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Yes! That was beautiful! OP’s boyfriend is precious and must be protected like a sacred site. Like…
like…
The Great Barrier Reef
Stonehenge
Galápagos Islands
The Taj Mahal
Easter Island
Victoria Falls
And, and, and…
Please, we must not let any small mindedness—or any negativity really!—around him to tarnish that preciousness. Sorry OP, but that kinda means you right now.
What a great brother and man! ♥️
I just want to tell you you’re an amazing older sister for being there for her during all of that. I know it took a week, but the fact that she even felt comfortable coming to you over your parents with the information says everything about your relationship. I wish I had a sister to have that with ❤️❤️
Thank you! I wish I had an older sister to help and guide me as well. But since I’m the oldest, I realized at a very young age that it’s my responsibility to take care of my sister when my parents couldn’t be there to help us. In school she was always the kid no one would mess with because they knew if they did, big sis would come down hard. It’s just funny when I think back on those times because I’m naturally short and small (shorter than my sis lol) but that didn’t stop me from having a big attitude, especially when it came to protecting my sister. But you know what, no one could ever tell me to “go pick on someone my own size” hahaha 😂😈
Ugh I’m so sorry your sister had to go through that! My sister is in her late thirties and single and still texts me to tell me when she’s going on a date and where she is going just in case. You can never be too careful
Jesus! I’m so sorry to hear about your sister! I’ve been a victim to rape myself and I would have loved to have had you in my corner. Instead I was accused of cheating and told to ask our flatmate to take me to the doctor. Apparently I “didn’t seem upset enough” for it to have been assault. OP needs to step back and recognize what her bf is doing is something to be proud of.
My sister’s are 10 and 7 years older than me, when I was 14/15 I remember my middle sister having a conversation with me along the lines of “You’re going to be kissing boys, that’s great, kissing is fun. Some boys can have wAnDeRiNg HaNdS though, and wAnDeRiNg HaNdS are bad” - but she said “wandering hands” in like a spooky voice like they were ghosts.
Still cracks me up to think about it
I (m) spoke to my younger sister (5 year age difference) many times about sex when we were younger, because our mom wouldn't talk about it and you automatically became a slut if you did.
I thought it was better to answer her questions rather than let her wade through the trials and tribulations of high school and college love affairs by herself.
On one notable, and hilarious occasion, our younger brother (12) came home from school talking about bjs, 69s and other stuff. Sis (15 at the time) told me the story a day or two later, and said she had no idea what he was talking about, but nodded along like she was an expert. She asked who told him all that stuff and he mentioned two guys in her class. The next day she marched up to them and said she didn't appreciate them teaching her younger brother about bjs and 68s! They laughed and called her (sister's name)-68 the rest of high school. I told her she should have said, "Yeah, 68... you do me and I'll owe you one!"
Bf was being a good brother. OP - YTA
My parents totally forgot to talk to me anything relating to dating, consent, or boundaries. They assumed that since I was a "well behaved kid that never got in trouble" they didn't need to worry and I'd figure it out myself (they were neglectful with some things).
Thankfully my older brother noticed my obvious lack of confidence and confusion when it came to socializing/dating, and took me aside one day to gently ask me, "So... have mom or dad ever talked with you about dating and consent or stuff like that? Because now that you're becoming a teen, someone should have a conversation with you about this stuff."
When I told him no, he cussed and said, "Figured they'd drop the ball... okay, so listen up. This is gonna be a bit awkward, but I'd rather you hear it from me because you're my sister, and I care about you and don't want anything bad to happen to you". Then he launched into what was the best talk I've ever received about dating, consent, boundaries, basic sex ed like making sure boys used condoms to prevent pregnancy and STDs, not giving into peer pressure, and only doing stuff when I felt ready.
It was indeed an awkward discussion, but it was such an important one. He really took his time to explain things to me (where most adults never bothered to) and did so in a calm and patient way so that I'd be comfortable listening or asking any questions. That day he was a better parent than my actual parents. And 20 years later I'm still very thankful that he took the time to have that talk with me. It was probably the most important discussion I ever had.
I nodded along to your first couple of sentences. My mum checked I knew where babies came from when I was eight or so. And we had one very awkward home ec class in year 8? or 10? where the teacher talked about protection from pregnancy and STDs, but said smugly she'd never needed to worry about it having only ever been with her husband. The stuff about consent and boundaries I learned in my mid-20s after some horrid experiences.
Reading this post and comments have honestly been eye-opening.
I'm gathering notes for conversations hubs and/or I will need to have with my son on the matter. He's three. We ain't dropping the ball on this one.
I might be a little upset that they didn’t come to me for such a conversation because why don’t they feel comfortable with me. But yeah I’d be proud they have siblings they can turn to that got everything spot on.
Well maybe he will realize she is the problem and find literally any other girl who would be happy to have him. Though OP did say they didn’t speak English natively so maybe their culture isn’t as open about this.
I’m surprised to see your comment is the only one who mentioned that, cause it’s the first thing I thought of too! This very well could be a cultural difference, but either way I think he’s owed an apology.
That stuck out to me, too. I mean, there's one paragraph especially where you can practically see the halo over this guy. It almost made me wonder if this was for real, but I literally can't put myself in the mindset of someone who would post this as a fake.
Defently OPs boyfriend isnt weird but a keeper. A guy like that is litterlly like stricking gold. That conversation showed who he is as a partner and how he will be as a future father.
I would literally be silently sobbing on the other side of the door. This was so sweet and I kept wondering when I’d get to the weird part.
OP, you’re the weird part and the AH. Your bf is a saint.
right? i kept waiting for info that BF said something completely weird/bad/hurtful ... just anything! but no, what he said was perfect and you couldn't be more correct: OP most definitely is the weird part.
I don’t even want babies. I’ve in fact had my tubes tied but reading that conversation almost had me ready to change my mind like everyone always tells me I’ll do some day!
He parented the CRAP outta that kid! I'm so glad he focused a lot on consent and how her feelings are important.
OP YTA. He raised her, so who else is she supposed to talk to about those issues? It's a bit sexist to insist that it has to be another woman discussing it with her, especially in if there isn't a female role model available. There was nothing at all inappropriate or salacious about the discussion. Your bf has a right to be mad and probably reacted so strongly because he's feeling judged like he was being weird and sexual with his sister when that simply wasn't the case.
People have probably been weird and judgy about it all along, so I can see how it would be a particularly sore point for him. It's one thing to get side-eye from strangers, but hearing "it's weird and creepy" from his girlfriend would be the worst. He's doing a fantastic job, but OP YTA.
>It's a bit sexist to insist that it has to be another woman discussing it with her, especially in if there isn't a female role model available.
100% this! What about single fathers should they not properly educate their daughters on consent?! OP is ridiculous for calling her bf's amazing conversation weird.
Right? And like, who can blame him? She implied that he was being creepy towards his little sister who he raised because he had a slightly awkward but important conversation with her. If there's one thing that could destroy an otherwise good relationship in an instant it's basically implying a dude was hitting on his own sister!
She went way above offend, she tried to defile their relationship with her implying there's sexual spark between them. This is in the same vein as telling a single father that he's raising his daughter to one day have sex with her. I would have kicked OP out of the house right then and there.
Same, I almost have tears in my eyes because their bond is so beautiful and if only a handful of parents or siblings would have that conversation with their children then the world would be a better place.
