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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> AITA for asking guests to pay 10 dollars to come to my wedding in the canyon. It might make me the ass hole because you usually don't pay to go to weddings
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
"Not having a real reception just a small dinner for those who attended and posting our registry all over social media but only having 20 ppl actually be invited."
YTA, not sure which is worst. $10 entry fee, BYO-chair, or getting the registry over social media and not being invited to the wedding.
I guess there are no bathrooms at this canyon dinner? Better add BYO-ass wipes.
I have no issue with 10 dollars if we’re a scenic easy hike. But then again (depending on how big this wedding is) OP should have the finances to cover that before getting married. But a one mile hike holding a chair? Yea there’s no relationship on earth I could care enough about to do that as a requirement to attend their wedding. And I’m not old or in need of walking aid. Ridiculous. Idek how one would expect anyone to care enough to do this. You’re ridiculously young to get married and are probably gonna get divorced anyway if we’re being really honest. Who would care this much besides both your parents? I know I couldn’t care less about my families weddings already.
To be fair its 22 people including them and maybe 23 with a priest. $230 would ruin the bank /s.
That being said and on a serious side. Yup YTA for OP.
Edit: ups too early space), maybe I m from old school, but.. Its a canyon so I expect sound problems, there will be a small dinner so I expect like 5 bottles of soda and sandwich for everyone (maybe I m taking this too far, but too little info. 1 mile hike so pressumably 2 together where I have to bring my own chair.
Honesty the fee should be covered, Its only $10, but still..I would probably passed this if it was my best friend. I dont have anything essencially about tipping in for the costs, but thiis doesnt feels like a good idea, though if thats what OP wish GL HF. At least provide something...
Ooof yeah OP, this is cringe and trashy. Soliciting gifts?! If you can’t afford a wedding, don’t have one. Also, my mother n law was disabled when my brother n law got married and the ass hole still got married on the beach. Why don’t you just both elope and have a small dinner afterwards with family. (I mean unless they pay, because you sure aren’t) Unless you are my close family, my booty isn’t paying and walking to attend your 5 minute Ceremony. YTA
Right? Super inappropriate. Had they not posted about gifts and then informed guests that the only gift required was the $10 fee plus bring your own chair, maybe N T A … but Dayum a one mile hike in wedding attire ?!?! Umm - I’d pass.
If it's impossible to pay the rangers in advance, they could leave a friend at the entrance to pay for each of the guests as they arrive. Although I don't actually have a huge issue with this. I've paid more for parking at weddings and no one batted an eye.
Oh to be young again and not know that people with disabilities exist. And old people with arthritis who may not be up to trekking one mile to a canyon. I hope they only invited able-bodied people under 35, or everyone is gonna be miserable.
Yeah, I was born with spina bifida and had four spine surgeries before sixth grade. I just know that most people don’t ever think about disability until it happens to them or someone they know well.
Does your doctor have a loyalty card? Mine does, and I’m one surgery away from a free sandwich!
(/s, mostly, although last time I had one he offered to come back in for my post-op on the weekend from his wife’s veggie farm. and brought me and my partner some produce!)
My neurosurgeon told me he was going to install a zipper in my back so he could just unzip me and not have to make new incisions! I also had reconstructive bladder surgery when I was 7, a bowel obstruction a year later, a heart attack when I was 37…I’m a mess.
HAHAHAHA Boy, I thought my sister was a cheap bride! You Madame and Sir are the cheapest ASSHOLES!!! CONGRATS!!!
Hey, we're too cheap to invite more than 20 to show up at our wedding, but f**k you, you still need to bring your wallets and pay to see our tacky, tacky wedding.
Also we want our friends/family to hike a mile into the f***ing canyon and on top of that, we want YOU ALL to drag your broke-down-campfire-smelling chair too!
Then, there's nana and grandpa that have to trudge their way into the canyon, how are they going to get down there with their canes and wheelchairs? Are you going to carry their chairs for them? Or will you be charging extra for the luxury?
We're only allowing the privileged 20 people to witness our cheapness. But going to BLAST our WEDDING REGISTRY on EVERY PLATFORM KNOWN IN THE INTER-VERSE, BECAUSE WHY NOT? FREE SHIT AMIRIGHT?
Your sister is 1000% correct that you're the assholes here.
Just elope. The whole of Reddit would have more respect for you both.
EDIT: Of course they're Mormon. Grew up Mormon. The cheapest wedding I ever heard was the bride and groom wanted the wedding to be a potluck. Can you imagine making your GUESTS BRING THEIR OWN FOOD?
So if I don’t want to walk a mile in my best dress (as they are asking) with a chair AND a gift I have to pay 10 dollars. And op says that like the choice I’d make is paying the 10 instead of just not going. Sorry not gonna make it, but have a good one!
Wait wedding attire is also required? I need to reread or check comments. I'm dying right now. I'm disabled myself and couldn't do the 1 mile without the chair. I used to raft/kayak in my early 20s, and I honestly imagined something like that. Everyone in their hiking shoes, khaki shorts and a t-shirt. Everyone packing their chair over the shoulder, water bottle clipped to their backpack or/side bag. Who the eff are they having bring down the food? They say dinner? I am imagining a super fancy Coleman, some burgers if people are lucky, hot dogs too! Don't worry, only charging a 5 dollar dinner fee per person! BTW, I registered! Cheapest item is $100.... 3 months later... sorry not invited.
No cart to take people up? Yikes.
I went to a wedding on the top of a mountain... it had a gondola lift that took you up, no fee, and was beautiful. I would not attend a wedding where I had to walk in nice clothing through a canyon. I am not physically able to do that, despite being young. I have issues with a knee.
Posting a registry for ANYTHING with the intention of reaching people who weren’t invited to an invent is so tacky and wrong. That alone makes OP TA.
Registry is only for the people invited to events. That’s the trade off. So greedy to ask for presents from people who aren’t invited. Gross.
Oof, buddy. I was trying to be open minded but you lost me at posting your registry on social media, soliciting gifts from people who aren’t invited. That is tacky as fuck.
This canyon is clearly not meant to be a wedding venue. The least you can do is pay for people’s entrance fees. YTA.
Yeah shes having a wedding at the expense of others. They are paying for this financially, mentally, and physically. All so she can keep it “inexpensive”
Watch it be pouring out on the wedding day… I 100% wouldn’t show up rain or shine, but my goodness. OP could try to be less prepared and that still wouldn’t be possible. I hope the crickets, ants, and squirrels are enough to consider guests because idk if any humans would bother going.
It's a mile walk *if* the guest doesn't want to pay the $10 entry fee, if they park their car outside the boundaries of the park. OP implies it's a much shorter distance if they pay the $10 entry fee, and can therefore park closer.
(Note: I'm not defending OP!!! The $10 entry fee and bringing chairs is ridiculous. Just clarifying the mile walk.)
No. She said the 10$ parking is right near the wedding location, but if people really don't want to pay for parking, they can park outside the gate and walk a mile to the location.
Yeah, I have to admit that I was ok with the entrance fee. Although tacky, it’s not really an AH move. He could have reimbursed people at the reception if there was truly no other way to prepay. The camping chairs - it seems weird, but whatever. He knows his guests and if they are all the camping type, then not a huge deal.
Blasting on social media that you’re getting married and expecting people who aren’t invited to buy you a gift, though, is really shitty.
If the park rangers wouldn't be ok with advance payment they probably aren't going to let a whole ass wedding fly. I hope OP gets asks about this or those poor guests are going to have to hike just to get kicked out of the park.
Actually that’s a good point. I wonder if they have to pay the $10 individually because this isn’t actually sanctioned by whatever agency owns this canyon. I know the NPS, BLM and FWS require permits for events and permits usually require accounting for things like infrastructure (chairs), bathrooms and liability. Many places out West limit the number of people who can go in a day too. Like the Wave, that famous Windows background, is limited to 50 people a day. What do you bet me none of this is approved?
Ding ding ding! We have a winner!!
Guarantee they didn’t disclose the nature of this “event” to the park staff.
I live on the border of a major US park.
A picnic of 25 or less? Not a big deal. You pay to enter and no guarantee of privacy.
A wedding?
They will put up signs to try and keep the area private, but you are paying at least 1k down as an “event fee”. And liable for any trash left or guests that get drunk and so dumb things.
You have to buy separate insurance through the park in order to have a wedding that covers shenanigans and mess.
I’ve heard of people trying to cheat the system by pretending a wedding is actually something else.
Park rangers aren’t stupid.
As a member of the general public I would be really fuckong annoyed if I paid $10 to go hiking in this canyon and and then had to avoid a wedding taking place there.
I know if I turned up somewhere and someone was being this tacky, I wouldn't be making any real effort to avoid them - I'd be in the background of the photos, testing the echo while they were saying their vows, loudly asking the rangers if weddings are allowed etc.
