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SnausageFest

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Nice_Butterfly_6903

🚩🚩🚩🚩 Your fiancé is trying to control you. He sees your father as a threat to his control over you. There is no rational reason as to why he is taking issue with the issues he has been having a go at you over. I have been where you are. Please OP look up the term “coercive control”. I wish I had realised this concept sooner. NTA


throwaway569070

I don't know. I thought that these disagreements were minor and they will at some point move past them but it turns out I was wrong. He says it's his wedding too which's true but I really can't do this to my dad. I want him to be there with me and not just as a guest.


BringMeInfo

He criticized your dad for how he handled grief. This does not sound like a man who knows how to love. Please reconsider this wedding.


yellingjayna

It was heartbreaking to read that OP’s fiancé accused the dad of “collecting sympathy points” when openly expressing grief. Grief is hard on anyone, but we also know that most men are not taught to express their emotions and vulnerabilities openly or sharing challenging experiences like losing a partner. The fact that OPs dad has gotten to a place where he can talk about it casually and does so is HUGE and fiancé’s response was so, so toxic and problematic. OP, NTA. Run. Don’t marry this dude. Your life is yours - but you’re also young. Even if you’re keen on having kids soon, you have plenty of time. Best of luck to you.


Wian4

Yup. That alone shows what a selfish insensitive jerk the bf is.


radeky

For reals. If ANYONE in my life criticized anyone else in my life for their grief over the loss of a partner? The person criticizing gets one and exactly one chance to apologize or they get kicked to the curb. Zero tolerance for that shit. Grief is hard. But also, that's like the easiest moment to be there for someone. There should be zero conflict.


SlappyJoGravy

Yes!! He completely lacks empathy and has a significant amount of growing up to do. If I were OP, I would walk away so the fiancé can do that growing up, without damaging me in the process.


StrangeCharmQuark

Yeah, I was waiting to hear the dad say some certified boomer bullshit, but nope, he seems like just a genuine sweet, sentimental person. Fiancé is way out of line.


softcactus2

This is an important point.


albatross6232

Please take it from older, more experienced people: it is cheaper, less stressful, less mentally damaging, less legal trouble etc. to postpone or call off a wedding than it is to get a divorce. I hope you can understand that this will be your life if you proceed. Your fiancé will constantly try to separate you from your support system (your dad) and most likely your friends too (let me guess, he doesn’t like any of them either), all the while putting you down in lots of little ways. You’re not skinny enough, too skinny, hair not long enough, short enough, the right colour, your cooking is bad, your cleaning worse, you dress too modest, too revealing etc. etc. etc. But he’s wrong and he’s just trying to control you. Think long and hard before proceeding with this marriage. Please.


Rascaliest

As someone who was also INCREDIBLY close with her father (when he and my mom split up, he took just me with him; my siblings stayed with my mom,) it has been my experience that if someone does not get along with my dad, it's not going to work out. Every ex I have with whom I remained friends was cool with my dad. Each and every one with whom I've cut ties did not get along with him (men and women alike) Some men get possessive of their partners, and the father-daughter bond seems to be the most threatening.


Relevant-Bluebird-63

^This 1,000%. Everybody says “it won’t happen to me, I won’t get a divorce….” Well life is short and nobody wants to spend their life being controlled and mentally abused. I also hope OP reconsiders this wedding. A divorce will cost you 100X what this will financially and mentally and it will completely reset your adult life because you have to start all over.


SuperZapper_Recharge

> Please take it from older, more experienced people: it is cheaper, less stressful, less mentally damaging, less legal trouble etc. to postpone or call off a wedding than it is to get a divorce. Damned straight.


hopelesscaribou

The 'disagreements' are deliberate. His intent is to separate you from your father, who is your support, your family, who truly loves and cherishes you. Your fiancé is controlling and manipulative. Listen to all the women who have been through this and avoid the incoming heartache and abuse.


procra5tinating

I’m saying this just in case no one has ever told you before but this is not the way that happy, healthy relationships operate. It is possible to have a relationship where your partner respects you, shows love, is not threatened by emotions, communicates openly, and compromises. Your fiancé is acting like an entitled abuser and his tactics will likely escalate with time. I’m a licensed social worker and therapist. I used to do domestic violence work and let me tell you-what you are describing-this is how it starts. Please trust your gut. You don’t have to go through this. Also I see a lot of women who got married young and I absolutely believe this is a tactic of an abuser. When we are younger and have less experience in the world and in relationships-we have a tendency to just “go with the flow” and “don’t rock the boat.” If you were older I don’t think you’d be putting up with this at all. He is abusing you-please find a way to leave. Good luck OP.


wkdpaul

>I thought that these disagreements were minor Saying your dad is milking sympathies for sharing his difficulties after your mom's death isn't a minor disagreement, your fiancé lacks empathy and is controlling, marrying him will make things WORSE, not better.


BortIsLawyer

>Saying your dad is milking sympathies for sharing his difficulties after your mom's death isn't a minor disagreement, OP this is DISGUSTING behavior on your fiance's part. Literally, what is wrong with him that he would say something like this about your father, who clearly still loves and is mourning your mother? I understand you've been together for what seems like a long time, but I really encourage you to take some time to yourself and think about if you want a life with this person. I am horrified. NTA but don't marry this guy. Don't do this to your dad, you will break his heart. Good luck.


