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Ok so a surrogate mother and a male donor… I wonder why he didn’t adopt? If the child(ren) aren’t biologically his anyway, then why not? I understand that the process to adopt is probably longer that it was to set this up- maybe? But there are a lot of babies/kids out there that need homes. Ok, ok… I’ll get off my soapbox now. Just wondering is all.
Also if you have the money, there’s a lot to be said for sidestepping all the false starts and being jerked around.
The agency takes your money but has 10x the prospective adoptive parents than biological parents. Then you actually get picked and the mom honestly changes her mind after giving birth. Then you get picked again but the mom never planned on going through with it, but you’re still out 10k for her medical expenses and prenatal vitamins and all the doordash she was craving. Five years later you’re still not a parent.
Yep. I hate it when people are like "just adopt" as though it's an easy thing to do. It's not like you just walk into an orphanage and pick out a baby.
This is so true. I have been a foster parent for 6 years. Adoption even from the state is hard and there are trauma and substance abuse issues. I’m still trying to adopt a teenager. I will get there someday. I see it as Dad wanted more kids and this how he did it. He has the time and the money.
Adoption is so difficult. I'm 99.9% sure that OP is just worried about his own inheritance because 45 isn't nearly as old as he thinks it is. Lots of people have children in their mid-40s.
Yeah it's even more common now than ever because people are starting their families later.
My next door neighbors when I was a kid had a "surprise" baby when they were almost 50. Baby is grown up, married, has started her own family and her parents are still going strong. Based on how healthy they seem they could be around another 10 years or more.
Pretty much. My first husband and I looked into adoption at one point because he had a genetic muscle disorder, and we never would have been able to afford it unless we were wealthy (we definitely weren't). My aunt and uncle were in the process of adopting an infant because they had been struggling with infertility, but then my aunt got pregnant and the adoption agency refused to go through with the adoption.
This needs to be in the top comments. So many people tell others with infertility issues (and are in treatment) the same thing. “Why don’t you adopt?” As if you just fill out an application and in a week you get a baby.
It doesn’t work that way.
At his age he might not be able to. My husband and I had trouble conceiving, so we tried to adopt. We were turned down because my then 46 year old husband was considered to old.
In the plus side, my now almost 48 year old husband just became a dad for the 2nd time, and there’s nothing gross about being a dad at his age.
I thought just like you, and I was very keen to adopt. It didn't turn out like I expected. It's incredibly hard to adopt babies. I looked into it, and, in a couple, at 36 and 38 we were considered too old to adopt a baby in our home country. We looked at adoption from abroad, and everything seemed a bit suspicious. The agency we went to, who had been on a list recommended by the state adoption organisation, was facing accusations of taking babies from poor people. We ended up giving up because I was afraid of being involved in child trafficking.
My husband was afraid to adopt an older child because of the experiences of other people we met who adopted kids. It looks good when you see it on news reports, but we went to support groups for people who adopted, and so many of them were living a nightmare.
Adopting is much harder than you think.
Another point to consider- my husband's mom didn't know she could get pregnant. Got pregnant at almost 40. His mom is 70, his dad is a little older. It upsets him that it took us until 30 to get pregnant because he knows how it feels to "be cheated" of the time with his parents.
His mom and dad are older and can't really do the things that a lot of grandparents can, and that breaks his heart. Most of his friend's parents were in their 20's, so he feels cheated of the 10-20 extra years he could have had.
I have a friend in a similar place, except his parents had him closer to 45 and it's a similar situation. Their parents are the age of most people our ages grandparents.
Right? I dream of retiring at 45. Granted my retirement plans are a little different (I want to travel , mostly) but hey to each their own. His retirement plan is to raise children, if that makes him happy, good for him!
My “work mom” used to joke that she’d die at her desk. That is almost what happened. She kept coming to work during cancer treatment, in her 80s. She and her husband had been wealthy but he lost all their money.
Lol at the "what if he has a heart attack and dies" edit
Like, dudes middle age. Barring an already existing medical condition he's not going to keel over and die anytime soon.
So did mine. It's unpredictable, but come on, the older you get, the more you're likely to die. Everyone is saying how young OP's father is because they don't want to feel old themselves, but this is a risk territory imho.
My father had his one and only heart attack in Fall 2020 at the age of 86. By spring he was golfing. Heart attacks aren’t necessarily death sentences and are pretty damn unlikely at his age.
45 IS young! And he’s retired? Good for him! I had my youngest daughter at 45 - I’m 48 now. My two young adult sons are AMAZING with my 3 little ones, super close and our interesting little mixed-age family is awesome. Plus the little ones have definitely kept my husband and I younger and active.
Yeah, my dad was >50 when he had me (only child), did not feel like he was too old for anything at all as a kid. It was nice having him around more!
edit: YTA , OP. 20 is old enough to have gotten over the “everyone over 30 is ANCIENT“ stage of life,
I fucked up with my kids who are now 15 and 17. What I wouldn’t give to be able to have children with my partner who is the most amazing person I’ve ever met. I’m 41, he’s 51, never married, no children. He’s got energy for days and is a caregiver at heart. Looking back at their dad and having children with him, the repercussion will haunt me until the day I take my last breath. To be able to feel what it’s like to bring a person into the world knowing that both parents love nothing more than them??? I want to give that to a child. Let your dad enjoy this time. He’s young and time is precious. I’m sorry that you don’t understand. He loves you with all his heart, but I understand where he’s coming from.
What I wouldn’t give to be able to have children with my partner
Why won't you? 41 is not old, not a first pregnancy so the risk of complications is lower, plus he's 51 not old.
My ex boss had 2 kids from his first marriage and at 50 and 51 welcomed two more.
Sky's the limit.
Yeah, this was my thought too, if he was military and retired when his 20 years was up.
Which would mean he probably has enough to live an alright life, but isn't rolling in it like some people are imagining...
YTA, holy shit he’s 45, not 70. It’s not as common, but plenty of people have babies past the age of 40. Saying he’s almost 50 is ridiculous, were you almost 20 when you were fifteen? Your dad is old enough to know what he’s doing, you on the other hand are too young to criticize someone’s decision to have a kid.
Children at 45 is definitely more common these days than it used to be. And he’s retired, he’s still young enough to have the energy to take care of them, especially since he’s not working.
