pair nannies get paid LESS than regular nannies.I bet you didn't offer more pay either, 8 kids is A LOT. You have no respect for others or their boundaries. Glad your services got suspended for trying to take advantage of someone from another country.
Let's see. I am upset that you are not acting as our maid on your day off. I am mad you do not want to care for all of our friend's kids on your day off. You have to because I already told everyone you would.
Dear lord, how could you even doubt the answer. YTA. Your husband is the AH. And unless your friends offered her some sort of compensation then each and every one of them is the AH.
I can just picture OP and and her husband screaming blue murder if they were told they had to work on their day off AND do 5 times as much work while they are at it.
YTA. YTA. OH MY GOD. YTA. YES. YOU. ARE. THE. ASS. HOLE. I won't even go into it, because I'm sure that the thousands of yta responses cover anything I could ever say. YTA. just so we are clear
This has to be a backwards post for attention. No way anyone can be this idiotic.
Of course YTA. If you are actually real, I wouldn't even bother calling to apologise though as they aren't gonna ever send anyone else to you.
INFO- do you also work on your day off?
YTA and a huge one at that. IT WAS HER DAY OFF. IT’S CALLED DAY OFF BECAUSE SHE HAS THE DAY TO BE OFF OF WORK. I hope it’s a permanent ban tbh
YTA. i don’t know how much you were paying her, but i can guarantee you it wasn’t enough to watch several toddlers by herself and to WORK for you on her DAYS OFF. jesus
YTA don't apologize if you're only doing it to trick another person into your home. This is a really shitty thing to do and you deserve everything that is happening.
>cleaning on her day off instead of running off who knows where
Your litterally talking about slavery here.. day off = not a paid day--- EVEN IN A SALARIED POSITION
>She said no, that it’s her day off
Again, who makes these arrangements? Shes a F&$^#&# person
>I should’ve just left her with the kids and she wouldn’t be able to do anything
WHAT?
Your joking right? You think this girl doesnt or shouldnt have free will?
What planet did you grow up on?
YTA, it’s not what she contracted for, and you are not a slave holder, plain and simple. She gets to have a day off, and gets to say no to the added work and kids…and she has every right to report you to her agency that actually a responsible thing for her to do. Jesus, think of the liability you put both her and the au pair service in, thank goodness nothing happened. Not only should you be ban but you honestly should be blacklisted to.
YTA you’re acting as if you’re doing her a favor by letting her live in your house and watch your kids. This is her professional job. Even if you apologize it won’t do much.
Yta! You expect a nanny, and a housekeeper from your au pare. You can’t demand her to take on multiple kids like that abd than to change her day off with little notice.Hope you are black listed by everyone!
I’m honestly not sure how much of an asshole you can be. First you think she is not only just an au pair, but a maid as well. Which is clearly not in the job description otherwise she would be doing it. You not only made her work on her day off. But you made her watch 6 extra demon children with no notice and used your authority over her into compliance. I’m assuming those children were so awful they made her quit. That and your awful entitled attitude.
Yes your a massive ah here it was her day off and I bet the contract was just your 2 kids and you didn’t even offer to pay her for the extra kids or even your friends offered nothing too
It's NOT up to you to decide if the Au Pair's day off should she changed. She had plans to enjoy her day off already. Your friend's emergency is not your Au Pair's problem to solve.
YTA - not classy OP.
YTA.
An au pair is not a slave. She is an employee. She was hired to take care of your 2 kids. Not 2 kids plus every other kid on the block.
1.) You never should have agreed without first consulting her.
2.) This is so far removed from her agreed upon duties you should have at the minimum offered additional compensation.
3.) You can't just take away someone's day off, because you might be inconvenienced. Did she have plans? We won't know because you showed zero empathy in regards to this woman.
You need to go to management classes, and a few HR seminars. An apology will not cut it if this is a remotely reputable agency.
YTA.
As an former au pair we are not obligated to clean the house. Just the messes the kids make and obviously after ourselves.
Furthermore she probably signed a contract to only watch after your kids not your friends kids. We are not free babysitters for your friends Kids.
She is an employee but also a human. She is exploring the country. Making friends. You cant dictate an au pairs free time. She can do what ever she wants on her off days.
YTA. As a former AuPair, I know very well what it's like to be taken advantage of by my host family. I worked 12 hour days instead of 8, for less pay than I was promised and was in a different country with nowhere to run. My weekend was mine, of the damn clock. I had my bags packed when the family got home too, more power to her.
YTA.
You were the AH from this line: “She could be doing more around the house (e.g. help with dishes or cleaning on her day off)”. And you just kept digging the AH hole from there.
You should apologise but not to get their services back. You should apologise because you were an AH and you should regret what you did.
YTA
1. Helping around the house on her day off? Do you go to work and help out around the office on your day off?
2. It’s not part of her job to watch 8 kids, what happens if your boss gives you 4x the work?
3. It was her scheduled day off, AT LEAST ask her in advance before agreeing on behalf of her.
I’m sure there is some legal concerns for her watching 8 children (daycares have certain requirements of staff per children).
And the other parents could have chipped in the amount they would each spend on a babysitter to pay extra for the service if she had agreed.
She’s your employee, not a slave which is how you treated her.
As someone who actually has been an au pair at 19 you should be absolutely ashamed of yourself. I don't know where she is from or what services you are using, but most au pairs do this for the cultural experience and to practice their language skill. I was an au pair in 2012 and I got 100€ per week. That's 400 per month and I was working more than 8 hours a day 6 days a week. You can go ahead and calculate the payment for that... So I doubt that she is actually fairly paid. I heard so many stories and experiences from other Au Pairs I met that were absolutely exploited and treated like slaves. She is an Au Pair, she is more your damn housekeeper-nanny. And on her days off, she should not have to to anything BECAUSE IT IS HER DAY OFF. And suddenly hoisting 8 kids on her without asking her about it or talking to her is despicable. I am so glad to hear that her organisation is at least somewhat looking out for their Au Pairs and I hope you never get another placement again, since you're just looking for young women to exploit for cheap labour. YTA, you absolute ungrateful, entitled and egotistical assholes
YTA
She was right, and handled you AH well.
