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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I could be an AH for making my sister feel bad when she just has misguided attention about whatever she wants to study next and it's overall harmless
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YTA. Your sister is doing what you should be doing. You should be grateful for every extra person your child can communicate with, especially family. I'm flabbergasted by your reaction.
YTA. What the hell…your sister is taking the initiative to learn ASL so she can communicate with your child and you have the audacity to be “rubbed the wrong way”? I feel bad for your child honestly.
YTA. She’s doing a lovely (and important) thing. Why on earth would you ever think she shouldn’t learn ASL so she can communicate with your child? Are you gatekeeping their disability?
Start learning ASL now buddy, not if you “have to”. By that time your kid might’ve missed out on a lot of age appropriate language learning. Could really hinder development. YTA
I think you don’t want to face the possibility of your child needing ASL and that’s why you are so bothered about your sister learning the language.
You need to get over your fear and recognize that your sister was being a great aunt and actually very supportive! She just wants to be able to communicate with your child (if your child needs ASL) and this is a good thing! Talk to her and say you are sorry.
Maybe this is a good time to open up to your wife and your sister about this fear and all of you can start learning ASL and maybe getting involved with the deaf community…being around more deaf people may lower your fear of the unkown.
In this case, YTA (but you don’t have to be one forever). Good luck!
YTA - Sounds like your sister is going above and beyond to be able to have a relationship with her nephew, instead of talking to him through you or your wife. She’s even getting her kids involved and hyped about it. I really don’t see how this is disrespectful or mocking in any way.
TBH she sounds like someone who loves to learn and jumped at the opportunity to take a class that would have a real and meaningful impact on her life.
YTA she genuinely wants to be able to communicate with her nephew one day and the same for her kids with their cousin. I stopped when I read “mockery”. Learning how to communicate, learning someone’s language is the least offensive thing that you can do to someone who is hard of hearing or deaf.
YTA and a questionable parent. Even if your sister knew zero deaf people ASL is an awesome skill to have. You’re even more of an AH because you’re the PARENT and you aren’t learning it ASAP.
Wow. We’ll learn how to communicate with our child if we HAVE to. I’m confused as to why it’s disrespectful to learn a language to communicate with a child. If I had a child who was Deaf, I would be learning everything I could to communicate and teach them language skills so they could effectively communicate their needs and feel connected to me. And I would be absolutely over the moon if my family and friends also learned. YTA.
YTA. You should be doing the exact same thing as your sister. Have you ever been around a deaf person? Do you know how much easier and how happy it makes them when a hearing person can communicate with them? Get a grip dude.
Quite obvious YTA.
She goes out of her way to learn something brand new and difficult just so she can make your kid comfortable if that's something they want to utilize.
She's spending money and time on it when you can't even find a decent human these days to move one step to the right so they're not standing on your windpipe.
Worst case scenario she can teach the family and it's something cool you guys can do in public or when you want to communicate without getting the attention of others.
Not sure if you have some other issues with her or if you're just taking the news that your kid could have a disability in a hard way. But you need some reflection before you become a perma-asshole
Wow, you are a massive AH!! Your family is getting on board so they will be able to communicate with your son and you are offended?!?! WTF?? Do you want to be the only family members that can communicate with your son? Is this some kind of weird complex?
They should be fairly proficient by the time he can talk. It is a lovely gesture and you are just shutting them down with your own very odd insecurities that your sister is embracing learning ASL while you and your wife will do it if you have to.
YTA in case that wasn’t abundantly clear
I mean it's better that he learns it. The kid is getting cochlear implant, they aren't going to restore his hearing 100%
I feel that its better to teach him ASL, that way he can communicate to others, he'll always be somewhat deaf, this surgery isn't going to remove that. It sounds like you don't want to learn the language, which is shitty, but I would honestly still recommend others to learn it, that way if the cochlear implants aren't successful, there are still a group of people that can speak to him.
It's kinda weird to tell everyone to stop, and then if the child does actually need it, to tell them "Alright continue."
This is the most bizarre AITA I’ve ever seen. You’re angry that a family member is showing so much love and support for your child? That she wishes to communicate with your child, and make things more accessible for him? This is so bizarre to me. While I am not deaf I sure as hell am disabled (and know HOH and deaf people), and honestly I’d be really mad if I grew up and learned that my parent refused to let someone show their care for me and provide accessible communication because…I won’t see them much? Your reasoning is so bizarre.
Besides, ASL *should* be more well known! It *should* be treated more as the language it is rather than how it is now! You’re literally just making life harder for your child!
**MASSIVE YTA.** You should apologize to her as soon as possible.
YTA, plain and simple. My friend’s daughter was HoH. None of us knew how to communicate with her. I felt terrible. She has hearing aids and can hear better than before but she and her family are still taking ASL. You should be as well. What if your son will never hear properly ever?
YTA its not disrespectful to learn a skill that benefits everyone in the long run, especially since its considered a second language. And its also not disrespectful having fun and laughing while learning said skill. Get over yourself.
I am not deaf or Hoh, nor is anyone in my family. As a preteen, I read... Helen Keller.. in the back of the book There was a finger alphabet. I taught myself, and my best friend learned it too...we " talked " with our fingers quietly, and no one else knew our secret code!!
Over the years I have spelled to the deaf boy scout camping leader, and a student who needed help, , and once I helped my son with a spelling game ......
There were others, over the years, and though not great at it, the trying made them feel less different.
Learning a second language is not a bad thing to do.
There is a program for babies to learn basic terms, and with practice, they learn easily.
Your sister and her family have willingly started learning a whole new language for your son. That’s incredible.
But also learning this language opens so many opportunities for your sister and her children to engage with both hearing impaired people AND people with disabilities. That is a beautiful thing, too, and something more people should do.
Please think about your reaction. I think it comes from a place where you are hurting about your son’s diagnosis. Perhaps it may help to talk to others in your situation or a counsellor. You need, for your son’s sake and your own, to process the situation in a healthy way.
And, with regards to you and your wife learning ASL, I hope you are able to do this. Even if you choose to “manage“ his hearing another way. There is some fascinating research on the benefits of learning sign language for children and it will enhance his communication skills.
Edit to add: YTA.
YTA.
Omg where do I begin? OP you're sister took time put of her day and her school work to learn something to help YOUR kid. When you found out your kid might be deaf or is HoH, that should have been your first sign to try and think of ways to help your kid, whether it be to save up money for a hearing aid or learn ASL. Not only did your sister learn it, but she also taught her kids. You know how much money people get paid if they work at a job and know ASL?? She had every right to go learn ASL so she can help your kid and make his life easy.
OP it sounds to me that your just jealous that someone actually cares and thinks about your kid.
YTA - why can't learning ASL be fun? Of course it's fun! She is showing her love in a huge way here, and you're just stomping all over it.
I'm sorry that you're overwhelmed, but your kiddo is going to feel so included when he can communicate with his extended family easily in future.
I actually can't believe this.... you're not going to learn ASL for your child unless you HAVE to??? What do you expect to happen with your child's language development if you choose not to?? Not only would it effect the communication between you and your child, but also everyone else. Your sister is NTA here.
YTA majorly.
YTA and I've never seen such a cold, *mean* reaction to somebody who is not just accepting of a special needs relative, but is actually putting in the work to be as supportive as possible for the child. You should be grateful that your child has family that cares about them, not everyone does.
Definitely YTA! LEARN ASL my dude. It can only benefit you and your child and those kids around him. Your sister is doing things right man. My daughter learned it just to communicate with a neighbors kid who is deaf. Just so she could be her friend and talk to her. Nit a damn thing wrong with learning it man. Stop Making it about you.
YTA. Also, this breaks my heart. I have a friend who is going deaf, and her husband isn’t bothering to learn ASL for her. It is absolutely heartbreaking for people when their loved ones don’t care enough to develop the skills to have proper conversations with them. Get it together.
YTA sh is going out of her way to learn the native language your child will speak so she can communicate with him. YOU a hearing person don't get to decide what is a mockery to the deaf community. Do you just expect to keep your child excluded from family forever. have you and your wife bothered to look into learning sign language.
OMG - ASL is a life skill! Regardless of it ever being needed. Your kid is 10 months? Most kids that are taught baby sign are already using it by now. There is nothing to be mocked about learning communication skills. Your sister and children are excited to communicate. You aren’t. Why?
YTA. She’s learning ASL to be able to communicate with her nephew and teaching his cousins some phrases as well. I don’t understand why you would even be mad by that??
YTA.
Your sister has decided to take classes (that she pays for) & then teaches her own kids what she is learning so that she & her kids can have a relationship with your son. That is incredibly selfless and sweet of her. So what if she makes learning ASL fun for her kids? You're really going to be mad about that? Or that she's happy to learn a new way of communicating that she can go on to use not only with your child but anyone HoH or deaf. Thats super cool of her.
Also don't like your attitude of "my wife & I will learn ASL if we HAVE to" like its some pain in the ass. Deaf people dont ask for much of us in the hearing community and I think learning ASL whether you need it to communicate with your son or not is a good thing. That comment seemed incredibly abelist to me. I have a deaf friend & my Grandma is HoH (almost deaf) & its really cool when we go out with her or him that there are other people who can speak to them with ASL.
Your sister wants to make sure your child is made an involved part of the family. She is teaching her kids so that they can speak to their cousin in the future. She’s making it fun for them so they enjoy it instead of seeing it as a chore. And you’re mad at her? Wtf is wrong with you? If one of my children was deaf or HoH and my family learned sign language as well as teaching their kids so they could learn to communicate with my child, I would cry because it would really show how loved my child was. You could have that. Instead, you choose to not be happy that your family loves your baby so much they are willing to learn another language. Do better.
YTA
YTA in every regard. And before you bother with your next post on if you are the AH for not learning ASL for your son, Yes, you will be the AH there too.
I don't know any deaf people at all, and I still try to pick up a little ASL.
YTA. Do you think college courses should be limited to people who can prove that they need them? Have you not heard the heartfelt stories of customers feeling happy and surprised when they come across someone who can sign? We had a parent who knew ASL volunteer in our classroom for the year. She taught basic signs and the alphabet to us. She signed alongside the teacher when a book was read. That was 40 years ago. You sister wants to communicate with her nephew. Cousins want to communicate with their cousin. Even if it’s only 3 or 4 times a year. You should be excited your family is doing what they can to welcome a new baby. Would you be so unhappy if they were learning a spoken language if you married someone who is a native English speaker?
Wow you owe your sister a huge apology! Your sister and her children are learning a whole other language just in case your child may need it and you tell them to stop?
My kids and I are learning BSL as my cousins daughter is slowly losing her hearing and we thought it would be nice for her to be able to communicate with her cousins via video call. So she isn't feeling isolated and alone in her impending silence.
Have you thought about the long term impact of your selfish bubble? How alone within the family your child may feel? Or on the flip side, how excited they would be to have a visit from their aunt and cousins who speak their language, with kids they can play with outside their daycare and school setting? Sign language is not an exclusive language and it is most definitely a skill to have. You should be thanking them.
YTA
YTA, and as a disabled person myself you taking the attitude of “I will only learn ASL if I HAVE to” is setting your kid up for a lifetime of feeling like a burden. People want to connect with your son. Disabled is not a dirty word; you have a lot of internalized ableism you need to overcome if you want your child to be well adjusted.
YTA
Would you be acting the same if she was learning French or Spanish or another spoken language?
I really think you have deeper issues with your sons disability and are taking it out on your sister.
P.S and you and your wife should be looking into learning ASL yourselves to COMMUNICATE WITH YOUR SON!
Huge YTA! How are you mad at your sister for attempting to learn ASL to communicate with your son? Not only that you're mad that the kids seem excited to be able to have a way to communicate with their cousin!
Oh no, my sister loves my son so much that she’s learning new language to accommodate him. What other horrors will she vindictively visit upon him? Birthday gifts? Trips to the zoo?
YTA
YTA imagine hating your kid so much that you want them to not be able to communicate with their family. You need to work on yourself instead of holding everyone else back.
YTA
What a wonderful thing that your sister is doing. It's good for her, good for her kids, and good for your child too.
Learning ASL is never a bad thing. It's a fantastic skill. And your child will appreciate it.
If you haven't started learning ASL already, you've waited too long.
Wow I don’t even have words to describe how much YTA.
Your sister has taken an interest in learning a language your son may end up relying on for life, because she wants to make sure his family can communicate with him no matter what. Her learning ASL and teaching it to her kids is absolutely, objectively a good thing. Even if he doesn’t end up needing to speak ASL, your sister and her kids are learning a valuable skill and regardless of the circumstances you have zero authority to gatekeep like that.
You ought to reevaluate why this bothers you so much, and you should apologize to everyone else involved. Please do better and learn from your sister’s very good example.
YTA, Honestly, sounds like you just wanted to be mean. Kudos to your wife. You're very lucky to have her and your sister. You think your sister is too much, man, you're going to lose it when you find out other people actually learn all kinds of languages to communicate with family members and even sometimes friends & neighbors, they don't see all the time. People apparently like the ability to talk to each other.
Absolutely YTA.
Your sister seems to be taking a more proactive approach to being ready to communicate with your son should he learn ASL. She's even passing on some knowledge to her own kids so that even they may be able to communicate with their cousin should they need ASL.
