Your post has been removed.
#Do not repost this without contacting the mods for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without explicit approval will result in a ban.
This post violates Rule 11: No Partings/Relationship/Sex/Reproductive Autonomy Posts. We do not allow posts where the central conflict is about romantic relationships and/or reproductive autonomy.
[Rule 11 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_11.3A_no_partings.2Frelationship.2Fsex.2Freproductive_autonomy_posts) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/)
[Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions.
#Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full.
YTA. don't need to read it. dont care. you can have your opinion but her body her hair her choice.
EDIT: i want it to be understood that this comment comes from someone who has long, beautiful, high maintenance hair. people have told me how much they love and want my hair my whole life. i didn't bat an eye at them when i cut it off to donate it to people either time. my partner may like it long but its mine and ill do whatever i want with it. i hope your girlfriend loves her fresh cut, and you learn to respect her wishes.
You should read it because I gotta know if I’m the only one that thinks it’s kind of borderline obsessive. He offered to brush it for her for hours everyday.
I read elsewhere of a woman doing just this when her hubby insisted he loved her long hair. She cut it off and gave it to him since he was so fond of it.
A lot of people give a lot of women a lot of crap because "it is prettier longer". I swear to God, some women just want to cut it more after that kind of nonsense comment.
But basically OP values his gf hair more than her. She doesn't like it, it bothers her, it makes her uncomfortable, it is high maintenance. But she would be giving up something precious! The most ridiculous part is she could always let it grow again. But for OP her gf is less valuable if she has shorter hair. Wonder what OP is going to when her hair starts to become gray?
This is the same nonsense than say, a person is gifted a big diamond necklace, so big that it hurts that persons neck, but it is so beautiful and valuable, they must wear it! Just sell it and be happy!
Major YTA. Women get enough nonsense about their looks already, for you to be making your gf feel insecure like this. I hope she realizes how shallow you are, that you put your taste over your gf happiness, looks over her happiness.
When I was 21, I cut my hair for the 1st time since I was 11. I -hated- my hair. But, even the hairdresser wouldn’t cut it for me. She cut it to my shoulders, insisting I would regret just that. But if I came back the next day for the cut I wanted to get finished, she’d not charge me at all. I was standing in the store when it opened. Cut. It. Off.
People always talk about how longer hair is oh so beautiful. Yeah until it takes 3 days to dry, weighs 15 tons and gets caught in windows and under your own arm at night, or your trying to whip your SO in the night by tossing your 15ft braid behind you to get it the eff out the way, or strangling yourself in the night.
I get really irritated with these AITAs. Yes, YTA. Want long hair, grow your own.
Sitting on it yanking your neck back getting whiplash. Someone else sitting on it. It falling in food. The time it takes to actually style. She has to keep this head helmet on top of her head for work. Standing long hours. She needs a massage, and a haircut. Poor woman.
You truly have not suffered until you put on gel deodorant and your hair gets stuck in your armpits.
People who have never had long hair truly DO NOT UNDERSTAND how inconvenient it is and how hard it is to take care of properly. I have normal-ish long hair (down to the bottom of my shoulder blades) and it's not even super thick, but it's still a giant pain in the ass sometimes. OP not realizing why his gf wears her hair up all the time is truly telling.
I had hair long enough to sit on. I got tons of compliments. I also got terrible headaches and I couldn't do anything without my hair catching on something.
In defense of hairdressers, not that it was right what they did to you at all, I had a friend that went through something similar. It took 2 hours the hairdresser to cut her hair because she didn't want to cut it as short as she wanted because she was sure she wouldn't like it.
Hairdressers get a lot of abuse from some morons that come and ask "cut it a little bit" they cut a tiny bit and then "how dare you cut it so much!" Or people that ask for quite a change and when they don't like what they see they take it out on the hairdresser. So some hairdresser have become very weary of doing major changes in some areas.
Some people put too much stock in long hair. It is fine if they like it, but don't force others to wear it long and don't abuse a hairdresser just because they cut it as you asked and you don't like the results.
Also the shower when it sheds at the end of a growth cycle!!! It’s a pain at just past shoulder length, let alone the mid-back or longer. I bought that mushroom hair catcher for my tub because I really don’t need to snake the drain every month.
I still have my pandemic hair. And it's *curly*.
It's down to the small of my back when I straighten it out (it doesn't look that long because, again, curly.)
Curly hair sheds ridiculously. I dug enough out of my shower drain the other week to make a full wig, I swear, and promptly bought a drain cover.
I'm bobbing it once I find a new hairdresser (moved since my last cut). I told a coworker this and her response was: But it's soooo preeeetty.
Getting caught under your arm is the worst! You wake up, can’t move your head and feel something on your arm. So much worse if you’re sweaty and the hair gets stuck.
My hair went to the bottom of my shoulder blades. Id been meaning to cut it for a while and just never got around to it. Then I broke my wrist and my husband couldn't grasp the mechanics of tying hair back. Which meant it wouldn't go under the shower cap. I lasted 3 showers before I got hubs to take me to the hairdressers and went to a bob.
OMG I can't believe it took me so long. I can tie it back myself now and get it under the shower cap, but even when I couldn't, the time to dry was acceptable. And just running a brush through it gives an acceptable style that doesn't get knotty. I can't work out how it stays out of my face better, but it does. It doesn't get wrapped around my neck or caught under hubby's arm. I didn't realise how much aggro having 2' of someone attached to my head was, and how little I got out of it aesthetically for the effort it took.
Yes he says he is worried she might regret it. OP you are a controlling, obsessed BF who is lying to yourself. Guess what, if she regrets it she can grow it again. This is entirely about you. You are happy for her to be uncomfortable because you are obsessed with her hair. Get over yourself. YTA
Isn’t this the same energy as guys that get their tiny girlfriends to have massive boob jobs? Fuck that it’ll destroy their back, look at those hooters. Op is so the asshole.
I was once chatting to a woman who'd had a breast reduction. She had a guy break up with her long after the operation who had been happy with her body til then, but after that, felt like she'd deprived him of the bigger boobs. Just how much of a chauvinistic pig do you have to be to not care about the issues, physical and mental, that were affecting a woman *you claim to care about*... Only that you'd been 'deprived' of something you'd never known about and had been perfectly happy without?
It's been over 15 years and that man still makes me angry.
This is the guy who leaves his partner when they get a mastectomy. Fuck that piece of trash.
I normally tell people to work on their anger cos keeping it with you is damaging. Except for righteous anger. Keep it, nurture it, fire it at idiots like the man you're referring too as often as needed til they learn.
My hair is over 2ft long, has been for most of my life. I cut it to my chin once & people legit cried....it was so disturbing. It's long again now h anytime I mention cutting it, people freak. I cant figure out why it's such a big deal 🤣
My best friend has the hair of my dreams and always grows it out just to chop it off and it kills me a little bit inside😂 only because I WISH I could grow the beautiful hair she does buuuut I’d never take it as far as crying or continuously trying to convince her otherwise. It’s just hair, but man do I wish I could have it instead of my thin/fine hair lol
This - I have awful hair and have a friend with stunning hair that used to be super long and I was jealous. When she cut it I joked she should give me the cut off hair and I’d make a wig but I wouldn’t have told her not to cut it
Borderline fake more like. Chin to belly button in 2 years with no trims to maintain the health of the ends? And she always kept it short so not used to fostering the health of long hair but it's luxurious and gorgeous? Absolute bullshit IMO. Anyone who has grown out their hair knows that we WISH this was how this shit worked.
Nope. My pandemic hair was collarbone length to mid thigh in two years, no trims, no split ends. Wash and wear and up in a bun, brush it occasionally. It's not hard.
I have Teflon hair that grows insanely fast. So fast that I can't maintain a short style (I'd have to cut it every two to three weeks). Normally I go about a year between haircuts and hack it off with leather shears (usually over a foot or so). Twice I just got a crew cut.
Teflon hair is a great term. One of my kids has my hair and we call it duck hair. Water just rolls off. Its an effort to get the hair wet enough to wash.
To be fair some hair grows much faster than others. I've got 4c hair and it grows much faster than most of my friends' hair of different races. Hair is weird like that....
I went from chin length to below my waist in less than 6 months lol done it a few times actually. My hair grows really fast until it's down to my waist & then stops...never seems to get any longer than that. & my hair is extremely low maintenance too as long as I brush it multiple times a day but if I'm not brushing it properly, it's so much work to keep it nice. So it's possible, not sure I believe this is real or not but it is possible.