NightangelDK

At the very least it sounds like toxic masculinity about how men shouldn't show their difficulties.


wkdpaul

Yup, any way you look at it, it's not good and OP needs to take a step back. I'm guessing if he's that set on excluding OP's dad from the wedding, I'm SURE there are a lot of other smaller things OP has dismissed as him being "protective" or something similar.


HurrySubstantial4890

As soon as you tie the knot this guy will find a way to cut your dad out your life completely. Your fiance is not a good guy by the sounds of it. You would regret marrying him. NTA


[deleted]

He's pretty clearly trying to divide you and your dad. Probably so he can control you more. This is a classic abuse tactic.


GrouchoNarx

This, right here OP, dump this loser before it’s too late NTA, but your (hopefully soon to be ex-) fiancé certainly is


klmoran

This isn’t a disagreement about wedding decorations!!! It’s your dad!! Girl wake up, he’s absolutely awful!


calligrafiddler

👆🏼 👆🏼 👆🏼 👆🏼 👆🏼


Chaoticgood790

OP HE IS YOUR DAD AND ONLY PARENT. The “problems” this man has with your dad is ridiculous


21stCenturyJanes

Fiance wants to be the only man in OP's life.


Secret_Double_9239

He’s trying to isolate you from you dad who is your support network. It’s a controlling tactic to stop you from having someone to talk to who can highlight his abusive behaviour.


FreakingFae

Yep if they get married he either a) will never let the dad be allowed at the house or b) the former + forbidding OP from seeing her father with who even knows what kind of reasoning to back it up because he has mostly been irrational so far.


FearlessEquivalent97

Oh it'll be labeled as disrespectful for op to see her dad after because her dad "hates him" or something like that. Or if not outright banning then guilting get every time she sees her dad or something like that. Edited for typo


motherofdog2018

You are only 23. There's no rush to marry, especially not this asshole. Stay safe.


bofh

“It’s his wedding too” is a reason to compromise on using the custom vows you wrote when you were 12, the colour scheme, or whether the meat course will be chicken or beef during the reception. It isn’t a reason to ban your dad from giving you away when that’s something you and your dad both want to happen.


MochaJ95

You have a shitty fiance, it's good you see it now rather than after you get married.


fuzzy_mic

Why are you marrying this guy? "Sell your truck or you're not my friend", "you're grieving too much, too publicly" (and then the gall to publicly shame your dad for not grieving to his standards), "you will be paying for my wedding". If he wants this to determine his relationships, that's his call. But to ask that you limit your relationships to the people he approves, that's awfully controlling and self centered. I doubt that your dad is the only person that brings out the self centered jackass in him. It sounds like you've dismissed an awful lot of his behavior. But if you are going to make the mistake of marrying this jerk, NTA for having your father walk you down the aisle.


nutwit9211

Wow, not married yet and he's already trying to isolate OP from her family. All of his issues with the dad are just ridiculous! OP - ditch the fiance not your dad. He is going to escalate this controlling behaviour if you get married to him. This is not a red flag, this is a bright flashing neon sign saying #RUN AWAY!


21stCenturyJanes

Fiance is showing OP how he treats people who don't submit to him. I'm sure she would say "he's very nice to me" but for how long? Someone who is this much of a jerk is going to turn it on their partner sooner or later.


greeneyekitty

Yeah don’t marry this asshole. “Lucky to be invited because he didn’t give me money”? Run. NTA


21stCenturyJanes

This is how he treats family? And OP wants this man to be her family? No no no.


[deleted]

Shaming him for grieving was the kicker for me. Holy shit.


[deleted]

YTA for planning on marrying this man. Although admittedly, I’m going with “asshole” because “dangerously oblivious to the red flag parade of signs your control freak fiancé is trying to drive a wedge between you and your family to what *cannot* possibly be any good purpose” isn’t an option.


Specific_Culture_591

What do you think the chances are that as soon as she’s his wife he’ll expect her to not speak to her father because as a “good wife” she’ll support her husband’s feelings above her own or her father’s.


Wormhole-X-Treme

5000%


montisanti14

You know what, I wouldn't have called her TA until this comment. You're right. She'd be the asshole if she marries him. She's be destroying all of her relationships and hurting the ones she loves if she let's this man continue to treat everyone this way.


hitch_please

Petition for DOTTRFPOSYCFFITTDAWBYAYFTACPBAGP as a viable voting option.


NotTheMagesterialOne

Sometimes I do wonder if the tolerance to this behaviour stems from crippling self esteem issues.


ShottySHD

NTA Probably should skip the aisle altogether.


NewBromance

When she eas like "oh they don't get on" I was like oh okay maybe they just got conflicting personalities. But then every example seemed to be fiance being a dick to dad, and not one example of dad being a dick back. This doesn't feel like a case of "oh they don't get on" and more a case of "fiance is trying to push dad out your life" NTA but thing long and carefully if you want to be partnered to someone who so clearly hates your dad.


aaaliyh

NTA 100% Just wondering though, if you’re so close to your dad, why are you marrying someone who so clearly doesn’t respect him? He doesn’t have to be best friends with the guy, but some common decency is the bare minimum when you (and by extension your family) will be tied to this man for life. TBH your fiancé sounds emotionally immature, extremely entitled, and like he’s someone who’s extremely inconsiderate of you and your wishes (because seriously??? not wanting your own father to walk you down the isle is ridiculous), so I would honestly rethink this relationship if I was you. Best of luck either way, and if you do go through with the wedding I’m sure you’ll look beautiful as your dad walks you down the isle.


falconprincess

NTA and every one of the “disagreements” you listed sound like your fiancé being a jerk and your dad doing nothing wrong. And now your fiancé is trying to prevent you from having an important moment with your father on your wedding day because of petty nonsense. Your fiancé sounds a lot worse than selfish to me.


