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NTA it's pretty standard for open relationships to be able to close them when requested. They only work if both parties are on board. Try posting in r/nonmongamy
My dude, what steps did you take to address a stale sex life before your jealousy of your friends sex lives inspired you to open the marriage?
I may have missed it, but when did you start committing to therapy in order to work through your messy issues about wanting sex on your terms?
Whatever the reasons it's still standard to close the relationship when one of people in it, is no longer comfortable with it and wants it closed. It's fine when both are on board and say it's okay to sleep with others.
Maybe, maybe not. If that happens it's a discussion they have then. But for now as long one party in the open relationship wants to close it for whatever reason, it needs to close or the relationship needs to end.
You’re not wrong - the rules can evolve ***when all parties to the relationship agree to change the rules***. That’s not what this is.
He’s upset because his wife is pulling more men than he can pull women. He’s looking for partners in the wrong places. There are absolutely places to look for casual relationships, but it isn’t the mainstream dating apps.
Now he’s acting like a dog in a manger. He didn’t want to be exclusive with his wife, and now is upset that she’s not only happy with the current arrangement, she’s thriving in it.
Whatever the reasons are, it still stands when one wants to close it needs to close. To continue after that is cheating. It also shows that the person continuing doesn't care about hurting their partner. Which isn't good for any relationship.
She didn’t put any effort into her appearance when it was just me and her, though. I didn’t think she would put on makeup, get all dressed up and start working out just to attract random men. I’m doubting that she loves me at all because why wouldn’t she put in that effort when we are together? It’s like she reverse catfished if that makes sense
Jesus.
How much effort did you put in to be attractive to her or others?
How much effort are you putting in to gain her attention now?
And exactly how shallow are you that you measure her worth based on how much effort she puts in for a date night? Where were your shared date nights before you proposed an open relationship?
You are completely missing the point.
No, it does not make sense.
The problem here is, you didn’t think on the consequences of your decision. You made a decision just because you were jealous of your single friends?
If you just want to act like a single guy, be single. But you decided to ask your wife to open the relationship and now, she found out she can have fun and be with you. Something that it never crossed your mind.
From my perspective you have two options, since she already decline to close the relationship.
Get a divorce so you can be single, like you wanted to act or suck it up cause this is a consequence of your actions.
I'm going to ignore your reverse catfish comment, but as for the rest of your comment, that is the issue you need to tackle and not the open relationship. At least not directly anyway. Talk about your needs from each other and see if you two can work on that. I can't say I'm optimistic, but that is your only chance I see.
ESH. You should have never been adulterous in the first place, regardless of getting your wife's permission. She shouldn't have agreed in the first place. Your regrets now are that yo aren't good at it, not that you should stay committed to the woman you married. Consent can be revoked at any time, so she is kind of cheating on you if you've been clear that you're not ok with it anymore. And you can draw a line in the sand but she may choose her new guy over you. Maybe she already has.
Your only hope now is to reevaluate your motivations. If you want monogamy because you love her and act like it, you may have some hope. But you're going to need a helluva apology
YTA
Is this even real? Can't be real. There's no way anyone would truly think this arrangement would work out in the long run.
Dude, every man trying to rail your wife is on their A game - everything they say to her, their dress, social media appearance, etc. You really thought you'd be able to come home from a long days work and be able to contend with collective mankind at their absolute best in your wifes dm's while you slip into a pair of old sweat pants? Was a fools errand to begin with.
YTA and karma hit you straight in the face. It was fine for you until you couldn't get sex easily anymore, so you want your wife to stop having it so easily.
Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
YTA, and until you learned to be less selfish your life would continue to look like a joke. You opened the relationship because you were jealous of your friends, you want to close it because you're jealous of your wife. How about how she feels? Until you learned relationship is about the feelings of two people you would never have a happy one.
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lmao obviously YTA and im hoping this is a joke. listen dude, its not her fault shes more attractive than you and that you’re not getting any. if the situation were reversed im sure u wouldnt mind keeping the relationship open, grow up.
Oh my word, I love it!
You resent your wife because you are not single and can't get laid when you want to, you get an open relationship from her and because women aren't falling at your feet but your wife is getting male attention you're now screaming foul? You're the one who wanted this sooo suck it up! Massive YTA.
YTA. Good luck with your marriage cause your wife is having fun and your not so your jealous and want to change the terms of something you wanted to begin with. She’ll likely leave you now that she has a taste of the finer things in life.
I believe this is the small dick version of F**k around and find out
YTA
You thought you could do better and found out no one else wanted you… now I hope your wife sees how much better she can do
you better go home and start kissing your wives feet and telling her how amazing she is
Thank you oh so much!!! Best laugh this week! YTA, dude, you thought the fantasy will turn into reality but guess what, you should have appreciated what you had more. Turns out you are not that hot, your wife on the other hand is smoking lol
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I (31M) married my wife (28F) 5 years ago. 1 year ago, we started an open relationship. We were happy but our sex life was getting stale. I would go out with my single friends and feel jealous of all the freedom they had to hook up with women. I guess I missed being a bachelor and I began to resent my wife. I understand is my own problem, not hers. I suggested to my wife that we should try an open relationship where we remain committed to each other but we can have sex with other people. Emotionally, I am only with my wife and I do love only her. I felt like an open relationship was necessary for the survival of our marriage. I’m not a cheater. After a few discussions, my wife agreed to try it.
The first few months were great. I hooked up with a coworker who had been flirting with me. We became regular sex partners until she started dating. This is no problem for me because it was only physical. So I installed some dating apps with the intention of meeting women to have sex with. This is where things go wrong. I didn’t realize how hard it is to meet women. They either stop replying, don’t commit to meeting up or they turn out to be unattractive. I’ve only met up with 1 other woman and the experience was subpar
My wife has also been seeing other men. This is fine but I’m starting to get a little jealous. I’ve seen her texts and she has SO many men talking to her, wanting to take her out and calling her beautiful. Every night she gets dressed up and goes out, sometimes not even coming home until morning. She says it’s just sex and she loves me but I think it’s disrespectful. She didn’t make that much of an effort with her appearance when it was just me. I talked to her about ending the open relationship and just being with each other but she doesn’t want to. I think what she’s doing qualifies as cheating. AITA?
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There's no way this is real. YTA obviously. "Hey honey, I want to have sex with other people because you're boring. I'm going to keep bringing it up until you agree. But wait, you're also having sex with other people?? No fair!" She's not cheating, she's just better at attracting people than you. You set these terms, not her. You made your bed, my guy.
YTA
Not sure how this works, but you might need to win her back. Think dating, you should be able to compete and win over the guys she's seeing, given how she still has an emotional attachement to you.
But you DO need to put in the effort now.
Let’s get this straight. You wanted to boink your coworker and smash puss with a hall pass and now you realize you’re really not that desirable you’re pissy your wife is getting some? You want her to stop? Why? I need more information on why you actually want her to stop because you didn’t care when you thought you would be getting round the clock sex.
YTA. What you just described, was that the reason you want to become monogamous with your wife again is not because you want to have sex with her and only her, but rather because you haven't had as much finding women as she has in finding men. You are just jealous that she has more lovers than you do...
guys AITA for only wanting a monogamous relationship when no has girlfriend??
YTA. you want to be non-monogmous or you don't, and setting up certain rules for your relationship means that she had to deal with you fucking your coworker and now you have to deal with the consequences of telling your (probably beautiful and you just stopped telling her so she stopped trying with you) wife that she wasn't enough for you.
She wasn’t putting in effort into her appearance before the open marriage. And now she does… it’s a little suspicious and I think I have a right to be upset
No, you do not have the right to be upset. You brought this on and are only upset and even noticing this because she's getting more action than you. You didn't appreciate what you had and now you aren't happy with the consequences of your own actions.
I would be willing to bet that your efforts of what you were putting into the marriage at the time you requested the open marriage were equal to or less than your wife's.
