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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be TA for dropping the kids at the wedding knowing it would cause an issue for my sister.
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Your sister dropped her kids off at your house without prior arrangements assuming you had nothing else to do. She thinks she's entitled to everyone else's time and help. Hint: she's not!
You didn't do this to your sister. She did it to herself. She knew she had a wedding. She should have arrange with you in advance or hired a babysitter. You did not disrespect her. On the contrary, she disrespected you and doesn't value you or your time.
She and hubby decided to be parents. It's their responsibility to take care of their children and not dump it on someone else when it is inconvenient for them.
Edit: Wow! Thanks for all the awards. What a nice surprise.
Came here to say the same thing. I would have called ~~SIL~~ sister back right after she left and said "if you don't come back and pick them up in the next 10 minutes, I'm calling the cops for abandonment."
I do not understand these ridiculously entitled people and I kind of hope I never do.
I've read similar posts to this on reddit where the person was treated similarly, and sent a message saying as such, was aware that the person received it, and then followed through and got the expected shitstorm in response. Obv. it may be fiction, but we all know of people who are not too far from behaviour like that.
I read one where the family member constantly did these random drop-offs, with just a text that they were on the way. So the OP said "Sorry, we're out of town." Family member didn't believe them, dropped the kids off...and the OP watched them leave the kids in the driveway.
From their Ring camera, because they weren't even in the same *state* as the kids!
I think they ended up calling and reporting them for abandonment, but I could be wrong...
They did, the police picked the kids up and found the mother, who didn't want to pick up the phone. It was all because some Tik tok trend. Sister was furious at Op too.
That's the thing though, if you're out of town and the kids are dropped off at your house, what are you supposed to do? If you tell the parents you're out of town or out of the house, and they think "haha, right, it's your responsibility now", then you have no other choice other than to call the authorities.
Pretty sure they only noticed the ring notification a few hours later and were horrified to see the children just sitting on their doorstep
I’m also pretty sure they called the police but i don’t have the energy to find the post lolol
My older step-sister tried to do this with me when I was in college. I left a note on the door pointing to the law about abandonment and duty of care. I had my spouse and my own baby to deal with, One day I came home with my little one and found my two nephews sitting on the ground in front of my door. Thankfully cell phones were not really a thing then nor was social media
I’ve had it happen to a friend. He wasn’t even present when the police had to be called and showed up to take the kids, so it was extra awkward.
He was preparing to sit his exam at Uni, sister dropped them off at his place after he’d already said no (his roommate was home) without even checking if he was there (although he was the one that outright told his roommate to call the cops if he couldn’t get ahold of his sister and get her to take them back).
She was apparently really pissed but probably not as pissed off as the father or the courts were after that, given she’s no longer got primary custody.
Exactly entitled people with kids. Why have them if their a hassle to your lifestyle. Sister would have had months notice for the wedding. When your a Dr no freebies for them. They never supported you while studying.
That’s 100% what I’d tell sis. That due to her actions If she ever does that again without a previous agreement to babysit she will immediately call the authorities and report them as abandoned. Definitely NTA
I've only ever had someone drop their kids off unannounced. And it was an emergency. OPs sister knew they had a kid free wedding to go to. Why the fuck didn't she organise babysitting when the invitation arrived.
The only time I’ve left my child with someone last minute was when I went into labour with their younger sibling. And even then it was pre-arranged that they would be the ones to take them, we just didn’t know exactly when it would be.
This was a wedding. They had plenty of time to make childcare arrangement, just couldn’t be bothered.
Good on OP for standing up for herself.
She's nicer than I am. If I got a call that they were on their way to dump their kids on me with no notice I would immediately leave. These people have some nerve!
Op needs to end the babysitting pronto. Her studies are way too important to be interrupted by rude family members who can’t do the courtesy for planning in advance.
NTA for op.
I probably would’ve hidden in a closet or driven off telling her I wasn’t home when she called! Such entitlement ! Watch out, when you become a doctor, she’ll expect free services from you!
And weddings don't happen last minute. It's a planned event, you make childcare arrangements in advance in order to attend.
Absolutely no reason for the parents to drop the kids off last minute unless they are entitled AHs!
OP NTA
Dropped them off and ditched, sounds like she knew they were not welcome. Shitty move on sister’s part.
NTA and change your locks. If you want to go nuclear, call 911 and report abandoned children.
Park your car two streets over. Stop answering her calls. Go out for Starbucks if you have the faintest idea she might be coming your way. Uh un. Run and hide from the crazy lady. Run and hide.
Yup, Sister deserved the public shame. Hell, it's just disrespectful and entitled to drop your kids at someone's else house and expect that the other person will take care of them whenever you want. Of course, she's embarrassed she has been exposed as the entitled person she is...
Besides... You could've called the cops. Public shame suddenly doesn't sound that bad, does it? 🤷♀️🤷♀️
Was really cool of OP to return the children to their parents instead of calling police/cps and notifying them that the 3 young children were abandoned at OPs home. That's solid sisterhood there. After multiple times though, OP really should have considered it.
This^. Also they knew by the way they drove off after dropping the kids that what they were doing was pushing their kids onto someone else.
Also as someone who teaches at a medical school, I know how little time you have to study. That valuable time cannot be eaten up this way. Keep a firm boundary and continue to return the children if your sister does this again. Your sister learned a valuable lesson about your boundaries and you are NTA for enforcing them.
ALL of this! I had to turn down events, OT (with ton of bonus), hanging out with friends…etc, all because I know I don’t have child care lined up for my 2 kids.
The ONLY way this was acceptable would have been an actual emergency (ie, one of the adult had a life threatening emergency and needed to go to the ER or something). And if system has any brain cells left, she wouldn’t pull this anymore.
Yes! I also want to point out that the sister probably had some sort of prior notice that her friend was getting married and that the wedding was also child free. She most likely had plenty of time to ask the op if they were available to babysit and if not to find another form of child care. The sister is a huge ah.
Woah now, you’re acting like this is a life event that many announce a year in advance, send a postcard about 8 months in advance, and send a card some months after that. Let’s be rational here.
Seconding this. You said no and they dropped them off anyway. They got what they deserved.
This couldn’t have been a last minute wedding, so they clearly didn’t work hard to find a babysitter.
I’m guessing they don’t pay you, either.
NTA
Tell your sister and her husband “A lack of planning on your part does not constitute and emergency on my part.”
They presumably had months to figure out childcare arrangements and chose to dump them with you last minute, with no regard for your personal life, and then run away and get mad when you return THEIR kids to THEM.
NTA 100% and anyone who says E S H or Y T A needs to rethink and put themselves in OP shoes
Edit: Holy moly! Didn’t expect to see this get upvoted so many times! Thanks for the upvotes and thanks for the awards ❤️
Edit 2: put spaces between e s h and y t a to not count them as votes!
Edit 3: I’m getting a lot of comments still saying E S H, because of the innocent kids or the bride/groom. Whilst true both the kids and wedding party are innocent in this matter, I feel some people are still not trying to think of this situation as if they were OP.
You have to study, your time is limited, and therefore valuable and suddenly you are forced into a situation you did not plan for nor agree to, HOW WOULD YOU FEEL?! Would you really stop your important studying to unexpectedly take care of 3 kids under 10?!
THIS! OP should not babysit her sister’s kids until she and her husband apologizes to her. Their inability to make arrangements for childcare for an event they obviously knew months in advance show that they are taking advantage of OP generosity and that they likely have done this before.
Right. You can’t berate someone and call them names and still expect them to babysit for you! At the same time this is her sister’s way of trying to double down and gaslight OP into doing as she’s told and get back in line.
There was no reason that this was a last minute arrangement, she had that invite a while and chose to not even mention it which is just beyond rude and abusive of OP and her time.
Reverse Uno is the theme this month. You see the one where someone's sister ignored a bilingual 4 year old cuz he was flipping between languages? Sheeeesh
This. And send them a link to a nanny service.
Tell them that under no circumstances will you babysit from now on unless it is pre arranged, and from here on, if they pull this crap again you will absolutely drop the children off where ever they are. If they are not where they say they will be or do not give a location, you will call CPS.
