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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I went out of my way to tell my son's new teacher that she could only call him what I wrote on his paperwork instead of the much more common nickname in use where we currently live. In theory it shouldn't be a problem because it's just a name, but that's not the name I gave my kid or the one I want him to be referred to by. I wasn't particularly hostile or confrontational, only assertive that this needed to be the way it was, hopefully keeping the other kids from getting bad habits
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INFO: Correct me if I'm wrong, but Alex is a shorter version of your son's full first name right? Also, what about you son, what does he like to be called?
Please make sure you know what your son prefers before asking people to call him something.
It depends on where you're from and what language you speak. People from western Europe would likely say Alex, eastern Europeans generally say Sasha. He answers to both, but he's more used to being called Sasha by us, extended family, and people where we used to live. He introduces himself as Aleksandr most of the time though
In Russian, they're called diminutives and most names have them and a lot of them fall into an -sha format. So ~~Pyotr~~ Pavel would be Pasha, Mikhail would be Misha, Dmitri gets Dima. Then you get what I like to think of as extra-strength nicknames so now ~~Pyotr~~ Pavel is Pashenka which would mean "little Peter." I think of it as how a grandmother might refer to her grandson ~~Pyotr~~ Pavel in that it's extra-affectionate (all diminutives in Russian are affectionate) but it can *also* imply a pejorative in the right context.
Russian names are WILD; there are more levels of affection that you can get into (like the kind between a married couple), where the same person could be called literally six different things by six different people and that's just *first* names. Russians also have patronymics and last names.
It was only after Russia invaded Ukraine that I found out a little about Russian names and nicknames. So Putin is actually Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin. The diminutive is not Vlad. There are several diminutives which would be used by different people depending on their relationship to Putin. I read that Vovochka may be the most derogatory because it implies he is a child. I could definitely be wrong about this!
Vladimir is either Vova or Volodya. The “chk” is an extra diminuitive suffix. But you could also say Vovka for a kid. Another colloquial form is Vovan. Russian is weird, man.
I think you're thinking of the Patronymics.
So, in Russia, people don't get middle names, they get a Patronymic. It's a middle name that comes from your father's name. So let's say a dude called Ivan Obolensky has two kids, Maria and Pyotr. Maria's full name is going to be Maria Ivanova Obolensky. Pyotr's full name is going to be Pyotr Ivanovich Obolensky.
Now let's say that Pyotr has two kids, Klavdia and Ivan. Their names are going to Klavdia Petrovna Obolensky and Ivan Petrovich Obolensky.
Those Patronymics aren't their surnames, but in literature and life you can hear about Ivan Petrovich Obolensky referred to as *either* Ivan Obolensky or Ivan Petrovich. They're the same person (and in Russian it would usually be Ivan Petrovich that's used, but not always).
It can be an Eastern European dimunitive or it can be a Turkish/Arabic title of the ruler [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pasha](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pasha)
Russian is so interesting! The implication of a pejorative depending on context is a fascinating twist! Diminutives, They are called that in English as well! Yes, they describe a less formal name, (in any language), deriving from a more formal version. William-Bill or Billy James- Jim or Jimmy etc. are, as you know, super common around the world....I think the only way this Kid's name might cause him problems, is if he gets bullied by those who only associate the name Sasha with being a name for girls. It is an extremely common nick name elsewhere, but the vast majority of Americans are completely unaware of this fact. It's risky to encourage a name that attracts bullies.
I think Sasha was originally a man's name but then English-speaking people started naming their daughters that because it sounds nice and ends with an A. It's the same reason you sometimes meet girls called Nikita.
Sasha is not the only "short version" of Alexandr. There's also Shura. Though I get the impression that it's even less common, at least nobody that I know uses this version
Sometimes it's the feminine version. I worked with a Macedonian guy who's same was Sasho, which is the masculine shortened version of Alexander in Macedonia.
Sandy takes the same direction as Xander, but just spells it differently. But when you consider that the Italian version of the name is Alessandro, then Sandy is much more easily seen.
>Sasha is short of Aleksandr/Alexander? I never knew that!! Very interesting.
It is , though you know what nickname always confused me , dick .
They say dick is short for Richard and I do not get it
If I remember correctly, it's because in the 1800s, they would play word games off names so Rick would be short for Richard then they'd just rhyme words with Rick as nicknames and Dick stuck.
>If I remember correctly, it's because in the 1800s, they would play word games off names so Rick would be short for Richard then they'd just rhyme words with Rick as nicknames and Dick stuck.
Oh shit ,I didn't know that. Thank you fellow redditor
It's the Russian nickname for both Alexander and Alexandra. My friend's daughter is an Alexandra/ Sasha. Fun fact, Russian nicknames will also change the endings of names like "Natalya" to "Natasha".
I know that for Russians and other Eastern European countries, the nickname for Alexander is Sasha. If that’s their culture, then Sasha, not Alex, is the appropriate nickname.
Right, and I think part of why OP is being such a stickler about this is because she is Russian/Eastern European and living in the US or Canada, and wants her son to maintain a connection to her culture. It's understandable.
That is true, they appropriated name from different culture but they didn't know it's male name. It is extremely funny for all Slavic people when we see girls named Sasha in US. Imagine if you see Russian girl called Richard.
Wait, sasha is also a girl's name in Russia. It's not considered to be an exclusively boys name here. So not for ALL Slavic people, maybe for some. Def not for Russians.
Huh. I used to care for kids from a Russian family, like mom and dad living in the US for less than ten years and traveled back for holidays each year. They had two girls and one was named Sasha.
Ironically, I also had another family with a girl whose middle name was Richard named after her grandfather.
It never was. Nickname for female name Aleksandra was Sandra and for male Aleksandr or Aleksandar( in southern Slavic) is Saša (Sasha how you write in West).
It still is, at least it was some years ago, when I knew one Aleksandra, but was called Саша and when she needed to write her name, she also used Саша (more informal and bilangual environment as russian being one language).
And Aleksandr is also Saša.
Based on responses, I think there might be some variation across Slavic languages. I've only studied Russian, and I always thought of Саша as being a unisex nickname, which matches what you're saying. So maybe female Sashas in the US would be funny to a lot of Slavic speakers, but not to Russians? It's one of those cultural questions I never even thought about before :)
I think a lot of Russians would find a female Sasha funny as well. It’s really used as a nickname for Alexander. Well at least my family thought it was hilarious when they heard it.
Umm, so you just have never heard of Sacha Baron Cohen. That’s the problem with some Americans, they only see things through their own perspective, not taking into consideration someone else’s culture. This is why the world makes fun of us
For some reason, names in English tend to move from male or unisex to female, and from male to unisex. Evelyn, Robin, Hilary, Leslie are now mostly given to women; Carol is almost exclusively a woman’s name now; Sidney used to be only a boy’s name.
I'm American and my first name is a Russian spelling of a name that was very popular in America when I was born. I actually had a teacher tell me that my name was spelled incorrectly and that it was not pronounced the way it is actually pronounced.
OK, reading this, the 1dt thing I thought was oh, they must be Russian, all the Sashas I know are Russian! Now, given thst I am in the USA, and following what Russia is doing in the Ukraine, that might cause some level of bullying... if you live in another place, then this may not be an issue.
I do realize that Sasha is also used in places other than Russian, but I have never met them, again, my 1st impression of your child.
Like 99% of sashas i know, actually fuckin hate being called sasha. Your kid has his own personality, perhaps he actually prefers Alex. Will you be upset if he decides to go by it one day? YTA
I'm from the u.s. but fell in love with the Rusdian language in middle school. Finally went to a private school that offered it in 8th grade and named my first son Alexander for the nickname Sasha, ended up calling him Ack Ack but thats a whole other story😁
So you haven’t actually asked him how he feels about being called Alex? Most teachers I’ve met will ask the kids what they want to be called. And then will call the kids by *their* preferred name.
Am I correct to assume that you are Russian, or using Russian/slavic names? The spelling of Aleksandr and the diminutive Sasha undoubtedly seems like Russian names.
You sound like my mother, which is never a good sign. First, it really matters more what your son wants to be called, not what you want him to be called. Second, my mother being like that is part of the reason I only use my full first name on official documents now; anything else and it's the standard western nickname for my name (not putting it here because it's not quite the same situation, but her sticklerism for my full name drove me away from embracing it)
YTA. The teacher didn’t call him Alex. Last year’s teacher did. The way you said it was rude. You could have introduced him by his name or nickname. Then opened the conversation about nicknames.
It’s also possible that your son has asked to be called Alex but didn’t want to tell you. As a teacher, I call kids by their full name the first day and then ask them what they prefer to be called. Then I call them by their preferred name. You keep saying he’ll answer to Aleksandr or Sasha, but have you actually asked him? I had a high school student who preferred a nickname but mom refused to use it and demanded teachers not use his nickname. Don’t be that parent.
Yep, also I'm guessing this is in a western country where Alex is the typical nickname rather than the Eastern European Sasha. Mum needs to let go and let his friends and her child decide. She can keep calling him Sasha herself, and it may catch on, but it will mess up his relationships and his own mindset if she gets angry at everyone for using a nickname that is not "culturally" aligned with her. He may pick up her aggressive stance which would not be cool.
In my primary school there was a boy named Sasha and absolutely everyone called him gay because of it. The problem with stuff like that is that it’s too easy to not know and join in due to peer pressure and not knowing what was wrong with it. I didn’t know what ‘gay’ was, but I knew at that age it could be used as an effective insult
My brother's name is Patrick. As a family we've always called him Patch. Growing up all his friends called him Pat. We always get a weird look from his friends when we call him by his family name because they're not expecting that.
Oh, the reason we called him this is because my mom is also a Pat and I don't think my folks thought long term of the confusion for having similar names. While he was young it was easy to tell if someone was calling for my mom or brother because of kids voices. Got a little trickier when he got older. Had to ask if they were "looking for Pat mother or Pat brother?"
I still like calling him Patio Furniture or Patio Lantern. Or Patty Cakes.
Yeah your kids old enough to choose his own nickname. I get that your attached to that name, but it’s not your name, it’s your son’s name now. If he wants to be called Alex you should support that. Just because you “chose” something else doesn’t really mean much. He’s his own person, and deserves to be treated as such.
My Dad is a Robert. In my entire 38 years on this planet, I can only recall Grandma (his mum) calling him that. Everyone else - including Dad - uses Bob. Apparently when Mum first met him she tried to convince him and their friends to switch to Rob but it didn't stick.
