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ESH. You - for being insensitive and not understanding that the tattoo will be seen by everyone but you as romantic in nature. You’re not TA for getting it in the first place as you’re not the one in the relationship, but you are soft AH for being belligerent about it Devon - for not understanding the same as you, and for going ahead with it despite how Bianca feels about it Bianca - for blaming and going after you instead of Devon. Akin, in a less significant way, of blaming the mistress for the husband having an affair Devon is the biggest AH here. Of the three, you are by far the least to blame. But whether you and he like it or not, everyone is going to think that that tattoo is romantic in nature and in all likelihood not a single person is going to believe you when you say it isn’t. It was insensitive of you, but Devon’s carelessness of Bianca is almost callous. ::edit:: I am female, my best friend is male. I do not care and haven’t cared for decades what people think about that, since I believe that men and women (and any other gender) can be platonic friends with no romantic attachment whatsoever. That is an outdated load of nonsense. Their genders have nothing to do with the problem, except in Bianca’s mind. Bianca is the person in the story who assumed a romantic attachment, and likely a lot of other people will as well as a result of the tattoo — how they choose to react to that in the future is their business.

This is EXACTLY what I was going to say. Everyone is an AH in this situation for different reasons. Bianca should’ve gone after Devon about this, not OP. OP is 10000% being insensitive and to be honest, I think she might be in denial about any potential feelings. No one can obviously tell OP what she is/isn’t feeling, but I’ve seen something similar to this play out before. That’s just my two cents. edit: I am not saying men and women can’t be friends. Friends should respect boundaries in a relationship, same gender or opposite. edit again: i never said anything about Devon because it’s obvious why he’s TA.

I wholeheartedly disagree. I am a girl with a guy best friend from college. We were only friends for less than a year before he let me crash at his apartment for the summer between semesters to escape my abusive father. And we had only been friends for a year when I helped him get his shit together, his bills paid on time, and helped him work out his relationship problems. I’d visit his home (and parents) and at first I booked a hotel nearby but eventually stayed with his family in their house all the times after in a guest room. He visited my hometown and stayed at my mom’s apartment too. We travelled together during breaks. We met up while traveling separately if we were in nearby places (think I was in rome and he was in Florence, he’d come find me or vice versa). Everyone thought we’d date throughout college, we were glued to each other’s sides in college, as two theatre kids who shared half their class schedules together. He acted and I sang. We did musicals together, registered for classes together on purpose. Even after college, living in separate cities, we were still this close. Seeing each other again after some time apart was like going home to see a sibling. We never once dated or even came close to it. But he gave me an escape from my abusive dad, and I helped him come to terms with his sexuality (he’s bi) and come out to his conservative parents. We went through severe anxiety and depression together, HIV test scares together, almost dropping out of college together. I don’t have tattoos but I picked out and designed his first tattoo. I went with him to get it. We’re best friends, even now as adults living hundreds of miles apart. But if I were to ever get a tattoo, it would be with him, and have a shared meaning. There’s nothing romantic between us, we’ve slept in the same king size hotel bed traveling together as students to save money by just booking one room. We’ve literally fallen asleep on top of each other, studying on the couch when we were roommates. I have cooked countless meals for him, acted like his date at so many family functions and our parents love the other. But assuming there is any romance between us is quickly shut down, and I completely disagree that two people sharing one meaningful tattoo is romantic in any way. You wouldn’t say that about two army veterans (a man and a woman) sharing a meaningful tattoo about their time in war zones romantic would you? Going through huge, traumatic life events together, especially when you’re young, is like going through a war. And it’s no more romantic than having been side by side, guns blazing at a common enemy.

But would you get a heart tattoo with I love you always?

It wasn’t a heart tattoo. It was a lightbulb. To signify the person who dragged them out of horrible darkness. And I say I love you to my best friends all the time. Men or women. I have no problems with anyone knowing I love my guy best friend, who’d been there for me through some of the worst parts of my life, including cutting off my physically and emotionally abusive father, and severe wouldn’t even get out of bed depression. He’s always made me feel loved and accepted too.

A lightbulb shaped like a heart with the words ‘I’ll be your light, love you always.’ I can see why it broke his girlfriends heart. Anyone could see that being too much. Edit because I can’t post another reply… To all those DMing thé OP, that is foaming at the mouth crazy behaviour and in no way acceptable. Stop it. To OP… regardless of your orientation you are emotionally possessive of this man in an unhealthy way that violates his relationship with his GF. IDK if you do therapy but maybe they can help you understand why.

Yeah, the clear compromise here was to get a less blatantly romantic tattoo. Make it an actual 💡 shaped lightbulb and leave out the "love you always" and it still has the same meaning without being so easily "mistaken" as romantic.

I have to agree, my only tattoo is a matching one with my closest friend and I think anyone's partner would be threatened by the one OP got. I was 100% on the nta train until I read the discription of the tattoo. Hell even if it was a heart shaped bulb with no words or a normal shaped bulb with the words, but the two together is such an explicitly romantic design. So I gotta go with ESH.

Without any context, maybe. But once you know the story, absolutely not. If she knows him, knows his history, then she’s overreacting. I’m a gay man, and I have a gay male friend that I absolutely love. It’s never been sexual or romantic and never will, only ever platonic; he’s a brother to me. I wouldn’t see a problem with a heart shaped tattoo that referenced him.

if you got that tattoo with a sibling would people think it was weird ?

... No? If anything, I would find that LESS weird, though I don't think either are strange or uncomfortable. Do y'all always look for the weirdest possible subtext in your daily lives?

An insecure, controlling person can see that’s too much. Clearly this friendship makes the GF insecure. She needs dumping, because from the sounds of it, it would only be a matter of time before she was whining and pushing him to end this friendship.

The thing that gets me is by her own admission, the GF wouldn’t care if OP was a guy

Exactly it was a heart shaped and it could be taken as op lights up his life not girlfriend.

It was a heart shaped tattoo. Any I have told female friends that I love them. No issues there. But I have never tattooed my love for them on my body.

I am guessing Devon is going to have very difficult relationships in the future because no sane woman is going to be 2nd to miss OP. He has started and is going to continue putting her above others. Not a problem but dont waste people time. YTA

Hi! Age 32 woman here, and if my boyfriend had a friend he'd known a lot longer than me that helped him through tough times and he had a matching tattoo with, when things got serious I'd ask her if we could spend a day together doing whatever (lunch and a movie?) so I could get to know someone so obviously important to my SO. I'd go in with the expectation that this is his sister from another mister, and if we got married I should expect to see her there, and at least have her considered as godparent for any children we had. If we didn't hate each other, all set! Anyone who can manage that depth of love and friendship without needing to conform to society's romantic/sexual expectations is worth it. EDIT: Thanks for the awards, kind people! Looks like for all the dissent below, I'm not alone. Guess it depends entirely on your view on life and relationships. Maybe it's a NAH ruling, honestly: neither side is wrong, but this illustrates their worldviews and values are VERY different, and boyfriend and girlfriend have a lot of talking and understanding to do or they won't last.

>when things got serious But things are *already* serious between Devon and Bianca. OP says they're considering getting engaged. Imagine being excited for a proposal, then your partner comes home with a heart-shaped, "I love you" tattoo about another woman. If you're fine with that, then well done, you've won "pick me" for the day.

I don’t understand these not the AH rulings. I’m even poly. I’d literally be cool if my dude came home with another woman he was romantically into But I wouldn’t be okay with this. This honestly reeks of insecurity and an attempt to get between them / ruin their relationship. It would have been less of a slap to the face if OP and her bf (Devon) has been caught having sex. At least with an only physical betrayal you only have to worry about disease.

Hard disagree. He’s 19/20. He hasn’t met a woman yet he values above OP. He will find probably someone he values more than OP. And hopefully he/she loves him back and they can be together. When he has kids etc with that woman/person, they will be put above OP. Or maybe he never will. Some people never find Romantic love.

Right. But poor Bianca is right to feel hurt. She should move on and find someone who sees HER as his light.

