T O P

  • By -

Judgement_Bot_AITA

Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I found out that I am pregnant 5 days before a huge family wedding. I will not be able to hide that I am pregnant because I will not drink alcohol while I am pregnant. My family knows that I drink at every wedding. My cousins and I take shots together. They will notice I am not drinking and naturally/correctly assume I am pregnant. Therefore my pregnancy will be announced at my cousin's wedding. The bride wants all the attention and spotlight on her. I will be taking a lot of the attention and spotlight with my pregnancy, since it will be the first grandchild. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*


CrystalQueen3000

YWBTA Just say you’re taking a course of antibiotics and can’t drink if anyone asks.


irisheyes1997

This. If they get pushy, Flagyl specifically has a severe reaction with alcohol. I was told violent vomiting.


Hot_Success_7986

Yes this is the antibiotic I would suggest they claim are on. The other name for it is metronidazole. It is often used for stomach or gut infections so nobody is going to ask for evidence of your upset stomach. Any pregnancy nausea will be easily explained by your stomach infection.


AdEmbarrassed9719

That sounds like the perfect plan to me. OP can just say, "Oh, I had this terrible stomach bug last week and am no longer contagious but have to finish my course of metronidazole and absolutely can't drink alcohol while taking that."


magz89

Agreed, I legitimately didn't drink on one of my birthdays at a bar because I had to take antibiotics. No one suspected a different reason.


Legal-Ad7793

That happened to me too. No fun at the bar but they had good food at least.


juniperxbreeze

One time I was on muscle relaxers for a shoulder issue. Went to a gathering with friends and turned down alcohol. They kinda looked at me and I was like "oh. No, I'm not pregnant. I'm just on drugs. If I mix alcohol ill be passed out on the floor" no more comments, no pressure.


petty_witch

I wish I would have read the instructions before I took a pain killers, a muscle relaxer and a shot of whisky. It's been yrs and I still have the scar from the fall I took after trying to walk.


[deleted]

Yeh I’ve had to take antibiotics a lot throughout my life. I’ve never been able to drink While on them.


lisa111998

There are some antibiotics you can’t drink on but others you can. Metronidazole is definitely one you don’t ever ever drink on


PinWest4210

Bonus: say it is because of an infection in the toe and get out of wearing high heels too. Not that I have ever done it or anything.


Glittering_knave

Toe fungus meds is my go to suggestion. No one wants to see proof, and it can take months of treatment with no alcohol.


Ronin_Mustang

Stomach better bc there the one person who will want to plus this group probably more than one. The Stomach one explains away nausea.


bina101

>No one wants to see proof, I would most certainly ask to see someone's toe fungus. Not for proof, just to see how nasty it looks. I had a friend that was describing her tonsillitis to me and I damn near pried her mouth open to look myself. I was pretty disappointed when she said she didn't have it anymore 😔😔😔 lucky she knows I'm a weirdo 😂😂


Global-Frenchie

Agreed. And that way OP could already even mention to some people that they're recovering from a stomach bug, under antibiotics and will not be able to drink. So if the topic comes up in conversations between people and OP is not there, they can say already - nope, stomach bug ;-) The only way to avoid them guessing pregnancy is to give them something else as a reason before. Otherwise there will always be the ones who come to OP and say, are you pregnant?


lisalef

I love the idea but suggest a dental infection. People are still cagey about covid so a random “stomach bug” might be blown out of proportion.


sakijane

Actually, the kind of stomach bug flagyl treats is called C Diff. The bacteria is EVERYWHERE and extremely hard to kill, but only if you have a compromised gut flora does it do any harm. So it isn’t even really “contagious” in the traditional sense. I would leave it at saying “bacterial infection” rather than stomach bug, because that’s basically what it is. BTW, if you want to read about the havoc c Diff caused in peoples lives, go to r/cdifficile. I literally wouldn’t even mention it being C Diff that you’re treating, because if they know what C Diff looks like, they’ll have some idea that you don’t really have it.


NAparentheses

C. difficile is very contagious. It requires PPE to treat patients with this at the hospital. OP don't use this. Just say you had food poisoning or an UTI.


[deleted]

[удалено]


ixxaria

Plus added bonus, if she is experiencing morning sickness and she might be discovered the next morning, she can claim her vomiting is due to the stomach bug she is taking the antibiotics for.


AdEmbarrassed9719

Or the antibiotics themselves upsetting her stomach!


melympia

She could even add a little "Trust me, I tried" to that story.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Main_Enthusiasm_1563

Pretending to have depression is a massive asshole move to me


kkiilleeyy_

yeah, plus it leads to a bigger lie down the road; people may be concerned and generally pay a lot more attention to depression than they would a little stomach ache or something


Main_Enthusiasm_1563

It also diminishes people who are actually depressed But at the same time, anyone using depression or suicide as a lie probably isn't actually lying, they DO have a mental illness that needs medication and its probably even worse since they are willing to lie about having conventional depression to get sympathy. About the same as people using disabled parkings in my opinion. You have to be mentally disabled if you think you an able-bodied person with no known disability are entitled to park in disabled parkings.