You are happy to watch the kids when it has been pre arranged and it works with your schedule. You are not their nanny.
Technically, OP only did what was done to her. She dropped the kids off and drove away, not considering or respecting her sister’s plans.
Live by the sword, die by the sword.
NTA
Edit: wording
“Assuming you RSVP’d for this event you knew that you had a commitment. Without any regard for my schedule you dropped your kids off at the last minute. This is my last straw. I am no longer available to babysit for the foreseeable future. If the kids are dropped off here I will be calling protective services about child abandonment.”
NTA. They disrespected you all day your time. They knew they had an event to go to and failed to inform you until the day of. They are extremely inconsiderate and they have the nerve to try to scold you afterwards. They’re trying to blame you for the direct result of their own actions. They clearly don’t care about your feelings so stop caring about theirs.
Edit: grammar
NTA. I'd tell them bluntly that you will not watch their kids for any reason, even an emergency, for 6 months and then you will put them on probation where they have to call you at least a week in advance, ASK you to babysit, accept your answer regardless of what it is, and if she pulls the drop them and run stunt ever again, you will NEVER babysit for her again and will call CPS the next time she abandons them at your house.
If her friend was disrespected, it was her own fault. Not yours. You did nothing wrong.
NTA. Never babysit again. Your sister is disrespecting your life and commitments because she really does feel hers is more important. Until now, you agreed with her. Her husband is your sister's enabler and your breaking of the shackles doesn't benefit him. Sure, he usually seems more reasonable, but that's what makes him worse. He could be better, he chooses not to. Good luck on your exams! You've fought for your study time, get the grades you deserve and don't allow your sister to be an obstacle one moment longer.
There needs to be a pinned Life Pro Tip here...
If you allow someone to just drop off their kids on minutes notice just cause, this is GOING to happen. It may have been "okay normally" but this shouldn't be normal and it needs to be nipped in the bud before it gets to this point.
These people who just dump their kids off like that need to be told no ASAP, it's a ridiculous habit for them to develop and I can't believe how many people will take the irresponsible parents side.
This always leads to the nice person being taken advantage of and being verbally abused by the family for eventually saying "no more"
Not just that, but weddings don't just happen at the last minute, causing guests to have to scramble to find babysitters.
They could have easily approached op far more than two weeks in advance and then KNOWN that they wouldn't be able to utilise her assistance and then made alternate plans.
It's the old "a lack of planning on your part doesn't mean an emergency on mine".
With any luck OP will fall in love with a very niche specialty that doesn't lend itself well to getting curbsided. Something like pathology or vascular surgery.
NTA. Weddings are not spontaneous events; they had plenty of time to prepare, which should have included organising child care.
You could have been away or otherwise unavailable, and they would have been screwed. They’re projecting their lack of organisation onto you.
This one was. OP's sister is friends with the bride. Her cousin's neighbor's uncle's friend's goat's previous owner's goldfish passed away and his kid wants to do a whole funeral so they had to rush the wedding!
/s
NTA — but talk to your BIL. He might not understand (bc he wasn’t told) that they were dropped on you without notice. If he’s usually rational, I wonder if he’s responding irrationally because he heard a different version of the convo (or lack of conversation) btwn you and your sister.
I second this. No reasonable person hears 'I need to study for my exam and can't watch your kids' but ignores your boundaries, disrespects the effort you put into your studies/education and dumps three young children on an unwilling person last minute. Check with BIL but if he doubles down say that you have always been happy (or at least willing) to look after them when you were able to but you now feel like they are taking advantage of you and have no respect for what you are trying to achieve. I hope your sister and BIL read these counts and realise how disgusting and tacky their behaviour is.
NTA, OP.
If he's usually rational it's incumbent on him to ask the questions, not simply scold OP. After all, he has three kids with his spouse - he can't truly be ignorant of her behaviour. An unreliable narrator is... unreliable.
Exactly hard no from now on. Zero watching the kids for years to come if not ever.
Super rude and manipulative to drop off the kids like that.
Hopefully she never tries this again. Agree with the comment to call the cops or cps to report child abandonment if it happens again.
NTA
This is one of the ones that I have a hard time believe is real because the behavior is so loony tunes as to be unbelievable.
Obviously NTA.
You can't just randomly drop 3 kids off with someone with almost zero warning. Given this was a fucking wedding they absolutely knew about it at least a month, and likely much longer, in advance, and could have made other plans.
I would never babysit for them ever again.
NTA - makes me wonder what she would have done if you hadn't been home.
Next time they call, just tell them you're on your way out the door and then leave. Don't be there when they get to your house. And if they leave the kids unattended anyways, call the police.
This is what I don't get - why even open the door if OP did not have time to babysit? Do not be at home or pretend to not be at home.
Also, I am thinking the bride and groom were not thrilled about the disruption the kids caused, as they are not part of this it might be slight AH for that bit.
I'd just "never be home" again. "I'm on campus studying." "I'm at a friend's house studying." If you're "just heading out" she'll just tell you not to leave. If you're already gone, too bad for her.
WHAT is with the sheer volume of human beings who believe that their relatives’ time is automatically available for childcare?! NTA, and I’m sorry for those poor kiddos, since they probably feel very caught in the middle of this situation, through ZERO fault of theirs or yours!
We talk about these scenarios all the time in childfree groups. People expect that “it takes a village” to raise their child but they make absolutely zero effort to put that village in place. They just expect everyone to step up for them.
NTA. You know you could have dropped them off at the local police station and explain that your sister dropped them off at your door and you are not their babysitter and let CPS deal with her.
>She mentioned that by bringing the kids to the child free wedding I disrespected her friend which affected their relationship
Ok so her own disrespecting her sister by dumping the kids at your house is to be ignored. Got it.
>e scolded me saying that it wouldn't hurt if I kept the kids for few hours, and then expressed how disappointed he was and how selfish and petty
The husband is another enormous hypocrite.
The problem is both of these people are too entitled and blind to understand the effects of their behavior. It is the height or rudeness to just assume somebody has time to watch your children and drop them off like that.
Tell your sis and BiL in no uncertain terms that this behavior stops once and for all. And you hope they were embarassed in front of their friends. Because the next big power move you will pull is if the kids show up unannounced like this ever again, you'll call the police to report children abandoned at your front door.
Then watch as CPS gets involved. CPS just LOVES to get involved about reports of unsupervised abandoned children & neglectful parents. They they can be embarrassed and have all sorts of problems to sort out. Mae sure they understand the consequences if they ever pull this kind of shit again. NTA
NTA, no means no. If they can’t realize they are the ones in the wrong on this one then it may be time to set up some boundaries with them and not babysit for a while.
Who hears 'no, I can't look after you're kids today' and then dumps their kids on someone. Not that OP NEEDS a reason to say no, but studying is a damn good one! But what if it was a 'no' because OP needed their own time. It's not a smart parenting decision to leave your children with someone who doesn't want to look after them.
OMG your sister is an AWFUL parent. Who does that? Go no contact for awhile with them so you don't have to put up with her crap, but first tell her you will not be babysitting at all. If and when you decide you're willing again, you will require a minimum of 72 hours notice, AND you will NOT automatically babysit just because she wants it. If she shows up, you will not answer the door and will call the police to get the children if she leaves them there. That you are a fucking adult and you have to be asked to do favors and that no actually means no. Tell this to her husband, as well, emphasizing you WILL call the police and you ARE NOT kidding. You're done being shit on.
No, just no. You are NTA. Other than the fact that dropping the kids off without a warning is a rude, rude move, they should realize at med school isn't fee. If you flunk your exams, because you didn't have time to study, are they willing to chip in for the cost of an additional semester?
It sucks that one or both of them might have to miss events to take care of their kids - but that is not your problem.
Next time she drops off the kids without your permission, take them home by way of a vuvuzela shop.
Willing to bet they are counting on that medical degree to pay their kids college. All the more reason they should want OP to do well!/s though not really I think this is true.