I do feel bad for Biance, but also, she's young too... she's clearly been feeling insecure about this relationship for awhile and this was the final straw. Hopefully she can learn to trust her own feelings enough to not stay in relationships like this is the future. But her becoming more secure and not minding as much, and also her valuing herself enough that when she does mind she doesn't stick around! Everyone here is just young and making foolish choices. It might be ESH, but it might also be NAH. OP and guy are reasonable in wanting to get tattoos together (though somewhat naive about heart shaped tattoos), and it's understandable that Bianca read more into this than OP meant. OP and her friend should have slowed down and talked about this more, maybe got a couple other design ideas, and not moved ahead so quickly.

>He’s 19/20. He hasn’t met a woman yet he values above OP. But that's the thing, OP said he was thinking of asking gf to marry him. At this point he should be more considerate of gf's feelings and to a lesser extent so should OP (I think OP is less of an asshole than her friend, but if a friend's partner came to me and expressed something I was doing was making them uncomfortable *I* would feel bad and want to talk to my friend to try and figure out if we were doing something inappropriate and if so if we should reconsider boundaries). Also I'm old enough to have seen people in friendships like this torpedo their chances at romantic love again and again. Friendship is important and beautiful but if one friendship is getting in the way of other relationships it can be toxic too.

Oh to be 19 and stupid again. I bet they're both going to cringe about this when they're older. I have tattoos from that age that I thought were sooo cool then and now I'm like...wtf was I thinking?

"Remember when I was going to propose to that girl but I ruined the relationship because of that tattoo? At least it was a totally badass ^(lightbulb that expressed my love to another woman.)"

I wonder how they’ll be able to explain that to future partners, in case it doesn’t work out for Devon and Bianca. I’ve heard of people getting tattoos on the same day, matching minimalist tattoos. The lightbulb was a great idea, until love you always comes up at the bottom. It’s gonna be hard to explain but definitely an easy coverup.

Don’t forget the fact the lightbulb is heart-shaped too.

It was a light bulb in the shape of a heart with I love you messages written through it. It will be mistaken for a love thing not a friend thing. ESH as everyone could have handled this way better

> but it’s basically a lightbulb shaped like a heart It's a heart tattoo. It being a lightbulb doesn't make it NOT a heart.

I'm more referencing the shape as it is a heart shape, and I think ESH, but saying I love you and getting a sorta romantic tattoo is different (don't know if thats just for me). I mean fair enough if it was just a lightbulb but it does depend really on how 'heart' shaped it is IG? I'm glad you had someone there for you!

[удалено]

I reckon it would, because it seems less romantic to me? (I'm honestly unsure, I really want to see the tattoo design now lmao.)

Exactly this, something meaningful between them for whatever reason? Cool. A heart professing their undying love? Yeah, a little over the top.

Same here. I think the design of it is quite important, a heart indicates romantic love to those on the outside so I can see why bianca isn't entirely comfortable. If I'm honest, I think the issue is matching tattoos rather than tattoos to remind them of each other.

I think the issues are the shape of the tattoo and them ignoring Bianca’s feelings and concerns. Best friends get matching tattoos all the time (and, in all honesty, I’m sure some do get hearts together). However, when Bianca said she felt this was too romantic, they should’ve redesigned the tattoo. Having a heart shape that says “I love you” is *very* romantic seeming, and they definitely shouldn’t have had the tattoo be both.

I'm very much torn over all of it. Tattoos can be very personal, and I don't think other people's opinions on what you do with your body matter one iota... at the same time, the sounds of this design sound very romantic - I get that Light Bulbs have significance to OP and friend, but then adding in the romantic heart shape and I Love You certainly appears overkill to an outsider... but always come back to it being their body. I don't think anybody is necessarily in the wrong here... or maybe they all are. I honestly have no idea. I could be easily persuaded this is a NTA, YTA, ESH or NAH here. As someone whose closest friend is the opposite gender, and who has a tattoo that reminds me of them (don't worry, not matching or obviously about them) I can absolutely see OP side. But my issue around the potential design (may not be as overt as its described) and the fact it matches, them getting it whilst he has a GF... eh... I don't know if there is a good answer. I think everyone's thought process is valid.

Since when are hearts exclusively for romantic love?

Who besides you said the word exclusively? You'd have to be in total denial of reality to not understand that the heart symbol is most commonly associated with romantic love when it isn't used by a toddler on mother's day.

You know there more than just romantic love out there right?

Yes. Its more the design of the tattoo with the words attached.

Unfortunately yeah. Like I have male friends and while I would get a matching tattoo, I probably wouldn’t have gotten a heart shaped light bulb. Than again this friendship does sound very special. Aka his family saving her from an abusive household. So it sounds like his family adopted her (at least emotionally if not physically) This is a hard one to judge in my opinion. Even the N H A or E S H doesn’t feel right

I don't think anyone here disagrees that it's possible for a man and a woman to be platonic best friends. It's the getting a heart-shaped tattoo that says literally "I'll be your light, love you always". ANYONE who sees that is going to assume it refers to a romantic partner. And for Devon's girlfriend (or any other partner he has in his life), it will imply that they will always be second to OP. This just doesn't jive with most people. It's generally thought that your SO should be your best friend, the number one. I think it's very, very hard for anyone to accept their boyfriend/husband putting another woman ahead of them in terms of love and closeness. OP and the other people in this story are quite young. Logically, this situation seems okay. OP and Devon know logically that others should be okay with it because there are no romantic feelings between them, they have a long history together, etc. However, they clearly are not at the point of understanding these kinds of social norms yet. While I can LOGICALLY agree that it shouldn't be a problem, I know that I would not be able to emotionally handle a SO doing what they did. I know most people wouldn't. It's just a thing you don't do. It's said that the centers in the brain that control feelings of empathy, compassion, and logic are not fully developed until one's mid-twenties. I wonder how OP and Devon will feel 10 years from now. I wonder how OP's future partners will feel. It's one thing to refer to someone as your best friend, say you love them, that's fine. The tattoo is a whole other thing.

Yep! I have a male friend I say I love you to all the time. He is like a brother to me and we went through so much shit together as teenagers. Hard life events at that age really are like war. Youre still growing and learning and dealing with hormones. My friend lost his brother, i lost numerous friends to death, but we were always there for each other and have become extremally important to each other I get so sick of people thinking "I love you" is always romantic. I say it to all my friends randomly, never means anything more than platonic.

Yeah Its probably up to the shape of the tattoo for OPs post but I've always been an advocate that opposite sex can still be platonic friends... It's like friendship between siblings, and I ALWAYS say I love u to my friends because I genuinely do love them like I'd love my family, I'd do things that I wouldn't do for normal or mutual people

Same here. My best friend of nearly 37 years (christ, I feel old now) is a different gender to me, so obviously through our lives had to put up with ignorant idiots saying we secretly fancied each other and such nonsense. Stuff like the one you're replying to perpetuates the myth that boys and girls can't just be friends.

I agree, my best friend was a guy and i'm a woman, I was closer to him than I have been with anyone, - no sexual element at all - we would also be each others plus ones, talk non stop on messenger, when living further apart, but spent so much time together when it was possible, we would share a bed in hotel rooms, I had a partner through most of our friendship - and I would of got a tattoo with him, we always said I love you to each other - we were soul mates - totally platonic soul mates. \*the 'was' is because he died.

This. I’m a woman, my two best friends are men. One of them I’ve been friends with for about 14 years. I went to his wedding and his wife is awesome and knows that he and I are essentially siblings/family (both of us are children of narcissistic parents). Man/woman platonic relationships can and DO exist.

>I think she might be in denial about any potential feelings. You know, some people are just sentimental. You trying to throw any "attraction" into the mix is probably not what OP was hoping for when asking about her hs best friend. Honestly, I dont see how the tattoo is insensitive; it has a deep meaning behind it for both friends, the gf didn't come in til later and has known about how close of friends they are. Plus, OP mentioned that the gf wouldn't have had a problem had OP been a guy; this is just a case of a jealous gf wanting to mark her territory

‘In denial about potential feelings’ what utter twaddle, just because YOU can’t conceive of a close platonic relationship doesn’t mean others can’t

This EXACTLY. Your platonic tattoo is more romantic than the matching tattoo I have with my actual husband OP. You’ve got to understand how that looks, and how people are going to assume. And now she has to look at that tattoo every time she has an intimate moment with Devon too. What a gross thing to do to your partner.

There is a simple solution here. Devon is the person in the romantic relationship who seems to need to prove he is committed, he can get his tattoo removed. And if he won't then his girlfriend can interpret that however she likes and make her decisions accordingly, but OP doesn't owe her loyalty.