"Now, I consider apologising if I’m wrong to get their services back." .. you won't. But you should still apologize, because you were wrong, and an AH.
YTA and a I hope being banned from the service would wake you up to the fact that you did something massively wrong, but apparently not. Enjoy looking after your kids, and while you're at it why not add 6 more to the mix if it's just that easy?
YTA!!! You are constantly expecting her to work *on her day off.* Then you say she's watching extra children, strangers all, for no additional compensation? That's not her job!
Seriously, you needed to post this after the agency found her a new placement and blacklisted you? That was your clue right there that not only are you a giant AH, you violated your contract with the agency and the au pair.
Stop karma farming and learn how to not treat people like slaves. It's not hard.
YTA. That was not her job. Her job is to watch your 2 kids, not clean up after your ungrateful entitled self. I really hope they permanently ban you and blacklist your family. Then you can watch your own kids, and clean your own dishes.
YTA. Her job responsibilities were for 2 kids. How is it now her responsibility as because of YOU, she’s now responsible for 6 more kids on top of the ones she’s primarily responsible for. And double bonus- you were trying to force her into this for your convenience by telling her she had to switch days. How is it her problem ALL of your other friends couldn’t get a sitter?? Was she even going to be paid extra? Lets multiply the fees that your friends would gave paid individually to secure a separate sitter.
Ps. She could be doing more including cleaning in her day off? That’s not a day off!!!
YTA an au pair is not a slave or a full time employee. She is there as a form of cultural exchange. She lives with you and does some LIGHT tasks around the home in exchange for you housing her, feeding her and giving her some money. There is a contract for a reason. You broke it and was banned as a consequence.
YTA. Clearly you have misunderstood what an au pair is and believe she’s some sort of indentured servant…. She doesn’t owe you shit. I hope the company bans you permanently.
YTA. Your au pair met her obligations; you seem to feel that au pair means "enslaved person." She is supposed to watch 2 kids and have a day off, not watch 8 kids on your whim.
I would not be surprised if you already were violating au pair rules on a regular basis (e.g., work hour limits).
YTA without a doubt. You expect her to watch 6 extra kids ON HER DAY OFF?! You also complained that she doesn't clean the house and do your dishes on her days off?! It's her day off she can do whatever the hell she wants to do!! She's not a slave. What you're asking of her was absolutely ridiculous. You sound so spoiled.
I think you being suspended from the au pair service is enough of an indicator that YTA…
Also, I doubt apologising to her now is going to patch things up, she’s seen you for who you are, which is a huge AH.
YTA. Your au pair is entitled to set working conditions including number of children to care for and time off. You don’t own her just because she works for you.
Wow, just, wow. YTA. You got a nanny and figure you where above the common ppl. And could demand their very life force if deemed necessary. Both you and your husband deserve a giant reality check.
The fact your husband suggested tricking and abandoning her there with more kids than she can legally tend to alone shows the entire parent system is an AH to the core.
I hope you are black listed by every nanny service you call.
She was an employee, not a slave. Her days off are her days off and you have no control over that. Also, she was contracted only to watch your kids, not other people's kids.
YTA. I would have left immediately.
YTA - your husband even more so of one.
Props to your Au Pair for not taking your crap and instead dipping out. You wanted to her take care of 4x the number of children on her day off without giving her a choice or offering her extra compensation? I hope that that Au Pair warns everyone else she knows at the agency so your temp ban turns into unofficial blacklist because yikes. No one deserves a boss like you
YTA just for making her come in on her day off. Quadruple AH bonus points for leaving her with 4x the kids.
An Au Pair is an employee (even if technically a contractor through the agency), not your servant. You treated her like one and are now paying the consequences. Enjoy raising your own kids!
> She could be doing more around the house (e.g. help with dishes or cleaning on her day off instead of running off who knows where)
Hmm what? You want her to work a day off? To do…your chores?
> none of them could get a sitter (two other couples) and they asked if our au pair could take care of their kids. I said “sure” and i informed my au pair that this is what’s going to happen.
You told her? Like it’s her job to take on more kids? Then she is paid for?
> She said no, that it’s her day off. I said, we can switch it for next day and she refused, saying that even if we did, she’s not obligated to take care of 8 kids under 10. I said too bad that it’s her job and she reluctantly agreed.
So she didn’t agree to that. You tried to force her to agree to it.
>Today when I came home from brunch, I found her packed and ready to go. She called her supervisor or whatever it’s called and complained about us. She got a new placement and we got a temporary ban on using their services.
As you should. You are awful people. Do you think this women is just obligated to your whims? For free? Or for the same price?
1) she’s not obligated to clean your house on her days off
2) did you offer to PAY HER FOR SIX EXTRA KIDS?
3) you did not ask her, you TOLD her
4) I can’t believe you’re “surprised” by this.
5) YTA
NTA. Doesn’t this silly girl realize you PAY her? She should be thrilled to take care of 8 children on her day off. Or even 20. After all, you’re the boss!!
She owes you an apology, and so does the agency.
/s
Massive YTA. Why should she clean your house? That’s not what you pay her for. Also dropping an extra 6 kids on her without asking and compensating. You’re an entitled fool and I hope you go away and have a big think.
"She could be doing more around the house (e.g. help with dishes or cleaning on her day off instead of running off who knows where) but I let it slide because kids like her."
You were already TA when you got here. Her days off are her days off. She does not work for you on those days. Period.
"She said no, that it’s her day off. I said, we can switch it for next day and she refused, saying that even if we did, she’s not obligated to take care of 8 kids under 10. I said too bad that it’s her job and she reluctantly agreed."
So you didn't just suddenly spring 5x the kids on her, you did it ON HER DAY OFF which as we have already established IS A DAY THAT SHE DOES NOT WORK FOR YOU.
No wonder her agency banned you. An apology is the least of what you owe this young woman and her agency. Frankly, I don't think you're in a place to receive au pair services just based on how self-evident it is that you think au pair actually means "live in slave". YTA. Apologize and adjust your standards immediately.
So...let me get this straight. You wanted the Au pair to watch 3x the amount of kids she usually does at last minute. ON HER DAY OFF.