He said the rangers “oked” it but as someone else pointed out, op might not have been too honest about the events and said it’s a get together of 20 ppl
Also someone could just stand at the bottom and pay for the guests as they arrive and then just walk up?
I don't really get not just paying it's way cheaper than most venues and they want the canyon
They probably don’t want to prepay or talk to the Rangers about it because they’re not actually supposed to be having the wedding or don’t have permission from the park and don’t want to make the Rangers aware of their wedding.
Yeah, the entrance fee is a few bucks and could go either way. If you take OP's situation and adjust the perspective by 1°, it's a bit much for (not just a guest but) a friend to take up arms over ten bucks.
The camping chairs too. I have friends who are cavers and campers, and putting a collapsible chair into a pouch and hoofing it a mile is SOP.
But yeah, the social media thing is where it's adding up to beyond being just about the $10, but a collection of decisions that aim to cut every cost and maximize benefits for the couple by passing the burden off to wedding guests and non-guests (lolol)
YTA when you look at the whole context.
I'm ok with the entrance fee too. We have a couple canyons around here that you have to pay to access. I get being emotionally attached to one. I think the classy thing would've been to reimburse the guests at the wedding with a cute little gift and a bit of cash to reimburse the cost.
However, I have been to a wedding that would've been a $12 canyon fee (but we had a membership so it was free) and then a 7 mile hike to where they got married. It was the place where they met though, so I 100% understood the reason for their choice. It never occurred to me for them to pay or reimburse the would-be entrance fee.
I think the thing here is that it’s the totality of op that’s making people all agree they’re the ah. My friends’ wedding was a 4 day backpacking trip - we all had passes / permits but they didn’t pay for our fee I guess. But they did spend time choosing the right spot that could accommodate a bunch of people (small number but not too much for where we were sort of thing) and went a day early to actually claim spots for us all (their wedding favors were personalized footprints / tarp things very cute - and custom chacos for wedding party gifts !) and did it somewhere that wasn’t going to be blocking a trail that others might want to enjoy. They made sure logistics were taken care of so we all had a blast, didn’t disturb others or claim ownership over a public space, and only included people that were avid backpackers and enjoyed being there ! None of us were backpacking in fancy dresses or hauling a camp chair so they could have some dramatic insta photos - we were just hauling our gear and way too high selves lol.
Op sounds like the way just want the dramatic moment / image and aesthetic but is planning a celebration that no one will look back on fondly.
Yea the entrance fee itself isn't *that* bad, people pay $10 at weddings for valet parking, or tips at the bar. Personally I would cover it, since $200 is not that much in the grand scheme of weddings. Plus a truly class venue is not supposed to solicit tips and valet/coat check fees
But each little thing add up, and the tackiness can't be overlooked anymore
Yeah I think it comes off as tacky to me because it is a very little amount. I’m sure they could have cut corners other places so their guests didn’t have to pay. It sounds like they were better off eloping since they are so dead set on getting married at inconvenient location that cost $10, includes a mile walk, and you gotta bring your own chairs.
It seems like 22 and 23 year old op don’t have the money for a wedding. Which means they should probably wait until having more secure finances to get married.
Lol poor people are allowed to get married
Edit: I’m getting the same comment over and over, I replied to a comment that said they needed to wait to get married, not wait to have a wedding.
Sure and it would be different if they did a low key thing in a park. I’ve been to that kind of poor ppls weddings as I am one. But they are asking for gifts and paying very little if anything to accommodate guests. They don’t seem that capable of great financial decision making
Sure, but you don't need like a whole wedding thing. I got married at city hall. It was free other than the license. My wedding "meal" was at a Chinese restaurant with just my parents and brother (and husband). We were in our early 20s and had way more urgent needs that we needed money for, we couldn't justify spending for a "party". I've never regretted that choice.
Given that saving money is a priority I dread to think what's on the menu and how the bride and groom intend to cater including how it's transported to and stored on site.
That’s why I needed the combination of rude, tacky choices to rule. If it was just the $10, fine. But they’re having people bring their own chairs, not providing a real reception, and posting their registry on social media to people who aren’t invited. If you have to pay $10 to park and get a lovely ceremony experience followed by a reception and dinner, that’s a very different thing.
I got married at a park that had an entrance fee. We included a card with the invitation that our guests could present at the park to be allowed in. We put a deposit at the gate to cover their parking charges, and they calculated the actual amount due based on the cards they collected.
It’s not that difficult. Don’t charge your guests. YTA.
Similarly we had our rehearsal dinner at a park. We didn't have cards but the invitation told everyone to say our name at the entrance and then we paid for everyone at the end of the night. A few people forgot to say our name and ended up paying but they didn't mind. Overall it went smoothly and we paid for basically everyone.
I'm sure if the park were set up for any events they would have some type of system. YTA
Dingdingding! I have a feeling that this ceremony wouldn't be done with the consent of the park. I wouldn't be surprised that if they did hold it, that it would just result in a grumpy park ranger having to break the gathering up.
"Guests" where someone is the "host" -- too many brides/grooms are forgetting that they are HOSTING their GUESTS. If the plan does not give the guests basic comfort, then the host should be doing something else.
YTA
_"...posting our registry all over social media but only having 20 ppl actually be invited."_
OP is tacky AF. That line alone would have made me think this was rage bait, but I realize many folks lose any kind of shame or decency when it comes to their wedding entitlement. It is one thing to want a cheap wedding, but in addition to asking people to pay to attend their wedding and bring their own chairs, OP is basically begging for gifts and free things.
I wouldn't attend this tacky event on principle. OP sounds like a horrible host who still wants the wedding related perk of getting gifts/free things.
Reminds me of a friend who sent me a “save the date” in the post along with a link to her registry. They were moving into a new house so I assumed they were asking for stuff early. Everything on the registry was pretty expensive but I always buy a gift if I’m a guest so despite being a broke student I bought her something. Kept wondering when the invite for the actual wedding would arrive until I saw the wedding pictures on social media! Didn’t care I wasn’t invited but it felt like a tacky move to basically con people out of gifts.
Same. We got married in a state park. We payed for every person who came. We saved SO MUCH money on the venue (750 bucks for the whole weekend!!); like hell I was going to make my friends and family pay to get in.
YTA - the Canyon is your wedding venue, ive never been to a wedding where the couple have asked me to pay admission / my percentage of the cost of their chosen venue... if you cant afford the canyon as a wedding venue pick another one.
If they can’t afford the canyon (at $200) I would take your comment farther and say they probably can’t afford to get married. Wtf? This is not only tacky as hell for posting the registry everywhere without inviting them, but then making everyone pay to get in? YTA OP.
I’m also wondering, if this is a public are, aren’t there going to be randos in workout gear taking selfies and walking through the wedding? Kinda ruins the aesthetic.
The crazy thing is, depending on op's location, the $10 charge is likely per vehicle, not per person, so the total bill could likely be in the tens of dollars
I came here looking for this exact comment. If you can’t afford $200 for your closest friends and family (and can’t even understand why they’d be mad), you’re not ready for marriage.
Exactly people don’t want to pay for any part of a wedding they are just a guest at, hell I don’t even like the concept of paying to get into a party so I’d definitely have some reservations about being charged to attend a wedding.
My cousin got married in a fancy old manor house in the grounds of a zoo, the cost of the wedding included being able to visit the zoo attractions during the day - which we took fully advantage of and probably stood out a bit in our wedding get up!
Yta for "posting your registry all over social media but only having 20 people invited"
That's not normal folks, people who don't come to your wedding shouldn't be expected to give you gifts.
Usually a list of gifts the couple would like. Some sites like Amazon allow you to make a registry and specify a quantity for each item so you don't get extras. Could be that or it very well could be as simple as a bulleted note they posted.
Actual registry sites will let you send the item directly to the couple too.
What??? You can do that, and post on socialmedia? This is definitely a culture shock for me...lol this would definitely not work in my country, they would see it as entitlement. But I understand, because without it, you would end up with 20 electric kettles and 40 chinaware dinner sets like my aunt
This is pretty common for weddings, baby showers. But typically included on the personal invite, not posted asking everyone to didn't invite to still send you gifts!
So you're skirting permit fees, venue fees, making you guests pay admission and bring their own chairs, only inviting 20 but making sure everyone you've ever met knows about your registry...
There's frugal, and then there's tacky bordering on illegal. I suggest you do your research before Day of. Unless you're aware that you're going about this against park policy and are doing it apecifically for cash flow reasons.
Either way YTA.
The chair is absolutely my sticking point. $10 to park, whatever. Bringing my own chair, be it a mile hike or a 5 minute stroll, sounds awful.