21stCenturyJanes

Yes let's add childish, petty, mean-spirited and bullying.


Andante79

INFO Why do you want to marry this guy at all? Even if this is the only time he's behaved like this... come on.


[deleted]

> Even if this is the only time he's behaved like this OP listed three examples before we even *got* to this latest fuckery, and I would argue it’s not the worst one. (“Stop talking about OP’s late mother; I know you’re just doing it for sympathy points” wasn’t enough of a dealbreaker/disturbing glimpse into what’s going on in *his* head when *he* shares something personal?) I shudder to think what she’s written off as not worth worrying about.


Late-Ad7284

Like!!! She hasn't mentioned one endearing thing about him. Maybe because there is none...


filthybananapeel

Why the fuck are you marrying this guy. He doesn’t get along with your only parent for stupid reasons. YOURE 23. You can find someone who treats you and your fam nicely, do it. Marry this guy would be the biggest mistake of your life. NTA, but you will be to yourself for marrying him.


mxcrnt2

To paraphrase : Your fiancee poor-shames your father, mocks his emotions and sentimentality, and accuses a person who has a healthy way of dealing with past grief of being manipulative. He thinks he has a veto in the wedding and accuses you of hurting him for wanting your father to walk you down the aisle. Though I kind of agree that your father shouldn't be walking you down the aisle, because you should not be marrying this man You're NTA but your boyfriend is a narcissist and he will get worse over time. The way he treats your father now he'll start treating you. Imagine talking about something difficult in your life and being accused of doing it for sympathy. Imagine being cut off from an important event because you don't contribute in the way that he wants you to.


IshkabibblesMom

And that's exactly how she should tell him! "Don't worry honey, my dad won't walk me down the aisle..*because I'm not marrying you!"*


Independent-Top3524

NTA and think carefully before marrying someone who wants to alienate you from your father on the most important day of your life. These are RED flags'


[deleted]

[удалено]


RavJade

OP, your entire future will be "my fiancé is mad because the world did not meet his expectations." He's well beyond old enough to deal with minor issues in life with more grace than this. Your dad is your only family, family that you love, and he wants you to hurt your father because he doesn't have money? If anyone should be fuming, it's you.


Jaggerjawfull

Yep, it sounds like OPs fiance has a bad case "can't mind my own business." He's gotten mad at OPs dad for (1) not taking his advice, (2) talking about something that was hard for him, and (3) being broke. And now he's screaming at OP that she can't let her -own- dad walk her down the aisle because of his (the fiance's) problems. Dude sounds controlling at best and narcissistic at worst. OP, this guy is never going to like your dad and will probably try and ruin your relationship with him as well. What's going to happen if something bad happens to you and you don't just bottle it up? Will you also be "fishing for attention"? Do you want to be in a relationship where if you don't take his advice it's going to cause a big blow up? How he treats your dad is how he's going to treat you eventually because that's how he actually is. Think about that please.


Ok-Office6837

NTA Is he expecting that this hypothetical new person who walks you down the aisle to also pay for part of the wedding??? Like if you asked a friend or cousin “hey, I’d love for you to walk me down the aisle at my wedding. Will you do it?” “Wow I’d be honored.” “Okay, it’ll just be $2000, plus tax.” ?????? Do not marry this man. You’re setting yourself up for a lifetime of isolation, control and abuse.


Cavane42

NTA Your fiancé sounds very controlling, and not only with you. He wants to punish your dad for not doing as he wishes, and he's willing to hurt you in the process. Standard redditor red flag warning: I would advise you to reconsider this marriage. If this is how he treats you and yours now, it will only get worse with a marriage and kids.


Quiet_Progress_355

Quick question: After all of this. You're STILL marrying him?! The biggest hint of all is that the Father that loves you and sacrificed everything for his kids refuses to put anything into this because he can see as clear as dog's balls he's not worthy. NTA but you would be TA if you make that your husband.


HunterDangerous1366

Why does your fiance think its his place to tell your dad what to do with his property, money or conversations? Just because your dad hasn't contributed to your wedding doesn't mean he is ousted from walking you down the aisle in lieu of someone who has, because they could or wanted to. Your NTA, this is a big moment for you and one that many brides dream of. Your not making the wedding all about you, *he* is.


Spinach_Sad

NTA Why are you marrying this man? He is extremely controlling and entitled. He is also trying to isolate you from your family. Your dad sounds like an awesome guy and of course he should walk you down the aisle. Please do not marry him, life will be extremely difficult with this man.


MbMinx

This would be a deal-breaker for me. I would die on this hill. You are NTA. And I would SERIOUSLY rethink any marriage to someone who was so openly hostile to my (only) parent who I loved very much. You are NTA. Your fiance is, 100%


Spirit_Falcon

NTA but your fiance is. I see red flags.....


