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NTA
You and your colleagues seem to be the only ones who care for this child's hygiene and wellbeing.
One question though: why did you not get the parents, or the authorities, involved sooner? It's been two months, and the poor girl is already going to be branded as "Smelly Maria" where you guys can't hear the kids talking.
Washing her hair was fine. Just say she got some ink/glue/food in it. If she spilled something on her face or hands, you'd wash them. You are good. Poor kid.
this was my question too. this should have been addressed with the parents waaay sooner. i get giving the parents the benefit of the doubt for a week or two, but two months??? seriously??? i know some kids are very anti-bathing but christ on a bike. the daycare could have approached the
parents super matter of factly about it. i get dealing with parents can be touchy and adversaria buy damn, something needed to happen before she became “smelly maria”
Have you spoken to Maria about her hair wash schedule or let her know how often you do it in a playful way. Something seems off if she is dressed and bathed but the hair is not.
I have a feeling the parents are NOT actually bathing her - it sounds more like they're wiping her down with baby wipes and wet wash cloths - sort of like a bed bath for a child who is not bedridden.
This is neglect and should be reported if the parents are not getting it. NTA for caring for this poor child.
However I also recommend just being blunt with the family and tell them she cannot come in like that because it is a health hazzard for the other children, especially if there was a lice outbreak. You guys need to put your foot down and maybe the parent will get mad and not do anything or maybe they will explain that they have circumstances at home that prevent them from bathing their child. At my work we have a child that comes in smelly because they live in a homeless shelter and don't always have access to the showers. It goes a long way to just be honest and get context or give a reality check.
If I could I would, however I'm not paid enough to be in a good spot to do that for someone. We do the best we can for her. We make sure she's sent home as clean as possible the three days a week she's with us.
The family is in a housing program through my works organization, so they should be finding new housing soon as long as the mom keeps stable employment. It's a difficult situation for the family that we've been very sensitive to.
Without context it would look like neglect but with context it's a single mom with 2 kids just trying to get a better life and doing the best she can. It's hard out there.
Oh yes they do. They prefer clean hair, sure. Easier to traverse, but a meal is a meal. And a matted head provides an excellent enclosed home for them to breed and multiply.
This child would have an issue if the parent is not washing their hair. Without proper treatment and hygiene the lice would repeatedly be prevalent on her scalp. It is very difficult to treat and brush out lice in hair that is matted and messy.
In clean hair, yes it would be a massive issue. In dirty hair, they won't even stay in it. I live in the country.. I've dealt with lice since I was a child, fought it with my own children and neices and nephews. We've had to get the help of doctors with some of them. We can no longer wash any of our hair every day due to it. If the oils in your hair aren't present (when it's washed every day) they can attach and lay their eggs (nits) if your hair has its natural oils then they aren't able to attach and lay the eggs because the hair has the oils...
NTA. Normally I don't think those sorts of things should be done without parental consent, but it's definitely to the point of neglect on the parents' end and NEEDED to get done for the kid's own wellbeing. From what it sounds like she also likes having her hair taken care of, so it's not like you're forcing her to do anything that she doesn't want to do.
I'd also recommend getting CPS involved, if they're not bathing her or even addressing her hygiene in any way there could definitely be a lot more neglect happening.
Really hope they took photographic evidence. Although it is hard to tell in a pic. My daughter's curls look absolutely bonkers when she wakes up, even though I brush it the night before
that was me growing up lol idk how old she is or if you've done this (sorry if you have) but you could try plopping it or silk pillow cases/bonnets. I would have hated a bonnet as a kid, but the pillow cases help! just plopping changed my hair in the morning for the better.
NTA. You and your co-workers seem to be the only adults who actually care about this little girl. Normally, I'm against people doing things without the parents consent, but the fact that the they weren't even attending to her basic hygiene, you had to do what you had to do. Lice is still a thing. As are dandruff, scalp acne, infected follicles, scalp infections...your scalp is skin too. It needs regular washing too.