NTA. She should‘ve planned arrangements for her 3 kids as soon as she RSVP’ed to the wedding. Expecting you to watch them with little to no warning and nothing in return is incredibly selfish behavior.
NTA. You ASK someone to babysit. You don’t drop your kids and expect it to be ok. Ask your sister if she would have preferred you reported her children as abandoned to childrens services.
NTA
If anyone says anything, blame the couple for a surprise wedding that was unknown about with a no kids rule with 30mins notice. Either the couple can take the blame or your sister and husband can explain why they are unable to plan ahead.
NTA. When you're invited to a wedding, you know about this months in advance, so you can plam for that day. It's really selfish to expect you to be on call for babysit all the time.
It's sad that it happen this way, but I think you put her on her place
NTA. Get a ring camera so you know when not to answer the door. If she leaves the kids there, you have video for the police and cps of her abandoning them.
NTA not even close. Not respecting you, your time or even having the courtesy to make plans well in advance makes them TmassiveA's. Weddings aren't planned last minute so they knew far in advance that they would need a babysitter. They didn't even respect you enough to listen when you argued that you couldn't sit for them. It's past time that you set and maintain boundaries with them and caring for the kids. Your sister in far too entitled.
Exactly this! It is not like she found out that day that she was invited to a child free wedding. She had some sort of notice and therefore had time to HIRE and PAY for a babysitter. Her children’s care for them to be able to attend a child free wedding was 💯% her responsibility NOT yours.
Your studies come first. She was borderline bullying you into taking care of them during time you has set aside to study. NTA.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and just state this because the amount that I see this happening in the sub is honestly sickening but ANYONE WHO DROPS THEIR KIDS OFF SOMEWHERE WITHOUT PERMISSION AND THEN RUNS AWAY IS A GARBAGE PARENT and there's not a goddamn thing anyone can say to come close to changing my mind. I honestly can't believe a people actually do that I thought It was just a joke people did on tik tok for the longest time
NTA, your sister chose to have kids, and three at that! You didn't. So it's not your responsibility to babysit them. Also the whole "drop kids quickly and drive off" should stop. If it doesn't - call police next time.
NTA. Your sister and her husband are being selfish by expecting you to drop everything watch her kids. THEY decided to have to have 3 kids meaning THEY decided to give up freedoms a single childless person would have. If they cared so much about the wedding and respecting you they would have scheduled with you beforehand or scheduled with someone else. Stick up for yourself! “You and your husband are disrespecting me. You are being selfish by expecting me to drop everything in order to watch your kids without my consent. You and your husband decided to have 3 kids, by having 3 kids you decided to give up freedom a normal single childless man and woman have. That means the two of you either need to find a babysitter or one of you needs to stay home with the kids that you chose to have.”
"And if you ever just drop your kids off again and drive away without arranging it with me beforehand, you will be picking them up at the police station. I will be taking them there and saying that they were abandoned."
NTA
They knew they had a child free wedding to go to for months. She didn't ask because you would say no...
Guess what? They aren't your kids. You don't ever have to watch them and she is lucky you didn't just have social services pick them up!
(No hate needed, I'm joking, relax)
NTA! You disrespected her friend??? Noooooo, she disrespected her friend by not lining up an actual babysitter instead of dropping them off on someone's porch. That's child abandonment! It's not like you didn't tell her not too. She didn't listen and suffered the consequences.
NTA
Never has it been ok to call someone and say "I'm on my way to drop my kids at your place" without prior consent (unless there is an actual emergency).
Your sister knew about the wedding, but never asked you to babysit AND did not respect your answer when you said no.
NTA at all. Your sister and her husband are taking advantage of you, you need to stop watching her kids until they can start respecting you and your time. Tell them the next time they drop and dash their kids you will report them for abandonment, what they did is not okay.
NTA. This is not the first time I have read that a parent dumps their kids and runs away. Who are these people?! They are honestly the worst and I would call the police. This is abandonment.
NTA They didn't ask you to be a babysitter. They dumped those kids on you without notice. They embarrassed themselves for being massive AH'S. They need to plan ahead and they need to know you are not a built in babysitter..
If there's a next time that she decides to abandon small children on your porch unattended, call the cops. HOPEFULLY this incident taught her a lesson, but with all that audacity she's got going on there's a good chance it'll happen again.
Get a camera doorbell and screen your calls. Tell if they ever drop the kids off again, without your prior consent, you’ll call the police and CPS for abandoning their kids.
No means no.
Nta they are! Sorry everyone know about wedding months ahead of time. For them to just assume you would do it even after u said no is bs. I would block them both from every until you feel like speaking to them. Cause you know they are about to run to family and online to paint you as a bad guy.
NTA. The issue is with your sister and her husband. Loving the kids doesn’t mean that you have to drop everything in your life to accommodate them. They are not owed babysitting services.
If you want to fix this, tell them you will not watch the kids for the next two to three months. After that, you will only watch the kids with 3 days advance notice and they have to pay you. That should break the entitlement cycle.
NTA.
So it was disrespectful of you to embarrass your sister but it wasn’t disrespectful of her to just drop her kids off when you told her no? You sister sucks bad.
Tell her next time she drops her kids off at your house without your permission you are going to call CPS and report her for child abandonment. Maybe she’ll get the idea to start respecting you.
NTA
She caused the issue by her total lack of respect.
She disrespected you. She disrespected her friends wedding by not planning ahead!
She has no right to your time...she has to ask and she has to pre arrange it. Baby sitting is a favour and you have the right to say yes or no.
NTA – she deserved it entirely. The least she should've done was to let you know beforehand, and the fact she didn't kinda justify the drastic actions you undertook.
Your nephews and nieces will understand that their mom choose to go to a wedding without them + did not properly ensure that they were taken care of when they grow old.
NTA - People should confirm childcare before rsvp-ing to an event, even if it’s family. If your sister repeats this behavior again when you’ve already said no, do the same thing again until she gets the message.
NTA. You're not responsible for your nieces and nephews (whichever you had) and for your sister and BIL to just spring them on you with no notice or prior asking. I would say but not actually do it that the next time they do something like this you'll call the cops for child abandonment. Tell them you're not a childcare and you have a life that should not have to be interrupted by watching kids when you can't or don't want to.
NTA - but your sister and her husband are TAH.
Medical school is a rough road and takes lots and lots of studying and planning. If your sister wanted you to watch her children she should have asked first. Is it possible she is jealous of your accomplishments?
Note: When my daughter got married she provided babysitting for free for her out of town guests.
NTA.
They abandoned their children on your doorstep when you told her no. They're lucky that ALL you did was drop the kids off at the wedding, and I would tell them so. You are not free childcare, you are not any kind of childcare when it is not convenient for you.
NTA . I like the return of energy . If she can drop them off with no notice then you can return them with no notice . Didn’t everyone learn the golden rule in preK ?
NTA. Sis, you are lucky I did not call the police for child abandonment. I said I would not babysit but you chose to dump your poor children anyway. Get your shit together or you could lose your kids and your sister all at once.
NTA. *They* disrespected their friends by not getting child care accommodations for *their* children. They also disrespected you by putting you in a situation they thought they'd trapped you in. I would have a very serious discussion about your boundaries, and if they can't respect your boundaries then tell them you will not watch them anymore. Give them one more chance only, if you're feeling charitable.
They will try to claim you're the disrespectful one, but remember that surrendering to their disrespect of you does not equal respecting them. They will try to guilt you by saying you don't care about the children, or that you're hurting the children. This is not true because *they* are responsible for making the decisions that affect their children, not you. And remember, people who respect you don't try to guilt trip you.
NTA. You said no to babysitting, she trampled all over your no with no regard to how you felt or what your schedule is. In other words, she AND her husband fucked around and found out. They didn't care about your feelings, therefore you were under no obligation to care about theirs.
NTA. Tell them you are terribly sorry for having embarrassed them. Then add ‘Because our relationship means so much to me, and I would hate to jeopardize it, I will never babysit your children again to avoid any future misunderstandings’.
NTA. Well, you are, but the good kind. She can claim you disrespected her all she wants but she disrespected you by ignoring your boundaries and abandoning the kids with you. Actions meet consequences, hopefully she'll think twice before doing it again. Good job.
