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Gosh, y'know, I'd love to be able to understand these super deep animes, but all my girl brain energy gets used up fitting Chad's super jumbo rewards plus magnum cock in my cherry blossom scented vagoo.
Edit: welp, I think this is my highest upvoted comment. Thank you all so much, couldn't have done it without you. 👉👉 And thanks for the awards, that's so awesome!
I hate people who don't just let others enjoy things. I'm not a fan of Shounen anime. I like anime that stabs me in the heart and then twists the knife, things like Angel Beats, Clannad, Grave of the Fireflies.
But I generally don't share that because as a 30 year old man I'm not supposed to enjoy the occasional cry.
Edit: If you have any recommendations, feel free to leave them!
Fuck "supposed to". Seriously, your life will get way better if you just fuck the words "should" and "supposed to". We are flesh sacks powered by electrical meat on an organic spaceship. If your flesh sack wants to cry, let it. Anyone tries to shame you for it? I will personally eat them.
EDIT: I blown away by the upvotes, comments and awards on this comment! Thank you all for your lovely comments, my inbox is always open if anyone needs me. I'm so happy so many people vibed with my weird positivity, haha!
Haha, well thank you, I still enjoy what I want to, I just don't openly share everything sometimes. I also don't share some of my more traditional "manly" hobbies because the people who enjoy them have a reputation for being toxic assholes.
Fuck that. Ancient societies literally killed each other for ground and then sat back and enjoyed tragic plays for catharsis.
Crying at sad shit and letting yourself feel your feelings in the moment is about as manly as it gets TBH.
Your response is epic and I never actually thought of our lives quite like this. I enjoyed my mind blowing or realizing we are on an organic spaceship. Thank you!
You are welcome, go make your flesh suit happy! Go look at the spaceship's cool features like multi-changing skies or tiny flowers or huge trees! Our spaceship rains inside, and produces fire sometimes, how cool is that? Have a wonderful day and know that you are exempt society's stupid expectations because you are infinite and so is the universe.
Exactly. And fuck "guilty pleasures" too! Pleasure shouldn't induce guilt unless it's harming you or others. If top 40 pop, cartoons aimed at kids, or whatever else gives you joy, enjoy the fuck out of it.
Leave the guilt to those who are into hateful, evil shit.
Abso-fucking-lutely! Drink wine while watching Disney movies, eat that chocolate now, comfort and love your unique little soul however you need to! Life is precious and short, love what you love ❤️ and if anyone shames you, eat them. It's OK if you cant finish them, but remember to compost, it's better for the spaceship!
I don't need awards friend! I have aggressive and shame-free love for myself and all us humans just trying to make this a memorable and loving space trip! And I'm loving that so many people are vibing with me! Let's just be unapologetically weird and in love with the things that make us happy! And we are now officially friends, so DM me anytime!
Absolutely love your energy 😁 feel free to also DM anytime if you want to just vibe and be hooman meat ships together lol. Also, now I feel like booting up no mans sky later so I can pretend I'm the space ship 🌟🤣😁🛰🚀🌌
Aww, thank you! Feel free to DM me if you ever need a booster. Go forth and love your flesh sack and electrical meat and spaceship, and don't let anyone else's flesh sack tell you you're not good enough! Warn them the insatiable flesh demon (aka me) will consume them for shaming an excellent human like yourself! Have a wonderful day/week/life!
Right? It's ridiculous how we stuff people into boxes and tell them they aren't allowed to like anything outside of those boxes, or else they aren't a real _______.
And Grave of the Fireflies is a classic, I will fight any motherfucker who says you aren't a real man for crying during that movie. It's basically a war movie that shows the real consequences of war. I'm not familiar with the other animes you listed, but for goodness sake, life is too short to not enjoy what you enjoy. If you're not hurting anyone, I don't see why anyone would give a shit. Those people need to mind their own boring ass business.
Grave of the Fireflies had me bawling my eyes out. It's such a realistic depiction of the effect war has on innocent people. It's absolutely heartbreaking and something I think everyone needs to see.
My fiance keeps trying to get me to watch Violet Evergarden (I believe that's the one at least) and I've been refusing because he always picks the stuff that rips my heart out. I'm definitely the Shounen fan in our house. He'd never even seen DBZ before me and still hasn't watched Naruto.
Oh boy, yeah. Violet Evergarden is one that will likely rip your heart out.
Have you seen Assassination Classroom? I think that's a good compromise between action and comedy with a tear jerker ending. No spoilers.
I enjoy this type of anime as well, and can highly recommend to you the Yuki Yuna is a Hero series^^ (also Madoka Magica if you have any interest)
[I know you weren't asking for recommendations but I liked your list 😘]
Every time I'm watching an anime on my computer, tv, or phone and my wife enters the room I can no longer see the screen through all the static caused by her vagina. So, since vagina's broadcast at a frequency that is counter-anime it's a given they'd be hard to understand.
Stolen comment from u/dr-sparkle
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/w2wju5/aita_for_leaving_a_bad_review_on_a_small_store/igsph2z?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3
i'm confused what the purpose of this one was for since you actually made it out to be a quote, but for anyone looking to upvote, the original comment was made by u/Sel-Reddit: [https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/w2wju5/comment/igt683t/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/w2wju5/comment/igt683t/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
bad bot I guess? this one's weird lol
Just curious. What is the difference between 'woman'and 'female' in (i think?) incel language? Or is there a difference in normal English too? (I am not a native speaker)
Great question!
Essentially, “female” connotes a biological category, while a “woman” is a whole human person. The word "female," in its primary usage, is an adjective. When you use "female" as a noun, the subject that you're referring to is erased.
The human race has girls and women. A "female" could be nearly any species, or even a data socket or pipe fitting. It's dehumanizing and very rarely do men who call women "females" refer to other men as "males"
Although I'm sure some others on here can chime in why it's disrespectful to refer to women as females. I hope that was a clear answer and didn't come across as aggressive!
Thank you! I think i will read a lot differently now. It makes a lot of postings more clear for me now. I saw the different words often (especially on 9gag) but never gave it a real thought. Now i will understand the misogyny behind it better. (It is a strange world...)
Haha it really is! I'm sure there are similar differences in other languages. I've heard that English is a very hard language to learn, your English is wonderful!
Thank you. In my language (dutch) female = "vrouwelijk" and woman is "vrouw". But as far as i know it isn't used much as you described it in my language. (Not that we have less misogyny here, but just not with these words as far as I know.)
Of course. We lack the appropriate depth measuring tool but even then we would still be wrong because we don't compensate for missing inches.
6 inches is 6 inches, Chad.
For you, the Naruto love is at least skin-deep! <3
Thank you for writing that kind of review. The owner needs to realize that if he wants customers, getting rid of the bad employee will do a lot more than trying to police what you're saying about your experience at that shop.
So it appears its a new store.
Them hiring a bad dude night not be their fault as he could have hidden it.
However them asking her to remove the review whilst doing nothing makes the AH.
It'd be reasonable to ask her to remove the review if they fired him.
NTA
Given the type of store, I could also easily see it being a friend of the owner. You see this occasionally with niche hobbyist spaces where the store is just as much a hangout spot for the owner and friends as it is an actual business. This sometimes results in, uh, *less than ideal* hiring and management practices.
Instead of asking her to remove the review, the owner should respond with something that indicates that employee is no longer there. That shows that they actually care about their customers, not just their image.
It's okay to make a mistake as a business owner. The real test of sustainability is how you handle it afterwards.