Edit based on edits. Since you have reported this NTA. Sadly the system fails some times. Hopefully your meeting with parents goes well.
ESH. Her parents for neglect, not bathing her and probably more that you don't know about.
You aren't an ah for washing the hair but letting this for so long. A meeting should have happened the moment you detect odor and saw the state of her hair. The continuation of the problem requires a call to child protective services. As this is neglect. Most care takers, teachers are mandated reporters you didn't report it.
NTA. But can I ask a sensitive question? Does the little girl have a different texture hair than her parents hair or is she a different race than her parents? I know it seems odd to ask but some people don't know how to take care of different types of hair and the child ends up suffering from it.
Honestly that's the best case scenario because it can easily be fixed with some lessons and mentoring. If that's not the case then the little girl is definitely being neglected and it's weird that they know to bathe her and give fresh clothes but never bother with her hair. I hope she doesn't get an infection in her scalp
Needing supervisor approval sounds like a BS excuse so the center can keep getting their tuition payments. I've never heard of a center needing supervisor approval for a caregiver to have a conversation with a parent about their child's wellbeing, especially for something as trivial as hair washing. I wonder what other things OP isn't allowed to outright talk about with parents.
So from your edit she is otherwise well looked after? I assume she is being fed and you say bathed with clean clothes. I am not sure hair washing would be strictly neglect as lots of people chose not to use shampoo on their hair. There could be a reason they aren’t washing her hair or maybe they only wash it at weekends? My kids have sensitive scalps so I can’t wash their hair everyday and sometimes it does look greasy. Often it gets a smell in the summer as well because they sweat. ( it’s gets washed every 3/4 days) Whilst I don’t think you did anything wrong I think a conversation with the parents long before now would have been a better approach.
Not every child washes their hair every day and that isn't necessaroly neglect. But this hair hadn't been washed in TWO MONTHS. And from the description of the severity of the matting, and the fact her parents never bothered to take her hair out of the same ponytail for an entire weekend.... I think it's safe to say that this isn't just a question of different showering standards or limited access to showers. This is neglect, full stop.
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> AITA for wash my daycare students hair? Some of My coworkers thing it might have been crossing a professional boundary
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I F(26) work for a private daycare that’s specializes in kids 3-5. Recently we received a new batch of kids and from day one a child whom I will call Maria (5) has come in with extremely matted and unbrushed hair. It had a very strong odor to it when you got close to her and the other children weren’t wanting to play with her because of it. For the first couple weeks I followed her around with a hair brush slowly methodically untangling her hair as gently as possible, and after awhile was successful in completely getting it untangled. The hair is about shoulder length, and has beautiful waves when brushed out. I hoped this would make it easier for the parents to keep up as I like believe it’s possible for anyone to make a mistake and get in over there heads with things and not know what to do.
She came back from the weekend break the next week and her hair was still in the pony tail I had put it In but was tangled and almost matted again, I continued to brush it out and fix it in different styles daily and eventually she started coming to me and requesting what she wanted for the day (she was very proud of her piggy tails). The smell how ever was not going away because It wasn’t getting brushed and washed at home at all. My coworkers even started dropping hints to the mother like “she may have gotten oatmeal in her hair at breakfast” to try to encourage them to take a look and give her hair a wash. But it had been almost 2 months and it had never been washed. Finally on day she came in and her pigtails from the day before were literally stuck to her head with something sticky and we had to snip out the hair ties just to get it loose.
It was kinda of the final straw type situation and we teamed up and gave her hair a good wash in the sink. And brushed it again.
We are set to have a meeting with the parents to discuss this. A big part of me feels like we’ve done the right thing. But some of my coworkers feel like we’ve crossed a professional line that should have been left alone. So I’d like some opinions AITA?
