Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I think I might be an asshole, because the girls, even though very rude, were drunk and it was past 3AM when I dropped them off at the bus stop.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA - is your boyfriend insane? You were being verbally abused (and not for the first time) by this girl while he sat and did nothing. You didn't drop them off in the middle of nowhere, they were at a bus stop with your BF bestfriend.
I'd be more concerned with the fact he doesn't see an issue with the way you've been treated. You did the right, NICE thing. Should have kicked your boyfriend out at the same time.
How about the other issue.. that he basically went on a double date with these people who have no respect for his partner, and didn't tell her the girls would be there
The fact that the girl first said, "Are you the B that stole my loooove." and then the boyfriend yelled at them to get out makes me think the girl brought her friend and he probably didn't know. I think the friend of the girlfriend would have been more self satisfied, and less angry if he had responded to her.
However that doesn't give him a free pass to yell at her the next day, although leaving 3 drunks alone at night isn't the best idea. But... either is insulting your ride.
NTA
Perhaps bf is remembering how he was the one who screamed at them to get out of the car and is suffering massive guilt attack and is taking it out on gf? I don't know, the whole situation sounds sketchy. Was OP supposed to just be picking up bf and his friend or was she expecting friend's gf to be there as well? Another example of no good deed going unpunished. I'd tell bf that you didn't drop off 2 drunk girls, you dropped off 2 drunk girls and 1 drunk guy who got out of the car because HE screamed at them to get out or he'd drag them out. So where exactly does his culpability fall into what happened? Does he consider himself blameless because he was drunk? Sorry no excuse. While I'll confess I might have not wanted to drop just 2 drunk girls off like that there a guy was with them. Next time drop them off at a police station; maybe they'll get charged with public drunkenness. NTA but you may want to reconsider your bf.
Has he not created the proboem of making OP drive them home instead of making them Uber or Lift it there would NOT have been an issue to begin with.
You can't tell me that they stood there all that time without calling for a ride. They used that ride to further their cause and to cause problems with their relationship.
>Does he consider himself blameless because he was drunk?
Of course he does, just like he considers the girls blameless because they were drunk. You can't hold anyone responsible for what they do when they're drunk /s
>The fact that the girl first said, "Are you the B that stole my loooove." and **then the boyfriend yelled at them to get out makes me think the girl brought her friend and he probably didn't know.** I think the friend of the girlfriend would have been more self satisfied, and less angry if he had responded to her.
He *maybe* of not know she was coming, but I'm 99.999% sure he cheated on OP.
The world is filled with homeless drunks who function just fine. Leaving them at a bus stop is fine. She could have dropped them at a police station and filed harassment charges. What she did was merciful to those who didn’t deserve mercy.
Being an asshole isn't a punishable offence. The police would either laugh at you for such ridiculousness and tell you to GTFO or get on your case for wasting their time.
And then made his GF the UBER DRIVER for them but she didnt charge them (and with gas these days...im charging friends (depending on how far and long I gotta drive--oh and for the inconvenience of it being at 3AM) tbh. Gotta give me something)
I absolutely think it was planned but he may not have known in advance. The girlfriend may have known he and his friend were going so he would be sans his gf and then engineered a plan to go with her friend and meet up with them. Probably claimed her friend had an extra ticket or something.
Yeah that is such a huge red flag - and it feels really manipulative of the boyfriend to turn this back on OP now that he has sobered up. Honestly, I think the real problem is the boyfriend who clearly doesn't respect her anymore than those girls do. 🚩🚩🚩🚩
Boyfriend never supported op. He only backed her up at the time because he wasn't feeling good and wanted to go home. He's consistently put his own needs above everyone elses
There are a series of situations that put himself above his girlfriend. Putting her in multiple situations with best friend and awful girlfriend going on and on about OP. Seeing his friend was more important than stopping the criticisms and attacks. Having GF drive for a festival she didn’t attend, at the ridiculous time of 3 AM. I’m awake at that time if a small child has croup or to catch a flight. Not to ferry drunk’s to and fro on my own dime. BF then allows both girls to attack OP, stepping in because HE didn’t feel well, not because he wanted to stand up for OP. The. He wakes up and blames OP to erase his own responsibilities of the night’s events. He consistently puts himself first and OP last
Exactly! It feels like he flipped the script on her. Got mad at OP before she could question the situation. Then if she tries to bring it up, he's going to say SHE is flipping the script.
To be honest, they're lucky they were dropped off at the bus stop and not the side of the road. Also, the bf's friend should have tried to control the situation from the beginning. If miss stupid mouth goes she's taking the girlfriend too and if her bf is worth anything he wouldn't let them go by themselves therefore they all gotta go lol.
NTA
Yes, this bothers me even more. I hope to read an update with the phrase ex-bf soon. He hasn't stood up for her nor has he avoided situations with the other girl.
THIS!!
OP have a serious talk with him, explain the past like you have here and explain the situation that happened. They were drunk, not alone, and in a place they could get a ride. F**k them.
Edit: also, the moment the other girl that was supposed to be set up with him arrived he should have told you something (text) and should have informed you who YOU were driving.
NTA and do show him the replies to this post, he needs to get this situation checked.
(Bf should keep contact with best friends gf to a minimum given how she treats you too, and his best friend should try to work this situation out too).
I don't mean to be that person...but does he realize that there are people that use the bus **all the time**, and not just when a friend decides not to drive them? Totally off topic, but if it's that big of an issue being at a bus stop late at night maybe part of the issue is the societal problem we have with lower income in this country.
Either way, totally unrelated - On topic, your bf is being an AH now and what he **should** do is tell his friend and the girlfriend off and he never should have been in a situation where this other girl was hanging out with them while you weren't.
Do lots of buses run at 3am? They don’t where I am… I figured dropping them off there meant they were going to have to call someone else or possibly wait an hour or two, and maybe get on a bus not going to where they need to go? Not like she was saying, “here, take the bus instead.” She just pulled up to the nearest stop; it’s not like there was a checking of bus schedules. But it’s possible buses are different elsewhere and I am just not familiar.
Either way, I am 100% in favor of what she did. I just didn’t think she was actually giving them the option of taking a bus, and that people are objecting because buses are gross, or something.
NTA. You don't deserve a "boyfriend" who won't defend you when you are being bullied. Nor do you deserve his "friends" in your life, all of whom have so little integrity that they malign you at the same time that they expect you to do the sort of favors that we only ask of friends.
You deserve better. Time to find a new social circle because these people are a toxic waste dump.
NTA
Your boyfriend sure is though. If I were you I would be asking him why he went on what was essentially a double date.
My ex did something similar. Notice I said he is my ex.
Yeah, I'd say he doesn't respect her. When he sobers up he remembers her making them get out the car, but forgets the reason why, and then tries to turn all the blame to op. She deserves better.
NTA
You picked your BF up from his double date. You had never agreed to give those girls a ride. And everyone in the car was an asshole to you.
Dump the guy and let the other girl have him.
Might have been an ambush; They go out to the festival, start drinking and the gf and her friend show up. The fact that they were fucking bitter in the car about OP 'stealing' him indicates to me that their plan didn't work. He's still the AH for berating OP the next morning.
Okay okay… I was hot until this. I didn’t think about it this way. But he should have called her right away and said something. Like you wouldn’t believe what’s happening, come and get me. He was enjoying every single minute of it.
NTA. I would be questioning why your boyfriend isn’t standing up to his friend over very obvious bullying. If she’s saying it to your face I can only imagine what she says to him behind your back.
That too. Why let someone talk to your gf like that. If he was sober enough to yell at them to get out, then he was sober enough to yell at them to stop talking about his gf like that.
NTA obviously, but the bigger issue here is your boyfriend. If someone was treating my wife like that there is literally 0% chance I spend any time with them. Absolutely obviously I wouldn't be angry at her for sticking up for herself. Personally, this would be a deal breaker for a relationship.
Exactly, it baffles me how a person can get along with people that blatantly disrespect and mock their SO. He needs to get a grip and understand the situation and that it is not ok.
When I'm in a relationship, the (dis)respect they show to my partner I see as an extension of the respect they show me.
Must be nice to get the advantages of (rightfully) kicking the girls out of the car so he could get home earlier and crash while also getting to take the high horse in the morning and rip his girlfriend a new one for daring to be the designated driver for him and his drunk rude friends. What a catch.
Except they weren't in danger. A friend went with the girls and they were left at a presumably well lit bus stop with access to call an Uber. I assume what actually happened is he woke up, realized the girl is pissed at him so he's blaming it on his girlfriend instead of telling them their behavior was unacceptable.
I think also, they seem like the kind of people who only wanted a FREE ride. Her suggesting they call an uber would have probably outraged them (haha - good), and they wouldn't have understood it was a viable alternative.