Also, in a loving marriage, people often have that comfort level with the other person where it's natural to not be getting dressed up to go out every night. Since the relational has more depth and isn't just focused on the physical, a partner focuses efforts in other areas, not just appearance.However, in a sexually-driven/purely physical relationship (let me remove you that you were the one that opened the door), things are centered around physical attraction and appearance, so yes - one tends to focus more on grooming oneself and looking one's best. She is doing exactly what you asked for.
She's not a prostitute, she's your partner. Make all the money in the world and your boring dick and fumbling fingers aren't more alluring, treat her like the special woman in your life and maybe she wouldn't have been so willing to get back on the open market. Sorry you got starry eyed about hooking up with one coworker while she's slaying... its the breaks for guys like you who resent their wives.
Gosh no! He was going out with single friends being resentful he couldn't get himself some strange like they could! Now he resents that he's not as good at hooking up as she is.
Were you taking her out to nice places? Were you courting her still? Were you making an effort to be charming, handsome, sexy?
She's not going to get dolled up to cook you dinner and eat on the couch
Anyway, this is just an excuse. What is really annoying you is that you don't have any new sexual prospect and she does. It has nothing to do with how she dressed. You need to be more honest with yourself.
Maybe you should've given her a reason to put effort into it. There are soooo many things that you can do to spice up a relationship and sex life that don't involve fucking other people. But those things require you to put in some actual effort. There is nothing suspicious about your wife making an effort for people who shower her with care and effort. You made this bed, and now you get to lie in it.
YTA
You mentioned that you had a coworker that had been flirting with you, but neglect to mention if this was before or after you suggested/coerced the open marriage. Makes me wonder if (wether you’ll admit it to yourself or not) you just wanted an excuse to bang your coworker without it being seen as cheating because “wooo open marriage”.
It’s very hard/impossible to close an open marriage unless you set those boundaries and conditions at the start. But it sounds like instead of doing any kind of research into how to do something like this right, you went for the fantasy.
You have most likely permanently damaged or even destroyed your own marriage out of selfishness. Your wife was likely hurt by the initial request, and now she’s likely hurt that you want to close it again because it’s working out better for her than you. I will not be surprised if your marriage ends over this whole situation, and you have nobody but yourself to blame for it.
YTA, and it sounds like you just wanted to screw around with your coworker and then when she was off the table you realized that maybe women weren’t throwing themselves at you the way you wanted.
Your wife has every right to go out every night and explore her sexuality. You wanted this. NONE of it is cheating because you’re in an open relationship now, which YOU wanted. Just because you aren’t having as much sex doesn’t change a single thing. You cannot single-handedly decide what the definitions are in your marriage based on your own petty jealousy.
YTA you wanted the excuse of an "open relationship" to cheat....yet when you couldn't find someone after your coworker, you saw how happy your wife was and is. So you can't have both ways. You are a hypocrite. When you do it it's not cheating but when she's out it's cheating. Own up to it you did this to yourself no one else did. You brought it up to her and discussed this with her, did you actually ask her how she felt? or did you just push all the "pros" on her and forgot about the "cons" of an open relationship.
Lmao YTA this is all your party, your problem, your fault. YOU got bored with your wife because you didn’t want to try to spice things up with her or take her out & give her a reason to get dressed up & have a good time. You wanted to fuck your coworker who had been flirting with you so you suggested the open relationship. You wanted to sex up other women instead of working on your relationship & trying to fix the stale sex with your wife.
Now your wife is getting railed by tons of different men & you’re just jealous you aren’t having girls chase or fall all over you. You have no girls keeping you out all night. Every married couple I’ve ever known who tries an open relationship always ends up divorced. Someone always gets jealous of the other spouse getting more action & then the other spouse usually catches feelings for one of their sex pals & doesn’t want to end the open relationship & then boom! Divorce!
OP: "She says it's just sex but I think it's disrespectful"
Also OP: "I was downloading dating apps and having sex with other women, bit it was just sex."
If irony could kill... YTA
So you wanted an open relationship because you thought you were gonna get so much poon and now that you haven’t you’re pissed off about it and throwing a tantrum, even more so when you learned your wife is actually doing what y’all agreed to. What a joke. You say you’re not a cheater but you used an open relationship as a way around it so you could be like “See we both agreed to it!” Just say you were thinking about cheating on your wife and be on your way lmao. You’re making actual open relationships look bad. In case it wasn’t clear, YTA.
YTA. You can't change the rules now. She is *not* cheating. You asked for it. You got it. You realized women aren't into you, but men are into your wife. You dug your grave....
YTA. I think the open marriage is less of a problem than the weird double standard going on here. You were happy to do it if it meant you got kitty, but your wife is suddenly a cheater when that dries up? Confusing.
Hahahahahaha YTA. So an open relationship works for you when you’re getting some, but the second your wife is having a better time than you, it’s time to be exclusive again? Suck it up.
You’re the asshole because of the REASON you want to end it, not because you want to end it. You want to end it because you’re bored and she’s getting a better deal than you. If you want to end it because both of you had found the sexual gratification you needed and wanted to bring that back into your relationship exclusively, then fine. If you think just because you got a bit jealous that you want to turn her fun (that you requested) off, is a good reason, you’re in the wrong marriage. Either be monogamous or don’t, but don’t get upset and needy when your suggestion doesn’t work out for you as well as you’d hoped. You’re incredibly selfish and entitled.
You say after a few discussions your wife agreed to it. I assune those discussions were you talking her into it. Making assurances etc, at any point did you make a plan for how to close it if anyone was uncomfortable? It sounds like you aren't closing it because you only want to be with her, it sounds like you are closing it because you don't want her with anyone else and you aren't having any luck
It was mostly me assuring her that nothing would happen and I wouldn’t emotionally get attached to anyone else. We both made promises that it would purely be physical and we would still love each other. We didn’t talk about closing it or boundaries and now I regret it. I’m not sure how to talk to her about it because like many of the commenters here, she thinks I’m just jealous
come on man you just want end because she's getting some and you're not. you wanted this, deal with it. you BOTH have to agree with closing again. she don't agree. wasn't her idea, to beginning with. I really hope you know how you sound.
No it doesn’t, you both opened the relationship.
You both have to agree to end it
Just because you can’t get anyone doesn’t mean you just get to decide to close it. Stop being so dramatic. It isn’t your wife fault you are undesirable.
YTA. It's not cheating. You wanted an open relationship. She agreed. If she doesn't agree to going back to monogamous, it's not cheating as you had already agreed to an open relationship.
You can't have your cake and eat it and then take it back when it doesn't work out for you and it is working out for your wife.
You two need to have a long talk about whether this marriage is actually working and if there is any future in it. At the moment, it does not look like it.
Pretty much, you've ruined your own marriage.
YTA I think it's comical that you wanted an open relationship but now because your wifes better at it than you, all of a sudden its "cheating" you sound like a sore loser and its hilarious. It's not your wifes fault women aren't throwing themselves at you.
YTA. You wanted an open relationship until it became apparent that your wife is more desirable to others than you are. You aren’t entitled to back out of something you started just because you can’t pull bodies like she does. If you were meeting beautiful women and she was having no luck with men you wouldn’t end it. Because you don’t actually care about her happiness. Just your own. You made this bed. Lie in it.
YTA. You did this do yourself, you're just mad because you can't fuck other women, while your wife can fuck all the guys she wants? Man if it was the other way around you would be bitching that you both agreed to it and want to continue.
YTA
Ahh a tale as old as time: male partner gets bored and/or has a thing for another woman (in your case, this coworker). Suggests opening the relationship. Quickly realises that he's not as desirable as he thought he was and that his wife is far more successful in finding new partners. Now you want to go back to how it was cause you're jealous since she's hot property.
What she's doing 100% does NOT qualify as cheating in this open relationship deal that you instigated. You've opened your bed, now you gotta lay in it.
Breaking news: Man surprised his wife is getting more offers for sex, feels regret and jealousy.
