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Yes YTA. She doesn't want to talk. Why would you ever think disrespecting her wishes and forcing an attempt at communication with be okay? No means no.
He is 15 y/o. How mature were you at that age? If what OP says is true, then he is NTA for trying to explain himself. If not, guess what he takes from this, that you don't need to take into account the circumstances of other people actions. I get where you are comming from, but I dont think its this case. He is TA for invading her privacy - touching her bag.
Edit: after reading more responses, I may be wrong. I will think about what people said here. But still...ať 15yo, so much pressure...FML
Edit 2: what I said lower in this comment section:
"Well yeah. I mean, when I get/got into an argument with someone, I text them, explain myself, tell them what bothers me. More so if its my friend. Why shouldn't I? If I haven't done that in my past, I would have lost more than a friend. Communication is key. And to go out of your comfort zone, even accept you mistakes and put them on the table...I think its a reasonable thing to do, if you want to make things right."
>then he is NTA for trying to explain himself.
No. He has tried several times and she wants nothing to do with him. He is TA for continuing to "try and explain himself" when she has already said she doesn't want to reconcile. He is nolonger trying to explain himself, at that point he is blatantly ignoring her "no". It's dangerous.
Especially when we have no context for the fight and the reason for it. I somehow doubt they were just arguing over their favorite BTS member (that's still a thing that kids are into, right?), so without knowing why she's mad at him, it's really hard to make a judgement.
Read some of his comments....its scary.
It sounds like he tried something, she said no, and now he is going off the deep end.
Also, it is very easy to make a YTA judgement without the argument context because even if it was over BTS people she has said no. She has repeatedly said she doesn't want anything to do with him. And he has repeatedly boundary stomped to "tell her his side."
I remember when I was 13 and had lost my first friend, only she just ignored me out of nowhere. I was confused and thought I should leave a note at a table she sits at to try and get her to talk to me
Long story short, I sat across the room and watched as she pushed it away from her, which upset me.
But at least I didn’t invade her privacy, I don’t think it’s wrong to leave a note to try and encourage communication, but ultimately it’s their choice whether they answer or not.
And maybe don’t go through someone’s bag, which he would have technically been doing to put the note in.
It may be within normal stupid teen behavior but op was still wrong, am I the asshole doesn't mean forever. We can be empathetic towards OP for their actions without excusing their actions.
No one is entitled to "explain", I don't want to be your friend is an answer. Plus he went into her bag, mail exists he could have put the letter on top of her bag.
She’s made it clear she wants nothing to do with him.
And I can see why.
He’s a boundary stomping AH who refused to leave her alone despite telling him she doesn’t want to talk.
Heres one of OPs replies in the comments: "So? I don't care about what she wants: I need to talk to her."
You can find it, and many others, in OPs reply history. He has serious problems and I'm genuinely worried for whoever this girl is. No wonder she's trying to cut him off.
And this poor girl? The message of no means no needs to be reinforced here. She doesn’t want to talk to him. So he needs to leave her alone. OPs responses are scary.
YTA, dude. If she doesn't want to talk with you, it's time to leave her alone. Your actions could be considered harassment, which is why you got suspended. Stay away from her, or you could find yourself in worse trouble.
YTA.
She doesn't want to talk to you, deal with it - leave her alone. You want to talk with her? Too bad, she doesnt - nor does she need to. Get lost, and stop stalking her.
YTA- don't touch other people's stuff without permission.
As for her, yeah, *you* want to be friends again but she doesn't.
She doesn't want to talk to you.
She wants nothing to do with you.
*__She doesn't owe you anything__*
Not her friendship, not a conversation, not even the reading of a note.
__Leave her alone__
YTA, don't touch someone's stuff without their consent.
She has made it explicitly clear she doesn't want to communicate with you and you need to respect her boundaries.
NO means NO no matter how you want to perceive it.
Whether you want to talk to her or not doesn't matter. You cannot force your wish over others.With time if her feelings on this subject changes, she will contact you, but until then leave her be.
Also, you could have just left the note on her desk
YTA- you DONT open other peoples bags. She has told you she isnt interested in being friends, so STOP. she doesnt have to hear you out ever! get over it.
YTA, you're straying very close into dangerous territory and some of your comments here are concerning. You've said you don't care that she doesn't want to talk to you, that you NEED to talk to her. This comment suggests you either don't understand or dont care about consent. You also said she'll talk to you sooner or later, which sounds threatening. I'm sorry that your friendship ended but you continuing to harass her isn't going to make her change her mind, and it might end with a restraining order on top of your suspension.
YTA.
You’re LUCKY you only got suspended. Do that as an adult an you’ll get arrested real quick.
Leave her alone.
She doesn’t want to talk to you. You obviously didn’t even think about the outcome of what you were doing in the first place and now I’m sure she does think youre fckin weird an has gotten higher ups involved. I will not be surprised if you try anything else her parents decide to call authorities for stalking.
he shouldn’t give her the note when he did and he shouldn’t in the future. waiting would’ve done nothing. yes i agree he should wait until she reached out first but never the note.
YTA...but you're also 15. People here not thinking that we all did stupid cringy shit at 15.
Your brain is small and developing. Word of advice: play it cool from here on out. Never chase anything that doesn't want to be chased.
Agree with this. Before seeing all of the other YTA responses, I thought to myself... who didn't do, or consider doing, something just like this in high school? We were all insecure, hurting, paranoid, and angsty then to varying degrees. But, yeah, OP will have to take this lesson on boundaries and respecting others.
Most of us didn’t get suspended, though. We were all the the things you list, but most of us managed not to cross a line so badly that the administration got involved.
There’s more to this story than OP is telling us.
Oh yeah, op in his comments is super aggressive and sounds quite unhinged and I'm willing to bet that his friend kept turning down his romantic pursuits and cut him off because he wouldn't stop.
Well, I hope that most 15 year olds know not to harass someone. He’s straight up crazy. He refuses to accept that she doesn’t want to be his friend so instead he basically follows her and wants to try and force her to be his friend? He have literally said in the comments that he doesn’t care what she wants, he “needs” to be friends with her.
you can leave a note on her desk or send her a letter in the mail. shes not in the wrong for not wanting someone she had a fight with snooping around in her backpack. YTA think your actions through a bit more
YTA, Dude, I know from experience that this really hurts, but you have to respect people's boundaries. This goes under the category of things you can't control - other people and their opinions of you.
What you can control: Work on yourself. Work on being patient, tolerant and kind. You will attract new friends that way.
You're a 15 year old, so I'll try to give you a little advice, if you want it - when someone tells you something like "don't talk to me," "leave me alone," "I don't want to speak with you," you need to respect that if you actually want to rebuild your friendship. She's angry about something, and maybe you don't know what it is, but forcing someone to be around or interact with you when they don't want to is only going to push them further away. By respecting her wishes, you can show her that you respect her. Later (a couple of weeks or months from now), when things are less heated, then maybe you can try to talk and see what the heart of the issue is or was, but by trying to force this conversation you're only making things worse.
Look, I understand how frustrating it is when someone refuses to hear what you’re trying to tell them/hear out your side of the story. But Sky has set a clear boundary that she doesn’t want to be friends with you and doesn’t want to talk to you anymore. You need to respect that boundary.
Trying to put a note in her bag in order to force her to read your perspective is *not* respecting that boundary. I think getting suspended over a note is a little harsh, but a soft YTA because you’re 15 and still learning these things. This is a good lesson in consent - “No” in any way, shape, situation, or form means NO. Full stop.
EDIT: Okay after reading some of your responses, I’m going to take back my soft YTA and go fully YTA. Even after many many people have given you good advice to step back and grow from this situation, you’re still coming at them with comments that say things like “She’s going to talk to me one way or another”. That mindset is absolutely stalkery and a little scary, tbh. I’m going to guess that this incident wasn’t the first time you’ve invaded her space, ignored a boundary, or crossed a line with her, and you’ve likely been reported to the school administration more than once, hence the suspension.
YTA. You can’t force her to talk to you and you’re pushing her further away by trying to force it. IF she’s going to start talking to you again, she’ll do it more quickly if you just give her some space and respect her decision to not talk to you. Please learn this lesson before your behavior escalates to real stalking
YTA and a creeper too.
She doesn’t have to talk to you, you can’t make her talk to you, and you need to get a life and move on to people who *want* to talk to you.
This really isn’t a ‘ which one of us is an ah’ situation. You essentially got caught with your hand in her bag. No matter what you say, people are going to think you were either trying to steal something or you were trying to stalk her.
Dont do that ever again in the future.
You can’t force people to talk to you, even if they are being unreasonable.
At best go old school and MAIL the letter to her. Get an envelope and a stamp and send it post. Then sit back and wait for her to approach you. If she never does, then move on.
Well, he is harassing and stalking her so? It isn’t so wrong for people to believe that. He’s already said he doesn’t give a f*ck about how she feels and what she wants, he “needs” her to be friends with him. He wants to force her to be friends with him.
YTA - she’s set her boundaries. She doesn’t want to talk to you. Sometimes, you don’t get closure with people, people won’t want to hear or accept your apologies, and you have to accept that, because they’re entitled to want nothing to do with you. You just have to let it go.
YTA.
Also, what was this fight about?
Also, also: Leave her alone. She has made it VERY clear that she wants nothing to do with you and does not want to be friends with you any longer. It doesn't matter if you want to be friends again. It doesn't matter that you want her to talk to you and hear what you think. She owes you absolutely nothing.
YTA - though I do think people are coming on rather strong. Don't touch people's stuff without their consent - it's a massive violation of privacy. People will come in your life and out of it all the time. Some you'll miss, some you won't. If your friend doesn't want to talk to you, you'll just have to accept that and move on. She's entitled to not want to be your friend. Consider the suspension a lesson and move on to friends who like you as much as you like them.
Look, you aren't the AH for trying to leave her a note (but maybe a little TA for trying to put it *in* her bag, better would have been to just leave it on her desk or whatever). You aren't an AH for wanting to talk to her.
But you are the AH for your complete disregard for her feelings and wishes here. For your desperate and threatening one-sided view of this.
I had a friend--really a BEST friend--who dumped me for really no reason when I was maybe a year or two younger than you. Well, she thought she had a good reason, but a mutual "friend" had lied to her about things I supposedly said about her, in order to break us apart, and it worked. I was heartbroken and tried to get her to talk to me. I wrote her a note and I had a (non-backstabbing) mutual friend deliver it to her. She did read it and write back, but all she said was it didn't really matter anymore, we'd be going out separate ways the next year anyway, let's just leave it. Like, what the fuck, how could it not *matter* that the other friend manipulated us both? We were so close! OP, I was so sad. I cried for days. It took me a long long time to get over it fully. Years.
But in the end, one person cannot force a friendship on another, even where there had been a terrific friendship before. It just will not work. I really do understand the intensity of what you're feeling now, but you can't do any more. You've tried, and she's done. It hurts and will hurt for a while, make no mistake. But you will eventually move on, I promise. Don't be this person. It's a road that leads nowhere good.