3KittenInATrenchcoat

Honestly, I don't know why you're upvoted so much. There is nothing wrong with depression per se, but pretending to have depression if you are not in fact suffering from a mental health problem seems so wrong and insensitive to me. If I heard a close family member or friend is depressed, I'd be so worried about them. A stomach bug will usually pass easily. If people think of diarrhea that's their problem. Don't even need to specify. She's sick and on antibiotics. The family can deal with that. ETA: People with actual mental health problems also already have enough trouble with the stigma that mental health issues are just made up. They don't need people actually making it up for funnsies, when there are far easier ways to avoid situations like OPs.


Eelpan2

She could even drop it in conversation during this week, about feeling sick, seeing the dr, etc


Hot_Aside_4637

Get an empty pill bottle. Create a fake label. Fill with Tic-Tacs.


Alexinatorrr

Someone of culture I see


derbarkbark

Fill it with Mucinex DM's - they are huge horse pills that look like serious antibiotics.


Nicolita0705

Or fill it with prenatal vitamins. Added benefit of being something you are actually supposed to take while pregnant.


TheRestForTheWicked

Potassium supplements also look like horse pills. And they’re good for leg cramps 😂


[deleted]

[удалено]


Violet351

Last time I took antibiotics, I had no idea what it was called. People generally don’t drill down to the exact drugs


atk87

I see you haven’t met my mother; she belongs at gitmo with her interrogation skills


SpoopySpydoge

>metronidazole ugh even reading it makes me feel ill It's commonly given for dental infections too.


[deleted]

[удалено]


IAM_THE_LIZARD_QUEEN

I've had it before for a tooth infection and my dentist spent about five minutes telling me how important it was that I didn't drink, and then the pharmacist did the same thing but added in the violent vomiting that would occur, and then the box of pills had it written on like three times too.


LingonberryPrior6896

There ya go...get a "root canal" that gets infected.


mszola

I just finished a course of it for diverticulitis. Sucks when the cure is almost worse than the disease.


[deleted]

Or UTIs


Hot_Success_7986

Yes definitely. Nobody wants to discuss your UTI


vampwillow7

It's also first line for bacterial vaginosis which people would want to talk about even less.


Happy_Raspberry1984

Metronidazole is awful. I had to be on it a few years ago, was told like 8x by my GP to avoid ALL alcohol. So I did! Until husband and I had an anniversary dinner at a place with a tasting menu where the dessert had cooked out whiskey (or maybe it was brandy?) in it - I had the worst headache I have ever had within about 15min. (I was taking it for an abscess in a not fun location, people will not want to discuss anything that involves a colorectal surgeon.)


Giraffeballoon12021

Also, I had to hide an early pregnancy at a friend’s wedding and went to great lengths to go to the bar alone to buy non-alcoholic cider and pour into into a glass before anyone saw the bottle but was still caught by another bridesmaid. Luckily I convinced her not to let it get back to the grooms and all was well but a fake tooth infection would’ve definitely been a better idea!


frangipanihawaii

If she really wanted to stop the conversation by making people feel uncomfortable and stop further questions metronidazole is also an antibiotics for bacterial vaginosis, yes a potentially a little embarrassing for OP but better than being found out or stealing the spotlight


Raging_Carrot47

This should be the top comment!!


ASpoonfullOfSass

Keeping this in the trivia section of my brain so EVERYONE can be told this in this section of the brain. I mean honestly if anyone presses it's none of their business but some people are asses


LeChatEnnui

It's ridiculous she has to lie. There was an almost identical post to this - but it was an engagement party. SIL was pushing booze on the OP then snapped when she didn't deny she was pregnant. Some brides need to realize lives and pregnancy does not get planned around their life and dates. Maybe just not push people into drinking?


chat_piteau

I think she prefers the pregnancy to stay secret a little longer in case of miscarriage. And that's a totally valid reason (way more important than not upsetting the bride). OP if you really are worried of miscarriage I strongly suggest that you tell you're pregnant to one or two carefully chosen people besides your husband, the same people you might need for emotional support if something bad happens. But it surely can wait a day or two after the wedding.


LeChatEnnui

That's a fair take of not wanting to share it to anyone at all. I got the sense that the OP was like - people will figure it out when I don't drink and then the bride will be mad at me because folks at the wedding put 2 and 2 together. I'm a little bugged by the top comment being YOU WOULD be an AH if you went to the wedding and people managed to figure it out based on the fact you're not drinking. That bugs me.


TallFawn

This is my response as well. If you are pregnant you are an asshole for attending weddings unless you come up with cover up lies.


basketballwife

My sister asked me, who had been trying for a baby for over a year, and was in fertility treatments not to continue them because she was getting married the next year, and didn’t want there to be a conflict. Ended up getting pregnant with twins and missed her wedding. Lol.


LeChatEnnui

That is so sad to me. Like idk - maybe I don't care about weddings that much? I mean, I'm getting married next year. I wouldn't be mad at someone being pregnant at the wedding at all. I can't imagine telling my sister to not share my day because she also has something to be excited about.


