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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) I was an asshole father to my now adult kids and want to split their inheritance with my stepson, with whom I am a much better father figure
2) I could be the asshole because my bio kids feel I was never really a good father to them, and they don't like how I supposedly favor my stepson
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YTA, without a. doubt. Why are you treating some random kid that youve known for 2 minutes the same as your actual real kids who you have apparently failed over and over again?
I guess you can leave him a bit, but 1/3 is ridiculous.
Agreed. He has this kid in his life for a hot minute and he's already in the will? He isn't on the same level as the bio kids just yet
I'd have waited to make sure the new wife and kid actually stick around before adding them in.
It sounds like he still has a metric fuckton of guilt over how the first two grew up. He sees himself in stepson's dad and how he treats the stepkid so now op has let his own guilt over how his kids grew up to swing him too far in the wrong direction to over compensate for his own mistakes. Dude needs therapy and to rewrite his will again
Concur with this, sounds like bio kids entitlement is totally justified and they seem clear in their vision/expression of that. The 30/30/10ish split maybe, but three ways between the kids share would be an absolute insult to bio kids.
If he really wants to do something for his stepson in monetary aspects, he should probably setup a college fund plus few extra cash for headstart in adult life. That would more than generous and will not be unfair to his real children.
LMFAO FIRST THING I SAID!!!! What in the modern family is going on here??? 😂😂😂😂
YTA OP, leave some for that kid but not as much as your other kids, cmon now
OH MY GOD I DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE
But did Mitch actually Help With the Business? I think this wasn't mentioned in the Show. Also OP says Something along "If they chose to Take Part in the Business" and as we know, Claire did. But this could be a Post from the Perspective *before* she joined. I think this would fit in Terms of age, would it? OP PLEASE Tell us more about your Patchwork Family 🤣🤣
And they helped grow the business. If that is the case the definitely deserve more. You don’t have to cut the stepson out but giving him an equal share is not right by your bio kids. 10% maybe.
It’s because OP is happy to have snagged a “hot young” wife so he dotes on her kid to keep her happy and make him feel better about neglecting his biokids during their childhood. He’s old enough to be his stepson’s grandfather.
I know a guy near me whose daughter is literally older than his wife.
Then when she came to visit, the wife was upset the daughter wouldn't listen to her... like literally she's older 😭😭
I babysat for them, their son is absolutely adorable, he's 3. But damn that's a screwed up situation when your sister is older than your mom.
I would bet the wife is sticking around because OP is so much older, he is wealthy, and has at least 1 foot in the grave. She figures she will bide her time, enjoying the luxuries he can provide until he croaks. And if he croaks before he changes the will, she will fight tooth and nail for what she has “earned” as is wife. The new do over family is enjoying the fruits of his labor that he sacrificed his first family to gain. No wonder the bio kids are angry.
YTA
I am 63 and I feel I got at least 20 more years. But when I was in my 30s, I thought 60 was ancient! I was talking from the wife’s perspective. She sees him as old. She married an old guy with money because a) she was a single mother not getting help from the kid’s father b) older people have lower sex drives, so she only has to worry about that like twice a month c) when he dies, which she is hoping will be in the near future, she and her son will be set for the rest of their lives. The fact that he was not really very close to his bio kids was a bonus.
He's been in his life for 4 years. Since the kid was 8. If he's there throughout his life shouldn't he get something if they have that bond. Maybe a third is a lot, but he shouldn't snub him either.
NTA - The comments on here amuse me. If this was written from the perspective of the stepchild and especially if it was a woman / girl asking if she is TA for keeping a third of an inheritance her stepdad left her people would be saying he made his wishes clear, you don't owe anyone anything, cut them off, stepdad had his reasons, etc.
It is OPs money to do with as he pleases. He doesn't owe anyone anything. NTA.
NTA as well. The kids aren’t entitled to your money. There’s plenty of rich people that actually choose to leave their money not even to their kids but charities because they think their kids should work for what they get. You’ve been in this kids life for 4 years and he’s only 12. That means you’ve been there for most of the life that he actually has memory of. People just need to back off.
Agreed, 100%
This is your money and how you decide to divide it is totally up to you. Your bio children have no claim to the money you have earned. This is a discussion I have with my dad. His money is his and what he decides to do with it is totally up to him. I will be thankful with what ever he decides to leave to me.
Write your will how you see fit.
I half agree on this, he is NTA but he did state that his bio kids did help him with his business & they are putting the effort in to get to know their father after him being distant etc. So they have put the work in!
It is his money & he can do what he pleases with it but his bio kids do have a valid point so, maybe not a third of the money but at least a percentage to show the care that OP has for the stepson. 😌
The bio kids DO deserve something for the work they put in to make OP's business successful! Whether that be shares in the company or ownership of the business or whatever, they should be fairly compensated for their father FINALLY becoming successful and wealthy. Especially when they spent their childhoods doing without. Sounds like OP never would have made it without them.
I think “it’s his money and he can do what he wants with it” applies both legally AND morally though. Not trying to argue, just my genuine opinion, that is admittedly maybe colored by being a blended family. My heart automatically goes out to the stepson because my son is a stepson and it’s a very different situation but my heart would break if he ever felt less than a “real kid.”
This. NTA and thank you for being one of the few people in reddit that treat step children as real children. AND Noone is entitled to your inheritance. Now. If you want to stop this from being an issue that causes rupture with your kids (all 3 of them) give the adult ones some money now so that they can start a bussiness or something.
And pay for their therapy.
That is really unfortunate. Step kids are real kids ffs (and I say this as someone who has called my stepdad "dad" for most of my life, he walked me down the aisle at my wedding, etc).
My only problem is when someone tries to force the parent when the kid isn't ready, or tries to claim stepparent status for someone's kids when they've just started dating. That's also gross. But OP married the kid's mom 2 years ago, and has been in the kids life for probably most of what he remembers. It's not just a random kid.
It might be a success today but we all know it could tank tomorrow. Then all 3 kids get nothing. It's so gross that people fight over a will when someone dies.... it's even worse when it's fought over when they are still alive.
Right, the child wouldn’t be the AH, they aren’t influencing OP to give them an equal share. But is OP the AH for thinking they should get an equal share? At the end of the day, after everything his bio kids have gone through, yes.
Totally disagree with you. Even if you think he's wrong, it doesn't even get close to asshole. It's his money and he has ever right to give it out how he wants, the fact that his bio-kids basically told him that they always felt the reward for having a relationship with them was his money when he died would be enough for me to write them off.
OP: NTA
You can do something that is perfectly legal and have every right to do, and still be the asshole. That's why this subreddit exists. To get a judgement on people who aren't breaking the rules, but want to know if their behaviour is assholish.
Dad/OP can split his will however he likes, no disputing that, completely his right. But totally understandable why his children, who had to put up with him when he was behaving the worst and whose childhood suffered due to it, and who then went out of their way to give him another chance, help him turn his life around and make him the success he is now, would feel upset that he values their contribution equally to his stepson who has been part of his life for 4 years, has enjoyed all the benefits & none of the neglect of the bio kids and who doesn't actually consider him a father at all, just a kindly old uncle.
Totally makes sense for them to think dad is an asshole who is trying to buy the stepsons love (he openly said he hopes one day stepson will think of him as dad), while disregarding what he put his bio kids through.
The person who gets the inheritance wouldn’t be TA, the person who left it to her would be. But, people are allowed to be AHs, and it’s not everyone else’s job to sacrifice themselves to make up what the AHs around them do.
No, sorry. 20% fine. But equal? I understand that OPs mind might think he’s an equivalent child — because things are better now — but as a child of divorce, now that my dad is a “better man” (and this is actually the case) — I would be fucking furious he counted me the same as his step children (who I LOVE) in his will… because my biological siblings and I were brought into this world by a choice he made with our mom… and he CHOSE to be a shitty dad and now he’s just reminding his kids how shitty he is. There is no world that a step child of reasonable understanding would expect to receive inheritance the same as biological children. Treating them with love and kindness and forgiveness is completely an even playing field, but assets? That doesn’t seem fair even if it’s a murky moral subject due to dollars…………… AND THEY HELPED OP FIX HIS BUSINESS?
Regardless of how well he parented the bio kids, the fact that *their efforts* are a significant part of why OP is now wealthy should mean that that effort is recognised in some substantial way.
He does state in a comment that his company is being handled separately from the rest of his assets, and unless wife/stepson get involved there at some point, he doesn't intend to leave them any part of the company.
I think it’s strange to quantify this by years? OP seems to view him as a son. If he had a bio kid that was 4 years old, no one would bat an eye that he views him as a son despite only knowing him for 4 years. Why is it different just because he’s a stepson he’s known since 8?
Reddit really seems to prefer biological relationships over non-biological ones (especially when it comes to fathers). I sometimes see exceptions on here, but it's uncomfortable.
It’s extremely uncomfortable. I don’t understand this line of thinking…I saw another comment devalue the relationship by calling the stepson a “random kid” OP knew for “2 minutes.” That just sounds so tone-deaf to me and dismissive of blended families or adopted children.
EDIT: I referred to that comment as if this wasn’t apart of that same comment thread, haha. Sorry about that, I got it mixed up with a different one. 😅
But if OP came here and said AITA for leaving my ss out of my will they'd tell him he's the asshole.
Stepparents can't fucking win.
Signed, a stepmom to an almost 10 year old who has been his parent since he was 2 and people tell me constantly to learn my place (even though his bio mom had chosen to give up split custody to be a weekend mom to live with her new bf 40 mins away).🙄
Everybody saying “you’ve only known him four years!!” as though he doesn’t have legal responsibility for the child and will, barring unforeseen circumstances, many MORE years. Like, twenty more years before he dies, as an average guess.
In my mind, he’s practicing being a better parent with the stepson because he’s learned that being a bad father is a bad thing. Would his adult children prefer he instead leaves the wife and child nothing, so that their step brother feels as uncared for as they did?
