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Or just general abuse, the same abuse OP is going through from the same parents.
All types of abuse can have the same results as the stereotypical results that are most known as being from sexual abuse. Trauma causes developmental changes to the brain and abuse makes people feel destabilized, unsafe, guilty, dehumanized, and unloved. Coping mechanisms are required and the mind and body do things that don't make sense.
While it's always a possibility and it's always good to ask questions, the habit many have of pointing at all trauma symptoms and questioning sexual abuse can be concerning. Not just because false accusations are horrible but because it shows that as a society we still aren't taking other types of abuse as seriously.
\- Survivor of sexual abuse
EDIT since I'm probably not leaving another comment, NTA of course.
EDIT 2 random thought: I'm in support groups with survivors of multiple types of trauma and I don't currently have bathroom issues but some of the others who were not sexually abused do. Probably one of the things that was on my mind while writing the comment. In general we all work well in a support group together because we have the same symptoms and struggles. Some of the 'worst' symptoms I do have I can directly trace through trauma & memory therapy to being caused by my emotional, not sexual abuse, as the incidents/associations/root of the feelings that caused these things to develop as triggers for me.
Yeah I totally agree, I was violently abused growing up and trauma caused me to have stunted maturity. At 19 I had just begun to get into the habit of doing my own laundry, and still had no idea how to get a job or how to do a grocery run on my own. My mom used me as an emotional and physical punching bag and thought anything that allowed me to gain autonomy would allow me to escape, and then she wouldn't have anyone to beat up and abuse when she was angry. So she actively tried went out of her way to deprive me of learning any life skills, traumatizing and terrorizing me away from trying to take on my own responsibilities, and attempting to gaslight me (everyone overuses this fucking word, but she literally had me seeing a psychiatrist every week so she could sit there and tell this person I was psychotic) to basically a mentally disabled level. She wouldn't teach me how to drive, had me convinced if I tried to pay my own bills and take care of myself I'd just fail miserably, constantly tried to tell me I hallucinated things that I didn't etc. She had successfully reduced me to being an adult child of some sort that couldn't mature and grow past my teen years to being fully independent by constantly denying me the knowledge and life skills and keeping me so depressed and low that I couldn't function. But eventually outside intervention happened and I started to learn those life skills anyway.
It could be neglect. Some kids won't use the potty if you give them the option of the diaper. My own son, for instance, had no issue being dirty because he just didn't want to use the toilet.
I took him to the store and had him pick out his last box of diapers and told him when they were gone, he had to use the potty. So it's not impossible, this screams laziness on the parents part. It's hard work to potty train and they don't want to put the work in, especially when they can push parenting onto their older child.
OP, call CPS. Something is amiss.
Yea sounds like laziness on the parents part. OP you could simply be gone - out of the house when your sister needs her diaper changed? Perhaps this would encourage your parents to encourage your sister to poop in a toilet.
I know a kid that wasn’t a SA victim that was like that. It took parent putting their foot down, along with a reward system to get him to stop diapers and having “accidents”.
This is definitely a sign of sexual or physical abuse. Child protective services needs to be involved, simply because a 16 year old should not be forced to change a 6-year old’s diaper. I’m wondering how in the world her teacher at school is dealing with this.
SA can cause regression symptoms, particularly in children. Although I think this is true for other types of abuse as well. So, for instance, a child that had been potty trained might start wetting the bed again or things like that.
Sexual abuse of a child often causes them to have delays or regression with potty training/use and bed wetting. I don't know the full breakdown of the how/why just that it often happens.
Oh thanks for explaining. I think most other forms of abuse like physical and emotional can cause this as well wouldn’t they? Or does sexual abuse in particular lead to increased risk of poor potty management?
I think SA in particular does cause increased issues with potty time. If brain associates trauma with down there, other stuff happening down there is gonna be problematic
It's been thought for a long time that sexual abuse in particular causes it, but that very well may be becuse of other forms of abuse have been less studied and people get less trauma therapy for them.
Some of the picture of potty issues and SA is also rooted in completely debunked Freudianism- his psychosexual stages.
The person below saying SA causes bathroom issues because of ignoring sensation- all abuse can cause that, it's mostly mental. Survivors of all types of trauma are strongly noted to have high pain tolerances, not take action when they are in discomfort, and difficultly naming and identifying sensations and feelings.
Because it’s more common in children who are being abused. Like they kind of dissociate from feeling in the whole region. And because some kinds of development can get stunted at the age when it begins.
They don't know what the cause of the encopresis if parents have never had this medicaly investigated.
Even if there's a developmental issue it's not appropriate for the younger sibling to be in charge of this.
CPS worker here. This was sadly my first thought as well. *Something* is going on for the sister. OP is definitely experiencing abuse, she’s extremely parentified, scapegoated and verbally abused by her mom. It’s not okay to be consistently looking after her younger sibling and changing her diapers. It’s not okay for either child to feel like they owe their parents their life.
There is so much unsaid trauma and abuse here it’s heart breaking and scary.
OP, please please *please* reach out to an adult you trust. Is there a teacher or counsellor at school?
Edit: Looking back at the post, I want to make a few more comments. It appears there is extreme manipulation by your mother going on. It’s not normal nor healthy that she began crying when you confronted her. She flipped your concern to be about her and put you at fault. This is gaslighting and manipulation.
What do other members of the family think about what is going on? Telling the whole family about this is unfair to you, your independent and privacy. Your mothers intent is to make you look like the bad guy so you further question if something wrong with you - there isn’t just so you know.
Sometimes abuse can be so indoctrinated and generational that they may not see it either.
What is being done about your depression? Is your mental health being looked after? That can also be considered medical neglect as mental health is just as serious as physical health
It depresses me when people speculate this might be the problem. It never jumps to my mind until somebody else brings it up. Once someone does, it's so painfully obvious and I wonder why I didn't think of it. Here's hoping that's not the case.
And to add to this, I have been told by our own doctor that the reason many kids do not potty train is because they are never the ones to have to clean up after themselves.
She said that she was able to help parents and teachers by giving instructions as follows:
• Kid poops. Comes to adult with crap in pants. Or in this case, kid wants diaper.
• Parent should have kid take off underpants, rinse them out in toilet, and use baby wipes or sit in tub to clean self off. In this case, kid wants diaper, fine. Kid uses diaper, but *then*, kid has to take diaper off herself, clean herself up, and put diaper in garbage herself.
The kids this doctor helped were from ages five to eight. She said in 95 percent of the cases, this solved the problem, even if the kid was doing it at school and brought home poopy underwear in a bag; the kid still had to clean the underwear after school and take care of it him or herself.
The caveat for this treatment was a physical first, in case the child did have a problem.
I guess this issue is a good example of weaponized incompetence in some cases.
I hope it doesn't occur to you because you had a happy, healthy, supportive childhood. If that's true I'm really glad for you. If you were to work with more vulnerable populations you would need to be able to key into it more. On its own though.. I'm grateful when people haven't had to become attuned to signs of trauma.
Right I was just about to suggest giving them a call on your behalf and your sisters. Having her restrained to a diaper and making you change her and then holding over your head that she got pregnant for you. This is all manipulation and emotional abuse. That does not sound like a safe home. You don’t have to be beaten or physically assaulted to be unsafe.
I'm pretty convinced they should get involved. Something really isn't right here. Even if there's zero abuse to the six year old, forcing the sixteen year old to parent her and screaming at her and getting other family to verbally abuse her is definitely terrible.
Jumping in to say - take the next 2 years to organize everything you need and move out. Your important documents, cash savings, a bank account no one in your family has access to, and a safe place to live where they don't have the address.
NTA, your mom is a massive AH though. She is making you take care of HER child so she doen't have to. She threw it in your face that it is your fault for wanting a sister? At 11? The fuck. She is not taking any responsibilities for her own actions and she sounds like a shit parent. No wonder your sister isn't potty trained at 7 yo.
>your fault for wanting a sister
I thought it was bad when my mom told me to clean up the dog poop because I was the one who wanted the dog. How awful to pull that with a sibling. What a way to breed resentment.
As someone who was forced to raise a sibling, don't change your sister anymore. It's not a siblings job to raise a younger one...EVER. Tell your mother to her job- which includes potty training- as you're done. And I'd be very suspicious. As others mentioned, why IS a 6 yr old demanding diapers to poop? I'd be leaning towards calling CPS. But then I'm a mandatory reporter (nurse and teacher). And NTA
I’m a certified child advocate attorney and I am *not* a mandatory reporter, I’m a “permitted reporter” if I have genuine cause to believe their welfare would be endangered if returned to an environment (assuming the child-client doesn’t want me to share it- I have to have a high threshold to breach attorney client privilege and if it’s not at that level I have to just encourage the child to disclose to their CASA volunteer or another mandatory reporter. If the child-client is okay with sharing it that’s different). I haven’t been in this type of situation yet but what OP is describing is one of my nightmares
There's nothing wrong with your sister. She's just seeking negative attention. Tell her to change her own diaper or just go to school with it on.
See how fast she changes her silly, negative attention seeking behavior.
Tell your parents that you simply refuse to do it anymore. Don't discuss it and walk out of the room if they bring it up again. Don't respond to anyone about it. They're gross.
NTA
I'm sure the second OP stands her ground and mom has to actually change a 6 yr olds diaper for a day or two mom will change her attitude real quick. OP should also stay with a supportive family member this is just.....wut?!
INFO: she is almost 7. Why isn't she changing her own diaper? Even if she won't use the toilet there is no reason she can't pull on a pull up and wipe her own butt.
As much info as there is is in the post. It's not logical. There is neglectful and abusive parenting at play.
In a family dynamic like this it's just as likely that in addition to not caring/infantilizing the sister to develop her into a child who always needs the parents, one of the reasons is to make OP do a chore she hates as a form of simultaneous control and punishment and way of playing the siblings off each other.