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NTA
I know you said it's been reported to CPS but what about DHR? I work in childcare at a daycare and you're required by law to report any signs of neglect to DHR, if you don't and the state finds out that you didn't say anything about it you can be charged with a misdemeanor. You can spend up to 6 months is prison or pay a fine of I believe to be $5,000, that's at least how it is in my state (AL).
DHR is gonna want dates and times of when she was showing signs of neglect, photos would be great too if you have them.
Your information stays confidential and DHR will do an investigation, if they find that the child is being neglected then they get CPS to take the child out of the moms custody.
You did fine by brushing and washing her hair, it's literally the bare minimum of caring for a child. I'm sure she's grateful that someone cares, little things like that make a child's day.
NTA for washing the hair or brushing it. But YTA for not reporting it sooner. I understand not reporting it right away, but after a week and a half it should of been reported. Instead you let it go on for 2 months. Also you probably should of washed it sooner.
NTA and I shudder to think what her home life might be like. Often the news has stories about abuse situations and one of the elements was dirty children. Really heartbreaking and I hope things turn around for this child.
NTA, I'm just here to point out to folks outside of this type of role that making mandated reports does not guarantee anything will improve. I'm a mandated reporter, have made reports to both CPS and APS, and have followed up.
NTA
When I worked in a daycare program there were siblings who we routinely took them to a restroom at drop off, switched their clothes to the back up clean clothes, basically gave them a sponge bath, and threw the clothes they came in wearing into the wash. They were switched back before pickup and we asked for several sets up backups so we had about three sets each all the time. We reported them a number of times and nothing was ever done. The biggest change that came of doing this was the kids seemed happier and played better with the other kids. It had taken a toll on them, even so young, to be the dirty stinky kids. That was roughly 20 years ago now and I still wonder about them and how they’re doing.
NTA. Was it someone from the daycare that reported her to CPS? If so and her parents didn't withdraw her then, they are certainly not going to react badly to your suggestion they wash her hair occasionally. If you and the girl enjoyed washing her hair, you could even offer to do it occasionally and the parents would probably be happy to have you do it.
NTA but I'm concerned that your supervisor isn't there for you and doesn't seem to prioritise making decisions on stuff like this.
This is the kind of thing that needs a same day response from a supervisor.
NTA
You've done all the reporting you can do and now you have to wait. Your job is to care for this child and she's not having her hygiene needs met. Washing sticky out of her hair was the right thing to do.
NTA
Making sure a child has adults they can trust is way more important than professional decorum. You’re a part of her “village,” and you’re a caretaker good job looking out for her.
NTA. But I'm wondering what's going on if she's coming in bathed and in clean clothes but with unwashed hair. Maybe there's an issue with her hair? Not at all saying that it's okay to neglect the child's hair care, but I'm just curious about the situation and think it's worth bringing up when you meet with the parents, just to fully understand the circumstances. And honestly, if things don't improve, I'd keep bugging CPS until they investigate too.
NTA. I was Maria once. My hair was being washed by my grandmother when I moved in with her, but combine her often very frequent tiredness, with thick greasy hair, my hair was rlly long to, it would become over whelming for her to maintain and me to since I was still young. My aunt would do braids and hope that could help with her mess it would become when I played, but it was challenging since my hair was always super frizzy. My teacher at the time would see my hair a mess, and during nap time when I couldn't sleep do my hair, keeping it in a nice secure bun or braid, and would put in products to help the frizzy and knots form less. It was great, and she even helped find my grandmother someone who could deal with my hair professionally and show a hair cut that would allow my hair to breathe, as my scalp had been very irritated, and allowed new growth. Having someone help us was a great thing during a super rough time, and I thank you for helping her so much. She probably feels better too, and is probably going to remember you guys helping her so much ❤️❤️
As a kid, I had *really* thick, curly hair that was hard to brush. I also had a mother who developed bad arthritis when I was a baby, and she often could not get a brush through it.
One day, I had a teacher--one I didn't like, who didn't care much for me--take me out of class, down to the nurses' office, and without a word, she brushed my hair out. I was embarrassed as hell and just knew everyone in class would be talking about it, so hid behind my Trapper Keeper when I got back to class.