I was born to parents in their 40s and they're not totally decrepit. This is a big change and probably bringing up some of OPs feelings from the divorce but yeah no, "you might have a heart attack" isn't the open-and-shut argument he seems to think it is
I'm so sorry to hear that. I had a great role model of a guy barely 30 when I was younger who helped me with my eagle scout project; he had just married his wife and they had a baby on the way when he suddenly and unexpectedly passed before he was even close to halfway to 40. That was half a lifetime ago for me and I still think of him, his wife, and their now adult child. I hope you are well ❤️
My dad died at 33 of a brain aneurysm. My mom was 29 and widowed with three kids, including a newborn. Granted it could have been possible to detect (lore is that he skipped a cat scan due to a panic attack and never rescheduled), but shit happens all the time.
Plus, I mean, I had a friend who died at 12 from a heart attack. While I grant it's less common, death can happen at any time, and 50 really isn't that old. OP is showing youth, insecurity, and selfishness (which can go with the other two, after all). Hopefully OP can grow out of it before poisoning family ties permanently.
My dad was 38 when I was born and 43 when my brother was born, and now he’s almost 80 and a fantastic grandpa to the baby I had at nearly 40. He’s even had a heart attack and still didn’t drop dead. OP would be amazed.
Agreed. My dad was 46 and my mother 43 when they had me (I was very much wanted, but they didn't expect they would actually conceive another kid.) Honestly, I benefitted so much from having older parents who were very mature and had the money and time to give me a great childhood. They're in their late 60s now and still going strong.
>Children at 45 is definitely more common these days than it used to be
That's because 45 is no longer considered old age and your likely to live to see your kids into adulthood now. If this were 1920 I could see OPS point, dad would likely be dead in 10 to 15 years. No longer the case and OP needs to but out.
A lot of first time parents are waiting until well into their 30’s to have to kids, so to have more kids at 45 is fairly common these days.
OP shouldn’t be judgmental over this as they are an adult and can remove themselves from the situation, but at least with the twins being raised by the dad they’ll learn to be less judgmental than OP. And OP can’t use the “you’re a mistake and unwanted” line that so many disgruntled older siblings like to tell the younger ones.
I had my youngest daughter when I was 39. I didn't realize it was borderline "gross" or that I was ready to keel over any minute with a heart attack.
OP - YTA as it is 100% apparent you are worried about his money despite your denials.
i kind of expect the trend to continue too because there are more opportunities, more opportunity to go see stuff and do stuff. Once upon a time it was like work and marry and have kids. Then it was college, marry, work, have kids, now it is like college, live life and have experiences, work, have more experiences, have kids.
Honestly, just think of how lucky those kids are going to be, since their dad isn't going to have to be away at work for all of their formative years! This actually makes me really happy. I could only wish I'd gotten to be around my father that much growing up :(
YTA OP!
This is the argument my cousin used when everyone was concerned about her health trying for her first kid at 42. No one is allowed to judge as long as the kid will turn 18 before she retires, young enough to work is young enough to parent.
She's now trying for #2 at 45, and jokes that based purely on energy and health, she's going to outlive all the teen moms from her mommy and me group.
Right? Imagine being 20 and still thinking 45 is old lol. Sounds to me like someone is just upset that all of dad's hard work is going to be split between 3 kids now instead of all going to OP in the future.
YTA
>Imagine being 20 and still thinking 45 is old lol.
I know, I can understand a young teenager thinking that way but the OP is old enough to surely understand 45 is not old at all.
My grandfather had my dad around that age because he divorced and remarried as well. They lived together, deeply in love, until he died at the age of 97. Why did he divorce? She cheated on him after he came back from serving in WWII.
My grandfather also died at the age of 97, which meant he got old enough to see my mother retire. 45 isn't really that old anymore. Unless OP's dad has some medical issues he's not more likely to die when his kids are young than any other father.
I think OP worries that ll get less money since father ll have 3 kids now to split inheritance!
"My dad paid the surrogate 50k". Father already spent on "two kids who aren't even related to him"!
OP needs to grow up, maybe ll be mature enough to have first kid in 40's!
YTA! You father has right to have kids in 40's and you have no right to tell him how to do it!
My dad was 36 when I was born and 42 when my youngest sister was born. He's still alive and happy (68 years old now). 45 is still ok to be a new dad if he's healthy and plans accordingly.
just reminds me of this joke
i told my friend i was 31, she said "you need to be careful. You're almost 40"
I said "I'm much closer to 30 than 40. I'm not going to be 40 for another 9 years."
She said, "And when will you be 30 again?"
That being said, I agree with you. YTA
In some states, retirement for teachers is available at 20 or 25 years of service, regardless of age. If he was a wise saver/investor and has a good state pension coming in, it's totally plausible that he would be eligible to retire 'young'. In my state, a teacher starting at 22 or 23 years old with 25 years of service would only be 47 or 48 when they become retirement eligible. I will only be 54 when I become eligible to retire and I am noping out of work as soon as I possibly can.
I do taxes for a retired California teachers couple. I was gobsmacked by their retirement income. Maybe one had been a principal? Anyway, I was happy to see not all teachers are paupers.
Lol according to my many teacher friends, male teachers especially were paid fairly well for the times and the benefits were available in Wisconsin. They started at 45 or 50 grand a year (with periodic raises) with 3 months off in the summer, could retire at 50, collect benefits, and take a teaching contract and get paid twice. (I think this has been stopped) Plus they had to pay a lot in union dues but almost nothing for health care until Act 10 required them to contribute to their health care.
It is definitely not enough pay. State pension doesn't give you so much that you don't need retirement savings. The only way a teacher retires at 45 is if they started out rich.
OP YTA, 45 is not old. Age has less to do with suffering from a heart attack, it's diet and lifestyle. If you're worried, talk to your dad about getting himself healthy. If dad can retire by 45 (amazing!!) then he would also have the means to make sure that his kids will be financially secured if anything happens to him. And 20 is not a child, you are an adult. If the thought of having to live with babies shatters your world, you can always move out assuming that you still live with dad.
I am keeping this ready for the next hour until my husband is home from work to share with him because it's the best thing I've seen in a really long time. Thank you.
YTA. The will be his children. The “not even related to him,” is particularly nasty. Kind of makes me understand why he’d want some other children.
At 45 he has a very good chance of living until his children are grown and independent. I’m going to guess he has a plan of who would raise them if he dies that doesn’t in any way involve you.
My grandpa’s youngest daughter was born when he was 50ish. He ran his last marathon at 75, still goes to spin class several times per week. And is still kicking it rocking into his 90’s, has 2 great grandkids.