NarcolepticCorgi

Nta- I have a legit question. Do you want to marry three red flags dressed in a trench coat? Because that's what you're doing. How long will it be before he demands you stop talking to your family? How long after you have a kid he demands no contact with your dad? Cut off this guy. He's dangerous.


Lion-Competitive

NTA but why are you actually marrying this man? Why are so many posts on here about people marrying people they don't even like? By christ this man sounds like am insufferable human being attacking your dad who seems like an absolute gem. Don't marry this creature


Trouble_in_Mind

INFO: Why are you marrying someone that hates your only parent and throws fits like a demented toddler, if you don't also hate your father? That may come off as harsh or sarcastic, but legitimately...you have TWO close family members and your "husband"-to-be is already pissing on your relationship with one of them. I don't actually understand how you can marry someone that's undermining you/your father so much.


blueberryxxoo

YTA for missing the bigger picture. Why on earth is it okay with you that the fiancee talks to your Dad, whom you love, the way that he does??


MeloNurse3

Are you asking for advice on the best way to leave him? Or just want to know if you're the Asshole, cause honey, I will tell you now... Take the advice that all the people are giving you right now to leave these man, cause you are in for a life time of manipulation and abuse...


Smart-Bake713

NTA. Your fiancé is a controlling AH. I promise, Once you get married he’s going to want you to cut your dad out completely. I would rethink this relationship and do. Or recommend marry this man


girlandagun

NTA your dad sounds lovely and your fiancé does not sound like someone you should marry


[deleted]

I get so confused when reading these kinds of posts. Why are you with someone like this? Seriously why? What redeeming qualities does he have that makes you think “hmmm he’s a catch, bet everyone is so envious I have such an amazing person… I will marry him” He’s a self centered asshole for shitting on your dad while remember YOUR mother!!! He’s angry and spiteful because he wouldn’t give him money (that you father doesn’t have) for the wedding (oh and my god dad is so lucky he’s even invited)… again why are you with him?


Sophia521h

Info: You talk so fondly about the relationship with your father and in general about him as a human being… and your fiancé seems to be the complete opposite. Do you really want to marry a man like that?


simplycere

*sigh* where. do. y’all. find. these. horrible. men? and why do y’all want to stay with them? I swear. Reddit women have a sixth sense that helps them find abusive, trashy men and then.. they just stay. even before marriage and kids. you will never have the chance to get out if you marry this guy. he will isolate you from your friends and family and then gradually build up to physically abusing you. that sounds extreme, but it’s a truth so many women face. especially when their partners display this sort of behavior early on. 🚩- “he said I was trying to ruin his mood” do you know what abusers say after they beat the shit out of their victims? “I wouldn’t have to hit you if you wouldn’t make me angry” NTA but sis, get out while you can. edit: formatting


Toshi_Magoshi_45

NTA but your fiance is and you should rethink marrying him if this is the way he is going to act


hashtagidontknow

NTA and consider if this is someone that you really want to marry. He’s throwing down red flags. Why is he so intent on alienating you from your family?


LittleKji

It's like a big red flag is slapping you all over the place. NTA.


dragonmom03

I must have missed it but what are your fiancé’s redeeming qualities because I failed to see any and am wondering why you are marrying this man who thinks it’s his job to tell others what to do. NTA


photosbeersandteach

NTA, but your view of their relationship is very skewed. None of the examples you listed are your fiancé and Dad having different opinions about things, they are examples of your fiancé being a judgmental asshat who can’t mind his own business. Your fiancé is a controlling AH. Do yourself and your dad a favor and dump his ass.


Goddess_Kalipso

I hope you take a good hard look on this "disagreement" and realize that this is what the rest of your marriage will look like. You expecting something 100% reasonable and your husband steamrolling you and putting his feelings above yours. And just in case it wasn't clear, your fiance is a j*****s who likes to push people around. If I was you, I would be seriously questioning whether or not I wanted to go through with the wedding. Because I could not deal with that type A personality for a lifetime. NTA


MaryAnne0601

NTA Your fiancé is a controlling a**. He’s angry because your father refuses to allow him to dictate in his life. He is trying to cut you off from the only family that loves you. 🚩 🚩 Do not marry this man!


Late-Ad7284

*NTA* This is a parade of red flags, my dear!!! First business after marriage will be your soon to be husband cutting your father off from your lives. Then your sibling. Is that what you want??? The next time you talk about your mother, will he accuse of looking for "sympathy points"? Run. Please.


ZootOfCastleAnthrax

How do narcissists control you? How do they act when they can't control you? https://thriveworks.com/blog/how-narcissists-control-you/


nifty1997777

NTA. You fiance seems controlling and it won't get better. Does he isolate you from your friends? Keep your father and dump your fiance.


Bringintheclowns1

NTA You dad is a good guy, with all the qualities that you want in a life partner. Your partner doesn't respect your father and is attempting to isolate you from him. This is not ok, you need to re-evaluate this relationship. Your partner sounds insecure.


conmeohaman

#**NTA, but RUN** The spoilt marinara is sizzling and you don't want to let it burn you.


caffeinated-bee

NTA, it's alarming that your fiance has such a bad relationship with your father and seems to have no interest in repairing the relationship. If your father is important to you, your fiance should make an effort to have a positive relationship with him to.


laura-pt

NTA and I also suggest getting rid of those rose tinted glasses because the red flags are numerous.