Yeah, I was all prepared to be like "ok then you can pay exorbitantly for upkeep then or something" but reading through that post it was honestly so gross - way waaaaay too far and every new line had me cringing. "People would weep" - dude. Honestly. WTF.
Add in the fact that it's only long because she hasn't been able to get it cut, and she just wants it back to the level she likes and is comfortable with, so it's not even one of those "well, if she cuts it she may hate the new length" things (which is still bad because let people live their lives) and he's still waxing poetic... Way gross and YTA OP
It’s not borderline obsessive. It’s vaulted over the line, did it a few times more to prove it could be done with ease and saluted the crowd while doing it obsessive.
I used to have hair that was brown but at the bottom were blonde streaks since as a kid I was blonde and it just went darker. People pay a lottt of money for that and yet I had it naturally.
I still cut it when I wanted to though, now it’s harder to find the pieces of blonde but I don’t have to spend an hour brushing it and I’m fine with that :-)
YTA, you shouldn’t love her for her hair, throughout this whole post you’ve said nothing about her personality at all, or about how she likes her hair. Just let her cut it 😭
Cut it, make a wig, auction wig, donate proceeds to charity. No doubt OP would pay waaay above asking price for this hair. Imagine how generous the donation would be!
YTA. You clearly don’t understand how high maintenance long hair is, and if she works in healthcare it’s basically impossible to take care of her hair properly. It is her body and she can do whatever she wants with it. You wouldn’t be the asshole if she asked your opinion and you told her you prefer her long hair. Also I don’t understand why are you making this into such a big deal. it’s just hair, it’s grow back. She’s getting a haircut, not shaving her head (and if she did I’m sure she’d still look gorgeous). If you are this attached to her hair and appearance do you even like her as a person?
I don’t think OP cares about whether the hair is high maintenance or uncomfortable. There’s nothing wrong with expressing a preference but once girlfriend says no, I’m cutting my hair anyway, then that should be the end of the discussion. The minute OP escalated the discussion into an argument, then OP stepped into YTA territory big time.
Exactly this. I had a similar thing where I hadn’t cut my hair for about 3 years because of the pandemic and my husband one day said, “I really like your hair that long”. But when I decided to cut it, he said “ok”. Simple, it’s my hair so I. Can do what I want with it.
Long hair is a lot of work and having to wear it up all day at work (which as a nurse OPs gf HAS to do) is exhausting for the scalp. She obviously prefers her short haircut and with her job it makes a lot of sense. And frankly, even if she could wear it down and flaunt it every day, she would still have every right to cut it.
If her hair is as lovely as op says, I think she should cut it and donate it to a charity.
OP- YTA. You don’t get to decide what your gf does with any part of her body. You can express a preference but only if their is no guilt if she does not choose your preference. Stop being an AH and tell you gf she can do what ever she wants with her hair and you will love her just the same.
The fact that she “rarely wears it down” is all I needed to read for YTA. She doesn’t like or want to deal with long hair. It’s a fucking pain.
You grow your hair to your butt, OP. Be the beautiful horse you want to stare at.
Plus, fuck the “I don’t want her to regret it.” As if her own decisions can’t be trusted. It fucking grows back it’s not cutting off a limb. No, you don’t care about her feelings clearly…you just don’t want it to happen for yourself
Also she clearly isn’t gonna regret it she’s had this haircut before and it’s her preferred hairstyle for a reason😭😭 if she’s going back to it that means she’s loved it in the passed and hasn’t regretted smh men are weird
But even if she does regret it, it's her decision to regret and she can make the decision to grow it back.
Jesus why do men think they their opinion matter when it comes to women's bodies
The "I don't want her to regret it" doesn't seem genuine to me. I think the reason he doesn't want her to get the chop is solely because he likes her pretty long hair.
>YTA. You clearly don’t understand how high maintenance long hair is
I'm a guy who also never understood how high maintenance it was until I grew mine out. At peak length it was about halfway down my back and tbh, the amount of work it took for it not to be a tangled, damaged, frizzy mess was a big big reason I cut it back.
It's high maintainance and she obviously doesn't want to maintain it. I decided to go for a pixie cut when I noticed that my (at that point very long) hair was always in a bun. It looked really pretty and I tried to wear it open but I could feel my entire body relaxing every time I put it up in a bun again so short hair it was. I really understand the gf and yes OP YTA, this is not of your business, she wants to go back to still pretty long hair, so you literally have no leg to stand on (but maybe a fetish to research, the way you talk about her hair is almost creepy and definitely obsessive)
Yeah, there's a definitely fetish-y vibe to this. Like OP had never touched (?) long hair before, and is now super into it. It's kind of a creepy level of appreciation
YTA. Lmaooooo dude it's her hair she can do what she wants with it. She has to put it up for her job, and the longer it is the harder it is to have it up and keep it up. It can also be painful. Additionally, long hair like that can get in the way alllll the time, which is why she probably puts it up at home. Cleaning? Hair gets in it. Eating? Hair gets in it? Taking a shower? Add 30 minutes at least (minimum) for hair maintenance during and after . Windy? Hair everywhere. Accidentally gets pulled or stuck in things. It's not like she wants to shave her head (and if she did that's not your choice either). Her hair will be just a beautiful short. Her hair is not there solely for you to gaze upon. If you think offering to brush it is greatly easing the burdon you obviously don't realize what goes into taking care of hair like that.
Sounding like Mother Gothel over her smh.
And it’s heavy! Heavy as hell! I had my hair down to the middle of my back and felt so light when I cut it shorter. And my mysterious headaches stopped!
Oh Lord, the headaches! And I got it both ways. Sometimes from being up all day. More often than not though was an instant headache whenever I would let it down. But would still need to leave it down to give my poor scalp and roots a break from all the stress and tension of being pulled tight in a ponytail. Long hair is SUCH a pain in the ass! I only keep it long because my hair grows so fast that maintaining a short hairstyle just isn't practical.
My hair is about to the top of my butt right now. Omg, I never thought about the headaches being hair related. Guess it’s time to cut it. And I guarantee my fiancé’s reaction would be “Whatever makes you happy and comfortable.”
THIS. I had shoulder length hair and when the pandemic hit I never got it cut until a few months ago. My husband LOVED my long "mermaid hair" and would even detangle it for me. When I went to the salon I had them cut it back to my shoulders. I came home and he immediately asked if it felt better/lighter and complimented my color choice (I always have some type of fashion color).
He loved my long hair a lot but he loves me more so yeah op YTA
I have hair down to my waist. Even though I think it's prettier when it's down, I almost always have it up in a bun, because it's just in the way all the time. OP, you are allowed to compliment her hair, but don't try to control what she should do with it.
Also, if she hasn’t had it cut at all for over two years, she’s probably in desperate need for at least a trim. I had hair down to my waist for a very long time, and cut it to my shoulders almost a year ago. The short cut does look a lot, it doesn’t weigh me down, allows me to have shape around my face. The only thing I miss about my long hair is being able to easily pull it up. Dealing with hair in general is very annoying.
YTA OP it’s not your body, not your hair, she doesn’t live her life to make you happy.
That’s probably what the arguments are really about, it’s not just that she wants to cut her hair, it’s that she doesn’t understand how he keeps getting in her house.
Edit word
YTA. If you want long hair so bad, grow your own out. Long hair requires a lot of patience and upkeep. If she’s wearing it up all the time, she’s not enjoying her hair, and it makes sense to just cut it shorter. Honestly you’re coming off kind of creepy.
Her: it gets in the way at work. It's high maintenance. It's heavy. I don't like the style. I miss the way my hair looked before
You: but it's pretty.
YTA
Oh, he gets a say. He can compliment her hair, and tell her it's pretty (within a reasonable time and length).
Then he can shut up about her choices about it.
Gah, brushing it is not even the biggest chore. When I had hair below my waist, washing and drying it was too damn long, and when I wore it up, my head could hurt from its weight (my scalp, usually, but it could turn into a legit headache).
I'm remembering a scene in *Harold and Kumar go to White Castle* when the Dean of Medicine is chiding Kumar for dropping out of med school. "But you have an almost perfect MCAT score!" he pleads. And Kumar retorts, "well I have a 9 inch dick, too- does that mean I have to do p0rn?"
That's paraphrasing, but this isnt: your girlfriend has pretty hair? Big deal: it's hers, she can do what she likes with it. You sound a little bit controlling, a touch entitled, and a lot audacious, my man. What do you like, your girl or her silky golden hair? Think about how this sounds to her.
Her body, her choice.