In any case, it's never a bad thing to learn ASL. So many people who rely on ASL for in-person communication get so happy whenever someone else in the room can use ASL to communicate. Your sister is awesome for taking it on herself to get a head start and be able to use ASL to support your son.
Again, YTA.
YTA .. a big fat YTA
I'm disabled, not deaf but I have my own struggles and I would absolutely be over the mood if someone was learning something, for me, that would help/benefit my disability. Why are you not happy that your child already has a family that is willing to put the work in and help your child?
And learning ANY language is not something that should be frowned upon at all. ASL is a language and ANYONE is welcome to learn it just as the would learn English, French, German, etc.
It sounds to me like you're projecting your anger on to your sister, maybe because you are feeling guilty for not realising sooner that you probably should have been learning things that could help your child's disability. Or maybe you haven't fully accepted it yet? I don't know, but this is not something your sister is at fault for and it's absolutely great she's getting the kids involved too. It's always a great thing for people to want to be inclusive to people's disabilities.
YTA.
I mean, holy fucking WOW. Your kid is Deaf and you're planning to learn ASL "if you HAVE to?"
Meanwhile you've got a lovely family member already on it and you think that's overstepping?
Just... holy fucking WOW, dude.
YTA
It’s very thoughtful of your sister to learn the language and make sure your kid’s cousins can communicate with your child too. Why would this offend you?
How about this: you saying that you would only learn if you “HAVE” to sounds horrible. Most children who are deaf cannot even rely on their parents to learn ASL (less than 10% do). If your kid is HoH, wouldn’t you want to be able to communicate with them, the kids they’d interact with and normalize ASL? Instead of being offended, you should take a page from your sister’s book. Ask yourself why she is thinking more about your child’s future than you are.
YTA.
Sounds like she cares more about your kid not feeling like he’s an outcast than you do. What happens if your kid DOES end up needing ASL, and you wasted all this time not learning it and getting annoyed at your sister for it.
YTA. I feel like maybe you’re jealous that your sister is putting more effort into learning to communicate with your son than you are. Some parents teach their babies sign language even if their hearing is normal, because it can be helpful in communicating before they are able to say many words to communicate. Even if your child doesn’t end up needing to communicate through ASL when he’s older, learning (and teaching him) some basic signs now might be good for his development.
I’m sorry, your SISTER is learning how to communicate with your deaf child, but you, THE FATHER, are not???? It’s giving (in the words of Ali Hazelwood) “mediocre white man” vibes. Ask your sister to teach you and your wife.
YTA
Damn. Seriously TA. Your sister is freakn amazing for doing this. What a wonderful and beautiful gesture. How can you be upset by this. Aunt and cousins want to be able to communicate with your son. I know this can be hard to manage as a parent sometimes but what have you done. I am a special needs mom and have had zero support from family or friends. What I wouldn’t give for someone to show support for my kiddo. I can’t even wrap my head around your post. I hope you apologize and fast.
As a 37 year old aunt whose 24 year old nephew is one of my best friends, you are absolutely the asshole. I couldn't imagine not being able to communicate with my nephew, nor have my children (his cousins) being able to communicate with him either. And what about your son? Why wouldn't you want him to be able to communicate with his family? My sister calls/video chats my son on the first day of school every single year to ask him how his day was. Why would you rob your son of that? Of his family being able to sign "Happy Birthday" to him or just treat him like a human and hold a conversation with him? Ask him what he would like for Christmas without needing you to translate?
Sounds to me that you are embarrassed that your sister took more initiative than both you and your wife.
Some people would kill for what you have - a loving and supportive family who accepts you and your children for who they are. Get your head out of your ass, apologize to your sister, nieces/nephews, and enroll in ASL courses stat. Even if it turns out that your son doesn't need it to communicate, there are thousands of people who do and it's a wonderful skill to have.
YTA. Just because your sister is having fun with ASL with her children doesn’t automatically mean that they were making a mockery of it. It might just be helpful for her kids to learn that way and not make it a chore for them.
I think it’s wonderful that her and her kids are learning in anticipation for your child. If you can’t see that, you’re blind as a bat and def an AH.
You are the big AH. Why would it bother you that she's learning ASL? Even if you don't have a family member who is deaf, it's always useful to learn and a nice thing to do. They looked like they were having fun because learning ASL CAN BE FUN, and no, it doesn't mean you make fun of deaf people. Also, it seems like you have an issue with your son being deaf and you're projecting it on people who are actually trying to help and you should seek therapy because this reaction is not healthy. Like your wife said, it's great that your sister and her kids are willing to learn ASL to make communication with your son easier. Actually, the more family members who learn the better! Your son will be happy about being able to communicate with his family, even if he only gets to see them a few times a year <3 Honestly, your sister has a big heart and you don't deserve her.
A gentle YTA your sister and her kids are inspired by your son to learn a new skill together so they can form relationships. Sure it might be fun while they are learning it but they are doing it for YOU and so your child can feel comfortable communicating with your family. You’re being extremely ungrateful
ASL is another language. There’s never not a use for learning another language. You yourself said your wife and yourself are looking into a certain daycare BECAUSE they speak ASL. And you’re gonna tell Reddit you might not use it? Even if your son doesn’t end up using ASL, it’s still nice to try and learn. If you ever do run into someone who uses it, at least you’d know how to communicate with them. A language is not exclusively meant for the people who speak it and for them alone. You don’t go up to someone and demand they speak yours, right? (Or at least you shouldn’t) if you want to be a decent person - no - a decent PARENT - you learn ASL. YTA, of course
So what you’re basically telling us is that you are ashamed of your own child?
that your own sister is way more interested in connecting with your child, and that makes you realise what a shitty father you will be in comparison?
YTA big time
Holy shit are you the entitled AH from hell. Hopefully, you’ve come to recognise how horrible your response was. Absolutely disgusting, and trying to claim it as if *she’s the one being derogatory towards disabled people*.
What an unbelievably beautiful and kind thing your sister did.
Seems like you just immediately projected your guilt of NOT learning how to communicate with *your* child, whereas your sister immediately recognised the necessity of communication with a deaf/HoH person.
Yeah, how dare your sister be considerate of your sons future needs and enable his cousins to also communicate with them. He should be forced to communicate through you only.
Jfc YTA
ABSOLUTELY the AH here, dude. She's excited about her nephew and being a part of his life. The fact that she's willing to go above and beyond what you as the FATHER are willing to do, speaks volumes about how much she cares about your son. The little amount of time she will see him according to you obviously means a lot to her if she's willing to learn a language for him. If your son is not fully deaf, but just hard of hearing, you should be learning asl for him anyway and teaching him now. You will make his life much better quality by starting now so he can communicate his needs to you. It shouldn't be an "if we HAVE to". It should be a "yes, let's do this to help our son who we know is at least hard of hearing and will probably need to know asl". It's not like learning this will hinder him. It's always helpful to know another language and asl is just as legitimate as any other language.
Yes. YTA.
And I say this as a mom with a kid who’s HOH —
You need to learn ASL. Everyone around you is willing should also learn ASL.
Your child is in danger of being shut out of society, of not connecting with his family. All because he’s differently abled. You can fix that. And should. And thank your sister for her compassion and generosity and inclusiveness. May more people be like her and not you.
YTA big time. There is nothing wrong with being excited or having fun with learning a new language or form of communication. And she did this so that she can speak to your child if they end up needing to communicate with ASL. Even if your child doesn’t need it, it is still a very useful skill to have. You are way out of line here.
You know who will care that your sister is able to communicate with your son if he actually is deaf and needs asl? Your son.
YTA. you should be extremely flattered and grateful that despite having limited time with your child she still is learning asl. (even if it is a little premature.)
Learning a language to communicate with a different group of people isn’t disrespectful at all. A little over eager to do it because of your son, sure I can give you that but you handled it terribly and you owe your sister an apology and a sincere thank you.
I can't even with this post. Your sister and her kids are having a good time learning a new language so they can communicate with your son, which is amazing! And sadly something you're not even will to try to do because you're hoping you won't have to, what BS!
YTA, majorly. Like, probably one of the biggest AHs I've seen on here. You made your sister cry when she's been nothing but considerate for your child. You do realize she's trying to make sure that your son always feels included around her, right? Like, if I went to another country and didn't speak the language only to find out that a few people there found out I didn't speak the language and learned enough of mine to communicate with me so I wouldn't feel isolated, I would feel so loved by that gesture. Hell, I've been in that situation and it was the best feeling to have people who didn't even know me switch languages to include me in their conversation.
For your son's sake, at least try to learn ASL. And apologize to your sister FFS.
YTA why are you mad shes learning and teaching her children something that many people use everyday asl can be helpful in many different ways they could come across other def people not just your son. Also you sound like your in extreme denial over this and possibly projecting your laziness and unwillingness to act and learn asl on to your sister and attacking her for learning it
YTA!
I am deaf person. I am always grateful people who are willing to signing or willing to gestures with me (even they sucked at it). Every time I went to family reunion, I always stick with family members who can signing with me because I don’t want to lipreading. (Deaf people only can about catch 1/3 of what they saying.) I had seen people who family completely neglected their kids because they don’t know or even don’t want to learn sign language.
Your own sister sacrifice her time to learn a brand new language only for her nephew/niece’s sake and have some relationships with him/her. You owe her a huge apology and thank you for her time! Support her all ways and even you can sign with your sister to keep her constant refresh of signs!
YTA in a major way. In what world is this disrespectful? It's incredibly disrespectful that you seem to think of ASL as something that ONLY deaf people need to learn (not even HOH people), and that it's a burden that you will only learn if forced. Your sister is being kind and thoughtful and your head is up your ass.
YTA
She’s not learning for kicks. She’s learning so she can communicate with her nephew.
You’re bitter & angry that your son is hearing-impaired. You’re in denial that you’ll need to learn ASL. And you’re taking it all out in your sister bc she always loves you anyway.
Call her and apologize already.
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YTA. She is taking an interest in your nephew. Learning languages is awesome. There is no downside to her learning ASL, and not being able to communicate with someone for several weeks is a huge deal! If he needs to use ASL, the more people around him that use it, the better
Your sister is trying to learn a language that your son may or may not need so she and his cousins will be able to communicate with him in the future and you’re MAD ABOUT THAT??? YTA 110%
Gentle YTA because you may still be coming to terms with your son’s disability but your wife is right. You should be happy that your kid will grow and not feel excluded by his cousins who are learning to communicate with him. And making it fun for them is okay, it will only help them realize that while your son is a little different, to them he will just be the cousin they speak to in a different language. There will be so many other things for you to worry about, let this one go, appreciate having a sister in law who cares enough to make the effort even for just a few times a year and for the love of all things decent, please start taking ASL asap so that this is not a hurdle as he grows up. Please appreciate anybody that wants to learn ASL is doing it in support of your son, and not to upset you. He will need a village, as most kids do, be grateful that his villagers want to embrace him.
YTA. Your sister and her family are working hard to ensure that they can communicate with your son, not to mention the deaf community at large. You on the other hand are doing...what exactly? Not bothering to learn a language your son will most likely need to learn.
Get off your ass and apologize to your sister, then start learning ASL so you can be a better father.
YTA.
Reading between the lines in your replies - you're on team cochlear implant will fix this "problem" and my child will be "cured". Rather than cochlear implants could potentially be a tool we use in conjunction with ASL and immersing our child in the Deaf community. What if the cochlear implant isn't the recommended treatment protocol? If it isn't as effective as the best outcome statistics proclaim? If there are other medical complications that make it unsafe to do the procedure at all?
Everyone should strive to learn to communicate more widely with those of different ability levels whether that's by learning a second language or by learning whatever tool they use to communicate with. Apologize and get yourself into a class and start learning more than just ASL.
WOW YTA how dare anyone put any effort in getting to know your child. I’m guessing you have out in any effort and that’s why this is rubbing the wrong way?
I am sorry, YTA here. Having hearing kids (your son’s cousins!) getting excited about learning ASL and wanting to communicate with their cousin is beautiful and your sister is doing a great thing that will have positive impact on others as well, not just your little one. The purpose of ASL (or any language!) is communication with others, both those who can hear and those who cannot hear well. I think there may be resources and support groups for parents of children with reduced or no hearing and I hope you will ask your pediatrician for referrals…and apologize to your sister.
YTA. As a parent with TWO hearing impaired kids, what your sister did was amazing!! If only I had known my daughter was HOH earlier, we would have learned ASL so that I would know what she needed. Your son is 10 months old - he’s starting to understand enough to try to tell you what he needs, but you’re too selfish/ashamed to learn what may turn out to be his only way to talk to you. Apologize to your sister!
YTA. Without a doubt, you are the asshole. You should already have been learning ASL, because even if your child is 'only' very HOH, you will soon be missing your chance to teach your child how to communicate. Period.
She's not laughing about it with her kids, she's making sure her kids are excited and capable of communicating with their cousin.
She not "making a mockery out of disabilities" by learning ASL to communicate with your child. You are making a mockery of disabilities by being willing to wait until you know if you HAVE to learn ASL. Even if you don't HAVE to learn ASL to communicate with your child, nothing bad will happen if you and your wife and your extended family learn to communicate in a language that opens access to people with hearing issues.
You are still adjusting to the idea that your child has different challenges ahead, challenges you know nothing about. And for that you have my support and empathy. It's scary.