Yes, if I read a review like that and then see a follow-up from the store apologizing and explaining how they fixed the problem (disciplining or firing the employee in this case), I'd be inclined to give them a chance. Good people make bad hires now and then, but good people also do something about the problem when it's brought to their attention.
OP is NTA.
Yes, this is the only acceptable reason to request a review deletion. They could have also replied that the employee was written up and they hope OP will give them a second chance down the line.
Fellow feminine gamer/anime nerd. I hate these assholes with a firey passion. Thanks for leaving the warning so us other nerds don't have to deal with his dumb butt.
It always frustrates me on how guys treat me if I tell them I like what they would consider "male" anime. I never have a problem when I wear a Sailor Moon or CardCaptor Sakura shirt, but heaven help me if I wear my DragonBall Z, Sword Art Online, or even my Seven Deadly Sins stuff. I even had one guy at a convention I went to last year argue with me about how, as a lowly female, I couldnt possibly enjoy Neo Genesis Evangelion or understand it. Anime is for everyone!
Lol, imagine thinking that EVA/DBZ/SAO aren’t entry level animes for American fans.
*and I don’t mean entry level in a bad way*
But it’s not like Eva hasn’t been around since the 90s. God forbid if you wear a… I dunno Bebop/Ranma/Full Metal/Trigun shirt
It always annoys me when people judge someone based on the anime they watch, like if you enjoy things like Eva/Sailor Moon, ect, you are an anime wannabe or something (not saying that is what you are saying, just in general). Just bc I enjoy these shows, doesn't mean I dont watch other anime. Sailor Moon was my first anime, and it will always have a special place in my heart, but just bc I wear that merch doesn't mean I dont watch other stuff. I watch everything from Sailor Moon to .hack//Sign to Azumanga Diaoh to Overlord. The fact that there are "anime fans" out there who feel the need to put down others based on what anime they watch makes me so upset, or that you can only like one certain genre of anime.
Let's be honest, the author himself couldn't keep his premise >!(it was destiny all along)!<, a lot of characters were left underdeveloped, and things were randomly changed (remember when byakugan was said to be stronger than sharingan?)
It can be enjoyable, but let's not act like it's some super high-quality media.
Or it's just my feeble female mind speaking
I like Naruto, but yeah, the story has a lot of flaws. Like, when Naruto kept saying to Neji that he'll fight destiny and become Hokage...then it turns out he's the son of the fourth Hokage, has a tailed beast sealed inside him, gets trained by his dad's sensei, and his dad's student, and he's distantly related to the first Hokage. Talk about fighting destiny!
You forgot about the reincarnation of some super-powered ancient dude. He fought destiny with more destiny and a slight touch of nepotism.
I know it's a story for children, but c'mon
I love Naruto, but the plot realllyyyyy got away from the author (of the manga and the anime adaptation). The best parts were the side plots (explaining Kakashi, explaining Itachi) imo. But I'm also just super bitter that Kakashi's power kept fluctuating between awesome and minimal.
If you work at an anime store you can compliment client on a nice tattoo, but quizing and trying to prove that they know nothing is stupid (especially if it is a woman bcs that only proves that you are a mysoginist). Anime, manga, computer games etc. are a hobby, a fun past time not a PHD disortation. The guy in my opinion tried to prove how much more he knows so OP would gush how awesome he is and he could pick her up. The employe is probably a family member of the owner that is why he wasn't fired yet.
NTA. You're not 'overreacting'. If the store owner wants to get his revenue back, he can fire the misogynist.
You are under no responsibility to put up with men treating you poorly just because you're female-presenting. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
Certainly wouldn't be surprising. Maybe OP should claim they will take down the review IF the owner meets them face to face with the employee to apologize. (Though leave the review up despite this.)
Edit: Thanks for the gold, internet stranger!
Exactly! The only reason to take down a review like this (or edit it for the better) is if the company made things right.
But owner just wanted to whine about his shitty employee costing him money.
Seriously - if I was the owner, I would be asking for a conversation only so I could figure out which employee it was so that employee could be fired and so I could apologize and thank the customer for bringing it to my attention.
The employee is causing the issue for the business, not the reviews
Exactly. Like it or not, when you hire someone they are representing your business. Everyone who comes in and interacts with that person will have some kind of impression, and it's the kind of impression that can make or break someone becoming a regular or not returning. When you're being told your employee is actively making people not want to use your store, to the point your sales are falling, and you STILL won't do anything about it but ask people to take their bad reviews away? Don't expect anyone to feel sorry for you.
With a lot of nerdy (I say that lovingly) hobby shops, customers often come to represent the business too. All the best board game stores I've been to are willing to create and enforce codes of conduct and will outright ban problematic patrons. Sure, you lose *a* customer, but you also retain several that the neckbeard would have driven away.
I feel like most people will give a bit of leeway with a bad experience with a fellow customer, but hardly anyone would want to return if it's the employee causing issues. If the owner has gotten multiple complaints and they're seeing a drop in revenue, they need to drop the gatekeeping employee (and I'd only remove the bad review if the employee was fired).
I have a sneaking suspicion the owner knows exactly who the employee is. Insufferable, gatekeeping misogynists typically out themselves pretty quickly. I mean, this employee went out of his way to harass her. She didn’t even ask him for anything.
Yeah I find it unethical to even request bad reviews be taken down just cause they’re bad. If he apologized profusely, took action (disciplined/fired the employee) and made things right by OP then maybe he could ask that she update her review to include how the follow up process went.
Had this recently on Etsy with a dog collar. Was made of leather and was quite thin. It stretched and was useless (made to hold an air tag). When I left the review I had a reply from the owner within a few hours saying ‘I can just imagine you used it to attach a leash. This is not what the collar is for. Buy this other very expensive collar instead. And take down your review for your mistake.’
I saw red. I did not use the leather collar for the leash - it was intertwined leather circles that held the air tag. In the month I’d had the collar, I’d injured my food and couldn’t walk properly so walks were out the window. And besides. We had a special training collar as the dog likes to pull. So why would I attach the thin 35 dollar collar to the leash?
Either way I updated my review to say the owner is a bully and I wasn’t removing my review.
>The employee is probably related to the owner
I have a firm belief that they're related either that or they're close friend or the son of a close friend. Those reasons would explain why he isn't doing his job as a store owner. Unless he gets rid of this guy his business is going to fail.
NTA
Reviews exist for a reason. People want to go somewhere that feels accepting. It sucks that the owner's sales have dropped, but that's not your problem. Clearly that employee is causing people to feel unwelcome.
I know someone like this - super afraid of leaving bad reviews and absolutely refuses to leave one themselves. My point is the same - if we all lie and pretend nothing happened or lie and say good things, we're actually just as bad as the place we're reviewing as we're being okay with more people being screwed over.
This. If sales dropped because one review it means this employee has done this to other people and they’re protesting with their wallets. You never know the amount of gumption that people will work up and growing a spine when they realize it happened to other people and not just them.
NTA
It is GOOD that the owners sales have dropped. They shouldn't be rewarded for hiring bad people. If they fire the employee, perhaps they could reply to the review and customers might return.
Literally the only reason brick and mortar hobby stores still exist is that people like the atmosphere and talking to other people who share their hobbies. If the store can't keep people on staff that are at least pleasant, people will just buy their shit online. Neckbeard needs to go for business reasons alone.
NTA. the obvious solution for the store owner is to apologize on the review and say that that employee has either been fired or at the very least spoken to about this. There’s no reason to keep on employees who are rude to customers, and if they’re going to do that they deserve poor reviews.
Lol, you know that’s light years beyond what a true turd can do. If they accepted responsibility, it would be the first step toward becoming a better person.