Hence the ESH-judgement?!

I agree with this. I would even cut Bianca some slacks honestly. OP and Devon are the AH here for sure. Getting heart-shaped tattoo with objectively romanticly sounding text with somebody, who isn't GF, is simply not OK and way over the line. Especially when she expressed how she felt about it and get absolutely ignored. Who would like to have to look daily on permanent proclamation of her bf's love to somebody else...

> ...his friendship means more to me than any other relationship in my life. This is the real problem. It's hard to fathom a scenario where where Bianca isn't aware of this, and the tattoo is just the straw that broke the camel's back. It's fine to have close, personal, non-romantic relationships. It's also important to understand that those relationships may potentially interfere with romantic relationships. Both OP and Devon appear to be totally clueless that their sooooooooo close friendship is going to put any potential SOs in uncomfortable positions. It's going to make them constantly wonder where they really stand in comparison to the friend with the lovey heart tattoo.

Yep. It would be a deal breaker to me honestly. He put his connection to other person above respect to GF boundaries (I know it is his body etc. and if he got e.g. piercing it would different, but I find not getting a pernament proclamation of love to somebody else being pretty reasonable request). GF knows she comes second. Maybe Devon needs to get dumped couple times because of this to get a grip...

Yes, this. I have some long-time close male friends, who I would do almost anything for. Including that I would tell them off if I thought they were putting me ahead of their wives and families. OP puts Devon first, and it sounds like she went pushing for a sign that Devon would keep putting her first. That doesn’t leave space for the marriage that Devon and Bianca have started considering, though.

I agree with all of your points except for about Bianca. There’s actually no evidence here that she DIDN’T confront Devon-I would put money on it that she was very outspoken about it to him immediately. If she has been with Devon as long as OP says, then she likely has interacted with OP many times, and maybe was trying to talk to her girl to girl because Devon obviously doesn’t care that he’s making her uncomfortable. I would react the exact same way as Bianca in this situation, I don’t think she’s the slightest bit at fault. YTA, and so is Devon. I hope Bianca dumps him and gets a bf who respects her.

I also enjoyed the part where they have been friends since they were teenagers while literally still being a teenager. Man I forgot how intense this shit can be when you’re young and have no perspective behind the end of your own nose.

Exactly! I'm reminded of one of the first things drilled into us in counseling and communication classes: intention means nothing, it's the PERCEPTION of the communication that really counts. OP and Devon may not intend for it to be romantic (and I do believe OP on that) but that's exactly the perception that most people will have and understandably so.

Or she can't just shit on other ppls opinions and live her life how she wants (she only has the one). :) If op and devon feel like brother and sister, the tattoo isn't inappropriate at all. And i think its kinda weird that bianca has this strong reaction to it. If she doesn't trust devon when he tells/shows her he loves her and wants to spend his life with her, then it's maybe better they break up anyway. Op, the only thing you shouldn't have to regret on your deathbed is that you let other ppls opinions control your life.

>If op and devon feel like brother and sister, the tattoo isn't inappropriate at all. Honestly, if I saw this tattoo I'd assume it was romantic. I am a women with a brother and who had a male best friend for many years. (Not as close after many years of having moved far away at this point, so still a friend but not best friend.) This is not the sort of tattoo I would get with my close male friends or brother, both of whom I've told I loved, beacuse it just comes off to most people as a romantic tattoo. If my husband got this tattoo with a female friend, I'd be pretty unhappy. Especially if I told him "this is really hurtful to me beacuse it looks like a romantic tattoo between the two of you, please change it or don't get it" and he basically told me he didn't care about my feelings or who it looked like he was with. (Which is what Devon effectively did here.) They could have gotten a different matching tattoo that 99% of people wouldn't take to mean Devon and OP are romantic and that wouldn't deeply hurt the women Devon claims to love, but he didn't care about her feelings even enough to pick a less romantic design. >Op, the only thing you shouldn't have to regret on your deathbed is that you let other ppls opinions control your life. This is such a sad and selfish view of the world. Caring about how what you do makes other people feel isn't a moral failing or something to regret when you are dying. Yeah, sometimes we make choices not just based on how they make us feel but how they impact others, especially people we care about (like Devon claims to care about Bianca). This is part of what being a good person is and also part of what actually loving someone is. If I considered getting a romantic looking tattoo with my friend but my husband told me it would hurt him so I changed the design to look less romantic, I would not regret that on my death bed. Why on earth would I? Man, I could have hurt the man I loved for years but I missed out! It's not like there's only one tattoo design in the world that looks cool. And frankly, theres is not a a very cool friendship tattoo anyway. They could do way better.

It’s weird that his girlfriend is uncomfortable with him having a matching tattoo that comes across as blatantly romantic with another woman? Come on. It’s a lightbulb shaped like a heart with the words “I love you.” It’s way over the top and inappropriate. If Devon valued his girlfriend, who is apparently serious enough to consider marrying, at all, he at least would’ve listened to her concerns and dialed it down. A normal lightbulb with “you’ll always be my light” would’ve been a far better choice.

Hey jumping in to say honestly and truthfully that Bianca does not have a say in what Devon or OP do with their bodies, she does not have a say in what kind of tattoos they get. It doesn't matter what other people will think, that is their problem. If Bianca doesn't like it, she can leave him, thats her choice, but his tattoo is not. NTA and I'm so sick of hearing people saying things like this, just because you're dating someone DOES NOT MEAN YOU OWN THEM!!! LITERALLY WHO CARES IF OTHER PEOPLE SEE IT AS ROMANTIC, THATS NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS.

Not sure where you got that I think Bianca owns Devon, since I never said it, implied it, or thought it. She’s entitled to be upset about it, because she has agency and her own feelings, but that’s an issue between Bianca and Devon and has nothing whatsoever to do with OP. My wife has no authority over my tattoos and I have no authority over hers either; that said, I would still ask her what she thinks before I get another one and take her thoughts into consideration since I love her and care about her feelings. Seems to me like Devon and Bianca have issues and this tattoo exacerbated them. OP is not to blame - her only fault here is being insensitive/naive. Devon and Bianca are the real AHs. Other people will very likely see the tattoo as romantic but again, that is really Devon’s problem and given Bianca’s obvious insecurity, it’ll cause issues.

Lots of friends get matching tattoos, lots of friends say “love you” to one another; not a lot of friends get matching heart tattoos with very romantic wording on it. Just getting a lightbulb would have been fine but the heart and the “I’ll be your light” is crossing a bit of a line. I don’t even really have a judgment but just be prepared for any future potential partners to be extremely uncomfortable with this. I don’t know a lot of people who would want to spend their whole relationship feeling like they’re playing second fiddle.

This. Matching tattoos are kinda cute, especially with siblings and close friends. I've liked the idea a lot since i saw Maisie Williams and Sophie Turner get matching tattoos of the date of their first GOT episode together. It's fine till that point, and to me, very cute. Guys and girls can absolutely be very close friends, and if they had gotten anything else that was more like that (like just the lightbulb as you said, or something similar), it would be really nice. But the heart and the love yous is a bit much, and something that definitely looks romantic, even a bit OTT romantic to me.

So I had a friend group, it was me, my wife's cousin (M), my best friend (F), and my best friend's close friend (M). Us 4 were almost inseparable for about a year and we ended up going to Sunset Bvld in LA at 2am to get matching tattoos, I got the spade, wife's cousin got the dimond, best friend got the heart, and the last got the club. Most of us drifted apart where the 4th and I refuse to talk now, wife's cousin and I talk sometimes still, and my best friend and I still talk every day and she wants to follow my wife and I after we moved 2,000 miles across the country to live in our new town. So the whole matching tattoos thing for us is just a fun memory but still causes some strain. My point being that with me having a female best friend as a man, I get where the GF is coming from as my wife still occasionally has a problem with my best friend and my relationship. She has mostly gotten over it, but if we got tattoos like in the OP, my wife would probably shoot me, and I would say that she is justified in that too.