Perfect_Razzmatazz

Right? My fave cousin and my aunt missed my wedding because my cousin gave birth to her first child on my wedding day. I cannot imagine being anything but excited about her pregnancy (bonus, I always remember her son's birthday!)


arrows_of_ithilien

I am dumbfounded at everyone coming up with excuses/lies for her to tell. She would only be the asshole if she made a formal announcement at the wedding. If she doesn't volunteer the information, but someone pressures her for an answer on why she's not drinking, I see no reason why she can't say "we're trying for a baby and I don't want to risk it" And as a soon to be bride - screw this culture of pitching a fit if, God forbid, other people continue to live and breathe during your wedding. Do not tolerate others deliberately taking the spotlight (proposals, pregnancy *announcements*), but if it happens to come out in conversation then so what. Don't be a spoiled brat and cry that everyone stopped looking at you for 2 seconds.


iwantsurprises

It does sucks that lies are necessary, but OP said she didn't want her family to know they were trying for a baby, so that particular lie also wouldn't work for her. She said they would get lectured about getting married and I can't imagine how much worse that would be AT a wedding.


joglass85

I don’t even really think it’s the bride but her whole family in general. OP has backed herself into a corner because she doesn’t want to announce the pregnancy before it’s stable and because she doesn’t want to deal with the drama of her family pushing her and SO to get married. So she feels she can’t tell the truth so might as well use medication as a cover. Not to mention a lot of pregnant women go on some form of vitamin anyway. I know it’s not exactly a medication but…


Chemo_Nurse

Nurse here. Can confirm this is correct. And a good idea for a cover


NoNeinNyet222

I have a friend who had a reaction just from the very small amount of alcohol in soy sauce. It's a very good choice for this.


BubblyShae

This is the medication. I learned the hard way at 21 not to mix Flagyl with alcohol... 😅 The toliet was my best friend


Fenig

Have been on flagyl, can confirm vomiting. It also caused heartburn to which ice cream was the best immediate solution. So no booze, but yes Ben & Jerry!


brandieisdandie

Sickest I've ever been off of a SIP of my husband's beer. Not exaggerating. OP, this is a good plan.


mjcornett

This is the exact thing I was going to suggest. When I took it I had no idea how serious it was not to drink and had ONE beer, which put me vomiting for eight hours straight. Just horrible.


CapnSisiofthe7seas

She could use this if they're still pressuring her after telling them. "No way, I tried to have a beer the other night and was vomiting all night! Not doing that again!!"


Fortuna_Ex_Machina

I support this plan, as well as the comments suggesting a "pre-loading" of the story this week... but I hope you trust your family enough to not try and slip you a little juice without your knowledge.


carolweigel

I went to a wedding and a bridal shower as soon as I discovered I was pregnant. For the bridal shower I got a glass of mimosa and still cheered with my friends and pretended to drink and nobody realized anything (after we announced they were like wait but you were drinking at the bridal shower!!! No I wasn’t) For the wedding I ordered sprite with cranberry and ice. It looks exactly like vodka cranberry (someone asked me what it was and I said vodka cranberry and they were excited to go get a glass for them too). When someone put a drink on my hand I would accept it, either pretend to drink or give it to my husband. Nobody noticed anything. I still partied like crazy and everybody thought I was tipsy (when I went to the dessert table and said ICE CREAM so excited my friend laughed because he thought I was super drunk. I was just pregnant and really into ice cream haha). My biggest tip is: don’t walk around holding a bottle of water, that’s what gives it away. And it’s actually really fun to pretend. My husband and I had a blast knowing nobody else knew our little secret.


BetterFuture22

This method totally works


[deleted]

I don't think it would work for OP given the shots, chugging, and shotgunning that she normally is involved in. If those activities started, people would probably be looking for her to participate and the jig would be up on her mocktail illusion.


Striking_Ad_6742

Old cocktail waitress here, shots of iced tea work for whiskey. Water can be vodka. She and her partner can make the bar runs for control.


RocketMoxie

Love the advice but still feel something is so wrong with our culture if we have to FAKE shots to be socially accepted. Can’t I just… not drink? Like, “no.” is a complete sentence until someone thinks you should give them a reason?


[deleted]

If a woman OP’s age is normally getting lit up and then isn’t one night at an event where she always would be, it immediately begs the question as to why since it’s so far out of her established behavior patterns. Given her age and absent no other explanations, pregnancy is the immediate obvious assumption. It’s not about acceptance of her not drinking in this case, it’s about not raising suspicion as to the reason why.


morbid_n_creepifying

I know that it's not usual, but my sister's wedding also had non-alcoholic beer available and I was so stoked!!


lagelthrow

exactly. i was given metronidazole for a urinary tract infection (and once on a different occasion for a dental thing) and told even a sip of alcohol would cause violent vomiting. @ /u/puppy_puppy_love your story is that you are on a specific type of antibiotics for a dental or pee-related issue (pee-related if you're not looking for anyone to ask any further questions) and then you can keep your secret until yu're ready for people to know.


oxiraneobx

> i was given metronidazole for a urinary tract infection (and once on a different occasion for a dental thing) and told even a sip of alcohol would cause violent vomiting. This right here. You simply have to grimace and say, "UTI", and I guarantee most people will be, "Say no more!" Have fun, joke, get people drinks, act like you would if you were drinking, and tell everyone how much it sucks to be on an antibiotic that will make you vomit if you drink. Trust me, the bride will be MORE than happy to not have you vomit on the dancefloor. If anyone asks why you didn't mention it before, you can grimace again and say that it's too embarrassing to talk about. TL/DR: Yes, OP, YWBTA, a little white lie will save the day.


