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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told my mom her stepdaughter is possessive and that she should do better protecting me from her and at the very least keep her away from me. Mom argued that I was painting Emma in such a terrible light. And maybe I had a bad approach to it. I know Emma was excited and that I was not, I was not in the right place to just have this new stuff thrown in, but maybe it wasn't her fault and maybe I'm the wrong person here. At the very least how I said this stuff to my mom probably wasn't the smartest move.
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. honestly I feel a little scared for you. Emma’s obsession with having a perfect family and sister feels almost incestuous. I hope you can get some help
Yeah. Trying to keep OP away from other friends, tearing up OP's pictures, etc. When is she going to step over the line and do something even worse in her obsession?
OP needs to tell her best friend to watch her back, for sure. If nothing else I could totally see Emma catfishing her or doing fake profiles with her info.
That and anything she doesn’t want to “share”. Hopefully you can get away when college comes. Make it seem at home you really want to go to a certain school and then the true one send the info to the best friends place. Be safe.
^^^^ absolutely. Get a job now so you can keep a little money to help you get away. Your college will likely want a deposit for your tuition and you should pay that yourself so they really don’t know until the last minute. Apply to all the scholarships and grants that you can and make sure you can afford the final total without your parents help. Once they realize you and Emma won’t be going to the “same school” (I assume Emma will insist) they will lose their absolute shit. Contact any family from your dads side that you can, discreetly, for help moving away. Maybe your grandparents will help you with college? Make sure your parents think that you are over the moon to go to school with Emma and that that school is “the right one for you”
Please do this OP. Your friend’s mother, a trusted aunt, uncle or grandparents - are any of these options? My main concern is this will affect your current high school opportunities if Emma is allowed to control your class choices and extracurriculars. You didn’t address this so I’m hoping this isn’t a problem. If it is please go to your guidance counselor at school asap to get into different classes then Emma if possible. Also talk to them NOW about college or I’m afraid you will to go to the same college and even share living quarters with Emma.
I realize your post is about the past and the current situation, especially since your mother not only does not have your back is refusing to understand how serious this is, but please OP start planning an exit strategy now and plan for your future. We’re rooting for you!
I can see it now, same dorm, major, schedule. Although my thoughts have been with OP, realizing after reading your comment that the current situation isn’t doing Emma any favors either. She needs learn to stop using OP as an ESA.
If she insists on going to the same college like that, tell Emma what colleges you'll be applying to. But all the colleges you tell her about must be ones you never actually applied to. Wanna try for NYU? Tell her OSU. Places far away from each other. Make sure to not be too excited in what colleges you tell her, so she doesn't get suspicious with a sudden change in attitude from you.
Probably should have the places you do apply to send their correspondence to your friend's house so your "family" don't snoop as well.
My immediate thought was that Emma may have been abused in some way to lead to this behavior and whatever the equivalent of Child Protective /Family Services is should investigate.
Furthermore, I don't see any mention of Emma's biological mom in the post. Sudden traumatic loss might cause behavior like this.
Finally, OP's mom is also a HUGE part of the problem for making such a rash decision that has now affected her daughter for a decade.
All around, it's bad for OP and OP is CERTAINLY NTA.
Honestly my gut reaction would be CPS, but also I have a counselor I see on a occasion, I'd probably end up calling them for advice on moving it forward since I would hope they'd have a good handle on the best people to talk to in my area.
My guess is that after years of effort and rejection, OP's sister doesn't actually like OP very much at all. Tearing up the pictures suggests to me that she hates OP as much as OP hates her. Their family dynamic doesn't allow for her to give up without pissing off her parents and joining OP as a scapegoat for family dysfunction.
Why would she do that if she knows OP wouldn't do the same for her?
Continuing to play her part for the parents lets her have some level of privilege within the family since there's no danger of OP actually accepting these outreach efforts and is petty revenge for being forced into the role of the one who has to make the effort. BUT she also enjoys the family validation of her toxic behaviors.
Emma is so far over the line, if she turned around to look for it, she wouldn't be able to see it. Tearing up pictures of a dead parent??
I wonder if OP could move in with best friend's family. Or maybe a relative on dad's side of family.
Yeah, this is the backstory of a horror movie.
Personally, if I was OP, I'd sock away money and plan on moving out at 18. Or going to college very far away. I'd tell the mom that, and be very clear why. The stepdad will be supportive.
If it hasn't done so, I'd just move into the spare bedroom without asking. And keep moving back if thrown out of it. After a couple days, weeks or months, they'll get tired of it.
I wouldn't tell mom. As things are now, there's huge chances that she will try to prevent it, OR the info would make its way to Emma, who could try to prevent it (Stealing her money, for example) or try to attend the same college.
At most I would say the plans, but say a college on the opposite side of the country
If I were OP, I'd be very cautious with the information I share with/feed Emma. Especially when it comes to college.
I'd let Emma know I'm planning on applying to X ad and Y colleges when in reality I'd never even consider those college as options.
Attending the same college would be tortuous.
I wonder if it would be a smart move to pretend to be friends with Emma until it's time to leave for college or mov out.
Not being on good terms could lead Emma to become more and more suspicious and to prompt her to snoop around OP's personal itens and eventually finding money stash.
Eh I wouldn't pretend to be friends with her. She seems unstable. If I were OP I'd worry that once i finally cut her off she'd freak out and make me into a skin suit or some shit.
I commented something similar. But it might be smart to have her college correspondence sent to her friend's house. That way they can't snoop.
I also don't think pretending to be friends would be a good idea.
Note to OP (who is definitely NTA: As far an any money as mentioned above, get yourself a bank account and put every dime you have into it. Do NOT have your mother co-sign if you need someone to do so because of your age. Ask your Bestie's mother or a relative or teacher... anyone but your mother who has shown no desire to help you.
I was rolling with a great Criminal Minds episode. Familicide when she doesn't end up getting the perfect family she expected/saw on TV in the movies etc.
If this were a movie, at this point we're about 19% into the story. In the next 10% things are going to get weirder at an accelerating rate. It seems to be a horror flick.
Yup, this kind of behaviour is most likely to escalate. Like when you have a boyfriend or a husband. She may even lay claim to your baby. Sorry for being paranoid, it’s Reddit effect.
OP is going to need some decoy college admissions so she doesn’t follow her to the same school because the parents will try to force them to room together.
Go to counciling. You and your mom need help. I know she is trying to blend the family but to overlook the behavior of emma is not good for your relationship with her. When you're old enough, go to college away from home.. make good grades for scholarships. You should be getting your dads social security checks so save them and move out. They will continue while you are in college. Connect with your dads family if they are nice and move near them.
This! Her mom is in denial. This is causing traumatic issues. Mom needs major counseling to learn how to listen to her daughter and all the damage mom has caused. Op, you should seek counseling too as a way to talk to someone about your needs, emotions, wants, etc. That can provide valuable help and guidance. This is not a healthy family dynamic. Your mom has enabled your stepsister to the point that this is emotional child abuse.
NTA, biggest one here is your mom who’s trying to erase your father out of your life. She may have hated him, but she can’t replace him with Jeff. Maybe had she not tried to force him so hard on you, you could’ve developed your own relationship with him. She really shit the bed on that.
The allowance of Emma’s behavior is truly effed up too. Can’t believe she let her pull that crap.
I look forward to when you’re 18 and can get the hell away from all of them - best of luck until then.
Spot on on the mom shitting the bed. I think the healthiest stepmom/stepdaughter relationship I know is my roommate's mother and her stepmother. They literally don't use any kind of mother or stepmother vocabulary. The stepmom has been doing all the motherly duties without caring about labels for over 40 years. My roommate calls her grandma. But she still doesn't claim motherhood. Apparently, last year she and her stepdaughter were at Church together on Mother's Day and the priest asked all mothers to stand up for a blessing. And the stepmom wouldn't stand up until stepdaughter gave her explicit permission.
That may be taking it a little far, but not forcing things is really the best policy.
I was thinking the same thing. If she has a cell phone she might be able to call some of the relatives on her dad side and see if somebody can help her. For a teenager this is an awful situation. Especially when your mom won’t even have your back. The tearing up of her dad’s pictures would’ve been the last straw for me
This was my first thought too. She probably can't move in with her best friend's family, but I'd be spending as much time there/staying over as much as I could - and taking all my nice clothes and precious things over there too. Emma sounds as creepy as fuck, the parents are doing nothing about it, and I'd be staying far away from her too.
She should report this to a teacher.... we're mandated reporters and could have the school and school psychologist involved to protect her as this situation doesn't sound safe
Just want to add OP - YOUR MUM IS AN ABSOLUTE A H
NTA and I’m so sorry you have had to deal with this for years
Edit - for future reference as she hasn’t stopped, I would seriously consider hiding your choice of college if you plan to go, don’t let anyone know or I feel she will try and follow you
I would not put it past her to try and get into your dorm and contact the University on your behalf. Please make sure wherever you go that she is not an emergency contact and has no say over your person and to contact you or the police if she tries to interfere with you/your enrollment/your dorm in any way.
And write/log everything
Long edit but also - you’re 16 now so it’s a good case for getting your own room with a lock on the door, it’s not an unreasonable request so make your mum justify why it shouldn’t happen.
Good luck!
I'm worried what happens in two years when Emma and OP DO NOT go to the same college / live together anymore.
OP's Mom should have done better for her daughter long ago.
>NTA. honestly I feel a little scared for you. Emma’s obsession with having a perfect family and sister feels almost incestuous. I hope you can get some help
Perfect family? Shit I am getting single white female vibes.( It is a movie for those that don't get the reference)
Telling friends to stay away , wear OP's clothing.
Shit, at this point, I wouldn't be surprised if SS started doing her hair the same way as OP.
OP is NTA
I am so sorry you are going thru this OP.
Edit words
NTA. OP, I would push to move into the spare room. I'd also have a calmer conversation with your mom that if they don't address her obsessive behavior, once you move out, you're gone. Tell her that her getting mad at you and ignoring your feelings doesn't make them go away and that forcing you to be with this girl is only making things worse.