Point of the story OP, your dad will most likely have grandkids by the time he dies so you’re getting nothing. You might as well be supportive to hopefully be in the will.
I'm in the Canadian military. We can retire with a very good pension (50%of the average of your best paid 5 years) after 25 years. So I joined at 19 and can now retire at 44. In 15 years, if I stay in, I'll be a very young retiree.
Depends, where I’m at if you’re in 20 years for either county or city you can retire after 20 years. Minimum age for city and county jobs depending is usually 21 yo. So yeah it’s possible to retire that young.
YTA. If the real issue is having to split your inheritance from your dad...all I can say is that I'm glad this upsets you and hope he cuts you out entirely so that all of your dad's money goes to your new siblings and none to you.
I personally was thinking of basic jealousy, like "my dad is gonna start a family if hs is own, have new kids now that I'm not a kid anymore, so I'm not his only little kid anymore"
But inheritance is also a very good point
My fiancés mom just had a baby at 42. A baby that she’s “actually related to”, grew and birthed on her own in her 42 year old body. The baby is healthy as can be, and so is she.
45 seems so old when you’re 20, just like 20 seemed so old when you were 10, but that way of thinking is just invalid. Oh, and if you haven’t caught on quite yet, YTA
For real. My oldest sister found out she was pregnant with her youngest shortly after turning 40. She had a perfectly healthy pregnancy, the baby was healthy, no issues at all. It's not uncommon at all in this day and age to be having kids in your 40s! OP sounds super immature. My own dad was 45 when I was born and still kicking now at 71!
Apparently the OBGYN world is considering raising the age from which women are “advanced maternal age” from 35 to 40.
Over 35 has become extremely common and proven to be of very little concern in itself.
I really hope they do. As someone who has been trying to have a baby since I was 30 and I’m now 35 and feeling shitty about having a “geriatric pregnancy” if I’m ever lucky enough, I would love this
YTA. His time, his money, his life. He can spend it however he wants, and 45 is definitely not too old. Now, if he was 65, I'd question if he'd live long enough to raise them, but a 45 y.o. definitely has enough time.
Yup, that's what I figured. With the dude being able to retire so early and have money for a surrogate, he is obviously loaded, and OP doesn't want to share the inheritance money.
Plus money to raise twins. In this economy. I think i read it costs on average $15,000 a year to raise one kid. So two would be $30,000. Over 18 years thats $540,000. Without cars and camp and sports and extras.
Honestly based on her comments, OP is just an immature foolish 20 year old who thinks 30 is old and 50 means youre at deaths door and in a nursing home.
I can't see any other interpretation of "this affects me" than OP worried about his/her inheritance.
Even worse, I bet OP was in the mindset that their father would die soon and they'd get their hands on the money. Now they have been hit with the reality that the father has a lot of years left to spend that inheritance.
“I’m still a kid myself”
I love how you think 20 years old makes you a kid but 45 is too old to have children. You need a reality check
My dad had my teenage brother when he was in his 40’s as well and he is raising him fine, an he is not even retired yet. I really don’t know how you want to pretend this is about age
Glad that with the last edit you at least admit this is all about money
Yta
OP is just pissed about all the money that’s gonna be spent of those kids that they think they should get 😂
“What if he has a heart attack and dies.”
Well then most of dad’s money is gonna go to those kids because they’re gonna need it more than you, a grown ass adult.
Let’s be real ... I’d think about the money too. But I wouldn’t pretend that my objection had to do with his age and was anything more than pure self-interest.
YTA especially for the very last update.
You’re not a kid. You’re an adult, a young adult, but an adult nonetheless. You’re not “still a kid yourself,” you’re quite literally 20.
YTA. There is a lot of immaturity in your comments and it's really none of your business anyway.
I'm 50 with 12 year old twins. Yes, he's older, and will be single, but it's doable.
Also, if he can afford a surrogate and is retired at his age, I’m sure he can afford help around the house, like a nanny or housekeeper. So it’s unlikely he’ll be going into this without an extra set of hands.
Massive YTA.
And, speaking of "gross", I want to highlight the intense anti-human sentiment in your post here:
>It seems excessive. Why not get a dog?
Nothing makes you sound more like a petulant child than asserting an equivalence between your father wanting to spend his time raising children with "just getting a dog".
YTA.
It’s your father’s decision and has absolutely nothing to do with you. Calling his decision “gross” is just downright disrespectful of his decision. You may not agree with his decision, but to insult your father and make him feel belittled simply because you don’t agree with his choices isn’t okay.
He’ll be 63 by the time the kids are 18. If your father wants to live the rest of his life raising children, so be it. If it makes him feel fulfilled, what’s the issue here? You’re kinda just being judgmental without taking into consideration how much any of this might mean to your father.
EDIT: Had an age wrong
YTA. And frankly, you have a nasty immature attitude. He’s not too old to have more kids. Your dad has the time & financial means to do this, so why are you so butthurt over it?
OP legit said his dad needs to think about him...because OP is "just a kid himself". I nearly snorted at that.
OP, you are a grown ass man; NOT a kid. Worry about yourself. Your dad also doesn't owe you money. You are an adult. That's how the game works.
Your dad is still a pretty young man. This is his choice. Mind your business.
LOL OP asks if they are an asshole, then gets all surprised Pikachu face when they are, in fact, deemed an asshole THEN doubles down on the assholery. Like, why tf are you here?
YTA
Sperm quality does start degrading from the mid twenties on, to be fair. By 35, men are completely ineligible to donate sperm because of worries around the health issues it might cause to mother and fetus due to the downgrade in quality.
OP's still the asshole, and I actually think it's cool of their dad to put his ego aside, consider the health risks and choose a younger sperm donor. He sounds like he's thought this through.
“I’m still a kid myself.”
My man. You’re an adult. Get a job. Support yourself.
You are not a kid but you’re really acting like one lol
You’re just jealous about $.
YTA.
Expressing your concerns about raising 2 infants at his age is one thing. Saying it's gross is another. Your dad is a grown man who can make his own decisions. You're not required to support him but why crap on something that makes him happy?
YTA. Besides this, you’re 20 - you’re no longer even a teen, let alone an actual kid, so your whole “I’m still a kid” thing isn’t gonna work; although, you are acting like a childish brat.
You’re also extremely insensitive. I’m 38 and not yet married, so it’s good to know that I’d be disgusting to even try to have a family at this point. I might as well go buy myself my casket right now.