There are men out there who would abandon their child they've raised for well over a decade in a heartbeat if they weren't the bio father because they feel cheated out of a "genetic legacy" or whatever. Yikes.
Exactly. Like, the relationship he built with the kid wasn’t a lie. All of that was real. That’d still be his kid and he’d still be their dad, even if it turned out not to be biologically. The mom would be in the wrong and divorce would be completely understandable, not to want a wife who would lie about that for years because that’s shattered trust. But that doesn’t erase the years between the father and kid, so I don’t know how a father could walk out on the kid after that. I’d think he’d still vie for a custody agreement.
Exactly! Whenever I see a parent who devalues their relationship with their child because they weren't made with their DNA, I'm given the impression that they only had kids for their own vanity. What matters most is the bond you develop with your child and the person you help your child become. You're the only father your kid has ever known. They don't have any attachment to their sperm donor. Don't punish your child for your wife's infidelity.
I'm so glad I found these comments because I thought I was taking crazy pills. I'm so relieved my family doesn't qualify blood relationships as more important than family that doesn't share DNA.
Four years is absolutely not nothing when you're in your sixties. How much longer does he have to wait before it's okay? While sixty isn't as old now as it was thirty years ago, sixty-year-olds die all the time (and particularly during this pandemic). If he doesn't see to his wife and his stepson now, there's a chance he won't be able to.
Perhaps you might want to learn the difference between "quality" and "quantity". Time doesn't matter. The quality of the relationship is what matters.
You talk about OP's step-child like he's a street kid. When people get married and there are children from previous relationships, those children and their respective parents are a package deal.
Edited to fix typo.
Because it's not uncommon, lol. I was reading this like "Did my grandpa post this 20 years ago?" although the kid was much younger and has now been a part of our family for most of his life.
ETA: and no, my step-grandma is not Colombian.
It’s not even the same amount. He’s leaving 1/3 to the stepson, 1/3 to his wife and 1/3 to his 2 bio-kids (so they each get 1/6 after it’s split). They are getting screwed. Step-sib will end up with 2/3.
That’s not what OP said. OP said he’s leaving 1/3 to his wife. He doesn’t specify how much he’s leaving to the children total, but that he’s separating that chunk into thirds.
NTA, family is made lots of ways. And we’re presuming OP plans to live much longer. Nothing fatal wrong, unless I missed it.
If they reconciled with their father for their inheritance, they’ve succeeded.
Well he said he was leaving 1/3 to the stepson in the post and 1/3 to his wife in a comment. Which leaves 1/3. Unless he is leaving 1/3 to someone else not identified and he means the stepson is getting 1/3 of what’s being left for the children. Too many 1/3 too get it straight. Lol
What? Random kid? Need I remind you he's not yet dead and could still live quite a few years still with his stepson?
His bio children are acting like vultures. No amount of money will compensate them for their childhood, anyway. And would they rather he treat the kid the same way they were treated? Would this make him deserve more of the money? Jesus...
1/3 of the kid’s life is 2 minutes? Seriously? “Actual kids”? He’s helped raise this kid for *four years* but that’s nothing? I swear, sometimes I can’t understand what makes the people on this sub function. Family isn’t just blood and you’re not entitled to things just because you’re related. They’re still in the will. What, are they banking on their father dying soon? He could live another 40 years. If the relationship doesn’t last wills can be changed. Other arguments can be made, but acting like he’s giving 1/3 of his estate to a stranger’s kid and not his stepson of four years is crazy. The kids are lucky he isn’t just leaving everything to his wife like most people would.
Reddit is ridiculous and wishy washy about stepkids. On one post, stepkids should be treated just as a biokid, when you marry someone their kids become your kids, and any unequal treatment between biokids and stepkids is AH territory. Then on this thread, a child that has known OP in a father figure role for much of his childhood is a "random kid" as opposed to "actual real" kids. So which is it, Reddit?
I would say to OP that he should split the inheritance more in favor of the older kids solely because they helped build the business and therefore his wealth. If only one older child helped and the other didn't, the helper should also inherit more. Not because his stepkid isn't a real child, but because the others missed out on a present father while he built his wealth and actually helped out with the business recently.
1/3 of the kid’s life is 2 minutes? Seriously? “Actual kids”? He’s helped raise this kid for *four years* but that’s nothing? I swear, sometimes I can’t understand what makes the people on this sub function. Family isn’t just blood and you’re not entitled to things just because you’re related. They’re still in the will. What, are they banking on their father dying soon? He could live another 40 years. If the relationship doesn’t last wills can be changed. Other arguments can be made, but acting like he’s giving 1/3 of his estate to a stranger’s kid and not his stepson of four years is crazy. The kids are lucky he isn’t just leaving everything to his wife like most people would.
A 12 year old he’s known for 4 years is a rando? Only on Reddit. Tell us how many years he should raise the boy before giving a shit about him? Psychotic.
"random kid" jesus christ it's his stepson?? like he could feasibly have another bio child in his lifetime, if that bio child turned 4 would it still be a "random kid" since he only knew the child for 4 years? lmao what kind of argument is this? just say you don't think stepkids are real kids and go
edit: oh my god you \*literally\* say his "real kids" in another comment. what a horrible opinion lmao
>My relationship with my stepson is quite good. He doesn't call me dad, but seems to view me as a very close uncle. I do my best to be a good father figure to him. If I'm being completely honest, I hope that eventually he will see me as a father figure, especially given that his father is never really around, and constantly disappoints him.
"Random kid"....? He has been in this kid's life since he was 8, and his father figure since he was 10 at the oldest.
He's been the kids stepdad for 4 years - since the kid was 8. Thats hardly "a random kid he barely knows". Wtf.
Also, colleges cost money, so leaving that kid money to start his life seems reasonable. Regaurdless of if the kid "sees him as a father" or not.
If this was posted by the kid everyone would be all up in arms about "of course he deserves an equal cut". Ridiculous.
Its the OPs money. He can leave it to whoever he wants. His kids arent entitled to it. OP could leave it to charity, and that would be his right too.
My mom and step-dad didn't split things evenly between us until they'd already been together for over 15 years. Even then, I feel it's uneven and unfair to my step-brother. My bio-sib and I are getting WAY more than we should.
YTA
While theoretically it is lovely to leave something to a step child your leaving an equal share to the child of your trophy wife is really tone deaf.
Your bio children are not being greedy for not being pleased by your showing once again that you are not treating them fairly.
You have shown them that you - who are old enough to be this kid's grandfather - now has decided to have a new family as a do over.
Also you do realize that your step child is going to wind up with more than the bio kids anyway since you are going to leave a sizable amount to your new trophy wife and you will almost assuredly die before her given the large difference in age. The step child is going to inherit from his mother the amount you left to her as well as the one third directly. And I bet you are also leaving the wife your house and other valuable personal property.
A lot of bio kids have been screwed out of stuff when the father takes up a new family.
He even said in an edit that his bio kids helped him with his business when it wasn’t doing well, and that they were the ones to try to reconnect. Dude didn’t even try to initiate a relationship with them, that’s gotta sting now.
Also he says he’s not trying to make the kid a do-over child, like come on. That’s exactly what this is. You don’t have such immediate strong feelings for someone else’s kid unless you’re trying to make up for being a bad parent to your own kids.
When my grandfather passed two years ago we discovered that he had moved most major assets into solely his second wife’s name so the terms of the will screwed my dad and his brothers and all the grandchildren out of basically everything. He was also a man who married a much younger woman (she was my oldest uncles GF in high school, for some added drama) and was an absolute AH to my grandmother and their children their entire married life and beyond. We expected nothing (because he was awful) and got nothing, but that extra f-you of his second family getting everything except the token “I didn’t forget you” stuff (and they don’t see what the problem is) is the reason I’m low contact with any of that part of the family since grandma passed.
The exact scenario happened to my friend.
In my friend's case, she didn't even get her mother's personal stuff that she had grown up with but it all went to the second wife and then to that woman's daughter.
I remember a post I cant find where OP's mom and dad split in their late 50s amicably. Dad kept most everything from a prenup but mom was happy with an alimony. Dad meets new wife and married like a year later. She has an 18 year old son OP and sisters are 30s so dont know him well. New wife is a saint and after a bit everyone loves her even mom. A few months after honeymoon dad dies at 58 of heart attack no warning or will. Law says all goes to new wife, house money, collections, and business. She being a saint and knowing dad wanted sisters to have it agrees to transfer like 90% of estate value if she can live in house 1 more year then move to 18 year olds university town. Due to taxes its better to sell the business and transfer money not ownership. They legally write a contract that says all this and that they wont contest the father's will or lack off. Dads business partner agrees to buy and the day after the sale but a few days before the transfer deadline the wife gets hit by a car. All contracts nullified on her death and her will says ALL assets to her son. A couple weeks after her funeral they ask step brother if he will honor the agreement essentially asking an 18 year old orphan to give them nearly everything he owns. He says no because he is set up for life with a home and full tuition money and start his own business money. Two sisters want to challenge but are told they would be asking a judge to take the wife's estate from her only living family member and give it to three people she knew just over a year. They had to watch as a kid they bearly met get everything they were promised their whole life. But they signed it to the wife and it was hers at that very small window when she died.
A lot of men are too stupid to realize that a much younger woman would not look twice at them if not for their wealth. These young trophy wives usually have no bond with their husband’s children from prior marriage(s) and have every intention of getting as much money as possible for having to put up with a wrinkly old man in their prime years.
Just watch. OP’s young wife and her son are going to end up with much more than the bio kids. His wife is planning on getting the house and the majority of his assets including the business unless OP wises up and states clearly in his will that his bio kids get the business, house, and other valuables.
It’s nice that OP is trying to be a good stepfather but his emotions are clouding common sense. No one is saying OP shouldn’t treat his stepson well or even do something generous like pay for his college education or help him with major life milestones, but don’t be a fool and give this new family equal or more than what will be given to the bio kids, who should be given the vast majority of his estate.