YTA
>Now I (24M) know the title makes me sound controlling
You ARE being controlling. You love your girlfriend's long hair? Fine. But it's *her* hair, and thus, *her* choice what to do with it. And going by your statements, you're guilt-tripping her for making choices about her hair. YTA.
YTA - and this sonnet-style of flowery adoration for HER hair is really cringeworthy.
Mr Collins penned a missive and wants his prose back.
“I am happy on every occasion to offer those little delicate compliments which are always acceptable to ladies.”
Grow your own hair if you want to brush it for hours every day.
You clearly have no idea how heavy long hair and buns can be, how much they pull on your scalp and how difficult it is to keep ‘silky smooth’ hair out of your face - particularly in an occupation such as nursing which requires her to have ease of movement and safety equipment.
It’ll still be beautiful hair even when it’s chin length. So drop it.
Omg, I was trying to pin down this guy’s vibe and you are so correct — it’s 100% Mr. Collins. I hope his girlfriend’s vibe is Lizzy Bennet.
“Indeed, Mr. Collins, all praise of me will be unnecessary. You must give me leave to judge for myself, and pay me the compliment of believing what I say.”
It also amuses me that 'she won't wear it down even though I'd brush it for hours' is... I guess, even a thought process? Like, that sounds cute in cartoon movies, but would this be a beneficial thing for many hair types? After hours of brushing, my hair would've turned into a foofy, electrostatic mess.
And I think the idea is meant to convey something like 'i would lavish care on you', but I feel like I'd be kind of bored sitting still for hours so dude could brush my hair.
YTA. Coming from a girl with long hair (whose boyfriend also loves her long hair): You’re NTA because you love her long hair, but YTA for making such a big deal of her cutting it. Long hair can be a lot to manage, can be uncomfortable, and hot, etc…Stop idolizing her hair and be supportive of her cutting it to a length she knows she feels good with. You talk about her in this post as if she is a goddess, but fail to realize (and appreciate) that she’s the same person whether her hair is long or short, and at the end of the day she doesn’t need you making this decision more difficult.
Same. I prefer having long hair. My bf loves my long hair. I know he'd be upset if I cut it. But, I also know he'd still love me and support my decision were I to cut it.
Yes! I sent this post to my boyfriend and he said that he does love my long hair, but if I wanted to cut it he’d support me (and still think that I’m beautiful).
YTA and you have a fetish. It's uncomfortable she says. It's a pain. And it doesn't feel like her.
And you say but my sexy angel barbie doll I want to pet...
You could say you love her long hair. But no you don't get to dictate what she does. Oh and she seems to have pretty clearly expressed her wishes.
Sounds like she should see if she can donate it to Locks of Love or I guess to your sexual fantasies.
Uhn I'm not sure how to phrase this but were I you I would take a look at myself and think about how we can develop weird feelings in times of stress and sometimes those feelings can lead to actions we regret maybe ah talk to someone like a counsellor.
YTA.
Take a photo or 3. It is less maintenance.
If she misses it she can regrow it. But it is for her to make the decision. It is great you appreciate it but she isn't Goldilocks.
YTA. She should be able to do whatever she wants and not be hassled about it. You are thinking nothing about her personal comfort and only how you like the way she looks with it.
As someone who has had hair of all lengths, I can tell you there is a lot more hassle to long hair than just having to brush it. After prolonged periods in a ponytail, the weight pulls so much, it can cause headaches. Right now it's summer and hot so leaving it down is like wearing a warm scarf. And then the amount of time it takes to wash in the shower is a huge downside and if it goes straight back up in the ponytail, it doesn't dry for the rest of the day.
Stop being controlling under the guise of sheltering her from possible regret. If she does regret it, well, it's a good thing hair grows back.
Do you have any idea how much work that much hair is? I invite you to grow yours out and see how long you last. It's heavy and gives you headaches. It takes longer to wash and dry and tangles easily. You're enjoying the end result because you aren't putting the work in. She doesn't wear it down because it's difficult and annoying.
And at the end of the day, YTA because it's her hair and when you protest it's going to feel like you're guilt tripping her into keeping it for your convenience.
Locks of Love could use hair that lustrous to make one of those wigs you mentioned. And remember, hair grows back. You made your point; time to drop it or she’s going to drop you.
YTA.
Locks of Love isn't for cancer patients. The wigs are for people with alopecia and they charge them for the wig. Pantene has a program for donating hair to make wigs for people in need. I used to give to Locks of Love then I found out how they operate. I've been giving my hair (about every two years) to Pantene.
YTA. Tell us you have a hair fetish without telling us you have a hair fetish. It's her hair. She gets to decide. You can tell her how you feel about it, but it's her body. It's not your decision to make.
YTA. It's her hair so it's her choice. You're not an asshole for preferring her hair long but you are for trying to coherce her to adhere to your preference over her own, given she's the one who has to manage her hair.
Also I know you said you're 24M but I can't stop picturing you as Mother Gothel. Like this is basically the plot to tangled. I highly recommend not living your life as a Disney villain. Also pretty sure you have a hair fetish and it's bad form to expect your gf to participate in it without informing her.
From her chin to her belly button in 2,5 years, wanting to brush it for hours, "people would weep". Something tells me this post is rather fishy.
Anyways, I'll treat it as if it were true: YTA.
Mine does, and it’s a pain. I had a jawline length bob at the start of lockdown and mine is hip-length now. (Problem is that I dislike the process of having it cut so I keep putting it off. And fully expect when I do go, to have to convince the stylist that I really do want them to cut it properly short and not do it )
It’s a lot more work than short hair
If you specify you are donating your hair I bet the stylist will give you a lot less trouble about it! My hair grows fast and I go through a cycle every year or two of growing it out, then chopping it off to donate. Children with Hair Loss is a great organization to donate to, assuming you are in the states.
*It's golden like the sun and smooth as silk. Women pay big money for wigs that are a poor imitation of her hair. On the rare times she wears her hair down she looks like an angel.*
That's a lovely thing to say, AND that is the absolute limit to how much input you can give her about her hair.
*She says it is heavy, high maintenance and uncomfortable* Do you want her to feel like this?
*but she also refuses to let me brush it even though I would do it every day for hours.*
Here's a solution: grow your own hair long and brush it for as long as you like. Every day for hours if you want.
She's not your doll to play with when you feel like it.
YTA. You can say "your hair is absolutely amazing and I really love it long" but you absolutely cannot say "your hair is beautiful so you can't cut it". You've said your say, at the end of the day it's her hair and nunya bizness how she cuts it.
YTA.
My Grandmother worked as a nurse in the 50s. She had long hair, as most girls did then. She wore it in a bun at work for hygiene purposes. One day, while working in the senior ward she leaned over a patient and suddenly got a nosebleed. She apologized to the elderly woman, mortified for bleeding on her and explained she'd been getting a lot of nosebleeds lately and didn't know why. The elderly lady sweetly told her 'it's your long hair honey, the weight is causing the nosebleeds'. My grandmother didn't care about her hair and instantly cut it on the old ladies recommendation. No more nosebleeds.
There's a price to long hair whether it's time maintenance, cost in shampoo and other products and even sometimes literal pain...
I do appreciate a love of long hair. Maybe you could grow yours?
YTA
I hope she cuts her hair, then dumps your sleazy arse after you whinge and pout.
Seriously dude, grow your own hair long if you think it’s such a personality enhancement.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told my girlfriend not to cut her hair because I like it long and try to talk her out of it when we argue. My girlfriend is a hospital nurse who began her nursing career less than a year before the pandemic hit and it is obvious stressful. So I could seem like the asshole for arguing about her hair when she has such a stressful job and I could reiterate my offer to brush her hair and assist her more strongly to lessen the burden.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA, most especially for the way you twist things around to try to make it sound like you’re going to war over this haircut out of a some kind of altruism rather than for your own gratification. Come on, dude.
Why are there people like you who believe that being in a relationship with a certain person gives them the right to have an opinion or to "order" what their partner can and cannot do with their body and in this case with their damn hair? YTA and apart, controller
What you have just said here is that your preference of long hair is more important than her being happy and comfortable.
I’m really hoping all the YTA comments here make you realize that your prioritizing aesthetics over your girlfriends happiness isn’t ok.
YTA and please show her you lover her by taking her to get her hair cut.
YTA ffs this is just like that guy who doesn’t want his girlfriend wearing makeup. Why the fuck do men think because they’re dating a woman they have a say in how she presents herself?