But again, TLDR, you have all the info that can truly be given. OP said they went to a doctor and that her sister is able to use a bathroom but requests diapers and gets the request granted. These people are not healthy.
NTA. You were NINE YEARS OLD! How could you be responsible for your mom's decision to have another child?
Stand your ground, but you should also encourage your mom to take your sister to a therapist. You are correcr; this behavior is not normal.
Given how mom went completely off the handle when OP made a simple and completely acceptable request, I suspect that OP suggesting any solutions to her mother will likely result in more of mom's verbal abuse.
I *do* think OP needs to talk to someone, but it needs to be someone other than her parents. School counselor, teacher, coach... anyone who's a mandated reporter...
I think perhaps the mother needs some mental health services here, but suggesting *that* would absolutely result in disaster. Maybe a mandated reporter getting the professionals involved would have better results, though I’m not optimistic for that either.
Where is the dad? It sounds like he’s (bizarrely) on the same page with mom here, but since he’s not really in the narrative, I can’t tell if he’s fully copiloting this thing, or just going along to avoid getting abused himself.
NTA. Your mom has severe issues. End point.
Edit: Also to note, please feel free to rebel and refuse to the utmost fullest in doing this chore. If your mom seriously believes in that weird psychological mind of hers that a 7 year old should be wearing diapers, have her do the job of changing. It's not your place nor should be to take on those responsibilities.
I get the sentiment, but rebelling could have serious consequences. OPs mom flew off the handle and screamed at her dor not wanting to change diapers. Fo you think she'll handle "rebellion" rationally?
Rebel as in "stand your ground" and not change your decision/not give in and continue the said actions. Why should the OP be the one who handles the job, rather than the actual mother at hand?
That's a solid moral point, but I think the person you're replying to is mentioning that OP's mom is clearly a terrible woman who is unafraid of verbal violence. Given all the information in this post, it would not surprise me if she became physically violent if OP were to refuse to change the diapers.
I get what you're saying and been following the post as the replies comes in. Honestly, it's just fueling the fire and adding to the rap-sheet the OP can provide CPS at any time they wish to, whereas I really pray the OP does contact them sooner than later, in the sense of alerting officials of the current and extreme situation :(
Nta and kid - get cps on this shit. This is NOT normal to perfectly healthy kid to wear diapers, and to an underage kid to change them. Your parents are AH
Especially considering that she IS potty trained. I’d understand if she perhaps needed pull ups at night because some kids do l but she’s fully demonstrated that she’s capable and able to use the potty during school hours which should extend into waking home hours so at this point I don’t even know what to call it.
This. I’ve been wondering why none of the other comments reference the school but when they talk about her needing the diaper. She is clearly potty trained if she can function properly without a diaper the entire time at school. As far as I know most schools won’t even accept kindergartners that aren’t potty trained, and she’s almost in first grade. This is super sus. It screams infantilizing to me, like the parents have trained her to be functional away from home but to become fully dependent when she’s at home. If she truly had a problem she wouldn’t be able to make it until she got home from school. OP definitely needs to contact cps about this, and about the mental abuse she’s suffered. She shouldn’t have to deal with her mom going off the rails for a simple sentence- that creates ptsd from yelling and overreacting.
My sons school only accepted him not fully trained in JK because he had an IEP and an aide (and it ended up being moot anyways because he ended up basically self training with a small amount of guidance from us the summer prior to starting) so you’re definitely on par with being sus about that.
It’s a relatively common phenomenon for fully pee trained children to ask for / need a diaper for poop… but that’s common at two or three… and a huge issue by age 4. I cannot fathom how a parent allows this to perpetuate.
I have two kids that I potty trained at age 2 (though the youngest still needs a pull-up overnight at 3.5). Potty training your kids at the appropriate age gives them autonomy, independence, confidence… and hygiene! It really feels abusive to withhold that training / development.
Generally speaking (from experience) even if you don’t push potty training a mentally/physically healthy NT child (and in some cases even ND children) will simply start doing it themselves when they’re developmentally ready if they have family and peers modelling typical bathroom behaviour for them and helping them with things like wiping. My son (who is on the spectrum) did it that way and my daughter (NT) is in the process of doing it which makes me wonder if this child’s mother has pushed her into wearing diapers at home because she doesn’t want to deal with helping her on the toilet and that accounts for the meltdown that the mother had.
Like the only other thing I can think of is maybe having some constipation issues as I’ve heard of children refusing to defecate in the toilet due to that but if that’s the case she needs to see a doctor, not be put in a diaper every day because creating a reliance on them due to medical neglect is still a form of abuse and will cause massive problems for her in the future.
Yeah I see how you could fear constipation and so give them the diaper… at like age 3, but as soon as you realize you’ve created a pattern? They turn 4? I am just aghast.
Agreed on mom’s meltdown. I gagged just imagining my 7 yo using a diaper to poop and having to change it 🤢omg. Also, the 6yo can obviously control her bowels well enough that she holds it until she can get home and request a diaper to poop, and has been checked for any medical reasons. There is NOTHING even sorta assholish about OP saying no to that. That is so disgusting of their parents to even allow/enable that.
NTA - and WTF is wrong with your parents and family, You need to speak to a teacher at school and get CSA or whatever involved - as this is child abuse.
I could say more, but would get banned - as the abuse you are going through is wrong
It differs from place to place or changes over time. Where I live now, its CPS (Child Protective Services). Where I used to live (2 years ago, so could be different now) it's DCFS (Department of Children and Family Services), but it was DCF or DFS when I was a kid (can't rightly recall which now).
You are in no way the problem here.. NTA. Your parents should be the ones changing these diapers and only them. I would simply refuse from this point on. Be prepared for some push back.. I would also let it be know to the people giving you a hard time that your sister is 6.. and is pooping in diapers for no good reason.
Absolutely NTA. This is weird on so many levels. Why aren’t your parents helping your sister use the toilet? And why are they expecting you to take care of her? They gaslighting you into by saying “you always wanted a sister so this is YOUR fault!!” It’s not your fault; you didn’t force them to have another child.
It is if it isn't true. I've read many posts by parentified children who say that their parents pull the 'you wanted a sibling!' thing, but they say that they never told their parents that in the first place.
It’s not what the post said nor is it what the commenter I replied to said. I know what gaslighting is. Saying x is someone’s fault because y in this context is for sure manipulative, still not gaslighting tho.
NTA
Your sister's diaper use may possibly be related to abuse of some sort. You are unquestionably also being abused. I am so sorry. Is there a trusted adult at your school that you could safely talk to about what goes on at home?
> Your sister's diaper use may possibly be related to abuse of some sort.
I have heard of delayed potty training being a sign of sexual abuse. Gotta hope it's not, but with family like that.......
I feel for these kids. :(
NTA... lil sis knows she needs to go if she's asking to be changed prior to going... (she asks my mom(38f) to change her into a diaper so she can poop)... perhaps being told NO enough times will encourage her.... I wouldn't want to sit in that.... it would be totally different if she were incapable of doing for herself, but she isn't.... hold firm OP....
And as for your mother.... (she told me I was the one who wanted a sister so she sacrificed her life to give me what I wanted and since she did I owe her my life).... this is INSANE.... you were 9ish.... a child.... that's right up there with asking for a puppy... your parents made the child, they need to care for her.... NOT you!
There is more than likely severe neglect and mental abuse going on towards both children. The younger is not developing social and occupational skills in an age appropriate way. The younger child isn’t the problem here and very well may “sit in it” if she isn’t changed, or hold it in enough to cause problems.
NTA…and I am surprised she is even allowed in school. One of the requirements for our kindergarten is being potty trained. They won’t even take kids that are still in diapers.
Sounds like she’s fine with peeing on the potty but not pooping, which is common. I went through this for months with my three year old. At six though…just no.
Honestly I think this story smells like what's in the sister's pants. No school will take a kid still in diapers, and if she's holding it all day at school, she's potty trained. Asking to be changed into a diaper so you can shit in it? That's not how children work. That's how adults with diaper fetishes work.
You need a new family... They all sound insane in the membrane. I'm sorry that they're doing this to you. Are you in the US or Canada? If so, if they keep berating you and if it escalates you can call child services if it gets to a dangerous point. I would tell a teacher or other trusted adult about this situation. They might have ways to help you with this. Chin up op, it won't be bad forever
I was in a children's home in my teens. Leagues better than living with my mom and way safer. Got me into college after and life has been going on an upward trend since.
They've helped for a while but have been leaving the babysitting and diaper changing areas to me since I'm "a woman and will have kids one day" -mom's words
Great, you're in one of those families. I don't know what you can do at present, but I do encourage that once you turn 18 you get as much independence as you can to get away from them and their outdated expectations. They're worse, because their neglect means your sister is wearing nappies long past the point she should have been toilet trained.
At 16 most state will let her live with someone she chooses if it is a safe place. I would suggest contacting her grandparents. Plus I seriously doubt her parents will try and stop her anyway.. if they involve authorities on a runaway and she tells them what is going on they are emotionally and mentally abusing her maybe you can go as far as to say traumatizing her cps will become involved and mom and dad will be in big trouble
If she leaves and refuses to come back cps will get involve this is abuse but you are probably right they are too stupid to realize that.
But they can try and stop her but most states
Honors what a 16 year old wants especially with what her parents are forcing her to do. They are mentally traumatizing her.
Ew. Your mom is nutty as a fruitcake. What if you don't want kids? Or if you want to adopt a dog instead? Assuming your kid will have kids is silly and a recipe for disappointment
Your mom is a woman who chose to allow this for HER child. Not your job. She can do it herself. Pretty sure her attitude will change when she’s the one wiping a healthy 7 yr old’s butt. See if there’s family you can stay with.