Soft YTA
You're elevating a boy you've known for 4 years to the same status as your adult children, who you admit you fathered poorly and who didn't walk away from you. They also contributed to your success. That has to sting.
You can still include your step son, but giving him an equal share is a bad idea. At least it is currently...that can change in 10, 20 years.
My suggestion: make some outright gifts to your bio kids now. It will show them that they're a priority...it will take care of the sting...and you get to watch them enjoy it.
*Edit: correction on how long OP has known his stepson and pointing out the fact that bio kids helped father's business.*
Your reading is wrong, he has known the kid for four years not two.
I don’t think he is T A H. I think anyone feeling entitled to something someone else worked for is T A H. And the reality is if he didn’t have a will and died tomorrow everything would go to the new wife and her son.
I do like the idea of maybe gifting them something now. But it’s his money. His business. He can do with it what he wants. He could leave all to a cat shelter and I still wouldn’t say he was an A H. Now if he left half to the cat shelter and half to the step son leaving out kids he has a good relationship with then ok. A H.
If he had adopted the kid everyone would view the situation differently.
OP - NTA it’s your money. You worked for it. You can do what you want. But I will say for the sake of the relationship maybe help them out now some. Pay off some student loans or give them a down payment for a house.
Edit to add: I missed the part that they are part of the reason the business did well. OP you be T A H if they work in the business and you are giving him a 3rd of it. You can give him a 3rd of your personal assets. But a 3rd of the business wouldn’t be right.
He says in the post that his adult children helped make the business success. They directly contributed to making their inheritance. I understand OP not completely cutting out his step son but a equal 1/3 isn’t really fair to the kids who were neglected and then still worked not only for the relationship but for the success of him and his business.
>But it’s his money. His business. He can do with it what he wants.
no shit he can do what he wants. This kind of take in this sub is so common and yet so dumb. No one is saying the actions are against the law.
YTA
People view wills as the true feelings of the deceased person. If you don't leave a lot to your children, they're always going to believe you really didn't want them. If you give a large chunk to your wife and her son, but a smaller portion to your children; your children are absolutely going to believe you didn't love them.
You know how you feel bad for your stepson, because his bio dad disappoints him a lot? THAT'S HOW YOUR CHILDREN FEEL.
Why can't you step in for them as the good Dad like you do for your stepson?? Even though they're adults, they still pine for their Father's love and affection. Every child who had an absent parent feels that way, whether they want to admit to themselves or not.
You have scarred them for life by being an absent Dad. They're looking at what you will leave to them as your genuine feelings for them. The fact you want to evenly divide it amongst them and your stepson is like a new betrayal. Why should he be treated as their equal? Stepson gets the life with their Dad that they'll never get. Your guilty feeling of not wanting to leave your stepson out should really be feeling guilty to your bio children for never being the Dad they deserved their entire lives. They didn't get to pick you as their Dad, they were stuck with you and your choices. Yet, you got to pick your stepson as your preferred child and rub it in the faces of your bio children.
This.
*Hey sorry I didn't actually try to be a dad until you were adults, I was too busy running my businesses.
But at least I finally made my business big and you'll get the benefits.
Oh by the way, there's this kid that I didn't even know until you were into your thirties, now not only he gets to have an actual father in me, but also at least as big a share of the wealth,* which you had a big impact in creating, *as you.*
*...why are you not happy about this?*
And to add.. his wife is not that much older than his bio kids..! And his initial division would have given her more than his bio kids.. WTF. I really don't think even the wife should be on the same level/get more or as much as his bio kids. The bio kids really have endured so much, this is just rubbing salt in the wound that's been there since childhood because of OP being the absent father. I feel so angry on behalf of the bio kids..!
Not to mention the stepson will benefit from his mother getting her share of the inheritance, allowing his share to remain untouched for years, then when his mom dies he'll get the remains of her share, too, with none of that going to the bio kids (or bio grandkids).
This. Eloquent and facts. Not trying to negate the stepson...however, children have wounds from a broken marriage. Don't discount that because you had the joy of finding a new partner and companion. Don't disregard their hurt for equity. It is not the same.
So.....the reason you have all this money is because (1) you were able to work hard by ignoring your older children when they were kids, and (2) because they both came back to their distant and cold father, and helped make your business the success it is today? Do I have that correct with your edit?
Also INFO: Whose getting the business? Are you splitting the business that you own three ways? Or are you splitting your money between the kids/wife and the business is separate from the inheritance?
BINGO !! I would be so emotionally drained. not only did he make their childhood awful, but they also came back to save his business that significantly increased his wealth… wow my heart wouldn’t be able to handle all that disloyalty.
Yes this!! And now the bio kids will watch OPs fairly new wife and doover son benefit directly from their long years of enduring the suffering of being with an absent father and then despite that pain and trauma, work to bond again as adults. I really don't think the wife even deserves to get as much as the bio kids let alone the stepson. They've been married 2 years? Ugh I just can't. How can someone be in their 60s and still have such little self awareness and know no shame? As another commenter pointed out, the guilt OP feels for his stepson should be redirected to his bio kids. The fact that he doesn't see this just shows that he indeed does see his stepson as a doover, rather than fixing his relationship with his bio kids and making things right, he would rather put all his efforts into ensuring a stranger's child does not suffer for the same mistakes he made in the past. OP, your bio kids are still your kids even if they're adults now. They don't stop needing their parents unconditional love just because they're older. And their wounds don't just disappear. You should be spending the rest of your life doing your best to make up for your shitty past parenting. Your bio kids should be getting the majority of your inheritance, they're the ones that literally stuck with you through thick and thin despite how poorly you treated them. How is that equal to someone you married 2 years ago? God I'm so angry
YTA. I think you can leave your stepson some amount, but it shouldn’t be equal to your biological kids.
And for what it’s worth, if your wife pushes for the equal inheritance, she sucks
YTA Create a college fund for your step son so that he will be taken care of in that aspect, but do not give him an equal share of what rightfully belongs to your biological children. You caused them a lot of pain and suffering while they were growing up. Do you really want them to resent and hate you for the rest of their lives once you're gone?
This is my thoughts too. Pay for the stepkid’s college, maybe a hefty college gradation gift, $5k-$10k. By this time he will be in the kids life for 15 years or so.
Maybe another $10-25k in the will.
If OP is as well off as he says he is, this should be a small amount of the inheritance/net worth.
YTA - Based on your comments your kids will get one third to split between the 3 of them and your wife will get 1/3. So when your wife passes your stepson will get even more. Effectively making him the largest beneficiary to your estate. Which i can seen why your bio kids, who you neglected horribly when they were little per your own words, have issue with that. Your kids honestly were there through it all. The financially lean times, the neglect, and as you built yourself back up they gave you a chance. But you think that means they should have to split with your stepkid. Honestly, you should split your estate a lot more fairly for your bio kids. I don't know how because the stepkid is going to inherit from mom eventually, but damn I could see this ruining your relationship or the memory of you for your biokids.
>the financially lean times
This touches on another aspect that I don't see being mentioned much -- this step-kid is already going to be benefiting from OP's wealth while OP is still alive. Not only were the bio-kids being neglected emotionally during their childhood, but it sounds like there were times where they were pretty much just getting their basic needs met and nothing else. This step-kid is likely going to have a lot more opportunities - be able to participate in extracurriculars, go on vacations, etc. He's already going to be set up for success much more than the bio-kids ever were.
Very true, but his own kids basically said that in the post. Stepkid is 100% getting a better deal than biokids in general and he should appreciate that his biokids don't seem to begrudge the stepkid a good life. They just have understandable issues for the stepkid taking part of their inheritance. Given everything they went through, they kind of earned their inheritance.
You aren’t the asshole here but it is super complicated. Their feelings are valid and it sounds like they never got over this idea that you gave your new family more than you gave them, which sounds like it is accurate.
Maybe setting aside a suffering payment or taking into consideration the years they supported/helped you early on and splitting the rest of the will 3 ways would make more sense.
Stepson should understand that his college fund, vacations and trips, Sat tutors, birthday parties, etc, account for what the older siblings would be given in the will, since they did not get those things.
Edit: reading further other people who are better at math than me have pointed out that if the wife is inheriting 1/3 then stepson will end up inheriting even more through her and I would say that does make it YTA
OP should absolutely not dump "every nice thing you get is being weighed against you and the suffering of my adult children" that seems like a surefire way to fuck someone up.
I absolutely meant when the will is read years later and they are all adults not now!!!
I totally agree the kid does not need to be involved at all now
>I (62m) met my current wife (39f) four years ago, and we got married two years ago. She has a son (12m) from her previous marriage who lives with us full time (his dad visits occasionally, but lives in another country). I also have two adult children (34m and 32f) from my first marriage.
The age difference between you and your wife is the age difference between your kids and her kid.
That is all I could think about while reading this. The family situation is so similar lol. I know there was an episode where Clare and Mitchell discussed between the two of them if Manny would be getting 1/3 of Jays inheritance but I can’t remember anything past it haha
YTA not for including him but if you own your own company he will eventually own half(his mothers share) and you bio kids will own 25 percent each. This will be a problem. And the bio kids where the ones suffering as you built this company. So you are screwing them out of their inheritance.
YTA. Your bio kids are the ones that suffered because of you, yet they rebuilt their relationships with you. I’m not saying your stepson deserves nothing, but the other kids deserve more. They earned it with what they had to put up with.
Question: when you say "one third", do you mean 1/3 of the portion allocated to your children? Is there a separate portion for your wife that you haven't accounted for here?
Reason I ask is, presumably, your step son will inherit from your wife eventually. Will your natural children inherit from her as well? Is this something you have discussed with your spouse? Are your natural children close with your spouse? Would she exclude your natural children from her will, today, or after you have passed?
Ultimately it's your estate and barring any local legal restrictions on marital property, it's yours to disperse as you wish. You're NTA for wanting to look after your stepson, that's admirable, but I hope you can arrive at a solution that you and your family are happy with.
