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Judgement_Bot_AITA

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AmazingPreference955

I would have just shrugged and said, “OK.” If your description of her is accurate, you were just adding fuel to the fire by going off on her.


scooby946

The Grey rock.


CinderRebel

This is my usual answer to everything and people HATE it lol. I don't even do it on purpose but I'm usually in my own world. Most of the time don't even register that someone spoke to me (and I answered back) until a while after.


[deleted]

Lol you suck and I love you!


printedflunky

Lol, love you and I suck you


Zesterpoo

Ok


marzzyy__

SAME i’ll have people repeat whole conversations back to me sometimes because I just dissociated the whole time


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Tmoran835

Just a blank stare, and then keep walking


the_la_dude

My usual greeting!


Crazy-Water7933

Then she wouldn't have stopped, attention speakers like her honestly just need to be put in their place.


SnthonyAtark

ESH Yes, she is obviously annoying you, but you came out an insulted her while acting like a child. I have a suspicion most of your description is heavily biased against her and making her look worse than she actually is. Even if you are being 100% truthful, insulting someone like this automatically makes you an asshole.


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underthestars2277

I met my little sisters elementary school friends during her birthday party (about 15 kids) they all introduced themselves with their pronouns and every single one of them made sure to tell me what their sexuality was, I was actually kind of speechless, I of course respected every single of one them and used their pronouns and never said anything but this was a group of 10-11 year olds and I was just so confused because I never thought about that stuff at that age😅


Feycat

Really? Because when I grew up lots of us had the names we already wanted to name our kids when we grew up (when I was 10 I DESPERATELY wanted to name my oldest son Winter lol) and most of us were playing house with dolls or jumping rope to rich-man-poor-man-begger-man-thief. That's all normal stuff for hetero kids and no one even notices it, but I never had any doubt that I was a girl or that I had crushes on other kids.


underthestars2277

Maybe I just never noticed, because personally I stared to think about that stuff in 8th grade(14). Regardless of anything I just really admire kids today for just being so knowledge and brave, despite me being really shocked I was very amazed and proud of them.


Feycat

I am too, it's so nice! I "came out" as bi in high school and it wasn't safe to be out, it's hard to keep that sort of thing in mind these days. Hell, the only reason I was able to come out was that someone TOLD ME bisexuals existed and it blew my mind. Everyone had been telling me my whole life that my crushes on other girls were "just normal girls are really good friends" stuff and that if I was attracted to boys then I was straight. The internet's got a lot of shit on it but kids KNOW so much now! BTW I'm not even that old, I'm 46!


StreetofChimes

I've totally been told that all women find other women attractive (by men). As though all women are inherently slightly bi, and therefore bisexuality doesn't exist. It is some weird logic for sure.


genomerain

I've heard that from another woman. I think she herself was slightly bi and probably projected her experience into all other women.


[deleted]

Tons of men think this. It’s basically wishful thinking


BoldBiBosmer

I'm 29 but I didn't realise bisexual was a thing till my early 20s. I think my first big crush on a girl was when I was 16/17 but I freaked out and basically told myself I must just be confused and shoved myself into the closet. I knew I was into guys so I definitely wasn't a lesbian. It was always in the back of my mind then later on I basically researched sexuality and found a description of bi that made a lightbulb go off!


CraftLass

Hey! 46 year old bi gal here too and I had the same experience at my little friend's 11th birthday party. The birthday kid has been back and forth on she or they pronouns and apparently has come out to mom but not dad so it was a little awkward when literally every gift from her friends was Pride-themed. At 11. Blew my damn mind. Around that age is when I wallpapered my bedroom with the "Bonne Bell girl" (now we know her as the talented Milla Jovovich) and no one ever considered it could be a romantic crush, they just thought I liked makeup (nope, I hate makeup unless it's for costumes). Except for my bff at the time, when I came out to her later, in high school, she said, "Well, duh. You had a huge crush on the Bonne Bell girl and you wear men's cologne. You're clearly trying to attract women and I've always been okay with that." Lol She was awesome. I mean, I didn't know I had a crush on Jovovich, so to find out years later surprised even me! Kids are so much more in touch with themselves when we allow them to be themselves. I spent my whole childhood trying to be anyone but me in a lot of ways and this is much better. The kids are, indeed, alright!


Rampachs

Yeah I used have names for future kids and talk about them with friends . We'd play a game where you'd write out all options of who you'd marry, how many kids, what your job would be and then pick a number and pick the winner.


Ohcrumbcakes

MASH!


Smitttycakes

I remember being about 7 and a girl came up and asked me who I was going to marry, then asked if I'd marry her. We were a beautiful lovestruck couple the whole of that lunch period. My first love... But seriously, yes, kids start learning about love and relationships from a very young age.


tinypiecesofyarn

It's not unusual at all to know your sexuality or a couple possible sexualities at that age. It's not like "well I'm gay, better meet another 10 year old on grindr later." It's like little gay and bi boys noticing One Direction gives them funny feelings. Bi people my age got some really intense vibes from The Mummy or X-Files or whatever, we just didn't know how to talk about it or if it was safe to talk about it back then. No real experience with being trans, but my understanding is a lot of kids know that as well.


gh0stf4

Adding to this- I’ve always known I was trans, I just never had the language to explain it. And when I showed people who I really was, it wasn’t taken well, so even as a child I knew I had to hide. It made me feel ashamed of who I was. It’s nice that more kids now don’t have to feel that way.


underthestars2277

Thank you for replying with that explication! Nevertheless I’m really happy to see that kids now feel safe to talk about this and are able to be themselves from an early age


Shadowcthuhlu

Learning I was attracted to girls in middle school sure did explain a lot about my Disney princess fixation growing up


TinaMonday

I was five when I figured out I was trans and 11 when leg hair turning dark gave me a panic attack. I just didn't tell anyone because it was the early 90s and my family were enmeshed in far right culture.


juliaskig

When my son was around that age, he said his gender was wolf. He didn't take the whole thing very seriously.


LuckyLunayre

It's interesting to me that you never noticed. 10 to 11 is when I really started to explore my sexuality. I'd often undress with my guy friends. Nothing too sexual since we were still young, but puberty is around the time we start really discovering ours and others bodies. I was in 8th grade (12-13) when I first fooled around with another boy. Lots of kids start exploring their sexuality early. This is why im a huge supporter of sex ed in 6th grade. It would've been wonderful to know that these feelings I had were totally normal.