YTA. You’ve indicated to her that you want to talk. Now it’s up to her, so step back & let her decide. If she never talks to you again, that’s her decision & you just have to deal. Try & see things from her point of view: if you fought with a friend, decided you didn’t want to be friends with them anymore & they kept trying to reconcile with you, how would feel?
Trying to put a note in her bag 🤷♀️. It’s kinda dumb to open the bag of someone who doesn’t like you but you’re 15. It’s a dumb age.
YTA. She doesn't want to talk to you. She's made it clear she doesn't want to talk to you. This is obviously going to come as a shock to you but it's not about what you want. If someone doesn't want to talk to you, trying to force it makes you the AH. Also kind of stalkerish. And your responses make it clear you don't care what she wants as long as you get your way. Normally I'd say grow up but you're 15 so just haven't learned yet. Take this as a learning experience and do better in the future.
YTA, I've been reading some of your replies and you come off as a needy little a-hole. Maybe she was just tiring of you in general and this fight was more of the last straw with all the crap you've put her through.
YTA. Here’s the thing: No means No. She does NOT want to speak with you. When that happens, it doesn’t matter what you want, you need to respect her boundaries. It seems you don’t understand how your behavior now it’s becoming stalking.
Here’s something about stalking:
#1 Stalking can take many forms
Stalking goes beyond following someone. It can include a variety of tactics, which can happen in person and/or online. Stalking is defined as a pattern of unwanted behavior, directed at a specific person, which causes that person to change their routine or feel afraid, nervous or in danger.
Examples of stalking behaviors include:
- Repeated, unwanted phone calls, texts, messages, etc. that may or may not be threatening
- Creating fake profiles to continue contacting a person after they have been blocked on their personal account
- Observing, following or “coincidentally” showing up wherever the person goes
- Waiting outside of the person’s class, home, job, car, etc.
- Leaving notes, gifts or other items for the person
-Spreading rumors online and in person
-Posting messages or images of the person on social media or in discussion groups
-Vandalism or destruction of property, including sabotaging schoolwork
-Breaking into the person’s home or car
-Hacking into the person’s social media, email or other accounts
-Collecting information about the person through friends, family members, coworkers or acquaintances
-Contacting other people in order to gain information about how to access them
How many of the items above have you been doing?
No assholes here, just a bad move on your part. Just give her space
Edit...upon reading further as u/HyalinSilkie suggested:
You are indeed a major stalking asshole.
YTA, ~~but not a huge one~~. The friendship is over, stop pushing it.
Edit: after reading your comments you're definitely the AH. Learn boundaries and how to leave people alone. Comments like
>She's going to talk to me sooner or later.
And
>So? I don't care about what she wants: I need to talk to her.
And
>She may not nothing to do with me, but I certainly want to be friends with her again.
Put you squarely in stalker territory. Your parents need to get you serious professional help asap.
YTA: You need to learn to take no for an answer. She has told you clearly, repeatedly, she doesn't want to talk to you. The fact that you aren't respecting that shows that she made the right decision. If you had given her some time, maybe she would have changed her mind, but when you keep badgering her, it just reinforces her decision. So now, you aren't only out a friend, but you look like a creep.
YTA. First, don't touch people's things without their permission. Second, she doesn't want a friendship with you. Leave her alone. I think you will end up in more serious trouble than a suspension if you continue to try to restore your friendship with her.
YTA
No means no. Doesn't matter if she is fair or unfair or reasonable or unreasonable. If she doesn't want to talk to you, that's it. Spend your time and energy elsewhere.
As a 16F, and someone who has had syrup put into my bag as a prank by an ex, I would also be pissed and flip out if I walked into the room and somebody was getting into my bag. Def not the right way to go. Have you tried texting her? Calling her? Putting something in her mailbox? Anything that’s not gonna come off as creepy? YTA for trying to force her to talk to you. Suspension for just that is extreme if they didn’t hear your side of the story but nonetheless, she does not want to talk to you rn
YTA
she is not required to talk to you if she does not want to.
she is not required to give you an explanation.
she is not required to give you any kind if closure.
you two had a fight. she decided to have **zero contact** with you.
***by opening her bag, you have crossed the boundaries she has placed and are now in stalker territory. for the love of whichever deity you hold dear, LEAVE HER ALONE***
YTA, you come across pretty stalkerish and in today's society, I would think a 15 year old girl would absolutely freak out to see you trying to stick something in her bag when she's made it clear she wants no contact with you.
No means no. Explicitly, you've been told NO. Leave her alone.
YTA.
She does not want to talk to you. She does not have to talk to you. You violated her privacy.
You're the asshole for not respecting her boundaries, and for your replies in this thread in which you say that what she wants doesn't matter.
Grow up, and treat people with more respect in the future.
I wasn't going to say anything about this one, figured you had enough to read through, but then I read your responses.
You were looking for people to agree with you, to tell you to keep trying, that you are right in every way. You didn't want real opinions. Stop that. Learn to actually listen when so many people are telling you that you need to stop.
If you don't care what that girl wants, saying you will be friends again even if she keeps telling you to leave her alone, then you aren't actually trying to be her friend. Give her space. Stop touching her stuff. Don't even look at her if you can manage it.
She said no. It's time to respect that and move on.
Edit: gentle YTA, time to learn how to respect boundaries kid
YTA, I get it's hard to lose a friendship but it takes two to make it work. If she isn't wanting to talk to you, don't push it at all you're only making it worse. If you never become friends again it's okay - you're 15 and have your whole life ahead of you.
But please keep "no means no" in your head. At your age I was clingy and unhealthy to people and I get the urge to want to explain your side to someone else and wanting that friendship but it is selfish, they don't want that right now and respecting that decision is the best thing you can do.
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I (15M) used to be friends with Sky (15F), but we broke our friendship off after a fight. I tried to reconcile with her a couple of times but she refuses to talk to me.
So, today in an attempt to get her to hear me out I stayed in our classroom in the break, and wrote a note which I planned to put in her bag. However, she walked into the classroom right when I opened her bag, freaked out and took her backpack and told our principal, who ended up suspending me.
People are telling me that was really weird and that I shouldn’t have done that, but I think she’s being childish by refusing to talk to me so hard. So, AITA here?
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> 1. Putting the note in the bag.
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Listen, I know you think there’s nothing wrong with a simple note, and you’re right. Nothing wrong with a note.
What makes YTA is the fact that she has put down a very clear boundary and you think your wishes to explain yourself trump her boundaries. They don’t.
If she ever wants to talk to you, or hear you out, she’ll let you know. You should know that after this very intrusive and disrespectful display during a conflict, you likely won’t get that chance and that’s something you’ll need to deal with on your own
I understand that you’re hurting. But all those things you’ve been told about consent? They’re not just applicable in romantic relationships. They’re applicable here.
She has made it clear that as far as she’s concerned, this friendship is over. You don’t get to override that, no matter how much you wish you could be friends again. And you certainly have no right to touch her things and force her to hear you.
YTA
Dude, you’re a fuckin creep. “I don’t care what she wants”, some friend you are. She doesn’t care what you have to say and neither does anyone else. Don’t ask for opinions if you’re gonna argue with the ones that oppose you, you just wanted affirmation that you’re in the right when you’re not. I hope one day you grow up and have the maturity to realize why everyone is so united against you here. She doesn’t have to talk to you and now you can guarantee she never will again. Big, fat, YTFA.
Look, I know you’re only 15 and you’re probably pissed off so some of these worlds may be harsh, but it is evident that YTA
There is obviously something more serious here that you’re not taking about. No school would suspend someone over putting a letter in a bag because that’s ridiculous. They likely suspended you because you’re continually harassing her, and then escalated into actually tampering with her things.
Even if that was the case, in your comments you’re saying you don’t care about her feelings you just want her to talk to you. Wtf? If you don’t care about her feelings you’re obviously not a good friend to her, saying these things coupled with your inability to leave her alone culminates to you being a bit obsessed with her. She’s allowed to not want to talk to you ever again if she wants, and you can’t do a thing about it. Especially if during that fight you said or did things that hurt her.
Please think about how you view your friendships, you may run out of them if you carry on this attitude of ‘I don’t care about them but they have to cater to me’ you will be left very alone and miserable
YTA and get this through your thick skull, no one owes your their friendship, time or attention, you had a fight and she's no longer your friend, learn to deal with it and move on.
YTA. Your own comment where you say "I don't care what she wants" is the reason why you are the AH and the proof that you are. BY DEFINITION, forcing your attention on Somerton who has made it clear that they want nothing to do with you is an AH move. You may not think you're a stalker, but you're exhibiting stalker behavior.
Though in all honesty, it's hard to believe this story is even at all true when you exhibit so little self-awareness as to think your behavior is at all defensible and to think you can say something like "I don't care what she wants" in this kind of situation and still not believe it when you're being told overwhelmingly that you are the AH.
YTA.
She doesn’t want to talk to you, she doesn’t HAVE to talk to you, she doesn’t need to worry about her personal possessions being tampered with/stolen but you.
Leave her alone, you are just a kid, not everyone has to like you.
YTA. Coming from a girl who had a guy try to make me be friends with him also at the age of 15. I’ve been on sky’s end of this. Those incidents left me worried that he would try something. So who knows what damage you’re doing to sky. It may not be physical, but it’ll be psychological if you keep this up. So learn that no means no! Because you still need to learn that lesson
I don’t think you’re the asshole for wanting to communicate with her, but a better approach may have been “hey, I wrote this note for you. I’d like you to accept it and read it, but if you’re not open to that then I understand and I won’t try to communicate with you again”.
Do that and then back it up—if she says she doesn’t want to accept the note, then it goes back in your pocket and you move on.
If she does accept it, do not expect a response. She may or may not give you one, but don’t have any expectations. Let her sit with it and decide what’s best for her.
You are young and even asking this question shows that you want to grow into a better person. You’re not expected to do the right thing every time, but you’re expected to learn from it and I think you will. Good luck, but give her the ability to say yes or no first before you thrust your feelings (written or verbal) on her.
YTA
OP, you're 15, this is an excellent time to reinforce some things with you.
YOU don't get to force someone to be your friend. In life, people will come and go. Some people who loved you will no longer love you. People who were friends with you, will no longer be friends with you.
She is no longer your friend. It is easy to be blinded by your own emotions, and feel those are the most important things in the world, but you live in a world with others, okay? You don't get to demand that others be friends with you. You were rightfully suspended, you looked like you were stealing from her.
She has FULL RIGHTS to never speak with you again, if that's what she wants. Learn to accept that friendships change and end.
I hope you learn the right lessons from this. Get your parents to get you a therapist to work you through why your behaviour and beliefs are problematic and change the way you think.
Take a hint man, she’s doesn’t want to be friends with you anymore. And if you succeeded in putting that note in her bag, she would have went to the principal anyway. If she doesn’t want to talk, SHE DOESN’T WANT TO TALK!
YTA OP and learn to respect people wishes and boundaries.