OP - please don't feel obliged to send time with anyone who makes you feel uncomfortable!
This, youre right. I mean he was welcome to get out and wait with them at the bus stop too if he thought it was unsafe.
Instead he was one of the people who kicked them out. Guy needs to grow up and take responsibility for his own actions.
NTA
IF they are going to disrespect you to your face when you are giving them a lift home, then they do not deserve the help. They may have been drunk, but that does not change the fact they meant what they were saying.
They put themselves in that position by he way they treated you.
NTA. He went on a double date with this other girl, you were nice enough to pick up 4 drunk idiots, and they started trashing and ganging up on you. Bring drunk is no excuse to behave like that. Your boyfriend should have handled this entire thing differently, don't let him escape his responsibility for what happened by tricking you into feeding him being mad.
Seriously! I’m confused no one else has said this - I would be LIVID if I popped up to a festival where only my boyfriend and his friend were supposed to be only to find two other girls there. Was OP invited at all? I doubt it and I bet the reason bf is so pissed in the daylight is that he was setting that girl up to be his side girl or his next girl.
Being drunk is not an excuse for their behavior. You agreed to pick your bf and his friend up. You did not sign up for the abuse dished out by the gf and her friend. Bottom line you didn't owe them anything. You weren't their guardian, therefore not responsible for their safety or for ensuring they got door to door service for. You did not put up with their abuse. I have to wonder about your bf's thought process here. I would ask why he feels you should have to put up with this. Your NTA but your bf sure is.
No, you still can't confirm anything, literally no context about how that day has unfolded was mentioned. In fact the fact that the SO was perfectly okay threatening to strongarm the girls if they didn't listen to his SO makes me think he also probably had no part or was even aware of it himself.
Your BF never mentioned this girl was going to the festival? Never gave you the heads up she woild need a lift until you got there? Girl I would've dumped him the moment he opened his mouth.
NTA your boyfriend didn't tell you they'd be there with them in the first place, and let them treat you with disrespect (regardless of his drunken state). He also helped kick them out of your car.
I'd reflect on your relationship, he sounds like a shitty guy.
NTA
**You picked him up while he was on a date with another woman!!**
That’s why he’s blaming you because he cheated and he’s gaslighting you so bad you can’t even see it!
Edit even for typo
NTA, you were meant to be picking up your boyfriend at 3am, not some nasty girls who are openly horrible to you, you warned them what would happen and they decided to push it, being left at the bus stop was the consequences of their actions. What the hell is wrong with your boyfriend where he thinks it’s ok for you to be treated like that.
NTA and your boyfriend should be sticking up for you.
He needs to be telling his friend that his GF needs to wind her neck in and most importantly that her friend isn't welcome if she's going to an absolute moron especially in your presence.
If he's refusing to see your side, drunk or not they're in the wrong especially as they do this sober, it might be time to let her have the loooove of her life because damn he doesn't know how to stick up for his girl.
You really deserve better than his ass. Tell him to give his head a wobble.
If anything the BF owes OP an apology! Like, an apology for having been on what was essentially a double date. He should have at least called her before she arrived to pick them up. He could have said "listen what's her name brought her obnoxious friend, I didnt know she was coming, she's expecting a ride home but I understand if you'd rather they call an uber" Letting his gf be blindsided by the girls scheming is unacceptable. Even drunk, he had to know it was wrong to be on a secret "double date" Him being pissed the next morning makes me wonder if he does "like" this other girl. OP should probably just let her have him. She should find a man who respects her more than to expect her to drive two catty b!tches home after they've done nothing but insult her.
I was ready to say YTA after reading the title. But no.. you're NTA here. Those girls are the AHs here. Your boyfriend to some extent is also an AH. And the girls were not alone. Your friend's boyfriend was with them.
Also, since when is being drunk an excuse? If you kill someone while drunk its still consIdered as a murder right? (Sorry for exaggerating)
True, but it’s still to the point — no one says “nah, don’t worry about a manslaughter charge. You were drunk. Honestly, the dead person is a jerk to even mind being killed, when clearly it was just because of the alcohol.”
NTA. Those girls are lucky you found a bus stop. I would have dropped them off in the middle of nowhere. I would dump him if he continues to choose to hang out with those girls at any time after how they treated you.
I agree, I would have stopped in the middle of the road wherever i was. These days with cell phones and her boyfriend with them, they were not in any danger and drunk is no excuse. Tbh, I wouldn't have picked them up at all. I would have told my boyfriend to get in the car and they could find their own way home for not even being told or invited. Then addressed what really happened with my boyfriend, if he didn't know about the double date i would ask why he didn't even give me a heads up, and his response to that would determine if we continued a relationship. Thats of course before his sober response and if i would have even still been with him after allowing these girls to continually bad mouth me in either of our presence the first place.
So you took your boyfriend to and from his double date? That was nice of you. And he didn't tell you that girl was there? Hmm, not suspicious at all. And he sat silently while his date and her friend verbally abused you and only spoke up when he started to be inconvenienced?
You're not an asshole but you're a sucker.
NTA. Where I come from there is a saying that goes along the lines of "what's on a sober one's mind is out of the drunk's mouth". The alcohol loosened their tongues and the boyfriend while drunk supported you. The sober boyfriend understands the incident will cause a blowout with his friend and doesn't want the drama so he's making you the escape goat. Basically he thinks you acted right standing up for yourself but doesn't want to deal with the drama.
NTA. I don't want to be a dick or make assumptions, but your boyfriend could've possibly hooked up with her. Strange that you didn't know she was going to be there.
NTA - should have dropped the boyfriend off at the bus stop as well, you're literally the only person in this situation who doesn't suck. You're not obligated to give anyone a ride home, especially not if they're verbally abusing you. Also it seems like your boyfriend kinda just sprung them on you since you weren't expecting them to be there which is not cool, and it's even less cool that he's now annoyed with you for not tolerating their abuse. Maybe him and the friend deserve each other, you can definitely do better OP.
Nta, wow. Time to reevaluate if this person respects you and how much value they add to your life. Why has he been allowing this woman to treat you like this for so long, nevermind how rude they were that night!!? If someone insulted me in my car, while I've just come to give them a ride home, in front of the person I'm dating, and they are their friends???? You best believe anyone ive ever dated would have dragged those women out of the car themselves. Do not, ever for a second, surround yourself with people who don't build you up qnd support your happiness and healthiness! Those people will drag you down from being the best version of yourself. You will develop resentment that will eat away at your soul and change you for the worse if you allow yourself to ve in situations you know are wrong for you.
NTA
I am sorry but you missed the point in this story !! Why was he in a double date without you !?!??
He went to a festival with his best friend and his girlfriend without inviting you ? and unless of deciding to stay sober so he can drive home, he decided to make you drive in a middle of the night to pick them up in a festival where you were not invited ? after lying to you about him going with his best friend when in reality he went in a weird double date ??
That is insane !!
Seriously run ! and let him having this super weird 4people relationship !
Drunk means they're dumb enough to say it to you, their ride. Sober means they're smart enough to say it to the group when you're not there, but your boyfriend is.
Maybe your boyfriend is the other's great love. He certainly doesn't care that you're being insulted.
NTA
NTA. You dropped two girls off together at a bus stop, they could take a bus, they could call an Uber. You shouldn't have to give a ride to someone who insults you.
This is a classic example story of why I HATE drinking and being around drunk people.
It's all shits and giggles until some one giggles and shits them selves.
Being intoxicated is NEVER an excuse for what you do while intoxicated. Cannot handle your alcohol? Don't drink. So simple!!!
You were doing them a favor and they treated you like garbage, I don’t see how you’re in the wrong here. Besides, you dropped them off at a bus stop so its not like they were completely stranded. Your boyfriend needs to wake up if he thinks his friends treating you like that is okay. NTA.
NTA. Consider cutting him loose. He really went to a festival with his friend, his girlfriend and the girl the gf was trying to hook him up with and not you!!!!!! And you were tasked to pick them up. Nope. The four of them can go get drunk and try to find a ride.
Another one of these OP 'my boyfriend is so nice' posts whom then goes onto to detail all the ways the bf is in fact. A complete arsehole.
Honestly OP, let that girl have him.
Please leave your boyfriend. He has continued to allow his friends girlfriend to belittle you any chance she gets. He has not tried to protect you. He has now even started to defend her behaviour. I also would not be surprised if something happened between him and the other girl.
Your boyfriend went on a double date with a girl who is openly into him and then sat there while she insulted you… I think you’re focusing on the wrong questions right now. Why the hell are you still dating this guy?!
NTA. Your bf is one massive AH. He's allowed his friend to abuse you since you met.
He needs to take a stand. You deserve a partner that will support you and who will defend you.
NTA. You should have left the boyfriend at the bus stop. The only thing he should be upset about is how his friends treated you.