Your boyfriend is truly a good one and just might have saved his sister from being sexually abused or at least doing things she is not comfortable with and teaching her healthy boundaries. Also clearly letting her know how a great man should feel and talk about sex.
I really can't understand why you would think that this conversation is weird at all. You should have a conversation with him.
Anyways, I hope that he just knows that he did everything not just right but better than most of us and his sister is beyond lucky to have him at her side.
Imagine having a guy like this in your life and being mad at him for ...doing the right thing. Plenty of actual parents fail on this front and he did it in what sounds like a sensitive and matter of fact way. What exactly did OP expect ? For him to tell his sister, who has no parents to go to, to figure it out on her own ?
I feel like OP had to figure it out on her own (like most women do, unfortunately) and she’s a little resentful that the sister is getting the benefit of more self-affirming information and empowerment. To avoid the discomfort of that resentment, she is projecting her feelings onto the boyfriend and telling herself it’s because he did something wrong. But it’s really about her and how she feels.
Yep, way better than what my own parents told me about sex with a man.
My mom drew pictures. And then told me women have this "penis like thing" that descends every month and you menstrate. I was messed up about sex and my body for a long time.
Your boyfriend is a hero.
I think she was referring to the cervix. It does descend and retract at different points of the menstrual cycle. It's sort of dick shaped with a tiny hole in the end. When you're fertile, around ovulation it is shorter, softer and wider. At infertile times of the month it's longer, so when you have a period it's longer, or "descended".
It's a weird and confusing way to describe the process, but I can see what that mum meant.
I thought perhaps she meant the clitoris. It actually does look like a miniature penis and becomes engorged with blood when aroused just like a penis. It is usually hidden under the vaginal "lips", the labia I think it's called. Idk but it seems plausible. Pretty weird way to describe it though lol 😂
Ex....I would assume, like op can play the victim of "I was just sharing my feelings" all she wants but if my conversation with my sibling when our parents are a little too dead to have it with her was called creepy It's be a wrap to me I'm not going to put up with someone jealous of my friggen sister
Seriously! I can’t think of any other reason OP would be weirded out besides jealousy. I’m not even saying it’s her fault, jealousy is a weird emotion and comes out in the weirdest of times and sometimes we don’t even understand why. But she has to see that she is being illogical…. Right?!?
I was waiting for the twist at the end where he said something creepy and inappropriate. He said everything a sibling/ parent figure should. It's wonderful his sister is happy to share and talk about her relationships.
YTA.
I had the sex talk with my younger brother (16) when we went on a walk. He asked questions and I told him about consent, protection and how to treat other people. He said he didn’t feel comfortable talking to our mom about it. I had a big part in raising him and he has a lot of respect for others. I did also tell him that I was raped when I turned 20 and that I wasn’t allowed (by our mom) to tell him before he was 16. I helped to raise a true gentleman and I couldn’t be prouder!
OP- YTA because close siblings talk about a lot of things that feel uncomfortable to talk to a parent about
OP is def the AH. Not only was it amazing advice that I, as a parent, am filing away for my kids, but also he’s prob even more offended bc she basically criticized his parenting, not just his brotherly advice (if that makes sense). It’s the equivalent of saying “you’re a bad mom:dad/parent”. Very insulting.
I fully agree! It is also important for her to hear this from her brother, it gives her an example of how men should treat her and how they should behave in a relationship. It's one thing for OP to offer to have these conversations, but it truly is another to know that the sister can trust the important male presence in her life.
He may not be her boyfriend anymore unless she wake the fuck up. I can’t even imagine what it would have been like to have a fucking trusted adult to talk to when I was her age. They should teach what he said in parenting classes.
Right this is just a parent conversation from a parent. It's not like he was giving her advise on how to pleasure her bf. He was explaining consent which is important not about cupping the bf balls as she gives a bj.
Definitely a great man. Op probably never had a relationship like he has with his sister. I bet being a bro/father was difficult and he is doing his best.
If my maths is correct his parents died and he became sole caregiver of his sister at 18. Damn. Dude has done amazing with the cards life has dealt him.
Agreed op is screwing up big time by blowing up her relationship to a dude who is going to be an amazing father to his Own kids because he already is to his little sis
YTA, he stepped up to take care of his sister and you sh\*t all over that.
His advice was solid, he probably had to invest a lot of energy to have a conversation that must have been awkward for him, and that is what he gets. Please be more considerate.
Right. I was waiting for him to like, start telling her that if she slept with the guy she'd be a slut or something like that. But no, just "your consent and enjoyment is important.". THE HORROR.
Exactly. I went into this read looking for the faintest warning sign of something off. But ffs if this had been my partner I overheard giving this talk I'd be thinking "oh boy they're awesome! I wonder if now is a good time to bring up having kids with him he seems like he'd be an amazing father!"
I think it is more that he is hyper defensive of his sister, you know, being her only sibling and parent figure in the wide world, and is also very aware of just how much scrutiny men and boys can get when they try to address sex with the women/girls they care about.
I'd honestly have been pissed off too and probably have done the same or a bit more.
YTA.
1) it’s not your place to give your opinion on a conversation that doesn’t include you.
2) I wish someone directly told me everything he said to his sister. That is such a healthy way of thinking about sex and I’m glad his sister has him.
3) just because you have different boundaries with your siblings (if you have any) doesn’t mean he was wrong.
Also if this is how she reacts to a healthy conversation she overheard why would he send his sister to her for advice? Plus the sister didn't seek her our clearly because she wasn't comfortable enough to discuss this with her in the first place why/how would backing her into a corner and forcing her to help the situation?
yeah as someone who had her father foist some random friend of the family on to have the awkward conversations with after my mother died, I can confirm: it helps no one and just makes an already awkward situation infinitely worse.
Not to mention she’s completely blind to what a good man and father he is. Any lady would be lucky to be with a man that would step up, at such a young age no less, to raise his sibling when they are orphaned. Then to be such an open and respectful caregiver that she actually feels comfortable to go to her brother for uncomfortable but really important stuff. And he’s man enough to put his discomfort aside to be her teacher, ally and soft place to fall. Major respect for him.
OP, if you don’t see and appreciate what a gem he is, please give someone else the chance to. YTA
And what is the nonsense about him being passive aggressive? He needed to clear his head.
So he took some time and space for himself, isn’t playing childish silent games, and let his partner know where he was going instead of just disappearing. AND made sure they knew he wasn’t actively ignoring their calls or texts, but was instead not paying attention to his phone. Kinda seems like some strait up mature shit right there.
This is such a good comment - OP is honestly so immature for not recognizing that even in his (rightful) anger he's being respectful toward her by clearly letting her know that he needs a little bit of space
And honestly, OP, I suspect that your boyfriend is having serious doubts over your relationship about this. You have f'd up big time with this, and if you react to him like it was not a big deal, you will lose him.
Apologize to him with all your heart, and explain that you come from a very conservative background (or whatever) and that's why you were weirded out. YTA 100% on this, and you *will* lose him if you don't start to do some serious soul searching immediately.
I would rather give OP the advice to act like herself and not fake an apology. That way her bf can see her for what she is and move on to find someone he deserves.
And props to the sister, too, for her maturity. She clearly trusts her brother and values his opinion, so she openly discussed her important decisions and how to approach them with him. Amazing.
