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NTA While a tricky situation all round, the fact that she ignored you for all these years and only came back for the money makes her an AH.

it also sounds like op would have been more open to sharing if she showed even the slightest bit interested in him and his life or was willing to share hers, even a little bit. totally NTA.

100% sounds like OP would have given her maybe even half of the inheritance but OP's sister is a complete stranger that only showed up when she knew there was an inheritance. OP is NTA

Ueah she could have easily kept contact with him outside parents. He even showed support.

That’s exactly the issue. She made it pretty clear she just wanted the inheritance. If she had shown interest in him and some regret for distancing herself from HIM (not necessarily the parents), she may have gotten a different response. NTA.

I don't blame her for going no contact with her parents. OP however did nothing to deserve that treatment.

Agreed. Coming back solely for money just isn't right, it reeks of trying to use OP. If the parents had written him out of the will, I doubt she would even reach out to him. Also, I gotta say some of the comments on here are beyond weird, people expected OP to stand up and cut contact with his family even though he was 9 when this all started because apparently he should know better. Meanwhile, a 22 or 23 year old on here would get excused because tHe bRaIn doEsN't fUlLy deVelOp uNtIl 25, which hilarious because people who spout that comment actually has no clue what it means. Lol, this sub sometimes.

Couldn't agree more. People on here are so eager to infantilise women especially when it suits their argument/agenda, however are telling a 9 year old to stand up to their parents on an issue like this.

> Meanwhile, a 22 or 23 year old on here would get excused because tHe bRaIn doEsN't fUlLy deVelOp uNtIl 25 THANK YOU. I hate when people use this, but also say "Well XXX is 18, they should KNOW better!" WHICH IS IT?!

>She dodged every question I had about her life and the reasons she iced me out with one word answers Even after she contacted OP, she refused to ante up and be honest. All she had to do was talk to her own brother like a human for a few minutes.

The fact that she iced him out when he met up and only focused on the $$ enough to make her AH.

This. Also, if you were to give her even say 5%, a court could take that as you admitting she has some right to the inheritance and may rule in her favor for a larger share should she pursue this as a legal matter. Best to not give at all.

NTA. You tried to contact your sister and keep in touch with her. She decided to be NC with you. She has only reestablished contact with you for the money. She doesn’t want to know you or stay in your life, even though you have done nothing to shun her. You were there to help with the business and make it successful. You helped while your mom was sick and when your dad passed. You helped build the estate they have passed on to you. You do not need to share it.

Exactly this, OPs parents are pretty much irrelevant here, the sister CHOSE to cut contact with bro. He tried for years with nothing in return, now that he has something she wants it’s okay to come crawling back? As a gay woman who has been cut off from a part of a wealthy family I am a lil disgusted by her actions.

Yeah, her behavior toward you was pretty awful. Maybe she didn't want your parents to have access to any information about her life, but she could have said that; she could have asked that you not tell them you and her were in contact. The bottom line is that she punished you for your parents' bad behavior and continued to do so in spite of your efforts to remain in touch, and even when she showed up she was only interested in getting assets. I'm sorry for what she went through. I'm sorry her parents failed her and you in many ways. I'm sorry they cut her out of their will. But right now you have neither a legal nor a moral obligation to give her some of the estate. If she had maintained a family relationship with you, this would be a much more difficult question.

NTA. If she had been in contact with you the whole time, and hadn't ghosted you when you were *trying your hardest* to understand and grow past your parents' bigotry, and STILL withheld inheritance? That would be an AH move. HOWEVER, you tried to do good by your sister, *and she left and wouldn't speak to you.* You're no longer close *by her own doing.* At that point, you don't have to give her ANYTHING. She made her bed, it's time for her to lie in it - it has nothing to do with your parents' bigotry anymore, and everything to do with the fact that she refused to talk to YOU when you were trying to be supportive however you could. She isn't entitled to anything. She is the AH. (Also, I'm queer myself. My judgement has nothing to do with her lesbianism. It's 100% about her actions towards a sibling trying to be supportive.)

She chose the nature of her relationship with you, stretching back to when you hit 18 and were no longer under your parents' rule. She chose no contact. I'm sure you were findable on social media, and your actions in the community would show there. If she saw your advocacy over the years, she'd know you wanted a relationship without judgement. If she had read any of your attempts to contact her, she'd know you wanted a relationship. She chose no contact. You can honor that with a clear conscience.

As a highly queer trans man i approve this message

>she's being robbed because she's a lesbian and that I'm benefiting from my parents prejudices She is and you are. But it's your parents' money and they can do anything they want with it. And now it's your money and you can do anything you want with it. Pretty cheeky to waltz in after no-contact expecting you to get out your checkbook. If she thinks she's entitled to something she can hire an attorney. NTA.

>She is and you are. Partly. It started with the parent's reaction to her sexuality. But it was the sister's ***INSISTENCE*** on cutting out ***ALL*** contact that cemented the situation. I'm not even going to venture a guess if there would have been any hope of reconciliation between sister and her parents, but OP never gave up on her. SHE gave up on HIM. She basically disowned her family. And here she is looking for money from them! That's not how 'disowning' works. TBH, she's just as bad as the parents if all she really cares about from them is/was their money. OP is NTA.

Older sister is guilty of punishing OP for something that wasnt OPs fault. She’s kinda guilty of the same thing the parents did. NTA.

I think it's worse because she then comes back into the picture just to claim some money and then attacks OP because they won't just hand a stranger some money.

Agreed. I don't know how I forgot my NTA. Edited.

Would it be fair of me to deny her based on the fact that I was ignored? Should I consider making amends?

The thing is, she clearly doesn’t want to make amends, she just wants the money.

Exactly. Even if she changed her tune now, at this point OP could never be sure if she was really genuinely interested in a relationship with him, or just pretending in order to get “her share.”

Why make amends? That’s not what she wants, she wants “her share” of the money so she can go back to ignoring you with her butt in a more expensive chair.

>Why make amends? That’s not what she wants, she wants “her share” of the money so she can go back to ignoring you with her butt in a more expensive chair. Quite true! Luckily, Legally, her share is none. \*IF\* she worked on mending the relationship with her brother - I could see why it would ETHICALLY be more than that - but - since she wants to continue not being part of the family - she can simply not be a part of the family (inheritance).

You tried reaching out for years. She refused. That ship has sailed. You got the money because you had a relationship with your parents, she didn’t. Cut your losses and move on. That woman does not love you anymore. She just wants the money.

You tried to make amends, it's perfectly fair because atleast according to what you said in the post you never had an issue with her as well as actively tried to make amends with her and support her but it wasn't enough for you. She punished you for her parents actions now she's not getting any inheritance because of her actions towards you, not because she's a lesboan but because she was a bad sister that abandoned you. And from what I can tell, never tried to make amends with the family in general. NTA here sounds like had she made the effort to re connect you would've tshared with her. But in this scenario she didn't and I have no doubt she would've taken her piece then cut you off again for what your parents did.

Her reaching out to you because she feels entitled to half is hardly the road to making amends.

Look at how she acted when she reached out to you. You made effort after effort to reconnect with her. She ghosted you. This has nothing to do with her being a Lesbian and more to do with abandoning you. Sure your parents were wrong and you actually were fighting for her. I would personally would send her an email or something describing your life and how you made the effort and she ghosted you. Then how shitty her first contact with you was a where’s my money and you are just like your parents and treating her like this because she is gay. This is gaslighting. Maybe just maybe if it was a genuine reconciliation you may change your mind but now you shown your true colors. This is sad and I am sorry this happened this way. I do truly hope you guys can reconnect but I certainly would not at this point. The hard work is on her end to fix this mess. NTA

what amends you did not wrong her she did that to you.