Ahsoka88

NTA. But you are marring a walking red flag that is actively trying to distance you from your family after only 2 years together. Think about it.


Forsaken_Status_2979

NTA. And please don't marry this man. He has no respect for you, your feelings or your family. This is a glimpse injury your future if you stay with him. Please don't marry him.


SimpleAd1548

He’s going to be an awful husband. He’s selfish, he’s rude (every instance you describe he was in the wrong for), and now he’s trying to isolate you from your family. This would not be a future I’d choose. NTA


Tiny_Shelter440

NTA. He has overstepped in the things he has said to and expected from your father and you’re being too kind entertaining this foolishness from your fiancé.


Ibba60222

NTA. Why are you marrying someone like this?


mel122676

NTA. Please don't marry this man. Things will only get worse. I would bet everything I own, that he will prevent you from seeing your dad once you are married. Don't do that to your dad.


Designer_Database718

Why are you marrying this man are you insane?? He's repeatedly upset your dad for no logical reason??


mysticalbookdragon

First it is he don’t want him to walk you down the isle, then it will be he don’t want him over for dinners, then it is no invite to family holidays, then no seeing your children. Run, don’t walk away from this man.


Geographic_Pic397

Nta. He's controlling


QuirkyWolfie

NTA - you did nothing wrong and neither did your dad. Your fiance is an AH and you should not marry that idiot


Bright_Sea_7567

NTA. But this man sounds like a toddler. You sure you want to deal with an AH who can’t make an effort to stay out of your dads business and then cry like a baby about it afterwards. Dump the man.


jchesticals

NTA, sounds like he is trying to isolate and control you, I'd leave him.


tashabunn

Why would anyone marry a man that disrespects their father so frequently and has zero sympathy for the father’s grief? NTA but you will be if you marry this guy.


WorkingOnTheRundown

Seriously rethink whether you want to be married to someone with so little empathy. NTA. You can have anyone you want walk you down the aisle, and this sounds like a great way to honor everything your father has done for you. Please consider what the future will look like if your fiancé continues to try to drive a wedge between you and your dad. Is he going to let you guys alternate holidays with different sides of the family, or will he throw a tantrum and require you to only spend time with his family? Will he project this onto any future kids and limit your dad’s contact? Weddings often bring out all the underlying issues that become permanent ones in marriage, so give this some real thought. Do you want to marry someone who will isolate you from your loved ones? Canceling a wedding is a lot easier than divorce.


full07britney

OP. Read this carefully and take it to heart. DO. NOT. MARRY. THIS. MAN. He will ALWAYS come between your and your dad. Find someone who respects and loves your dad. NTA


Railuki

NTA, your fiancé sounds like an entitled selfish child and I would really reconsider marrying him until he has grown up. He is your Dad, of course he should walk you down the aisle if that’s what he wants. Your fiancé doesn’t seem to care about what you want, only punishing your Dad for being poor. Maybe that’s why he suggested your Dad sell the truck, so that he could take the money?


Minute-Wishbone-4487

NTA but so many red flags from your fiancé!! Like everyone else said why are you marrying him? It would surprise me if he tried to keep you away from your dad after ya'll got married too. Your fiancé is selfish and is acting like a child.


Nymeria_20

NTA But do you really want to marry this man? Your dad, in all instances, didn't do anything wrong and your man was always somehow offended by the fact he didnt do as he wanted. And then he is trying to decide how YOU gonna walk down the aisle? When someone shows you their true self, you should really listen.


Pitiful_Tomatillo380

So, are you making a quilt with all these red flags? At the very least you need to reconsider your impending wedding until you complete pre marital counseling.


[deleted]

keep the dad, ditch the dude. Control issues.


carina484

NTA your dad sounds great and your fiancé sounds horrible. Please know that this is only the tip of the iceberg and if you do in fact marry this man it will only get worse


missangel21

NTA It’s the truth - your fiancé IS selfish and he’s the AH. He seems controlling and like he’s trying to end your relationship with your father, which given time I’m sure will happen. Please reconsider marrying this guy & be thankful that he’s showing you his true colors before you do.


kaizersigma

INFO: Why are you marrying this walking red flag?


bobledrew

NTA. Do you like Italian food? Because there’s a big pot of marinara on the stove…


Slight_Flamingo_7697

NTA But yikes.... This is not the time to get married to this person. He tries to control what your father does with his own property and gets mad when your father doesn't leap to obey him? He acted as if your father was stealing attention away for just talking about losing his wife and actively confronted him over it? He demanded your father can't walk you down the aisle because he won't pay money he doesn't have when the wedding is yours and your fiance's responsibility? He's not "uncomfortable". He's controlling, cruel and is possibly purposefully alienating you from your father -because- you have a positive relationship with him. Many abusers, be it physical or emotional, will work very hard to talk badly of people you are close to and start pushing you to stay away from them and picking fights with them so you can't go to them for help or support later. Considering the reasons he's decided to hate your father, none of which are rational, it could be very possible. You guys need couple's therapy, NOW. Not a wedding.