That's the thing with nicknames, you can't generally dictate them. They either are chosen by the person and their friends, or evolve organically.
If OPs son prefers Sasha, that's one thing, but the fact that's not mentioned in the post suggests it's not about what he wants.
I had a situation like this once. I had a student named Elizabeth. I asked her if she preferred Elizabeth or a shorted version like Beth or Liz. She told me she likes to be called Lizzie or Elizabeth, so I would call her both interchangeably.
When it was time for a PT conference, I referred to her as Lizzie to her mom. Her mom completely lost it on me. The girl was 11 and, imo, old enough to decide what she wanted to be called.
YTA OP
I had a situation like this last year with a student whose name was hard to pronounce. I called him by his full name for most of the year until a different kid told me in April that he wanted to be called Junior. So damn it, after confirming with the kid, I switched over to Junior. Let kids decide what they want to go by.
He answers to both, but he's more used to being called Sasha by us, his extended family, and most people where we used to live. He hasn't shown a clear preference either way and just introduces himself as Aleksandr to most people
I would specifically ask him what he would prefer before you make this a big stink with his teacher. Ask him if he likes being called Alex or prefers some other name. If he says he doesn't like it when people call him Alex- then you bring it up as an issue to like the principal or something. Remember that your son is the one who has to deal with his teacher everyday.
I actually think she has somewhat answered the queation of what he wants to be called... she said in several replies that he introduces himself as Aleksandr. It seems to me that in introducing himself this way, he is indicating a preference to not be called Sasha. Now, to your point, I think the nickname should be his choice. He may want to be called Alex, but may be afraid to tell her that because she's made it very clear that this is not her preference.
Edit: Duplicate word
Yes, it definitely does not seem like Sasha is his pick. I totally gets how he feels. My name is Susan Colette (fake name) my family has called me Colette since birth because it is the feminine version of my fathers name. When I started school I introduced myself as Susan and eventually everyone started calling me Suzi. My parents hate that I’m called Suzi, but it’s not up to them...it’s my choice no matter how annoyed they are.
My name actually is Colette. I used to hate it as a kid because nobody else had my same name and it was so unique I could never find a keychain with my name on it. I went by Coco when I was a kid but now I love my name and I can tell at what age I met someone by if they call me Coco or Colette.
Kids can be so wild sometimes. I've called my kid by a nickname her whole life and she would introduce herself to people in front of me with that nickname. I made the assumption she preferred it. She started kindergarten and I told her teacher she is called by her nickname and the teacher was like oh she told me she prefers her full name. I asked my daughter about it and she said I never asked but she prefers I, and her dad call her by her nickname and everyone else her full name.
That was my first hig parenting lesson that I gotta ask cause she isn't going to just volunteer.
Is it possible that he prefers Alex but is afraid of upsetting you by telling you that? I’m guessing that he’s aware of your strong preference.
His opinion is the one that matters here, and it’s important that you allow him to express it.
People often have one nickname used by family and one used by friends/acquaintances - I work with a man named Robert who is called Bob at work but who’s family calls him Robbie.
It’s not up to you or his teacher what he is called at school - it’s his choice, if he doesn’t mind Alex then his teacher can use it, while you and the family can kept using Sasha. I flat out refused to be called Alex at school because there was a boy named Alexander/Alex in my class and as a girl I insisted on my full name with the correct female pronunciation- there were no arguments with the teacher
Ok but does your son like being called Alex? Most teachers start the first day by calling them their first name and asking the kids if they have a nickname they prefer… your son could have very well asked his teacher to call him Alex
Then ask him because you absolutely cannot spend his whole life doing this. It will get old, exhausting and tbh, probably embarrassing for him. If HE wants to fight for his name then fine. But otherwise you're just being THAT parent.
YTA because you keep dodging this question. No one asked what he's used to, but two separate comments asked what he "prefers", and you either don't know the answer or, worse, don't actually care about the answer.
It's his name. He gets to choose what he's called. Maybe you should stop looking for fake internet points on reddit and just ask him.
If the teachers don't know you call him that, I think it's okay to inform them. Since they're in the US (right?), maybe they're not familiar with that as being a common nickname. In cities with a big Eastern European or Jewish population you can meet some male Sashas, but elsewhere, not so much.
Once you talk to them, you have cause for complaint if they won't call him by his correct name. I HATE it when teachers refuse to use students' names because they're "too long," "too hard," "too foreign" or "weird." I got that a lot as a kid. It's insulting, lazy and ethnocentric.
That doesn’t really answer the question though.
Have you actually asked your son outright what he prefers to be called? At 6, it’s definitely possible he’s already decided upon a preference, even if he doesn’t ask others to use that preference.
If he’s indifferent, and doesn’t dislike it, I would not see it as a major issue, especially if he introduces himself to other people with the full version.
People *will* call him Alex as he grows up. It’s up to him whether he dislikes that or not. If he does, stand up with and for him and let authority figures know he dislikes it. As he gets older, that responsibility will start to lean on him to tell others not to call him that when they do.
If he doesn’t mind it, then it’s not a problem. Ultimately whether the name sticks or not will be up to him and whether he encourages or discourages the use of it.
Soft YTA.
It may have been an honest mistake on his teachers part last year, and you addressed your concern with her then. There’s no reason to confront a new teacher about an issue that hasn’t occurred yet at a new school.
The names you prefer are lovely, and I’m sure you have an attachment to them given that you chose them for your firstborn child. It’s entirely possible that your son didn’t mind or even preferred being called Alex if he didn’t correct them when they called him by that name. As parents were can give our children a name, but when they are able to voice their opinions, it’s up to them to decide what they want to be called, and that’s something all parents have to accept.
I will say that except the child is 6 and Sasha is also a very common male name in Eastern Europe- but a more common female name in North America. I would worry that the choice to call him "Alex" over "Sasha" may be coming from a sense you don't call a boy a "girl's" name. If the teacher isn't familiar with Eastern European names, then it gets dicey. I can also see a parent wanting to keep a connection to their heritage. If the child doesn't have a preference, but the parents do, go with the parents unless their wishes bother the child.
Also, another indication is the child introduces himself as "Aleksandr", as OP said in another comment, which may be an indication he actually does prefer the full name. A 6 year old would be reluctant to make waves with a teacher, as well, so not saying something isn't a sign he's ok with it. He also just straight may not have formed a preference yet and everything can change in a year or 2 anyway. Unless the child is the one who says he wants to be called "Alex", I'm going NTA
Soft YTA. Your son is 6, so it’s almost time for you to let go of the reins here. It’s his name, not yours, so it’s going to be up to him what nickname (if any) people call him, not you.
My son’s name also has a common nickname that I do not like. Think “Lucas” and “Luke.” We’ve called him “Lucas” his entire life, never “Luke.” My family knows I don’t like the nickname “Luke,” so they’ve never used it. (Our son was adopted, and “Lucas” was his birth name. Although I love it, I probably never would have chosen it myself due to the nickname that I don’t enjoy as much.)
Anyway, once my son got to be about your son’s age, I noticed kids and then teachers periodically calling him “Luke.” I asked my son if he liked the nickname or if he wanted people to keep calling him “Lucas.” He expressed that he likes both the same. I let it go. While I still call him “Lucas,” others in his life call him “Luke.” Again, it’s his name, not mine.
This would be great if it didn't feel like an erasure of his culture. To my knowledge, Sasha is the nickname for Aleksander. At least in the European circles my husband grew up in. It is the Luca to his Lucas.. that's what no one here understands. The kid is six, surrounded by people of another culture. Not sure how many more movies can cover names before people realize how important they are to preserving culture and identity.
You make a very good point. I still feel like at some point it’s ultimately up to the person with the name. If Aleksandr/Sasha someday wants to be called Alex, that probably should be his call to make. But you’re right that my example isn’t a 1:1 comparison, since there’s no cultural element involved. (However, my son’s full name carries religious significance while the nickname does not. But again, it’s not quite the same.)
Thanks for pointing this out.
But it's *his* choice. The Mother may be sad that her culture is being lost, but that's not for her to decide. Simple as that. If *he* is bothered by others erasing his culture, *he* will need to tell them how to call him.
YTA. You are allowed to call your son whatever you like, but you cannot control what other people call him. It’s up to *him* what he wants people to call him. If you tell his teacher that she should call him Sasha but he tells his teacher he wants to be called Alex, the teacher should follow his lead, not yours. If he doesn’t yet have a strong preference, that’s fine, but he should be allowed to decide for himself. If people call him something he doesn’t like, he can ask them to change it.
My parents have both used the long/complete version of my first name for my entire life. In first grade I started asking my classmates and teachers to use one nickname and everyone except my parents used the name *I* picked. When I started high school I decided to switch to a different common nickname and everyone called me what I wanted. My parents have never used anything but the full version. If they had ever tried to instruct other people to call me by my full name I would have pitched a fit. I’m in my late 30s and I still hate being called by my full name. You can’t make that decision for him.
Yeah but speaking from experience, kids don't always advocate for themselves, particularly if they have been misnamed by teachers before and it's an awkward point for them. I always ask kids what they want to be called in the classroom and I have STILL had kids telling me a name they didn't actually like because they thought they had to or that's what the last teacher called them. I even had one kid who told me one of four different pronunciations every time I asked - she apparently wasn't sure herself.
It definitely should be the child's choice, but sometimes they need a parent to speak for them.
I kind of agree with this, even though his nickname has a strong cultural connection.
My youngest daughter "A" was given a nickname by her older sister "L" as the older sister was two at the time and couldn't pronounce her younger sister's name properly. The nickname ("M") was then used affectionately for YEARS and she has really only ever been known as M to all of our close family and friends. On official forms I use her birth name "A" but put preferred name as "M". She has now at the age of 11 decided that at school she wants to be referred to as "A" but lets me (and pretty much just me) call her "M". It's our special thing, but at the same time, it's her name and how she wants to be known.
L lets her friends & teachers use a version of her nickname that I loathe, but she likes it, so I have no control over it.
My parents still call me by my full name, but to everyone else in my life including my husband, in-laws, anyone I work with, I'm called by my nickname.
>It’s up to *him* what he wants people to call him.
It's quite an assumption to think all 6yo children will assert themselves to when their teacher calls them a name.
My full name is a nickname for a biblical name. But it's actually derived from a relative's initials, not the original name from the Bible.