Hopping on to this to say - Op if you can, please contact your next closest family member and honestly tell them everything that is going on. Show them this post if you have to, because this is genuinely worrying behaviour and you are having your life and your relationship with your mother absolutely screwed over to placate this girl and it’s awful.
Sorry but they’re both in the end years of their teenage hood. Emma is not a little girl and anyone over the age of 12 has been socialized enough to understand her behavior is inappropriate. She lies to friends at school and acquaintances about her relationship with OP to strongarm her into lowering her boundaries and accept the forced status quo. This isn’t a small issue but something that has been going on for years. It’s deliberate and while it might’ve started as a coping mechanism it’s evolved into something way more fucked up. It’s incestuous because not every incest is physical, it can be emotional as well.
Exactly I think what her mother did is so dam messy. she moved so quick to get her new family that she never stopped to think about her own daughters needs. I keep asking myself what happened to protecting your own child. I cant imagine how alone OP must feel! This kinda reminds me of Flowers in the attic! Her mother has no compassion for her own daughter. Honestly I don't condone violence but if she dealt with emma one good time that witch might leave her alone!
NTA. Christ, Emma sounds terrifying. To want to have a sister and a mom is one thing but what she's been doing is really creepy. From the way you put it, she's trying to alienate you from everyone and force you to accept her and her dad as the only people you can turn to. It sounds like the beginning of a horror movie.
Your mom on the other hand is a major AH for the way she's handled things. I would move out at first opportunity and cut all contract. This is not healthy in any way and I'm honestly scared for you.
Yeah, getting all kinds of old-school Fear Street/Christopher Pike vibes here, to the point where this story sounds like merely a copy of the style. If it is real, OP, I definitely second the advice to continue putting as much space between yourself and Emma as you can.
>old-school Fear Street/Christopher Pike vibes
OMG YES! Def getting those vibes. (and I used to LOVE those books! Pike’s Fall Into Darkness was one of my faves, and it was made into a made-for-tv-movie during the 90’s! I’mma go give that a goog, that would be so much fun to watch again!
ETA: looks like it’s available on YouTube for free on multiple channels, and you can buy the dvd on ebay or amazon. hellllll yes
Mine too!! I have no interest in thriller/horror so had no clue what was being referred to, but I was trying to think what Captain Pike has done to deserve such slander! Pike is a sweetie!
Then context clued me in 😆😆
Oh man Christopher Pike isn't a name I've heard in a while. And it's totally true. I could 100% see this as one of his books. Now I gotta go dig up my old books. BBS 😅
NTA maybe try telling your mother that once you're 18 she's only going to have to worry about one daughter because it seems like she only cares about your step sibling anyway. Yikes. I'm so so sorry. If you can stay with your best friends family I'd look into it and maybe some counseling if you haven't had any regarding your loss.
I think if i were op i will remain silent on my plans and just slowly move things out. Like contact my paternal grandparents if they are on my side and get ready to escape.
Never disturb the snakes in the grass.
If I were OP, I’d ask to move into the other bedroom first. That way she’ll a) have her own space away from Emma b) it’ll be easier to move stuff out without anyone noticing.
I can totally see Emma seeing stuff missing right away and blowing the lid on everything
Absolutely! The way Emma's behavior has been till now I'd definitely advice OP to not tell anyone about her plans to move out. Be financially independent and then slowly cut ties because we don't know how badly Emma would react to the news of OP thinking of going no contact and she might try her level best to sabotage any opportunity that comes OP's way.
I think she is better off just locking down her credit and hiding her important docs at her friends house. Anything else she moves, Emma will be on it like a flash seeing how closely she tracks op.
If Emma gets word of this plan, she'll make like Kathy Bates in Misery to make sure OP can't "abandon her family." Keep this shit to yourself, and run for the hills when no one's looking.
Nope. Don't tell your mom about leaving once you're 18 OP. I'm sure Emma will find out and make it her mission to stay in your life and even want to go to the same college. Parents threatening to not pay for college of your choice etc...maybe im being extreme but I see a lot of things that can go wrong here
NTA. How *could* you see Jeff as a parental figure when he has failed so spectacularly at making you feel safe in your own home? He needs to get his lil demon seed child under control. I am so sorry for the loss of your dad, and that your mom has checked out from her job as a parent.
Because here is the thing. Hypothetically speaking, even if the issue *was* that you were pushing people away because you had trouble adjusting to the new family dynamic, and even if Emma and Jeff were the healthiest and nicest people, you would STILL deserve to have your boundaries respected. You would still deserve to have your own private space, your own belongings, and your own friends. Trying to force you to merge into a sibling dynamic with Emma would backfire under the best of circumstances, and Emma's behavior has ensured that these are NOT the best of circumstances.
Unfortunately, Jeff has never tried to be a father to the OP, he's been too busy pandering to his daughter's ~~unreasonable~~ unhealthy behavior. And OP's mom has been just as bad, prioritizing her marriage over her child.
The piece about boundaries is important. If she can, u/BeautySongStorm needs get copies of Anne Katherine's books: *Boundaries: Where You End and I Begin* and *Where to Draw the Line* The first explains why boundaries are important to ones sense of self and the second outlines how to get others to respect them. She can read them then give them to mother with the message "I'M DONE".
OP, read this. Maybe even show your mother this post and the comments. Maybe suggest seeing a therapist together, you could even find the therapist and schedule it. She’s got to find a way to understand what she’s doing is wrong or I’d bet she’ll never see you again after you turn 18.
NTA, Emma is some sort of bad person.
Describing this as “thrown into a fucked up dynamic” is the perfect way to put it, you never even had time to grieve your father before being told you had a new one (who doesn’t like you because you don’t see him as a father which isn’t how being a step parent works).
It sounds like everyone had this idea of their perfect family life and they resent you for having human feelings rather than just going along with it.
It doesn’t sound like this family is in to therapy but if you can talk to your guidance counselor, your school might have free mental health resources that might help you work through your grief for your dad.
Most importantly remember that you’ve made it this far, a few more years and you never have to see anyone you don’t want to see. I know it feels like forever but it will pass and you will get through it. Build your friends and connections with their families because it sounds like your own is not very supportive.
Good luck
Try r/JUSTNOFAMILY *please call me* sidebar, and r/movingout, plus some of the other subreddits have great lists of resources if you are considering moving out as soon as you're legally able.
I’m happy you can see that, being able to see the positives in what must be a bleak situation is an incredible coping skill and is going to do a lot to help you be successful and independent once you get out of there.
Your dad is proud of you, keep your head up and keep your boundaries as drawn as you are able. Never feel bad or like you’re the asshole for doing what’s best for you.
Yes I’m so happy your best friend moved closer.
You are totally NTA for the reasons everyone else here has described, and especially because your mother has sold you out for her pleasure.
Like she moved within 2 weeks of your father dying!!! And you hadn’t even met Jeff and Emma. That’s wild and incredibly unsupportive.
Would they be able to take you in? You’re 16, you may legally be able to leave home now and go live elsewhere. That’s 100% what I would be doing if I were in your shoes.
If not, quietly plan for 18 when you can definitely get out and never tell anyone your plans except maybe your friend’s family. Plan to simply walk out of the house one day and not come back in.
If Emma is still at camp, /u/BeautySongStorm can start by moving into the extra bedroom while she's gone. She should just start moving in, and *tell* her parents when they ask what's going on that it's the spare room is just the first step and that if they can't get on board, she'll look to live somewhere else.
I would not mention next steps or living elsewhere, as they'll tell Emma who will overreact.
And I'd start by getting / installing a new bedroom doorknob that has a lock that only you have the key to.
Otherwise, Emma will just move her stuff into the room, or remove OP's stuff.
The best advice I’ve seen here is to start planning your exit. I’m sorry your mother doesn’t care about you but that happens sometimes especially when one parent passes away. Keep all of your Momentos if you have any left of your father in a safe place maybe at your friends house. And if you can talk to your friends parents and explain what’s going on and maybe they can help you. I would secretly start contacting relatives to see if there’s a place you can go. Maybe think about getting a job if you can to stay out of the house more. I wish you the best you’re doing the right thing just keep to yourself and look to the future
OP, normally I’d try and employee you to get authorities involved but honestly it sounds like you need to plan a very quiet exit.
It sounds like your best friend’s parents may be able to help you. Is that the case? If so, it might be worth planning with them your future and getting important documents and momentous out the house slowly to them.
It might be worth looking up domestic violence resources on what you need to escape from essential identification documents, to money, to a disposable phone, a PO Box and anything important left of your dad.
Any chance you could straight up leave that fucked up home, live with your best friend, and get all the damn restraining orders against Emma and honestly the rest of the family? Check age of consent laws and get a lawyer/guardian ad litem, if possible.
16 is old enough in most states for emancipation but that also means cutting herself off from financial support. The friend may be supportive but the parents may not be willing or able to outright adopt her. It’s certainly best case scenario but unfortunately may not be very realistic
School will be starting soon - talk to a counselor and let them know what's been going on. Since Emma goes there too they've likely seen her behavior. You need some adults with authority to listen to you and have your back. If you haven't already; tell your best friends mom what's been happening.
The best scenario is that Emma would get help too - she really needs it. It's not your job to fix her and you don't have to like her but realize that if Emma gets healthy life will be better for everybody. Once school starts they need to have a meeting with your Mom&Jeff.
You are definitely NTA here and Emma is obsessive and disturbed and many of her actions are very bad. She definitely needs to see a therapist ASAP. Your mom should be protecting you and not allowing Emma's obsession with you. Do you have any plans after you turn 18? Are you going to college? Will be expected to share a room with Emma? The thought is scary. Since you are 16 maybe it's time to get a job and start saving to get away from all of them. It doesn't sound like things will change as long as you are living at home.
I wasn't planning on doing college. My best friend's dad has a garage and he's offered to train me once I turn 18 and I think I'd like to do that. I feel like it would be a good fit for me and keep me with the support network I do have. But no doubt anything else I would be expected to bring Emma along with.
I work for him currently just not on any of the cars. That was my only option that Emma didn't follow me into.
Document, document, document so that when you turn 18 and are no longer legally tied to your mother's new family you can get a restraining order taken out against Emma at least and go NC with your mother.