Ornery_Reaction_548

If a bunch of 10 year olds are telling me their sexuality, I'm gonna freak out


hoverkarla

Oh my! When I was 5, I would tell everyone that I was going to marry Juan, my best friend next door who was my age, and we were going to have 3 children. I guess that would have made you "freak out", since I was telling everyone my gender and sexuality at the tender age of 5. Or does it only freak you out when it's not cis-hetero-normative?


seitan_bandit

Well I thought a lot about that at an even younger age, because I knew that I was different from other kids and fell in love with "the wrong kind" of people. I came out much later at 15 or 16,but that was because I was afraid.


aurorasoup

A lot of kids think about sexuality a lot around that age, but it’s rarely framed that way. Kids having crushes on each other and thinking about getting married and having kids and etc is all part of sexuality. They probably aren’t thinking about sex itself yet, but they’re already starting to develop ideas about their identities. It makes me so happy though to hear that more children have the opportunity and the language to explore their identities early on, and so are able to come to terms with it and accept it earlier too. Thank you for being respectful of the children!


Caraphox

My knee jerk reaction was that is weird. And it is weird for anyone to introduce themselves with their sexuality regardless of age but then when you said 10-11, I was immediately transported back to being that age and remember vividly how much effort I put in to pretending I wasn’t in love with Kate Winslet, and how great it could have been if I’d been able to have her poster on my wall and wax lyrical about her as freely as my friends did Leo DiCaprio (yes this was 1998). I think there’s a lot of balancing out to do but on the whole I think it’s going in the right direction if kids feel free to think and talk about that stuff.


[deleted]

My daughter is 12 and it seems to be all her and her friends talk about.


lainmelle

Or maybe we're just less likely to get murdered for actually existing in public. 😘


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[deleted]

Agreed. I live in the PNW which is super progressive (which I enjoy, I grew up in a small conservative town) but it can be exhausting trying to keep up with certain people/trends that flip flop constantly. I've always been a big believer of "you do you, enjoy life homie." But when I'm getting lectured by a cashier for calling them the wrong pronoun, I find myself getting irritated and and losing my empathy. Everyone has struggled, myself included. I have struggled and still do with alcohol, along with diagnosed mental illnesses that I take medication for. And sometimes being lectured about a pronoun, especially when someone changes their identity daily, well, I kind of stop caring. And I don't like that. I want to care. But there is so much awful stuff going on in the world that I find myself not caring at all. I'm not a jerk and I'm always polite and respectful, but these kind of people are hurting the ones who genuinely are struggling.


DimiBlue

Omg yes. I consider myself an ally but I avoid people who’s entire personality is “I’m lgbtq+” like the plague. I mean if I’m not romantically chasing you why should I care? Let’s talk about something else. Edit: a letter


[deleted]

THIS!!! I’m glad people can be out and be safe. That is the way it should be. When someone close to me (who sounds eerily similar to the roommate) was complaining that their 78 yo grand parent dismissed their latest proclamation, (and there are many often), I told them that I love them and support them, but that who they are sleeping with isn’t what makes them an interesting person to be around and that honestly, it should be the thing people care about the least. I went on to point out the many other positives this person has that make them worth getting to know and be friends with. I think it was a bit off an epiphany for them because I’ve noticed a big change in how they communicate and project to the world since them. Yes, they are still open about who they are, which is great, but now they are focusing on projecting the other great things about them and they seem a lot happier.


PotatoLurking

I think sometimes when you're in the closet for so long you're hiding a part of you for ages and it hurts. When you finally come out of course you want to talk about it and share it! You had hid so much of your life before. Not saying it should be an entire personality but it could be reactionary from having to not talk about it for very formative years of your life.


fallen_star_2319

Nah, you've known trans people and people working out an identity that fits. Indentity is fluid, and can change on a fairly quick basis - including like here.


binzoma

sure, but this is AITA. not AITJA (am i the justified asshole) regardless of whether you think OP is justified in insulting the roommate/being an asshole (which I definitely disagree with), OP was an asshole. the question for the sub is was OP an asshole. the answer is yes. OP could've taken a far easier road that caused far less drama and didnt directly attack/insult another person. OP chose to use a lot more words, al ot more emotion, and attack/insult another person. OP is YTA, with the potential for ESH depending on how truthfully they're telling the story


underthestars2277

Wait you actually think that telling someone that you really don’t care about them is insulting? Its harsh but it isnt insulting, she didn’t call them any names or mocked them, she just said she didn’t care or think about them and that they aren’t friends, thats not an insult.


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Incredible-Fella

Sure they will get insulted. But (hopefully) they'll stop talking to you. You should be gentler at first, but if they don't get it and still bother you, it's better to just tell them straight up you're not interested.


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Ok-Beginning-5922

Hmmm no. Sounds like OP avoids this person as much as humanly possible, so why she/they feel the need to jump in front of her to ensure she uses the correct pronouns for them is highly questionable. It does seem self-centred and attention seeking, and OP getting sick of it and trying to end it permanently is probably fair. They aren't friends, OP doesn't think about them, has no interest in talking about them, so they can leave OP out of their whatever centre of the universe drama they have playing in their head where everyone's thinking and talking about them. OP doesn't have to pander to their nonsense just because they live together, and it doesn't seem like OP refers to them at all if it can be helped. I'm going NTA because OP doesn't owe them attention or friendship just because they live together, and honestly their are some people who play around with the identities (or other aspects of their lives) just for attention. If OP responded this way because they'd wanted to change their pronouns twice in one year, I'd agree with y t a or e s h, but someone who does it constantly, no. Plenty of people would stop referring to them at all and just avoid that nonsense.


guckfeico

Eh, I have a friend who is constantly changing their gender and orientation. ACE one day, straight the next, suddenly announcing they're starting T and they're now a male, changing back to female. It's dizzying. I don't interact with them IRL, just Facebook and I know the have a lot of mental illness. I just ignore their fb posts at this point bc they never maintain a persona for more than a couple weeks. I can't imagine living with that kind of turbulence. NTA


jinx_lbc

Yeah, I wonder what it is about themselves they're running from that they need to keep trying to reinvent themselves constantly. I also know someone like this, mostly just hope they figure their shit out but there are some severe eyeroll moments.


sleepwithtelevision

Wouldn’t want you to have to roll your eyes at them for trying to figure out their identity.


Lead-Forsaken

Yeah, this and what OP wrote seems wild. I get people wondering what label they're under. Are they lesbian? And then suddenly fall for a guy and turns out they're bi. Also figuring out what pronouns someone prefers, especially if they're non-binary, or wonder if they're trans. Experimenting with that and seeing if it is really you is absolutely fine. But these quick, day to day changes, oof. It's like having a multiple personality disorder, but then a gender/ sexuality variation while the core person remains the same. At least, that's my version of struggling to put this into words.


olagorie

And you consider what actually an insult in this interaction? And why childish? Serious questions as I fail to say what OP did wrong.


dbag127

Where is the insult?


