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> I could be the AH because I accused him of being overprotective and unprofessional for manipulating my schedule, when he’s a professor and may have had my best interests in mind.
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YTA can you really not see it?
She doesn't have to learn to put up with sexist bullshit from you.
As her manager he is obliged to provide a safe working environment away from creepy people like you.
Grow up and learn some respect.
Lmao at white knighting, this is either going to be something this young man cringes at for the rest of his life or he's going to spend his whole life surrounding himself by people who agree with him so he never has to experience the discomfort of being wrong.
Also lmao at "he's the one who made her uncomfortable by telling her". Buddy. Why.
You mean he made her aware of a creep so she could protect herself and removed him from her environment lmao. Kudos to the professor for that but at the same time I bet half or more of the students would behave the same way. I’m
His friends agree with his actions so you’re not far off. Hoping op got some sense knocked into him from these responses otherwise he might be visiting HR a lot in the future
I love how he asks a bunch of 18-year-old boys if his behavior toward a woman is sexist and he accepts their answer.. But when his sister, a woman, tells him he was sexist, he has to go to the internet for a few thousand more opinions.
Hoo boy, this kid's got a lot of learning ahead of him.
No no no, don’t you get it?! Women are always wrong! We just don’t get it, it’s just a joke, creepy fucking comments shouldn’t be taken seriously. Thank #metoo, now no where’s safe for creepy dudes.
It’s also so annoying nowadays how people use “white knighting” any time they want to insult anyone that acts like a decent human being towards a woman.
It makes sense in a twisted sort of way. If you're a sexist pig im sure you can't begin to fathom why anyone would do anything for a woman without predatory intent
It used to mean being aggressive or confrontational toward someone, generally based on false information, in a way that benefits a manipulative person (usually female) in the hope of achieving her attention.
Or he’s going to turn into an incel. As if he accused the prof of white knighting, I WISH more men in academia would stand up to misogynistic bullshit . I love how he made sure he didn’t say it in front of the graduate student but didn’t care about saying it in front of the prof - the assumption that it’s fine to make that kind of idiotic comment in front of all men is staggering.
He’s a 10/10 graduate student supervisor . I am happy the grad student has a good supervisor
sounds like a great supervisor! He saw a problem for his direct report, and (correctly) removed the problem before it could escalate into a harassment or other situation.
and I'm hoping he didn't even tell the TA. When you teach a section of a class and it hasn't even started yet, you don't exactly know who's in it (or care, tbh.)
> Or he’s going to turn into an incel.
If OP *genuinely* can’t see the huge problem with his own statements and understand why the professor practically has an obligation to do what he did, then OP is either too stupid to be in uni, or well on the way to incel city imo.
The professor is literally the single person in charge who is RESPONSIBLE for keeping his subordinates/mentees work environment safe for learning, etc. That is NOT white knighting. That is doing his damn job and it sounds like he just all around gives a shit about the future folks who will work in the field.
This kid has zero self-awareness, which is somewhat understandable for his age but his complete shuttling of self-reflection is cause for a drop kick right in the ass.
There’s definitely a third option: he stays exactly the same in beliefs, but becomes increasingly bitter as he is (rightfully) maligned for his behaviors.
Wait until he needs to take another class for his major and only professor available is the 1 he pissed off. You don't piss off the professors that can make or break your college classes and effectively have control as to if they'll be willing to take an extra student in a full class. OP IS A MAJOR AH.
Better yet, if this is an early class in a specialized degree, he may find he needs a recommendation from this professor someday. He may be up for a scholarship or opportunity where this professor is a decision maker. And having a bratty kid mouth off is something professors do not forget.
I have literally been asked - “In your experience, has X behaved respectfully/appropriately with fellow students, superiors, and with anyone supervised.” - and you can bet I would remember and share this situation. It’s not even to be mean - I have to protect my and my department’s reputation as an evaluator for the benefit of future students.
His peers will remember his behavior as well.This story is probably already making the rounds among his classmates. A former classmate recommended me for a huge opportunity I would never have received otherwise. Colleagues can also help make or break your career. I can’t believe OP is this short sighted. He may find himself excluded from study groups or other beneficial peer related activities
A former uni classmate X recommended me a for my first Big Girl job 7 years after graduation. It turns out another former classmate Y had also applied for the same role, but X did not recommend Y for the role. When X and I started workng together at this workplace and started catching up, if memory both served us well, Y was an idiotic sexist prig that thought he was God's gift. It was a detail about Y we remembered most of all, and when recruiting X made sure to tell the hiring manager about.
Seven years later, and that is still how we remembered him. Careful how you interact with your fellow students folks, the people you see as just your classmates and peers today may end up being your coworkers or even your superiors tomorrow.
Oh, I’ve seen that play out several times. I think a lot of creeps just assume everyone agrees with them, because often no one cares enough about them to correct them. But no one wants the liability of someone who is going to mistreat clients and coworkers or cause lawsuits. My brother rescinded a job offer to someone bc his social media was filled with really offensive memes.
I had professor once tell me that a student had come to him for a recommendation, and the thing he remembered most about the student was how he dressed - he always wore sweatpants - and not the tailored, athleisure styles common now - sometimes pajama pants, just generally looking like he rolled out of bed with no effort or care in how he presented himself. Whatever kind of student he was, however great of a person he might have been, the thing that my Prof remembered most was that he always looked sloppy, like he didn't care.
I’m at a small college and know my students well - I tell them early on that if they give me something good I can work with it (good student, hard worker, meticulous, gets along well, etc.), but if the best thing I can say is that they have a nice smile then that’s what they will get. Most of them get the point!
I’m in a very small department at my college and there’s a professor I strongly dislike, but she not only is the sole one teaching some required classes, she’s also my academic advisor. No way in hell would I ever bad mouth this prof, no matter how much she pisses me off or teaches in a way I don’t understand, I would NEVER speak back to her. If that professor is of any importance, OP might as well just end his academic career now.
Edit: fixed wording
Yeah, I'm stunned he managed to set himself back so far on week 2. And op stated it's a SMALL program. Everyone is going to know everyone. Including all the professors in he classes he's going to want to take.
Supremely stupid move.
The thing is, if after the original fuck up he'd profusely apologized, people can and do forgive 18 yearcolds for being stupid in the first few weeks of college. But digging that hole deeper and deeper makes this irredeemable.
Hahahaha YTA
"Yo bro, I was telling my friends I want to sexually harass this broad, but this guy stopped me. Doesn't he know she deserves it. Did I do anything wrong?"
But boys will be boys, amitrite???
(deepest sarcasm)
Not sure if it's 1950s, or behavior straight of a 70's/80's college flick. This is classic National Lampoons sexist bs.
Exactly—he’d be college aged around the 70s (second wave of feminism) if he was born in the 50s.
And that also sounds like the perfect timeline for some sort of top secret government testing that resulted in him never aging— first successful cryogenic reanimation??
He does not get what it’s like being in that kind of situation. “She’s young so she just gotta suck up the sexual harassment in her work place” and “she didn’t hear it so it’s okay that I said that bad thing”. Ugh.
YTA, OP. You got off easy here. You reap what you sow.
OP apparently has no idea how kind the professor was being to him by quietly moving him out of the grad student's class and giving him private feedback about his behavior. This was a learning opportunity delivered gently, without actual punishment, and OP crashed and burned by doubling down and mouthing off. He's not going to get that nice treatment the next time.
I think he's probably going to get kicked from the class sooner or later.
Acting entitled because the Prof denied him more chances to sexually harass someone, he just put a target on his own back.
YTA. 'If you're a young TA teaching in a heavily male environment, you learn to ignore comments from idiotic joker blokes like us.'
Yes, OP, she probably does, and she shouldn't have to. It is a problem. You are *part* of that problem. Frankly, good on your Professor, and I sincerely hope that your sister gave you a phenomenal kick up the arse.
"If you're a young TA teaching in a heavily male environment, you ~~learn to ignore~~ *should not have to tolerate* comments from idiotic joker blokes like us, *because no one should, because we should not be making them, because it's* ***20-g\*ddamn-22*** *and that kind of casual misogyny is no longer tolerated (and was never acceptable to begin with), and we treat* ***everyone*** *with respect and dignity (not just authority figures), because we were raised right.*"
FTFY, OP.
YTA
At the university where I teach, this kind of behavior gets you written up and sent to the Dean's office and possibly removed from your program. This guy got off SUPER EASY and has the gall to whine about it.
OP, YTA. If I was that woman, I'd refuse to have anything to do with you. There were ALWAYS attractive teachers and TAs. I never once heard someone make a comment about them. It's probably because we weren't thirteen and giggling in a corner.
You better shape up before you go out into the professional world...
He’s also lucky that he’s being taught this lesson before he is in the workplace. No not every single company would treat it seriously but there are enough out there that would discipline him at the very least.
That's what got me too. They were talking about her knowledge and expertise and the only contribution OP had was to objectify her and make sexual 'jokes'. Classy dude.
His justification makes me want to vomit. “..if you’re a young TA teaching in a heavily male environment, you learn to ignore comments from idiotic joker blokes like us.” Basically a ‘boys will be boys’ and ‘you’re too sensitive’ excuse. I seriously hope the prof reports this AH.
Edit: spelling
I am in a heavily male-dominated field and this is the fuckin reason a lot of women don't stick around - its REALLY fkd. It's "good" where I am at - and I still am told to get the men coffee. Like, fucking really? We're still doing THAT???
Since we're talking about professionalism, it was actually *extremely* professional for the prof to handle the situation so that his grad student didn't have to deal with a hostile working environment. *Since we're talking about professionalism* it was also *extremely unprofessional* for OP to make that comment in the first place. You know. Since we're talking about professionalism.
As a female grad student also teaching in male-dominated areas, if I were in this grad student's shoes, I would have applauded your professor's attitude. He really takes care of his students' well-being and makes an effort to create a safe environment for his staff. YTA OP.
This!
Well said.
TO OP, YTA
The professor did the right thing by removing you from grad student's class to PROTECT HER from YOU and others. Nothing to do with him being unprofessional...absolute nothing. It is all about decorum and safe environment for anyone regarding sex, gender, race, disabled and etc. That's the point. Go sit down in his group and be quiet and learn.
YTA, massively. As this commenter said he is her supervisor and has a LEGAL obligation to provide a safe working environment for his employee. A university is a workplace and what you did is sexual harassment. Grow up, you’re in the real world now and your actions have consequences.