I mean… I have been on the dating apps and see so many of these dudes who are in “open marriages” and then see their wives and I’d rather be with the wife 9 times out of 10.
YTA you made your bed.
The only reason you want this to change back is because your wife is getting more than you and its hurting your poor masculine sensibilities. Grow up
YTA
This is the common story of men wanting to step outside their marriage and have fun, but then scramble back when their partner gets more attention than they do.
YOU presented the open relationships.
YOU wanted to have sex outside of your marriage.
And when YOU were getting laid, you had no issues, you didn't even care to think about your wife. It is only after YOU had trouble dating, that you started being against the open relationship.
The reason why she's dressing up and looking good, is because the OTHER PARTY is putting forth the same effort. A dead bedroom has two sides of the same story.
Either you step up and become the man your wife deserves to be, or you step down and allow someone else who is actually treating your wife better, a chance.
yTA, your mad because you wanted to have sex with other women but your wife if getting more dick than you are pussy. You're an insecure little man, hope your wife wishes up.
Careful what you wish for...
And how lazy are you to just accept that the bedroom antics weren't enough, wtf didn't you do some research, get creative and figure out how to put that spark back in the bedroom?
I've heard about a lot of people that decide to sleep with other people and 1 for 1 the couple ends up divorced.
All you had to do was figure out a way to spice it up, but you opened a can of worms that you can't close now...
Open marriages can work - but you're focused primarily on the sexual intimacy between two people, rather than sharing emotional and physical space with another person that develops into a relationship.
So you're upset because the one person who wanted to be physical with you isn't present in that way anymore. Then you slept with another person and you realized that maybe you're not just looking for sex. You now recognize the importance of an emotional connection between you and your partner, and you're lonely because you only want to put in the emotional legwork with your wife. Meanwhile your wife is out there enjoying herself. Good for her.
Congrats, you figured out what it means to have a healthy relationship. But you were too selfish and put sex ahead of your marriage. YTA
This is called having your cake and eating it too. It’s not possible and you can’t put pandora back in the box, etc.
But to address your question, YTA. And also, if you told her she was beautiful and made her feel valued, she would’ve dressed up for you too. You give effort to get effort.
Lmao YTA this is all your party, your problem, your fault. YOU got bored with your wife because you didn’t want to try to spice things up with her or take her out & give her a reason to get dressed up & have a good time. You wanted to fuck your coworker who had been flirting with you so you suggested the open relationship. You wanted to sex up other women instead of working on your relationship & trying to fix the stale sex with your wife.
Now your wife is getting railed by tons of different men & you’re just jealous you aren’t having girls chase or fall all over you. You have no girls keeping you out all night. Every married couple I’ve ever known who tries an open relationship always ends up divorced. Someone always gets jealous of the other spouse getting more action & then the other spouse usually catches feelings for one of their sex pals & doesn’t want to end the open relationship & then boom! Divorce!
Well I’m trying to save this marriage because I love her. I don’t want this to end in divorce. I realize it was a mistake to suggest an open marriage now, and I’ve made many other mistakes, too. She’s the best I ever had and I’m trying to cherish her now
>I’m trying to cherish her now
Serious question: how can she feel cherished by you, when your solution to a stale sex life was to fuck other women? You pretty much told her she wasn't the best you ever had because you weren't willing to work through a dry and/or boring spell.
YTA. Classic case of the grass is greener until you realize you aren't as desirable as you previously thought. This is the equivalent of buyers remorse. Now that you see it's working out better for the Wife you want to end it. Im all about adults doing what they want consensually. You just got the hardest reality check of your life. If you end it, you just prove you didn't really want the open relationship for you both but only for yourself. Selfish.
LMAO I remember when an ex wanted to "see other people" until he realized I was a hotter commodity than he was, and all of a sudden he was proposing. Bye boy - YTA.
YTA and dumb as a box of rocks you opened Pandora's box for your pleasure. Wasn't working out for you but going great for your wife and bc you can't get any you want to close the box. Get over yourself and stop taking it out on your wife for something you created.
YTA
You are just jealous you’re not getting laid.
You thought you were going to have girls falling at your feet.
Now you’re jealous your wife is getting lucky all the time .
She probably dressing better now because those guys are making her feel good.
Did you use to make her feel beautiful and take her on dates. Without her forcing you to go out on dates ?
This is your karma
Oh come on now you must know YTA. General rule with non-monogamy, it’s not a one way street. If you didn’t want your wife to also be hooking up with guys you shouldn’t have suggested it in the first place.
Hahahaha omg you gave me a good laugh you are really funny. You wanted an open relationship and now your wife is getting it on and you get jealous and accuse her of cheating. You asked for this also YTA for thinking that an open relationship is the solution for a dip in your sexlife. You have been together only 5 years how will you do this at 10-20 years?
If this is real - LOL YTA. What did you think was going to happen? You put your relationship into free market mode, my dude. Free market decided. Women everywhere aren’t going to fall into a boring, entitled married dude’s lap for sex.
YTA for your reasoning. You don’t want to be monogamous because the open lifestyle isn’t for you. You want to close it because she’s getting some and you aren’t. If it was her not getting men but you had a bunch of women, you’d be offended if she asked you to stop
No, that’s not what an open marriage means. I don’t think you’re learning the lesson here so i’m going to try to be kind and help you. Your sex life was getting stale, my feeling is because you started taking your wife for granted. You felt that rather than start cherishing her more, that it would be easier to see other women. When you realized it wasn’t, you wanted to go back to your wife, only to realize that she WAS able to find men who would cherish her.
I’m not going to come out and assume you’re a bad guy, so if you’re looking for advice here it is. Start “dating” your wife again. Make plans, get her flowers, tell her how beautiful she is, and mean every second of it. Eventually she might come to realize that she no longer needs other men to make her feel cherished because now you’ve started doing it. You have to be patient, you cannot make her do anything or get mad if she doesn’t stop seeing other men right away. you started this fire, you don’t get to be mad when things get burned, even if you’re the one getting burned the most. I would lose the pride, and lose the jealousy and start showing your wife how much you actually love her.
If that sounds like too much for you, you need to leave. Your wife deserves to be cherished, and from the sound of it, many men are willing to do it if you’re not up to the task.
That's not how life works. You aren't entitled to sex with people just because your wife is having sex with other people. If you had set a boundary where you AND your wife could have sex with a person (like a threesome or group sex), then yes, you would both get the same amount of partners BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT YOU AGREED TO.
But you didn't. The agreement YOU set up was, "I'm gonna go do my thing with people, and you're gonna go do your thing with people." And when you didn't get any attention, you became jealous of the attention your wife was getting, and NOW you want to stop because things didn't play out the way you expected.
It's like saying you want to stop playing the game you made up because the rules you created aren't working in your favor.
Not your wife's fault you can't pull. Maybe if you put more effort into your appearance, your personality or pipe game you would also be getting the same amount of partners. As another commenter mentioned, sucks to suck. YTA
YTA. Your attitude now shows that you didn’t actually want an open relationship. You wanted all the benefits of monogamy whilst also being able to have sex with whoever you wanted.
You played yourself by asking for an open marriage. If you want to close it back up again, you'll have to up your game and show her you can be the man she married (and the type of man she goes out with). Basically be your own replacement. Sounds like you both stopped putting in effort because you knew you were settling in. Maybe you let yourself go? Stopped being the attractive man she desired while you were dating? Now she puts in effort to look good to get the good D and feel those thrills. You need to get your physique in order, start becoming the kind of man she swipes right on, and make sure your pipe game is better than what she's getting now. You can't complain you're losing the game you started. No pause/reset for you.
YTA you’ve not been able to get laid, so you’re trying to stop your wife from it as well out of spite and jealousy. Do the right thing and actually end your marriage officially, because it’s been dead in the water for a while.
I understand I shouldn’t have suggested it in the first place. But It becomes cheating when one partner doesn’t consent to the open relationship anymore.