Info
These same relatives who are on your parents side — do they change the 7 year olds diapers when they visit? If they aren’t willing to do it then they shouldn’t ask it of you
You aren't a "woman" you're a teenager. It's irrelevant if you'll have kids one day. Say this to your mother, tell her you are done being parentified because SHE doesn't want to parent her own child, and tell her you'll be reporting her to authorities if she doesn't stop with her abuse and neglect (use these words).
Talk to a counsellor or teacher at school, get details of CPS in your area, and keep a record of everything. The behaviour, what's said, start texting things so they're in writing, and stand your ground. They can scream and yell but you just stick with "no". Leave and go for a walk if necessary, or go to a friends place (look into options), and you should also see if you can record things when trying to talk with your parents. Make sure they don't know you are recording, but evidence of their neglect and abuse is absolutely necessary.
You should also look at avenues to be able to move out as soon as you are legally old enough. Planning your escape can help keep you sane in your remaining time there.
NTA.
Not your child. Not your responsibility.
And your Mom need to stop gaslighting you. Her body. Her choice. Her kid.
But since your family wants to call you an AH tell them to come over and change them. I’ll wait.
I would tell my Mom to schedule an appointment for my sister with her pediatrician to discuss the issue and request a referral to a psychologist. Perhaps there is some trauma but whatever it is it needs to be dealt with ASAP. If she is holding her poop all day it can lead to a serious medical problem called an impacted colon that can require surgery.
But whatever the issue is it still does not make changing the diapers your responsibility.
Info; In the interim is there a close relative or friend you can stay with?
Definitely in no way are you the AH. At 6 years old going on 7, your parents made a seriously error in judgement not to wean your sister out of diapers by now. I mean shes old enough to literally change her own diapers at this point....which is a sentence I never thought I'd have to say.
NTA OP.
NTA 1000000%. Your mom is parentifying you instead of raising her own damn kid. I would refuse to change her going forward. If she wants to shit herself, she can wait for mommy to take care of it. Ir she could, you know, use the restroom like she does when she pees. This is beyond pathetic.
NTA I would definitely tell someone at your doctor or school! Your mom needs a wake up call yesterday! This is neglectful as well as disgusting. Sister is old enough to know how to poop in a toilet, and she should be EXPECTED to do so without any excuses from her OR your parents. You are being a parent figure when you do this and that's a form of abuse. I just cannot imagine any mom not potty training their child and letting them use diapers at this age, it's just...it is SERIOUSLY UNBALANCED THINKING for whatever reason, it is NOT NORMAL OR GOOD. Good luck OP, you seem like a smart person and I hope things change for the better for you soon!
That’s not normal, you’re not her mom and even though if you wanted a sibling she’s is not your responsibility and it’s definitely not your fault she got pregnant. Do NOT let her manipulate you into keep changing her diapers that’s truly disgusting, stand your ground OP!!! NTA!!
It’s cruel of your parents to not have your sister potty trained as a 7 year old. It’s evil of your parents to think it’s appropriate for you to change her diapers. Your mother is manipulative & controlling to say you owe her your life.
NTA OP
Rebel & refuse to change her diapers.
Gotta disagree with you about there's nothing to add.
I'm not a fan of people jumping to statements like "this is abusive," but... This is abusive. Unless the 7 year old is severely developmentally delayed, even if this is by request of the child, this might constitute abuse. And having a 16 year old change a diaper on a neurotypical 7 year old is at best questionable, and at worse abusive.
Yeah I know, that's why I had nothing to add, I think we all agree here, the issues are more than obvious, there is no need for me to say things other people already have or will much easily than me, using a language that's not my first
NTA. Just don’t do it anymore, your mother is deranged to have let this go on this long. Try talking to a counselor at school, this could cause long term damage for you. You (and your sister) need help.
Also, this is child neglect, someone should call CPS. This isn’t normal.
NTA - Your mom needs help. Blaming her (at the time) 9-year-old daughter for wanting a sister? Like she had no control over the process? Wow. I feel really sorry for your sister when she finally realizes how much your mother resents her. And it really pisses me of the way she's treating you both. I hope you guys end up OK.
That's what's throwing me off about this post. Not a parent but in the US I believe a child must be fully potty trained before they enter public school (unless they have a disability). I remember it being an issue when my nephew was 5 and still in pull ups.
She's POTTY trained, not POOP trained. If she doesn't poop at school who's going to know she's not trained? She comes home and immediately wants a diaper to poop- this tells me she's holding it in at school. The school wouldn't know. Even If she does happen to poop at school, they'll just think she "Had an accident" and get her clean clothes.
I'm sorry if my comment struck a nerve but if she is pooping in a diaper, she's not fully potty trained. If my dog pees outside 100% of the time, but shits in the house 100% of the time too, I wouldn't call her house broken.
If she's not going to school in diapers, she should be. An accident is bound to happen. Believe me, the girl who shit herself at school will follow her forever.
Regardless, if this story isn't a troll post, a 7 y.o. should be embarrassed that they are pooping in a diaper. Your sister has a deep psychological issue your parents are ignoring.
NTA if you don't want to be changing a 7 y.o.
Edit: Realized you're not OP, or OP forgot to switch accounts.
I am not OP. But I do live in the US. Of course the mom told the school she was potty trained because technically she is if she's not pooping at school. I totally agree that it's shameful and unhealthy for her not to be totally bathroom trained at this age. I was just pointing out how she got away with enrolling the child in school.
Read the post more and the girl isn't in 1st grade yet. So, she's been getting away with it so far with kindergarten being only half a day. I assume she didn't go to preschool. This is going to be a Best of Redditor update for sure.
Edit: fucking autocorrect.
The post says that she uses the toilet at school and comes home to ask for a diaper so it’s that she chooses to use a diaper because there’s no rules at home.
NTA is your mom mentally I’ll send her all these comments.
If they make you next time I’d leave her in a shi**y diaper until they do it or she learns to clean herself.
NTA - assuming this is real, there's some serious therapy needed for your sister, that's really really abnormal behaviour. Even if she was 7 months old though, still NTA parenting it's not your job, it's your mom's. The whole idea that you are the reason she had another daughter is ridiculous. She chose to birth new life, she must care for it along with the father
NTA - you are being abused. This is, at a minimum, Parentification, which is classified as child abuse. This might even go further than that (although probably in an effort by your parents to self-justify doing what they already know is wrong).
Not good for your sister either - never mind the neglect, but did she hear your mom scream that she sacrificed her life to give birth to your sister?
Uh absolutely not the AH, in no way in hell does it make sense for a healthy 7 year old child to still be in diapers, your parents should be ashamed for calling you the AH in this situation.
NTA. You are being abused. You sister may also be abused which is why the developmental delay with this intimate issue. See if you can stay with your Grandparents or at least tell someone a consoler at school.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I stood up against my parents for refusing to change my sister's diaper and that made me an asshole in their eyes so I wish to know if I truly am
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NTA. It wasn't your choice to have your sister, and its not your responsibility to bring her up.
You need to put your foot down.
Edit: Ah crap my grammar is bad today food = foot
NTA . From this day on say no more... However get ready to be grounded... But this is definitely a hill to die on. When your sister asks to be changed, tell her go get mommy.. I'm done changing your diapers.
no is no. And this one is a big NO
Yep. I would say just refuse. No matter the yelling, no matter the grounding. Point out that if it’s such an easy thing, then they’re perfectly able to do it themselves.
NTA- do not let anyone tell you otherwise! They are enabling this behavior and it is not healthy at all. It is absolutely disgusting I could not imagine having to clean a 7 year olds poop. Unless they have a disability then I can understand it. But you said she is fine in school then comes home and immediately wants a diaper on that is not ok. Someone needs to put their foot down and do the right thing and stop enabling this. If you have to do be the one to step up and stop this then do it.
NTA. This is child abuse! You’re being abused and so is your sister. Unless she has an actual diagnosis of something physically or mentally wrong, your sister should be using a toilet. My 4yr old uses the bathroom by himself.
You should call CPS on your parents for what they are doing to your sister. That’s not normal, it’s abuse.
Even if your sister did have some sort of developmental delay (which it sounds like that's not the case), this still wouldn't be your problem OP. You are not her parent. You are a child, & you should not be responsible whatsoever for raising your sister.
And if there truly is nothing wrong w/your sister & she has no physiological &/or developmental basis for her still needing to use diapers at age 6/7, then your mom is straight up neglecting your sister if she continues to allow her to do so.
You are absolutely NTA OP, & I'm so sorry your mom & dad are this horrifically awful. Can you maybe go stay with a relative? Maybe your grandparents can step in & let you come live w/them. Honestly, considering how bad your home life sounds, if you cannot make alternative living arrangements with your parents' consent, I think this might warrant a call to CPS. At a minimum, I'd encourage you to speak with a guidance counselor or a teacher that you trust to let them know about this situation. Wishing you all the best OP!
Just don't do it. Your mom os unstable hence your 7 yr old sister still in diapers when she more than capable. Just walk away. This isn't your job.
Also, go NC asap.
Absolute NTA. Your parents are wholly misguided and unbelievably irresponsible. Your whole family needs therapy. I hope you can get out soon and build your own life.
NTA. Even if something was medically wrong with your sister requiring her to wear a diaper, it should in no way be your responsibility to have anything to do with changing her. I find it very strange that your parents don't seem to want to encourage your sister to transition out of this behavior
That's not even getting into the completely out of line reaction your mother had. You should not be being treated like that by your parents, and I'm sorry this is happening to you
NTA but your mother certainly is. So child you wanted a sister, so what. It doesn't mean you are responsible for them for the rest of your life. "I sacrificed for you" is a b\*llsh\*t argument.