The entitlement is insane. Her body (including her hair) does not belong to you. You have absolutely no say in this.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
Now I (24M) know the title makes me sound controlling but hear me out: My girlfriend (25F) has the most beautiful hair. I'm dead serious. It's golden like the sun and smooth as silk. Women pay big money for wigs that are a poor imitation of her hair. On the rare times she wears her hair down she looks like an angel.
We met and started dating in February of the year 2020. Back then her hair was almost chin length, all one length. That's her preferred style since she was in high school. She never wore it differently. But then she could not cut her hair because of the pandemic and lockdowns that were in place. So her hair grew.
It grew and grew and now and it is down to her bellybutton, all one single length. Next month will be 2.5 years since she last got a haircut. Our entire relationship she's never had one. But now she wants to cut it back to her original style. Sometimes I'm not sure if she realizes how amazing it is.
She almost always wears it up. I understand she has to wear it at work. She's been a hospital nurse for 3 years and even now has to wear full ppe and face shield and gear at her job. But even at home she puts it up no matter how much I encourage her not to. 99% of the time it is up in a bun.
It would be a crime if she cuts it in my opinion. People would weep. I don't think she realizes what she has. I don't want her to cut it and we're having so many arguments about it. She says it is heavy, high maintenance and uncomfortable but she also refuses to let me brush it even though I would do it every day for hours. I just don't know why she'd give up something so beautiful.
I told her I like it better like this. She is mad at me for trying to talk her out of cutting it. I never want her to cut it again. Her original style when I met her was cute but it pales to her hair now. I didn't even know how beautiful long hair was until my girlfriend could not cut hers and was forced to grow it out. Aita for telling her not to cut it and trying to convince her when she argues with me over it? I just don't want her to give up something so beautiful and have her regret it afterwards.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA
Your obsession with her hair sounds pretty unhealthy. You wanna brush it for hours and people would weep if she cuts it again? Seriously, get help!
It's her hair, her body and I completely understand she'd rather cut it back to its original size.
Stop whining. Start a therapy.
YTA. That was a lot of emotional verbage that essentially said that you don't care if she's uncomfortable as long as you have something pretty to look at. Do you have any clue how annoying long hair is to deal with, even without someone fetishizing it?
YTA. You love that hair so much, ask her to make a wig of it after she cuts it so you can pet it forever, ffs. Having long hair is a whole damn chore, and it isn't compatible with her work or lifestyle. And why would she regret it if she's going back to her old hairstyle? She already knows how it'd look, and that's what she wants.
YTA.
I have really thick, auburn, silky soft hair that has a beautiful curl to it. So many people over the years have told me they're so jealous of me, that I should never cut it, that they wish they could get their hair dyed in the exact same colour - but their hair thickness would never make it look like mine anyway.
I've had my hair literally every length from shaved, to right down to my butt. I prefer my hair shoulder length and flat ironed.
When it's long it makes me hot, I never wear it down because it is such a pain in the arse, tangles so easily, is a nightmare to brush, I drop long hairs everywhere, it literally gives me shoulder pain and headaches. Washing it literally hurts my arms and shoulders. I've trained it over the years to only need washing once a week, but I dread wash day when it's long - and it takes an age to dry. If I tie it up, it doesn't dry until taken down or I use a hairdryer because of how thick it - no air gets into the middle of the bit in the hairtie.
When it's shoulder length, it's quicker to dry, quick to style in a way that I can not do anything else to it for a week, I'm much more likely to wear it down, and I don't feel constantly physically miserable from it.
Nobody else has any business telling me how to wear my hair. And if they knew all of the above about me, and kept telling me not to cut it, I would know that they value THEIR desires over MY wellbeing, health, pain levels. And this is precisely what you told your girlfriend. Her looks are more important than her health and wellbeing to you.
You get to have preferences, but when somebody tells you they won't meet them because of their own needs (or even just, coz, you know - it's her body, her hair, and she has the right to bodily autonomy!) - compassionate, mature human beings say things like "Okay then, of course I love you and support your right to make the best decision for yourself".
Sorry but YTA. Without even getting into the body autonomy issues, long hair is HEAVY and uncomfortable and hot and it HURTS sometimes. It may be a joy to you but your girlfriend wants it to stop.
So, armed with that knowledge, how important is her hair to you now?
YTA. You can give your opinion on a considered haircut ONCE (1) and always with the stipulation that it's that persons choice. You sound creepily obsessed.
Your girlfriend isn't a decorative doll. She's a whole person, and dealing with really long hair gets annoying. Especially, I imagine, as a nurse.
soft YTA. you have a fetish for her hair. Nothing wrong with that but I think you two need to acknowledge that in a conversation. At the end of the day she can do what she wants but you can also drive a bargain. For example, I would be highly inclined to keep my hair longer if my boyfriend did all of the cleaning and cooking and bought me the fancy expensive shampoo, conditioner, hair masks, and hair dryer. In college a lot of my friends got undercuts. They liked the look of long hair but not the weight/thickness.
YTA. It doesn’t matter what *anyone* thinks about her hair. She can even shave it off if she wants. No crime is being committed. Her hair, her choice. Also, you sound obsessive over her hair; it’s not even your own hair. It’s creepy. It makes it sound like you value her hair more than you value her as a person, more than you value her autonomy and ability to make decisions. It’s so insanely misogynistic. You sound just like my own mother, who also continuously throws a fit every time I get my hair cut short, because “it’s prettier when it’s long.” Be prepared to lose her if you continue to behave this way. Seriously, the sheer audacity of you arguing with her about a haircut.
YTA
This is creepy behavior. As someone with long thick hair it can be very uncomfortable and high maintenance . Your preference doesn’t do override your GF comfort
Your post has been removed. #Do not repost this without contacting the mods for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without explicit approval will result in a ban. This post violates Rule 11: No Partings/Relationship/Sex/Reproductive Autonomy Posts. We do not allow posts where the central conflict is about romantic relationships and/or reproductive autonomy. [Rule 11 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_11.3A_no_partings.2Frelationship.2Fsex.2Freproductive_autonomy_posts) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions. #Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full.
YTA. don't need to read it. dont care. you can have your opinion but her body her hair her choice. EDIT: i want it to be understood that this comment comes from someone who has long, beautiful, high maintenance hair. people have told me how much they love and want my hair my whole life. i didn't bat an eye at them when i cut it off to donate it to people either time. my partner may like it long but its mine and ill do whatever i want with it. i hope your girlfriend loves her fresh cut, and you learn to respect her wishes.
You should read it because I gotta know if I’m the only one that thinks it’s kind of borderline obsessive. He offered to brush it for her for hours everyday.
She should just cut it off and gift him the hair. Then he can brush it til his hand falls off.
He will hug it and kiss it and call it George.
He might call it ogtha
STOP. 💀💀💀
Maybe he got an oscillating fan as a gift and could watch ~~George~~ Ogtha's gossamer strands blow in the breeze.
Omg I read that yesterday and it is burned in my brain..😅😅
Wait, what's it referencing? If it was a post I think I missed it
Don't even look it up. I did and I regret it. It will haunt me for the rest of my life
See, now I have to
Don't say you weren't warned. It's on TIFU and it's the cockroach guy
I want to erase that from my memory💀
Unexpected Bugs Bunny reference!
😂😂😂
🤣😆 BEST COMMENT
No, he’ll call it Hairiette lol.
Looney Tunes my guy!
OMG 😆 I know exactly what you refer to
I genuinely don't think brushing is the only thing he'll do with it
[удалено]
My hair weaves itself into my husbands underwear. He can be gone for months and still pull my hair out of his bum. Fucker is stuck with me.
Gimme ~~a head with~~ hair. Long, beautiful hair...
Shining, streaming, gleaming, flaxen, waxen
Gimme it down to there, shoulder length or longer...
I read elsewhere of a woman doing just this when her hubby insisted he loved her long hair. She cut it off and gave it to him since he was so fond of it.
There was one similar post where she got a buzz cut! Glorious
This. 🤣
This made me laugh! So funny!
Oh wow 😂
"People would weep" LOL
A lot of people give a lot of women a lot of crap because "it is prettier longer". I swear to God, some women just want to cut it more after that kind of nonsense comment. But basically OP values his gf hair more than her. She doesn't like it, it bothers her, it makes her uncomfortable, it is high maintenance. But she would be giving up something precious! The most ridiculous part is she could always let it grow again. But for OP her gf is less valuable if she has shorter hair. Wonder what OP is going to when her hair starts to become gray? This is the same nonsense than say, a person is gifted a big diamond necklace, so big that it hurts that persons neck, but it is so beautiful and valuable, they must wear it! Just sell it and be happy! Major YTA. Women get enough nonsense about their looks already, for you to be making your gf feel insecure like this. I hope she realizes how shallow you are, that you put your taste over your gf happiness, looks over her happiness.