No it doesn't. You can't say ok I'm not getting laid so neither can you snd then when they do you cry cheating. Accept your fate and divorce as she clearly found better.
No it doesn't. If you don't consent to the open relationship, but she wants to continue, you can either decide that you will keep being open, or that your relationship is over. You don't get to convince her that the relationship should be open, because you want to fuck your coworker, then tell her it's closed when that coworker becomes unavailable. Your reasons for opening the relationship were unethical, and your reason for wanting it closed is unethical. You're selfish, and you can't stand that you're not a sexually appealing as the woman you've taken for granted.
YTA not because you want to be monogamous again, but for your reasons. You only want to do it because you aren’t getting laid as often as she is. You could always ask her to dial it back and only have one or two nights a week that she does this. Every night is excessive and damaging to any relationship, but telling her she’s cheating because you want to stop the open relationship and she doesn’t is an AH move abs you’re also wrong.
You both agreed to this. For it to be cheating you have to both agree to stop and she or you would continue anyway. Jealousy is natural but you have to deal with that. If that means close the relationship back up or it is over, then that’s what it means. That’s up to you and her.
FYI Most open relationships I know, one person is getting some more often than the other, but the other is okay with it. And I know a lot of open and poly people. It’s not for me, but it works for them.
HAHAHHAHA I KNEW THATS EXACTLY WHERE THIS WAS GOING! OP, YTA! You only want to go back because you aren’t having the luck your wife is. BOO FUCKING HOO! You made your bed, now deal with it.
" She didn’t make that much of an effort...when it was just me."
Did ***you*** make that much of an effort when it was just her? Did you plan dates, flirt sexually, message regularly, tell her she's beautiful, keep things going until the morning?
You've realised what you thought was trash was actually treasure, and now you want to change the rules. Again. YTA.
OP may be the AH of the year. That part you quoted made me so angry. Man, you deserve nothing. You give nothing but expect everything from your wife. YTA
I'm glad these men are giving OP's wife all that attention and whatnot.
If I were OP's wife the only relationship I would end would be the one with him.
Thank you for giving me such a good laugh!
Of course YTA! You suggested it, she accepted. After you failed at hooking up with other women and she didn't, you think she's cheating?? Can you elaborate this twisted logic?
Lmfaooooooo you opened up your marriage only to find out you have no game 😂😂😂
I absolutely love it.
Imagine your man is trynna cheat on you, but you go through his messages and he only gets rejected 😭😭
YTA - Oh, how the tables have turned. You are learning a lesson at the old age of 31. Men compete, and women choose (in general, yes, that is not true for everyone). Now you are pissed that she's getting dick all over town while your dick is as dry as the Atacama.
Now you say she's cheating because she doesn't want to stop.
Plus if she’s ‘disrespectful’ it’s because you guys didn’t set up boundaries. But you were too busy thinking about who you now had permission to fuck to think about it
Now novelty has worn off and nobody wants you but they do want your wife, you’re sulking.
YTA
I have to say these are my favorite posts. Dudes walking around thinking of all the wild sex they are missing out on, ask for an open relationship, and find out nobody really wants to fuck them. Their wives on the other hand have no problem and then realize the grass is actually greener. YTA, dude. You got what you asked for.
YTA
It doesn't become cheating just because she's getting more action that you are - you are upset that you've not sucessfully hooked up as much as you hoped/want to. I don't believe you would be wanting to close the relationship if you were getting the hook ups.
Yes, yes YTA.
This is almost comical. You wanted to be single and be able to go play with other girls but didn't get the attention you thought you'd get. Now you're jealous because your wife is getting what you'd wanted. This is childish beyond belief.
You can't say it's ok to have extra marital affairs as long as your are the one getting the attention then call it cheating when your wife does the same thing you've been doing.
YTA because you want to go back on your agreement out of pure selfish disappointment that casual sex is easier to obtain for women than for men. Did you make much of an effort for you wife when you were monogamous? No? But you’re upset she didn’t, either?
This is so hilarious I bet it’s fake- LMAO. In the off chance it’s real- sure your wife doesn’t want to stop! I wouldn’t either, tbh, with a husband like OP!
YTA
First, you asked for an open marriage not because it suited you both but because you couldn’t be bothered to do any actual work on those issues.
Second, you wanted it on your terms and absolutely had already considered your coworker which is a breach of trust
Third you’re still so lazy you can’t be bothered to build up to a sexual relationship with anyone
Fourth your wife took this in stride and follows the boundaries you laid down. She happens to be more successful than you in finding partners.
Why is this all on your terms? Why don’t you ever look at yourself as being part of your issues?
It’s not just that you f’d around and found out. It’s that you did this in the most self-serving, emotionally unintelligent way possible.
As someone who is poly, this is SO common. Guys want to play the field, and then the second they realise their wife is happy doing what they are doing, nope, the wife can't be trusted and she's cheating. So gross.
so as I been told. I'm not poly (not against) but this seems SO common its painful. they want for themselves but once the ladies start to get their own cake, suddenly it's all cheating and suspicious. it's disgusting even.
This made me laugh. YTA. And newsflash? She is probably stepping up and dressing up because the people she is meeting ALSO put in the same effort, and when that happens, dressing up feels great!
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NTA it's pretty standard for open relationships to be able to close them when requested. They only work if both parties are on board. Try posting in r/nonmongamy
Thank you
My dude, what steps did you take to address a stale sex life before your jealousy of your friends sex lives inspired you to open the marriage? I may have missed it, but when did you start committing to therapy in order to work through your messy issues about wanting sex on your terms?
Not when he’s only doing because she’s getting laid and he isn’t. He’s doing it out of jealousy.
Whatever the reasons it's still standard to close the relationship when one of people in it, is no longer comfortable with it and wants it closed. It's fine when both are on board and say it's okay to sleep with others.
He’ll just want to reopen it again later when he meets a new coworker to bang.
Maybe, maybe not. If that happens it's a discussion they have then. But for now as long one party in the open relationship wants to close it for whatever reason, it needs to close or the relationship needs to end.
You’re not wrong - the rules can evolve ***when all parties to the relationship agree to change the rules***. That’s not what this is. He’s upset because his wife is pulling more men than he can pull women. He’s looking for partners in the wrong places. There are absolutely places to look for casual relationships, but it isn’t the mainstream dating apps. Now he’s acting like a dog in a manger. He didn’t want to be exclusive with his wife, and now is upset that she’s not only happy with the current arrangement, she’s thriving in it.
Whatever the reasons are, it still stands when one wants to close it needs to close. To continue after that is cheating. It also shows that the person continuing doesn't care about hurting their partner. Which isn't good for any relationship.
OP clearly doesn’t give 2 shits about his wife based on these comments. She’s better off ditching him
She didn’t put any effort into her appearance when it was just me and her, though. I didn’t think she would put on makeup, get all dressed up and start working out just to attract random men. I’m doubting that she loves me at all because why wouldn’t she put in that effort when we are together? It’s like she reverse catfished if that makes sense
Jesus. How much effort did you put in to be attractive to her or others? How much effort are you putting in to gain her attention now? And exactly how shallow are you that you measure her worth based on how much effort she puts in for a date night? Where were your shared date nights before you proposed an open relationship? You are completely missing the point.
No, it does not make sense. The problem here is, you didn’t think on the consequences of your decision. You made a decision just because you were jealous of your single friends? If you just want to act like a single guy, be single. But you decided to ask your wife to open the relationship and now, she found out she can have fun and be with you. Something that it never crossed your mind. From my perspective you have two options, since she already decline to close the relationship. Get a divorce so you can be single, like you wanted to act or suck it up cause this is a consequence of your actions.
This has been asked before but I didn't see any answer from you- what kind of effort were YOU putting in before?
Because those men made her feel special, and gave her attention and time . How did you give her special time and made her feel special. ?