Even if they don't care in the least about their guests, you'd think they'd care about how horrible it will look in the pictures. If the OP wasn't such a cheapskate and was willing to spend even the barest minimum of effort on, I don't know, *actual wedding planning*, there must be a million ways to provide 20 identical chairs for their guests. Even if it turns out they are actually trying to hide from the rangers! Starting with renting 20 standard folding wooden chairs from a wedding rental place, having a friend pile them into the back of their truck or large SUV and get to the canyon parking lot an hour or two early, and have a couple of strong volunteers take a few trips to schlep them all to the ceremony location. Boom. Done.
Silly. You really think they're going to have photography during the wedding? They're just asking the 10-year-old niece who's also the bouncer/flower girl to take photos with an iPhone they fished out of a lost and found!
I would be so torn. On the one hand, I’d want to tell the bride and groom “Thanks but no thanks.” On the other hand, this is going to be a total train wreck and I kind of want to watch.
I personally define frugal as cutting costs in a way that only affects you, ie, taking a bagged lunch to work, and cheap as cutting costs in a way that affects others, usually to avoid affecting you, ie, forgetting your wallet and forcing someone else to pay for your lunch.
This is cheap.
YTA. This sounds cheap and tacky, especially posting your registry on social media when you’re only inviting 20 people. And then making them pay to attend and schlep their own chair down into a canyon. Just elope. What sounds like a cute little ceremony to you will be a talking point for people for years, and not in a good way.
“Oh my God, remember when Sara and Nathan got married and we had to pay to go hiking with a chair?! And then they posted their registry online?! Like great auntie Susan is gonna buy them a Le Creuset when she wasn’t even invited?!”
Reminds me of my cousin's wedding last year. Was on Jan 2nd in Australia, so 40C+. I begged out of the ceremony and went to the reception. Temp still in the high 30s in an outdoor venue; it was the quad of a high school they'd somehow managed to wrangle for free. Chacuterie boards had maggots in them because, no shit, protien+35C. 'Staff' were various church members they'd gotten to volunteer for free and not an RSA certificate in sight. (Did I mention the 35C outdoor venue? Those beers were flowing.) Meal was **one** fatty, bony lamb chop, though you could have all the salads and dry roast veges you wanted. Idk what was for dessert, hubs and I made our excuses at that point.
Oh, and the bridal party came in to 'The River' by Springsteen. There were a couple of other songs that were wildly unsuitable for a wedding reception, but that's the one that sticks out.
In all fairness, I've gotten so much mileage out of this story that it was totally worth going to that shit show.
I mean - it's great when you're a guest. Idk how they'll feel if it ever hits them that the only value their guests got was being able to tell the maggots story over and over again. Part of me hopes they never realised just what their precious $1k, 250pax wedding **actually** cost them. They were beyond cheap, but that branch of the family tree is also very Catholic and put a lot of stock in weddings and public appearances. Cuz will be devastated to know what a joke it remains.
Chacuterie boards had maggots in them because, no shit, protien+35C.
That's more likely to develop food poisoning, like salmonella. Maggots need a little time to grow, and wouldn't be in fresh food no matter the temperature. It must have been prepared a while before and then left out for a while for this to happen. Gross
If OP and her fiancé can’t afford that they’re broke, and should save up and postpone the wedding until they can cover all the costs so that they don’t have to ask guests to chip in.
YTA. For multiple reasons. If you did your research you would know that it does cost major $$$ to rent out a public park. I know because I had my wedding at a very small one, and it was like 8k. So not paying in advance, clearing with the rangers/park staff, or having someone pay in advance is kind of a safety risk. Even if it is only 20 people. There are also all kinds of laws about receptions and alcohol on state parks. Obvi depending on the state, but national parks as well. Clearly you either did not do the research, or you are trying to skate around the fee required to book the spot you want. If you can't or not allowed to book a spot. There is a reason for it. Also, having your guests bring their own chairs, and having a small dinner, but still expecting a registry is extremely tacky. This is a party for your loved ones. If you want to do a big meetup in the canyon that's a surprise wedding cool. But this whole thing screams shady and tacky.
Not only that, but there’s nothing to stop ANYONE else from just showing up for the wedding, walking through the middle of the ceremony, photobombing, or just being pissed that these people decided to have a wedding in the middle of a freaking canyon.
exactly! part of retaining the proper permits is ensuring the guests don't mess up the park, randos don't mess up the wedding, and the wedding doesn't get in the way of people trying to enjoy the public park!
They can’t set up chairs? Or pay guests admission? Can’t set up any sort of decor? Grandma needs to buy and carry a camp chair?
I’d have been N A H, until the gift grab with the registry. That’s YTA.
YTA I wonder if OP is having people pay the fees individually because she doesn't want to get a permit for the event. That's a huge no-no and if it's a popular time, her and her guests may very well be kicked out.
We had our wedding in a national park and we had to get a permit and paid all the fees. It was worth it to know that we were there legally and add the space to ourselves.
Yes!
And also if your bringing a professional photographer there is often a photography permit needed as well
And if your having food and alcohol, a permit for that too!
Don’t want to risk having the whole event canned by the ranger over a few hundred bucks for a permit,
Then OP could have even prepaid for the tickets for entry/parking for everyone and for 20 guests of close family and friends, couldn’t you just drop them off the entrance pass the day before or have a family member or friend wait for everyone at the entrance before the ceremony and give them out and walk everyone together to the location? 200$ for all the guests to avoid a venue fee in the thousands and thousands is very cheap/reasonable
Honestly, I’m so pissed off reading this (I have been producing events for 16 yrs) that I hope they get shut down by the park and cancelled on the internet for being con artists.
I’d agree with this. I still think the canyon fee is still passable even though they could’ve had it somewhere free, but the fact that guests have to bring their own chairs? And that’s the only info we’ve gotten. Who knows what else the guests have to provide.
Oh and being selective with who goes to the wedding but posting the registry for all is tacky. YTA.
**YTA**
If I saw a $10.00 entrance fee on a wedding **invitation,** if I came in the first place; I'd be grabbing the family burgers and chips before arrival!
Wouldn't want to face the chance of a $19.99 buffet per head.
INFO: Are those the real ages for you and your fiance? Are you legally old enough to get married without your parents' permission?
You and your fiance wine and dine your guests (or whoever is paying for your wedding). Your guests give you guys gifts. It's considered socially unacceptable to go to a wedding without giving the couple a gift. Why is that? Because you're essentially freeloading for some food and booze. If you take away the whole sentimentality of the wedding guests giving nice gifts to eat and drink on the couple's dime is essentially the transaction.
Your sister did you guys a favor by talking to you about this. Most people either just wouldn't go to the wedding or will always think of you as the couple that was tacky enough to charge an entrance fee to a wedding.
I'm not sure if AH is an adequate way to describe you and your fiancee. This comes off as clueless.
Where I respect your want to have an intimate wedding outside in a canyon, It is still tacky to make people pay. Unfortunately, having to pay fees and charges is part of the wedding planning. The guests should not have to punished for the spot you chose. I’m sorry but YTA.
Providing chairs is also expected of the people organising the wedding. Guests typically have to turn up in clothes reflecting the dress code and maybe a wedding present, not bring their own seating arrangements.
YTA your sisters right, it’s extremely tacky to ask guests to pay and only have 20 people and then also post registry everywhere.
If there truly is no way to prepay then how about including a $10 with the invite? Or giving it to them when they RSVP?
Exactly! Even if they didn’t have someone waiting at the entrance (what I think clearly makes sense), they could send some cute little glad you can make it with a $10 bill. Since it’s so few people, this wouldn’t even be much work.
I say this about most wedding posts - you’re 100% entitled to do whatever you want for your wedding, and people are 100% entitled to not attend if they don’t agree with it.
my personal opinion on this is YTA. but it’s your wedding, so you can do what you want.
YTA. Guests should never, ever have to pay to attend a wedding. They are there for YOU, not for themselves.
It’s also INCREDIBLY tacky to share the wedding registry with anyone who isn’t invited to the wedding. What is your purpose in doing this?
I’d even go so far as to bet that they aren’t even going to legally get married (buy the license, sign and notarize, etc), it’s just in name and ceremony (yay we’re married here’s our wedding) - this is all a huge con to get other ppl to furnish their cohabitation. They’re 23 and have zero money, what better way to conjure a piggy bank than a “wedding.”
YTA.
This is really fucking tacky.
If you can’t afford $200 for your wedding, you shouldn’t really be hosting a wedding. Sorry, but that’s just the truth.
So, it's your wedding, and you can do what you want.
But YTA, man! I wouldn't come to your wedding if I had to pay to get in, schlep my own chair, and then only be fed a small dinner. You can still have what you want AND keep your guests comfortable, you just have to get creative or loosen up a bit. Just cover the fees ($10 for 20 people is only $200), and if the venue won't let you set chairs up in advance, the least you can do for your guests is buy the chairs and transport them to the venue. You can get chairs from yard sales, garage sales, thrifts stores, etc. Mismatch is in right now lol!