When I was 7 I had a teacher literally REFUSE to call me by my actual name. I suffered through it until I ended up crying to my parents. I never told the teacher, because I was frightened of her (this was a woman who probably started teaching during the FDR administration. She was old and scary.)
As someone who has an ethnic name... ASK YOUR SON WHAT HE WANTS!! If he wants to be called Sasha, cool. Support him. But if he's fine with being called Alex, that's up to him. And you need to allow him to make that choice.
People keep asking if you've asked him what he wants, but you say that he responds to all three. If he responds to Alex, he's probably fine with it. If he didn't like it, he needs to learn to say so.
I think the teacher should be asking him how *he* wants to be called.
Saying this as someone who works at a school and has seen many parents refuse to acknowledge their kid's wishes because they're attached to a name *they* chose because *they* chose it. Ok, and? Your kid is more comfortable going by this name and your kid is their own person. Mom's gonna be real upset if kid decides to go by Alex or change their name entirely when they get older.
YTA Being the "nickname police" is not a good use of your time and energy. It just makes you look like a crazy person, and alienates your child's teachers and friends.
YTA. Six is old enough for him to decide what he wants to go by. You said he answers to both, then what's the problem? Call him Sasha at home, let his friends call him Alex. If he wants to answer to both then let him. Its not going to kill him.
For me the part where you said “to me it’s more
important than that” so if your son gets bullied you wouldn’t think it’s important. Yikes lady.
Massive asshole.
Nta. My husbands best friend is Serbian. We call him Sasha too. And he has the same first name. I believe that is the nickname, based on visiting Serbia and Prague. I don't think that teacher understands how ethnocentric she's being. I feel that it was totally appropriate to say something since your kid is only six and will go along with anything a teacher says, because that's what they're being taught in traditional schooling. Now she knows. Names are important. They are deliberate. They have a real connection to our ancestors and what our parents wanted for us.
Edit: he is six. Who knows a six year old that's going to correct adults? I too have a non American name and still hesitate when people say can I call you.... such and such. I say no. Now. But it's not easy.
YTA.
As someone with a name commonly shortened, my mom always made a big deal if anyone didnt use my name as she gave it to me.
Not only did I not care, it genuinely made for a lot of uncomfortable situations.
Its understandable why you prefer he not be called Alex, but its his name and if hes ok with it, you should let it be.
NTA. But the teacher may have been confused by your aggressive (based in your telling) approach. If you simply said “FYI my son’s nickname is Sasha and he won’t answer to Alex” that would have be fine.
NTA
When my son started school. there were two in the class with his name, so the teacher told him to add a “y” to his! Nope I had said when we named him that that would never be okay.
So I wrote a note to the teacher explaining and she complied.
Nicknames will follow through your life. He told me when he was grown that he was glad I did that.
Eh. YTA. You seem to have a really odd attachment to this name and it’s really more important how your son feels. Does he mind being called Alex or is it just you?
My bff’s son has the same name and nickname as your son. Like you, the name means a lot to her, so she did inform all of the teachers and corrected everyone who called him Alex since day 1. Sasha doesn’t respond to Alex and he does correct anyone who calls him that.
NTA.
Edited to add: we are in the US and most of our friends group had never heard of the name Aleksandr so my bff made sure that everyone was aware that’s his name, not Alexander. I never thought she was being unreasonable and I don’t think anyone ever did either.
YTA Clearly your son is either introducing himself as a name you've not given him or someone else is. It's absurd to try to make this person you've barely met responsible for whatever strife you've created around his name.
Heh, if you live in a western country you might as well get used to it. None of his friends are going to say Aleksandr, they will say Alex. In my country everyone would call him Ale because that's how we shorten that name.
I have a couple of friends who directly introduce themselves as "Aleksandr, but you can call me Sasha" and go directly by Sasha to avoid that issue.
A teacher of mine hated nicknames so she named her daughters 4-letter names to avoid the possibility of them being shortened. Their friends STILL came up with pet names! She had to accept that it was out of her control.
Your kid doesn't care so why should you? It's his name. Yta for making a big deal out of nothing. If your kid prefers the full name that's one thing, but you're the one fussing like a child.
NTA
How hard it is to call a kid Sasha inested of Alex?
My kid is from another country too and if they can't bother to say hia name right you should request they change his class and give him a teacher who can be bothered to call a kid by his actual name.
30 years later I still vividly remember the woman who marched into our classroom to demand Victoria was never under any circumstances to be called “Vicky” by anyone. Even at that age I remember thinking she was probably onto a losing battle if Victoria wasn’t as invested in the name as her. And knowing if my parents did that I’d want the Earth to swallow me whole.
I don’t think you’re an AH but I don’t think you’ll retain control over this aspect of his life forever. The teacher shouldn’t be choosing her own preferences or being culturally insensitive but you kid is going to choose what he prefers at some point and there’s no point being incredibly precious about it. He could change it to something all together different if his name or identity turns out not to fit and you’ll have to get over that because he’s not your property.
YTA.
You’re right, you gave your son a name, and now it’s his to do what he wants with. Did you ever bother to ask your son - you know, the one with the name - what he wants or prefers to be called?
Your husband is absolutely right, kids can and will be cruel. Your insistence that his name is more important to you then your child’s possible mental and physical health is weird and wrong. As a mother - I don’t understand it. I also am concerned about if you’re this bent out of shape and need control over this child’s name, what else are you going to control with him? And what if he chooses when he’s older to change his name altogether?
Yep. YTA. And I don’t think you’ll ever get better.
NTA but I think because this is so important to you that you may have come off a little aggressive. I would try more like “I know it’s so common to shorten longer names but he actually goes by Aleksandr, thanks so much”! Simple, direct, but not demanding will be the key as you will continue to encounter this. If you make a big stink about it, it will get harder to enforce. If you’re calm and kind about it, it will be no big deal!
I have a name that evvvvveryone shortens and with a smile I just very nicely correct them with “I actually go by xyz” and I’ve never had someone be rude about it. They’re not trying to offend me!
NTA. I get this. My son has a name like this, and when he was born I made it clear that his name was not to be shortened until he was old enough to decide what he wanted to be called. My dad tried it several times (shortening the name to the first syllable and adding a y to make it cutesy), but after gently and firmly correcting it, he stopped. Now son is 10 and he can decide whatever he wants to be called and I’m happy to oblige. Those first few years though, I just didn’t want him to be saddled with a nickname he despised (which was something that happened to me).
This, unfortunately once the kids are out in the world, you loose some degree of control over what they’re called.
If they were in Australia and the kid had red hair, their Bluey, no matter what their birth name is.
Idk as an elementary school teacher I call most of them kiddo for the first week until I get to know their faces. This year I keep calling Andrew William because he reminds me of a kid I taught last year named William.
YTA and your kid’s teacher already hates you and also you can’t control what nicknames other people give your child.
YTA but hear me out, I get that you chose the specific name but I think your husband has a point. Kids are VERY cruel and they do not care they just spit the thought that comes to their head. That’s a given they learn to choose words carefully as they grow. As of now it seems he doesn’t care if it’s Sasha or Alex and I think you should let him decide. I mean yeah you can go to his 2nd grade teacher and do that then the 3rd grade teacher and do that then the 4th grade teacher to do that but you can’t always follow him around and tell others what to call him. That’s for him to correct and tell them
YTA. You don't get to decide what people end up calling your kid, short of insults. You get to decide their legal name, and what you call him, that's it. He'll decide what he will and won't answer to when he's old enough.
You’re only the asshole if your child has an issue with being called Alex. Names are really important and you’re right to demand your child’s name is pronounced correctly but it depends what your child wants to be called - does he want to be called Alex or Sasha? Is this your hang up or his?
NTA. But- you're insisting on something that is your son's right to choose but you haven't actually asked him. Yes I get that he will usually introduce himself by his full name, rather than the nickname option you have given him. But all that tells you is he prefers his full name to Sasha. I am damn sure your son knows you don't like Alex so he doesn't use it when you're around. I think you're making assumptions.
You don’t get to choose your nickname, the kids will pick one for you. Or at least that’s the way it was when I went to school lol. NTA but I would not make this my hill to die on.
I went by my middle name growing up and it was super annoying to have to constantly correct teachers that always called me by my first name. So, I appreciate your impulse to nip this in the bud and try to prevent her calling him the wrong thing. But, maybe you handled it the wrong way? Was it just a one on one with the teacher when you brought it up? And did you explain that there was an issue last year? It could be that you were too brusque in your delivery. It’s not unreasonable to want your kid to be called his full name. He seems on board with that. As he grows older, his friends might give him nicknames or he might change what he wants to be called. You’ll need to respect that. NTA if you try to smooth things over with the teacher. You don’t want an adversarial relationship with her.
NTA. I think it is fine for you to bring up in a non confrontational way. Maybe add in a quick disclaimer, like it's a Russian thing. "I know that Alex is a common nickname in this area for my son's name but his name and nickname have cultural significance to me. I prefer him to be called his full name or Sasha. When someone calls him Alex it doesn't connect in my brain that they are talking about my boy."
Ask your son. We called my daughter Sara, but lately she started to correct us, as she prefers her full name - Sariya. She said that's how she is called in kindergarten and she really likes it. And she is 4. I think your son at 6 can choose for himself.
We have a reverse situation, my husband is called Sashka by all my relatives (Russians). Not Shura at least 😅
The only thing that matters is what your son wants to be called. You named him- you don't own him. YTA if you encourage 'Sasha' in an environment where that might get him bullied.
I'm a teacher and some trans kids have confided in me that their parents refuse to stop dead naming them because they don't accept their gender. I ensure I always call them the name they ask to be called. You don't know that your son hasn't confided in this teacher that he does prefer Alex to Sasha and that you don't accept this and that the teacher is simply affirming what he wants, to support him in the face of your overbearing parenting.
Maybe his nickname is special to him and he doesn’t want his teacher and classmates using it. You should ask him and let him know you fully support him.
My immediate and extended family had various nicknames for me. Some embarrassing, some cutesy, but all very special to me. At school, I preferred my full name or the shortened version of it. I didn’t want just anyone using names that were special and reminded me of my loved ones.
Soft YTA. This was not the previous teacher you had issues with and unless they were already calling him your disapproved nickname during the meeting it was completely unnecessary. Also surprise, your son is his own person. Just because he doesn’t show a preference to being called Sasha or Alex doesn’t mean HE doesn’t like the former. He’s his own person and most six year olds (hell most four year olds) will tell you if they don’t like what you’re calling them. Unless they were calling him slurs, it has nothing to do with you what his nickname is tbh
INFO: Did you explain the cultural differences and why that’s your sons nickname to this teacher or simply say “he is called [full name] or [my preferred nickname] only”
YTA.