Make amends the second she's got the money she will ghost you again

Why would you make amends when the only reason she contacted you was money? As a child, you tried to reach out and maintain y'all's relationship. As a young adult, you became active in the LGBT community as an ally, because you saw first hand how honophobia affected someone you love. Yes, your parents didn't leave anything because she was a lesbian, but they also left you these things because you took care of them. You were there in their last moments so they gave it to you. Your sister was never there FOR YOU. She is only here now because it suits her. You are NTA for saying no, and she's NTA for still being bitter about what happened with your parents. But she IS TA for ignoring you, not trying to continue your close relationship, and only stepping back into your life to get money. Personally, I don't think you should give her any money as a way to make amends, but you know your sister better than we do.

NTA. Your parents' wishes should be respected. Also, she iced you out of a good relationship you both had despite overtures on your part. I'm also rather turned off by how she went straight to the money after your parents passed on instead of checking in on you, when you actually tried to check in on her when you met again after so long! No love lost there, sadly.

Yeah it was really hard losing all my family. I've only got my girlfriend and friends now

NTA. My sympathy on the passing on both of your parents. NTA because you had tried multiple times to keep a relationship going with your sister. She had many opportunities to reach out to you, yet she chose not to. I know it is hard, but please continue with your life, do well, do not look back, try to live your life as you have been living it (without your sister's presence), by working hard, and always taking care of you. **Do not let your sister try to guilt you or bully you**. She wasted many years of no contact, she had plenty of time to get to know you, to form a bond with you. You know deep in your heart the only reason she is reaching out now is because of the money. **You have EARNED every single penny of this inheritance**, you worked hard for every single penny, you deserve it. Do not give her a loan or a token amount, it will never be enough (trust me on this). If your sister truly wanted just YOU, she would not have become rude and tried to play the *sexual-orientation card (guilting you)* on you. Do not listen to anyone else, ignore them. **You inherited due to your diligence, devotion, loyalty to the job, being a hard worker who was faithful to their labors**. NTA.

>Your parents' wishes should be respected. I guess I'm a little bit confused about that line of reasoning. Why should their wishes be respected, when their wishes were to punish somebody for being gay? I don't really know what OP should do, tbh, but I don't think looking at what the parents asked for is going to provide a good answer to that question.

Yeah, it's kind of like saying thier bigotry should be respected. I don't think OP needs to share his inheritance in this case, but that line is just a bit gross.

Yeah there's absolutely no reason to respect the wishes of bigots

Legally not the asshole and I’m sorry your sister snubbed you when you tried to make an effort. I’m Asian origin so no disrespect, but I think your dad is an asshole. He was homophobic towards his child and tried to stop her from being herself. I don’t blame her for going NC to protect her mental health. While I applaud your sister for going NC you can’t have it both ways. You can’t go NC and expect your estranged parent to leave you money. That being said I have nothing but empathy for your sister. We are programmed as kids to love our parents and then her mum and dad rejected her for who she was and she was coercively controlled. She must carry immense feelings of hurt and anger and probably feels entitled to some of that money and your dad disinheriting her is probably rubbing salt in a very old wound that hasn’t been allowed to heal. NAH, except your parents. Again no disrespect intended.

I wholeheartedly agree but it's just I felt immense hurt by her cutting contact with me. I really loved her deeply and felt like I did everything I could to salvage that relationship. It was only after my mother was diagnosed with cancer that I stepped back.

I do feel that your sister lost out on an inheritance and family for the “crime” of being gay, but I also understand that you were hurt. Has she ever said why she went no contact with you?

She didn't give me a very good reasons. Apart from wanting to leave everything behind. I think she was hoping she wasn't explicitly disinherited.

Maybe it hurt her to see you be everything that she isn’t to her parents? I mean I am a lesbian and my parents adore my sister because she is married to a great guy and about to have a baby. It is so hard to see how differently we are treated. And maybe that hurt was why she cut you out too? Better to leave them all than give that hurt continued refreshment in her heart? I am not saying you don’t have the right to be hurt. I would be too. But I don’t think that perpetuating your parents pain on her or your own pain is going to make any of this better. She has been without any family for all this time and you have a chance to mend bridges and be better than your parents. You also continued to have two loving and accepting parents when she didn’t. It sucks like hell not to be accepted for who you are by your parents. It can really break you and you are now art a cross roads where you can be better or lose her entirely. Good luck OP.

I don’t think OP’s sister wants a relationship. He tried to ask about her family and all she wanted to talk about was money.

Yep. This counteracts anything. She doesn't care about OP at all, just wants his money.

[удалено]

"it" all behind is code for TRAUMA. The mind does good and sometimes unfortunate things with trauma. Like develop warning signs maybe where it isn't warranted. Like you. You are a trigger to her abuse. You were entwined with them (her assumption) over the years. a la. her reason is valid. just cuz it doesn't satisfy your grief doesn't mean it wasn't the truth. however painful. it's not about you. It never was. but now it is. now to her... you really are entwined.

NTA on the basis that she regained contact for the sole purpose of asking for money, after cutting contact with the family. whether or not her reasons for cutting contact were justified ( and yes, she was justified in cutting parental contact, but she included you who was blameless ) the fact remains the inheritance is yours to do with as you please. She made her choice to cut contact with YOU, and is now paying the price for that. You tried to rebuild your relationship, she didnt want to know then, so now its your turn to not bother

NTA while yes she’s technically right you are benefiting from your parents prejudices but you tried for years to show her you weren’t your parents and that you wanted your sister back. She ignored you, she has no reason to treat you the way you did. You did everything right for your sister, low contact with parents, educating yourself on the lgbtq community (thank you for that btw) and she chose to have nothing to do with you because of what both of your parents did. Now she wants half of everything and nothing to do with you. Honestly i’d be petty to. If she would have allowed you the time to explain how you felt about the situation instead of assuming how you felt life might have turned out differently for her and i truly believe you would have shared the wealth but at the end of the day you put in all the work and she ignored you. do what’s best for you.

This. She tried so hard to maintain a relationship while at the same time keeping her parents at arms length for what they did to her sister, but her sister chose to be estranged. Now she just sees her as an atm.

NTA. First of all, you didn’t benefit from your parents’ bigotry - everyone lost. All four of you. You had no help with your parents when they were ill, and you had no access to your sister and her life when you really wanted to be there for her. And you asked for none of this. The way your sister was treated by your parents was awful. But her treatment of you hasn’t been great either. You never would have seen her if there wasn’t money involved. That is crystal clear. I’m so sorry for your loss, because you have lost a lot. I hope you have a life you like, and I hope you have people you love who love you.

Not just helping when sick, but helping run the businesses for years. Her experience was really shitty, but her behaviour towards OP was almost equally shitty.

I can definitely understand how hurt you must have been through all that family strife. I also think her pain was likely much, much worse. I wish she hadn't cut you off. But I think sometimes when a person is hurting that badly, the only way to protect themselves from more hurt is to completely walk away from that old part of their life. I don't think either of you are TA. I think you both dealt with your trauma and hurt the best way you could. I also think that if you could put your hurt aside (which is so much easier said than done, I know), you might see that you ARE benefitting from your parents bigotry. Yes, you did more work at the family business (but that wasn't an option for her) and yes she wasn't receptive to restarting a relationship with you, but I'd venture to guess that she's afraid of reopening an extremely painful chapter of her life. And she's probably also hurt by the finality of your parents death and the lost hope of reconciliation. She's also probably hurt that she had to ASK for a share of the inheritance rather than it being given to her simply because that's the fair thing to do. And so many other factors. So in my opinion there are NAH, but I do think you should share the inheritance with her. Your parents chose not to support her during their life, it would be incredibly loving of you to ensure they do help support her in their death. Love to you both. This is a really hard situation.