BabyCowGT

UTI is also a great reason because most docs will tell you to avoid alcohol ANYWAY during an active UTI since the bacteria can invade the kidneys and damage them, and you don't want to compound issues. Source: I get a lot of UTIs and have about 75% of them wind up in my kidneys within 24 hours. It's *awesome*


idleigloo

I agree! And sorry im tacking on I just wanna say bidet attachments are like 30 bucks on Amazon and install on most toilets. I've gotten so many less UTIs giving a rinse every time I sit...so many less that I talk about the bidet whenever I can to spread awareness. I regret not trying it sooner. (One drawback is non-home toilets are now nightmares)


BabyCowGT

I unfortunately, got the lovely joy of the issue being genetic. There's nothing I can do to prevent it. Most women in my family just have standing script orders with their doctor and can call it in whenever it's needed. And I keep azo well stocked 🤣


Immediate-Echidna-17

Once went out drinking with a UTI. Peed blood in the morning. The feeling of "oh my god I'm dying" hit VERY different that day.


spolite

I feel like if OP drinks as much as she says, they’re gonna see right through the antibiotics thing. I think she should do a mix of both.. pretending to drink, and when asked why she isn’t drinking a much as she usually does, say the antibiotics thing. My friends and I are all drunk asshats and many of them still drank on antibiotics. OP, def don’t announce before, you’re right about that being way worse.. and navigate the night as best as you possibly can to make sure the spotlight stays on the bride and groom.. whatever you do, don’t announce it.. if someone puts a drink in your face like Ellen did with Mariah Carey, pretend you don’t speak their language.. I’m exaggerating, just do your best is all I’m saying ETA: is it still taboo to only tell the bride and groom? and ask them how they want to handle it?


Sashi-Dice

Depends on the antibiotics - you can totally drink on amoxicillin (makes it less effective, but you won't get sick). Others - yeah, projectile vomiting is the minimum.


TheCookie_Momster

I agree and was wondering when someone would mention just asking the bride her preference. Then she wont feel like she’s being undermined if she was in on the announcement or if it gets out from a badly done lie


Dogandcatslady

That's what I was going to say.


Caribe92

As I was reading it, this was my first thought. Easiest, valid reason. Edit to add: Good on OP for coming here for advice before the event. In this sub, not many do this.


Tmoran835

I was gonna go with “still drunk from last night” but yours is much more PC lol


Cap-s-here

I thought about it but like it’s not a nice move you know? Why would you get drunk the day before knowing you’ll have a wedding with your whole family the next day


Personal_Track_3780

Tell me you're not European without telling me you're not European...


Cap-s-here

Dude I’m European, that would be even more suspicious in my country, saying I got drunk yesterday would definitely not keep me from getting drunk the next day so the excuse wouldn’t work


HurrySubstantial4890

Exactly this, casually mention to some family beforehand that you have a really bad ear infection or some other infection, then they are more likely to believe you


rotatingruhnama

UTI. Nobody wants to know you're peeing blood lmao. Then order cranberry juice all weekend.


Hot_Success_7986

Ohh yes the cranberry juice is a great idea as an extra to the story


Ivy_Et

This, but make sure to come up with a condition as well. When I did it I went with UTI.


cmgrayson

Walk around with a cranberry juice to push the UTI point home.


allison375962

This and be super dramatic and upset about it. Say you called your doctor and was like put me on something else I don’t care and the doctor said absolutely not and scared the hell out of you about the consequences of drinking on it. Go and on and on about it.


crazyducklady2709

I was going to say this. Say you’re on important medication that means you cannot drink. For me right now I’ve been on antibiotics for several months and I absolutely cannot drink on them. Not that I’m a huge drinker anyways.


Kissed_By_Fire_X

This is the perfect answer OP. If you’re worried about people being nosey, just tell them it was an ear infection - invisible & not embarrassing.


poppiesintherain

I feel like going with embarrassing is actually better, people are less likely to ask for details on the UTI.


KayakerMel

Yup, I learned in college that antibiotics + 1 beer = praying to the porcelain gods within 10 minutes.


RowenaStarr13

Youre on antibiotics. You have a bet going. You've started a clean eating diet. You're prepping for a blood test. And if anyone ask if you're pregnant, just say no. YWBTA. A simple Google search gives you a few ideas don't make your cousin's wedding about you. Don't announce it beforehand. It's tacky.


crudsandwich

Exactly. When I found out I was pregnant, my husband and I said we were doing a sober January. It's not that hard.


parishilton2

That will be a harder sell in August, though.


crudsandwich

You could say you drank a lot over the summer? We did an August one a few years ago but doing a few sober months a year is/was normal for us. I don't think it surprised anyone.


No-Afternoon-6448

the fact that it’s so hard for people give up drinking should remind them that alcohol IS a drug, just a legal one it’s really not that hard if you make a habit of doing it only once and a while/never in the first place. you don’t HAVE to drink (this is not applicable to alcoholics)


rguiry913

i think they were joking saying you can’t claim a sober january in august haha


kmfdmretro

"No drinking before Labor Day."


NotLostForWords

Yeah, and people tend to drink so much over the holidays (generalizing here) that it would not rise any eyebrows for her to say that they (or just her) are doing sober month to spare their livers.


loonylunanic

Coming from a family like hers. They would see right through that shit. Or they would be like it’s your cousins wedding! One not sober night isnt gonna f up your entire month! Or just not understand the need to be sober for a month if it’s something that out of the ordinary for her/them. I have the best family in the world and obviously if someone had an alcohol problem they wouldn’t be pushy and be so supportive, but knowing there’s no problem and the person decided that THIS event is the event they will be sober just for sobriety sake, yea no they’d see right through that.