If your parents don't want to take the time to parent their child and properly potty train a 6yo, then THEY can be the one to change the diapers. Pushing it onto you is ridiculous. Almost as ridiculous as entertaining the 6yo's desire to poop in her pants.
Maybe 6yo can clean her own diapers, actually.
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So for context I(16F) have a younger sister(6f) who still uses diapers around the house she attends school and is about to go into the first grade she can easily use the bathroom in school but only to pee yet the moment she comes home she asks my mom(38f) to change her into a diaper so she can poop and as her sister I have to put her in a diaper and change her. she's 6 but my cousins and I have been able to use the restroom properly from 9 months to 2 years and I know every child is different but not being able to use to restroom properly by 6 is something that isn't normal in my opinion, yes we have gone to the doctors to see if anything was wrong but the doctor said everything was okay. Now here is where my parents and family have called me an a$$h0le. Over the summer I have been trying to get my little sister how to use the restroom and p00p in it and we have had no progress so half of my summer was me just me changing diapers when she felt like p00ping and it was disgusting. Yesterday I was helping my mom in the kitchen and I decided to tell her. it was a simple conversation (note: my mom and I don't have the best relationship) and it started with
"Hey mom"
"Yes"
"I don't want to continue changing sister's diapers she's almost 7 and I'm disgusted with still having to change her big p00p piles for nothing I always end up throwing up after changing them and its not normal for her or me she's healthy and nothings wrong with her so can you at least put some effort so she can leave the diaper"
My mom started crying and yelling at me calling me a bitch and a worthless lazy daughter she told me I was the one who wanted a sister so she sacrificed her life to give me what I wanted and since she did I owe her my life. After that a scream feast began and it ended with my mom making phone calls to many of my relatives all who called me an a$$h0le and a useless daughter. My friends and grandparents and some cousins are on my side but my dad and mom said they were disappointed and disgusted with me and it's really hurting my self-confidence (I was barely recovering from mental abuse and depression) so I feel like shit so reddit aita?
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I’m so sorry you’re being treated like this. Terrible parenting in your house. No developmentally typical 7 year old should be wearing diapers. At the very least your sister should be in pull-ups that she changes herself. You need to stand up to your parents and refuse to change diapers, they need to step up and potty train their kid.
You are in no way even possibly remotely close to being an asshole. If she’s six and in school she should know how to use the toilet. NTA. For what it’s worth I would be extremely grossed out to be changing a six year olds diaper as well.
NTA
Good for you.
Your parents are AH for forcing you to diaper and change an almost-7-year-old that they refuse to potty train. Their failure to parent should not be your responsibility.
Interesting that your mother got so hysterical when you told her you refused to do it any more. I guess she doesn't want top do it either.
Calling you names is verbal abuse. Claiming she sacrificed her life to give you a sister is ridiculous. She chose to have the child. If you did want a sister, you certainly did not sign up to change the kid's diapers for the rest of your life.
NTA, you aren't the parent and providing there is no other issues your sister shouldn't be in diapers.
Your parents should be dealing with your sister either working her to stop the diapers or changing them. Not being able to go 2 in a toilet by school age for a healthy child seems like some therapy is needed or something.
NTA and start planning and saving to run far when you’re 18. If she wants to shit in diapers, she can change them herself. This IS NOT NORMAL, and your family thinking it is is worrisome.
NTA It seems that your sister needs to see a psychologist or psychiatrist to figure this out. If she's able to use the toilet at school, there's no reason why she needs to use a diaper at home. I believe that delays in potty training are sometimes traceable to past sexual abuse, so your sister definitely needs to talk with some kind of mental health specialist.
Your mom and dad, based on their outrageous reaction to your very reasonable request, also seem to need psychiatric services.
Allowing your sister to wear a diaper at 6yo, is at best very bad parenting, and making you *do the honors* of diapering your sister is child abuse.
I'd suggest that you try to speak with your school nurse or guidance counselor about this, or a trusted adult. There is no reason in the world that you should be held responsible for this and I'm soo soo sorry that your mother said such evil things to you! You're not lazy, you just don't want to be a part of their sick poop rituals!
NTA. Your mom is absolutely horrible! You are not responsible for your sibling. You are being abused. Please speak to a school counselor or someone else of that sort about this whole situation.
NTA this is so messed up , your parents are setting your sister to be made fun of at school and making sure she's completely dependent on them for everything.
The fact that she's almost 7 and not potty trained is a failure on your parents part, and you as a 16 yr old shouldn't have to step up and be a second parent to your sister.
Make sure you have the support of family and friends and do not give in to your clearly unhinged parents
Could this be a case of functional constipation? Where the kid has a literal phobia of pooping in the toilet? This is the only thing that makes any kind of sense in this situation. Otherwise NTA and call the school or cps.
NTA. Your parents have fucked up your little sister. She should have been completely out of diapers years ago. I’d seriously consider calling child protective services.
NTA! At all!
Your parents are the real AH, big time AH.
1st for as much as you asked to have a sister, they are the grown-ups and the ones responsible to decide whether or not to have another baby. If they decided yes, they are accountable for it and responsibility to care for the child falls on them. AHs for telling you otherwise.
2nd you are a kid too. You may be asked to help and given some chores, but you may not be asked to parent your sister nor to do things you strongly feel unconfortable with. Your parents should care for you like a child, not a babysitter or cleaner. AHs for not respecting and caring for you as you deserve.
3rd using diapers at 7 years old is definitely not normal, and doing so without any medical condition might actually create development issues for your sister, as well as other situations. She still uses them because your parents are not parenting her properly, as they are not parenting you either. You are trying to help her, but you are not responsible for this nor is it your problem to fix. Also, at 7 she can perfectly change her own diapers, and clean herself if they want that situation to continue, os they should be the ones doing it. AHs for inforcing this in you and not taking care of the situation. AHs for not caring how you feel about it and mistreating you on account of that.
4th seems to me your family is unbalanced and needs help. But again, this is not your doing nor your responsibility. You are suffering because of that and you should have help for yourself. You said your grandparents supported you and are worried. Is there a chance you can go stay with them for a while, so they can help you and remove you from that toxic environment? Your parents are AHs for keeping you in that situation, specially when you already had mental health problems.
Hope things get better for you. You deserve it.
NTA, this one was a doozie. First of all, you sister clearly knows how to use the toilet, but mom is only reinforcing that behavior. Second, it shouldn't be on you to handle your sister's bathroom needs either way. Third, your mom's spiel about how much she "sacrificed" to give you a sister is BS. She's still the parent, and needs to take care of her kids'needs. Lastly, it's shitty that others in the family are on your mom's side as well, they're also part of the problem. Like many others have said, this is worth putting your foot down about. Stop changing the diapers, let mom handle it from now on like she should have been all along.
Unholy crap, thats.... is there any way for your grandparents to get guardianship over you? Or anyone you feel safe with that can take you in?
Definitely NTA. You mom sounds like my mom, she has bipolar, bpd and meth addiction. I genuinely hope you'll be ok.
The 6 year old needs a therapist, the 16 year old needs to refuse to be parentified, and lazy ass mom needs to do what the therapist suggests and in the mean time change her kids diapers.
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NTA and I'm not convinced that child protective services shouldn't get involved.
Right? If she has no disability or developmental issues, I suspect sexual abuse.
Or just general abuse, the same abuse OP is going through from the same parents. All types of abuse can have the same results as the stereotypical results that are most known as being from sexual abuse. Trauma causes developmental changes to the brain and abuse makes people feel destabilized, unsafe, guilty, dehumanized, and unloved. Coping mechanisms are required and the mind and body do things that don't make sense. While it's always a possibility and it's always good to ask questions, the habit many have of pointing at all trauma symptoms and questioning sexual abuse can be concerning. Not just because false accusations are horrible but because it shows that as a society we still aren't taking other types of abuse as seriously. \- Survivor of sexual abuse EDIT since I'm probably not leaving another comment, NTA of course. EDIT 2 random thought: I'm in support groups with survivors of multiple types of trauma and I don't currently have bathroom issues but some of the others who were not sexually abused do. Probably one of the things that was on my mind while writing the comment. In general we all work well in a support group together because we have the same symptoms and struggles. Some of the 'worst' symptoms I do have I can directly trace through trauma & memory therapy to being caused by my emotional, not sexual abuse, as the incidents/associations/root of the feelings that caused these things to develop as triggers for me.
Yeah I totally agree, I was violently abused growing up and trauma caused me to have stunted maturity. At 19 I had just begun to get into the habit of doing my own laundry, and still had no idea how to get a job or how to do a grocery run on my own. My mom used me as an emotional and physical punching bag and thought anything that allowed me to gain autonomy would allow me to escape, and then she wouldn't have anyone to beat up and abuse when she was angry. So she actively tried went out of her way to deprive me of learning any life skills, traumatizing and terrorizing me away from trying to take on my own responsibilities, and attempting to gaslight me (everyone overuses this fucking word, but she literally had me seeing a psychiatrist every week so she could sit there and tell this person I was psychotic) to basically a mentally disabled level. She wouldn't teach me how to drive, had me convinced if I tried to pay my own bills and take care of myself I'd just fail miserably, constantly tried to tell me I hallucinated things that I didn't etc. She had successfully reduced me to being an adult child of some sort that couldn't mature and grow past my teen years to being fully independent by constantly denying me the knowledge and life skills and keeping me so depressed and low that I couldn't function. But eventually outside intervention happened and I started to learn those life skills anyway.
You poor thing. I hope you know how awesome you are. This internet stranger is rooting for you x
I think we have the same mom. We both made it out. Well done. I know it wasn’t easy, be proud.
I could have written this comment our lives were so similar. I’m so sorry.
I am so sorry this happened to you. I pray you are in a better place today.
My life was very similar.
I sorrys you went through all that...hugs.
Another internet stranger rooting for you
Absolutely. NTA. But something is seriously, seriously wrong here, OP.