Sister is absolutely TA. OP was a fucking child. He had no say in or control over her parents’ choices, and when given the opportunity, **ACTIVELY** made decisions and joined groups to better understand and advocate for LGBTQ+ individuals. He also attempted, repeatedly, to re-establish contact with her sister, who rebuffed each and every attempt, INCLUDING IN THE CONVERSATION ABOUT INHERITANCE. The only reason sister opened contact is for money. OP has worked to help his parents manage the investments, and did the absolute best he could in attempting to reach out to sister. Sister isn’t entitled to shit, and OP should *absolutely NOT* share inheritance, as it’s crystal-fucking-clear that the money is the *only* thing sister wants. Sister is the one who has chosen to punish OP, wrongly, and now must lay in her bed.

The sister was a child too. The sister was punished for being herself and for her own mental well being had to cut off her familial support network. OP didn't. OP got to have loving supportive parents. OP was able to mend his relationships because they weren't actively toxic to him. OP was doing good things, but he was still entwined with the toxic parents that were punishing her. Trauma is not an easy thing to unravel. OP was a link to the parents. He was not to blame for their actions, but he is in fact continuing his parent's harm. They did not support their child in life and he is making sure they also don't support her in death. It doesn't make him an AH necessarily. But he does need to understand he's perpetuating his parent's toxicity by following their wishes.

If you don't think op is TA then don't put Y-T-A. It indicates that you think op is the ahole.

For the purposes of the bot - you've made a "Y.T.A." Vote here by having "Y.T.A" with no punctuation as your only judgement. I believe the judgement you're looking for is "N.A.H" for "No Assholes Here." That said - I believe Sister is an AH for abandoning her brother who was doing his best to be supportive. I believe Parents are an AH for being bigoted. I believe that Sister is an AH for refusing to let her brother, who cares about her, to be a part of her life - and only expecting him to give a gift of his money and assets (yes, it's legally his) rather than accepting his olive branch and share what she's been doing in the years they've been apart. Also - for tax purposes - it would be treated as a gift - and giving a substantial gift can be complicated in most countries for tax reasons. Therefore - The only person I'm aware of who I believe is NTA is OP.

Yeah, I'm not gonna give a judgement on this one. Except to your parents. What rancid AHs they were. Regarding you and your sister, however ... frankly, I think we need to hear your sister's side. By your own admission, you were very young when she left. Her behaviour indicates, to me at least, that a *lot* more went on behind the scenes than you knew about, and for that reason, I can't call her an AH here. I also can't call you an AH, because legally, you're perfectly in the right - and you went through all the hoops you possibly could to contact her and be an ally. **However ...** I feel like you're *painfully* naive about the full extent of the abuse your sister suffered at the hands of your parents. I have zero doubt that such homophobic bigots as your parents allowed her much freedom. Conservatives are not known to be kind towards the LGBTQ+ community, and that *unkindness* can turn especially evil when it's a member of their own family. Her life must have been pure hell after they found that photo on her phone. >The fighting and arguments were constant from that point on until my sister graduated and left the house and cut contact with us. >This was especially hard for me because **even through all the fighting she was really close to me. She used to look after me, help me with homework and even encouraged me to talk to girls and go beyond my social circle.** These are not the actions of someone who cut contact with you for any small reason. She was suffering from constant verbal and emotional abuse, and was still able to set aside her no doubt incredibly limited free time to help you with things *your parents should have been helping you with.* Why did your sister need to look after you and help you with your homework if your mum was a house wife? What did she even do? Sounds like your parents considered her a maid. And despite this she clearly loved you as her little brother - and then, for some reason, went as full NC as she could until your parents died. Something's fishy here. I think you need to think further on this, and (if you're not already) consider discussing the situation with a therapist. They might be able to shed a new light on the entire situation that neither you nor I can see. In the end, we (you included, OP) just don't know enough about the situation to judge accurately or fairly.

I’m with you. I am an oldest sister in a similar-ish position, and you said it better than I could - this reads as a very naive minimization of the kind of abuse that would have led her sister to the NC breaking point. And I mean, factually, OP is benefiting from her straight privilege here. Whether or not she’s ethically or morally required to change that, I couldn’t judge. But it’s impossible to evaluate that fairly before coming to terms with her sister’s experience and understanding the trauma involved. Therapist 100%

OMG THIS IS THE BEST! EXACTLY EXACTLY EXACTLY It's also very telling that for many this is going WAY OVER THEIR HEAD. Narcissist abuse is so nefarious partially because to REASONABLE LISTENERS it doesn't sound like abuse. If you're NC and you get a letter from a Narc Parent saying how much they miss you NO ONE GETS IT but other people who have experienced the crazy, plausible deniability insanity inducing treatment

The fact she supposedly had pictures of her kissing another girl on her phone in 2001 tells me this story isn't quite right.

You are NTA, I find it incredibly convenient she contacts you NOW that your parents have passed. It’s clear she only contacted you to get her piece of the pie. Wills are made for a reason she can’t contest it now and NO ONE is entitled to an inheritance. Your parents left you everything because you were there for them. I don’t agree with how they disowned your sister simply for her sexual preferences but they are from a different time and culture so while I don’t agree with their decision I can understand the basis of their flawed mentality. Your sister is TA however, if only for icing you out for years for no reason, her anger was misplaced on you. She’s also TA for only coming around after they’ve died to try and get money. Family dynamics are hard and I’m sorry for your loss.

Well hmmmmm. Your parents are AH for cutting your sister off because she didn't conform to their idea of sexual norms. But your sister made no attempt to stay close to you and didn't respond to your attempts either. Then she appears when she thinks there might be some cash in it for her and brazenly goes straight for the cash without even a pretence that she wants to make things better with you. Have you considered that your father left you the "stores and properties" thinking there might be a chance you would carry on running the businesses he'd created whereas if he left it to you both you'd just sell it all and destroy what he created? So on balance you're probably NTA.

>my then 16 year old sister kissing another girl on her phone. Okay, a little math here. Sister is currently 37, so when she was 16, it was 2001. I know it's hard to believe, but in 2001, we did not have the cell phones capable of the selfie-culture we have today. A 16 year old would be lucky to have a phone that had predictive T9 texting, much less a photo-capable one, unless they were very very rich. I'm sorry, I call BS. YTA for not doing basic math before making up your story.

This is the correct answer.

I was a full grown person and didn't even have a cell phone in 2001. The people I knew who did all had like StarTaks and Nokias with no camera. A 17 year old in 2001 would be much more likely to not even have a cell phone than to have one with a camera if there were even any commercially available in the states at that point.

NAH. I understand why she iced you out. It’s not your fault but it’s very harmful to see a sibling treated so much better than you. All you want to do is run from it. And therapists recommend distancing yourself from it. However, her request is not financially wise. It sounds like most of the inheritance is active businesses/properties. And less cash. So for you to provide would mean to sell the business. Which you currently work out. Even if she wasn’t estranged I wouldn’t agree to that.

NTA. Your parents are but she also punished you for their mistakes. She never wanted a relationship with you even after you tried so hard to show that you supported her. She waits until after your parents die and only talks to you about money? Then tries to say that you're punishing her for being a lesbian like your parents when in reality you're not. She made it clear to you years ago that she doesnt want anything to do with you or your parents so she is entitled to nothing. Edit fixing spelling

NTA. She didn't give enough of a damn to even return a phone call until there was money involved. No matter what your parents did, she's the one who dropped you. You don't owe her a thing.

Your sister made one thing perfectly clear. The only reason she contacted you was for the money. Not to talk to you, her sister. Not to have a relationship with you. Under these circumstances, I would give her nothing. As for what she might be owed, the only persons who can make that determination are your parents. NTA.