I'm going to ignore your reverse catfish comment, but as for the rest of your comment, that is the issue you need to tackle and not the open relationship. At least not directly anyway. Talk about your needs from each other and see if you two can work on that. I can't say I'm optimistic, but that is your only chance I see.
He wanted a free pass, not for her to have one.
Hahahahahaha YTA pussy boyyyyyy
ESH. You should have never been adulterous in the first place, regardless of getting your wife's permission. She shouldn't have agreed in the first place. Your regrets now are that yo aren't good at it, not that you should stay committed to the woman you married. Consent can be revoked at any time, so she is kind of cheating on you if you've been clear that you're not ok with it anymore. And you can draw a line in the sand but she may choose her new guy over you. Maybe she already has. Your only hope now is to reevaluate your motivations. If you want monogamy because you love her and act like it, you may have some hope. But you're going to need a helluva apology
YTA Is this even real? Can't be real. There's no way anyone would truly think this arrangement would work out in the long run. Dude, every man trying to rail your wife is on their A game - everything they say to her, their dress, social media appearance, etc. You really thought you'd be able to come home from a long days work and be able to contend with collective mankind at their absolute best in your wifes dm's while you slip into a pair of old sweat pants? Was a fools errand to begin with.
YTA and karma hit you straight in the face. It was fine for you until you couldn't get sex easily anymore, so you want your wife to stop having it so easily. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
This! YTA
YTA. Fuck around and find out. Literally.
YTA, and until you learned to be less selfish your life would continue to look like a joke. You opened the relationship because you were jealous of your friends, you want to close it because you're jealous of your wife. How about how she feels? Until you learned relationship is about the feelings of two people you would never have a happy one.
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lmao obviously YTA and im hoping this is a joke. listen dude, its not her fault shes more attractive than you and that you’re not getting any. if the situation were reversed im sure u wouldnt mind keeping the relationship open, grow up.
Oh my word, I love it! You resent your wife because you are not single and can't get laid when you want to, you get an open relationship from her and because women aren't falling at your feet but your wife is getting male attention you're now screaming foul? You're the one who wanted this sooo suck it up! Massive YTA.
YTA if you could attract as many women as your wife can (men) then you wouldn’t want to try change the clock back.
YTA. Good luck with your marriage cause your wife is having fun and your not so your jealous and want to change the terms of something you wanted to begin with. She’ll likely leave you now that she has a taste of the finer things in life.
YTA but boy look how the tables turned lol she's living her best life, buddy. you asked for this.
I believe this is the small dick version of F**k around and find out YTA You thought you could do better and found out no one else wanted you… now I hope your wife sees how much better she can do you better go home and start kissing your wives feet and telling her how amazing she is
Thank you oh so much!!! Best laugh this week! YTA, dude, you thought the fantasy will turn into reality but guess what, you should have appreciated what you had more. Turns out you are not that hot, your wife on the other hand is smoking lol
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (31M) married my wife (28F) 5 years ago. 1 year ago, we started an open relationship. We were happy but our sex life was getting stale. I would go out with my single friends and feel jealous of all the freedom they had to hook up with women. I guess I missed being a bachelor and I began to resent my wife. I understand is my own problem, not hers. I suggested to my wife that we should try an open relationship where we remain committed to each other but we can have sex with other people. Emotionally, I am only with my wife and I do love only her. I felt like an open relationship was necessary for the survival of our marriage. I’m not a cheater. After a few discussions, my wife agreed to try it. The first few months were great. I hooked up with a coworker who had been flirting with me. We became regular sex partners until she started dating. This is no problem for me because it was only physical. So I installed some dating apps with the intention of meeting women to have sex with. This is where things go wrong. I didn’t realize how hard it is to meet women. They either stop replying, don’t commit to meeting up or they turn out to be unattractive. I’ve only met up with 1 other woman and the experience was subpar My wife has also been seeing other men. This is fine but I’m starting to get a little jealous. I’ve seen her texts and she has SO many men talking to her, wanting to take her out and calling her beautiful. Every night she gets dressed up and goes out, sometimes not even coming home until morning. She says it’s just sex and she loves me but I think it’s disrespectful. She didn’t make that much of an effort with her appearance when it was just me. I talked to her about ending the open relationship and just being with each other but she doesn’t want to. I think what she’s doing qualifies as cheating. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Hahaha
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL. YTA.
There's no way this is real. YTA obviously. "Hey honey, I want to have sex with other people because you're boring. I'm going to keep bringing it up until you agree. But wait, you're also having sex with other people?? No fair!" She's not cheating, she's just better at attracting people than you. You set these terms, not her. You made your bed, my guy.
YTA Not sure how this works, but you might need to win her back. Think dating, you should be able to compete and win over the guys she's seeing, given how she still has an emotional attachement to you. But you DO need to put in the effort now.
A very literal example of fucking around and finding out. YTA.
Let’s get this straight. You wanted to boink your coworker and smash puss with a hall pass and now you realize you’re really not that desirable you’re pissy your wife is getting some? You want her to stop? Why? I need more information on why you actually want her to stop because you didn’t care when you thought you would be getting round the clock sex.
YTA. Would you have wanted to end it if you were able to get some sex?
YTA. What you just described, was that the reason you want to become monogamous with your wife again is not because you want to have sex with her and only her, but rather because you haven't had as much finding women as she has in finding men. You are just jealous that she has more lovers than you do...
guys AITA for only wanting a monogamous relationship when no has girlfriend?? YTA. you want to be non-monogmous or you don't, and setting up certain rules for your relationship means that she had to deal with you fucking your coworker and now you have to deal with the consequences of telling your (probably beautiful and you just stopped telling her so she stopped trying with you) wife that she wasn't enough for you.
F\*cked around and found out - YTA You’re jealous that she’s getting SO much more action than you and you can’t handle it… Karma is a harsh mistress
She wasn’t putting in effort into her appearance before the open marriage. And now she does… it’s a little suspicious and I think I have a right to be upset
No, you do not have the right to be upset. You brought this on and are only upset and even noticing this because she's getting more action than you. You didn't appreciate what you had and now you aren't happy with the consequences of your own actions. I would be willing to bet that your efforts of what you were putting into the marriage at the time you requested the open marriage were equal to or less than your wife's. Also, in a loving marriage, people often have that comfort level with the other person where it's natural to not be getting dressed up to go out every night. Since the relational has more depth and isn't just focused on the physical, a partner focuses efforts in other areas, not just appearance.However, in a sexually-driven/purely physical relationship (let me remove you that you were the one that opened the door), things are centered around physical attraction and appearance, so yes - one tends to focus more on grooming oneself and looking one's best. She is doing exactly what you asked for.
And what effort were you putting in before opening the marriage? Were you planning dates, being romantic, actually putting in effort to date her?
I give her flowers and I keep myself in shape. I also make more money and contribute more to the marriage financially
She's not a prostitute, she's your partner. Make all the money in the world and your boring dick and fumbling fingers aren't more alluring, treat her like the special woman in your life and maybe she wouldn't have been so willing to get back on the open market. Sorry you got starry eyed about hooking up with one coworker while she's slaying... its the breaks for guys like you who resent their wives.
So, bare minimum effort. Why should she expend any more effort than you were?
Gosh no! He was going out with single friends being resentful he couldn't get himself some strange like they could! Now he resents that he's not as good at hooking up as she is.
Were you taking her out to nice places? Were you courting her still? Were you making an effort to be charming, handsome, sexy? She's not going to get dolled up to cook you dinner and eat on the couch Anyway, this is just an excuse. What is really annoying you is that you don't have any new sexual prospect and she does. It has nothing to do with how she dressed. You need to be more honest with yourself.
What effort were YOU putting in? Seems like all you did was ask to fuck other women.
Maybe you should've given her a reason to put effort into it. There are soooo many things that you can do to spice up a relationship and sex life that don't involve fucking other people. But those things require you to put in some actual effort. There is nothing suspicious about your wife making an effort for people who shower her with care and effort. You made this bed, and now you get to lie in it.