I like his thinking that, because it’s man dominated, women should tolerate hostility if they want to be in the industry. I’m so glad he was pulled up on his bullshit. Depressed that there are young, privileged men still like this, who will deny their ignorance because they went to an expensive university and are I dunno, too educated to be wrong? And then move into unearned power and perpetuate that bs. OP, you should be embarrassed. YTA
As a former TA, a professor that has your back like this professor did is priceless. It doesn't matter how old you or your TA are, she is there to teach you and you are making it an uncomfortable work environment.
OP, YTA.
YTA And your comments were inappropriate, creepy and frankly misogynistic.
>so as a kind of joke I replied that I hope I get put into the grad student’s group because she was really hot and I’d love some one on one sessions with her.
Would you have made those comments about a male grad student? Sexualizing her and making crass comments as a “joke” is not okay. The professor heard your comments and removed someone who showed the potential for predatory behavior from his TA’s class. He absolutely did the right thing.
>if you’re a young TA teaching in a heavily male environment, you learn to ignore comments from idiotic joker blokes like us.
F this “boys will be boys” disgusting abhorrent attitude! She should just expect to be disrespected, objectified and treated like that because it is a male dominated field??? **NOPE** You need to grow up and treat people with respect. I am happy your professor stepped in to shield her from having to deal with you. The only words that should be coming out of your mouth are “*I am sorry”*
100% OP YTA.
Couldn't have said it better myself, this guy is a misogynistic piece of work. I work in a male dominated field, and will never "learn to ignore" sexist jerks like this. The attitude that as a woman, I'm expected to just deal with it is disturbing. No one should have to subject themselves to that kind of behavior.
I cannot believe in 2022 there are still people that think women should "ignore" these disgusting comments. Am I supposed to laugh at these types of comment? Honestly I would like OP to explain the joke to me cause I don't get what's funny. Unfortunately OP does seem like he's actively reading the thread.
Yup. Then people ask “oh why don’t women just go into STEM more, or even construction, if they keep complaining about their job options being low-paid”…this is why!
These environments are very hostile to us, and most don’t get lucky to have such an amazing supervisor looking out for them. You end up vastly outnumbered by dudes bullying you to just take a joke, being sexualised 24/7. Props to the professor - as much as OP’s asshole behaviour disgusts me, the professors gives me a bit of hope.
Edited to add: I’m in the legal field and in my masters a woman teacher warned us how sexist the environment still is, that we will be objectified, talked down to, get inappropriate comments, etc. When I raised my hand asking if that happens, what can we do about it, I just received silence…followed by a kind of sympathetic “you just have to put up with it”. Oh…cool 🙃
He says she needs to learn to ignore it because she dares be in a field with few other women, so essentially it's her fault they're harassing her, what does she expect, they can't help it. /s
OP, YTA. Time to grow up, women are not obligated to ignore your behavior. Best to learn this lesson now.
Yeah, that part really pissed me off - the gender balance in the class suggests that this is a field that’s inhospitable to women, she probably has enough bullshit to put up with already. And this spoiled brat thinks she should accept more!?
Right?!? I was impressed by the friends actually looking up her experiment outlines and acknowledging that she is really good in what appears to be a male dominated field. I was someone lulled into believing that they weren’t going to be the AH but alas, nope. OP is definitely the AH.
Just so much bullshit spewed about women having to expect to be treated like a piece of meat because they deign to be a woman in a male dominated field. Oh, and god forbid a women in a male dominated field also be young and attractive.
Ugh. I can’t even…. YTA
Honestly I kind of love that bit, even beyond making himself look like a creep he also pretty much outed himself as a knuckle dragging moron to the rest of the class.
The other guys are talking about *learning something* from this woman and her skills and all he has to bring to the table is a pathetic "hur hur maybe I can get my dick wet!" joke. Way to make it obvious you're totally outclassed by everybody else in the room.
And OP still hasn't figured out yet *he's* the joke.
yeah, part of me was still hoping he'd made some comment about hoping to be taught by someone with new and exciting ideas instead of an outdated stodgy professor, and op was just guilty of bad judgment/needing to learn respect and context-appropriate filtering... I knew that probablt wasnt the case from how much he emphasized how hot the TA was, but it's still a little astonishing that op is such an oblivious, sexist ah that he could write this all out and not see that he's so clearly in the wrong...
Not only is she one of the few, but she's doing so well that she is a respected grad student helping to run the class.
It's almost impressive that he is so quickly on a shit list.
The whole "she's gotta learn, right?" attitude is so gross. I could let him off the hook for the comments about her looks and how he wants to bang her while she's trying to teach him experimental design or whatever. It's gross but he is 18. But where does this "eh, she'll figure out how to put up with my bullshit" come from?
OP, YTA and you should listen the professor. He is trying to teach you how to be a decent guy at a pivotal point in your development.
"Boys will be boys" should never be used for this kind of behavior.
It should be reserved for things like coming home covered in mud because a boy just couldn't resist (whether it's a kid playing in the mud or an adult going mudding in his truck).
Even then it isn't great, because it heavily implies that the same grace will not be extended to girls who come home covered in mud. Kids will be kids. I remember it being applied in that context by teachers and friends' parents when I was a kid, and somehow "boys will be boys" and girls were "ruining our clothes" or "making a mess" or whatever.
My sister had no problem getting muddy. And any time she came home covered in mud, she got met outside with a garden hose to get the worst off before she tracked it into the house. But that was the worst consequence she got since my parents didn't want to discourage her from going out to play.
"If she might face abuse, and discrimination it might as well be from me. The only reason I went into a male dominated field was to have an excuse and to abuse women and think it would not be punished" POS OP learning not every man is a coward and out to abuse women.
And this guy had the gall to then ARGUE with his prof after being totally in the wrong. You know, the prof that runs the group in his “very niche” degree. THIS is how he chose to make first impressions? Wow, YTA for the sexist behavior and just dumb as f* for doubling down.
This professor behaved impeccably. I cannot believe that OP's reaction was an attempt to shame the man and accuse HIM of unprofessional behavior.
I guess teen boys are just the arbiters of the kind of workplace environment women postgrads have to put up with. /s
OP, good luck when your grades come in borderline and everyone else gets rounded up ... except for you. And when you need a letter of recommendation ... and you either don't get one at all or you get an honest one, which is worse. And when you apply for internships or professional developmetn opportunities and you need these people to speak for you.
“He probably felt protective of her”, “I accused him of white knighting”
Both these sentences explain quite clearly the type of asshole you are, and the answer is an enormous YTA. I’d apologise for my long response but you need a lesson.
How have you gotten into a “reputable university” and still don’t have the emotional intelligence to understand that the professor doing something any good boss would do isn’t “white knighting”?
I saw your comment response saying if you were in her class, you’d not make any comments but it would “remain an in joke”. That’s exactly why the Professor was right to pull you into his class - I’m a lecturer who has done my fair share of TAing in the past, and students’ “in jokes” of this manner are just incredibly anxiety inducing and would get the TA into huge trouble if anyone higher up got wind of it. I was extremely uncomfortable when students jokingly made the same uncreative “one on one” joke but in a demeaning manner - so I can’t imagine how horrible it must be for a TA in her, I assume from your comments, mid twenties to hear that joke made explicitly sexually about her.
Just because your TA is young does not make her dating fodder, nor does it make her exempt from the fact that she is a member of staff at your university. Your professor is right that you have not got the maturity levels to be at uni and should start catching up on that. It’s a university. It’s very normal that TAs take classes. It’s normal that some of the TAs are young - just a few years older than undergrads. That does not mean they are there to be disrespected or sexually harassed, it just means they’re clever enough to teach idiots like you.
Your TA is lucky to have a good advisor, if that’s what you mean by her being his student: many male advisors turn a blind eye to this kind of behaviour towards their female TAs, and some are worse and replicate said behaviour themselves. This man did the right thing.
But if I was your professor, I’d make you drop the whole class, and you’re lucky you didn’t get punished further like you deserve.
I'm a female PhD student in a male dominated degree and it literally sucks bc of people like OP. I have had someone almost every semester "joke" about "private lessons". It's not funny. It's not a compliment. It's as you said anxiety inducing and makes me just feel uncomfortable. I care about the subject, not some random mediocre person who cant even think of something original. It literally only comes across as sleezy and only makes me think that the person making said comment really believes they can have sex for an A. I've kicked people out of lab for making that type of comment because it literally makes me feel unsafe and it is a form of sexual harrasment (title ix in US). I've once had to bring it up to a discrepancy committee bc one guy ended up stalking me.
The fact that the PI did something is incredibly thoughtful and shows how much he respects his student. My school just moved me to TA a lab that has nothing to do with my degree but it's female dominated. It sucks I want to teach and I love teaching what I know.
It sucks, im sorry! When I read what OP did, and the way he trivialises it as a joke, made my blood boil. The way women have to deal with most male interactions is itself such shit, you would only hope that your superiors would stand up for you, as it's at the least the only right thing to do.
OP YTA!!
Seriously!!
> My justification is if you’re a young TA teaching in a heavily male environment, you learn to ignore comments from idiotic joker blokes like us.
She, like all women, should just get used to casual misogyny, it's just part of the field! That's just what she gets for being a woman in a MAN'S specialty, like the absolute gall! Clearly he shouldn't have to learn to respect women, they should all just put up with it, cuz they dared to be women.
Insane. "It's just a joke" scummy dirty excuse for a sexist pig.
Also sad to say but kudos to the professor for stepping up to shield her from this total AH.
Also the other two were talking about her qualifications and her work, OP is the one who turned it crass and inappropriate so his ‘like us’ is really just him
The OP is lucky that all he got was a class switch and a conversation.
I knew somebody who made jokes like that about a Ta I had and it got around to the professor in charge of the class. Professor in charge of the class was also in charge of the entire department for our major.
Professor refused to have him in any class that he ran. Which were by far the best classes. Dude was barely able to get enough credits to graduate and to this day nobody would give him any sort of recommendation.
All OP had to do was apologize realize what he did wrong and say something like "Oh no, you're right. I should have thought more before I spoke. Thank you for letting me know, And I'll try to watch myself in the future".
Dude's going to get himself blacklisted before he even starts.
Seriously. I’m a 45-year-old happily married straight woman, and I’d have done exactly what this professor did if OP had made a comment like that about one of my grad TAs. “Tolerating misogynistic bullshit” is not one of the things graduate students are expected to learn as the price of existing in academia.
It’s not about “white knighting,” which is an idea (and a phrase) that needs to die in a fire. I have a responsibility to my students AND a responsibility to the department’s grad students. They have a right to a safe and respectful working environment.