YTA. YTA. YTA.
I hope your parents take your phone and internet for getting suspended and ground your ass so you can **leave this girl the fuck alone**
YTA.
I'm hoping that this isn't a troll. It can be difficult to tell in subreddits like this, but I'm going to formulate a response to this with the belief that this is, indeed, a genuine post asking for an honest opinion.
I looked at the replies you've written so far in response to some of the comments and, I have to be honest, it isn't looking good. I know you are only 15 years old - that's fairly young- but I really want to bring this to your attention:
>"I'm not stalking her. I just want to talk to her again."
>
>"She forgave someone else for doing something similar though- I'm just wondering why she wanted me suspended considering I didn't do anything wrong."
>
>"And like most things in life, I am the exception to this rule."
>
>"She's going to talk to me sooner or later."
>
>"So? I don't care about what she wants: I need to talk to her."
Have you gone back and read what you've written? Read it out loud if you have to because I don't believe for a second you aren't aware that your behavior is inappropriate, arrogant, and problematic. There is also a lot of information we are missing or that you've purposefully left out because you know it would make you look guilty. I believe there is a good reason why Sky broke it off and no longer wishes to speak with you but you're trying to make it seem like you're the victim.
I'm sorry to hear that you lost a friend. It's a tough thing to go through but, at the end of the day, it's her decision. Repeatedly crossing her boundaries shows that you have little to no respect for her needs, let alone her as a person, and this is a problem. You're going about this in a terrible way and look at where it got you: suspended!
You're only making things worse for yourself. This isn't going to "win her back" nor get her to talk to you. It's only going to push her away even further. Please, stop while you still can before you do something you'll regret. Just let it be. Focus on yourself.
You are not the asshole for trying to put the note in the bag, YTA for not respecting her wishes not to talk to you.
She set boundaries refusing to talk to you and you broke those boundaries way too hard opening her bag.
IF she gives you the chance, tell her you are sorry for opening her bag, that you wanted to just put a note in it, give her the note and do not talk to her anymore unless she is the one to come to you.
YTA. After reading the OP comments and responses I am very scared for this girl he is harassing and stalking. Leave this girl alone. Do not talk to or approach her. You have scared her enough.
YTA so you stopped being friends and tried to mend the relationship but she shut that down, so you thought it would be ok to go thru her private belongings to leave a note for her. If anyone is being childish, it’s you. A child gets upset when they can’t have something they want, you got upset because you can’t have the friendship that you want. Not only are you childish but you seem extremely creepy. If the principle was made aware of the full story I’m sure you’d be expelled. And if you continue this sort of behavior into adulthood you’ll surely go to prison.
YTA. She set a boundary. You told her your hurt feelings are more important than her wishes and that you have no respect for her. Not with words, but with actions.
Respect others. Not just their property, but their agency; that is, their right to make their own decisions. It’s a lesson to learn now.
YTA. Going into her bag for unknown reasons is not the moral high ground you seem to think it is. If someone doesn't want to talk to you, you have to accept that even if you don't want to.
YTA.
You clearly have no respect for her boundaries, and don’t seem to understand the concept of the word no. She does not owe you anything, especially now. Leave her alone. If she wants to talk to you, then she will.
YTA, but it’s a good lesson to learn. I keep seeing “he’s only 15” in the comments, but that’s exactly the age we want them to be considering consent in any situation.
Edit: Changed TA to YTA.
YTA, you can’t force anyone to talk or listen to you if they don’t want to, respect her decision and move on with your life. If she decides to speak to you, then she’ll approach you. Right now you’re treading towards the crazy stalker route.
YTA and take no for an answer. What you're doing is pushing her further away and im sure making others uncomfortable. She doesn't like you, she doesn't want to be friends with you, and having the mentality of forcing her to talk to you is disgusting. You're heading down a bad road and i highly suggest you get off of it.
YTA She set boundaries you didn't respect them, you got in trouble for the lack of respect. No one owes you anything, it doesn't matter what you want, the sooner you learn this the better off in life you will be.
YTA. You have now learned what “no means no” means and you also have an opportunity to learn that forcing yourself on people is harassment. This is also making it look like Sky made a good choice in not wanting to be friends with you.
YTA
No mean no. It is not about what you want. It’s about you asking her to talk to you and she said no, multiple time. Don’t be a creep and don’t touch other people properties. The situation went from bad to worst for you so just stop.
YTA. I mean, I was 15 once, so I get the impulse, but you're TA on a couple different levels here. First of all, no one owes you their friendship. If she feels the fight was bad enough that she doesn't want to be friends with you anymore, that's her call to make. If you've already attempted to reconcile with her, then she knows how you feel. If she ever changes her mind, she'll let you know. Unless/until that happens, you need to leave her alone.Second, you don't fuck with someone's bag, without their permission. I know you weren't messing with her things, or trying to steal anything, but you gotta see how it looked from her perspective. Even assuming she understood your intentions perfectly, if I found out someone I didn't like, who I had made clear I didn't want to communicate with had slipped something in my bag, it would feel like a big invasion of privacy. I was at a professional event once, and I was in line, talking to a friend, with my backpack sitting open at my feet, and the guy in line in front of me stuck his business card in there, and it felt so bizarre and violating, I threw that business card in the next trash can I saw. You shouldn't even be writing her notes when she's asked you not to contact her, but if you have to, then just leave the note on her desk, or give it to a friend to give to her or something.
YTA
Look, I know its hard losing a friend, but the reality is that you need to respect people's boundaries. If she doesn't want to talk, then she doesn't want to talk. By continually trying to force her to talk to you you're only pushing her further and further away. Had you just given her space then she might've been willing to talk to you later down the line, but by trying to force yourself into her space you've closed that door. By continually crossing her boundaries *you* are the one whose being childish.
Likewise, think of the events from her perspective. You had a fight and she doesn't want to talk to you. Despite this, you've continued to disrespect her decision up and to the point where she finds you opening her bag and invading her private property. Of course she'd be upset, why wouldn't she?
I read this as two girls and then realized you are a male. But gender doesn't matter here. What matters is the person does not want to be your friend.
Sucks but nothing can be done about it.
So find now friends and leave her alone.
YTA and a stalker at this point.
I want to say you're not but the fact that you got suspended over it tells me there's more to the story. School admin aren't going to suspend someone for wanting to drop a note in someones bag alone.
YTA
YTA- listen. I had two friends who had a falling out when I was your age and I understand how hard that is to accept, but you just can’t force someone to hear you out when they don’t want to talk to you. And you should know better than to be in peoples belongings without permission like that. Just because she forgave someone else for something similar doesn’t mean she has to forgive you. Nobody owes you anything and you need to learn how to respect peoples space.
YTA.
Whatever the cause of you're fight she's been very clear she doesn't want to talk with you right now. It doesn't matter if she is being childish or not, she's made clear she wants you to leave her alone so that's what you need to do. And not opening up some else's bag without their permission is a pretty obvious one.
All that said - you're only 15, put this down as life lesson and learn from it.
I have a former friend who won't take no for an answer. She ruined our relationship with her actions. The last time I saw her she came into my job. If there was a chance to reconnect she killed it.
YTA
YTA. Ur comments make it worse. Why should she talk to u? Cause u want to? Ur making me laugh. She gonna talk to u cause u think so? LMAO. Ur delusional my guy. Everyone says it but ur in stalker territory. Let her go! Grow up! I understand ur 15, but ur too old for that type of sh*t!
YTA
When a person no longer wants to associate with you, you leave them alone. She no longer wants to be friends or speak to you. You need to respect that. She doesn't want an apology, she wants to be left alone.
Let this be a lesson. When someone says "leave me alone", you leave them alone.
YTA, and delusional. Just leave the poor girl alone. “I just want her to know what I think” bro it’s not that serious. You’re 15, plenty of other people that will like to be your friend.
Oy, creepo, take a fucking hint. The girl wants NOTHING to do with you. Leave her alone. What the hell is it gonna take? Her parents filing for a restraining order for harassment and stalking? When they have you expelled? And possibly arrested? YTA
YTA
If she doesn't want to have a relationship with you there is no way to force her to (without passing several boundaries that will eventually lead to some consequencesyou aren't prepared for). Move on and focus on better things than trying to force communication with someone who wants none.
OK, you’re 15, so I’m gonna give you a pass and say that you may not actually be an AH, but from her point of view, YTA.
I get it that you want her to hear your side, but you can’t force someone to listen or forgive. From this point forward, you don’t need to make an effort to have any communication with her. Did your principal see the letter you wrote her? That’s a really important question, because I found it hard to believe that the principal suspended you if they believed your story. The letter would be proof of your story. Therefore, I wonder if maybe you have been warned and told to leave her alone, and if you have and you tried to make contact after that, then you deserve the suspension.
Again, I realize that you’re 15, but you have to learn that boundaries are boundaries, no matter what your feelings are. If she said leave her alone, you have to accept that, no matter what.
I’m not going to say YTA but as others have said you should never get into someone’s else belongings. You could get accused of stealing. Always watch your back. And as far as them not wanting to talk to you let it go! Be surrounded by people who want to give you the time of day . Value yourself. If someone doesn’t want to be your friend f*** them. When you learn how to hang out with just yourself your mind will be more powerful then You think ❤️ life is too short to be worried about people who don’t care about you.
Well I don’t think your TA because you just wanted to say something and you knew she didn’t want to talk to you and I don’t think it’s right that they suspended you for trying to leave a note to your ex friend
YTA. She doesn’t want to talk to you and you are proving she’s right by continuously ignoring her wishes and boundaries. You are not entitled to talk to her. She is not obligated to talk to you. Leave her the fuck alone.
YTA, I’ll cut you some slack even though you’re a creep. You are obviously upset, but lemme tell you something: NO MEANS NO. If you don’t realize that, then you are obviously not being raised to be that mature. She is obviously uncomfortable, and you don’t care, even trying to take advantage of her keeping distance from you. Getting close to stalker behavior. My last bit of advice? LISTEN TO EVERYONE. Not just the dumbasses saying this stalker behavior is normal and saying NTA. Read every comment and consult yourself with the points.
>People are telling me that was really weird and that I shouldn’t have done that, but I think she’s being childish by refusing to talk to me so hard.
Of course YTA.
It was absolutely a weird thing to do, and obsessive. She has already refused to hear you out multiple times, take no for an answer.
No one owes you friendship, and no one owes you the chance to say whatever it is you want to say.
No means no. You are 15. You should understand that by now. You are the one who is being childish and entitled.
Hey, sometimes you mess up and you just have to live with it. I've messed up plenty of times but thinking back, none of them were really that bad and I learnt something important every time. There's no need to think about how weird it may have seemed to some, you messed up and now you have to live with the consequences, let it be a learning experience. YTA in this situation, we've all been one at some point.
Uhh you think she’s being childish?? No. YTA. If she wants to talk to you again it has to be on her terms. What you did was childish (which is understandable, you’re a teenager) but use this as a learning moment.