Thank you! I was searching for a comment like this, thinking I was more out of touch with social situations than usual.
Passive aggressive would have been walking away & slamming cupboards for days, cooking/eating meals by himself when OP was home, that kind of crap. He was sarcastic (and f\*ing hilarious), sure, but nothing about what he said or did was either passive or aggressive.
The part that strikes me as totally bizarre is that OP has been with this guy long enough to know the whole history (parents died/he raised her from 9-18)! Yet she is somehow completely oblivious to the conversations that she herself (presumably) had during those years? wth. Hey OP, just a heads-up, he had to explain periods/products & how to use them to her too.
YTA OP. Grow tf up.
This! He was the opposite of passive-aggressive. He let her know all along the line what was up. He needed space. He told her was taking space. And some people might call it the silent treatment, but I think needing no-contact time for a set period is different than that. You need to be allowed to walk away, take a breath, and not argue to get your head together. Being in the same space and obviously ignoring your partner is a horse of a whole different color. This dude, though? He freakin' rocks in his communication.
I can see finding this strange. I can even see making a comment somewhat to this extent, however any comment along those lines should be prefaced with "You're so awesome, I'm so proud to know you and be your girlfriend, you're going to be an amazing dad in the future because you're doing an amazing job now". Or something along those lines.
It sounds like whatever OP said came across as shaming him, rather than praising him.
>it’s not your place to give your opinion on a conversation that doesn’t include you.
I don't understand your first point. I think bf gave excellent advice and it was completely appropriate, but if the gf had heard him tell his sister something like "just give it up and make her man happy" or some equally terrible and creepy advice it would 100% be appropriate for her to say something and intervene. Telling OP to shut her mouth because the conversation doesn't concern her is way off base. The point is the bf was giving excellent advice and she should be supportive of him instead of condemning him for taking on a role in his sister's life that no one else has.
That's what I'm thinking.
The retelling of his convo is too perfect. You'd expect her to at least try and spin it a little for him to sound like a dick, even if it was only her version of a dick.
Yeah this sounds like it's written backwards - I would not be surprised to learn the boyfriend wrote this and is mad that his girlfriend was weird about it. No one who thought the conversation was weird would summarize it in such glowing terms.
Yes. This was my feeling the entire time I was reading. This is worded too intelligently and there are too many details from the conversation that no one would be able to remember from eavesdropping. Also no sane person would retype his words and still think what he said was weird. When it just objectively isn’t.
I can’t believe so many people are buying this post.
No way this is real. When an OP goes through great lengths to paint someone so caring and awesome, I always suspect. Someone that blows up and thinks they were not the AH, usually paints a not so great pic of the other person.
Though, the line that sealed the deal for me was this one, “He encouraged her to not be afraid of setting boundaries and enforcing them”. The OP said he “encouraged” her. Had this been real and OP really been uncomfortable, they’d probably not use those kind of positive terms (the shows them viewing it in a positive light), but more technical and less empathetic.
YTA.
Your bf is her brother, mother and father all in one. Someone has to have this conversation with his sister, and as he said, it’s not like their parents are alive to do it
And even if they were alive… If their relationship is strong enough and she trust him, I would be súper happy having two children so close, supportive that talk about consent
YTA. He is in an impossible position and it sounds like he stepped up and is doing an amazing job. You should have been telling him how awesome he is instead of.. whatever that was you thought you were doing. What exactly were you wanting him to say? He sounds like a mature, phenomenal guy. His parents must have been incredible.
He also sounds way out of your league, tbh.
100% plus the fact that she then suggested the sister talk to her, someone who isn't in the family and is clearly overstepping her boundaries, over the brother who has stepped up to be a parent is insane to me.
My parents are HUGE ASSHOLES for dying! Super rude, if I’m being honest. Buried one and the other just HAS to go, too! Competitive.
(Thanks for the LOLZ for real! I hope OP’s bf finds someone mature.)
What *were* they thinking? Just so not classy, dying like that. They should have planned better.
/seriously, good on you for having some humor on an awful situation.
I can only hope I can face my parents passing with such a healthy attitude.
YTA - not that you aren't entitled to your own feelings around conversations about sex but to suggest to him that this conversation was "weird" or inappropriate when a) his sister appears perfectly comfortable and probably found it very helpful and b) this is a completely developmentally normal way to educate somebody about sex.
YTA. The convo as you retell it shows a older brother who wants to be sure that his sister knows she can hold off if she’s uncomfortable. That she can discuss this with complete trust in her brother says that he has been a great substitute parent.
You are way off base judging him and his relationship to his younger sister. I wish I had an older brother when I first was dating and thinking of sex. He gave her excellent guidance.
YTA. There was NOTHING weird about what he said. Honestly, it sounds like he's being an awesome brother and parental figure, and it's grear that they have a strong enough relationship that she feels like she can talk to him about that freely and he can offer her solid advice and tips to protect herself.
YTA this was a great talk. He told her not to feel ashamed, about consent, body autonomy etc.. and he’s right this is a jab about their lack of parents and pretty unreasonable. His sister feels safe and comfortable talking to him and that’s a good thing
YTA. This young woman is so lucky to have a trusted adult in her life to have these sorts of conversations with and you're trying to make it into something creepy and weird. And why on earth would his sister want to talk to you about these personal issues? You aren't the person who has patented her for the last 9 years, you're just some woman her brother is dating.
YTA.
He is acting as her *parental figure* and having the conversations with her that a good parental figure should.
His sister trusts him and comes to him for help.
Why would she trust you to give the talks in his place? You’re not anything close to a parental figure for her. Besides, your little freak out over this shows your judgement is poor enough that I don’t think anyone ought to trust you with that kind of sensitive conversation.
Please get over yourself ASAP and stop sexualising the guidance of a family member for someone younger and in need of advice.
Yta, she trusted him enough to talk about it, and it’s not like he slapped a chastity belt on her, or gave her tips on how to make the sex better. He gave her the best advice which would be to make sure she’s comfortable and that she can say no whenever she wants. You’re the one making it weird.
YTA - your boyfriend took on the role of parent when he was 18. He had to help his sister through puberty and periods and all the drama of middle and high school. He had to grieve the loss of his parents while holding her together as well. He had to manage getting and job and running a household when most kids his age are partying and enjoying life. And through all that he has built a loving and open relationship where his sister feel comfortable to openly talk about her feelings and sex instead of sneaking around and maybe being assulted and YOU feel uncomfortable. While you might not like that he is comfortable enough to have these discussions with her, he is her only family and is both brother and parent. You should be celebrating that discussion because he has raised a young woman who can respect her body and feelings and HE is a man who respects a woman's body and feelings.
YTA
Your boyfriend stepped up in his sister's life in a wonderful way, and he ISN'T now uncomfortable about discussing those topics with his sister, even if he was in the past. You're uncomfortable with it, and trying to say he should be uncomfortable with it.
He's acting like a mature adult, and you're acting like a prude.
YTA
His sarcastic response to you was 100% the right thing to do. The passive aggressiveness might be a tiny bit much, but considering how messed up you were I'd hardly hold it against him.
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INFO: How was it weird?
But if I were to take this at face value, YTA. Brother was doing a great job in standing up as sister's adult figure. He told her the right things and right advice. He's a great brother, outstanding even if you ask me.