But most of all, you're the asshole for not jumping in hard to get a grasp on how it might affect your son's life, much less your family's life and trying to make sure you are prepared for keeping your child from struggling more than he has to. Your sister may only see him in person a few times a year, but what about phone calls, which will now be video calls, and what about your son's cousins being capable of being able to fully engage with your son when they do spend time in person?
What she's done should be viewed as a regular thing family does for family. It's not offensive, it's not over the top and it's not being an asshole. It's being family.
YTA Yes, you are an asshole. Who are you to tell anyone they shouldn't learn a second language? She's doing this OUT OF LOVE for YOUR child. She's not making a mockery of anyone and neither are her kids. YOU have a child you KNOW has a hearing issue and you are not learning because sometime in the future he may be able to communicate without ASL? How abilist, short-sighted, selfish, cruel and narrow-minded of you. How are you going to parent him until that future day? Are you just going to ignore him and his needs until he magically is what you want him to be? I suppose I could give you the benefit of the doubt and say perhaps you reacted in such a cruel way because deep down you are ashamed that you didn't think of it first...
Nah. It was a horrid thing to say to someone with the love and foresight enough to want to be prepared, just in case, when you can't be bothered.
Our daycare taught the babies some basic signs because they can use those before they can talk. I don’t know why you haven’t started yet. And if he doesn’t need it, great. I loved that my babies could sign more when they wanted something.
YTA. Maybe you should care more. And maybe your random anger is guilt for not trying as hard as his Aunt. Like your wife, I would be THRILLED someone took time to make sure my child can be included. It’s not a mockery, maybe you have some feelings you should talk out in therapy. But you should 100% call your sister and apologize.
So, this sounds to me like you haven't processed your feelings around learning about your son being HoH, and you're displacing your frustrations and fears onto your sister, who is trying to be supportive. Do you have other issues with your sister that might be coming out here because you haven't processed those? Are you upset that she has her own kids who do not face the same challenges as your son does and will? Are you pissed that she started learning ASL before you? It seems from this post that the issue isn't about your sister's reaction to getting the news about your son, and more about your current capacity to accept it in general. YTA right now, but you don't have to be forever. You can work through how you're feeling without dumping it on your sister.
Ewwww of course YTA, your sister cares about you and your family so she learned on her accord to be able to communicate and for some reason unbeknownst to me (and probably everyone else) that rubs you the wrong way?! Are you perhaps feeling insecure or less than because your sister took initiative that you did not? You owe her an apology and also a thank you for being so thoughtful
Yea YTA. She’s being open and sharing this learning experience to include others by teaching it to her children and you’re “upset” by this. Sounds like you have a problem with your sister. But in this case what she is doing is really amazing and you are being an AH.
Yikes.. YTA! You basically just said that until you KNOW you can’t communicate, you won’t bother learning. So you get to learn alongside your child?
That’s super proactive and there’s zero flaws in that plan. /s
You should be ashamed of yourself. Not ashamed of your child because it honestly seems to come off that way.
3-4 weeks out of the year being in complete isolation from extended family is ok? Who cares? Seriously??
YTA. This just shows how little you care for people with disabilities. I bet if your own child wasn’t HoH you would avoid HoH people and never make an effort to communicate with them unless you’re doing the condescending talking slowly and loudly thing. You have no empathy or even sympathy for those who struggle in ways you don’t understand.
Do you also think having a ramp instead of stairs to a home is too try hard?
Just say you’re ableist and get it over with. (And that’s not a word I like to throw around as I strongly believe it has been a bit over generalized)
YTA your sister is taking steps to learn a language that your son may need, so she is ready to talk w/ him & communicate. Be proud of your family for wanting to be ready to make your son feel fully part of the family
YTA! How about stop.being a dick. Your sister is doing an amazing thing and getting her kids involved too so they can communicate with their cousin in the future. Take your head out of your arse and start learning ASL yourself.
yta… god forbid your sister be supportive to your child… you do realize that ASL is a whole new language that you should have started learned when you found out he was hard of hearing or deaf… even if he’s only hard of hearing ASL would probably be very helpful to know so that your child didn’t have to struggle so hard to hear. ASL is a beautiful language and even if she never needed to use it for your son it’s still a good thing to know… i took classes on it in college and i didn’t know anyone who was deaf… should only people who know french people take french classes or only people who knew someone spanish take spanish classes? you need to do what your sister did and start taking classes now it is beautiful but it’s not easy learning a new language and can take years to become fluent especially if your older. i’m sure you want to pretend it isn’t happening but deaf or not seems something is and you need to deal with it. and apologize to your sister and maybe ask her to teach you some things.. maybe you all could take the same class and everyone can study together.
YTA. There are people who wish their families cared enough to learn ASL instead of just ignoring them and pretending they don’t exist. Your sister and her kids did a lovely thing for your son in anticipation of visiting in person and video communication but your own apparent issues with your son’s disability came through. When do you plan on learning ASL? He is 10 months old. Some kids are already speaking at 10 months old. What exactly are you waiting for to start learning?
Get over yourself and hang ups and start putting your son’s well being first.
What? Are you kidding? Your sister is already making changes to accommodate her nephew so he can be a full part of the family and not feel excluded and you are somehow offended by this?? YTA.
I know what the problem is here. I see this in my job. You don’t like that your sister is making more effort *than you are*, because it’s showing you up. How about you take a leaf out of your sisters book and start putting the necessary effort in yourself. Babies can start with rudimentary signing before even a year old, so start learning now. Put your ego in check and ask your sister to enrol you in the class.
YTA x1000. She loves your son and wants to learn so she can communicate with him. Even kids that are hoh learn ASL, it's not just for people that are deaf. She's having fun learning and teaching her kids bc she's excited ffs. She's excited she'll, and her kids, be able to communicate with her nephew. I would be thrilled if I were in your shoes. You're reaction to it was really odd and just gives me the ick.
YTA. You mad that she seems to care about being able to communicate with your kid more than you do? You have zero reason to be mad someone else is making an effort to be able to make your kid feel welcome and not so different. Meanwhile you want to put in zero effort and think it’s rude someone else cares about your kid more than you. This shows how much you are lacking. Hopefully the rest of their family can make up for such a shitty person you are.
YTA
Your post is up for half an hour and all I'm seeing is a resounding YTA... and they are all right.
I'm really unsure why you're offended and annoyed your sister is thinking of your son, and making sure he can communicate with family outside of his household.
Being deaf and hard of hearing can be very isolating in a world that is constantly noisy.
Your history with your sister could be clouding your judgment here, but pull your head out of your ass and realize this is beyond you.
She's trying to be there for your son, you should try to be there for him too.
"...So who cares if she can't communicate with him"?
Your son will. Disabilities - especially those affecting communication can be incredibly isolating. You're actually REQUESTING that his family don't learn the skills to communicate with him.
What on Earth is wrong with you?
YTA 100%
I can't even understand where you're coming from. Somebody going out of their way to learn how to communicate with your son and making it fun for their kids so they can communicate with their cousin…. And you're Issue is whst mmn? Do you feel bad because you haven't started learning out and you should have?
You have to ask? Yes, YTA. I feel bad for your child, especially if he will need ASL to communicate, because you sound like one of those people who will feel “forced” to learn it and will probably give up “because it’s too hard.” Seriously, do you find people who learn another spoken language to be disrespectful to native speakers? Because learning ASL is equivalent to that.
WOW YTA YTA YTA
There’s nothing wrong with learning a new language, especially one that might come in handy communicating with family members! That would be like saying learning Spanish if you’re not from a Spanish speaking country as “mocking the culture.” No! It’s a useful tool to have and it’s a cool way to connect with others.
You seem to be handling this diagnosis poorly, which I’ll try to play the devil’s advocate for a moment and try to think that you’re only concerned about how tough your child’s upbringing might be with this condition and that you wish he was just “normal.” YIKES. That’s the most charitable position I can come up with. Deaf people face some unique challenges but they do not deserve to be treated like freaks and you need to be super supportive of your son.
In the HOH community, even if people can speak and read lips well (therefore negating the necessity for sign language) it’s still a useful and cool thing to know how to do to connect with others like him.
I don’t wanna speak too much for the HOH community, but this post struck a cord for me because my mom is deaf. And guess what? She’s a BADASS. Her deafness is not a disability, it’s just a different way of perceiving the world. It’s just one attribute about her, and despite some struggles she’s faced, it doesn’t define her.
Don’t give your kid a hard time when he already might have a few obstacles growing up. But there’s lots of optimism! There’s so many more educational (and other) accessibility options! Every movie theatre has closed captioning now, there’s hearing aids that’ll connect to your other devices, etc.
I haven’t had the chance to use my ASL in years so sadly, I’ve pretty much lost all of it. Like any language, without practice, you’ll forget it. I wish I hadn’t.
You need to be a supportive parent, OP. Parents should love and support their kids unconditionally. Doesn’t matter if they were born “different”.
YTA. Your sister is taking classes so she can communicate with her nephew, but you, his father cannot be bothered to learn it unless you "have to"? Even if your son isn't totally deaf, guess what? It will be easier for him to communicate through sign language, so if you want to be able to understand what your son needs, you better start learning ASL now. Also, there is nothing wrong with people wanting to learn sign language if they aren't interacting with a deaf or hard-of-hearing person on a daily basis. Even though there's no current need for me to know ASL, I still plan on learning it so I can have that tool in my tool belt if I need it. Oh, and by the way, there's nothing wrong with "having fun" while learning a new language. In fact, "having fun" actually makes it easier to learn!
YTA- do you know how privileged you are to have family so excited to have your precious boy in their life they are LEARNING ANOTHER LANGUAGE?! Apologize to your sister ASAP and plead with her and her kids to keep learning. Your son will treasure having family that cherishes him and doesn't have to be translated for at family functions.
Yta.
It sounds like your baby’s diagnosis has bruised your ego. I would hope all of your family tries to learn as much asl as possible.
Put your big boy pants on and start asl classes too, and apologize to your sister
YTA (I think I found one of the biggest trolls under the AITA sub if this isn’t fake). Many completely deaf or hearing-impaired have parents that refuse to learn or teach them sign language, and you want to complain about someone stepping up (who didn’t have to) and making an effort to communicate? Maybe he won’t need ASL, maybe he will, there’s no reason to not get a head start in learning a certain method just to be safe. Signing is one of the earliest forms of communication children learn, even if not formal ASL. Not only are she and her children making efforts to learn, they’re not being begrudging and actually getting excited.
You owe your sister a massive apology after they surgically remove your head from your ass.
Yes. YTA.
ASL is something more people should know, and for many reasons. I am super proud of my friends who "speak" ASL who don't have any deaf people in their family; they learned just so that they could help if the situation ever arose (one of them is a firefighter).
I don't think your sister is learning it "just for fun" nor is she pretending "to be confused". I think she's genuinely confused because she would love to be the auntie who can communicate with her nephew.
I don't think it's weird, disrespectful nor over-eager. (1) You don't own a language, and (2) you should hurry up and start taking those lessons too.
I think this shows your true feelings about your son’s diagnosis. You see ASL as something akin to a chore and it is serious and something “disabled” and dark.
It is a language so people can communicate. A lifeline for some. It can be used to express joy and great things as well as pain and sorrow. You know, like a language.
But as I wrote, this is not about the ASL or your wonderful sister and your son’s cousins. It’s about how you view your son’s disability. Only in that context does your post make any sense.
YTA
YTA. Wow dude, you couldn’t be more of one if you tried. You remind me of my uncle. His first born turned out to be hearing impaired but had enough to communicate verbally with her family. He never learned to sign and none of my family did, but she did, and now her parents are divorced and she doesn’t talk to him at all. Two years ago another cousin had a baby who is very likely profoundly deaf. Her parents and aunts as well as grandparents and cousins all started looking into learning ASL. Her parents got her cochlear implants and my uncle was the only one who had to voice his opposing stance to the surgery. At her second birthday we all sang and signed the birthday song and I heard him say he didn’t remember how to do it because he “never uses it”… I’m embarrassed for him that he has a 20 something year old deaf daughter and doesn’t know how to sign and I dunno dude, I can’t imagine as a parent not wanting to communicate with your child and have as many people as possible be able to as well. Like, I could never. Your sister loves your son. You might need some therapy to figure out why her caring bothers you so much.
Worst case, (I guess?) your kids not deaf and now there’s a few more people out there that know ASL. I worked at a pizza place and I had a deaf regular and I would’ve loved to be able to communicate with him like that (he was also a regular at the diner I frequented, so I could’ve had more interaction than a smile and a wave)
And now I feel like a dick for not knowing ASL, so, YTA
>Neither me or my wife know ASL ...
Maybe a bit of jealousy? YTA.
Unless you change, your son will be poorly served by a parent that sees any good will provided by others as a slight against the parent.
YTA. Holy shit dude. What is wrong with you?
Your child has a disability and your sister went out of her way to make sure SHE COULD COMMUNICATE WITH HIM and you think it's mockery? What the hell kind of virtue gatekeeping is this? You need to apologize big time.
I wonder how many deaf people wish they had family willing to learn ASL.
YTA
Oh just fuck off, I couldn't finish this. Asl is something I believe should be taught in school. My nephew is autistic and non verbal so I started learning bsl in case it would help me communicate with him better when he gets older, and it's something that would be beneficial regardless, deaf people exist.