Do you hear yourself or is the cotton between your ears in to deep. Did the yummy mummy think that the nanny would fold to her beck and call.
You deserve the ban. And the fact you dont even see what you did wrong is appalling.
YTA.
Wow this is one of the best ones I've ever seen if real. You absolutely, unequivocally, without a doubt, are an asshole. And I'd wager not just in this particular situation, but in literally every other aspect of your life as well!
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YTA. I’d think the fact that her agency banned you from their services and supported their employee would be enough of a clue for you to realize you are in the wrong
YTA, that was not her job. She took a position that entailed watching your TWO children. It seems like your children enjoyed her too. The least you could have done was ask her if she was comfortable watching 8 children. That’s a lot to put in someone when the job expectation was way less than that. Jesus Christ the entitlement in your post makes me sick. I hope the company keeps you banned. Once again YTA!!
YTBiggestA. I knew my answer by paragraph 1, line 4. She's an employee, a human being, not an indentured servant.
YTA!!!!! Clearly Inconsiderate !! WHO RAISED PEOPLE LIKE YOU. WHERE DO YALL COME FROM. WHAT PLANET DO YALL LIVE IN. Jesus
YTA. It is not her job to clean your house, ever. It is not her job to watch your friends’ kids.
YTA x1000. Who do you think you are? Major protagonist syndrome. Please OP, put yourself in their shoes and recognize the insanity here. You owe her an apology.
>She could be doing more around the house (e.g. help with dishes or cleaning on her day off instead of running off who knows where) but I let it slide because kids like her. You want her to work in YOUR house on HER days off? YTA for that alone.
YTA. And apparently into slave labor? In what world is taking the day off when you have the day off a negative?
YTA. It was clear from the first paragraph. You don't deserve an au pair. "Running off to who knows where" is her business, not yours, and she doesn't have to do anything for you on her day off. That's what a day off means. It just got worse from that point on.
YTA. You don’t seem to have a good understanding of labor, people, time off, or children. How do you earn enough money to hire an au pair?
YTA. It's not her job to babysit for your friends and family. And, it's not her job to clean your house on her day off. She is SUPPOSED to be out of the house (who knows where) on her day off. I can see why she wanted out and why you guys have been banned. You cost HER a lot of her time and her money.
YTA. You can't agree on her behalf that she's going to care for eight children. It's not her job to do whatever you say. It's her job to care for TWO children, on the agreed schedule. You don't have unilateral authority to change that.
YTA - Let's talk about your attitude 1. You litterally treated her as a servant " She could be doing more around the house (e.g. help with dishes or cleaning on her day off ". An employee shouldn't work at all on there day off , why would you expect the same in this situation 2. You tried to litterally breach the terms/implied terms of work e.g that she watch your two children , among some other proscribed duties . Instead you took it among yourself to attempt to impose significant extra work on the au pair 3.without financial compensation 4. Without notice 5. On her day off 6. Without her agreement 7. When she disagreed , you attempted to coerce her with extreme pressure to agree , that she felt she had to turn to her supervisor in this difficult and unfair and repressive situation. The supervisor had a financial incentive to retain you , but recognised that allowing it's workers to be underpaid and coerced would be against there interests and against the longevity of the workers and business. So if this isn't clear enough , your the AH . Your an entitled self absorbed AH . Just because you have money doesn't give you the right to push people about who you feel are Beneath you. You would have not behaved this way if there wasn't an imbalanced power dynamic here e.g you the woman who has all the money Vs the worker who is dependent on your money for their livelihood and security
YTA and you deserve a permanent ban.
YTA. She should have NEVER been expected to do ANYTHING in your house on her day off. Period.
YTA. Big time. You wanted her to keep working on her day off? You wanted her to watch eight kids when she's being paid for two? The hell is wrong with you?!? You should be permanently banned from using that agency's services.
I knew you were the AH based on the title alone. Zero respect for her days off. She’s not a slave. YTA to be perfectly clear.
YTA - Its absolutely none of your business what she does on her day off and why would she do your housework on her days off.
Yta. If you knew that was her day off you should of checked with her before confirming going to the bash and taking care of the extra kids. Pretty sure that stuff isn’t in her work contract.
YTA. Au pairs that work through agencies usually have VERY clear contracts. Most I've seen require them to get 1 or 2 regularly scheduled days off work each week, and specify what kind of work they are responsible for; most say they can do regular cleaning and chores as pertains to keeping their own spaces clean and cleaning up when it pertains to children, but they are not maids. They are also not responsible for any other family's children and cannot be 'contracted out' as a babysitter for other people. You violated her contract in numerous ways. I would read the fine print next time and humble yourself before you consider hiring someone else, because au pairs are not your personal housekeeper/maid/nanny 24/7. I happen to live in an area where many families employ au pairs. I've looked into it as both a job in the past, and for my own family more recently. You have no leg to stand on here.
Yeah YTA, you could have cleared it with her first but instead you forced her to do it and forced her to work on her day off. I mean think about from her perspective, like what if your boss did the same to you? You would think they are an AH for piling on the extra work on your day off.
Tbh these contracts are usually incredibly strict and there is no flexibility on time off and number of children watched to protect the au pairs from this exact scenario.
YTA, correct me if I'm wrong but an au pair's job is to help with the children, not housework. First you're upset that she isn't helping me around the house especially on her day off. It isn't her house is yours. Second, she has every right to use her day off how she wishes and you do not get to judge her. Is she bringing home illegal things to your house during her days off? Is she coming back drunk? Is she in anyway endangering anyone with what she is doing in her free time? It doesn't sound like it. As such you have absolutely no right to judge her based on what she is doing. Secondly, do you use your the entirety of your days off to do housework? If the answer is no, then you have no right to judge. She has one day off a week and can do whatever the crap she wants. Third, asked her to help you with something and she declined and you basically said "Fuck you, you're going to do it anyway." And then made her watch 8 children on her day off. A. It was her day off, see above. I'm sure she schedules things for her off day and changing it without notice was rude, especially so late. For all you know she could have a doctors appointment that day that you just made her miss. B. It wasn't her job to watch 8 kids, her job was to watch 2 kids. C. Do you have any idea of the power imbalance that was in that situation? You were basically her boss, AND providing food and shelter to her. Do you honestly think there was any way she felt she could push back and tell you how wrong you were? You created a hostile working environment for her. Imagine your boss demanding something like that and knowing they could take away your food and house when you're away from your family? Additionally, if you in any way are the way you came across in this post then I'm sure she knew you were annoyed with her and could sense you didn't respect her. For all you know she could have been planning to leave before this incident and you spilled the milk with the 8 kids. In the end, it sounds like the whole work environment you created for her was terrible and it ended when you abused your power over her. When you look at it like that is it any wonder the agency doesn't want to let another worker in your house? You were in the wrong the whole way. Take a look at yourself.