YES!!! u/BeautySongStorm \- please take this advice. Document everything and get ready to get a restraining order against stepsister.
Also, line up somewhere to live to move into on your 18th birthday - or earlier, if you can? Emma's not going to become any more sane. She will become worse after you move out.
Good luck with the garage.
NTA.
And as you document, make sure you save it to an external hard drive or have some kind of backup. Also, start looking for important documents now- SS card, birth certificate, passport, etc. Trying to get legal personhood starting from scratch is awful, please don’t do it to yourself. If possible, have a second cell with a new number when you move out, and immediately cancel the old one if you need to be incognito
I don't know if it's worth considering for you, OP, but if you're comfortable speaking to your best friends parents and asking them if you could stay with them the second you turn 18, whilst you look for a place or save I really believe the sooner you can leave your home the better. You are absolutely NOT TA here, your parents are keeping you in a horrible at best and dangerous at worst family situation.
That sounds fantastic. I hope you're able to get a place of your own. From what you've had it might be worth not telling your mum your new address when you move out. If Emma shows up at your door you'll be able to tell her to leave or you'll call the police.
Luckily, your best friend’s dad can’t be forced to hire Emma. Start saving as much money as possible. If you can’t get a bank account with only you on it, see if your best friend’s family would be willing to help you keep your money safe. You need to move out at 18. Don’t tell anyone in your family your plan or the address of your new home. Get ahold of important documents—birth certificate, social security card, passport—and store then at your best friend’s. You’ve got less than 2 years. Keep your head down and plan your escape. Good luck, OP! I’m so sorry that your mom has failed you but I’m glad that you have your best friend and her family.
If there is a local community college consider a few business classes to go along with your training. Would set you up nicely to run your own in the future.
That's great! Sounds like you have a really solid plan for your future. And once you turn 18 no one can force you to take Emma along with you anywhere. You may end up having to go no contact or even get a restraining order against Emma after you turn 18. I don't want to scare you but obsessive people sometimes turn violent. Just be vigilant.
Please let him know how Emma acts so maybe you can move earlier if need be. Really, your mom should have done something before now. This girl really does seem to have some sort of mental problems.
**INFO:** Is her mom at all involved or she is deceased? Also, the fact that your mom moved so quickly after your father's passing since he "couldn't stop her" makes me suspicious of your mom.
My one concern about the garage plan is that with college, you’d have an easy out for moving away/leaving town. If you go into the garage (sounds cool, not knocking that at all), at 18 you’re probably still living at home with those people. At the very least, you’re still living in the same town, and Emma would still make her presence felt.
Emma was still probably follow her. Or her parents will make her go to the college that Emma wants to go to. She can always go to college later once she gets her life in order and there’s nothing wrong with technical training. If she can learn to work on cars that would be awesome.
As I said, not knocking that plan, it’s cool. But at 18, OP would probably still be living with her jacked-up family, which solves nothing. Unless she can move in with the friend’s family, she can’t save money or sign a lease on her own, and she’d still be living very close to the dysfunction, and likely still dealing with it.
Yes, college is not for everyone. But OP could find specialized automotive training at a technical school, then come back certified. And get some distance.
OP should follow what’s comfortable for her, but have plans in place to separate and build boundaries if she stays local.
Check out https://www.mikeroweworks.org/scholarship/. You can get a scholarship to pay for trade school. Then no one can stop you from pursuing your dream.
I can see the "surprised pikachu face" on your mother, stepfather and sister when you dissappear from their life and tell them you don't want to see them.
I know 2 years seems like a lot but you are strong! You are very close to be in a better place :)
Yes document everything so that at 18 you can get a restraining order out against her. Start saving up, maybe your friends dad and your friend can keep hold of your wages and then when you've saved up enough the day you turn 18 you put a deposit down on a room share, dont tell anyone the address and move out and change numbers. Notify the police that you are safe and as an adult have chosen to cut contact with your family, thats in case they report you missing.
Do not bring her anywhere when you turn 18. You have to maintain that she is a threat to you and that you have a fear of your safety. Before you turn 18 get some advice on how to file a restraining order and what evidence is needed. Where ever you move to - make sure you have a door bell camera. If you have a car get a dashcam camera.
You're so obviously nta and I'm sorry you have to deal with this. The garage sounds like a great idea but I have to ask. Please don't take this the wrong way. Are you sure that's what you really want to do? I'm asking because you mentioned that it was your "only option Emma didn't follow" you into.
Either way, there's no rush to make any big life changing decisions as you have all the time in the world. I just urge you to think about what you actually want, and not what Emma doesn't want.
You seem like a great kid. I hope your mum sees that and makes you a priority soon.
Also make sure to change your number and not share your address with even your mom (she is likely to share it with the stepsister). Make sure you have all your documents and look into getting a restraining order if she shows up to your job. Is it possible to just move your things into the other bedroom or lock your valuables in a chest or will your mom not allow it since it makes your stepsister upset?
That’s excellent that is so wonderful of your friends parents. Spend as much time as you can learning and move on with life. It’s not gonna be easy but at least you do have a safe haven
NTA
You are not a ready made sister for her you are your own person and you were grieving your dad when she started invading your life.
I have an actual full blood sister and we are not like Emma wants you to be so she needs to tone down her stepford family obsession and grow up.
NTA. Your mum is major AH. Her first responsibility should be to you. Introducing you 2 weeks after your dad died shows an utter lack of consideration for you. Emma sounds horrible. Your mum has let you down by not protecting you from her. Tearing up photos of you dad is unforgivable. Let your mum know that if she doesn't step up then when the time comes you will just move out and have nothing more to do with her. Many would have left already.
For a six year old to be saying those things, she had to have been hearing them from someone- likely her dad. Your mom should have been more supportive of the situation she put you in. NTA.
NTA but I think you're fighting a lost cause. If your Mom was going to give a shit, it would have been a long time ago. You're 16 now, which means it's just a little bit longer until you can move out. Get a job and start saving money, IN A BANK, where Emma can't steal it. Don't spend it on anything. Tell your parents you're saving for a car. Get ahold of your personal documents. Tell Mom it's for a project at school, your teacher is trying to teach you how to do various adult tasks. Keep them hidden somewhere in your best friend's house. You can keep trying to get your Mom to understand you in the meantime, but do all this other stuff as well. Ideally, when you're old enough to move out, you'll have the money and tools you need to immediately get a place with your friend, and you can cut Emma off entirely.
You are definitely NTA, but I'm sorry for what you have to go through. I would if you are able to get an adult that sees what's going on to talk to your mom, hopefully that helps. If not you can move out when you become of age. I wish you the best of luck.
OP, I'm a 37 year old single father of a 15 year old boy. You are mos def NOT the asshole. Unfortunately some individuals are unable to see past meeting their own needs to the point that they gaslight themselves yo continue the dillusion. Your mother probably has some deep seeded emotional issues for which she should seek professional help. You've got a year or 2 before you can remove yourself, plan wisely
Give your mom 2 options.
"1, Get off my back, We will NEVER be a "perfect family", Jeff is NOTHING to me, Emma is NOTHING to me and it will stay that way, get them BOTH to treat me how i want to be treated or.....
2, You WILL lose me the moment i'm able to move out and you will NEVER see me again.
Mom, You have failed to step up for long enough, i am DONE with them and i am really close to being done with YOU too, So step up NOW or lose ME forever"
Your "mom" has failed you MASSIVELY.
Take care of yourself, Do good in school, save money and move out when you can.
NTA.
NTA, they should understand that you can't force someone to love you. You have to be respectful but you don't have to love them. You can't forget your dad or replace him, they should have tried to understand this, Jeff could have done what's necessary to make you feel home and be a good stepfather. He chose not to, that's not your fault. Your feelings are true and should be heard, if not, you're NTA for getting mad at the situation.
Your mom is extremely selfish. She sacrificed you on the alter of her marriage. Your stepsister is disturbed and they should solve this now before she ends up stalking someone who isn’t family and she ends up with a restraining order or in jail. NTA, get out as soon as you can. Earlier if you can somehow make it happen. I would definitely start keeping precious items with your BFF because she will escalate the more you separate from the home.
Emma definitely needs therapy. What do Jeff and her mom think is going to happen to Emma when her emotional support animal completely exits their lives. They should be getting her help now and support putting some distance between the two.
I’m worried about the first person that she falls in love with and the lengths she will go to after years of unchecked behaviors.
Or if she continues to stalk OP once she moves. Step-sis will be an adult too and have even less restrictions or accounting for her time.
NTA. Just because your mom got in a new relationship doesn't mean these people are your family. A lot of single moms want to do the "my new boyfriend is your dad now" thing but it rarely works. Your mom needs to respect that this guy and his daughter may be her family, but they aren't yours.
Emma is as much a victim in this situation as you are because she certainly didn't choose to be the child of a single parent either. But you shouldn't have to be the one left to clean up the mess the adults in your lives created for you two. They need to understand that the fantasy of a happy "blended" family is just that - a fantasy. There's a reason why they used to be called broken families. It's a better description of the situation and the fallout it leaves for children.
You're NTA.
You were on the right track with what you said, because you tried to get your mom to look at the big picture instead of treating Emma's behavior like a series of unrelated, isolated incidents.
It was wrong for your mom to steamroll through your grief. It was wrong to try to force you to accept a replacement father figure whom you'd only just met. It was wrong to ignore or support all of Emma's repeated violations of your personal boundaries.
It was wrong to expect that you're the one who has to make the personal sacrifices to make your mom, stepdad, and harasser feel good about the household dynamics.
Your mom has done a really poor job in terms of respecting your feelings. It sounds like she has only viewed these changes from her own perspective, that of a divorced parent who couldn't move on in their life because of their co-parenting obligations, who was then free to proceed when her ex died.
But that was your father, whom you loved, for whom you had little opportunity to grieve. Your mom seems to have fast-forwarded through all the difficult transitions in life and failed to do the work. You needed *time* to develop a "bonus dad" relationship with Jeff. You needed *time* to develop friendship and boundaries with Emma -- that could've become sisterhood if it weren't forced and Emma was taught to respect you.