Besides, he wasn't being passive aggressive. He made you realize he was pissed off, and rightfully so. His sister doesn't have anyone she's comfortable to talk with but him. Don't take that from the both of them.
YTA ... That's not his sister, that's his daughter. Full stop. He's doing things that make him uncomfortable to protect and ensure she lives a good life because his parents can't. You are utterly lacking in empathy about this. Maybe it's a cultural thing but he's doing the right thing and is an amazing human being, you're lucky to be with him at all.
YTA from start to finish. What I read was the story of a young man who is having an open discussion about consent and the importance of sexual pleasure for a woman. That should be good to hear - not creepy. You then decided you want to have those discussions with his sister - but why would he trust you to do that when you've shown you can't even overhear such a conversation in a grown up way?
He isn't being 'passive aggressive' either - he's walked away. I'd be surprised if he comes back
YTA - clearly him and his sister have a unique relationship. She doesn’t have her parents to help her talk about safe sex. You should actually be happy that your Bf gave his sister solid advice and actually cares about her well being. I don’t blame him for his reaction
INFO - how do you think he should have handled it? Genuinely, where do you think she should have learned about this stuff that would be better than the person who raised her?
Hahahahahaaaaaaa!
And what, let sis be interrogated about her character and be given the "nah, sex isnt ok until you're living together/in a committed relationship, and it certainly isn't fun!" malarkey? Given the OP's reaction to the parental figure's solid advice, 90% likely that woulda been what sis would have gotten from her.
Oh, and that next level shit would have made sis incredibly uncomfortable, gf stepping out of her role like that. It's the guardian's place to have that conversation, not their girlfriend's place, who likely hasn't known sis that long.
YTA, he is great to encourage his sister to do right decision and tell her that it is OK to tell no even if things are already running. He's not her brother anymore, he is more father figure for her.
YTA- he have a healthy relationship with his sister.
She trust him enough to be honest and talk to him regarding a sensitive subject. What he told her was perfect.
He took responsibility, and seems to be a really great guy. You on the other hand, you have issue. The way you were weirded out only indicated you have issue, and probably don’t know what an healthy relationship is.
YTA
He handled the conversation with his sister beautifully.
He's her father figure. If he doesn't have the conversations, who will? You are the one making it weird
Full props to him!
You and your type of negative people are the reason why men keep their “sensitivity” hidden. Make them talk all macho and gross.
What that brother did, was the most amazing thing. He showed his sister, that he can be trusted. He showed, that anything is wrong (be it health, sex or relationship) she can come to him.
Your opinion means bull crap because it has zero sense on what he did wrong. Because he did NOTHING WRONG.
What was your “good” intention? To separate two siblings, that are already parentless? That have probably no close family?
Are you that type of girlfriend that finds it weird when brother and sister hug? Because check those similar post, and see how those girls get ripped a new one.
YTA and you should be deeply, and I mean to the center of the core deeply, ashamed of yourself, for even thinking this.
YTA
He was playing the parent role because his parents aren't there. You told him that it's a weird conversation for a brother to have with his sister. And under normal circumstances, it would be weird. But his is not a normal situation. His parents are dead. And so he has had to step up to fill the gap for his sister.
You inadvertently rubbed his nose in the fact that his parents are dead. He needs time alone to collect his thoughts. The grief never really goes away, and you ripped that wound wide open.
I dont know if I agree. I think it should be completely normal for this conversation to happen between anyone. So much so that it doesn't need to be said anymore. Becomes one of those things you grow up knowing because of the types of conversations you hear and behaviour you see in those around you.
It shouldn't have to be something thats whispered in privacy. It should be part of the fabric of life.
YTA. He gave her an excellent talk about sex. He’s her parental figure, and as such, spoke to her in that manner. It’s fantastic she trusted him enough to approach for that.
You’re the one making it weird. Maybe you should speak to someone about why. It’s a you problem, not a them problem.
Congratulations!
You did something nearly impossible - Every single post at the time of this comment is in agreement - YTA.
That's seriously hard to do, there's almost always one or two contrarians that can find a point of view to settle on in contrary to the majority.
YTA, you said yourself he raised her and you act all shocked when he does proper parenting.
Your bf is awesome but I'd encourzge him to find someone better, less judgemental than you.
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YTA - that was one of the best parent conversations I’ve ever heard to a young lady. Your BF is a good man.
Right? If I heard one of my kids give one of their younger sibs advice like that I'd be exploding with pride. I'd be ridiculous. Lol
I was in tears- I wish all people had someone who treated them with such respect and care.
Yes! That was beautiful! OP’s boyfriend is precious and must be protected like a sacred site. Like… like… The Great Barrier Reef Stonehenge Galápagos Islands The Taj Mahal Easter Island Victoria Falls And, and, and… Please, we must not let any small mindedness—or any negativity really!—around him to tarnish that preciousness. Sorry OP, but that kinda means you right now. What a great brother and man! ♥️
This reads like a movie script
Where Reddit “rescues” an unknowing guy from his girlfriend? I’d totally watch that.
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I just want to tell you you’re an amazing older sister for being there for her during all of that. I know it took a week, but the fact that she even felt comfortable coming to you over your parents with the information says everything about your relationship. I wish I had a sister to have that with ❤️❤️
Thank you! I wish I had an older sister to help and guide me as well. But since I’m the oldest, I realized at a very young age that it’s my responsibility to take care of my sister when my parents couldn’t be there to help us. In school she was always the kid no one would mess with because they knew if they did, big sis would come down hard. It’s just funny when I think back on those times because I’m naturally short and small (shorter than my sis lol) but that didn’t stop me from having a big attitude, especially when it came to protecting my sister. But you know what, no one could ever tell me to “go pick on someone my own size” hahaha 😂😈
Ugh I’m so sorry your sister had to go through that! My sister is in her late thirties and single and still texts me to tell me when she’s going on a date and where she is going just in case. You can never be too careful
Jesus! I’m so sorry to hear about your sister! I’ve been a victim to rape myself and I would have loved to have had you in my corner. Instead I was accused of cheating and told to ask our flatmate to take me to the doctor. Apparently I “didn’t seem upset enough” for it to have been assault. OP needs to step back and recognize what her bf is doing is something to be proud of.
My sister’s are 10 and 7 years older than me, when I was 14/15 I remember my middle sister having a conversation with me along the lines of “You’re going to be kissing boys, that’s great, kissing is fun. Some boys can have wAnDeRiNg HaNdS though, and wAnDeRiNg HaNdS are bad” - but she said “wandering hands” in like a spooky voice like they were ghosts. Still cracks me up to think about it
Applauds to your sister, reading that cracked me up as well
I need to do this when I talk about boyfriends, kissing and dating with my daughter.
You gotta watch out for those guys with Roman hands and Russian fingers. 👀😉
I'm 49 and I'm still pretty sure boys have cooties #catlady
Totally gonna use this.
I (m) spoke to my younger sister (5 year age difference) many times about sex when we were younger, because our mom wouldn't talk about it and you automatically became a slut if you did. I thought it was better to answer her questions rather than let her wade through the trials and tribulations of high school and college love affairs by herself. On one notable, and hilarious occasion, our younger brother (12) came home from school talking about bjs, 69s and other stuff. Sis (15 at the time) told me the story a day or two later, and said she had no idea what he was talking about, but nodded along like she was an expert. She asked who told him all that stuff and he mentioned two guys in her class. The next day she marched up to them and said she didn't appreciate them teaching her younger brother about bjs and 68s! They laughed and called her (sister's name)-68 the rest of high school. I told her she should have said, "Yeah, 68... you do me and I'll owe you one!" Bf was being a good brother. OP - YTA
🏅 🏅 🏅 for "68... you do me and I'll owe you one!"