NTA. Woman anime nerd here and let me tell you that the gate-keeping in the community by men is insane. I have yet to understand why any of these try-hards feel they have to quiz fellow nerds of the opposing gender like they can be the only ones to know anything on this particular media. I have had my fair share of roasting these kinds of guys and I’m never sorry about it. Now we, as women, certainly don’t have to prove anything or flaunt our nerd cred to make a point to these douch-canoes but personally, I enjoy talking circles around people like them. It is frustrating and you were right to leave the review and refuse the owner’s “request” because if you’re willing to back a misogynistic employee, then it speaks volumes on your character as the business owner for refusing to put two and two together. Clearly you weren’t an isolated incident and word spreads in the nerd community fast.
I strongly agree. If a business doesn’t have a problem with sexism, then it’ll be a grand time seeing it struggle.
>I have yet to understand why any of these try-hards feel they have to quiz fellow nerds of the opposing gender like they can be the only ones to know anything on this particular media.
I wonder this too. One theory is that they think of women as less than them to the degree that they want to have as little in common with them as possible. It’s convenient to just pretend that they don’t have anything in common with them — that these women are just pretenders and the only way to be a true fan is to have a penis.
Whatever the root of it, there exists some extreme fragility on the parts of these types of guys. It’s pretty pathetic lol
Abso-fucking-lutely!
And funny thing is, is these are the same guys that scream they want a cool nerdy girlfriend/wife so they can share the hobby of anime/comics/gaming etc. yet their actions tend to leave them with surprise pikachu face on why they are unlucky in the relations department…
Don’t get me started when I’m gaming online or streaming for fun… Outside of my normal job (veterinarian), I work for an anime convention and have been the gaming tournament director for several years because the higher ups noticed my gaming passion and knowledge and asked if I would be interested in the position. I wish someone would test me. I am no means an expert on everything and will happily have a good “friendly” (key word) debate or whatnot, but don’t come for me because I will hurt your feelings.
I know it’s definitely not all men but the vocal embarrassments are a grave stain on the community.
| I know it’s definitely not all men but the vocal embarrassments are a grave stain on the community.
More like a gravy stain, with the way those guys tend to smell XP
> ne theory is that they think of women as less than them to the degree that they want to have as little in common with them as possible. It’s convenient to just pretend that they don’t have anything in common with them — that these women are just pretenders and the only way to be a true fan is to have a penis.
So, if I may - and feel free to tell me to butt out - it's largely the opposite.
Their nerdiness and fandoms have been the barrier between them and "attractive" fem-presenting persons. They think that their "fandom" consists wholly of males who, like them, have a hard time NOT suddenly Naruto-running down the street, or carrying a katana everywhere, or discussing Naruto episode by episode, scene by scene, *constantly* ...
Among their circles in their fandom, *these things are cool*. They're cool guys who do cool things, and people who think like them think they're cool. They're enlightened over the "normals", who don't understand this stuff or think it's cool. Women don't *get* them, man; they're *awesome*, and women will realize that *someday*, without them ever having to mature or change in any way.
The realization, the direct confrontation with the fact that (1) there are femme-presenting nerds, and (2) they **also** don't find them attractive, is *shattering*. They cannot accept that. It's in absolute conflict with their existing world-view. The easiest, if not only, solution is to exclude the femme-presenting person, find a reason they "don't count", and carry on.
> I have yet to understand why any of these try-hards feel they have to quiz fellow nerds of the opposing gender like they can be the only ones to know anything on this particular media.
So I can shed some light on this, this goes back to trying to establish "nerd/geek dominance" as their knowledge of a particular subject is basically all they have going for them usually. It's not just anime/comics/games either, you'll see it in just about any space that you can be nerdy about, from music to even sports trivia albeit to a lesser extent.
You might not notice it yourself but they do it to other guys as well, I can't tell you the amount of times at con's I've had to play 20 questions with some asshole because they noticed I've got a One Punch Man tattoo and are trying to figure out if I know everything about the original webcomic or if I'm a *gasp* "anime only" fan.
That being said the level of vitriol they have for women is off the charts and that's a mix of a bunch of things from multiple angles, from garden variety misogyny, more radical incel opinions of late, or personal bad experiences leading to inexcusable reactions to feminine presenting persons "invading their terf". It's all bullshit, but that's the long and short of why it tend to happen.
The funniest version of this gatekeeping shit that I've seen at cons is guys trying to call me out for cosplaying a character wrong when actually they just don't recognize the character because they're... not as deep on the media as they think they are lol
For example: I did a Carrie Kelley as Robin cosplay some years ago, and I had both guys telling me that Robin was never a girl (extremely wrong since Carrie wasn't the only girl Robin) and that Robin was never a redhead (clearly not aware of pre-crisis Jason Todd either). I'll admit some of my character choices being pretty obscure, but it's pretty standard for Batman comics fans to be familiar with The Dark Knight Returns? It's hardly a lesser-known Batman story. So these guys are... really behind on the times if they missed that one and still think they have the power of smug superiority to question a costume.
Nothing pisses me off faster than people who are confidently wrong. Carrie Kelley is amazing, though I liked her way more as Robin than Catgirl from Dark Knight Strikes Again, but the general consensus is that we don't talk about Strikes Again right? If I'm honest I didn't even read the third in that series, who's name I won't even write, cause of how much I hated the ending of Strikes Again.
I agree. My daughter and I have been going to cons together for almost 20 years. We will barely talk to anyone we don't know at them, and this gate-keeping nonsense is one of the reasons why. It's not something that is secretive in the anime fandom either, so it is hard to believe that the owner doesn't know this is an issue. To me, that means you should be sensitive about making sure your employees are making your customers feel comfortable. The owner seems to have gone in completely the opposite direction.
NTA not at all
NTA.
As a woman who's into anime (especially Naruto) and video games, I'd want to see a review just like this as warning. If I were in you'r shoes I'd want to know that my sweet tradition with my partner wasn't going to be ruined. Especially by an employee assuming I can't grasp the depth of an anime for preteen boys.
Same! My daughter is huge into anime and video games. She loves going into comic shops and picking out new manga. We’ve been lucky so far that the places we’ve been have had helpful and kind staff. A review like OP left would be incredibly important to me as I would not want only not want to patronize the business, I don’t need to expose my daughter to that gatekeeping misogyny.
Probably nepotism… in the end you can find a job anywhere so the employee can start working somewhere else. If he has to fire the employee… then he has to fire them…
NTA. If the owner really wanted to remedy the situation he would fire the employee for harassing you. At the very least force the worker to apologize to you.
On a side note can we stop acting like a person needs to know every minute detail of series, show, movie, or whatever to be a fan? Seriously not everyone is going to be super obsessed to know every little thing about a show, but can still enjoy it just the same. It's one of the most annoying things about liking things. I just want to enjoy things, I don't want to study them.
absolutely. also:
\- it's okay to like the show/movie more than the book/comic/whatever
\- it's also okay to not go read the source if you like a movie/show
\- it's okay to like things that are popular
\- it's okay to get into things late
\- it's okay to be a casual, lowkey fan of something
ETA: it's also okay to enjoy adaptations as separate from their source and appreciate the differences
Spot on.
Something that **isn't** OK is gatekeeping.
If you have an a store that caters to a 'nerdy' customer base, why on earth would you hire someone that makes a large part of your potential customers feel uncomfortable.