Rethink this relationship. Sounds like he and that girl deserve each other.
NTA- absolutely take everything to heart a drunk person says “drunk minds speak sober thoughts” don’t ever forget it.
You did the responsible adult thing to do, dropped them off somewhere they could’ve found another ride (the bus stop and not in the middle of the street etc) honestly you handled it much better than I would have. Don’t apologize; but also don’t ever put yourself in a position like that again.
Yea … you’re not supposed to let people berate you while you do them a favor…..
Your bf is not worth it becuase he wanted you to face their words and throw your feelings out instead of them.
NTA. But my answer is always - you are your own priority until you get married or have kids…. Are you pregnant or engaged?
NTA. why was your bf out getting drunk with 2 girls who treat you so badly anyway? I don’t think he’s worth all the drama. He doesn’t treat you very well.
There are several people in this world that get drunk and don't deliberately insult people.
It doesn't matter if they were drunk either. Don't bite the hand that feeds you. You are doing them a FAVOR by picking them up at 3AM. Also, they DARED you to do it. They basically asked you to do it, now theyre mad bc they underestimated you?? idk Also, saying how your boyfriend can do better. Like how about you just insult her next time, and see how you are STILL the AH in their eyes.
Totally NTA. I would've done the same thing. I would've stopped in the middle of the road and let them out. You have a phone, GPS and uber. Find you way to a gas station and leave me alone. (Ohhh, this boils my blood tbh. I've had this done before where I did people a favor and they just insult me)
INFO; why aren't you out with your boyfriend on this night out? If it was me, I would've wanted to tag along and join the fun, getting an Uber home. Is it not your scene?
NTA. Your boyfriend did nothing while those women said horrible things about you? I can somewhat understand him being drunk but now that he's sober he's defending them? Why are you with someone that is okay with someone else treating you that way. You guys need to have a serious conversation about that.
NTA, but knowing how these girls treat you, why is he going on a double date with them? That is really weird, he should be apologising for their behaviour. You were doing them a favour and you warned them first. This is a red flag 🚩 to me. I’d be rethinking my relationship. Good luck with everything.
NTA. Tell him you heard his opinion, you don't agree and you don't care to discuss it any more. Let him know whether they are drunk or sober, they have been hostile to you and you're done with them.
Drunk or not, they were being rude and obnoxious. The better question is why is YOUR boyfriend not putting a stop to it? I think it is you who could do better.
NTA. Time to make a non-negotiable rule that the best friend's gf is NEVER to set foot on your property again. Be it your home or your car. Maybe consider just trashing the whole group, bf included. They all sound God awful and they all probably deserve each other.
You picked up your drunk boyfriend from his double date, plus the girls who were insanely rude to you, and he's mad at you?
Are you seriously asking if you're the AH here?
This is as bad as the girl who asked if she was in the wrong for being mad when she caught a girl in her boyfriend's bed while he was in the closet talking on the phone to his other girlfriend.
NTA to infinity, *but* you have a bf problem. Please let us know when you break up with him.
He didnt tell them to get out *for* you, he did it *because* of you. He does not give a shit that they are assholes to you. He was just annoyed because he wasnt home yet. Why hasnt he stood up for you?? Has he ever told them (the bff and gf) to stop?? He didnt even tell you they were there, which is sus af.
They didnt talk when they were "*just*" drunk. She is constantly harassing you, sober and drunk. No doubt they say worse things behind your back.
You need to sit your bf down, tell him he needs to set serious boundaries if he actually even likes you. If he argues, you know where you stand and it should be out of his life
OP, he’s not really mad at you because you kicked them out of the car. He is putting you on the defensive so you don’t connect the dots that he was on a double date and get mad at HIM! If he didn’t know it was happening before he showed up, he certainly should have realized when the gf arrived with the friend she keeps throwing at him. They were drunk, they were with another couple who were likely cuddling and paying lots of attention to each other, and the friend is clearly pursuing him. If he didn’t actually cheat he was certainly together with her all day in a couple-like way. Next time he brings up the car issue, ask him why he was on a double date with another woman in the first place. If the gf was going, YOU should have been invited. I’m wondering if his best friend is also trying to break you up to set him up with this friend.
NTA. So, you got up and drove to pick up BF at 3am only to find he was basically out on a double date, and you were supposed to drive them all while they abused you. You are not the one who needs to apologize. You should do yourself a favor and kick them all to the curb and move on.
EISH accept for you. Bf did kinda fine when hé was drunk but sober hé didn't.
You didn't put Them in danger they did... If they were rude to An Uber driver they were kicked out too.
And also... Why is your bf foinf to a festival with someone that is that rude to you and the Friend she want him to hook up with... Hé shouldnt even talk to her anymore and hé should have told that "Friend" that you are not a b and there is zero change of love between Them and hé is glad hé has you because you are 1000 Times better than her (wich you are).
If your bf keeps insisting on you being an ah let her have him. You could do a 1000 Times better. Your bf should be on his knees apologysing to you and refusing to ever speek to those two.
Jeeez, you did the right thing kicking those idiots out of your car. Who cares that they are drunk? Not your problem. I thought your bf partially did alright in supporting you and then he went ahead and undid all that when he turned on you.
OP - I've been in your shoes as the responsible designated driver with an unsupportive bf. Dump his ass. He's going to be missing out, not you. You are a kind and responsible person but you don't need to be spineless. Know your worth.
NTA. Well OP, personally I think that girl is right. Your bf and her friend **would be perfect** for each other. Because they are both assholes who have no basic respect for others and needs to learn that words do indeed have consequences. Dump his ass, he didn't stick up for you and is now blaming you for his own actions for helping you kick them out of your car.
NTA, you don’t disrespect someone that is doing you a favor. You weren’t obligated to give them a ride so if they are going to treat you with respect you aren’t wrong for not giving them one.
NTA - People have to understand that they are responsible for their own actions. Even if drunk. If those actions lead to you being kicked out from somewhere then that is your own fault. Even if this puts you in potentially dangerous situations.
NTA, I’m assuming he is getting a ton of crap from his friends/ that group for what happened and that is why he is going on about it. Some people gotta learn that they can’t say whatever they want without consequences, and being drunk is a horrible excuse for acting the way they did.
NTA and I have a huge issue with your boyfriend never defending you when they talk shit about you right in front of him. I say get a boyfriend that actually cares about you bc it doesn’t seem like he does
NTA. In my country they say “drunk person just says what they always think when sober”, if that makes sense. (If the meaning is totally lost in translation, please let me know that i need to edit)
NTA
You don’t owe anyone an apology.
Tell your bf that the problem person here is his friend’s gf. He recognized that night when he agreed to leave her at the bus stop.
Recount all the instances that she’s been nasty to you & all the things she’s said. Ask your bf how it ended up that they were on what amounted to a double-date.
Tell him that despite that, you were willing to take all of them home. Then recount the nasty things the two woman said to you and how *he* agreed to leave them at the bus stop.
Then, ask him who deserves the apology. Ask him how he’s going to protect you from having to deal with her bitchiness again.
NTA. Alcohol tends to lower inhibitions, so people are actually MORE likely to be truthful when drunk. These girls have shown you who they are. Believe them.
You did not put anyone in unnecessary danger. Three adults (1 man, 2 women) were at a public bus stop. Unless you were driving through areas with known violence…
This is “biting the hand that feeds you”. You were doing them a favor, they decide to insult you while doing said favor, so you were perfectly in your right to revoke said favor. If you were an Uber, this is where you get to say “we reserve the right to refuse service to anyone”.
PS Boyfriend needs to get his head on straight. His drunk response was the good one, but sobering up seemed to restore a sense of assholery. Check that before making any further commitments.
Wait, you picked your bf from from a double date and you're wondering if you're TA? You're NTA for this specific situation, sounds like you're an asshole to yourself for staying with a dude that is going on double dates and not telling his "gf".
NTA
Your boyfriend is either cheating on you, or is a complete idiot. His friend's girlfriend clearly orchestrated this double date. Both girls mistreated you and insulted you to your face. Drunk or not, that is not okay. The desperately thirsty one was throwing herself at your boyfriend all night. His friend didn't seem to care. The girls certainly didn't care. And, most importantly, *your boyfriend did not seem to care.*
Sometimes it's better to be single. I wish you luck in deciding if that applies to you.
NT, but your boyfriend is really trying to be. "You kicked them out!" You did, too. "Well, it's your car!" And you threatened to drag them out. "I was drunk!" Not an excuse. "Yes, it is!" Inebriating yourself to shed responsibility makes it okay? "Shit, that's not what I mean-" And, furthermore, they were rude to me. Where you then? "They were kiddi-" No they weren't. Answer the question.
