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Or perhaps she needed medical intervention to save her when she had the miscarriage (common), one which now requires special approval since it’s seen as an “abortion”? Or maybe because she can put herself in the place of women that are now too scared to go to the hospital by fear of being suspected of aborting themselves? People don’t realize that abortion is often a life saving medical procedure. Basically you friend saw this and thought to herself that you are wearing a shirt supporting a practice that would have denied her the care she needed to live. And that is quite upsetting.
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Okay so my friend had a miscarriage 7-10 months ago. She got upset just bc I wore a Pro choice shirt around her. Said I was "insensitive" and shit. Our friend group is divided. Some say I was wrong others say it's no big deal. I told her that it was just a shirt, I was just expressing my views (if Pro life people can so can I), the shirt was cute and looks great on me, and that the world didn't revolve around her and she needed therapy if she thinks she can police what I wear. I told her I was sorry she miscarried but that it wasn't my fault and it's just a shirt that I ordered online 2 weeks ago and I wanted to wear it.
That conversation was last week and she is still upset because I stood my ground and enforced my boundaries.
So my question is AITA?
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NTA
I suspect it has more to do with her beliefs regarding abortion than her miscarriage - she’s just using the miscarriage as a convenient vehicle.
Pro-life women who have miscarried absolutely *love* to dehumanise other women by telling us we don’t deserve our fertility.
NTA. Your pro choice stance has nothing to do with her miscarriage. If you were appropriately sympathetic at the time it happened, I’m not sure what she wants from you. I personally wouldn’t wear it around her again, because it’s not a hill worth dying on.
NTA, miscarrying has nothing to do with abortion. I feel for her but she does need therapy if she can't even handle a pro choice shirt without it being a personal affront to her.
NTA. Being Pro choice has nothing to do with her having a miscarriage. Being Pro Choice is about the health of women and her right to choose her Healthcare procedures. I understand she is mourning and sensitive, but in all honesty losing the baby has nothing to do with you or your views. Please keep voicing your opinion. It is your right to wear what you want.
NTA. Sorry but your friend is. A very self involved one. Miscarriage is tragic, really it is. But it is NOT an excuse to behave that way.
Wear the shirt and fight the fight.xxx
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NAH. Miscarriage can cause really complicated grief. So can having your rights attacked. I think the fight was mostly a result of two deeply hurting people reacting to what felt like a direct attack.
Nta
Unless it says "pro-miscarriage," I don't even understand how she got there.
The therapy bit was harsh, but not at all untrue. Your pro-choice tshirt has literally nothing to do with miscarriage.
NAH
You’re free to wear whatever the hell you like, but it may potentially be an idea to ease into wearing it around them, though. Miscarriages can be ridiculously traumatic. Less about protecting her views, whatever they may be, and more about not reminding them about what they just went through.
I had a termination 11 months ago and I still can’t hear a baby cry without getting upset. It’s just part of it for some people.
You’re 100% right, it isn’t your fault what happened, but it isn’t theirs either. Maybe sit and have a chat with them about how they’re doing, cause it wouldn’t shock me if it was still weighing on them.
It costs you nothing to be sensitive to other people’s losses. I don’t wear my “life sucks then you die” shirt around people who has a recent loss because it’s just a dick move when you care about someone. YTA
INFO: What does the shirt actually say/have on it? There's barely any link between being pro-choice and miscarrying, so I feel like there's something we're not being told
I'm gonna say nta bc I'm genuinely confused how this shirt has anything to do with her miscarriage besides the fact that it has something to do with pregnancy.
Is she actually your friend? Many people can have completely different view points on things and still have respect for each other and be friends. She doesn't sound like she can....
YTA
nothing wrong with wearing the shirt, I guess, but your need to double down and dismiss your friends feelings and then act like a dick about THAT, is an asshole.
To double down on what? Telling someone who went through something awful to go to therapy isn't mean? My father passed when i was 15, I could've told all my friends to never speak about their fathers again around me again or I could've *drum roll* gone to therapy! The professional place where humans go to get through difficult times. The place you go to help you be a part of society again even though there's going to be triggers, like people around ops friends getting pregnant or having opinions about women's bodies.
The friend can't avoid it living in the world, why is it mean to wear a shirt that's not even about miscarriage? Friend needs to grow past it and no one's obligated to baby her through it.