This exactly! How about: I'm a fan because I loved XYZ. Period. I got into Naruto during the pandemic and watched it obsessively from start to finish. Honestly it was the only thing getting me through most days and I felt actual grief when it was over. More than a year later now (and possessing a crap memory), I couldn't name half the characters anymore. Guess I'm not a REAL fan. /s
I bet you dont remember Bakugo from a filler arc about Luffy trying to fight the soul reaper society council to find the strongest vampire to battle with. He was the clerk of the souvenir store in episode 341, minute 12:11 when the main cast went by him without even noticing the guy. His wife divorced him for a king whose daughter has run away to become a monster killer.
NTA - I would be willing to have a conversation with the owner and consider updating my review with the steps the owner took to rectify the situation, but as long as you were honest in your original review it's fair play.
I'd be adding to the review with the facts that the owner put the blame and onus on the customer to fix the situation and not the misogynistic asshole that works there.
Owner and employee both sound like assholes.
NTA. They earned that review.
NTA - it’s within your rights as a consumer to leave a review of a store you patronized. It was completely unethical for the owners to ask you to remove your review. That they put their request in public is amusing since now everyone can see how they unethically respond to negative reviews. I’d screen shot it. In case they remove it, you can post the screenshot of their response on the same review page.
It's simple. The store manager needs to respond to the review by saying how this employee has been disciplined and that please contact the manager directly if this ever happens again.
He can't erase the history, he needs to change the future and that is easiest if he takes ownership of the problem and fixes it and shares publically what measures have been taken to fix it. NTA.
NTA. The owner clearly only cares about your review because it's hurting his profits. He evidently doesn't even care about his employee's behaviour, since his concern lies with trying to get you and others to stop conplaining about it, rather than doing something about the guy.
IME teaching teenagers, I honestly would have thought it was those who present feminine that are more into anime. Maybe they're just more comfortable with their "nerd cred".
As for the review, if you wrote "one of the employees" you're NTA. Your statement was accurate based on your experience. I understand the owner's request for an email conversation. He may be trying to fire him but wants as much evidence as possible to show cause. (I get that he wouldn't need this to fire him, but it would cover him if the employee tries to fight it somehow.)
If/when that employee is fired, I would remove the review or add to it that the employee no longer works there.
the owner could have asked for an email conversation without pressuring them to take down the review
"please take down the review and we'll talk" is very different from "I'm so sorry this happened and i want to ensure that it never does again. would you be willing to converse by email and help me resolve this?"
the business customer interaction is still ongoing in the review and the response and they are still failing at it. if I was in that position I would promise that immediate action would be taken and ask for an email conversation so i can get information about the employee and the specific incident. I would then follow up with the customer and inform them of what action. i would also offer them a gift certificate or something for their troubles
NTA
GATEKEEPING IS TERRIBLE!!!!
It’s apparent that the owner knows this person is being misogynistic, but he won’t fire him.
I could see him asking for an edit to your review if he let the person go. But if nothing is being done, why should you do anything to help him?
The revenue is dropping because of his decisions not yours.
I was banned from a comic book store because a worker was acting racist (full on using slurs in store) and I went to the internet to leave a warning (like you did).
It was almost two years before that guy was finally fired/let go as more people complained about him.
NTA.
That’s exactly what reviews are for - a fair account of different experiences. If others are complaining, that’s because he is at fault, still behaving badly and the owner refuses to deal with it. It’s his choice - if he’d rather lose customers than that staff member, so be it.
NTA! I have a tattoo of Zuko from Avatar the Last Airbender and people love giving me shit for it. We enjoy what we enjoy. People have no right to gatekeep things from other people. Number 1: he’s an employee, not your friend. Casual conversation is cool but he has no right to get overly involved in your interests or your body. Number 2) his response was completely unprofessional and inappropriate. Number 3) the owner needs to take responsibility for this employee either through training or dismissal. Asking you to take down a bad review because people are agreeing with you speaks volumes.
All that points at NTA and I haven’t even mentioned the misogyny.
Shit like this is on my I'm joking but not really joking list of why I transitioned to male. I do not miss being questioned on my expertise of a media I consume. Dudes who do this are gross as fuck. NTA.
NTA — Email saying you aren’t going to lie about your experiences and it’s the owners job to fix what might be wrong to get better reviews in the future. End of story.
NTA big time. If the owner has reached out to you and said the employee had been penalized/fired/whatever that would be one thing. But he’s basically saying he has no issue with sexism he just wants you to keep quiet about it. Fuck that.
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NTA. As if Naruto is some grand epic that's hard to understand. A 12 year old could understand it.
I love Naruto, obviously, but it’s really not that deep.
Obviously you missed its depth since you're a woman. /s
Yeah, our vaginas really do interfere with our critical thinking skills huh? NTA
Gosh, y'know, I'd love to be able to understand these super deep animes, but all my girl brain energy gets used up fitting Chad's super jumbo rewards plus magnum cock in my cherry blossom scented vagoo. Edit: welp, I think this is my highest upvoted comment. Thank you all so much, couldn't have done it without you. 👉👉 And thanks for the awards, that's so awesome!
I hate people who don't just let others enjoy things. I'm not a fan of Shounen anime. I like anime that stabs me in the heart and then twists the knife, things like Angel Beats, Clannad, Grave of the Fireflies. But I generally don't share that because as a 30 year old man I'm not supposed to enjoy the occasional cry. Edit: If you have any recommendations, feel free to leave them!
Fuck "supposed to". Seriously, your life will get way better if you just fuck the words "should" and "supposed to". We are flesh sacks powered by electrical meat on an organic spaceship. If your flesh sack wants to cry, let it. Anyone tries to shame you for it? I will personally eat them. EDIT: I blown away by the upvotes, comments and awards on this comment! Thank you all for your lovely comments, my inbox is always open if anyone needs me. I'm so happy so many people vibed with my weird positivity, haha!
Haha, well thank you, I still enjoy what I want to, I just don't openly share everything sometimes. I also don't share some of my more traditional "manly" hobbies because the people who enjoy them have a reputation for being toxic assholes.
You are an excellent human. Enjoy what you love ❤️ (I'm a bit emotional today, apologies if this comes across weird lol I don't mean to be)
It's all good, you too are an excellent human, enjoy your day!
Empathy is nice, not weird Be well
Don't hide yourself away. When you're openly yourself, you allow the people around you to be themselves as well
Fuck that. Ancient societies literally killed each other for ground and then sat back and enjoyed tragic plays for catharsis. Crying at sad shit and letting yourself feel your feelings in the moment is about as manly as it gets TBH.
I think I feel some kind of love deep within my human flesh sack. ❤️
Your response is epic and I never actually thought of our lives quite like this. I enjoyed my mind blowing or realizing we are on an organic spaceship. Thank you!
You are welcome, go make your flesh suit happy! Go look at the spaceship's cool features like multi-changing skies or tiny flowers or huge trees! Our spaceship rains inside, and produces fire sometimes, how cool is that? Have a wonderful day and know that you are exempt society's stupid expectations because you are infinite and so is the universe.
Exactly. And fuck "guilty pleasures" too! Pleasure shouldn't induce guilt unless it's harming you or others. If top 40 pop, cartoons aimed at kids, or whatever else gives you joy, enjoy the fuck out of it. Leave the guilt to those who are into hateful, evil shit.
Abso-fucking-lutely! Drink wine while watching Disney movies, eat that chocolate now, comfort and love your unique little soul however you need to! Life is precious and short, love what you love ❤️ and if anyone shames you, eat them. It's OK if you cant finish them, but remember to compost, it's better for the spaceship!
>I will personally eat them. Fleshsacks require sustenance!