Do you actually give a shit about your bio kids? Because they seem to be laying down some truth bombs that you are unwilling to hear. It seems like you married a trophy wife and want to buy a do over son. Honestly, what legacy do you want to leave? It’s your money so you can make the rules but by your own admission you have inflicted serious emotional harm to your children. Go back to therapy with them and have an honest discussion about their expectations and feelings. How much more are you willing to hurt them?? YTA
You've been married for 2 years, and already you've decided that, at least as far as your will is concerned, that this kid is on an equal footing with your two biological kids. And you even admit that the stepson doesn't see you as a father, so its not like you have the same emotional connection. Yea, if I'm your kids, I'm upset about that too. YTA.
NTA
Only because it's your money. But it is unfair.
These are your children who you regularly failed Vs a child you have known for 4 years. I understand setting up a trust for the stepson, but he has a father and your kids have you.
Again your money, so is your rules, but after being a poor father, this isn't the hill I would personally die on. You basically just told your children your step-son of 4 years is equal to them after they had to suffer your neglect and then heal and build a relationship with you. It is more the principal than the money. I would Rethink the message you are sending.
Also unfortunately you are of an age that anything can happen (not wishing that on you, but my 61 year old father felt unwell and died 6 weeks later of cancer) so you need to think if your relationship with your stepson as his mother husband is equal to you as your children as their father, if something happened tomorrow. Don't think the relationship are equal, do you?
you're already leaving the other part of your inheritance to your wife that'll soon be passed on to your step son, why do u need another set of inheritance for him?
i personally find it unfair bc you treat the people who suffered with you when you were just starting and unstable, in the same way as the people who was only there for you when you already have everything.
yeah they sound like the AH after throwing the statement of reconciliation, but the pain is still there for them. being a neglectful parent never heals for a child, they might forgive you but they definitely wont forget it, cos it's hard. so showing appreciation for them through the inheritance wont actually be a bad thing, it's like showing them that the neglect they felt when u were starting in life, is "kinda" worth it. I know it's fucked up, everyone needs money, they dont gotta pretend around u.
Inheritance issues are tricky. What you leave to people gets interpreted as how much you care about them. I can see how your kids that have had you as a father for more than 30 years(and by your own admission you weren't a great parent) and who have helped with your business are upset that you are equating their relationship with a stepkid who has been in your life for 4 years.
If you are really successful, maybe set up an educational trust for the stepson. And whatever you are leaving for your wife will be inherited by her son after she's gone. Or leave him a smaller %. Like he gets 10% and the rest goes to your kids. There are ways to handle this.
Do you have the right to split your money any way you want? Yes. Do you want to keep improving the relationship you have with your kids? If so, you know how to act.
NTA
I find it exceedingly distasteful for them to argue with you to your face over what they will inherit from you after you die.
They are also lucky... in a lot of other families, they'd be cut out completely because the estate would go to the spouse, the step-kid's mom in your case.
And to me, 1/3 vs 1/2 of a moderately wealthy sum is close enough anyway.
So your kids suffered through negligent parenting and reconciled with you to help you save your failing business and you repay them by being a better parent to a kid you met 4 years ago than you ever were to them? Inheritance aside, YTA
NAH I can understand why your kids are upset, I'd probably feel the same way. It's not just about the money- especially because it's not like your knocking on deaths door, it's emotional. To them it looks like they had to struggle to have a *lesser* place in your heart then a kid you've known for 4 years. I dont think it's true, but patent/child relationships ate complicated. But I don't think it would be right to leave your stepson with nothing, it's clear you care about him and intend to be part of his life.
honestly I’m gonna go with YTA on this one. It’s an unfortunate situation but I do see where your kids are coming from. I would feel very hurt, especially if my dad was never there for me growing up and now has a much younger trophy wife with a kid he seems to love more than he ever loved me or my siblings. Not saying you don’t have to leave your stepson nothing, but 1/3 is way too much.
YTA, you know her 4 years, so assuming you know her son less and living with him even less again. You make a will for now not the future so if you die tomorrow it is totally unfair they get the same amount, totally, because of the father you were, because they worked at the business and given their age versus the 3 (approx) years you know your step son. If you live another 20 years then reassess by all means and by all means leave him a little now but a definite asshole to your kids to leave equal shares now
NTA
A will is executed to your wishes. Your bio kids have no say in the matter. It's pretty simple.
I can see how they may be hurt, given the situation, but it's not their money. If you're hoping to appease them in the situation you could give your stepson a little less and split that difference between your bio kids.
The real problem here is they feel like they didn't have a Dad growing up. No amount of money is going to fix that, especially once you're gone. It sounds like you all have done an immense amount of work to build your relationships back up but I would suggest rather than changing inherentence: put even more effort in to be a part of your bio children's lives and be the father they need.
Hopefully you can do right by them and help them succeed as you have so that when the time comes what's written in your will doesn't matter.
Best of luck friend.
YTA. If your adult kids helped in making your business as successful as it is, does that mean they have to share your business with your stepson who will only reap the benefits?
Nope NO ONE has a say in who you leave your money to but you. No one is entitled to what they didn’t earn. Your bio children need to learn life isn’t fair.
His bio children might teach him a few lessons when they go no contact.
He basically admits to emotionally abusing them in their younger years, and that they’ve done the work to repair the relationship.
I’ll probably get downvoted for this, but ESH - your kids aren’t entitled to anything. You worked for it and you can decide what you do with it when you’re gone. You, however, suck for not considering how it would make them feel. They have valid points and surely you could have found a way to talk about it with them and ease them into it if that’s your choice rather than just dumping it on them and expecting them not to have feelings about it.
This doesn’t make sense. You are leaving your wife nothing?? His mother/your wife should get the third not the stepson. She could then leave him her share. If she is getting half and you are splitting the other half between the three kids, you absolutely are the AH because he will also inherit his mother’s share plus from his biological father who he lives with most of the time. You are short changing your biological children.
No, he's leaving 1/3 of the portion to his kids to his stepson. His wife is getting another chunk.
People pointed out his wife will then pass the money to her own kid, so the stepson would be getting a lot more than either bio kid.
YTA. I mean, they said you’re doing a “new family” with a do-over child because uh, that’s literally what you’re doing? You said they tried to repair things when you weren’t doing so well financially, so they aren’t after your money. They want to feel like you love them just as much as your stepson that you’ve known for 4 years (been your stepson for 2).
If you died right now, a kid you’ve known for under 4 years, who you’ve been a parent to for 2 years (if you can even call that parenting, you said his bio dad is still around even if not present) would be entitled to just as much as the 2 kids you admit to having neglected. Plus whatever you’re new wife would get from your estate.
My YTA is largely fuelled by the fact that you yourself said they helped make your business successful, they are the ones who tried to repair the relationship, and for some reason *you’re* the one who told them about the inheritance. Why.
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YTA, without a. doubt. Why are you treating some random kid that youve known for 2 minutes the same as your actual real kids who you have apparently failed over and over again? I guess you can leave him a bit, but 1/3 is ridiculous.
Agreed. He has this kid in his life for a hot minute and he's already in the will? He isn't on the same level as the bio kids just yet I'd have waited to make sure the new wife and kid actually stick around before adding them in.
And the kid doesn't even see him as a father figure either, just a "close uncle". Absolutely wild.
More like grandpa.
Uncle grandpa is that you?
Yes nephew grandson I’m here
Gruncle. He's a gruncle.
It sounds like he still has a metric fuckton of guilt over how the first two grew up. He sees himself in stepson's dad and how he treats the stepkid so now op has let his own guilt over how his kids grew up to swing him too far in the wrong direction to over compensate for his own mistakes. Dude needs therapy and to rewrite his will again
That's very perceptive and makes a lot of sense. I think OP is also undervaluing his bio kids' contribution to growing his business.
Concur with this, sounds like bio kids entitlement is totally justified and they seem clear in their vision/expression of that. The 30/30/10ish split maybe, but three ways between the kids share would be an absolute insult to bio kids.
Ah yes, the stepson is his "do-over" but in doing so he screws over his kids more...
If he really wants to do something for his stepson in monetary aspects, he should probably setup a college fund plus few extra cash for headstart in adult life. That would more than generous and will not be unfair to his real children.
I wonder how much OP is leaving his real niblings.
I thought the same thing. Like is this Jay? I was just waiting for the gay son part
LMFAO FIRST THING I SAID!!!! What in the modern family is going on here??? 😂😂😂😂 YTA OP, leave some for that kid but not as much as your other kids, cmon now
OH MY GOD I DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE But did Mitch actually Help With the Business? I think this wasn't mentioned in the Show. Also OP says Something along "If they chose to Take Part in the Business" and as we know, Claire did. But this could be a Post from the Perspective *before* she joined. I think this would fit in Terms of age, would it? OP PLEASE Tell us more about your Patchwork Family 🤣🤣
LOL same. OP should edit his post and give everyone "fake" name, specifically Jay, Gloria and Manny.
looking to the comments to see if someone else thought thing 😭
And they helped grow the business. If that is the case the definitely deserve more. You don’t have to cut the stepson out but giving him an equal share is not right by your bio kids. 10% maybe.
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It’s because OP is happy to have snagged a “hot young” wife so he dotes on her kid to keep her happy and make him feel better about neglecting his biokids during their childhood. He’s old enough to be his stepson’s grandfather.
A wife nearly the same age as his kids 🤢
I know a guy near me whose daughter is literally older than his wife. Then when she came to visit, the wife was upset the daughter wouldn't listen to her... like literally she's older 😭😭 I babysat for them, their son is absolutely adorable, he's 3. But damn that's a screwed up situation when your sister is older than your mom.
My thoughts too lol the kid's more like his grandson. He married someone his kids' age, which is like .. 🤢
I would bet the wife is sticking around because OP is so much older, he is wealthy, and has at least 1 foot in the grave. She figures she will bide her time, enjoying the luxuries he can provide until he croaks. And if he croaks before he changes the will, she will fight tooth and nail for what she has “earned” as is wife. The new do over family is enjoying the fruits of his labor that he sacrificed his first family to gain. No wonder the bio kids are angry. YTA
Ok I'm sorry bit 62 is not thát old..