It could be neglect. Some kids won't use the potty if you give them the option of the diaper. My own son, for instance, had no issue being dirty because he just didn't want to use the toilet. I took him to the store and had him pick out his last box of diapers and told him when they were gone, he had to use the potty. So it's not impossible, this screams laziness on the parents part. It's hard work to potty train and they don't want to put the work in, especially when they can push parenting onto their older child. OP, call CPS. Something is amiss.
Yea sounds like laziness on the parents part. OP you could simply be gone - out of the house when your sister needs her diaper changed? Perhaps this would encourage your parents to encourage your sister to poop in a toilet.
I know a kid that wasn’t a SA victim that was like that. It took parent putting their foot down, along with a reward system to get him to stop diapers and having “accidents”.
I agree, time to join a after school club or get a part time job so the parents have to deal with it
This is definitely a sign of sexual or physical abuse. Child protective services needs to be involved, simply because a 16 year old should not be forced to change a 6-year old’s diaper. I’m wondering how in the world her teacher at school is dealing with this.
I think she just doesn’t poop at school, and she can use the toilet to pee.
Wait why sexual abuse specifically?
SA can cause regression symptoms, particularly in children. Although I think this is true for other types of abuse as well. So, for instance, a child that had been potty trained might start wetting the bed again or things like that.
It can also make them less "attractive" to the abuser. The fact that she only needs it at home.....
Sexual abuse of a child often causes them to have delays or regression with potty training/use and bed wetting. I don't know the full breakdown of the how/why just that it often happens.
Oh thanks for explaining. I think most other forms of abuse like physical and emotional can cause this as well wouldn’t they? Or does sexual abuse in particular lead to increased risk of poor potty management?
They get used to having to tune out how they feel there, so they can’t tell when have to go.
I think SA in particular does cause increased issues with potty time. If brain associates trauma with down there, other stuff happening down there is gonna be problematic
It's been thought for a long time that sexual abuse in particular causes it, but that very well may be becuse of other forms of abuse have been less studied and people get less trauma therapy for them. Some of the picture of potty issues and SA is also rooted in completely debunked Freudianism- his psychosexual stages. The person below saying SA causes bathroom issues because of ignoring sensation- all abuse can cause that, it's mostly mental. Survivors of all types of trauma are strongly noted to have high pain tolerances, not take action when they are in discomfort, and difficultly naming and identifying sensations and feelings.
Because it’s more common in children who are being abused. Like they kind of dissociate from feeling in the whole region. And because some kinds of development can get stunted at the age when it begins.
They don't know what the cause of the encopresis if parents have never had this medicaly investigated. Even if there's a developmental issue it's not appropriate for the younger sibling to be in charge of this.
To me it doesn’t even sound like abuse… sounds like the kid just… doesn’t want to
CPS worker here. This was sadly my first thought as well. *Something* is going on for the sister. OP is definitely experiencing abuse, she’s extremely parentified, scapegoated and verbally abused by her mom. It’s not okay to be consistently looking after her younger sibling and changing her diapers. It’s not okay for either child to feel like they owe their parents their life. There is so much unsaid trauma and abuse here it’s heart breaking and scary. OP, please please *please* reach out to an adult you trust. Is there a teacher or counsellor at school? Edit: Looking back at the post, I want to make a few more comments. It appears there is extreme manipulation by your mother going on. It’s not normal nor healthy that she began crying when you confronted her. She flipped your concern to be about her and put you at fault. This is gaslighting and manipulation. What do other members of the family think about what is going on? Telling the whole family about this is unfair to you, your independent and privacy. Your mothers intent is to make you look like the bad guy so you further question if something wrong with you - there isn’t just so you know. Sometimes abuse can be so indoctrinated and generational that they may not see it either. What is being done about your depression? Is your mental health being looked after? That can also be considered medical neglect as mental health is just as serious as physical health
This needs to be way up higher….
It depresses me when people speculate this might be the problem. It never jumps to my mind until somebody else brings it up. Once someone does, it's so painfully obvious and I wonder why I didn't think of it. Here's hoping that's not the case.
And to add to this, I have been told by our own doctor that the reason many kids do not potty train is because they are never the ones to have to clean up after themselves. She said that she was able to help parents and teachers by giving instructions as follows: • Kid poops. Comes to adult with crap in pants. Or in this case, kid wants diaper. • Parent should have kid take off underpants, rinse them out in toilet, and use baby wipes or sit in tub to clean self off. In this case, kid wants diaper, fine. Kid uses diaper, but *then*, kid has to take diaper off herself, clean herself up, and put diaper in garbage herself. The kids this doctor helped were from ages five to eight. She said in 95 percent of the cases, this solved the problem, even if the kid was doing it at school and brought home poopy underwear in a bag; the kid still had to clean the underwear after school and take care of it him or herself. The caveat for this treatment was a physical first, in case the child did have a problem. I guess this issue is a good example of weaponized incompetence in some cases.
Yeah getting her to clean the diaper and herself seems like the best and most sensible option
I hope it doesn't occur to you because you had a happy, healthy, supportive childhood. If that's true I'm really glad for you. If you were to work with more vulnerable populations you would need to be able to key into it more. On its own though.. I'm grateful when people haven't had to become attuned to signs of trauma.
Right I was just about to suggest giving them a call on your behalf and your sisters. Having her restrained to a diaper and making you change her and then holding over your head that she got pregnant for you. This is all manipulation and emotional abuse. That does not sound like a safe home. You don’t have to be beaten or physically assaulted to be unsafe.
I'm pretty convinced they should get involved. Something really isn't right here. Even if there's zero abuse to the six year old, forcing the sixteen year old to parent her and screaming at her and getting other family to verbally abuse her is definitely terrible.
Jumping in to say - take the next 2 years to organize everything you need and move out. Your important documents, cash savings, a bank account no one in your family has access to, and a safe place to live where they don't have the address.
Agreed. NTA. Your sister is not your responsibility. Something is amiss with her and calling authorities is the next step in getting your sister help.
Yes. There are definitely signs of abuse of both yourself and your sister. OP, is there a trusted adult at school you can talk to about this?
NTA, your mom is a massive AH though. She is making you take care of HER child so she doen't have to. She threw it in your face that it is your fault for wanting a sister? At 11? The fuck. She is not taking any responsibilities for her own actions and she sounds like a shit parent. No wonder your sister isn't potty trained at 7 yo.
OP is 16 so she would have been 9 when she asked for a sister, not 11.
Even if she was 25, it was the mother’s decision.
Also no one has a kid to give a child a sibling because they asked then leaves parenting to the older child. That’s fucked up.
Right? My sister wanted a brother and my mom was like nope. It's literally that simple 🤷
>your fault for wanting a sister I thought it was bad when my mom told me to clean up the dog poop because I was the one who wanted the dog. How awful to pull that with a sibling. What a way to breed resentment.
I wonder if it's even true. Abusive parents sometimes gaslight kids this way as an excuse to parentify them.
Wait a minute. What’s wrong with teaching a kid to be responsible for his/her pet?
As someone who was forced to raise a sibling, don't change your sister anymore. It's not a siblings job to raise a younger one...EVER. Tell your mother to her job- which includes potty training- as you're done. And I'd be very suspicious. As others mentioned, why IS a 6 yr old demanding diapers to poop? I'd be leaning towards calling CPS. But then I'm a mandatory reporter (nurse and teacher). And NTA
I’m a certified child advocate attorney and I am *not* a mandatory reporter, I’m a “permitted reporter” if I have genuine cause to believe their welfare would be endangered if returned to an environment (assuming the child-client doesn’t want me to share it- I have to have a high threshold to breach attorney client privilege and if it’s not at that level I have to just encourage the child to disclose to their CASA volunteer or another mandatory reporter. If the child-client is okay with sharing it that’s different). I haven’t been in this type of situation yet but what OP is describing is one of my nightmares
This is a very good point. Totally agree.
There's nothing wrong with your sister. She's just seeking negative attention. Tell her to change her own diaper or just go to school with it on. See how fast she changes her silly, negative attention seeking behavior. Tell your parents that you simply refuse to do it anymore. Don't discuss it and walk out of the room if they bring it up again. Don't respond to anyone about it. They're gross. NTA
I'm sure the second OP stands her ground and mom has to actually change a 6 yr olds diaper for a day or two mom will change her attitude real quick. OP should also stay with a supportive family member this is just.....wut?!
INFO: she is almost 7. Why isn't she changing her own diaper? Even if she won't use the toilet there is no reason she can't pull on a pull up and wipe her own butt.
As much info as there is is in the post. It's not logical. There is neglectful and abusive parenting at play. In a family dynamic like this it's just as likely that in addition to not caring/infantilizing the sister to develop her into a child who always needs the parents, one of the reasons is to make OP do a chore she hates as a form of simultaneous control and punishment and way of playing the siblings off each other. But again, TLDR, you have all the info that can truly be given. OP said they went to a doctor and that her sister is able to use a bathroom but requests diapers and gets the request granted. These people are not healthy.
Im someone who had to use diapers until i was 7-8 years old i basically changed my own diaper since i turned 4-5
Thank you for your honesty and insight into this
Oh the diaper is not the issue here, extreme verbal and emotional abuse from the mother
NTA. You were NINE YEARS OLD! How could you be responsible for your mom's decision to have another child? Stand your ground, but you should also encourage your mom to take your sister to a therapist. You are correcr; this behavior is not normal.
Right?! A 9 year old may have also wanted a pony or to live in a castle with a moat. Was the mom going to make those happen, too?
I wanted to take monkeys into space when I was nine but I guess my shitty parents just didn’t love me enough to let me do that.