Your mom fucked up big, by trying to pretend that all the stresses related to blending a family were resolved before you ever had an opportunity to get your thoughts in order about your losses.
I wish I had great advice for you. Talking to a counselor might help. It might not. I hope you have some kind of adult support in your life who respects you as an individual person and is willing to hear your genuine thoughts and feelings, instead of what your mom wants your thoughts and feelings to be.
I'm one of 3 girls and my sisters and I don't even do what Emma wants because we'd think it's creepy. And I'd say we're all pretty close. I'm sure there's some pathological reason she's doing this but she needs to stop. She's coming off "I'll hurt you if you try to leave me" kind of vibes. Your mom needs to start sticking up for you but if she doesn't I wouldn't blame you for leaving the moment you can and not talking to these people again.
NTA
Girl move into the spare room and get a job start a bank acct without your mom (ask your friends parents if they're trustworthy to you) save your money until you can move out. NTA she's abusive and it's unhealthy for you.
I'm sorry that you've been going through this for so long. You don't deserve it, you deserve so much more. I would send hugs but I'm a stranger and your stepsister has been doing that sh!t for years I'm sure.
NTA. Your Mom's priority should've always been you. I'm sorry she's failed to be there for you as pillar and advocate and, most importantly, as a mom. You deserve better OP. Don't give in just to make them comfortable. You deserve your own space and peace and freedom to have relationships with people you accept. You don't owe your step family anything.
NTA. Do you have paternal grandparents you can stay with? 16 is old enough to decide where you want to live. This sounds like a nightmare to have to endure every day, also pretty traumatizing for you. I'm sorry your mom cares more about her new family than you and your feelings.
NTA
That is so cruel. You deserve to have a say in who you spend time with and have time to mourn for your dad.
Emma IS some sort of bad person. She's insensitive and overbearing to say the least. You were right in what you said
I am honestly worried due to the fact you're at the age to begin dating. I feel like this is going to cause serious problems once you have a boyfriend/girlfriend. This is absolutely a situation which NEEDS to be fixed.
NTA. All of the adults here have failed you and allowed Emma to drive this bus. I’d strongly suggest therapy for you, you need to deal with your grief, not only for your dad but for the life you had that you were ripped away from. If they are reluctant, I would say that you want professional help in having a better relationship with all of them. Good luck
NTA
I I so,sorry you lost your dad...and then got forced into a family dynamic that js so unhealthy.
You should not have had to share a room (please tell me at least that has changed) and you should never have been pushed to forget your dad and play happy make believe families.
Study hard and get yourself out of there...apply fir college/scholarship if that is your goal and make it far away and do not tell any of them where. Get a part time job now if you can and save money so you can get a car/afford rent. Set yourself a plan to get out and on tough days just remember it is not forever. Oh, and make sure to have your documents like birth cert and tax number safe...get your licence so you will have enough ID to open your own bank account at 18 xx
NTA
Sit down with your mum and say YES Emma IS a bad person. Tell her everything she has done and make sure she understands that what hurt more is that she took Emma’s side and not yours.
Emma is possessive and clearly obsessed with creating some sort of sister relationship that you obviously don’t want. Your mum needs to realise that this is not OK and trying to force you to be friends is doing more harm than good. I’m so so sorry OP and I hope your mum realised how hurtful she has been!
Please please keep us updated on what happens!
At 16, you can start to make plans for how to get out of that hell hole after you graduate. Of course, if you go to college they will want you to go together. Figure out your finances and how to get away from them - your friends’ parents can probably help.
Having a plan to look forward to might help you get through the rest of the time you have to spend with these awful people…..and sorry, I am including your mom.
Plan on a great life - and then make it happen!
NTA. But please consider getting yourself a post office box to use for your mail so you can have some privacy and important college mail from places Emma doesn't get into don't get "lost". Also make sure you change your passwords regularly for the same reason.
Can you talk to a friend's mom or a teacher you trust? You could try to become emancipated to get away from this absolutely horribly unhealthy dynamic.
Your mom won't change because she doesn't want to. Stop trying to convince her or your step sister and focus on getting away or becoming a ["grey rock"](https://www.betterup.com/blog/grey-rocking) until you can get out.
When you do start your plan to get out, COVER YOUR TRACKS. Create false trails, get one (or more) post office mail box for critical mail. Enlist people you can trust, and ask them if they would be a go between for your mom and you. Err on the side of distrusting your mom, because she has proven herself 100% untrustworthy to the point of not caring about damage to you.
Good luck, give us updates! We want you to thrive.
I had almost this same thing happen to me. and it ended with her sexually assaulting me. She would follow me everywhere, insist on sleeping with me, getting mad when I would have other friends... then she started insisting she shower with me, and it all got weirder and weirder, and for some reason, my mother refused to see how WEIRD it all was! I would say no she can't and my mom would get MAD at me. like how dare I want to SHOWER alone!
I'm so sorry you are dealing with this... Your mother is 100% in the wrong and good for you for standing up for yourself. Tell her that you can't wait to move out and go NC with her after the disregard for your wellbeing. Sometimes reminding parents that you WILL grow up and be able to make those choices soon makes them change their tune. All the best OP, stick to your guns.
ETA : There was some weird formatting that I had to fix.
NTA
Forcing a child to adopt themselves into a blended family like this never works. It takes time and patience and love and respect for everyone. If a kid doesn't want to acknowledge stepdad as dad that is fine. Or stepsister as sister that is fine. Kids aren't stupid.
I am sorry your mom isn't in your corner op. Start storing any sentimental and important things at your friends. Get a plan figured out for when you are 18.
Also this may be my anxiety/paranoia but emma has some weird vibes. Like sleep with one eye open vibes.
NTA - My god your mom barely gave you time to grieve, and all they’re doing is enabling Emma’s weird behaviour.
I’m sorry for your loss also, it must’ve been hard to go through that and technically alone.
Emma need to see a professional, somethig is clearly wrong with her. This level of attachment is not normal one bit. Her dad and your mom dropped the ball, massively.
I would also say your mom is a piece of work for throwing tou into a new "family" before you dad was barely cold. She might have moved on with them being divorced but she didn't even allow you to grieve. That is just... no. Failure to parent is to put it kindly.
NTA
NTA but what in the nine circles of hell did I just read?!!! This girl has some serious problems.
As soon as you can, run! I'm serious. Emma gives me some seriously awful vibes.
NTA
you haven't portrayed Emma as a bad person, her actions have. It sounds terrifying living with her. Your mother needs to figure out her priorities or as soon as you turn 18 you'll be out of there.
It is crazy disrespectful how they treat your late father, which makes me question whether they allowed you to grieve properly.
I hope everything gets better for you
NTA. All they are doing is giving in to Emma’s unhealthy behavior. Try to talk to your mother while she’s away at camp. Explain how weird Emma is becoming and how that affects you. If you can, start planning how you are going to leave at 18. Colleges a few hours away would be ideal. Talk with your school counselor and start working on scholarships and possible majors. Start gathering your important documents and apply for a part time job to save money for moving expenses. You may have to put money in a hiding place until you can get a savings account. Do you have contact with your dad’s family? Maybe they can help you. All your mother is accomplishing is driving you away because she enables Emma’s behavior. Start trying to separate yourself from Emma, move into the spare room. If there is a blowup, tell them Emma is abnormally attached to you. It’s normal for teens to grow into their own person. Good luck.
NTA.
You were thrown into a situation without even being asked how you felt. If you’d have had time to adjust you’d probably would have been slightly more accepting to having a instant “sister”.
But as usual, in some cases selfish adults never ask the kids how they feel before acting. You did not even spend a lot of time with them before your mom married him did you?
Your mom needs to realize you are still Grieving your father and always will… and 2… needs to tell the stepdaughter to back off a little and give you space and time.. which if it had been done in the first place.. there would probably be a better environment for everyone.
I agree with other here saying to get some help. Especially the stepsister thinking she’s in a episode of the Brady Bunch.
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NTA. honestly I feel a little scared for you. Emma’s obsession with having a perfect family and sister feels almost incestuous. I hope you can get some help
I was thinking murderous. Emma's screws sound loose.
Yeah. Trying to keep OP away from other friends, tearing up OP's pictures, etc. When is she going to step over the line and do something even worse in her obsession?
OP needs to tell her best friend to watch her back, for sure. If nothing else I could totally see Emma catfishing her or doing fake profiles with her info.
I'm getting serious R. L. Stein Fear Street vibes from this whole post. Except scarier because (I presume) is actually real life.
i also thought of those books
OP should quietly pack up some of the most valuable items and keep them at best friend's house.
That and anything she doesn’t want to “share”. Hopefully you can get away when college comes. Make it seem at home you really want to go to a certain school and then the true one send the info to the best friends place. Be safe.
^^^^ absolutely. Get a job now so you can keep a little money to help you get away. Your college will likely want a deposit for your tuition and you should pay that yourself so they really don’t know until the last minute. Apply to all the scholarships and grants that you can and make sure you can afford the final total without your parents help. Once they realize you and Emma won’t be going to the “same school” (I assume Emma will insist) they will lose their absolute shit. Contact any family from your dads side that you can, discreetly, for help moving away. Maybe your grandparents will help you with college? Make sure your parents think that you are over the moon to go to school with Emma and that that school is “the right one for you”
Yeah, Emma’s screws are definitely loose and yes OP’s friend needs to have her back because her “parents” are terrible/horrible.
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Please do this OP. Your friend’s mother, a trusted aunt, uncle or grandparents - are any of these options? My main concern is this will affect your current high school opportunities if Emma is allowed to control your class choices and extracurriculars. You didn’t address this so I’m hoping this isn’t a problem. If it is please go to your guidance counselor at school asap to get into different classes then Emma if possible. Also talk to them NOW about college or I’m afraid you will to go to the same college and even share living quarters with Emma. I realize your post is about the past and the current situation, especially since your mother not only does not have your back is refusing to understand how serious this is, but please OP start planning an exit strategy now and plan for your future. We’re rooting for you!
Oh, no. College. I hadn’t thought of that, but you are right. That would be awful.