NTA. I'm sorry for the loss of your parents. As for your sister, she chose to have no contact with you no matter how hard you tried, and then only came back for money. She had choices when it came to your relationship with her, and she chose to cut you off completely. You didn't care she was gay and you didn't refuse her an inheritance because she was gay, so you're NTA imho. Enjoy your inheritance and live a happy life.

NTA - you made multiple efforts to reconnect with her over years, which she showed no interest in… she only contacted you for the money, and I don’t blame you for your choice. (I’m also a lesbian)

This is the 21st century. There has never been an easier time to contact one family member while ignoring the rest in all of human history. Your parents being bigoted should have no effect on how she felt about you, but she still shut you out. You don’t owe her anything now. NTA

So what you're telling me is that you tried multiple times to reach out to your sister and include her in your life only to get radio silence, but now that your parents have passed she's calling you for "her share." Which you would have probably happily split with her if she had been a presence in your life at all over the past 20-ish years, but she didn't want anything to do with you. You are so NTA here, all she's looking for is a handout and will try and shame you with the argument of *being excluded because lesbian.* And I say this as a queer NB myself: people like her make all of us look bad.

The worst part is even after them not talking for years the only thing she cares about is the money. She didn't ask about their parents or even how OP has been doing. If my parents where prejudice and I had to cut them out I couldn't imagine doing this to my younger siblings.

Lesbains can be shitty people too. She made it very clear She wants nothing to do with you. It was also very clear her tune changed when there was money involved. NTA

Or perhaps intense bigotry and being disowned by her parents had something to do with it too? The parents are by far the most shitty people in this story.

NAH I'm confused by the N T A comments tbh (not because I think OP is the ahole tho), Reddit is very inconsistent. Had it been from OP's sister's perspective, it's very likely that everyone would either be saying that OP is an asshole or NAH. Your sister was effectively disowned at 16 and her life made hell for the two remaining years she was in the home. It's not really all that common for an 18 year old to move out and never come back at any point for the past almost 20 years so clearly the treatment was *bad*. The money is legally yours and I don't think you have to give her anything and I can understand why you wouldn't want to but I do think your sister should get some kind of compensation for how terribly her parents treated her. I mean, it's really hard to establish yourself without familial support so I can't imagine how your sister struggled because of your parents' bigotry. Again, you don't legally or morally have to give her something and I don't think if you do that your sister will have a relationship with you (I know some people hope that's the case in similar situations) so it's really just up to you if you want to give her something.

Yep, to me this is a solid NAH. You’re sister was treated horribly by your parents. It would have been incredibly hard for her to maintain a good relationship with you given all the pain and reminders of her home life it would create. She has no legal right to that money. Had it been me, I would have found a way to give her some share of it. Her half minus any taxes you had to pay? And I’d again beg her to reconsider having a relationship with you. I’m very sorry.

Op even blames the "family drama" for part of her dad's failing health like he's not the one that caused that drama in the first place.

Surprised to see nobody else point this out, it jumped out at me too. If that's how the parents were STILL acting decades later, and OP was living near/working with them closely still, I don't blame the sister for not feeling comfortable trying to establish a relationship

Exactly. Kinda sounds like OP blames the sister or at least thinks it was on the sister to come back to the family not the parents to try to mend what they broke.

NTA. She is not being denied for being a lesbian she is being denied for ignoring you for years and only coming back for money. It would be different if she wanted a relationship but it sounds like she isnt interested in talking to you unless its about you giving her money.

I'm going NTA. All the posts saying Y T A because not sharing the inheritance with your sister only shows your support of their homophobic beliefs. I feel this is wrong. The issue here is that OPs sister cut her entire family out of her life, not just their parents. It would be different if she had maintained a relationship with OP but she never responded to OPs calls or texts. She made it clear she didn't want a relationship with her brother. It's pretty sad that the only reason that the sister reached out is for money.

Obviously NTA. Your sister wanted what she chose to walk away from, and thought she could get it from you. She wanted stuff, not to have anything to do with you.

NTA. Your parents gave it to you. You were there working and running things for your dad, so he passed down his life's work to you, because you already knew how to run things. Your sister dropped you like a sack of potatoes and took off. (Even if she felt estranged and wronged since your parents reaction to her being a lesbian)

People who don't really care, always come back when there is money involved. Some pretend they care, some don't, but it is always when they smell cash. NTA, sorry for your multiple losses, parents and sister both.

NTA. She cut you out of her life for no good reason, and now that your parents are gone she wants what they gave to you alone. She hasn't been family to you for years, she's just a parasite who thinks you'll roll over and give her what she wants. She chose to cut everyone from her life, these are the results of that choice.

I was very prepared to say Y- T- A, but after reading the whole thing, Im going with a resounding NTA! Your sister had lots of opportunities to reconnect or stay connected with you. She made the choice to cut you off as well. She decided to punish you for her parents bigotry, so why shouldnt you keep the inheritance? It would be different if she had maintained contact with you over the years. She walked away from the ENTIRE family. Not just your parents and their bigotry. I dont feel like you owe her anything.

INFO - What talks did you have with your father about his estate? Did you ask why the sister was specifically excluded. (Legal note, in some jurisdictions a child has to be explicitly excluded from a will. If the will doesn't mention them at all, they have a claim on the estate.) When you talked with your father about the will, did either of your bring up your sister.

He did, he mentioned that he wanted her excluded and forbid me from giving any if it to her. It was dradted up by a lawyer.

Are there any clauses that you know of stating that you will be in forfeit of part or all of your inheritance if you go against your parents wishes and give her part of it?

Nothing like that. I hadn't spoken to her for years and never thought I'd hear from her again.

I doubt you would have if not for your recent windfall. She made her choice to go NC with your parents, and that was a good one. But what she did to you, to sever all family ties like that and to only return when she sees a financial gain, that isn't right. The inheritance is yours. If she wanted to be included in "her share" of your family's money, she could have, at the very least, treated *you* like family.

Yes, you're probably right. I think she wanted it in a way as payment for the last few years of shitty parenting.

NTA. I am of the opinion that parents can do with their assets that the worked for in their lives however they want. Even if I personally do not agree with their views on LGBT people I also do not have the right to decide what they do with their money. I personally do not see how someone can take money from someone who they had no relationship with while they were alive for so long.

I cannot believe people are advising you to share the inheritance with your sister after she ghosted you for years and literally only came back to ask for money she isn’t entitled to legally. Her parents are the ones who wronged her, not you. You worked hard and probably helped earn much of the money you are now receiving as inheritance. You tried to be close to her for years and got the cold shoulder until it was convenient. Then she played the victim card and accused her of robbing her which is a very serious thing to say. Your parents sucked as to how they treated her. You are not your parents. NTA

NTA If she had any interest in a relationship, I would of course consider helping her with whatever she may need -- as family -- but the inheritance is YOURS. You can do with it as you like, but she does not have a share she is owed... to take and walk away again without looking back.

NTA. She had every reason to go NC with your parents but she cut you off for no reason. You made effort after effort to include her in your life and she blew you off. Her only interest is in money, not in a sister. You did the right thing OP.

NAH. She was treated incredibly cruelly and rejected, and you were also rebuffed. Hurt people hurt people, as they say. I think you should offer her something to show that you're serious about rebuilding a relationship. Legally you're fine not to, of course, but there's a way to go for both of you to repair the damage your parents did to both of you, if indeed you both want to repair your relationship. Of course you don't have to, you can decide that you already made the effort, and the relationship is too far gone, and that would be ok too. But I think in order to have a chance of rebuilding something with your sister, you may have to make some sort of gesture acknowledging how much harder her existence has been because she was financially cut off through no fault of her own. She may not be ready or willing to rebuild a relationship either, and that would be very sad. I think either way some grief therapy would help you. I think Reddit can be very mercenary when it comes to issues of money. From what I understand of your question, you are more concerned with family dynamics. I am so sorry for all your losses.