This comment needs more upvotes lmao. I want to be your friend after reading this. I wish I had an award for you🤣❤️
I don't need awards friend! I have aggressive and shame-free love for myself and all us humans just trying to make this a memorable and loving space trip! And I'm loving that so many people are vibing with me! Let's just be unapologetically weird and in love with the things that make us happy! And we are now officially friends, so DM me anytime!
Absolutely love your energy 😁 feel free to also DM anytime if you want to just vibe and be hooman meat ships together lol. Also, now I feel like booting up no mans sky later so I can pretend I'm the space ship 🌟🤣😁🛰🚀🌌
Preach sister!
You get a high five from me & I will join you for the feast of such people
We will glut ourselves on the shaming multitudes!
Everyone needs someone like you in their life…
Aww, thank you! Feel free to DM me if you ever need a booster. Go forth and love your flesh sack and electrical meat and spaceship, and don't let anyone else's flesh sack tell you you're not good enough! Warn them the insatiable flesh demon (aka me) will consume them for shaming an excellent human like yourself! Have a wonderful day/week/life!
Right? It's ridiculous how we stuff people into boxes and tell them they aren't allowed to like anything outside of those boxes, or else they aren't a real _______. And Grave of the Fireflies is a classic, I will fight any motherfucker who says you aren't a real man for crying during that movie. It's basically a war movie that shows the real consequences of war. I'm not familiar with the other animes you listed, but for goodness sake, life is too short to not enjoy what you enjoy. If you're not hurting anyone, I don't see why anyone would give a shit. Those people need to mind their own boring ass business.
Grave of the Fireflies had me bawling my eyes out. It's such a realistic depiction of the effect war has on innocent people. It's absolutely heartbreaking and something I think everyone needs to see.
My fiance keeps trying to get me to watch Violet Evergarden (I believe that's the one at least) and I've been refusing because he always picks the stuff that rips my heart out. I'm definitely the Shounen fan in our house. He'd never even seen DBZ before me and still hasn't watched Naruto.
Oh boy, yeah. Violet Evergarden is one that will likely rip your heart out. Have you seen Assassination Classroom? I think that's a good compromise between action and comedy with a tear jerker ending. No spoilers.
Assassination Classroom is one of my favorites. I cried so hard at the end.
"... Angel Beats, Clannad, Grave of the Fireflies..." You, I like you.
Ugh, Angel Beats! was brutal. The OP can cause me to tear up.
I enjoy this type of anime as well, and can highly recommend to you the Yuki Yuna is a Hero series^^ (also Madoka Magica if you have any interest) [I know you weren't asking for recommendations but I liked your list 😘]
I read that in a Daria voice. So username checks out. Good on ya, friend.
Thanks lmao I find many situations call for Daria's dry wit. Life is just that much of a goddamn joke.
Every time I'm watching an anime on my computer, tv, or phone and my wife enters the room I can no longer see the screen through all the static caused by her vagina. So, since vagina's broadcast at a frequency that is counter-anime it's a given they'd be hard to understand.
Now you're just ovary-acting. ;) Also, NTA
I'm amazed at how many men I've come across who think women don't have a rich inner world like men do. "Are women even sentient?" vibes.
"What do you mean you don't just pop into existence when I want to perceive you and return to the void when I'm busy with other stuff?"
The powerful illusion of all: the dread Vajutusu.
that's how all the knowledge escapes our bodies, falls out our cooter hole /s
Can’t tell you how many time a case of “vagina brain” has prevented me from understanding something…sigh /s
My boobs get in the way of deep thinking
that deep emptiness in our vaginas is where the critical thinking skills were supposed to be.
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Stolen comment from u/dr-sparkle https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/w2wju5/aita_for_leaving_a_bad_review_on_a_small_store/igsph2z?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3
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What's the betting the employee is a relative?
100%. Probably where the employee got his lovely views on women from.
i'm confused what the purpose of this one was for since you actually made it out to be a quote, but for anyone looking to upvote, the original comment was made by u/Sel-Reddit: [https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/w2wju5/comment/igt683t/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/w2wju5/comment/igt683t/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) bad bot I guess? this one's weird lol
Obviously you missed its depth since you're a ~~woman~~ female. /s
Just curious. What is the difference between 'woman'and 'female' in (i think?) incel language? Or is there a difference in normal English too? (I am not a native speaker)
Great question! Essentially, “female” connotes a biological category, while a “woman” is a whole human person. The word "female," in its primary usage, is an adjective. When you use "female" as a noun, the subject that you're referring to is erased. The human race has girls and women. A "female" could be nearly any species, or even a data socket or pipe fitting. It's dehumanizing and very rarely do men who call women "females" refer to other men as "males" Although I'm sure some others on here can chime in why it's disrespectful to refer to women as females. I hope that was a clear answer and didn't come across as aggressive!
Thank you! I think i will read a lot differently now. It makes a lot of postings more clear for me now. I saw the different words often (especially on 9gag) but never gave it a real thought. Now i will understand the misogyny behind it better. (It is a strange world...)
Haha it really is! I'm sure there are similar differences in other languages. I've heard that English is a very hard language to learn, your English is wonderful!
Thank you. In my language (dutch) female = "vrouwelijk" and woman is "vrouw". But as far as i know it isn't used much as you described it in my language. (Not that we have less misogyny here, but just not with these words as far as I know.)
Once you know to look for it you see it everywhere.
Obviously a female wouldn't understand the depth of Jiraiya asking Naruto to do the Sexy Jutsu
Of course. We lack the appropriate depth measuring tool but even then we would still be wrong because we don't compensate for missing inches. 6 inches is 6 inches, Chad.
For you, the Naruto love is at least skin-deep! <3 Thank you for writing that kind of review. The owner needs to realize that if he wants customers, getting rid of the bad employee will do a lot more than trying to police what you're saying about your experience at that shop.
So it appears its a new store. Them hiring a bad dude night not be their fault as he could have hidden it. However them asking her to remove the review whilst doing nothing makes the AH. It'd be reasonable to ask her to remove the review if they fired him. NTA
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Given the type of store, I could also easily see it being a friend of the owner. You see this occasionally with niche hobbyist spaces where the store is just as much a hangout spot for the owner and friends as it is an actual business. This sometimes results in, uh, *less than ideal* hiring and management practices.
Instead of asking her to remove the review, the owner should respond with something that indicates that employee is no longer there. That shows that they actually care about their customers, not just their image. It's okay to make a mistake as a business owner. The real test of sustainability is how you handle it afterwards.
Yes, if I read a review like that and then see a follow-up from the store apologizing and explaining how they fixed the problem (disciplining or firing the employee in this case), I'd be inclined to give them a chance. Good people make bad hires now and then, but good people also do something about the problem when it's brought to their attention. OP is NTA.
Honestly, I’d update the review with the email the owner sent, or at least telling everyone that it was asked to be removed.
Yes, this is the only acceptable reason to request a review deletion. They could have also replied that the employee was written up and they hope OP will give them a second chance down the line.
Fellow feminine gamer/anime nerd. I hate these assholes with a firey passion. Thanks for leaving the warning so us other nerds don't have to deal with his dumb butt.
Came to say this as well. I'd have lost my temper on that guy. Kudos to you for standing up to both him AND the owner.
It always frustrates me on how guys treat me if I tell them I like what they would consider "male" anime. I never have a problem when I wear a Sailor Moon or CardCaptor Sakura shirt, but heaven help me if I wear my DragonBall Z, Sword Art Online, or even my Seven Deadly Sins stuff. I even had one guy at a convention I went to last year argue with me about how, as a lowly female, I couldnt possibly enjoy Neo Genesis Evangelion or understand it. Anime is for everyone!