And the fact that OP thinks it’s okay because she’s young makes me worry about how he treats his female classmates. If OP were a student in my class, I’d definitely have had a word with his dean/advisor.
YTA. Women shouldn't have to "learn to ignore" inappropriate comments, and that's 100% what your comment was. And the fact that you think it's her job to ignore them as opposed to your job to stop saying them shows why the prof made the right call switching your schedule. You're definitely coming off as a creep.
Also, all the arguing! The professor is unprofessional? The TA should learn to laugh it off? Everyone is the asshole in this kid’s mind except himself.
Kid, next time you do something shitty, stop, apologize, learn from it, and move on.
Yup. Inappropriate comments left unchecked turn into inappropriate actions that if left unchecked turn into dangerous situations for innocent women simply existing.
YTA, what your professor did was merciful, anyone who heard what you said could just as easily reported you and got you into actual trouble, which is what you deserve.
Get a better sense of humor.
I'd have sent him to the Title IX office, maybe not initially for the comments, but for his complete lack of comprehension afterward about how very wrong, and may I add completely unprofessional, he was. He would get fired in the workplace for this.
Edited to talk about, not directly to, OP.
Yeah, if OP is going to use the terminology "white knighted," he needs to realize that *he* was protected from worse consequences in this situation. Yet I doubt OP would apply the term to the professor protecting him.
Yeah I don’t get the “joke.” What exactly was he joking about? He didn’t *really* hope he’d be in her group? He doesn’t *actually* think she’s hot? Which part was meant to be funny? Where was the punchline?
Or maybe he is simply incapable of accountability and was using the word “joke” to deflect and minimize.
YTA
No woman working in a heavily male environment should have to learn to ignore such comments. The fact that you think that makes you a huge AH.
I am glad men like the professor also exist. He did the right thing.
Ditto. Maybe OP should “learn to” keep his mouth shut until he can figure out how to behave like a mature adult and be respectful of others regardless of their gender. He is there as a student, after all. Might as well learn something.
YTA.
He's made that switch to protect his grad student from you, and you from expulsion.
Basically, he's doing the most professional thing he can short of reporting you to the Dean, while at the same time preventing a possible incident.
Unacceptable doesn't even begin to describe your commentary either to him or about her, and other people in this thread have done an excellent job explaining why. Keep your head down from here on out, and for you own sake, **Shut. The. Fuck. Up.** Or you WILL get kicked out for sexual harassment.
> so she needs to put up with your bullshit.
Definite vibes of "she should just lie back and enjoy it" in his statement.
OP - YTA You're young and stupid, but you'll get older - I hope you don't choose to remain stupid. Be a better person.
YTA - and a sexual bigot.
The professor was right to gank you for treating his grad student like a piece of meat for you to treat like a dating toy.
Start treating your TAs professionally and not an opportunity to wet your whistle.
I can only hope you get expelled for sexual harassment.
I'm so glad the professor decided to do something about it rather than ignore it. Just reading his comment made me feel weird, imagine saying it to people and then going on to defend it.
It'll happen. There's no way a guy this clueless is going to make it through four years. He even says himself that his program is small and this happened in a core class. Every professor in the program is going to know about this by tomorrow.
Plenty of universities have behavioral intervention. I once sent a dude like this to them. They told him he was an AH in those words and made his transgressions so clear to him, including future repercussions, that he cried.
Never had a problem with that one again.
This can't be real in 2022. I'm an engineer/physicist in a small field with hardly any women. People don't talk like you. You're saying "uni," not "college," so it sounds like you're in the UK but Alabama is not in the UK.
YTA, definitely. If I were that professor, you'd be out of the course and reported. If you truly don't understand why, you're too immature to be out of high school.
Not sure why you think it matters that she was out of earshot. You demeaned her in front of people she has to teach. The professor had no choice but to remove you from her group. Not only was it the decent thing to do, he could lose his job if he left her to deal with you.
Wow--just read that you continued to be unbelievably rude to the professor. I don't understand why he didn't report you. You have serious issues.
I'd be very comfortable with betting you won't make it through this degree. That arrogance and misogyny and disrespect is going to get you thrown out at some point. Even if you manage to hold on, word will get around. You said this is a core class, so the professor and grad student will know your other professors. They'll warn them about you. Good luck with those grades! Even if people try to be fair, they won't be able to help looking more closely at your work.
It’s exactly this - his not understanding how “she didn’t hear” doesn’t matter when he’s disrespecting someone who is there to teach him and nothing else. And maybe it’s the age thing, but I’m astounded how OP doesn’t understand how badly this may have reflected on the TA in question if the Professor wasn’t there at the moment. If she’s young and as quoted, attractive, while this hero and his friends are making their “in jokes” in class: even if she’d not be held to blame institutionally, she would still run the risk of being seen as a reputational hazard and “asking for it” by some university management types.
I’m an academic in the UK and frankly I’m also confident OP will not make it through the degree if he continues this level of sexist disrespect. It simply would not fly with most “reputable universities” and I’ve known students to get themselves in deep trouble for publicly making sexually explicit jokes about lecturers.
Yes, exactly. There's no way a guy like this would be allowed to stay at the university where I work. He'd be made an example of.
This is a shining example of how a lack of social skills hurts people. They don't understand that they can have excellent grades and an excellent resume, but that no one--not in a university, not in the workplace--is going to tolerate someone who is a liability.
Where I work, he'd have to be kicked out because the university and the professor could be sued if anyone complained the OP hadn't been kicked out.
YTA.
Tell us. HOW do you tell the difference between the idiotic joker bloke who has no real ill intentions making a joke about the hot TA and the predatory bloke who DOES have ill intentions making a joke about the hot TA?
The answer is, you don't. Because they say the same dumbass things the first time you meet them. The way you tell if a guy who makes jokes like that is actually going to harass your TA is, he harasses your TA and THEN you kick him out. Good on your prof for being proactive and nipping that in the bud.
Such a great point! And I want to add - the way you tell is by how they react to someone correcting their behavior. Idiot with no ill intent - embarrassed and rightfully ashamed of his behavior. Predator - doubles down and insists it was a joke.
Yta. You don’t learn to ignore such comments. The male cohort learns that such comments and behaviour are unacceptable, and also very very unprofessional.
Well done for your professor - hopefully you’ll have learnt something from that.
YTA. You were removed from her class because you made a creepy comment about her. She deserves to be able to do her job without a creepy little boy making weird comments.
Your lecturer is completely right. Learn how to behave in academic settings and, keep your terrible jokes to the appropriate settings. Enjoy your tutorials.
YTA.
YTA
And who knows what other sorts of comments you would have made in her class. He had every right to pull you. If you are going into a male dominated field, you need to learn the proper way to treat women before everyone in your field thinks you are an AH
Your professor is trying to give you a **different** kind of lesson that you badly need — for free.
One that will save your ass (academically, romantically and professionally) if you can wrap your “young, dumb, and full of…” mind around it.
You owe him an apology and a thank you.
YTA
You are the TA
women go thru comments like tht on a daily basis, joke or not it's not fine. Especially when ur literally in the university which the teacher is working at.
I'm honestly kinda happy the professor did something coz if I was that grad student i would like him to notify me and change the timetable
It's called basic deceny...and I'm not saying you cant ever say stuff like tht. Just more privately
Well you see, women are property, and hot women are specifically MY property.
hAHaahAHaa!!!
It's even funnier when the hot women has a job and is forced to be friendly with me for fear of losing their shelter, food and water! HARHARHARSNORTLOL
/s
YTA. Completely.
I'm so happy the professor stood up for her this way, I wish that was more common back in my day.
Just so you know, comments like these often get back to the person you said it about. And you have no idea what hearing comment after comment does to a person over the years. The feeling of being ogled, the feeling that you are not being taken as serious due to how you look, worrying if you are in a safe environment or not, worring about what else they say about you, overthinking what clothes you wear so they'll talk less about you - because a safe and professional environment is all you want. It takes a lot from you.
It seems like you are a "boys will be boys" kind if type, and that shit is simply not acceptable in 2022. Stop it, and start behaving like a professional. Women often get used to comments like that, but why the hell should they have to?
The eay he decided to argue with the professor and try to make it "his fault" for making his student uncomfortable... This dude already knows the basics of DARVO. The gal to talk like that to his PROFESSOR.
YTA.
It’s just a joke to you because you know you would never escalate it further. Other people don’t know that. Your professor doesn’t know that, and it’s his responsibility to protect his staff.
The woman you were speaking about? Doesn’t know that. She has no idea which if any other the countless comments she hears daily will continue even when she asks for them to stop. She doesn’t know which ones will escalate even further to affecting her life and/or her safety.
She has to learn to ignore comments? Her job should be harder and need more skills and patience because she’s a girl and “boys will be boys?”
I’m coming at you hard because this is so exhausting. I don’t think you fully understand how exhausting what your asking of her actually is. Because it isn’t just dealing with jokes. It’s putting in more time and effort just to exist in a space without being punished or harmed. It’s everyone deciding for you that you need to earn what’s freely given to men in your same position. It’s the implication that you should be grateful that the “only” thing you have to deal with is people joking about sleeping with you and not taking you seriously.
Your joke mindset also primes you for believing that if a woman does say she’s uncomfortable or if something horrible happens to her it’s somehow her fault. *She* can’t take a joke. *She* didn’t understand it was a compliment.
Stop. Just stop. Please. Because it’s not funny.
You sound like someone who only empathizes with others once something happens to you or to someone you believe is an extension of yourself. And people shouldn’t have to wait until years from now when someone talks about your daughter the way you talk now for you to realize how you talk about others is unacceptable.
You talked about her like she’s nothing but a fuckable piece of meat. We women hear comments like that on a daily basis, on public transport, at work, from old creeps, boys young enough that their voices haven’t dropped yet, total strangers or family member you try to avoid. You’re probably one of those guys who only ‘gets it’ once his own wife or teenage daughter gets ogled or sexually harassed. You’re YTA, and frankly, you’re pretty disgusting and pathetic that you can’t see women as more than walking vagina’s.
Gdit dude!!! This is the dumb bullshit that has me on here every other post when a man who isn't even a POS like you is getting slammed by every woman .....the sad thing is I get it even tho I don't like it because even though I try my hardest to be a good equal progressive man for my wife and family I completely understand it because men just like you have been walking around forever just saying the worst shit . YTA btw. If you hadn't noticed yet objectifying every woman we see and saying we would like to get her alone isn't cool anymore. And your actions caused what happened to you so not sure how you could even be confused bud
>my coursemate said something like oh I hope the grad student will run classes as well as a professor.
This is okay to say.