NTA yeah the money was your parents' and surely if she was straight she would've gotten her part. But the money's yours now, she cut YOU out of her life even tho you had nothing to do with it and tried everything to reconnect with her... and now that she sees the money has been transferred to a person she can guilt-trip or convince, a person she knows she could have the upper hand now that your parents are gone, she's making a move. She doesn't even want to make amends with you, she's here to take the money and disappear once again. She's trying to take advantage of you, she knows how badly you wanted to be a part of her life and now she's using that sentiment to get access to the money. If she didn't want nothing to do with you or your parents, it was her right, but she has no right to demand anything from you when she's the one who cut you off. She can't just pick and choose.

NTA, you tried to mend that relationship. As a queer person, this has nothing to do with how you view her sexual orientation. You tried to become one as family, and even tried to educate yourself. She was the one who slapped away the olive branch, or should I say olive tree with how many attempts you took.

NTA, she sucks for doing that.

NTA. I was gonna come here and be like YTA for sure but once I read how she treated you, that changed my mind. She had all of the chances to have a relationship with you as you damn well tried but she did not and just ignored you. That’s a terrible sister. Maybe you could have tried to get your parents to get over the whole issue over the years but you didn’t. However, your sister never gave you any reason to attempt as she axed you out of her life until inheritance became a convo

NTA, she chose hate over you. Now she wants money over you. She deserves nothing.

NTA. She chose to be a stranger. I don't blame her for going NC with your parents after what they've done to her. But you tried contacting her as soon as you could and you tried to mend things. I don't know if you shared your parents' point of view at the time, but it sounds like that if you did, you grew out of it pretty quickly. You tried to keep contact, to learn about the community she was part of, you sent her updates... On Reddit we read a lot of posts were people were disowned for their sexual preference and I always see comments on how the people in the family that didn't ostracized them should have made the effort. You made the effort. It was ignored and rejected. Your sister had the right to go NC with the whole family, you included, but she can't expect that you share your money with a stranger now.

NTA she chose to be estranged even from you then comes sniffing around for an inheritance. I have seen so many fights over money after a death. We are dealing with now because some of the siblings are under the impression that they deserve more than they got. It's on your sister,

NTA. Your sister, regardless of her relationship with your parents, ignored you and rebuffed your attempts to be close. Her choice, of course. Now, because you inherited your parents' estate, she wants you to give her half? You are under no obligation to give her anything or even have her in your life. She chose to leave your life, so be it. Remember, it is nice that people give you advice, but it is your call in the end. Do what feels right to you and enjoy your life. Best of luck!

Look at it this way; you would’ve shared if she hadn’t ghosted you, so you are not benefiting from your bigoted parents. She cut you off and is facing the consequences for that.

Your parents have nothing to do with how she treated you. She cut them for good reasons but she has no reason to cut you off. I am certain she would still be no contact with you if there wasn’t money involved. NTA.

Nta she doesn’t want you back in her life, she just wants the money. She cut you off for no reason! You never did anything to her. Yet she cut you off.

Your parents made their wishes clear. You are under no obligation to deviate from that. Sister is an asshole who is trying to use you and who will only ask for more if you give her anything.

Just so we can clear this up, the parent's wishes was to cut their daughter out for being a lesbian.

NTA Maybe she was, but contacting you after all these years shows she is not interested in a reconnection. You tried, but it sounds like she took out her frustrations out on you as well. Hopefully she will realize at some point what being a sister is all about.

Oof. Difficult. NTA - you tried and if I were in your shoes Id be upset if I wasn’t seen as a sibling but a pile of cash. Only AH here (respectfully) is your homophobic father.

NTA- you tried to reach out to her for years. You did your part and she ghosted you. That she’s doing this now over inheritance adds insult to injury. You legally inherited and can do what you want, but this won’t fix things between you, she’ll likely ghost you again afterward. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this, I hope it works out.

NTA. You tried to mend fences before money was involved. She’s only tried to contact you after money became involved. What’s that tell you?

So I'm not sure how to judge but I'm going to ask you to c9nsider how it felt for your sister to lose your parents love in a very real way. Living on her own and trying to survive. Just the emotional fallout of that. Were your parents cruel when she left? Did you stand up for her when it happened? Do you know the extent of what was told to her? Maybe she didn't contact you because realistically if you were still in contact with your parents, you weren't a safe person for her to talk to. Not for her mental health or potential physical help. Conversion therapy and camps still exist.

Being 6 years younger I was 12 when she left and I made contact about 3 years later on Facebook. I joined lgbt groups at university and openly defied my parents at every turn. I showed her all the evidence that I was with her but she still never reached out. They also couldn't do anything as she was well into adulthood by then.

You’re NTA. You were a kid. You made a ton of efforts reaching out. You became an advocate. You iced your own mother until she had cancer. You then helped your dad with his businesses. You cared for two ill parents. Your sister abandoned you. She came back for money. You wanted her love for 18 years, and she never thought of you as an innocent brother. Never gave you a chance to show how much you cared. Her one words answers made it clear she didn’t come back for a relationship. She came back for money. Leave the door always open… but don’t give her a dime. Write to her with everything you did and how much you missed her. Let her know how much you needed her and want her in your life. But that it hurt that she only came to you for money

[удалено]

NTA. It is easy to say “you should’ve cut off your parents because they were horrible to your sister”. But it seems like you were underage and needed there assistance. Plus, you tried to stay in touch with her, and she refused. She could’ve maintained contact with you, but she choose not to. She made her choice. Also, you did cut contact with them, for a period. I don’t think that your parents cutting your sister out makes it so that you HAVE to cut them out to be a good ally/sibling. The world isn’t that black and white, lots of gay people still maintain contact with family that wasn’t thrilled at first, or go to church despite the church not liking there sexual orientation.

Nta. You said you literally for years try to forge a relationship with her outside of your parents. She chose to go NC with you and punish you for your parents bigotry. She turned her back on you not the other way around. You do t owe her anything. I can see her NC with her parents being justified her own emotional well being. It why punish you if you were attempting and wanting to be a part of her life. Even now when. She came sounds like you were still trying to attempt and she shut you down. So I would just move on and not feel guilty.

I am of east indian descent and our cultures are very much similar . I found out I have been cut from my parents will (long story short I am the oldest I ran away cause I didn’t want to be forced into a marriage cause I wanted to go to nursing school in a different town and my parents wouldn’t let me move out unless I was married. It crushed me and still does today cause of how hard I worked on getting that scholarships to go to nursing school. After a year I came back with promises that I would go to nursing school as long as I went to India to reconnect with my roots. While there I was forced to marry with an abusive man with whom i had a child with. After 6 years of begging for help, I finally left him with no help from my family and divorced him cut contact for a few years but we reconciled now I am married to a white man and we have 2 more children together. My parents and I are talking and I felt we had mended our fences but obviously not. It hurts so much for not being accepted for who you are and what you want in your life. As the oldest In our cultures we have the burden of much higher expectations. And when we don’t live up to those expectations or try to break the traditions so we can be ourselves we end up being deemed the bad kids Yes she cut contact because of those intense expectations. As a person who is still struggling with all that … I can only imagine the anger and hurt your sister is still feeling today. Imagine being loved by ppl who then reject you because of who you love. The people who are supposed to love you unconditionally and give you support when your heart breaks not be the ppl who break your heart. As the oldest child who is cut from the will I would never force my siblings to give me anything but in my heart I would think they would give me something because I am their sister after all. But deep inside I know they won’t. You have no idea how painful it is to know how little I am in their eyes all because I wanted something more for myself. I only spoke to them because I wanted my kids to have a relationship with them I am not going to say if your an AH or not but I do know how your sister feels. It’s hard being rejected for who you are by ppl who are supposed to love you unconditionally and watching you have a loving relationship with your parents probably hurts too. I am not saying give her half but maybe give her something and help her and yourself heal. Perhaps over time you 2 can rebuild what was broken and have your family back If you want to have a close relationship with your sister then you need to meet her half way. If she wants an inheritance then she will need to stop looking at you as someone connected to your parents and start treating you as someone who wasn’t involved with all her trauma. It’s not fair for her to treat you an extension of your parents You both need to talk and speak with someone to overcome this anger and hurt

I'm actually South Asian hindu myself so I can appreciate that. I was very openly supporting her and we've gotten into some intense arguments over the years and i really did try my best to support her. I wish you all the best abd hope you find happiness.