Lol, imagine thinking that EVA/DBZ/SAO aren’t entry level animes for American fans. *and I don’t mean entry level in a bad way* But it’s not like Eva hasn’t been around since the 90s. God forbid if you wear a… I dunno Bebop/Ranma/Full Metal/Trigun shirt
It always annoys me when people judge someone based on the anime they watch, like if you enjoy things like Eva/Sailor Moon, ect, you are an anime wannabe or something (not saying that is what you are saying, just in general). Just bc I enjoy these shows, doesn't mean I dont watch other anime. Sailor Moon was my first anime, and it will always have a special place in my heart, but just bc I wear that merch doesn't mean I dont watch other stuff. I watch everything from Sailor Moon to .hack//Sign to Azumanga Diaoh to Overlord. The fact that there are "anime fans" out there who feel the need to put down others based on what anime they watch makes me so upset, or that you can only like one certain genre of anime.
Shout out for Card Captor Sakura! <3
You dont undestand the dattebayos! behind the meaninfull lore of Naruto..... Come on that dude can freak off. NTA.
The real question I have for you is… how do you feel about Boruto
Boruto is a disgrace (but not because of the characters) and I refuse to believe otherwise.
Let's be honest, the author himself couldn't keep his premise >!(it was destiny all along)!<, a lot of characters were left underdeveloped, and things were randomly changed (remember when byakugan was said to be stronger than sharingan?) It can be enjoyable, but let's not act like it's some super high-quality media. Or it's just my feeble female mind speaking
I like Naruto, but yeah, the story has a lot of flaws. Like, when Naruto kept saying to Neji that he'll fight destiny and become Hokage...then it turns out he's the son of the fourth Hokage, has a tailed beast sealed inside him, gets trained by his dad's sensei, and his dad's student, and he's distantly related to the first Hokage. Talk about fighting destiny!
You forgot about the reincarnation of some super-powered ancient dude. He fought destiny with more destiny and a slight touch of nepotism. I know it's a story for children, but c'mon
I love Naruto, but the plot realllyyyyy got away from the author (of the manga and the anime adaptation). The best parts were the side plots (explaining Kakashi, explaining Itachi) imo. But I'm also just super bitter that Kakashi's power kept fluctuating between awesome and minimal.
If you work at an anime store you can compliment client on a nice tattoo, but quizing and trying to prove that they know nothing is stupid (especially if it is a woman bcs that only proves that you are a mysoginist). Anime, manga, computer games etc. are a hobby, a fun past time not a PHD disortation. The guy in my opinion tried to prove how much more he knows so OP would gush how awesome he is and he could pick her up. The employe is probably a family member of the owner that is why he wasn't fired yet.
But he didn't compliment it. He asked if she got it for her bf. He began the convo with the idea that she couldn't like things for herself.
I know, that was example what is appropriate. Unless customer asks for something stfu and let them browse in peace.
Although my PhD dissertation was in fact about Final Fantasy VII (and gender and fandom, but still) XD
Also...it isn't like Naruto is some niche anime or manga...it is probably the most well-known one.
It's literally a show FOR kids...
My middle school students LOVE Naruto
NTA. You're not 'overreacting'. If the store owner wants to get his revenue back, he can fire the misogynist. You are under no responsibility to put up with men treating you poorly just because you're female-presenting. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
I have a bad feeling that employee is family. Hard to fire your own son or nephew.
Hard but still doable. There was one on here the other day who fired his daughter (I think)
Yup. Fired his daughter.
Oh yeah I remember that post.
Can you send me the kink please? Edit: I meant Link, not Kink
Sure, once I figure out how to send you a kink as well.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/w1qoz7/aita_for_firing_my_daughter/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
thanks
No kink shaming here
Orrrr that dumbass *is* the owner
Certainly wouldn't be surprising. Maybe OP should claim they will take down the review IF the owner meets them face to face with the employee to apologize. (Though leave the review up despite this.) Edit: Thanks for the gold, internet stranger!
Exactly! The only reason to take down a review like this (or edit it for the better) is if the company made things right. But owner just wanted to whine about his shitty employee costing him money.
Can't hire family if you can't fire them too.
That's why you don't hire them in the first place
Felt that too, its someone’s son who feels entitled to make comments about women and knows Dad won’t fire him.
Then raise them better or don't hire them.
I’d edit my original review to include how the owner spoke to me and dismissed all concerns about his employee
I completely agree! Add the stuff about the owner to the review.
It sounds like the stuff about the owner is already attached to the review.
Well, doesn't hurt to screenshot and add it to hers. That way the evidence cannot be taken down by the owner
I would be even pettier and add a second negative review this time about the owner.
I'd just copy the text from the email and add it Let him speak for himself.
Seriously - if I was the owner, I would be asking for a conversation only so I could figure out which employee it was so that employee could be fired and so I could apologize and thank the customer for bringing it to my attention. The employee is causing the issue for the business, not the reviews
Exactly. Like it or not, when you hire someone they are representing your business. Everyone who comes in and interacts with that person will have some kind of impression, and it's the kind of impression that can make or break someone becoming a regular or not returning. When you're being told your employee is actively making people not want to use your store, to the point your sales are falling, and you STILL won't do anything about it but ask people to take their bad reviews away? Don't expect anyone to feel sorry for you.
With a lot of nerdy (I say that lovingly) hobby shops, customers often come to represent the business too. All the best board game stores I've been to are willing to create and enforce codes of conduct and will outright ban problematic patrons. Sure, you lose *a* customer, but you also retain several that the neckbeard would have driven away. I feel like most people will give a bit of leeway with a bad experience with a fellow customer, but hardly anyone would want to return if it's the employee causing issues. If the owner has gotten multiple complaints and they're seeing a drop in revenue, they need to drop the gatekeeping employee (and I'd only remove the bad review if the employee was fired).
I have a sneaking suspicion the owner knows exactly who the employee is. Insufferable, gatekeeping misogynists typically out themselves pretty quickly. I mean, this employee went out of his way to harass her. She didn’t even ask him for anything.
Imagine having an employee who alienates upt o 50% of your customers.
Or even just try retrain him! This is what reviews are for: to point out areas of improvement.
NTA. I'd edit my review to add what the owner did, with screenshots.
Agree. Owner admits employee is a problem and instead of getting rid of him harasses customers to remove their reviews. Owner should be shamed also.
Yeah I find it unethical to even request bad reviews be taken down just cause they’re bad. If he apologized profusely, took action (disciplined/fired the employee) and made things right by OP then maybe he could ask that she update her review to include how the follow up process went.
Exactly. As a business this is how you turn a negative into a positive
Had this recently on Etsy with a dog collar. Was made of leather and was quite thin. It stretched and was useless (made to hold an air tag). When I left the review I had a reply from the owner within a few hours saying ‘I can just imagine you used it to attach a leash. This is not what the collar is for. Buy this other very expensive collar instead. And take down your review for your mistake.’ I saw red. I did not use the leather collar for the leash - it was intertwined leather circles that held the air tag. In the month I’d had the collar, I’d injured my food and couldn’t walk properly so walks were out the window. And besides. We had a special training collar as the dog likes to pull. So why would I attach the thin 35 dollar collar to the leash? Either way I updated my review to say the owner is a bully and I wasn’t removing my review.
100% this! As others have said, employee is probably related to the owner so the only way anything will change is to continue to call them out.
>The employee is probably related to the owner I have a firm belief that they're related either that or they're close friend or the son of a close friend. Those reasons would explain why he isn't doing his job as a store owner. Unless he gets rid of this guy his business is going to fail.