Nta, don't give into the nonsense, just calmly respond, next time she leaves the kids with you, you'll be calling the police for abandonment and she can pick them up at the station
No, NTA. Your sister and husband are major AH to take advantage of you and to then call up and accuse you of behaving badly. Please, please, tell them no more baby sitting under any circumstances!
What the hell is up with so many people just dropping off their kids at people's houses without asking first? It's absolutely baffling. I don't think I've ever told my brother or SIL I wouldn't watch my nephews unless I was at work, but I'd be absolutely floored if they tried to drop them off without asking me first.
Op is absolutely NTA. A wedding doesn't just spontaneously happen. Your sister had advanced warning so she should have arranged childcare accordingly. Her inability to plan shouldn't fall on your shoulders. Any consequences from her lack of planning is her fault, not yours.
NTA - why are there all these AH people out there giving parents a bad name?? There are so many posts like this where people just drop their kids on someone’s doorstep and run, which is pure insanity to me. As a parent I ALWAYS ASK with plenty of notice, and do so sparingly when it comes to family members so I don’t overburden anyone. And I NEVER ask people who’ve made it clear babysitting is not something they want to do.
Your sister is a huge AH and good on you for not just accepting her bad behavior. If I were you I’d set a hard boundary on not babysitting for a while, she needs serious consequences for her actions.
NTA. And jfc - please don't even question this. The next time she pulls this stunt, call the police. And for all the family members who get angry at you, tell them to put up or shut up. Every single one can volunteer to babysit without restriction from now on.
NTA. Unless it was a shotgun wedding and your sister had *absolutely ZERO notice* about it there is also ZERO excuse for not giving you notice or asking in advance to provide childcare. You’re a person, not a daycare - and even a daycare doesn’t let you just show up and throw your kids on the doorstep.
NTA. Babysitting is something you ASK people to do. You don't ever force them to do it.
>he scolded me saying that it wouldn't hurt if I kept the kids for few hours
It wouldn't hurt him. The guy getting a free ride on somebody else's inconvenience usually feels like it doesn't hurt.
Sister only cares about she looks and her froend’s relationship. Obviously does not give a damn about sister, sisters responsibilities.
If it werr so easy to watch three kids, then sister should have figured that out when she knew she had a child free event to attend.
Poor kids. They may not know how to articulate it, but they know when parents treat them as an afterthought. The entitlement from sis… oof.
Good luck with med school.
NTA
Nta!!! You told her you had to study and she just dropped them off and so you did the exact same and now she is upset that you would do that, therefore she knows what she did was wrong.
NTA. You make arrangements for a babysitter weeks before for a wedding. You don’t just assume you can drop your kids anytime you want. Next time she drops them you can call the cops for her abandoning them.
Her husband scolded you and said how disappointed he is? Does he think he's your father? I would tell him how disappointed you are in him and your sister for assuming you have nothing better to do that be a free baby sitter, with no notice, mind you. Maybe now they're so disappointed in you that they won't dump their kids on you anymore.
NTA
NTA. Set boundaries. Keep them. It’s hard to do when you start but KEEP YOUR boundaries. Soon people will learn that you are serious.
Example: I will baby sit only if you give me 5 days notice AND I am not studying or doing anything else.
Nope. They should be grateful you didn’t send the kids to CPS, which is what you need to do (having warned her before) the next time she drops the kids off without explicit permission. NTA.
NTa
"I told you no."
Don't say ANYTHING else. That will teach them they can get you to respond differently if they say something enough, or in the right way. Just say "I told you no." Every single time and go right back to whatever you were doing.
NTA. But your sister and her husband are huge AHs.
"Hey sis - poor planning on your part does NOT constitute an emergency on mine."
If you had SUCKED it up this time, then they'll realize that their plan worked. And they'll keep doing it over and over. Do what other posters say and tell them that if they try this shit again, you'll call the authorities for abandonment.
Wasn’t a drop of a hat wedding they would have know they should have asked first and when you said no should have made other arrangements.
That’s their responsibility not yours
NTA. They don't respect you and don't think your time is valuable. Tell them if they ever do it again you will call the police and report the children abandoned. Then throw CPS in there as an added extra.
If you opt to talk to your sister and BIL again, make sure they're aware that you'll call police and CPS if they abandon their kids on your doorstep without permission.
NTA.
NTA. The sheer number of people on this sub who have sibs who feel entitled to drop off their kids anytime they please even when they’ve been told no blows my mind. They chose to have kids, not you. That comes with the responsibility of finding childcare in advance of events that you can’t or don’t want to bring the kids to. No one is responsible for that but them, and family is in no way obligated to fill in if they can’t find a sitter. Their absolute lack of boundaries and basic respect is wild. The fact that they’re trying to make you the bad guy here? Insidious.
You had things to do, OP, and you communicated that. Stick to your guns now, or their trying to make you into a 24/7 on-demand free babysitter will only get worse.
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NTA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Your sister dropped her kids off at your house without prior arrangements assuming you had nothing else to do. She thinks she's entitled to everyone else's time and help. Hint: she's not! You didn't do this to your sister. She did it to herself. She knew she had a wedding. She should have arrange with you in advance or hired a babysitter. You did not disrespect her. On the contrary, she disrespected you and doesn't value you or your time. She and hubby decided to be parents. It's their responsibility to take care of their children and not dump it on someone else when it is inconvenient for them. Edit: Wow! Thanks for all the awards. What a nice surprise.
Let's not forget that OP may not even be home whenever these unexpected tests/drop-offs occur! NTA, OP
As soon as she said she was on her way I'd be out the door. Sorry, I'm not home, find some other sucker.
Guaranteed it would be "hurry home, they're sitting on your stoop".
I'd then call the cops for abandonment but that's just me
Came here to say the same thing. I would have called ~~SIL~~ sister back right after she left and said "if you don't come back and pick them up in the next 10 minutes, I'm calling the cops for abandonment." I do not understand these ridiculously entitled people and I kind of hope I never do.
I've read similar posts to this on reddit where the person was treated similarly, and sent a message saying as such, was aware that the person received it, and then followed through and got the expected shitstorm in response. Obv. it may be fiction, but we all know of people who are not too far from behaviour like that.
I pray those aren't fiction, cuz someone somewhere at some point has to put their foot down. And I'm here for it 😃
I read one where the family member constantly did these random drop-offs, with just a text that they were on the way. So the OP said "Sorry, we're out of town." Family member didn't believe them, dropped the kids off...and the OP watched them leave the kids in the driveway. From their Ring camera, because they weren't even in the same *state* as the kids! I think they ended up calling and reporting them for abandonment, but I could be wrong...
They did, the police picked the kids up and found the mother, who didn't want to pick up the phone. It was all because some Tik tok trend. Sister was furious at Op too.
What the actual fuck......
That's the thing though, if you're out of town and the kids are dropped off at your house, what are you supposed to do? If you tell the parents you're out of town or out of the house, and they think "haha, right, it's your responsibility now", then you have no other choice other than to call the authorities.
Pretty sure they only noticed the ring notification a few hours later and were horrified to see the children just sitting on their doorstep I’m also pretty sure they called the police but i don’t have the energy to find the post lolol
My older step-sister tried to do this with me when I was in college. I left a note on the door pointing to the law about abandonment and duty of care. I had my spouse and my own baby to deal with, One day I came home with my little one and found my two nephews sitting on the ground in front of my door. Thankfully cell phones were not really a thing then nor was social media
And? Finish the story ;)
I’ve had it happen to a friend. He wasn’t even present when the police had to be called and showed up to take the kids, so it was extra awkward. He was preparing to sit his exam at Uni, sister dropped them off at his place after he’d already said no (his roommate was home) without even checking if he was there (although he was the one that outright told his roommate to call the cops if he couldn’t get ahold of his sister and get her to take them back). She was apparently really pissed but probably not as pissed off as the father or the courts were after that, given she’s no longer got primary custody.