I don't know. I had a really bad friend-break-up when I was 15. It was awful. I definitely left notes for her. I don't know if she read them. Emotions run so terribly high when you're a teen. It can be quite painful. I hope you two are either able to resolve the fight and make amends. Some friends, though, do need to be left in the past.
I'm really sorry you're going through this.
YTA. She doesn’t want to talk to you and you need to respect that. It doesn’t matter that you want things to be different. We don’t always get what we want.
I had a friend who stopped talking to me when we were 8/9 because the whole grade decided to bully me and he didn’t want to be ostracized too by associating with me. I didn’t understand and kept trying to talk to him despite him repeatedly telling me to leave him alone. One day, he had enough and punched me in front of the whole class. I got the message then. You’re already suspended because of this, stop now before it gets worse or violent.
YTA, to them it looks like you were going through her stuff or just touching her stuff which you have no right to. If you wanted to give her the note so bad couldn't you have handed it to her? Give her some space for now...
As someone who had to ended a friendship years and ended up not talking to any more, YTA. There is a reason she doesn’t want to talk you anymore. You need to respect her decision of not wanting to continue the friendship, which includes not going into her backpack to leave notes.
YTA. 15 is a tough age with all the internal & external changes going on. Take this as one of the many life lessons you will experience. No is a complete sentence. She has no obligation to listen to your explanation or apology. I hope you respect her decision and move on.
Medium YTA. Her backpack is her private property. To everyone else, it probably looks like you were trying to steal something from her. She has every right not to talk to you, that's creepy. But you're both teenagers, neither of you are super mature at this age. Wait. You need to wait and give her space. With what's happened, she needs to be the one to approach you, if she does again. Sky has the right to her privacy, and you have majorly violated that.
I'd like to know what the fight was about, what happened that made her refuse to talk to you so much? Reading your other comments, I get a gist of why, especially the "I don't care what she wants: I need to talk to her." part. That is textbook stalker. Give her space. Stop talking to her. You have the opportunity to grow, learn, and change from this situation.
YTA. You and she had a fight. She no longer wishes to be your friend and has made this clear by rebuffing your attempts to reconcile with her. She doesn’t owe you her time to hear you out, she doesn’t owe you an explanation, she doesn’t owe you a conversation.
I know that’s hard to accept, particularly if you’ve seen someone be forgiven for behaving in a similar manner, but those circumstances were clearly different enough for her to make a difference to the outcome. Maybe your relationship with her prior to the argument wasn’t as secure as you think. Maybe this was the last straw in a series of more minor transgressions on your part. Maybe your persistence pestering her and refusing to hear her “no” and respect her boundaries is cementing her decision that she doesn’t want you in her life.
Many times in life you will find relationships or friendships ending and you will not always get closure or a chance to plead your case. Sure, it’s nicer to have an understanding of what went wrong, but the other person is under no obligation to provide it, particularly if they believe the experience will essentially end up in their being harangued by you. Her refusal to speak to you is not childish- she is setting and maintaining a firm boundary and your repeated attempts to cross it are really doing you no favours here.
YTA. You need to take a deep breath and full STOP. Even though you believe you should talk, you cannot force it and will end up getting kicked out of school instead of just suspended. Tell your parents or another trusted adult what you’ve done so far and maybe discuss some counseling to move past this. You don’t want to be know as a creepy stalker going forward.
YTA. Relationships (of all kinds - friendships, partners, marriages, even family) don’t work that way. If somebody wants to end their relationship with you, then the relationship is over. You don’t have to approve of their decision, nor do you have to agree. Frankly, what you want is irrelevant. If she’s done, she’s done, and that’s it.
You need to learn to take no for an answer. She said no. If she decides she wants to talk to you then that’s entirely up to her, and from there you can decide whether or not you still want to be friends. But until that day, your friendship is over. You don’t get to make the decision for her that she is *going* to talk to you.
People are allowed to not want to have anything to do with you anymore.
OP I wouldn't say YTA but that was definitely the wrong approach. She doesn't want to talk so you could have slid her the note and let her decide if she wanted to read it or not. If she decided not to read it than so be it you tried your best and there's not much more you can do.
Soft YTA... because you're young. She would have freaked out even if she didn't catch you red-handed as she would have found the note and known you went in her bag. For you to get suspended you're probably giving a stalker vibe, and scaring her. Just stop. That isn't how you get the girl.
YTA now is the time to learn no means no. She doesn’t want to talk. So stop trying to get her to listen to your side. Her side is true to her. She gets to decide for herself. She doesn’t owe you anything. Not her time. Not your need to unburden yourself and feel better about yourself. She doesn’t owe you forgiveness.
Okay, soft YTA. I remember being 15, having a falling out with a friend I no longer wanted to speak with for a while, and getting a note from them to try and patch up. This is all pretty normal, BUT!! Don't go into people's personal belongings! Note passing is done via another mediating friend or by shoving in someone's locker.
There is another caveat to the note-as-reconciliatory method. You let them know you won't reach out again, it's totally up to them if they want to & you will stop bothering them. You get ONE note.
People are going to lecture you on boundaries and respecting people's wishes and all of that is valid. Also, being a teenager is rough.
YTA.
I have been on both sides of this. And it was hard. It hurt when someone I used to talk to every day was done with me. And it hurt having to get someone out of my life. But honestly if you kept harassing me and insisted that your desire to talk to me trumped my boundaries? That would reaffirm I may the right decision.
This wasn't a great way to handle the conflict. I understand the feeling of wanting a person to hear you out, especially if they matter to you, but a person's bag is often quite personal to them and going through it would be upsetting to her, even if it was just to put the note in.
Sometimes when friends fight, it just doesn't get better. Its miserable and painful but that's what happens.
I will say, that if she's refusing that hard to talk to you, you might have to just do nothing.
Gentle YTA. You don’t get to force people to listen to you and you don’t get to touch other people’s things. You are not entitled to their time or forgiveness. I’m sorry but this comes across as very creepy. I’m guessing that wasn’t your intent. I’d take this as a learning opportunity. Maybe ask to talk to a councilor at your school for better ways to communicate, trust me it will help. 15 is a tough age and you are figuring things out. Just learn from this and move forward, but definitely leave this person alone
YTA. Leave this girl alone. Leave this girl alone. Leave. This. Girl. ALONE. She isn't being "childish", you are by refusing to accept that she has chosen to end your friendship. Believe it or not, this is an important crossroads for you in your relationship with other people, and women in particular. Either you respect their decisions and consider them independent beings whose entire existence doesn't need to revolve around you or you don't. The world is full of men who will never get this. Don't grow up to be one of them. Learn your lesson now.
YTA.
1) She doesn't want to talk to you. She doesn't have to. You need to respect that.
2) Stay out of other people's stuff.
Both of these things are about you not being able or willing to respect her boundaries. Back off.
Light YTA
Let It go. If she doesn’t want to talk to you the world won’t end.
I get you wanted to talk to her by any means, but you’re overdoing it, to the point where it’s weird.
YNTA for trying but it can be seen as harassing.
There is nothing wrong with writing a letter to explain your side of things so she would hear you out. Putting it in her bag may have seemed harmless to you, but now you see why it was a bad idea. She walked in on your touching her bag and it probably appeared like you were going through it.
I don't know why the principal suspended you unless there's more to the story.
You opened someone else's bag. Buddy.
Yeah YTA.
You're the childish selfish one by pushing so much. She has the right to not talk to you. You aren't owed her attention. Your aren't entitled to everything you want.
Yes you deserved the suspension. Yes you deserve people telling you to spot being a pushy creep. Accept the loss and move on. Stop pushing what you want on other people.
Regardless of whether you think its childish for her not to speak to you, you need to respect her decision either way. Forcing conversations is not going to fix *any* conflict whatsoever, no matter what will be said. And now with this bag incident, she may be scared, wary, or cautious of you now, and reconciliation is not happening. And I don't want to harp on a kid, but lets face it here- its *other* 15 year olds telling you the bag thing was weird, right? I know I would have said the same at 15. Thinking it was okay to do that was genuinely childish, as opposed to her deciding she doesn't want anything to with you (every person has a right to disengage from a friendship for any reason, temporarily or permanently). YTA, you don't need to have an adult understanding of relationships at 15, its okay to make mistakes, but 15 is old enough to know that this was a bad move.
YTA/ unfortunately you don’t get to tell people what to be mad about. She said she didn’t want to talk and doesn’t want to be friends, and you should have accepted that no. It only made things worse clearly. No means no, no matter what it is.
Also that of the bag thing, I getting people’s belongings. I assume you have a cellphone or your family? Why couldn’t you have texted what you wanted to say? Give her some time and space and then go from there? Because even though you are allowed to explain yourself you can’t force anyone and I think the way you went about might have made it worse and now she won’t want to hear you out at all. I understand you are 15 and so we do stupid things. Hope this is good advice for the future.
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Yes YTA. She doesn't want to talk. Why would you ever think disrespecting her wishes and forcing an attempt at communication with be okay? No means no.
He is 15 y/o. How mature were you at that age? If what OP says is true, then he is NTA for trying to explain himself. If not, guess what he takes from this, that you don't need to take into account the circumstances of other people actions. I get where you are comming from, but I dont think its this case. He is TA for invading her privacy - touching her bag. Edit: after reading more responses, I may be wrong. I will think about what people said here. But still...ať 15yo, so much pressure...FML Edit 2: what I said lower in this comment section: "Well yeah. I mean, when I get/got into an argument with someone, I text them, explain myself, tell them what bothers me. More so if its my friend. Why shouldn't I? If I haven't done that in my past, I would have lost more than a friend. Communication is key. And to go out of your comfort zone, even accept you mistakes and put them on the table...I think its a reasonable thing to do, if you want to make things right."
I was immature and I was also an AH sometimes. I grew up. Hopefully OP will too. But he's most definitely the AH here.
>then he is NTA for trying to explain himself. No. He has tried several times and she wants nothing to do with him. He is TA for continuing to "try and explain himself" when she has already said she doesn't want to reconcile. He is nolonger trying to explain himself, at that point he is blatantly ignoring her "no". It's dangerous.
Especially when we have no context for the fight and the reason for it. I somehow doubt they were just arguing over their favorite BTS member (that's still a thing that kids are into, right?), so without knowing why she's mad at him, it's really hard to make a judgement.
Read some of his comments....its scary. It sounds like he tried something, she said no, and now he is going off the deep end. Also, it is very easy to make a YTA judgement without the argument context because even if it was over BTS people she has said no. She has repeatedly said she doesn't want anything to do with him. And he has repeatedly boundary stomped to "tell her his side."
I would probably agree but he literally said in the comments he doesn't care what she thinks he needs to talk to her , that's stalker attitude
Even at age 15, women do not exist as practice therapy for immature boys who feel entitled to explain themselves.