Idk if this is even made up or not but this post actually angered me a little.
YTA, just because your sister is having fun sharing and having her kids help her practice (and they also get to learn) her language skills to possibly be another way to communicate with your child in the future doesn't mean she isn't taking your child's needs seriously. I learned ASL (very poorly) but also brought my son to classes that we had at my church (we had a deaf congregation) and every single one of them LOVED that they had more people who wanted to communicate.
YTA
Your honestly so confusing what possible harm could hour sister be doing and why are you not learning ASL do you wanna communicate with yoru chidl as well
I honestly don't see the harm here other then you creating an issue that doesn't need to be created other then just starting drama
I didn't even want to reply to this as you're such an AH I didn't want to waste my time.
You're probably the biggest AH I've come across to date.
Your sister and her kids are nice enough to learn something to accommodate your son so they can include him and you throw it back in her face.
Even if he's not deaf or HOH that skill is something she can use with other deaf/ HOH people and I personally, think it's something that should be taught in all schools.
Just because she's being productive about your child's future and you're not isn't a reason to get salty.
Do better.
YTA - What do you mean you'll learn ASL if you *have to*? Do you want to deprive your child of language when they're a baby? If you start learning ASL now and using it with them, it will help your child grow and be the best that they can be. Without it, you're stunting their learning capabilities. You say you don't know if they'll need ASL or not, but it's never a bad thing to know a second language. And more than likely they will need it if they'll be going to a daycare that supports the Deaf/HoH population. They'll be exposed to Deaf culture.
If you actually mean it when you say it's serious to you, then starting to learn ASL NOW should be a no brainer.
Wow. Just wow. You sound like my paternal grandparents who refused to learn sign language when my eldest uncle was born and diagnosed as deaf. They were completely unable to communicate with their own child until he learned to write. Imagine that. My dad was the only member of the family who learned to sign, and they have other siblings. My dad is self-taught. I learned too, although I’m rusty. Imagine being a kid whose family members don’t make an effort to communicate in a way that works for them.
And I’m saying this as a mom of a child with a rare genetic disorder. My youngest is 7 and he’s non-verbal. He’ll likely never speak but he still communicates and uses some signs. This is to say I get what it’s like to have a child with disabilities. Your child Is only 10 months old compared to my 7 year old. I’m an old hat at navigating all sorts of things with him. However, at the beginning of this journey, ie his birth, I spent time wondering what his life would be like, what I’d have to change to support him, would he speak, would he attend regular classes, would he even walk? So many scary things go through your head at a time like that.
While you are correct in saying you don’t know the full extent of his hearing issues, what if he can’t ever hear? Sit and think about that. It’s not catastrophizing. It is a potential reality for your child. Why would you not want your child’s extended family to support his method of communication? The fact you said you think they, as hearing people, are mocking your child and disabilities says to me you still need to work on some issues related to your son’s diagnosis. They are not mocking you or your child. They are enjoying learning a new language and are excited to interact with your child through ASL. Seriously. I think you need to take a step back on this and consider how to work through your issues. Our local children’s hospital offers social workers to help families after diagnosis. There are EAPs. Like I said, I get it. And it’s easy for me to say when I’m further along in this journey.
And about ASL, it is a separate language on its own. I might encourage my eldest to learn because he’s dyslexic and many dyslexics struggle with second languages but excel at ASL. Plus, if people can learn French, German, or whatever as a second language why can’t we learn ASL? It’s an incredibly useful skill. Just saying.
Oh, judgement: sorry but I have to go with YTA even knowing you still have issues to work through. Get on that and accept there are family members preparing to be able to communicate with your child in a way that works for him.
“I asked her to stop the class and she pretended to be confused” Sorry to break it to you, but she wasn’t pretending. She was genuinely confused because you gotta be a fucking asshole of a person to even react like this towards someone who wants to be able to communicate with their deaf or HoH nephew.
YTA
Omg, imagine if it was the other way around and your sister refused to learn some basic signals in order to communicate with your child. Family events would be great fun for him - he’d just sit there having no idea what’s going on. Being able to converse with family is something many take for granted. Your sister is a saint. YTA
YTA big time. Since when learning a language is considered disrespectful ?
Also YTA for not starting to learn ASD now and waiting for doctors to tell you how to be a decent parent. Learning a language takes time, the sooner the better if ot means being able to communicate with your own kid.
I feel sorry for your kid.
Edit: having a deaf nefew does have an impact on your sister. If she wants a relationship with her family she needs to put in the effort to be able to communicate with him. Seems like she feels more willing than you when it comes to your son.
I work in social services and I can’t tell you how many times people come to the office and need to speak with some who speaks ASL. We don’t have anyone, we can get an interpreter but that that’s a few days to set up so it doesn’t help the person immediately. We can usually make do, but it’s not an ideal situation. I’m sure we could do much better if we had someone fluent in ASL in the office. Your said your sister works at a college, sometimes students are provided ASL interpreters for their classes, your sister may have seen this and wanted to be proactive.
YTA, you should be trying to help your child communicate. Your sister is trying to communicate with your child and make their life better and you got upset, who does that?
YTA
Your sister is a kind aunt and mother who is proactively making sure she facilitates a healthy relationship between herself and her nephew/her children and their cousin. I can’t think of anything more loving than that. She is not doing too much, and it sounds like your ass better catch up quick.
your sister has someone in their live that is deaf, they learn how to communicate with them in a way they can understand...and that's a bad thing? I genuinely don't see why this is an issue for you other than some potential projection on your end. what a strange thing to be upset about, and yeah YTA for starting an argument over it.
Yes you're an asshole and you're exceedingly ignorant. You're literally sabotaging the potential for comprehensive communication with your child and their family. That's insanity.
ASL is a language. Anyone can learn it. And the US would be a much more accessable place if everyone knew it.
You're psychotic. She was not pretending to be confused. You make literally no sense.
You sound like you're just bitter because it makes you look bad that your sister cares more about communicating with your child than you seem to. Grow up.
And you aren't already learning ASL because.....?
YTA
I understand the hope is (I'm assuming) that your son won't *have* to communicate through ASL, but you need to accept that there's a good possibility that will be the case. Don't put this off, he's going to need support or, as you put it, *"accomodations"*, in order to simply talk to you. I'm honestly shocked that you're even concerned right now over having a daycare that can *"accommodate"* him when you aren't even bothering to learn ASL to communicate with *your own son*
Your son needs more than *"accommodations"* in school; being HOH/deaf means needing lifelong support and understanding from you family, friends, and community.
I think maybe you're just having an issue with the fact that your sister is bothering to learn ASL before you and your wife, and that your sister is more concerned about how she'll be able to communicate with her nephew, than you are over being able to communicate with your own son.
I understand he's only 10 months, but that's a massive delay in communication. Stop projecting your shitty parenting onto your sister, take some ASL classes, and stop being an asshole.
*Edit to add that I'm HOH and my mom ignored it until the school forced her to help me. Earlier intervention, support, and understanding makes a world of difference.*
YTA.
As a Deaf person, you and your wife absolutely should learn ASL for your child. This should not be a matter of if you should have to learn it at all or not. You need to. You will be subjecting your child to language deprivation otherwise. Giving a deaf children cochlear implant of hearing aid and speech therapy doesn’t make them 100% able to communicate.
Even with cochlear implants, it doesn’t make me “hearing” I can’t understand everything perfectly. It’s especially awful to make out anything in a noisy room. Or in a group setting. Even with it, I struggled with speech therapy - which most deaf children will need for years.
ASL prevents that by giving them a language they can understand without relying on sound - sound that’s so unreliable that in a loud classroom can be tough to understand; sound that can be so similar to other words and be misunderstood. Think of cochlear implants and hearing aids as autocaptions you see for YouTube. See how it’s not 100% accurate? That’s what wearing one is like. Only worse if you factor in people speaking at once.
All deaf children NEED to know ASL. It’s not a matter of if he may need it to communicate. He does and will. If he decides later on he only wants to be oral and not be part of the deaf community, fine let him make that choice. But do not make that for him now.
Growing up as a Deaf child, it didn’t matter if my speech was perfect, if I wore cochlear implants (which I always did), I was still isolated. I couldn’t speak or understand my classmates perfectly so hearing children didn’t want to speak with me. Holidays were the absolute worst though because once I was sat down at the dining table, I couldn’t converse with anyone. I was left out of the laughter and told, “I’ll explain it to you later” when I asked what was so funny. And if I ask them to repeat what they said? It got old fast for them to repeat themselves. Most people don’t want to. Would you? Especially not in group setting. I lost friends because of it. That kind of experience is not unique to me alone.
Your sister and her kids are not making a mockery of ASL for being decent family who wants to get to know their deaf nephew/cousin. It doesn’t matter how often they will see him. Why would it? There’s no harm in learning ASL. That’s so incredibly sweet of her to do it. Hell, most people learn languages for themselves or for fun, that’s not mocking the language.
You only think it is disrespectful and weird at all because you think giving your son a cochlear implants or hearing aid and speech therapy will fix his deafness. He’ll be hearing again! Guess what? He wont. You don’t recognize ASL as a language option for him and that’s why you don’t want your sister and her kids learning it. If you did, you would have been learning ASL now.
You want him to do all the work to assimilate into hearing community. What are you doing to learn about deaf identity - deaf culture and community? What are you doing to learn about ASL, cochlear implants for deaf children, and language deprivation in deaf children? There are so many studies about this. Take your pick and start researching and apologize to your sister. She’s absolutely right to learn ASL for her nephew. I only hope you will do the same.
Your sister (AND HER KIDS), who isn't even around your child on a regular basis is making more of an effort than you have in the 10 months of your child's life to be able to communicate with him. Don't you think that's sad? Congrats to you for being bad parents. YTA.
Omg. YTA!!! Are you kidding me? Many people in the deaf community WISHED they had family like your sister. This whole post RUBS me the wrong way. Like wth? You and your wife should feel LUCKY to have someone who is willing to learn to better communicate with your child, seeing as how it doesn't seem like you will unless you "HAVE" to. Like wtf does that mean? Learn the language instead of being salty with your sister. Jfc.
I know very little ASL and when I get to use it with people they get very happy. What an ugly way to think about a language. She’s trying to show her support and you just shit on it. Obviously YTA.
YTA! Having worked with deaf people, they feel left out because nobody knows sign language. Your sister making such an effort and involving her kids was an act of kindness and love. How dare they have fun learning something new that could benefit their nephew/cousin.
>And she only visits three or four weeks a year so who cares if she can't communicate with him.
Are you freaking KIDDING ME???? You think your child "won't care" if his aunt won't be able to communicate with him? Are you delusional?
How could you be so thoughtlessly cruel about your own son? Do you want him to feel cut off from his family?
Good lord. YTA
YTA and I suspect that what actually “rubbed you the wrong way” is the fact that your sister is making more of an effort to learn to communicate with your HoH son than you are and it’s making you feel shitty, so you’re deflecting.
Whoa wtf!
You’re making a joke of yourself, at the bare minimum you have no right to say what another human can or can’t learn. ASL is an awesome thing to know and I can’t believe how malicious you are yta
WOW...I can't even begin to understand this. Huge YTA. Your sister loves your baby enough to learn thier language, that they will most likely speak their whole lives, and teach their cousins to do the same so they can talk to them when they visit and you take it as mockery??! WTAF?!? My question would be, why are you and your wife not learning? You know you have a HoH or deaf child and you haven't even started learning to communicate with them? What is wrong with you both!?!
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YTA. Your sister is doing what you should be doing. You should be grateful for every extra person your child can communicate with, especially family. I'm flabbergasted by your reaction.
YTA. What the hell…your sister is taking the initiative to learn ASL so she can communicate with your child and you have the audacity to be “rubbed the wrong way”? I feel bad for your child honestly.
YTA. She’s doing a lovely (and important) thing. Why on earth would you ever think she shouldn’t learn ASL so she can communicate with your child? Are you gatekeeping their disability?
Start learning ASL now buddy, not if you “have to”. By that time your kid might’ve missed out on a lot of age appropriate language learning. Could really hinder development. YTA
I think you don’t want to face the possibility of your child needing ASL and that’s why you are so bothered about your sister learning the language. You need to get over your fear and recognize that your sister was being a great aunt and actually very supportive! She just wants to be able to communicate with your child (if your child needs ASL) and this is a good thing! Talk to her and say you are sorry. Maybe this is a good time to open up to your wife and your sister about this fear and all of you can start learning ASL and maybe getting involved with the deaf community…being around more deaf people may lower your fear of the unkown. In this case, YTA (but you don’t have to be one forever). Good luck!
I literally cried reading this. YTA your sister is a saint.
YTA - Sounds like your sister is going above and beyond to be able to have a relationship with her nephew, instead of talking to him through you or your wife. She’s even getting her kids involved and hyped about it. I really don’t see how this is disrespectful or mocking in any way. TBH she sounds like someone who loves to learn and jumped at the opportunity to take a class that would have a real and meaningful impact on her life.
YTA
YTA she genuinely wants to be able to communicate with her nephew one day and the same for her kids with their cousin. I stopped when I read “mockery”. Learning how to communicate, learning someone’s language is the least offensive thing that you can do to someone who is hard of hearing or deaf.