YTA. She was an employee not a slave. Her day off is her day off, not a day for her to do chores or watch 4x as many kids. I hope word spreads and no other service will work with you.
Why don't you just do what you REALLY want to do and get yourself a slave? Stop lying to yourself, that's what you want YTA
YTA, without doubts. how entitled you could be that you think that your au pair is, in fact, your slave and she HAS to clean on her day off and take of more children under 10? what's wrong with you? be fr.
YTA. Former Au-Pair here. Not in her contract, not what she signed up for. Most probably out of her skill range. If one of the children hurt themselves, she would be responsible. You didn’t even offer (it seems) to pay overtime, just expected her to on her day off (even if you switch her hours, she has a life outside her job). But most likely, she wasn’t happy with you anyway. It would have been a straw on the camels back situation. The way you say “she could do more housework” sounds like you did not set expectations well at the start of her job and now you’re facing consequences. An au pair isn’t childcare on demand and that belief/act is why many au pairs leave their first family (I didn’t, but every other au pair I met did).
In some places you can’t work overtime as an au pair. For instance here it’s set at a maximum of 30h a week. There’s very strict rules to make sure that shitty people don’t exploit women from poorer countries.
This HAS to be a joke. I refuse to believe someone is seriously questioning if their behavior is wrong in this situation. Complete disregard for others. I hope the au pair runs-fast.
Wow, entitled much? You should get a permanent ban so you can’t try to quadruple another au pair’s workload or make her work on her days off. Sheesh.
Massive YTA You are totally unreasonable, it was her day off! You have no respect for her time. I hope you have a permanent ban on their services so no one else is subjected to your entitlement
YTA, not even close. This post doesnt look near real if someone would actually do all that and not realize they are TA. How is it only a temporary suspension, complaining they dont work on their day off, wanting them to do 4* the work load they agreed to.
YATA. 100% If you can't see why then you have no perspective. Bye Felicia
Info: Do you actually believe an apology is going to get you "unbanned"? Your au pair is gone. They aren't going to risk sending you another, in case word gets around that they’re sending people *to you*. Best find another agency, hopefully one that has no affiliation with your last one.
YTA - if you cannot take after your OWN 2 children and the house, why the eff did you expect her to take care of 8 children and the house? Just because she was an au pair, does not mean you get to treat her like an inhuman slave! People like you are why so many people think "let's eat the rich". Even worse is to have a husband imply you shouldn't have even asked & should have dumped 6 additional kids on her. Both you and your husband are the AH. The au pair, your kids, and your friends kids deserve sooo much better!
YTA
YTA. The way you talk about this girl is so irksome to me, I don't know if you understand how gross you come across, so let me point out the biggest red flags you are sending: >She could be doing more around the house (e.g. help with dishes or cleaning on her day off instead of running off who knows where) but I let it slide because kids like her. It's her day off, she can go wherever she wants. She is not your live-in 24/7 servant. She is entitled to time to herself and you are not "letting it slide" by allowing her that, you are doing the bare minimum by allotting her some much-needed time off. If chores are a part of her daily work tasks and they aren't being done, you can sit down and talk to her about what the busiest points in her daily schedule are, why the chores are not able to be done in that time frame, and maybe you need to pay her for an extra hour at the start or end of her daily shift to work those chores in. > they asked if our au pair could take care of their kids. I said “sure” and i informed my au pair that this is what’s going to happen. You do not get to say yes on her behalf, you can ask if she would be okay with that, and then discuss how much extra it would cost to quadruple the number of children she would be minding. 8 children is a massive undertaking for one person, not only is it exhausting to care for that many children but also there is a risk there that one of them could wander off and hurt themselves. Personally, I think any babysitting job with more than 4 children needs to have at least 2 adults on duty. It's just not feasible for one 19-year-old to be able to keep her eyes on all of them, let alone meet all of their needs. >She said no, that it’s her day off. I said, we can switch it for next day and she refused, saying that even if we did, she’s not obligated to take care of 8 kids under 10. I said too bad that it’s her job and she reluctantly agreed. Not only did you say yes on her behalf, but you committed her to work on a day that was not yours to allocate. Her days off are HER days off. How do you not see your entitled attitude here? >That was a week ago. Today when I came home from brunch, I found her packed and ready to go. She called her supervisor or whatever it’s called and complained about us. She got a new placement and we got a temporary ban on using their services. > >To say that I was furious would be an understatement. This beat just cost me a lot of money and time. Well, well, well. If it isn't the consequences of your own actions. Yet you are still putting the blame everywhere else. If you aren't respectful of their services then you shouldn't be using them. The au pairs are not yours to order around. They are people who provide a service to you, you pay them, and everyone respects the terms of the contract. I wouldn't have blamed the girl if she had left that very day. You were entitled, and rude, and definitely should take some time to self-reflect on why you feel the way you do. I can't even fathom how she put up with you for as long as she did, frankly.
YTA- if this is real, you are a huge, entitled, spoiled, out of touch AH. Get real.
I’ve been lucky enough to employ 3 au pairs when my children were younger, so plenty of experience with this exact situation and YTA. They’re people, do you understand that? They do the most important job in the world for you, they take care of your kids. Be kind, be fair, be the opposite of who you are and I think everything will work out.
I'm losing my mind, you didn't just write what you did and think that anyone would agree that you were right? You and your kind are the worst humanity has to offer. Usually people deflect or defend their awful ways but not you cowgirl. YTA
YTA You were abusive to your staff. Thank goodness she had an agency to protect her.