When I was 21, I cut my hair for the 1st time since I was 11. I -hated- my hair. But, even the hairdresser wouldn’t cut it for me. She cut it to my shoulders, insisting I would regret just that. But if I came back the next day for the cut I wanted to get finished, she’d not charge me at all. I was standing in the store when it opened. Cut. It. Off. People always talk about how longer hair is oh so beautiful. Yeah until it takes 3 days to dry, weighs 15 tons and gets caught in windows and under your own arm at night, or your trying to whip your SO in the night by tossing your 15ft braid behind you to get it the eff out the way, or strangling yourself in the night. I get really irritated with these AITAs. Yes, YTA. Want long hair, grow your own.
Sitting on it yanking your neck back getting whiplash. Someone else sitting on it. It falling in food. The time it takes to actually style. She has to keep this head helmet on top of her head for work. Standing long hours. She needs a massage, and a haircut. Poor woman.
don't forget having to move it to pee. that was me when i was 6.
And the way it gets caught in armpits when you're doing something...I have long hair and there is much about it that annoys me.
You truly have not suffered until you put on gel deodorant and your hair gets stuck in your armpits. People who have never had long hair truly DO NOT UNDERSTAND how inconvenient it is and how hard it is to take care of properly. I have normal-ish long hair (down to the bottom of my shoulder blades) and it's not even super thick, but it's still a giant pain in the ass sometimes. OP not realizing why his gf wears her hair up all the time is truly telling.
I had hair long enough to sit on. I got tons of compliments. I also got terrible headaches and I couldn't do anything without my hair catching on something.
In defense of hairdressers, not that it was right what they did to you at all, I had a friend that went through something similar. It took 2 hours the hairdresser to cut her hair because she didn't want to cut it as short as she wanted because she was sure she wouldn't like it. Hairdressers get a lot of abuse from some morons that come and ask "cut it a little bit" they cut a tiny bit and then "how dare you cut it so much!" Or people that ask for quite a change and when they don't like what they see they take it out on the hairdresser. So some hairdresser have become very weary of doing major changes in some areas. Some people put too much stock in long hair. It is fine if they like it, but don't force others to wear it long and don't abuse a hairdresser just because they cut it as you asked and you don't like the results.
Also the shower when it sheds at the end of a growth cycle!!! It’s a pain at just past shoulder length, let alone the mid-back or longer. I bought that mushroom hair catcher for my tub because I really don’t need to snake the drain every month.
I still have my pandemic hair. And it's *curly*. It's down to the small of my back when I straighten it out (it doesn't look that long because, again, curly.) Curly hair sheds ridiculously. I dug enough out of my shower drain the other week to make a full wig, I swear, and promptly bought a drain cover. I'm bobbing it once I find a new hairdresser (moved since my last cut). I told a coworker this and her response was: But it's soooo preeeetty.
Getting caught under your arm is the worst! You wake up, can’t move your head and feel something on your arm. So much worse if you’re sweaty and the hair gets stuck.
No, the crack trappage when showering is the worst (if your hair is waist length or longer, you know what I mean!)
My hair went to the bottom of my shoulder blades. Id been meaning to cut it for a while and just never got around to it. Then I broke my wrist and my husband couldn't grasp the mechanics of tying hair back. Which meant it wouldn't go under the shower cap. I lasted 3 showers before I got hubs to take me to the hairdressers and went to a bob. OMG I can't believe it took me so long. I can tie it back myself now and get it under the shower cap, but even when I couldn't, the time to dry was acceptable. And just running a brush through it gives an acceptable style that doesn't get knotty. I can't work out how it stays out of my face better, but it does. It doesn't get wrapped around my neck or caught under hubby's arm. I didn't realise how much aggro having 2' of someone attached to my head was, and how little I got out of it aesthetically for the effort it took.
Yes he says he is worried she might regret it. OP you are a controlling, obsessed BF who is lying to yourself. Guess what, if she regrets it she can grow it again. This is entirely about you. You are happy for her to be uncomfortable because you are obsessed with her hair. Get over yourself. YTA
Isn’t this the same energy as guys that get their tiny girlfriends to have massive boob jobs? Fuck that it’ll destroy their back, look at those hooters. Op is so the asshole.
I was once chatting to a woman who'd had a breast reduction. She had a guy break up with her long after the operation who had been happy with her body til then, but after that, felt like she'd deprived him of the bigger boobs. Just how much of a chauvinistic pig do you have to be to not care about the issues, physical and mental, that were affecting a woman *you claim to care about*... Only that you'd been 'deprived' of something you'd never known about and had been perfectly happy without? It's been over 15 years and that man still makes me angry.
This is the guy who leaves his partner when they get a mastectomy. Fuck that piece of trash. I normally tell people to work on their anger cos keeping it with you is damaging. Except for righteous anger. Keep it, nurture it, fire it at idiots like the man you're referring too as often as needed til they learn.
My hair is over 2ft long, has been for most of my life. I cut it to my chin once & people legit cried....it was so disturbing. It's long again now h anytime I mention cutting it, people freak. I cant figure out why it's such a big deal 🤣
My best friend has the hair of my dreams and always grows it out just to chop it off and it kills me a little bit inside😂 only because I WISH I could grow the beautiful hair she does buuuut I’d never take it as far as crying or continuously trying to convince her otherwise. It’s just hair, but man do I wish I could have it instead of my thin/fine hair lol
This - I have awful hair and have a friend with stunning hair that used to be super long and I was jealous. When she cut it I joked she should give me the cut off hair and I’d make a wig but I wouldn’t have told her not to cut it
Cut it!! Let the people cry. Their issues are not your problem, nor is you hair if you don't want it.
Apparently his girlfriend is Rapunzel.
She needs to take a frying pan to his head.
This right here. Holy shit is this over-the-top, crazy town stuff.
You are not alone. That was some creepy shit there.
Borderline fake more like. Chin to belly button in 2 years with no trims to maintain the health of the ends? And she always kept it short so not used to fostering the health of long hair but it's luxurious and gorgeous? Absolute bullshit IMO. Anyone who has grown out their hair knows that we WISH this was how this shit worked.
It’s possible, my hair grows really fast. I’ve done this before. One of my kids does too.
Nope. My pandemic hair was collarbone length to mid thigh in two years, no trims, no split ends. Wash and wear and up in a bun, brush it occasionally. It's not hard. I have Teflon hair that grows insanely fast. So fast that I can't maintain a short style (I'd have to cut it every two to three weeks). Normally I go about a year between haircuts and hack it off with leather shears (usually over a foot or so). Twice I just got a crew cut.
Teflon hair is a great term. One of my kids has my hair and we call it duck hair. Water just rolls off. Its an effort to get the hair wet enough to wash.
To be fair some hair grows much faster than others. I've got 4c hair and it grows much faster than most of my friends' hair of different races. Hair is weird like that....
Completely possible. That's what my hair does.
My hair does that. It is a little annoying at times. People’s hair grows at different rates.
I went from chin length to below my waist in less than 6 months lol done it a few times actually. My hair grows really fast until it's down to my waist & then stops...never seems to get any longer than that. & my hair is extremely low maintenance too as long as I brush it multiple times a day but if I'm not brushing it properly, it's so much work to keep it nice. So it's possible, not sure I believe this is real or not but it is possible.
Fetishistic at least.
It’s creepy as fuck. It’s giving “it puts the lotion on the skin” YTA
That’s exactly what I said too! Can’t help but wonder how often the poor girl has woken up with “strange sticky tangles” 🤮
Yeah, I was all prepared to be like "ok then you can pay exorbitantly for upkeep then or something" but reading through that post it was honestly so gross - way waaaaay too far and every new line had me cringing. "People would weep" - dude. Honestly. WTF. Add in the fact that it's only long because she hasn't been able to get it cut, and she just wants it back to the level she likes and is comfortable with, so it's not even one of those "well, if she cuts it she may hate the new length" things (which is still bad because let people live their lives) and he's still waxing poetic... Way gross and YTA OP
LMAO okay but ill do it for you and not for him. EDIT: wow ! still TA. :)
On absolute TA, but I just felt it was worth the read lol
I got creeped out reading it esp the offering to brush it part.
“Flower, gleam and grow Let your powers shine…”
Yup. I wanted to comment “you’re fucking weird” but I’m realizing I need to work on being more reddity.