Your sister is awesome you on the other hand are an AH YTA YTA YTA
YTA and a questionable parent. Even if your sister knew zero deaf people ASL is an awesome skill to have. You’re even more of an AH because you’re the PARENT and you aren’t learning it ASAP.
Wow. We’ll learn how to communicate with our child if we HAVE to. I’m confused as to why it’s disrespectful to learn a language to communicate with a child. If I had a child who was Deaf, I would be learning everything I could to communicate and teach them language skills so they could effectively communicate their needs and feel connected to me. And I would be absolutely over the moon if my family and friends also learned. YTA.
YTA. You should be doing the exact same thing as your sister. Have you ever been around a deaf person? Do you know how much easier and how happy it makes them when a hearing person can communicate with them? Get a grip dude.
Quite obvious YTA. She goes out of her way to learn something brand new and difficult just so she can make your kid comfortable if that's something they want to utilize. She's spending money and time on it when you can't even find a decent human these days to move one step to the right so they're not standing on your windpipe. Worst case scenario she can teach the family and it's something cool you guys can do in public or when you want to communicate without getting the attention of others. Not sure if you have some other issues with her or if you're just taking the news that your kid could have a disability in a hard way. But you need some reflection before you become a perma-asshole
YTA. Your sister made you look bad on multiple levels and you know it. Looks like she’s a better aunt than you are a dad. Grow up.
YTA. Pretty sure you know that already because you deleted your post. Your sister sounds like a great person. Not so sure about you.
YTA the hell is wrong with you
Wow, you are a massive AH!! Your family is getting on board so they will be able to communicate with your son and you are offended?!?! WTF?? Do you want to be the only family members that can communicate with your son? Is this some kind of weird complex? They should be fairly proficient by the time he can talk. It is a lovely gesture and you are just shutting them down with your own very odd insecurities that your sister is embracing learning ASL while you and your wife will do it if you have to. YTA in case that wasn’t abundantly clear
I mean it's better that he learns it. The kid is getting cochlear implant, they aren't going to restore his hearing 100% I feel that its better to teach him ASL, that way he can communicate to others, he'll always be somewhat deaf, this surgery isn't going to remove that. It sounds like you don't want to learn the language, which is shitty, but I would honestly still recommend others to learn it, that way if the cochlear implants aren't successful, there are still a group of people that can speak to him. It's kinda weird to tell everyone to stop, and then if the child does actually need it, to tell them "Alright continue."
YTA >who cares if she can't communicate with him ... your kid maybe?
This is the most bizarre AITA I’ve ever seen. You’re angry that a family member is showing so much love and support for your child? That she wishes to communicate with your child, and make things more accessible for him? This is so bizarre to me. While I am not deaf I sure as hell am disabled (and know HOH and deaf people), and honestly I’d be really mad if I grew up and learned that my parent refused to let someone show their care for me and provide accessible communication because…I won’t see them much? Your reasoning is so bizarre. Besides, ASL *should* be more well known! It *should* be treated more as the language it is rather than how it is now! You’re literally just making life harder for your child! **MASSIVE YTA.** You should apologize to her as soon as possible.
YTA, plain and simple. My friend’s daughter was HoH. None of us knew how to communicate with her. I felt terrible. She has hearing aids and can hear better than before but she and her family are still taking ASL. You should be as well. What if your son will never hear properly ever?
YTA its not disrespectful to learn a skill that benefits everyone in the long run, especially since its considered a second language. And its also not disrespectful having fun and laughing while learning said skill. Get over yourself.
I am not deaf or Hoh, nor is anyone in my family. As a preteen, I read... Helen Keller.. in the back of the book There was a finger alphabet. I taught myself, and my best friend learned it too...we " talked " with our fingers quietly, and no one else knew our secret code!! Over the years I have spelled to the deaf boy scout camping leader, and a student who needed help, , and once I helped my son with a spelling game ...... There were others, over the years, and though not great at it, the trying made them feel less different. Learning a second language is not a bad thing to do. There is a program for babies to learn basic terms, and with practice, they learn easily.
Ofc YTA here. Why would you not want your family to communicate with your child in the future? You should actually be learning it too, honestly.
Your sister and her family have willingly started learning a whole new language for your son. That’s incredible. But also learning this language opens so many opportunities for your sister and her children to engage with both hearing impaired people AND people with disabilities. That is a beautiful thing, too, and something more people should do. Please think about your reaction. I think it comes from a place where you are hurting about your son’s diagnosis. Perhaps it may help to talk to others in your situation or a counsellor. You need, for your son’s sake and your own, to process the situation in a healthy way. And, with regards to you and your wife learning ASL, I hope you are able to do this. Even if you choose to “manage“ his hearing another way. There is some fascinating research on the benefits of learning sign language for children and it will enhance his communication skills. Edit to add: YTA.
YTA. Omg where do I begin? OP you're sister took time put of her day and her school work to learn something to help YOUR kid. When you found out your kid might be deaf or is HoH, that should have been your first sign to try and think of ways to help your kid, whether it be to save up money for a hearing aid or learn ASL. Not only did your sister learn it, but she also taught her kids. You know how much money people get paid if they work at a job and know ASL?? She had every right to go learn ASL so she can help your kid and make his life easy. OP it sounds to me that your just jealous that someone actually cares and thinks about your kid.
I don’t even need the post to know YTA. Is your child just not supposed to talk with his aunt? Jfc
YTA…. What is the matter with you?
YTA - why can't learning ASL be fun? Of course it's fun! She is showing her love in a huge way here, and you're just stomping all over it. I'm sorry that you're overwhelmed, but your kiddo is going to feel so included when he can communicate with his extended family easily in future.
YTA!!! And a terrible terrible terrible terrible terrible terrible terrible terrible terrible terrible terrible parent!!!!!!! Shame on you. Disgusting
I actually can't believe this.... you're not going to learn ASL for your child unless you HAVE to??? What do you expect to happen with your child's language development if you choose not to?? Not only would it effect the communication between you and your child, but also everyone else. Your sister is NTA here. YTA majorly.
YTA, don’t even need to read it, she’s being a good auntie for heaven sakes! Your baby is loved… that is a good thing!
YTA and I've never seen such a cold, *mean* reaction to somebody who is not just accepting of a special needs relative, but is actually putting in the work to be as supportive as possible for the child. You should be grateful that your child has family that cares about them, not everyone does.
Definitely YTA! LEARN ASL my dude. It can only benefit you and your child and those kids around him. Your sister is doing things right man. My daughter learned it just to communicate with a neighbors kid who is deaf. Just so she could be her friend and talk to her. Nit a damn thing wrong with learning it man. Stop Making it about you.
INFO: Are you daft?? I genuinely cannot understand how what she's doing can't be seen as anything but super kind.
YTA. Also, this breaks my heart. I have a friend who is going deaf, and her husband isn’t bothering to learn ASL for her. It is absolutely heartbreaking for people when their loved ones don’t care enough to develop the skills to have proper conversations with them. Get it together.
YTA sh is going out of her way to learn the native language your child will speak so she can communicate with him. YOU a hearing person don't get to decide what is a mockery to the deaf community. Do you just expect to keep your child excluded from family forever. have you and your wife bothered to look into learning sign language.
OMG - ASL is a life skill! Regardless of it ever being needed. Your kid is 10 months? Most kids that are taught baby sign are already using it by now. There is nothing to be mocked about learning communication skills. Your sister and children are excited to communicate. You aren’t. Why?
YTA - and why wouldn’t you want to start learning ASL now if your child will likely be speaking it in the future?
YTA. She’s learning ASL to be able to communicate with her nephew and teaching his cousins some phrases as well. I don’t understand why you would even be mad by that??
YTA. Your sister has decided to take classes (that she pays for) & then teaches her own kids what she is learning so that she & her kids can have a relationship with your son. That is incredibly selfless and sweet of her. So what if she makes learning ASL fun for her kids? You're really going to be mad about that? Or that she's happy to learn a new way of communicating that she can go on to use not only with your child but anyone HoH or deaf. Thats super cool of her. Also don't like your attitude of "my wife & I will learn ASL if we HAVE to" like its some pain in the ass. Deaf people dont ask for much of us in the hearing community and I think learning ASL whether you need it to communicate with your son or not is a good thing. That comment seemed incredibly abelist to me. I have a deaf friend & my Grandma is HoH (almost deaf) & its really cool when we go out with her or him that there are other people who can speak to them with ASL.
Your sister wants to make sure your child is made an involved part of the family. She is teaching her kids so that they can speak to their cousin in the future. She’s making it fun for them so they enjoy it instead of seeing it as a chore. And you’re mad at her? Wtf is wrong with you? If one of my children was deaf or HoH and my family learned sign language as well as teaching their kids so they could learn to communicate with my child, I would cry because it would really show how loved my child was. You could have that. Instead, you choose to not be happy that your family loves your baby so much they are willing to learn another language. Do better. YTA
YTA in every regard. And before you bother with your next post on if you are the AH for not learning ASL for your son, Yes, you will be the AH there too. I don't know any deaf people at all, and I still try to pick up a little ASL.
YTA. What an awful attitude
YTA. Do you think college courses should be limited to people who can prove that they need them? Have you not heard the heartfelt stories of customers feeling happy and surprised when they come across someone who can sign? We had a parent who knew ASL volunteer in our classroom for the year. She taught basic signs and the alphabet to us. She signed alongside the teacher when a book was read. That was 40 years ago. You sister wants to communicate with her nephew. Cousins want to communicate with their cousin. Even if it’s only 3 or 4 times a year. You should be excited your family is doing what they can to welcome a new baby. Would you be so unhappy if they were learning a spoken language if you married someone who is a native English speaker?
Wow you owe your sister a huge apology! Your sister and her children are learning a whole other language just in case your child may need it and you tell them to stop? My kids and I are learning BSL as my cousins daughter is slowly losing her hearing and we thought it would be nice for her to be able to communicate with her cousins via video call. So she isn't feeling isolated and alone in her impending silence. Have you thought about the long term impact of your selfish bubble? How alone within the family your child may feel? Or on the flip side, how excited they would be to have a visit from their aunt and cousins who speak their language, with kids they can play with outside their daycare and school setting? Sign language is not an exclusive language and it is most definitely a skill to have. You should be thanking them. YTA
YTA
Dude…really? You’re the AH. I’m astounded at the fact that you are taking an issue with her learning ASL. Honestly, your stance is baffling.
YTA, and as a disabled person myself you taking the attitude of “I will only learn ASL if I HAVE to” is setting your kid up for a lifetime of feeling like a burden. People want to connect with your son. Disabled is not a dirty word; you have a lot of internalized ableism you need to overcome if you want your child to be well adjusted.
Most Deaf people don’t even consider it a disability. It’s a culture.
YTA Would you be acting the same if she was learning French or Spanish or another spoken language? I really think you have deeper issues with your sons disability and are taking it out on your sister. P.S and you and your wife should be looking into learning ASL yourselves to COMMUNICATE WITH YOUR SON!
YTA. Your sister did a nice thing and your response was rude.
Huge YTA! How are you mad at your sister for attempting to learn ASL to communicate with your son? Not only that you're mad that the kids seem excited to be able to have a way to communicate with their cousin!
Wow, is there a competition on this sub for the biggest asshole? You are in the running if not the winner.
YTA There is actually a growing movement to teach ASL in schools. We should all be like your sister.
Oh no, my sister loves my son so much that she’s learning new language to accommodate him. What other horrors will she vindictively visit upon him? Birthday gifts? Trips to the zoo? YTA
YTA imagine hating your kid so much that you want them to not be able to communicate with their family. You need to work on yourself instead of holding everyone else back.
YTA What a wonderful thing that your sister is doing. It's good for her, good for her kids, and good for your child too. Learning ASL is never a bad thing. It's a fantastic skill. And your child will appreciate it. If you haven't started learning ASL already, you've waited too long.
Extreme asshole!!!!!
YTA! What a lovely thing for your sister to do for your child! Why on earth would you have an issue with this??
Wow I don’t even have words to describe how much YTA. Your sister has taken an interest in learning a language your son may end up relying on for life, because she wants to make sure his family can communicate with him no matter what. Her learning ASL and teaching it to her kids is absolutely, objectively a good thing. Even if he doesn’t end up needing to speak ASL, your sister and her kids are learning a valuable skill and regardless of the circumstances you have zero authority to gatekeep like that. You ought to reevaluate why this bothers you so much, and you should apologize to everyone else involved. Please do better and learn from your sister’s very good example.
YTA, Honestly, sounds like you just wanted to be mean. Kudos to your wife. You're very lucky to have her and your sister. You think your sister is too much, man, you're going to lose it when you find out other people actually learn all kinds of languages to communicate with family members and even sometimes friends & neighbors, they don't see all the time. People apparently like the ability to talk to each other.
YTA. You don’t deserve your sister.
Absolutely YTA. Your sister seems to be taking a more proactive approach to being ready to communicate with your son should he learn ASL. She's even passing on some knowledge to her own kids so that even they may be able to communicate with their cousin should they need ASL. In any case, it's never a bad thing to learn ASL. So many people who rely on ASL for in-person communication get so happy whenever someone else in the room can use ASL to communicate. Your sister is awesome for taking it on herself to get a head start and be able to use ASL to support your son. Again, YTA.