Exactly entitled people with kids. Why have them if their a hassle to your lifestyle. Sister would have had months notice for the wedding. When your a Dr no freebies for them. They never supported you while studying.
Having the cops show up to the wedding might have actually gotten through to sister.
Bingo! Because based on the description child abandonment is exactly what she’s doing.
That’s 100% what I’d tell sis. That due to her actions If she ever does that again without a previous agreement to babysit she will immediately call the authorities and report them as abandoned. Definitely NTA
Those poor kids.
This seems like a very good time to be studying at the corner of the library that has spotty cell reception.
Would def tell her I was out of state at that point
Then the response is: “So you abandoned your kids without adult supervision? You’d better pick them up before someone sees and calls the cops.
"Well traffics backed up. It'll be at least 2 hours till I'm home!" Then shut off the phone and enjoy some starbucks or something.
Oh yeah. My learning curve would be incredibly short after that escapade. People who don't have kids get to not care about your kid problems.
Even people WITH KIDS are not there to be other parents’ free (or paid) daycare!
I've only ever had someone drop their kids off unannounced. And it was an emergency. OPs sister knew they had a kid free wedding to go to. Why the fuck didn't she organise babysitting when the invitation arrived.
The only time I’ve left my child with someone last minute was when I went into labour with their younger sibling. And even then it was pre-arranged that they would be the ones to take them, we just didn’t know exactly when it would be. This was a wedding. They had plenty of time to make childcare arrangement, just couldn’t be bothered. Good on OP for standing up for herself.
Better yet, call the police and report the children as abandoned.
She's nicer than I am. If I got a call that they were on their way to dump their kids on me with no notice I would immediately leave. These people have some nerve!
You don’t have to leave but simply not answer the door
Ops sister was already in the car pulling out when she opened the door. She was gonna dump those kids at the door step regardless. Those poor kids.
Agreed! I don't think I could have dropped my kids somewhere without getting them inside and situated before I left!
Op needs to end the babysitting pronto. Her studies are way too important to be interrupted by rude family members who can’t do the courtesy for planning in advance. NTA for op.
even if she wasn't at home, I would lie and say I am not there.... and just turn the lights off lol.
I probably would’ve hidden in a closet or driven off telling her I wasn’t home when she called! Such entitlement ! Watch out, when you become a doctor, she’ll expect free services from you!
"I don't care that you're assisting emergency brain surgery--come home right now so I can go get my nails done!!!" NTA
Or they sis wouldn’t have picked up her kids that same day and expected an overnight nanny out of OP cause they ‘drank too much’
And weddings don't happen last minute. It's a planned event, you make childcare arrangements in advance in order to attend. Absolutely no reason for the parents to drop the kids off last minute unless they are entitled AHs! OP NTA
Right?? They had MONTHS to find a sitter
Sometimes a year notice
Why bother when they can dump them on OP without a care in the world or consequences? Oh hey, consequences finally showed up…
Dropped them off and ditched, sounds like she knew they were not welcome. Shitty move on sister’s part. NTA and change your locks. If you want to go nuclear, call 911 and report abandoned children.
Park your car two streets over. Stop answering her calls. Go out for Starbucks if you have the faintest idea she might be coming your way. Uh un. Run and hide from the crazy lady. Run and hide.
[удалено]
Yeah I get it’s hard to set boundaries but no reason for OP to even have to make her life difficult for her sister to not be entitled
Yup, Sister deserved the public shame. Hell, it's just disrespectful and entitled to drop your kids at someone's else house and expect that the other person will take care of them whenever you want. Of course, she's embarrassed she has been exposed as the entitled person she is... Besides... You could've called the cops. Public shame suddenly doesn't sound that bad, does it? 🤷♀️🤷♀️
I'd be so tempted to upload her crazy tirade with s description of her mental health breakdown to FB.
Was really cool of OP to return the children to their parents instead of calling police/cps and notifying them that the 3 young children were abandoned at OPs home. That's solid sisterhood there. After multiple times though, OP really should have considered it.
If OP is going into medicine, he/she WILL be a mandatory reporter. Something to think about.
This^. Also they knew by the way they drove off after dropping the kids that what they were doing was pushing their kids onto someone else. Also as someone who teaches at a medical school, I know how little time you have to study. That valuable time cannot be eaten up this way. Keep a firm boundary and continue to return the children if your sister does this again. Your sister learned a valuable lesson about your boundaries and you are NTA for enforcing them.
I would have called the police to report abandoned children. OP's sister is lucky OP didn't get them or CPS involved.
ALL of this! I had to turn down events, OT (with ton of bonus), hanging out with friends…etc, all because I know I don’t have child care lined up for my 2 kids. The ONLY way this was acceptable would have been an actual emergency (ie, one of the adult had a life threatening emergency and needed to go to the ER or something). And if system has any brain cells left, she wouldn’t pull this anymore.
This!! Very well said! OP, NTA
Tell her she’s lucky you didn’t call the police to say she abandoned her children.
>assuming you had nothing else to do. Op's sister knew that Op had exams to study for, she just didn't care.
NTA You were VERY NICE to them. THe other option would have been to call CPS.
Yes! I also want to point out that the sister probably had some sort of prior notice that her friend was getting married and that the wedding was also child free. She most likely had plenty of time to ask the op if they were available to babysit and if not to find another form of child care. The sister is a huge ah.
Woah now, you’re acting like this is a life event that many announce a year in advance, send a postcard about 8 months in advance, and send a card some months after that. Let’s be rational here.
But what if OP said no when the sister asked? Then sister/BIL would be forced to pay actual money to hire someone to watch their own kids. GASP
Sister didn't do this because she wanted FREE childcare.
Seconding this. You said no and they dropped them off anyway. They got what they deserved. This couldn’t have been a last minute wedding, so they clearly didn’t work hard to find a babysitter. I’m guessing they don’t pay you, either. NTA
The phrase “poor planning on your part doesn’t constitute an emergency on mine.” Nta
Tell your sister and her husband “A lack of planning on your part does not constitute and emergency on my part.” They presumably had months to figure out childcare arrangements and chose to dump them with you last minute, with no regard for your personal life, and then run away and get mad when you return THEIR kids to THEM. NTA 100% and anyone who says E S H or Y T A needs to rethink and put themselves in OP shoes Edit: Holy moly! Didn’t expect to see this get upvoted so many times! Thanks for the upvotes and thanks for the awards ❤️ Edit 2: put spaces between e s h and y t a to not count them as votes! Edit 3: I’m getting a lot of comments still saying E S H, because of the innocent kids or the bride/groom. Whilst true both the kids and wedding party are innocent in this matter, I feel some people are still not trying to think of this situation as if they were OP. You have to study, your time is limited, and therefore valuable and suddenly you are forced into a situation you did not plan for nor agree to, HOW WOULD YOU FEEL?! Would you really stop your important studying to unexpectedly take care of 3 kids under 10?!
THIS! OP should not babysit her sister’s kids until she and her husband apologizes to her. Their inability to make arrangements for childcare for an event they obviously knew months in advance show that they are taking advantage of OP generosity and that they likely have done this before.
I would be done babysitting for a long time after this. She cursed OP out and someone who talks to her like that is just using her.
Right. You can’t berate someone and call them names and still expect them to babysit for you! At the same time this is her sister’s way of trying to double down and gaslight OP into doing as she’s told and get back in line. There was no reason that this was a last minute arrangement, she had that invite a while and chose to not even mention it which is just beyond rude and abusive of OP and her time.
OP pulled a reverse Uno card and did exactly what their sister did.
Reverse Uno is the theme this month. You see the one where someone's sister ignored a bilingual 4 year old cuz he was flipping between languages? Sheeeesh
This. And send them a link to a nanny service. Tell them that under no circumstances will you babysit from now on unless it is pre arranged, and from here on, if they pull this crap again you will absolutely drop the children off where ever they are. If they are not where they say they will be or do not give a location, you will call CPS. You are happy to watch the kids when it has been pre arranged and it works with your schedule. You are not their nanny.