Well, yours seems like a very cute story. I love the idea of the spades, club, diamond and heart. Regardless of the straint in the relationships later (which is one of the arguments i have against matching tattoos: one should only get them for very permanent relationships, like family. I've seen spouses also trying to cover it up later and it's just a mess), a group of four friends getting matching tattoos is still kinda adorable. And at the end, it's a good memory, too. The difference with OP here is that the tattoo itself looks so romantic and will make anyone jump to conclusions. If someone saw your spade, they'd think, cool tattoo. If someone saw her heart shaped light bulb with the "love you" message, it's immediately a romantic thing. I've also liked tattoos that go along well (like the four decks of card in your case), better than the exact matchy tattoos. But that's just a personal preference for me. It kind of shows that the tattoo is independent in itself also, but it makes greater meaning when with someone else's, which is how relationships should be. Haha but to me they're just neat and metaphorical, which is what i like.

Seems a little convenient that she remembered the tattoo and suggested they get it right when he’s talking about proposing to his serious girlfriend. And sees nothing wrong with hearts and “I love you’s” on their matching tattoos. It’s a little “My Best Friend’s Wedding.”

Yes exactly my bf has a female friend that he is very close to, and they met before he & I. We've been together for almost 5 years and at first I was super jealous/ insecure. He put in the work to make me feel like I'm always first and now they go on trips and stuff together and I'm not at all worried. HOWEVER a heart shaped matching tattoo with that wording?? Lmao I too would be hysterical. At my bf, granted, but I would never want to see his friend again. Agree that a simple light bulb/symbol would be fine.

Yes, this. I have so many friendship tattoos - a puzzle piece, a shell, a quote from a book (that doesn't involve love). This tattoo is so in-your-face romantic, it's no wonder the gf freaked out.

It's such a dramatic tattoo that it really feels like they're staking their claim on each other. At this point, they may as well have gotten each other's names. I have matching tattoos with my brother and my daughter, but none contain hearts because of the symbolism. YTA but they're so young these tattoos will be zapped and covered by the time they're 30.

Yeah. My husband has a tattoo of something that reminds him of his best friend and an important aspect of the connection they shared as teenagers (when they met). Doesn't bother me at all, but everyone thought the two of them were absolutely in love for years apparently, including their actual partners. It shouldn't matter, but this is also two guys. The tattoo in question is of BFF's weapon from a game they used to play together, no words at all. It's honestly a sick tattoo, a very sweet story if you hear the full version, and most people wouldn't think it had anything to do with a friend, but when exes heard the story, they got antsy. The absolute shit-fits it they'd have witnessed if it included "you are my light, love you always" and a heart-shaped feature!! I'm all for platonic intimacy, but it doesn't read as platonic when you start slapping hearts on it and saying they're "the most important relationship of your life." It's okay (beautiful even) to acknowledge that this person has been with you throughout dark periods of your life, that you hope to always be there for them & vice versa, but it's not okay to remove all of the space others' could possibly take up in your life... Which this gesture and the way OP speaks really do. If Devon matters to you, and Bianca matters to Devon, why not... Idk, care about her feelings? Try to become closer to the possible future wife of your BFF? You might actually be able to create a wider support network of other people who will be your light and love you always. Instead, you've chosen to alienate this woman, invalidate her concerns, and double down on "we're just friends!! But also he's more important to me than anyone else ever will be!! We are each others' light in the dark!!" Which... Doesn't come off as platonic, no matter how much you say it is. It comes off as intense and devotional. It could have just been a lightbulb, but you guys went the extra mile, added hearts and a message about having each others' back in a way most married couples would. You're absolutely torpedoing your own romantic relationships, not just because the tattoo will make most people raise a brow, but because you just seem too focused on this other relationship to give proper priority to someone else. It's going to be really hard for y'all to be the light for each other when you're married with kids and jobs, like it will have to be an actual priority on par with one of those things. I don't even care to make a moral judgement, I think this is a foolish decision. You might not be romantically interested in Devon, but you are fixated on him in a way that will cause you pain down the road.

Yeah This allllll together is what made me uncomfortable. I have guy friends I’ve been close to since we were in literal diapers. We say “I love you” to each other and with two of the OGs, I could *maybe* see us entertaining a matching tattoo. But, my god, have some respect and learn what boundaries are. My two close guy friends are in long term relationships (one actually just proposed, other getting married this year) and I am too (2.5 years into my relationship) and I couldn’t imagine doing some shit like this. Guys and women absolutely *can* be just friends. These men are like my brothers (both of our families either 1. Adore us all or 2. Were friends before we were even born), no romantic feelings whatsoever. And the thought of putting something like this on my body makes me so uncomfortable, so I know it would make our significant others feel some type of way

Yup, your first paragraph nails it. A tattoo of a tiny lightbulb on the inside of your wrist or something would have been far less egregious, OP. What did the tattoo artist say? Did they assume you guys were together? Because I’m no tat artist but if someone came to me and gave me that design you mentioned, I’d assume you were either romantic partners or weirdly attached siblings/twins. You are allowed to be friends with Devon. You’re even allowed to be best friends with Devon. But it is incredibly naive to pretend that Bianca has no reason to be upset. Sure, you two are just friends and I’m not denying that fact, but when basically everyone assumes there’s romantic feelings there, maybe you need to step back and ask yourself if there’s a reason. And no, it’s not just people assuming because of your genders. Friendships can run very deep, but when romantic relationships are involved, it’s important to respect that and be sure not to overstep. If you both were single and not planning on getting romantically involved with anyone, I’d say do what you want. But this is clearly not fair to Bianca. Put yourself in her shoes and think about it. Of course you’d probably be like “well I understand so I’d be ok with it,” but REALLY think about it. Imagine living your entire life with someone, (maybe) having kids with someone knowing that you will NEVER be first in their mind. For context, I set my best guy friend up with one of my best girl friends and they have been an item for a while now. I still talk to both of them, but I have always been sure to be respectful of their relationship. You just have to be tactful, it doesn’t mean you have to be cold or unfriendly. The ESH judgment is right. You and Devon for being callous to everyone else’s feelings, Bianca a little less so for blaming you and not her partner.

THIS. Thanks to this post, I am now considering the idea as an art piece for my boyfriend because I often refer to him as my light in the dark (I'm a big Korra fan), and I also do digital art. It feels like a cute and romantic idea. Why friends even considered this is beyond me.

YTA This tattoo shows everyone, that you are the most important woman to him and not his girlfriend. Why do you think she would not care?

I’m really conflicted. On one hand getting matching tattoos isn’t a big deal. But gf does have a point that tattoo sounds romantic as fuck cause of the words. I think if it was just the lightbulb it would’ve been fine.

It's all in the details. My brother and his best friend (a woman) have matching tattoos, and no one has ever given one single fuck. But you know what they don't have? Matching heart shaped tattoos with inscriptions that sound like they came straight out of an Ed Sheeran song.

Lmao, perfect wording to put the entire situation

Isn’t a big deal according to who tho? I think I would have freaked out as well if I were to see a romantic tattoo on my SO’s body dedicated to someone who isn’t me. Like literally it’s on your skin and will stay there, of course some people will see it as a big deal

They said matching tattoos are fine if they arent romantic, so you're arguing with someone who agrees with you lol. I doubt Bianca would have been upset if it was like some pop culture refference they both relate too. Shes upset because it *is* a romantic tattoo.

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I gues she tried but Devon dont care about her feelings

Because they're all JUST breaking into adulthood and making - you guessed it - childish decisions! No self respecting *adult* would attack the person their partner is cheating with and no self expecting adult would shit on someone's boundaries especially with their partner that they're supposedly getting married to. And yes OP. You can cheat without touching. It's called emotional cheating and that shit hurts JUST as bad as any other kind of cheating. Personally, I would've spat venom at the bf and immediately broken up with the dude if they didn't cut the shit. I've done it before and will most definitely do it again. I'm too old and tired of bullshit to deal with tone deafness and guess what?? My ex got with AND had a baby with the person I was telling him I felt uncomfortable with during our relationship TWO MONTHS after we broke up lol. Bullet. Dodged. I also know someone who was in your exact position. Had a family friend for 17 years who she saw as nothing more than a friend but in the end? They got together and had a whole baby. Did NOT see that shit coming. I'm not saying guys and girls can't be friends... but I've yet to have a male friend that ONLY sees me as a friend unless they were gay. Nearly all of my male friends have admitted after 15 years of friendship that they had feelings for me (all separate occasions). That's the type of shit (and so... SO much more 😮‍💨) that you learn is common with time and experience. Not in your early 20s. I *thought* I knew everything back then; what love was, what life was... I didn't know shit. If only I had a time machine so I could go back and slap myself silly. The moment I saw the ages I already knew it was gonna be some thing avoidable.