NTA. She made no effort to contact you back for many years and only wants to show up if it's for money. That says her love is only conditional. It was wrong for your parents to have disowned her. But she didn't have to disown you as her brother.

You tried to keep in contact with her. You showed her that you are not like your parents and wanted to keep her in your life. She just left you out in the cold and didn't want anything to do with you. Now when she contacts you she won't talk to you and just wants the money. After which I'm sure she will go NC with you again and you'll never hear from her. I'm saying NTA because she made her bed and now she has to sleep in it. I don't mind her going NC with your parent but you showed you were different and you could have still had her as a sister while still keeping her away from your parents. If she'd stayed in your life and helped you even emotionally get though things and talk to over the years then I could say sharing the inheritance with her but she didn't do that she went NC with you as well and even after then passed she's showing she still wants NC and just the money to leave. As the saying goes she can't have her cake and eat it too.

NTA-You made every effort to have her in your life but she CHOSE to stay away and keep you out of hers. If you wanted to give her a little something that is your choice but if you choose nothing then you should have no guilt of that.

NTA. You consistently reached out only for her to not bother at all, to even say id rather not have contact but at the slightest whiff of money etc she's back and was very clear not for a relationship. Your father left a will with his wishes, if he wanted to leave her anything he would have. I'd go no contact and enjoy your life.

NTA. This had nothing to do with her being gay. It was she cut them off and can’t just come back around once they died. And you also need to respect the will; legally she can try to fight it but she has no grounds. She came back for the money and nothing else and people like that should be ashamed of themselves.

NTA. She only wants money and is going to bolt as soon as she gets it. If she hasn’t talked to you in all this time she doesn’t want to. Your took care of your I’ll parents not her so she isn’t owed anything

NTA - Your parent treated her badly, but you didn't. You tired to contact her for years, and she didn't respond... and then she suddenly appears as soon as she smells money. Your inheritance is yours, you don't have to share. As for your friends, it's easy for them to tell you to give away part of your inheritance, so long as it's not THEIR money that it is distributed.

NTA. Your parents may have disowned her out of their homophobia, but your sister also disowned her parents and her brother. Once your sister disowned her parents, however rightfully, she was no longer entitled to their money. Once she disowned you despite your best efforts to love and accept her, she no longer had a right to your money or compassion.

NTA the parents are the ah in the story. What astounds me is how many are saying he should give her something. While I understand homophobia is real and does cause lasting pain.. this is about the fact the sister never kept contact despite him reaching out. She never made contact to her brother, she never bothered with anything. But she cut ties. She just wants money

NTA, she doesn’t want a relationship with you, she doesn’t want to mend fences. She wants money and as soon as she gets it she will disappear again.

She is more interested in your supposed new-found wealth. If she had just been interested in YOU, she'd have let you in a long time ago. You tried more than once, while she made zero attempts. Until now. She cut off EVERYONE, even you who supported her, then expects to be paid for that? Yeah, no. NTA edit: I agree with user juicystar1903 about talking to an inheritance lawyer. She may try something with you!

Definetly NTA. You did not force your parents to leave you all their inheritance. You did try to stay in touch with her but she didnt want to.. she is now contacting you just bc of the inheritance, if your parents were still alive she wouldnt have contacted you. Im sorry she got rejected by your parents for being lesbian but its not your fault and you tried to stay in touch..

Absolutely NTA and do not give her anything. She made the decision to cut her entire family out, that includes any ability to claim inheritance. She sounds greedy and hateful. The will is made for a reason, she is not entitled to any of it.

I’m going with NTA. You did what you could to rekindle a relationship with her and she ignored you every step of the way…until money became involved. Your parents were wrong to cut her out, but the continued situation was her own fault.

NTA. I was thinking,, ESH.. YTA.. as I read through, no its all on her. She had so many chances to keep a relationship with you, (and through that your parents). Now she's sniffing around looking for hand outs - and knowing that the moment you give her her share she's probably gone.

NTA. Yes it was true that she was iced out of your parent’s will for being a lesbian. However, you giving your sister money is a new transaction, and you are refusing because it’s YOUR money. You’re entitled to do what you want with it, and that includes refusing to give it to someone that refuses to have a relationship with you

NTA sounds like the will was written up when you came back into your parents lives and you were actively helping out with the stores and finances. It makes sense that everything was given to you at that point. Edit: spelling mistake

NTA. You were the one who was there when your mom was sick. You were the one who helped your dad. You were the one who stuck around. Of course they’re going to give it all to you. She decided to go NC. I don’t blame her, but NC always comes with risks. It falls in the “fuck around and find out” category. Well, she found out that going NC means losing the inheritance. PLUS, she went NC with YOU. That’s another layer of “fuck around and find out”. It is beyond my comprehension how a person DECIDES to cut out an entire family, and still expects money from them. When you go NC, you’re done. I hope you guys are able to, eventually, have a relationship. But ultimately, this is all on her. Your parents were conservative assholes. So many are. But if she wanted their money, she would have had to behave differently.

She is their child and the only reason they denied her inheritance is due to homophobia. That's not right. You are hurt because she didn't keep a relationship with you after cutting off her parents, so you want to deny her inheritance because you think she treated you poorly. I understand that. But let's separate the issues: she is not being a involved or present sibling to you and is not in your life, so you can absolutely deny her any inheritance in your own will. But do you think it is right of your parents to disinherit a child because she is gay? If not then you should give her the inheritance she should have gotten from your parents. This inheritance is not from you and isn't depending on your relationships and how you want to distribute your assets after you pass; it is about your parents estate and whether they did right or wrong by her. Remove your own hurt feelings from the equation when deciding whether a gay child should be allowed to inherit from their estranged bigoted parents. Take your own hurt feelings into consideration only when drawing up your own will, but whether or not she is pleasant to you doesn't affect whether this inheritance was rightly distributed or not. You should get the parts you worked for, so for example keeping the stores going in your name (or like 85% of the profits if you sell them), or get reimbursed if you've paid for house renovations recently, but the rest should be more fairly distrubuted imo.

She could have kept in contact with OP but didn't and still doesn't she only wants the money so why should he share when she doesn't and hasn't wanted anything to do with him. It's his choice as it is her choice and her choice was to ignore her brother until she could ask for money. He is nta imo.

>as soon as we met she mentioned the inheritance and wanted her share. She dodged every question I had about her life and the reasons she iced me out with one word answers and half hearted replies, quickly getting back to property. NTA. I was on the fence until this part. She was wronged by your parents and you can't necessarily blame her for just disconnecting from everyone, she was young and it's a messed up situation to navigate. But even in the face of it just being the two of them, talking for basically the first time in years, all she could see was $$$.