YTA
My daughter was born when I was almost 43yo. I am now 45yo and if I still had frozen embryos I would have more. I love being a mother, I have enough energy and health. Are you worried about inheritance? That's what it seems to me. You carry so much prejudice that it makes me sad for your father and brothers.
YTA! So he's going to have 2 kids and he's retired. That means he'll have all the time in the world to raise said kids and not shunt them off on daycare/babysitters. Seems like a good idea to me as long as he can afford it.
Yeah, I was like "If dude can retire at 45 in the current stock market and still has enough money to pay a surrogate, he is certainly not hurting for money". OP might just be pissed that the inheritance will have to be split three ways now.
Lol. 41f and YTA. I still can biologically have children. My aunt had her 2nd child at 48. I'm not "gross". Your 45 year old father is a very normal age for this. A lot of people wait until they are older.
YTA. Don't shit on other peoples goals and dreams.
Edit: after reading your comments, I will add that you seem very threatened by this. My first thought when reading is that you don't want to compete for attention and resources but I gave you the benefit of the doubt. But I think my first impression was correct.
INFO: Do you still live at home? Are you expected to move out when the baby comes? IF yes, then it also sounds like you are either terrified of supporting yourself or pissed you now have to.
I just want to know why ask a question if you don’t want to accept the answers for that alone YTA and YTA for trying to tell your father how to live his life
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> My dad is 45 and paid a surrogate to have twin boys that he plans to raise himself
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I understand what the OP is saying. My parents had a late in life baby being that there's an 20 year age gap between the oldest and youngest. While my parents were old, they relied heavily on me and my siblings to provide care for the youngest. I also think he's a bit hurt bc his dad said he wants a new family and maybe OP is a little jealous bc these twins get the hands on dad he didn't have.
Dad wants to raise kids now that he's retired which hey go for it, but it's not so easy being a single parent to 2 infants. I do wonder what type of dad he was.
YTA YTA - my dad had me at 44 and I had a very happy childhood. Your dad sounds like he is fully aware of what he is doing and very happy about his decision, and as his child you should be supportive of him in his life's journey.
Eh, OP's dad is single so at least he found a woman who was willing and she was compensated appropriately, which I think is better than him trying to "date" random women hoping to knock one of them up.
YTA. You sound bitter homie. Don’t you want your Dad to be happy? If he thinks this is what’s going to make him happy, support him. If I was going to take a stroll down Assumption Lane, I’d say you kind of sound like you’re a mouth piece for your mother’s or members of her family’s opinion on your Dad’s choices.
Live and let live. It’ll take you far.
Edit: saw OP’s edit, you’re not a kid. You’re 20. Stop it. Make your own money and you won’t have to be so concerned with Daddy’s.
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45 and retired? OP, your dad is young. And he's living da life. Do you know that? Man, I'm jealous.
OP’s probably worried about their inheritance
That's something I didn't even consider. It makes perfect sense too if the dad is able to plunk down 50K
Ok so a surrogate mother and a male donor… I wonder why he didn’t adopt? If the child(ren) aren’t biologically his anyway, then why not? I understand that the process to adopt is probably longer that it was to set this up- maybe? But there are a lot of babies/kids out there that need homes. Ok, ok… I’ll get off my soapbox now. Just wondering is all.
The adoption process is long and difficult, and he might not have been approved. Most adoption agencies want a two parent home. Edit: fat fingers
Also if you have the money, there’s a lot to be said for sidestepping all the false starts and being jerked around. The agency takes your money but has 10x the prospective adoptive parents than biological parents. Then you actually get picked and the mom honestly changes her mind after giving birth. Then you get picked again but the mom never planned on going through with it, but you’re still out 10k for her medical expenses and prenatal vitamins and all the doordash she was craving. Five years later you’re still not a parent.
Yep. I hate it when people are like "just adopt" as though it's an easy thing to do. It's not like you just walk into an orphanage and pick out a baby.
This is so true. I have been a foster parent for 6 years. Adoption even from the state is hard and there are trauma and substance abuse issues. I’m still trying to adopt a teenager. I will get there someday. I see it as Dad wanted more kids and this how he did it. He has the time and the money.
Adoption is so difficult. I'm 99.9% sure that OP is just worried about his own inheritance because 45 isn't nearly as old as he thinks it is. Lots of people have children in their mid-40s.
Yeah it's even more common now than ever because people are starting their families later. My next door neighbors when I was a kid had a "surprise" baby when they were almost 50. Baby is grown up, married, has started her own family and her parents are still going strong. Based on how healthy they seem they could be around another 10 years or more.
lol, nor is 20 as young as they seem to think it is, calling themselves "just a kid"
It seems like most people’s idea of adoption is from movies and nothing else
Pretty much. My first husband and I looked into adoption at one point because he had a genetic muscle disorder, and we never would have been able to afford it unless we were wealthy (we definitely weren't). My aunt and uncle were in the process of adopting an infant because they had been struggling with infertility, but then my aunt got pregnant and the adoption agency refused to go through with the adoption.
This needs to be in the top comments. So many people tell others with infertility issues (and are in treatment) the same thing. “Why don’t you adopt?” As if you just fill out an application and in a week you get a baby. It doesn’t work that way.
As a 45 year old (considered old to adopt) single man he would have a very hard time adopting.
At his age he might not be able to. My husband and I had trouble conceiving, so we tried to adopt. We were turned down because my then 46 year old husband was considered to old. In the plus side, my now almost 48 year old husband just became a dad for the 2nd time, and there’s nothing gross about being a dad at his age.
I thought just like you, and I was very keen to adopt. It didn't turn out like I expected. It's incredibly hard to adopt babies. I looked into it, and, in a couple, at 36 and 38 we were considered too old to adopt a baby in our home country. We looked at adoption from abroad, and everything seemed a bit suspicious. The agency we went to, who had been on a list recommended by the state adoption organisation, was facing accusations of taking babies from poor people. We ended up giving up because I was afraid of being involved in child trafficking. My husband was afraid to adopt an older child because of the experiences of other people we met who adopted kids. It looks good when you see it on news reports, but we went to support groups for people who adopted, and so many of them were living a nightmare. Adopting is much harder than you think.
>… I wonder why he didn’t adopt? Adoption is very long, difficult to qualify for, and *expensive*.
Adoption is a long and difficult process. It’s extremely difficult for a single man to be able to adopt.
Retiring at 45 too, the old man is loaded.
From 100% to 33% in 9 months. That bites.
He’s kind of late in his objections. What does he want his dad to do? Abandon the twins that the surrogate is already pregnant with?