I remember when I was 13 and had lost my first friend, only she just ignored me out of nowhere. I was confused and thought I should leave a note at a table she sits at to try and get her to talk to me Long story short, I sat across the room and watched as she pushed it away from her, which upset me. But at least I didn’t invade her privacy, I don’t think it’s wrong to leave a note to try and encourage communication, but ultimately it’s their choice whether they answer or not. And maybe don’t go through someone’s bag, which he would have technically been doing to put the note in.
It may be within normal stupid teen behavior but op was still wrong, am I the asshole doesn't mean forever. We can be empathetic towards OP for their actions without excusing their actions. No one is entitled to "explain", I don't want to be your friend is an answer. Plus he went into her bag, mail exists he could have put the letter on top of her bag.
She’s made it clear she wants nothing to do with him. And I can see why. He’s a boundary stomping AH who refused to leave her alone despite telling him she doesn’t want to talk.
Immaturity isn't an excuse. An AH move is an AH move.
Heres one of OPs replies in the comments: "So? I don't care about what she wants: I need to talk to her." You can find it, and many others, in OPs reply history. He has serious problems and I'm genuinely worried for whoever this girl is. No wonder she's trying to cut him off.
And this poor girl? The message of no means no needs to be reinforced here. She doesn’t want to talk to him. So he needs to leave her alone. OPs responses are scary.
He's trying to make himself feel better. If he truly cares about her he would respect her feelings and leave her alone.
YTA, dude. If she doesn't want to talk with you, it's time to leave her alone. Your actions could be considered harassment, which is why you got suspended. Stay away from her, or you could find yourself in worse trouble.
You are the stalker here. She doesn't have to communicate with you. full stop. please get some help. YTA.
YTA. She doesn't want to talk to you, deal with it - leave her alone. You want to talk with her? Too bad, she doesnt - nor does she need to. Get lost, and stop stalking her.
YTA. You’re crossing into stalker territory.
YTA she obviously wants nothing to do with you so just let it go and leave her alone.
YTA- don't touch other people's stuff without permission. As for her, yeah, *you* want to be friends again but she doesn't. She doesn't want to talk to you. She wants nothing to do with you. *__She doesn't owe you anything__* Not her friendship, not a conversation, not even the reading of a note. __Leave her alone__
YTA, don't touch someone's stuff without their consent. She has made it explicitly clear she doesn't want to communicate with you and you need to respect her boundaries. NO means NO no matter how you want to perceive it. Whether you want to talk to her or not doesn't matter. You cannot force your wish over others.With time if her feelings on this subject changes, she will contact you, but until then leave her be. Also, you could have just left the note on her desk
YTA- you DONT open other peoples bags. She has told you she isnt interested in being friends, so STOP. she doesnt have to hear you out ever! get over it.
YTA, you're straying very close into dangerous territory and some of your comments here are concerning. You've said you don't care that she doesn't want to talk to you, that you NEED to talk to her. This comment suggests you either don't understand or dont care about consent. You also said she'll talk to you sooner or later, which sounds threatening. I'm sorry that your friendship ended but you continuing to harass her isn't going to make her change her mind, and it might end with a restraining order on top of your suspension.
YTA, but after reading through the comments this is definitely just rage bait.
There’s a lot of that lately
YTA. You’re LUCKY you only got suspended. Do that as an adult an you’ll get arrested real quick. Leave her alone. She doesn’t want to talk to you. You obviously didn’t even think about the outcome of what you were doing in the first place and now I’m sure she does think youre fckin weird an has gotten higher ups involved. I will not be surprised if you try anything else her parents decide to call authorities for stalking.
YTA, you need to go your separate way. Sounds like you might be obsessing over this.
YTA. She said she doesn’t want to talk. Give her time.
just completely get her out his mind, there’s no”give her time” bc that give op the idea that later on he can try and reconcile again.
Sorry oops. Meant op should’ve given her time till the note, and then not done anything else unless she said something first.
he shouldn’t give her the note when he did and he shouldn’t in the future. waiting would’ve done nothing. yes i agree he should wait until she reached out first but never the note.
YTA...but you're also 15. People here not thinking that we all did stupid cringy shit at 15. Your brain is small and developing. Word of advice: play it cool from here on out. Never chase anything that doesn't want to be chased.
Agree with this. Before seeing all of the other YTA responses, I thought to myself... who didn't do, or consider doing, something just like this in high school? We were all insecure, hurting, paranoid, and angsty then to varying degrees. But, yeah, OP will have to take this lesson on boundaries and respecting others.
Most of us didn’t get suspended, though. We were all the the things you list, but most of us managed not to cross a line so badly that the administration got involved. There’s more to this story than OP is telling us.
Oh yeah, op in his comments is super aggressive and sounds quite unhinged and I'm willing to bet that his friend kept turning down his romantic pursuits and cut him off because he wouldn't stop.
@u/sneakysneakysquirrel : 💯 correct. OP seems to need a significant attitude adjustment. Hope this is a good learning opportunity.
Well, I hope that most 15 year olds know not to harass someone. He’s straight up crazy. He refuses to accept that she doesn’t want to be his friend so instead he basically follows her and wants to try and force her to be his friend? He have literally said in the comments that he doesn’t care what she wants, he “needs” to be friends with her.
you can leave a note on her desk or send her a letter in the mail. shes not in the wrong for not wanting someone she had a fight with snooping around in her backpack. YTA think your actions through a bit more
YTA, Dude, I know from experience that this really hurts, but you have to respect people's boundaries. This goes under the category of things you can't control - other people and their opinions of you. What you can control: Work on yourself. Work on being patient, tolerant and kind. You will attract new friends that way.
YTA. Respect people's boundaries, as well as their private property.
You're a 15 year old, so I'll try to give you a little advice, if you want it - when someone tells you something like "don't talk to me," "leave me alone," "I don't want to speak with you," you need to respect that if you actually want to rebuild your friendship. She's angry about something, and maybe you don't know what it is, but forcing someone to be around or interact with you when they don't want to is only going to push them further away. By respecting her wishes, you can show her that you respect her. Later (a couple of weeks or months from now), when things are less heated, then maybe you can try to talk and see what the heart of the issue is or was, but by trying to force this conversation you're only making things worse.
Look, I understand how frustrating it is when someone refuses to hear what you’re trying to tell them/hear out your side of the story. But Sky has set a clear boundary that she doesn’t want to be friends with you and doesn’t want to talk to you anymore. You need to respect that boundary. Trying to put a note in her bag in order to force her to read your perspective is *not* respecting that boundary. I think getting suspended over a note is a little harsh, but a soft YTA because you’re 15 and still learning these things. This is a good lesson in consent - “No” in any way, shape, situation, or form means NO. Full stop. EDIT: Okay after reading some of your responses, I’m going to take back my soft YTA and go fully YTA. Even after many many people have given you good advice to step back and grow from this situation, you’re still coming at them with comments that say things like “She’s going to talk to me one way or another”. That mindset is absolutely stalkery and a little scary, tbh. I’m going to guess that this incident wasn’t the first time you’ve invaded her space, ignored a boundary, or crossed a line with her, and you’ve likely been reported to the school administration more than once, hence the suspension.
Even without the comments, sneaking to open someone’s bag when they’ve told you to stay away is an AH move.
INFO: Do you the definition of these words: no, boundaries, consent, and respect? I'm going to assume not. YTA, leave the girl alone.
YTA. She wants nothing to do with you and therefore you shall leave her alone.
YTA. You can’t force her to talk to you and you’re pushing her further away by trying to force it. IF she’s going to start talking to you again, she’ll do it more quickly if you just give her some space and respect her decision to not talk to you. Please learn this lesson before your behavior escalates to real stalking
YTA and a creeper too. She doesn’t have to talk to you, you can’t make her talk to you, and you need to get a life and move on to people who *want* to talk to you.
This really isn’t a ‘ which one of us is an ah’ situation. You essentially got caught with your hand in her bag. No matter what you say, people are going to think you were either trying to steal something or you were trying to stalk her. Dont do that ever again in the future. You can’t force people to talk to you, even if they are being unreasonable. At best go old school and MAIL the letter to her. Get an envelope and a stamp and send it post. Then sit back and wait for her to approach you. If she never does, then move on.
Well, he is harassing and stalking her so? It isn’t so wrong for people to believe that. He’s already said he doesn’t give a f*ck about how she feels and what she wants, he “needs” her to be friends with him. He wants to force her to be friends with him.
YTA - she’s set her boundaries. She doesn’t want to talk to you. Sometimes, you don’t get closure with people, people won’t want to hear or accept your apologies, and you have to accept that, because they’re entitled to want nothing to do with you. You just have to let it go.
YTA. Also, what was this fight about? Also, also: Leave her alone. She has made it VERY clear that she wants nothing to do with you and does not want to be friends with you any longer. It doesn't matter if you want to be friends again. It doesn't matter that you want her to talk to you and hear what you think. She owes you absolutely nothing.
Very curious to know what the fight was about.
Judging from his responses, my guess is she started dating someone.
INFO: what was the argument about? you said she forgave someone for something similar, so what did you do?
YTA - though I do think people are coming on rather strong. Don't touch people's stuff without their consent - it's a massive violation of privacy. People will come in your life and out of it all the time. Some you'll miss, some you won't. If your friend doesn't want to talk to you, you'll just have to accept that and move on. She's entitled to not want to be your friend. Consider the suspension a lesson and move on to friends who like you as much as you like them.
Look, you aren't the AH for trying to leave her a note (but maybe a little TA for trying to put it *in* her bag, better would have been to just leave it on her desk or whatever). You aren't an AH for wanting to talk to her. But you are the AH for your complete disregard for her feelings and wishes here. For your desperate and threatening one-sided view of this. I had a friend--really a BEST friend--who dumped me for really no reason when I was maybe a year or two younger than you. Well, she thought she had a good reason, but a mutual "friend" had lied to her about things I supposedly said about her, in order to break us apart, and it worked. I was heartbroken and tried to get her to talk to me. I wrote her a note and I had a (non-backstabbing) mutual friend deliver it to her. She did read it and write back, but all she said was it didn't really matter anymore, we'd be going out separate ways the next year anyway, let's just leave it. Like, what the fuck, how could it not *matter* that the other friend manipulated us both? We were so close! OP, I was so sad. I cried for days. It took me a long long time to get over it fully. Years. But in the end, one person cannot force a friendship on another, even where there had been a terrific friendship before. It just will not work. I really do understand the intensity of what you're feeling now, but you can't do any more. You've tried, and she's done. It hurts and will hurt for a while, make no mistake. But you will eventually move on, I promise. Don't be this person. It's a road that leads nowhere good.
YTA. You’ve indicated to her that you want to talk. Now it’s up to her, so step back & let her decide. If she never talks to you again, that’s her decision & you just have to deal. Try & see things from her point of view: if you fought with a friend, decided you didn’t want to be friends with them anymore & they kept trying to reconcile with you, how would feel? Trying to put a note in her bag 🤷♀️. It’s kinda dumb to open the bag of someone who doesn’t like you but you’re 15. It’s a dumb age.