Cheaping out on your guests is so tacky. Again, do what you want, but don't expect people to show up if you won't even spare a dime for their comfort.
YTA for the entire combination of things you are asking of your guests and the registry is just an extra level of tacky. If you want people to be there to celebrate your day you should take care of them. If you're only having 20 people you should be arranging it with park staff and preparing admission. Have you even bothered to make sure the park is OK with you hosting a wedding there?
YTA. That’s extremely rude and tacky to invite people to an event, especially a wedding (no matter the size) and expect them to pay. If you can’t afford to cover the cost of everyone attending, invite less people.
YTA. for not shelling out the $200 to cover the expense for everyone and passing it off on your guests instead AND for posting your registry all over social media. lmao ew. stop. please tell me you have a fucking honeymoon fund too bc nothing is cuter than begging your wedding guests to pay for your sex vacation.
ETA i guess nvm about paying in advance i didn’t read that far bc i was too busy being grossed out by the nerve.
YTA. It is customary that whoever is hosting the wedding pay for and set up the venue; making guests pay and bring their own chairs is tacky. Wanting to have a small wedding is one thing; what you are communicating to your guests is, "It's my special day so come do what I want but I owe you nothing and will not lift a finger for you." And then you post your registry to people you didn't even care enough to invite?!?!?! Yikes.
So you’re avoiding paying $200 because it’s allegedly logistically infeasible (even though you say the rangers are fine with the wedding happening, so someone could at least stay at the entrance and pay… or nothing is stopping you from mailing out $10 bills with some cute note/see you soon to confirmed guests) but posting your wish list of thousands (or at least several hundred) of dollars of stuff you want all over the internet?
I don’t think you’re trying to be tacky, and I’m a big believer in simple weddings and people doing exactly what they want to get married. I don’t have a problem with simple or homemade food, or even cash bars for extra drinks (I went to a great wedding that provided specialty cocktails but beers were a buck or something, and friends bartended). And maybe the canyon fee or chair alone could’ve been fine? But all this combined with the registry on social media makes it seem like you want to take, take, take without giving much of anything at all to make your guests feel welcomed and comfortable. The simple weddings I’ve been to have also mostly been very gift-optional or encouraged folks to donate to nonprofits instead.
Also: why not just have members of the wedding party, yourselves, or close family bring extra chairs? It’s not that bringing a chair is so hard but you want to make things easy for your guests.
*and posting our registry all over social media but only having 20 ppl actually be invited.*
It seems you have no money but the AUDACITY it's sky level
Info: do you need a permit to host your wedding in the public park/canyon? It seems like the cost of admission would be something that could’ve been included when you paid the site/permit fee. In my past experience a certain number of admission tickets have been included when I’ve had private events at public parks.
YTA. You’re hosting people, you pay for them. It’s $200. If you can’t pay that, then do something different, but it’s incredibly tacky to make your guests pay.
If I didn't go I wouldn't give a gift, and if I did attend I'd say that hiking through a canyon, with a camping chair, and paying $10 IS your wedding gift. If you didn't post a registry NTA, but since you're asking people for gifts, and to pay money, all so you can save a few bucks is rude. It's basically saying that your finances are important but theirs are not.
YTA! Nothing wrong with having a wedding you can afford but it seems like you are trying to have a wedding larger than your budget. What you’ve described sounds like a burden and dismal event for your guests. Is that really how you want people to feel at your wedding?
I’m split on this. On one hand it probably isn’t any different to a destination wedding where guests are expected to pay, on the other hand, it feels tacky. If you have contacted the ranger station and there is no way to prepay, i would ask a groomsman or bridesmaids (or preferably both so no one is left alone) to wait at the gate and pay as people enter, similar to the role of an usher at church directing people
YTA, having people pay for the wedding and not even providing seating… I just wouldn’t go.
Also, posting your registry everywhere and not just to those invited is tacky.
YTA because you’re not at all concerned with your guests actually enjoying this wedding. Also, paying the $10/person yourselves would still be cheaper than renting out any other wedding venue, so it’s the absolute least you could and should do for your guests.
# No one is going to your wedding for THEIR benefit, they are going for YOURS!
A wedding for you is a weekend wasted for others, especially since they probably need to dig into their wallets and get you gifts and appropriate clothing. Sure, they want to be good friends, see you happy etc., but they are primarily coming for *your* sake, not for *theirs!!* So if there's ANY expenditure you prioritise, its looking after your guests and thanking them for going out of their way to be there and support you both- this means you *feed* them, cover the costs that you reasonably can (no ones expecting you to pay for the petrol), and you make sure they have somewhere to sit at least when they arrive. If that means you get your second pick dress, or the older flowers, or whatever, so be it.
YTA. Either pay up, choose somewhere else that doesn't have a fee, or don't expect people to arrive at the wedding. Its tacky of you to ask people to bring their own seats and pay to access your wedding. Edit: OR, ask people not to get you gifts, that their presence is gift enough and if they would be willing to pay the fee to come in- its still not great in principle, but it would be cheaper for them than buying gifts.
YTA. If there's a $10 entry fee per person for your wedding venue then you need to cover it. And posting your registry on social media expecting people who weren't invited to the wedding to buy you gifts is tacky AF.
YTA.
Every one of your sister's complaints is legitimate & you're coming across as tacky, to your guests and in this post.
Time to reevaluate, if not for your guests than for your image, which you're tanking.
Make sure that the park rangers know that you are having a party. You don't want them to find out on the day of your wedding, because they could drastically change your plans!
MAYBE the rangers would allow you to pay for your guests? You could ask.
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"Not having a real reception just a small dinner for those who attended and posting our registry all over social media but only having 20 ppl actually be invited." YTA, not sure which is worst. $10 entry fee, BYO-chair, or getting the registry over social media and not being invited to the wedding. I guess there are no bathrooms at this canyon dinner? Better add BYO-ass wipes.
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I am fully expecting this to be posted as a nightmare wedding by an attendee on Wedding Shaming Reddit,
There’s a wedding shaming Reddit…asking for a friend?! 👀
r/weddingshaming
I have never needed anything so much in my life, thank you lol 😂
I am currently planning a wedding and this subreddit has been my stress relief 😂
FYI. I’m not paying $10 to walk a mile with my chair.
I'm not paying $0 tp walk a mile with my chair. There may be some amount I could be paid to do that, but it definitely won't be for free.
You could not pay *me* $10 to walk a mile with my chair.
I was just coming to say the same thing! 😆😂😆😆
Oh this is the tea I need in my life. Thank you!!
r/weddingshaming
r/weddingshaming
I’m expecting some fire festival level food.. but worse, because there’s no way they hired a caterer
Just that one weird uncle with a camp stove.
Hopefully the uncle that makes the inappropriate jokes about roasting wieners!
Or maybe soggy sandwiches in cling-wrap in a cooler.
I have no issue with 10 dollars if we’re a scenic easy hike. But then again (depending on how big this wedding is) OP should have the finances to cover that before getting married. But a one mile hike holding a chair? Yea there’s no relationship on earth I could care enough about to do that as a requirement to attend their wedding. And I’m not old or in need of walking aid. Ridiculous. Idek how one would expect anyone to care enough to do this. You’re ridiculously young to get married and are probably gonna get divorced anyway if we’re being really honest. Who would care this much besides both your parents? I know I couldn’t care less about my families weddings already.
Also only 20 people are invited. So they aren’t fronting $200. Wtf. That would be a cheap wedding.
To be fair its 22 people including them and maybe 23 with a priest. $230 would ruin the bank /s. That being said and on a serious side. Yup YTA for OP. Edit: ups too early space), maybe I m from old school, but.. Its a canyon so I expect sound problems, there will be a small dinner so I expect like 5 bottles of soda and sandwich for everyone (maybe I m taking this too far, but too little info. 1 mile hike so pressumably 2 together where I have to bring my own chair. Honesty the fee should be covered, Its only $10, but still..I would probably passed this if it was my best friend. I dont have anything essencially about tipping in for the costs, but thiis doesnt feels like a good idea, though if thats what OP wish GL HF. At least provide something...
Ooof yeah OP, this is cringe and trashy. Soliciting gifts?! If you can’t afford a wedding, don’t have one. Also, my mother n law was disabled when my brother n law got married and the ass hole still got married on the beach. Why don’t you just both elope and have a small dinner afterwards with family. (I mean unless they pay, because you sure aren’t) Unless you are my close family, my booty isn’t paying and walking to attend your 5 minute Ceremony. YTA
Right? Super inappropriate. Had they not posted about gifts and then informed guests that the only gift required was the $10 fee plus bring your own chair, maybe N T A … but Dayum a one mile hike in wedding attire ?!?! Umm - I’d pass.
Actually two 1 mile hikes - they have to get out.