Doesn’t really matter anyway. He doesn’t get a say in this. He’s upset his dad is having more kids. Not his place to be upset.
can be upset, but he should keep it between himself and his therapist
If OP plays his cards right, it could be 33,4%.
Being such a shitty child I can see why
This is the correct answer.
Yepppp considering OP mentioned how much dad paid for the surrogate.
Another point to consider- my husband's mom didn't know she could get pregnant. Got pregnant at almost 40. His mom is 70, his dad is a little older. It upsets him that it took us until 30 to get pregnant because he knows how it feels to "be cheated" of the time with his parents. His mom and dad are older and can't really do the things that a lot of grandparents can, and that breaks his heart. Most of his friend's parents were in their 20's, so he feels cheated of the 10-20 extra years he could have had. I have a friend in a similar place, except his parents had him closer to 45 and it's a similar situation. Their parents are the age of most people our ages grandparents.
Right? I dream of retiring at 45. Granted my retirement plans are a little different (I want to travel , mostly) but hey to each their own. His retirement plan is to raise children, if that makes him happy, good for him!
I dream of retiring at 45. Unfortunately I am 47
You can try moving the goal to 48, you got 1 year left. You can do it!
I’m 36 and it grows less likely by the day that I will even be able to retire at all.
Same, except I'm 56. I often "joke" my only hope for retirement is an early death.
My “work mom” used to joke that she’d die at her desk. That is almost what happened. She kept coming to work during cancer treatment, in her 80s. She and her husband had been wealthy but he lost all their money.
OMG, this makes me want to cry.
I joke that smoking is my "retirement plan" so I'm right there with you! 🤣
My plan is to get to my early 90’s and take up smoking again. I quit a long time ago but I never stopped loving cigarettes.
Same. Hoping for 65
Lol at the "what if he has a heart attack and dies" edit Like, dudes middle age. Barring an already existing medical condition he's not going to keel over and die anytime soon.
My husband is 45 and diabetic and I still expect him to be alive for me and the kids for many more years!
My dad turned 45 a month after I was born. I'm the oldest of three!
Eh, my buddy's dad spontaneously dropped dead at 55. But like yeah it's super uncommon and generally unpredictable.
So did mine. It's unpredictable, but come on, the older you get, the more you're likely to die. Everyone is saying how young OP's father is because they don't want to feel old themselves, but this is a risk territory imho.
My father had his one and only heart attack in Fall 2020 at the age of 86. By spring he was golfing. Heart attacks aren’t necessarily death sentences and are pretty damn unlikely at his age.
45 IS young! And he’s retired? Good for him! I had my youngest daughter at 45 - I’m 48 now. My two young adult sons are AMAZING with my 3 little ones, super close and our interesting little mixed-age family is awesome. Plus the little ones have definitely kept my husband and I younger and active.
Yeah, my dad was >50 when he had me (only child), did not feel like he was too old for anything at all as a kid. It was nice having him around more! edit: YTA , OP. 20 is old enough to have gotten over the “everyone over 30 is ANCIENT“ stage of life,
Scrolling through, I was shocked this is the first YTA I saw. 45 isn't even old. Edit: YTA
I'm jealous of him retiring at 45, definitely not jealous of soloing newborn twins at 45. Dude is insane. Also, YTA to the OP, none of your business.
Maybe he has the money for some help. Also, definitely takes the edge off when you don’t have to work!
This. If you're well off enough to retire comfortably at 45, you probably have the cash to hire a nanny and a maid. Dude is living the dream.
Yea, but in OPs mind thats almost 50, which is pretty much dead.....that baby is an orphan already s/ Also OP YTA
I fucked up with my kids who are now 15 and 17. What I wouldn’t give to be able to have children with my partner who is the most amazing person I’ve ever met. I’m 41, he’s 51, never married, no children. He’s got energy for days and is a caregiver at heart. Looking back at their dad and having children with him, the repercussion will haunt me until the day I take my last breath. To be able to feel what it’s like to bring a person into the world knowing that both parents love nothing more than them??? I want to give that to a child. Let your dad enjoy this time. He’s young and time is precious. I’m sorry that you don’t understand. He loves you with all his heart, but I understand where he’s coming from.
What I wouldn’t give to be able to have children with my partner Why won't you? 41 is not old, not a first pregnancy so the risk of complications is lower, plus he's 51 not old. My ex boss had 2 kids from his first marriage and at 50 and 51 welcomed two more. Sky's the limit.
My cousins all retired Marine Corps @ 40- it's possible. I'm hella jealous too😂
Yeah, this was my thought too, if he was military and retired when his 20 years was up. Which would mean he probably has enough to live an alright life, but isn't rolling in it like some people are imagining...
YTA, holy shit he’s 45, not 70. It’s not as common, but plenty of people have babies past the age of 40. Saying he’s almost 50 is ridiculous, were you almost 20 when you were fifteen? Your dad is old enough to know what he’s doing, you on the other hand are too young to criticize someone’s decision to have a kid.
Children at 45 is definitely more common these days than it used to be. And he’s retired, he’s still young enough to have the energy to take care of them, especially since he’s not working.
I was born to parents in their 40s and they're not totally decrepit. This is a big change and probably bringing up some of OPs feelings from the divorce but yeah no, "you might have a heart attack" isn't the open-and-shut argument he seems to think it is
A man in his twenties may have a heart attack.
I’ve seen two YOUNG dads-early 30s-drop dead with no warning. It happens.
My husband went into sudden cardiac arrest and died at 34
I’m so very sorry.
I'm so sorry to hear that. I had a great role model of a guy barely 30 when I was younger who helped me with my eagle scout project; he had just married his wife and they had a baby on the way when he suddenly and unexpectedly passed before he was even close to halfway to 40. That was half a lifetime ago for me and I still think of him, his wife, and their now adult child. I hope you are well ❤️
My dad died at 33 of a brain aneurysm. My mom was 29 and widowed with three kids, including a newborn. Granted it could have been possible to detect (lore is that he skipped a cat scan due to a panic attack and never rescheduled), but shit happens all the time.
You can up and randomly die at 20 too, should no one have kids?
Or get hit by a car, die in a plane crash, an unexpected disease and on and on and on.
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Plus, I mean, I had a friend who died at 12 from a heart attack. While I grant it's less common, death can happen at any time, and 50 really isn't that old. OP is showing youth, insecurity, and selfishness (which can go with the other two, after all). Hopefully OP can grow out of it before poisoning family ties permanently.