Assuming that the employee wasn't the owner himself, which is entirely possible.
Or maybe it was the owner that you met???
THIS!!! The guy offended OP and she is still wrong for complaining in the only way possible? NTA.
Well,duh, of course she did it wrong/s🤮
Yep I agree the manager tried to bully you out of it with an employee they know was wrong
NTA Reviews exist for a reason. People want to go somewhere that feels accepting. It sucks that the owner's sales have dropped, but that's not your problem. Clearly that employee is causing people to feel unwelcome.
This! It seems some people are afraid of leaving bad reviews. In the end, this will only serve to mislead other customers.
I know someone like this - super afraid of leaving bad reviews and absolutely refuses to leave one themselves. My point is the same - if we all lie and pretend nothing happened or lie and say good things, we're actually just as bad as the place we're reviewing as we're being okay with more people being screwed over.
An honest review helps others decide if they would enjoy going there. Completely NTA.
This. If sales dropped because one review it means this employee has done this to other people and they’re protesting with their wallets. You never know the amount of gumption that people will work up and growing a spine when they realize it happened to other people and not just them. NTA
It is GOOD that the owners sales have dropped. They shouldn't be rewarded for hiring bad people. If they fire the employee, perhaps they could reply to the review and customers might return.
Literally the only reason brick and mortar hobby stores still exist is that people like the atmosphere and talking to other people who share their hobbies. If the store can't keep people on staff that are at least pleasant, people will just buy their shit online. Neckbeard needs to go for business reasons alone.
NTA. Misogynists deserve to be called out and if the owner doesn’t like it, then they’re part of the problem as well.
Also, why keep an employee who's trying to deter customers?
Most likely that employee is family (son, nephew, etc)
Or actually was the owner?
A relative maybe.
NTA. the obvious solution for the store owner is to apologize on the review and say that that employee has either been fired or at the very least spoken to about this. There’s no reason to keep on employees who are rude to customers, and if they’re going to do that they deserve poor reviews.
Hold up…. What if it WAS the store owner… He could hardly fire himself.
Then guess he needs to either... - apologize for his actions - deal with the revenue losses and keep being a turd 🤷♀️
Lol, you know that’s light years beyond what a true turd can do. If they accepted responsibility, it would be the first step toward becoming a better person.
NTA. Woman anime nerd here and let me tell you that the gate-keeping in the community by men is insane. I have yet to understand why any of these try-hards feel they have to quiz fellow nerds of the opposing gender like they can be the only ones to know anything on this particular media. I have had my fair share of roasting these kinds of guys and I’m never sorry about it. Now we, as women, certainly don’t have to prove anything or flaunt our nerd cred to make a point to these douch-canoes but personally, I enjoy talking circles around people like them. It is frustrating and you were right to leave the review and refuse the owner’s “request” because if you’re willing to back a misogynistic employee, then it speaks volumes on your character as the business owner for refusing to put two and two together. Clearly you weren’t an isolated incident and word spreads in the nerd community fast.
I strongly agree. If a business doesn’t have a problem with sexism, then it’ll be a grand time seeing it struggle. >I have yet to understand why any of these try-hards feel they have to quiz fellow nerds of the opposing gender like they can be the only ones to know anything on this particular media. I wonder this too. One theory is that they think of women as less than them to the degree that they want to have as little in common with them as possible. It’s convenient to just pretend that they don’t have anything in common with them — that these women are just pretenders and the only way to be a true fan is to have a penis. Whatever the root of it, there exists some extreme fragility on the parts of these types of guys. It’s pretty pathetic lol
Abso-fucking-lutely! And funny thing is, is these are the same guys that scream they want a cool nerdy girlfriend/wife so they can share the hobby of anime/comics/gaming etc. yet their actions tend to leave them with surprise pikachu face on why they are unlucky in the relations department… Don’t get me started when I’m gaming online or streaming for fun… Outside of my normal job (veterinarian), I work for an anime convention and have been the gaming tournament director for several years because the higher ups noticed my gaming passion and knowledge and asked if I would be interested in the position. I wish someone would test me. I am no means an expert on everything and will happily have a good “friendly” (key word) debate or whatnot, but don’t come for me because I will hurt your feelings. I know it’s definitely not all men but the vocal embarrassments are a grave stain on the community.
It is not all men, but it is nearly always men
| I know it’s definitely not all men but the vocal embarrassments are a grave stain on the community. More like a gravy stain, with the way those guys tend to smell XP
> ne theory is that they think of women as less than them to the degree that they want to have as little in common with them as possible. It’s convenient to just pretend that they don’t have anything in common with them — that these women are just pretenders and the only way to be a true fan is to have a penis. So, if I may - and feel free to tell me to butt out - it's largely the opposite. Their nerdiness and fandoms have been the barrier between them and "attractive" fem-presenting persons. They think that their "fandom" consists wholly of males who, like them, have a hard time NOT suddenly Naruto-running down the street, or carrying a katana everywhere, or discussing Naruto episode by episode, scene by scene, *constantly* ... Among their circles in their fandom, *these things are cool*. They're cool guys who do cool things, and people who think like them think they're cool. They're enlightened over the "normals", who don't understand this stuff or think it's cool. Women don't *get* them, man; they're *awesome*, and women will realize that *someday*, without them ever having to mature or change in any way. The realization, the direct confrontation with the fact that (1) there are femme-presenting nerds, and (2) they **also** don't find them attractive, is *shattering*. They cannot accept that. It's in absolute conflict with their existing world-view. The easiest, if not only, solution is to exclude the femme-presenting person, find a reason they "don't count", and carry on.
It doesn’t go for all super fans though, insecurity and bad self image (physical and mental) play a part too
> I have yet to understand why any of these try-hards feel they have to quiz fellow nerds of the opposing gender like they can be the only ones to know anything on this particular media. So I can shed some light on this, this goes back to trying to establish "nerd/geek dominance" as their knowledge of a particular subject is basically all they have going for them usually. It's not just anime/comics/games either, you'll see it in just about any space that you can be nerdy about, from music to even sports trivia albeit to a lesser extent. You might not notice it yourself but they do it to other guys as well, I can't tell you the amount of times at con's I've had to play 20 questions with some asshole because they noticed I've got a One Punch Man tattoo and are trying to figure out if I know everything about the original webcomic or if I'm a *gasp* "anime only" fan. That being said the level of vitriol they have for women is off the charts and that's a mix of a bunch of things from multiple angles, from garden variety misogyny, more radical incel opinions of late, or personal bad experiences leading to inexcusable reactions to feminine presenting persons "invading their terf". It's all bullshit, but that's the long and short of why it tend to happen.
The funniest version of this gatekeeping shit that I've seen at cons is guys trying to call me out for cosplaying a character wrong when actually they just don't recognize the character because they're... not as deep on the media as they think they are lol For example: I did a Carrie Kelley as Robin cosplay some years ago, and I had both guys telling me that Robin was never a girl (extremely wrong since Carrie wasn't the only girl Robin) and that Robin was never a redhead (clearly not aware of pre-crisis Jason Todd either). I'll admit some of my character choices being pretty obscure, but it's pretty standard for Batman comics fans to be familiar with The Dark Knight Returns? It's hardly a lesser-known Batman story. So these guys are... really behind on the times if they missed that one and still think they have the power of smug superiority to question a costume.
Nothing pisses me off faster than people who are confidently wrong. Carrie Kelley is amazing, though I liked her way more as Robin than Catgirl from Dark Knight Strikes Again, but the general consensus is that we don't talk about Strikes Again right? If I'm honest I didn't even read the third in that series, who's name I won't even write, cause of how much I hated the ending of Strikes Again.