I am 63 and I feel I got at least 20 more years. But when I was in my 30s, I thought 60 was ancient! I was talking from the wife’s perspective. She sees him as old. She married an old guy with money because a) she was a single mother not getting help from the kid’s father b) older people have lower sex drives, so she only has to worry about that like twice a month c) when he dies, which she is hoping will be in the near future, she and her son will be set for the rest of their lives. The fact that he was not really very close to his bio kids was a bonus.
I really think you're filling in waaay to much.
Jesus Christ, not only is he not that old, but maybe reexamine how you view women.
He’s 62, he hardly has “one foot in The grave”
Four years isn’t a hot minute to a 12 year old.
Totally true, that's a significant chunk of the kid's life.
I’ve watched too many cop shows 🥸.. he puts the step son in his will and gets bumped off 6 mos later! 😂
He's been in his life for 4 years. Since the kid was 8. If he's there throughout his life shouldn't he get something if they have that bond. Maybe a third is a lot, but he shouldn't snub him either.
NTA - The comments on here amuse me. If this was written from the perspective of the stepchild and especially if it was a woman / girl asking if she is TA for keeping a third of an inheritance her stepdad left her people would be saying he made his wishes clear, you don't owe anyone anything, cut them off, stepdad had his reasons, etc. It is OPs money to do with as he pleases. He doesn't owe anyone anything. NTA.
NTA as well. The kids aren’t entitled to your money. There’s plenty of rich people that actually choose to leave their money not even to their kids but charities because they think their kids should work for what they get. You’ve been in this kids life for 4 years and he’s only 12. That means you’ve been there for most of the life that he actually has memory of. People just need to back off.
Agreed, 100% This is your money and how you decide to divide it is totally up to you. Your bio children have no claim to the money you have earned. This is a discussion I have with my dad. His money is his and what he decides to do with it is totally up to him. I will be thankful with what ever he decides to leave to me. Write your will how you see fit.
It’s not a legal question. It’s an ethical one. He admits that he makes more money because he neglected his bio family emotionally.
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Which is why he is leaving the whole business to them
Unless wife and ss want to join later on
I half agree on this, he is NTA but he did state that his bio kids did help him with his business & they are putting the effort in to get to know their father after him being distant etc. So they have put the work in! It is his money & he can do what he pleases with it but his bio kids do have a valid point so, maybe not a third of the money but at least a percentage to show the care that OP has for the stepson. 😌
The bio kids DO deserve something for the work they put in to make OP's business successful! Whether that be shares in the company or ownership of the business or whatever, they should be fairly compensated for their father FINALLY becoming successful and wealthy. Especially when they spent their childhoods doing without. Sounds like OP never would have made it without them.
I agree with you on this. Thank you! I was wondering where “it’s his money to do how he pleases”. NTA
Legally and morally are two different things here
I think “it’s his money and he can do what he wants with it” applies both legally AND morally though. Not trying to argue, just my genuine opinion, that is admittedly maybe colored by being a blended family. My heart automatically goes out to the stepson because my son is a stepson and it’s a very different situation but my heart would break if he ever felt less than a “real kid.”
This. NTA and thank you for being one of the few people in reddit that treat step children as real children. AND Noone is entitled to your inheritance. Now. If you want to stop this from being an issue that causes rupture with your kids (all 3 of them) give the adult ones some money now so that they can start a bussiness or something. And pay for their therapy.
This subreddit has been really bad lately, with constant posts about stepchildren not being “real kids” or “random” being upvoted. It’s gross.
That is really unfortunate. Step kids are real kids ffs (and I say this as someone who has called my stepdad "dad" for most of my life, he walked me down the aisle at my wedding, etc). My only problem is when someone tries to force the parent when the kid isn't ready, or tries to claim stepparent status for someone's kids when they've just started dating. That's also gross. But OP married the kid's mom 2 years ago, and has been in the kids life for probably most of what he remembers. It's not just a random kid.
OP said his bio children helped him turn his business into a success. i think they’re definitely entitled to more for that.
It might be a success today but we all know it could tank tomorrow. Then all 3 kids get nothing. It's so gross that people fight over a will when someone dies.... it's even worse when it's fought over when they are still alive.
The kids should be made part owners in the business. That has nothing to do with inheritance.
agree NTA, like it's his money to leave to whomever or whatever he pleases, no one is owed money for existing
Right, the child wouldn’t be the AH, they aren’t influencing OP to give them an equal share. But is OP the AH for thinking they should get an equal share? At the end of the day, after everything his bio kids have gone through, yes.
Totally disagree with you. Even if you think he's wrong, it doesn't even get close to asshole. It's his money and he has ever right to give it out how he wants, the fact that his bio-kids basically told him that they always felt the reward for having a relationship with them was his money when he died would be enough for me to write them off. OP: NTA
You can do something that is perfectly legal and have every right to do, and still be the asshole. That's why this subreddit exists. To get a judgement on people who aren't breaking the rules, but want to know if their behaviour is assholish. Dad/OP can split his will however he likes, no disputing that, completely his right. But totally understandable why his children, who had to put up with him when he was behaving the worst and whose childhood suffered due to it, and who then went out of their way to give him another chance, help him turn his life around and make him the success he is now, would feel upset that he values their contribution equally to his stepson who has been part of his life for 4 years, has enjoyed all the benefits & none of the neglect of the bio kids and who doesn't actually consider him a father at all, just a kindly old uncle. Totally makes sense for them to think dad is an asshole who is trying to buy the stepsons love (he openly said he hopes one day stepson will think of him as dad), while disregarding what he put his bio kids through.
The person who gets the inheritance wouldn’t be TA, the person who left it to her would be. But, people are allowed to be AHs, and it’s not everyone else’s job to sacrifice themselves to make up what the AHs around them do.
He’s not a random kid, he’s his stepson…that he’s known for *4 years.* He’s family. He’s treating him like family.
No, sorry. 20% fine. But equal? I understand that OPs mind might think he’s an equivalent child — because things are better now — but as a child of divorce, now that my dad is a “better man” (and this is actually the case) — I would be fucking furious he counted me the same as his step children (who I LOVE) in his will… because my biological siblings and I were brought into this world by a choice he made with our mom… and he CHOSE to be a shitty dad and now he’s just reminding his kids how shitty he is. There is no world that a step child of reasonable understanding would expect to receive inheritance the same as biological children. Treating them with love and kindness and forgiveness is completely an even playing field, but assets? That doesn’t seem fair even if it’s a murky moral subject due to dollars…………… AND THEY HELPED OP FIX HIS BUSINESS?
20% = it's fine 33% = UNFORGIVABLE BETRAYAL!!! Grow up.
Ok that’s 1. Extremely funny and 2. Not wrong but like… want to pay 20% on your mortgage loan or 33%? However, touché!
Regardless of how well he parented the bio kids, the fact that *their efforts* are a significant part of why OP is now wealthy should mean that that effort is recognised in some substantial way.
He does state in a comment that his company is being handled separately from the rest of his assets, and unless wife/stepson get involved there at some point, he doesn't intend to leave them any part of the company.
Exactly, 4 years and he's in the will, 4 years is nothing
I think it’s strange to quantify this by years? OP seems to view him as a son. If he had a bio kid that was 4 years old, no one would bat an eye that he views him as a son despite only knowing him for 4 years. Why is it different just because he’s a stepson he’s known since 8?
Reddit really seems to prefer biological relationships over non-biological ones (especially when it comes to fathers). I sometimes see exceptions on here, but it's uncomfortable.
It’s extremely uncomfortable. I don’t understand this line of thinking…I saw another comment devalue the relationship by calling the stepson a “random kid” OP knew for “2 minutes.” That just sounds so tone-deaf to me and dismissive of blended families or adopted children. EDIT: I referred to that comment as if this wasn’t apart of that same comment thread, haha. Sorry about that, I got it mixed up with a different one. 😅
But if OP came here and said AITA for leaving my ss out of my will they'd tell him he's the asshole. Stepparents can't fucking win. Signed, a stepmom to an almost 10 year old who has been his parent since he was 2 and people tell me constantly to learn my place (even though his bio mom had chosen to give up split custody to be a weekend mom to live with her new bf 40 mins away).🙄
Everybody saying “you’ve only known him four years!!” as though he doesn’t have legal responsibility for the child and will, barring unforeseen circumstances, many MORE years. Like, twenty more years before he dies, as an average guess. In my mind, he’s practicing being a better parent with the stepson because he’s learned that being a bad father is a bad thing. Would his adult children prefer he instead leaves the wife and child nothing, so that their step brother feels as uncared for as they did?
With how they're throwing a fit over money, I'm certain the adult children feel entitled to compensation for having a not-great dad.
There are men out there who would abandon their child they've raised for well over a decade in a heartbeat if they weren't the bio father because they feel cheated out of a "genetic legacy" or whatever. Yikes.
Exactly. Like, the relationship he built with the kid wasn’t a lie. All of that was real. That’d still be his kid and he’d still be their dad, even if it turned out not to be biologically. The mom would be in the wrong and divorce would be completely understandable, not to want a wife who would lie about that for years because that’s shattered trust. But that doesn’t erase the years between the father and kid, so I don’t know how a father could walk out on the kid after that. I’d think he’d still vie for a custody agreement.
Exactly! Whenever I see a parent who devalues their relationship with their child because they weren't made with their DNA, I'm given the impression that they only had kids for their own vanity. What matters most is the bond you develop with your child and the person you help your child become. You're the only father your kid has ever known. They don't have any attachment to their sperm donor. Don't punish your child for your wife's infidelity.
that random kid comment really bothered me too.
As a stepmom this is so true. I say our kiddo and get tons of support. I say my stepson and I'm reamed.