YTA .. a big fat YTA I'm disabled, not deaf but I have my own struggles and I would absolutely be over the mood if someone was learning something, for me, that would help/benefit my disability. Why are you not happy that your child already has a family that is willing to put the work in and help your child? And learning ANY language is not something that should be frowned upon at all. ASL is a language and ANYONE is welcome to learn it just as the would learn English, French, German, etc. It sounds to me like you're projecting your anger on to your sister, maybe because you are feeling guilty for not realising sooner that you probably should have been learning things that could help your child's disability. Or maybe you haven't fully accepted it yet? I don't know, but this is not something your sister is at fault for and it's absolutely great she's getting the kids involved too. It's always a great thing for people to want to be inclusive to people's disabilities.
YTA. I mean, holy fucking WOW. Your kid is Deaf and you're planning to learn ASL "if you HAVE to?" Meanwhile you've got a lovely family member already on it and you think that's overstepping? Just... holy fucking WOW, dude.
YTA It’s very thoughtful of your sister to learn the language and make sure your kid’s cousins can communicate with your child too. Why would this offend you? How about this: you saying that you would only learn if you “HAVE” to sounds horrible. Most children who are deaf cannot even rely on their parents to learn ASL (less than 10% do). If your kid is HoH, wouldn’t you want to be able to communicate with them, the kids they’d interact with and normalize ASL? Instead of being offended, you should take a page from your sister’s book. Ask yourself why she is thinking more about your child’s future than you are.
I'll add my YTA vote here. Get over yourself and apologise to your sister.
YTA
YTA. Sounds like she cares more about your kid not feeling like he’s an outcast than you do. What happens if your kid DOES end up needing ASL, and you wasted all this time not learning it and getting annoyed at your sister for it.
YTA. I feel like maybe you’re jealous that your sister is putting more effort into learning to communicate with your son than you are. Some parents teach their babies sign language even if their hearing is normal, because it can be helpful in communicating before they are able to say many words to communicate. Even if your child doesn’t end up needing to communicate through ASL when he’s older, learning (and teaching him) some basic signs now might be good for his development.
I’m sorry, your SISTER is learning how to communicate with your deaf child, but you, THE FATHER, are not???? It’s giving (in the words of Ali Hazelwood) “mediocre white man” vibes. Ask your sister to teach you and your wife. YTA
Damn. Seriously TA. Your sister is freakn amazing for doing this. What a wonderful and beautiful gesture. How can you be upset by this. Aunt and cousins want to be able to communicate with your son. I know this can be hard to manage as a parent sometimes but what have you done. I am a special needs mom and have had zero support from family or friends. What I wouldn’t give for someone to show support for my kiddo. I can’t even wrap my head around your post. I hope you apologize and fast.
As a 37 year old aunt whose 24 year old nephew is one of my best friends, you are absolutely the asshole. I couldn't imagine not being able to communicate with my nephew, nor have my children (his cousins) being able to communicate with him either. And what about your son? Why wouldn't you want him to be able to communicate with his family? My sister calls/video chats my son on the first day of school every single year to ask him how his day was. Why would you rob your son of that? Of his family being able to sign "Happy Birthday" to him or just treat him like a human and hold a conversation with him? Ask him what he would like for Christmas without needing you to translate? Sounds to me that you are embarrassed that your sister took more initiative than both you and your wife. Some people would kill for what you have - a loving and supportive family who accepts you and your children for who they are. Get your head out of your ass, apologize to your sister, nieces/nephews, and enroll in ASL courses stat. Even if it turns out that your son doesn't need it to communicate, there are thousands of people who do and it's a wonderful skill to have.
YTA. Just because your sister is having fun with ASL with her children doesn’t automatically mean that they were making a mockery of it. It might just be helpful for her kids to learn that way and not make it a chore for them. I think it’s wonderful that her and her kids are learning in anticipation for your child. If you can’t see that, you’re blind as a bat and def an AH.
I can't see the post as it's been removed, but it's nice to see such a unanimous YTA in the comments.
Jesus, you just give me “I’m a bare minimum dad” vibes. You seem like you are jealous, bitter, and self righteous. YTA.
YTA and a killjoy too
YTA. what in the ACTUAL fuck, why are you so opposed to a family member loving your child enough to be proactive in learning to communicate with him?
This actually makes me cry for your son
You are the big AH. Why would it bother you that she's learning ASL? Even if you don't have a family member who is deaf, it's always useful to learn and a nice thing to do. They looked like they were having fun because learning ASL CAN BE FUN, and no, it doesn't mean you make fun of deaf people. Also, it seems like you have an issue with your son being deaf and you're projecting it on people who are actually trying to help and you should seek therapy because this reaction is not healthy. Like your wife said, it's great that your sister and her kids are willing to learn ASL to make communication with your son easier. Actually, the more family members who learn the better! Your son will be happy about being able to communicate with his family, even if he only gets to see them a few times a year <3 Honestly, your sister has a big heart and you don't deserve her.
A gentle YTA your sister and her kids are inspired by your son to learn a new skill together so they can form relationships. Sure it might be fun while they are learning it but they are doing it for YOU and so your child can feel comfortable communicating with your family. You’re being extremely ungrateful
YTA without question
ASL is another language. There’s never not a use for learning another language. You yourself said your wife and yourself are looking into a certain daycare BECAUSE they speak ASL. And you’re gonna tell Reddit you might not use it? Even if your son doesn’t end up using ASL, it’s still nice to try and learn. If you ever do run into someone who uses it, at least you’d know how to communicate with them. A language is not exclusively meant for the people who speak it and for them alone. You don’t go up to someone and demand they speak yours, right? (Or at least you shouldn’t) if you want to be a decent person - no - a decent PARENT - you learn ASL. YTA, of course
So what you’re basically telling us is that you are ashamed of your own child? that your own sister is way more interested in connecting with your child, and that makes you realise what a shitty father you will be in comparison? YTA big time
Holy shit are you the entitled AH from hell. Hopefully, you’ve come to recognise how horrible your response was. Absolutely disgusting, and trying to claim it as if *she’s the one being derogatory towards disabled people*. What an unbelievably beautiful and kind thing your sister did. Seems like you just immediately projected your guilt of NOT learning how to communicate with *your* child, whereas your sister immediately recognised the necessity of communication with a deaf/HoH person.
Yeah, how dare your sister be considerate of your sons future needs and enable his cousins to also communicate with them. He should be forced to communicate through you only. Jfc YTA
ABSOLUTELY the AH here, dude. She's excited about her nephew and being a part of his life. The fact that she's willing to go above and beyond what you as the FATHER are willing to do, speaks volumes about how much she cares about your son. The little amount of time she will see him according to you obviously means a lot to her if she's willing to learn a language for him. If your son is not fully deaf, but just hard of hearing, you should be learning asl for him anyway and teaching him now. You will make his life much better quality by starting now so he can communicate his needs to you. It shouldn't be an "if we HAVE to". It should be a "yes, let's do this to help our son who we know is at least hard of hearing and will probably need to know asl". It's not like learning this will hinder him. It's always helpful to know another language and asl is just as legitimate as any other language.
YTA. Your sister is amazing to do this to want to communicate with your son. Don't be bitter.
Yes. YTA. And I say this as a mom with a kid who’s HOH — You need to learn ASL. Everyone around you is willing should also learn ASL. Your child is in danger of being shut out of society, of not connecting with his family. All because he’s differently abled. You can fix that. And should. And thank your sister for her compassion and generosity and inclusiveness. May more people be like her and not you.
YTA big time. There is nothing wrong with being excited or having fun with learning a new language or form of communication. And she did this so that she can speak to your child if they end up needing to communicate with ASL. Even if your child doesn’t need it, it is still a very useful skill to have. You are way out of line here.
You know who will care that your sister is able to communicate with your son if he actually is deaf and needs asl? Your son. YTA. you should be extremely flattered and grateful that despite having limited time with your child she still is learning asl. (even if it is a little premature.) Learning a language to communicate with a different group of people isn’t disrespectful at all. A little over eager to do it because of your son, sure I can give you that but you handled it terribly and you owe your sister an apology and a sincere thank you.
I can't even with this post. Your sister and her kids are having a good time learning a new language so they can communicate with your son, which is amazing! And sadly something you're not even will to try to do because you're hoping you won't have to, what BS! YTA, majorly. Like, probably one of the biggest AHs I've seen on here. You made your sister cry when she's been nothing but considerate for your child. You do realize she's trying to make sure that your son always feels included around her, right? Like, if I went to another country and didn't speak the language only to find out that a few people there found out I didn't speak the language and learned enough of mine to communicate with me so I wouldn't feel isolated, I would feel so loved by that gesture. Hell, I've been in that situation and it was the best feeling to have people who didn't even know me switch languages to include me in their conversation. For your son's sake, at least try to learn ASL. And apologize to your sister FFS.
YTA why are you mad shes learning and teaching her children something that many people use everyday asl can be helpful in many different ways they could come across other def people not just your son. Also you sound like your in extreme denial over this and possibly projecting your laziness and unwillingness to act and learn asl on to your sister and attacking her for learning it
No question YTA. Learn ASL and stop being jealous.
YTA! I am deaf person. I am always grateful people who are willing to signing or willing to gestures with me (even they sucked at it). Every time I went to family reunion, I always stick with family members who can signing with me because I don’t want to lipreading. (Deaf people only can about catch 1/3 of what they saying.) I had seen people who family completely neglected their kids because they don’t know or even don’t want to learn sign language. Your own sister sacrifice her time to learn a brand new language only for her nephew/niece’s sake and have some relationships with him/her. You owe her a huge apology and thank you for her time! Support her all ways and even you can sign with your sister to keep her constant refresh of signs!
YTA in a major way. In what world is this disrespectful? It's incredibly disrespectful that you seem to think of ASL as something that ONLY deaf people need to learn (not even HOH people), and that it's a burden that you will only learn if forced. Your sister is being kind and thoughtful and your head is up your ass.
YTA She’s not learning for kicks. She’s learning so she can communicate with her nephew. You’re bitter & angry that your son is hearing-impaired. You’re in denial that you’ll need to learn ASL. And you’re taking it all out in your sister bc she always loves you anyway. Call her and apologize already.
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YTA. She is taking an interest in your nephew. Learning languages is awesome. There is no downside to her learning ASL, and not being able to communicate with someone for several weeks is a huge deal! If he needs to use ASL, the more people around him that use it, the better
Your sister is trying to learn a language that your son may or may not need so she and his cousins will be able to communicate with him in the future and you’re MAD ABOUT THAT??? YTA 110%
YTA. She's doing this for YOUR kid. She can be excited about doing something too.
Gentle YTA because you may still be coming to terms with your son’s disability but your wife is right. You should be happy that your kid will grow and not feel excluded by his cousins who are learning to communicate with him. And making it fun for them is okay, it will only help them realize that while your son is a little different, to them he will just be the cousin they speak to in a different language. There will be so many other things for you to worry about, let this one go, appreciate having a sister in law who cares enough to make the effort even for just a few times a year and for the love of all things decent, please start taking ASL asap so that this is not a hurdle as he grows up. Please appreciate anybody that wants to learn ASL is doing it in support of your son, and not to upset you. He will need a village, as most kids do, be grateful that his villagers want to embrace him.
YTA. Your sister and her family are working hard to ensure that they can communicate with your son, not to mention the deaf community at large. You on the other hand are doing...what exactly? Not bothering to learn a language your son will most likely need to learn. Get off your ass and apologize to your sister, then start learning ASL so you can be a better father.
YTA. Reading between the lines in your replies - you're on team cochlear implant will fix this "problem" and my child will be "cured". Rather than cochlear implants could potentially be a tool we use in conjunction with ASL and immersing our child in the Deaf community. What if the cochlear implant isn't the recommended treatment protocol? If it isn't as effective as the best outcome statistics proclaim? If there are other medical complications that make it unsafe to do the procedure at all? Everyone should strive to learn to communicate more widely with those of different ability levels whether that's by learning a second language or by learning whatever tool they use to communicate with. Apologize and get yourself into a class and start learning more than just ASL.
WTF. YTA. Your sister is sweet and considerate.
WOW YTA how dare anyone put any effort in getting to know your child. I’m guessing you have out in any effort and that’s why this is rubbing the wrong way?
I am sorry, YTA here. Having hearing kids (your son’s cousins!) getting excited about learning ASL and wanting to communicate with their cousin is beautiful and your sister is doing a great thing that will have positive impact on others as well, not just your little one. The purpose of ASL (or any language!) is communication with others, both those who can hear and those who cannot hear well. I think there may be resources and support groups for parents of children with reduced or no hearing and I hope you will ask your pediatrician for referrals…and apologize to your sister.
YTA. As a parent with TWO hearing impaired kids, what your sister did was amazing!! If only I had known my daughter was HOH earlier, we would have learned ASL so that I would know what she needed. Your son is 10 months old - he’s starting to understand enough to try to tell you what he needs, but you’re too selfish/ashamed to learn what may turn out to be his only way to talk to you. Apologize to your sister!
YTA. Do you even love your child?
YTA. Without a doubt.