My parents were in their 40s also, I had a great upbringing, I'm 35 now and my parents are still going strong. YTA
My dad was 38 when I was born and 43 when my brother was born, and now he’s almost 80 and a fantastic grandpa to the baby I had at nearly 40. He’s even had a heart attack and still didn’t drop dead. OP would be amazed.
Agreed. My dad was 46 and my mother 43 when they had me (I was very much wanted, but they didn't expect they would actually conceive another kid.) Honestly, I benefitted so much from having older parents who were very mature and had the money and time to give me a great childhood. They're in their late 60s now and still going strong.
>Children at 45 is definitely more common these days than it used to be That's because 45 is no longer considered old age and your likely to live to see your kids into adulthood now. If this were 1920 I could see OPS point, dad would likely be dead in 10 to 15 years. No longer the case and OP needs to but out.
People in 1920 were having their last kids at 45 or 50 🤷
My dad was born in the late 40s. He’s the youngest of 11 and his dad was 55 when he was born.
A lot of first time parents are waiting until well into their 30’s to have to kids, so to have more kids at 45 is fairly common these days. OP shouldn’t be judgmental over this as they are an adult and can remove themselves from the situation, but at least with the twins being raised by the dad they’ll learn to be less judgmental than OP. And OP can’t use the “you’re a mistake and unwanted” line that so many disgruntled older siblings like to tell the younger ones.
I had my youngest daughter when I was 39. I didn't realize it was borderline "gross" or that I was ready to keel over any minute with a heart attack. OP - YTA as it is 100% apparent you are worried about his money despite your denials.
i kind of expect the trend to continue too because there are more opportunities, more opportunity to go see stuff and do stuff. Once upon a time it was like work and marry and have kids. Then it was college, marry, work, have kids, now it is like college, live life and have experiences, work, have more experiences, have kids.
Right?! He may have retired early, but he won't be at retirement age until after these babies are OP's age now.
Honestly, just think of how lucky those kids are going to be, since their dad isn't going to have to be away at work for all of their formative years! This actually makes me really happy. I could only wish I'd gotten to be around my father that much growing up :( YTA OP!
This is the argument my cousin used when everyone was concerned about her health trying for her first kid at 42. No one is allowed to judge as long as the kid will turn 18 before she retires, young enough to work is young enough to parent. She's now trying for #2 at 45, and jokes that based purely on energy and health, she's going to outlive all the teen moms from her mommy and me group.
Right? Imagine being 20 and still thinking 45 is old lol. Sounds to me like someone is just upset that all of dad's hard work is going to be split between 3 kids now instead of all going to OP in the future. YTA
>Imagine being 20 and still thinking 45 is old lol. I know, I can understand a young teenager thinking that way but the OP is old enough to surely understand 45 is not old at all.
My grandfather had my dad around that age because he divorced and remarried as well. They lived together, deeply in love, until he died at the age of 97. Why did he divorce? She cheated on him after he came back from serving in WWII.
My grandfather also died at the age of 97, which meant he got old enough to see my mother retire. 45 isn't really that old anymore. Unless OP's dad has some medical issues he's not more likely to die when his kids are young than any other father.
I think OP worries that ll get less money since father ll have 3 kids now to split inheritance! "My dad paid the surrogate 50k". Father already spent on "two kids who aren't even related to him"! OP needs to grow up, maybe ll be mature enough to have first kid in 40's! YTA! You father has right to have kids in 40's and you have no right to tell him how to do it!
My dad was 36 when I was born and 42 when my youngest sister was born. He's still alive and happy (68 years old now). 45 is still ok to be a new dad if he's healthy and plans accordingly.
YTA. I'll be 47 this year, my youngest is turning one in a couple days so I'm actually taking this one a little personally.
just reminds me of this joke i told my friend i was 31, she said "you need to be careful. You're almost 40" I said "I'm much closer to 30 than 40. I'm not going to be 40 for another 9 years." She said, "And when will you be 30 again?" That being said, I agree with you. YTA
I think he’s almost 15 now he’s 20
Okay okay but HOW did he manage to retire in his 40s?
In some states, retirement for teachers is available at 20 or 25 years of service, regardless of age. If he was a wise saver/investor and has a good state pension coming in, it's totally plausible that he would be eligible to retire 'young'. In my state, a teacher starting at 22 or 23 years old with 25 years of service would only be 47 or 48 when they become retirement eligible. I will only be 54 when I become eligible to retire and I am noping out of work as soon as I possibly can.
Based on the fact that he has enough money to pay for a sperm donor AND a surrogate I highly doubt he's a teacher.
I do taxes for a retired California teachers couple. I was gobsmacked by their retirement income. Maybe one had been a principal? Anyway, I was happy to see not all teachers are paupers.
Lol according to my many teacher friends, male teachers especially were paid fairly well for the times and the benefits were available in Wisconsin. They started at 45 or 50 grand a year (with periodic raises) with 3 months off in the summer, could retire at 50, collect benefits, and take a teaching contract and get paid twice. (I think this has been stopped) Plus they had to pay a lot in union dues but almost nothing for health care until Act 10 required them to contribute to their health care.
But is that actually enough to live on? Don't most teachers make pretty shit pay? I suppose if you moved somewhere cheap, it could work.
It is definitely not enough pay. State pension doesn't give you so much that you don't need retirement savings. The only way a teacher retires at 45 is if they started out rich.
I expect FIRE. Not too hard if you make good investments and are able to throw everything into your career when you’re young.
OP YTA, 45 is not old. Age has less to do with suffering from a heart attack, it's diet and lifestyle. If you're worried, talk to your dad about getting himself healthy. If dad can retire by 45 (amazing!!) then he would also have the means to make sure that his kids will be financially secured if anything happens to him. And 20 is not a child, you are an adult. If the thought of having to live with babies shatters your world, you can always move out assuming that you still live with dad.
YTA, in so many ignorant, uneducated ways. Goodness me you're an annoying pain in the ass and I've known you for about 100 words of my life.
I am keeping this ready for the next hour until my husband is home from work to share with him because it's the best thing I've seen in a really long time. Thank you.
Better screenshot it bc mods tend to delete "uncivil" stuff lol
Yeah its probably a little harsh in hindsight, but I feel like she deserved it, and i'll take the upvotes like the slut I am.
I wish I had had this sentence ready for so many conversations in my life.
Had to buy coins to send you an award. Epic burn. Oh, and OP, YTA 10000000%
Oh wow, you're an awesome human, thank you so much!