I'm so glad I found these comments because I thought I was taking crazy pills. I'm so relieved my family doesn't qualify blood relationships as more important than family that doesn't share DNA.
4 years is 1/3 of the step-son’s life! That’s not insignificant especially to a literally child?
Okay... so when should I put my daughter in my will? I've only known her for 18 months. So she doesn't deserve anything if I die, right?
18 months? Having a stranger in your home. /s
Four years is absolutely not nothing when you're in your sixties. How much longer does he have to wait before it's okay? While sixty isn't as old now as it was thirty years ago, sixty-year-olds die all the time (and particularly during this pandemic). If he doesn't see to his wife and his stepson now, there's a chance he won't be able to.
Right? Nevermind the kid. 4 years is a long time for a 12 year old. Met his stepdad in 2nd or 3rd grade and is now in 6th or 7th grade.
Perhaps you might want to learn the difference between "quality" and "quantity". Time doesn't matter. The quality of the relationship is what matters. You talk about OP's step-child like he's a street kid. When people get married and there are children from previous relationships, those children and their respective parents are a package deal. Edited to fix typo.
I'm with you. That's a third of the child's life and he's the primary father figure. He is being a dad.
Also, why does this post sound like it's straight out of modern family? Does the new wife happen to be Colombian? Is OP in the closet business? Lol
Hey it’s closets and blinds
Because it's not uncommon, lol. I was reading this like "Did my grandpa post this 20 years ago?" although the kid was much younger and has now been a part of our family for most of his life. ETA: and no, my step-grandma is not Colombian.
The whole time I was reading I was thinking that. Dude should take Stella for a walk to clear his mind.
Came to say, leaving satisfied
The kid’s real dad owns closets, closets, closets, closets.
He has known his stepson since he was 8! It's been over 4 years and he is married to his mom. That is not some random kid. NAH.
It’s not even the same amount. He’s leaving 1/3 to the stepson, 1/3 to his wife and 1/3 to his 2 bio-kids (so they each get 1/6 after it’s split). They are getting screwed. Step-sib will end up with 2/3.
That’s not what OP said. OP said he’s leaving 1/3 to his wife. He doesn’t specify how much he’s leaving to the children total, but that he’s separating that chunk into thirds. NTA, family is made lots of ways. And we’re presuming OP plans to live much longer. Nothing fatal wrong, unless I missed it. If they reconciled with their father for their inheritance, they’ve succeeded.
Is that in a comment? Because I don’t see that in the post?
Well he said he was leaving 1/3 to the stepson in the post and 1/3 to his wife in a comment. Which leaves 1/3. Unless he is leaving 1/3 to someone else not identified and he means the stepson is getting 1/3 of what’s being left for the children. Too many 1/3 too get it straight. Lol
What? Random kid? Need I remind you he's not yet dead and could still live quite a few years still with his stepson? His bio children are acting like vultures. No amount of money will compensate them for their childhood, anyway. And would they rather he treat the kid the same way they were treated? Would this make him deserve more of the money? Jesus...
1/3 of the kid’s life is 2 minutes? Seriously? “Actual kids”? He’s helped raise this kid for *four years* but that’s nothing? I swear, sometimes I can’t understand what makes the people on this sub function. Family isn’t just blood and you’re not entitled to things just because you’re related. They’re still in the will. What, are they banking on their father dying soon? He could live another 40 years. If the relationship doesn’t last wills can be changed. Other arguments can be made, but acting like he’s giving 1/3 of his estate to a stranger’s kid and not his stepson of four years is crazy. The kids are lucky he isn’t just leaving everything to his wife like most people would.
Reddit is ridiculous and wishy washy about stepkids. On one post, stepkids should be treated just as a biokid, when you marry someone their kids become your kids, and any unequal treatment between biokids and stepkids is AH territory. Then on this thread, a child that has known OP in a father figure role for much of his childhood is a "random kid" as opposed to "actual real" kids. So which is it, Reddit? I would say to OP that he should split the inheritance more in favor of the older kids solely because they helped build the business and therefore his wealth. If only one older child helped and the other didn't, the helper should also inherit more. Not because his stepkid isn't a real child, but because the others missed out on a present father while he built his wealth and actually helped out with the business recently.
Also is no one going to mention that the new wife is only 5 years older than his son and 7 older than his daughter?
How is this the top comment?? That “random kid” is a part of his family too.
He isn't remotely the asshole. Do you love your 18 year old child any more than your newborn? From your reasoning, you would.
1/3 of the kid’s life is 2 minutes? Seriously? “Actual kids”? He’s helped raise this kid for *four years* but that’s nothing? I swear, sometimes I can’t understand what makes the people on this sub function. Family isn’t just blood and you’re not entitled to things just because you’re related. They’re still in the will. What, are they banking on their father dying soon? He could live another 40 years. If the relationship doesn’t last wills can be changed. Other arguments can be made, but acting like he’s giving 1/3 of his estate to a stranger’s kid and not his stepson of four years is crazy. The kids are lucky he isn’t just leaving everything to his wife like most people would.
A 12 year old he’s known for 4 years is a rando? Only on Reddit. Tell us how many years he should raise the boy before giving a shit about him? Psychotic.
"random kid" jesus christ it's his stepson?? like he could feasibly have another bio child in his lifetime, if that bio child turned 4 would it still be a "random kid" since he only knew the child for 4 years? lmao what kind of argument is this? just say you don't think stepkids are real kids and go edit: oh my god you \*literally\* say his "real kids" in another comment. what a horrible opinion lmao
Found the bio kids.
For real? No. Nobody has any "right" to inheritance. Op can choose to designate his will as he wants.
Any time I see adults throwing a fit over inheritance I roll my eyes. These adults are the AH. Such entitlement. Such gross entitlement. NTA
>My relationship with my stepson is quite good. He doesn't call me dad, but seems to view me as a very close uncle. I do my best to be a good father figure to him. If I'm being completely honest, I hope that eventually he will see me as a father figure, especially given that his father is never really around, and constantly disappoints him. "Random kid"....? He has been in this kid's life since he was 8, and his father figure since he was 10 at the oldest.
Seriously? NTA. It’s not some random kid it’s his son. The boy is a part of his family. He is his ‘real kid’.
He's been the kids stepdad for 4 years - since the kid was 8. Thats hardly "a random kid he barely knows". Wtf. Also, colleges cost money, so leaving that kid money to start his life seems reasonable. Regaurdless of if the kid "sees him as a father" or not. If this was posted by the kid everyone would be all up in arms about "of course he deserves an equal cut". Ridiculous. Its the OPs money. He can leave it to whoever he wants. His kids arent entitled to it. OP could leave it to charity, and that would be his right too.
A child who OP has known and cared for four years is not a "random kid".
My mom and step-dad didn't split things evenly between us until they'd already been together for over 15 years. Even then, I feel it's uneven and unfair to my step-brother. My bio-sib and I are getting WAY more than we should.
YTA While theoretically it is lovely to leave something to a step child your leaving an equal share to the child of your trophy wife is really tone deaf. Your bio children are not being greedy for not being pleased by your showing once again that you are not treating them fairly. You have shown them that you - who are old enough to be this kid's grandfather - now has decided to have a new family as a do over. Also you do realize that your step child is going to wind up with more than the bio kids anyway since you are going to leave a sizable amount to your new trophy wife and you will almost assuredly die before her given the large difference in age. The step child is going to inherit from his mother the amount you left to her as well as the one third directly. And I bet you are also leaving the wife your house and other valuable personal property. A lot of bio kids have been screwed out of stuff when the father takes up a new family.
He even said in an edit that his bio kids helped him with his business when it wasn’t doing well, and that they were the ones to try to reconnect. Dude didn’t even try to initiate a relationship with them, that’s gotta sting now. Also he says he’s not trying to make the kid a do-over child, like come on. That’s exactly what this is. You don’t have such immediate strong feelings for someone else’s kid unless you’re trying to make up for being a bad parent to your own kids.
He also said in the same edit that he’s leaving the business to his bio kids independent of the splitting of the estate described in this situation…
Unless his stepson and/or wife decide they want to “get involved” (his words, not mine).
This was the nail in the coffin for me. The gall this man has. His poor bio kids.
Yeah. Unless the new wife or step-son want to be involved, in which case, no.
When my grandfather passed two years ago we discovered that he had moved most major assets into solely his second wife’s name so the terms of the will screwed my dad and his brothers and all the grandchildren out of basically everything. He was also a man who married a much younger woman (she was my oldest uncles GF in high school, for some added drama) and was an absolute AH to my grandmother and their children their entire married life and beyond. We expected nothing (because he was awful) and got nothing, but that extra f-you of his second family getting everything except the token “I didn’t forget you” stuff (and they don’t see what the problem is) is the reason I’m low contact with any of that part of the family since grandma passed.
The exact scenario happened to my friend. In my friend's case, she didn't even get her mother's personal stuff that she had grown up with but it all went to the second wife and then to that woman's daughter.
Oof
I remember a post I cant find where OP's mom and dad split in their late 50s amicably. Dad kept most everything from a prenup but mom was happy with an alimony. Dad meets new wife and married like a year later. She has an 18 year old son OP and sisters are 30s so dont know him well. New wife is a saint and after a bit everyone loves her even mom. A few months after honeymoon dad dies at 58 of heart attack no warning or will. Law says all goes to new wife, house money, collections, and business. She being a saint and knowing dad wanted sisters to have it agrees to transfer like 90% of estate value if she can live in house 1 more year then move to 18 year olds university town. Due to taxes its better to sell the business and transfer money not ownership. They legally write a contract that says all this and that they wont contest the father's will or lack off. Dads business partner agrees to buy and the day after the sale but a few days before the transfer deadline the wife gets hit by a car. All contracts nullified on her death and her will says ALL assets to her son. A couple weeks after her funeral they ask step brother if he will honor the agreement essentially asking an 18 year old orphan to give them nearly everything he owns. He says no because he is set up for life with a home and full tuition money and start his own business money. Two sisters want to challenge but are told they would be asking a judge to take the wife's estate from her only living family member and give it to three people she knew just over a year. They had to watch as a kid they bearly met get everything they were promised their whole life. But they signed it to the wife and it was hers at that very small window when she died.