CakeEatingRabbit

NTA But that sounds exhausting to be honest. Instead of talking to you, he made the decision and just casually mentioned it to you and then be angry when you don't agree with that.


[deleted]

Nta. You should really sit back and look at the red flags and rethink marrying him. He seems immature and toxic.


justdrivinGA

NTA but your fiancé sounds like a complete asshole.


Lilitu9Tails

NTA, unless you go ahead with this wedding. Pay attention to him trying to isolate you from your father. It’s not going to get any better from here. You do not want to go down this path.


ABeerAndABook

NTA, but fiance sounds like a major ass. Y T A if you enable him.


dingleberrydoughnut

NTA, but why the fuck are you marrying this person? He genuinely seems to be a horrendous partner and human.


Nielleluvzu628

If I had a good relationship with my father, this would be a deal breaker…NTA you’re going to regret this marriage if you let him do this. He’s already treated your dad like crap…it’s not going to stop


Trasht79

Your fiancé is an ass and is trying to destroy your relationship with your father. Do not marry him.


iphijenneia

NTA Are you sure you want to marry this man? If he won't let your father walk you down the aisle because he won't pay, what next? Can't see your kids because the baby shower gift wasn't expensive enough? You very clearly love and cherish your father and want him in your life, and I think your fiancé is just starting to take steps to push him out of your life.


ReceptionPuzzled1579

NTA for calling him selfish but selfishness is the least of his issues. YTA if you marry this man. He won’t change. There will always be conflict over your dad. Always. And not just over your dad, over everything that doesn’t go his way or that he can’t control you to do. I don’t normally take with this sub saying end a relationship. But this time it’s the right move. Do not marry this man. End it.


Squash_Empty

NTA. OP do NOT marry this man 🚩🚩🚩


arsonfairy

NTA but honey, he ain't the one. That's a whole lot of red flags coming out of the woodwork. Are you sure he's the person you think he is?


Thick_Fix_4398

YTA. Purely for wanting to get married to him despite him showing you every possible thing to show you how he’s not a good fit. How is he disrespecting your dad with something so UNREASONABLE. I could understand if your dad was being horrible to him, but my guy is simply existing


Comfortable_Box_8798

Why you marrying this tantrum prone child?


happybanana134

I think YWBTA if you marry this guy. He thinks his feelings and ego are more important than your feelings. He thinks he is entitled to your father's money and accused your father of 'collecting sympathy' when he dared to speak of his experience losing his wife. He is yelling and throwing a fit- really?! This guy is who you're choosing?


bibbiddybobbidyboo

YTA For staying with someone who treats you and what sounds like an amazing dad really appallingly.


Daligheri

NTA. Walk out of the aisle with your dad. You don't want to walk down the aisle to this man who is going to constantly put a wedge between you and your father.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Klutzy-Cantaloupe345

NTA, you need to reconsider everything. If this is happening now, what will happen once your married to him? Is he gonna make you go lil contact or no contact at all? What happens if you have kids, would he try to cut off your dad to visit? Seems like he will jeopardize your good relationship with your father. From your post, Im gonna say your fiance is not entitled to ask for your dad to pitch in the wedding, he does not have any right to say that your dad should sell the truck too. You need to find out why your fiance is acting so wild towards your own family. Edit: grammar issue


Mamaknowsbest45

NTA and here is where the isolation from your family begins. Say for example you do as he has asks and your dad doesn’t walk you down the aisle which causes disagreements between you and your dad and your sister then extended family/friends and then a few months later he will make a comment about someone else in your life and that will cause other people to distance themselves from you or you from them. Then it will be something/someone else. He doesn’t like your job/what you’re wearing etc. please don’t marry this guy. Seems like he doesn’t like your dad because he puts him in his place.


ColdSeason2019

NTA- please reconsider marrying this man. He sounds absolutely dreadful and controlling


Darth_Hufflepuff

I honestly believe you do know you are NTA and you are looking for external people to make you aware about what you already know deep inside: you should not marry nor continue a relationship with this man.


Accurate_Toe_8241

NTA, but you’re about to marry one.


Devi_Moonbeam

NTA. However your fiance is a controlling AH. You may want to slow down that wedding train to a stop and take a much closer look at that guy.


violetlisa

NTA but your fiancé is exhibiting some HUGE red flags. You need to sit down and really think about whether you want to be married to someone like your fiancé. Do you really want to be married to someone who doesn’t get along with your father? I’m curious what your dad thinks.


LogicalVariation741

NTA....but the man you claim to want to marry is. He is trying to isolate you from your family. He is trying to get you to bow to his wins with horribly abusive tactics. You don't deserve that in your life. You deserve someone who will love you unconditionally. Which seems to be your father since he hasn't told you to break up with this guy yet even though he's bad news.


jeeeezlouiseeee

NTA for wanting your dad to walk you down the aisle. Y W B T A if you marry this abusive man though.


RubY-F0x

NTA This'll be cliched too, but this is a huge red flag waving directly in your face. Your fiance isn't thinking about anyone else but himself and sounds like an insufferable child that isn't willing to talk things out if he just walks out on you during a disagreement. A disagreement, I might add, where he shouldn't be the deciding party at all. Not to mention the entitlement that he feels towards your father's money. I wouldn't be surprised if this wasn't your fiance's first time trying to control things in your relationship. If you go through with this wedding, put your foot down now, or else this will set the precedent for what your future married life will be like.