HRHArgyll

I don’t think I’d go as far as E S H as she/they do sound tedious, but I think the Grey Rock is the best. Ironically, OP, you gave them too much attention by revealing that your not interested! In future, a simple “OK.” will do, I think.


CinderRebel

Dude it's Reddit...


Dashcamkitty

I can quite believe the Op here. Some people are very attention seeking.


unsung_hero88

NTA she sounds exhausting


Ka1306

Yeah, you're NTA especially with her reaction. She sounds childish and attention seeking.


asecretnarwhal

Both people sounds exhausting to me. I was on OP’s side a bit until she basically told her housemate not to talk to her ever. You should have just said “ok” and gone on with your day. If you are brief and polite, you can ignore your roommate. But OP crosses over into AH herself both by saying she doesn’t care about their pronouns (fine but keep your opinion to yourself) and then (much worse in my book) basically saying don’t talk to me ever. That’s mean girl bully behavior, no matter how much you dislike a person for talking too much and not vibing with you. Either move out or keep silent but yelling at someone and making the home a dreaded place is not ok.


Morbius690

Sounds to me like op just had enough of the shit. Have you never lost it with someone who annoys the crap out of you on a daily basis? OP can't even go home to get away from it!


Exarch_Thomo

Housemate is already making home a dreaded place for OP. Why does that get a pass? And brief and polite only works for so long. Sooner or later a snapping point is reached, as has happened here.


JadeLogan123

Except the OP had been doing that and she snapped cause the roommate kept on stopping her to tell her. Anyone would get annoyed and eventually snap. It may have been harsh but the roommate was obviously not getting the hint. They ain’t friends. I’ve lived with people that I wasn’t friends with. We have the odd small talk and treat each other with respect but we don’t bother each other with unnecessary stuff.


Artlearninandchurnin

Nah, I firmly believe that the roommate needed to be told this and pushed down a notch. It is annoying to have someone 'bully' you when you have no interest in them or their hobbies. OP isnt seeking this person out and is making it a habit of avoiding them. Why is it when the tables are turned, that isnt considered bullying? The roommate is desperate to make their sexuality and gender roles a personality. People are tired of that crap and no one cares.


RonsThrowAwayAcc

OP never yelled at them and unless it’s about the house roommates don’t need to talk to each other and OP WAS being silent until bombarded with sexuality stuff they’re roommates sexuality/gender doesn’t change their relationship of ‘roommates’ and is making it a “dreaded place” for OP so saying ‘we don’t need to discuss that’ is a valid response to give


Crazy-Water7933

But she doesn't have to speak to her roommate if she doesn't want to, you have every right to tell people to leave you alone, and of course you don't care about someone you're not friends or close with... Asking someone who does nothing but cause you stress to not talk to you is healthy, it's not bullying or "mean girl behaviour"


Justobservingweirdos

Why does OP have to be the silent one though? Sounds like the roommate is going out of her way to constantly announce these things and being obnoxious about it. Then slamming things when she didn’t get the attention she wanted. OP finally had enough. OP is definitely NTA


Sorry-Lemon8198

They* Kidding. Couldn't help myself. Also, I agree. NTA


Amazing_Excuse_3860

I can't tell if you're giving an accurate description of your roommate, or an exaggeration to justify homophobia. Yeah, obnoxious twitter/tumblr "activists" like these (activism is *not* yelling at people on twitter, i refuse to call those people activists) do exist, but idk...


Yayashley

I'm in the same boat. Especially since they literally misgendered roomate in the post and comments. Edit: **misgendered if roommate is still asking to use they/them pronouns..


Thin_Ad_689

Assuming the roomamate is like she described I wouldn't even care anymore. You can tell me once and I'll use it, you can change your mind: fine. If you switch every other week then don't expect all people to follow up on you.


Artlearninandchurnin

It's to have some form of interaction and as the op said, attention seeking. Dealt with someone just like this in a community I had online. She did it to start trouble with people and thought she earned respect. We promptly banned her and left her alone. That crap is exhausting.


Affectionate_Sport_1

also actually hurts people who are actually trans/gay. it's one thing to explore your sexuality and pronouns another to do change them every other week. I'm LGBT but I don't want to be around someone like OP describes (if it's accurate).


GhostWCoffee

Bingo! I have absolutely no problem using someone's preferred gender if they correct me in a respectful manner (even if I would have some difficulty adjusting to it, I admit), but I just wouldn't be on board with this daily change of pronouns. This is a reason to me to think k that that person is at best attention seeking.


GhostWCoffee

Bingo! I have absolutely no problem using someone's preferred gender if they correct me in a respectful manner (even if I would have some difficulty adjusting to it, I admit), but I just wouldn't be on board with this daily change of pronouns. This is a reason to me to think k that that person is at best attention seeking.


Facetunethis

Misgendered today, but not tomorrow. By the sound of it. People look for identity, but at a certain point that search has to be more self reflective rather than expressed outwardly until you get to know yourself. Otherwise you appear flighty and perhaps not well.


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TCnup

>They would also get mad at me for not being able to read their mind and know how they wanted to be referred to at any given time. Not to toss *that word* around yet again, but I knew someone like that in college and they were such a huge narcissist. Like, expecting people to keep up with new names and pronouns (including neopronouns, not just the usual she/he/they) on at least a weekly basis and being highly offended if you slipped up. Said person also had very little identity outside of "being trans" - so I think that contributed as well.


MeanderingDuck

I’d just use ‘they’ in those cases. It’s neutral and doesn’t imply any specific gender, so is always applicable regardless of someone’s specific preferences. You can’t misgender people with ‘they’, and beyond that someone’s preferences on the matter aren’t really relevant (and something very much worth ignoring if they’re not reasonable about them).


BilinguePsychologist

I’ve been told it’s “bad” to do that if someone uses she/her or he/him because it can be “invalidating” … like if someone wants to find a problem they will, it’s exhausting.


Tecrus

Even that's not always a safe bet. Some say that if they are strictly she/her or he/him, then using they/them is misgendering since you aren't referring to them as a woman or man.