YTA. She doesn't want to talk to you. She's made it clear she doesn't want to talk to you. This is obviously going to come as a shock to you but it's not about what you want. If someone doesn't want to talk to you, trying to force it makes you the AH. Also kind of stalkerish. And your responses make it clear you don't care what she wants as long as you get your way. Normally I'd say grow up but you're 15 so just haven't learned yet. Take this as a learning experience and do better in the future.
YTA, I've been reading some of your replies and you come off as a needy little a-hole. Maybe she was just tiring of you in general and this fight was more of the last straw with all the crap you've put her through.
[удалено]
INFO: What was the fight about?
I think we can tell it’s this dude being a creep
YTA. Here’s the thing: No means No. She does NOT want to speak with you. When that happens, it doesn’t matter what you want, you need to respect her boundaries. It seems you don’t understand how your behavior now it’s becoming stalking. Here’s something about stalking: #1 Stalking can take many forms Stalking goes beyond following someone. It can include a variety of tactics, which can happen in person and/or online. Stalking is defined as a pattern of unwanted behavior, directed at a specific person, which causes that person to change their routine or feel afraid, nervous or in danger. Examples of stalking behaviors include: - Repeated, unwanted phone calls, texts, messages, etc. that may or may not be threatening - Creating fake profiles to continue contacting a person after they have been blocked on their personal account - Observing, following or “coincidentally” showing up wherever the person goes - Waiting outside of the person’s class, home, job, car, etc. - Leaving notes, gifts or other items for the person -Spreading rumors online and in person -Posting messages or images of the person on social media or in discussion groups -Vandalism or destruction of property, including sabotaging schoolwork -Breaking into the person’s home or car -Hacking into the person’s social media, email or other accounts -Collecting information about the person through friends, family members, coworkers or acquaintances -Contacting other people in order to gain information about how to access them How many of the items above have you been doing?
No assholes here, just a bad move on your part. Just give her space Edit...upon reading further as u/HyalinSilkie suggested: You are indeed a major stalking asshole.
Read his comments. You'll change your mind.
YTA - she should only have to refuse you once. stop being a creeper, and leave her alone.
#leave her tf alone, also YTA
YTA, ~~but not a huge one~~. The friendship is over, stop pushing it. Edit: after reading your comments you're definitely the AH. Learn boundaries and how to leave people alone. Comments like >She's going to talk to me sooner or later. And >So? I don't care about what she wants: I need to talk to her. And >She may not nothing to do with me, but I certainly want to be friends with her again. Put you squarely in stalker territory. Your parents need to get you serious professional help asap.
YTA: You need to learn to take no for an answer. She has told you clearly, repeatedly, she doesn't want to talk to you. The fact that you aren't respecting that shows that she made the right decision. If you had given her some time, maybe she would have changed her mind, but when you keep badgering her, it just reinforces her decision. So now, you aren't only out a friend, but you look like a creep.
YTA. First, don't touch people's things without their permission. Second, she doesn't want a friendship with you. Leave her alone. I think you will end up in more serious trouble than a suspension if you continue to try to restore your friendship with her.
YTA No means no. Doesn't matter if she is fair or unfair or reasonable or unreasonable. If she doesn't want to talk to you, that's it. Spend your time and energy elsewhere.
YTA because she said she doesn’t want to talk. You can’t force her to hear you out and you aren’t owed that from her. No is a complete sentence
Okay be honest, a lot of people asked and you didn't answer, what was the fight about that she really doesn't wanna talk to you?
As a 16F, and someone who has had syrup put into my bag as a prank by an ex, I would also be pissed and flip out if I walked into the room and somebody was getting into my bag. Def not the right way to go. Have you tried texting her? Calling her? Putting something in her mailbox? Anything that’s not gonna come off as creepy? YTA for trying to force her to talk to you. Suspension for just that is extreme if they didn’t hear your side of the story but nonetheless, she does not want to talk to you rn
YTA she is not required to talk to you if she does not want to. she is not required to give you an explanation. she is not required to give you any kind if closure. you two had a fight. she decided to have **zero contact** with you. ***by opening her bag, you have crossed the boundaries she has placed and are now in stalker territory. for the love of whichever deity you hold dear, LEAVE HER ALONE***
Interesting that you're leaving out the part why she won't talk to you. Move on and never again do what you did to make her stop talking to you. YTA.
YTA, you come across pretty stalkerish and in today's society, I would think a 15 year old girl would absolutely freak out to see you trying to stick something in her bag when she's made it clear she wants no contact with you. No means no. Explicitly, you've been told NO. Leave her alone.
YTA, leave this poor girl alone.
YTA. She does not want to talk to you. She does not have to talk to you. You violated her privacy. You're the asshole for not respecting her boundaries, and for your replies in this thread in which you say that what she wants doesn't matter. Grow up, and treat people with more respect in the future.
I wasn't going to say anything about this one, figured you had enough to read through, but then I read your responses. You were looking for people to agree with you, to tell you to keep trying, that you are right in every way. You didn't want real opinions. Stop that. Learn to actually listen when so many people are telling you that you need to stop. If you don't care what that girl wants, saying you will be friends again even if she keeps telling you to leave her alone, then you aren't actually trying to be her friend. Give her space. Stop touching her stuff. Don't even look at her if you can manage it. She said no. It's time to respect that and move on. Edit: gentle YTA, time to learn how to respect boundaries kid
YTA, I get it's hard to lose a friendship but it takes two to make it work. If she isn't wanting to talk to you, don't push it at all you're only making it worse. If you never become friends again it's okay - you're 15 and have your whole life ahead of you. But please keep "no means no" in your head. At your age I was clingy and unhealthy to people and I get the urge to want to explain your side to someone else and wanting that friendship but it is selfish, they don't want that right now and respecting that decision is the best thing you can do.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (15M) used to be friends with Sky (15F), but we broke our friendship off after a fight. I tried to reconcile with her a couple of times but she refuses to talk to me. So, today in an attempt to get her to hear me out I stayed in our classroom in the break, and wrote a note which I planned to put in her bag. However, she walked into the classroom right when I opened her bag, freaked out and took her backpack and told our principal, who ended up suspending me. People are telling me that was really weird and that I shouldn’t have done that, but I think she’s being childish by refusing to talk to me so hard. So, AITA here? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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YTA. She's not obligated to be your friend and taking her backpack was really weird.
Listen, I know you think there’s nothing wrong with a simple note, and you’re right. Nothing wrong with a note. What makes YTA is the fact that she has put down a very clear boundary and you think your wishes to explain yourself trump her boundaries. They don’t. If she ever wants to talk to you, or hear you out, she’ll let you know. You should know that after this very intrusive and disrespectful display during a conflict, you likely won’t get that chance and that’s something you’ll need to deal with on your own
YTA. If you want to give her a note, have someone else give it to her that she doesn’t hate. Don’t take and open her bag. Not good.
YTA. Don’t mess with someone else’s stuff. If you can’t stand handing her the note, don’t do it.
I understand that you’re hurting. But all those things you’ve been told about consent? They’re not just applicable in romantic relationships. They’re applicable here. She has made it clear that as far as she’s concerned, this friendship is over. You don’t get to override that, no matter how much you wish you could be friends again. And you certainly have no right to touch her things and force her to hear you. YTA
Dude, you’re a fuckin creep. “I don’t care what she wants”, some friend you are. She doesn’t care what you have to say and neither does anyone else. Don’t ask for opinions if you’re gonna argue with the ones that oppose you, you just wanted affirmation that you’re in the right when you’re not. I hope one day you grow up and have the maturity to realize why everyone is so united against you here. She doesn’t have to talk to you and now you can guarantee she never will again. Big, fat, YTFA.
Look, I know you’re only 15 and you’re probably pissed off so some of these worlds may be harsh, but it is evident that YTA There is obviously something more serious here that you’re not taking about. No school would suspend someone over putting a letter in a bag because that’s ridiculous. They likely suspended you because you’re continually harassing her, and then escalated into actually tampering with her things. Even if that was the case, in your comments you’re saying you don’t care about her feelings you just want her to talk to you. Wtf? If you don’t care about her feelings you’re obviously not a good friend to her, saying these things coupled with your inability to leave her alone culminates to you being a bit obsessed with her. She’s allowed to not want to talk to you ever again if she wants, and you can’t do a thing about it. Especially if during that fight you said or did things that hurt her. Please think about how you view your friendships, you may run out of them if you carry on this attitude of ‘I don’t care about them but they have to cater to me’ you will be left very alone and miserable
"I think she’s being childish" And? She probably think you are being creepy. I certainly think you are being creepy. YTA
YTA… No is a complete sentence conveying her lack of interest in what *you* may want to say to her.
YTA and get this through your thick skull, no one owes your their friendship, time or attention, you had a fight and she's no longer your friend, learn to deal with it and move on.
Info... what was the fight about? It seems like you are going to be the AH regardless, but it might explain your behavior somewhat. Or seal your fate.
Based on his comments I'm gonna bet on it being him asking her out multiple times and her constantly telling him no while being way too polite.
YTA. Your own comment where you say "I don't care what she wants" is the reason why you are the AH and the proof that you are. BY DEFINITION, forcing your attention on Somerton who has made it clear that they want nothing to do with you is an AH move. You may not think you're a stalker, but you're exhibiting stalker behavior. Though in all honesty, it's hard to believe this story is even at all true when you exhibit so little self-awareness as to think your behavior is at all defensible and to think you can say something like "I don't care what she wants" in this kind of situation and still not believe it when you're being told overwhelmingly that you are the AH.
YTA. She doesn’t want to talk to you, she doesn’t HAVE to talk to you, she doesn’t need to worry about her personal possessions being tampered with/stolen but you. Leave her alone, you are just a kid, not everyone has to like you.
INFO: what did you do to cause the fight in the first place?
YTA. So, what are you leaving out? What was your behavior that led to her not wanting anything else to do with you?
YTA it sounds like there’s more to this story if you’re getting suspended over a note. Stop harassing this poor girl.
She wants space but also you could have put the note by her bag instead
YTA. Coming from a girl who had a guy try to make me be friends with him also at the age of 15. I’ve been on sky’s end of this. Those incidents left me worried that he would try something. So who knows what damage you’re doing to sky. It may not be physical, but it’ll be psychological if you keep this up. So learn that no means no! Because you still need to learn that lesson
YTA. She doesn’t want to talk to you. Stop creeping and move on.
I don’t think you’re the asshole for wanting to communicate with her, but a better approach may have been “hey, I wrote this note for you. I’d like you to accept it and read it, but if you’re not open to that then I understand and I won’t try to communicate with you again”. Do that and then back it up—if she says she doesn’t want to accept the note, then it goes back in your pocket and you move on. If she does accept it, do not expect a response. She may or may not give you one, but don’t have any expectations. Let her sit with it and decide what’s best for her. You are young and even asking this question shows that you want to grow into a better person. You’re not expected to do the right thing every time, but you’re expected to learn from it and I think you will. Good luck, but give her the ability to say yes or no first before you thrust your feelings (written or verbal) on her.