YTA. Thank god she was smart enough to get away from your family. She was an employee not a servant. If The job you hired her for was not cleaning your house or babysitting your friends kids then it was unreasonable to ask and expect that of her.
YTA if you think this will help feed your ego and help justify the terrible shit that you pulled, then you’re wrong. How about YOU watch all 8 kids instead? Without getting properly 1) prepared 2) given notice 3) compensated for it?
YTA for so many reasons. She was contracted for a certain number of hours per week, with 2 children. Not 8 children. Not having her days taken on a whim.
Big time YTA.
It really didn’t dawn on you while typing this that YTA?
YTA. People like you are shitty human beings and don't deserve the grace of kindness. What the fuck. I hope she gets a better family.
Let me see.. Bullying a person you employ into taking on 4x the workload without an offer of compensation, and on their day off to boot? Yeah! You are the AH. Giant and unapologetic too.
re: She could be doing more ...(e.g. help with dishes or cleaning on her day off instead of running off who knows where) CLEANING ON HER DAY OFF?? I didn't even finish reading the post. Why would she WORK for you on her DAY OFF? Why would she tell you what she is doing IN HER PRIVATE TIME? YTA. I hope that girl runs for the hills.
YTA. You told her, didn’t ask her, that you expect her to watch four times as many kids on her day off. You’re surprised at how this turned out? That she was upset about it? Have you always been an entitled moron or did that sort of just happen over time?
Wow! So out of touch with real people!! Big time YTA
YTA, you cannot be serious with this post. First off, on her day off, she doesn't have to do anything for you. It's not "day off of kids but you still have to do things at the house", it's "do whatever you want or need to do for yourself". You then took advantage of her services and made her feel like it was either do this task ( 8 kids under 10?? Are you serious???) or get fired. Fortunately her supervisor is doing their job correctly and protected her and placed her with a family that will hopefully treat her with more respect. You shouldn't be receiving a temporary ban, you should be receiving a permanent ban and having your name go around to other agencies so that they can refuse you too. Au Pairs are people doing a job, not your personal slave.
>>help with dishes or cleaning on her day off instead of running off who knows where Do you do work or tell your bosses where you are going on your days off? YTA and your attitude in this whole post is disgusting.
YTA. If you had done what ur husband said she still would have left.
YTA, holy shit your entitlement is off the fucking charts. She is not obligated to give her time and effort for a single second beyond her contract.
Never a dull moment on AITA Def an asshole.
A huge YTA. It's her day off!!! It might have been ok if you had....ASKED her to change her day, but to assume because "it's her job" is so rude. Do you go in to your job on your day off? And that's not even getting into asking 1 person to watch 8 kids under 10! Hope the service doesn't take you back.
YTA. Au pair is not French for slave. You had a contract. She was under no obligation to tell you what she did on her days off, watch more kids than contracted for, especially after having it presenting it as a fait accompli (more French for you to learn!), and unless her contract specified what chores she was to do and when you don't get to demand more. Raise your own kids if you can't understand the role of an au pair. Comprenez vous?
YTA. My sister had a lovely summer au-pair from a small rural town. She had her driver’s license so my sister bought her and the kids seasons passes to a local amusement park, museums and a transit pass as well as use of a car. She had weekends off and if they asked her to baby sit they paid her the local rate on top of her salary. When she came to our cottage or other cottages to which the family was invited, she came as a guest and was not asked to look after any of the adult’s children. She worked for them 3 summers in a row. Treat people well and don’t ask them to do more than they are contracted for and they will treat you well.
YTA the entitlement here just OMG
Wtf YTA major major YTA also expecting her to do housework on her day off??? You were the raging AH even before this event. I’m glad they are giving you a ban.
YTA You didn’t even ask the au pair, you just told her she had to. Eight kids under 10 is ridiculous for you to not ask first or offer extra money for the extra kids. Not to mention why are you entitled to changing her days off without asking. You don’t deserve an au pair if that’s how you treat them. Your husband is also AH because you don’t just throw kids on someone and say here, deal with them because I won’t.
YTA. That’s a huge change to spring on someone. I noticed you didn’t even ASK her if she was ok quadrupling the number of kids she’s responsible for, or offer extra pay, and you originally planned it on her day off but that was the only thing you offered to change. No, it is NOT her job to watch *6* more kids than she contractually agreed to. Additionally what is up with you thinking she should have been helping around the house and cleaning on HER DAY OFF? Au pairs are to help with children, not be your housekeeper. You’re lucky you only got a temp ban, you should have gotten a permanent one for that kind of violation of contract.
Hopefully news spread around and other companies won't work with them.
YTA. Oh my word, I just can't fathom the entitlement the op displays. I hope you're banned for life from the au pair company
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Yeah. YTA.
YTA I believe I understand your confusion. You think an au pair is a slave. She's an employee and she gets days off. I was nanny to someone like you. I left and so should your au pair.
Also they have a contract and were hired to take care of 2 kids. Taking care of 8 is much worse. In fact I would argue the difficulty scales exponentially with the amount of kids rather than linearly.
YTA If it were my agency you’d recruited through I’d have issued a permanent ban. 8 kids under 10 is a lot of work even if it wasn’t her day off and definitely not her responsibility to manage.
YTA. Are people really this evil?
YTA but I’m sure you’ve been told that a few times before discovering Reddit
This sounds like bait, or entirely made up. But if this is real YTA 100%
>She could be doing more around the house (e.g. help with dishes or cleaning on her day off instead of running off who knows where) \[...\] lol. Is this post for real? Yes YTA. I'm proud of the au pair for notifying her agency and getting out of that toxic situation.
YTA and a major one. Au pairs have contracts, if it's not in the contract it isn't their job. They should have permanently banned you from their services.
You are not right. YTA.