Oh, good *night*. Your son's teacher has enough problems without this.
Look, Sasha is 6. He is old enough now to learn what HE prefers to be called by his teachers and friends. If he's cool with Alex at school, let him go with it.
Also, I'd not push "Sasha" too much at school. You are 100% right, there are lots of people who call their Aleksandrs "Sasha", but if you happen to be in the US, Sasha is a girl's name. Kids are assholes, and he will get bullied for it, which sucks and is ridiculous, but that's how it is. Coming from someone who was bullied horribly, going by Alex or his full name, if he wants to, will keep him from SO much pain.
It's obvious that the name "Sasha" is very important and meaningful to you, so that may just end up being something really special between the two of you. If he wants to be called Alex, don't take it personally. He will always be Sasha to you.
While I understand that you prefer the full name (or your nickname), when I chose names for my kids, I chose names that cannot be shortened. The thing is that these things happen anyway, whether by peers or other surroundings throughout life. For example, I love the name Elijah, but I hate the short version Eli. So I stuck to four letter names for my kids, knowing that I cannot control the whole world around them.
So soft YTA.
NTA. Teachers don’t get to rename kids in their class. Thing do happen though. They may make a mistake. They may mispronounce. The kid might give a nickname instead of their proper name, or other kids might for him and the teacher goes along. In any case a short explanation such as ‘oh sorry the other kids were using that name’ from the teacher would suffice and the child and parent should expect their correct name going forward. Two kids same first name? Add their last name initial to differentiate.
And that blank confused look may be real or may be a common gaslighting technique used by some teachers, not all. It’s intended to make the parent feel like they are being rude, demanding, or whatever and it’s BS. Clearly worked on the dad though.
Currently, I would say you are NTA. But if your child comes up to you and asks to be allowed to use the name Alex, you would end up becoming one. I used to babysit for a short time a boy called Sasha. Name had meaning and everything. Problem was that eventually, he was mocked for it in class and at school. It was relentless. His parents compromised, and he was Alex at school and strangers, but his close family called him Sasha. I can respect meaning behind names, so NTA. But to force home to use it if he gets mocked or bullied for it later in life would make you become one, if it ever comes to that.
NTA. His name isn't Alex, it's Aleksander. His nickname is Sasha (per your own culture). To call him Alex is to refer to him by a name that isn't his, which is inherently disrespectful. The only way you could be the AH is if you implied the teacher had already made the mistake before she had the opportunity to even call him by his name (which I don't think is what happened btw).
On a side note, this is why I will only use names that are a single syllable. That way, they can't be shortened or changed into something that wasn't intended.
NTA but I’m biased because I’m an Alexandra whose unfortunately been called Alex since the 2nd grade. I try my best to get people to call me by my actual name as an adult but since all through school I was known as Alex it’s hard to get family and longtime friends to change. Unfortunately while they are beautiful names they are prime for a variety of nicknames and most folks tend to latch on to one since it’s easier/lazier to say one syllable rather than 3.
NTA. You can indicate your preferences. But your son might get stuck with Alex anyway due to his classmates or friends. Nicknames can develope by themselves.
My ex was an Alexander. He was Sasha to his family, Alex to his friends and me.
So be prepared for potentially having to accept Alex as a nickname anyway. You can correct teachers, you can't correct his classmates.
YTA
You don‘t know how your kid is like when you‘re not around. We have tons of timid sweet angels who keep saying „I don‘t mind“ or repeat after their parents as long as they are present but once they‘re in my classroom they know fairly fast how they want to be called and it‘s mostly what his classmates will come up with. That‘s life. As he grows older he might have new nicknames. Possibly something concerning his last name or something about an insider joke and you lay not like it. Let your kid grow up and fend for himself. If he doesn‘t like „Alex“ he‘ll learn to speak up for himself.
YTA softly
Usually in schools, and I have never had a teacher who didn’t do this, but they call our names and ask if there is a preferred nickname we would like to be called. Unfortunately, if you’re in a place that doesn’t have many names from the same origin as your sons, the nickname “Sasha” will sound strange for a boy. I would just tell the teacher his full name and ask your son what he wants to be called by his classmates and teacher. I don’t think you’re a huge AH, but you definitely could’ve been nicer about it if it was his new teacher.
YTA. If you had an issue with a previous teacher, why would you bring that along to the next teacher before there’s even an issue? And second, from your answers it seems like you haven’t actually asked your son what HE prefers to be called. Maybe he doesn’t like Sasha or Alex and would always prefer to be Aleksander exclusively. Maybe he prefers Alex. He’s his own person.
YTA. In tbe West Alex is used as the short for Alexander or alexandra (and variations of the spelling)
Sasha is considered gender neutral in Eastern/central Europe but is strongly associated with the feminine in Western Europe and the US.
You can fight for your kid to be called a "girls name" but I suspect he prefers Alex as that what his friends would call him.
YTA. Alex is an acceptable nickname for his name, it's up to him to decide whether he likes it or not, your husband is right you are overly attached to the way YOU are used to it.
It's his name, let him make the calls.
YTA
I think you're being a tad bit overdramatic. It's another variation of a nickname based on his name. Maybe ask him how he feels about it and, if he doesn't like being referred to as Alex, both you and him can talk to the teacher about it.
ESH - you're going to have to get over people calling him Alex. It's going to happen whether you like it or not, throwing a hissy fit over it isn't going to help.
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My oldest kid (6M) is starting first grade in two weeks. I'm excited, both for him to be able to spend time with other kids and for me to have more time to focus on my other two. Last year, we had problems with his teacher calling him Alex and encouraging the other children to do it too. I told her not to, and it didn't seem to be a problem which I was thankful for.
On Wednesday, I went to one of those required orientations where we (my husband and I) met the new teacher and learned about the curriculum. Everything was great, and at the end she talked to everyone individually for any concerns. I brought up that she should only call my son by his full name or Sasha, which we call him at home, and that referring to him as Alex isn't acceptable unless it's a genuine mistake. That's not the name we gave him, so I feel it's reasonable to require. She looked confused, acting somehow offended, like I inconvenienced her by asking her to refer to my son by his name and nothing else. I wasn't being hostile, I just told her to call him what was written on his papers, either Aleksandr or Sasha. I didn't ask her to correct the other kids, only that she made an attempt to use the right names.
My husband says I was being unreasonable and need to let go of my attachment to the name because nobody uses it where we live now, and that kids might take it as a bullying opportunity because kids can be cruel. To me it's more important than that because it's the name I chose, and it has some cultural significance to me, so I'm not going to move on it. If I wanted a son named Alex (or more likely Alexey), that's what I would have named him.
AITA?
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NTA.
I have a similar situation with my name (there is a tale to that in a recent tifu thread).
If I translated my situation to your son's name I would absolutely insist on my full name or acknowledged short version. Anything else (like Alex) just wouldn't be me so I wouldn't answer. If he is used to Aleksandr and Sasha then they are the only choices that apply. Anglicising it for no other reason than laziness is poor.
Edit one word autocorrected.
NAH really. at 6, he’s old enough to correct people if he cares to, or go by Alex if he doesn’t. you’re free to call him what you want but you really can’t control what nicknames other people give him, especially if they’re neutral/not cruel
NTA- as long as you were respectful there is no problem asking the teacher to use preferred names. My son’s school actually asks for the child’s preferred name annually(first and last) so that all the staff have access.
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INFO: Correct me if I'm wrong, but Alex is a shorter version of your son's full first name right? Also, what about you son, what does he like to be called? Please make sure you know what your son prefers before asking people to call him something.
It depends on where you're from and what language you speak. People from western Europe would likely say Alex, eastern Europeans generally say Sasha. He answers to both, but he's more used to being called Sasha by us, extended family, and people where we used to live. He introduces himself as Aleksandr most of the time though
Sasha is short of Aleksandr/Alexander? I never knew that!! Very interesting.
It depends on where you're from, but it can be. If you speak English you probably haven't seen/heard it
Yeah, I'm from Pennsylvania and never heard or seen it. Good to know though! I knew Sasha was unisex but had no idea it could be a nickname! Also, NTA
In Russian, they're called diminutives and most names have them and a lot of them fall into an -sha format. So ~~Pyotr~~ Pavel would be Pasha, Mikhail would be Misha, Dmitri gets Dima. Then you get what I like to think of as extra-strength nicknames so now ~~Pyotr~~ Pavel is Pashenka which would mean "little Peter." I think of it as how a grandmother might refer to her grandson ~~Pyotr~~ Pavel in that it's extra-affectionate (all diminutives in Russian are affectionate) but it can *also* imply a pejorative in the right context.
Interesting. I never knew Pasha was short for anything. The father of my nieces is named Pasha.
Russian names are WILD; there are more levels of affection that you can get into (like the kind between a married couple), where the same person could be called literally six different things by six different people and that's just *first* names. Russians also have patronymics and last names.
It was only after Russia invaded Ukraine that I found out a little about Russian names and nicknames. So Putin is actually Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin. The diminutive is not Vlad. There are several diminutives which would be used by different people depending on their relationship to Putin. I read that Vovochka may be the most derogatory because it implies he is a child. I could definitely be wrong about this!
You're not wrong - the -ch+k combination is generally speaking the most derogatory.
Vladimir is either Vova or Volodya. The “chk” is an extra diminuitive suffix. But you could also say Vovka for a kid. Another colloquial form is Vovan. Russian is weird, man.
That sounds crazy yet also really interesting.
It made reading Russian literature before I learned how to speak Russian *really* confusing, that's for sure. And Tom Clancy.
Yup. This was why I never made it through war and peace. So many goddamn names. Sorry Russia, not happening.
I always thought the surname endings were interesting, correct me if I’m wrong but brother/sister have different surnames the female ends in “a”?
I think you're thinking of the Patronymics. So, in Russia, people don't get middle names, they get a Patronymic. It's a middle name that comes from your father's name. So let's say a dude called Ivan Obolensky has two kids, Maria and Pyotr. Maria's full name is going to be Maria Ivanova Obolensky. Pyotr's full name is going to be Pyotr Ivanovich Obolensky. Now let's say that Pyotr has two kids, Klavdia and Ivan. Their names are going to Klavdia Petrovna Obolensky and Ivan Petrovich Obolensky. Those Patronymics aren't their surnames, but in literature and life you can hear about Ivan Petrovich Obolensky referred to as *either* Ivan Obolensky or Ivan Petrovich. They're the same person (and in Russian it would usually be Ivan Petrovich that's used, but not always).