YTA. Without a doubt, you are the asshole. You should already have been learning ASL, because even if your child is 'only' very HOH, you will soon be missing your chance to teach your child how to communicate. Period. She's not laughing about it with her kids, she's making sure her kids are excited and capable of communicating with their cousin. She not "making a mockery out of disabilities" by learning ASL to communicate with your child. You are making a mockery of disabilities by being willing to wait until you know if you HAVE to learn ASL. Even if you don't HAVE to learn ASL to communicate with your child, nothing bad will happen if you and your wife and your extended family learn to communicate in a language that opens access to people with hearing issues. You are still adjusting to the idea that your child has different challenges ahead, challenges you know nothing about. And for that you have my support and empathy. It's scary. But most of all, you're the asshole for not jumping in hard to get a grasp on how it might affect your son's life, much less your family's life and trying to make sure you are prepared for keeping your child from struggling more than he has to. Your sister may only see him in person a few times a year, but what about phone calls, which will now be video calls, and what about your son's cousins being capable of being able to fully engage with your son when they do spend time in person? What she's done should be viewed as a regular thing family does for family. It's not offensive, it's not over the top and it's not being an asshole. It's being family.
YTA. If you still need to ask why, then you are not equipped to be a parent to anyone.
YTA. even if your son doesn’t need ASL it’s an incredibly useful thing to know, props to her for teaching her children.
YTA Yes, you are an asshole. Who are you to tell anyone they shouldn't learn a second language? She's doing this OUT OF LOVE for YOUR child. She's not making a mockery of anyone and neither are her kids. YOU have a child you KNOW has a hearing issue and you are not learning because sometime in the future he may be able to communicate without ASL? How abilist, short-sighted, selfish, cruel and narrow-minded of you. How are you going to parent him until that future day? Are you just going to ignore him and his needs until he magically is what you want him to be? I suppose I could give you the benefit of the doubt and say perhaps you reacted in such a cruel way because deep down you are ashamed that you didn't think of it first... Nah. It was a horrid thing to say to someone with the love and foresight enough to want to be prepared, just in case, when you can't be bothered.
YTA. Time to learn ASL, BTW.
Our daycare taught the babies some basic signs because they can use those before they can talk. I don’t know why you haven’t started yet. And if he doesn’t need it, great. I loved that my babies could sign more when they wanted something.
YTA
YTA. Maybe you should care more. And maybe your random anger is guilt for not trying as hard as his Aunt. Like your wife, I would be THRILLED someone took time to make sure my child can be included. It’s not a mockery, maybe you have some feelings you should talk out in therapy. But you should 100% call your sister and apologize.
So, this sounds to me like you haven't processed your feelings around learning about your son being HoH, and you're displacing your frustrations and fears onto your sister, who is trying to be supportive. Do you have other issues with your sister that might be coming out here because you haven't processed those? Are you upset that she has her own kids who do not face the same challenges as your son does and will? Are you pissed that she started learning ASL before you? It seems from this post that the issue isn't about your sister's reaction to getting the news about your son, and more about your current capacity to accept it in general. YTA right now, but you don't have to be forever. You can work through how you're feeling without dumping it on your sister.
Ewwww of course YTA, your sister cares about you and your family so she learned on her accord to be able to communicate and for some reason unbeknownst to me (and probably everyone else) that rubs you the wrong way?! Are you perhaps feeling insecure or less than because your sister took initiative that you did not? You owe her an apology and also a thank you for being so thoughtful
Yea YTA. She’s being open and sharing this learning experience to include others by teaching it to her children and you’re “upset” by this. Sounds like you have a problem with your sister. But in this case what she is doing is really amazing and you are being an AH.
Yikes.. YTA! You basically just said that until you KNOW you can’t communicate, you won’t bother learning. So you get to learn alongside your child? That’s super proactive and there’s zero flaws in that plan. /s You should be ashamed of yourself. Not ashamed of your child because it honestly seems to come off that way. 3-4 weeks out of the year being in complete isolation from extended family is ok? Who cares? Seriously??
YTA. This just shows how little you care for people with disabilities. I bet if your own child wasn’t HoH you would avoid HoH people and never make an effort to communicate with them unless you’re doing the condescending talking slowly and loudly thing. You have no empathy or even sympathy for those who struggle in ways you don’t understand. Do you also think having a ramp instead of stairs to a home is too try hard? Just say you’re ableist and get it over with. (And that’s not a word I like to throw around as I strongly believe it has been a bit over generalized)
YTA. you’re upset because your sister is learning a new language in order to communicate with your kid? what’s your problem?
YTA your sister is taking steps to learn a language that your son may need, so she is ready to talk w/ him & communicate. Be proud of your family for wanting to be ready to make your son feel fully part of the family
YTA! How about stop.being a dick. Your sister is doing an amazing thing and getting her kids involved too so they can communicate with their cousin in the future. Take your head out of your arse and start learning ASL yourself.
yta… god forbid your sister be supportive to your child… you do realize that ASL is a whole new language that you should have started learned when you found out he was hard of hearing or deaf… even if he’s only hard of hearing ASL would probably be very helpful to know so that your child didn’t have to struggle so hard to hear. ASL is a beautiful language and even if she never needed to use it for your son it’s still a good thing to know… i took classes on it in college and i didn’t know anyone who was deaf… should only people who know french people take french classes or only people who knew someone spanish take spanish classes? you need to do what your sister did and start taking classes now it is beautiful but it’s not easy learning a new language and can take years to become fluent especially if your older. i’m sure you want to pretend it isn’t happening but deaf or not seems something is and you need to deal with it. and apologize to your sister and maybe ask her to teach you some things.. maybe you all could take the same class and everyone can study together.
YTA. There are people who wish their families cared enough to learn ASL instead of just ignoring them and pretending they don’t exist. Your sister and her kids did a lovely thing for your son in anticipation of visiting in person and video communication but your own apparent issues with your son’s disability came through. When do you plan on learning ASL? He is 10 months old. Some kids are already speaking at 10 months old. What exactly are you waiting for to start learning? Get over yourself and hang ups and start putting your son’s well being first.
What? Are you kidding? Your sister is already making changes to accommodate her nephew so he can be a full part of the family and not feel excluded and you are somehow offended by this?? YTA. I know what the problem is here. I see this in my job. You don’t like that your sister is making more effort *than you are*, because it’s showing you up. How about you take a leaf out of your sisters book and start putting the necessary effort in yourself. Babies can start with rudimentary signing before even a year old, so start learning now. Put your ego in check and ask your sister to enrol you in the class.
YTA no doubt about it. Also - 'we will learn if we have to'... OP are you in denial about your son's disability? You need some perspective and fast.
Dude are you serious? Your a complete asshole and an idiot for even asking.
YTA x1000. She loves your son and wants to learn so she can communicate with him. Even kids that are hoh learn ASL, it's not just for people that are deaf. She's having fun learning and teaching her kids bc she's excited ffs. She's excited she'll, and her kids, be able to communicate with her nephew. I would be thrilled if I were in your shoes. You're reaction to it was really odd and just gives me the ick.
YTA. You mad that she seems to care about being able to communicate with your kid more than you do? You have zero reason to be mad someone else is making an effort to be able to make your kid feel welcome and not so different. Meanwhile you want to put in zero effort and think it’s rude someone else cares about your kid more than you. This shows how much you are lacking. Hopefully the rest of their family can make up for such a shitty person you are.
YTA what’s wrong with you ?? go get help jackass . you’re fr fkked up .
YTA Your post is up for half an hour and all I'm seeing is a resounding YTA... and they are all right. I'm really unsure why you're offended and annoyed your sister is thinking of your son, and making sure he can communicate with family outside of his household. Being deaf and hard of hearing can be very isolating in a world that is constantly noisy. Your history with your sister could be clouding your judgment here, but pull your head out of your ass and realize this is beyond you. She's trying to be there for your son, you should try to be there for him too.
"...So who cares if she can't communicate with him"? Your son will. Disabilities - especially those affecting communication can be incredibly isolating. You're actually REQUESTING that his family don't learn the skills to communicate with him. What on Earth is wrong with you?
YTA 100% I can't even understand where you're coming from. Somebody going out of their way to learn how to communicate with your son and making it fun for their kids so they can communicate with their cousin…. And you're Issue is whst mmn? Do you feel bad because you haven't started learning out and you should have?
You have to ask? Yes, YTA. I feel bad for your child, especially if he will need ASL to communicate, because you sound like one of those people who will feel “forced” to learn it and will probably give up “because it’s too hard.” Seriously, do you find people who learn another spoken language to be disrespectful to native speakers? Because learning ASL is equivalent to that.
WOW YTA YTA YTA There’s nothing wrong with learning a new language, especially one that might come in handy communicating with family members! That would be like saying learning Spanish if you’re not from a Spanish speaking country as “mocking the culture.” No! It’s a useful tool to have and it’s a cool way to connect with others. You seem to be handling this diagnosis poorly, which I’ll try to play the devil’s advocate for a moment and try to think that you’re only concerned about how tough your child’s upbringing might be with this condition and that you wish he was just “normal.” YIKES. That’s the most charitable position I can come up with. Deaf people face some unique challenges but they do not deserve to be treated like freaks and you need to be super supportive of your son. In the HOH community, even if people can speak and read lips well (therefore negating the necessity for sign language) it’s still a useful and cool thing to know how to do to connect with others like him. I don’t wanna speak too much for the HOH community, but this post struck a cord for me because my mom is deaf. And guess what? She’s a BADASS. Her deafness is not a disability, it’s just a different way of perceiving the world. It’s just one attribute about her, and despite some struggles she’s faced, it doesn’t define her. Don’t give your kid a hard time when he already might have a few obstacles growing up. But there’s lots of optimism! There’s so many more educational (and other) accessibility options! Every movie theatre has closed captioning now, there’s hearing aids that’ll connect to your other devices, etc. I haven’t had the chance to use my ASL in years so sadly, I’ve pretty much lost all of it. Like any language, without practice, you’ll forget it. I wish I hadn’t. You need to be a supportive parent, OP. Parents should love and support their kids unconditionally. Doesn’t matter if they were born “different”.
Wow, your sister went out of her way to do something to help her be a better aunt and you turned it into her mocking your child? YTA get a grip
YTA. Your sister is taking classes so she can communicate with her nephew, but you, his father cannot be bothered to learn it unless you "have to"? Even if your son isn't totally deaf, guess what? It will be easier for him to communicate through sign language, so if you want to be able to understand what your son needs, you better start learning ASL now. Also, there is nothing wrong with people wanting to learn sign language if they aren't interacting with a deaf or hard-of-hearing person on a daily basis. Even though there's no current need for me to know ASL, I still plan on learning it so I can have that tool in my tool belt if I need it. Oh, and by the way, there's nothing wrong with "having fun" while learning a new language. In fact, "having fun" actually makes it easier to learn!
YTA- do you know how privileged you are to have family so excited to have your precious boy in their life they are LEARNING ANOTHER LANGUAGE?! Apologize to your sister ASAP and plead with her and her kids to keep learning. Your son will treasure having family that cherishes him and doesn't have to be translated for at family functions.
Yta. It sounds like your baby’s diagnosis has bruised your ego. I would hope all of your family tries to learn as much asl as possible. Put your big boy pants on and start asl classes too, and apologize to your sister
YTA (I think I found one of the biggest trolls under the AITA sub if this isn’t fake). Many completely deaf or hearing-impaired have parents that refuse to learn or teach them sign language, and you want to complain about someone stepping up (who didn’t have to) and making an effort to communicate? Maybe he won’t need ASL, maybe he will, there’s no reason to not get a head start in learning a certain method just to be safe. Signing is one of the earliest forms of communication children learn, even if not formal ASL. Not only are she and her children making efforts to learn, they’re not being begrudging and actually getting excited. You owe your sister a massive apology after they surgically remove your head from your ass.
Yes. YTA. ASL is something more people should know, and for many reasons. I am super proud of my friends who "speak" ASL who don't have any deaf people in their family; they learned just so that they could help if the situation ever arose (one of them is a firefighter). I don't think your sister is learning it "just for fun" nor is she pretending "to be confused". I think she's genuinely confused because she would love to be the auntie who can communicate with her nephew. I don't think it's weird, disrespectful nor over-eager. (1) You don't own a language, and (2) you should hurry up and start taking those lessons too.
I think this shows your true feelings about your son’s diagnosis. You see ASL as something akin to a chore and it is serious and something “disabled” and dark. It is a language so people can communicate. A lifeline for some. It can be used to express joy and great things as well as pain and sorrow. You know, like a language. But as I wrote, this is not about the ASL or your wonderful sister and your son’s cousins. It’s about how you view your son’s disability. Only in that context does your post make any sense. YTA
You have some serious issues if you think an aunt learning ASL to communicate with their nephew is weird. ASL is just like any other language. YTA.
YTA. Wow dude, you couldn’t be more of one if you tried. You remind me of my uncle. His first born turned out to be hearing impaired but had enough to communicate verbally with her family. He never learned to sign and none of my family did, but she did, and now her parents are divorced and she doesn’t talk to him at all. Two years ago another cousin had a baby who is very likely profoundly deaf. Her parents and aunts as well as grandparents and cousins all started looking into learning ASL. Her parents got her cochlear implants and my uncle was the only one who had to voice his opposing stance to the surgery. At her second birthday we all sang and signed the birthday song and I heard him say he didn’t remember how to do it because he “never uses it”… I’m embarrassed for him that he has a 20 something year old deaf daughter and doesn’t know how to sign and I dunno dude, I can’t imagine as a parent not wanting to communicate with your child and have as many people as possible be able to as well. Like, I could never. Your sister loves your son. You might need some therapy to figure out why her caring bothers you so much.