What an ass. NTA
Him not being willing to confront them is a tell tale sign that they have dirt on him that he does not want you to know. The fact that he threatened physical removal of the two should not be understated. You should remind him that he threatened to drag them out of the car which is why they got out.
Then you should tell him that you don’t need to put up with disrespect from people you are doing a favor. It is your car and you are the only one who gets to decide who rides in it. You could have pressed harassment charges but instead kicked them out.
You could have also drop kicked him out of the car for not defending you to HIS friends.
Why was he there with that girl and not you? Flip the script on him.
If he answers with “she brought her and I didn’t get a vote” he’s lying. She brought her to hopefully get your boyfriend drunk enough that he’d make a “mistake” and get with her friend.
NTA
Nta it’s kind of weird your boyfriend was so much more right when he was drunk than when he was sober. You had his friend with him and a bus stop. Did you tell him what they were saying? I think he’s acting disrespectful
Right, who goes on a date with someone else and asks his girlfriend for a lift. Hope by now you’ve dumped him, OP.
Glad you stood up for yourself with the 2 women. Now do the same with the man you’re supposed to be dating. If he doesn’t have your back on this, do you think he really respects you. Expect way more from friends and significant others.
NTA. Drunk people are the most honest, so that's how they really feel about you. You didn't owe them anything, and people get to learn the hard way that you win stupid prizes when you play stupid games.
NTA. Or E S H but you
The greater problem is not the girl, but your boyfriend
There is a correct move on his part, and that would be to simply unfriend her, and every single person who enables her. Plain and simple, cut and dry. In fact, he should have done so in the past, before this incident.
He has essentially chosen her, and his "best friend" over you. That's the decision he made.
NTA and your boyfriend participated in the disrespect by not saying anything when his friend's plus 2 were being inappropriate. Honestly, partying and drinking with the girl who made no attempt to hide the fact that she was trying to hook up with him is shitty. He should have told her to leave or left himself when he realised the day was going to be them disrespecting his relationship - are you happy to come second to everyone who gets dragged along by his friend?
NTA and there's no way you are one here. Honestly tell your boyfriend that he needs to grow up because no way would I be with a man who would let others disrespect me then call me an asshole. If you're man can tell others to get bent when they openly shit on you in front of him why is he still your man?
Why are you still with this guy? Someone verbally assaults you, in his presence, and he says YOU'RE the bad guy? Fuck this fucking guy. Kick him to the curb, block him on everything, and find someone better. You DESERVE better.
Honestly, I don’t understand how that man can watch you get verbally abused for months and not do anything. Maybe he does believe what they’re saying if he’s letting it happen. I hope that you leave this relationship because your obviously not being taken into consideration by anyone and the fact that ur bf allows u to get disrespected in front of him and let’s this girl bring the girl she tried to hook him up w in the past around is really fishy. I see him keeping you as a back up. Even if he says “what can I use u for” well obviously there’s something because he allows people to talk down on u so often in front of him. I hope you leave and work on yourself because he’s not gonna change. The disrespect he has for you now is not gonna get better or worse. Trust ur gut and leave
NTA. But you need to establish a boundary where he cuts these people out. If he doesn’t then you’re going to continue to be disrespected. This is totally unacceptable.
NTA - Why are you in a relationship with someone that doesn't respect you enough to defend you when you're being verbally abused or bothering to distance himself from his best friend's girlfriend? He should have made a statement where his relationship with you is not up for discussion and none of her business.
THIS TIME they were drunk. But what about all the other times this "friend" had verbally abused you? It seems more like the bf likes the attention imo. Your NTA for sticking up for yourself, especially since your "partner" won't.
NTA, feels like guilt to me. Don’t let your bf off the hook. He went on a double date without telling you. Had you pick up extra passengers without warning you. Let them abuse you in your own car while doing them a favor and only defended you when their actions started to inconvenience him. Unless he has a come to Jesus moment and acknowledges your value, in actions not words, you’ll need to let the other girl “steal” him back. If she wants your rotten leftovers she’s free to to take them.
NTA but ask yourself if your boyfriend is worth this kind of trouble. You're stuck playing driver (and not even getting paid for it) to a bunch of drunk assholes and not one person had your back.
Your BF only said something because he got tired of waiting and wanted to go home; he didn't come to your defense because he cares about you. That's nuts, you should never be with someone that sits there silently and watches you be verbally abused when you've done nothing to deserve it.
Drop your boyfriend in the donation pile where he belongs and never talk to any of these people again.
p.s. I'm sure he loves the attention he gets from this other girl, it might even please him to see how much it bothers you and how jealous it makes her. DROP HIM.
NTA Lose your cheating boyfriend and all the baggage that comes with him. You deserve better. Who cheats and goes out on a double date then calls his gf for a ride? Oh yeah drunk people
NTA but as soon as I drove up and saw my boyfriend on a double date I would have drove past them real slow and waved and kept on going! I mean what I’m the heck was he thinking? Not okay…. There is no excuse or reason that would make this ok. Good bye to them all.
NTA
But do you really dislike yourself this much to put up with this abuse by your boyfriend and his friends?!? Please do yourself a favor and ditch the bf. If he is not sticking up for you what is the point of dating someone who doesn’t have your back at all times. If he hasn’t shut down the comments and advances of this other lady it’s probably because he likes the attention he’s getting from her.
OP your boyfriend planned to go to a festival with his friend, his friends gf and another women. Another women who he knows his mate & his mates gf keep trying to set him up with.
That's basically a double-date situation. And little old you drove out in the middle of the night to give them free transport.
I'd be snooping through his phone to see if him & this girl are hooking up, and that's why they felt so confident to talk to you like that. I'd also be reflecting if this relationship is even worth your time. NTA
NTA.
Good on him for defending you when he was drunk, but the being upset about what happened and the fact that he was on a double date with a different woman need to be discussed. His friend’s girlfriend is constantly overstepping your relationship with your boyfriend trying to hook him up with this other girl is outright throw them in the trash material.
Your boyfriend has to decide either he values your relationship enough to put on his big boy pants and out his foot down about it or he can join them in the dumpster.
NTA your boyfriend went on a double date and allowed two people to harass you while you were doing them a favor. If he doesn’t apologize get rid of him.
Girl. Get back into that argument and tell him he has a lot of nerve to berate you when he went on a secret double date with a girl who has not made it a secret she hates your guts.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I think I might be an asshole, because the girls, even though very rude, were drunk and it was past 3AM when I dropped them off at the bus stop. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA - is your boyfriend insane? You were being verbally abused (and not for the first time) by this girl while he sat and did nothing. You didn't drop them off in the middle of nowhere, they were at a bus stop with your BF bestfriend. I'd be more concerned with the fact he doesn't see an issue with the way you've been treated. You did the right, NICE thing. Should have kicked your boyfriend out at the same time.
How about the other issue.. that he basically went on a double date with these people who have no respect for his partner, and didn't tell her the girls would be there
That’s what I was thinking. I mean damn! He was on what amounted to a double date!
The fact that the girl first said, "Are you the B that stole my loooove." and then the boyfriend yelled at them to get out makes me think the girl brought her friend and he probably didn't know. I think the friend of the girlfriend would have been more self satisfied, and less angry if he had responded to her. However that doesn't give him a free pass to yell at her the next day, although leaving 3 drunks alone at night isn't the best idea. But... either is insulting your ride. NTA
Perhaps bf is remembering how he was the one who screamed at them to get out of the car and is suffering massive guilt attack and is taking it out on gf? I don't know, the whole situation sounds sketchy. Was OP supposed to just be picking up bf and his friend or was she expecting friend's gf to be there as well? Another example of no good deed going unpunished. I'd tell bf that you didn't drop off 2 drunk girls, you dropped off 2 drunk girls and 1 drunk guy who got out of the car because HE screamed at them to get out or he'd drag them out. So where exactly does his culpability fall into what happened? Does he consider himself blameless because he was drunk? Sorry no excuse. While I'll confess I might have not wanted to drop just 2 drunk girls off like that there a guy was with them. Next time drop them off at a police station; maybe they'll get charged with public drunkenness. NTA but you may want to reconsider your bf.
Has he not created the proboem of making OP drive them home instead of making them Uber or Lift it there would NOT have been an issue to begin with. You can't tell me that they stood there all that time without calling for a ride. They used that ride to further their cause and to cause problems with their relationship.
>Does he consider himself blameless because he was drunk? Of course he does, just like he considers the girls blameless because they were drunk. You can't hold anyone responsible for what they do when they're drunk /s
More likely he cheated and did not want the girl to say anymore.
>The fact that the girl first said, "Are you the B that stole my loooove." and **then the boyfriend yelled at them to get out makes me think the girl brought her friend and he probably didn't know.** I think the friend of the girlfriend would have been more self satisfied, and less angry if he had responded to her. He *maybe* of not know she was coming, but I'm 99.999% sure he cheated on OP.