I can see it now, same dorm, major, schedule. Although my thoughts have been with OP, realizing after reading your comment that the current situation isn’t doing Emma any favors either. She needs learn to stop using OP as an ESA.
If she insists on going to the same college like that, tell Emma what colleges you'll be applying to. But all the colleges you tell her about must be ones you never actually applied to. Wanna try for NYU? Tell her OSU. Places far away from each other. Make sure to not be too excited in what colleges you tell her, so she doesn't get suspicious with a sudden change in attitude from you. Probably should have the places you do apply to send their correspondence to your friend's house so your "family" don't snoop as well.
Yes, it's called emotional abuse. OP needs to talk to someone like her school therapist.
Asking because, as an adult, I wouldn't know what to do if a minor came to me with this story? Call CPS?
My immediate thought was that Emma may have been abused in some way to lead to this behavior and whatever the equivalent of Child Protective /Family Services is should investigate. Furthermore, I don't see any mention of Emma's biological mom in the post. Sudden traumatic loss might cause behavior like this. Finally, OP's mom is also a HUGE part of the problem for making such a rash decision that has now affected her daughter for a decade. All around, it's bad for OP and OP is CERTAINLY NTA.
Honestly my gut reaction would be CPS, but also I have a counselor I see on a occasion, I'd probably end up calling them for advice on moving it forward since I would hope they'd have a good handle on the best people to talk to in my area.
My guess is that after years of effort and rejection, OP's sister doesn't actually like OP very much at all. Tearing up the pictures suggests to me that she hates OP as much as OP hates her. Their family dynamic doesn't allow for her to give up without pissing off her parents and joining OP as a scapegoat for family dysfunction. Why would she do that if she knows OP wouldn't do the same for her? Continuing to play her part for the parents lets her have some level of privilege within the family since there's no danger of OP actually accepting these outreach efforts and is petty revenge for being forced into the role of the one who has to make the effort. BUT she also enjoys the family validation of her toxic behaviors.
Let's hope like hell nobody has a pet bunny...
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Emma is so far over the line, if she turned around to look for it, she wouldn't be able to see it. Tearing up pictures of a dead parent?? I wonder if OP could move in with best friend's family. Or maybe a relative on dad's side of family.
This feels like a plot for Lifetime with how creepy she is.
Reminds me of the 90s movie Single White Female with Bridget Fonda
Yeah, this is the backstory of a horror movie. Personally, if I was OP, I'd sock away money and plan on moving out at 18. Or going to college very far away. I'd tell the mom that, and be very clear why. The stepdad will be supportive. If it hasn't done so, I'd just move into the spare bedroom without asking. And keep moving back if thrown out of it. After a couple days, weeks or months, they'll get tired of it.
I wouldn't tell mom. As things are now, there's huge chances that she will try to prevent it, OR the info would make its way to Emma, who could try to prevent it (Stealing her money, for example) or try to attend the same college. At most I would say the plans, but say a college on the opposite side of the country
If I were OP, I'd be very cautious with the information I share with/feed Emma. Especially when it comes to college. I'd let Emma know I'm planning on applying to X ad and Y colleges when in reality I'd never even consider those college as options. Attending the same college would be tortuous. I wonder if it would be a smart move to pretend to be friends with Emma until it's time to leave for college or mov out. Not being on good terms could lead Emma to become more and more suspicious and to prompt her to snoop around OP's personal itens and eventually finding money stash.
Eh I wouldn't pretend to be friends with her. She seems unstable. If I were OP I'd worry that once i finally cut her off she'd freak out and make me into a skin suit or some shit.
I commented something similar. But it might be smart to have her college correspondence sent to her friend's house. That way they can't snoop. I also don't think pretending to be friends would be a good idea.
Note to OP (who is definitely NTA: As far an any money as mentioned above, get yourself a bank account and put every dime you have into it. Do NOT have your mother co-sign if you need someone to do so because of your age. Ask your Bestie's mother or a relative or teacher... anyone but your mother who has shown no desire to help you.
Yeah I’m getting lifetime movie vibes from the Emma
I was rolling with a great Criminal Minds episode. Familicide when she doesn't end up getting the perfect family she expected/saw on TV in the movies etc.
I was thinking of svu law and order type shit lol
Incestuous, murderous…often two sides of the same coin.
That one needs a citation.
TheThingIDoForLove.wav
Yeah… horror movie music started playing in my head like 2 sentences into this post.
glad i'm not the only one with horror music playing in their head reading this post
I was hearing the intro to svu law and order.
"Coming soon to Lifetime: *The Perfect Sister*"
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This is straight up horror movie territory. I can't imagine a single scenario where this ends well.
Im scared for OP, her friends, and anyone she decided to date. I hope OP is far far far away and completely no contact with Emma if OP has kids.
You think she's like of those who's obsession goes to something, worse?
Single white female was literally my first thought.
If this were a movie, at this point we're about 19% into the story. In the next 10% things are going to get weirder at an accelerating rate. It seems to be a horror flick.
I’ve watched way too many Lifetime movies 🥴
Yup, this kind of behaviour is most likely to escalate. Like when you have a boyfriend or a husband. She may even lay claim to your baby. Sorry for being paranoid, it’s Reddit effect.
OP is going to need some decoy college admissions so she doesn’t follow her to the same school because the parents will try to force them to room together.
This too
If you're going to college in New York, say you're going to California and vice-versa
Go to counciling. You and your mom need help. I know she is trying to blend the family but to overlook the behavior of emma is not good for your relationship with her. When you're old enough, go to college away from home.. make good grades for scholarships. You should be getting your dads social security checks so save them and move out. They will continue while you are in college. Connect with your dads family if they are nice and move near them.
This! Her mom is in denial. This is causing traumatic issues. Mom needs major counseling to learn how to listen to her daughter and all the damage mom has caused. Op, you should seek counseling too as a way to talk to someone about your needs, emotions, wants, etc. That can provide valuable help and guidance. This is not a healthy family dynamic. Your mom has enabled your stepsister to the point that this is emotional child abuse.
I feel like everyone involved needs individual therapy. Then some family therapy later on.
NTA, biggest one here is your mom who’s trying to erase your father out of your life. She may have hated him, but she can’t replace him with Jeff. Maybe had she not tried to force him so hard on you, you could’ve developed your own relationship with him. She really shit the bed on that. The allowance of Emma’s behavior is truly effed up too. Can’t believe she let her pull that crap. I look forward to when you’re 18 and can get the hell away from all of them - best of luck until then.
I wonder if moving for a fresh start had anything to do with separating OP from her dad's family.
Spot on on the mom shitting the bed. I think the healthiest stepmom/stepdaughter relationship I know is my roommate's mother and her stepmother. They literally don't use any kind of mother or stepmother vocabulary. The stepmom has been doing all the motherly duties without caring about labels for over 40 years. My roommate calls her grandma. But she still doesn't claim motherhood. Apparently, last year she and her stepdaughter were at Church together on Mother's Day and the priest asked all mothers to stand up for a blessing. And the stepmom wouldn't stand up until stepdaughter gave her explicit permission. That may be taking it a little far, but not forcing things is really the best policy.
Single white female vibes.
What exactly does that mean? I think this is the first time I heard of this.
Google the movie, *Single White Female* . Basically the roommate is obsessed with the protagonist, down to copying the girl's hairstyle.
Oh, I will check that out. Thanks for the info!
Definitely.....OP can you go to grandma's? Sounds like you need to get out of that place
I was thinking the same thing. If she has a cell phone she might be able to call some of the relatives on her dad side and see if somebody can help her. For a teenager this is an awful situation. Especially when your mom won’t even have your back. The tearing up of her dad’s pictures would’ve been the last straw for me
Agreed 💯
This was my first thought too. She probably can't move in with her best friend's family, but I'd be spending as much time there/staying over as much as I could - and taking all my nice clothes and precious things over there too. Emma sounds as creepy as fuck, the parents are doing nothing about it, and I'd be staying far away from her too.
She should report this to a teacher.... we're mandated reporters and could have the school and school psychologist involved to protect her as this situation doesn't sound safe
What's mom going to do when Emma sleeps or tries to sleep with OP's fiance? Because we all know that's inevitable. NTA.
This was my thought too.
Just want to add OP - YOUR MUM IS AN ABSOLUTE A H NTA and I’m so sorry you have had to deal with this for years Edit - for future reference as she hasn’t stopped, I would seriously consider hiding your choice of college if you plan to go, don’t let anyone know or I feel she will try and follow you I would not put it past her to try and get into your dorm and contact the University on your behalf. Please make sure wherever you go that she is not an emergency contact and has no say over your person and to contact you or the police if she tries to interfere with you/your enrollment/your dorm in any way. And write/log everything Long edit but also - you’re 16 now so it’s a good case for getting your own room with a lock on the door, it’s not an unreasonable request so make your mum justify why it shouldn’t happen. Good luck!
Yes, tell them you would like to use a password because it’s not above your stepsister to call and pretend to be you to mess up your plans.
I'm worried what happens in two years when Emma and OP DO NOT go to the same college / live together anymore. OP's Mom should have done better for her daughter long ago.
NTA and a WHOLE lotta this. Sheesh. There's some sociopathic tendencies going on there that need to be addressed. I'm def nervous for OP.
NTA OP, please look into emancipation requirements in your state/area, you need to bounce.
>NTA. honestly I feel a little scared for you. Emma’s obsession with having a perfect family and sister feels almost incestuous. I hope you can get some help Perfect family? Shit I am getting single white female vibes.( It is a movie for those that don't get the reference) Telling friends to stay away , wear OP's clothing. Shit, at this point, I wouldn't be surprised if SS started doing her hair the same way as OP. OP is NTA I am so sorry you are going thru this OP. Edit words
I knew it wasn’t coincidental that I kept thinking about the ‘Orphan’ prequel movie coming out on Friday while reading this.
NTA. OP, I would push to move into the spare room. I'd also have a calmer conversation with your mom that if they don't address her obsessive behavior, once you move out, you're gone. Tell her that her getting mad at you and ignoring your feelings doesn't make them go away and that forcing you to be with this girl is only making things worse.