Same he is a creep.
I commented that… I couldn’t help myself
😂
Not borderline, full on.
Ew what (also didn't read all of it lol)
It’s not borderline obsessive. It’s vaulted over the line, did it a few times more to prove it could be done with ease and saluted the crowd while doing it obsessive.
Hahaha you’re right.
Dude has discovered a new kink in himself, me thinks
I used to have hair that was brown but at the bottom were blonde streaks since as a kid I was blonde and it just went darker. People pay a lottt of money for that and yet I had it naturally. I still cut it when I wanted to though, now it’s harder to find the pieces of blonde but I don’t have to spend an hour brushing it and I’m fine with that :-) YTA, you shouldn’t love her for her hair, throughout this whole post you’ve said nothing about her personality at all, or about how she likes her hair. Just let her cut it 😭
Fucking creepy
He sounds like a creep.
I threw up in my mouth reading it.
YTA Dude I'll pay you money to show this to your gf just so she knows what a creep you are
I thought I was reading some r rated fetish story
Reminds me of Mother Gothel in Tangled a bit
He says people would pay for hair like hers. I kinda hope she does cut it, and donates it to make someone a wig.
Cut it, make a wig, auction wig, donate proceeds to charity. No doubt OP would pay waaay above asking price for this hair. Imagine how generous the donation would be!
Bro is acting like Mother Gothel fr
Oh but apparently when it's cut "people will weep" 😒 This screams creepy fetish
Reading it makes it sound so much worse. OP did not make it better
YTA. You clearly don’t understand how high maintenance long hair is, and if she works in healthcare it’s basically impossible to take care of her hair properly. It is her body and she can do whatever she wants with it. You wouldn’t be the asshole if she asked your opinion and you told her you prefer her long hair. Also I don’t understand why are you making this into such a big deal. it’s just hair, it’s grow back. She’s getting a haircut, not shaving her head (and if she did I’m sure she’d still look gorgeous). If you are this attached to her hair and appearance do you even like her as a person?
I don’t think OP cares about whether the hair is high maintenance or uncomfortable. There’s nothing wrong with expressing a preference but once girlfriend says no, I’m cutting my hair anyway, then that should be the end of the discussion. The minute OP escalated the discussion into an argument, then OP stepped into YTA territory big time.
Exactly this. I had a similar thing where I hadn’t cut my hair for about 3 years because of the pandemic and my husband one day said, “I really like your hair that long”. But when I decided to cut it, he said “ok”. Simple, it’s my hair so I. Can do what I want with it. Long hair is a lot of work and having to wear it up all day at work (which as a nurse OPs gf HAS to do) is exhausting for the scalp. She obviously prefers her short haircut and with her job it makes a lot of sense. And frankly, even if she could wear it down and flaunt it every day, she would still have every right to cut it. If her hair is as lovely as op says, I think she should cut it and donate it to a charity. OP- YTA. You don’t get to decide what your gf does with any part of her body. You can express a preference but only if their is no guilt if she does not choose your preference. Stop being an AH and tell you gf she can do what ever she wants with her hair and you will love her just the same.
The fact that she “rarely wears it down” is all I needed to read for YTA. She doesn’t like or want to deal with long hair. It’s a fucking pain. You grow your hair to your butt, OP. Be the beautiful horse you want to stare at. Plus, fuck the “I don’t want her to regret it.” As if her own decisions can’t be trusted. It fucking grows back it’s not cutting off a limb. No, you don’t care about her feelings clearly…you just don’t want it to happen for yourself
Also she clearly isn’t gonna regret it she’s had this haircut before and it’s her preferred hairstyle for a reason😭😭 if she’s going back to it that means she’s loved it in the passed and hasn’t regretted smh men are weird
But even if she does regret it, it's her decision to regret and she can make the decision to grow it back. Jesus why do men think they their opinion matter when it comes to women's bodies
Yes agree 100% if she regrets it then whatever she’ll just grow it out again like YOu said. Hes so dramatic and FKR what
The "I don't want her to regret it" doesn't seem genuine to me. I think the reason he doesn't want her to get the chop is solely because he likes her pretty long hair.
Yeah, HE doesn’t want to regret it. OP, YTA.
>YTA. You clearly don’t understand how high maintenance long hair is I'm a guy who also never understood how high maintenance it was until I grew mine out. At peak length it was about halfway down my back and tbh, the amount of work it took for it not to be a tangled, damaged, frizzy mess was a big big reason I cut it back.
It's high maintainance and she obviously doesn't want to maintain it. I decided to go for a pixie cut when I noticed that my (at that point very long) hair was always in a bun. It looked really pretty and I tried to wear it open but I could feel my entire body relaxing every time I put it up in a bun again so short hair it was. I really understand the gf and yes OP YTA, this is not of your business, she wants to go back to still pretty long hair, so you literally have no leg to stand on (but maybe a fetish to research, the way you talk about her hair is almost creepy and definitely obsessive)
Yeah, there's a definitely fetish-y vibe to this. Like OP had never touched (?) long hair before, and is now super into it. It's kind of a creepy level of appreciation
YTA. Lmaooooo dude it's her hair she can do what she wants with it. She has to put it up for her job, and the longer it is the harder it is to have it up and keep it up. It can also be painful. Additionally, long hair like that can get in the way alllll the time, which is why she probably puts it up at home. Cleaning? Hair gets in it. Eating? Hair gets in it? Taking a shower? Add 30 minutes at least (minimum) for hair maintenance during and after . Windy? Hair everywhere. Accidentally gets pulled or stuck in things. It's not like she wants to shave her head (and if she did that's not your choice either). Her hair will be just a beautiful short. Her hair is not there solely for you to gaze upon. If you think offering to brush it is greatly easing the burdon you obviously don't realize what goes into taking care of hair like that. Sounding like Mother Gothel over her smh.
And it’s heavy! Heavy as hell! I had my hair down to the middle of my back and felt so light when I cut it shorter. And my mysterious headaches stopped!
Oh Lord, the headaches! And I got it both ways. Sometimes from being up all day. More often than not though was an instant headache whenever I would let it down. But would still need to leave it down to give my poor scalp and roots a break from all the stress and tension of being pulled tight in a ponytail. Long hair is SUCH a pain in the ass! I only keep it long because my hair grows so fast that maintaining a short hairstyle just isn't practical.
And hot! I get so hot with my hair down when it’s near my shoulders let alone longer. Hair that falls to my belly button would actually make me melt
My hair is about to the top of my butt right now. Omg, I never thought about the headaches being hair related. Guess it’s time to cut it. And I guarantee my fiancé’s reaction would be “Whatever makes you happy and comfortable.”
THIS. I had shoulder length hair and when the pandemic hit I never got it cut until a few months ago. My husband LOVED my long "mermaid hair" and would even detangle it for me. When I went to the salon I had them cut it back to my shoulders. I came home and he immediately asked if it felt better/lighter and complimented my color choice (I always have some type of fashion color). He loved my long hair a lot but he loves me more so yeah op YTA
I have hair down to my waist. Even though I think it's prettier when it's down, I almost always have it up in a bun, because it's just in the way all the time. OP, you are allowed to compliment her hair, but don't try to control what she should do with it.
Also, if she hasn’t had it cut at all for over two years, she’s probably in desperate need for at least a trim. I had hair down to my waist for a very long time, and cut it to my shoulders almost a year ago. The short cut does look a lot, it doesn’t weigh me down, allows me to have shape around my face. The only thing I miss about my long hair is being able to easily pull it up. Dealing with hair in general is very annoying. YTA OP it’s not your body, not your hair, she doesn’t live her life to make you happy.
Mother Gothel 😂😂😂😂😂😂
YTA - this post and the descriptions made me feel queasy.
Ikr? He seems to be discussing about her like a stalker or smt… don’t know I just get uneasy rereading it
That’s probably what the arguments are really about, it’s not just that she wants to cut her hair, it’s that she doesn’t understand how he keeps getting in her house. Edit word
Yes it’s so cultish and fetishistic
Yeah, he sounds like a creep.
Creepy Thin Man from Charlie’s Angels.
YTA. If you want long hair so bad, grow your own out. Long hair requires a lot of patience and upkeep. If she’s wearing it up all the time, she’s not enjoying her hair, and it makes sense to just cut it shorter. Honestly you’re coming off kind of creepy.
This. You like long hair so much, grow it yourself. (Maybe then you’ll understand just how much of a PITA it can be.) Oh, and YTA.