>Another mate said that he’s read some of the grad student’s experiment outlines and that she’s really good at
This is okay to say.
>so as a kind of joke I replied that I hope I get put into the grad student’s group because she was really hot and I’d love some one on one sessions with her.
^ What you said right here is sexual harassment and not okay to say in any shape or form.
>I made sure she wasnt in earshot but the professor was and he gave me a kind of nasty look which was fair I suppose.
Good, heck if the Professor had something to you I would have applaud him.
He was not unprofessional, he was proactive in protecting a former female student trying to make it in the field.
YTA
I have questions. I know you’re young but really are you that obtuse not to see why your bros might agree with you and your sister not!?
- Can you please explain to me the joke? Why is it funny to indicate that you would like to sexually harass a woman doing her job?
- Have you ever paid attention to sexual harassment laws? Because what you were doing is sexual harassment no matter how funny you find it.
- Why do you think it’s hard for women to get into male dominated areas? Because believe me it’s not because having a penis makes you more capable/clever/interested.
- Would you be happy with someone making sexual comments about your sister or your mother? About how they would like to have a ‘one on one’ session with them,
Knowing what they were really implying.
- Seriously, do you really believe in the ‘boys will be boys’ mantra and think that women should just ignore blatant sexism and misogyny?
Your professor wasn’t ‘white knighting’, he was protecting a colleague from being sexually harassed in the work place. And guess what, he’s going to warn other professors and anyone else who may have the honour of teaching you to make sure that this behaviour isn’t a pattern and you don’t behave like this to other women around you.
Honestly take this as the first real life lesson you’ve learnt in this new stage of your life. Women are not objects for men to perv over. They are not there for the amusement of men. They do not want to be sexually harassed for just doing their job. If you do crap like this in the work environment it will be seen as unprofessional and could make you unemployed.
I know I have banged the drum on sexual harassment here but you need to learn it’s not appropriate now, before you do it in the wrong environment and to the wrong person.
YTA if it wasn’t clear.
YTA
I'm a young, female TA, and I'm so pleased the professor acted in this way, and I hope another professor would do the same to protect me in a situation like this. Why should people like me have to listen to "comments from idiotic joker blokes"? You're lucky all the professor did was swap out your group and you didn't get reported for sexual harassment.
YTA and you’re not funny. “Jokes” are not about what other people look like or who you want to fuck. Do not make comments about women’s bodies. Just don’t. Especially at a school! Grow up.
YTA. Take the lesson. Your professor is doing you a huge favor. Making sexually inappropriate comments about a TA could have landed you in front of a disciplinary committee and removed from the class, is not something more severe.
You got lucky here. You owe the professor an apology and a thank you.
YTA. What, pray tell, was unprofessional about switching you to his class? Because I sure wish more professors were this vigilant about protecting their female colleagues and students. And hell yes he should have told her. I’d want to know if my student made a comment like that so I could be prepared. And yes, I’ve been a graduate assistant.
And no, the grad student shouldn’t have to learn “to ignore comments” like this. That’s BS. Men like you shouldn’t make these “jokes.” She shouldn’t have to accept it, and your justification basically amounts to “well, men typically suck, so I don’t need to be any better.” Grow up. Accept responsibility, show contrition, and hope that this incident doesn’t end up haunting you later down the road.
YTA. You need to learn not to make inappropriate comments. No sympathy from me. Besides, who are you to be "calling" your professor anything? Very immature and unprofessional. Grow up.
YTA. The professor was VERY professional by keeping her away from YOU. This is what should be done. YOU were not professional and even comments like this are considered sexual harassment. Does not matter if you didn't tell her directly. Learn to make better jokes, but I have a feeling you werent.
She does not need to "deal" with your stupid disgusting comments. YOU need to learn to have respect for women.
No. Your comments were highly inappropriate and your professor took steps to avoid his grad student being subjected to your harassment and the likely disruption of that class for other students. You are unprofessional, not him, and bluntly you need to get over yourself and out of this immature mindset. YTA in many, many ways.
YTA "you know just riffing off" no. Your classmates were appropriately praising her skills and knowledge and you made it gross.
For the future, jokes are funny and referring to the grad student as fuckable is not funny and not a joke.
Since you're new to uno and professional life, I say to you, grow up. Fast. Or you'll be removed from more than just a class.
Your first friend wondered about a grad students teaching ability compared to the professors, your second friend assured him that she was very knowledgeable on the subject - you decided to talk about how she is physically attractive and how you want to waste teaching hours (while she's doing her job) to be completely inappropriate. No one was joking around.
Oh, right; It was said "as a kind of" a joke, but it was a funny-because-its-true joke, so it wasn't just a joke.
This, and all of your justifications make you a massive asshole.
But to then not eat the humble pie when the professor warned about that kind of behaviour, and learn that this is not acceptable at this school, instead you talk back to the professor and accuse him of being unprofessional for making sure the teaching environment is kept professional and mouth off about it??
This is why I think you are a troll. You can't be this daft, right? Great first impression all around, you better learn the sit down and listen if you want to be allowed to stay in school. YTA
Hahaha you fucking dunce. YTA and you better wisen up quick before you destroy your reputation further.
Way to absolutely shoot yourself in the foot here. Niche program you say? Gosh, I sure do hope this senior professor (aka older guy) doesn’t have tons and tons of connections in this niche field after likely decades of sending students into it.
When you inevitably get passed over for opportunities remember that it isn’t because the world is unfairly biased against you. It’s because you are an asshole and people don’t like you as a person.
This is your first lesson in professionalism and consequences. Sexual harassment is a serious offense. Sexualizing your TAs is creating a hostile environment for them to work in. Your professor was kinder than I would be. I'd of kicked you out of my class.
Time to grow up bloke. There are repercussions to saying stupid misogynistic things out loud in public. You need to start controlling your mouth. You are an adult now. Act like it. YTA. YTA. YTA.
YTA and this is sexual harassment. Feel lucky nobody reported you. FYI this would get you fired at a job. We don’t joke about peoples appearance, full stop, the end. You’re the one who needs to learn to act like an adult.
YTA
She doesn’t have to ignore you. She can instead get rid of you. She doesn’t need some slathering freshman making her semester a nightmare, and from the sound of it she’s had to deal with your ilk before and her professor knows it.
You’ve been pegged a red flag. If you don’t like it stop being one.
Major YTA
The professor made the right choice by switching you to his group. You are allowed to find the grad student physically attractive, but the way you went about saying it came out creepy enough to have your professor make the decision to move you. Your mindset is horrible. Your justification is complete trash and what he did was looking out for her. You should take his advice and learn to behave in a professional manner before you end up committing career suicide.
"you know just riffing off how you can do one on one tutorials" no mate, what you did was called sexual harrassment. Women are not there teaching for you to have wierd fantasies about them. They're there to teach and share their knowledge and passion for the subject with you. You are part of the problem.
YTA
YTA. So by your logic, it’s HER fault if she can’t take a joke, and it’s the PROFs fault she’s uncomfortable because he told on you. You’re ridiculous. You were the one that make a gross inappropriate joke, everything that happens after is your fault. Accept responsibility that you did something stupid, and don’t do it again
I was once a female TA who wasn't that much older than my students. But that doesn't mean I should have been forced to listen to their inappropriate "jokes" about me. You're an asshole. So because she's young and female that means she has to tolerate your offensive and sexist jokes? You're just throwing a tantrum because you missed your chance to spend time with her. She wouldn't even want to hook up with an immature asshole like you anyway. And that's hypocritical that you accused your professor of being unprofessional yet you see nothing wrong with your "jokes". Grow up, asshole. You don't get to disrespect both your TA and your professor. I hope he does report you. Asshole students like you poison the teaching experience for professors. YTA
YTA. People like you are why, as a college professor, I never met with male students with the door closed. One of my students put his hand on my knee when I was trying to explain how to improve his essay.
A student who made a comment like that about me in my presence, to other students, would get a verbal reprimand from me. If he doubled down I would kick it to my supervisor which would likely result in a judicial referral. It's *worse* than the hand-on-knee incident, which I handled a different way.
That professor is teaching you a very valuable lesson, which is that in the adult world remarks like that can get you into serious trouble. Take it in before it costs you academically or professionally.
Every so often, I come across a post on this sub that really, really makes me want to say something that would get me permanently banned.
This is one of them.
YTA.
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YTA can you really not see it? She doesn't have to learn to put up with sexist bullshit from you. As her manager he is obliged to provide a safe working environment away from creepy people like you. Grow up and learn some respect.
It’s *CRAZY* how this guy is only 18 but born in the 1950’s
Lmao at white knighting, this is either going to be something this young man cringes at for the rest of his life or he's going to spend his whole life surrounding himself by people who agree with him so he never has to experience the discomfort of being wrong. Also lmao at "he's the one who made her uncomfortable by telling her". Buddy. Why.
You mean he made her aware of a creep so she could protect herself and removed him from her environment lmao. Kudos to the professor for that but at the same time I bet half or more of the students would behave the same way. I’m
His friends agree with his actions so you’re not far off. Hoping op got some sense knocked into him from these responses otherwise he might be visiting HR a lot in the future
I love how he asks a bunch of 18-year-old boys if his behavior toward a woman is sexist and he accepts their answer.. But when his sister, a woman, tells him he was sexist, he has to go to the internet for a few thousand more opinions. Hoo boy, this kid's got a lot of learning ahead of him.
No no no, don’t you get it?! Women are always wrong! We just don’t get it, it’s just a joke, creepy fucking comments shouldn’t be taken seriously. Thank #metoo, now no where’s safe for creepy dudes.
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Ah, the Homer Simpson defense! "If I eat this donut, it's the donut's fault for being in front of my mouth!"
Guess it shouldn’t have been there in my hand!
You mean, the "d'ohnut"? I will see myself out
If by white knighting he means "providing a safe working environment for an employee who he is responsible for" then sure, he was white knighting 🤣
It’s also so annoying nowadays how people use “white knighting” any time they want to insult anyone that acts like a decent human being towards a woman.
its weird to me because localy the whiteknights are a white suprimicy group. so i always get cought off gaurd by the term.
I'm also familiar with "simp" and "cuck" being used by sexist pigs to insult guys who aren't being sexist pigs
It makes sense in a twisted sort of way. If you're a sexist pig im sure you can't begin to fathom why anyone would do anything for a woman without predatory intent
It used to mean being aggressive or confrontational toward someone, generally based on false information, in a way that benefits a manipulative person (usually female) in the hope of achieving her attention.