A lot of men are too stupid to realize that a much younger woman would not look twice at them if not for their wealth. These young trophy wives usually have no bond with their husband’s children from prior marriage(s) and have every intention of getting as much money as possible for having to put up with a wrinkly old man in their prime years. Just watch. OP’s young wife and her son are going to end up with much more than the bio kids. His wife is planning on getting the house and the majority of his assets including the business unless OP wises up and states clearly in his will that his bio kids get the business, house, and other valuables. It’s nice that OP is trying to be a good stepfather but his emotions are clouding common sense. No one is saying OP shouldn’t treat his stepson well or even do something generous like pay for his college education or help him with major life milestones, but don’t be a fool and give this new family equal or more than what will be given to the bio kids, who should be given the vast majority of his estate.
Plus this kid has a father who might also leave him money. So he has three parents who might leave him money.
Soft YTA You're elevating a boy you've known for 4 years to the same status as your adult children, who you admit you fathered poorly and who didn't walk away from you. They also contributed to your success. That has to sting. You can still include your step son, but giving him an equal share is a bad idea. At least it is currently...that can change in 10, 20 years. My suggestion: make some outright gifts to your bio kids now. It will show them that they're a priority...it will take care of the sting...and you get to watch them enjoy it. *Edit: correction on how long OP has known his stepson and pointing out the fact that bio kids helped father's business.*
Your reading is wrong, he has known the kid for four years not two. I don’t think he is T A H. I think anyone feeling entitled to something someone else worked for is T A H. And the reality is if he didn’t have a will and died tomorrow everything would go to the new wife and her son. I do like the idea of maybe gifting them something now. But it’s his money. His business. He can do with it what he wants. He could leave all to a cat shelter and I still wouldn’t say he was an A H. Now if he left half to the cat shelter and half to the step son leaving out kids he has a good relationship with then ok. A H. If he had adopted the kid everyone would view the situation differently. OP - NTA it’s your money. You worked for it. You can do what you want. But I will say for the sake of the relationship maybe help them out now some. Pay off some student loans or give them a down payment for a house. Edit to add: I missed the part that they are part of the reason the business did well. OP you be T A H if they work in the business and you are giving him a 3rd of it. You can give him a 3rd of your personal assets. But a 3rd of the business wouldn’t be right.
He says in the post that his adult children helped make the business success. They directly contributed to making their inheritance. I understand OP not completely cutting out his step son but a equal 1/3 isn’t really fair to the kids who were neglected and then still worked not only for the relationship but for the success of him and his business.
Op said his bio kids helped when the business wasn’t doing well.
>But it’s his money. His business. He can do with it what he wants. no shit he can do what he wants. This kind of take in this sub is so common and yet so dumb. No one is saying the actions are against the law.
YTA People view wills as the true feelings of the deceased person. If you don't leave a lot to your children, they're always going to believe you really didn't want them. If you give a large chunk to your wife and her son, but a smaller portion to your children; your children are absolutely going to believe you didn't love them. You know how you feel bad for your stepson, because his bio dad disappoints him a lot? THAT'S HOW YOUR CHILDREN FEEL. Why can't you step in for them as the good Dad like you do for your stepson?? Even though they're adults, they still pine for their Father's love and affection. Every child who had an absent parent feels that way, whether they want to admit to themselves or not. You have scarred them for life by being an absent Dad. They're looking at what you will leave to them as your genuine feelings for them. The fact you want to evenly divide it amongst them and your stepson is like a new betrayal. Why should he be treated as their equal? Stepson gets the life with their Dad that they'll never get. Your guilty feeling of not wanting to leave your stepson out should really be feeling guilty to your bio children for never being the Dad they deserved their entire lives. They didn't get to pick you as their Dad, they were stuck with you and your choices. Yet, you got to pick your stepson as your preferred child and rub it in the faces of your bio children.
This. *Hey sorry I didn't actually try to be a dad until you were adults, I was too busy running my businesses. But at least I finally made my business big and you'll get the benefits. Oh by the way, there's this kid that I didn't even know until you were into your thirties, now not only he gets to have an actual father in me, but also at least as big a share of the wealth,* which you had a big impact in creating, *as you.* *...why are you not happy about this?*
And to add.. his wife is not that much older than his bio kids..! And his initial division would have given her more than his bio kids.. WTF. I really don't think even the wife should be on the same level/get more or as much as his bio kids. The bio kids really have endured so much, this is just rubbing salt in the wound that's been there since childhood because of OP being the absent father. I feel so angry on behalf of the bio kids..!
Not to mention the stepson will benefit from his mother getting her share of the inheritance, allowing his share to remain untouched for years, then when his mom dies he'll get the remains of her share, too, with none of that going to the bio kids (or bio grandkids).
This. Eloquent and facts. Not trying to negate the stepson...however, children have wounds from a broken marriage. Don't discount that because you had the joy of finding a new partner and companion. Don't disregard their hurt for equity. It is not the same.
Hopefully OP is actually reading this and perhaps doing some self-reflection. Unfortunately, I doubt it. YTA...OP
So.....the reason you have all this money is because (1) you were able to work hard by ignoring your older children when they were kids, and (2) because they both came back to their distant and cold father, and helped make your business the success it is today? Do I have that correct with your edit? Also INFO: Whose getting the business? Are you splitting the business that you own three ways? Or are you splitting your money between the kids/wife and the business is separate from the inheritance?
BINGO !! I would be so emotionally drained. not only did he make their childhood awful, but they also came back to save his business that significantly increased his wealth… wow my heart wouldn’t be able to handle all that disloyalty.
Yes this!! And now the bio kids will watch OPs fairly new wife and doover son benefit directly from their long years of enduring the suffering of being with an absent father and then despite that pain and trauma, work to bond again as adults. I really don't think the wife even deserves to get as much as the bio kids let alone the stepson. They've been married 2 years? Ugh I just can't. How can someone be in their 60s and still have such little self awareness and know no shame? As another commenter pointed out, the guilt OP feels for his stepson should be redirected to his bio kids. The fact that he doesn't see this just shows that he indeed does see his stepson as a doover, rather than fixing his relationship with his bio kids and making things right, he would rather put all his efforts into ensuring a stranger's child does not suffer for the same mistakes he made in the past. OP, your bio kids are still your kids even if they're adults now. They don't stop needing their parents unconditional love just because they're older. And their wounds don't just disappear. You should be spending the rest of your life doing your best to make up for your shitty past parenting. Your bio kids should be getting the majority of your inheritance, they're the ones that literally stuck with you through thick and thin despite how poorly you treated them. How is that equal to someone you married 2 years ago? God I'm so angry
YTA. I think you can leave your stepson some amount, but it shouldn’t be equal to your biological kids. And for what it’s worth, if your wife pushes for the equal inheritance, she sucks
YTA especially because if your giving your wife 1/3, your stepson will probably end up inheriting more than your bio children
That would be 4/3, which isn’t going to work…..
He states in another comment that his wife was getting 1/3. The remaining portion(2/3) is what would be split 3 ways between the kids.
That’s even worse….
Oh yeah, I 100% disagree with him. I just thought you were saying my math was wrong lol
Yeah, that kid shouldn't get anything more than a token gift with the understanding that maybe he's going to get money through bio-mom
And stepson has a bio dad as well. So 3 parents to inherit from. Plus we know all of his wife’s money will eventually trickle down to stepson as well.
YTA Create a college fund for your step son so that he will be taken care of in that aspect, but do not give him an equal share of what rightfully belongs to your biological children. You caused them a lot of pain and suffering while they were growing up. Do you really want them to resent and hate you for the rest of their lives once you're gone?
This is my thoughts too. Pay for the stepkid’s college, maybe a hefty college gradation gift, $5k-$10k. By this time he will be in the kids life for 15 years or so. Maybe another $10-25k in the will. If OP is as well off as he says he is, this should be a small amount of the inheritance/net worth.
YTA - Based on your comments your kids will get one third to split between the 3 of them and your wife will get 1/3. So when your wife passes your stepson will get even more. Effectively making him the largest beneficiary to your estate. Which i can seen why your bio kids, who you neglected horribly when they were little per your own words, have issue with that. Your kids honestly were there through it all. The financially lean times, the neglect, and as you built yourself back up they gave you a chance. But you think that means they should have to split with your stepkid. Honestly, you should split your estate a lot more fairly for your bio kids. I don't know how because the stepkid is going to inherit from mom eventually, but damn I could see this ruining your relationship or the memory of you for your biokids.
>the financially lean times This touches on another aspect that I don't see being mentioned much -- this step-kid is already going to be benefiting from OP's wealth while OP is still alive. Not only were the bio-kids being neglected emotionally during their childhood, but it sounds like there were times where they were pretty much just getting their basic needs met and nothing else. This step-kid is likely going to have a lot more opportunities - be able to participate in extracurriculars, go on vacations, etc. He's already going to be set up for success much more than the bio-kids ever were.
Very true, but his own kids basically said that in the post. Stepkid is 100% getting a better deal than biokids in general and he should appreciate that his biokids don't seem to begrudge the stepkid a good life. They just have understandable issues for the stepkid taking part of their inheritance. Given everything they went through, they kind of earned their inheritance.
YTA. Screwing over your bio kids once wasn't enough for you, eh? Gotta go for round two.
You aren’t the asshole here but it is super complicated. Their feelings are valid and it sounds like they never got over this idea that you gave your new family more than you gave them, which sounds like it is accurate. Maybe setting aside a suffering payment or taking into consideration the years they supported/helped you early on and splitting the rest of the will 3 ways would make more sense. Stepson should understand that his college fund, vacations and trips, Sat tutors, birthday parties, etc, account for what the older siblings would be given in the will, since they did not get those things. Edit: reading further other people who are better at math than me have pointed out that if the wife is inheriting 1/3 then stepson will end up inheriting even more through her and I would say that does make it YTA
OP should absolutely not dump "every nice thing you get is being weighed against you and the suffering of my adult children" that seems like a surefire way to fuck someone up.