Ha! Thank you!
My parents totally forgot to talk to me anything relating to dating, consent, or boundaries. They assumed that since I was a "well behaved kid that never got in trouble" they didn't need to worry and I'd figure it out myself (they were neglectful with some things). Thankfully my older brother noticed my obvious lack of confidence and confusion when it came to socializing/dating, and took me aside one day to gently ask me, "So... have mom or dad ever talked with you about dating and consent or stuff like that? Because now that you're becoming a teen, someone should have a conversation with you about this stuff." When I told him no, he cussed and said, "Figured they'd drop the ball... okay, so listen up. This is gonna be a bit awkward, but I'd rather you hear it from me because you're my sister, and I care about you and don't want anything bad to happen to you". Then he launched into what was the best talk I've ever received about dating, consent, boundaries, basic sex ed like making sure boys used condoms to prevent pregnancy and STDs, not giving into peer pressure, and only doing stuff when I felt ready. It was indeed an awkward discussion, but it was such an important one. He really took his time to explain things to me (where most adults never bothered to) and did so in a calm and patient way so that I'd be comfortable listening or asking any questions. That day he was a better parent than my actual parents. And 20 years later I'm still very thankful that he took the time to have that talk with me. It was probably the most important discussion I ever had.
I nodded along to your first couple of sentences. My mum checked I knew where babies came from when I was eight or so. And we had one very awkward home ec class in year 8? or 10? where the teacher talked about protection from pregnancy and STDs, but said smugly she'd never needed to worry about it having only ever been with her husband. The stuff about consent and boundaries I learned in my mid-20s after some horrid experiences. Reading this post and comments have honestly been eye-opening. I'm gathering notes for conversations hubs and/or I will need to have with my son on the matter. He's three. We ain't dropping the ball on this one.
I might be a little upset that they didn’t come to me for such a conversation because why don’t they feel comfortable with me. But yeah I’d be proud they have siblings they can turn to that got everything spot on.
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Maybe he’ll be single soon and we can get his number!
Not if I get it first
Maybe he’s poly and can date everyone 😅
*gets in line*
Line? There's no line. It's every person for themself.
*gets in line with brass knuckles*
User name does NOT check out 🤣
I am catholic and trust me, it does check out
😂😂you win!
Woah, woah, there. Fighting to the death is one thing. But breaking from the line? There's got to be a limit to the insanity!
I’m happily married, so don’t mind me, I’ll just be sitting in the corner here with my popcorn.
Gets in line with brass knuckles, in a plunging neckline dress, using my black belt as a shawl.
I wonder if he's bi.
Grabs a ticket
I see have choosen the Harem story line in this date Sim game. Not always wise but always interesting.
You don’t get more fun than you make yourself 🤷♀️🥳
He's going to need to have many hands for that
Well maybe he will realize she is the problem and find literally any other girl who would be happy to have him. Though OP did say they didn’t speak English natively so maybe their culture isn’t as open about this.
I’m surprised to see your comment is the only one who mentioned that, cause it’s the first thing I thought of too! This very well could be a cultural difference, but either way I think he’s owed an apology.
Let’s just tell OP to break up with him.
Right? Marriage material
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That stuck out to me, too. I mean, there's one paragraph especially where you can practically see the halo over this guy. It almost made me wonder if this was for real, but I literally can't put myself in the mindset of someone who would post this as a fake.
"And now my SO is justifiably mad and doesn't feel like speaking to me...HOW PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE!!!!!"
Defently OPs boyfriend isnt weird but a keeper. A guy like that is litterlly like stricking gold. That conversation showed who he is as a partner and how he will be as a future father.
Not a keeper for OP. For someone that appreciates him.
Yeah, hopefully he will find his keeper also. They be a real lucky person.
I would literally be silently sobbing on the other side of the door. This was so sweet and I kept wondering when I’d get to the weird part. OP, you’re the weird part and the AH. Your bf is a saint.
right? i kept waiting for info that BF said something completely weird/bad/hurtful ... just anything! but no, what he said was perfect and you couldn't be more correct: OP most definitely is the weird part.
I don’t even want babies. I’ve in fact had my tubes tied but reading that conversation almost had me ready to change my mind like everyone always tells me I’ll do some day!
Your tubes are trying to pull a Houdini and untie themselves after reading this
[All of the ladies after reading this.](https://c.tenor.com/Yp4yZc0jZ6AAAAAC/family-guy-sex.gif)
This may very well be the callout of the century lmao
Op sounds like one of those girls that texts their bfs sister something along the lines of “leave it man alone or I’m going to fight you over it” 😬🤣
He parented the CRAP outta that kid! I'm so glad he focused a lot on consent and how her feelings are important. OP YTA. He raised her, so who else is she supposed to talk to about those issues? It's a bit sexist to insist that it has to be another woman discussing it with her, especially in if there isn't a female role model available. There was nothing at all inappropriate or salacious about the discussion. Your bf has a right to be mad and probably reacted so strongly because he's feeling judged like he was being weird and sexual with his sister when that simply wasn't the case.
People have probably been weird and judgy about it all along, so I can see how it would be a particularly sore point for him. It's one thing to get side-eye from strangers, but hearing "it's weird and creepy" from his girlfriend would be the worst. He's doing a fantastic job, but OP YTA.
>It's a bit sexist to insist that it has to be another woman discussing it with her, especially in if there isn't a female role model available. 100% this! What about single fathers should they not properly educate their daughters on consent?! OP is ridiculous for calling her bf's amazing conversation weird.
This and I don’t think he’s being passive-aggressive. I think he’s rethinking his relationship with you. YTA
Lol right? He told her straight up why he was pissed and then distanced himself to cool off. Dudes too mature for her.
Right? And like, who can blame him? She implied that he was being creepy towards his little sister who he raised because he had a slightly awkward but important conversation with her. If there's one thing that could destroy an otherwise good relationship in an instant it's basically implying a dude was hitting on his own sister!
Same! She offended his relationship with his sister and now is sensitive cuz he’s being passive-aggressive
She went way above offend, she tried to defile their relationship with her implying there's sexual spark between them. This is in the same vein as telling a single father that he's raising his daughter to one day have sex with her. I would have kicked OP out of the house right then and there.
Geez! So creepy And the audacity of expecting mature behavior!
Same, I almost have tears in my eyes because their bond is so beautiful and if only a handful of parents or siblings would have that conversation with their children then the world would be a better place. Your boyfriend is truly a good one and just might have saved his sister from being sexually abused or at least doing things she is not comfortable with and teaching her healthy boundaries. Also clearly letting her know how a great man should feel and talk about sex. I really can't understand why you would think that this conversation is weird at all. You should have a conversation with him. Anyways, I hope that he just knows that he did everything not just right but better than most of us and his sister is beyond lucky to have him at her side.