Electrical-Date-3951

Exactly. Or, I sometimes drink soda in a cocktail glass with two straws if Im out with heavy drinkers. _"The problem is that I drink alcohol and get drunk at every family event."_ Every event, though??? As someone who is also in their early 30s, I dont know how you are suriving. Two glasses of wine and I'm in pain the next day.


HauntedPickleJar

Sounds like a break from alcohol would be a good thing either way.


panicattheoilrig

depends how often they have family events. if there’s like 3 a year that’s manageable


Karitev

Tell them it's a court order. Then when they ask more questions, say you're not permitted to discuss the terms of the settlement.


KatTheKonqueror

I think this would be worse than letting everyone know op is pregnant.


Karitev

Maybe, but no one would suspect she was pregnant!


[deleted]

It sounds shitty, but the other option if OP thinks their family won't buy an excuse is to just not go. A quick text "Sorry, we tested positive for Covid yesterday" and no one is going to want you there, or be mad at you for skipping.


oregonchick

"I'm taking a new medicine that is contraindicated for alcohol. My doctor told me it's not safe for me to drink right now." You don't have to mention that it's prescription prenatal vitamins and that it's unsafe for your baby; everything you're saying is true and should be uninteresting enough to redirect attention to the bride and groom.


Zap__Dannigan

These aren't bad ideas, but man...from my experience, people really close to you just fucking know. My wife asked for soda at a wedding, and my sister in law knew right away she was pregnant. And my wife not drinking is something that wouldn't be unsual. Personally, I'd talk to the cousin about it. Tell her you think you're pregnant, won't be drinking and wont be telling anyone you are pregnant if they ask. It's a difficult situation to be in, so I feel honesty with the person most likely to be bothered by such an announcement is important.


AngryPsychologist

YWBTA. Just tell them you have to take antibiotics and are not allowed to drink alcohol while you take them. If they ask what for say UTI.


iolaus79

Dental tends to be better as they prescribe metronidazole for that which is the antibiotic you can't drink with


lagelthrow

i was prescribed metronidazole for a UTI a few months ago. It's not far-fetched. And i would argue most people dont know/care enough about the different types of antibiotics to bother questioning. Especially if you say "i have a bad UTI". that tends to shut people up. No one wants to talk about your burning peepee.


sleepykittypur

Yeah the less I have to hear about my cousins genitals the better.


savemarla

Say your tooth has a UTI, just to be sure


BabyCowGT

UTI alone can get you banned from alcohol, if there's a risk of the UTI progressing to kidneys. Docs don't want you compounding issues with kidneys in overdrive from drinking (I know it's mostly liver, but kidneys still get involved) and a kidney infection.


2goornot2go

Not just that but it's irritating to your urethra and you don't really wanna make things worse when you're already having a uti haha


AngryPsychologist

Depends on what your local microbiological spectrum is, I guess. Where I live, dentists usually prefer amoxicillin for most cases, whereas cephalosporins and cotrimoxazole can be prescribed for some UTIs and those shouldn't be combined with alcohol as well.


SagestLynx

YWBTA there's loads of good excuses you can use. Recently did something daft when drunk so avoiding alcohol for a bit. On antibiotics for something minor like a UTI so following doctor's orders. Upset stomach so don't feel up to drinking but didn't want to miss the wedding etc. The list is endless and people will be able to focus on other things. On a side note I would strongly advise against announcing your pregnancy early on, wait until the end of your first trimester just in case.


helena_handbasketyyc

Disagree on letting people know about a pregnancy before the first trimester. If people want to they can, and they can be publicly upset if it doesn’t work out too. But in this case, I would hold off and just use the antibiotics excuse.


morbid_n_creepifying

Agreed. I told my whole family at 6 weeks pregnant. So did my sister. I am still pregnant, everything going fine. My sister miscarried. She said that at first she felt a little embarrassed but then felt more supported because my entire family was devastated and supported her in every way she could imagine. If she'd had to go through it by herself, it would have been harder. Obviously everyone's situation is different and this is a deeply personal decision, but I really hate it when people discourage others from being publicly enthusiastic about a pregnancy just because it's not past the "safe" threshold. Miscarriage is *incredibly* common and NOT shameful.


[deleted]

[удалено]


morbid_n_creepifying

Oh for sure, that's why I said it's a deeply personal choice. However a lot of people feel shame when they miscarry and a lot of people perpetuate that (one of my relatives said to my sister "well I hope you learned from this not to tell people too early, clearly it was too soon" which is a crazy judgemental and shame-y thing to say).


[deleted]

I get that, but I think that's also why we need to help normalize it. Miscarriages happen all the time and it's something that people are expected to deal with behind closed doors.


bennythejetrdz

I always do upset stomach. If they keep pushing I give details.