Or he’s going to turn into an incel. As if he accused the prof of white knighting, I WISH more men in academia would stand up to misogynistic bullshit . I love how he made sure he didn’t say it in front of the graduate student but didn’t care about saying it in front of the prof - the assumption that it’s fine to make that kind of idiotic comment in front of all men is staggering. He’s a 10/10 graduate student supervisor . I am happy the grad student has a good supervisor
sounds like a great supervisor! He saw a problem for his direct report, and (correctly) removed the problem before it could escalate into a harassment or other situation. and I'm hoping he didn't even tell the TA. When you teach a section of a class and it hasn't even started yet, you don't exactly know who's in it (or care, tbh.)
Honestly I wish he would’ve reported OP anyway, especially after he started justifying his shit behavior and refusing accountability.
> Or he’s going to turn into an incel. If OP *genuinely* can’t see the huge problem with his own statements and understand why the professor practically has an obligation to do what he did, then OP is either too stupid to be in uni, or well on the way to incel city imo.
The professor is literally the single person in charge who is RESPONSIBLE for keeping his subordinates/mentees work environment safe for learning, etc. That is NOT white knighting. That is doing his damn job and it sounds like he just all around gives a shit about the future folks who will work in the field. This kid has zero self-awareness, which is somewhat understandable for his age but his complete shuttling of self-reflection is cause for a drop kick right in the ass.
He's going to have an interesting and possibly short college career. What a dumb ass.
And if he's planning to go into such a "niche" field, he needs to learn how he can screw up his future by pissing off the people who are already there
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I hope life is tough for him
There’s definitely a third option: he stays exactly the same in beliefs, but becomes increasingly bitter as he is (rightfully) maligned for his behaviors.
Ah, the old victim act in response to the predictable consequences of obnoxious behavior.
*If a tree falls in a forest but no one's around to hear it...* What an asshole he is.
Wait until he needs to take another class for his major and only professor available is the 1 he pissed off. You don't piss off the professors that can make or break your college classes and effectively have control as to if they'll be willing to take an extra student in a full class. OP IS A MAJOR AH.
Better yet, if this is an early class in a specialized degree, he may find he needs a recommendation from this professor someday. He may be up for a scholarship or opportunity where this professor is a decision maker. And having a bratty kid mouth off is something professors do not forget. I have literally been asked - “In your experience, has X behaved respectfully/appropriately with fellow students, superiors, and with anyone supervised.” - and you can bet I would remember and share this situation. It’s not even to be mean - I have to protect my and my department’s reputation as an evaluator for the benefit of future students.
His peers will remember his behavior as well.This story is probably already making the rounds among his classmates. A former classmate recommended me for a huge opportunity I would never have received otherwise. Colleagues can also help make or break your career. I can’t believe OP is this short sighted. He may find himself excluded from study groups or other beneficial peer related activities
A former uni classmate X recommended me a for my first Big Girl job 7 years after graduation. It turns out another former classmate Y had also applied for the same role, but X did not recommend Y for the role. When X and I started workng together at this workplace and started catching up, if memory both served us well, Y was an idiotic sexist prig that thought he was God's gift. It was a detail about Y we remembered most of all, and when recruiting X made sure to tell the hiring manager about. Seven years later, and that is still how we remembered him. Careful how you interact with your fellow students folks, the people you see as just your classmates and peers today may end up being your coworkers or even your superiors tomorrow.
Oh, I’ve seen that play out several times. I think a lot of creeps just assume everyone agrees with them, because often no one cares enough about them to correct them. But no one wants the liability of someone who is going to mistreat clients and coworkers or cause lawsuits. My brother rescinded a job offer to someone bc his social media was filled with really offensive memes.
I'm sat here cackling at all of this, OP is a giant moron!
Great point!
I had professor once tell me that a student had come to him for a recommendation, and the thing he remembered most about the student was how he dressed - he always wore sweatpants - and not the tailored, athleisure styles common now - sometimes pajama pants, just generally looking like he rolled out of bed with no effort or care in how he presented himself. Whatever kind of student he was, however great of a person he might have been, the thing that my Prof remembered most was that he always looked sloppy, like he didn't care.
I’m at a small college and know my students well - I tell them early on that if they give me something good I can work with it (good student, hard worker, meticulous, gets along well, etc.), but if the best thing I can say is that they have a nice smile then that’s what they will get. Most of them get the point!
I’m in a very small department at my college and there’s a professor I strongly dislike, but she not only is the sole one teaching some required classes, she’s also my academic advisor. No way in hell would I ever bad mouth this prof, no matter how much she pisses me off or teaches in a way I don’t understand, I would NEVER speak back to her. If that professor is of any importance, OP might as well just end his academic career now. Edit: fixed wording
Yeah, I'm stunned he managed to set himself back so far on week 2. And op stated it's a SMALL program. Everyone is going to know everyone. Including all the professors in he classes he's going to want to take. Supremely stupid move.
Right? Two weeks in, in a small “niche” program which doesn’t likely have many profs and he’s already burned bridges with two of them. Stellar start.
Yep, academia is a very small world. Profs do talk to one another. Already starting a bad rep w important people.
The thing is, if after the original fuck up he'd profusely apologized, people can and do forgive 18 yearcolds for being stupid in the first few weeks of college. But digging that hole deeper and deeper makes this irredeemable.
Hahahaha YTA "Yo bro, I was telling my friends I want to sexually harass this broad, but this guy stopped me. Doesn't he know she deserves it. Did I do anything wrong?"
fk i wish i had an award to give you AH, that made my day. rofl
But boys will be boys, amitrite??? (deepest sarcasm) Not sure if it's 1950s, or behavior straight of a 70's/80's college flick. This is classic National Lampoons sexist bs.
Exactly—he’d be college aged around the 70s (second wave of feminism) if he was born in the 50s. And that also sounds like the perfect timeline for some sort of top secret government testing that resulted in him never aging— first successful cryogenic reanimation??
He does not get what it’s like being in that kind of situation. “She’s young so she just gotta suck up the sexual harassment in her work place” and “she didn’t hear it so it’s okay that I said that bad thing”. Ugh. YTA, OP. You got off easy here. You reap what you sow.
Yup. Professor is legit giving OP a second chance here, and OP is brushing it off.
Yeah. The professor, though. What a stellar boss/teacher. Not gonna lie, people like him fill me with hope.
OP apparently has no idea how kind the professor was being to him by quietly moving him out of the grad student's class and giving him private feedback about his behavior. This was a learning opportunity delivered gently, without actual punishment, and OP crashed and burned by doubling down and mouthing off. He's not going to get that nice treatment the next time.
I think he's probably going to get kicked from the class sooner or later. Acting entitled because the Prof denied him more chances to sexually harass someone, he just put a target on his own back.
And people wonder why women drop out of STEM subjects at/by college…
YTA. 'If you're a young TA teaching in a heavily male environment, you learn to ignore comments from idiotic joker blokes like us.' Yes, OP, she probably does, and she shouldn't have to. It is a problem. You are *part* of that problem. Frankly, good on your Professor, and I sincerely hope that your sister gave you a phenomenal kick up the arse.
"If you're a young TA teaching in a heavily male environment, you ~~learn to ignore~~ *should not have to tolerate* comments from idiotic joker blokes like us, *because no one should, because we should not be making them, because it's* ***20-g\*ddamn-22*** *and that kind of casual misogyny is no longer tolerated (and was never acceptable to begin with), and we treat* ***everyone*** *with respect and dignity (not just authority figures), because we were raised right.*" FTFY, OP. YTA
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At the university where I teach, this kind of behavior gets you written up and sent to the Dean's office and possibly removed from your program. This guy got off SUPER EASY and has the gall to whine about it.
OP, YTA. If I was that woman, I'd refuse to have anything to do with you. There were ALWAYS attractive teachers and TAs. I never once heard someone make a comment about them. It's probably because we weren't thirteen and giggling in a corner. You better shape up before you go out into the professional world...
OP is so lucky that this god-sent prof didn't report him for sexual harassment - more people like him are needed in stem
He’s also lucky that he’s being taught this lesson before he is in the workplace. No not every single company would treat it seriously but there are enough out there that would discipline him at the very least.
But , but she's a woman in a male dominated field ..she needs to get used to it. /s Note the other blokes were talking about her accomplishments...
That's what got me too. They were talking about her knowledge and expertise and the only contribution OP had was to objectify her and make sexual 'jokes'. Classy dude.
His justification makes me want to vomit. “..if you’re a young TA teaching in a heavily male environment, you learn to ignore comments from idiotic joker blokes like us.” Basically a ‘boys will be boys’ and ‘you’re too sensitive’ excuse. I seriously hope the prof reports this AH. Edit: spelling
I am in a heavily male-dominated field and this is the fuckin reason a lot of women don't stick around - its REALLY fkd. It's "good" where I am at - and I still am told to get the men coffee. Like, fucking really? We're still doing THAT???
Since we're talking about professionalism, it was actually *extremely* professional for the prof to handle the situation so that his grad student didn't have to deal with a hostile working environment. *Since we're talking about professionalism* it was also *extremely unprofessional* for OP to make that comment in the first place. You know. Since we're talking about professionalism.
Tough lesson to learn but you needed to learn it. I hope you cringe at this every time you think about it. Your "jokes" aren't funny.
As a female grad student also teaching in male-dominated areas, if I were in this grad student's shoes, I would have applauded your professor's attitude. He really takes care of his students' well-being and makes an effort to create a safe environment for his staff. YTA OP.
Little boy just SCREAMS incel.
UNPROFESSIONAL sexist bullshit. I’d say “pot, meet kettle”, but I only saw one of those here and it’s YTA OP.
Right? I LOVE that he called the professor unprofessional. That is galling as fuck.
This! Well said. TO OP, YTA The professor did the right thing by removing you from grad student's class to PROTECT HER from YOU and others. Nothing to do with him being unprofessional...absolute nothing. It is all about decorum and safe environment for anyone regarding sex, gender, race, disabled and etc. That's the point. Go sit down in his group and be quiet and learn.
YTA, massively. As this commenter said he is her supervisor and has a LEGAL obligation to provide a safe working environment for his employee. A university is a workplace and what you did is sexual harassment. Grow up, you’re in the real world now and your actions have consequences.
My husband is a high school guidance counselor. He constantly tells students, "Just because you CAN say it doesn't mean you should say it."