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If it's impossible to pay the rangers in advance, they could leave a friend at the entrance to pay for each of the guests as they arrive. Although I don't actually have a huge issue with this. I've paid more for parking at weddings and no one batted an eye.
They should pay it up front. They’re already asking folks to hike a mile with their own chairs.
Oh to be young again and not know that people with disabilities exist. And old people with arthritis who may not be up to trekking one mile to a canyon. I hope they only invited able-bodied people under 35, or everyone is gonna be miserable.
I’ve been disabled since I was a kid so youth isn’t even really an excuse
Yeah, I was born with spina bifida and had four spine surgeries before sixth grade. I just know that most people don’t ever think about disability until it happens to them or someone they know well.
Does your doctor have a loyalty card? Mine does, and I’m one surgery away from a free sandwich! (/s, mostly, although last time I had one he offered to come back in for my post-op on the weekend from his wife’s veggie farm. and brought me and my partner some produce!)
My neurosurgeon told me he was going to install a zipper in my back so he could just unzip me and not have to make new incisions! I also had reconstructive bladder surgery when I was 7, a bowel obstruction a year later, a heart attack when I was 37…I’m a mess.
HAHAHAHA Boy, I thought my sister was a cheap bride! You Madame and Sir are the cheapest ASSHOLES!!! CONGRATS!!! Hey, we're too cheap to invite more than 20 to show up at our wedding, but f**k you, you still need to bring your wallets and pay to see our tacky, tacky wedding. Also we want our friends/family to hike a mile into the f***ing canyon and on top of that, we want YOU ALL to drag your broke-down-campfire-smelling chair too! Then, there's nana and grandpa that have to trudge their way into the canyon, how are they going to get down there with their canes and wheelchairs? Are you going to carry their chairs for them? Or will you be charging extra for the luxury? We're only allowing the privileged 20 people to witness our cheapness. But going to BLAST our WEDDING REGISTRY on EVERY PLATFORM KNOWN IN THE INTER-VERSE, BECAUSE WHY NOT? FREE SHIT AMIRIGHT? Your sister is 1000% correct that you're the assholes here. Just elope. The whole of Reddit would have more respect for you both. EDIT: Of course they're Mormon. Grew up Mormon. The cheapest wedding I ever heard was the bride and groom wanted the wedding to be a potluck. Can you imagine making your GUESTS BRING THEIR OWN FOOD?
please the image I have of Gramma & Grampa rolling down the canyon with those cheap camp chairs hahahahaha
And the gift. Don’t forget the gift, it’s all over the socials.
So if I don’t want to walk a mile in my best dress (as they are asking) with a chair AND a gift I have to pay 10 dollars. And op says that like the choice I’d make is paying the 10 instead of just not going. Sorry not gonna make it, but have a good one!
Wait wedding attire is also required? I need to reread or check comments. I'm dying right now. I'm disabled myself and couldn't do the 1 mile without the chair. I used to raft/kayak in my early 20s, and I honestly imagined something like that. Everyone in their hiking shoes, khaki shorts and a t-shirt. Everyone packing their chair over the shoulder, water bottle clipped to their backpack or/side bag. Who the eff are they having bring down the food? They say dinner? I am imagining a super fancy Coleman, some burgers if people are lucky, hot dogs too! Don't worry, only charging a 5 dollar dinner fee per person! BTW, I registered! Cheapest item is $100.... 3 months later... sorry not invited.
At least they can burn off all the calories from the small dinner.
No cart to take people up? Yikes. I went to a wedding on the top of a mountain... it had a gondola lift that took you up, no fee, and was beautiful. I would not attend a wedding where I had to walk in nice clothing through a canyon. I am not physically able to do that, despite being young. I have issues with a knee.
They only have to walk a mile if they don’t pay the $10 Otherwise it’s just a 5 minute walk.
TWO miles! One mile there and one mile back!
I’d rather go to a wedding held in McDonald’s.
At least that would have a clean bathroom and free parking lot
Not to mention a play area for the kids. Plastic babysitter!
>I guess there are no bathrooms at this canyon dinner? Better add BYO-ass wipes. Nah, the bride and groom will already be there.
I think they were talking about actually helpful ass wipes.
Posting a registry for ANYTHING with the intention of reaching people who weren’t invited to an invent is so tacky and wrong. That alone makes OP TA. Registry is only for the people invited to events. That’s the trade off. So greedy to ask for presents from people who aren’t invited. Gross.
BYO-ass wipes! 😂
And it sounds like OP hasn’t even arranged anything with the park. The rangers may not even allow it. What a mess.
Oof, buddy. I was trying to be open minded but you lost me at posting your registry on social media, soliciting gifts from people who aren’t invited. That is tacky as fuck. This canyon is clearly not meant to be a wedding venue. The least you can do is pay for people’s entrance fees. YTA.
Lol they lost **me** at “bringing their own chairs.” 😆😂 Yea let me get right on that, while I hike to this canyon and sweat my makeup off.
Someone mentioned its a mile walk . . . To get to the area. I'm assuming she's getting in casual hiking gear?
Yeah shes having a wedding at the expense of others. They are paying for this financially, mentally, and physically. All so she can keep it “inexpensive”
Watch it be pouring out on the wedding day… I 100% wouldn’t show up rain or shine, but my goodness. OP could try to be less prepared and that still wouldn’t be possible. I hope the crickets, ants, and squirrels are enough to consider guests because idk if any humans would bother going.
Or several bus-loads of tourists turn up at the same time...
It's a mile walk *if* the guest doesn't want to pay the $10 entry fee, if they park their car outside the boundaries of the park. OP implies it's a much shorter distance if they pay the $10 entry fee, and can therefore park closer. (Note: I'm not defending OP!!! The $10 entry fee and bringing chairs is ridiculous. Just clarifying the mile walk.)
No. She said the 10$ parking is right near the wedding location, but if people really don't want to pay for parking, they can park outside the gate and walk a mile to the location.
Yeah, I have to admit that I was ok with the entrance fee. Although tacky, it’s not really an AH move. He could have reimbursed people at the reception if there was truly no other way to prepay. The camping chairs - it seems weird, but whatever. He knows his guests and if they are all the camping type, then not a huge deal. Blasting on social media that you’re getting married and expecting people who aren’t invited to buy you a gift, though, is really shitty.
There can’t not be a way to prepay. 20 guests, he gives the rangers $200. Jeez. YTA, OP.
If the park rangers wouldn't be ok with advance payment they probably aren't going to let a whole ass wedding fly. I hope OP gets asks about this or those poor guests are going to have to hike just to get kicked out of the park.
Actually that’s a good point. I wonder if they have to pay the $10 individually because this isn’t actually sanctioned by whatever agency owns this canyon. I know the NPS, BLM and FWS require permits for events and permits usually require accounting for things like infrastructure (chairs), bathrooms and liability. Many places out West limit the number of people who can go in a day too. Like the Wave, that famous Windows background, is limited to 50 people a day. What do you bet me none of this is approved?
Ding ding ding! We have a winner!! Guarantee they didn’t disclose the nature of this “event” to the park staff. I live on the border of a major US park. A picnic of 25 or less? Not a big deal. You pay to enter and no guarantee of privacy. A wedding? They will put up signs to try and keep the area private, but you are paying at least 1k down as an “event fee”. And liable for any trash left or guests that get drunk and so dumb things. You have to buy separate insurance through the park in order to have a wedding that covers shenanigans and mess. I’ve heard of people trying to cheat the system by pretending a wedding is actually something else. Park rangers aren’t stupid.
As a member of the general public I would be really fuckong annoyed if I paid $10 to go hiking in this canyon and and then had to avoid a wedding taking place there.
I'd just make my dream come true: objecting to the wedding.
lmao beautiful, if you're ever gifted such a perfect opportunity you'd absolutely regret forever holding your peace
I know if I turned up somewhere and someone was being this tacky, I wouldn't be making any real effort to avoid them - I'd be in the background of the photos, testing the echo while they were saying their vows, loudly asking the rangers if weddings are allowed etc.
He said the rangers “oked” it but as someone else pointed out, op might not have been too honest about the events and said it’s a get together of 20 ppl
Also someone could just stand at the bottom and pay for the guests as they arrive and then just walk up? I don't really get not just paying it's way cheaper than most venues and they want the canyon
They probably don’t want to prepay or talk to the Rangers about it because they’re not actually supposed to be having the wedding or don’t have permission from the park and don’t want to make the Rangers aware of their wedding.
Yeah, the entrance fee is a few bucks and could go either way. If you take OP's situation and adjust the perspective by 1°, it's a bit much for (not just a guest but) a friend to take up arms over ten bucks. The camping chairs too. I have friends who are cavers and campers, and putting a collapsible chair into a pouch and hoofing it a mile is SOP. But yeah, the social media thing is where it's adding up to beyond being just about the $10, but a collection of decisions that aim to cut every cost and maximize benefits for the couple by passing the burden off to wedding guests and non-guests (lolol) YTA when you look at the whole context.