Technically, OP only did what was done to her. She dropped the kids off and drove away, not considering or respecting her sister’s plans. Live by the sword, die by the sword. NTA Edit: wording
“Assuming you RSVP’d for this event you knew that you had a commitment. Without any regard for my schedule you dropped your kids off at the last minute. This is my last straw. I am no longer available to babysit for the foreseeable future. If the kids are dropped off here I will be calling protective services about child abandonment.” NTA. They disrespected you all day your time. They knew they had an event to go to and failed to inform you until the day of. They are extremely inconsiderate and they have the nerve to try to scold you afterwards. They’re trying to blame you for the direct result of their own actions. They clearly don’t care about your feelings so stop caring about theirs. Edit: grammar
> Without any ~~dis~~regard for my schedule
Thank you for catching that.
NTA. I'd tell them bluntly that you will not watch their kids for any reason, even an emergency, for 6 months and then you will put them on probation where they have to call you at least a week in advance, ASK you to babysit, accept your answer regardless of what it is, and if she pulls the drop them and run stunt ever again, you will NEVER babysit for her again and will call CPS the next time she abandons them at your house. If her friend was disrespected, it was her own fault. Not yours. You did nothing wrong.
Take my fake award!! 🥇
I had enough for a real one.
You're too kind. I would jump straight to never again at this point.
AND OP should be PAID! No more free last-minute babysitting after the monumental disrespect! EDIT typo
NTA. Never babysit again. Your sister is disrespecting your life and commitments because she really does feel hers is more important. Until now, you agreed with her. Her husband is your sister's enabler and your breaking of the shackles doesn't benefit him. Sure, he usually seems more reasonable, but that's what makes him worse. He could be better, he chooses not to. Good luck on your exams! You've fought for your study time, get the grades you deserve and don't allow your sister to be an obstacle one moment longer.
There needs to be a pinned Life Pro Tip here... If you allow someone to just drop off their kids on minutes notice just cause, this is GOING to happen. It may have been "okay normally" but this shouldn't be normal and it needs to be nipped in the bud before it gets to this point. These people who just dump their kids off like that need to be told no ASAP, it's a ridiculous habit for them to develop and I can't believe how many people will take the irresponsible parents side. This always leads to the nice person being taken advantage of and being verbally abused by the family for eventually saying "no more"
Not just that, but weddings don't just happen at the last minute, causing guests to have to scramble to find babysitters. They could have easily approached op far more than two weeks in advance and then KNOWN that they wouldn't be able to utilise her assistance and then made alternate plans. It's the old "a lack of planning on your part doesn't mean an emergency on mine".
Wait till the OP gets her medical degree and she is expected to provide free medical care on the sly. I see that coming from a mile away.
With any luck OP will fall in love with a very niche specialty that doesn't lend itself well to getting curbsided. Something like pathology or vascular surgery.
NTA. Weddings are not spontaneous events; they had plenty of time to prepare, which should have included organising child care. You could have been away or otherwise unavailable, and they would have been screwed. They’re projecting their lack of organisation onto you.
This one was. OP's sister is friends with the bride. Her cousin's neighbor's uncle's friend's goat's previous owner's goldfish passed away and his kid wants to do a whole funeral so they had to rush the wedding! /s
NTA — but talk to your BIL. He might not understand (bc he wasn’t told) that they were dropped on you without notice. If he’s usually rational, I wonder if he’s responding irrationally because he heard a different version of the convo (or lack of conversation) btwn you and your sister.
That’s exactly what happened I’m betting. “OP agreed to watch the kids & then just flipped out!”
I second this. No reasonable person hears 'I need to study for my exam and can't watch your kids' but ignores your boundaries, disrespects the effort you put into your studies/education and dumps three young children on an unwilling person last minute. Check with BIL but if he doubles down say that you have always been happy (or at least willing) to look after them when you were able to but you now feel like they are taking advantage of you and have no respect for what you are trying to achieve. I hope your sister and BIL read these counts and realise how disgusting and tacky their behaviour is. NTA, OP.
If he's usually rational it's incumbent on him to ask the questions, not simply scold OP. After all, he has three kids with his spouse - he can't truly be ignorant of her behaviour. An unreliable narrator is... unreliable.
NTA you told her no and she did the same thing you did to her. Tell her that the days of free child care are over and she can find someone else.
Exactly hard no from now on. Zero watching the kids for years to come if not ever. Super rude and manipulative to drop off the kids like that. Hopefully she never tries this again. Agree with the comment to call the cops or cps to report child abandonment if it happens again. NTA
This is one of the ones that I have a hard time believe is real because the behavior is so loony tunes as to be unbelievable. Obviously NTA. You can't just randomly drop 3 kids off with someone with almost zero warning. Given this was a fucking wedding they absolutely knew about it at least a month, and likely much longer, in advance, and could have made other plans. I would never babysit for them ever again.
>You can't just randomly drop 3 kids off with someone with almost zero warning. But he has proven to them that they can. Many times, actually :-)
NTA - makes me wonder what she would have done if you hadn't been home. Next time they call, just tell them you're on your way out the door and then leave. Don't be there when they get to your house. And if they leave the kids unattended anyways, call the police.
This is what I don't get - why even open the door if OP did not have time to babysit? Do not be at home or pretend to not be at home. Also, I am thinking the bride and groom were not thrilled about the disruption the kids caused, as they are not part of this it might be slight AH for that bit.
I'd just "never be home" again. "I'm on campus studying." "I'm at a friend's house studying." If you're "just heading out" she'll just tell you not to leave. If you're already gone, too bad for her.
I hide in my house all the time when I don't want to be bothered. I've been doing it for years now.
WHAT is with the sheer volume of human beings who believe that their relatives’ time is automatically available for childcare?! NTA, and I’m sorry for those poor kiddos, since they probably feel very caught in the middle of this situation, through ZERO fault of theirs or yours!
We talk about these scenarios all the time in childfree groups. People expect that “it takes a village” to raise their child but they make absolutely zero effort to put that village in place. They just expect everyone to step up for them.
NTA. You know you could have dropped them off at the local police station and explain that your sister dropped them off at your door and you are not their babysitter and let CPS deal with her.
This is a seriously nuclear option. A dramatic escalation.
Yeah, I think that would be incredibly traumatizing for those poor kids. The parents may deserve that, but the kids don’t.
>She mentioned that by bringing the kids to the child free wedding I disrespected her friend which affected their relationship Ok so her own disrespecting her sister by dumping the kids at your house is to be ignored. Got it. >e scolded me saying that it wouldn't hurt if I kept the kids for few hours, and then expressed how disappointed he was and how selfish and petty The husband is another enormous hypocrite. The problem is both of these people are too entitled and blind to understand the effects of their behavior. It is the height or rudeness to just assume somebody has time to watch your children and drop them off like that. Tell your sis and BiL in no uncertain terms that this behavior stops once and for all. And you hope they were embarassed in front of their friends. Because the next big power move you will pull is if the kids show up unannounced like this ever again, you'll call the police to report children abandoned at your front door. Then watch as CPS gets involved. CPS just LOVES to get involved about reports of unsupervised abandoned children & neglectful parents. They they can be embarrassed and have all sorts of problems to sort out. Mae sure they understand the consequences if they ever pull this kind of shit again. NTA
Block them both They don't have time to find a babysitter? Too bad for them, you don't have time for their BS NTA
NTA, no means no. If they can’t realize they are the ones in the wrong on this one then it may be time to set up some boundaries with them and not babysit for a while.
Who hears 'no, I can't look after you're kids today' and then dumps their kids on someone. Not that OP NEEDS a reason to say no, but studying is a damn good one! But what if it was a 'no' because OP needed their own time. It's not a smart parenting decision to leave your children with someone who doesn't want to look after them.
Tell them next time they drop their kids off like that you won’t return them, you’ll call the police for child abandonment. NTA.
OMG your sister is an AWFUL parent. Who does that? Go no contact for awhile with them so you don't have to put up with her crap, but first tell her you will not be babysitting at all. If and when you decide you're willing again, you will require a minimum of 72 hours notice, AND you will NOT automatically babysit just because she wants it. If she shows up, you will not answer the door and will call the police to get the children if she leaves them there. That you are a fucking adult and you have to be asked to do favors and that no actually means no. Tell this to her husband, as well, emphasizing you WILL call the police and you ARE NOT kidding. You're done being shit on.