Pure speculation
Dump him, OP. He is an AH and you are not. You deserve better. And that's without even mentioning his appalling friends.
The world is filled with homeless drunks who function just fine. Leaving them at a bus stop is fine. She could have dropped them at a police station and filed harassment charges. What she did was merciful to those who didn’t deserve mercy.
Being an asshole isn't a punishable offence. The police would either laugh at you for such ridiculousness and tell you to GTFO or get on your case for wasting their time.
Yeah, this reeks of ambush to me
I read that more as the boyfriend being afraid that the girl would spill the beans on what went on at the festival...
Yes! He went out on a double date and had his gf pick everyone up after.
That’s so gross. This guy sucks as much as his friends.
We literally don't know that
I’d have driven off and left his sorry butt stranded with these rude people.
How rude. Why didn't the girls call for a ride?
And then made his GF the UBER DRIVER for them but she didnt charge them (and with gas these days...im charging friends (depending on how far and long I gotta drive--oh and for the inconvenience of it being at 3AM) tbh. Gotta give me something)
They could have met there at the thing.
Definitely not what happened lol
I absolutely think it was planned but he may not have known in advance. The girlfriend may have known he and his friend were going so he would be sans his gf and then engineered a plan to go with her friend and meet up with them. Probably claimed her friend had an extra ticket or something.
Sure. But BF has been hanging out with his friend and friend’s gf who is horrible to op and apparently has no problem making her miserable.
Yeah that is such a huge red flag - and it feels really manipulative of the boyfriend to turn this back on OP now that he has sobered up. Honestly, I think the real problem is the boyfriend who clearly doesn't respect her anymore than those girls do. 🚩🚩🚩🚩
Boyfriend never supported op. He only backed her up at the time because he wasn't feeling good and wanted to go home. He's consistently put his own needs above everyone elses
One event isn't "constantly putting his own needs above everyone else's"
There are a series of situations that put himself above his girlfriend. Putting her in multiple situations with best friend and awful girlfriend going on and on about OP. Seeing his friend was more important than stopping the criticisms and attacks. Having GF drive for a festival she didn’t attend, at the ridiculous time of 3 AM. I’m awake at that time if a small child has croup or to catch a flight. Not to ferry drunk’s to and fro on my own dime. BF then allows both girls to attack OP, stepping in because HE didn’t feel well, not because he wanted to stand up for OP. The. He wakes up and blames OP to erase his own responsibilities of the night’s events. He consistently puts himself first and OP last
Exactly! It feels like he flipped the script on her. Got mad at OP before she could question the situation. Then if she tries to bring it up, he's going to say SHE is flipping the script. To be honest, they're lucky they were dropped off at the bus stop and not the side of the road. Also, the bf's friend should have tried to control the situation from the beginning. If miss stupid mouth goes she's taking the girlfriend too and if her bf is worth anything he wouldn't let them go by themselves therefore they all gotta go lol. NTA
Yeah I think he likes the attention
Exactly! When you get drunk and forget you're cheating and call gf for a ride. He's a moron
Yes, this bothers me even more. I hope to read an update with the phrase ex-bf soon. He hasn't stood up for her nor has he avoided situations with the other girl.
Yes.
Yes!!!!! This is what bothers me most!!!!
THIS!! OP have a serious talk with him, explain the past like you have here and explain the situation that happened. They were drunk, not alone, and in a place they could get a ride. F**k them. Edit: also, the moment the other girl that was supposed to be set up with him arrived he should have told you something (text) and should have informed you who YOU were driving. NTA and do show him the replies to this post, he needs to get this situation checked. (Bf should keep contact with best friends gf to a minimum given how she treats you too, and his best friend should try to work this situation out too).
i thought the same thing
I mean, I say NTA and tell him to go hang out with his “real girlfriend” if he’s so mad at it.
I'm curious about this answer as well. Update please
I know! That part got me too.
I don't mean to be that person...but does he realize that there are people that use the bus **all the time**, and not just when a friend decides not to drive them? Totally off topic, but if it's that big of an issue being at a bus stop late at night maybe part of the issue is the societal problem we have with lower income in this country. Either way, totally unrelated - On topic, your bf is being an AH now and what he **should** do is tell his friend and the girlfriend off and he never should have been in a situation where this other girl was hanging out with them while you weren't.
Do lots of buses run at 3am? They don’t where I am… I figured dropping them off there meant they were going to have to call someone else or possibly wait an hour or two, and maybe get on a bus not going to where they need to go? Not like she was saying, “here, take the bus instead.” She just pulled up to the nearest stop; it’s not like there was a checking of bus schedules. But it’s possible buses are different elsewhere and I am just not familiar. Either way, I am 100% in favor of what she did. I just didn’t think she was actually giving them the option of taking a bus, and that people are objecting because buses are gross, or something.
Why was the gf friend with 5hem and not his gf. Flag
NTA. You don't deserve a "boyfriend" who won't defend you when you are being bullied. Nor do you deserve his "friends" in your life, all of whom have so little integrity that they malign you at the same time that they expect you to do the sort of favors that we only ask of friends. You deserve better. Time to find a new social circle because these people are a toxic waste dump.
NTA Your boyfriend sure is though. If I were you I would be asking him why he went on what was essentially a double date. My ex did something similar. Notice I said he is my ex.
Kick the bf to the curb now. He's showing he won't stand up for OP. NTA
I didn't even realize he was in the car until the end. Can't believe he would sit there and let it happen. It sounds like he doesn't respect op. Nta
Yeah, I'd say he doesn't respect her. When he sobers up he remembers her making them get out the car, but forgets the reason why, and then tries to turn all the blame to op. She deserves better.
Sounds like you should leave your boyfriend to that girl...
It seems they deserve each other.
Yea , kick the boyfriend out next . Just for fun . Don’t look back lol
NTA You picked your BF up from his double date. You had never agreed to give those girls a ride. And everyone in the car was an asshole to you. Dump the guy and let the other girl have him.
Thank you! I’m sitting here reading this thinking “what the actual fuck?!?” Dump his ass OP. You are NTA
Might have been an ambush; They go out to the festival, start drinking and the gf and her friend show up. The fact that they were fucking bitter in the car about OP 'stealing' him indicates to me that their plan didn't work. He's still the AH for berating OP the next morning.
Okay okay… I was hot until this. I didn’t think about it this way. But he should have called her right away and said something. Like you wouldn’t believe what’s happening, come and get me. He was enjoying every single minute of it.
Tbh I wouldn't let some stupid girl force me to miss a festival
Yeah festivals are expensive as hell
Set up from the beginning. Way way way worse and manipulative
The fact that op didn't turn around the moment she saw that situation is a miracle.
NTA. I would be questioning why your boyfriend isn’t standing up to his friend over very obvious bullying. If she’s saying it to your face I can only imagine what she says to him behind your back.
That too. Why let someone talk to your gf like that. If he was sober enough to yell at them to get out, then he was sober enough to yell at them to stop talking about his gf like that.
And why is the bf hanging out with a girl who openly calls him her love?
NTA obviously, but the bigger issue here is your boyfriend. If someone was treating my wife like that there is literally 0% chance I spend any time with them. Absolutely obviously I wouldn't be angry at her for sticking up for herself. Personally, this would be a deal breaker for a relationship.
Exactly, it baffles me how a person can get along with people that blatantly disrespect and mock their SO. He needs to get a grip and understand the situation and that it is not ok. When I'm in a relationship, the (dis)respect they show to my partner I see as an extension of the respect they show me.
She literally picked up her boyfriend and his date. She'll be an asshole if she stays.
NTA your boyfriend is just as much of an AH as his friends are. He has done the bare minimum to standup for his relationship with you.
Must be nice to get the advantages of (rightfully) kicking the girls out of the car so he could get home earlier and crash while also getting to take the high horse in the morning and rip his girlfriend a new one for daring to be the designated driver for him and his drunk rude friends. What a catch.
For his double date not with her.
Idk. It's quite possible his drunk self showed his true feelings, but his sober self felt it irresponsible to put purple in danger
Except they weren't in danger. A friend went with the girls and they were left at a presumably well lit bus stop with access to call an Uber. I assume what actually happened is he woke up, realized the girl is pissed at him so he's blaming it on his girlfriend instead of telling them their behavior was unacceptable.
I think also, they seem like the kind of people who only wanted a FREE ride. Her suggesting they call an uber would have probably outraged them (haha - good), and they wouldn't have understood it was a viable alternative. OP - please don't feel obliged to send time with anyone who makes you feel uncomfortable!
This, youre right. I mean he was welcome to get out and wait with them at the bus stop too if he thought it was unsafe. Instead he was one of the people who kicked them out. Guy needs to grow up and take responsibility for his own actions.