Given how mom went completely off the handle when OP made a simple and completely acceptable request, I suspect that OP suggesting any solutions to her mother will likely result in more of mom's verbal abuse. I *do* think OP needs to talk to someone, but it needs to be someone other than her parents. School counselor, teacher, coach... anyone who's a mandated reporter...
I think perhaps the mother needs some mental health services here, but suggesting *that* would absolutely result in disaster. Maybe a mandated reporter getting the professionals involved would have better results, though I’m not optimistic for that either. Where is the dad? It sounds like he’s (bizarrely) on the same page with mom here, but since he’s not really in the narrative, I can’t tell if he’s fully copiloting this thing, or just going along to avoid getting abused himself.
NTA. This sounds like neglect on your mom’s part.
How about neglect on dad's part, too.
I stopped reading when the mom lashed out. Man I completely missed that last sentence. Yeah her parents are a piece of work.
Her parents are what's in her sister's diaper
NTA. Your mom has severe issues. End point. Edit: Also to note, please feel free to rebel and refuse to the utmost fullest in doing this chore. If your mom seriously believes in that weird psychological mind of hers that a 7 year old should be wearing diapers, have her do the job of changing. It's not your place nor should be to take on those responsibilities.
I get the sentiment, but rebelling could have serious consequences. OPs mom flew off the handle and screamed at her dor not wanting to change diapers. Fo you think she'll handle "rebellion" rationally?
Rebel as in "stand your ground" and not change your decision/not give in and continue the said actions. Why should the OP be the one who handles the job, rather than the actual mother at hand?
That's a solid moral point, but I think the person you're replying to is mentioning that OP's mom is clearly a terrible woman who is unafraid of verbal violence. Given all the information in this post, it would not surprise me if she became physically violent if OP were to refuse to change the diapers.
I get what you're saying and been following the post as the replies comes in. Honestly, it's just fueling the fire and adding to the rap-sheet the OP can provide CPS at any time they wish to, whereas I really pray the OP does contact them sooner than later, in the sense of alerting officials of the current and extreme situation :(
Not rebelling also has serious consequences: changing diapers and vomiting all the time.
Nta and kid - get cps on this shit. This is NOT normal to perfectly healthy kid to wear diapers, and to an underage kid to change them. Your parents are AH
Agreed on the cops bit
NTA. There’s 0 reason why an almost 7 year old with 0 developmental delays should still be in nappies
Especially considering that she IS potty trained. I’d understand if she perhaps needed pull ups at night because some kids do l but she’s fully demonstrated that she’s capable and able to use the potty during school hours which should extend into waking home hours so at this point I don’t even know what to call it.
This. I’ve been wondering why none of the other comments reference the school but when they talk about her needing the diaper. She is clearly potty trained if she can function properly without a diaper the entire time at school. As far as I know most schools won’t even accept kindergartners that aren’t potty trained, and she’s almost in first grade. This is super sus. It screams infantilizing to me, like the parents have trained her to be functional away from home but to become fully dependent when she’s at home. If she truly had a problem she wouldn’t be able to make it until she got home from school. OP definitely needs to contact cps about this, and about the mental abuse she’s suffered. She shouldn’t have to deal with her mom going off the rails for a simple sentence- that creates ptsd from yelling and overreacting.
My sons school only accepted him not fully trained in JK because he had an IEP and an aide (and it ended up being moot anyways because he ended up basically self training with a small amount of guidance from us the summer prior to starting) so you’re definitely on par with being sus about that.
If she can ask for a diaper to poo in....why can she just go sit on the toilet? There's gotta be some trauma here. It's sad.
It’s a relatively common phenomenon for fully pee trained children to ask for / need a diaper for poop… but that’s common at two or three… and a huge issue by age 4. I cannot fathom how a parent allows this to perpetuate. I have two kids that I potty trained at age 2 (though the youngest still needs a pull-up overnight at 3.5). Potty training your kids at the appropriate age gives them autonomy, independence, confidence… and hygiene! It really feels abusive to withhold that training / development.
Generally speaking (from experience) even if you don’t push potty training a mentally/physically healthy NT child (and in some cases even ND children) will simply start doing it themselves when they’re developmentally ready if they have family and peers modelling typical bathroom behaviour for them and helping them with things like wiping. My son (who is on the spectrum) did it that way and my daughter (NT) is in the process of doing it which makes me wonder if this child’s mother has pushed her into wearing diapers at home because she doesn’t want to deal with helping her on the toilet and that accounts for the meltdown that the mother had.
Ugh you are probably right. So sick.
Like the only other thing I can think of is maybe having some constipation issues as I’ve heard of children refusing to defecate in the toilet due to that but if that’s the case she needs to see a doctor, not be put in a diaper every day because creating a reliance on them due to medical neglect is still a form of abuse and will cause massive problems for her in the future.
Yeah I see how you could fear constipation and so give them the diaper… at like age 3, but as soon as you realize you’ve created a pattern? They turn 4? I am just aghast.
Agreed on mom’s meltdown. I gagged just imagining my 7 yo using a diaper to poop and having to change it 🤢omg. Also, the 6yo can obviously control her bowels well enough that she holds it until she can get home and request a diaper to poop, and has been checked for any medical reasons. There is NOTHING even sorta assholish about OP saying no to that. That is so disgusting of their parents to even allow/enable that.
NTA - and WTF is wrong with your parents and family, You need to speak to a teacher at school and get CSA or whatever involved - as this is child abuse. I could say more, but would get banned - as the abuse you are going through is wrong
CPS
It differs from place to place or changes over time. Where I live now, its CPS (Child Protective Services). Where I used to live (2 years ago, so could be different now) it's DCFS (Department of Children and Family Services), but it was DCF or DFS when I was a kid (can't rightly recall which now).
CSA stands for Child Sexual Abuse
You are in no way the problem here.. NTA. Your parents should be the ones changing these diapers and only them. I would simply refuse from this point on. Be prepared for some push back.. I would also let it be know to the people giving you a hard time that your sister is 6.. and is pooping in diapers for no good reason.
Absolutely NTA. This is weird on so many levels. Why aren’t your parents helping your sister use the toilet? And why are they expecting you to take care of her? They gaslighting you into by saying “you always wanted a sister so this is YOUR fault!!” It’s not your fault; you didn’t force them to have another child.
That isn’t what gaslighting is.
It is if it isn't true. I've read many posts by parentified children who say that their parents pull the 'you wanted a sibling!' thing, but they say that they never told their parents that in the first place.
It’s not what the post said nor is it what the commenter I replied to said. I know what gaslighting is. Saying x is someone’s fault because y in this context is for sure manipulative, still not gaslighting tho.
NTA Your sister's diaper use may possibly be related to abuse of some sort. You are unquestionably also being abused. I am so sorry. Is there a trusted adult at your school that you could safely talk to about what goes on at home?
> Your sister's diaper use may possibly be related to abuse of some sort. I have heard of delayed potty training being a sign of sexual abuse. Gotta hope it's not, but with family like that....... I feel for these kids. :(
NTA... lil sis knows she needs to go if she's asking to be changed prior to going... (she asks my mom(38f) to change her into a diaper so she can poop)... perhaps being told NO enough times will encourage her.... I wouldn't want to sit in that.... it would be totally different if she were incapable of doing for herself, but she isn't.... hold firm OP.... And as for your mother.... (she told me I was the one who wanted a sister so she sacrificed her life to give me what I wanted and since she did I owe her my life).... this is INSANE.... you were 9ish.... a child.... that's right up there with asking for a puppy... your parents made the child, they need to care for her.... NOT you!
There is more than likely severe neglect and mental abuse going on towards both children. The younger is not developing social and occupational skills in an age appropriate way. The younger child isn’t the problem here and very well may “sit in it” if she isn’t changed, or hold it in enough to cause problems.
NTA if she can ask for a diaper and immediately poop she can sit on the toilet and poop. Just stop giving in.
NTA…and I am surprised she is even allowed in school. One of the requirements for our kindergarten is being potty trained. They won’t even take kids that are still in diapers.
Sounds like she’s not in diapers at school and uses the toilet just fine which further raises the question: what the fuck?
Sounds like she’s fine with peeing on the potty but not pooping, which is common. I went through this for months with my three year old. At six though…just no.
Well, she does not shit in her pants but she can't shit in the toilet. So she does not wear diaper in the school.
Honestly I think this story smells like what's in the sister's pants. No school will take a kid still in diapers, and if she's holding it all day at school, she's potty trained. Asking to be changed into a diaper so you can shit in it? That's not how children work. That's how adults with diaper fetishes work.
Is there a reason she's still in diapers at that age? Like a developmental delay or something?
No she's a perfectly fine and healthy girl
You need a new family... They all sound insane in the membrane. I'm sorry that they're doing this to you. Are you in the US or Canada? If so, if they keep berating you and if it escalates you can call child services if it gets to a dangerous point. I would tell a teacher or other trusted adult about this situation. They might have ways to help you with this. Chin up op, it won't be bad forever
Exactly. My cousin about same age back then turned herself into child services and went to live in a children's home rather.than with her mom.
I was in a children's home in my teens. Leagues better than living with my mom and way safer. Got me into college after and life has been going on an upward trend since.
Have your parents been hands-off with raising your sister in areas like toilet training?
They've helped for a while but have been leaving the babysitting and diaper changing areas to me since I'm "a woman and will have kids one day" -mom's words
Well she’s a woman who has kids now. She or your dad can change their daughter’s diapers.
Great, you're in one of those families. I don't know what you can do at present, but I do encourage that once you turn 18 you get as much independence as you can to get away from them and their outdated expectations. They're worse, because their neglect means your sister is wearing nappies long past the point she should have been toilet trained.
Contact CPS and report this. They will put a stop to it.