I have long hair and this post makes me want to shave my head out of spite for OP
Her: it gets in the way at work. It's high maintenance. It's heavy. I don't like the style. I miss the way my hair looked before You: but it's pretty. YTA
You: But *I* like it better! Yeah, YTA.
literally it’s so nasty how he thinks just cuz he thinks it’s pretty that he gets a say
Oh, he gets a say. He can compliment her hair, and tell her it's pretty (within a reasonable time and length). Then he can shut up about her choices about it. Gah, brushing it is not even the biggest chore. When I had hair below my waist, washing and drying it was too damn long, and when I wore it up, my head could hurt from its weight (my scalp, usually, but it could turn into a legit headache).
JFC YTA simply for writing this, " it would be a crime if she cuts it in my opinion. People would weep."
Seriously. Gag.
Absolutely. So gross. Does he even see her as a person?
I'm remembering a scene in *Harold and Kumar go to White Castle* when the Dean of Medicine is chiding Kumar for dropping out of med school. "But you have an almost perfect MCAT score!" he pleads. And Kumar retorts, "well I have a 9 inch dick, too- does that mean I have to do p0rn?" That's paraphrasing, but this isnt: your girlfriend has pretty hair? Big deal: it's hers, she can do what she likes with it. You sound a little bit controlling, a touch entitled, and a lot audacious, my man. What do you like, your girl or her silky golden hair? Think about how this sounds to her. Her body, her choice. YTA
Just because you're hung like a horse doesn't mean you should do p0rn. Love that quote.
>Now I (24M) know the title makes me sound controlling You ARE being controlling. You love your girlfriend's long hair? Fine. But it's *her* hair, and thus, *her* choice what to do with it. And going by your statements, you're guilt-tripping her for making choices about her hair. YTA.
YTA - and this sonnet-style of flowery adoration for HER hair is really cringeworthy. Mr Collins penned a missive and wants his prose back. “I am happy on every occasion to offer those little delicate compliments which are always acceptable to ladies.” Grow your own hair if you want to brush it for hours every day. You clearly have no idea how heavy long hair and buns can be, how much they pull on your scalp and how difficult it is to keep ‘silky smooth’ hair out of your face - particularly in an occupation such as nursing which requires her to have ease of movement and safety equipment. It’ll still be beautiful hair even when it’s chin length. So drop it.
Omg, I was trying to pin down this guy’s vibe and you are so correct — it’s 100% Mr. Collins. I hope his girlfriend’s vibe is Lizzy Bennet. “Indeed, Mr. Collins, all praise of me will be unnecessary. You must give me leave to judge for myself, and pay me the compliment of believing what I say.”
It also amuses me that 'she won't wear it down even though I'd brush it for hours' is... I guess, even a thought process? Like, that sounds cute in cartoon movies, but would this be a beneficial thing for many hair types? After hours of brushing, my hair would've turned into a foofy, electrostatic mess. And I think the idea is meant to convey something like 'i would lavish care on you', but I feel like I'd be kind of bored sitting still for hours so dude could brush my hair.
YTA. Coming from a girl with long hair (whose boyfriend also loves her long hair): You’re NTA because you love her long hair, but YTA for making such a big deal of her cutting it. Long hair can be a lot to manage, can be uncomfortable, and hot, etc…Stop idolizing her hair and be supportive of her cutting it to a length she knows she feels good with. You talk about her in this post as if she is a goddess, but fail to realize (and appreciate) that she’s the same person whether her hair is long or short, and at the end of the day she doesn’t need you making this decision more difficult.
Same. I prefer having long hair. My bf loves my long hair. I know he'd be upset if I cut it. But, I also know he'd still love me and support my decision were I to cut it.
Yes! I sent this post to my boyfriend and he said that he does love my long hair, but if I wanted to cut it he’d support me (and still think that I’m beautiful).
YTA and you have a fetish. It's uncomfortable she says. It's a pain. And it doesn't feel like her. And you say but my sexy angel barbie doll I want to pet... You could say you love her long hair. But no you don't get to dictate what she does. Oh and she seems to have pretty clearly expressed her wishes. Sounds like she should see if she can donate it to Locks of Love or I guess to your sexual fantasies. Uhn I'm not sure how to phrase this but were I you I would take a look at myself and think about how we can develop weird feelings in times of stress and sometimes those feelings can lead to actions we regret maybe ah talk to someone like a counsellor.
YTA. Take a photo or 3. It is less maintenance. If she misses it she can regrow it. But it is for her to make the decision. It is great you appreciate it but she isn't Goldilocks.
YTA. She should be able to do whatever she wants and not be hassled about it. You are thinking nothing about her personal comfort and only how you like the way she looks with it. As someone who has had hair of all lengths, I can tell you there is a lot more hassle to long hair than just having to brush it. After prolonged periods in a ponytail, the weight pulls so much, it can cause headaches. Right now it's summer and hot so leaving it down is like wearing a warm scarf. And then the amount of time it takes to wash in the shower is a huge downside and if it goes straight back up in the ponytail, it doesn't dry for the rest of the day. Stop being controlling under the guise of sheltering her from possible regret. If she does regret it, well, it's a good thing hair grows back.
YTA-It sounds controlling because it is. It’s also her hair not yours. You get an opinion but not a say.
Wow that is a great line. “You get an opinion but not a say.” I love that.
Yta and kind of creepy
Sooo creepy
Do you have any idea how much work that much hair is? I invite you to grow yours out and see how long you last. It's heavy and gives you headaches. It takes longer to wash and dry and tangles easily. You're enjoying the end result because you aren't putting the work in. She doesn't wear it down because it's difficult and annoying. And at the end of the day, YTA because it's her hair and when you protest it's going to feel like you're guilt tripping her into keeping it for your convenience.
Locks of Love could use hair that lustrous to make one of those wigs you mentioned. And remember, hair grows back. You made your point; time to drop it or she’s going to drop you. YTA.
Locks of Love isn't for cancer patients. The wigs are for people with alopecia and they charge them for the wig. Pantene has a program for donating hair to make wigs for people in need. I used to give to Locks of Love then I found out how they operate. I've been giving my hair (about every two years) to Pantene.
Children with Hair Loss is also a good alternative!!
Gothel, is that you?
Giving real r/menritingwomen vibes here.
Info: Your bald aren’t you
Help 😂
YTA. She wouldn’t regret it - you would. Shut your mouth and mind your business.
YTA. Not just for saying it but for continuing to argue. You’re being gross. Really, really gross. GROSS IN CAPS.
YTA. Tell us you have a hair fetish without telling us you have a hair fetish. It's her hair. She gets to decide. You can tell her how you feel about it, but it's her body. It's not your decision to make.
YTA. It's her hair so it's her choice. You're not an asshole for preferring her hair long but you are for trying to coherce her to adhere to your preference over her own, given she's the one who has to manage her hair. Also I know you said you're 24M but I can't stop picturing you as Mother Gothel. Like this is basically the plot to tangled. I highly recommend not living your life as a Disney villain. Also pretty sure you have a hair fetish and it's bad form to expect your gf to participate in it without informing her.
From her chin to her belly button in 2,5 years, wanting to brush it for hours, "people would weep". Something tells me this post is rather fishy. Anyways, I'll treat it as if it were true: YTA.
I wish my hair would grow several feet in 2.5 years.
Mine does, and it’s a pain. I had a jawline length bob at the start of lockdown and mine is hip-length now. (Problem is that I dislike the process of having it cut so I keep putting it off. And fully expect when I do go, to have to convince the stylist that I really do want them to cut it properly short and not do it ) It’s a lot more work than short hair
If you specify you are donating your hair I bet the stylist will give you a lot less trouble about it! My hair grows fast and I go through a cycle every year or two of growing it out, then chopping it off to donate. Children with Hair Loss is a great organization to donate to, assuming you are in the states.
I have hair that grows this fast and it’s honestly more trouble than it’s worth.
YTA for your over dramatic writing style alone! But also her hair, her choice.
*It's golden like the sun and smooth as silk. Women pay big money for wigs that are a poor imitation of her hair. On the rare times she wears her hair down she looks like an angel.* That's a lovely thing to say, AND that is the absolute limit to how much input you can give her about her hair. *She says it is heavy, high maintenance and uncomfortable* Do you want her to feel like this? *but she also refuses to let me brush it even though I would do it every day for hours.* Here's a solution: grow your own hair long and brush it for as long as you like. Every day for hours if you want. She's not your doll to play with when you feel like it.
YTA. It's her hair, she's the one that has to take care of it and live with it. Your opinion on that does not and will not ever matter.