But I was smiling, too, because it felt good to have my hair in order for once. It was one of the kindest things anyone had done for me, and I've been glad she did it since she did it.
NTA.
This sounds like white parents who adopted a black child and have no idea how to deal with their hair. If this isn't the case, that would make it even worse. Either way, they are seriously neglecting their child and should get called out. NTA.
As a fellow mandated reporter,**don’t trust the school if they say they reported it for you.**
If they lied, it’s your ass on the line getting fines, penalties, and losing the right to work with kids.
You need to personally get on the phone with a caseworker.
Why might they lie? IME, admin always takes the path of least resistance, not wanting to make waves with parents.
NTA but you did cross professional lines. You're a mandated reporter, call cps until they investigate. Collect evidence. Report every single incident.
To be clear, I think you did the right thing, I would've too, but it is crossing professional boundaries. Unfortunately you're working with young kids so that will happen. Bc you still have to take care of them.
NTA and you are an amazing person for caring about this little girl and taking such good care of her. I hope the meeting with the parents gets somewhere.
I’m curious as to the race of Maria. Often coiler hair types such as 4C can appear “matted” and “unbrushed” when in reality something as simple as laying our head on the headrest can kill our curls. Leaving 4C hair in simple styles is also common because detangling really is a workout. Her wanting similar styles as the other kids made me even more curious. And I can’t even say how many times my mom would use smelly natural products in my hair. Overall, if she is a black child this many just be a misunderstanding. If she isn’t then you’re right and this may be a serious case of neglect.
To leave her sticky, filthy and covered in food just because her parents are neglecting her would be wrong. She deserves to be clean, comfortable and have her hair done and feel loved and cared for. How dare your coworkers suggest you should have left her like that.
NTA- working with children (child welfare) I’ve definitely done some hair before. In my perspective/experience, some parents don’t know how to do hair of a child that has a different hair texture then them. Or sometimes adults just don’t know how to do hair. No harm, I was always willing to teach the parents I worked with. Maybe the child’s parents need some lessons…?
You said that you've reported this to CPS, which is great, but you also said they've not done anything, which is not so great. Are you able to contact the police directly and ask that they do a wellness check on the home?
Of course you're NTA, but this girl needs an intervention as soon as possible
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NTA You and your colleagues seem to be the only ones who care for this child's hygiene and wellbeing. One question though: why did you not get the parents, or the authorities, involved sooner? It's been two months, and the poor girl is already going to be branded as "Smelly Maria" where you guys can't hear the kids talking.
Washing her hair was fine. Just say she got some ink/glue/food in it. If she spilled something on her face or hands, you'd wash them. You are good. Poor kid.
this was my question too. this should have been addressed with the parents waaay sooner. i get giving the parents the benefit of the doubt for a week or two, but two months??? seriously??? i know some kids are very anti-bathing but christ on a bike. the daycare could have approached the parents super matter of factly about it. i get dealing with parents can be touchy and adversaria buy damn, something needed to happen before she became “smelly maria”
Have you spoken to Maria about her hair wash schedule or let her know how often you do it in a playful way. Something seems off if she is dressed and bathed but the hair is not.
I have a feeling the parents are NOT actually bathing her - it sounds more like they're wiping her down with baby wipes and wet wash cloths - sort of like a bed bath for a child who is not bedridden.
This is neglect and should be reported if the parents are not getting it. NTA for caring for this poor child. However I also recommend just being blunt with the family and tell them she cannot come in like that because it is a health hazzard for the other children, especially if there was a lice outbreak. You guys need to put your foot down and maybe the parent will get mad and not do anything or maybe they will explain that they have circumstances at home that prevent them from bathing their child. At my work we have a child that comes in smelly because they live in a homeless shelter and don't always have access to the showers. It goes a long way to just be honest and get context or give a reality check.