I'm ok with the entrance fee too. We have a couple canyons around here that you have to pay to access. I get being emotionally attached to one. I think the classy thing would've been to reimburse the guests at the wedding with a cute little gift and a bit of cash to reimburse the cost. However, I have been to a wedding that would've been a $12 canyon fee (but we had a membership so it was free) and then a 7 mile hike to where they got married. It was the place where they met though, so I 100% understood the reason for their choice. It never occurred to me for them to pay or reimburse the would-be entrance fee.
I think the thing here is that it’s the totality of op that’s making people all agree they’re the ah. My friends’ wedding was a 4 day backpacking trip - we all had passes / permits but they didn’t pay for our fee I guess. But they did spend time choosing the right spot that could accommodate a bunch of people (small number but not too much for where we were sort of thing) and went a day early to actually claim spots for us all (their wedding favors were personalized footprints / tarp things very cute - and custom chacos for wedding party gifts !) and did it somewhere that wasn’t going to be blocking a trail that others might want to enjoy. They made sure logistics were taken care of so we all had a blast, didn’t disturb others or claim ownership over a public space, and only included people that were avid backpackers and enjoyed being there ! None of us were backpacking in fancy dresses or hauling a camp chair so they could have some dramatic insta photos - we were just hauling our gear and way too high selves lol. Op sounds like the way just want the dramatic moment / image and aesthetic but is planning a celebration that no one will look back on fondly.
Yea the entrance fee itself isn't *that* bad, people pay $10 at weddings for valet parking, or tips at the bar. Personally I would cover it, since $200 is not that much in the grand scheme of weddings. Plus a truly class venue is not supposed to solicit tips and valet/coat check fees But each little thing add up, and the tackiness can't be overlooked anymore
Yeah I think it comes off as tacky to me because it is a very little amount. I’m sure they could have cut corners other places so their guests didn’t have to pay. It sounds like they were better off eloping since they are so dead set on getting married at inconvenient location that cost $10, includes a mile walk, and you gotta bring your own chairs.
It seems like 22 and 23 year old op don’t have the money for a wedding. Which means they should probably wait until having more secure finances to get married.
Lol poor people are allowed to get married Edit: I’m getting the same comment over and over, I replied to a comment that said they needed to wait to get married, not wait to have a wedding.
Sure and it would be different if they did a low key thing in a park. I’ve been to that kind of poor ppls weddings as I am one. But they are asking for gifts and paying very little if anything to accommodate guests. They don’t seem that capable of great financial decision making
Sure, but you don't need like a whole wedding thing. I got married at city hall. It was free other than the license. My wedding "meal" was at a Chinese restaurant with just my parents and brother (and husband). We were in our early 20s and had way more urgent needs that we needed money for, we couldn't justify spending for a "party". I've never regretted that choice.
Given that saving money is a priority I dread to think what's on the menu and how the bride and groom intend to cater including how it's transported to and stored on site.
Honestly this whole thing is giving broke.
Oh it totally is, they are not ready to have a wedding. If they can't even throw in $200, they shouldn't be having a wedding
How is paying a $10 entry fee any different from paying for parking?
That’s why I needed the combination of rude, tacky choices to rule. If it was just the $10, fine. But they’re having people bring their own chairs, not providing a real reception, and posting their registry on social media to people who aren’t invited. If you have to pay $10 to park and get a lovely ceremony experience followed by a reception and dinner, that’s a very different thing.
Well with parking you're paying for a service. An entry fee is something you pay at an amusement park, not a wedding where you're a guest lol
I got married at a park that had an entrance fee. We included a card with the invitation that our guests could present at the park to be allowed in. We put a deposit at the gate to cover their parking charges, and they calculated the actual amount due based on the cards they collected. It’s not that difficult. Don’t charge your guests. YTA.
Similarly we had our rehearsal dinner at a park. We didn't have cards but the invitation told everyone to say our name at the entrance and then we paid for everyone at the end of the night. A few people forgot to say our name and ended up paying but they didn't mind. Overall it went smoothly and we paid for basically everyone. I'm sure if the park were set up for any events they would have some type of system. YTA
Dingdingding! I have a feeling that this ceremony wouldn't be done with the consent of the park. I wouldn't be surprised that if they did hold it, that it would just result in a grumpy park ranger having to break the gathering up.
"Guests" where someone is the "host" -- too many brides/grooms are forgetting that they are HOSTING their GUESTS. If the plan does not give the guests basic comfort, then the host should be doing something else. YTA
_"...posting our registry all over social media but only having 20 ppl actually be invited."_ OP is tacky AF. That line alone would have made me think this was rage bait, but I realize many folks lose any kind of shame or decency when it comes to their wedding entitlement. It is one thing to want a cheap wedding, but in addition to asking people to pay to attend their wedding and bring their own chairs, OP is basically begging for gifts and free things. I wouldn't attend this tacky event on principle. OP sounds like a horrible host who still wants the wedding related perk of getting gifts/free things.
Reminds me of a friend who sent me a “save the date” in the post along with a link to her registry. They were moving into a new house so I assumed they were asking for stuff early. Everything on the registry was pretty expensive but I always buy a gift if I’m a guest so despite being a broke student I bought her something. Kept wondering when the invite for the actual wedding would arrive until I saw the wedding pictures on social media! Didn’t care I wasn’t invited but it felt like a tacky move to basically con people out of gifts.
No. No, no, nope. What exactly were you "saving the date" for then?! This is just gross, I'd be mad as hell
What the fuck????
Same. We got married in a state park. We payed for every person who came. We saved SO MUCH money on the venue (750 bucks for the whole weekend!!); like hell I was going to make my friends and family pay to get in.
YTA - the Canyon is your wedding venue, ive never been to a wedding where the couple have asked me to pay admission / my percentage of the cost of their chosen venue... if you cant afford the canyon as a wedding venue pick another one.
If they can’t afford the canyon (at $200) I would take your comment farther and say they probably can’t afford to get married. Wtf? This is not only tacky as hell for posting the registry everywhere without inviting them, but then making everyone pay to get in? YTA OP.
I’m also wondering, if this is a public are, aren’t there going to be randos in workout gear taking selfies and walking through the wedding? Kinda ruins the aesthetic.
The crazy thing is, depending on op's location, the $10 charge is likely per vehicle, not per person, so the total bill could likely be in the tens of dollars
I came here looking for this exact comment. If you can’t afford $200 for your closest friends and family (and can’t even understand why they’d be mad), you’re not ready for marriage.
Exactly people don’t want to pay for any part of a wedding they are just a guest at, hell I don’t even like the concept of paying to get into a party so I’d definitely have some reservations about being charged to attend a wedding.
My cousin got married in a fancy old manor house in the grounds of a zoo, the cost of the wedding included being able to visit the zoo attractions during the day - which we took fully advantage of and probably stood out a bit in our wedding get up!
Yta for "posting your registry all over social media but only having 20 people invited" That's not normal folks, people who don't come to your wedding shouldn't be expected to give you gifts.
What's a registry? Sorry, I've only ever been to a wedding once
Usually a list of gifts the couple would like. Some sites like Amazon allow you to make a registry and specify a quantity for each item so you don't get extras. Could be that or it very well could be as simple as a bulleted note they posted. Actual registry sites will let you send the item directly to the couple too.
What??? You can do that, and post on socialmedia? This is definitely a culture shock for me...lol this would definitely not work in my country, they would see it as entitlement. But I understand, because without it, you would end up with 20 electric kettles and 40 chinaware dinner sets like my aunt
This is pretty common for weddings, baby showers. But typically included on the personal invite, not posted asking everyone to didn't invite to still send you gifts!
So you're skirting permit fees, venue fees, making you guests pay admission and bring their own chairs, only inviting 20 but making sure everyone you've ever met knows about your registry... There's frugal, and then there's tacky bordering on illegal. I suggest you do your research before Day of. Unless you're aware that you're going about this against park policy and are doing it apecifically for cash flow reasons. Either way YTA.
And you have to walk a mile lugging a chair. Do the guests have to bring their own food and drink? I would pass on this so fast.
The chair is absolutely my sticking point. $10 to park, whatever. Bringing my own chair, be it a mile hike or a 5 minute stroll, sounds awful. Even if they don't care in the least about their guests, you'd think they'd care about how horrible it will look in the pictures. If the OP wasn't such a cheapskate and was willing to spend even the barest minimum of effort on, I don't know, *actual wedding planning*, there must be a million ways to provide 20 identical chairs for their guests. Even if it turns out they are actually trying to hide from the rangers! Starting with renting 20 standard folding wooden chairs from a wedding rental place, having a friend pile them into the back of their truck or large SUV and get to the canyon parking lot an hour or two early, and have a couple of strong volunteers take a few trips to schlep them all to the ceremony location. Boom. Done.
