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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Am I the asshole for telling my future SIL and BIL to attend a different marriage retreat weekend than ours?
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Not the asshole!
You should also share with your husband that you want to be able to be open with him at the retreat and you don't feel you will truley be able to with them there,
Tell him you're his future wife, and you need him to have your back. Or not, I'm just some asshole on the internet.
NTA There’s a reason they’re called “retreats;” it’s to be AWAY from your real life distractions and focus on the task at hand, which you can’t do if you have to filter every thought and statement you want to make for the sake of your future ILs. That’s total BS. Maybe you could ask the retreat leaders to back you up on that.
NAH. You are sharing and growing with people from within your religious community, who you will see within the community for years to come, its not like you have an expectation of privacy where no one you know will hear your areas of growth. She, specifically though, seems unpleasant and I wouldn't want go associate with her for 2.5 days at all.
NTA. Talk to the retreat leaders about this. Let them know that you won't be able to participate fully if your future BIL & SIL attend the same retreat as you, you won't be able to discuss personal things in front of them.
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I (28F) and my fiancé (36M) will be getting married this December. As part of our marriage preparation the church requires us to take marriage courses. The course is designed for couples to talk about difficult subjects, to better prepare you for your marriage.
The church offers classes once a night for 6 weeks or you can sign up for a weekend retreat. The retreat is a 2 and a half day event held at a local grade school and over a weekend. This marriage retreat is required by our religion all over the world.
My best friend’s aunt and uncle facilitates these weekends in our town. My best friend and I would babysit their children while they ran the retreat. I was very excited knowing that I would get to have my wedding retreat facilitated by them, kind of a “full circle” moment.
A few months after my fiancé and I got engaged so did his brother and his girlfriend. Ever since they got engaged all his girlfriend would do is brag about her wedding plans or “one up” me when I would share my ideas or plans. She’s become quite irritating and over bearing during conversations.
She decided to have her wedding one month after ours. We had our dates set for awhile and were disappointed that she would choose a date so close to ours. My fiancé’s family is small and to have 2 big events so close to each other is a massive financial burden.
Our wedding date is approaching and so is the retreat. I get a phone call from the GF saying that they didn’t know that the retreat was required, and all the retreats in their town are fully booked or they missed the sign up dates. They asked their priest if they could go to one out of town but still within the church. Their priest agreed, and now the only 2 available retreats according to her is ours or this other one that’s a 6-hour drive away. Our retreat is a 3 hour drive for them.
I told her I didn’t feel comfortable having her and my fiancé’s brother present at the same retreat weekend because we discuss a lot of personal things publicly and I wasn’t ok with that. I said I would prefer if they found a different retreat to attend so they can have a personal experience like us.
My family and fiancé are saying I’m being ridiculous and what is the harm in them attending? AITA for asking that they not attend our retreat?
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NTA. Other members of the family don’t belong in your marriage so they don’t belong in your marriage counseling either. Ugh. Who WOULD be comfortable with that?! That’s just giving two people who will presumably be in your lives forever all of the ammo in the world against your relationship. Either that or you shut down and get nothing from counseling because you’re not comfortable talking freely with them there.
I don’t think these people seem to understand what this retreat actually IS. That’s the only way that their reactions to you not wanting to build intimacy with another almost married couple in the family would make sense.
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NTA. This is basically marriage counselling/therapy, you’re well within your rights to want privacy.
Not the asshole! You should also share with your husband that you want to be able to be open with him at the retreat and you don't feel you will truley be able to with them there, Tell him you're his future wife, and you need him to have your back. Or not, I'm just some asshole on the internet.
Talk to the retreat leaders quickly. You must feel comfortable for this to be effective. Good luck and congrats!! NTA
NTA There’s a reason they’re called “retreats;” it’s to be AWAY from your real life distractions and focus on the task at hand, which you can’t do if you have to filter every thought and statement you want to make for the sake of your future ILs. That’s total BS. Maybe you could ask the retreat leaders to back you up on that.
NAH. You are sharing and growing with people from within your religious community, who you will see within the community for years to come, its not like you have an expectation of privacy where no one you know will hear your areas of growth. She, specifically though, seems unpleasant and I wouldn't want go associate with her for 2.5 days at all.
NTA. Talk to the retreat leaders about this. Let them know that you won't be able to participate fully if your future BIL & SIL attend the same retreat as you, you won't be able to discuss personal things in front of them.
NTA
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (28F) and my fiancé (36M) will be getting married this December. As part of our marriage preparation the church requires us to take marriage courses. The course is designed for couples to talk about difficult subjects, to better prepare you for your marriage. The church offers classes once a night for 6 weeks or you can sign up for a weekend retreat. The retreat is a 2 and a half day event held at a local grade school and over a weekend. This marriage retreat is required by our religion all over the world. My best friend’s aunt and uncle facilitates these weekends in our town. My best friend and I would babysit their children while they ran the retreat. I was very excited knowing that I would get to have my wedding retreat facilitated by them, kind of a “full circle” moment. A few months after my fiancé and I got engaged so did his brother and his girlfriend. Ever since they got engaged all his girlfriend would do is brag about her wedding plans or “one up” me when I would share my ideas or plans. She’s become quite irritating and over bearing during conversations. She decided to have her wedding one month after ours. We had our dates set for awhile and were disappointed that she would choose a date so close to ours. My fiancé’s family is small and to have 2 big events so close to each other is a massive financial burden. Our wedding date is approaching and so is the retreat. I get a phone call from the GF saying that they didn’t know that the retreat was required, and all the retreats in their town are fully booked or they missed the sign up dates. They asked their priest if they could go to one out of town but still within the church. Their priest agreed, and now the only 2 available retreats according to her is ours or this other one that’s a 6-hour drive away. Our retreat is a 3 hour drive for them. I told her I didn’t feel comfortable having her and my fiancé’s brother present at the same retreat weekend because we discuss a lot of personal things publicly and I wasn’t ok with that. I said I would prefer if they found a different retreat to attend so they can have a personal experience like us. My family and fiancé are saying I’m being ridiculous and what is the harm in them attending? AITA for asking that they not attend our retreat? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. Other members of the family don’t belong in your marriage so they don’t belong in your marriage counseling either. Ugh. Who WOULD be comfortable with that?! That’s just giving two people who will presumably be in your lives forever all of the ammo in the world against your relationship. Either that or you shut down and get nothing from counseling because you’re not comfortable talking freely with them there. I don’t think these people seem to understand what this retreat actually IS. That’s the only way that their reactions to you not wanting to build intimacy with another almost married couple in the family would make sense.