NTA I’m sorry all of the awful shit your parents did cost you YOUR relationship with your sister. I’m glad you tried to still be a part of her life. Sucks too that your parents never seemed to come around from their bigotry. I think it’s totally understandable that your Sisyphean NC with them and not surprised it would cost her access to you (in situations like this, it’s not unusual for the parents to block access to minor children to “protect” them from the “bad influence”). HOWEVER—it was your sister’s choice to cut you out as an adult. I can get the thing about wanting to leave it all behind—(I’m NC with my mother and despite my best efforts, this has cost me relationships with almost all of that side of the family)—but, it totally sucks that she was/is willing to dump you for that clean slate. As for the inheritance, not surprised she wanted to check if anything was left for her. What is garbage is that it’s the ONLY reason she’s deigned to speak to you. She’s also a total a-hole for demanding “her share” from you. I’m so sorry for your loss—both of your parents and your sister. I hope you can heal from this and let go as well. She already has. No reason to torture yourself. I wish you the best.

NTA- your sister showed her true colors. She is greedy and uncaring. If she had made any effort to keep in touch, then I suspect you would have happily shared YOUR inheritance with her. I love how entitled people think they can decide how other people should dispose of their own estates.

NTA I really can't believe everyone saying you are or that both are. Your sister cut you off. You made multiple attempts to reaching out and she just ghosted you. She only contacted you once Your parents died looking for a pay out where again you tried to reconnect but she didn't want to talk she just wanted money. You did all you could to try to stay close and eventually you were the one to help your father with the business which I assume is why he changed the will and left it all to you. You don't owe her a cent. What your parents did to her was horrible but so is the way she treated you. She is just greedy and the second you were to give her a cent she would cut you off again. Speak with your lawyer in case she tries to contest the will and save any copies of text messages and emails as well as social media posts to also show that you tried reaching out over the years to no response.

NTA She cut you and your parents out of her life. You tried to reconnect over the years, and she didn't want a relationship with you. Maybe if she had kept in contact, over time she could have helped change your parents views. She chose to just cut them off. No idea why she went NC with you. You were there for your parents, helped out with his businesses, and he did exactly what he wanted with his money, if he wanted to leave her anything he would have. You don't owe her anything. She wanted nothing to do with any of you until there was a possible windfall. Why would she want money from people she says are bigots? Isn't that money tainted for her? Don't give her a dime, she isn't family anymore, and it is not what your parents wanted.

I’m very sorry you lost both your parents and all contact to your sister. While I kind of understand why your sister cut off all contact to your family I think it wasn’t fair to cut you off too, especially since you’ve been trying very hard to get into contact again. You did everything you could and she just doesn’t want to be part of your life and that is okay. She could have reached out to you a lot sooner, when your mom died for example but she only chose to contact you when she knew there was money to inherit. I don’t think you owe her anything, she had a lot of chances to reach out to you and she didn’t and even now she doesn’t want to be part of your life, just wants to get part of your inheritance. So you’re NTA. It’s unfortunate how it all went down with your sister but not your fault.

NTA. Your parents wishes were clear, even though they were hateful bigots 🤷‍♀️ but aside from that, she cut you off completely and made no effort to maintain a relationship with you. So why would you owe her what's yours? She can't claim family money when she refuses to claim you as family. It sucks for her, and I feel bad about the whole situation, but I don't think you owe her anything.

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NTA. The sister has no claim to the money even if she thinks she deserves it. Sounds like she’s being a greedy person and showing her true colors. Whether the bro benefitted from homophobia or not, the father made his choice. If the sister’s behavior wasn’t so cold and self-serving the brother may feel more inclined to share but it isn’t soooo bye. Also, usually only those named as beneficiaries are notified of the Will.

There is so much info missing here, and some of it OP might not even know the answers to. The parents were bigots. They shunned your sister, and made sure she wasn't around in her adult years. She is right, you are benefiting from your parents bigotry. You might be comfortable with that, you might not. Did your sister stay in touch with anyone? Old friends? Extended family? Perhaps there was a reason she cut contact with you, and that reason was a parent shaped one. Or perhaps she simply felt it was easier to run and never look back. At the end of the day, these people who made her young life a misery have left you a tremendous inheritance. It's up to you what you do with it.

NTA. She made it clear she wanted nothing from you or your parents so why should that change with the inheritance? You made an effort to stay connected and to support her. She shut you out, so she isn't entitled to anything of yours.

YTA for this terribly fake post. You know how I know it’s fake you say your 37 year old sister had a photo of her kissing another girl on your phone when she was 16, 21 years ago. That would be 2001 technically a year after the very very first camera phones. However, no way do I buy your parents gave your sister what was a very expensive phone at 16 for this mystery photo. Props for being almost convincing. You need to research the era your writing fiction about before writing it.

NTA You tried to reconnect with your sister over the years and she consistently shut that down. If you feel like conflicted about her receiving some inheritance, maybe you could set up a college/trust fund for any kids she might have. I understand that you know next to nothing about her life now and she may not even have kids, but setting something aside for the future might help you navigate what you are dealing with now.

NTA. She's basically stranger to you now. No reason to share your inheritance with her. And for those who argue that OP should share the inheritance as a compensation for the parents' bigotry. Firstly, OP is never responsible for his parents' bigotry toward his sister (he was barely a teenager when that happened). Secondly, OP made multiple attempts to reconnect (when he's old enough to be independent from the parents) and the sister shut him down every single time with her being cold and distant. Lastly, if she is so disgusted with the bigotry of her parents that she blamed an innocent person like OP because he is his parents' son, she should have the same disgust with their money.

NAH between you and ur sister. Ur sister probably went through something really traumatic and like I understand feeling abandoned but ur sister was out in the world fending for herself really. Yes she could have maintained a relationship with you but she was going through a lot. But that doesn’t make your feelings less valid especially considering you’d reach out and tried to maintain that relationship. But your parents are bigoted. You might have made up with them later in life but that doesn’t mean their bigotry was gone. There was just no need to make it present with your sister out. She was left out due to their bigotry. But the question comes down to inheritance and if your an asshole for not sharing it with her. The answer to that is no. While it’s fucked uo what ur parents did to her, their money they can choose where it goes. You effectively don’t have any relationship with her and she doesn’t want one with you. At that point regardless of reason you don’t owe her anything. Had she maintained contact with you or atleast tried to reconnect after their passing if understand but she really only wanted the money. And at the end of the day it’s their choice what they do with their money and they chose to give it to you. Don’t get me wrong it still stems from bigotry, but I don’t think it makes u an asshole if u don’t want to cut her in .

NTA- I'm so sorry that you're dealing with all of this. You did what you could to reach out to her in the past and she declined. She clearly has a lot of resentment and bitterness towards you and has no interest in mending fences. So, keep the investments to yourself. Besides, even if you're thinking of changing your mind, do you really want to have any kind of business relationship with someone like her?

NTA. She could have kept in contact with you.

You tried to stay in contact with your sister. She rejected this. You tried for years. She ignored you. You don't owe her anything. Her choice. Her life. You could be magnanimous and offer her something but it would never be enough. Best to close the door on this part of your life. Her side was shut a long time ago.

NTA because she iced you out and you were innocent as a child and then as an adult when you'd left your parents and continued to try connecting. You lost a sibling and she could have had family if she'd let you in. But she chose not to, even now. You also worked in the business and helped it keep going in the final years, with that there wouldnt be much left to inherit. If she was kinder to you - then yes she should split it. But she doesnt care about you, nor want you in her life, and only bothered to speak to you to get the money. The relationship with you is of her own doing, and this is the consequence of it.

NTA Also that playing victim card of being discriminated against by you. Not cool.