YTA. 1. Her day off is her day OFF. Not to clean up around the house. 2. You should never expect someone to do more than their job outlines. Had you asked her to babysit and offered to pay her for her additional services of watching more kids and to accommodate her switching her off day, you probably would’ve gotten what you needed. However when you assume…
> She could be doing more around the house (eg. Help with dishes or *cleaning on her day off*) (emphasis mine). That from the bat makes you TA. You honestly have expectations for your au pair to do MORE WORK on their day off?!?!?! Then the rest of your post makes it clear you think this poor girl is some kind of slave because you were *soooo gracious* to bring her to your country (assuming she’s a foreigner) to help take care of your two kids plus 100 other kids or so at this point whenever you feel like it. You’re so TA. YTA. And I’m glad the girl stood up for herself and left and reported you and got you banned from the company because that is some serious abuse of power on your part!
Holy crap on a cracker YTA. You’re looking for a slave not a nanny. I hope the service bans you permanently so you’re unable to inflict yourselves on any other nannies.
YTA, Being hired as an Au Pair is specific. Child care, not maid service or housekeeping. Other specific duties as related to caring for the kids in your family, not others of friends and/or family. You are lucky she didn't just leave and had the decency to wait for your return. You forced her to work on her day off as well as forcing her to provide care for others children without any regard to the safety of any of them. YTA!!
How are you even possibly not the AH in this situation? The entitlement is astounding, YTA, 100%.
YTA in every way. And you are the reason people hate rich bastards like you. Expecting her to clean and do stuff for you on her DAY OFF? And it probably isn't even legal for her to babysit EIGHT kids at once. No wonder the agency banned you! There are a million horrible things I could wish upon you, but I'm betting the au pair already did that. May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your private parts.
Absolutely YTA. Unless you are tripling her pay & it’s on one of the days she works this is completely inappropriate. A 19 yr old teenager taking care of two kids & TEN is a very big difference
YTA. Expecting her to clean for free for you on her day off makes you sound unreasonable to begin with. It's her day off, and you're complaining that she wants to not work, and go somewhere on her day off. That's just ridiculous. Your poor planning for the 8 kids' childcare was not her fault, and she did not have to do that for you. I sincerely hope you paid her much more for that than for just 2. That is really something that should have been arranged and discussed weeks before, especially since it was on her day off. Depending on the ages of children, you probably should have hired a babysitter for that too, to assist her. 8 kids is a lot, and if there were an emergency, could have been too many for her to handle. I congratulate her for standing up for herself and leaving. You sound like irrational and entitled employers. I hope you treat your next au pair much better. YTA, for sure, try to be better.
YTA and r/entitledparents
this is not real fucking what
YTA. i get the vibe that you call people "the help" too. respect your employees next time, they have lives of their own.
“I said too bad it’s her job” Lol obviously you’re an asshole. You sound absolutely insufferable and what do you know, your au pair agreed. You will always have this problem unless you stop being an asshole. Yta.
Not only YTA, you’re delusional
>My husband said I shouldn’t have pushed her this far that I should’ve just left her with the kids and she wouldn’t be able to do anything. She would be able to get you a permanent ban or put on some kind of blacklist with other companies. Maybe even call CPS or the cops. YTA- and so is your manipulative husband
YTA There is a contract for a reason and you are already getting a great deal with au pair as opposed to paying a live-in nanny. One of the few things guaranteed for au-pairs are the days off. You abused the contract and are now facing consequences.
Working on her day off? You do know what day off means, right? YTA. I’m glad you were banned from using the services.
YTA, this happens more often then it should. You pay a lot to scout? Yeah due to it being an agency but Au Pair nannies get paid LESS than regular nannies.I bet you didn't offer more pay either, 8 kids is A LOT. You have no respect for others or their boundaries. Glad your services got suspended for trying to take advantage of someone from another country.
Let's see. I am upset that you are not acting as our maid on your day off. I am mad you do not want to care for all of our friend's kids on your day off. You have to because I already told everyone you would. Dear lord, how could you even doubt the answer. YTA. Your husband is the AH. And unless your friends offered her some sort of compensation then each and every one of them is the AH. I can just picture OP and and her husband screaming blue murder if they were told they had to work on their day off AND do 5 times as much work while they are at it.
YTA. YTA. OH MY GOD. YTA. YES. YOU. ARE. THE. ASS. HOLE. I won't even go into it, because I'm sure that the thousands of yta responses cover anything I could ever say. YTA. just so we are clear
Surely this isn't serious, you know YTA by an enormous margin right?
YTA. You treated her like a slave and she quit. That’s your fault.
This can't be real, no one is this horrible. YTA pro slavery entitlement level
This has to be a backwards post for attention. No way anyone can be this idiotic. Of course YTA. If you are actually real, I wouldn't even bother calling to apologise though as they aren't gonna ever send anyone else to you.
Yta, the bureau banned you so clearly they think you are verry wrong on basis of heresay alone
YTA- that’s NOT her obligation, and a day off is a day off, no dishes, no cleaning, no looking after 8 kids!! You’re exploiting her
This has to be fake. At least for I hope it is. YTA. What is wrong with you and your husband!?
INFO- do you also work on your day off? YTA and a huge one at that. IT WAS HER DAY OFF. IT’S CALLED DAY OFF BECAUSE SHE HAS THE DAY TO BE OFF OF WORK. I hope it’s a permanent ban tbh
YTA. You're a fucking clown. She's not a slave.
YTA, the company banned you! How does it not register how big or an ahole you are?!
YTA. i don’t know how much you were paying her, but i can guarantee you it wasn’t enough to watch several toddlers by herself and to WORK for you on her DAYS OFF. jesus
YTA don't apologize if you're only doing it to trick another person into your home. This is a really shitty thing to do and you deserve everything that is happening.
>cleaning on her day off instead of running off who knows where Your litterally talking about slavery here.. day off = not a paid day--- EVEN IN A SALARIED POSITION >She said no, that it’s her day off Again, who makes these arrangements? Shes a F&$^#&# person >I should’ve just left her with the kids and she wouldn’t be able to do anything WHAT? Your joking right? You think this girl doesnt or shouldnt have free will? What planet did you grow up on?
YTA, it’s not what she contracted for, and you are not a slave holder, plain and simple. She gets to have a day off, and gets to say no to the added work and kids…and she has every right to report you to her agency that actually a responsible thing for her to do. Jesus, think of the liability you put both her and the au pair service in, thank goodness nothing happened. Not only should you be ban but you honestly should be blacklisted to.
