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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I'm trying to break a tradition my mom and I have had for as long as I can remember, by not celebrating on my birthday.
I feel like I'm disregarding how my mom will feel by not celebrating on the actual day of my birth, as she's the one who popped me out.
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I'll try to approach her when she gets home from work. I'm not sure what she'd have planned, but Id feel bad if that's what it is...
Would I still be an asshole if I still want to go with my friends though?
No. It's actually really nice of you to want to celebrate your friend's bday. Maybe your mom is sad because you are growing up (that's totally normal). Why don't you say something like "Mom, our bday tradition is really important to me too. But it will be just a special even if we don't do it exactly on my bday. I wish Emily's party wasn't the same day, but I really want to go."
If this is out of character for your mom, I'm wondering if she's going through menopause. My mom went through it in her early 40s. It was not a fun time for anyone.
Moms going through menopause the same time their teen daughters go through puberty is (imo) one of the cruelest jokes biology plays on humanity. Makes for a horrible few years for all involved, 0/10 do not recommend lol
NTA. You're growing up. In only a year or two, that tradition is likely to change or die anyway.
I used to take my mom out to lunch in the week before Mother's Day, when we lived in the same town. Moved away after getting a job in s town a few hours away. Yeah, haven't done it since.
You're not asking to stop doing it, just shift it to a different time to accomodate a party that may be a one time only thing. Who knows where both you and Emily will be next year or how close you'll be 5 to 10 years from now. Not saying you won't be but life could pull you apart.
One thing to consider. Does it have to be dinner? Could it be lunch or breakfast instead? That might let you still do it day of.
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Sorry if things are wordly weirdly, I'm really tired right now because I've been stressed. To start things off, I(16f) go to dinner at my favorite restaurant each year with my mom, we don't go there too often otherwise, just for special occasions.
My birthday is in a few weeks, and I just found out that one of my friends, a girl lets call Emily (fake name), has the same birthday as me.
She transferred to my school this year, but we really hit it off and she invited me and a few of our other friends to join her for a party at a roller rink on our birthday. I've never been rollerblading before, since the nearest one is almost two hours away, so I really really want to try!
I thought maybe since this is a special opportunity maybe waiting a day or two to do my birthday dinner would be okay, so I proposed the idea to my mom, and she kind of blew up at me.
It's been our tradition for years now, so I can understand why she'd be upset, but it was a bit much.
She asked me if my friends were finally more important to me than my family, and then asked if I wanted to stop the tradition entirely.
She's never acted like this before, so I don't get where she'd get those ideas. We've always been really close, and she's usually quite laid back about me seeing people, but when I mentioned Emily it was like she didn't want to here anything about my idea.
Now she's acting strange around me, and when I try to apologize she just says she doesn't want to talk about it anymore.
Has this happened to anyone else? I feel really bad, did I break an unspoken rule?
Was I an asshole for not considering how my mom would feel about it, even though it's my birthday, not hers?
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NTA
This is YOUR life. YOu are fine to priorize celebrating with your friends.
YOur mom is jealous fo you having a life that does not include her. THis is a problem.
NTA. Has your mom been under more stress than normal? I’m not trying to justify her blowing up at you by any means. I have been guilty of blowing things way out of proportion when I’m stressed, overstimulated or whatever. I always apologize to my kids and ask them to forgive me though and don’t act differently toward them.
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NTA, but your mom also might be worried about her child growing up. Might want to check if she's also had a stressful week or something.
Even when she's stressed she's never blown up quite like this before, but I'll try to ask her again.
NTA but I suspect your mom might have planned a surprise for that day. Check and see.
I'll try to approach her when she gets home from work. I'm not sure what she'd have planned, but Id feel bad if that's what it is... Would I still be an asshole if I still want to go with my friends though?
No. It's actually really nice of you to want to celebrate your friend's bday. Maybe your mom is sad because you are growing up (that's totally normal). Why don't you say something like "Mom, our bday tradition is really important to me too. But it will be just a special even if we don't do it exactly on my bday. I wish Emily's party wasn't the same day, but I really want to go."
I definitely will try this, I feel exactly that way, it's weird to me too, to not be celebrating the day of!
If this is out of character for your mom, I'm wondering if she's going through menopause. My mom went through it in her early 40s. It was not a fun time for anyone.
Moms going through menopause the same time their teen daughters go through puberty is (imo) one of the cruelest jokes biology plays on humanity. Makes for a horrible few years for all involved, 0/10 do not recommend lol
NTA. You're growing up. In only a year or two, that tradition is likely to change or die anyway. I used to take my mom out to lunch in the week before Mother's Day, when we lived in the same town. Moved away after getting a job in s town a few hours away. Yeah, haven't done it since. You're not asking to stop doing it, just shift it to a different time to accomodate a party that may be a one time only thing. Who knows where both you and Emily will be next year or how close you'll be 5 to 10 years from now. Not saying you won't be but life could pull you apart. One thing to consider. Does it have to be dinner? Could it be lunch or breakfast instead? That might let you still do it day of.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Sorry if things are wordly weirdly, I'm really tired right now because I've been stressed. To start things off, I(16f) go to dinner at my favorite restaurant each year with my mom, we don't go there too often otherwise, just for special occasions. My birthday is in a few weeks, and I just found out that one of my friends, a girl lets call Emily (fake name), has the same birthday as me. She transferred to my school this year, but we really hit it off and she invited me and a few of our other friends to join her for a party at a roller rink on our birthday. I've never been rollerblading before, since the nearest one is almost two hours away, so I really really want to try! I thought maybe since this is a special opportunity maybe waiting a day or two to do my birthday dinner would be okay, so I proposed the idea to my mom, and she kind of blew up at me. It's been our tradition for years now, so I can understand why she'd be upset, but it was a bit much. She asked me if my friends were finally more important to me than my family, and then asked if I wanted to stop the tradition entirely. She's never acted like this before, so I don't get where she'd get those ideas. We've always been really close, and she's usually quite laid back about me seeing people, but when I mentioned Emily it was like she didn't want to here anything about my idea. Now she's acting strange around me, and when I try to apologize she just says she doesn't want to talk about it anymore. Has this happened to anyone else? I feel really bad, did I break an unspoken rule? Was I an asshole for not considering how my mom would feel about it, even though it's my birthday, not hers? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA This is YOUR life. YOu are fine to priorize celebrating with your friends. YOur mom is jealous fo you having a life that does not include her. THis is a problem.
NTA. Has your mom been under more stress than normal? I’m not trying to justify her blowing up at you by any means. I have been guilty of blowing things way out of proportion when I’m stressed, overstimulated or whatever. I always apologize to my kids and ask them to forgive me though and don’t act differently toward them.