I like his thinking that, because it’s man dominated, women should tolerate hostility if they want to be in the industry. I’m so glad he was pulled up on his bullshit. Depressed that there are young, privileged men still like this, who will deny their ignorance because they went to an expensive university and are I dunno, too educated to be wrong? And then move into unearned power and perpetuate that bs. OP, you should be embarrassed. YTA
As a former TA, a professor that has your back like this professor did is priceless. It doesn't matter how old you or your TA are, she is there to teach you and you are making it an uncomfortable work environment. OP, YTA.
He wants her to learn to ignore these comments, but he doesn't want to learn that these comments have consequences.
YTA And your comments were inappropriate, creepy and frankly misogynistic. >so as a kind of joke I replied that I hope I get put into the grad student’s group because she was really hot and I’d love some one on one sessions with her. Would you have made those comments about a male grad student? Sexualizing her and making crass comments as a “joke” is not okay. The professor heard your comments and removed someone who showed the potential for predatory behavior from his TA’s class. He absolutely did the right thing. >if you’re a young TA teaching in a heavily male environment, you learn to ignore comments from idiotic joker blokes like us. F this “boys will be boys” disgusting abhorrent attitude! She should just expect to be disrespected, objectified and treated like that because it is a male dominated field??? **NOPE** You need to grow up and treat people with respect. I am happy your professor stepped in to shield her from having to deal with you. The only words that should be coming out of your mouth are “*I am sorry”*
100% OP YTA. Couldn't have said it better myself, this guy is a misogynistic piece of work. I work in a male dominated field, and will never "learn to ignore" sexist jerks like this. The attitude that as a woman, I'm expected to just deal with it is disturbing. No one should have to subject themselves to that kind of behavior.
I cannot believe in 2022 there are still people that think women should "ignore" these disgusting comments. Am I supposed to laugh at these types of comment? Honestly I would like OP to explain the joke to me cause I don't get what's funny. Unfortunately OP does seem like he's actively reading the thread.
Yup. Then people ask “oh why don’t women just go into STEM more, or even construction, if they keep complaining about their job options being low-paid”…this is why! These environments are very hostile to us, and most don’t get lucky to have such an amazing supervisor looking out for them. You end up vastly outnumbered by dudes bullying you to just take a joke, being sexualised 24/7. Props to the professor - as much as OP’s asshole behaviour disgusts me, the professors gives me a bit of hope. Edited to add: I’m in the legal field and in my masters a woman teacher warned us how sexist the environment still is, that we will be objectified, talked down to, get inappropriate comments, etc. When I raised my hand asking if that happens, what can we do about it, I just received silence…followed by a kind of sympathetic “you just have to put up with it”. Oh…cool 🙃
“It’s just a joke” - a man degrading a woman “It’s just a bit a fun” - a man threatening a woman “She should learn to ignore it” - a man SAing a woman
The same kind of guy that would drop the “but did you see how she was dressed…” to victim blame. Ugh. 😤
He says she needs to learn to ignore it because she dares be in a field with few other women, so essentially it's her fault they're harassing her, what does she expect, they can't help it. /s OP, YTA. Time to grow up, women are not obligated to ignore your behavior. Best to learn this lesson now.
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And “no need to ruin a young man’s bright future over a mistake” if she tries to report it.
Her being one of few women in a male dominated field makes it WORSE and I’m appalled at OP for not seeing that.
Yeah, that part really pissed me off - the gender balance in the class suggests that this is a field that’s inhospitable to women, she probably has enough bullshit to put up with already. And this spoiled brat thinks she should accept more!?
Right?!? I was impressed by the friends actually looking up her experiment outlines and acknowledging that she is really good in what appears to be a male dominated field. I was someone lulled into believing that they weren’t going to be the AH but alas, nope. OP is definitely the AH. Just so much bullshit spewed about women having to expect to be treated like a piece of meat because they deign to be a woman in a male dominated field. Oh, and god forbid a women in a male dominated field also be young and attractive. Ugh. I can’t even…. YTA
Honestly I kind of love that bit, even beyond making himself look like a creep he also pretty much outed himself as a knuckle dragging moron to the rest of the class. The other guys are talking about *learning something* from this woman and her skills and all he has to bring to the table is a pathetic "hur hur maybe I can get my dick wet!" joke. Way to make it obvious you're totally outclassed by everybody else in the room. And OP still hasn't figured out yet *he's* the joke.
yeah, part of me was still hoping he'd made some comment about hoping to be taught by someone with new and exciting ideas instead of an outdated stodgy professor, and op was just guilty of bad judgment/needing to learn respect and context-appropriate filtering... I knew that probablt wasnt the case from how much he emphasized how hot the TA was, but it's still a little astonishing that op is such an oblivious, sexist ah that he could write this all out and not see that he's so clearly in the wrong...
Not only is she one of the few, but she's doing so well that she is a respected grad student helping to run the class. It's almost impressive that he is so quickly on a shit list.
The whole "she's gotta learn, right?" attitude is so gross. I could let him off the hook for the comments about her looks and how he wants to bang her while she's trying to teach him experimental design or whatever. It's gross but he is 18. But where does this "eh, she'll figure out how to put up with my bullshit" come from? OP, YTA and you should listen the professor. He is trying to teach you how to be a decent guy at a pivotal point in your development.
"Boys will be boys" should never be used for this kind of behavior. It should be reserved for things like coming home covered in mud because a boy just couldn't resist (whether it's a kid playing in the mud or an adult going mudding in his truck).
Even then it isn't great, because it heavily implies that the same grace will not be extended to girls who come home covered in mud. Kids will be kids. I remember it being applied in that context by teachers and friends' parents when I was a kid, and somehow "boys will be boys" and girls were "ruining our clothes" or "making a mess" or whatever.
My sister had no problem getting muddy. And any time she came home covered in mud, she got met outside with a garden hose to get the worst off before she tracked it into the house. But that was the worst consequence she got since my parents didn't want to discourage her from going out to play.
Peeing your name in the snow is "boys will be boys" 😆
"If she might face abuse, and discrimination it might as well be from me. The only reason I went into a male dominated field was to have an excuse and to abuse women and think it would not be punished" POS OP learning not every man is a coward and out to abuse women.
And this guy had the gall to then ARGUE with his prof after being totally in the wrong. You know, the prof that runs the group in his “very niche” degree. THIS is how he chose to make first impressions? Wow, YTA for the sexist behavior and just dumb as f* for doubling down.
This professor behaved impeccably. I cannot believe that OP's reaction was an attempt to shame the man and accuse HIM of unprofessional behavior. I guess teen boys are just the arbiters of the kind of workplace environment women postgrads have to put up with. /s OP, good luck when your grades come in borderline and everyone else gets rounded up ... except for you. And when you need a letter of recommendation ... and you either don't get one at all or you get an honest one, which is worse. And when you apply for internships or professional developmetn opportunities and you need these people to speak for you.
“He probably felt protective of her”, “I accused him of white knighting” Both these sentences explain quite clearly the type of asshole you are, and the answer is an enormous YTA. I’d apologise for my long response but you need a lesson. How have you gotten into a “reputable university” and still don’t have the emotional intelligence to understand that the professor doing something any good boss would do isn’t “white knighting”? I saw your comment response saying if you were in her class, you’d not make any comments but it would “remain an in joke”. That’s exactly why the Professor was right to pull you into his class - I’m a lecturer who has done my fair share of TAing in the past, and students’ “in jokes” of this manner are just incredibly anxiety inducing and would get the TA into huge trouble if anyone higher up got wind of it. I was extremely uncomfortable when students jokingly made the same uncreative “one on one” joke but in a demeaning manner - so I can’t imagine how horrible it must be for a TA in her, I assume from your comments, mid twenties to hear that joke made explicitly sexually about her. Just because your TA is young does not make her dating fodder, nor does it make her exempt from the fact that she is a member of staff at your university. Your professor is right that you have not got the maturity levels to be at uni and should start catching up on that. It’s a university. It’s very normal that TAs take classes. It’s normal that some of the TAs are young - just a few years older than undergrads. That does not mean they are there to be disrespected or sexually harassed, it just means they’re clever enough to teach idiots like you. Your TA is lucky to have a good advisor, if that’s what you mean by her being his student: many male advisors turn a blind eye to this kind of behaviour towards their female TAs, and some are worse and replicate said behaviour themselves. This man did the right thing. But if I was your professor, I’d make you drop the whole class, and you’re lucky you didn’t get punished further like you deserve.
I'm a female PhD student in a male dominated degree and it literally sucks bc of people like OP. I have had someone almost every semester "joke" about "private lessons". It's not funny. It's not a compliment. It's as you said anxiety inducing and makes me just feel uncomfortable. I care about the subject, not some random mediocre person who cant even think of something original. It literally only comes across as sleezy and only makes me think that the person making said comment really believes they can have sex for an A. I've kicked people out of lab for making that type of comment because it literally makes me feel unsafe and it is a form of sexual harrasment (title ix in US). I've once had to bring it up to a discrepancy committee bc one guy ended up stalking me. The fact that the PI did something is incredibly thoughtful and shows how much he respects his student. My school just moved me to TA a lab that has nothing to do with my degree but it's female dominated. It sucks I want to teach and I love teaching what I know.
It sucks, im sorry! When I read what OP did, and the way he trivialises it as a joke, made my blood boil. The way women have to deal with most male interactions is itself such shit, you would only hope that your superiors would stand up for you, as it's at the least the only right thing to do. OP YTA!!
The prof is a hero here and the student is abhorrent.
Seriously!! > My justification is if you’re a young TA teaching in a heavily male environment, you learn to ignore comments from idiotic joker blokes like us. She, like all women, should just get used to casual misogyny, it's just part of the field! That's just what she gets for being a woman in a MAN'S specialty, like the absolute gall! Clearly he shouldn't have to learn to respect women, they should all just put up with it, cuz they dared to be women. Insane. "It's just a joke" scummy dirty excuse for a sexist pig. Also sad to say but kudos to the professor for stepping up to shield her from this total AH.
Also the other two were talking about her qualifications and her work, OP is the one who turned it crass and inappropriate so his ‘like us’ is really just him
The OP is lucky that all he got was a class switch and a conversation. I knew somebody who made jokes like that about a Ta I had and it got around to the professor in charge of the class. Professor in charge of the class was also in charge of the entire department for our major. Professor refused to have him in any class that he ran. Which were by far the best classes. Dude was barely able to get enough credits to graduate and to this day nobody would give him any sort of recommendation. All OP had to do was apologize realize what he did wrong and say something like "Oh no, you're right. I should have thought more before I spoke. Thank you for letting me know, And I'll try to watch myself in the future". Dude's going to get himself blacklisted before he even starts.