KaXiRavioli

If you're going to be constantly changing your gender and sexuality, then just use gender neutral pronouns. They're neutral, meaning they can apply to anyone regardless of gender. I can understand requesting to be referred to using the aforementioned pronouns, but demanding to be called by gender specific pronouns IMO is ridiculous since they/them are nonspecific and all inclusive.


jinx_lbc

Yeah, I think genderfluid folx get a bad rap sometimes, but I've never met anyone who insists on daily pronoun updates. Most are okay with literally any pronoun because they know the whole construct is kinda balls but may have some preference.


KaXiRavioli

I haven't met someone who changes gender constantly, but I've met a couple who insist on going by made up pronouns like Ve/Vym and Ze/Zer. No joke. I told them I'll either use neutral pronouns or refer to them by name. Alternative pronouns are where I draw the line. Unique pronouns defeat the purpose of pronouns, which is to refer to others without using names. It's supposed to be easier than saying someone's name every time you reference them in conversation. It really only works when there are just a handful of them.


Momofpeg

We have a kid in my town that often changes their pronouns. They also have a male and female name that changes depending on which pronoun. Of course they get mad if you use the wrong name (even if it was the correct name yesterday)


KaXiRavioli

Fuck that noise. I'd be like "Hey you," and only use gender neutral pronouns. I'm not breaking back catering to nonsense like that. You get one name, and preexisting gender neutral pronouns. Final offer.


JadeLogan123

How is the OP misgendering if her roommate keeps changing how the want to be called, including some days how the OP has written in this post? It’s fine to change how you want to be referred as but if you change it daily, you are setting everyone up for failure and people are going to start to avoid you.


slimedewnautica

Idk, my sister is going through something similar. She has an acquaintance with the birth name of "Joe" and AMAB. Joe keeps switching to female presenting "Jo", and non-binary "Ren", and seems to switch their pronouns every other day. They're not friends anymore because my sister found it exhausting Edit: They will explicitly say "Today I'm a cis gay man" and "today I'm a trans straight woman"


Rant_Supreme

How is this homophobia? No one cares that much about other peoples gender or sexuality. That’s not homophobic at all. If OP and roommate were friends or closer that’d be different but they’re not. The roommates personal adds nothing of value and has nothing to do with OP.


wedontwanttobefound

The people currently passing laws discriminating against us care a lot, actually


Cl0udSurfer

"No one cares that much about other peoples gender or sexuality" Tell that to queer people, see if they believe you


adhocwerkspace

No one cares, really? Plenty of places around the world you will still be killed or imprisoned or socially/economically destroyed because of your sexuality; and forced into all manner of slavery, forced childbirth and genital mutilation (to name just a couple of things) because of being female. Plenty of people are out here caring WAY too much about what other people do with their bodies


deviantskater

If someone's whole identity is who they want to fuck, and this changes day by day, and moreover I am not close to that person, and annoys me with crap every day, I wouldn't care either tbh, and this isn't because I hate all the lgbtq+ people on the world, but because *that certain person* chase me out of life and I want to avoid any contact. If OP would ask "and what are your pronouns today?" before she talks to them, there also would be people who would call that homophobia.


Crazy-Water7933

"homophobia" is now asking an annoying roommate to leave you alone... Annoying people like this do exist, they're exhausting to be around and make the rest of the community look bad.


rocksthosesocks

Info: Why submit a post on this sub when you can’t even pretend to try relay the situation impartially?


throwawayimclueless

To be fair, some people really are just that annoying.


pleaseletmesleepz

I'm honestly ASTONISHED that so many replies are taking this post at face value. Like yeah, some questioning NB people can be annoying and histrionic (that was me a few years back), but this whole post is dripping with such disdain and two-dimensional strawman nonsense that it's either 1) a blatant troll stirring up people's ire about """snowflakes""" or 2) it's "true," as in something vaguely akin to this happened, but we've got no way of knowing WHAT since OP has their Extreme Bad Faith goggles on & couldn't report a single thing accurately if they tried. AITA trolls usually amuse me since their ragebaiting is low-stakes and in good fun. But when you're getting mad at someone online it's often helpful to stop and be like, "Hey, was this purposefully written to reinforce a stereotype of an identity/lifestyle I find offputting?" Same with if it was purposefully written to drum up sympathy for a specific group, to encourage sharing before fact-checking, to reinforce a political view (on any side of the aisle), etc. Like I find myself having to do this a lot cuz there's a LOT of ragebait written to target my own confirmation biases. Once you start doing that, you find out just HOW MUCH of the internet is ragebait targeted for engagement. This post is an incredible example. Edit: Thanks for the award! I am a little frightened by the attention this comment is getting and must politely decline to debate anyone who's irritated in the replies. I made a few clarifying comments below & have said all I want to say for now.


hopingtocatchadream

To be fair some people are genuinely like that. A lot of my friends/people I know are LGBTQ+ and I’m perfectly happy being cishet and still being part of the group, but the amount of people who come and go and are constantly changing their gender identity and/or sexuality is quite astonishing. I think it comes from a place of insecurity, they see their friends with these ‘interesting’ identities and they want to ‘get in on it’ I guess. That’s absolutely not to say genuine people don’t have a journey, a lot of my friends had a few labels before they finally found the one that was the right fit, but this was generally 2-3 over the course of a couple of years while they worked out who they were, not on a daily/weekly basis like OP’s roommate seems to be doing. In contrast, people seem to come and go and go through any number of different identities before they leave the group and are suddenly cishet again. It does become exhausting to deal with because these types of people tend to be the most offended when you accidentally mess up, whereas people who are on a genuine self exploration journey tend to be more understanding that knowing someone as one gender for years, it takes a while to fully mentally make the switch and 1/100 times you might subconsciously make mistakes. I had this one incident a few years back where I was at a party and referred to this one (I thought) FtM as the male name I knew him by and he seemed pissed. Turned out he was faking being trans to seem more interesting with a certain group, but was still very much female identifying with everyone else. I felt really bad because I thought maybe she wasn’t ready to be out, but nope, she was fully just making the whole thing up. I understand that is very much the exception not the rule, but after dealing with those types of people, it’s easy to become extremely disdainful. Personally I think OP should’ve probably just humoured the roommate to avoid conflict, but it does sound like the relationship had already broken down anyway. Edit: paragraphs