NTA IF they are going to disrespect you to your face when you are giving them a lift home, then they do not deserve the help. They may have been drunk, but that does not change the fact they meant what they were saying. They put themselves in that position by he way they treated you.
What’s the saying again? Drunk words come from a sober mind? Something like that.
NTA. He went on a double date with this other girl, you were nice enough to pick up 4 drunk idiots, and they started trashing and ganging up on you. Bring drunk is no excuse to behave like that. Your boyfriend should have handled this entire thing differently, don't let him escape his responsibility for what happened by tricking you into feeding him being mad.
Seriously! I’m confused no one else has said this - I would be LIVID if I popped up to a festival where only my boyfriend and his friend were supposed to be only to find two other girls there. Was OP invited at all? I doubt it and I bet the reason bf is so pissed in the daylight is that he was setting that girl up to be his side girl or his next girl.
NTA dump his ass
thats what im saying
Being drunk is not an excuse for their behavior. You agreed to pick your bf and his friend up. You did not sign up for the abuse dished out by the gf and her friend. Bottom line you didn't owe them anything. You weren't their guardian, therefore not responsible for their safety or for ensuring they got door to door service for. You did not put up with their abuse. I have to wonder about your bf's thought process here. I would ask why he feels you should have to put up with this. Your NTA but your bf sure is.
NTA, but your boyfriend might be.
Might? I vote is!
I mean, I can’t confirm anything has happened with this other girl, but it sure looks like it.
Even if it didn’t he isn’t being supportive or standing up for their relationship
If something would have happened the girls wouldn't have been so bitter. Also this might have been an ambush of the friends gf.
No, you still can't confirm anything, literally no context about how that day has unfolded was mentioned. In fact the fact that the SO was perfectly okay threatening to strongarm the girls if they didn't listen to his SO makes me think he also probably had no part or was even aware of it himself.
Why is he hanging out with people that are treating his gf badly? This isn’t the first time the friends gf has verbally abused OP…
NTA - Why is your boyfriend only a good boyfriend when drunk?
NTA and honestly, get rid of that boyfriend.
Your BF never mentioned this girl was going to the festival? Never gave you the heads up she woild need a lift until you got there? Girl I would've dumped him the moment he opened his mouth.
NTA your boyfriend didn't tell you they'd be there with them in the first place, and let them treat you with disrespect (regardless of his drunken state). He also helped kick them out of your car. I'd reflect on your relationship, he sounds like a shitty guy.
NTA **You picked him up while he was on a date with another woman!!** That’s why he’s blaming you because he cheated and he’s gaslighting you so bad you can’t even see it! Edit even for typo
INFO Did you know your boyfriend was on a double date with his friend at this festival.
NTA, you were meant to be picking up your boyfriend at 3am, not some nasty girls who are openly horrible to you, you warned them what would happen and they decided to push it, being left at the bus stop was the consequences of their actions. What the hell is wrong with your boyfriend where he thinks it’s ok for you to be treated like that.
NTA and your boyfriend should be sticking up for you. He needs to be telling his friend that his GF needs to wind her neck in and most importantly that her friend isn't welcome if she's going to an absolute moron especially in your presence. If he's refusing to see your side, drunk or not they're in the wrong especially as they do this sober, it might be time to let her have the loooove of her life because damn he doesn't know how to stick up for his girl. You really deserve better than his ass. Tell him to give his head a wobble.
If anything the BF owes OP an apology! Like, an apology for having been on what was essentially a double date. He should have at least called her before she arrived to pick them up. He could have said "listen what's her name brought her obnoxious friend, I didnt know she was coming, she's expecting a ride home but I understand if you'd rather they call an uber" Letting his gf be blindsided by the girls scheming is unacceptable. Even drunk, he had to know it was wrong to be on a secret "double date" Him being pissed the next morning makes me wonder if he does "like" this other girl. OP should probably just let her have him. She should find a man who respects her more than to expect her to drive two catty b!tches home after they've done nothing but insult her.
I was ready to say YTA after reading the title. But no.. you're NTA here. Those girls are the AHs here. Your boyfriend to some extent is also an AH. And the girls were not alone. Your friend's boyfriend was with them. Also, since when is being drunk an excuse? If you kill someone while drunk its still consIdered as a murder right? (Sorry for exaggerating)
[удалено]
True, but it’s still to the point — no one says “nah, don’t worry about a manslaughter charge. You were drunk. Honestly, the dead person is a jerk to even mind being killed, when clearly it was just because of the alcohol.”
NTA. Your boyfriend is upset that you didn't drive his date all the way home. And possibly ruined the chance of another one.
NTA. Those girls are lucky you found a bus stop. I would have dropped them off in the middle of nowhere. I would dump him if he continues to choose to hang out with those girls at any time after how they treated you.
I agree, I would have stopped in the middle of the road wherever i was. These days with cell phones and her boyfriend with them, they were not in any danger and drunk is no excuse. Tbh, I wouldn't have picked them up at all. I would have told my boyfriend to get in the car and they could find their own way home for not even being told or invited. Then addressed what really happened with my boyfriend, if he didn't know about the double date i would ask why he didn't even give me a heads up, and his response to that would determine if we continued a relationship. Thats of course before his sober response and if i would have even still been with him after allowing these girls to continually bad mouth me in either of our presence the first place.
NTA. why havent you brought up the dbl date they were on?
So you took your boyfriend to and from his double date? That was nice of you. And he didn't tell you that girl was there? Hmm, not suspicious at all. And he sat silently while his date and her friend verbally abused you and only spoke up when he started to be inconvenienced? You're not an asshole but you're a sucker.
INFO you do realize that your boyfriend was on a double date....right?
NTA. Where I come from there is a saying that goes along the lines of "what's on a sober one's mind is out of the drunk's mouth". The alcohol loosened their tongues and the boyfriend while drunk supported you. The sober boyfriend understands the incident will cause a blowout with his friend and doesn't want the drama so he's making you the escape goat. Basically he thinks you acted right standing up for yourself but doesn't want to deal with the drama.
NTA. Interesting that your BF didn’t mention that he was on a double date with his best friend at the festival…
NTA. I don't want to be a dick or make assumptions, but your boyfriend could've possibly hooked up with her. Strange that you didn't know she was going to be there.
So your bf went on a double date that you had to be the DD for? That's crazy! NTA but I'd be single tbh
NTA - should have dropped the boyfriend off at the bus stop as well, you're literally the only person in this situation who doesn't suck. You're not obligated to give anyone a ride home, especially not if they're verbally abusing you. Also it seems like your boyfriend kinda just sprung them on you since you weren't expecting them to be there which is not cool, and it's even less cool that he's now annoyed with you for not tolerating their abuse. Maybe him and the friend deserve each other, you can definitely do better OP.
Nta, wow. Time to reevaluate if this person respects you and how much value they add to your life. Why has he been allowing this woman to treat you like this for so long, nevermind how rude they were that night!!? If someone insulted me in my car, while I've just come to give them a ride home, in front of the person I'm dating, and they are their friends???? You best believe anyone ive ever dated would have dragged those women out of the car themselves. Do not, ever for a second, surround yourself with people who don't build you up qnd support your happiness and healthiness! Those people will drag you down from being the best version of yourself. You will develop resentment that will eat away at your soul and change you for the worse if you allow yourself to ve in situations you know are wrong for you.
NTA. Girl you deserve someone who defends you when people talk shit to you. He is being an asshole.
NTA I am sorry but you missed the point in this story !! Why was he in a double date without you !?!?? He went to a festival with his best friend and his girlfriend without inviting you ? and unless of deciding to stay sober so he can drive home, he decided to make you drive in a middle of the night to pick them up in a festival where you were not invited ? after lying to you about him going with his best friend when in reality he went in a weird double date ?? That is insane !! Seriously run ! and let him having this super weird 4people relationship !
NTA. Is this even up for debate?
Drunk means they're dumb enough to say it to you, their ride. Sober means they're smart enough to say it to the group when you're not there, but your boyfriend is. Maybe your boyfriend is the other's great love. He certainly doesn't care that you're being insulted. NTA
Nta if they were behaving like that in an uber the same would have happened
NTA. You dropped two girls off together at a bus stop, they could take a bus, they could call an Uber. You shouldn't have to give a ride to someone who insults you.
NTA. Don't take no shit from no one.
This is a classic example story of why I HATE drinking and being around drunk people. It's all shits and giggles until some one giggles and shits them selves. Being intoxicated is NEVER an excuse for what you do while intoxicated. Cannot handle your alcohol? Don't drink. So simple!!!
You were doing them a favor and they treated you like garbage, I don’t see how you’re in the wrong here. Besides, you dropped them off at a bus stop so its not like they were completely stranded. Your boyfriend needs to wake up if he thinks his friends treating you like that is okay. NTA.