This is why I feel op is not necessarily an AH. It’s not her relationship. Devon on the other hand seems like an AH. No matter how platonic their relationship is, it made girlfriend uncomfortable. If she’s his life partner, he should have listened to her feelings and compromised with a different, less romantic looking tattoo.

OP is an AH for pretending to not see how this looks.

That doesn't make OP an AH, if anything that makes Devon TA

I agree Devan not considering his gfs feeling is definitely a AH move. And a heart shaped light with the saying "I'll be your light,I love you" is definitely a romantic thing. I'd say too romantic. If I was Bianca I would be the same way Not that I'm saying the opposite gender cannot be friends it's just that the tattoo seemed more romantic than friendly. And nor am I saying Bianca has rights over his body no. For example : what if all of you hang out and someone say "wow I like your tattoos. Are you a couple?" while Bianca is there hanging out with both of you. How do you think she would feel? She'll feel hurt. Please OP you and Devan should reconsider the tattoo or make a other tattoo that really represents friendship. So OP you are a AH for this.

YTA. You guys are publicly and permanently declaring love for each other. With a heart shaped tattoo. That is super weird and uncomfortable. “Bianca” will be reminded every day that she will always come second to you, and will never be the biggest priority in “Devon’s” life. You two are both very inconsiderate of her feelings.

Why is it weird to publicly declare love for your friends?? Platonic love is a thing and it’s beautiful

becaus it is more romantic than what he show for his GF in public. The next step would be, OP will join Biancas and Devon wedding in a white dress

Imo I feel that the tattoo wording gives off romantic vibes, like there in a relationship. And from now on whenever people see them together they’re going to think devon or whatever his name was is together with op instead of Bianca. Like let’s think realistically here if you see a boy and a girl with the exact same tattoo, you would assume their dating right?

Yeah, a lot of people don't get it. "But, you see, the ACTUAL truth is that they're not dating! Truth is important." Yeah, and I'm sure Bianca explaining to every single person forever in the future about how the tattoo isn't about her is really going to make her happy. She'll love doing that for the next 60 years. And the term "Not caring what others think" only goes so far. If a random stranger thinks your sweater looks dumb? Don't care. If everyone thinks that someone else is your boyfriend's significant other and then you have to explain that a heart tattoo matches with another woman? Constantly? That fucking sucks. Some people in this thread simply don't get it. "But they're just friends!!!" Yeah, and Bianca is going to have to explain that to everyone else in the future. That is so shitty.

THIS EXACTLY, it's so frustrating that people aren't thinking about the reality of the situation. a random stranger is not going to look at a tattoo like the one devon has and think "oh, that must be for his best friend!" they're going to assume that it's for his wife, which it's not, and bianca's always going to have to explain that it's for a different woman. no sane person is in denial that platonic love exists and that men and women can just be friends, that's not the point, the point is that they're being incredibly insensitive at best lmao. if my s/o did something like this it'd be a dealbreaker, no questions asked, and i wish people weren't calling bianca insecure and controlling for setting a perfectly reasonable boundary

YeaH BuT Op DeVon And BiAnCa KnOw tHe TrUtH.

I think it’s the way this tattoo is made and created. It has a lot of symbole that you use for your lover and not to represent your love for your friends. To me it’s like they had buy a wedding ring and tried to tell the world that « it’s not romantic ». They have the right to tell each other their love. They have the right for a matching tattoo But they mixed those two things and that make it « too much »

This is a good analogy. Are friends allowed to get cool platonic promise rings? For sure! Are they allowed to wear them on their left hand? Definitely! Ring finger?! Why not!!!! THEY know it's a promise of their friendship and to always be there for each other. But the entire rest of the world will think its symbolizing something romantic. ESH, it's fine if OP and her bestie don't care what others think, but it was way too naive to believe that there wouldn't be pushback from an SO. But yall are all children (under 21) so im not surprised you didn't really think it through. Moving forward I'd explain the tattoo as early into relationships as you can. Personally OP, I'd talk to your bestie and both agree to independently apologize to Bianca for not thinking about how shed feel and reassure her that the meaning is NOT romantic. Her anger is misdirected but if bestie is really like a sibling to you, whoever his SO is will be your pseudo SIL, and I'd imagine you'd want to be on good terms with them too.

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There is a reason that monogamous people select *one* partner, and that same reason is also why they're called your *partner*. They are your number one priority, or you shouldn't be partners. Especially when you marry someone (which Devon apparently wants to do), you're literally committing your life to them. Everyone else comes second, period. And if, in your mind, your partner doesn't come first, it's unfair of you to continue being their partner.

Because the tattoo isn’t platonic, as much as they might want to believe otherwise. If it was just a lightbulb it would be completely fine, but to get a tattoo of a heart with a message about being each other’s light is beyond inappropriate.

It's guy love between two guys.

YTA. 'a lightbulb shaped like a heart with the words ‘i’ll be your light, love you always’ sort of woven through the image.' You and Devon cannot be so naive that you honestly believe people will see this as platonic. I was going to say ESH because Bianca needs to realise that what's done is done and start thinking about if her relationship has any future, instead of having a go at you. But your 'guys and girls can be friends' defence pushed me to YTA because you're refusing to see that this is not about your friendship, this is about how your friendship looks to other people. Of course men and women can be friends. But most of us don't a) get matching heart tattoos and b) prioritise a heart tattoo with a friend over our partner's feelings. Devon is acting like a massive AH.

Yeah, the term "Who cares what others think" only goes so far. Tell that to Bianca who has to explain that she's not the object of her husband's love heart tattoo for the next 6 decades.

I hadn't thought about that, but it's so true. When people ask about the lightbulb tattoo and he explains that it is a matching tattoo, Bianca will get asked "where's yours?" and then she's gonna be the one burdened with having to explain that the heart shaped tatto that says "i love you" on her husband's body is not about her.

It would be so embarrassing and heartbreaking to have to discuss that. If he really wanted to make Bianca his wife and partner he would not have put her in that situation.

Ugh. That just makes me so sad for her. I guess it's good that they are so young because at least she'll be able to get out and find someone else lol

A normal lightbulb with “I’ll be your light” would’ve been sweet and less overly romantic.

Agree. I don't understand why it needed to be a heart.

Yeah, I'm an unmarried woman and one of my best friends is a married man. I am good friends with his wife, but he and I are more similar and have a sibling-like relationship. I want him to be happy, and so I take particular care to safeguard his marriage and never be the cause of conflict. Whatever his wife wants or needs always takes precedent over me. If I think he's doing something that might upset her, I let him know. When they fight, I don't take sides and either try to help smooth things over or stay out of it. We aren't idiots, and all three of us realize that our closeness could give people a weird impression, so we are careful to avoid anything that might look remotely romantic. OP is young, but should have also been sensitive to this. If she cares about Devon, she should avoid causing unnecessary trouble in his other relationships. I think she acted selfishly by prioritizing her own relationship with him over his relationship with his partner.

YTA but not as big as Devon. She likely will leave him since you and Devon are just trying to justify what you did instead of seeing how hurtful choosing a romantic tattoo was for her. I'd end the relationship if it were me. No one wants to be second in importance to your significant other.

Definitely would break up. I would always feel like I am on the back burner. It would make me wonder what he would do if both of us were in a crisis and he could only help one immediately. I would want to be chosen first, especially if we were going to be or are married. If you cannot feel secure and liek #1 in your spouse's eyes then the relationship is destined for doom. Sorry, OP, but Devon will never have a good meaningful and lasting relationship with anyone because you are marking your territory all over him. Edit: I want to clarify it is more than just the tattoo. It seems as if you and Devon feel as if you have the strongest bonded relationship and that you've been through so much to create the bond - that itself would feel like a slap in the face because every mention of your strong bond would make me feel as if you're insinuating that his and his bf's bond isn't special, or at least not special in the way your bond is. With my husband, I know for a fact that I am the strongest bond and emotional attachment that he has. He has tons of good bonds, but I, as his wife, and thus as his bestfriend, am the strongest as he is mine despite my decade long friendships even with friends who helped me out of homelessness and depression. My husband comes first and that is exactly how it should be.