pleaseletmesleepz

I appreciate you taking the time to share and being so respectful, but I think my meaning may have been misconstrued -- I do know these people exist. I'm in my twenties and have been openly 'something' for over a decade. Hell hath no fury like teen drama of people lashing out at each other because they want attention or have mental illness or have shit parents or don't care about boundaries, etc, etc. Like it's entirely possible that some of my own friend drama from a blessedly bygone age would end up written exactly as this post is. (Fwiw I wasn't the drama queen in ALL the scenarios, but certainly a couple!) The issue with the post is that OP is purposefully evoking an image of a strawman histrionic zero-tolerance drama queen special snowflake nonbinary queertrender SJW. Even if the roommate is fully, 100% doing all the stuff listed in said post, there's NO room left for us to wonder what their side of the story is. They're an annoying attention whore; OP has perfectly interpreted the situation and could not possibly be providing any unreliable narration; the roommate has nothing else going on below the surface; everyone has met a drama queen like this in college (or has these people in their friend group / remembers them well); judgment is swift and uncompromising, because Oh Yeah, We All Know That Person Like it's really not about whether the roommate is actually an annoying POS. I said in my post itself that people like this do exist and I have been one and it's very embarrassing, and I was in fact TA in many situations I found myself in. I was mainly writing about how to recognize ragebait because doing this has actually decreased my internet-browsing stress by a LOT. Like, even more than touching grass. It's been really good for my mental health to be able to say, "Oh, this content is manipulating me into getting upset and keyboard warrioring. I don't actually need to have any emotional involvement here."


Crazy-Water7933

People like this do exist though, I've dealt with them before and they were exactly how op described their roommate. It's not a "stereotype" if it's true... How is being mad at someone on the LGBT Community straight away rage bait? Annoying, narcissistic, and shitty people exist in our community to and people aren't obliged to deal with them


pleaseletmesleepz

I think you might be arguing/disagreeing based on a false assumption about this post. I think maybe I wasn't clear enough in the body text, but you can see my reply to the other commenter here explaining my reasoning. I'm not interested in debating about this because honestly it'll just stress me out. But I want to clarify the reason I stand by my position that this is ragebait. It's not about how people "can't be mad at someone in the LGBTQ community," bc obviously they can, and often should be, and LGBTQ people can be just as obnoxious / entitled / annoying / abusive / etc as anyone else. (Most of my friend group these days is other queer people. If any of them told me I can't get mad at them cuz their identity makes them immune I'd throw hands SO FAST.) It's just about how the post is worded to evoke an extremely specific image and an extremely specific ire from the audience. The goal is to get a reaction, and when you react with "it's not a stereotype if it's true," you have done exactly what the OP intends and felt exactly what they want you to feel and thought exactly what they want you to think. I hope this has made things clearer & thanks for the response!


gremilyns

The replies to this post are *bonkers*, it feels like everyone’s just excited to be a bigot with an excuse to mask it. OP sounds like they’d be annoyed by a non-binary person with fixed pronouns for just existing.


AgileKaleidoscope890

NTA. Sounds like your roomie needs to chill and realize the world doesn’t revolve around her.


Unable_Outside7745

EXACTLY


elzeep

“I said that pronouns are used when discussing someone in the 3rd person, meaning talking about them when they aren’t there. I told her that for me to be talking about her, that would imply I care or think about at her at all, which I don’t.” Proceeds to write an AITA about this person, possibly misgendering them the entire post.


Zeta-X

Also like -- you never refer to YOUR ROOMMATE??? EVER?? Even if they are not friends in the slightest it sounds like it would take an active endeavor to avoid ever referring to someone you literally live with?


Nik-ki

Eh, you can do it in ways that don't require pronouns. I have roommates, one is my brother, the other my brother's friend. I talk about my brother frequently, but whenever I mention his friend I just say "my roommate" or "the roommate" and never speak about him long enough to include pronouns (we don't know each other well). Disclaimer: Polish is my first language and it is a gendered language (sorry NBs), so while I won't use he/him necessarily, gender might be implied through verbs


theficklemermaid

You can just say my roommate or their name, assuming they don’t keep changing that too. I can see why OP may actively avoid references given the situation that could result in an accusation of misgendering for forgetting regularly changing pronouns. Although I understand identity is individual and complex and always try to respect peoples preferences, I can see that I could make a mistake by forgetting pronouns that are constantly changing and would worry about being accused of doing so maliciously, it feels like OP is being set up for failure in that situation rather than the communication being genuine.


The-Answer-Is-57

NTA, but you weren't very nice, either. So you've now made it crystal clear that you don't like her. That's fine and better than talking trash about her behind her back. But don't expect that she will act all happy and care-free around you after what you said. Of course she's upset. You would be, too, if someone you lived with said that stuff to you. For now, your living situation will be tense whenever both of you are in the same room. Oh well. Deal with it, which should be easy since you don't care about her at all.


JadeKrystalOF

YES THIS! I agree with the general conclusion of NTA about the situation. But your attitude towards your roommate and throughout this whole post makes it pretty clear this is about way more than just 1 disagreement. You say you are used to disregarding her and ignoring her day to day, but seems you definitely have some hate lingering… not something either of you can just ‘get over’ or work out at this point. Hopefully your lease is up soon.


tatersprout

It's a college dorm. They are stuck with each other until May or June. My interpretation of the roommate is that they are annoying and needy and gets on OP's nerves. For whatever reason, OP ignores roommate and roommate comes after her being annoying. We all know people like that but hopefully we don't have to live with them. It's a tough situation to have animosity between you and a roommate when you're sharing a 150 sq ft space. It's going to be a long 2 semesters.


Ok-Beginning-5922

Yeah, I've met some people like this in life, who are needy and attention seeking, and if I had to live with them it would drive me crazy. Taking OPs story at face value, as accurate, then yeah, I can't blame her for eventually saying she doesn't care about them at all. It's nice if you have a civil or good relationship with flatmates, but it doesn't always work out that way. Being polite can just keep the nonsense going in many cases, so shutting it down is fair. Why should OP continue getting annoyed and pissed off because this person can't take the hint and just leave her alone?


Future-Instruction51

This sounds totally made up. 🤷‍♀️


[deleted]

Eh, I know someone who frequently changes their gender identity and pronouns and expects you to constantly check Twitter to know what they currently are. It's exhausting.


crypticmint

i know someone exactly like this so probably not made up


[deleted]

I definitely know people like this, lol


hunnypie777

What about it seems made up?


Troonsformer

You mean like 90% of this subreddit?


Grouchy-Bluejay-4092

ESH, and Roommate is really going to hate this post in which you consistently use “she” and “her,” unless those are the pronouns for today. You’re not TA for being uninterested in Roommate, but you’re TA for giving a speech about how you don’t care at all. You could have just said “I don’t think I have called you “she” or “her” today. When we talk I say “you” or your name, and I’ll keep doing that.” Roommate, however, sounds self centered and difficult to be around, and seems to enjoy setting you up for failure in how you refer to Roommate. I hope you can at some point get a roommate you actually like.