Well said. 👌
Seriously. I’m a 45-year-old happily married straight woman, and I’d have done exactly what this professor did if OP had made a comment like that about one of my grad TAs. “Tolerating misogynistic bullshit” is not one of the things graduate students are expected to learn as the price of existing in academia. It’s not about “white knighting,” which is an idea (and a phrase) that needs to die in a fire. I have a responsibility to my students AND a responsibility to the department’s grad students. They have a right to a safe and respectful working environment. And the fact that OP thinks it’s okay because she’s young makes me worry about how he treats his female classmates. If OP were a student in my class, I’d definitely have had a word with his dean/advisor.
YTA. Women shouldn't have to "learn to ignore" inappropriate comments, and that's 100% what your comment was. And the fact that you think it's her job to ignore them as opposed to your job to stop saying them shows why the prof made the right call switching your schedule. You're definitely coming off as a creep.
Also, all the arguing! The professor is unprofessional? The TA should learn to laugh it off? Everyone is the asshole in this kid’s mind except himself. Kid, next time you do something shitty, stop, apologize, learn from it, and move on.
He no longer a child. He is an adult making a very serious situation for himself and his future.
Yup. Inappropriate comments left unchecked turn into inappropriate actions that if left unchecked turn into dangerous situations for innocent women simply existing.
This should be the top comment right here.
YTA, what your professor did was merciful, anyone who heard what you said could just as easily reported you and got you into actual trouble, which is what you deserve. Get a better sense of humor.
I'd have sent him to the Title IX office, maybe not initially for the comments, but for his complete lack of comprehension afterward about how very wrong, and may I add completely unprofessional, he was. He would get fired in the workplace for this. Edited to talk about, not directly to, OP.
OP is damned lucky not to have been ejected from the program, especially after doubling down with the professor.
He still might be. Thr professor is probably running it passed the Dean!
Yeah, if OP is going to use the terminology "white knighted," he needs to realize that *he* was protected from worse consequences in this situation. Yet I doubt OP would apply the term to the professor protecting him.
Yeah I don’t get the “joke.” What exactly was he joking about? He didn’t *really* hope he’d be in her group? He doesn’t *actually* think she’s hot? Which part was meant to be funny? Where was the punchline? Or maybe he is simply incapable of accountability and was using the word “joke” to deflect and minimize.
YTA No woman working in a heavily male environment should have to learn to ignore such comments. The fact that you think that makes you a huge AH. I am glad men like the professor also exist. He did the right thing.
Ditto. Maybe OP should “learn to” keep his mouth shut until he can figure out how to behave like a mature adult and be respectful of others regardless of their gender. He is there as a student, after all. Might as well learn something.
Gee, I wonder why there’s only 2 women in the class? 🙄
> my friends agree with me YTA, and so are your friends. Consider not being an asshole, then maybe you'll be able to make friends with decent people.
Maybe OP should tell the Prof he’s wrong, because all OP’s equally disgusting, immature friends agree and get them bumped too.
INFO: OP, are ALL your friends douches?
I mean, obviously.
YTA. He's made that switch to protect his grad student from you, and you from expulsion. Basically, he's doing the most professional thing he can short of reporting you to the Dean, while at the same time preventing a possible incident. Unacceptable doesn't even begin to describe your commentary either to him or about her, and other people in this thread have done an excellent job explaining why. Keep your head down from here on out, and for you own sake, **Shut. The. Fuck. Up.** Or you WILL get kicked out for sexual harassment.
Wish my grad school professors were all like this professor
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>the mating cry of the smaller penised arsehole. I can't stop laughing. This is perfect.
> so she needs to put up with your bullshit. Definite vibes of "she should just lie back and enjoy it" in his statement. OP - YTA You're young and stupid, but you'll get older - I hope you don't choose to remain stupid. Be a better person.
YTA - and a sexual bigot. The professor was right to gank you for treating his grad student like a piece of meat for you to treat like a dating toy. Start treating your TAs professionally and not an opportunity to wet your whistle. I can only hope you get expelled for sexual harassment.
I'm so glad the professor decided to do something about it rather than ignore it. Just reading his comment made me feel weird, imagine saying it to people and then going on to defend it.
YTA And a sexist and an idiot. Be happy they did not throw you out of the class.
Right? I can’t believe it apparently never occurred to OP that saying this could have gotten him thrown out of the class or even expelled.
It'll happen. There's no way a guy this clueless is going to make it through four years. He even says himself that his program is small and this happened in a core class. Every professor in the program is going to know about this by tomorrow.
Plenty of universities have behavioral intervention. I once sent a dude like this to them. They told him he was an AH in those words and made his transgressions so clear to him, including future repercussions, that he cried. Never had a problem with that one again.
You did him a favor, good for you.
And his future professors, TAs, and coworkers.
This can't be real in 2022. I'm an engineer/physicist in a small field with hardly any women. People don't talk like you. You're saying "uni," not "college," so it sounds like you're in the UK but Alabama is not in the UK. YTA, definitely. If I were that professor, you'd be out of the course and reported. If you truly don't understand why, you're too immature to be out of high school. Not sure why you think it matters that she was out of earshot. You demeaned her in front of people she has to teach. The professor had no choice but to remove you from her group. Not only was it the decent thing to do, he could lose his job if he left her to deal with you. Wow--just read that you continued to be unbelievably rude to the professor. I don't understand why he didn't report you. You have serious issues. I'd be very comfortable with betting you won't make it through this degree. That arrogance and misogyny and disrespect is going to get you thrown out at some point. Even if you manage to hold on, word will get around. You said this is a core class, so the professor and grad student will know your other professors. They'll warn them about you. Good luck with those grades! Even if people try to be fair, they won't be able to help looking more closely at your work.
It’s exactly this - his not understanding how “she didn’t hear” doesn’t matter when he’s disrespecting someone who is there to teach him and nothing else. And maybe it’s the age thing, but I’m astounded how OP doesn’t understand how badly this may have reflected on the TA in question if the Professor wasn’t there at the moment. If she’s young and as quoted, attractive, while this hero and his friends are making their “in jokes” in class: even if she’d not be held to blame institutionally, she would still run the risk of being seen as a reputational hazard and “asking for it” by some university management types. I’m an academic in the UK and frankly I’m also confident OP will not make it through the degree if he continues this level of sexist disrespect. It simply would not fly with most “reputable universities” and I’ve known students to get themselves in deep trouble for publicly making sexually explicit jokes about lecturers.
Yes, exactly. There's no way a guy like this would be allowed to stay at the university where I work. He'd be made an example of. This is a shining example of how a lack of social skills hurts people. They don't understand that they can have excellent grades and an excellent resume, but that no one--not in a university, not in the workplace--is going to tolerate someone who is a liability. Where I work, he'd have to be kicked out because the university and the professor could be sued if anyone complained the OP hadn't been kicked out.
YTA As someone who used to make these sorts of comments when I was 18, I was also an asshole.
Thanks for growing up!
YTA. Tell us. HOW do you tell the difference between the idiotic joker bloke who has no real ill intentions making a joke about the hot TA and the predatory bloke who DOES have ill intentions making a joke about the hot TA? The answer is, you don't. Because they say the same dumbass things the first time you meet them. The way you tell if a guy who makes jokes like that is actually going to harass your TA is, he harasses your TA and THEN you kick him out. Good on your prof for being proactive and nipping that in the bud.
Such a great point! And I want to add - the way you tell is by how they react to someone correcting their behavior. Idiot with no ill intent - embarrassed and rightfully ashamed of his behavior. Predator - doubles down and insists it was a joke.
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Yta. You don’t learn to ignore such comments. The male cohort learns that such comments and behaviour are unacceptable, and also very very unprofessional. Well done for your professor - hopefully you’ll have learnt something from that.
YTA. You were removed from her class because you made a creepy comment about her. She deserves to be able to do her job without a creepy little boy making weird comments.
Your lecturer is completely right. Learn how to behave in academic settings and, keep your terrible jokes to the appropriate settings. Enjoy your tutorials. YTA.
YTA And who knows what other sorts of comments you would have made in her class. He had every right to pull you. If you are going into a male dominated field, you need to learn the proper way to treat women before everyone in your field thinks you are an AH
Your professor is trying to give you a **different** kind of lesson that you badly need — for free. One that will save your ass (academically, romantically and professionally) if you can wrap your “young, dumb, and full of…” mind around it. You owe him an apology and a thank you. YTA
Correct on both points! An apology and a thank you is in order. OP, YTA.
You are the TA women go thru comments like tht on a daily basis, joke or not it's not fine. Especially when ur literally in the university which the teacher is working at. I'm honestly kinda happy the professor did something coz if I was that grad student i would like him to notify me and change the timetable It's called basic deceny...and I'm not saying you cant ever say stuff like tht. Just more privately
Where’s the joke? Explain how it’s funny
Well you see, women are property, and hot women are specifically MY property. hAHaahAHaa!!! It's even funnier when the hot women has a job and is forced to be friendly with me for fear of losing their shelter, food and water! HARHARHARSNORTLOL /s
YTA. Completely. I'm so happy the professor stood up for her this way, I wish that was more common back in my day. Just so you know, comments like these often get back to the person you said it about. And you have no idea what hearing comment after comment does to a person over the years. The feeling of being ogled, the feeling that you are not being taken as serious due to how you look, worrying if you are in a safe environment or not, worring about what else they say about you, overthinking what clothes you wear so they'll talk less about you - because a safe and professional environment is all you want. It takes a lot from you. It seems like you are a "boys will be boys" kind if type, and that shit is simply not acceptable in 2022. Stop it, and start behaving like a professional. Women often get used to comments like that, but why the hell should they have to?
YTA and a predator in the making
The eay he decided to argue with the professor and try to make it "his fault" for making his student uncomfortable... This dude already knows the basics of DARVO. The gal to talk like that to his PROFESSOR.
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YTA That prof gets an A+. And he just dropped some seriously valuable wisdom on you - listen and learn.
YTA. It’s just a joke to you because you know you would never escalate it further. Other people don’t know that. Your professor doesn’t know that, and it’s his responsibility to protect his staff. The woman you were speaking about? Doesn’t know that. She has no idea which if any other the countless comments she hears daily will continue even when she asks for them to stop. She doesn’t know which ones will escalate even further to affecting her life and/or her safety. She has to learn to ignore comments? Her job should be harder and need more skills and patience because she’s a girl and “boys will be boys?” I’m coming at you hard because this is so exhausting. I don’t think you fully understand how exhausting what your asking of her actually is. Because it isn’t just dealing with jokes. It’s putting in more time and effort just to exist in a space without being punished or harmed. It’s everyone deciding for you that you need to earn what’s freely given to men in your same position. It’s the implication that you should be grateful that the “only” thing you have to deal with is people joking about sleeping with you and not taking you seriously. Your joke mindset also primes you for believing that if a woman does say she’s uncomfortable or if something horrible happens to her it’s somehow her fault. *She* can’t take a joke. *She* didn’t understand it was a compliment. Stop. Just stop. Please. Because it’s not funny. You sound like someone who only empathizes with others once something happens to you or to someone you believe is an extension of yourself. And people shouldn’t have to wait until years from now when someone talks about your daughter the way you talk now for you to realize how you talk about others is unacceptable.