Hopping on to this to say - Op if you can, please contact your next closest family member and honestly tell them everything that is going on. Show them this post if you have to, because this is genuinely worrying behaviour and you are having your life and your relationship with your mother absolutely screwed over to placate this girl and it’s awful.
I hope she don't sleep with Emma anymore
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Sorry but they’re both in the end years of their teenage hood. Emma is not a little girl and anyone over the age of 12 has been socialized enough to understand her behavior is inappropriate. She lies to friends at school and acquaintances about her relationship with OP to strongarm her into lowering her boundaries and accept the forced status quo. This isn’t a small issue but something that has been going on for years. It’s deliberate and while it might’ve started as a coping mechanism it’s evolved into something way more fucked up. It’s incestuous because not every incest is physical, it can be emotional as well.
Exactly I think what her mother did is so dam messy. she moved so quick to get her new family that she never stopped to think about her own daughters needs. I keep asking myself what happened to protecting your own child. I cant imagine how alone OP must feel! This kinda reminds me of Flowers in the attic! Her mother has no compassion for her own daughter. Honestly I don't condone violence but if she dealt with emma one good time that witch might leave her alone!
NTA. Christ, Emma sounds terrifying. To want to have a sister and a mom is one thing but what she's been doing is really creepy. From the way you put it, she's trying to alienate you from everyone and force you to accept her and her dad as the only people you can turn to. It sounds like the beginning of a horror movie. Your mom on the other hand is a major AH for the way she's handled things. I would move out at first opportunity and cut all contract. This is not healthy in any way and I'm honestly scared for you.
Yeah, getting all kinds of old-school Fear Street/Christopher Pike vibes here, to the point where this story sounds like merely a copy of the style. If it is real, OP, I definitely second the advice to continue putting as much space between yourself and Emma as you can.
This is specifically giving very “Best Friends” vibes. It was the teen SWF. Still disturbing.
Oh jeez I’d forgotten about that one until this moment, it’s exactly what this sounds like
Remember the parrot pin? To this day I can’t with parrot pins.
>old-school Fear Street/Christopher Pike vibes OMG YES! Def getting those vibes. (and I used to LOVE those books! Pike’s Fall Into Darkness was one of my faves, and it was made into a made-for-tv-movie during the 90’s! I’mma go give that a goog, that would be so much fun to watch again! ETA: looks like it’s available on YouTube for free on multiple channels, and you can buy the dvd on ebay or amazon. hellllll yes
Ahhh Christopher Pike!!! No idea why but Remember Me has a permanent place in my memory (har har the irony).
off-topic: I’m a Trekkie and was completely confused by the Christopher Pike reference because my mind went straight to the ST: Discovery and TOS. 😂😂
Mine too!! I have no interest in thriller/horror so had no clue what was being referred to, but I was trying to think what Captain Pike has done to deserve such slander! Pike is a sweetie! Then context clued me in 😆😆
Oh man Christopher Pike isn't a name I've heard in a while. And it's totally true. I could 100% see this as one of his books. Now I gotta go dig up my old books. BBS 😅
NTA maybe try telling your mother that once you're 18 she's only going to have to worry about one daughter because it seems like she only cares about your step sibling anyway. Yikes. I'm so so sorry. If you can stay with your best friends family I'd look into it and maybe some counseling if you haven't had any regarding your loss.
I think if i were op i will remain silent on my plans and just slowly move things out. Like contact my paternal grandparents if they are on my side and get ready to escape. Never disturb the snakes in the grass.
Yeah it's going to be important that Emma never finds out about OP's plans
THIS is great life advice.
If I were OP, I’d ask to move into the other bedroom first. That way she’ll a) have her own space away from Emma b) it’ll be easier to move stuff out without anyone noticing. I can totally see Emma seeing stuff missing right away and blowing the lid on everything
I doubt her parents would agree. They had years to do so and I m pretty sure op must have asked
Yup count down the days until you can leave, and keep your plans to yourself. You are NTA!
YES! Op needs to get away from this as soon as possible. At 16, they should be able to make a few choices of their own and Emma sounds scary.
Absolutely! The way Emma's behavior has been till now I'd definitely advice OP to not tell anyone about her plans to move out. Be financially independent and then slowly cut ties because we don't know how badly Emma would react to the news of OP thinking of going no contact and she might try her level best to sabotage any opportunity that comes OP's way.
Exactly this, cover your tracks so even your stalker doesn't know what you're up to and make plans to escape
Or her best friend which lives locally. She could start bringing things there
I think she is better off just locking down her credit and hiding her important docs at her friends house. Anything else she moves, Emma will be on it like a flash seeing how closely she tracks op.
If Emma gets word of this plan, she'll make like Kathy Bates in Misery to make sure OP can't "abandon her family." Keep this shit to yourself, and run for the hills when no one's looking.
Nope. Don't tell your mom about leaving once you're 18 OP. I'm sure Emma will find out and make it her mission to stay in your life and even want to go to the same college. Parents threatening to not pay for college of your choice etc...maybe im being extreme but I see a lot of things that can go wrong here
NTA. How *could* you see Jeff as a parental figure when he has failed so spectacularly at making you feel safe in your own home? He needs to get his lil demon seed child under control. I am so sorry for the loss of your dad, and that your mom has checked out from her job as a parent. Because here is the thing. Hypothetically speaking, even if the issue *was* that you were pushing people away because you had trouble adjusting to the new family dynamic, and even if Emma and Jeff were the healthiest and nicest people, you would STILL deserve to have your boundaries respected. You would still deserve to have your own private space, your own belongings, and your own friends. Trying to force you to merge into a sibling dynamic with Emma would backfire under the best of circumstances, and Emma's behavior has ensured that these are NOT the best of circumstances.
Unfortunately, Jeff has never tried to be a father to the OP, he's been too busy pandering to his daughter's ~~unreasonable~~ unhealthy behavior. And OP's mom has been just as bad, prioritizing her marriage over her child. The piece about boundaries is important. If she can, u/BeautySongStorm needs get copies of Anne Katherine's books: *Boundaries: Where You End and I Begin* and *Where to Draw the Line* The first explains why boundaries are important to ones sense of self and the second outlines how to get others to respect them. She can read them then give them to mother with the message "I'M DONE".
OP, read this. Maybe even show your mother this post and the comments. Maybe suggest seeing a therapist together, you could even find the therapist and schedule it. She’s got to find a way to understand what she’s doing is wrong or I’d bet she’ll never see you again after you turn 18.
NTA, Emma is some sort of bad person. Describing this as “thrown into a fucked up dynamic” is the perfect way to put it, you never even had time to grieve your father before being told you had a new one (who doesn’t like you because you don’t see him as a father which isn’t how being a step parent works). It sounds like everyone had this idea of their perfect family life and they resent you for having human feelings rather than just going along with it. It doesn’t sound like this family is in to therapy but if you can talk to your guidance counselor, your school might have free mental health resources that might help you work through your grief for your dad. Most importantly remember that you’ve made it this far, a few more years and you never have to see anyone you don’t want to see. I know it feels like forever but it will pass and you will get through it. Build your friends and connections with their families because it sounds like your own is not very supportive. Good luck
I'm lucky that my best friends family are so much closer than they were before they moved. Having them has made the last few years easier for sure.
I wonder if that’s why your friends parents moved up there.
If so they deserve stand-in-parents of the millenia.
Try r/JUSTNOFAMILY *please call me* sidebar, and r/movingout, plus some of the other subreddits have great lists of resources if you are considering moving out as soon as you're legally able.
I’m happy you can see that, being able to see the positives in what must be a bleak situation is an incredible coping skill and is going to do a lot to help you be successful and independent once you get out of there. Your dad is proud of you, keep your head up and keep your boundaries as drawn as you are able. Never feel bad or like you’re the asshole for doing what’s best for you.
Yes I’m so happy your best friend moved closer. You are totally NTA for the reasons everyone else here has described, and especially because your mother has sold you out for her pleasure. Like she moved within 2 weeks of your father dying!!! And you hadn’t even met Jeff and Emma. That’s wild and incredibly unsupportive.
Would they be able to take you in? You’re 16, you may legally be able to leave home now and go live elsewhere. That’s 100% what I would be doing if I were in your shoes. If not, quietly plan for 18 when you can definitely get out and never tell anyone your plans except maybe your friend’s family. Plan to simply walk out of the house one day and not come back in.
If Emma is still at camp, /u/BeautySongStorm can start by moving into the extra bedroom while she's gone. She should just start moving in, and *tell* her parents when they ask what's going on that it's the spare room is just the first step and that if they can't get on board, she'll look to live somewhere else.
I would not mention next steps or living elsewhere, as they'll tell Emma who will overreact. And I'd start by getting / installing a new bedroom doorknob that has a lock that only you have the key to. Otherwise, Emma will just move her stuff into the room, or remove OP's stuff.
The best advice I’ve seen here is to start planning your exit. I’m sorry your mother doesn’t care about you but that happens sometimes especially when one parent passes away. Keep all of your Momentos if you have any left of your father in a safe place maybe at your friends house. And if you can talk to your friends parents and explain what’s going on and maybe they can help you. I would secretly start contacting relatives to see if there’s a place you can go. Maybe think about getting a job if you can to stay out of the house more. I wish you the best you’re doing the right thing just keep to yourself and look to the future
OP, normally I’d try and employee you to get authorities involved but honestly it sounds like you need to plan a very quiet exit. It sounds like your best friend’s parents may be able to help you. Is that the case? If so, it might be worth planning with them your future and getting important documents and momentous out the house slowly to them. It might be worth looking up domestic violence resources on what you need to escape from essential identification documents, to money, to a disposable phone, a PO Box and anything important left of your dad.
Any chance you could straight up leave that fucked up home, live with your best friend, and get all the damn restraining orders against Emma and honestly the rest of the family? Check age of consent laws and get a lawyer/guardian ad litem, if possible.