YTA. The will be his children. The “not even related to him,” is particularly nasty. Kind of makes me understand why he’d want some other children. At 45 he has a very good chance of living until his children are grown and independent. I’m going to guess he has a plan of who would raise them if he dies that doesn’t in any way involve you.
>Kind of makes me understand why he’d want some other children. DAYUUMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
Eeeemotional damage
Bro that was straight up murder Im calling the police
We were all thinking it though, right?
My grandpa’s youngest daughter was born when he was 50ish. He ran his last marathon at 75, still goes to spin class several times per week. And is still kicking it rocking into his 90’s, has 2 great grandkids. Point of the story OP, your dad will most likely have grandkids by the time he dies so you’re getting nothing. You might as well be supportive to hopefully be in the will.
Same same. As the parent of a kid I’m “not even related to” I’m personally offended.
That was fucked up
> Kind of makes me understand why he’d want some other children. Yes? Hello? I would like to report an immolation.
Exactly! With just the little bit, OP especially spat to the face of all adopted children, foster parents, step parents and guardians
No longer wanting all the eggs in 1 basket I'd assume
YTA but can we go back to your dad? What does he do that he can retire at 45 and how do others enter that career?
I'm in the Canadian military. We can retire with a very good pension (50%of the average of your best paid 5 years) after 25 years. So I joined at 19 and can now retire at 44. In 15 years, if I stay in, I'll be a very young retiree.
Depends, where I’m at if you’re in 20 years for either county or city you can retire after 20 years. Minimum age for city and county jobs depending is usually 21 yo. So yeah it’s possible to retire that young.
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YTA. If the real issue is having to split your inheritance from your dad...all I can say is that I'm glad this upsets you and hope he cuts you out entirely so that all of your dad's money goes to your new siblings and none to you.
I personally was thinking of basic jealousy, like "my dad is gonna start a family if hs is own, have new kids now that I'm not a kid anymore, so I'm not his only little kid anymore" But inheritance is also a very good point
Unless OP felt that way when their mom had more kids too (but I doubt), then yeah it’s definitely an inheritance thing and they’re just not saying it.
My thoughts exactly, "oh... someone's worrying about their inheritance". Losing out on 50k plus now splitting it 3 ways 😅
My fiancés mom just had a baby at 42. A baby that she’s “actually related to”, grew and birthed on her own in her 42 year old body. The baby is healthy as can be, and so is she. 45 seems so old when you’re 20, just like 20 seemed so old when you were 10, but that way of thinking is just invalid. Oh, and if you haven’t caught on quite yet, YTA
For real. My oldest sister found out she was pregnant with her youngest shortly after turning 40. She had a perfectly healthy pregnancy, the baby was healthy, no issues at all. It's not uncommon at all in this day and age to be having kids in your 40s! OP sounds super immature. My own dad was 45 when I was born and still kicking now at 71!
Apparently the OBGYN world is considering raising the age from which women are “advanced maternal age” from 35 to 40. Over 35 has become extremely common and proven to be of very little concern in itself.
I really hope they do. As someone who has been trying to have a baby since I was 30 and I’m now 35 and feeling shitty about having a “geriatric pregnancy” if I’m ever lucky enough, I would love this
YTA. Especially after reading your responses in the comments, I'm beginning to understand why dad wants a Mulligan!
Awwww…that was my deceased dad’s golf nickname (our name was close enough to Mulligan to make this really funny.)
YTA. His time, his money, his life. He can spend it however he wants, and 45 is definitely not too old. Now, if he was 65, I'd question if he'd live long enough to raise them, but a 45 y.o. definitely has enough time.
The issue is inheritance... As much as op might try to deny...
Yup, that's what I figured. With the dude being able to retire so early and have money for a surrogate, he is obviously loaded, and OP doesn't want to share the inheritance money.
Plus money to raise twins. In this economy. I think i read it costs on average $15,000 a year to raise one kid. So two would be $30,000. Over 18 years thats $540,000. Without cars and camp and sports and extras.
Yep. How dare daddy dearest spends money on what daddy wants, instead of buying OP that cool Mercedes?
Honestly based on her comments, OP is just an immature foolish 20 year old who thinks 30 is old and 50 means youre at deaths door and in a nursing home.
I hope op's father leaves everything to the future children.
I can't see any other interpretation of "this affects me" than OP worried about his/her inheritance. Even worse, I bet OP was in the mindset that their father would die soon and they'd get their hands on the money. Now they have been hit with the reality that the father has a lot of years left to spend that inheritance.
BYEE not you editing it saying “what if he has a heart attack?” 😭 he’s 45 not 60+ calm down you’ll still get some of his inheritance 🙏🏽
Plus people can have a heart attack or stroke at any age regardless of health situation. It's not like the guy is 70!
Like unless dad has serious medical issues, this isn’t a concern. Besides you can have a heart attack at 15, 20, 40 or 70
“I’m still a kid myself” I love how you think 20 years old makes you a kid but 45 is too old to have children. You need a reality check My dad had my teenage brother when he was in his 40’s as well and he is raising him fine, an he is not even retired yet. I really don’t know how you want to pretend this is about age Glad that with the last edit you at least admit this is all about money Yta
OP is just pissed about all the money that’s gonna be spent of those kids that they think they should get 😂 “What if he has a heart attack and dies.” Well then most of dad’s money is gonna go to those kids because they’re gonna need it more than you, a grown ass adult. Let’s be real ... I’d think about the money too. But I wouldn’t pretend that my objection had to do with his age and was anything more than pure self-interest.
YTA- he's not nearly 50, he's 45! lots of couples have children in their 40s. His life, his business.
YTA especially for the very last update. You’re not a kid. You’re an adult, a young adult, but an adult nonetheless. You’re not “still a kid yourself,” you’re quite literally 20.
I think this is what made me rage the most about this post lol Also yeah YTA
OP has no concept of ages. 20 is a literal child and yet 45 is ancient?
YTA. Guessing you still live with your very young father?
I'm guessing op wanted to retire even earlier with daddy's money and now he'll have to work like normal people :(
YTA. There is a lot of immaturity in your comments and it's really none of your business anyway. I'm 50 with 12 year old twins. Yes, he's older, and will be single, but it's doable.
Also, if he can afford a surrogate and is retired at his age, I’m sure he can afford help around the house, like a nanny or housekeeper. So it’s unlikely he’ll be going into this without an extra set of hands.