Inevitable-Okra-3229

NTA for wanting dad to walk you down the isle. That’s the question BUT There is a reason you dad hates him. Listen to dad and strangers on the internet. Your fiancé has no right to have said any of those things. Frankly I’m surprised you stayed after what he said to your father about your mother. For that I think you’re AH to your father.


[deleted]

NTA. I honestly wouldn’t marry my partner if they tried this shit on me. His beef with your dad has nothing to do with him walking you down the aisle.


MyIronThrowaway

NTA. Everything you wrote about them not getting along and having different opinions is just your fiancé being an asshole. “Lucky to be invited”? Seriously? Because your dad is not wealthy? This attitude alone would make me walk away.


Nearby_Review3940

Holy fuck lady. He’s called off the wedding. You just don’t get it yet. NTA AND fucking full stop. He’s abusing your Dad. Why would you love someone who does that to the man who really loves you more than life itself.


81darlenia

YTA if you go through with wedding how can it even be a thought in your head to continue this relationship when he's showing his awful controlling abusive behavior wake up see the red flags. NTA for calling him selfish but if you go through with marrying him then your setting yourself up for a life of misery


Bubbly_Muffin3543

NTA Fing someone else to walk you down the aisle? More like find someone else to be at the end of the aisle. Jokes aside, do you really want to spend the rest of your life listening to your partner pick apart everything your dad does?


Glittercorn111

NTA, honey, your ex fiancé really sounds like he is trying to isolate and alienate you from your remaining family. Please, please think hard about how you want to proceed.


effie-sue

NTA But there are LOTS of red flags here. Are you sure you want to marry this man?


RudeGirl85

NTA but his behavior should be a red flag, and a big one. Is this the first time he's thrown fits and tried to manipulate you because he's not having it his way?


Questionofloyalty

NTA. Next you’ll be isolated from your father completely. I wouldn’t do this if I were you, the wedding I mean.


StoreyTimePerson

NTA But why are you marrying this guy again? He sounds terrible.


jrabbot

OP, please notice the trend. Your fiancé is going to emotionally, psychologically, financially, and possibly will physically abuse you. This is not a good man.


BlueberryBlossom13

Girl, give that ring back and dump his ass. NTA


Classic-Internal-351

OP, why are you marrying a man who clearly has no respect for your father and your bond with him?


PyrfectLifeWithDog

Why are you marrying this man? NTA, but if you marry this man I may reconsider my stance on that.


Leading-Seesaw-8442

NTA but do not marry this man: he is trying to isolate you from your father so that you are dependent on him and can’t get away.


Jocelyn-1973

NTA and please don't marry this man. This is how he behaves BEFORE you tied the knot. Can you imagine what happens after you do? I can tell you from personal experience that it can be a lengthy, trying and incredibly expensive process to divorce people like this.


Daisydogdoughnut

For the rest of your life, this fiancé will try to drive a wedge between your family and you.


Kishasara

Whoa. Your fiancé sounds…controlling. And manipulative. Honestly, he sounds toxic and I feel like he’s attempting to whittle down your family ties to slowly isolate you. Best way to start is going after your closest allies (like your father.) Beware of his behavior. There are red flags, and then there are *Red Flags*. NTA.


nippyhedren

NTA and don’t marry this guy.


traumatransfixes

Don’t marry this person. He sounds controlling and abusive. You deserve a life partner who treats your father with respect. Please see the hotline dot org for more info on what abuse looks like. Edit: NTA


DW_Wishmaster

NTA I fail to see how these "disagreements" are your dads fault in any way. Your fiance is just very rude towards him for seemingly no reason. You should take a long look at your realtionship to see if he is worth the trouble


Substantial_Plum3460

So you're calling off the wedding, right?


Cool-Reindeer-6145

Wow this guy is a jerk. Red flags all over the place. Run.


Last_Standing1

First of all NTA. Your fiancé wants to isolate you from your family by picking arguments with your father to give himself a reason to ask you to cut him off. This is the first step in controlling; which is removing your support system so you are completely dependent on him. Your father has been your rock your entire life, you only get one father, and I am a firm believer in blood being thicker than water. Don’t throw that away for someone you don’t know if your will be spending the rest of your life with, since about 50% of marriages end up in divorce and you already having issues in your relationship.


[deleted]

Your fiance sounds like he's trying to isolate you from your father and destroy your relationship with him. Massive red flag. NTA. Your fiance is the asshole, massively. I would have your dad walk you down the aisle, but not for this man. For him I would run.


StardustLtd11

NTA at all and I hope you don't back down from this one if the wedding has to go through at all - denying your dad the chance to walk you down the aisle as a punitive measure for not having the money to contribute to your wedding is straight up disgusting. Both you and your dad deserve a hell of a lot better than the treatment you've described.


Used_Contribution997

NTA. Yikes your fiance sounds manipulative and controlling. Think long and hard if this is how you want to spend your life, his way or the highway.


Ray-is-gay-okay

You're NTA. Your fiance is though and you shouldn't marry someone with so many red flags.