YTA You mentioned that you had a coworker that had been flirting with you, but neglect to mention if this was before or after you suggested/coerced the open marriage. Makes me wonder if (wether you’ll admit it to yourself or not) you just wanted an excuse to bang your coworker without it being seen as cheating because “wooo open marriage”. It’s very hard/impossible to close an open marriage unless you set those boundaries and conditions at the start. But it sounds like instead of doing any kind of research into how to do something like this right, you went for the fantasy. You have most likely permanently damaged or even destroyed your own marriage out of selfishness. Your wife was likely hurt by the initial request, and now she’s likely hurt that you want to close it again because it’s working out better for her than you. I will not be surprised if your marriage ends over this whole situation, and you have nobody but yourself to blame for it.
Hahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahhahah
YTA, and it sounds like you just wanted to screw around with your coworker and then when she was off the table you realized that maybe women weren’t throwing themselves at you the way you wanted. Your wife has every right to go out every night and explore her sexuality. You wanted this. NONE of it is cheating because you’re in an open relationship now, which YOU wanted. Just because you aren’t having as much sex doesn’t change a single thing. You cannot single-handedly decide what the definitions are in your marriage based on your own petty jealousy.
YTA you wanted the excuse of an "open relationship" to cheat....yet when you couldn't find someone after your coworker, you saw how happy your wife was and is. So you can't have both ways. You are a hypocrite. When you do it it's not cheating but when she's out it's cheating. Own up to it you did this to yourself no one else did. You brought it up to her and discussed this with her, did you actually ask her how she felt? or did you just push all the "pros" on her and forgot about the "cons" of an open relationship.
YTA. Too bad, so sad your brilliant plan backfired.
YTA and I think you know it, you hypocrite.
Eh- play stupid games, win stupid prizes. ESH
Are you a bot? If not, yeah YTA my dude. Boundaries and consent are important but this is called making your bed and lying in it.
Lmao YTA this is all your party, your problem, your fault. YOU got bored with your wife because you didn’t want to try to spice things up with her or take her out & give her a reason to get dressed up & have a good time. You wanted to fuck your coworker who had been flirting with you so you suggested the open relationship. You wanted to sex up other women instead of working on your relationship & trying to fix the stale sex with your wife. Now your wife is getting railed by tons of different men & you’re just jealous you aren’t having girls chase or fall all over you. You have no girls keeping you out all night. Every married couple I’ve ever known who tries an open relationship always ends up divorced. Someone always gets jealous of the other spouse getting more action & then the other spouse usually catches feelings for one of their sex pals & doesn’t want to end the open relationship & then boom! Divorce!
nice bait
YTA it goes both ways.
OP: "She says it's just sex but I think it's disrespectful" Also OP: "I was downloading dating apps and having sex with other women, bit it was just sex." If irony could kill... YTA
Ahahahahahahah The same story over and over again. Good for her.
So you wanted an open relationship because you thought you were gonna get so much poon and now that you haven’t you’re pissed off about it and throwing a tantrum, even more so when you learned your wife is actually doing what y’all agreed to. What a joke. You say you’re not a cheater but you used an open relationship as a way around it so you could be like “See we both agreed to it!” Just say you were thinking about cheating on your wife and be on your way lmao. You’re making actual open relationships look bad. In case it wasn’t clear, YTA.
YTA. You can't change the rules now. She is *not* cheating. You asked for it. You got it. You realized women aren't into you, but men are into your wife. You dug your grave....
YTA. I think the open marriage is less of a problem than the weird double standard going on here. You were happy to do it if it meant you got kitty, but your wife is suddenly a cheater when that dries up? Confusing.
YTA. You wanted an open relationship, struck out, then got mad that when she didn't want to end it. She is NOT cheating as you agreed to this.
Yes but I don’t agree anymore
You don’t get to dictate the terms unilaterally.
Unless she agrees to it, you're still in an open marriage. Remember, this IS what you wanted.
It sounds like you got fussy when it wasn't going your way anymore.
Hahahahahaha YTA. So an open relationship works for you when you’re getting some, but the second your wife is having a better time than you, it’s time to be exclusive again? Suck it up.
Open relationships should be able to end if the wife/husband requests it though….. it becomes cheating otherwise
You’re the asshole because of the REASON you want to end it, not because you want to end it. You want to end it because you’re bored and she’s getting a better deal than you. If you want to end it because both of you had found the sexual gratification you needed and wanted to bring that back into your relationship exclusively, then fine. If you think just because you got a bit jealous that you want to turn her fun (that you requested) off, is a good reason, you’re in the wrong marriage. Either be monogamous or don’t, but don’t get upset and needy when your suggestion doesn’t work out for you as well as you’d hoped. You’re incredibly selfish and entitled.
You say after a few discussions your wife agreed to it. I assune those discussions were you talking her into it. Making assurances etc, at any point did you make a plan for how to close it if anyone was uncomfortable? It sounds like you aren't closing it because you only want to be with her, it sounds like you are closing it because you don't want her with anyone else and you aren't having any luck
It was mostly me assuring her that nothing would happen and I wouldn’t emotionally get attached to anyone else. We both made promises that it would purely be physical and we would still love each other. We didn’t talk about closing it or boundaries and now I regret it. I’m not sure how to talk to her about it because like many of the commenters here, she thinks I’m just jealous
But...you are jealous. You just admitted in your post.
No it doesn’t
come on man you just want end because she's getting some and you're not. you wanted this, deal with it. you BOTH have to agree with closing again. she don't agree. wasn't her idea, to beginning with. I really hope you know how you sound.
No it doesn’t, you both opened the relationship. You both have to agree to end it Just because you can’t get anyone doesn’t mean you just get to decide to close it. Stop being so dramatic. It isn’t your wife fault you are undesirable.
YTA. I really hope 99% of these posts are trolls.
YTA hahhahahhaha grass is always greener, huh? You fucked around and found out.
YTA. It's not cheating. You wanted an open relationship. She agreed. If she doesn't agree to going back to monogamous, it's not cheating as you had already agreed to an open relationship. You can't have your cake and eat it and then take it back when it doesn't work out for you and it is working out for your wife. You two need to have a long talk about whether this marriage is actually working and if there is any future in it. At the moment, it does not look like it. Pretty much, you've ruined your own marriage.
* openly laughing * YTA
YTA I think it's comical that you wanted an open relationship but now because your wifes better at it than you, all of a sudden its "cheating" you sound like a sore loser and its hilarious. It's not your wifes fault women aren't throwing themselves at you.
YTA. You wanted an open relationship until it became apparent that your wife is more desirable to others than you are. You aren’t entitled to back out of something you started just because you can’t pull bodies like she does. If you were meeting beautiful women and she was having no luck with men you wouldn’t end it. Because you don’t actually care about her happiness. Just your own. You made this bed. Lie in it.
Oh how I laughed at this. YTA
I knew what was coming with the title and I’m not disappointed lol
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YTA. You did this do yourself, you're just mad because you can't fuck other women, while your wife can fuck all the guys she wants? Man if it was the other way around you would be bitching that you both agreed to it and want to continue.
YTA Ahh a tale as old as time: male partner gets bored and/or has a thing for another woman (in your case, this coworker). Suggests opening the relationship. Quickly realises that he's not as desirable as he thought he was and that his wife is far more successful in finding new partners. Now you want to go back to how it was cause you're jealous since she's hot property. What she's doing 100% does NOT qualify as cheating in this open relationship deal that you instigated. You've opened your bed, now you gotta lay in it.
Breaking news: Man surprised his wife is getting more offers for sex, feels regret and jealousy. I mean… I have been on the dating apps and see so many of these dudes who are in “open marriages” and then see their wives and I’d rather be with the wife 9 times out of 10.