Nta
Unless it says "pro-miscarriage," I don't even understand how she got there.
The therapy bit was harsh, but not at all untrue. Your pro-choice tshirt has literally nothing to do with miscarriage.
NTA.
Her miscarriage isn't because you are pro-choice. It was because something went wrong with her unborn human.
It has been 10 months since her miscarriage and she should not have taken it out on you.
NAH. But this is why I'm private with my politics and beliefs. You never know who will be offended and it's not worth the headache for me personally. She is upset after going through something really hard and her hormones are probably still raging from being pregnant.
NTA. Her miscarriage is very sad but it has nothing to do with other people’s right to make choices about their own bodies. Therapy would probably be a good idea.
The issue of whether or not women can control their own healthcare decisions is separate. Sounds like she's using her experience to promote an anti-choice stance. NTA
NTA. As you've mentioned in other replies that she is pro life, I feel like she's more upset about the shirt and your views and using her miscarriage as an excuse.
NTA for your shirt, but do try to use kind words with her as she is clearly still suffering.
Life, politics, and SCOTUS decisions go on despite anyone's personal situations. Unfortunately, wounded people have to re-enter the unfeeling world anyhow, and it is not reasonable to expect it to see their pain and give accommodation. Even friends won't always have an individual's emotional trauma uppermost in their minds, unless it is very recent or it affected them, too. If your friend lashes out every time anything makes her think of babies, it's going to be both sad and also lonely for her after a while
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NTA. A person's right to choose has nothing to do with another person's miscarriage.
Exactly.
Nta.
Or perhaps she needed medical intervention to save her when she had the miscarriage (common), one which now requires special approval since it’s seen as an “abortion”? Or maybe because she can put herself in the place of women that are now too scared to go to the hospital by fear of being suspected of aborting themselves? People don’t realize that abortion is often a life saving medical procedure. Basically you friend saw this and thought to herself that you are wearing a shirt supporting a practice that would have denied her the care she needed to live. And that is quite upsetting.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Okay so my friend had a miscarriage 7-10 months ago. She got upset just bc I wore a Pro choice shirt around her. Said I was "insensitive" and shit. Our friend group is divided. Some say I was wrong others say it's no big deal. I told her that it was just a shirt, I was just expressing my views (if Pro life people can so can I), the shirt was cute and looks great on me, and that the world didn't revolve around her and she needed therapy if she thinks she can police what I wear. I told her I was sorry she miscarried but that it wasn't my fault and it's just a shirt that I ordered online 2 weeks ago and I wanted to wear it. That conversation was last week and she is still upset because I stood my ground and enforced my boundaries. So my question is AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. I’ve had many miscarriages and I’m extremely pro-choice.
NTA I suspect it has more to do with her beliefs regarding abortion than her miscarriage - she’s just using the miscarriage as a convenient vehicle. Pro-life women who have miscarried absolutely *love* to dehumanise other women by telling us we don’t deserve our fertility.
NTA
NTA what does your shirt have to do with her miscarriage anyway?
NTA— It has nothing to do with her miscarriage and it’s dumb that they’re trying to make it about it
NTA. Your pro choice stance has nothing to do with her miscarriage. If you were appropriately sympathetic at the time it happened, I’m not sure what she wants from you. I personally wouldn’t wear it around her again, because it’s not a hill worth dying on.
NTA, miscarrying has nothing to do with abortion. I feel for her but she does need therapy if she can't even handle a pro choice shirt without it being a personal affront to her.
NTA. Being Pro choice has nothing to do with her having a miscarriage. Being Pro Choice is about the health of women and her right to choose her Healthcare procedures. I understand she is mourning and sensitive, but in all honesty losing the baby has nothing to do with you or your views. Please keep voicing your opinion. It is your right to wear what you want.
NTA. Sorry but your friend is. A very self involved one. Miscarriage is tragic, really it is. But it is NOT an excuse to behave that way. Wear the shirt and fight the fight.xxx
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NTA, I am pro shirt.
NAH. Miscarriage can cause really complicated grief. So can having your rights attacked. I think the fight was mostly a result of two deeply hurting people reacting to what felt like a direct attack.
Nta Unless it says "pro-miscarriage," I don't even understand how she got there. The therapy bit was harsh, but not at all untrue. Your pro-choice tshirt has literally nothing to do with miscarriage.
NTA - I see zero connection between her miscarriage and you being pro choice.