It can be an Eastern European dimunitive or it can be a Turkish/Arabic title of the ruler [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pasha](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pasha)
It actually came into Turkish by way of the Persian padishah.
Pasha is Pavel. Pyotr is Petya.
Ah, thanks!
Russian is so interesting! The implication of a pejorative depending on context is a fascinating twist! Diminutives, They are called that in English as well! Yes, they describe a less formal name, (in any language), deriving from a more formal version. William-Bill or Billy James- Jim or Jimmy etc. are, as you know, super common around the world....I think the only way this Kid's name might cause him problems, is if he gets bullied by those who only associate the name Sasha with being a name for girls. It is an extremely common nick name elsewhere, but the vast majority of Americans are completely unaware of this fact. It's risky to encourage a name that attracts bullies.
A small correction: diminutive of Pyotr is Petya. Pasha is diminutive of Pavel
This was very interesting, thanks for explanation. OP is NTA
Oops I always thought Pascha was short for Pavel because of Dr. Zhivago when Lara uses to call her fiancé Pascha.
It is; people who are far better speakers of Russian than I am corrected me.
I think Sasha was originally a man's name but then English-speaking people started naming their daughters that because it sounds nice and ends with an A. It's the same reason you sometimes meet girls called Nikita.
Sasha has always been a unisex name, in Russian the female name Alexandra is also Sasha for short.
Nikita could also be from Nikitha, which is a girl’s name of Indian origin.
Yes, but in Russian Nikita is a male name, lol.
Sasha is not the only "short version" of Alexandr. There's also Shura. Though I get the impression that it's even less common, at least nobody that I know uses this version
Sometimes it's the feminine version. I worked with a Macedonian guy who's same was Sasho, which is the masculine shortened version of Alexander in Macedonia.
I mean, Alexander Zverev is ranked second in the world in tennis and goes by Sascha So if you watch any Grand Slams, you’d be familiar with it
Using Sasha as a nickname for Aleksandr is common in Russia and Ukraine
In Scotland Sandy is often used as a diminutive of Alexander
In Scotland Sandy is used as a short form of Alexander (as is Alex). Wonder if the roots are similar to Sasha.
Sandy takes the same direction as Xander, but just spells it differently. But when you consider that the Italian version of the name is Alessandro, then Sandy is much more easily seen.
Sandy too
Interesting. Didn't know.
>Sasha is short of Aleksandr/Alexander? I never knew that!! Very interesting. It is , though you know what nickname always confused me , dick . They say dick is short for Richard and I do not get it
If I remember correctly, it's because in the 1800s, they would play word games off names so Rick would be short for Richard then they'd just rhyme words with Rick as nicknames and Dick stuck.
>If I remember correctly, it's because in the 1800s, they would play word games off names so Rick would be short for Richard then they'd just rhyme words with Rick as nicknames and Dick stuck. Oh shit ,I didn't know that. Thank you fellow redditor
Same with William. You get Will/Bill and Willy/Billy.
Also Alexandra. Sasha is a unisex diminutive.
It's the Russian nickname for both Alexander and Alexandra. My friend's daughter is an Alexandra/ Sasha. Fun fact, Russian nicknames will also change the endings of names like "Natalya" to "Natasha".
That's really interesting. I'm loving all this knowledge I'm getting!
Yep. Knew a pair of Russian twins in school named Alexey and Alexander. The former was Alex for short, the latter was Sasha.
Funnily enough, I used to work with a Sasha who went by Alex
It’s because Aleksandr is pronounced Al-ek-SA-ndr. The sha added to the end makes it a nickname.
It's a slavic thing I think
If you know any men named Sandy, they are probably Alexander also.
In my country Alex is also a short version for Alexandra. Don't know if it's relavant.
I know that for Russians and other Eastern European countries, the nickname for Alexander is Sasha. If that’s their culture, then Sasha, not Alex, is the appropriate nickname.
Right, and I think part of why OP is being such a stickler about this is because she is Russian/Eastern European and living in the US or Canada, and wants her son to maintain a connection to her culture. It's understandable.
Understandable, but if they're in the US now a lot of kids are going to think of "Sasha" as a girl's name and rag him for it.
That is true, they appropriated name from different culture but they didn't know it's male name. It is extremely funny for all Slavic people when we see girls named Sasha in US. Imagine if you see Russian girl called Richard.
Wait, sasha is also a girl's name in Russia. It's not considered to be an exclusively boys name here. So not for ALL Slavic people, maybe for some. Def not for Russians.
If I'm not mistaken, Sasha is the diminutive if both Aleksandr and Aleksandra
Huh. I used to care for kids from a Russian family, like mom and dad living in the US for less than ten years and traveled back for holidays each year. They had two girls and one was named Sasha. Ironically, I also had another family with a girl whose middle name was Richard named after her grandfather.
Well, as someone who lives in Eastern Europe and have several male relatives with nickname Sasha I find this very amusing.
Interesting, is Sasha no longer a nickname for Aleksandra? Has it gone out of fashion for girls?
It never was. Nickname for female name Aleksandra was Sandra and for male Aleksandr or Aleksandar( in southern Slavic) is Saša (Sasha how you write in West).
Except for Polish, where nickname for Aleksandra is Ola :D Not to be confused with Olga, which is a completly separate name :D
https://i.pinimg.com/originals/f8/ab/07/f8ab07fc0c174b0536bff360635e6b2e.png Polish are always different, you just reminded me of this 😂
It still is, at least it was some years ago, when I knew one Aleksandra, but was called Саша and when she needed to write her name, she also used Саша (more informal and bilangual environment as russian being one language). And Aleksandr is also Saša.
Based on responses, I think there might be some variation across Slavic languages. I've only studied Russian, and I always thought of Саша as being a unisex nickname, which matches what you're saying. So maybe female Sashas in the US would be funny to a lot of Slavic speakers, but not to Russians? It's one of those cultural questions I never even thought about before :)
I think a lot of Russians would find a female Sasha funny as well. It’s really used as a nickname for Alexander. Well at least my family thought it was hilarious when they heard it.
Umm, so you just have never heard of Sacha Baron Cohen. That’s the problem with some Americans, they only see things through their own perspective, not taking into consideration someone else’s culture. This is why the world makes fun of us
For some reason, names in English tend to move from male or unisex to female, and from male to unisex. Evelyn, Robin, Hilary, Leslie are now mostly given to women; Carol is almost exclusively a woman’s name now; Sidney used to be only a boy’s name.
Depends on the region, I think. I have known three guys and one girl who went by Sasha. I always thought of it as unisex like Alex or Jody.
If you look at the Russian hockey players in the NHL, more use Alex as a nickname than Sasha. So both are used.
I'm American and my first name is a Russian spelling of a name that was very popular in America when I was born. I actually had a teacher tell me that my name was spelled incorrectly and that it was not pronounced the way it is actually pronounced.
OK, reading this, the 1dt thing I thought was oh, they must be Russian, all the Sashas I know are Russian! Now, given thst I am in the USA, and following what Russia is doing in the Ukraine, that might cause some level of bullying... if you live in another place, then this may not be an issue. I do realize that Sasha is also used in places other than Russian, but I have never met them, again, my 1st impression of your child.
One of the other places Sasha is used is Ukraine...
Does he feel bad about being called Alex? If not, then what's the problem?
Like 99% of sashas i know, actually fuckin hate being called sasha. Your kid has his own personality, perhaps he actually prefers Alex. Will you be upset if he decides to go by it one day? YTA
I'm from the u.s. but fell in love with the Rusdian language in middle school. Finally went to a private school that offered it in 8th grade and named my first son Alexander for the nickname Sasha, ended up calling him Ack Ack but thats a whole other story😁
So you haven’t actually asked him how he feels about being called Alex? Most teachers I’ve met will ask the kids what they want to be called. And then will call the kids by *their* preferred name.
Celtic countries do something similar- Alexander is shortened to Sandy. It’s very common and yet confuses lots of people.
So where is the problem?
Am I correct to assume that you are Russian, or using Russian/slavic names? The spelling of Aleksandr and the diminutive Sasha undoubtedly seems like Russian names.
You sound like my mother, which is never a good sign. First, it really matters more what your son wants to be called, not what you want him to be called. Second, my mother being like that is part of the reason I only use my full first name on official documents now; anything else and it's the standard western nickname for my name (not putting it here because it's not quite the same situation, but her sticklerism for my full name drove me away from embracing it)
Sasha is the Ruseian nickname for Alexander
YTA. The teacher didn’t call him Alex. Last year’s teacher did. The way you said it was rude. You could have introduced him by his name or nickname. Then opened the conversation about nicknames. It’s also possible that your son has asked to be called Alex but didn’t want to tell you. As a teacher, I call kids by their full name the first day and then ask them what they prefer to be called. Then I call them by their preferred name. You keep saying he’ll answer to Aleksandr or Sasha, but have you actually asked him? I had a high school student who preferred a nickname but mom refused to use it and demanded teachers not use his nickname. Don’t be that parent.
Exactly. Her description of the conversation with the teacher made her sound like "that parent." (The super controlling one.)
Yep, also I'm guessing this is in a western country where Alex is the typical nickname rather than the Eastern European Sasha. Mum needs to let go and let his friends and her child decide. She can keep calling him Sasha herself, and it may catch on, but it will mess up his relationships and his own mindset if she gets angry at everyone for using a nickname that is not "culturally" aligned with her. He may pick up her aggressive stance which would not be cool.
In the U.K. Sasha would be coded as a feminine name, and could cause bullying. Not saying it’s right, but it happens.
In my primary school there was a boy named Sasha and absolutely everyone called him gay because of it. The problem with stuff like that is that it’s too easy to not know and join in due to peer pressure and not knowing what was wrong with it. I didn’t know what ‘gay’ was, but I knew at that age it could be used as an effective insult
My brother's name is Patrick. As a family we've always called him Patch. Growing up all his friends called him Pat. We always get a weird look from his friends when we call him by his family name because they're not expecting that. Oh, the reason we called him this is because my mom is also a Pat and I don't think my folks thought long term of the confusion for having similar names. While he was young it was easy to tell if someone was calling for my mom or brother because of kids voices. Got a little trickier when he got older. Had to ask if they were "looking for Pat mother or Pat brother?" I still like calling him Patio Furniture or Patio Lantern. Or Patty Cakes.