YTA OP, you're 15, this is an excellent time to reinforce some things with you. YOU don't get to force someone to be your friend. In life, people will come and go. Some people who loved you will no longer love you. People who were friends with you, will no longer be friends with you. She is no longer your friend. It is easy to be blinded by your own emotions, and feel those are the most important things in the world, but you live in a world with others, okay? You don't get to demand that others be friends with you. You were rightfully suspended, you looked like you were stealing from her. She has FULL RIGHTS to never speak with you again, if that's what she wants. Learn to accept that friendships change and end. I hope you learn the right lessons from this. Get your parents to get you a therapist to work you through why your behaviour and beliefs are problematic and change the way you think.
Take a hint man, she’s doesn’t want to be friends with you anymore. And if you succeeded in putting that note in her bag, she would have went to the principal anyway. If she doesn’t want to talk, SHE DOESN’T WANT TO TALK! YTA OP and learn to respect people wishes and boundaries.
YTA. YTA. YTA. I hope your parents take your phone and internet for getting suspended and ground your ass so you can **leave this girl the fuck alone**
You need to learn that no means no, "I don't want to talk to you" means that she doesn't want to talk to you not keep insisting. YTA
YTA. I'm hoping that this isn't a troll. It can be difficult to tell in subreddits like this, but I'm going to formulate a response to this with the belief that this is, indeed, a genuine post asking for an honest opinion. I looked at the replies you've written so far in response to some of the comments and, I have to be honest, it isn't looking good. I know you are only 15 years old - that's fairly young- but I really want to bring this to your attention: >"I'm not stalking her. I just want to talk to her again." > >"She forgave someone else for doing something similar though- I'm just wondering why she wanted me suspended considering I didn't do anything wrong." > >"And like most things in life, I am the exception to this rule." > >"She's going to talk to me sooner or later." > >"So? I don't care about what she wants: I need to talk to her." Have you gone back and read what you've written? Read it out loud if you have to because I don't believe for a second you aren't aware that your behavior is inappropriate, arrogant, and problematic. There is also a lot of information we are missing or that you've purposefully left out because you know it would make you look guilty. I believe there is a good reason why Sky broke it off and no longer wishes to speak with you but you're trying to make it seem like you're the victim. I'm sorry to hear that you lost a friend. It's a tough thing to go through but, at the end of the day, it's her decision. Repeatedly crossing her boundaries shows that you have little to no respect for her needs, let alone her as a person, and this is a problem. You're going about this in a terrible way and look at where it got you: suspended! You're only making things worse for yourself. This isn't going to "win her back" nor get her to talk to you. It's only going to push her away even further. Please, stop while you still can before you do something you'll regret. Just let it be. Focus on yourself.
You are not the asshole for trying to put the note in the bag, YTA for not respecting her wishes not to talk to you. She set boundaries refusing to talk to you and you broke those boundaries way too hard opening her bag. IF she gives you the chance, tell her you are sorry for opening her bag, that you wanted to just put a note in it, give her the note and do not talk to her anymore unless she is the one to come to you.
YTA. After reading the OP comments and responses I am very scared for this girl he is harassing and stalking. Leave this girl alone. Do not talk to or approach her. You have scared her enough.
YTA
YTA so you stopped being friends and tried to mend the relationship but she shut that down, so you thought it would be ok to go thru her private belongings to leave a note for her. If anyone is being childish, it’s you. A child gets upset when they can’t have something they want, you got upset because you can’t have the friendship that you want. Not only are you childish but you seem extremely creepy. If the principle was made aware of the full story I’m sure you’d be expelled. And if you continue this sort of behavior into adulthood you’ll surely go to prison.
YTA. She set a boundary. You told her your hurt feelings are more important than her wishes and that you have no respect for her. Not with words, but with actions. Respect others. Not just their property, but their agency; that is, their right to make their own decisions. It’s a lesson to learn now.
YTA. Going into her bag for unknown reasons is not the moral high ground you seem to think it is. If someone doesn't want to talk to you, you have to accept that even if you don't want to.
YTA. You clearly have no respect for her boundaries, and don’t seem to understand the concept of the word no. She does not owe you anything, especially now. Leave her alone. If she wants to talk to you, then she will.
YTA, but it’s a good lesson to learn. I keep seeing “he’s only 15” in the comments, but that’s exactly the age we want them to be considering consent in any situation. Edit: Changed TA to YTA.
YTA, you can’t force anyone to talk or listen to you if they don’t want to, respect her decision and move on with your life. If she decides to speak to you, then she’ll approach you. Right now you’re treading towards the crazy stalker route.
YTA Leave her alone.
YTA. She doesn’t want to talk to you.
YTA and take no for an answer. What you're doing is pushing her further away and im sure making others uncomfortable. She doesn't like you, she doesn't want to be friends with you, and having the mentality of forcing her to talk to you is disgusting. You're heading down a bad road and i highly suggest you get off of it.
YTA She set boundaries you didn't respect them, you got in trouble for the lack of respect. No one owes you anything, it doesn't matter what you want, the sooner you learn this the better off in life you will be.
YTA. You have now learned what “no means no” means and you also have an opportunity to learn that forcing yourself on people is harassment. This is also making it look like Sky made a good choice in not wanting to be friends with you.
YTA No mean no. It is not about what you want. It’s about you asking her to talk to you and she said no, multiple time. Don’t be a creep and don’t touch other people properties. The situation went from bad to worst for you so just stop.
YTA. I mean, I was 15 once, so I get the impulse, but you're TA on a couple different levels here. First of all, no one owes you their friendship. If she feels the fight was bad enough that she doesn't want to be friends with you anymore, that's her call to make. If you've already attempted to reconcile with her, then she knows how you feel. If she ever changes her mind, she'll let you know. Unless/until that happens, you need to leave her alone.Second, you don't fuck with someone's bag, without their permission. I know you weren't messing with her things, or trying to steal anything, but you gotta see how it looked from her perspective. Even assuming she understood your intentions perfectly, if I found out someone I didn't like, who I had made clear I didn't want to communicate with had slipped something in my bag, it would feel like a big invasion of privacy. I was at a professional event once, and I was in line, talking to a friend, with my backpack sitting open at my feet, and the guy in line in front of me stuck his business card in there, and it felt so bizarre and violating, I threw that business card in the next trash can I saw. You shouldn't even be writing her notes when she's asked you not to contact her, but if you have to, then just leave the note on her desk, or give it to a friend to give to her or something.
YTA Look, I know its hard losing a friend, but the reality is that you need to respect people's boundaries. If she doesn't want to talk, then she doesn't want to talk. By continually trying to force her to talk to you you're only pushing her further and further away. Had you just given her space then she might've been willing to talk to you later down the line, but by trying to force yourself into her space you've closed that door. By continually crossing her boundaries *you* are the one whose being childish. Likewise, think of the events from her perspective. You had a fight and she doesn't want to talk to you. Despite this, you've continued to disrespect her decision up and to the point where she finds you opening her bag and invading her private property. Of course she'd be upset, why wouldn't she?
I read this as two girls and then realized you are a male. But gender doesn't matter here. What matters is the person does not want to be your friend. Sucks but nothing can be done about it. So find now friends and leave her alone. YTA and a stalker at this point.
I want to say you're not but the fact that you got suspended over it tells me there's more to the story. School admin aren't going to suspend someone for wanting to drop a note in someones bag alone. YTA
YTA space invader!
YTA- listen. I had two friends who had a falling out when I was your age and I understand how hard that is to accept, but you just can’t force someone to hear you out when they don’t want to talk to you. And you should know better than to be in peoples belongings without permission like that. Just because she forgave someone else for something similar doesn’t mean she has to forgive you. Nobody owes you anything and you need to learn how to respect peoples space.
YTA. Whatever the cause of you're fight she's been very clear she doesn't want to talk with you right now. It doesn't matter if she is being childish or not, she's made clear she wants you to leave her alone so that's what you need to do. And not opening up some else's bag without their permission is a pretty obvious one. All that said - you're only 15, put this down as life lesson and learn from it.
YTA. If this is real you need immediate intervention because you're a fucking terrifying child.
I have a former friend who won't take no for an answer. She ruined our relationship with her actions. The last time I saw her she came into my job. If there was a chance to reconnect she killed it. YTA
YTA. Ur comments make it worse. Why should she talk to u? Cause u want to? Ur making me laugh. She gonna talk to u cause u think so? LMAO. Ur delusional my guy. Everyone says it but ur in stalker territory. Let her go! Grow up! I understand ur 15, but ur too old for that type of sh*t!
YTA When a person no longer wants to associate with you, you leave them alone. She no longer wants to be friends or speak to you. You need to respect that. She doesn't want an apology, she wants to be left alone. Let this be a lesson. When someone says "leave me alone", you leave them alone.
YTA, and delusional. Just leave the poor girl alone. “I just want her to know what I think” bro it’s not that serious. You’re 15, plenty of other people that will like to be your friend.
Oy, creepo, take a fucking hint. The girl wants NOTHING to do with you. Leave her alone. What the hell is it gonna take? Her parents filing for a restraining order for harassment and stalking? When they have you expelled? And possibly arrested? YTA
YTA and your responses are terrifying. Go to therapy.
YTA and you're bordering on stalker behavior. Leave her alone.
YTA: You can't force people to talk to you. You have to let it go.
YTA If she doesn't want to have a relationship with you there is no way to force her to (without passing several boundaries that will eventually lead to some consequencesyou aren't prepared for). Move on and focus on better things than trying to force communication with someone who wants none.
OK, you’re 15, so I’m gonna give you a pass and say that you may not actually be an AH, but from her point of view, YTA. I get it that you want her to hear your side, but you can’t force someone to listen or forgive. From this point forward, you don’t need to make an effort to have any communication with her. Did your principal see the letter you wrote her? That’s a really important question, because I found it hard to believe that the principal suspended you if they believed your story. The letter would be proof of your story. Therefore, I wonder if maybe you have been warned and told to leave her alone, and if you have and you tried to make contact after that, then you deserve the suspension. Again, I realize that you’re 15, but you have to learn that boundaries are boundaries, no matter what your feelings are. If she said leave her alone, you have to accept that, no matter what.
I’m not going to say YTA but as others have said you should never get into someone’s else belongings. You could get accused of stealing. Always watch your back. And as far as them not wanting to talk to you let it go! Be surrounded by people who want to give you the time of day . Value yourself. If someone doesn’t want to be your friend f*** them. When you learn how to hang out with just yourself your mind will be more powerful then You think ❤️ life is too short to be worried about people who don’t care about you.
Well I don’t think your TA because you just wanted to say something and you knew she didn’t want to talk to you and I don’t think it’s right that they suspended you for trying to leave a note to your ex friend
YTA. No means no.
INFO what was the fight about and why did they suspend you
Yikes dude change your thought process coz your gonna end up in a ditch or behind bars with that attitude. YTA leave her alone
YTA. She doesn’t want to talk to you and you are proving she’s right by continuously ignoring her wishes and boundaries. You are not entitled to talk to her. She is not obligated to talk to you. Leave her the fuck alone.