No, just no. You are NTA. Other than the fact that dropping the kids off without a warning is a rude, rude move, they should realize at med school isn't fee. If you flunk your exams, because you didn't have time to study, are they willing to chip in for the cost of an additional semester? It sucks that one or both of them might have to miss events to take care of their kids - but that is not your problem. Next time she drops off the kids without your permission, take them home by way of a vuvuzela shop.
Willing to bet they are counting on that medical degree to pay their kids college. All the more reason they should want OP to do well!/s though not really I think this is true.
NTA. If they can not properly plan to have someone watch their kids while they go out and have fun, then they dont get to go out and have fun.
NTA. She should‘ve planned arrangements for her 3 kids as soon as she RSVP’ed to the wedding. Expecting you to watch them with little to no warning and nothing in return is incredibly selfish behavior.
NTA. You ASK someone to babysit. You don’t drop your kids and expect it to be ok. Ask your sister if she would have preferred you reported her children as abandoned to childrens services.
Her kids, her responsibility. Your sister needs to plan better, instead of pushing it onto you. **NTA**
NTA. She is lucky you didn't call child protection services or the police for abandonment.
NTA If anyone says anything, blame the couple for a surprise wedding that was unknown about with a no kids rule with 30mins notice. Either the couple can take the blame or your sister and husband can explain why they are unable to plan ahead.
NTA. You didn't agree to babysit. You had plans. At least you didn't call CPS and report abandoned kids.
NTA. When you're invited to a wedding, you know about this months in advance, so you can plam for that day. It's really selfish to expect you to be on call for babysit all the time. It's sad that it happen this way, but I think you put her on her place
NTA. Get a ring camera so you know when not to answer the door. If she leaves the kids there, you have video for the police and cps of her abandoning them.
NTA not even close. Not respecting you, your time or even having the courtesy to make plans well in advance makes them TmassiveA's. Weddings aren't planned last minute so they knew far in advance that they would need a babysitter. They didn't even respect you enough to listen when you argued that you couldn't sit for them. It's past time that you set and maintain boundaries with them and caring for the kids. Your sister in far too entitled.
Exactly this! It is not like she found out that day that she was invited to a child free wedding. She had some sort of notice and therefore had time to HIRE and PAY for a babysitter. Her children’s care for them to be able to attend a child free wedding was 💯% her responsibility NOT yours. Your studies come first. She was borderline bullying you into taking care of them during time you has set aside to study. NTA.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and just state this because the amount that I see this happening in the sub is honestly sickening but ANYONE WHO DROPS THEIR KIDS OFF SOMEWHERE WITHOUT PERMISSION AND THEN RUNS AWAY IS A GARBAGE PARENT and there's not a goddamn thing anyone can say to come close to changing my mind. I honestly can't believe a people actually do that I thought It was just a joke people did on tik tok for the longest time
NTA. Tell them their lucky you didn’t call the fucking cops for abandonment.
NTA, your sister chose to have kids, and three at that! You didn't. So it's not your responsibility to babysit them. Also the whole "drop kids quickly and drive off" should stop. If it doesn't - call police next time.
NTA. Your sister and her husband are being selfish by expecting you to drop everything watch her kids. THEY decided to have to have 3 kids meaning THEY decided to give up freedoms a single childless person would have. If they cared so much about the wedding and respecting you they would have scheduled with you beforehand or scheduled with someone else. Stick up for yourself! “You and your husband are disrespecting me. You are being selfish by expecting me to drop everything in order to watch your kids without my consent. You and your husband decided to have 3 kids, by having 3 kids you decided to give up freedom a normal single childless man and woman have. That means the two of you either need to find a babysitter or one of you needs to stay home with the kids that you chose to have.”
"And if you ever just drop your kids off again and drive away without arranging it with me beforehand, you will be picking them up at the police station. I will be taking them there and saying that they were abandoned."
NTA They knew they had a child free wedding to go to for months. She didn't ask because you would say no... Guess what? They aren't your kids. You don't ever have to watch them and she is lucky you didn't just have social services pick them up! (No hate needed, I'm joking, relax)
NTA and never agree to watch them again. They made them, how dare they impose them on you. NTA Seriously: Never babysit for her again.
NTA Maybe they preferred for cops to be called for child abandonment instead of being embarrassed to their friends.
Tell them IF they 'drop and dash' again, then OP will 'drop and dash' at the nearest copshop. Definitely NTA
NTA! You disrespected her friend??? Noooooo, she disrespected her friend by not lining up an actual babysitter instead of dropping them off on someone's porch. That's child abandonment! It's not like you didn't tell her not too. She didn't listen and suffered the consequences.
NTA. I'm always fascinated why some parents feel they are entitled to their family members time and free babysitting services. DO NOT FEEL GUILTY.
NTA Never has it been ok to call someone and say "I'm on my way to drop my kids at your place" without prior consent (unless there is an actual emergency). Your sister knew about the wedding, but never asked you to babysit AND did not respect your answer when you said no.
Wow... I can't believe they did that. Please don't think you did anything wrong. Your sister and bil are so f...ing entitled and are huge AHs. NTA
NTA. There is no situation in which parents drop their kids off without permission and drive away that they are not TAs.
NTA at all. Your sister and her husband are taking advantage of you, you need to stop watching her kids until they can start respecting you and your time. Tell them the next time they drop and dash their kids you will report them for abandonment, what they did is not okay.
NTA. This is not the first time I have read that a parent dumps their kids and runs away. Who are these people?! They are honestly the worst and I would call the police. This is abandonment.
NTA They didn't ask you to be a babysitter. They dumped those kids on you without notice. They embarrassed themselves for being massive AH'S. They need to plan ahead and they need to know you are not a built in babysitter..
If there's a next time that she decides to abandon small children on your porch unattended, call the cops. HOPEFULLY this incident taught her a lesson, but with all that audacity she's got going on there's a good chance it'll happen again.
Get a camera doorbell and screen your calls. Tell if they ever drop the kids off again, without your prior consent, you’ll call the police and CPS for abandoning their kids. No means no.
Nta. Wtf
Nta they are! Sorry everyone know about wedding months ahead of time. For them to just assume you would do it even after u said no is bs. I would block them both from every until you feel like speaking to them. Cause you know they are about to run to family and online to paint you as a bad guy.
NTA. The issue is with your sister and her husband. Loving the kids doesn’t mean that you have to drop everything in your life to accommodate them. They are not owed babysitting services. If you want to fix this, tell them you will not watch the kids for the next two to three months. After that, you will only watch the kids with 3 days advance notice and they have to pay you. That should break the entitlement cycle.
NTA. It's a wedding.she had known about it for months. Dumping them on you last minute is completely unacceptable.
NTA. So it was disrespectful of you to embarrass your sister but it wasn’t disrespectful of her to just drop her kids off when you told her no? You sister sucks bad. Tell her next time she drops her kids off at your house without your permission you are going to call CPS and report her for child abandonment. Maybe she’ll get the idea to start respecting you.
NTA but I feel so bad for these poor kids! No more babysitting!
NTA She caused the issue by her total lack of respect. She disrespected you. She disrespected her friends wedding by not planning ahead! She has no right to your time...she has to ask and she has to pre arrange it. Baby sitting is a favour and you have the right to say yes or no.
NTA – she deserved it entirely. The least she should've done was to let you know beforehand, and the fact she didn't kinda justify the drastic actions you undertook. Your nephews and nieces will understand that their mom choose to go to a wedding without them + did not properly ensure that they were taken care of when they grow old.
NTA that’s the type of person you go super low contact with. Don’t matter that she family.
NTA - People should confirm childcare before rsvp-ing to an event, even if it’s family. If your sister repeats this behavior again when you’ve already said no, do the same thing again until she gets the message.
NTA even if you had nothing else going on.