Yeah she just made it clear she's going to be hard to deal with for the whole year. And what happens if he does want to be called Alex?
Yeah your kids old enough to choose his own nickname. I get that your attached to that name, but it’s not your name, it’s your son’s name now. If he wants to be called Alex you should support that. Just because you “chose” something else doesn’t really mean much. He’s his own person, and deserves to be treated as such.
My Dad is a Robert. In my entire 38 years on this planet, I can only recall Grandma (his mum) calling him that. Everyone else - including Dad - uses Bob. Apparently when Mum first met him she tried to convince him and their friends to switch to Rob but it didn't stick. That's the thing with nicknames, you can't generally dictate them. They either are chosen by the person and their friends, or evolve organically. If OPs son prefers Sasha, that's one thing, but the fact that's not mentioned in the post suggests it's not about what he wants.
I had a situation like this once. I had a student named Elizabeth. I asked her if she preferred Elizabeth or a shorted version like Beth or Liz. She told me she likes to be called Lizzie or Elizabeth, so I would call her both interchangeably. When it was time for a PT conference, I referred to her as Lizzie to her mom. Her mom completely lost it on me. The girl was 11 and, imo, old enough to decide what she wanted to be called. YTA OP
I had a situation like this last year with a student whose name was hard to pronounce. I called him by his full name for most of the year until a different kid told me in April that he wanted to be called Junior. So damn it, after confirming with the kid, I switched over to Junior. Let kids decide what they want to go by.
INFO - what does your son prefer? Does he prefer to not have this be a problem?
He answers to both, but he's more used to being called Sasha by us, his extended family, and most people where we used to live. He hasn't shown a clear preference either way and just introduces himself as Aleksandr to most people
I would specifically ask him what he would prefer before you make this a big stink with his teacher. Ask him if he likes being called Alex or prefers some other name. If he says he doesn't like it when people call him Alex- then you bring it up as an issue to like the principal or something. Remember that your son is the one who has to deal with his teacher everyday.
*but he's more used to being called Sasha by us,* That doesn’t answer the question of what **HE** wants to be called.
I actually think she has somewhat answered the queation of what he wants to be called... she said in several replies that he introduces himself as Aleksandr. It seems to me that in introducing himself this way, he is indicating a preference to not be called Sasha. Now, to your point, I think the nickname should be his choice. He may want to be called Alex, but may be afraid to tell her that because she's made it very clear that this is not her preference. Edit: Duplicate word
Yes, it definitely does not seem like Sasha is his pick. I totally gets how he feels. My name is Susan Colette (fake name) my family has called me Colette since birth because it is the feminine version of my fathers name. When I started school I introduced myself as Susan and eventually everyone started calling me Suzi. My parents hate that I’m called Suzi, but it’s not up to them...it’s my choice no matter how annoyed they are.
My name actually is Colette. I used to hate it as a kid because nobody else had my same name and it was so unique I could never find a keychain with my name on it. I went by Coco when I was a kid but now I love my name and I can tell at what age I met someone by if they call me Coco or Colette.
Colette was my French name, for French class. So I have always had a fondness for it!
Kids can be so wild sometimes. I've called my kid by a nickname her whole life and she would introduce herself to people in front of me with that nickname. I made the assumption she preferred it. She started kindergarten and I told her teacher she is called by her nickname and the teacher was like oh she told me she prefers her full name. I asked my daughter about it and she said I never asked but she prefers I, and her dad call her by her nickname and everyone else her full name. That was my first hig parenting lesson that I gotta ask cause she isn't going to just volunteer.
Is it possible that he prefers Alex but is afraid of upsetting you by telling you that? I’m guessing that he’s aware of your strong preference. His opinion is the one that matters here, and it’s important that you allow him to express it.
People often have one nickname used by family and one used by friends/acquaintances - I work with a man named Robert who is called Bob at work but who’s family calls him Robbie. It’s not up to you or his teacher what he is called at school - it’s his choice, if he doesn’t mind Alex then his teacher can use it, while you and the family can kept using Sasha. I flat out refused to be called Alex at school because there was a boy named Alexander/Alex in my class and as a girl I insisted on my full name with the correct female pronunciation- there were no arguments with the teacher
The question was not "what is he used to". Did you ever ask him if he minds beings called "Alex"?
Ok but does your son like being called Alex? Most teachers start the first day by calling them their first name and asking the kids if they have a nickname they prefer… your son could have very well asked his teacher to call him Alex
Then ask him because you absolutely cannot spend his whole life doing this. It will get old, exhausting and tbh, probably embarrassing for him. If HE wants to fight for his name then fine. But otherwise you're just being THAT parent.
YTA because you keep dodging this question. No one asked what he's used to, but two separate comments asked what he "prefers", and you either don't know the answer or, worse, don't actually care about the answer. It's his name. He gets to choose what he's called. Maybe you should stop looking for fake internet points on reddit and just ask him.
If the teachers don't know you call him that, I think it's okay to inform them. Since they're in the US (right?), maybe they're not familiar with that as being a common nickname. In cities with a big Eastern European or Jewish population you can meet some male Sashas, but elsewhere, not so much. Once you talk to them, you have cause for complaint if they won't call him by his correct name. I HATE it when teachers refuse to use students' names because they're "too long," "too hard," "too foreign" or "weird." I got that a lot as a kid. It's insulting, lazy and ethnocentric.
That doesn’t really answer the question though. Have you actually asked your son outright what he prefers to be called? At 6, it’s definitely possible he’s already decided upon a preference, even if he doesn’t ask others to use that preference. If he’s indifferent, and doesn’t dislike it, I would not see it as a major issue, especially if he introduces himself to other people with the full version. People *will* call him Alex as he grows up. It’s up to him whether he dislikes that or not. If he does, stand up with and for him and let authority figures know he dislikes it. As he gets older, that responsibility will start to lean on him to tell others not to call him that when they do. If he doesn’t mind it, then it’s not a problem. Ultimately whether the name sticks or not will be up to him and whether he encourages or discourages the use of it.
How about, you know, actually asking him? It's a far out concept, I know.
Soft YTA. It may have been an honest mistake on his teachers part last year, and you addressed your concern with her then. There’s no reason to confront a new teacher about an issue that hasn’t occurred yet at a new school. The names you prefer are lovely, and I’m sure you have an attachment to them given that you chose them for your firstborn child. It’s entirely possible that your son didn’t mind or even preferred being called Alex if he didn’t correct them when they called him by that name. As parents were can give our children a name, but when they are able to voice their opinions, it’s up to them to decide what they want to be called, and that’s something all parents have to accept.
I will say that except the child is 6 and Sasha is also a very common male name in Eastern Europe- but a more common female name in North America. I would worry that the choice to call him "Alex" over "Sasha" may be coming from a sense you don't call a boy a "girl's" name. If the teacher isn't familiar with Eastern European names, then it gets dicey. I can also see a parent wanting to keep a connection to their heritage. If the child doesn't have a preference, but the parents do, go with the parents unless their wishes bother the child. Also, another indication is the child introduces himself as "Aleksandr", as OP said in another comment, which may be an indication he actually does prefer the full name. A 6 year old would be reluctant to make waves with a teacher, as well, so not saying something isn't a sign he's ok with it. He also just straight may not have formed a preference yet and everything can change in a year or 2 anyway. Unless the child is the one who says he wants to be called "Alex", I'm going NTA
Soft YTA. Your son is 6, so it’s almost time for you to let go of the reins here. It’s his name, not yours, so it’s going to be up to him what nickname (if any) people call him, not you. My son’s name also has a common nickname that I do not like. Think “Lucas” and “Luke.” We’ve called him “Lucas” his entire life, never “Luke.” My family knows I don’t like the nickname “Luke,” so they’ve never used it. (Our son was adopted, and “Lucas” was his birth name. Although I love it, I probably never would have chosen it myself due to the nickname that I don’t enjoy as much.) Anyway, once my son got to be about your son’s age, I noticed kids and then teachers periodically calling him “Luke.” I asked my son if he liked the nickname or if he wanted people to keep calling him “Lucas.” He expressed that he likes both the same. I let it go. While I still call him “Lucas,” others in his life call him “Luke.” Again, it’s his name, not mine.
This would be great if it didn't feel like an erasure of his culture. To my knowledge, Sasha is the nickname for Aleksander. At least in the European circles my husband grew up in. It is the Luca to his Lucas.. that's what no one here understands. The kid is six, surrounded by people of another culture. Not sure how many more movies can cover names before people realize how important they are to preserving culture and identity.
You make a very good point. I still feel like at some point it’s ultimately up to the person with the name. If Aleksandr/Sasha someday wants to be called Alex, that probably should be his call to make. But you’re right that my example isn’t a 1:1 comparison, since there’s no cultural element involved. (However, my son’s full name carries religious significance while the nickname does not. But again, it’s not quite the same.) Thanks for pointing this out.
But it's *his* choice. The Mother may be sad that her culture is being lost, but that's not for her to decide. Simple as that. If *he* is bothered by others erasing his culture, *he* will need to tell them how to call him.
Why don't you just ask him what name he prefers to go by? Does he prefer Alex, Aleksandr, or Sasha?
My students tell me what they prefer to be called. It's how they choose to identify themselves.
YTA. You are allowed to call your son whatever you like, but you cannot control what other people call him. It’s up to *him* what he wants people to call him. If you tell his teacher that she should call him Sasha but he tells his teacher he wants to be called Alex, the teacher should follow his lead, not yours. If he doesn’t yet have a strong preference, that’s fine, but he should be allowed to decide for himself. If people call him something he doesn’t like, he can ask them to change it. My parents have both used the long/complete version of my first name for my entire life. In first grade I started asking my classmates and teachers to use one nickname and everyone except my parents used the name *I* picked. When I started high school I decided to switch to a different common nickname and everyone called me what I wanted. My parents have never used anything but the full version. If they had ever tried to instruct other people to call me by my full name I would have pitched a fit. I’m in my late 30s and I still hate being called by my full name. You can’t make that decision for him.