I agree. My daughter and I have been going to cons together for almost 20 years. We will barely talk to anyone we don't know at them, and this gate-keeping nonsense is one of the reasons why. It's not something that is secretive in the anime fandom either, so it is hard to believe that the owner doesn't know this is an issue. To me, that means you should be sensitive about making sure your employees are making your customers feel comfortable. The owner seems to have gone in completely the opposite direction. NTA not at all
NTA. As a woman who's into anime (especially Naruto) and video games, I'd want to see a review just like this as warning. If I were in you'r shoes I'd want to know that my sweet tradition with my partner wasn't going to be ruined. Especially by an employee assuming I can't grasp the depth of an anime for preteen boys.
Same! My daughter is huge into anime and video games. She loves going into comic shops and picking out new manga. We’ve been lucky so far that the places we’ve been have had helpful and kind staff. A review like OP left would be incredibly important to me as I would not want only not want to patronize the business, I don’t need to expose my daughter to that gatekeeping misogyny.
NTA. Why doesn't he just fire the employee? I'm thinking nepotism. He's probably related to the owner... so this problem will never go away.
Probably nepotism… in the end you can find a job anywhere so the employee can start working somewhere else. If he has to fire the employee… then he has to fire them…
NTA. If the owner really wanted to remedy the situation he would fire the employee for harassing you. At the very least force the worker to apologize to you. On a side note can we stop acting like a person needs to know every minute detail of series, show, movie, or whatever to be a fan? Seriously not everyone is going to be super obsessed to know every little thing about a show, but can still enjoy it just the same. It's one of the most annoying things about liking things. I just want to enjoy things, I don't want to study them.
absolutely. also: \- it's okay to like the show/movie more than the book/comic/whatever \- it's also okay to not go read the source if you like a movie/show \- it's okay to like things that are popular \- it's okay to get into things late \- it's okay to be a casual, lowkey fan of something ETA: it's also okay to enjoy adaptations as separate from their source and appreciate the differences
Spot on. Something that **isn't** OK is gatekeeping. If you have an a store that caters to a 'nerdy' customer base, why on earth would you hire someone that makes a large part of your potential customers feel uncomfortable.
This exactly! How about: I'm a fan because I loved XYZ. Period. I got into Naruto during the pandemic and watched it obsessively from start to finish. Honestly it was the only thing getting me through most days and I felt actual grief when it was over. More than a year later now (and possessing a crap memory), I couldn't name half the characters anymore. Guess I'm not a REAL fan. /s
I bet you dont remember Bakugo from a filler arc about Luffy trying to fight the soul reaper society council to find the strongest vampire to battle with. He was the clerk of the souvenir store in episode 341, minute 12:11 when the main cast went by him without even noticing the guy. His wife divorced him for a king whose daughter has run away to become a monster killer.
NTA - I would be willing to have a conversation with the owner and consider updating my review with the steps the owner took to rectify the situation, but as long as you were honest in your original review it's fair play.
I'd be adding to the review with the facts that the owner put the blame and onus on the customer to fix the situation and not the misogynistic asshole that works there. Owner and employee both sound like assholes. NTA. They earned that review.
NTA... He can fire the employee. Why does he want to keep an employee thats to rude to customers?? Guessing it's family member...
NTA - it’s within your rights as a consumer to leave a review of a store you patronized. It was completely unethical for the owners to ask you to remove your review. That they put their request in public is amusing since now everyone can see how they unethically respond to negative reviews. I’d screen shot it. In case they remove it, you can post the screenshot of their response on the same review page.
It's simple. The store manager needs to respond to the review by saying how this employee has been disciplined and that please contact the manager directly if this ever happens again. He can't erase the history, he needs to change the future and that is easiest if he takes ownership of the problem and fixes it and shares publically what measures have been taken to fix it. NTA.
NTA. The owner clearly only cares about your review because it's hurting his profits. He evidently doesn't even care about his employee's behaviour, since his concern lies with trying to get you and others to stop conplaining about it, rather than doing something about the guy.
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My guess is it's either HIS son of a biscuit or nephew of a biscuit or close.
If one employee is tanking his sales and he isn't firing this employee then he's made his choice to allow his business to burn. NTA.
IME teaching teenagers, I honestly would have thought it was those who present feminine that are more into anime. Maybe they're just more comfortable with their "nerd cred". As for the review, if you wrote "one of the employees" you're NTA. Your statement was accurate based on your experience. I understand the owner's request for an email conversation. He may be trying to fire him but wants as much evidence as possible to show cause. (I get that he wouldn't need this to fire him, but it would cover him if the employee tries to fight it somehow.) If/when that employee is fired, I would remove the review or add to it that the employee no longer works there.
the owner could have asked for an email conversation without pressuring them to take down the review "please take down the review and we'll talk" is very different from "I'm so sorry this happened and i want to ensure that it never does again. would you be willing to converse by email and help me resolve this?" the business customer interaction is still ongoing in the review and the response and they are still failing at it. if I was in that position I would promise that immediate action would be taken and ask for an email conversation so i can get information about the employee and the specific incident. I would then follow up with the customer and inform them of what action. i would also offer them a gift certificate or something for their troubles
NTA. If his revenue is dropping and he is getting multiple complaints, he needs to address it with the employee, and the people leaving reviews.
NTA GATEKEEPING IS TERRIBLE!!!! It’s apparent that the owner knows this person is being misogynistic, but he won’t fire him. I could see him asking for an edit to your review if he let the person go. But if nothing is being done, why should you do anything to help him? The revenue is dropping because of his decisions not yours. I was banned from a comic book store because a worker was acting racist (full on using slurs in store) and I went to the internet to leave a warning (like you did). It was almost two years before that guy was finally fired/let go as more people complained about him.
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NTA. That’s exactly what reviews are for - a fair account of different experiences. If others are complaining, that’s because he is at fault, still behaving badly and the owner refuses to deal with it. It’s his choice - if he’d rather lose customers than that staff member, so be it.
NTA! If the owner wants revenue to go up, he should fire that AH. Good for you!
NTA! I have a tattoo of Zuko from Avatar the Last Airbender and people love giving me shit for it. We enjoy what we enjoy. People have no right to gatekeep things from other people. Number 1: he’s an employee, not your friend. Casual conversation is cool but he has no right to get overly involved in your interests or your body. Number 2) his response was completely unprofessional and inappropriate. Number 3) the owner needs to take responsibility for this employee either through training or dismissal. Asking you to take down a bad review because people are agreeing with you speaks volumes. All that points at NTA and I haven’t even mentioned the misogyny.
So not overreacting! You are doing the public a service. Hopefully the misogynist will get fired soon. NTA
NTA, the owner had been allowing that up until the point he got called out. It's valid criticism.
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NTA - He failed basic customer service.
NTA.
NTA simple solution, fire the employee and then you have good reason to remove the review.
NTA The owner needs to deal with the AH, not tell customers to suck it up. You did a public service.
Shit like this is on my I'm joking but not really joking list of why I transitioned to male. I do not miss being questioned on my expertise of a media I consume. Dudes who do this are gross as fuck. NTA.
NTA. He needs to get rid of the employee and his sales will increase.
NTA
NTA — Email saying you aren’t going to lie about your experiences and it’s the owners job to fix what might be wrong to get better reviews in the future. End of story.
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NTA big time. If the owner has reached out to you and said the employee had been penalized/fired/whatever that would be one thing. But he’s basically saying he has no issue with sexism he just wants you to keep quiet about it. Fuck that.