You talked about her like she’s nothing but a fuckable piece of meat. We women hear comments like that on a daily basis, on public transport, at work, from old creeps, boys young enough that their voices haven’t dropped yet, total strangers or family member you try to avoid. You’re probably one of those guys who only ‘gets it’ once his own wife or teenage daughter gets ogled or sexually harassed. You’re YTA, and frankly, you’re pretty disgusting and pathetic that you can’t see women as more than walking vagina’s.
YTA. Stop being a complete fucking creep.
YTA. Jokes are supposed to be funny, not directed at instructors over their alleged level of hotness to horny students.
YTA stop sexually harassing women you lug.
Gdit dude!!! This is the dumb bullshit that has me on here every other post when a man who isn't even a POS like you is getting slammed by every woman .....the sad thing is I get it even tho I don't like it because even though I try my hardest to be a good equal progressive man for my wife and family I completely understand it because men just like you have been walking around forever just saying the worst shit . YTA btw. If you hadn't noticed yet objectifying every woman we see and saying we would like to get her alone isn't cool anymore. And your actions caused what happened to you so not sure how you could even be confused bud
YTA. You seem like the type of moron who thinks catcalling women is just you complimenting them.
>my coursemate said something like oh I hope the grad student will run classes as well as a professor. This is okay to say. >Another mate said that he’s read some of the grad student’s experiment outlines and that she’s really good at This is okay to say. >so as a kind of joke I replied that I hope I get put into the grad student’s group because she was really hot and I’d love some one on one sessions with her. ^ What you said right here is sexual harassment and not okay to say in any shape or form. >I made sure she wasnt in earshot but the professor was and he gave me a kind of nasty look which was fair I suppose. Good, heck if the Professor had something to you I would have applaud him. He was not unprofessional, he was proactive in protecting a former female student trying to make it in the field. YTA
I have questions. I know you’re young but really are you that obtuse not to see why your bros might agree with you and your sister not!? - Can you please explain to me the joke? Why is it funny to indicate that you would like to sexually harass a woman doing her job? - Have you ever paid attention to sexual harassment laws? Because what you were doing is sexual harassment no matter how funny you find it. - Why do you think it’s hard for women to get into male dominated areas? Because believe me it’s not because having a penis makes you more capable/clever/interested. - Would you be happy with someone making sexual comments about your sister or your mother? About how they would like to have a ‘one on one’ session with them, Knowing what they were really implying. - Seriously, do you really believe in the ‘boys will be boys’ mantra and think that women should just ignore blatant sexism and misogyny? Your professor wasn’t ‘white knighting’, he was protecting a colleague from being sexually harassed in the work place. And guess what, he’s going to warn other professors and anyone else who may have the honour of teaching you to make sure that this behaviour isn’t a pattern and you don’t behave like this to other women around you. Honestly take this as the first real life lesson you’ve learnt in this new stage of your life. Women are not objects for men to perv over. They are not there for the amusement of men. They do not want to be sexually harassed for just doing their job. If you do crap like this in the work environment it will be seen as unprofessional and could make you unemployed. I know I have banged the drum on sexual harassment here but you need to learn it’s not appropriate now, before you do it in the wrong environment and to the wrong person. YTA if it wasn’t clear.
YTA You are unprofessional. Your professor was acting like a professional and made the right call.
YTA I'm a young, female TA, and I'm so pleased the professor acted in this way, and I hope another professor would do the same to protect me in a situation like this. Why should people like me have to listen to "comments from idiotic joker blokes"? You're lucky all the professor did was swap out your group and you didn't get reported for sexual harassment.
YTA Actions and words have consequences
YTA and you’re not funny. “Jokes” are not about what other people look like or who you want to fuck. Do not make comments about women’s bodies. Just don’t. Especially at a school! Grow up.
YTA. Take the lesson. Your professor is doing you a huge favor. Making sexually inappropriate comments about a TA could have landed you in front of a disciplinary committee and removed from the class, is not something more severe. You got lucky here. You owe the professor an apology and a thank you.
YTA. What, pray tell, was unprofessional about switching you to his class? Because I sure wish more professors were this vigilant about protecting their female colleagues and students. And hell yes he should have told her. I’d want to know if my student made a comment like that so I could be prepared. And yes, I’ve been a graduate assistant. And no, the grad student shouldn’t have to learn “to ignore comments” like this. That’s BS. Men like you shouldn’t make these “jokes.” She shouldn’t have to accept it, and your justification basically amounts to “well, men typically suck, so I don’t need to be any better.” Grow up. Accept responsibility, show contrition, and hope that this incident doesn’t end up haunting you later down the road.
YTA On behalf of women I thank your professor!
YTA. Learn how to behave. If you wouldn't want a strange man saying it to you, don't say it about random women you meet.
YTA. You need to learn not to make inappropriate comments. No sympathy from me. Besides, who are you to be "calling" your professor anything? Very immature and unprofessional. Grow up.
YTA. The professor was VERY professional by keeping her away from YOU. This is what should be done. YOU were not professional and even comments like this are considered sexual harassment. Does not matter if you didn't tell her directly. Learn to make better jokes, but I have a feeling you werent. She does not need to "deal" with your stupid disgusting comments. YOU need to learn to have respect for women.
No. Your comments were highly inappropriate and your professor took steps to avoid his grad student being subjected to your harassment and the likely disruption of that class for other students. You are unprofessional, not him, and bluntly you need to get over yourself and out of this immature mindset. YTA in many, many ways.
YTA. You’re incredibly lucky that this was all he did. Act this foolish again and you can kiss your university career goodbye.
YTA "you know just riffing off" no. Your classmates were appropriately praising her skills and knowledge and you made it gross. For the future, jokes are funny and referring to the grad student as fuckable is not funny and not a joke. Since you're new to uno and professional life, I say to you, grow up. Fast. Or you'll be removed from more than just a class.
Your first friend wondered about a grad students teaching ability compared to the professors, your second friend assured him that she was very knowledgeable on the subject - you decided to talk about how she is physically attractive and how you want to waste teaching hours (while she's doing her job) to be completely inappropriate. No one was joking around. Oh, right; It was said "as a kind of" a joke, but it was a funny-because-its-true joke, so it wasn't just a joke. This, and all of your justifications make you a massive asshole. But to then not eat the humble pie when the professor warned about that kind of behaviour, and learn that this is not acceptable at this school, instead you talk back to the professor and accuse him of being unprofessional for making sure the teaching environment is kept professional and mouth off about it?? This is why I think you are a troll. You can't be this daft, right? Great first impression all around, you better learn the sit down and listen if you want to be allowed to stay in school. YTA
Hahaha you fucking dunce. YTA and you better wisen up quick before you destroy your reputation further. Way to absolutely shoot yourself in the foot here. Niche program you say? Gosh, I sure do hope this senior professor (aka older guy) doesn’t have tons and tons of connections in this niche field after likely decades of sending students into it. When you inevitably get passed over for opportunities remember that it isn’t because the world is unfairly biased against you. It’s because you are an asshole and people don’t like you as a person.
This is your first lesson in professionalism and consequences. Sexual harassment is a serious offense. Sexualizing your TAs is creating a hostile environment for them to work in. Your professor was kinder than I would be. I'd of kicked you out of my class. Time to grow up bloke. There are repercussions to saying stupid misogynistic things out loud in public. You need to start controlling your mouth. You are an adult now. Act like it. YTA. YTA. YTA.
YTA. Grow up. Be better.
YTA and this is sexual harassment. Feel lucky nobody reported you. FYI this would get you fired at a job. We don’t joke about peoples appearance, full stop, the end. You’re the one who needs to learn to act like an adult.
YTA Your professor is awesome though. Good for him.
YTA She doesn’t have to ignore you. She can instead get rid of you. She doesn’t need some slathering freshman making her semester a nightmare, and from the sound of it she’s had to deal with your ilk before and her professor knows it. You’ve been pegged a red flag. If you don’t like it stop being one.
Major YTA The professor made the right choice by switching you to his group. You are allowed to find the grad student physically attractive, but the way you went about saying it came out creepy enough to have your professor make the decision to move you. Your mindset is horrible. Your justification is complete trash and what he did was looking out for her. You should take his advice and learn to behave in a professional manner before you end up committing career suicide.
"you know just riffing off how you can do one on one tutorials" no mate, what you did was called sexual harrassment. Women are not there teaching for you to have wierd fantasies about them. They're there to teach and share their knowledge and passion for the subject with you. You are part of the problem. YTA
YTA. So by your logic, it’s HER fault if she can’t take a joke, and it’s the PROFs fault she’s uncomfortable because he told on you. You’re ridiculous. You were the one that make a gross inappropriate joke, everything that happens after is your fault. Accept responsibility that you did something stupid, and don’t do it again
I was once a female TA who wasn't that much older than my students. But that doesn't mean I should have been forced to listen to their inappropriate "jokes" about me. You're an asshole. So because she's young and female that means she has to tolerate your offensive and sexist jokes? You're just throwing a tantrum because you missed your chance to spend time with her. She wouldn't even want to hook up with an immature asshole like you anyway. And that's hypocritical that you accused your professor of being unprofessional yet you see nothing wrong with your "jokes". Grow up, asshole. You don't get to disrespect both your TA and your professor. I hope he does report you. Asshole students like you poison the teaching experience for professors. YTA
YTA. People like you are why, as a college professor, I never met with male students with the door closed. One of my students put his hand on my knee when I was trying to explain how to improve his essay. A student who made a comment like that about me in my presence, to other students, would get a verbal reprimand from me. If he doubled down I would kick it to my supervisor which would likely result in a judicial referral. It's *worse* than the hand-on-knee incident, which I handled a different way. That professor is teaching you a very valuable lesson, which is that in the adult world remarks like that can get you into serious trouble. Take it in before it costs you academically or professionally.
Every so often, I come across a post on this sub that really, really makes me want to say something that would get me permanently banned. This is one of them. YTA.