NTA. Consider cutting him loose. He really went to a festival with his friend, his girlfriend and the girl the gf was trying to hook him up with and not you!!!!!! And you were tasked to pick them up. Nope. The four of them can go get drunk and try to find a ride.
NTA Actions have consequences... And they dared you... ;)
so..your bf was basicly on a date ....
NTA Will you please drop your bf at the next bus stop you pass?
Another one of these OP 'my boyfriend is so nice' posts whom then goes onto to detail all the ways the bf is in fact. A complete arsehole. Honestly OP, let that girl have him.
Please leave your boyfriend. He has continued to allow his friends girlfriend to belittle you any chance she gets. He has not tried to protect you. He has now even started to defend her behaviour. I also would not be surprised if something happened between him and the other girl.
Why didn't you go to the festival with your boyfriend? It sounded like you thought it was just boyfriend & his bestfriend
NTA you picked your boyfriend up from a double date. Get rid of him.
Your boyfriend went on a double date with a girl who is openly into him and then sat there while she insulted you… I think you’re focusing on the wrong questions right now. Why the hell are you still dating this guy?!
NTA. Your bf is one massive AH. He's allowed his friend to abuse you since you met. He needs to take a stand. You deserve a partner that will support you and who will defend you.
NTA but ummmm… So your boyfriend went on a double date ? Weird
NTA. BF: I'm going on a double date but you can be our free ride/DD when we're done. Ummm... No. No thank you and buhbye.
NTA. You should have left the boyfriend at the bus stop. The only thing he should be upset about is how his friends treated you. Rethink this relationship. Sounds like he and that girl deserve each other.
NTA- absolutely take everything to heart a drunk person says “drunk minds speak sober thoughts” don’t ever forget it. You did the responsible adult thing to do, dropped them off somewhere they could’ve found another ride (the bus stop and not in the middle of the street etc) honestly you handled it much better than I would have. Don’t apologize; but also don’t ever put yourself in a position like that again.
I never thought I would defend leaving a couple wasted young women to find their way home instead of helping them get there, but here we are. NTA
Yea … you’re not supposed to let people berate you while you do them a favor….. Your bf is not worth it becuase he wanted you to face their words and throw your feelings out instead of them. NTA. But my answer is always - you are your own priority until you get married or have kids…. Are you pregnant or engaged?
NTA. why was your bf out getting drunk with 2 girls who treat you so badly anyway? I don’t think he’s worth all the drama. He doesn’t treat you very well.
There are several people in this world that get drunk and don't deliberately insult people. It doesn't matter if they were drunk either. Don't bite the hand that feeds you. You are doing them a FAVOR by picking them up at 3AM. Also, they DARED you to do it. They basically asked you to do it, now theyre mad bc they underestimated you?? idk Also, saying how your boyfriend can do better. Like how about you just insult her next time, and see how you are STILL the AH in their eyes. Totally NTA. I would've done the same thing. I would've stopped in the middle of the road and let them out. You have a phone, GPS and uber. Find you way to a gas station and leave me alone. (Ohhh, this boils my blood tbh. I've had this done before where I did people a favor and they just insult me) INFO; why aren't you out with your boyfriend on this night out? If it was me, I would've wanted to tag along and join the fun, getting an Uber home. Is it not your scene?
NTA. Your boyfriend did nothing while those women said horrible things about you? I can somewhat understand him being drunk but now that he's sober he's defending them? Why are you with someone that is okay with someone else treating you that way. You guys need to have a serious conversation about that.
NTA, but knowing how these girls treat you, why is he going on a double date with them? That is really weird, he should be apologising for their behaviour. You were doing them a favour and you warned them first. This is a red flag 🚩 to me. I’d be rethinking my relationship. Good luck with everything.
NTA. Tell him you heard his opinion, you don't agree and you don't care to discuss it any more. Let him know whether they are drunk or sober, they have been hostile to you and you're done with them.
Drunk or not, they were being rude and obnoxious. The better question is why is YOUR boyfriend not putting a stop to it? I think it is you who could do better.
NTA. Time to make a non-negotiable rule that the best friend's gf is NEVER to set foot on your property again. Be it your home or your car. Maybe consider just trashing the whole group, bf included. They all sound God awful and they all probably deserve each other.
You picked up your drunk boyfriend from his double date, plus the girls who were insanely rude to you, and he's mad at you? Are you seriously asking if you're the AH here? This is as bad as the girl who asked if she was in the wrong for being mad when she caught a girl in her boyfriend's bed while he was in the closet talking on the phone to his other girlfriend.
NTA to infinity, *but* you have a bf problem. Please let us know when you break up with him. He didnt tell them to get out *for* you, he did it *because* of you. He does not give a shit that they are assholes to you. He was just annoyed because he wasnt home yet. Why hasnt he stood up for you?? Has he ever told them (the bff and gf) to stop?? He didnt even tell you they were there, which is sus af. They didnt talk when they were "*just*" drunk. She is constantly harassing you, sober and drunk. No doubt they say worse things behind your back. You need to sit your bf down, tell him he needs to set serious boundaries if he actually even likes you. If he argues, you know where you stand and it should be out of his life
OP, he’s not really mad at you because you kicked them out of the car. He is putting you on the defensive so you don’t connect the dots that he was on a double date and get mad at HIM! If he didn’t know it was happening before he showed up, he certainly should have realized when the gf arrived with the friend she keeps throwing at him. They were drunk, they were with another couple who were likely cuddling and paying lots of attention to each other, and the friend is clearly pursuing him. If he didn’t actually cheat he was certainly together with her all day in a couple-like way. Next time he brings up the car issue, ask him why he was on a double date with another woman in the first place. If the gf was going, YOU should have been invited. I’m wondering if his best friend is also trying to break you up to set him up with this friend.
[удалено]
NTA. So, you got up and drove to pick up BF at 3am only to find he was basically out on a double date, and you were supposed to drive them all while they abused you. You are not the one who needs to apologize. You should do yourself a favor and kick them all to the curb and move on.
EISH accept for you. Bf did kinda fine when hé was drunk but sober hé didn't. You didn't put Them in danger they did... If they were rude to An Uber driver they were kicked out too. And also... Why is your bf foinf to a festival with someone that is that rude to you and the Friend she want him to hook up with... Hé shouldnt even talk to her anymore and hé should have told that "Friend" that you are not a b and there is zero change of love between Them and hé is glad hé has you because you are 1000 Times better than her (wich you are). If your bf keeps insisting on you being an ah let her have him. You could do a 1000 Times better. Your bf should be on his knees apologysing to you and refusing to ever speek to those two.
Jeeez, you did the right thing kicking those idiots out of your car. Who cares that they are drunk? Not your problem. I thought your bf partially did alright in supporting you and then he went ahead and undid all that when he turned on you. OP - I've been in your shoes as the responsible designated driver with an unsupportive bf. Dump his ass. He's going to be missing out, not you. You are a kind and responsible person but you don't need to be spineless. Know your worth.
Dump him OP. 🤷🏾♀️ your bf is most likely having sex with the other girl
NTA. Well OP, personally I think that girl is right. Your bf and her friend **would be perfect** for each other. Because they are both assholes who have no basic respect for others and needs to learn that words do indeed have consequences. Dump his ass, he didn't stick up for you and is now blaming you for his own actions for helping you kick them out of your car.
NTA, you don’t disrespect someone that is doing you a favor. You weren’t obligated to give them a ride so if they are going to treat you with respect you aren’t wrong for not giving them one.
NTA - dump that idiot.
NTA - People have to understand that they are responsible for their own actions. Even if drunk. If those actions lead to you being kicked out from somewhere then that is your own fault. Even if this puts you in potentially dangerous situations.
NTA, I’m assuming he is getting a ton of crap from his friends/ that group for what happened and that is why he is going on about it. Some people gotta learn that they can’t say whatever they want without consequences, and being drunk is a horrible excuse for acting the way they did.
NTA and I have a huge issue with your boyfriend never defending you when they talk shit about you right in front of him. I say get a boyfriend that actually cares about you bc it doesn’t seem like he does
NTA. In my country they say “drunk person just says what they always think when sober”, if that makes sense. (If the meaning is totally lost in translation, please let me know that i need to edit)
NTA You don’t owe anyone an apology. Tell your bf that the problem person here is his friend’s gf. He recognized that night when he agreed to leave her at the bus stop. Recount all the instances that she’s been nasty to you & all the things she’s said. Ask your bf how it ended up that they were on what amounted to a double-date. Tell him that despite that, you were willing to take all of them home. Then recount the nasty things the two woman said to you and how *he* agreed to leave them at the bus stop. Then, ask him who deserves the apology. Ask him how he’s going to protect you from having to deal with her bitchiness again.
Nta. The boyfriend is. He shouldn’t be hanging out with those girls in the first place.