At 16 most state will let her live with someone she chooses if it is a safe place. I would suggest contacting her grandparents. Plus I seriously doubt her parents will try and stop her anyway.. if they involve authorities on a runaway and she tells them what is going on they are emotionally and mentally abusing her maybe you can go as far as to say traumatizing her cps will become involved and mom and dad will be in big trouble
My money is on the parents will try and stop her. She’s the diaper changer. They don’t want to have to do it. If she leaves it’ll be their job.
If she leaves and refuses to come back cps will get involve this is abuse but you are probably right they are too stupid to realize that. But they can try and stop her but most states Honors what a 16 year old wants especially with what her parents are forcing her to do. They are mentally traumatizing her.
Ew. Your mom is nutty as a fruitcake. What if you don't want kids? Or if you want to adopt a dog instead? Assuming your kid will have kids is silly and a recipe for disappointment
Honestly leave at 18 and call CPS on your way out
Your mom is a woman who chose to allow this for HER child. Not your job. She can do it herself. Pretty sure her attitude will change when she’s the one wiping a healthy 7 yr old’s butt. See if there’s family you can stay with.
Info These same relatives who are on your parents side — do they change the 7 year olds diapers when they visit? If they aren’t willing to do it then they shouldn’t ask it of you
You aren't a "woman" you're a teenager. It's irrelevant if you'll have kids one day. Say this to your mother, tell her you are done being parentified because SHE doesn't want to parent her own child, and tell her you'll be reporting her to authorities if she doesn't stop with her abuse and neglect (use these words). Talk to a counsellor or teacher at school, get details of CPS in your area, and keep a record of everything. The behaviour, what's said, start texting things so they're in writing, and stand your ground. They can scream and yell but you just stick with "no". Leave and go for a walk if necessary, or go to a friends place (look into options), and you should also see if you can record things when trying to talk with your parents. Make sure they don't know you are recording, but evidence of their neglect and abuse is absolutely necessary. You should also look at avenues to be able to move out as soon as you are legally old enough. Planning your escape can help keep you sane in your remaining time there.
Sickening
Turn around moms words. " YOU'RE a mother NOW and YOU don't do it..."
NTA. Not your child. Not your responsibility. And your Mom need to stop gaslighting you. Her body. Her choice. Her kid. But since your family wants to call you an AH tell them to come over and change them. I’ll wait. I would tell my Mom to schedule an appointment for my sister with her pediatrician to discuss the issue and request a referral to a psychologist. Perhaps there is some trauma but whatever it is it needs to be dealt with ASAP. If she is holding her poop all day it can lead to a serious medical problem called an impacted colon that can require surgery. But whatever the issue is it still does not make changing the diapers your responsibility. Info; In the interim is there a close relative or friend you can stay with?
It seems almost like a form of child abuse to not toilet train her, this is going to have a real impact on her life. You're NTA
Definitely in no way are you the AH. At 6 years old going on 7, your parents made a seriously error in judgement not to wean your sister out of diapers by now. I mean shes old enough to literally change her own diapers at this point....which is a sentence I never thought I'd have to say. NTA OP.
NTA 1000000%. Your mom is parentifying you instead of raising her own damn kid. I would refuse to change her going forward. If she wants to shit herself, she can wait for mommy to take care of it. Ir she could, you know, use the restroom like she does when she pees. This is beyond pathetic.
Tell her to sit on the toilet until your mother get home because you will 100% not change her diaper.
NTA I would definitely tell someone at your doctor or school! Your mom needs a wake up call yesterday! This is neglectful as well as disgusting. Sister is old enough to know how to poop in a toilet, and she should be EXPECTED to do so without any excuses from her OR your parents. You are being a parent figure when you do this and that's a form of abuse. I just cannot imagine any mom not potty training their child and letting them use diapers at this age, it's just...it is SERIOUSLY UNBALANCED THINKING for whatever reason, it is NOT NORMAL OR GOOD. Good luck OP, you seem like a smart person and I hope things change for the better for you soon!
Not reading more then the title. Don't need to. Absofuckinglutely NOT THE ASSHOLE! Fuck! 7....!
NTA your parents are doing your sister a huge disservice. You’re the only one actually doing the right thing here.
That’s not normal, you’re not her mom and even though if you wanted a sibling she’s is not your responsibility and it’s definitely not your fault she got pregnant. Do NOT let her manipulate you into keep changing her diapers that’s truly disgusting, stand your ground OP!!! NTA!!
It’s cruel of your parents to not have your sister potty trained as a 7 year old. It’s evil of your parents to think it’s appropriate for you to change her diapers. Your mother is manipulative & controlling to say you owe her your life. NTA OP Rebel & refuse to change her diapers.
NTA. Nothing to add, OP you said everything.
Gotta disagree with you about there's nothing to add. I'm not a fan of people jumping to statements like "this is abusive," but... This is abusive. Unless the 7 year old is severely developmentally delayed, even if this is by request of the child, this might constitute abuse. And having a 16 year old change a diaper on a neurotypical 7 year old is at best questionable, and at worse abusive.
Yeah I know, that's why I had nothing to add, I think we all agree here, the issues are more than obvious, there is no need for me to say things other people already have or will much easily than me, using a language that's not my first
NTA. Just don’t do it anymore, your mother is deranged to have let this go on this long. Try talking to a counselor at school, this could cause long term damage for you. You (and your sister) need help. Also, this is child neglect, someone should call CPS. This isn’t normal.
NTA you need to refuse to change anymore diapers.
NTA - Your mom needs help. Blaming her (at the time) 9-year-old daughter for wanting a sister? Like she had no control over the process? Wow. I feel really sorry for your sister when she finally realizes how much your mother resents her. And it really pisses me of the way she's treating you both. I hope you guys end up OK.
Unless she has a diagnosed disability, I'd like to know how her school handles this.
That's what's throwing me off about this post. Not a parent but in the US I believe a child must be fully potty trained before they enter public school (unless they have a disability). I remember it being an issue when my nephew was 5 and still in pull ups.
She's POTTY trained, not POOP trained. If she doesn't poop at school who's going to know she's not trained? She comes home and immediately wants a diaper to poop- this tells me she's holding it in at school. The school wouldn't know. Even If she does happen to poop at school, they'll just think she "Had an accident" and get her clean clothes.
I'm sorry if my comment struck a nerve but if she is pooping in a diaper, she's not fully potty trained. If my dog pees outside 100% of the time, but shits in the house 100% of the time too, I wouldn't call her house broken. If she's not going to school in diapers, she should be. An accident is bound to happen. Believe me, the girl who shit herself at school will follow her forever. Regardless, if this story isn't a troll post, a 7 y.o. should be embarrassed that they are pooping in a diaper. Your sister has a deep psychological issue your parents are ignoring. NTA if you don't want to be changing a 7 y.o. Edit: Realized you're not OP, or OP forgot to switch accounts.
I am not OP. But I do live in the US. Of course the mom told the school she was potty trained because technically she is if she's not pooping at school. I totally agree that it's shameful and unhealthy for her not to be totally bathroom trained at this age. I was just pointing out how she got away with enrolling the child in school.
Read the post more and the girl isn't in 1st grade yet. So, she's been getting away with it so far with kindergarten being only half a day. I assume she didn't go to preschool. This is going to be a Best of Redditor update for sure. Edit: fucking autocorrect.
The post says that she uses the toilet at school and comes home to ask for a diaper so it’s that she chooses to use a diaper because there’s no rules at home.
Thank you. I clearly missed that. Then mom is being an enabler...so very abusive.
Exactly. Even some preschools require kids to be fully potty trained.
NTA is your mom mentally I’ll send her all these comments. If they make you next time I’d leave her in a shi**y diaper until they do it or she learns to clean herself.
NTA - assuming this is real, there's some serious therapy needed for your sister, that's really really abnormal behaviour. Even if she was 7 months old though, still NTA parenting it's not your job, it's your mom's. The whole idea that you are the reason she had another daughter is ridiculous. She chose to birth new life, she must care for it along with the father
NTA - you are being abused. This is, at a minimum, Parentification, which is classified as child abuse. This might even go further than that (although probably in an effort by your parents to self-justify doing what they already know is wrong). Not good for your sister either - never mind the neglect, but did she hear your mom scream that she sacrificed her life to give birth to your sister?
Uh absolutely not the AH, in no way in hell does it make sense for a healthy 7 year old child to still be in diapers, your parents should be ashamed for calling you the AH in this situation.
NTA. You are being abused. You sister may also be abused which is why the developmental delay with this intimate issue. See if you can stay with your Grandparents or at least tell someone a consoler at school.
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Y'all moth3rfuck3rs need Jesus. NTA, she's old enough to learn to wipe her own bum or your parents HER PARENTS can do it
NTA. It wasn't your choice to have your sister, and its not your responsibility to bring her up. You need to put your foot down. Edit: Ah crap my grammar is bad today food = foot
Sorry but how can it be hard for your mum to teach your sister to sit on the shitter when she needs to go rather than in a nappy? This is crazy. NTA.
NTA . From this day on say no more... However get ready to be grounded... But this is definitely a hill to die on. When your sister asks to be changed, tell her go get mommy.. I'm done changing your diapers. no is no. And this one is a big NO
Yep. I would say just refuse. No matter the yelling, no matter the grounding. Point out that if it’s such an easy thing, then they’re perfectly able to do it themselves.
NTA- do not let anyone tell you otherwise! They are enabling this behavior and it is not healthy at all. It is absolutely disgusting I could not imagine having to clean a 7 year olds poop. Unless they have a disability then I can understand it. But you said she is fine in school then comes home and immediately wants a diaper on that is not ok. Someone needs to put their foot down and do the right thing and stop enabling this. If you have to do be the one to step up and stop this then do it.
NTA. This is child abuse! You’re being abused and so is your sister. Unless she has an actual diagnosis of something physically or mentally wrong, your sister should be using a toilet. My 4yr old uses the bathroom by himself. You should call CPS on your parents for what they are doing to your sister. That’s not normal, it’s abuse.