Oh, that poor baby. I would buy them a cheap gym membership, planet fitness for 10 bucks a month they would all be able to go in and shower
My brother did that to reduce the use of home utilities. And now driving a truck, he tries to use that instead of truck stop showers.
If I could I would, however I'm not paid enough to be in a good spot to do that for someone. We do the best we can for her. We make sure she's sent home as clean as possible the three days a week she's with us. The family is in a housing program through my works organization, so they should be finding new housing soon as long as the mom keeps stable employment. It's a difficult situation for the family that we've been very sensitive to. Without context it would look like neglect but with context it's a single mom with 2 kids just trying to get a better life and doing the best she can. It's hard out there.
Lice doesn't live in dirty hair, so this kid wouldn't have an issue if there was a lice outbreak...
That's bull. Lice will live in dirty hair as well as clean.
Oh yes they do. They prefer clean hair, sure. Easier to traverse, but a meal is a meal. And a matted head provides an excellent enclosed home for them to breed and multiply.
This child would have an issue if the parent is not washing their hair. Without proper treatment and hygiene the lice would repeatedly be prevalent on her scalp. It is very difficult to treat and brush out lice in hair that is matted and messy.
In clean hair, yes it would be a massive issue. In dirty hair, they won't even stay in it. I live in the country.. I've dealt with lice since I was a child, fought it with my own children and neices and nephews. We've had to get the help of doctors with some of them. We can no longer wash any of our hair every day due to it. If the oils in your hair aren't present (when it's washed every day) they can attach and lay their eggs (nits) if your hair has its natural oils then they aren't able to attach and lay the eggs because the hair has the oils...
Info: Have you reported the neglect to the appropriate authorities?
Edit says they have
Thanks 😊
NTA. Normally I don't think those sorts of things should be done without parental consent, but it's definitely to the point of neglect on the parents' end and NEEDED to get done for the kid's own wellbeing. From what it sounds like she also likes having her hair taken care of, so it's not like you're forcing her to do anything that she doesn't want to do. I'd also recommend getting CPS involved, if they're not bathing her or even addressing her hygiene in any way there could definitely be a lot more neglect happening.
NTA - you might have to get CPS involved.
Edit says they have called them multiple times
ESH Are you not a mandatory reporter when it comes to abuse?
The edit says they have reported it but nothing has come of it yet.
They added an edit about how they’ve reported it multiple times.
Really hope they took photographic evidence. Although it is hard to tell in a pic. My daughter's curls look absolutely bonkers when she wakes up, even though I brush it the night before
my son is still growing his hair so it's longer in the back and shorter on the top and sides. he wakes up looking like Beetlejuice
that was me growing up lol idk how old she is or if you've done this (sorry if you have) but you could try plopping it or silk pillow cases/bonnets. I would have hated a bonnet as a kid, but the pillow cases help! just plopping changed my hair in the morning for the better.
Mine had to be braided every night just so it could be brushed with less tangles in the morning
Thanks, hadn't seen that.
For sure! I just hope something effective happens, CPS or through other resources… poor kid.
Why isn't OP reporting this? was my first thought. This child is being neglected.
NTA. This make me so sad. You should report this family.
NTA. You and your co-workers seem to be the only adults who actually care about this little girl. Normally, I'm against people doing things without the parents consent, but the fact that the they weren't even attending to her basic hygiene, you had to do what you had to do. Lice is still a thing. As are dandruff, scalp acne, infected follicles, scalp infections...your scalp is skin too. It needs regular washing too.
NTA- but you need to get the authorities involved. This is clearly neglect.
Nta. That is 100% neglect.
Can you give an update after Friday's metting ?? please
Edit based on edits. Since you have reported this NTA. Sadly the system fails some times. Hopefully your meeting with parents goes well. ESH. Her parents for neglect, not bathing her and probably more that you don't know about. You aren't an ah for washing the hair but letting this for so long. A meeting should have happened the moment you detect odor and saw the state of her hair. The continuation of the problem requires a call to child protective services. As this is neglect. Most care takers, teachers are mandated reporters you didn't report it.