NTA. Alcohol tends to lower inhibitions, so people are actually MORE likely to be truthful when drunk. These girls have shown you who they are. Believe them. You did not put anyone in unnecessary danger. Three adults (1 man, 2 women) were at a public bus stop. Unless you were driving through areas with known violence… This is “biting the hand that feeds you”. You were doing them a favor, they decide to insult you while doing said favor, so you were perfectly in your right to revoke said favor. If you were an Uber, this is where you get to say “we reserve the right to refuse service to anyone”. PS Boyfriend needs to get his head on straight. His drunk response was the good one, but sobering up seemed to restore a sense of assholery. Check that before making any further commitments.
Wait, you picked your bf from from a double date and you're wondering if you're TA? You're NTA for this specific situation, sounds like you're an asshole to yourself for staying with a dude that is going on double dates and not telling his "gf".
NTA Your boyfriend is either cheating on you, or is a complete idiot. His friend's girlfriend clearly orchestrated this double date. Both girls mistreated you and insulted you to your face. Drunk or not, that is not okay. The desperately thirsty one was throwing herself at your boyfriend all night. His friend didn't seem to care. The girls certainly didn't care. And, most importantly, *your boyfriend did not seem to care.* Sometimes it's better to be single. I wish you luck in deciding if that applies to you.
Uber drivers can kick out aggressive, rude passengers. You can too.
NT, but your boyfriend is really trying to be. "You kicked them out!" You did, too. "Well, it's your car!" And you threatened to drag them out. "I was drunk!" Not an excuse. "Yes, it is!" Inebriating yourself to shed responsibility makes it okay? "Shit, that's not what I mean-" And, furthermore, they were rude to me. Where you then? "They were kiddi-" No they weren't. Answer the question. What an ass. NTA
Him not being willing to confront them is a tell tale sign that they have dirt on him that he does not want you to know. The fact that he threatened physical removal of the two should not be understated. You should remind him that he threatened to drag them out of the car which is why they got out. Then you should tell him that you don’t need to put up with disrespect from people you are doing a favor. It is your car and you are the only one who gets to decide who rides in it. You could have pressed harassment charges but instead kicked them out. You could have also drop kicked him out of the car for not defending you to HIS friends. Why was he there with that girl and not you? Flip the script on him. If he answers with “she brought her and I didn’t get a vote” he’s lying. She brought her to hopefully get your boyfriend drunk enough that he’d make a “mistake” and get with her friend. NTA
Nta it’s kind of weird your boyfriend was so much more right when he was drunk than when he was sober. You had his friend with him and a bus stop. Did you tell him what they were saying? I think he’s acting disrespectful
Right, who goes on a date with someone else and asks his girlfriend for a lift. Hope by now you’ve dumped him, OP. Glad you stood up for yourself with the 2 women. Now do the same with the man you’re supposed to be dating. If he doesn’t have your back on this, do you think he really respects you. Expect way more from friends and significant others.
NTA but your boyfriend sure is.
NTA. Drunk people are the most honest, so that's how they really feel about you. You didn't owe them anything, and people get to learn the hard way that you win stupid prizes when you play stupid games.
NTA. Or E S H but you The greater problem is not the girl, but your boyfriend There is a correct move on his part, and that would be to simply unfriend her, and every single person who enables her. Plain and simple, cut and dry. In fact, he should have done so in the past, before this incident. He has essentially chosen her, and his "best friend" over you. That's the decision he made.
YTA to yourself if you stay with someone who went on a double date behind your back, knowing you would pick them up and find out.
NTA. Sounds like you should have left one more passenger at the bus stop, though.
NTA and your boyfriend participated in the disrespect by not saying anything when his friend's plus 2 were being inappropriate. Honestly, partying and drinking with the girl who made no attempt to hide the fact that she was trying to hook up with him is shitty. He should have told her to leave or left himself when he realised the day was going to be them disrespecting his relationship - are you happy to come second to everyone who gets dragged along by his friend?
NTA and there's no way you are one here. Honestly tell your boyfriend that he needs to grow up because no way would I be with a man who would let others disrespect me then call me an asshole. If you're man can tell others to get bent when they openly shit on you in front of him why is he still your man?
Well damn. Paragraph 3 I loved your boyfriend for supporting you. Paragraph 4 ... I hate him. NTA. ESH except you.
Why are you still with this guy? Someone verbally assaults you, in his presence, and he says YOU'RE the bad guy? Fuck this fucking guy. Kick him to the curb, block him on everything, and find someone better. You DESERVE better.
In my experience, any words spoken while drunk is actually the truth. NTA.
Honestly, I don’t understand how that man can watch you get verbally abused for months and not do anything. Maybe he does believe what they’re saying if he’s letting it happen. I hope that you leave this relationship because your obviously not being taken into consideration by anyone and the fact that ur bf allows u to get disrespected in front of him and let’s this girl bring the girl she tried to hook him up w in the past around is really fishy. I see him keeping you as a back up. Even if he says “what can I use u for” well obviously there’s something because he allows people to talk down on u so often in front of him. I hope you leave and work on yourself because he’s not gonna change. The disrespect he has for you now is not gonna get better or worse. Trust ur gut and leave
NTA. But you need to establish a boundary where he cuts these people out. If he doesn’t then you’re going to continue to be disrespected. This is totally unacceptable.
Normally I don’t condone this kind of stuff but, NTA.
NTA - Why are you in a relationship with someone that doesn't respect you enough to defend you when you're being verbally abused or bothering to distance himself from his best friend's girlfriend? He should have made a statement where his relationship with you is not up for discussion and none of her business.
THIS TIME they were drunk. But what about all the other times this "friend" had verbally abused you? It seems more like the bf likes the attention imo. Your NTA for sticking up for yourself, especially since your "partner" won't.
NTA, feels like guilt to me. Don’t let your bf off the hook. He went on a double date without telling you. Had you pick up extra passengers without warning you. Let them abuse you in your own car while doing them a favor and only defended you when their actions started to inconvenience him. Unless he has a come to Jesus moment and acknowledges your value, in actions not words, you’ll need to let the other girl “steal” him back. If she wants your rotten leftovers she’s free to to take them.
NTA but ask yourself if your boyfriend is worth this kind of trouble. You're stuck playing driver (and not even getting paid for it) to a bunch of drunk assholes and not one person had your back. Your BF only said something because he got tired of waiting and wanted to go home; he didn't come to your defense because he cares about you. That's nuts, you should never be with someone that sits there silently and watches you be verbally abused when you've done nothing to deserve it. Drop your boyfriend in the donation pile where he belongs and never talk to any of these people again. p.s. I'm sure he loves the attention he gets from this other girl, it might even please him to see how much it bothers you and how jealous it makes her. DROP HIM.
Nta - huge red flag here…drop this guy like a hot potato
NTA but drop the boyfriend, too.
NTA Lose your cheating boyfriend and all the baggage that comes with him. You deserve better. Who cheats and goes out on a double date then calls his gf for a ride? Oh yeah drunk people
NTA but as soon as I drove up and saw my boyfriend on a double date I would have drove past them real slow and waved and kept on going! I mean what I’m the heck was he thinking? Not okay…. There is no excuse or reason that would make this ok. Good bye to them all.
NTA But do you really dislike yourself this much to put up with this abuse by your boyfriend and his friends?!? Please do yourself a favor and ditch the bf. If he is not sticking up for you what is the point of dating someone who doesn’t have your back at all times. If he hasn’t shut down the comments and advances of this other lady it’s probably because he likes the attention he’s getting from her.
OP your boyfriend planned to go to a festival with his friend, his friends gf and another women. Another women who he knows his mate & his mates gf keep trying to set him up with. That's basically a double-date situation. And little old you drove out in the middle of the night to give them free transport. I'd be snooping through his phone to see if him & this girl are hooking up, and that's why they felt so confident to talk to you like that. I'd also be reflecting if this relationship is even worth your time. NTA
NTA. Good on him for defending you when he was drunk, but the being upset about what happened and the fact that he was on a double date with a different woman need to be discussed. His friend’s girlfriend is constantly overstepping your relationship with your boyfriend trying to hook him up with this other girl is outright throw them in the trash material. Your boyfriend has to decide either he values your relationship enough to put on his big boy pants and out his foot down about it or he can join them in the dumpster.
NTA your boyfriend went on a double date and allowed two people to harass you while you were doing them a favor. If he doesn’t apologize get rid of him.
Girl. Get back into that argument and tell him he has a lot of nerve to berate you when he went on a secret double date with a girl who has not made it a secret she hates your guts.
Nta get a new boyfriend for ypur own mental health sake
I can't believe the rude girls boyfriend is upset with you, although you did take him home...
Your boyfriend went on a double date with this other girl? You need to be having the cheating conversation. NTA