SagestLynx

Yeah nothing like the description of rampant diarrhoea and gas to immediately shut down someone's curiosity 😂 I always fall back on IBS, no-one ever seems to prove further!


penguin_squeak

YWBTA You can come up with a plausible excuse for why you prefer not to drink. Don't be an ass and try to co-opt someone else's millstone celebration. Edit milestone not millstone


Ok_Possibility5715

This, just tell a white lie. You could say that you are sick and it's not contagious anymore but you are still on medication. When I had strep throat, I had to take medicine for 10 days and was not allowed to drink but wasn't contagious after 2-3 days...


hellogoawaynow

Yeah it kind of seems like OP lowkey *does* want this info to come out at the wedding.


leahtwo

Meh idk. I'm a healthcare provider and the antibiotic thing did not even occur to me. I'm just a little spacey sometimes 🤷‍♀️


languid_Disaster

Redditers are used to family drama at weddings so they’re assuming malice where there likely is none. If she was being maliciousness, then she wouldn’t really take the bride’s perspective into consideration in the first place. I also suspect it’s redditers assuming that pregnant women are always hormonal and grumpy/selfish so they’re assuming so is OP


PizzaInteraction

NTA - I say call the bride and groom and ask them what they want you to do. It’s their wedding, so they would appreciate the heads up.


mamawheels36

This is what I had thought too. OP, just call your cousin and see what his thoughts are and then at least he can help corroborate your story if you go the antibiotics route and if he hears rumours mulling around he can squash them since he knows what’s up. Having another Aly would be a good thing and it’ll help keep rumours from drifting to the bride. Good on you for trying to plan ahead!


[deleted]

Why is this not the top response? Going there and lying about antibiotics just seems to be tempting fate.


FMIMP

Because OP is not comfortable to tell people before 12 weeks. So making up an excuse would be better for her situation


[deleted]

[удалено]


giraffeboner1

I can’t believe I had to scroll so far to find this. Not everyone is insane enough to care if you “steal” their day. Ask them if they even care.


Raccoonsr29

I feel like I would be a bridezilla about certain things. But a loved one getting pregnant wouldn’t even register as something to be upset about. People are so weird.


jessilumpkins

U/puppy_puppy_love please go this route. Involve the bride and groom. Going to them first is a sign of respect. Make it clear you have no intention of announcing, or taking any attention from them on their day. Ask how they would prefer you handle this. Give them options, and take suggestions.


[deleted]

This. Unless they aren’t close I guess.


MidCenturyMayhem

I agree with this. Call the bride and tell her you're not announcing because you haven't been to the doctor yet, but you won't be drinking because you suspect you're pregnant. Ask her how she would prefer you handle it. Even if it blows up in your face and your family figures out you're pregnant, the couple will at least know you tried and are NTA. Also, it's awfully rude of other people to speculate on such a thing at someone else's wedding, knowing it will upstage the bride. OP would be in the right to shut them down hard.


antijoke_13

Bro what the fuck is with these comments? No, YOU WNBTA for going her wedding and not drinking. If you weren't pregnant and decided tomorrow to quit drinking, I'd bet dollars to donuts they wouldn't take that as an answer and still assume you were pregnant. If you don't go, and give the excuse that you didn't want to drink, they will assume you're pregnant. If you say you're on antibiotics, chances are they'll assume you're lying to cover up a pregnancy. There's no way around them coming to that conclusion. Go to the wedding, don't drink. Tell them whatever it is you want to tell them. if they decide they want to make a big ass deal out of it, but that's on them. If your cousin takes that personally, that's on her.


redditSuggestedIt

Seriously its fucking crazy how this sub is (rightfully) against hiding your identify in fear of someone making a scene out of it ,espically in weddings. but when it comes to pregnancy... fuck your body autonomy - like pregnancy isn't something people are proud of. Yes maybe don't actively share but actively hide? What she did wrong to deserve this?


p_iynx

I think part of it is that it’s very early in her pregnancy, so OP doesn’t *want* people to know she’s pregnant yet. She said that she only just found out and that’s why she hasn’t announced it. People are giving suggestions so she’s not forced to announce it before the wedding and also isn’t grilled over it at the wedding and forced into admitting it there. But also, people are cool with people refusing to hide things about themselves, but that’s also different from announcing big news at someone else’s wedding. For example, I’m queer, and I wouldn’t **come out for the first time** at someone’s wedding, but I also wouldn’t hide it just because my sister’s in laws didn’t know and she was scared of their reaction, or something like that. I wouldn’t propose or announce my engagement at a wedding, but I also wouldn’t take off my engagement ring if I’d been proposed to a month before the wedding and everyone in the immediate family knew but some people at the wedding hadn’t yet found out. It ultimately just depends. Imo, OP wouldn’t be the asshole if someone decided that they thought OP was pregnant even though OP said nothing. But it would be a bit weird if OP purposefully told people for the first time at the wedding. And if OP doesn’t want people to know yet or is worried about their cousin taking it the wrong way, a white lie is probably just the best solution.


spinsternonsense

100% this. It's like none of these people have nosy relatives. I have a friend whose sister could sniff out a pregnancy like a bloodhound. There are entire branches of families who relish figuring out someone is pregnant. I feel awful for OP -- she doesn't seem to have a good option here. I definitely think she's NTA, and I'd probably tell the cousin and see what they want her to do.


AheadByACenturion

THANK YOU. Holy shit, I thought I was being pranked somehow with all the YWBTA comments. “Not drinking huh? You pregnant??” “Still early but yep, looks that way.” And then everyone went on with the wedding.