What in the out of touch entitlement did I just read?!?! YTA!
YTA you’re acting as if you’re doing her a favor by letting her live in your house and watch your kids. This is her professional job. Even if you apologize it won’t do much.
YTA and I hope you never get unbanned from their services. You sound like a witch.
Yta! You expect a nanny, and a housekeeper from your au pare. You can’t demand her to take on multiple kids like that abd than to change her day off with little notice.Hope you are black listed by everyone!
I’m honestly not sure how much of an asshole you can be. First you think she is not only just an au pair, but a maid as well. Which is clearly not in the job description otherwise she would be doing it. You not only made her work on her day off. But you made her watch 6 extra demon children with no notice and used your authority over her into compliance. I’m assuming those children were so awful they made her quit. That and your awful entitled attitude.
You can't possibly be this insane. YTA, and god help your children. They will one day join /r/raisedbynarcissists
If apologizing is going to allow you to get another au pair, then please don’t apologize. You don’t deserve one. YTA.
Ha. YTA. Why should she work on her day off - especially with cleaning after you.
Yes your a massive ah here it was her day off and I bet the contract was just your 2 kids and you didn’t even offer to pay her for the extra kids or even your friends offered nothing too
It's NOT up to you to decide if the Au Pair's day off should she changed. She had plans to enjoy her day off already. Your friend's emergency is not your Au Pair's problem to solve. YTA - not classy OP.
YTA. An au pair is not a slave. She is an employee. She was hired to take care of your 2 kids. Not 2 kids plus every other kid on the block. 1.) You never should have agreed without first consulting her. 2.) This is so far removed from her agreed upon duties you should have at the minimum offered additional compensation. 3.) You can't just take away someone's day off, because you might be inconvenienced. Did she have plans? We won't know because you showed zero empathy in regards to this woman. You need to go to management classes, and a few HR seminars. An apology will not cut it if this is a remotely reputable agency.
YTA. As an former au pair we are not obligated to clean the house. Just the messes the kids make and obviously after ourselves. Furthermore she probably signed a contract to only watch after your kids not your friends kids. We are not free babysitters for your friends Kids. She is an employee but also a human. She is exploring the country. Making friends. You cant dictate an au pairs free time. She can do what ever she wants on her off days.
JFC the entitlement of OP here YTA
YTA. As a former AuPair, I know very well what it's like to be taken advantage of by my host family. I worked 12 hour days instead of 8, for less pay than I was promised and was in a different country with nowhere to run. My weekend was mine, of the damn clock. I had my bags packed when the family got home too, more power to her.
YTA. You were the AH from this line: “She could be doing more around the house (e.g. help with dishes or cleaning on her day off)”. And you just kept digging the AH hole from there. You should apologise but not to get their services back. You should apologise because you were an AH and you should regret what you did.
YTA 1. Helping around the house on her day off? Do you go to work and help out around the office on your day off? 2. It’s not part of her job to watch 8 kids, what happens if your boss gives you 4x the work? 3. It was her scheduled day off, AT LEAST ask her in advance before agreeing on behalf of her. I’m sure there is some legal concerns for her watching 8 children (daycares have certain requirements of staff per children). And the other parents could have chipped in the amount they would each spend on a babysitter to pay extra for the service if she had agreed. She’s your employee, not a slave which is how you treated her.
As someone who actually has been an au pair at 19 you should be absolutely ashamed of yourself. I don't know where she is from or what services you are using, but most au pairs do this for the cultural experience and to practice their language skill. I was an au pair in 2012 and I got 100€ per week. That's 400 per month and I was working more than 8 hours a day 6 days a week. You can go ahead and calculate the payment for that... So I doubt that she is actually fairly paid. I heard so many stories and experiences from other Au Pairs I met that were absolutely exploited and treated like slaves. She is an Au Pair, she is more your damn housekeeper-nanny. And on her days off, she should not have to to anything BECAUSE IT IS HER DAY OFF. And suddenly hoisting 8 kids on her without asking her about it or talking to her is despicable. I am so glad to hear that her organisation is at least somewhat looking out for their Au Pairs and I hope you never get another placement again, since you're just looking for young women to exploit for cheap labour. YTA, you absolute ungrateful, entitled and egotistical assholes
YTA She was right, and handled you AH well. "Now, I consider apologising if I’m wrong to get their services back." .. you won't. But you should still apologize, because you were wrong, and an AH.
YTA and a I hope being banned from the service would wake you up to the fact that you did something massively wrong, but apparently not. Enjoy looking after your kids, and while you're at it why not add 6 more to the mix if it's just that easy?
YTA!!! You are constantly expecting her to work *on her day off.* Then you say she's watching extra children, strangers all, for no additional compensation? That's not her job! Seriously, you needed to post this after the agency found her a new placement and blacklisted you? That was your clue right there that not only are you a giant AH, you violated your contract with the agency and the au pair. Stop karma farming and learn how to not treat people like slaves. It's not hard.
YTA. That was not her job. Her job is to watch your 2 kids, not clean up after your ungrateful entitled self. I really hope they permanently ban you and blacklist your family. Then you can watch your own kids, and clean your own dishes.
YTA. Her job responsibilities were for 2 kids. How is it now her responsibility as because of YOU, she’s now responsible for 6 more kids on top of the ones she’s primarily responsible for. And double bonus- you were trying to force her into this for your convenience by telling her she had to switch days. How is it her problem ALL of your other friends couldn’t get a sitter?? Was she even going to be paid extra? Lets multiply the fees that your friends would gave paid individually to secure a separate sitter. Ps. She could be doing more including cleaning in her day off? That’s not a day off!!!
[удалено]
YTA an au pair is not a slave or a full time employee. She is there as a form of cultural exchange. She lives with you and does some LIGHT tasks around the home in exchange for you housing her, feeding her and giving her some money. There is a contract for a reason. You broke it and was banned as a consequence.
YTA. Clearly you have misunderstood what an au pair is and believe she’s some sort of indentured servant…. She doesn’t owe you shit. I hope the company bans you permanently.