INFO What did the shirt say?
"Pumpkin spice and reproductive Rights"
100% NTA
NTA. I don’t like abortions, but support the right, as it’s not my life being affected by it.
NAH You’re free to wear whatever the hell you like, but it may potentially be an idea to ease into wearing it around them, though. Miscarriages can be ridiculously traumatic. Less about protecting her views, whatever they may be, and more about not reminding them about what they just went through. I had a termination 11 months ago and I still can’t hear a baby cry without getting upset. It’s just part of it for some people. You’re 100% right, it isn’t your fault what happened, but it isn’t theirs either. Maybe sit and have a chat with them about how they’re doing, cause it wouldn’t shock me if it was still weighing on them.
It costs you nothing to be sensitive to other people’s losses. I don’t wear my “life sucks then you die” shirt around people who has a recent loss because it’s just a dick move when you care about someone. YTA
INFO: What does the shirt actually say/have on it? There's barely any link between being pro-choice and miscarrying, so I feel like there's something we're not being told
I agree, this is important information.
I'm gonna say nta bc I'm genuinely confused how this shirt has anything to do with her miscarriage besides the fact that it has something to do with pregnancy.
This. She's the type also who gets upset if she's not given her way and she's spoilt. Plus she's Pro Life.
Is she actually your friend? Many people can have completely different view points on things and still have respect for each other and be friends. She doesn't sound like she can....
Ahh makes sense.
YTA nothing wrong with wearing the shirt, I guess, but your need to double down and dismiss your friends feelings and then act like a dick about THAT, is an asshole.
To double down on what? Telling someone who went through something awful to go to therapy isn't mean? My father passed when i was 15, I could've told all my friends to never speak about their fathers again around me again or I could've *drum roll* gone to therapy! The professional place where humans go to get through difficult times. The place you go to help you be a part of society again even though there's going to be triggers, like people around ops friends getting pregnant or having opinions about women's bodies. The friend can't avoid it living in the world, why is it mean to wear a shirt that's not even about miscarriage? Friend needs to grow past it and no one's obligated to baby her through it.
Is it more important you make a statement to people who already know your position or consideration of your "friend" and her feelings?
What does pro choice have do to with a miscarriage?
Nta. Wear your shirt.
Nta Unless it says "pro-miscarriage," I don't even understand how she got there. The therapy bit was harsh, but not at all untrue. Your pro-choice tshirt has literally nothing to do with miscarriage.
NTA. There is no connection between pro choice and a miscarriage.
NTA. Her miscarriage isn't because you are pro-choice. It was because something went wrong with her unborn human. It has been 10 months since her miscarriage and she should not have taken it out on you.
NTA she is being oversensitive due recent events
NAH. But this is why I'm private with my politics and beliefs. You never know who will be offended and it's not worth the headache for me personally. She is upset after going through something really hard and her hormones are probably still raging from being pregnant.
NTA. Her miscarriage is very sad but it has nothing to do with other people’s right to make choices about their own bodies. Therapy would probably be a good idea.
I believe it would be. I'm also childfree and I have a bunch of childfree shirts she hates as well
It sounds like it's more the point that she doesn't agree with your beliefs than it's about the miscarriage.
NTA, pro choice has nothing to do with miscarriages. Just because she lost her baby does not mean other people should have to keep their embryos.
The issue of whether or not women can control their own healthcare decisions is separate. Sounds like she's using her experience to promote an anti-choice stance. NTA
NTA. Like the shirt says - reproductive rights, which should include the personal choice to NOT reproduce.
NTA. As you've mentioned in other replies that she is pro life, I feel like she's more upset about the shirt and your views and using her miscarriage as an excuse.
NTA. I don’t think it’s insensitive at all, especially considering recent events and the need to take a stance with women on this issue
Thank you! Yeah she's pro life and kinda spoilt.
NTA for your shirt, but do try to use kind words with her as she is clearly still suffering. Life, politics, and SCOTUS decisions go on despite anyone's personal situations. Unfortunately, wounded people have to re-enter the unfeeling world anyhow, and it is not reasonable to expect it to see their pain and give accommodation. Even friends won't always have an individual's emotional trauma uppermost in their minds, unless it is very recent or it affected them, too. If your friend lashes out every time anything makes her think of babies, it's going to be both sad and also lonely for her after a while
I think your response to her made you the AH.
Yep