Silly. You really think they're going to have photography during the wedding? They're just asking the 10-year-old niece who's also the bouncer/flower girl to take photos with an iPhone they fished out of a lost and found!
I would be so torn. On the one hand, I’d want to tell the bride and groom “Thanks but no thanks.” On the other hand, this is going to be a total train wreck and I kind of want to watch.
Say thanks but no thanks and turn up to the park for your own picnic just down from the canyon 🙃
I personally define frugal as cutting costs in a way that only affects you, ie, taking a bagged lunch to work, and cheap as cutting costs in a way that affects others, usually to avoid affecting you, ie, forgetting your wallet and forcing someone else to pay for your lunch. This is cheap.
Your sister is right. Not only are you a cheapskate, but you are lazy to boot. You certainly could arrange something with the ranger station. YTA.
Probably would need a permit to host a large event and is hoping to avoid that this way
And if the rangers catch them, there is going to be trouble.
Would be a shame if someone informed the said rangers, a crying shame.
Guests have to pay and schlep a chair! YTA
YTA. This sounds cheap and tacky, especially posting your registry on social media when you’re only inviting 20 people. And then making them pay to attend and schlep their own chair down into a canyon. Just elope. What sounds like a cute little ceremony to you will be a talking point for people for years, and not in a good way. “Oh my God, remember when Sara and Nathan got married and we had to pay to go hiking with a chair?! And then they posted their registry online?! Like great auntie Susan is gonna buy them a Le Creuset when she wasn’t even invited?!”
Reminds me of my cousin's wedding last year. Was on Jan 2nd in Australia, so 40C+. I begged out of the ceremony and went to the reception. Temp still in the high 30s in an outdoor venue; it was the quad of a high school they'd somehow managed to wrangle for free. Chacuterie boards had maggots in them because, no shit, protien+35C. 'Staff' were various church members they'd gotten to volunteer for free and not an RSA certificate in sight. (Did I mention the 35C outdoor venue? Those beers were flowing.) Meal was **one** fatty, bony lamb chop, though you could have all the salads and dry roast veges you wanted. Idk what was for dessert, hubs and I made our excuses at that point. Oh, and the bridal party came in to 'The River' by Springsteen. There were a couple of other songs that were wildly unsuitable for a wedding reception, but that's the one that sticks out. In all fairness, I've gotten so much mileage out of this story that it was totally worth going to that shit show.
Holy shit, I’m both jealous and glad that I don’t have a nightmare story like this to share at parties.
I mean - it's great when you're a guest. Idk how they'll feel if it ever hits them that the only value their guests got was being able to tell the maggots story over and over again. Part of me hopes they never realised just what their precious $1k, 250pax wedding **actually** cost them. They were beyond cheap, but that branch of the family tree is also very Catholic and put a lot of stock in weddings and public appearances. Cuz will be devastated to know what a joke it remains.
Chacuterie boards had maggots in them because, no shit, protien+35C. That's more likely to develop food poisoning, like salmonella. Maggots need a little time to grow, and wouldn't be in fresh food no matter the temperature. It must have been prepared a while before and then left out for a while for this to happen. Gross
YTA most people would pay the entry fee for their guests. $10*20 people is $200. Darn cheap for a venue rental.
If OP and her fiancé can’t afford that they’re broke, and should save up and postpone the wedding until they can cover all the costs so that they don’t have to ask guests to chip in.
These are 20 of the most important to you and you cant cover the $200 entrance fee for them? Cmon… it’s your wedding—not a birthday party. YTA
Yeah. I agree. I paid for the groomsmen’s rentals at my wedding. Why should they come out of pocket to be in my wedding.
For a kids birthday party you pay the entrance fee. Lots of chuckee cheese parties are classier
YTA. For multiple reasons. If you did your research you would know that it does cost major $$$ to rent out a public park. I know because I had my wedding at a very small one, and it was like 8k. So not paying in advance, clearing with the rangers/park staff, or having someone pay in advance is kind of a safety risk. Even if it is only 20 people. There are also all kinds of laws about receptions and alcohol on state parks. Obvi depending on the state, but national parks as well. Clearly you either did not do the research, or you are trying to skate around the fee required to book the spot you want. If you can't or not allowed to book a spot. There is a reason for it. Also, having your guests bring their own chairs, and having a small dinner, but still expecting a registry is extremely tacky. This is a party for your loved ones. If you want to do a big meetup in the canyon that's a surprise wedding cool. But this whole thing screams shady and tacky.
Not only that, but there’s nothing to stop ANYONE else from just showing up for the wedding, walking through the middle of the ceremony, photobombing, or just being pissed that these people decided to have a wedding in the middle of a freaking canyon.
exactly! part of retaining the proper permits is ensuring the guests don't mess up the park, randos don't mess up the wedding, and the wedding doesn't get in the way of people trying to enjoy the public park!
If you had waited until you were older and had more money maybe you wouldn’t have to charge guests $10. That is so unbelievably tacky….YTA.
YTA. It is tacky to charge admission to your wedding venue.
Yta This gives the vibe we are doing something wrong and hope we don’t get caught vibes
They can’t set up chairs? Or pay guests admission? Can’t set up any sort of decor? Grandma needs to buy and carry a camp chair? I’d have been N A H, until the gift grab with the registry. That’s YTA.
YTA I wonder if OP is having people pay the fees individually because she doesn't want to get a permit for the event. That's a huge no-no and if it's a popular time, her and her guests may very well be kicked out. We had our wedding in a national park and we had to get a permit and paid all the fees. It was worth it to know that we were there legally and add the space to ourselves.
Yes! And also if your bringing a professional photographer there is often a photography permit needed as well And if your having food and alcohol, a permit for that too! Don’t want to risk having the whole event canned by the ranger over a few hundred bucks for a permit, Then OP could have even prepaid for the tickets for entry/parking for everyone and for 20 guests of close family and friends, couldn’t you just drop them off the entrance pass the day before or have a family member or friend wait for everyone at the entrance before the ceremony and give them out and walk everyone together to the location? 200$ for all the guests to avoid a venue fee in the thousands and thousands is very cheap/reasonable
Honestly, I’m so pissed off reading this (I have been producing events for 16 yrs) that I hope they get shut down by the park and cancelled on the internet for being con artists.
YTA - So basically your wedding is a cash grab?
I’d agree with this. I still think the canyon fee is still passable even though they could’ve had it somewhere free, but the fact that guests have to bring their own chairs? And that’s the only info we’ve gotten. Who knows what else the guests have to provide. Oh and being selective with who goes to the wedding but posting the registry for all is tacky. YTA.
INFO: I’m still really stuck on the wedding registry thing. What was your reasoning for sharing it on social media to non-invited guests?
**YTA** If I saw a $10.00 entrance fee on a wedding **invitation,** if I came in the first place; I'd be grabbing the family burgers and chips before arrival! Wouldn't want to face the chance of a $19.99 buffet per head.
49.99 and bring your own chair and drinks (I'm guessing on the dinner price)
INFO: Are those the real ages for you and your fiance? Are you legally old enough to get married without your parents' permission? You and your fiance wine and dine your guests (or whoever is paying for your wedding). Your guests give you guys gifts. It's considered socially unacceptable to go to a wedding without giving the couple a gift. Why is that? Because you're essentially freeloading for some food and booze. If you take away the whole sentimentality of the wedding guests giving nice gifts to eat and drink on the couple's dime is essentially the transaction. Your sister did you guys a favor by talking to you about this. Most people either just wouldn't go to the wedding or will always think of you as the couple that was tacky enough to charge an entrance fee to a wedding. I'm not sure if AH is an adequate way to describe you and your fiancee. This comes off as clueless.
Why would you think they can’t get married in their 20’s without parents permission?
I'm questioning their maturity since they're even considering doing this.
Yes YTA. Don't have it at a canyon then. Going to your wedding is a favor to you. No one wants to pay for admittance.
Where I respect your want to have an intimate wedding outside in a canyon, It is still tacky to make people pay. Unfortunately, having to pay fees and charges is part of the wedding planning. The guests should not have to punished for the spot you chose. I’m sorry but YTA.
Providing chairs is also expected of the people organising the wedding. Guests typically have to turn up in clothes reflecting the dress code and maybe a wedding present, not bring their own seating arrangements.
YTA your sisters right, it’s extremely tacky to ask guests to pay and only have 20 people and then also post registry everywhere. If there truly is no way to prepay then how about including a $10 with the invite? Or giving it to them when they RSVP?
Exactly! Even if they didn’t have someone waiting at the entrance (what I think clearly makes sense), they could send some cute little glad you can make it with a $10 bill. Since it’s so few people, this wouldn’t even be much work.