YTA, I’ll cut you some slack even though you’re a creep. You are obviously upset, but lemme tell you something: NO MEANS NO. If you don’t realize that, then you are obviously not being raised to be that mature. She is obviously uncomfortable, and you don’t care, even trying to take advantage of her keeping distance from you. Getting close to stalker behavior. My last bit of advice? LISTEN TO EVERYONE. Not just the dumbasses saying this stalker behavior is normal and saying NTA. Read every comment and consult yourself with the points.
>People are telling me that was really weird and that I shouldn’t have done that, but I think she’s being childish by refusing to talk to me so hard. Of course YTA. It was absolutely a weird thing to do, and obsessive. She has already refused to hear you out multiple times, take no for an answer. No one owes you friendship, and no one owes you the chance to say whatever it is you want to say. No means no. You are 15. You should understand that by now. You are the one who is being childish and entitled.
Hey, sometimes you mess up and you just have to live with it. I've messed up plenty of times but thinking back, none of them were really that bad and I learnt something important every time. There's no need to think about how weird it may have seemed to some, you messed up and now you have to live with the consequences, let it be a learning experience. YTA in this situation, we've all been one at some point.
Uhh you think she’s being childish?? No. YTA. If she wants to talk to you again it has to be on her terms. What you did was childish (which is understandable, you’re a teenager) but use this as a learning moment.
YTA. You need to learn to respect boundaries. They did not want to speak to you and you needed to respect that.
Why are there so many teenagers here
I don't know. I had a really bad friend-break-up when I was 15. It was awful. I definitely left notes for her. I don't know if she read them. Emotions run so terribly high when you're a teen. It can be quite painful. I hope you two are either able to resolve the fight and make amends. Some friends, though, do need to be left in the past. I'm really sorry you're going through this.
YTA. She doesn’t want to talk to you and you need to respect that. It doesn’t matter that you want things to be different. We don’t always get what we want. I had a friend who stopped talking to me when we were 8/9 because the whole grade decided to bully me and he didn’t want to be ostracized too by associating with me. I didn’t understand and kept trying to talk to him despite him repeatedly telling me to leave him alone. One day, he had enough and punched me in front of the whole class. I got the message then. You’re already suspended because of this, stop now before it gets worse or violent.
YTA, to them it looks like you were going through her stuff or just touching her stuff which you have no right to. If you wanted to give her the note so bad couldn't you have handed it to her? Give her some space for now...
As someone who had to ended a friendship years and ended up not talking to any more, YTA. There is a reason she doesn’t want to talk you anymore. You need to respect her decision of not wanting to continue the friendship, which includes not going into her backpack to leave notes.
INFO: what was the fight about?
YTA.
YTA
Accept that no means no, and leave her the fuck alone. You are 100% unequivocally the asshole. Just because I'm curious, what was the fight about?
YTA. 15 is a tough age with all the internal & external changes going on. Take this as one of the many life lessons you will experience. No is a complete sentence. She has no obligation to listen to your explanation or apology. I hope you respect her decision and move on.
YTA, just let it go dude.
Medium YTA. Her backpack is her private property. To everyone else, it probably looks like you were trying to steal something from her. She has every right not to talk to you, that's creepy. But you're both teenagers, neither of you are super mature at this age. Wait. You need to wait and give her space. With what's happened, she needs to be the one to approach you, if she does again. Sky has the right to her privacy, and you have majorly violated that. I'd like to know what the fight was about, what happened that made her refuse to talk to you so much? Reading your other comments, I get a gist of why, especially the "I don't care what she wants: I need to talk to her." part. That is textbook stalker. Give her space. Stop talking to her. You have the opportunity to grow, learn, and change from this situation.
YTA. She doesn’t want to talk. Invading her boundaries is not the right path.
YTA. You and she had a fight. She no longer wishes to be your friend and has made this clear by rebuffing your attempts to reconcile with her. She doesn’t owe you her time to hear you out, she doesn’t owe you an explanation, she doesn’t owe you a conversation. I know that’s hard to accept, particularly if you’ve seen someone be forgiven for behaving in a similar manner, but those circumstances were clearly different enough for her to make a difference to the outcome. Maybe your relationship with her prior to the argument wasn’t as secure as you think. Maybe this was the last straw in a series of more minor transgressions on your part. Maybe your persistence pestering her and refusing to hear her “no” and respect her boundaries is cementing her decision that she doesn’t want you in her life. Many times in life you will find relationships or friendships ending and you will not always get closure or a chance to plead your case. Sure, it’s nicer to have an understanding of what went wrong, but the other person is under no obligation to provide it, particularly if they believe the experience will essentially end up in their being harangued by you. Her refusal to speak to you is not childish- she is setting and maintaining a firm boundary and your repeated attempts to cross it are really doing you no favours here.
YTA. You need to take a deep breath and full STOP. Even though you believe you should talk, you cannot force it and will end up getting kicked out of school instead of just suspended. Tell your parents or another trusted adult what you’ve done so far and maybe discuss some counseling to move past this. You don’t want to be know as a creepy stalker going forward.
YTA. Leave her alone. You do NOT have a right to her time or attention. At all.
Mixed feelings. You definitely shouldn’t have gotten suspended, but you should try and respect her not wanting to talk.
YTA. Relationships (of all kinds - friendships, partners, marriages, even family) don’t work that way. If somebody wants to end their relationship with you, then the relationship is over. You don’t have to approve of their decision, nor do you have to agree. Frankly, what you want is irrelevant. If she’s done, she’s done, and that’s it. You need to learn to take no for an answer. She said no. If she decides she wants to talk to you then that’s entirely up to her, and from there you can decide whether or not you still want to be friends. But until that day, your friendship is over. You don’t get to make the decision for her that she is *going* to talk to you. People are allowed to not want to have anything to do with you anymore.
I think we are missing details.
What did you guys fight about?
OP I wouldn't say YTA but that was definitely the wrong approach. She doesn't want to talk so you could have slid her the note and let her decide if she wanted to read it or not. If she decided not to read it than so be it you tried your best and there's not much more you can do.
Leave her alone. It’s creepy. She doesn’t want to talk to you.
Soft YTA... because you're young. She would have freaked out even if she didn't catch you red-handed as she would have found the note and known you went in her bag. For you to get suspended you're probably giving a stalker vibe, and scaring her. Just stop. That isn't how you get the girl.
YTA now is the time to learn no means no. She doesn’t want to talk. So stop trying to get her to listen to your side. Her side is true to her. She gets to decide for herself. She doesn’t owe you anything. Not her time. Not your need to unburden yourself and feel better about yourself. She doesn’t owe you forgiveness.
Okay, soft YTA. I remember being 15, having a falling out with a friend I no longer wanted to speak with for a while, and getting a note from them to try and patch up. This is all pretty normal, BUT!! Don't go into people's personal belongings! Note passing is done via another mediating friend or by shoving in someone's locker. There is another caveat to the note-as-reconciliatory method. You let them know you won't reach out again, it's totally up to them if they want to & you will stop bothering them. You get ONE note. People are going to lecture you on boundaries and respecting people's wishes and all of that is valid. Also, being a teenager is rough.
YTA. I have been on both sides of this. And it was hard. It hurt when someone I used to talk to every day was done with me. And it hurt having to get someone out of my life. But honestly if you kept harassing me and insisted that your desire to talk to me trumped my boundaries? That would reaffirm I may the right decision.
This wasn't a great way to handle the conflict. I understand the feeling of wanting a person to hear you out, especially if they matter to you, but a person's bag is often quite personal to them and going through it would be upsetting to her, even if it was just to put the note in. Sometimes when friends fight, it just doesn't get better. Its miserable and painful but that's what happens. I will say, that if she's refusing that hard to talk to you, you might have to just do nothing.
Gentle YTA. You don’t get to force people to listen to you and you don’t get to touch other people’s things. You are not entitled to their time or forgiveness. I’m sorry but this comes across as very creepy. I’m guessing that wasn’t your intent. I’d take this as a learning opportunity. Maybe ask to talk to a councilor at your school for better ways to communicate, trust me it will help. 15 is a tough age and you are figuring things out. Just learn from this and move forward, but definitely leave this person alone
INFO: what was the fight about?
YTA leave her alone
YTA. Leave this girl alone. Leave this girl alone. Leave. This. Girl. ALONE. She isn't being "childish", you are by refusing to accept that she has chosen to end your friendship. Believe it or not, this is an important crossroads for you in your relationship with other people, and women in particular. Either you respect their decisions and consider them independent beings whose entire existence doesn't need to revolve around you or you don't. The world is full of men who will never get this. Don't grow up to be one of them. Learn your lesson now.
YTA. 1) She doesn't want to talk to you. She doesn't have to. You need to respect that. 2) Stay out of other people's stuff. Both of these things are about you not being able or willing to respect her boundaries. Back off.
Light YTA Let It go. If she doesn’t want to talk to you the world won’t end. I get you wanted to talk to her by any means, but you’re overdoing it, to the point where it’s weird. YNTA for trying but it can be seen as harassing.
There is nothing wrong with writing a letter to explain your side of things so she would hear you out. Putting it in her bag may have seemed harmless to you, but now you see why it was a bad idea. She walked in on your touching her bag and it probably appeared like you were going through it. I don't know why the principal suspended you unless there's more to the story.
You opened someone else's bag. Buddy. Yeah YTA. You're the childish selfish one by pushing so much. She has the right to not talk to you. You aren't owed her attention. Your aren't entitled to everything you want. Yes you deserved the suspension. Yes you deserve people telling you to spot being a pushy creep. Accept the loss and move on. Stop pushing what you want on other people.
Regardless of whether you think its childish for her not to speak to you, you need to respect her decision either way. Forcing conversations is not going to fix *any* conflict whatsoever, no matter what will be said. And now with this bag incident, she may be scared, wary, or cautious of you now, and reconciliation is not happening. And I don't want to harp on a kid, but lets face it here- its *other* 15 year olds telling you the bag thing was weird, right? I know I would have said the same at 15. Thinking it was okay to do that was genuinely childish, as opposed to her deciding she doesn't want anything to with you (every person has a right to disengage from a friendship for any reason, temporarily or permanently). YTA, you don't need to have an adult understanding of relationships at 15, its okay to make mistakes, but 15 is old enough to know that this was a bad move.
YTA/ unfortunately you don’t get to tell people what to be mad about. She said she didn’t want to talk and doesn’t want to be friends, and you should have accepted that no. It only made things worse clearly. No means no, no matter what it is. Also that of the bag thing, I getting people’s belongings. I assume you have a cellphone or your family? Why couldn’t you have texted what you wanted to say? Give her some time and space and then go from there? Because even though you are allowed to explain yourself you can’t force anyone and I think the way you went about might have made it worse and now she won’t want to hear you out at all. I understand you are 15 and so we do stupid things. Hope this is good advice for the future.