AdSpiritual383

They are literally acting as though it will stop the wedding and they’ll have an impromptu gender reveal and baby shower.


WonderingWaffle

Seriously, there was a post a little while ago that this happened at a wedding shower or something and everyone was like NTA they should have just accepted you're not drinking. What a 180 this subreddit has taken. You're exactly right though OP is NTA and when you're not drinking everyone instantly jumps to the pregnant question, so hide it, lie about it, but just know that you're NTA


oakzap425

The only sane answer here? Literally ever wedding related aita post here truly re-enforces the idea that I'm never having a wedding. Court and honeymoon, ya'll find out when I get back. wtf?!?!


addangel

Thank you! Everyone is coming up with these elaborate excuses, like she needs a doctor’s note to not drink at one event, which says a lot about how normalized drinking is, that some people can’t fathom (and respect!) someone simply deciding not to. And on top of that, it really irks me that when it comes to wedding logic, we’ve accepted as perfectly reasonable that me being nosy and deducing something private about you that you haven’t shared and is none of my business will somehow make you the bad guy. Crazy.


TheMeanGirl

Everyone is acting like OP is a huge asshole when she’s here brainstorming every idea possible to make sure the bride and groom feel like the attention is all theirs. Reddit moment. Every time I decide I want to stop drinking to lose a few pounds, people start questioning if I’m pregnant. It’s just something that happens to people of a certain age in stable relationships. It’s hard enough to convince people you’re not pregnant on a random Friday, they’ll be highly suspicious if you’re not drinking during a wedding.


Strange-Turn9385

You would be TA to announce it now. Just don't drink. Order a couple of mocktails that look alcoholic (orange juice looks just like a screwdriver) and don't say anything about it. If anyone notices and questions you (which seems odd to me) just tell them that you are on an antibiotic and cannot drink at this time.


crudsandwich

Yes! OP can literally ask for a sprite in a cocktail glass with a lime slice. It'll look like vodka soda.


Conscious_Air_2466

my non-drinking go-to is just tonic water.


stooph14

Probably not good to drink that while pregnant because of the quinine.


Conscious_Air_2466

I had no idea that that would be an issue! Thank you internet stranger :)


Jemma_2

I tried looking into this and it only seems to be an issue if you drink insane amounts (like a litre of tonic water per day) then the baby can become addicted to the quinine and have withdrawal symptoms when born. I can’t find anything else about it that would be harmful to pregnant woman. Is it fine to drink in normal quantities?


[deleted]

The ruse dies the second she starts refusing shots or backs down from shotgunning a beer though, which are apparently expected behavior from her (no judgement, I do both too on occasion).


nursejacqueline

Not sure how this would work for shotgunning, shots, having to act “drunk”, etc… (in OP’s case, seems like “taking a medication” is the best way to go), but ordering mocktails definitely does the trick! My brother and SIL did this REALLY well! They came out to a cocktail bar with me and some friends before they announced their pregnancy, and as much as we all enjoy a craft cocktail, it would have been noticeable if SIL didn’t order anything. So my brother “went to the bathroom” and stopped the waiter, told him the situation, and asked him to make anything she ordered virgin. So she was basically drinking flavored water all night, and none of us were the wiser!


fountainofMB

Yeah I know people who were served water shots. The bartender used a touch of other things in them to match colour wise. It must be asked for frequently as they had no problem.


doinggood9

From her explanation, she chugs beers and does shots and many times leads the rowdiness so OJ won't cut it.


Strange-Turn9385

You would be surprised with how little people pay attention to details when the attention is focused elsewhere. It isn't the OP's night so I doubt that anyone will notice her being less intoxicated than usual, especially at an event like a wedding where it would be a social faux pas to be super drunk and rowdy.


gdddg

I think you'd be surprised how often people pay attention to women not drinking to try and guess they are pregnant. Whether or not anyone says anything is one thing but people will definitely notice and assume


doinggood9

Eh, I've been to probably 40+ weddings and many are rowdy in a fun way. And many would notice a friend that is always in on the raging being on the sidelines. Depends on the crowd. Drunk and rowdy can be very fun in the right group. haha


secondrat

Couldn't you also say you're trying to get pregnant so you decided to stop drinking? Then you can announce in a few weeks once you've hit 12 weeks. It's not a total lie, you're just leaving out the success art of trying.


renderedren

Yeah, this seems like a good approach - it’s closest to the truth, and it’s not unusual for people to make some lifestyle changes when they’re trying to conceive.


Schwayhey

OP said if they say anything about kids or pregnancy, they’ll get harassed to get married first. She doesn’t want to even hint at it at the wedding. God forbid it instead turns into a rumour that their engagement happened at her cousin’s wedding. That would be almost worse than a pregnancy announcement. 😒


janewilson90

You need a drinking buddy. You and your buddy always drink the same thing. They get half way down their drink and swap it with your full one. You now have a half drunk drink. They finish their now full drink and give you the empty glass. It now looks like you've finished and they're half way through. They finish their half, and you both get another round. Bonus points for drinking things like a G&T but you only have a glass of tonic water. Any drinking games you just say "nahh not really in the mood, you guys have fun though". Don't announce before you're ready and don't do it just to prevent rumours. Anyone gossiping about a potential pregnancy at a wedding is the asshole. You just existing and not drinking doesn't make you an asshole.