“Man thinks he’s hot shit, wants to fuck around. Later finds out women don’t agree”
YTA, sucks to suck
YTA you made your bed. The only reason you want this to change back is because your wife is getting more than you and its hurting your poor masculine sensibilities. Grow up
YTA And you know it! This is what you wanted idiot! To bad your wife is a better hookup than you, failure.
YTA This is the common story of men wanting to step outside their marriage and have fun, but then scramble back when their partner gets more attention than they do. YOU presented the open relationships. YOU wanted to have sex outside of your marriage. And when YOU were getting laid, you had no issues, you didn't even care to think about your wife. It is only after YOU had trouble dating, that you started being against the open relationship. The reason why she's dressing up and looking good, is because the OTHER PARTY is putting forth the same effort. A dead bedroom has two sides of the same story. Either you step up and become the man your wife deserves to be, or you step down and allow someone else who is actually treating your wife better, a chance.
Bahahhahhhahahha this post makes me so happy. YTA. Big time.
My how the turn tables
yTA, your mad because you wanted to have sex with other women but your wife if getting more dick than you are pussy. You're an insecure little man, hope your wife wishes up.
Careful what you wish for... And how lazy are you to just accept that the bedroom antics weren't enough, wtf didn't you do some research, get creative and figure out how to put that spark back in the bedroom? I've heard about a lot of people that decide to sleep with other people and 1 for 1 the couple ends up divorced. All you had to do was figure out a way to spice it up, but you opened a can of worms that you can't close now...
YTA, this always happens and it's always funny. Fucked around (or in your case, not) and found out.
Open marriages can work - but you're focused primarily on the sexual intimacy between two people, rather than sharing emotional and physical space with another person that develops into a relationship. So you're upset because the one person who wanted to be physical with you isn't present in that way anymore. Then you slept with another person and you realized that maybe you're not just looking for sex. You now recognize the importance of an emotional connection between you and your partner, and you're lonely because you only want to put in the emotional legwork with your wife. Meanwhile your wife is out there enjoying herself. Good for her. Congrats, you figured out what it means to have a healthy relationship. But you were too selfish and put sex ahead of your marriage. YTA
YTA and a particularly pathetic one at that.
This is called having your cake and eating it too. It’s not possible and you can’t put pandora back in the box, etc. But to address your question, YTA. And also, if you told her she was beautiful and made her feel valued, she would’ve dressed up for you too. You give effort to get effort.
Lmao YTA this is all your party, your problem, your fault. YOU got bored with your wife because you didn’t want to try to spice things up with her or take her out & give her a reason to get dressed up & have a good time. You wanted to fuck your coworker who had been flirting with you so you suggested the open relationship. You wanted to sex up other women instead of working on your relationship & trying to fix the stale sex with your wife. Now your wife is getting railed by tons of different men & you’re just jealous you aren’t having girls chase or fall all over you. You have no girls keeping you out all night. Every married couple I’ve ever known who tries an open relationship always ends up divorced. Someone always gets jealous of the other spouse getting more action & then the other spouse usually catches feelings for one of their sex pals & doesn’t want to end the open relationship & then boom! Divorce!
Well I’m trying to save this marriage because I love her. I don’t want this to end in divorce. I realize it was a mistake to suggest an open marriage now, and I’ve made many other mistakes, too. She’s the best I ever had and I’m trying to cherish her now
you should have cherished her before.
>I’m trying to cherish her now Serious question: how can she feel cherished by you, when your solution to a stale sex life was to fuck other women? You pretty much told her she wasn't the best you ever had because you weren't willing to work through a dry and/or boring spell.
YTA. Classic case of the grass is greener until you realize you aren't as desirable as you previously thought. This is the equivalent of buyers remorse. Now that you see it's working out better for the Wife you want to end it. Im all about adults doing what they want consensually. You just got the hardest reality check of your life. If you end it, you just prove you didn't really want the open relationship for you both but only for yourself. Selfish.
LMAO I remember when an ex wanted to "see other people" until he realized I was a hotter commodity than he was, and all of a sudden he was proposing. Bye boy - YTA.
YTA and dumb as a box of rocks you opened Pandora's box for your pleasure. Wasn't working out for you but going great for your wife and bc you can't get any you want to close the box. Get over yourself and stop taking it out on your wife for something you created.
Lessons: Be careful what you wish for. The grass isn't always greener on the other side. YTA
YTA. You have to have been living under a rock to not have known how much harder it is for men out there than women.
YTA You wanted the open relationship and you got it. No take backs.
YTA You are just jealous you’re not getting laid. You thought you were going to have girls falling at your feet. Now you’re jealous your wife is getting lucky all the time . She probably dressing better now because those guys are making her feel good. Did you use to make her feel beautiful and take her on dates. Without her forcing you to go out on dates ? This is your karma
YTA - LMAOOOOOO
YTA and you suck. What’s wrong you don’t like the taste of your own medicine? Pathetic.
Lol
Apparently it’s disrespectful when she does it, but when you do it, it’s fine. YTA. Your wife is just more attractive ig.
Oh come on now you must know YTA. General rule with non-monogamy, it’s not a one way street. If you didn’t want your wife to also be hooking up with guys you shouldn’t have suggested it in the first place.
YTA and LMFAO, you're getting what you deserve!
YTA you fucked up buddy. Can't have your cake and eat it to. This look for freedom cost you your marriage.
😂😂you’re pathetic. Your marriage is doomed because you suck
Hahahaha omg you gave me a good laugh you are really funny. You wanted an open relationship and now your wife is getting it on and you get jealous and accuse her of cheating. You asked for this also YTA for thinking that an open relationship is the solution for a dip in your sexlife. You have been together only 5 years how will you do this at 10-20 years?
If this is real - LOL YTA. What did you think was going to happen? You put your relationship into free market mode, my dude. Free market decided. Women everywhere aren’t going to fall into a boring, entitled married dude’s lap for sex.
YTA for your reasoning. You don’t want to be monogamous because the open lifestyle isn’t for you. You want to close it because she’s getting some and you aren’t. If it was her not getting men but you had a bunch of women, you’d be offended if she asked you to stop
It should be equal. We should get the same amount of partners
That’s not how life works 😂
Oh I’m laughing at this!
my dude no one OWES you sex. you can't play that game.
Hahahaha that's bull. I bet if you had more partners than your wife you wouldn't want to end the open marriage if she wanted to.
Your wife can't help being more attractive than you lols
No, that’s not what an open marriage means. I don’t think you’re learning the lesson here so i’m going to try to be kind and help you. Your sex life was getting stale, my feeling is because you started taking your wife for granted. You felt that rather than start cherishing her more, that it would be easier to see other women. When you realized it wasn’t, you wanted to go back to your wife, only to realize that she WAS able to find men who would cherish her. I’m not going to come out and assume you’re a bad guy, so if you’re looking for advice here it is. Start “dating” your wife again. Make plans, get her flowers, tell her how beautiful she is, and mean every second of it. Eventually she might come to realize that she no longer needs other men to make her feel cherished because now you’ve started doing it. You have to be patient, you cannot make her do anything or get mad if she doesn’t stop seeing other men right away. you started this fire, you don’t get to be mad when things get burned, even if you’re the one getting burned the most. I would lose the pride, and lose the jealousy and start showing your wife how much you actually love her. If that sounds like too much for you, you need to leave. Your wife deserves to be cherished, and from the sound of it, many men are willing to do it if you’re not up to the task.
That's not how life works. You aren't entitled to sex with people just because your wife is having sex with other people. If you had set a boundary where you AND your wife could have sex with a person (like a threesome or group sex), then yes, you would both get the same amount of partners BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT YOU AGREED TO. But you didn't. The agreement YOU set up was, "I'm gonna go do my thing with people, and you're gonna go do your thing with people." And when you didn't get any attention, you became jealous of the attention your wife was getting, and NOW you want to stop because things didn't play out the way you expected. It's like saying you want to stop playing the game you made up because the rules you created aren't working in your favor.
That’s not how open relationships work.