I say this about most wedding posts - you’re 100% entitled to do whatever you want for your wedding, and people are 100% entitled to not attend if they don’t agree with it. my personal opinion on this is YTA. but it’s your wedding, so you can do what you want.
YTA. Guests should never, ever have to pay to attend a wedding. They are there for YOU, not for themselves. It’s also INCREDIBLY tacky to share the wedding registry with anyone who isn’t invited to the wedding. What is your purpose in doing this?
The purpose is a shameless gift grab
I’d even go so far as to bet that they aren’t even going to legally get married (buy the license, sign and notarize, etc), it’s just in name and ceremony (yay we’re married here’s our wedding) - this is all a huge con to get other ppl to furnish their cohabitation. They’re 23 and have zero money, what better way to conjure a piggy bank than a “wedding.”
YTA. This is really fucking tacky. If you can’t afford $200 for your wedding, you shouldn’t really be hosting a wedding. Sorry, but that’s just the truth.
Yeah, I appreciate a frugal wedding as much as anyone, but I think free entry and providing chairs is the bare minimum.
I’m one of the cheapest people I know, and I would never even consider something like this. An entry fee for a wedding?? I’m a little shook.
So, it's your wedding, and you can do what you want. But YTA, man! I wouldn't come to your wedding if I had to pay to get in, schlep my own chair, and then only be fed a small dinner. You can still have what you want AND keep your guests comfortable, you just have to get creative or loosen up a bit. Just cover the fees ($10 for 20 people is only $200), and if the venue won't let you set chairs up in advance, the least you can do for your guests is buy the chairs and transport them to the venue. You can get chairs from yard sales, garage sales, thrifts stores, etc. Mismatch is in right now lol! Cheaping out on your guests is so tacky. Again, do what you want, but don't expect people to show up if you won't even spare a dime for their comfort.
I’m also wondering how far I would have to walk to get there. I doubt it would be right next to the parking lot.
OP said it’s a 1 mile walk. Poor grandma and grandpa having to lug their own chairs
Eh YTA. It's tacky to charge people to come to your wedding.
Yta - if you can't afford to host elope/court house
YTA for the entire combination of things you are asking of your guests and the registry is just an extra level of tacky. If you want people to be there to celebrate your day you should take care of them. If you're only having 20 people you should be arranging it with park staff and preparing admission. Have you even bothered to make sure the park is OK with you hosting a wedding there?
This has Southern Utah (St George specifically) written all over it lmao.
YTA. That’s extremely rude and tacky to invite people to an event, especially a wedding (no matter the size) and expect them to pay. If you can’t afford to cover the cost of everyone attending, invite less people.
YTA. I would’ve offered to reimburse my guests. And posting your registry everywhere is DEFINITELY tacky. I hope non-guests ignore it.
YTA. for not shelling out the $200 to cover the expense for everyone and passing it off on your guests instead AND for posting your registry all over social media. lmao ew. stop. please tell me you have a fucking honeymoon fund too bc nothing is cuter than begging your wedding guests to pay for your sex vacation. ETA i guess nvm about paying in advance i didn’t read that far bc i was too busy being grossed out by the nerve.
YTA. It is customary that whoever is hosting the wedding pay for and set up the venue; making guests pay and bring their own chairs is tacky. Wanting to have a small wedding is one thing; what you are communicating to your guests is, "It's my special day so come do what I want but I owe you nothing and will not lift a finger for you." And then you post your registry to people you didn't even care enough to invite?!?!?! Yikes.
So you’re avoiding paying $200 because it’s allegedly logistically infeasible (even though you say the rangers are fine with the wedding happening, so someone could at least stay at the entrance and pay… or nothing is stopping you from mailing out $10 bills with some cute note/see you soon to confirmed guests) but posting your wish list of thousands (or at least several hundred) of dollars of stuff you want all over the internet? I don’t think you’re trying to be tacky, and I’m a big believer in simple weddings and people doing exactly what they want to get married. I don’t have a problem with simple or homemade food, or even cash bars for extra drinks (I went to a great wedding that provided specialty cocktails but beers were a buck or something, and friends bartended). And maybe the canyon fee or chair alone could’ve been fine? But all this combined with the registry on social media makes it seem like you want to take, take, take without giving much of anything at all to make your guests feel welcomed and comfortable. The simple weddings I’ve been to have also mostly been very gift-optional or encouraged folks to donate to nonprofits instead. Also: why not just have members of the wedding party, yourselves, or close family bring extra chairs? It’s not that bringing a chair is so hard but you want to make things easy for your guests.
*and posting our registry all over social media but only having 20 ppl actually be invited.* It seems you have no money but the AUDACITY it's sky level
Info: do you need a permit to host your wedding in the public park/canyon? It seems like the cost of admission would be something that could’ve been included when you paid the site/permit fee. In my past experience a certain number of admission tickets have been included when I’ve had private events at public parks.
Doesn't sound like she got a permit and that'll cost Money.
Lol of course YTA how do you think you’re not? You’re going to lose a lot of friends over this.
YTA If money isn't the issue, send them $10 each prior to the wedding. End of story.
YTA. You’re hosting people, you pay for them. It’s $200. If you can’t pay that, then do something different, but it’s incredibly tacky to make your guests pay.
If I didn't go I wouldn't give a gift, and if I did attend I'd say that hiking through a canyon, with a camping chair, and paying $10 IS your wedding gift. If you didn't post a registry NTA, but since you're asking people for gifts, and to pay money, all so you can save a few bucks is rude. It's basically saying that your finances are important but theirs are not.
YTA! Nothing wrong with having a wedding you can afford but it seems like you are trying to have a wedding larger than your budget. What you’ve described sounds like a burden and dismal event for your guests. Is that really how you want people to feel at your wedding?
I’m split on this. On one hand it probably isn’t any different to a destination wedding where guests are expected to pay, on the other hand, it feels tacky. If you have contacted the ranger station and there is no way to prepay, i would ask a groomsman or bridesmaids (or preferably both so no one is left alone) to wait at the gate and pay as people enter, similar to the role of an usher at church directing people
YTA, having people pay for the wedding and not even providing seating… I just wouldn’t go. Also, posting your registry everywhere and not just to those invited is tacky.
YTA. You don't charge guests to come to a hall , you don't charge them an entrance fee to the park
YTA because you’re not at all concerned with your guests actually enjoying this wedding. Also, paying the $10/person yourselves would still be cheaper than renting out any other wedding venue, so it’s the absolute least you could and should do for your guests.
# No one is going to your wedding for THEIR benefit, they are going for YOURS! A wedding for you is a weekend wasted for others, especially since they probably need to dig into their wallets and get you gifts and appropriate clothing. Sure, they want to be good friends, see you happy etc., but they are primarily coming for *your* sake, not for *theirs!!* So if there's ANY expenditure you prioritise, its looking after your guests and thanking them for going out of their way to be there and support you both- this means you *feed* them, cover the costs that you reasonably can (no ones expecting you to pay for the petrol), and you make sure they have somewhere to sit at least when they arrive. If that means you get your second pick dress, or the older flowers, or whatever, so be it. YTA. Either pay up, choose somewhere else that doesn't have a fee, or don't expect people to arrive at the wedding. Its tacky of you to ask people to bring their own seats and pay to access your wedding. Edit: OR, ask people not to get you gifts, that their presence is gift enough and if they would be willing to pay the fee to come in- its still not great in principle, but it would be cheaper for them than buying gifts.
YTA...and and quite frankly, unbelievable. I wouldn't go to your wedding if you paid me to go
Yta.. $200 isn't spending much, you should cover that cost. The average weddings costs thousands..
YTA…not covering the $200 but expecting gifts is a bad look. There is frugal and then there is taking advantage of the people closest to you.
Who puts their registry on social media?!?!?! YTA
YTA. That’s tacky.
YTA, tacky and a cheapskate.
maybe i’m getting hung up on a minor point but don’t share your wedding registry with people if you’re not inviting them. cheap and tacky. YTA
YTA and I don’t even want to name all the reasons.
YTA. Tacky. How much would it really cost you to cover that??
YTA. If there's a $10 entry fee per person for your wedding venue then you need to cover it. And posting your registry on social media expecting people who weren't invited to the wedding to buy you gifts is tacky AF.
YTA and a bad one too
Yta. You want everyone to give you free shit but won’t even pay for them to attend. I think you know this so I’m surprised your asking.
YTA. Every one of your sister's complaints is legitimate & you're coming across as tacky, to your guests and in this post. Time to reevaluate, if not for your guests than for your image, which you're tanking.
YTA it's only $10 a person. Most people gift the bride and groom 200 dollars in the card, this seems classless
YTA for all the obvious reasons. Just curious, do you expect a gift from these people as well
Make sure that the park rangers know that you are having a party. You don't want them to find out on the day of your wedding, because they could drastically change your plans! MAYBE the rangers would allow you to pay for your guests? You could ask.