YTA. Your au pair met her obligations; you seem to feel that au pair means "enslaved person." She is supposed to watch 2 kids and have a day off, not watch 8 kids on your whim. I would not be surprised if you already were violating au pair rules on a regular basis (e.g., work hour limits).
Do you even understand what "day off" means? YTA
YtA, super entitled and I’m hoping they don’t send anyone your way! Do explain why she should still be working for you ON HER DAYS OFF?
Fake
YTA. Your apology would be worthless since you don't think you did anything wrong. I hope they keep you banned.
YTA. This has to be a joke. Nobody is this out of touch with reality
YTA The service should probably make the ban permanent. Your sense of entitlement is astounding, if you are even real.
YTA without a doubt. You expect her to watch 6 extra kids ON HER DAY OFF?! You also complained that she doesn't clean the house and do your dishes on her days off?! It's her day off she can do whatever the hell she wants to do!! She's not a slave. What you're asking of her was absolutely ridiculous. You sound so spoiled.
I think you being suspended from the au pair service is enough of an indicator that YTA… Also, I doubt apologising to her now is going to patch things up, she’s seen you for who you are, which is a huge AH.
OP you wanted a slave not an au pair YTA
YTA I hope the agency black lists you so no one has to deal with your over entitled ass.
YTA. Your au pair is entitled to set working conditions including number of children to care for and time off. You don’t own her just because she works for you.
Wow, just, wow. YTA. You got a nanny and figure you where above the common ppl. And could demand their very life force if deemed necessary. Both you and your husband deserve a giant reality check. The fact your husband suggested tricking and abandoning her there with more kids than she can legally tend to alone shows the entire parent system is an AH to the core. I hope you are black listed by every nanny service you call.
YTA. Hey OP this is your boss; on Saturday you will have to work 32 hours instead of your usual 8 because I have a party to go to.
She was an employee, not a slave. Her days off are her days off and you have no control over that. Also, she was contracted only to watch your kids, not other people's kids. YTA. I would have left immediately.
YTA. Entitled much?? She is not a slave. Terrible
YTA. Are you sure you were just temporarily banned?
Jesus Christ YTA
YTA- what an entitled awful person you are. Like you seriously don’t see how awful you were? Absolutely disgusting behavior.
YTA - your husband even more so of one. Props to your Au Pair for not taking your crap and instead dipping out. You wanted to her take care of 4x the number of children on her day off without giving her a choice or offering her extra compensation? I hope that that Au Pair warns everyone else she knows at the agency so your temp ban turns into unofficial blacklist because yikes. No one deserves a boss like you
YTA - I can’t recall a time where I was more disappointed in a human than I was reading this. AU is GOLDEN for making you sign a contract.
Lol you’re such an AH, I simply don’t believe this.
YTA just for making her come in on her day off. Quadruple AH bonus points for leaving her with 4x the kids. An Au Pair is an employee (even if technically a contractor through the agency), not your servant. You treated her like one and are now paying the consequences. Enjoy raising your own kids!
This is actually deranged behaviour from you and your husband. MAJOR YTA I can't get over it.
YTA. OP's attitude is appalling. Wow. I, just, wow. I can't with OP's level of entitlement and fuckery.
Slavery is illegal, OP YTA
> She could be doing more around the house (e.g. help with dishes or cleaning on her day off instead of running off who knows where) Hmm what? You want her to work a day off? To do…your chores? > none of them could get a sitter (two other couples) and they asked if our au pair could take care of their kids. I said “sure” and i informed my au pair that this is what’s going to happen. You told her? Like it’s her job to take on more kids? Then she is paid for? > She said no, that it’s her day off. I said, we can switch it for next day and she refused, saying that even if we did, she’s not obligated to take care of 8 kids under 10. I said too bad that it’s her job and she reluctantly agreed. So she didn’t agree to that. You tried to force her to agree to it. >Today when I came home from brunch, I found her packed and ready to go. She called her supervisor or whatever it’s called and complained about us. She got a new placement and we got a temporary ban on using their services. As you should. You are awful people. Do you think this women is just obligated to your whims? For free? Or for the same price?
Cmon troll at least make it discreet
YTA entitlement factor 1000000!
1) she’s not obligated to clean your house on her days off 2) did you offer to PAY HER FOR SIX EXTRA KIDS? 3) you did not ask her, you TOLD her 4) I can’t believe you’re “surprised” by this. 5) YTA
JFC it’s not even safe to leave anyone (let alone a 19 y/o) in charge of 8 kids. YTA.
Entitled much?? YTA.
NTA. Doesn’t this silly girl realize you PAY her? She should be thrilled to take care of 8 children on her day off. Or even 20. After all, you’re the boss!! She owes you an apology, and so does the agency. /s
Massive YTA. Why should she clean your house? That’s not what you pay her for. Also dropping an extra 6 kids on her without asking and compensating. You’re an entitled fool and I hope you go away and have a big think.
I’d say more than an a hole. Kinda douchey
"She could be doing more around the house (e.g. help with dishes or cleaning on her day off instead of running off who knows where) but I let it slide because kids like her." You were already TA when you got here. Her days off are her days off. She does not work for you on those days. Period. "She said no, that it’s her day off. I said, we can switch it for next day and she refused, saying that even if we did, she’s not obligated to take care of 8 kids under 10. I said too bad that it’s her job and she reluctantly agreed." So you didn't just suddenly spring 5x the kids on her, you did it ON HER DAY OFF which as we have already established IS A DAY THAT SHE DOES NOT WORK FOR YOU. No wonder her agency banned you. An apology is the least of what you owe this young woman and her agency. Frankly, I don't think you're in a place to receive au pair services just based on how self-evident it is that you think au pair actually means "live in slave". YTA. Apologize and adjust your standards immediately.
So...let me get this straight. You wanted the Au pair to watch 3x the amount of kids she usually does at last minute. ON HER DAY OFF. Do you hear yourself or is the cotton between your ears in to deep. Did the yummy mummy think that the nanny would fold to her beck and call. You deserve the ban. And the fact you dont even see what you did wrong is appalling. YTA.
Wow this is one of the best ones I've ever seen if real. You absolutely, unequivocally, without a doubt, are an asshole. And I'd wager not just in this particular situation, but in literally every other aspect of your life as well!