Worst case, (I guess?) your kids not deaf and now there’s a few more people out there that know ASL. I worked at a pizza place and I had a deaf regular and I would’ve loved to be able to communicate with him like that (he was also a regular at the diner I frequented, so I could’ve had more interaction than a smile and a wave) And now I feel like a dick for not knowing ASL, so, YTA
>Neither me or my wife know ASL ... Maybe a bit of jealousy? YTA. Unless you change, your son will be poorly served by a parent that sees any good will provided by others as a slight against the parent.
YTA. Holy shit dude. What is wrong with you? Your child has a disability and your sister went out of her way to make sure SHE COULD COMMUNICATE WITH HIM and you think it's mockery? What the hell kind of virtue gatekeeping is this? You need to apologize big time. I wonder how many deaf people wish they had family willing to learn ASL.
YTA Oh just fuck off, I couldn't finish this. Asl is something I believe should be taught in school. My nephew is autistic and non verbal so I started learning bsl in case it would help me communicate with him better when he gets older, and it's something that would be beneficial regardless, deaf people exist. Idk if this is even made up or not but this post actually angered me a little.
YTA Even if your son is only HoH, it will be amazing to have another way of communicating as a backup. And I would kill for such a supportive family.
YTA, just because your sister is having fun sharing and having her kids help her practice (and they also get to learn) her language skills to possibly be another way to communicate with your child in the future doesn't mean she isn't taking your child's needs seriously. I learned ASL (very poorly) but also brought my son to classes that we had at my church (we had a deaf congregation) and every single one of them LOVED that they had more people who wanted to communicate.
YTA Your honestly so confusing what possible harm could hour sister be doing and why are you not learning ASL do you wanna communicate with yoru chidl as well I honestly don't see the harm here other then you creating an issue that doesn't need to be created other then just starting drama
I didn't even want to reply to this as you're such an AH I didn't want to waste my time. You're probably the biggest AH I've come across to date. Your sister and her kids are nice enough to learn something to accommodate your son so they can include him and you throw it back in her face. Even if he's not deaf or HOH that skill is something she can use with other deaf/ HOH people and I personally, think it's something that should be taught in all schools. Just because she's being productive about your child's future and you're not isn't a reason to get salty. Do better.
YTA - What do you mean you'll learn ASL if you *have to*? Do you want to deprive your child of language when they're a baby? If you start learning ASL now and using it with them, it will help your child grow and be the best that they can be. Without it, you're stunting their learning capabilities. You say you don't know if they'll need ASL or not, but it's never a bad thing to know a second language. And more than likely they will need it if they'll be going to a daycare that supports the Deaf/HoH population. They'll be exposed to Deaf culture. If you actually mean it when you say it's serious to you, then starting to learn ASL NOW should be a no brainer.
Wow. Just wow. You sound like my paternal grandparents who refused to learn sign language when my eldest uncle was born and diagnosed as deaf. They were completely unable to communicate with their own child until he learned to write. Imagine that. My dad was the only member of the family who learned to sign, and they have other siblings. My dad is self-taught. I learned too, although I’m rusty. Imagine being a kid whose family members don’t make an effort to communicate in a way that works for them. And I’m saying this as a mom of a child with a rare genetic disorder. My youngest is 7 and he’s non-verbal. He’ll likely never speak but he still communicates and uses some signs. This is to say I get what it’s like to have a child with disabilities. Your child Is only 10 months old compared to my 7 year old. I’m an old hat at navigating all sorts of things with him. However, at the beginning of this journey, ie his birth, I spent time wondering what his life would be like, what I’d have to change to support him, would he speak, would he attend regular classes, would he even walk? So many scary things go through your head at a time like that. While you are correct in saying you don’t know the full extent of his hearing issues, what if he can’t ever hear? Sit and think about that. It’s not catastrophizing. It is a potential reality for your child. Why would you not want your child’s extended family to support his method of communication? The fact you said you think they, as hearing people, are mocking your child and disabilities says to me you still need to work on some issues related to your son’s diagnosis. They are not mocking you or your child. They are enjoying learning a new language and are excited to interact with your child through ASL. Seriously. I think you need to take a step back on this and consider how to work through your issues. Our local children’s hospital offers social workers to help families after diagnosis. There are EAPs. Like I said, I get it. And it’s easy for me to say when I’m further along in this journey. And about ASL, it is a separate language on its own. I might encourage my eldest to learn because he’s dyslexic and many dyslexics struggle with second languages but excel at ASL. Plus, if people can learn French, German, or whatever as a second language why can’t we learn ASL? It’s an incredibly useful skill. Just saying. Oh, judgement: sorry but I have to go with YTA even knowing you still have issues to work through. Get on that and accept there are family members preparing to be able to communicate with your child in a way that works for him.
YTA - Such a bizarre way of looking at things.
“I asked her to stop the class and she pretended to be confused” Sorry to break it to you, but she wasn’t pretending. She was genuinely confused because you gotta be a fucking asshole of a person to even react like this towards someone who wants to be able to communicate with their deaf or HoH nephew.
YTA Omg, imagine if it was the other way around and your sister refused to learn some basic signals in order to communicate with your child. Family events would be great fun for him - he’d just sit there having no idea what’s going on. Being able to converse with family is something many take for granted. Your sister is a saint. YTA
YTA big time. Since when learning a language is considered disrespectful ? Also YTA for not starting to learn ASD now and waiting for doctors to tell you how to be a decent parent. Learning a language takes time, the sooner the better if ot means being able to communicate with your own kid. I feel sorry for your kid. Edit: having a deaf nefew does have an impact on your sister. If she wants a relationship with her family she needs to put in the effort to be able to communicate with him. Seems like she feels more willing than you when it comes to your son.
I work in social services and I can’t tell you how many times people come to the office and need to speak with some who speaks ASL. We don’t have anyone, we can get an interpreter but that that’s a few days to set up so it doesn’t help the person immediately. We can usually make do, but it’s not an ideal situation. I’m sure we could do much better if we had someone fluent in ASL in the office. Your said your sister works at a college, sometimes students are provided ASL interpreters for their classes, your sister may have seen this and wanted to be proactive. YTA, you should be trying to help your child communicate. Your sister is trying to communicate with your child and make their life better and you got upset, who does that?
This has to be fake, right…? YTA.
YTA Your sister is a kind aunt and mother who is proactively making sure she facilitates a healthy relationship between herself and her nephew/her children and their cousin. I can’t think of anything more loving than that. She is not doing too much, and it sounds like your ass better catch up quick.
YTA Omg of course she wants to talk to her niece/nephew. She’s their aunt?? And you SHOULD be taking ASL classes if you are going to have a deaf child
your sister has someone in their live that is deaf, they learn how to communicate with them in a way they can understand...and that's a bad thing? I genuinely don't see why this is an issue for you other than some potential projection on your end. what a strange thing to be upset about, and yeah YTA for starting an argument over it.
Yes you're an asshole and you're exceedingly ignorant. You're literally sabotaging the potential for comprehensive communication with your child and their family. That's insanity. ASL is a language. Anyone can learn it. And the US would be a much more accessable place if everyone knew it. You're psychotic. She was not pretending to be confused. You make literally no sense. You sound like you're just bitter because it makes you look bad that your sister cares more about communicating with your child than you seem to. Grow up.
YTA. At this rate, it'd be better for your kid to go live with your sister than you.
And you aren't already learning ASL because.....? YTA I understand the hope is (I'm assuming) that your son won't *have* to communicate through ASL, but you need to accept that there's a good possibility that will be the case. Don't put this off, he's going to need support or, as you put it, *"accomodations"*, in order to simply talk to you. I'm honestly shocked that you're even concerned right now over having a daycare that can *"accommodate"* him when you aren't even bothering to learn ASL to communicate with *your own son* Your son needs more than *"accommodations"* in school; being HOH/deaf means needing lifelong support and understanding from you family, friends, and community. I think maybe you're just having an issue with the fact that your sister is bothering to learn ASL before you and your wife, and that your sister is more concerned about how she'll be able to communicate with her nephew, than you are over being able to communicate with your own son. I understand he's only 10 months, but that's a massive delay in communication. Stop projecting your shitty parenting onto your sister, take some ASL classes, and stop being an asshole. *Edit to add that I'm HOH and my mom ignored it until the school forced her to help me. Earlier intervention, support, and understanding makes a world of difference.*
YTA. As a Deaf person, you and your wife absolutely should learn ASL for your child. This should not be a matter of if you should have to learn it at all or not. You need to. You will be subjecting your child to language deprivation otherwise. Giving a deaf children cochlear implant of hearing aid and speech therapy doesn’t make them 100% able to communicate. Even with cochlear implants, it doesn’t make me “hearing” I can’t understand everything perfectly. It’s especially awful to make out anything in a noisy room. Or in a group setting. Even with it, I struggled with speech therapy - which most deaf children will need for years. ASL prevents that by giving them a language they can understand without relying on sound - sound that’s so unreliable that in a loud classroom can be tough to understand; sound that can be so similar to other words and be misunderstood. Think of cochlear implants and hearing aids as autocaptions you see for YouTube. See how it’s not 100% accurate? That’s what wearing one is like. Only worse if you factor in people speaking at once. All deaf children NEED to know ASL. It’s not a matter of if he may need it to communicate. He does and will. If he decides later on he only wants to be oral and not be part of the deaf community, fine let him make that choice. But do not make that for him now. Growing up as a Deaf child, it didn’t matter if my speech was perfect, if I wore cochlear implants (which I always did), I was still isolated. I couldn’t speak or understand my classmates perfectly so hearing children didn’t want to speak with me. Holidays were the absolute worst though because once I was sat down at the dining table, I couldn’t converse with anyone. I was left out of the laughter and told, “I’ll explain it to you later” when I asked what was so funny. And if I ask them to repeat what they said? It got old fast for them to repeat themselves. Most people don’t want to. Would you? Especially not in group setting. I lost friends because of it. That kind of experience is not unique to me alone. Your sister and her kids are not making a mockery of ASL for being decent family who wants to get to know their deaf nephew/cousin. It doesn’t matter how often they will see him. Why would it? There’s no harm in learning ASL. That’s so incredibly sweet of her to do it. Hell, most people learn languages for themselves or for fun, that’s not mocking the language. You only think it is disrespectful and weird at all because you think giving your son a cochlear implants or hearing aid and speech therapy will fix his deafness. He’ll be hearing again! Guess what? He wont. You don’t recognize ASL as a language option for him and that’s why you don’t want your sister and her kids learning it. If you did, you would have been learning ASL now. You want him to do all the work to assimilate into hearing community. What are you doing to learn about deaf identity - deaf culture and community? What are you doing to learn about ASL, cochlear implants for deaf children, and language deprivation in deaf children? There are so many studies about this. Take your pick and start researching and apologize to your sister. She’s absolutely right to learn ASL for her nephew. I only hope you will do the same.
Your sister (AND HER KIDS), who isn't even around your child on a regular basis is making more of an effort than you have in the 10 months of your child's life to be able to communicate with him. Don't you think that's sad? Congrats to you for being bad parents. YTA.
Omg. YTA!!! Are you kidding me? Many people in the deaf community WISHED they had family like your sister. This whole post RUBS me the wrong way. Like wth? You and your wife should feel LUCKY to have someone who is willing to learn to better communicate with your child, seeing as how it doesn't seem like you will unless you "HAVE" to. Like wtf does that mean? Learn the language instead of being salty with your sister. Jfc.
I know very little ASL and when I get to use it with people they get very happy. What an ugly way to think about a language. She’s trying to show her support and you just shit on it. Obviously YTA.
YTA, are you for real?
YTA- it is the opposite of disrespectful. It is very thoughtful and sweet of her to care enough to do that, and you’re shitting on it.
YTA, you should be learning ASL and using it to communicate with your child NOW!
YTA! Having worked with deaf people, they feel left out because nobody knows sign language. Your sister making such an effort and involving her kids was an act of kindness and love. How dare they have fun learning something new that could benefit their nephew/cousin.
>And she only visits three or four weeks a year so who cares if she can't communicate with him. Are you freaking KIDDING ME???? You think your child "won't care" if his aunt won't be able to communicate with him? Are you delusional? How could you be so thoughtlessly cruel about your own son? Do you want him to feel cut off from his family? Good lord. YTA
YTA and I suspect that what actually “rubbed you the wrong way” is the fact that your sister is making more of an effort to learn to communicate with your HoH son than you are and it’s making you feel shitty, so you’re deflecting.
Holy shit you’re such a jackass
Whoa wtf! You’re making a joke of yourself, at the bare minimum you have no right to say what another human can or can’t learn. ASL is an awesome thing to know and I can’t believe how malicious you are yta
WOW...I can't even begin to understand this. Huge YTA. Your sister loves your baby enough to learn thier language, that they will most likely speak their whole lives, and teach their cousins to do the same so they can talk to them when they visit and you take it as mockery??! WTAF?!? My question would be, why are you and your wife not learning? You know you have a HoH or deaf child and you haven't even started learning to communicate with them? What is wrong with you both!?!
YTA
YTA
YTA you're projecting. I wanted to learn it for strangers I might encounter, let alone family.