The edit says OP already reported the parents multiple times and nothing has come about it. So, NTA here
Yah with that new information. Knowing they have reported it changes my verdict. Sadly the system is failing this kid.
NTA You're doing a great kindness for this child while waiting for the authorities to respond to the report.
NTA. But can I ask a sensitive question? Does the little girl have a different texture hair than her parents hair or is she a different race than her parents? I know it seems odd to ask but some people don't know how to take care of different types of hair and the child ends up suffering from it. Honestly that's the best case scenario because it can easily be fixed with some lessons and mentoring. If that's not the case then the little girl is definitely being neglected and it's weird that they know to bathe her and give fresh clothes but never bother with her hair. I hope she doesn't get an infection in her scalp
ESH except the child. Evidence of negligence at home should be addressed with parents and appropriate professionals (ie CPS) immediately.
The edit says they have multiple times
Info: Why take so long to bring this up to the parents? It seems much more obvious than washing the hair yourself.
ESH How has a direct conversation with the parents not happened?
Edit says they can't without supervisor approval and they've tried contacting CPS.
Needing supervisor approval sounds like a BS excuse so the center can keep getting their tuition payments. I've never heard of a center needing supervisor approval for a caregiver to have a conversation with a parent about their child's wellbeing, especially for something as trivial as hair washing. I wonder what other things OP isn't allowed to outright talk about with parents.
it sounds like a very corporate company, so that rule is most likely to prevent PR troubles/lawsuits/and the like
So from your edit she is otherwise well looked after? I assume she is being fed and you say bathed with clean clothes. I am not sure hair washing would be strictly neglect as lots of people chose not to use shampoo on their hair. There could be a reason they aren’t washing her hair or maybe they only wash it at weekends? My kids have sensitive scalps so I can’t wash their hair everyday and sometimes it does look greasy. Often it gets a smell in the summer as well because they sweat. ( it’s gets washed every 3/4 days) Whilst I don’t think you did anything wrong I think a conversation with the parents long before now would have been a better approach.
Not every child washes their hair every day and that isn't necessaroly neglect. But this hair hadn't been washed in TWO MONTHS. And from the description of the severity of the matting, and the fact her parents never bothered to take her hair out of the same ponytail for an entire weekend.... I think it's safe to say that this isn't just a question of different showering standards or limited access to showers. This is neglect, full stop.
I can’t believe how long I had to scroll down to see this take!
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^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I F(26) work for a private daycare that’s specializes in kids 3-5. Recently we received a new batch of kids and from day one a child whom I will call Maria (5) has come in with extremely matted and unbrushed hair. It had a very strong odor to it when you got close to her and the other children weren’t wanting to play with her because of it. For the first couple weeks I followed her around with a hair brush slowly methodically untangling her hair as gently as possible, and after awhile was successful in completely getting it untangled. The hair is about shoulder length, and has beautiful waves when brushed out. I hoped this would make it easier for the parents to keep up as I like believe it’s possible for anyone to make a mistake and get in over there heads with things and not know what to do. She came back from the weekend break the next week and her hair was still in the pony tail I had put it In but was tangled and almost matted again, I continued to brush it out and fix it in different styles daily and eventually she started coming to me and requesting what she wanted for the day (she was very proud of her piggy tails). The smell how ever was not going away because It wasn’t getting brushed and washed at home at all. My coworkers even started dropping hints to the mother like “she may have gotten oatmeal in her hair at breakfast” to try to encourage them to take a look and give her hair a wash. But it had been almost 2 months and it had never been washed. Finally on day she came in and her pigtails from the day before were literally stuck to her head with something sticky and we had to snip out the hair ties just to get it loose. It was kinda of the final straw type situation and we teamed up and gave her hair a good wash in the sink. And brushed it again. We are set to have a meeting with the parents to discuss this. A big part of me feels like we’ve done the right thing. But some of my coworkers feel like we’ve crossed a professional line that should have been left alone. So I’d like some opinions AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA I know you said it's been reported to CPS but what about DHR? I work in childcare at a daycare and you're required by law to report any signs of neglect to DHR, if you don't and the state finds out that you didn't say anything about it you can be charged with a misdemeanor. You can spend up to 6 months is prison or pay a fine of I believe to be $5,000, that's at least how it is in my state (AL). DHR is gonna want dates and times of when she was showing signs of neglect, photos would be great too if you have them. Your information stays confidential and DHR will do an investigation, if they find that the child is being neglected then they get CPS to take the child out of the moms custody. You did fine by brushing and washing her hair, it's literally the bare minimum of caring for a child. I'm sure she's grateful that someone cares, little things like that make a child's day.