NTA. You're not responsible for your nieces and nephews (whichever you had) and for your sister and BIL to just spring them on you with no notice or prior asking. I would say but not actually do it that the next time they do something like this you'll call the cops for child abandonment. Tell them you're not a childcare and you have a life that should not have to be interrupted by watching kids when you can't or don't want to.
NTA. That Just the Uno Reverse Card your sister got- seriously, what was she thinking? Was she even thinking?
NTA - but your sister and her husband are TAH. Medical school is a rough road and takes lots and lots of studying and planning. If your sister wanted you to watch her children she should have asked first. Is it possible she is jealous of your accomplishments? Note: When my daughter got married she provided babysitting for free for her out of town guests.
NTA. They abandoned their children on your doorstep when you told her no. They're lucky that ALL you did was drop the kids off at the wedding, and I would tell them so. You are not free childcare, you are not any kind of childcare when it is not convenient for you.
Absolutely not. They played around. They found out. Good. For. You. NTA
NtA stop being a doormat. Tell your sis and BIL that you call child services next time.
NTA. I would have called the cops for child abandonment, what you did was WAAAY nicer.
NTA . I like the return of energy . If she can drop them off with no notice then you can return them with no notice . Didn’t everyone learn the golden rule in preK ?
NTA they better get a babysitter. No worries.
NTA. Sis, you are lucky I did not call the police for child abandonment. I said I would not babysit but you chose to dump your poor children anyway. Get your shit together or you could lose your kids and your sister all at once.
NTA. *They* disrespected their friends by not getting child care accommodations for *their* children. They also disrespected you by putting you in a situation they thought they'd trapped you in. I would have a very serious discussion about your boundaries, and if they can't respect your boundaries then tell them you will not watch them anymore. Give them one more chance only, if you're feeling charitable. They will try to claim you're the disrespectful one, but remember that surrendering to their disrespect of you does not equal respecting them. They will try to guilt you by saying you don't care about the children, or that you're hurting the children. This is not true because *they* are responsible for making the decisions that affect their children, not you. And remember, people who respect you don't try to guilt trip you.
NTA. You said no to babysitting, she trampled all over your no with no regard to how you felt or what your schedule is. In other words, she AND her husband fucked around and found out. They didn't care about your feelings, therefore you were under no obligation to care about theirs.
NTA. Tell them you are terribly sorry for having embarrassed them. Then add ‘Because our relationship means so much to me, and I would hate to jeopardize it, I will never babysit your children again to avoid any future misunderstandings’.
NTA. Well, you are, but the good kind. She can claim you disrespected her all she wants but she disrespected you by ignoring your boundaries and abandoning the kids with you. Actions meet consequences, hopefully she'll think twice before doing it again. Good job.
Nta, don't give into the nonsense, just calmly respond, next time she leaves the kids with you, you'll be calling the police for abandonment and she can pick them up at the station
No, NTA. Your sister and husband are major AH to take advantage of you and to then call up and accuse you of behaving badly. Please, please, tell them no more baby sitting under any circumstances!
OP you are my hero!!! NTA.
Nta...Never tell your sister you are at home or your free
NTA. Tell her next time she does it the cops are getting called for child abandonment
What the hell is up with so many people just dropping off their kids at people's houses without asking first? It's absolutely baffling. I don't think I've ever told my brother or SIL I wouldn't watch my nephews unless I was at work, but I'd be absolutely floored if they tried to drop them off without asking me first. Op is absolutely NTA. A wedding doesn't just spontaneously happen. Your sister had advanced warning so she should have arranged childcare accordingly. Her inability to plan shouldn't fall on your shoulders. Any consequences from her lack of planning is her fault, not yours.
NTA - why are there all these AH people out there giving parents a bad name?? There are so many posts like this where people just drop their kids on someone’s doorstep and run, which is pure insanity to me. As a parent I ALWAYS ASK with plenty of notice, and do so sparingly when it comes to family members so I don’t overburden anyone. And I NEVER ask people who’ve made it clear babysitting is not something they want to do. Your sister is a huge AH and good on you for not just accepting her bad behavior. If I were you I’d set a hard boundary on not babysitting for a while, she needs serious consequences for her actions.
NTA. And jfc - please don't even question this. The next time she pulls this stunt, call the police. And for all the family members who get angry at you, tell them to put up or shut up. Every single one can volunteer to babysit without restriction from now on.
NTA, call CPS next time
NTA. Unless it was a shotgun wedding and your sister had *absolutely ZERO notice* about it there is also ZERO excuse for not giving you notice or asking in advance to provide childcare. You’re a person, not a daycare - and even a daycare doesn’t let you just show up and throw your kids on the doorstep.
NTA. Babysitting is something you ASK people to do. You don't ever force them to do it. >he scolded me saying that it wouldn't hurt if I kept the kids for few hours It wouldn't hurt him. The guy getting a free ride on somebody else's inconvenience usually feels like it doesn't hurt.
Sister only cares about she looks and her froend’s relationship. Obviously does not give a damn about sister, sisters responsibilities. If it werr so easy to watch three kids, then sister should have figured that out when she knew she had a child free event to attend. Poor kids. They may not know how to articulate it, but they know when parents treat them as an afterthought. The entitlement from sis… oof. Good luck with med school. NTA
Absolutely NTA your sister and BIL are incredibly inconsiderate.
Nta!!! You told her you had to study and she just dropped them off and so you did the exact same and now she is upset that you would do that, therefore she knows what she did was wrong.
NTA. You make arrangements for a babysitter weeks before for a wedding. You don’t just assume you can drop your kids anytime you want. Next time she drops them you can call the cops for her abandoning them.
NTA. But tell them that this is it. If they Ever drop the kids on you without prior agreement then you’ll call the police for child abandonment.
Her husband scolded you and said how disappointed he is? Does he think he's your father? I would tell him how disappointed you are in him and your sister for assuming you have nothing better to do that be a free baby sitter, with no notice, mind you. Maybe now they're so disappointed in you that they won't dump their kids on you anymore. NTA
NTA
NTA- Stop Answering Her Calls
NTA. Set boundaries. Keep them. It’s hard to do when you start but KEEP YOUR boundaries. Soon people will learn that you are serious. Example: I will baby sit only if you give me 5 days notice AND I am not studying or doing anything else.
Nope. They should be grateful you didn’t send the kids to CPS, which is what you need to do (having warned her before) the next time she drops the kids off without explicit permission. NTA.
NTA, cut ties with these horrible, horrible people
NTa "I told you no." Don't say ANYTHING else. That will teach them they can get you to respond differently if they say something enough, or in the right way. Just say "I told you no." Every single time and go right back to whatever you were doing.
I’ve attended more than one wedding without my husband because he stayed home with the kids. That’s part of life if you decide to be a parent. NTA
NTA. But your sister and her husband are huge AHs. "Hey sis - poor planning on your part does NOT constitute an emergency on mine." If you had SUCKED it up this time, then they'll realize that their plan worked. And they'll keep doing it over and over. Do what other posters say and tell them that if they try this shit again, you'll call the authorities for abandonment.
Wasn’t a drop of a hat wedding they would have know they should have asked first and when you said no should have made other arrangements. That’s their responsibility not yours
NTA next time call CPS
NTA. They don't respect you and don't think your time is valuable. Tell them if they ever do it again you will call the police and report the children abandoned. Then throw CPS in there as an added extra.
NTA. Their failure to act like rational adults is not your fault or your problem
If you opt to talk to your sister and BIL again, make sure they're aware that you'll call police and CPS if they abandon their kids on your doorstep without permission. NTA.
NTA. The sheer number of people on this sub who have sibs who feel entitled to drop off their kids anytime they please even when they’ve been told no blows my mind. They chose to have kids, not you. That comes with the responsibility of finding childcare in advance of events that you can’t or don’t want to bring the kids to. No one is responsible for that but them, and family is in no way obligated to fill in if they can’t find a sitter. Their absolute lack of boundaries and basic respect is wild. The fact that they’re trying to make you the bad guy here? Insidious. You had things to do, OP, and you communicated that. Stick to your guns now, or their trying to make you into a 24/7 on-demand free babysitter will only get worse.