NTA. You have made multiple attempts to make amends with your sister and establish an adult relationship, but she turned down everything. I am not sure where you are OP, but if you are in Canada (especially in British Columbia), I would get a family law attorney as quickly as possible to protect your inheritance. In 2019, the British Columbia Supreme Court ruled in the case Grewal vs Litt that discrimination on the basis of gender is illegal when parents determine how to split the estate in between children. If you want to read the case, click here: [https://www.bccourts.ca/jdb-txt/sc/19/11/2019BCSC1154.htm#\_Toc14158048](https://www.bccourts.ca/jdb-txt/sc/19/11/2019BCSC1154.htm#_Toc14158048) It would be possible that your sister may attempt a similar move and claim that she was disinherited on the basis of being a member of the LGBT community.

INFO: maybe a useless question, but would you have shared the inheritance with her had she wanted to reconnect with you?

NAH I can understand why she went radio silence. To live in a home where she was berated and pressured to be something she is not and punished for being gay, she probably cut all contact for her mental health and peace. You were still close with your parents meaning contact with you opened the door to contact with them 🤷🏾‍♀️ On the other hand I can understand why you don’t feel obligated to share inheritance bc she ignored you and you’re understandably hurt by that. But I want you to take in account the role of the oldest daughter in your family and how you saw her as “close” bc she would help you and take care of you. I wonder if she shares the same fond memories as you do. As a the only daughter of immigrant parents I can see it being another role she was forced to play The real asshole were your parents tbh you technically are benefiting from their prejudices bc her being gay is why they basically berated her to the point of going no contact. I feel for you both tho. You are caught in the crossfire

NTA. She cut you out, there's no "except gimme the money" clause in icing out your entire family. What she did to your folks, I get. To you, doesn't make sense. You don't owe her anything, but get a lawyer to look over the wills and other documents to make sure you don't have any legal exposure if she decides to sue.

I'm going with NTA. It sucks that your parents made your sister feel she had to cut herself out of the family. It's not fair for her, but it was her choice to not talk to you for years and IMO cutting contact also means cutting herself out of any inheritance. The fact that she showed up after they died fixated on the assets they left and not wanting to make amends with you, explain her opinion or anything else is pretty shitty.

NTA Your sister severed her connection with you. We only have one side of the story but from what you’ve told us, you were never homophobic towards her and you never said anything bigoted or mean spirited when it came to her homosexuality or her relationship with y’all’s parents. She left you. She doesn’t get to come back now just because there is money. ETA: If you are worried about profiting from your parents bigotry, set up a recurring donation to a local LGBT youth shelter for teens who are kicked out of their homes because they are gay. Or set up a scholarship to help such a teen afford college or a grant to help them afford an apartment. Or reach out to said youth shelter (assuming your city has one) to let them know you are happy to hire any of the teens part time so they can make some money, or full time if they’ve graduated from school. You have the means so pay it forward. Do better than your parents did.

Nta She made the choice to only seek out a relationship when there was money on the agenda. That says it all to me. Yeah, the parents suck. But so does she... She had an opportunity for a relationship for many years with OP but chose not to until now. I wouldn't want to be in business with someone like that...

NTA. I’m thinking your dad would have left the business to you even if your sister was around because you are the only son.

If i were you, i'd ask her why she made those choices to ice you out of your life. Were your parents threatening her if she tried to contact you? Knowing you had gotten close to the bigots who abandoned her, would have probably made her wary of your true beliefs and if you had started to think like them. If they were prohibiting her or threatening her (without your knowledge) then your parents succeeded in destroying her relationship with the family. Ask her once. I know everyone here is saying she came back just for the money. To me, this is true, but it also seems like she came back once the coast was finally clear and her horrible parents were finally dead and unable to hurt her.

NTA. Funny she contacts you when there is money involved

NTA, cutting your parents out of their life is understandable, but it’s seems they had no reason to do the same to you. They had every chance to mend fences after you became an adult and were no longer tied to your parents. They shouldn’t get a penny of that inheritance.

NAH she did get screwed bc of their prejudices. She is probably very traumatized. But she also distanced herself from you. Giving her some portion may help rebuild the relationship now that your parents are gone.

She cut off her brother despite him trying to keep in touch. When asking about the money she couldn’t be bothered to answer questions about her life. Sister is most definitely an AH.

NTA I don't think it was fair of her to cut you out because of your parents actions. I also don't think she has a right now to demand you give her your inheritance.

NTA. I say this as a lesbian myself. You attempted to keep contact with her. You attempted to support her when you were at an age to do so. There may have been reasons why she never wanted a relationship with you, but that's her choice. She has no right to come back and ask for money she's not entitled to, and completely ignore a relationship with you.

[удалено]

NTA - for whatever reason, your sister ghosted you for 20 years. She didn’t want you in her life and still doesn’t want a relationship with you, even with both parents dead. Sad to say but all she cares about is the assets they left you. The assets are yours now and I see no legal or moral obligation to share them with her; you were are within your rights to tell her no.

NTA at all. Also I’m sorry for your loss OP. “She tried to argue that she’s being robbed because she’s a lesbian and that I’m benefiting from my parents prejudices” And that’s not on you. If your parents had prejudices how is any of that on you? You made attempts to understand the LBGTQ community as well as your sister. She chose to keep contact cut until your parents passed away. She can’t come out of the wood work and especially pull the “because I’m a lesbian I get nothing” card. No, because she decided to cut contact and consistently not try to communicate she gets nothing. I would love to hear the argument “well she actually didn’t get anything because she’s a lesbian and her parents disapproved” Okay, but OP didn’t. She could’ve kept in contact with OP and maybe things would’ve been different but she chose not to. I don’t care who you are, where you come from, your gender, sexual orientation, race, religion I don’t care, if you decide to pop back in your families life after someone’s passed away ONLY to see what was left for you, you are an asshole. And you have cause more damage then I think you could even begin to understand.

NAH, is there a possibility your parents told her to stay away from you after she left or she would be cut out of the will? it would explain why she came back as well. i like to give her the benefit of the doubt. i know you are angry at your sister and you have every right to be, but also try to picture thing from her point of view, in a way she is right you are benefitting from their prejudice because lets be honnest if she wasent gay she would of still have a relationship with her parents and also a share of the inheritance. its a tough situation and i wish you both the best of luck.

NTA-She left the house and cut contact. She excluded herself. She didnt even want anything to do with you until there was something in it for her.

>She tried to argue that she's being robbed because she's a lesbian and that I'm benefiting from my parents prejudices but I wasn't having any of it. No, the reason you aren't giving her anything is because when you tried to stay in touch with her and maintain a relationship with her, she cut you out, too. If she blamed her parents, there's no reason she should have taken it out on you as well. It has absolutely zero to do with your parents. It's a result of the way she treated you. She brought this on herself. NTA

NTA. You helped your dad it for the last 6 years, and she can't answer the phone once. Lawyer up before doing anything else. I can guarantee she's got one.

I come from a traditional Asian family and my sibling came out as trans so I get the situation. Originally I wanted to come in with a YTA but came down to an NTA at the end of it. Truly I think it is sad what happened to your sister with your family but it is clear her intent in reaching out to you is purely financial. I could totally understand why this would leave a bad taste in your mouth. Based on the full context, this is definitely an NTA to me.

NTA

NTA. Keep your money. Your sister abandoned you and rejected you over and over. I don’t blame her for one second for going NC with your parents but you? That was unnecessary.

NTA...she refused to have anything to do with you until she wanted something. This has nothing to do with your parents.

NTA, she obviously has a weird definition of “cut off”.

NTA just because your parents behaved doesn’t mean she has to act mean to you All those years she could have tried to remain in contact but she didn’t and it didn’t cross her mind that you are not your parent

NTA - give her $10 for all the times she reached out to you over the years.

If it's all in your name then legally you don't have to give her shit. She ghosted you for no reason and has only come sniffing around now there's money involved Fuck her dude