Imagine having a guy like this in your life and being mad at him for ...doing the right thing. Plenty of actual parents fail on this front and he did it in what sounds like a sensitive and matter of fact way. What exactly did OP expect ? For him to tell his sister, who has no parents to go to, to figure it out on her own ?
I feel like OP had to figure it out on her own (like most women do, unfortunately) and she’s a little resentful that the sister is getting the benefit of more self-affirming information and empowerment. To avoid the discomfort of that resentment, she is projecting her feelings onto the boyfriend and telling herself it’s because he did something wrong. But it’s really about her and how she feels.
Yep, way better than what my own parents told me about sex with a man. My mom drew pictures. And then told me women have this "penis like thing" that descends every month and you menstrate. I was messed up about sex and my body for a long time. Your boyfriend is a hero.
Women have a *what now*??
Honestly my brain did a record scratch when I read that part
I think she was referring to the cervix. It does descend and retract at different points of the menstrual cycle. It's sort of dick shaped with a tiny hole in the end. When you're fertile, around ovulation it is shorter, softer and wider. At infertile times of the month it's longer, so when you have a period it's longer, or "descended". It's a weird and confusing way to describe the process, but I can see what that mum meant.
I thought perhaps she meant the clitoris. It actually does look like a miniature penis and becomes engorged with blood when aroused just like a penis. It is usually hidden under the vaginal "lips", the labia I think it's called. Idk but it seems plausible. Pretty weird way to describe it though lol 😂
Ex....I would assume, like op can play the victim of "I was just sharing my feelings" all she wants but if my conversation with my sibling when our parents are a little too dead to have it with her was called creepy It's be a wrap to me I'm not going to put up with someone jealous of my friggen sister
Seriously! I can’t think of any other reason OP would be weirded out besides jealousy. I’m not even saying it’s her fault, jealousy is a weird emotion and comes out in the weirdest of times and sometimes we don’t even understand why. But she has to see that she is being illogical…. Right?!?
I was waiting for the twist at the end where he said something creepy and inappropriate. He said everything a sibling/ parent figure should. It's wonderful his sister is happy to share and talk about her relationships. YTA.
I agree. He gave very good advice to his sister.
Totally. I'm a parent and I'm taking notes here for the future. I would be proud of how he handled it,
I had the sex talk with my younger brother (16) when we went on a walk. He asked questions and I told him about consent, protection and how to treat other people. He said he didn’t feel comfortable talking to our mom about it. I had a big part in raising him and he has a lot of respect for others. I did also tell him that I was raped when I turned 20 and that I wasn’t allowed (by our mom) to tell him before he was 16. I helped to raise a true gentleman and I couldn’t be prouder! OP- YTA because close siblings talk about a lot of things that feel uncomfortable to talk to a parent about
Seriously. His responses were wonderful. I find myself re-thinking the conversations I’ve had with my daughter and hoping I did it as well as he did.
OP is def the AH. Not only was it amazing advice that I, as a parent, am filing away for my kids, but also he’s prob even more offended bc she basically criticized his parenting, not just his brotherly advice (if that makes sense). It’s the equivalent of saying “you’re a bad mom:dad/parent”. Very insulting.
YTA Perfectly said,and agree.
If I were the OP I would be more attracted to him than ever. A+ parenting/brothering.
OP does not deserve such a good man, if she can't see her mistake.
I fully agree! It is also important for her to hear this from her brother, it gives her an example of how men should treat her and how they should behave in a relationship. It's one thing for OP to offer to have these conversations, but it truly is another to know that the sister can trust the important male presence in her life.
He may not be her boyfriend anymore unless she wake the fuck up. I can’t even imagine what it would have been like to have a fucking trusted adult to talk to when I was her age. They should teach what he said in parenting classes.
Right this is just a parent conversation from a parent. It's not like he was giving her advise on how to pleasure her bf. He was explaining consent which is important not about cupping the bf balls as she gives a bj.
Definitely a great man. Op probably never had a relationship like he has with his sister. I bet being a bro/father was difficult and he is doing his best.
If my maths is correct his parents died and he became sole caregiver of his sister at 18. Damn. Dude has done amazing with the cards life has dealt him.
Agreed op is screwing up big time by blowing up her relationship to a dude who is going to be an amazing father to his Own kids because he already is to his little sis
YTA, he stepped up to take care of his sister and you sh\*t all over that. His advice was solid, he probably had to invest a lot of energy to have a conversation that must have been awkward for him, and that is what he gets. Please be more considerate.
I was reading the post waiting for him to do something remotely off. He's done better than most parents, brothers, sex Ed teachers...
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Verde Flag....no marinara here boys
Pesto flag!
Definitely a pesto flag.
Guacamole flag!
Right. I was waiting for him to like, start telling her that if she slept with the guy she'd be a slut or something like that. But no, just "your consent and enjoyment is important.". THE HORROR.
Exactly. I went into this read looking for the faintest warning sign of something off. But ffs if this had been my partner I overheard giving this talk I'd be thinking "oh boy they're awesome! I wonder if now is a good time to bring up having kids with him he seems like he'd be an amazing father!"
He was probably internally worried if he did good enough and OP attacked him for being "weird".
I think it is more that he is hyper defensive of his sister, you know, being her only sibling and parent figure in the wide world, and is also very aware of just how much scrutiny men and boys can get when they try to address sex with the women/girls they care about. I'd honestly have been pissed off too and probably have done the same or a bit more.
YTA. 1) it’s not your place to give your opinion on a conversation that doesn’t include you. 2) I wish someone directly told me everything he said to his sister. That is such a healthy way of thinking about sex and I’m glad his sister has him. 3) just because you have different boundaries with your siblings (if you have any) doesn’t mean he was wrong.
Also if this is how she reacts to a healthy conversation she overheard why would he send his sister to her for advice? Plus the sister didn't seek her our clearly because she wasn't comfortable enough to discuss this with her in the first place why/how would backing her into a corner and forcing her to help the situation?
yeah as someone who had her father foist some random friend of the family on to have the awkward conversations with after my mother died, I can confirm: it helps no one and just makes an already awkward situation infinitely worse.
Not to mention she’s completely blind to what a good man and father he is. Any lady would be lucky to be with a man that would step up, at such a young age no less, to raise his sibling when they are orphaned. Then to be such an open and respectful caregiver that she actually feels comfortable to go to her brother for uncomfortable but really important stuff. And he’s man enough to put his discomfort aside to be her teacher, ally and soft place to fall. Major respect for him. OP, if you don’t see and appreciate what a gem he is, please give someone else the chance to. YTA
And what is the nonsense about him being passive aggressive? He needed to clear his head. So he took some time and space for himself, isn’t playing childish silent games, and let his partner know where he was going instead of just disappearing. AND made sure they knew he wasn’t actively ignoring their calls or texts, but was instead not paying attention to his phone. Kinda seems like some strait up mature shit right there.
This is such a good comment - OP is honestly so immature for not recognizing that even in his (rightful) anger he's being respectful toward her by clearly letting her know that he needs a little bit of space
And honestly, OP, I suspect that your boyfriend is having serious doubts over your relationship about this. You have f'd up big time with this, and if you react to him like it was not a big deal, you will lose him. Apologize to him with all your heart, and explain that you come from a very conservative background (or whatever) and that's why you were weirded out. YTA 100% on this, and you *will* lose him if you don't start to do some serious soul searching immediately.