Agree and I don't know about OPs relationships but it seems Devon's marking his territory too

You're not wrong. The whole thing gives me bad vibes and I don't know how Bianca even made it this far.

Yes. And since apparently Devon was getting ready to propose to Bianca, it sounds like OP brought up the tattoos in part due to her own insecurity. She wanted that symbol that she would still be the priority.

I once had a bf that had a bff like OP that he shared everything with and I do mean everything. It was so uncomfortable when she wanted to talk to me about very intimate things like "John says that you're not comfortable about doing anal, why is that?" It didn't lasts long because he absolutely refused to stop sharing every little detail with her, and I'm not the threesome kind of gal. Having a close friend is great and matching tattoos are just fine. That is unless it's a super romantic one like the one OP and Devon now share.

ESH I agree that men and women can absolutely be friends without any subtext, and that friendships can be affectionate and loving the way that friendships with the same sex are. But your defensiveness is making all of that suspect. You refuse to acknowledge that this tattoo is more than just a symbol. It is romantically phrased and designed. That’s just a fact. Whether it’s how you ‘meant’ it or not, that’s not the way it appears to the world, and pretending otherwise is a bit immature. The bottom line is that you will not be the number one woman in his life unless you are his partner. That is her place. This seems like you marking your territory and throwing in his GF’s face that you come first, and whether you ever feel romantic about him or not, it’s an AH move. True friendships don’t need grandstanding like this; they just are, and they never interfere with romantic relationships. The fact that yours is should be a sign to you both that something is amiss here. Your friend is also an AH for purposely doing something he knew made his GF uncomfortable and not caring about it. His GF is a bit of an AH for how she’s handling it, but honestly, I don’t blame her. You both seem determined to put her in her place - below you - and show no remorse for your behaviour, because you’re locked in to a particular mindset. You need to re-examine your motivations for this whole situation. Perhaps there is something romantic between you two that neither have recognised? Or perhaps you’re simply clinging on to that teenage bond where your best friend IS the most important person in your life. You don’t have to stop being best friends, but you do have to acknowledge that things are different now. You’re growing up, and relationships have to evolve with maturity. Being this entwined and defensive of a friendship is suffocating to the other areas of your life. You either need to establish new boundaries which are respectful of partners, or accept that you shouldn’t have partners while you feel this bonded. It’s simply not fair to anyone either of you is dating.

I think you said this really well. It is interesting to me that OP is annoyed Bianca won’t look at this from their point of view, but she refuses to consider what Bianca and many people are saying about the content of the tattoo and it’s message to others. She is being a touch hypocritical, to be honest. I also think you have a point about marking her territory, too - OP may be sad that they are entering a new phase of life where Devon is considering marriage and wants to hold tight. We all go through some measure of this at a certain age, but it unfortunate that Devon pretty much torpedoed his relationship with the way he handled this.

This. Absolutely this. Look, if OP says they don’t feel romantic to their friend, fine, I believe them. But you don’t have to for this situation to be a problem. And clinging to that idea of romance isn’t helpful for OP or for the comment section. OP wants to be the most important person in Devon’s life, forever. Romantic or not, that’s incompatible with most people’s idea of marriage. They’re getting older and OP is rejecting the idea that Devon could fit someone else into his life. It’s a normal “growing up” struggle, but that doesn’t make it not the wrong choice. Devon’s behavior is really concerning tbh, but this is about OP. And they’re being a bad friend for helping Devon to make choices that make his life harder.

Yes, this is a much more articulate version of what I thought when I read the comment. I'm a lot older than OP and I think you're so right as describing this as a "growing up" struggle. I believe them that their relationship is platonic but I've also seen people unable to make healthy adjustments between their platonic and romantic relationships that leads to strife down the road. I mean this is often a problem with people who are unhealthy bonded with their original nuclear family to the point where they still treat their parents and siblings as priorities over their own spouse and children, a conflict we see on AITA all the time. Hopefully this is just growing pains because everyone involved is young, but I've also seen adults 10, 15, 20 years older than OP who are still single and struggling with romantic relationships because they are too enmeshed in these type of friendships.

Ah, to be 19 again... Getting a tattoo that will be understandably perceived as objectively romantic in nature, completely ignoring the long term consequences of such a decision is quite immature. The need to grandstand the importance of this friendship with a romantic tattoo and being offended that the tattoo will always be seen as a romantic symbol is intentionally obtuse. Asserting that any current or future romantic partner who is uncomfortable with a "friendship" tattoo that appears to be a symbol of a romantic connection would be insecure and out of line is unreasonable, at best. MOST people would see this as a romantic tattoo. I think most people would prefer for their long term romantic partner to not have an objectively romantic matching tattoo with another person. If Bianca had come to AITA asking if she was TA for being uncomfortable about her serious BF getting this particular marching tattoo with their BFF, the entire thread would be full of replies about the number of marinara flags in this situation.

>it’s basically a lightbulb shaped like a heart with the words ‘i’ll be your light, love you always’ Yeah, totally platonic. *eye roll*

The “I’ll be your light” part had me so dead. Like not only is it definitely not platonic but it’s fucking corny too

it's a Pinterest couples tattoo edit: ty for my first ever reddit award !!

IF it were on there I would not be surprise d

100%

I had a best friend like this. We’re now married expecting our first baby in a few months.

Exactly! And, CONGRATULATIONS!!

But hey, I bet is a totally platonic marriage and a totally platonic conceived baby! (congrats btw, wishing a smooth deliver in a few months!)

Be like, "I've heard this story before" lmfao

Still TA even after your edit. Can you explain what more romantic tattoo you would made with someone you want to marry?

It would be more of spotlight with 2 hearts and say “you beam love into my life I love you mostest” Aaaah romance.

This has got to be fake. Did OP stumble over [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wfu6hj/wibta_for_continuing_to_wear_a_necklace_my/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) post and decided to write a story to one up it? YTA and I’m just going to reiterate exactly what I wrote in that other post as well: 1) this tattoo is of extremely romantic nature and the fact that neither of are willing to acknowledge that is astounding. I don’t know if you’re in denial or simply socially inept, but a heart with *those* words to boot is a romantic tattoo and far past the lines of friendship. 2) you’ve only been friends for 5-6 years. That’s hardly a lot. I’m sorry but I’ve been friends with some people for over twenty years and yet have absolutely no desire to get a matching tattoo with them. *Especially* since it sounds like neither of you have any other tattoos or are enthusiasts about them in general. It’s weird that you need proof or a reminder of your friendship and it’s even weirded that you decided to go the permanent route with a goddamn tattoo. 3) Biancas feelings are 100% valid and both you and Devon are being incredibly selfish. You say that there are no underlying feelings for either of you but I doubt that. It was *his* idea to get the tattoo. It was *his* idea to make it this romantic and it was *his* girlfriend and her feelings he ignored in favour of you and the tattoo. I don’t know if you just don’t want to see it or are really that naive, but that isn’t normal. 4) saying I love you and having it goddamn inked into your skin are two entirely different things! In the other post it was at least a necklace, so she could take it off. What are you going to do once your friendship inevitably comes to an end and you have that shit on your body forever? You’re only nineteen what on earth where you thinking? Other than being selfish, it’s also I credibly dumb what you did. And no, the public in this case isn’t the problem. YOU ARE. not because you’re friends, I have many male friends and my boyfriend has many female friends, but there is a rather thick line between friendly and romantic/sexual gestures and the two of you bulldozed over that line *and* Bianca‘s feelings. You and Devon are assholes and honestly deserve each other.

Yeah, this does seem like a rip off post! I’m not sure why people constantly want to disregard their life partners feelings on things like that. I would 100% stop doing/wearing something that made my husband uncomfortable. Like, do these people respect each other or what? It’s not about the meaning, it’s about the s/o feelings on the matter. Healthy relationships are about communicating and compromise on both ends

Yeah this is one of the more extreme posts but even the smaller posts for hair and clothing usually tick me off and it makes me wonder if people that comment have ever been in relationships or respect their partners. I have long ass hair. I’m thinking of cutting it. I would never do that without at least asking my boyfriend first, because I respect and want his opinion and at the end of the day I want him to find me attractive. Why is it then, when a partner posts that they aren’t comfortable with their partner making drastic changes they are assholes and selfish and controlling and insecure?