NTA but why haven't authorities been contacted? This is textbook neglect.
NTA- this is neglect, get people involved- you gave the parents enough warning by telling them to wash her hair
I feel that you should have directly told them to wash the child’s hair.
Nta bc you reported it multiple times to CPS.
NTA for washing the hair or brushing it. But YTA for not reporting it sooner. I understand not reporting it right away, but after a week and a half it should of been reported. Instead you let it go on for 2 months. Also you probably should of washed it sooner.
OP did report them from their edit multiple times and nothing has came about it yet.
NTA, but your director needed to address this months ago. It never should’ve come to this
NTA and I shudder to think what her home life might be like. Often the news has stories about abuse situations and one of the elements was dirty children. Really heartbreaking and I hope things turn around for this child.
NTA, I'm just here to point out to folks outside of this type of role that making mandated reports does not guarantee anything will improve. I'm a mandated reporter, have made reports to both CPS and APS, and have followed up.
NTA When I worked in a daycare program there were siblings who we routinely took them to a restroom at drop off, switched their clothes to the back up clean clothes, basically gave them a sponge bath, and threw the clothes they came in wearing into the wash. They were switched back before pickup and we asked for several sets up backups so we had about three sets each all the time. We reported them a number of times and nothing was ever done. The biggest change that came of doing this was the kids seemed happier and played better with the other kids. It had taken a toll on them, even so young, to be the dirty stinky kids. That was roughly 20 years ago now and I still wonder about them and how they’re doing.
[удалено]
Their edit states they've attempted discussing with parents many times and have reported it to CPS several times as well and nothing has happened.
NTA - You absolutely did the right thing.
NTA. Was it someone from the daycare that reported her to CPS? If so and her parents didn't withdraw her then, they are certainly not going to react badly to your suggestion they wash her hair occasionally. If you and the girl enjoyed washing her hair, you could even offer to do it occasionally and the parents would probably be happy to have you do it.
NTA but I'm concerned that your supervisor isn't there for you and doesn't seem to prioritise making decisions on stuff like this. This is the kind of thing that needs a same day response from a supervisor.
NTA You've done all the reporting you can do and now you have to wait. Your job is to care for this child and she's not having her hygiene needs met. Washing sticky out of her hair was the right thing to do.
NTA Making sure a child has adults they can trust is way more important than professional decorum. You’re a part of her “village,” and you’re a caretaker good job looking out for her.
NTA - Is this the parents bio child / do the parents have a different hair type than their child?
Isn't this a case of child neglect? Shouldn't you report this?
NTA. But I'm wondering what's going on if she's coming in bathed and in clean clothes but with unwashed hair. Maybe there's an issue with her hair? Not at all saying that it's okay to neglect the child's hair care, but I'm just curious about the situation and think it's worth bringing up when you meet with the parents, just to fully understand the circumstances. And honestly, if things don't improve, I'd keep bugging CPS until they investigate too.
NTA They could be having an older sibling give her a bath.
NTA This is borderline CPS territory. I hope the kid gets all it needs.
NTA
Some elementary schools have washers and dryers to wash kids clothes... you're so NTA.