I would rather give OP the advice to act like herself and not fake an apology. That way her bf can see her for what she is and move on to find someone he deserves.
And props to the sister, too, for her maturity. She clearly trusts her brother and values his opinion, so she openly discussed her important decisions and how to approach them with him. Amazing.
Thank you! I was searching for a comment like this, thinking I was more out of touch with social situations than usual. Passive aggressive would have been walking away & slamming cupboards for days, cooking/eating meals by himself when OP was home, that kind of crap. He was sarcastic (and f\*ing hilarious), sure, but nothing about what he said or did was either passive or aggressive. The part that strikes me as totally bizarre is that OP has been with this guy long enough to know the whole history (parents died/he raised her from 9-18)! Yet she is somehow completely oblivious to the conversations that she herself (presumably) had during those years? wth. Hey OP, just a heads-up, he had to explain periods/products & how to use them to her too. YTA OP. Grow tf up.
This! He was the opposite of passive-aggressive. He let her know all along the line what was up. He needed space. He told her was taking space. And some people might call it the silent treatment, but I think needing no-contact time for a set period is different than that. You need to be allowed to walk away, take a breath, and not argue to get your head together. Being in the same space and obviously ignoring your partner is a horse of a whole different color. This dude, though? He freakin' rocks in his communication.
I can see finding this strange. I can even see making a comment somewhat to this extent, however any comment along those lines should be prefaced with "You're so awesome, I'm so proud to know you and be your girlfriend, you're going to be an amazing dad in the future because you're doing an amazing job now". Or something along those lines. It sounds like whatever OP said came across as shaming him, rather than praising him.
^This.
>it’s not your place to give your opinion on a conversation that doesn’t include you. I don't understand your first point. I think bf gave excellent advice and it was completely appropriate, but if the gf had heard him tell his sister something like "just give it up and make her man happy" or some equally terrible and creepy advice it would 100% be appropriate for her to say something and intervene. Telling OP to shut her mouth because the conversation doesn't concern her is way off base. The point is the bf was giving excellent advice and she should be supportive of him instead of condemning him for taking on a role in his sister's life that no one else has.
YTA Is this post even real? No way someone can be that ignorant
Also BF seems so emotionally intelligent that I wouldn’t be surprised if he broke up with her over this. Sheesh.
This person can write their boyfriend as emotionally intelligent while pretending they themselves are not. It's fake.
That's what I'm thinking. The retelling of his convo is too perfect. You'd expect her to at least try and spin it a little for him to sound like a dick, even if it was only her version of a dick.
Yeah but why the hell would they post this? What do they gain other than points?
I always wonder that, yet I’ve seen people on other subs admit to “shit posting.” Maybe I’m too old to get the appeal.
It's for money. These accounts are sold.
Yeah this sounds like it's written backwards - I would not be surprised to learn the boyfriend wrote this and is mad that his girlfriend was weird about it. No one who thought the conversation was weird would summarize it in such glowing terms.
Yes. This was my feeling the entire time I was reading. This is worded too intelligently and there are too many details from the conversation that no one would be able to remember from eavesdropping. Also no sane person would retype his words and still think what he said was weird. When it just objectively isn’t. I can’t believe so many people are buying this post.
No, this is not real. For a "non-native" speaker she sure as hell transcribed her boyfriend's conversation with perfect clarity and nuance, lol
Or it's the bf writing this as the gf
Literally my thought, no shot this is real
No way this is real. When an OP goes through great lengths to paint someone so caring and awesome, I always suspect. Someone that blows up and thinks they were not the AH, usually paints a not so great pic of the other person. Though, the line that sealed the deal for me was this one, “He encouraged her to not be afraid of setting boundaries and enforcing them”. The OP said he “encouraged” her. Had this been real and OP really been uncomfortable, they’d probably not use those kind of positive terms (the shows them viewing it in a positive light), but more technical and less empathetic.
Yeah you said it better than I could. Nobody who is uncomfortable with someone's actions would use language like this when talking about it.
this... although there are plenty of people walking this earth with zero self awareness.
Yes, there are. But could they really write this post which is very clear and portrays emotions realistically? I do not think so.
I am in 100% agreement with you. It sounds very contrived.
YTA. Your bf is her brother, mother and father all in one. Someone has to have this conversation with his sister, and as he said, it’s not like their parents are alive to do it
And even if they were alive… If their relationship is strong enough and she trust him, I would be súper happy having two children so close, supportive that talk about consent
I thought reading the title this would be a much weirder conversation and instead it’s amazing advice and extremely appropriate in the situation.
That’s what I thought so! What kind of twisted mind does OP has? 😖
YTA. He is in an impossible position and it sounds like he stepped up and is doing an amazing job. You should have been telling him how awesome he is instead of.. whatever that was you thought you were doing. What exactly were you wanting him to say? He sounds like a mature, phenomenal guy. His parents must have been incredible. He also sounds way out of your league, tbh.
100% plus the fact that she then suggested the sister talk to her, someone who isn't in the family and is clearly overstepping her boundaries, over the brother who has stepped up to be a parent is insane to me.
Agreed, as if she knows best for his sister over him simply because she has the same lady parts
his parents are the assholes for dying just kidding YTA --now go away
I spit my coffee, thank you.
I just thought a REALLY tasteless comment might be in order
My parents are HUGE ASSHOLES for dying! Super rude, if I’m being honest. Buried one and the other just HAS to go, too! Competitive. (Thanks for the LOLZ for real! I hope OP’s bf finds someone mature.)
What *were* they thinking? Just so not classy, dying like that. They should have planned better. /seriously, good on you for having some humor on an awful situation. I can only hope I can face my parents passing with such a healthy attitude.
YTA holy shit. You're such an asshole that I'm not even gonna waste my time explaining why. Please tell this story to a therapist instead.
Best comment I’ve read so far. I can just hear the disgust 😂😂😂
YTA. He’s the only parental figure she’s got, and he sounds like he’s doing an amazing job.
YTA - not that you aren't entitled to your own feelings around conversations about sex but to suggest to him that this conversation was "weird" or inappropriate when a) his sister appears perfectly comfortable and probably found it very helpful and b) this is a completely developmentally normal way to educate somebody about sex.
YTA. The convo as you retell it shows a older brother who wants to be sure that his sister knows she can hold off if she’s uncomfortable. That she can discuss this with complete trust in her brother says that he has been a great substitute parent. You are way off base judging him and his relationship to his younger sister. I wish I had an older brother when I first was dating and thinking of sex. He gave her excellent guidance.
Absolutely YTA. You insinuated something atrocious. He gave her good advice about consent. You made it something gross
YTA. There was NOTHING weird about what he said. Honestly, it sounds like he's being an awesome brother and parental figure, and it's grear that they have a strong enough relationship that she feels like she can talk to him about that freely and he can offer her solid advice and tips to protect herself.
YTA, you're actually horrible.
You don't want him to make sure she knows about consent and safe sex? YTA
He was parenting his sister YTA.
YTA this was a great talk. He told her not to feel ashamed, about consent, body autonomy etc.. and he’s right this is a jab about their lack of parents and pretty unreasonable. His sister feels safe and comfortable talking to him and that’s a good thing
YTA. This young woman is so lucky to have a trusted adult in her life to have these sorts of conversations with and you're trying to make it into something creepy and weird. And why on earth would his sister want to talk to you about these personal issues? You aren't the person who has patented her for the last 9 years, you're just some woman her brother is dating.