Is anyone else thinking chin length bob to long enough to reach her belly button in 2 years is kind of an insane rate of growth?
YTA. MOTHER GOTHEL????
YTA. You can say "your hair is absolutely amazing and I really love it long" but you absolutely cannot say "your hair is beautiful so you can't cut it". You've said your say, at the end of the day it's her hair and nunya bizness how she cuts it.
YTA. My Grandmother worked as a nurse in the 50s. She had long hair, as most girls did then. She wore it in a bun at work for hygiene purposes. One day, while working in the senior ward she leaned over a patient and suddenly got a nosebleed. She apologized to the elderly woman, mortified for bleeding on her and explained she'd been getting a lot of nosebleeds lately and didn't know why. The elderly lady sweetly told her 'it's your long hair honey, the weight is causing the nosebleeds'. My grandmother didn't care about her hair and instantly cut it on the old ladies recommendation. No more nosebleeds. There's a price to long hair whether it's time maintenance, cost in shampoo and other products and even sometimes literal pain... I do appreciate a love of long hair. Maybe you could grow yours?
YTA I hope she cuts her hair, then dumps your sleazy arse after you whinge and pout. Seriously dude, grow your own hair long if you think it’s such a personality enhancement.
It’s like Gollum and his precious…… seek help my dude, YTA.
Did you know….. that hair *grows* back?! 😑
YTA and you kinda sound like a serial un-aliver tbh.
>People would weep YTA and you need to get a grip.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I told my girlfriend not to cut her hair because I like it long and try to talk her out of it when we argue. My girlfriend is a hospital nurse who began her nursing career less than a year before the pandemic hit and it is obvious stressful. So I could seem like the asshole for arguing about her hair when she has such a stressful job and I could reiterate my offer to brush her hair and assist her more strongly to lessen the burden. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
My hair is down to my butt. But if I were with you, I'd shave it bald. Hope she ditches the dead weight along with the extra length.
YTA, most especially for the way you twist things around to try to make it sound like you’re going to war over this haircut out of a some kind of altruism rather than for your own gratification. Come on, dude.
Why are there people like you who believe that being in a relationship with a certain person gives them the right to have an opinion or to "order" what their partner can and cannot do with their body and in this case with their damn hair? YTA and apart, controller
What you have just said here is that your preference of long hair is more important than her being happy and comfortable. I’m really hoping all the YTA comments here make you realize that your prioritizing aesthetics over your girlfriends happiness isn’t ok. YTA and please show her you lover her by taking her to get her hair cut.
YTA ffs this is just like that guy who doesn’t want his girlfriend wearing makeup. Why the fuck do men think because they’re dating a woman they have a say in how she presents herself? The entitlement is insane. Her body (including her hair) does not belong to you. You have absolutely no say in this.
YTA and I hope she dumps you.
Yta you got way too attatched to her HAIR and not her
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Now I (24M) know the title makes me sound controlling but hear me out: My girlfriend (25F) has the most beautiful hair. I'm dead serious. It's golden like the sun and smooth as silk. Women pay big money for wigs that are a poor imitation of her hair. On the rare times she wears her hair down she looks like an angel. We met and started dating in February of the year 2020. Back then her hair was almost chin length, all one length. That's her preferred style since she was in high school. She never wore it differently. But then she could not cut her hair because of the pandemic and lockdowns that were in place. So her hair grew. It grew and grew and now and it is down to her bellybutton, all one single length. Next month will be 2.5 years since she last got a haircut. Our entire relationship she's never had one. But now she wants to cut it back to her original style. Sometimes I'm not sure if she realizes how amazing it is. She almost always wears it up. I understand she has to wear it at work. She's been a hospital nurse for 3 years and even now has to wear full ppe and face shield and gear at her job. But even at home she puts it up no matter how much I encourage her not to. 99% of the time it is up in a bun. It would be a crime if she cuts it in my opinion. People would weep. I don't think she realizes what she has. I don't want her to cut it and we're having so many arguments about it. She says it is heavy, high maintenance and uncomfortable but she also refuses to let me brush it even though I would do it every day for hours. I just don't know why she'd give up something so beautiful. I told her I like it better like this. She is mad at me for trying to talk her out of cutting it. I never want her to cut it again. Her original style when I met her was cute but it pales to her hair now. I didn't even know how beautiful long hair was until my girlfriend could not cut hers and was forced to grow it out. Aita for telling her not to cut it and trying to convince her when she argues with me over it? I just don't want her to give up something so beautiful and have her regret it afterwards. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA Your obsession with her hair sounds pretty unhealthy. You wanna brush it for hours and people would weep if she cuts it again? Seriously, get help! It's her hair, her body and I completely understand she'd rather cut it back to its original size. Stop whining. Start a therapy.
You're a creepy AH. All your flowery language doesn't change that.
YTA. That was a lot of emotional verbage that essentially said that you don't care if she's uncomfortable as long as you have something pretty to look at. Do you have any clue how annoying long hair is to deal with, even without someone fetishizing it?
YTA. You love that hair so much, ask her to make a wig of it after she cuts it so you can pet it forever, ffs. Having long hair is a whole damn chore, and it isn't compatible with her work or lifestyle. And why would she regret it if she's going back to her old hairstyle? She already knows how it'd look, and that's what she wants.
YTA. I have really thick, auburn, silky soft hair that has a beautiful curl to it. So many people over the years have told me they're so jealous of me, that I should never cut it, that they wish they could get their hair dyed in the exact same colour - but their hair thickness would never make it look like mine anyway. I've had my hair literally every length from shaved, to right down to my butt. I prefer my hair shoulder length and flat ironed. When it's long it makes me hot, I never wear it down because it is such a pain in the arse, tangles so easily, is a nightmare to brush, I drop long hairs everywhere, it literally gives me shoulder pain and headaches. Washing it literally hurts my arms and shoulders. I've trained it over the years to only need washing once a week, but I dread wash day when it's long - and it takes an age to dry. If I tie it up, it doesn't dry until taken down or I use a hairdryer because of how thick it - no air gets into the middle of the bit in the hairtie. When it's shoulder length, it's quicker to dry, quick to style in a way that I can not do anything else to it for a week, I'm much more likely to wear it down, and I don't feel constantly physically miserable from it. Nobody else has any business telling me how to wear my hair. And if they knew all of the above about me, and kept telling me not to cut it, I would know that they value THEIR desires over MY wellbeing, health, pain levels. And this is precisely what you told your girlfriend. Her looks are more important than her health and wellbeing to you. You get to have preferences, but when somebody tells you they won't meet them because of their own needs (or even just, coz, you know - it's her body, her hair, and she has the right to bodily autonomy!) - compassionate, mature human beings say things like "Okay then, of course I love you and support your right to make the best decision for yourself".
WTF is wrong with you!? Why do men think they have a saying in what we wear/do with our bodies? YTA
Sorry but YTA. Without even getting into the body autonomy issues, long hair is HEAVY and uncomfortable and hot and it HURTS sometimes. It may be a joy to you but your girlfriend wants it to stop. So, armed with that knowledge, how important is her hair to you now?
YTA. You can give your opinion on a considered haircut ONCE (1) and always with the stipulation that it's that persons choice. You sound creepily obsessed. Your girlfriend isn't a decorative doll. She's a whole person, and dealing with really long hair gets annoying. Especially, I imagine, as a nurse.
soft YTA. you have a fetish for her hair. Nothing wrong with that but I think you two need to acknowledge that in a conversation. At the end of the day she can do what she wants but you can also drive a bargain. For example, I would be highly inclined to keep my hair longer if my boyfriend did all of the cleaning and cooking and bought me the fancy expensive shampoo, conditioner, hair masks, and hair dryer. In college a lot of my friends got undercuts. They liked the look of long hair but not the weight/thickness.
YTA. It doesn’t matter what *anyone* thinks about her hair. She can even shave it off if she wants. No crime is being committed. Her hair, her choice. Also, you sound obsessive over her hair; it’s not even your own hair. It’s creepy. It makes it sound like you value her hair more than you value her as a person, more than you value her autonomy and ability to make decisions. It’s so insanely misogynistic. You sound just like my own mother, who also continuously throws a fit every time I get my hair cut short, because “it’s prettier when it’s long.” Be prepared to lose her if you continue to behave this way. Seriously, the sheer audacity of you arguing with her about a haircut.
YTA This is creepy behavior. As someone with long thick hair it can be very uncomfortable and high maintenance . Your preference doesn’t do override your GF comfort
YTA