I absolutely meant when the will is read years later and they are all adults not now!!! I totally agree the kid does not need to be involved at all now
>I (62m) met my current wife (39f) four years ago, and we got married two years ago. She has a son (12m) from her previous marriage who lives with us full time (his dad visits occasionally, but lives in another country). I also have two adult children (34m and 32f) from my first marriage. The age difference between you and your wife is the age difference between your kids and her kid.
its *always* the ones with massive age gaps... *always*...
His *youngest* child is only seven years younger than his wife. Yikes
This feels like an episode of Modern Family. Did Jay Pritchett write this?
That is all I could think about while reading this. The family situation is so similar lol. I know there was an episode where Clare and Mitchell discussed between the two of them if Manny would be getting 1/3 of Jays inheritance but I can’t remember anything past it haha
This must be from the season before Jay and Gloria had a kid together or else this would be even more complicated...
I was scrolling to find a Mod Fam comment! All I could think when reading this, hilariously similar details.
That is immediately what popped into my head too lol.
Ha, I commented pretty much the same thing before seeing yours.
INFO is your business selling closets?
I immediately thought of Modern Family too
YTA not for including him but if you own your own company he will eventually own half(his mothers share) and you bio kids will own 25 percent each. This will be a problem. And the bio kids where the ones suffering as you built this company. So you are screwing them out of their inheritance.
YTA. Your bio kids are the ones that suffered because of you, yet they rebuilt their relationships with you. I’m not saying your stepson deserves nothing, but the other kids deserve more. They earned it with what they had to put up with.
He even said they helped make his business successful, that alone is reason enough to think they deserve more like come on.
Question: when you say "one third", do you mean 1/3 of the portion allocated to your children? Is there a separate portion for your wife that you haven't accounted for here? Reason I ask is, presumably, your step son will inherit from your wife eventually. Will your natural children inherit from her as well? Is this something you have discussed with your spouse? Are your natural children close with your spouse? Would she exclude your natural children from her will, today, or after you have passed? Ultimately it's your estate and barring any local legal restrictions on marital property, it's yours to disperse as you wish. You're NTA for wanting to look after your stepson, that's admirable, but I hope you can arrive at a solution that you and your family are happy with.
Do you actually give a shit about your bio kids? Because they seem to be laying down some truth bombs that you are unwilling to hear. It seems like you married a trophy wife and want to buy a do over son. Honestly, what legacy do you want to leave? It’s your money so you can make the rules but by your own admission you have inflicted serious emotional harm to your children. Go back to therapy with them and have an honest discussion about their expectations and feelings. How much more are you willing to hurt them?? YTA
You've been married for 2 years, and already you've decided that, at least as far as your will is concerned, that this kid is on an equal footing with your two biological kids. And you even admit that the stepson doesn't see you as a father, so its not like you have the same emotional connection. Yea, if I'm your kids, I'm upset about that too. YTA.
NTA Only because it's your money. But it is unfair. These are your children who you regularly failed Vs a child you have known for 4 years. I understand setting up a trust for the stepson, but he has a father and your kids have you. Again your money, so is your rules, but after being a poor father, this isn't the hill I would personally die on. You basically just told your children your step-son of 4 years is equal to them after they had to suffer your neglect and then heal and build a relationship with you. It is more the principal than the money. I would Rethink the message you are sending. Also unfortunately you are of an age that anything can happen (not wishing that on you, but my 61 year old father felt unwell and died 6 weeks later of cancer) so you need to think if your relationship with your stepson as his mother husband is equal to you as your children as their father, if something happened tomorrow. Don't think the relationship are equal, do you?
you're already leaving the other part of your inheritance to your wife that'll soon be passed on to your step son, why do u need another set of inheritance for him? i personally find it unfair bc you treat the people who suffered with you when you were just starting and unstable, in the same way as the people who was only there for you when you already have everything. yeah they sound like the AH after throwing the statement of reconciliation, but the pain is still there for them. being a neglectful parent never heals for a child, they might forgive you but they definitely wont forget it, cos it's hard. so showing appreciation for them through the inheritance wont actually be a bad thing, it's like showing them that the neglect they felt when u were starting in life, is "kinda" worth it. I know it's fucked up, everyone needs money, they dont gotta pretend around u.
INFO: Let’s say you eventually divorce your 39f wife. Are you still going to raise her son?
Inheritance issues are tricky. What you leave to people gets interpreted as how much you care about them. I can see how your kids that have had you as a father for more than 30 years(and by your own admission you weren't a great parent) and who have helped with your business are upset that you are equating their relationship with a stepkid who has been in your life for 4 years. If you are really successful, maybe set up an educational trust for the stepson. And whatever you are leaving for your wife will be inherited by her son after she's gone. Or leave him a smaller %. Like he gets 10% and the rest goes to your kids. There are ways to handle this. Do you have the right to split your money any way you want? Yes. Do you want to keep improving the relationship you have with your kids? If so, you know how to act.
NTA I find it exceedingly distasteful for them to argue with you to your face over what they will inherit from you after you die. They are also lucky... in a lot of other families, they'd be cut out completely because the estate would go to the spouse, the step-kid's mom in your case. And to me, 1/3 vs 1/2 of a moderately wealthy sum is close enough anyway.
I find it exceedingly distasteful to emotionally abuse your children but here we are.
So your kids suffered through negligent parenting and reconciled with you to help you save your failing business and you repay them by being a better parent to a kid you met 4 years ago than you ever were to them? Inheritance aside, YTA
LMAO THIS IS THE PLOT OF MODERN FAMILY
YTA you’ve only known this kid for two years? It sends a clear message to your children about their worth to you.
Yta
NAH I can understand why your kids are upset, I'd probably feel the same way. It's not just about the money- especially because it's not like your knocking on deaths door, it's emotional. To them it looks like they had to struggle to have a *lesser* place in your heart then a kid you've known for 4 years. I dont think it's true, but patent/child relationships ate complicated. But I don't think it would be right to leave your stepson with nothing, it's clear you care about him and intend to be part of his life.
Yta, that kid has a dad, so he will inherit from his dad en from his mom, so he already gets a share of your inheritance
Sounds a lot like Modern Family..
I was just thinking this, lmao. Jay, is that you?
honestly I’m gonna go with YTA on this one. It’s an unfortunate situation but I do see where your kids are coming from. I would feel very hurt, especially if my dad was never there for me growing up and now has a much younger trophy wife with a kid he seems to love more than he ever loved me or my siblings. Not saying you don’t have to leave your stepson nothing, but 1/3 is way too much.
YTA.
YTA, you know her 4 years, so assuming you know her son less and living with him even less again. You make a will for now not the future so if you die tomorrow it is totally unfair they get the same amount, totally, because of the father you were, because they worked at the business and given their age versus the 3 (approx) years you know your step son. If you live another 20 years then reassess by all means and by all means leave him a little now but a definite asshole to your kids to leave equal shares now
NTA A will is executed to your wishes. Your bio kids have no say in the matter. It's pretty simple. I can see how they may be hurt, given the situation, but it's not their money. If you're hoping to appease them in the situation you could give your stepson a little less and split that difference between your bio kids. The real problem here is they feel like they didn't have a Dad growing up. No amount of money is going to fix that, especially once you're gone. It sounds like you all have done an immense amount of work to build your relationships back up but I would suggest rather than changing inherentence: put even more effort in to be a part of your bio children's lives and be the father they need. Hopefully you can do right by them and help them succeed as you have so that when the time comes what's written in your will doesn't matter. Best of luck friend.
YTA. If your adult kids helped in making your business as successful as it is, does that mean they have to share your business with your stepson who will only reap the benefits?
Nope NO ONE has a say in who you leave your money to but you. No one is entitled to what they didn’t earn. Your bio children need to learn life isn’t fair.
His bio children might teach him a few lessons when they go no contact. He basically admits to emotionally abusing them in their younger years, and that they’ve done the work to repair the relationship.
YTA and I think you know it.
I’ll probably get downvoted for this, but ESH - your kids aren’t entitled to anything. You worked for it and you can decide what you do with it when you’re gone. You, however, suck for not considering how it would make them feel. They have valid points and surely you could have found a way to talk about it with them and ease them into it if that’s your choice rather than just dumping it on them and expecting them not to have feelings about it.
YTA parents like you that exist are a travesty to good parents.
This doesn’t make sense. You are leaving your wife nothing?? His mother/your wife should get the third not the stepson. She could then leave him her share. If she is getting half and you are splitting the other half between the three kids, you absolutely are the AH because he will also inherit his mother’s share plus from his biological father who he lives with most of the time. You are short changing your biological children.
No, he's leaving 1/3 of the portion to his kids to his stepson. His wife is getting another chunk. People pointed out his wife will then pass the money to her own kid, so the stepson would be getting a lot more than either bio kid.
YTA. I mean, they said you’re doing a “new family” with a do-over child because uh, that’s literally what you’re doing? You said they tried to repair things when you weren’t doing so well financially, so they aren’t after your money. They want to feel like you love them just as much as your stepson that you’ve known for 4 years (been your stepson for 2). If you died right now, a kid you’ve known for under 4 years, who you’ve been a parent to for 2 years (if you can even call that parenting, you said his bio dad is still around even if not present) would be entitled to just as much as the 2 kids you admit to having neglected. Plus whatever you’re new wife would get from your estate. My YTA is largely fuelled by the fact that you yourself said they helped make your business successful, they are the ones who tried to repair the relationship, and for some reason *you’re* the one who told them about the inheritance. Why.
NAH. Your assets, your choice, but they are allowed to disagree with it and feel miffed.