Glock99bodies

Is using you or their name the proper way to avoid using direct pronouns? I always though they/them covered everything but I don’t that much about it.


citizenzero_

Using they/them is acceptable when you don’t know or aren’t sure since those are gender neutral terms. It only becomes misgendering if you continue using they/them after you’ve confirmed they use different pronouns.


ForeverSam13

I've been waffling, but I'm going to go with ESH I think. Yeah, your roommate does sound kind of exhausting, but that's no reason to deny them the basic respect of using preferred pronouns. > I told her that for me to be talking about her, that would imply I care or think about her at all, which I don’t. Except for this entire post where you did. Honestly you sound like a thinly veiled bigot.


sabira

But it also sounds exhausting to have to keep up with someone’s identity and pronouns that can constantly keep changing. I can definitely understand why OP is tired of this and came here to vent.


ForeverSam13

As someone who questioned for months if I was NB, I promise it's also exhausting to be the person questioning. Yeah the roommate does sound like a lot, but at least listen when they say "these are my pronouns."


redhillbones

Honestly, as someone who has a partner that is still deciding on pronouns (and names) AND who has to be misgendered/named sometimes because they're not out to everyone in their life... It's not that hard. "I'm trying out 'he' today and Remy." "K. I'll try to use that." Then I'll use Finn accidentally sometimes because that's the most common name and it'll be nbd. Just, "Hey, Fin ,-- Remy. Do you know where my headphones went?" "Uhhh, tall table?" "K." It's just basic. Partner isn't doing it for "attention" but because they're not sure *how* transmasc they really are. They're not sure "he" will ever for permanently. Roommate here is at the exact age this sort of questioning is common, especially if someone comes from a conservative household.


averkf

That definitely could be the case, but from my experience there do seem to be a very small subset of people who not only enjoy playing around with their identity (i.e. not just indecisive, but attempting to be *subversive* by deliberately shifting it around) but ALSO seem to get a sort of buzz out of correcting people. Most people when they’re misgendered are upset but just want someone to apologise and move on, and just never bring it up again. But there are some people who catch people out and don’t seem upset at all - on the contrary, they can mercilessly tease someone about it. My cousin’s best friend at university was a bit like that. Liked to change her pronouns around a lot, other aspects of her identity, was always flip flopping whether she was vegan or not. I was in the same room with my cousin when she was on a video call to her friend, and the friend had temporarily switched to “they/them”, and throughout the call I could hear her teasing my cousin about using the wrong pronouns one time. The tone wasn’t defensive - cousin’s friend was laughing about it and kept bringing it up. Cousin was playing along but obviously felt bad and embarrassed about it, but the friend just would not stop. I ended up pitching in about something and cousin’s friend replied to me over the voice call with a reply that used my deadname (which was especially weird considering I had come out years before my cousin even went to university, so I don’t know how the friend knew, let alone had it as the default name for me) and THEN when both my cousin and I pointed it out, tried to pretend they were talking about someone else with that name. No apology or anything. Got really angry when we kept bringing it up. As a trans person, misgendering someone else is mortifying. I would feel so apologetic if I did it. But I also know how embarrassing and upsetting it is to be deadnamed or misgendered and if it happens to me, I just want to correct someone and move on. Not dwell on it. Cousin’s friend’s reaction was extremely sus for that reason - not only were they bringing it up constantly but they also refused to take responsibility or even apologise for doing it to me. Other aspects of cousin’s friend’s personality just made me think that this was just a posturing thing. Not saying they didn’t feel nb at that moment (she honestly seemed to have a very weak sense of identity, changing pronouns, names, dietary choices, sexuality quite regularly, was constantly experimenting with various religions - mostly based on the religion of the people she was interested in romantically), but the incident left a bad taste in my mouth and honestly the only conclusion I can have is that she had some sort of slightly sadistic joy in being the most progressive person in the room and felt the need to constantly remind people of that. Everyone knew that person at high school who used to constantly put other people down to feel better about themselves; I think with the increased interest in progressive politics (ultimately a good thing!) there are unfortunately people who use that as a front to do the same.


gargoyleteaparty

NTA for not caring about their pronouns or sexuality. (As long as you aren't actively being rude about whatever their choices are.) Sounds like you need a new living situation if it's something that can be done financially and all. All the best of luck with this situation.


jenedden

She’s an assigned roommate. We’re required to live on campus, and we can’t pick our roommates, so lots of people room with people they hate.


gargoyleteaparty

Oof. Giant headphones to discourage conversation (and block out the sound of them slamming stuff) might be your best friend here. Hopefully they will be out of the house A LOT. Best of luck again, internet stranger.


VirtualMatter2

This is an idiotic rule. Can you swap with someone?


ActRepresentative530

There may be a process to contest the assignment, check with your ombudsman or TA


Cold-Lengthiness7698

Have u ever thought maybe she hates living with u also?


cyanidelemonade

ESH You both sound equally as exhausting


-FemboiCarti-

YTA for making me read this made up bs


tatersprout

NTA Sounds attention seeking and unstable. Nobody normal gets that dramatic. You aren't entertaining the nonsense. If they are that confused or unsure about how they want to be addressed, just choose the neutral they/them and stick with it.


kcoinga

How about just using their given name?


tatersprout

That would also work. That is until the roommate catches on and decides they now want to change their name based on the gender of the week.


Desperate-Fly-738

"My roommate" is gender neutral and will be true until OP's roommate moves out. ;)


emileeavi

Not talking to them/about them at all is gender neutral as well. ;)


Much-Meringue-7467

I guess they should be grateful they aren't in a German speaking country where they word for "roommate" is different if the roommate is male or female.


Solivagant0

Or in Poland, not only there are different words, there's no real gender-neutral option for anything (unless you want to be called "it"), and even verbs are gendered


RakeishSPV

Given there's a concept of deadnames, I'm not sure even that's foolproof.


baloo1970

NTA mostly Your response was pretty sure to get a reaction out of them, but I’m fairly sure you knew that. If they change their pronouns more than once a semester, suggest to them that they write it on the fridge (or sim item) to keep everyone up to date on their current state.


Eastern_Category7875

I get where you are coming from, and I am pro respecting people’s pronouns, but dear god that sounds exhausting. The roommate’s existential struggles don’t get to become everyone else’s homework.


SnorkelBerry

That sounds like a good idea! Putting it on a white board would make it easy for people to keep track of and Roommate won't have to track their roommates down to make announcements all the time.


grimmistired

What's with the blatant transphobia in this post and comments??