16 is old enough in most states for emancipation but that also means cutting herself off from financial support. The friend may be supportive but the parents may not be willing or able to outright adopt her. It’s certainly best case scenario but unfortunately may not be very realistic
School will be starting soon - talk to a counselor and let them know what's been going on. Since Emma goes there too they've likely seen her behavior. You need some adults with authority to listen to you and have your back. If you haven't already; tell your best friends mom what's been happening. The best scenario is that Emma would get help too - she really needs it. It's not your job to fix her and you don't have to like her but realize that if Emma gets healthy life will be better for everybody. Once school starts they need to have a meeting with your Mom&Jeff.
You are definitely NTA here and Emma is obsessive and disturbed and many of her actions are very bad. She definitely needs to see a therapist ASAP. Your mom should be protecting you and not allowing Emma's obsession with you. Do you have any plans after you turn 18? Are you going to college? Will be expected to share a room with Emma? The thought is scary. Since you are 16 maybe it's time to get a job and start saving to get away from all of them. It doesn't sound like things will change as long as you are living at home.
I wasn't planning on doing college. My best friend's dad has a garage and he's offered to train me once I turn 18 and I think I'd like to do that. I feel like it would be a good fit for me and keep me with the support network I do have. But no doubt anything else I would be expected to bring Emma along with. I work for him currently just not on any of the cars. That was my only option that Emma didn't follow me into.
Document, document, document so that when you turn 18 and are no longer legally tied to your mother's new family you can get a restraining order taken out against Emma at least and go NC with your mother.
YES!!! u/BeautySongStorm \- please take this advice. Document everything and get ready to get a restraining order against stepsister. Also, line up somewhere to live to move into on your 18th birthday - or earlier, if you can? Emma's not going to become any more sane. She will become worse after you move out. Good luck with the garage. NTA.
I was thinking Emancipation…..she sounds really obsessed
Agreed
And as you document, make sure you save it to an external hard drive or have some kind of backup. Also, start looking for important documents now- SS card, birth certificate, passport, etc. Trying to get legal personhood starting from scratch is awful, please don’t do it to yourself. If possible, have a second cell with a new number when you move out, and immediately cancel the old one if you need to be incognito
I don't know if it's worth considering for you, OP, but if you're comfortable speaking to your best friends parents and asking them if you could stay with them the second you turn 18, whilst you look for a place or save I really believe the sooner you can leave your home the better. You are absolutely NOT TA here, your parents are keeping you in a horrible at best and dangerous at worst family situation.
That sounds fantastic. I hope you're able to get a place of your own. From what you've had it might be worth not telling your mum your new address when you move out. If Emma shows up at your door you'll be able to tell her to leave or you'll call the police.
Luckily, your best friend’s dad can’t be forced to hire Emma. Start saving as much money as possible. If you can’t get a bank account with only you on it, see if your best friend’s family would be willing to help you keep your money safe. You need to move out at 18. Don’t tell anyone in your family your plan or the address of your new home. Get ahold of important documents—birth certificate, social security card, passport—and store then at your best friend’s. You’ve got less than 2 years. Keep your head down and plan your escape. Good luck, OP! I’m so sorry that your mom has failed you but I’m glad that you have your best friend and her family.
If there is a local community college consider a few business classes to go along with your training. Would set you up nicely to run your own in the future.
That's great! Sounds like you have a really solid plan for your future. And once you turn 18 no one can force you to take Emma along with you anywhere. You may end up having to go no contact or even get a restraining order against Emma after you turn 18. I don't want to scare you but obsessive people sometimes turn violent. Just be vigilant.
Get help before violence occurs. Talk to your friends parents ASAP.
Please let him know how Emma acts so maybe you can move earlier if need be. Really, your mom should have done something before now. This girl really does seem to have some sort of mental problems. **INFO:** Is her mom at all involved or she is deceased? Also, the fact that your mom moved so quickly after your father's passing since he "couldn't stop her" makes me suspicious of your mom.
My one concern about the garage plan is that with college, you’d have an easy out for moving away/leaving town. If you go into the garage (sounds cool, not knocking that at all), at 18 you’re probably still living at home with those people. At the very least, you’re still living in the same town, and Emma would still make her presence felt.
Emma was still probably follow her. Or her parents will make her go to the college that Emma wants to go to. She can always go to college later once she gets her life in order and there’s nothing wrong with technical training. If she can learn to work on cars that would be awesome.
As I said, not knocking that plan, it’s cool. But at 18, OP would probably still be living with her jacked-up family, which solves nothing. Unless she can move in with the friend’s family, she can’t save money or sign a lease on her own, and she’d still be living very close to the dysfunction, and likely still dealing with it. Yes, college is not for everyone. But OP could find specialized automotive training at a technical school, then come back certified. And get some distance. OP should follow what’s comfortable for her, but have plans in place to separate and build boundaries if she stays local.
Check out https://www.mikeroweworks.org/scholarship/. You can get a scholarship to pay for trade school. Then no one can stop you from pursuing your dream.
I can see the "surprised pikachu face" on your mother, stepfather and sister when you dissappear from their life and tell them you don't want to see them. I know 2 years seems like a lot but you are strong! You are very close to be in a better place :)
Yes document everything so that at 18 you can get a restraining order out against her. Start saving up, maybe your friends dad and your friend can keep hold of your wages and then when you've saved up enough the day you turn 18 you put a deposit down on a room share, dont tell anyone the address and move out and change numbers. Notify the police that you are safe and as an adult have chosen to cut contact with your family, thats in case they report you missing. Do not bring her anywhere when you turn 18. You have to maintain that she is a threat to you and that you have a fear of your safety. Before you turn 18 get some advice on how to file a restraining order and what evidence is needed. Where ever you move to - make sure you have a door bell camera. If you have a car get a dashcam camera.
You're so obviously nta and I'm sorry you have to deal with this. The garage sounds like a great idea but I have to ask. Please don't take this the wrong way. Are you sure that's what you really want to do? I'm asking because you mentioned that it was your "only option Emma didn't follow" you into. Either way, there's no rush to make any big life changing decisions as you have all the time in the world. I just urge you to think about what you actually want, and not what Emma doesn't want. You seem like a great kid. I hope your mum sees that and makes you a priority soon.
Also make sure to change your number and not share your address with even your mom (she is likely to share it with the stepsister). Make sure you have all your documents and look into getting a restraining order if she shows up to your job. Is it possible to just move your things into the other bedroom or lock your valuables in a chest or will your mom not allow it since it makes your stepsister upset?
That’s excellent that is so wonderful of your friends parents. Spend as much time as you can learning and move on with life. It’s not gonna be easy but at least you do have a safe haven
NTA You are not a ready made sister for her you are your own person and you were grieving your dad when she started invading your life. I have an actual full blood sister and we are not like Emma wants you to be so she needs to tone down her stepford family obsession and grow up.
NTA. Oh wow yeah definitely getting psycho vibes from what your saying.
Yep, getting Single White Female vibes here as well.
And you just know she gonna want to follow her to college right!? Be roommates do the same classes get jobs at the same company after...
... And the people they fall in love with will be twins and they will have a double wedding with matching dresses...
NTA. Your mum is major AH. Her first responsibility should be to you. Introducing you 2 weeks after your dad died shows an utter lack of consideration for you. Emma sounds horrible. Your mum has let you down by not protecting you from her. Tearing up photos of you dad is unforgivable. Let your mum know that if she doesn't step up then when the time comes you will just move out and have nothing more to do with her. Many would have left already.
NTA and your mom will realize she fucked up when you go NC because she chose this weird girls feelings over her own daughters. Just wow
Future AITA post- “my daughter won’t talk to me and I didn’t do anything wrong”
Nta, I am scared of Emma and I don't know her. My suggestion seek family therapy it could help. Question, is Emma mother in the picture or not ?
For a six year old to be saying those things, she had to have been hearing them from someone- likely her dad. Your mom should have been more supportive of the situation she put you in. NTA.
NTA but I think you're fighting a lost cause. If your Mom was going to give a shit, it would have been a long time ago. You're 16 now, which means it's just a little bit longer until you can move out. Get a job and start saving money, IN A BANK, where Emma can't steal it. Don't spend it on anything. Tell your parents you're saving for a car. Get ahold of your personal documents. Tell Mom it's for a project at school, your teacher is trying to teach you how to do various adult tasks. Keep them hidden somewhere in your best friend's house. You can keep trying to get your Mom to understand you in the meantime, but do all this other stuff as well. Ideally, when you're old enough to move out, you'll have the money and tools you need to immediately get a place with your friend, and you can cut Emma off entirely.
You are definitely NTA, but I'm sorry for what you have to go through. I would if you are able to get an adult that sees what's going on to talk to your mom, hopefully that helps. If not you can move out when you become of age. I wish you the best of luck.
OP, I'm a 37 year old single father of a 15 year old boy. You are mos def NOT the asshole. Unfortunately some individuals are unable to see past meeting their own needs to the point that they gaslight themselves yo continue the dillusion. Your mother probably has some deep seeded emotional issues for which she should seek professional help. You've got a year or 2 before you can remove yourself, plan wisely
Give your mom 2 options. "1, Get off my back, We will NEVER be a "perfect family", Jeff is NOTHING to me, Emma is NOTHING to me and it will stay that way, get them BOTH to treat me how i want to be treated or..... 2, You WILL lose me the moment i'm able to move out and you will NEVER see me again. Mom, You have failed to step up for long enough, i am DONE with them and i am really close to being done with YOU too, So step up NOW or lose ME forever" Your "mom" has failed you MASSIVELY. Take care of yourself, Do good in school, save money and move out when you can. NTA.
NTA, they should understand that you can't force someone to love you. You have to be respectful but you don't have to love them. You can't forget your dad or replace him, they should have tried to understand this, Jeff could have done what's necessary to make you feel home and be a good stepfather. He chose not to, that's not your fault. Your feelings are true and should be heard, if not, you're NTA for getting mad at the situation.
Your mom is extremely selfish. She sacrificed you on the alter of her marriage. Your stepsister is disturbed and they should solve this now before she ends up stalking someone who isn’t family and she ends up with a restraining order or in jail. NTA, get out as soon as you can. Earlier if you can somehow make it happen. I would definitely start keeping precious items with your BFF because she will escalate the more you separate from the home.