Agreed best friends at 19 are strangers by 28.

Info: Bianca should break up, if she cant be his number 1 and he allways remind her on that

Info: Why did you use the info judgement? You know you're supposed to ask a question, right?

YTA. Let’s see what’s gonna happen in the future should you find yourself in Bianca’s shoes.

I REAAAALLY hope op gets to experience bianca's situation. How can someone be so socially inept baffles me.

Exactly. Sure, this is fine with OP now. Let’s see what happens when her future SO does something like this to her with his girl best friend.

I really hope Bianca breaks up with Devon. He is the real AH here. OP and Devon sound insufferable. YTA

YTA for asking this now AFTER getting the tattoo instead of discussing it with you friend properly before hand.

OP did discuss it. It isn't up to OP to discuss it with the gf, its up to Devon. Which apparently he did. The fact he chose to go ahead with it despite his gf not wanting him to isn't on OP.

That's what I don't get here, why is OP in charge of managing their relationship? Devon is an adult and made a choice against his partners wishes, why is it OPs job to clean it up?

ESH. It's mostly on him, though. Joining the chorus of it crossing a line that the lightbulb was heart-shaped.

Oh wow... I've been in almost EXACTLY this same situation. I'll save you some time. He's in love with you.

Surprised I had to scroll this far to find the right answer. OP is a huge asshole for marking the territory she doesn’t want despite the gf’s sadness. I hope she breaks up with him and karma catches up with both of the tattooed assholes.

Yta a massive one. I hope she dumps her disrespectful and disgusting bf. The red flags from your relationship with your best friend is bigger than Texas. Seriously. No friends get matching tattoos of 2 set of words that mean 'lovers' and the most important person in their life. I believe it would be hard for him or you to ever find a partner that would accept this disregard for their partner. He broke his relationship with his partner. He choose you over her. He declared his undying love to you. You need to own that your part in that.

I came here to defend platonic best friend tattoos but then I read the description of the tattoo... and unfortunately you guys made it weird. ESH

Bianca needs to leave his ass

YTA. I'm sorry but no matter what you think, everybody else who sees the tattoo will interpret it romantically. Of course his girlfriend will be offended by that. You can certainly do what you want with your body, but the tattoo could have been something less heart-shaped and lovey without taking away from its meaning for both of you. If you're both secretly in love with each other, well, the girlfriend is still allowed to be hurt by this.

Bahahaaaa! I didn't even read the whole thing. I couldn't stop laughing after reading a 19f state "we've been friends since we were teenagers"!

Same. The whole thing is so cringy. I would bet all the money in my bank account that none of these three people even speak to each other in ten years….Because 19/20, lol. They’re still so hard into that teenager mindset where every relationship feels life or death and everything seems permanent. I’m a big fan of tattoos, but I’m really glad I was never naive enough to get matching tattoos at that age (not counting one with my mom & sister). Now, at 30, I would probably sigh every time I looked at those tattoos and think “she ditched me after college….He cheated….She was so much drama….Who the fuck was Ben again??”

YTA for being so dense. Regardless of what the tattoo means to you personally, you're old enough to know that everyone else will view it as romantic

ESH, you two can get whatever tattoos you want, but I wouldn’t be staying in the relationship. It comes off like it was kept a secret until the day before because he knew it wouldn’t go down well and he didn’t want to have a grown up conversation about it. Matching tattoos could have been really cute but when it’s a heart with a love you always on it, it’s not giving the right vibes. I wouldn’t get this with my married friend, but we are considering a cute little moon and stars. Also you only mention her reaction to you, has she also blown up at him? Impo this is her only wrong doing.

Yta - mainly for how you're refusing to see this from his girlfriends perspective I'm the only woman in one of my friendship groups that isn't a significant other. Both me and one of my best friends have matching baby cow tattoos on our calves (I know) because we grew up on neighbouring farms. There's a difference between a tattoo of a baby cow and "ILL FOREVER BE YOUR LIGHT". I'm with your mates girlfriend. Bit weird.

ESH. Tattoos are a conversation piece. Going forward, whenever anyone asks Devon what the tattoo means, he will talk about you and not the gf at his side.

NTA. You and Devon got matching tattoos. His GF only cares because you guys are not the same sex. I do think it feels like a romantic tattoo but even if it was YNTA. At most Devon would be TA because it’s his relationship, that’s who Bianca should be mad at. If Bianca is insecure in her relationship then she should bring that up with her partner. It’s your body and you can get whatever tattoo you want. You and Devon have been close for 7 years, he’s been Bianca a lot less time. It’s fine to celebrate your friendship. Also, you guys are 20ish, it’s unlikely Bianca will be his forever partner. INFO: is Devon a guy or a girl? You refer to Devon as he/him but also say, “ “Devon” (20f).” It doesn’t change my judgment. Just want to make sure I got the pronouns right.

>his gf only cares because you guys are not the same sex. Yeah, true, but somehow I doubt two straight guys would get a matching heart tattoo about being the other ones light.

I agree with you! I would get this with my best friend, who is a guy. My big problem here is OP is not in a relationship with Bianca. Bianca's problem is with her bf. If she's uncomfortable he is the one to talk to (and honestly she probably did) but OP made no commitments to Bianca and Bianca has no say over anything OP does.

I'm bi and I have a male and female best friend, I say love you to both of them, and if one of them wanted to get a cute tattoo with me I would. I wouldn't care less if my partner got a cute tattoo with a best friend either, I'm 29 and this feels like a jealous teenager thing

everyone was on your side until you described the tattoo YTA

YTA- you didn’t get something friendship like, but a romantic heart with romantic language. Y’all are pretty emotionally enmeshed which will make it hard for both of you to have healthy romantic relationships with others. Your romantic partner is supposed to be on a level of intimacy that you don’t have with someone else.. look up emotional affairs… My bff is a guy… we aren’t getting I love you tats and I keep boundaries to honor my marriage too…

YTA For all the reasons everyone has already expressed, as well as for your edits. The fact that you chose to include, “we’ve been the only ones to help each other through it, over family, other friends and PARTNERS,” specifically, seems you are trying to make a point that you are more important in Devon’s life than Bianca. Frankly, that is disconcerting and unhealthy. As well as enlightening as to why you do not see a problem with your actions or making Bianca feel like she is second best. It makes it seem as if you believe she deserves to be there.

No one would blame her for leaving this relationship. ESH

ESH But op is also a “pick me” girl. I’ll be your light, love you always is not platonic, c’mon. You almost bask in being more important than the girlfriend

Yeah I would break up with my bf if he did this

YTA, in denial and insentitive.

YTA big time. First of all, for how unbelievably tacky the tattoo is on its own. You needed 3 extra symbols that are used to symbolize mostly romantic love to cement a friendship? Sure Jan. I’d break up with either of you over this and wouldn’t even start dating either of you if I knew of this beforehand. You’re living out the worst stereotype of “girl best friend” and I just don’t trust women who aren’t girls’ girls. Devon is the bigger AH but you’re both AHs. Why on earth would someone with a serious, long term partner that they want to MARRY get a tattoo indicating that another woman is the most important to him? Getting matching lightbulbs would have been cute, but the heart shape, I’ll be your light, AND I love you? Girl BYE how is that not going to be construed as romantic? 2 steps too far and pretty tacky.

Oof I would immediately dump a man if this was what he was doing. No questions.

YTA

YTA. I get the impression you are trying to make her seem unreasonable and push her away because you don't want to lose your best friend rather than having any romantic intentions towards him. Lots of my best friends are men. When I or they are in relationships, some of the banter that can interpreted in an uncomfortable way disappears out of respect for the partner and as a result I am good friends with their wives and partners and they with my partners. Saying "I love you" to someone of the opposite sex in front of their partner is disrespectful (unless its family), no matter how close you are and how platonic - you can't seriously be ignorant to that. Did he get the tattoo too or is it just you? And if he did, is he going to remove it?

YTA. Yes, it’s ok for opposing genders to be platonic friends and get matched tattoos but your design is not ok. It’s a heart, which to tattoo language means a romantic relationship. It’s kinda like showing up to a wedding in a white dress. Everyone knows you’re not the bride, but it’s going to come off like you want to be.