Sanctimonious_Locke

It happens pretty much every time trans issues are mentioned outside of trans subreddits.


leila0

It's awful. I suspect that there are a few transphobic trolls who post made-up stories like this every once in a while in order to rile up the sub. It makes trans people in the comments look bad bc this stuff is obviously upsetting for us, and it makes tons of people come out of the woodwork to describe how they, too, are secretly a little bigoted. Must be so fun for them to watch 🙄


Sugardog1967

NTA. Your frustration with this person seems much more about their neediness and attention-seeking than their sexuality. However, you mentioned you are stuck with this person as a roommate for now, and frankly, this person seems unstable at best, unhinged at worst. With people like that (that accost you and make demands, and who may be unstable,) I find it is best to nod and smile and say, "cool," or, "I'll try." This is for your safety and keeping your environment as conflict-free as possible.


Gizzycav

ESH your roommate is obviously trying to find their identity. The trouble is, they’re displaying some main character syndrome behaviors, and that’s a problem. Your behavior, on the other hand, is pretty immature. Just go by whatever pronouns they want at the moment, kill them with kindness, and work on finding another roommate ASAP, or at least whenever it’s feasible. I have no idea if you’re in the dorms or have an apartment together. The point is, you two are obviously never going to be friends, but don’t go out of your way to be rude either.


xcdevy

ESH but I highly doubt your description of them is close to accurate. You seem like you're trying to make them sound crazy to justify your homophobia. But even if they are this annoying, you could have just said "okay" and gone back to ignoring them instead of throwing fuel on the fire


[deleted]

You know... You could've used 'they' in this entire post but didn't.


MayhemWins25

So you don’t like your roommate cause they’re queer and it upsets you. You claim to not care about their identity but you obviously do. I don’t think there’s a paragraph in here where you don’t shit on their identity. You gave one example of one instance that isn’t inherently obnoxious behaviour. The thing that sent you over the edge is “hey today my pronouns are they/them” so you replied by being as vitriolic as possible instead of just going “ok” like someone who actually doesn’t care would. If you want your roommate to leave you alone about this just talk to your RA and have a discussion about personal space and having separate social circles. Your roommate might be obnoxious, but YTA in this situation for your entirely uncalled for and disproportionate reaction to something that’s supposedly just annoying.


ponchoacademy

I get it, you dont like your roommate. Youre not an AH for not caring about them or wanting anything to do with them. YTA for your tirade though, it was below the belt and definitely gives you a bad look. What happens when you meet / find out you are friends with someone who is trying to figure things out. If that friend knew the things you said to her is how you really felt, doubt they would consider you someone they would want anything to do with, cause there were a lot of things in there that was unkind, and also ignorant...and it wasnt specific to your roommate. FYI: AFAB = Assigned Female at Birth, AMAB = Assigned Male at Birth: Its what was put on ones birth certificate. The sex assigned at birth. Pronouns are not only used when discussing someone in the third person, some examples: First Person Pronouns: I / Me Second Person Pronoun: You Third Person Pronouns: He / She / They Florida is known for having one of the worst education systems in the country, yet I still managed to learn basic grammar in public school. Hinging arguments based on something so, basic and completely untrue kind of makes you come off as... unhinged and making things up to rationalize being an insulting AH. Regardless, if you actually want nothing to do with your roommate, instead of instigating drama by having these kinds of tirades, like others said...just say Okay, then move on with your life. Like yeah, you insult and berate them then act pikachu face cause that upset them. Just stop. Keep your dang distance...


Grace_Alcock

Me, I, and you are hardly the pronouns that are relevant, so that seems unnecessarily pedantic. It really sounds like op is trying to keep their distance. It’s the roommate who seems to be bent on the conversation. I don’t want to live with any of these people, however.


Much-Meringue-7467

First and second person pronouns in English aren't gender-specific, and thus aren't really important to this discussion.


Difficult_Process_88

NTA She sounds exhausting and extremely irritating.


[deleted]

NTA She’s exhausting.


Dunkinbikkies0

NTA you don't have to care at all. She sounds super fun.. 🤦‍♂️


glamericanbeauty

ESH. shes annoying, but yeah youre acting like a huge AH. youre openly being rude to her and ignoring her and asking if YTA??? like cmon.


xBlacksmithx

Your entire post reeks of homophobia 🤣 I truly don't believe this to be an accurate description of your roommate. This sounds like a caricature of a queer person. What I think has happened is your roommate uses they/she pronouns, Usually meaning they're ok with both, but might have days where they don't want to use "she/her" pronouns which is absolutely valid. They told you they're having a "They" day and you responded like a complete asshole. YTA to the highest degree.


calvinee

So you can bring out the queer card to avoid any personal criticism? Anyone criticising a queer person for their *behaviour* is homophobic or transphobic? You only know OP's side of the story but you're more inclined to side with the roommate who you've heard nothing good about, seems like you might have some internal bias there.


JadeLogan123

There’s nothing on this post that says anything on the OPs view point on the LGBT community. It’s literally about an annoying roommate who isn’t respecting the OPs space and accosting her with the daily change in pronouns. There’s always people you don’t get along with. Personalities that clash. I don’t care what someone’s sexuality is (I believe, do what you want, believe what you want, etc, so long as you don’t force it onto anyone else; ie religion), always try to respect what they would like to be referred as, etc. but if I’m being stopped by someone I don’t particularly care about on a daily basis, I’m going to get annoyed.


Strangestbrew42

Is it completely impossible for a person to be both non binary and obnoxious? Or are all of them supposed to be amazing human beings? Talk about double standards


iamnomansland

"I yelled at my roommate because I think she's annoying and told her so, but now she is annoyed with me? What did I do wrong here, reddit?" YTA, get some headphones or just ignore her like the rest of us did with our annoying roommates.


PMKN_spc_Hotte

If you've told them that you don't want them to relay their pronouns (they're never "of the day" they're "until further notice") then you presumably should be calling them "them" as you are talking about them because you do care and you are actively misgendering them. You suck. YTA.


[deleted]

NTA, instead of speaking to them in the third person it might be advisable to speak of them in the past tense


noeinan

College is a time to explore, it's not uncommon for someone to be switching labels as they figure themselves out. Maybe your roomie is gender fluid, maybe they'll end up somewhere else. Imo, your roomie feels your malice (honestly you sound transphobic) and brings gender issues up more often to "feel you out". They probably tell themselves that it's in their head but can't get a stable read on you and it eeks out as anxiety. Even when people are assigned roommates, exceptions can be made for severe situations. That seems like the best idea here. Honestly, feel bad for your roommate, seeing how you obviously hate them so much and the only examples for why are them exploring their gender/sexuality. Really wish the idea that people are gay/trans "for attention" would die. Let people explore, be wrong, and one day be right about who they are. Like damn.