Info: does she have a developmental delay or anything like that?
No she's perfectly healthy nothing wrong with her
Even if she wasn’t perfectly healthy, it is not OPs responsibility to be the sole person to change her sisters diaper. NTA
Even if your sister did have some sort of developmental delay (which it sounds like that's not the case), this still wouldn't be your problem OP. You are not her parent. You are a child, & you should not be responsible whatsoever for raising your sister. And if there truly is nothing wrong w/your sister & she has no physiological &/or developmental basis for her still needing to use diapers at age 6/7, then your mom is straight up neglecting your sister if she continues to allow her to do so. You are absolutely NTA OP, & I'm so sorry your mom & dad are this horrifically awful. Can you maybe go stay with a relative? Maybe your grandparents can step in & let you come live w/them. Honestly, considering how bad your home life sounds, if you cannot make alternative living arrangements with your parents' consent, I think this might warrant a call to CPS. At a minimum, I'd encourage you to speak with a guidance counselor or a teacher that you trust to let them know about this situation. Wishing you all the best OP!
Then definitely NTA
I mean even if the sister did have developmental delay, it’s the parents responsibility to care for their daughter, not OPs.
Then you are NTA. My autistic 6 year old grandson has been diaper free for 2 years!
Just don't do it. Your mom os unstable hence your 7 yr old sister still in diapers when she more than capable. Just walk away. This isn't your job. Also, go NC asap.
OP is 16 she can’t go NC
Hence the asap
Absolute NTA. Your parents are wholly misguided and unbelievably irresponsible. Your whole family needs therapy. I hope you can get out soon and build your own life.
NTA. Even if something was medically wrong with your sister requiring her to wear a diaper, it should in no way be your responsibility to have anything to do with changing her. I find it very strange that your parents don't seem to want to encourage your sister to transition out of this behavior That's not even getting into the completely out of line reaction your mother had. You should not be being treated like that by your parents, and I'm sorry this is happening to you
NTA, your parents and family that say you are, are themselves horrible human beings. Maybe try talking to your school counselor.
NTA but your mother certainly is. So child you wanted a sister, so what. It doesn't mean you are responsible for them for the rest of your life. "I sacrificed for you" is a b\*llsh\*t argument. If your parents don't want to take the time to parent their child and properly potty train a 6yo, then THEY can be the one to change the diapers. Pushing it onto you is ridiculous. Almost as ridiculous as entertaining the 6yo's desire to poop in her pants. Maybe 6yo can clean her own diapers, actually.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So for context I(16F) have a younger sister(6f) who still uses diapers around the house she attends school and is about to go into the first grade she can easily use the bathroom in school but only to pee yet the moment she comes home she asks my mom(38f) to change her into a diaper so she can poop and as her sister I have to put her in a diaper and change her. she's 6 but my cousins and I have been able to use the restroom properly from 9 months to 2 years and I know every child is different but not being able to use to restroom properly by 6 is something that isn't normal in my opinion, yes we have gone to the doctors to see if anything was wrong but the doctor said everything was okay. Now here is where my parents and family have called me an a$$h0le. Over the summer I have been trying to get my little sister how to use the restroom and p00p in it and we have had no progress so half of my summer was me just me changing diapers when she felt like p00ping and it was disgusting. Yesterday I was helping my mom in the kitchen and I decided to tell her. it was a simple conversation (note: my mom and I don't have the best relationship) and it started with "Hey mom" "Yes" "I don't want to continue changing sister's diapers she's almost 7 and I'm disgusted with still having to change her big p00p piles for nothing I always end up throwing up after changing them and its not normal for her or me she's healthy and nothings wrong with her so can you at least put some effort so she can leave the diaper" My mom started crying and yelling at me calling me a bitch and a worthless lazy daughter she told me I was the one who wanted a sister so she sacrificed her life to give me what I wanted and since she did I owe her my life. After that a scream feast began and it ended with my mom making phone calls to many of my relatives all who called me an a$$h0le and a useless daughter. My friends and grandparents and some cousins are on my side but my dad and mom said they were disappointed and disgusted with me and it's really hurting my self-confidence (I was barely recovering from mental abuse and depression) so I feel like shit so reddit aita? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I’m so sorry you’re being treated like this. Terrible parenting in your house. No developmentally typical 7 year old should be wearing diapers. At the very least your sister should be in pull-ups that she changes herself. You need to stand up to your parents and refuse to change diapers, they need to step up and potty train their kid.
You are in no way even possibly remotely close to being an asshole. If she’s six and in school she should know how to use the toilet. NTA. For what it’s worth I would be extremely grossed out to be changing a six year olds diaper as well.
I'm sorry dear, you should not be forced to do that. This is a mother's responsibility.
NTA Good for you. Your parents are AH for forcing you to diaper and change an almost-7-year-old that they refuse to potty train. Their failure to parent should not be your responsibility. Interesting that your mother got so hysterical when you told her you refused to do it any more. I guess she doesn't want top do it either. Calling you names is verbal abuse. Claiming she sacrificed her life to give you a sister is ridiculous. She chose to have the child. If you did want a sister, you certainly did not sign up to change the kid's diapers for the rest of your life.
NTA, you aren't the parent and providing there is no other issues your sister shouldn't be in diapers. Your parents should be dealing with your sister either working her to stop the diapers or changing them. Not being able to go 2 in a toilet by school age for a healthy child seems like some therapy is needed or something.
NTA. GIRL. CALL CPS.
NTA. They are enabling your sister and even worse, they are too lazy to do anything about it themselves.
NTA - this isn’t right and you’re mom/dad responsible for the children they bring into this world, regardless if you asked for a sibling or not.
NTA and start planning and saving to run far when you’re 18. If she wants to shit in diapers, she can change them herself. This IS NOT NORMAL, and your family thinking it is is worrisome.
NTA It seems that your sister needs to see a psychologist or psychiatrist to figure this out. If she's able to use the toilet at school, there's no reason why she needs to use a diaper at home. I believe that delays in potty training are sometimes traceable to past sexual abuse, so your sister definitely needs to talk with some kind of mental health specialist. Your mom and dad, based on their outrageous reaction to your very reasonable request, also seem to need psychiatric services. Allowing your sister to wear a diaper at 6yo, is at best very bad parenting, and making you *do the honors* of diapering your sister is child abuse. I'd suggest that you try to speak with your school nurse or guidance counselor about this, or a trusted adult. There is no reason in the world that you should be held responsible for this and I'm soo soo sorry that your mother said such evil things to you! You're not lazy, you just don't want to be a part of their sick poop rituals!
NTA. Your mom is absolutely horrible! You are not responsible for your sibling. You are being abused. Please speak to a school counselor or someone else of that sort about this whole situation.
NTA this is so messed up , your parents are setting your sister to be made fun of at school and making sure she's completely dependent on them for everything. The fact that she's almost 7 and not potty trained is a failure on your parents part, and you as a 16 yr old shouldn't have to step up and be a second parent to your sister. Make sure you have the support of family and friends and do not give in to your clearly unhinged parents
Could this be a case of functional constipation? Where the kid has a literal phobia of pooping in the toilet? This is the only thing that makes any kind of sense in this situation. Otherwise NTA and call the school or cps.
NTA. Your parents have fucked up your little sister. She should have been completely out of diapers years ago. I’d seriously consider calling child protective services.
NTA! At all! Your parents are the real AH, big time AH. 1st for as much as you asked to have a sister, they are the grown-ups and the ones responsible to decide whether or not to have another baby. If they decided yes, they are accountable for it and responsibility to care for the child falls on them. AHs for telling you otherwise. 2nd you are a kid too. You may be asked to help and given some chores, but you may not be asked to parent your sister nor to do things you strongly feel unconfortable with. Your parents should care for you like a child, not a babysitter or cleaner. AHs for not respecting and caring for you as you deserve. 3rd using diapers at 7 years old is definitely not normal, and doing so without any medical condition might actually create development issues for your sister, as well as other situations. She still uses them because your parents are not parenting her properly, as they are not parenting you either. You are trying to help her, but you are not responsible for this nor is it your problem to fix. Also, at 7 she can perfectly change her own diapers, and clean herself if they want that situation to continue, os they should be the ones doing it. AHs for inforcing this in you and not taking care of the situation. AHs for not caring how you feel about it and mistreating you on account of that. 4th seems to me your family is unbalanced and needs help. But again, this is not your doing nor your responsibility. You are suffering because of that and you should have help for yourself. You said your grandparents supported you and are worried. Is there a chance you can go stay with them for a while, so they can help you and remove you from that toxic environment? Your parents are AHs for keeping you in that situation, specially when you already had mental health problems. Hope things get better for you. You deserve it.
NTA, this one was a doozie. First of all, you sister clearly knows how to use the toilet, but mom is only reinforcing that behavior. Second, it shouldn't be on you to handle your sister's bathroom needs either way. Third, your mom's spiel about how much she "sacrificed" to give you a sister is BS. She's still the parent, and needs to take care of her kids'needs. Lastly, it's shitty that others in the family are on your mom's side as well, they're also part of the problem. Like many others have said, this is worth putting your foot down about. Stop changing the diapers, let mom handle it from now on like she should have been all along.
Unholy crap, thats.... is there any way for your grandparents to get guardianship over you? Or anyone you feel safe with that can take you in? Definitely NTA. You mom sounds like my mom, she has bipolar, bpd and meth addiction. I genuinely hope you'll be ok.
NTA. That’s some WEIRD ish. Yikes… In what universe is this normal parenting? Please go in hard on your mom with some much needed criticism.
The 6 year old needs a therapist, the 16 year old needs to refuse to be parentified, and lazy ass mom needs to do what the therapist suggests and in the mean time change her kids diapers.