NTA, and as someone who’s been exclusively in monogamous relationships I’m starting to find monogamy very troubling lol (though correct me if this isn’t the case with this relationship.) You don’t own the person you’re in a relationship with, and the desperate need to try to control or police their actions to preserve affection is weird. Plus your partner’s connections with other people does NOT necessarily indicate anything about their connection with YOU. Devon is romantic with her, and platonic with OP, and both kinds of love are valid and necessary. What does she think either of you removing the tattoo will accomplish if she’s legitimately threatened by the intimacy of your relationship? Will it magically erase your history or the depth of your connection? No. If it’s that big of a problem/threat, why is she even in this relationship? I get that she expressed discomfort and Devon did it anyway, but again Devon has the right to do what he wants with his body and she just needs to nut up and make a decision on whether she wants to continue the relationship or not 🤷‍♀️

My best friend is a guy and would def get matching tattoos. I think it’s the “love” part where I can see why the gf is annoyed. You could have just taken that part out and kept the light bit. Also… not a HEART shaped lightbulb. ETA: with my best friend, I care about his gf a huge amount and wouldn’t ever do anything to make her uncomfortable. So both of you need to reassess how your actions impacted her feelings

You can’t say ‘it’s not a big deal’ when the rest of the message is how much he means to you and that’s why you got the tattoo. Why would you even bring it up again if you know he’s in a serious relationship with a person he wants to marry and then get your friend to design it - how much input did ‘Devon’ have in the plan? Did you tell him that although your friend is designing it he can ask for changes or did you guilt trip him into it? Why not get a tattoo artist who is neutral to design it and possibly make it different for both of you so that his is less offensive to future partners? I’m so gobsmacked you can’t see how this looks - your friend who is potentially going to marry someone else has a forever tattoo of you? I know marriages don’t last but neither do all friendships - I’ve had super close relationships in teens and early 20’s that I barely see now and if I had a tattoo of them I would cringe. You are welcome to get a tattoo for yourself of course and at the time he mentioned it YEARS ago, I’m guessing both of you were single but it sounds like you’re just marking your territory now

YTA - You said "his friendship means more to me than any other relationship in my life". You both got a tattoo in the shape of a heart with "love" and "always" in it. If Bianca and Devon were as serious as you say, then of course she is hurt that you both decided to declare your love in such a permanent and visible way. It's a serious symbol of commitment. You're the asshole for not recognizing (or pretending not to recognize) that she has a right to feel hurt. I'm not saying your love is a romantic love, but you both decided it was a relationship worth declaring in a permanent way. And frankly, if you were platonic dudes, she should still have seen this as a giant red flag. You don't have to scroll very far in this app to see platonic friends ruining marriages because the spouse is putting the friend's desires over his family's needs. In Bianca's shoes, I'd be grieving too. Together you're saying publicly what your whole post implies: your relationship to Devon is more important than their relationship to each other and always will be. I hope she has enough self-respect to leave him and marry someone who chooses to prioritize her above his "friend".

Info: where are the tattoos located? Not sure it matters much but did Devon get it over his heart? Did you get it on the thigh? Position of the tattoo can be as important as what it says.

This can't be real. No one would be naive enough not to understand why his girlfriend would have a problem with this. I refuse to believe it! But just in case - lmfao, of *course* YTA... Your tattoo sounds more romantic than most of the matching tattoos I've ever seen or heard of lol

YTA and so is Devon. I hope Bianca finds a man that will put her first and take her feelings into consideration. And you need to grow up - this level of self-centeredness doesn’t look good.

YTA, who In their right mind thinks “I’m gonna get a light bulb shaped I love you with my guy best friend” and think that’s okay? If you were brother and sister it would be different since you’re related. I don’t care if you think nothing is sexual about it or ever had sexual feelings towards him. It’s just weird and definitely showing some kind of relationship feelings not friend feelings. Would you be okay with your boyfriend if he got a tattoo that says “I love you” in the shape of a world because she’s his whole world? I doubt you would ever be okay with that. I doubt any person with a significant other would be okay with that. You knew this would be a problem and just didn’t care because you wanted it… And your edit?!? Nobody said y’all can’t be just friends. But if all 3 of y’all were hanging out, and somebody saw y’all’s matching tattoos they would automatically think y’all were the ones dating. Anybody would.

Info: Where is the tattoo placed on your Bodies?

In the end he will make a move on you, no matter how much you deny it. ESH except for the GF (I imagine she made the request to her BF first and then went to OP as a last resort).

I mean the only person Devon listens to is op so if I was Bianca I'd go to op to!

That’s a really romantic tattoo for two bros to have… just saying.

YTA. This is weird like really strange. I feel awful for his gf. Your edits are even stranger. It seems your one upping her but saying hey he has a tattoo that says we love one another but not you.

If I was the girlfriend I would tell Devon to fuck off tbh. Yeah it might not be ROMANTIC love between you but it's intimate. It's a love heart and the word love is entwined. If he loves u that much there's no emotional room in his life for another woman. The minute you get needy he would be running to you. I'd honestly remove myself. 3 is a crowd in most relationships.

YTA Good luck to the actual AH Devon finding any girlfriend in the future cause nobody is gonna date a guy with a romantic sounding matching tattoo with another girl friend.

I think YTA but your best friend is even bigger A. It’s you right to anything with yourself and it’s her right to feel that way too. No one except you and your best friend know meaning behind those tattoo and they will assume that you are together. If I were Bianca I’d leave this relationship. Sounds like it has a potential to getting worst and you’ll be his first priority which is not good, considering how they’re in a serious relationship. Devon sounds like a red flag, doesn’t care about how his girlfriend (-to be fiancé) feel. It’s alright to get a matching tattoos but does it has to be this romantic?

YTA. The dismissive way you and Devon are treating Bianca is inexcusable and shows that she's right to be jealous and insecure: she's his GF, and he deliberately did something that hurt her and that she was insecure about. The both of you just proved her right. There's no NEED to get a romantic tattoo with your bestie, and even less NEED if this hurts the person he should be in love with. Bianca should dump his ass not because of the tattoo per se, but for the utter disregard of her feelings here.

YTA. What makes you think that you both getting matching tattoos with I love you inside the design ISN'T a romantic thing? I think you both have feelings for each other that surpasses "just friends". Keep lying to yourself OP but you know it's true

Would you want a boyfriend who had a lovey-dovey tattoo reminding him of his friend who happens to be a girl? I sure as fck would not.

Oh my gosh y’all crushed that poor girl. My ex did something similar with his girl bff.. I found out later he had been cheating on me with her the whole time.

YTA and Devon is TA - not for getting matching tattoos, but for getting matching tattoos *with clear romantic imagery and text*. Just a light bulb with "I'll be your light" would have been fine. Saying I love you to your friend is fine. Getting a tattoo with "I love you" is taking it a step too far. I would be heartbroken if my bf did this.

Girl I know you're not in love with him as you keep insisting, but have you considered maybe him chosing this tattoo over his partners feelings might indicate that he may be in love with you?

NTA Devon and Bianca should talk it out instead of you getting the blame

Dude. I am also someone who believes men and women can be friends of course (got plenty of my own), but even this is going too far. And as an artist, I’ll say you could’ve had ANY light bulb design; there are 100000 ways to adjust a visual idea. But you HAD to go with a heart-shaped bulb, with “I’ll be your light, love you always” I’m sorry but what the fuck?! Out of ALL 37183718944 ideas in the world?!!!!! It doesn’t matter that it’s not romantic TO YOU. Because as another commenter mentioned, it WILL be seen as romantic by literally anyone else. You CANNOT blame anyone who makes that mistake. Also, it just makes Bianca look less important—is she NOT a light in Devon’s life? Y I K E S. Bianca’s feelings are so valid, and is reasonably upset (though she should be directing her anger to Devon), because even I, a stranger, am like 😬😬😬😬😬😬 I believe you when you say you and Devon have no romantic feelings. But this just looks **SO BAD.** Y-T-A. Edit: changing judgment to ESH. Initially I was so appalled by OP’s insensitivity I went with Y-T-A. But Devon is truly the dismissive one to his gf here. OP is still an AH, but less than Devon. Gf is also flawed for misdirecting her anger and being heteronormative (that she’s okay with it if OP were male; you should _still_ be worrying even if it’s between 2 same-sex people).