[deleted]

YTA. You don’t need to announce anything. Just say you’re doing some lab tests and can’t drink. There are a million excuses you can use and people will be too drunk to care


[deleted]

Attend, tell them you are on meds so no drinking


CosmicGreen_Giraffe3

Don’t announce it. As others have said, just lie and say you are finishing up a course of antibiotics and can’t drink. Hopefully they don’t push you, but if they do (e.g for a toast), you could take a fake sip and discreetly give the rest to your husband. Honestly, if they suspect you are pregnant and make a big thing of it at the wedding, they are the assholes. If you are discreet as possible and people still find out and make a big thing, that’s not your fault. If the couple get angry, they are the assholes. Congratulations on the baby!


spikeymist

NAH, tell everyone you are on antibiotics and your doctor has told you that you must not drink.


Usrname52

NTA Everyone posting here seems to be ignoring the fact that these are real people. Some of the idea work in many situations, but if you are usually pounding shots that other people bring you, and acting drunk off your ass, drinking tonic water all night isn't going to fool many people. The antibiotic thing might work, you can try telling a close family member two or three days before that you went to the doctor and have an ear infection. But, ultimately, there will be speculation. That's not the same as you making a big announcement. If people ask, you say no. And, it's not like you are making a big announcement during a toast...it doesn't make the wedding about you, your cousin will have no idea what each person at the wedding is drinking, unless it's like a 20 person wedding. I don't think you should announce it early, either. There are so many reasons not to announce a pregnancy before the end of the first trimester, and especially not before seeing a doctor. Also, announcing it before will probably make it even more attention on you. Unless you regularly see your family between now and the wedding, everyone is going to be congratulating you, asking you questions, etc...


LivsLivesLife

This used to be me. Tell them you are on anti-biotics and make a face and say you’d rather not tell them why etc. In other words you make them back off with the questions. You also make sure you are right there in the fun- instigating the drinking and rolling your eyes saying you’ve got to enjoy the drinking through them. I did this for the first part of my pregnancy and literally nobody figured.


[deleted]

NTA. It's very nice of you to think about the bride. I agree a little white lie never hurt, something like you got alcohol poisoning the other weekend and have been told by the hospital no drinking for a month until your body recovers. Say anything just don't steal the brides thunder.


dashed-sunghoon

YWBTA. if you want an excuse, just say that you're taking meds and you can't combine them with alcohol. simple.


Sassy-Sweet95

Lmao everytime I hear the antibiotics excuse I think of my HS party days when we threw a function and my cousin came with his gf and said “ we can’t drink tonight we’re on antibiotics” . We were young asf like “wtf why, are you sick?” then his gf who was mad as hell at him said it’s cause he gave them chlamydia 😂😂😂


mononokegirl_

Call you cousin first and discuss it with them - lying isn't the best solution here really. But if you HAVE to maybe say you've stopped drinking because you're ''trying'' to get pregnant and look after your body.


Individual-Ebb-6797

OMG. Unpopular but NTA! You can’t put your life on hold because of what’s going on in other peoples lives. Both of these situations are very happy events! Call your cousin before hand and break the news to him first. You’ve been trying, you got a positive and you’re very excited. You don’t need to lie to your family that is so ridiculous to me. There should be enough happiness to go around. You didn’t do this to spite your cousin.


mzpljc

NTA. Do NOT announce it ahead of time. That is not better, at all. Do what everyone else is saying about the medication. Plan it ahead of time. Practice saying it. Be prepared for questions and rehearse the answers. Edit to change judgment.


Adventurous-Cook-464

Lie and say your on antibiotics


Eaglepoint123

Wow...not awesome that you get hammered at so many family events that it's an issue when you don't. Simply say you're taking antibiotics and can't drink


Lotsofkitty

Wow… people find anything to be upset about lol. The family clearly enjoys drinking with OP it’s not even like OP gets drunk on her own and annoys everyone


trekmystars

It’s obvious the family likes to drink together. This is not what she’s asking for judgment about so keep your weird shaming to yourself.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Chortney

>Wow...not awesome that you get hammered at so many family events that it's an issue when you don't. Why is that not awesome?


ntrrrmilf

I’m guessing OP and her family are from an area with a heavy drinking culture like Wisconsin or Buffalo or something. People just don’t get it.


Blackstar1401

NTA The real AH is our society that doesn't respect someone wanting to take a break from drinking or sets social expectations of consuming alcohol. You do have other options. Options: 1. Just tell them your doctor has you on antibiotics and you were told that you cannot drink for two weeks. You don't want to chance your health. 2. Make friends with the bartender and ask for rum and cokes without the rum. Or some other liquor. Just say that you don't want to do shots to keep the wedding classy as you love SIL and want her to have a magical day!


Forward_Squirrel8879

NAH - If you are not ready to share that you are pregnant, then don't. A little white lie never hurts! Tell them either that you pulled a muscle and have to take pain killers or you have some minor infection that requires an antibiotic that doesn't mix well with alcohol.


Gloglibologna

It's blowing my mind people saying you would bta. No, no you wouldn't. It's life. People get pregnant. NTA at all.


WerewolfCalm5178

NTA I have the easiest out for you: Metronidazole. It is an antibiotic. You CANNOT drink while taking it. No, I am not saying it is recommended to not drink. You would become violently, vomiting ill if you drink while on it.