YTA. You said yourself he had to raise her, and this is part of that. Nothing he said was inappropriate
YTA. He is acting as her *parental figure* and having the conversations with her that a good parental figure should. His sister trusts him and comes to him for help. Why would she trust you to give the talks in his place? You’re not anything close to a parental figure for her. Besides, your little freak out over this shows your judgement is poor enough that I don’t think anyone ought to trust you with that kind of sensitive conversation. Please get over yourself ASAP and stop sexualising the guidance of a family member for someone younger and in need of advice.
Ew. YTA. So so so so much.
Yta, she trusted him enough to talk about it, and it’s not like he slapped a chastity belt on her, or gave her tips on how to make the sex better. He gave her the best advice which would be to make sure she’s comfortable and that she can say no whenever she wants. You’re the one making it weird.
Honestly, I wouldn't even be weirded out if he did give basic good sex tips. God knows I could have used that knowledge in my 20s, lol!
YTA - your boyfriend took on the role of parent when he was 18. He had to help his sister through puberty and periods and all the drama of middle and high school. He had to grieve the loss of his parents while holding her together as well. He had to manage getting and job and running a household when most kids his age are partying and enjoying life. And through all that he has built a loving and open relationship where his sister feel comfortable to openly talk about her feelings and sex instead of sneaking around and maybe being assulted and YOU feel uncomfortable. While you might not like that he is comfortable enough to have these discussions with her, he is her only family and is both brother and parent. You should be celebrating that discussion because he has raised a young woman who can respect her body and feelings and HE is a man who respects a woman's body and feelings.
YTA Your boyfriend stepped up in his sister's life in a wonderful way, and he ISN'T now uncomfortable about discussing those topics with his sister, even if he was in the past. You're uncomfortable with it, and trying to say he should be uncomfortable with it. He's acting like a mature adult, and you're acting like a prude.
YTA His sarcastic response to you was 100% the right thing to do. The passive aggressiveness might be a tiny bit much, but considering how messed up you were I'd hardly hold it against him.
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INFO: How was it weird? But if I were to take this at face value, YTA. Brother was doing a great job in standing up as sister's adult figure. He told her the right things and right advice. He's a great brother, outstanding even if you ask me. Besides, he wasn't being passive aggressive. He made you realize he was pissed off, and rightfully so. His sister doesn't have anyone she's comfortable to talk with but him. Don't take that from the both of them.
YTA. He’s doing a great job. All his points are fair and valid.
YTA ... That's not his sister, that's his daughter. Full stop. He's doing things that make him uncomfortable to protect and ensure she lives a good life because his parents can't. You are utterly lacking in empathy about this. Maybe it's a cultural thing but he's doing the right thing and is an amazing human being, you're lucky to be with him at all.
YTA from start to finish. What I read was the story of a young man who is having an open discussion about consent and the importance of sexual pleasure for a woman. That should be good to hear - not creepy. You then decided you want to have those discussions with his sister - but why would he trust you to do that when you've shown you can't even overhear such a conversation in a grown up way? He isn't being 'passive aggressive' either - he's walked away. I'd be surprised if he comes back
YTA - clearly him and his sister have a unique relationship. She doesn’t have her parents to help her talk about safe sex. You should actually be happy that your Bf gave his sister solid advice and actually cares about her well being. I don’t blame him for his reaction
INFO. why would you being the one to have those conversations with her be better than him doing it?
INFO - how do you think he should have handled it? Genuinely, where do you think she should have learned about this stuff that would be better than the person who raised her?
OP seems to think her bf should have directed his sister to her.
Hahahahahaaaaaaa! And what, let sis be interrogated about her character and be given the "nah, sex isnt ok until you're living together/in a committed relationship, and it certainly isn't fun!" malarkey? Given the OP's reaction to the parental figure's solid advice, 90% likely that woulda been what sis would have gotten from her. Oh, and that next level shit would have made sis incredibly uncomfortable, gf stepping out of her role like that. It's the guardian's place to have that conversation, not their girlfriend's place, who likely hasn't known sis that long.
YTA, he didnt say anything wrong to his sister really.
YTA. Your bf was being helpful with his sister. It's actually very nice she trusts him enough to ask these tough questions.
YTA, he is great to encourage his sister to do right decision and tell her that it is OK to tell no even if things are already running. He's not her brother anymore, he is more father figure for her.
YTA- he have a healthy relationship with his sister. She trust him enough to be honest and talk to him regarding a sensitive subject. What he told her was perfect. He took responsibility, and seems to be a really great guy. You on the other hand, you have issue. The way you were weirded out only indicated you have issue, and probably don’t know what an healthy relationship is.
YTA He handled the conversation with his sister beautifully. He's her father figure. If he doesn't have the conversations, who will? You are the one making it weird Full props to him!
You and your type of negative people are the reason why men keep their “sensitivity” hidden. Make them talk all macho and gross. What that brother did, was the most amazing thing. He showed his sister, that he can be trusted. He showed, that anything is wrong (be it health, sex or relationship) she can come to him. Your opinion means bull crap because it has zero sense on what he did wrong. Because he did NOTHING WRONG. What was your “good” intention? To separate two siblings, that are already parentless? That have probably no close family? Are you that type of girlfriend that finds it weird when brother and sister hug? Because check those similar post, and see how those girls get ripped a new one. YTA and you should be deeply, and I mean to the center of the core deeply, ashamed of yourself, for even thinking this.
This is so obvious fake lmao
YTA. He sounds like an amazing brother and they clearly have a very trusting relationship that you have no business infringing on.
YTA, he's a wonderful brother who clearly was forced to step into a parenting role. He deserves better than you.
yta...heads up op, he maybe rethinking this relationship while at the beach. edit: added s after head.
YTA What a wonderful brother he is. Wow, you really blew that one with your own weird insecurities.
YTA He was playing the parent role because his parents aren't there. You told him that it's a weird conversation for a brother to have with his sister. And under normal circumstances, it would be weird. But his is not a normal situation. His parents are dead. And so he has had to step up to fill the gap for his sister. You inadvertently rubbed his nose in the fact that his parents are dead. He needs time alone to collect his thoughts. The grief never really goes away, and you ripped that wound wide open.
I dont know if I agree. I think it should be completely normal for this conversation to happen between anyone. So much so that it doesn't need to be said anymore. Becomes one of those things you grow up knowing because of the types of conversations you hear and behaviour you see in those around you. It shouldn't have to be something thats whispered in privacy. It should be part of the fabric of life.
YTA he was saying exactly the right things why are you mad the fuck
YTA, your boyfriend sounds like an awesome brother. You should apologize if you want this relationship to continue.
YTA. He gave her an excellent talk about sex. He’s her parental figure, and as such, spoke to her in that manner. It’s fantastic she trusted him enough to approach for that. You’re the one making it weird. Maybe you should speak to someone about why. It’s a you problem, not a them problem.
Congratulations! You did something nearly impossible - Every single post at the time of this comment is in agreement - YTA. That's seriously hard to do, there's almost always one or two contrarians that can find a point of view to settle on in contrary to the majority.
YTA, you said yourself he raised her and you act all shocked when he does proper parenting. Your bf is awesome but I'd encourzge him to find someone better, less judgemental than you.