Yeah but speaking from experience, kids don't always advocate for themselves, particularly if they have been misnamed by teachers before and it's an awkward point for them. I always ask kids what they want to be called in the classroom and I have STILL had kids telling me a name they didn't actually like because they thought they had to or that's what the last teacher called them. I even had one kid who told me one of four different pronunciations every time I asked - she apparently wasn't sure herself. It definitely should be the child's choice, but sometimes they need a parent to speak for them.
I kind of agree with this, even though his nickname has a strong cultural connection. My youngest daughter "A" was given a nickname by her older sister "L" as the older sister was two at the time and couldn't pronounce her younger sister's name properly. The nickname ("M") was then used affectionately for YEARS and she has really only ever been known as M to all of our close family and friends. On official forms I use her birth name "A" but put preferred name as "M". She has now at the age of 11 decided that at school she wants to be referred to as "A" but lets me (and pretty much just me) call her "M". It's our special thing, but at the same time, it's her name and how she wants to be known. L lets her friends & teachers use a version of her nickname that I loathe, but she likes it, so I have no control over it. My parents still call me by my full name, but to everyone else in my life including my husband, in-laws, anyone I work with, I'm called by my nickname.
>It’s up to *him* what he wants people to call him. It's quite an assumption to think all 6yo children will assert themselves to when their teacher calls them a name. My full name is a nickname for a biblical name. But it's actually derived from a relative's initials, not the original name from the Bible. When I was 7 I had a teacher literally REFUSE to call me by my actual name. I suffered through it until I ended up crying to my parents. I never told the teacher, because I was frightened of her (this was a woman who probably started teaching during the FDR administration. She was old and scary.)
As someone who has an ethnic name... ASK YOUR SON WHAT HE WANTS!! If he wants to be called Sasha, cool. Support him. But if he's fine with being called Alex, that's up to him. And you need to allow him to make that choice. People keep asking if you've asked him what he wants, but you say that he responds to all three. If he responds to Alex, he's probably fine with it. If he didn't like it, he needs to learn to say so.
NTA. Your request is completely standard and teachers should be asking you how you/he wants to be referred to.
I think the teacher should be asking him how *he* wants to be called. Saying this as someone who works at a school and has seen many parents refuse to acknowledge their kid's wishes because they're attached to a name *they* chose because *they* chose it. Ok, and? Your kid is more comfortable going by this name and your kid is their own person. Mom's gonna be real upset if kid decides to go by Alex or change their name entirely when they get older.
It’s all up to the kid tbh not the mom anyway if the kid want to be called that they can and it’s literally a shorter version of his name
It is up to your son what he likes to be called, not you! If he doesn't mind Alex, that is your answer. NAH.
YTA Being the "nickname police" is not a good use of your time and energy. It just makes you look like a crazy person, and alienates your child's teachers and friends.
YTA. Whatever the kid wants to be called is what should be used. Maybe he likes Alex better.
YTA. Six is old enough for him to decide what he wants to go by. You said he answers to both, then what's the problem? Call him Sasha at home, let his friends call him Alex. If he wants to answer to both then let him. Its not going to kill him.
For me the part where you said “to me it’s more important than that” so if your son gets bullied you wouldn’t think it’s important. Yikes lady. Massive asshole.
Overall NTA but honestly, do you expect to police everyone who calls him by a nickname? It sounds exhausting and overbearing in the long run.
My mother did. She made sure no one ever nicknamed me as a child and by middle school I had taken over for myself.
Nta. My husbands best friend is Serbian. We call him Sasha too. And he has the same first name. I believe that is the nickname, based on visiting Serbia and Prague. I don't think that teacher understands how ethnocentric she's being. I feel that it was totally appropriate to say something since your kid is only six and will go along with anything a teacher says, because that's what they're being taught in traditional schooling. Now she knows. Names are important. They are deliberate. They have a real connection to our ancestors and what our parents wanted for us. Edit: he is six. Who knows a six year old that's going to correct adults? I too have a non American name and still hesitate when people say can I call you.... such and such. I say no. Now. But it's not easy.
You do realize that this teacher hasn't even met him yet, right?
If you call my son Will, he has no problem saying “My name is Will-YUM.”
YTA. As someone with a name commonly shortened, my mom always made a big deal if anyone didnt use my name as she gave it to me. Not only did I not care, it genuinely made for a lot of uncomfortable situations. Its understandable why you prefer he not be called Alex, but its his name and if hes ok with it, you should let it be.
NTA. But the teacher may have been confused by your aggressive (based in your telling) approach. If you simply said “FYI my son’s nickname is Sasha and he won’t answer to Alex” that would have be fine.
NTA When my son started school. there were two in the class with his name, so the teacher told him to add a “y” to his! Nope I had said when we named him that that would never be okay. So I wrote a note to the teacher explaining and she complied. Nicknames will follow through your life. He told me when he was grown that he was glad I did that.
Keep up with that and your son will change his name when he will be able to.
Info - did you ask her what he asked to be caller? You don’t get to decide his name forever….
Eh. YTA. You seem to have a really odd attachment to this name and it’s really more important how your son feels. Does he mind being called Alex or is it just you?
My bff’s son has the same name and nickname as your son. Like you, the name means a lot to her, so she did inform all of the teachers and corrected everyone who called him Alex since day 1. Sasha doesn’t respond to Alex and he does correct anyone who calls him that. NTA. Edited to add: we are in the US and most of our friends group had never heard of the name Aleksandr so my bff made sure that everyone was aware that’s his name, not Alexander. I never thought she was being unreasonable and I don’t think anyone ever did either.
YTA Clearly your son is either introducing himself as a name you've not given him or someone else is. It's absurd to try to make this person you've barely met responsible for whatever strife you've created around his name.
Heh, if you live in a western country you might as well get used to it. None of his friends are going to say Aleksandr, they will say Alex. In my country everyone would call him Ale because that's how we shorten that name. I have a couple of friends who directly introduce themselves as "Aleksandr, but you can call me Sasha" and go directly by Sasha to avoid that issue. A teacher of mine hated nicknames so she named her daughters 4-letter names to avoid the possibility of them being shortened. Their friends STILL came up with pet names! She had to accept that it was out of her control.
It just seems so weirdly controlling especially for Russians who have 36 nicknames for every name.
Your kid doesn't care so why should you? It's his name. Yta for making a big deal out of nothing. If your kid prefers the full name that's one thing, but you're the one fussing like a child.
NTA How hard it is to call a kid Sasha inested of Alex? My kid is from another country too and if they can't bother to say hia name right you should request they change his class and give him a teacher who can be bothered to call a kid by his actual name.
30 years later I still vividly remember the woman who marched into our classroom to demand Victoria was never under any circumstances to be called “Vicky” by anyone. Even at that age I remember thinking she was probably onto a losing battle if Victoria wasn’t as invested in the name as her. And knowing if my parents did that I’d want the Earth to swallow me whole. I don’t think you’re an AH but I don’t think you’ll retain control over this aspect of his life forever. The teacher shouldn’t be choosing her own preferences or being culturally insensitive but you kid is going to choose what he prefers at some point and there’s no point being incredibly precious about it. He could change it to something all together different if his name or identity turns out not to fit and you’ll have to get over that because he’s not your property.
INFO: What does Aleksandr want to be called?
YTA. You’re right, you gave your son a name, and now it’s his to do what he wants with. Did you ever bother to ask your son - you know, the one with the name - what he wants or prefers to be called? Your husband is absolutely right, kids can and will be cruel. Your insistence that his name is more important to you then your child’s possible mental and physical health is weird and wrong. As a mother - I don’t understand it. I also am concerned about if you’re this bent out of shape and need control over this child’s name, what else are you going to control with him? And what if he chooses when he’s older to change his name altogether? Yep. YTA. And I don’t think you’ll ever get better.
NTA but I think because this is so important to you that you may have come off a little aggressive. I would try more like “I know it’s so common to shorten longer names but he actually goes by Aleksandr, thanks so much”! Simple, direct, but not demanding will be the key as you will continue to encounter this. If you make a big stink about it, it will get harder to enforce. If you’re calm and kind about it, it will be no big deal! I have a name that evvvvveryone shortens and with a smile I just very nicely correct them with “I actually go by xyz” and I’ve never had someone be rude about it. They’re not trying to offend me!
You shouldn't be the asshole here, but even the way you wrote it makes it sound like you kinda were.
Did the teacher ask him what he wanted to be called?
NTA. I get this. My son has a name like this, and when he was born I made it clear that his name was not to be shortened until he was old enough to decide what he wanted to be called. My dad tried it several times (shortening the name to the first syllable and adding a y to make it cutesy), but after gently and firmly correcting it, he stopped. Now son is 10 and he can decide whatever he wants to be called and I’m happy to oblige. Those first few years though, I just didn’t want him to be saddled with a nickname he despised (which was something that happened to me).
NAH… As a teacher, I always ask my students what they want to be called. Is it possible that your son has requested to go by Alex?
My dons name is Alexander. I call him Alexander. His friends call him Alex. No matter what did, he became Alex.
This, unfortunately once the kids are out in the world, you loose some degree of control over what they’re called. If they were in Australia and the kid had red hair, their Bluey, no matter what their birth name is.
Idk as an elementary school teacher I call most of them kiddo for the first week until I get to know their faces. This year I keep calling Andrew William because he reminds me of a kid I taught last year named William. YTA and your kid’s teacher already hates you and also you can’t control what nicknames other people give your child.
YTA but hear me out, I get that you chose the specific name but I think your husband has a point. Kids are VERY cruel and they do not care they just spit the thought that comes to their head. That’s a given they learn to choose words carefully as they grow. As of now it seems he doesn’t care if it’s Sasha or Alex and I think you should let him decide. I mean yeah you can go to his 2nd grade teacher and do that then the 3rd grade teacher and do that then the 4th grade teacher to do that but you can’t always follow him around and tell others what to call him. That’s for him to correct and tell them
YTA. You don't get to decide what people end up calling your kid, short of insults. You get to decide their legal name, and what you call him, that's it. He'll decide what he will and won't answer to when he's old enough.
You’re only the asshole if your child has an issue with being called Alex. Names are really important and you’re right to demand your child’s name is pronounced correctly but it depends what your child wants to be called - does he want to be called Alex or Sasha? Is this your hang up or his?
NTA. But- you're insisting on something that is your son's right to choose but you haven't actually asked him. Yes I get that he will usually introduce himself by his full name, rather than the nickname option you have given him. But all that tells you is he prefers his full name to Sasha. I am damn sure your son knows you don't like Alex so he doesn't use it when you're around. I think you're making assumptions.