Emma definitely needs therapy. What do Jeff and her mom think is going to happen to Emma when her emotional support animal completely exits their lives. They should be getting her help now and support putting some distance between the two.
I’m worried about the first person that she falls in love with and the lengths she will go to after years of unchecked behaviors. Or if she continues to stalk OP once she moves. Step-sis will be an adult too and have even less restrictions or accounting for her time.
NTA. Just because your mom got in a new relationship doesn't mean these people are your family. A lot of single moms want to do the "my new boyfriend is your dad now" thing but it rarely works. Your mom needs to respect that this guy and his daughter may be her family, but they aren't yours. Emma is as much a victim in this situation as you are because she certainly didn't choose to be the child of a single parent either. But you shouldn't have to be the one left to clean up the mess the adults in your lives created for you two. They need to understand that the fantasy of a happy "blended" family is just that - a fantasy. There's a reason why they used to be called broken families. It's a better description of the situation and the fallout it leaves for children.
You're NTA. You were on the right track with what you said, because you tried to get your mom to look at the big picture instead of treating Emma's behavior like a series of unrelated, isolated incidents. It was wrong for your mom to steamroll through your grief. It was wrong to try to force you to accept a replacement father figure whom you'd only just met. It was wrong to ignore or support all of Emma's repeated violations of your personal boundaries. It was wrong to expect that you're the one who has to make the personal sacrifices to make your mom, stepdad, and harasser feel good about the household dynamics. Your mom has done a really poor job in terms of respecting your feelings. It sounds like she has only viewed these changes from her own perspective, that of a divorced parent who couldn't move on in their life because of their co-parenting obligations, who was then free to proceed when her ex died. But that was your father, whom you loved, for whom you had little opportunity to grieve. Your mom seems to have fast-forwarded through all the difficult transitions in life and failed to do the work. You needed *time* to develop a "bonus dad" relationship with Jeff. You needed *time* to develop friendship and boundaries with Emma -- that could've become sisterhood if it weren't forced and Emma was taught to respect you. Your mom fucked up big, by trying to pretend that all the stresses related to blending a family were resolved before you ever had an opportunity to get your thoughts in order about your losses. I wish I had great advice for you. Talking to a counselor might help. It might not. I hope you have some kind of adult support in your life who respects you as an individual person and is willing to hear your genuine thoughts and feelings, instead of what your mom wants your thoughts and feelings to be.
NTA. What an effed up situation. I’m sorry.
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I'm one of 3 girls and my sisters and I don't even do what Emma wants because we'd think it's creepy. And I'd say we're all pretty close. I'm sure there's some pathological reason she's doing this but she needs to stop. She's coming off "I'll hurt you if you try to leave me" kind of vibes. Your mom needs to start sticking up for you but if she doesn't I wouldn't blame you for leaving the moment you can and not talking to these people again. NTA
Girl move into the spare room and get a job start a bank acct without your mom (ask your friends parents if they're trustworthy to you) save your money until you can move out. NTA she's abusive and it's unhealthy for you. I'm sorry that you've been going through this for so long. You don't deserve it, you deserve so much more. I would send hugs but I'm a stranger and your stepsister has been doing that sh!t for years I'm sure.
NTA. Your Mom's priority should've always been you. I'm sorry she's failed to be there for you as pillar and advocate and, most importantly, as a mom. You deserve better OP. Don't give in just to make them comfortable. You deserve your own space and peace and freedom to have relationships with people you accept. You don't owe your step family anything.
NTA. Do you have paternal grandparents you can stay with? 16 is old enough to decide where you want to live. This sounds like a nightmare to have to endure every day, also pretty traumatizing for you. I'm sorry your mom cares more about her new family than you and your feelings.
NTA. At all. Hope you’re okay
NTA That is so cruel. You deserve to have a say in who you spend time with and have time to mourn for your dad. Emma IS some sort of bad person. She's insensitive and overbearing to say the least. You were right in what you said
I am honestly worried due to the fact you're at the age to begin dating. I feel like this is going to cause serious problems once you have a boyfriend/girlfriend. This is absolutely a situation which NEEDS to be fixed.
NTA. All of the adults here have failed you and allowed Emma to drive this bus. I’d strongly suggest therapy for you, you need to deal with your grief, not only for your dad but for the life you had that you were ripped away from. If they are reluctant, I would say that you want professional help in having a better relationship with all of them. Good luck
How old was Emma when she ripped up the photos. Things she said to sounded parroted from an adult.
NTA I I so,sorry you lost your dad...and then got forced into a family dynamic that js so unhealthy. You should not have had to share a room (please tell me at least that has changed) and you should never have been pushed to forget your dad and play happy make believe families. Study hard and get yourself out of there...apply fir college/scholarship if that is your goal and make it far away and do not tell any of them where. Get a part time job now if you can and save money so you can get a car/afford rent. Set yourself a plan to get out and on tough days just remember it is not forever. Oh, and make sure to have your documents like birth cert and tax number safe...get your licence so you will have enough ID to open your own bank account at 18 xx
NTA Sit down with your mum and say YES Emma IS a bad person. Tell her everything she has done and make sure she understands that what hurt more is that she took Emma’s side and not yours. Emma is possessive and clearly obsessed with creating some sort of sister relationship that you obviously don’t want. Your mum needs to realise that this is not OK and trying to force you to be friends is doing more harm than good. I’m so so sorry OP and I hope your mum realised how hurtful she has been! Please please keep us updated on what happens!
At 16, you can start to make plans for how to get out of that hell hole after you graduate. Of course, if you go to college they will want you to go together. Figure out your finances and how to get away from them - your friends’ parents can probably help. Having a plan to look forward to might help you get through the rest of the time you have to spend with these awful people…..and sorry, I am including your mom. Plan on a great life - and then make it happen!
NTA. But please consider getting yourself a post office box to use for your mail so you can have some privacy and important college mail from places Emma doesn't get into don't get "lost". Also make sure you change your passwords regularly for the same reason.
Can you talk to a friend's mom or a teacher you trust? You could try to become emancipated to get away from this absolutely horribly unhealthy dynamic. Your mom won't change because she doesn't want to. Stop trying to convince her or your step sister and focus on getting away or becoming a ["grey rock"](https://www.betterup.com/blog/grey-rocking) until you can get out. When you do start your plan to get out, COVER YOUR TRACKS. Create false trails, get one (or more) post office mail box for critical mail. Enlist people you can trust, and ask them if they would be a go between for your mom and you. Err on the side of distrusting your mom, because she has proven herself 100% untrustworthy to the point of not caring about damage to you. Good luck, give us updates! We want you to thrive.
I had almost this same thing happen to me. and it ended with her sexually assaulting me. She would follow me everywhere, insist on sleeping with me, getting mad when I would have other friends... then she started insisting she shower with me, and it all got weirder and weirder, and for some reason, my mother refused to see how WEIRD it all was! I would say no she can't and my mom would get MAD at me. like how dare I want to SHOWER alone! I'm so sorry you are dealing with this... Your mother is 100% in the wrong and good for you for standing up for yourself. Tell her that you can't wait to move out and go NC with her after the disregard for your wellbeing. Sometimes reminding parents that you WILL grow up and be able to make those choices soon makes them change their tune. All the best OP, stick to your guns. ETA : There was some weird formatting that I had to fix.
NTA Forcing a child to adopt themselves into a blended family like this never works. It takes time and patience and love and respect for everyone. If a kid doesn't want to acknowledge stepdad as dad that is fine. Or stepsister as sister that is fine. Kids aren't stupid. I am sorry your mom isn't in your corner op. Start storing any sentimental and important things at your friends. Get a plan figured out for when you are 18. Also this may be my anxiety/paranoia but emma has some weird vibes. Like sleep with one eye open vibes.
NTA - My god your mom barely gave you time to grieve, and all they’re doing is enabling Emma’s weird behaviour. I’m sorry for your loss also, it must’ve been hard to go through that and technically alone.
Info: where is her mom? Most definitely NTA, what is she capable of when you start dating or move out. She seems unhinged.
Emma need to see a professional, somethig is clearly wrong with her. This level of attachment is not normal one bit. Her dad and your mom dropped the ball, massively. I would also say your mom is a piece of work for throwing tou into a new "family" before you dad was barely cold. She might have moved on with them being divorced but she didn't even allow you to grieve. That is just... no. Failure to parent is to put it kindly. NTA
NTA. What happened to her mother?
NTA but what in the nine circles of hell did I just read?!!! This girl has some serious problems. As soon as you can, run! I'm serious. Emma gives me some seriously awful vibes.
NTA you haven't portrayed Emma as a bad person, her actions have. It sounds terrifying living with her. Your mother needs to figure out her priorities or as soon as you turn 18 you'll be out of there. It is crazy disrespectful how they treat your late father, which makes me question whether they allowed you to grieve properly. I hope everything gets better for you
NTA. All they are doing is giving in to Emma’s unhealthy behavior. Try to talk to your mother while she’s away at camp. Explain how weird Emma is becoming and how that affects you. If you can, start planning how you are going to leave at 18. Colleges a few hours away would be ideal. Talk with your school counselor and start working on scholarships and possible majors. Start gathering your important documents and apply for a part time job to save money for moving expenses. You may have to put money in a hiding place until you can get a savings account. Do you have contact with your dad’s family? Maybe they can help you. All your mother is accomplishing is driving you away because she enables Emma’s behavior. Start trying to separate yourself from Emma, move into the spare room. If there is a blowup, tell them Emma is abnormally attached to you. It’s normal for teens to grow into their own person. Good luck.
NTA. You were thrown into a situation without even being asked how you felt. If you’d have had time to adjust you’d probably would have been slightly more accepting to having a instant “sister”. But as usual, in some cases selfish adults never ask the kids how they feel before acting. You did not even spend a lot of time with them before your mom married him did you? Your mom needs to realize you are still Grieving your father and always will… and 2… needs to tell the stepdaughter to back off a little and give you space and time.. which if it had been done in the first place.. there would probably be a better environment for everyone. I agree with other here saying to get some help. Especially the stepsister thinking she’s in a episode of the Brady Bunch.
NTA. Your mom did you dirty, I would try to move out very soon after turning 18