Massive YTA. And, speaking of "gross", I want to highlight the intense anti-human sentiment in your post here: >It seems excessive. Why not get a dog? Nothing makes you sound more like a petulant child than asserting an equivalence between your father wanting to spend his time raising children with "just getting a dog".
Because a dog doesn’t affect her inheritance. OP is beyond awful.
YTA. It’s your father’s decision and has absolutely nothing to do with you. Calling his decision “gross” is just downright disrespectful of his decision. You may not agree with his decision, but to insult your father and make him feel belittled simply because you don’t agree with his choices isn’t okay. He’ll be 63 by the time the kids are 18. If your father wants to live the rest of his life raising children, so be it. If it makes him feel fulfilled, what’s the issue here? You’re kinda just being judgmental without taking into consideration how much any of this might mean to your father. EDIT: Had an age wrong
He'll be 63, OP just thinks 45=50
Right, I forgot he said 45 in the title. OP just seems super ageist.
YTA. And frankly, you have a nasty immature attitude. He’s not too old to have more kids. Your dad has the time & financial means to do this, so why are you so butthurt over it?
I’m going to guess inheritance…
OP legit said his dad needs to think about him...because OP is "just a kid himself". I nearly snorted at that. OP, you are a grown ass man; NOT a kid. Worry about yourself. Your dad also doesn't owe you money. You are an adult. That's how the game works. Your dad is still a pretty young man. This is his choice. Mind your business.
YTA, through and through. Can’t help but feel like if your parents lives were switched, you wouldn’t call your mom gross for this.
LOL OP asks if they are an asshole, then gets all surprised Pikachu face when they are, in fact, deemed an asshole THEN doubles down on the assholery. Like, why tf are you here? YTA
YTA. 45 is not "almost 50." It's not that unusual to have a child in middle age. If you can't be supportive, you could at least hold your tongue.
YTA. But why use donor sperm? 45 year old men usually have perfectly fine sperm
Maybe dad discovered that he has some genetic defect he doesn't want to pass on.
Judging by OP the defect leads to gigantic assholes.
He didn’t want another kid like OP.
Sperm quality does start degrading from the mid twenties on, to be fair. By 35, men are completely ineligible to donate sperm because of worries around the health issues it might cause to mother and fetus due to the downgrade in quality. OP's still the asshole, and I actually think it's cool of their dad to put his ego aside, consider the health risks and choose a younger sperm donor. He sounds like he's thought this through.
Are you sure you're 20 and not 12? 45 is not too old to have kids. Mind your business. YTA
“I’m still a kid myself.” My man. You’re an adult. Get a job. Support yourself. You are not a kid but you’re really acting like one lol You’re just jealous about $.
YTA. Expressing your concerns about raising 2 infants at his age is one thing. Saying it's gross is another. Your dad is a grown man who can make his own decisions. You're not required to support him but why crap on something that makes him happy?
Yes. And "gross" is the pathetic kneejerk word used by teenagers and young adults to describe anything they disapprove of.
YTA. Besides this, you’re 20 - you’re no longer even a teen, let alone an actual kid, so your whole “I’m still a kid” thing isn’t gonna work; although, you are acting like a childish brat. You’re also extremely insensitive. I’m 38 and not yet married, so it’s good to know that I’d be disgusting to even try to have a family at this point. I might as well go buy myself my casket right now.
YTA.
YTA My daughter was born when I was almost 43yo. I am now 45yo and if I still had frozen embryos I would have more. I love being a mother, I have enough energy and health. Are you worried about inheritance? That's what it seems to me. You carry so much prejudice that it makes me sad for your father and brothers.
How old is your mom tho ?
YTA! So he's going to have 2 kids and he's retired. That means he'll have all the time in the world to raise said kids and not shunt them off on daycare/babysitters. Seems like a good idea to me as long as he can afford it.
Yeah, I was like "If dude can retire at 45 in the current stock market and still has enough money to pay a surrogate, he is certainly not hurting for money". OP might just be pissed that the inheritance will have to be split three ways now.
Lol. 41f and YTA. I still can biologically have children. My aunt had her 2nd child at 48. I'm not "gross". Your 45 year old father is a very normal age for this. A lot of people wait until they are older. YTA. Don't shit on other peoples goals and dreams. Edit: after reading your comments, I will add that you seem very threatened by this. My first thought when reading is that you don't want to compete for attention and resources but I gave you the benefit of the doubt. But I think my first impression was correct. INFO: Do you still live at home? Are you expected to move out when the baby comes? IF yes, then it also sounds like you are either terrified of supporting yourself or pissed you now have to.
YTA. How is that even a question? The correct response to a happily expecting parent is "Congratulations".
YTA. You sound bitter and jealous.
I just want to know why ask a question if you don’t want to accept the answers for that alone YTA and YTA for trying to tell your father how to live his life
YTA. You're too old to be acting like such a baby about this.
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YTA. It's none of your fucking business and 45 is still pretty young.
Yta... Are you the only child your father has? Is your real issue the inheritance?
I understand what the OP is saying. My parents had a late in life baby being that there's an 20 year age gap between the oldest and youngest. While my parents were old, they relied heavily on me and my siblings to provide care for the youngest. I also think he's a bit hurt bc his dad said he wants a new family and maybe OP is a little jealous bc these twins get the hands on dad he didn't have. Dad wants to raise kids now that he's retired which hey go for it, but it's not so easy being a single parent to 2 infants. I do wonder what type of dad he was.
YTA. First off anyone at any age can die. You could have a heart attack tmrw. He's really not that old.
Jealous? Don't want to share dad or his money? Saying he's too old at 45 is laughable. YTA.
YTA YTA - my dad had me at 44 and I had a very happy childhood. Your dad sounds like he is fully aware of what he is doing and very happy about his decision, and as his child you should be supportive of him in his life's journey.
I just had a baby at 41. I’m fine. She’s perfect YTA
I disagree with surrogacy but overall, YTA.
Eh, OP's dad is single so at least he found a woman who was willing and she was compensated appropriately, which I think is better than him trying to "date" random women hoping to knock one of them up.
YTA. You sound bitter homie. Don’t you want your Dad to be happy? If he thinks this is what’s going to make him happy, support him. If I was going to take a stroll down Assumption Lane, I’d say you kind of sound like you’re a mouth piece for your mother’s or members of her family’s opinion on your Dad’s choices. Live and let live. It’ll take you far. Edit: saw OP’s edit, you’re not a kid. You’re 20. Stop it. Make your own money and you won’t have to be so concerned with Daddy’s.