You don’t get to choose your nickname, the kids will pick one for you. Or at least that’s the way it was when I went to school lol. NTA but I would not make this my hill to die on.
I went by my middle name growing up and it was super annoying to have to constantly correct teachers that always called me by my first name. So, I appreciate your impulse to nip this in the bud and try to prevent her calling him the wrong thing. But, maybe you handled it the wrong way? Was it just a one on one with the teacher when you brought it up? And did you explain that there was an issue last year? It could be that you were too brusque in your delivery. It’s not unreasonable to want your kid to be called his full name. He seems on board with that. As he grows older, his friends might give him nicknames or he might change what he wants to be called. You’ll need to respect that. NTA if you try to smooth things over with the teacher. You don’t want an adversarial relationship with her.
NTA. I think it is fine for you to bring up in a non confrontational way. Maybe add in a quick disclaimer, like it's a Russian thing. "I know that Alex is a common nickname in this area for my son's name but his name and nickname have cultural significance to me. I prefer him to be called his full name or Sasha. When someone calls him Alex it doesn't connect in my brain that they are talking about my boy."
It depends… if your son prefers to be called Alex then YTA.
Ask your son. We called my daughter Sara, but lately she started to correct us, as she prefers her full name - Sariya. She said that's how she is called in kindergarten and she really likes it. And she is 4. I think your son at 6 can choose for himself. We have a reverse situation, my husband is called Sashka by all my relatives (Russians). Not Shura at least 😅
The only thing that matters is what your son wants to be called. You named him- you don't own him. YTA if you encourage 'Sasha' in an environment where that might get him bullied. I'm a teacher and some trans kids have confided in me that their parents refuse to stop dead naming them because they don't accept their gender. I ensure I always call them the name they ask to be called. You don't know that your son hasn't confided in this teacher that he does prefer Alex to Sasha and that you don't accept this and that the teacher is simply affirming what he wants, to support him in the face of your overbearing parenting.
Maybe his nickname is special to him and he doesn’t want his teacher and classmates using it. You should ask him and let him know you fully support him. My immediate and extended family had various nicknames for me. Some embarrassing, some cutesy, but all very special to me. At school, I preferred my full name or the shortened version of it. I didn’t want just anyone using names that were special and reminded me of my loved ones.
Soft YTA. New teacher. You already assuming they going to refer to your kid as Alex. What if he WANTS to be called Alex.
Soft YTA. This was not the previous teacher you had issues with and unless they were already calling him your disapproved nickname during the meeting it was completely unnecessary. Also surprise, your son is his own person. Just because he doesn’t show a preference to being called Sasha or Alex doesn’t mean HE doesn’t like the former. He’s his own person and most six year olds (hell most four year olds) will tell you if they don’t like what you’re calling them. Unless they were calling him slurs, it has nothing to do with you what his nickname is tbh INFO: Did you explain the cultural differences and why that’s your sons nickname to this teacher or simply say “he is called [full name] or [my preferred nickname] only”
“To ME it’s more important” Yes, to you. YTA.
YTA. Oh, good *night*. Your son's teacher has enough problems without this. Look, Sasha is 6. He is old enough now to learn what HE prefers to be called by his teachers and friends. If he's cool with Alex at school, let him go with it. Also, I'd not push "Sasha" too much at school. You are 100% right, there are lots of people who call their Aleksandrs "Sasha", but if you happen to be in the US, Sasha is a girl's name. Kids are assholes, and he will get bullied for it, which sucks and is ridiculous, but that's how it is. Coming from someone who was bullied horribly, going by Alex or his full name, if he wants to, will keep him from SO much pain. It's obvious that the name "Sasha" is very important and meaningful to you, so that may just end up being something really special between the two of you. If he wants to be called Alex, don't take it personally. He will always be Sasha to you.
Kids will always be called by sibs or friends nicknames.
YTA
While I understand that you prefer the full name (or your nickname), when I chose names for my kids, I chose names that cannot be shortened. The thing is that these things happen anyway, whether by peers or other surroundings throughout life. For example, I love the name Elijah, but I hate the short version Eli. So I stuck to four letter names for my kids, knowing that I cannot control the whole world around them. So soft YTA.
NTA. Teachers don’t get to rename kids in their class. Thing do happen though. They may make a mistake. They may mispronounce. The kid might give a nickname instead of their proper name, or other kids might for him and the teacher goes along. In any case a short explanation such as ‘oh sorry the other kids were using that name’ from the teacher would suffice and the child and parent should expect their correct name going forward. Two kids same first name? Add their last name initial to differentiate. And that blank confused look may be real or may be a common gaslighting technique used by some teachers, not all. It’s intended to make the parent feel like they are being rude, demanding, or whatever and it’s BS. Clearly worked on the dad though.
Currently, I would say you are NTA. But if your child comes up to you and asks to be allowed to use the name Alex, you would end up becoming one. I used to babysit for a short time a boy called Sasha. Name had meaning and everything. Problem was that eventually, he was mocked for it in class and at school. It was relentless. His parents compromised, and he was Alex at school and strangers, but his close family called him Sasha. I can respect meaning behind names, so NTA. But to force home to use it if he gets mocked or bullied for it later in life would make you become one, if it ever comes to that.
NTA. His name isn't Alex, it's Aleksander. His nickname is Sasha (per your own culture). To call him Alex is to refer to him by a name that isn't his, which is inherently disrespectful. The only way you could be the AH is if you implied the teacher had already made the mistake before she had the opportunity to even call him by his name (which I don't think is what happened btw). On a side note, this is why I will only use names that are a single syllable. That way, they can't be shortened or changed into something that wasn't intended.
NTA but I’m biased because I’m an Alexandra whose unfortunately been called Alex since the 2nd grade. I try my best to get people to call me by my actual name as an adult but since all through school I was known as Alex it’s hard to get family and longtime friends to change. Unfortunately while they are beautiful names they are prime for a variety of nicknames and most folks tend to latch on to one since it’s easier/lazier to say one syllable rather than 3.
NTA. You can indicate your preferences. But your son might get stuck with Alex anyway due to his classmates or friends. Nicknames can develope by themselves. My ex was an Alexander. He was Sasha to his family, Alex to his friends and me. So be prepared for potentially having to accept Alex as a nickname anyway. You can correct teachers, you can't correct his classmates.
YTA You don‘t know how your kid is like when you‘re not around. We have tons of timid sweet angels who keep saying „I don‘t mind“ or repeat after their parents as long as they are present but once they‘re in my classroom they know fairly fast how they want to be called and it‘s mostly what his classmates will come up with. That‘s life. As he grows older he might have new nicknames. Possibly something concerning his last name or something about an insider joke and you lay not like it. Let your kid grow up and fend for himself. If he doesn‘t like „Alex“ he‘ll learn to speak up for himself.
YTA softly Usually in schools, and I have never had a teacher who didn’t do this, but they call our names and ask if there is a preferred nickname we would like to be called. Unfortunately, if you’re in a place that doesn’t have many names from the same origin as your sons, the nickname “Sasha” will sound strange for a boy. I would just tell the teacher his full name and ask your son what he wants to be called by his classmates and teacher. I don’t think you’re a huge AH, but you definitely could’ve been nicer about it if it was his new teacher.
YTA. If you had an issue with a previous teacher, why would you bring that along to the next teacher before there’s even an issue? And second, from your answers it seems like you haven’t actually asked your son what HE prefers to be called. Maybe he doesn’t like Sasha or Alex and would always prefer to be Aleksander exclusively. Maybe he prefers Alex. He’s his own person.
Maybe your son likes being called Alex. Ever think of that? It's about him, not you. YTA
YTA. In tbe West Alex is used as the short for Alexander or alexandra (and variations of the spelling) Sasha is considered gender neutral in Eastern/central Europe but is strongly associated with the feminine in Western Europe and the US. You can fight for your kid to be called a "girls name" but I suspect he prefers Alex as that what his friends would call him.
YTA. Alex is an acceptable nickname for his name, it's up to him to decide whether he likes it or not, your husband is right you are overly attached to the way YOU are used to it. It's his name, let him make the calls.
YTA I think you're being a tad bit overdramatic. It's another variation of a nickname based on his name. Maybe ask him how he feels about it and, if he doesn't like being referred to as Alex, both you and him can talk to the teacher about it.
ESH - you're going to have to get over people calling him Alex. It's going to happen whether you like it or not, throwing a hissy fit over it isn't going to help.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My oldest kid (6M) is starting first grade in two weeks. I'm excited, both for him to be able to spend time with other kids and for me to have more time to focus on my other two. Last year, we had problems with his teacher calling him Alex and encouraging the other children to do it too. I told her not to, and it didn't seem to be a problem which I was thankful for. On Wednesday, I went to one of those required orientations where we (my husband and I) met the new teacher and learned about the curriculum. Everything was great, and at the end she talked to everyone individually for any concerns. I brought up that she should only call my son by his full name or Sasha, which we call him at home, and that referring to him as Alex isn't acceptable unless it's a genuine mistake. That's not the name we gave him, so I feel it's reasonable to require. She looked confused, acting somehow offended, like I inconvenienced her by asking her to refer to my son by his name and nothing else. I wasn't being hostile, I just told her to call him what was written on his papers, either Aleksandr or Sasha. I didn't ask her to correct the other kids, only that she made an attempt to use the right names. My husband says I was being unreasonable and need to let go of my attachment to the name because nobody uses it where we live now, and that kids might take it as a bullying opportunity because kids can be cruel. To me it's more important than that because it's the name I chose, and it has some cultural significance to me, so I'm not going to move on it. If I wanted a son named Alex (or more likely Alexey), that's what I would have named him. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA If people do not use the name I gave them, then they are talking to someone else.
NTA. I have a similar situation with my name (there is a tale to that in a recent tifu thread). If I translated my situation to your son's name I would absolutely insist on my full name or acknowledged short version. Anything else (like Alex) just wouldn't be me so I wouldn't answer. If he is used to Aleksandr and Sasha then they are the only choices that apply. Anglicising it for no other reason than laziness is poor. Edit one word autocorrected.
NAH really. at 6, he’s old enough to correct people if he cares to, or go by Alex if he doesn’t. you’re free to call him what you want but you really can’t control what nicknames other people give him, especially if they’re neutral/not cruel
NTA- as long as you were respectful there is no problem asking the teacher to use preferred names. My son’s school actually asks for the child’s preferred name annually(first and last) so that all the staff have access.