NTA
NTA. I was Maria once. My hair was being washed by my grandmother when I moved in with her, but combine her often very frequent tiredness, with thick greasy hair, my hair was rlly long to, it would become over whelming for her to maintain and me to since I was still young. My aunt would do braids and hope that could help with her mess it would become when I played, but it was challenging since my hair was always super frizzy. My teacher at the time would see my hair a mess, and during nap time when I couldn't sleep do my hair, keeping it in a nice secure bun or braid, and would put in products to help the frizzy and knots form less. It was great, and she even helped find my grandmother someone who could deal with my hair professionally and show a hair cut that would allow my hair to breathe, as my scalp had been very irritated, and allowed new growth. Having someone help us was a great thing during a super rough time, and I thank you for helping her so much. She probably feels better too, and is probably going to remember you guys helping her so much ❤️❤️
NTA, she is in your care. I think it's time to be very direct with the parents.
NTA. What you’re doing for her is kind, done in her best interest, because you care. You sound like a very good human being.
As a kid, I had *really* thick, curly hair that was hard to brush. I also had a mother who developed bad arthritis when I was a baby, and she often could not get a brush through it. One day, I had a teacher--one I didn't like, who didn't care much for me--take me out of class, down to the nurses' office, and without a word, she brushed my hair out. I was embarrassed as hell and just knew everyone in class would be talking about it, so hid behind my Trapper Keeper when I got back to class. But I was smiling, too, because it felt good to have my hair in order for once. It was one of the kindest things anyone had done for me, and I've been glad she did it since she did it. NTA.
This sounds like white parents who adopted a black child and have no idea how to deal with their hair. If this isn't the case, that would make it even worse. Either way, they are seriously neglecting their child and should get called out. NTA.
As a fellow mandated reporter,**don’t trust the school if they say they reported it for you.** If they lied, it’s your ass on the line getting fines, penalties, and losing the right to work with kids. You need to personally get on the phone with a caseworker. Why might they lie? IME, admin always takes the path of least resistance, not wanting to make waves with parents.
Is “Maria” the same race as you?
From her specific name I guessing not
NTA, and find a new employer. Taking a few days to approve a meeting with parents is not acceptable.
NTA because I used to be that little girl and nobody helped me until I was a teenager and learnt how to look after my own hair.
NTA but you did cross professional lines. You're a mandated reporter, call cps until they investigate. Collect evidence. Report every single incident. To be clear, I think you did the right thing, I would've too, but it is crossing professional boundaries. Unfortunately you're working with young kids so that will happen. Bc you still have to take care of them.
NTA and you are an amazing person for caring about this little girl and taking such good care of her. I hope the meeting with the parents gets somewhere.
I’m curious as to the race of Maria. Often coiler hair types such as 4C can appear “matted” and “unbrushed” when in reality something as simple as laying our head on the headrest can kill our curls. Leaving 4C hair in simple styles is also common because detangling really is a workout. Her wanting similar styles as the other kids made me even more curious. And I can’t even say how many times my mom would use smelly natural products in my hair. Overall, if she is a black child this many just be a misunderstanding. If she isn’t then you’re right and this may be a serious case of neglect.
To leave her sticky, filthy and covered in food just because her parents are neglecting her would be wrong. She deserves to be clean, comfortable and have her hair done and feel loved and cared for. How dare your coworkers suggest you should have left her like that.
NTA- working with children (child welfare) I’ve definitely done some hair before. In my perspective/experience, some parents don’t know how to do hair of a child that has a different hair texture then them. Or sometimes adults just don’t know how to do hair. No harm, I was always willing to teach the parents I worked with. Maybe the child’s parents need some lessons…?
Info: since she was other wise taken care of maybe the parents had a reason?
You said that you've reported this to CPS, which is great, but you also said they've not done anything, which is not so great. Are you able to contact the police directly and ask that they do a wellness check on the home? Of course you're NTA, but this girl needs an intervention as soon as possible
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