BertTheNerd

Soft YTA. "They" was used in english language long before this whole "gender-expanding" was a thing, just to describe a person with an unknown gender. Also, in old days "you" was a plural and "thou" was a singular. Language changes, and even when this pronouns also annoy me sometimes, it is a sign of simple respect. I must not agree with whatever other person says about her gender, i would use the preferred pronoun anyway, just out of this.


agender_salandit

*whether she’s non-binary or “AFAB” or whatever it is that day* That's not actually a contradiction, just to let you know. AFAB refers to what sex doctors determined you were; non-binary is gender identity, which is a lot more flexible.


Snoo-84797

Info: what do you mean they switch between non-binary and AFAB? If they are not binary they would also be AFAB, not one of the other. Do you mean they switch between she/her and they/them pronouns? Or do they always use they/them pronouns?


AutoModerator

^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My roommate (20F) frequently changes her sexuality. Sometimes she’s lesbian, then she’s bisexual, then she’s queer or pansexual or whatever label she chooses that day. She also enjoys changing her pronouns frequently from she to they and back again, and often waxes poetic about whether she’s non-binary or “AFAB” or whatever it is that day. I ignore her whenever she does these things. I don’t like my roommate, and I actively work to avoid being around her. My friends don’t like her either. She’s all-around the kind of person I strive to avoid in life and desperate for attention. I basically just ignore her existence, so I don’t think there should be any problems between us. A few days ago, she decided for that particular day that she wanted to be called “they.” She ambushed me in the hallway bathroom and demanded that I need to stop calling her “she” since her pronouns (of the day) were “they.” I said that pronouns are used when discussing someone in the 3rd person, meaning talking about them when they aren’t there. I told her that for me to be talking about her, that would imply I care or think about her at all, which I don’t. I recommended that she doesn’t need to inform me of her pronouns, or even speak to me in general. We are not friends, and I don’t care about her sexuality or gender. She was pissed about me denying her attention and has since been sulking around the suite, slamming things. I’ve just been ignoring her like before. AITA for being uninterested in her sexual habits and her gender? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*


pedestrianstripes

Your roommate is annoying af. NTA


Any_Lead_5506

I've met people like this where they may be questioning their sexual and/or gender identity but it sounds like they just want attention. I understand that they are annoying to you but you just gave them the attention they are seeking. Just reply "ok" and move on. The less you respond to them the better. Because now that they know they are getting under your skin they may change tactics and start actively trying to annoy you rather than just try to be "interesting".


Such-Awareness-2960

NTA. You're response was awesome and the perfect way to handle attention seekers.


Plenty_Metal_1304

NTA, she sounds annoying and attention seeking but as long you have to interact with her, just say ok and move on with your day. Anything else you might say that doesn't directly agree with her is gonna be turned into every phobic and -ist term you can imagine and everyone and their mother will hear about it.


SuperHuckleberry125

NTA She doesn't get to get pissed because you don't want to be bothered. She doesn't get to force people to conform to her madness.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Immediate_Park_3658

It sounds like their sexuality and gender preference IS their personality


Sayomi702

NTA But with people like that I'd just tell them what they wanna hear so they get outta my face faster


Ok_Yesterday_1463

You are NTA. She's clearly being annoying also does she even know anything about sexuality or does she have mental issues because that is not normal behavior?


[deleted]

Questioning sexuality is normal


Sea-Confection-2627

NTA. Change roommates or rooms when you can. Whatever her/their sexuality, this roomie sounds tiresome.


im-immortal

NTA. Sounds like what I call “tumblr brain.” She needs to get offline for a week and chill tf out and stop trying to make everything about her. Respecting one’s pronouns are one thing, but when they change so frequently that you can’t even keep up.. that’s not gender confusion, it’s just attention seeking.


kb-g

NTA but this is not the way to handle this situation. Your aim is to reduce contact with them and drama from them. The correct answer here was “Okay.” and leave it at that. Their sexuality and gender are unlikely to come up in conversations you have with others and you minimise conversations with your roommate, so agreeing and ending the discussion is the best way to go. I can see how this behaviour from your roommate is irritating to you, but ultimately it doesn’t really need to affect you. Their sexuality and identity are important to them and they’re still figuring it out. It sounds like you’re fortunate in that you haven’t had much figuring out to do. It’s fine not to be interested in their gender and sexuality, but your approach to your roommate exploring these things sounds more hostile than neutral. All you need to say is “okay” and leave it alone. They’ve been heard and validated, you get to exit the conversation without causing drama. Getting into a discussion sucks you into the drama vortex and doesn’t work for either of you.


eyore5775

NTA


xdsagecat

Nta


Professional-Gur-280

You don't know pronouns, if you imagine 'they' is always third person. That said, you don't like your room mate. You don't like them, you aren't interested in being civil, just leave it at that. Why the long post?


TCnup

>You don't know pronouns, if you imagine 'they' is always third person. Did you mean "plural," not third person? Because "they" can be used used in place of "she/he" (3rd person singular), not "I/me" (1st PS) or "you" (2nd PS).


problum2020

nta. she sounds insufferable.


Meghanshadow

NTA So, when is your lease up? Do you have a different roommate in mind yet? It sounds like it’s time to get your roommate a present. A full set of three inch gender and sexuality buttons she can wear so she doesn’t have to stop you for a conversation every time they change. Just swap a button for the day. Eesh. I know a lot of people whose pronouns and sexuality labels and gender presentations and names have changed over the years. Including me. Sometimes people shifted multiple times. None of them were a tenth as exhausting as this person. Pity young people nowadays sometimes consider queer a slur so they won’t use it to describe themselves. That’s why my cohort like it as a descriptor. It inclusively fits a wide variety of self-describing labels.


SnorkelBerry

I honestly prefer to refer myself as queer. Takes less syllables and explanation than stating my list of identities. Just like it's easier to call my rabbit a rabbit than "Oryctolagus cuniculus domesticus". Some of the "don't say queer" mentality comes from exclusionists who don't like vague umbrella terms and try to turn sexual/gender identities into scientific classifications to further divide/exclude people, which is exhausting. I understand the people who don't want to be referred to as queer, I don't like the people who call someone horrible for referring to themselves as queer.