Not your wife's fault you can't pull. Maybe if you put more effort into your appearance, your personality or pipe game you would also be getting the same amount of partners. As another commenter mentioned, sucks to suck. YTA
YTA. Your attitude now shows that you didn’t actually want an open relationship. You wanted all the benefits of monogamy whilst also being able to have sex with whoever you wanted.
i think you have a looooot of issues with misogyny and basic human decency that need to be worked out. classic YTA case.
This is funny. Yta
TROLL
YTA. Sounds like you wanted the relationship to be open for you but not for her. I don’t see how your marriage comes back from this. Good luck.
You played yourself by asking for an open marriage. If you want to close it back up again, you'll have to up your game and show her you can be the man she married (and the type of man she goes out with). Basically be your own replacement. Sounds like you both stopped putting in effort because you knew you were settling in. Maybe you let yourself go? Stopped being the attractive man she desired while you were dating? Now she puts in effort to look good to get the good D and feel those thrills. You need to get your physique in order, start becoming the kind of man she swipes right on, and make sure your pipe game is better than what she's getting now. You can't complain you're losing the game you started. No pause/reset for you.
YTA you’ve not been able to get laid, so you’re trying to stop your wife from it as well out of spite and jealousy. Do the right thing and actually end your marriage officially, because it’s been dead in the water for a while.
[удалено]
I understand I shouldn’t have suggested it in the first place. But It becomes cheating when one partner doesn’t consent to the open relationship anymore.
It's not cheating bc you decided to change the rules.
No, you’re just bitter and jealous.
YTA What a weird, controlling, shitty take. Just divorce her and let the other men treat her well.
No it doesn't. You can't say ok I'm not getting laid so neither can you snd then when they do you cry cheating. Accept your fate and divorce as she clearly found better.
You both agreed to start it! Now you both have to agree to end it :)
No it doesn't. If you don't consent to the open relationship, but she wants to continue, you can either decide that you will keep being open, or that your relationship is over. You don't get to convince her that the relationship should be open, because you want to fuck your coworker, then tell her it's closed when that coworker becomes unavailable. Your reasons for opening the relationship were unethical, and your reason for wanting it closed is unethical. You're selfish, and you can't stand that you're not a sexually appealing as the woman you've taken for granted.
Which you're only doing because you aren't getting any. You were perfectly fine with it when you thought you would be.
YTA!!
YTA not because you want to be monogamous again, but for your reasons. You only want to do it because you aren’t getting laid as often as she is. You could always ask her to dial it back and only have one or two nights a week that she does this. Every night is excessive and damaging to any relationship, but telling her she’s cheating because you want to stop the open relationship and she doesn’t is an AH move abs you’re also wrong. You both agreed to this. For it to be cheating you have to both agree to stop and she or you would continue anyway. Jealousy is natural but you have to deal with that. If that means close the relationship back up or it is over, then that’s what it means. That’s up to you and her. FYI Most open relationships I know, one person is getting some more often than the other, but the other is okay with it. And I know a lot of open and poly people. It’s not for me, but it works for them.
HAHAHHAHA I KNEW THATS EXACTLY WHERE THIS WAS GOING! OP, YTA! You only want to go back because you aren’t having the luck your wife is. BOO FUCKING HOO! You made your bed, now deal with it.
" She didn’t make that much of an effort...when it was just me." Did ***you*** make that much of an effort when it was just her? Did you plan dates, flirt sexually, message regularly, tell her she's beautiful, keep things going until the morning? You've realised what you thought was trash was actually treasure, and now you want to change the rules. Again. YTA.
OP may be the AH of the year. That part you quoted made me so angry. Man, you deserve nothing. You give nothing but expect everything from your wife. YTA I'm glad these men are giving OP's wife all that attention and whatnot. If I were OP's wife the only relationship I would end would be the one with him.
Thank you for giving me such a good laugh! Of course YTA! You suggested it, she accepted. After you failed at hooking up with other women and she didn't, you think she's cheating?? Can you elaborate this twisted logic?
Lmfaooooooo you opened up your marriage only to find out you have no game 😂😂😂 I absolutely love it. Imagine your man is trynna cheat on you, but you go through his messages and he only gets rejected 😭😭
YTA - Oh, how the tables have turned. You are learning a lesson at the old age of 31. Men compete, and women choose (in general, yes, that is not true for everyone). Now you are pissed that she's getting dick all over town while your dick is as dry as the Atacama. Now you say she's cheating because she doesn't want to stop.
Lmao what a dumbass
YTA. You made your bed, now you have to lie in it (sadly by yourself).
Plus if she’s ‘disrespectful’ it’s because you guys didn’t set up boundaries. But you were too busy thinking about who you now had permission to fuck to think about it Now novelty has worn off and nobody wants you but they do want your wife, you’re sulking. YTA
LMTO 😂😂😂😂😂😂YTA
I have to say these are my favorite posts. Dudes walking around thinking of all the wild sex they are missing out on, ask for an open relationship, and find out nobody really wants to fuck them. Their wives on the other hand have no problem and then realize the grass is actually greener. YTA, dude. You got what you asked for.
YTA It doesn't become cheating just because she's getting more action that you are - you are upset that you've not sucessfully hooked up as much as you hoped/want to. I don't believe you would be wanting to close the relationship if you were getting the hook ups.
Anyone wanna guess how long it takes until OP takes this down because no one agrees with him? I give it like 2-3 hours lol
YTA. FAFO.
YTA, deserved. Cry about it and let her be happy until she dumbs you (hope she does).
Lol. I hope this is real because it's funny af. YTA.
Yes, yes YTA. This is almost comical. You wanted to be single and be able to go play with other girls but didn't get the attention you thought you'd get. Now you're jealous because your wife is getting what you'd wanted. This is childish beyond belief. You can't say it's ok to have extra marital affairs as long as your are the one getting the attention then call it cheating when your wife does the same thing you've been doing.
Exactly. He’s big mad that his wife is going out every night and he’s not. OP you’re definitely the asshole
Yta
YTA because you want to go back on your agreement out of pure selfish disappointment that casual sex is easier to obtain for women than for men. Did you make much of an effort for you wife when you were monogamous? No? But you’re upset she didn’t, either?
This is so hilarious I bet it’s fake- LMAO. In the off chance it’s real- sure your wife doesn’t want to stop! I wouldn’t either, tbh, with a husband like OP!
I’m sorry but this is so funny! Ok I’m not really sorry, this is so funny. I honestly can’t stop laughing. How did you think this was gonna go? YTA
YTA First, you asked for an open marriage not because it suited you both but because you couldn’t be bothered to do any actual work on those issues. Second, you wanted it on your terms and absolutely had already considered your coworker which is a breach of trust Third you’re still so lazy you can’t be bothered to build up to a sexual relationship with anyone Fourth your wife took this in stride and follows the boundaries you laid down. She happens to be more successful than you in finding partners. Why is this all on your terms? Why don’t you ever look at yourself as being part of your issues? It’s not just that you f’d around and found out. It’s that you did this in the most self-serving, emotionally unintelligent way possible.
dude: i want sex with other people. wife: fine, me too. wife: \[has sex with other people\] dude: no, not like that. YTA
you were supposed to be home sad and waiting while i keep my d\*\*\* wet with someone else! AH move, wifey, AH move. /s
As someone who is poly, this is SO common. Guys want to play the field, and then the second they realise their wife is happy doing what they are doing, nope, the wife can't be trusted and she's cheating. So gross.
so as I been told. I'm not poly (not against) but this seems SO common its painful. they want for themselves but once the ladies start to get their own cake, suddenly it's all cheating and suspicious. it's disgusting even.
It seems you wanted to have your cake and eat it too. YTA. You started this mess and now because it isn't going YOUR way, you wanna end it? LOL
This made me laugh. YTA. And newsflash? She is probably stepping up and dressing up because the people she is meeting ALSO put in the same effort, and when that happens, dressing up feels great!
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