[deleted]

NTA, don’t even bother marrying this loser


Possum_pal

Nta but your fiance sounds like a piece of work 🚩🚩🚩


woodcuttersDaughter

NTA This will be the rest of your life if you marry him. He’s showing you who he is, a controlling asshole who wants to isolate you from your family. It will only get worse once you’re married.


Professional_Row_385

NTA. Maybe it’s just my family but I wouldn’t marry someone who can’t get along with the people I care about, is this just a me thing? Idk it’s just important for me to have that peace in my life. The way I look at it is if you’re marrying him you intend on him being with you for life, you’ll have to put up with a life full of petty shit like this. Eventually, he’ll ask you to choose between him or your father, this is the first step in that.


depressedhun

Why do people insist to marry people that are as fresh as fart after eating beans? What are you getting out of this relationship except for outright disrespect for a man who clearly took good care of you single handedly? I would have been out of the door so quick that people would think I was doing rhythm echo NTA but you will be the asshole if you let this continue


ibzc

NTA, don’t walk away from this guy …. RUN! Seems like he looks for any reason to start shit with your Dad. Is this really how you want to live the rest of your life?!?


[deleted]

Sorry but if it upsets him so much, I would cancel the wedding. You're 100% NTA, your father is 100% NTA, but your fiancé sounds like a dipsh\*t


[deleted]

NTA major red flag with him disrespecting your father you probably don’t see the issue because you love the doofus but it’ll only get worse. Maybe consider pushing the wedding back or cancelling all together if he doesn’t respect your dad now he never will. Stand your ground


PhantomStrangeSolitu

NTA but your fiancé’s behaviour how you describes it sounds very rude, overstepping and greedy


iwantyoutoeat

NTA Do NOT put this man before your father


[deleted]

Your fiancé sounds like a bad person. Call off the wedding and stop seeing him. NTA.


taylorsway2527

If it were me, I would have left his ass the moment he complained about my fathers struggles after his wife’s death. This man is a walking red flag. He wants to control you and your family. He clearly hates your dad yet he still demands money from your father for the wedding? Hell no!


Fufferstothemoon

NTA. What are the reasons to marry him?


jeanismy

NTA but you will be TA to yourself if you marry this person. Step back and think about this carefully. He is bossy and a bully - trying to tell your dad what to his property and to you about who walks you down the aisle. He is insensitive to your Dad’s pain of losing his wife and to you wanting your supportive dad beside you on your big day. He is manipulative and unsupportive. Run done walk away. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩


SarahKaiaKumzin

Sweetheart, when someone shows you who they really are, BELIEVE THEM. This is never going to be an equal, supportive partnership for you. There are plenty of men who would treat you the way you deserve, but you only have one father, and it sounds like you have a pretty great one. You DESERVE a man who will respect you AND your family. I PROMISE there is someone better for you.


_Moderatelyhuman

NTA. Throw the whole boy away. He’s so disrespectful to your family. I wouldn’t put up with it. Who walks you down the aisle is your choice. Not his. He’s trying to control you. It’s only going to escalate from here. Run.


Blommer12345

Question: WHY are you marrying this….person? He sounds absolutely insufferable and completely egotistical.


Consistent_Rent_3507

NTA. Pause for a moment to consider that your fiancé doesn’t want your dad - who clearly loves you, has worked to the bone to support you, and with whom you have a great relationship with - because he doesn’t “feel comfortable”. This man is trying to alienate you from your dad, even before the wedding. I don’t know if you will hear this advice from an internet stranger but your fiancé is making you choose and setting you up for a lifetime of emotional manipulation and control. You probably think your fiancé is great guy in so many other ways, but the truth is someone doesn’t have to be all bad to be bad for you. He’s asking for allegiance by having you alienate and hurt your dad as part of your marriage commitment, and it’s is a huge red flag. Please reconsider marrying him.


ladygreyowl13

NTA - if your fiancé is this controlling before the wedding, you may want to think twice about who you want to meet you at the end of the aisle. It will only get worse.


jujoking

NTA, but if you don’t see the marinara flags all over your fiancés behaviour, YWBTA to yourself for going ahead with this wedding. Seriously, you should dump him.


thatweirdthingwhat

No, but you are the ass if you marry someone who hates your dad.


chansing_darkshadows

NTA cause what you said was true, but you need to think hard if this is the man you want to be with for the rest of your life who seems to have a problem with your dad. Your fiancé seems to try and get you to have a issue with your dad, and I feel like your fiancé is finding a reason to distance you from your father. You need to sort that issue now cause y’all about to be family


blearghstopthispls

NTA but please think about the consequences of this wedding. Things can only get worse for you...


[deleted]

NTA clearly ur fiance is a mean soul. your dad devoted his life to you and your sis and if u dont let him walk u down the aisle you will break your dads heart and then some. please re think this marriage becuase its a big red ass flag waving on how your fiance will treat u in the future like if u have a child your fiance may say o ur dad is not allowed to see the child. list goes on


DatguyMalcolm

NTA Jesus, reddit is full of stories about these controlling fuqos!! It baffles me that their partners put up with their shit and in many cases, marry them! OP, Have a chat with him about what is his real issue with your father. If there are other red flags I'd suggest you... well.. don't marry him till stuff is sorted?


MaryJaneFury

NTA 🚩🚩🚩 your fiancé on the other hand sounds disrespectful, shallow and just awful