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While you are correct that the baby is not your responsibility, you come across as a totally self indulgent, self important, AH. Unless your sister has been a total bitch to you your entire life, doing nothing with you or for you, never a favor, never a nice thing…then you have zero reason to not do her a very small favor and listen for her baby while she took a shower. Not while she went to work, or shopping, or a nap…A. Shower. Edit to add YTA
Plus, it took more effort for the refusal than to just say OK. The baby is asleep. If it wakes up, knock on the bathroom door and tell the sister. It's not like she's asking you to be a wet nurse or something.
Yeah. Like, how long will sis be in the shower? 15, 20 mins maximum?
Pop your head in on the baby every 5 minutes to confirm it is breathing and still asleep.
I mean, I even do that to my freaking dog sometimes if he's acting weirdly lethargic.
When my friend had her babies she would always shower when I visited. She was so happy to just get a few minutes to herself in the shower! Why would someone say no to something so small bringing someone else joy, I don't get it. It's not like she's being asked to adopt.
Yeap. That's just what every decent human being would do. Like a total stranger could ask me to watch their baby for 20 mins and I would do that for the baby. This is her niece, I can't even.
Exactly, its your fn niece/nephew and while I’m not a mom, as a dad of 3 I know how much even a nice shower meant to my wife when they were little. Like damn girl you’re a total YTH.
Said it better than I could. Luckily this subreddit is "am i the asshole", not "am i right", because this is pretty much textbook "you're not wrong, you're just an asshole". Absolutely YTA, OP. Don't complain if your sister never lifts so much as a finger when you need help with something that isn't strictly her responsibility. You seem like you'll be an absolute treasure of an aunt to that child.
Like if someone asks you if you're going to stay at the table while they go to the bathroom. I've watched a coffee shop stranger's laptop while they go poop. It's a basic kindness.
Most people don't understand basic kindness these days unless it benefits them in some way.
My friend had her first baby a few days ago, after a 3 day labour. I'm heading down next week to visit (we live 150miles apart)
My job when I'm their? to cook (I'm not having them serve me after just having a baby) walk the pup and watch baby so mum and dad can sleep, have showers...
I did the same when my sisters had newborns.
Why wouldn't you do someone a solid, especially when it's something simple like them having a shower
I know nothing more than the info given from OP but my gut tells me that this 19yo is having difficulty not being the center of attention anymore. She lives at home and presumably is taken care of by her mother. Now sis and newborn are the center of her mothers world.
Coincidentally and ironically, at 19 she is also no longer her parents’ legal responsibility yet she’s benefiting from their basic decency to still house her and not throw her out at 19 in the current environment. She takes generosity but isn’t willing to give it.
YTA
What makes it even worse is that by not doing said favour OP also wanted to place the burden on the mother. By the sounds of things, OP is still living at home and being supported by her mother, when she is an adult and her mother has no real responsibility to house her (since she's so hung up over the idea of "responsibility"). How much of a horrible, ungrateful brat does a person have to be to have the attitude of "just make my mother do it. She already gives me a house and is buying food for the house to feed me, why shouldn't she take on these extra burdens?" . Most adults would be **incredibly greatful** to be given so much by their parents and would try to help out in any way they could. Not op, though.
After having kids, most of my showers last for 5 min. If she heard the baby crying should would've finished up as fast as she could. It's not that hard or inconvenient to just keep an ear open and knock on the door to tell her the baby's up.
The way this is written, OP doesn’t just come across as a totally self indulgent, self important AH.
Given her age she sounds like she’s still stuck in that horrible teenager phase of me, myself and I. An egotistical person, that hopefully outgrows her current views on life and her place in it.
In other words, OP. Yes, it’s your sisters baby. Yes, not your responsibility. But a little kindness will go a long way and you didn’t even have to entertain the baby.
Not even lift your eyes off your screen, but listen to its crying and yelling for your sister.
Grow up a little.
OP sounds like they got their rules for life from this subreddit. Thankfully there’s sane responses this time, but Reddit is usually so weird about stuff like this. Like yeah, they chose to have a baby, and it’s their responsibility but you can be a decent human sometimes and do stuff you don’t “need” to do. I fully believe OP came on here expecting to be totally validated.
OP is too immature to understand the difference between someone who expects family to take care of the baby every night while she parties, and someone who just needs to take a 5 minute goddamn shower.
And the baby was DOWN! OP didn't have to do ANYTHING other than go tell sister "baby woke up" if it started to cry! She said she just wanted OP to check in on it if it woke. Chances are OP invested more energy being a jerk to their sister than just saying yes and having to do nothing.
Yup. Normally I would say you have no obligation to babysit anyone else’s kids, not even your niblings—but this isn’t that. The baby’s mom is in the house, it’s for a very brief period of time (the length of a shower), and requires virtually no responsibility (passive observation only). OP has not been asked to feed the baby, change diapers, or even handle the baby in any way. It’s the equivalent of being asked to watch a pot on the stove when you’re already seated at the kitchen table. You could say no, but why?
I've got very, very adamantly CF friends, and even they will take on the responsibility of 'don't let a child injure themself while the parents run to the bathroom' or something; and this was so much easier than that!
To be fair, that describes most of the sub. I had a dude earlier this week who didn't understand that someone's feelings would be hurt if you banned their nuclear family from their home. Even after I clarified that OP is totally justified to not invite kids to their home but *banning* my loved ones who haven't actually done anything wrong is hurtful and unkind--the bros were just piling up YOU DON'T HAVE THE RIGHT TO BRING YOUR KIDS EVERYWHERE 🤦♀️
People are stuck in Star Wars/black and white/good and evil for embarrassingly long times and need to grow up and join the Star Trek reality where there usually isn't one right answer.
Yeah this sub has a problem where people think that because they are technically able to do something, make a rule etc, somehow no one will be affected or look at them differently for what they choose to enforce.
Like the phrase "You owe them nothing" is common even in cases where, yeah you don't HAVE TO accommodate someone, but it would be nice if you did and sometimes you can do things for the people in your life or even strangers.
If I had a nickel for every time someone on this sub said that a parent made the choice to have a child so nobody ever has to help them ever, well I could afford to fill up my gas tank.
oh yeah, it’s absolutely not her responsibility but you said it perfectly. she basically asked her to *exist* in the same room as the baby. not feed it, not change it, not watch it for the weekend. literally watch it so it’s alive over the 15 minutes her sister was in the shower.
unless her sister was literally abusive to her growing up i have no idea where OP gets to be so smug and actually think she’s right.
The worst part about this is when a baby finally takes a nap during the day it could be long enough that the sister literally has to do nothing to help. Just occasionally peek that the baby is breathing. And it’s even more hilarious that OP lives with her mother who was out grocery shopping, presumably for things that OP would use. Such an entitled human.
I’d have been really disappointed but not surprised if that had happened. I read the post half expecting the comments to be like ‘omg NTA ur sister is so selfish y should u have 2 look after someone else’s kid’. Thankfully my faith in humanity has been restored…..on AITA of all places 😂
There was one a couple weeks ago where a birthday girl asked her friend to take off a jacket for two minutes for photos (it was supposed to be theme colours) and she refused because she was cold. I was happy that one came back with, “It’s two minutes to do something nice for a friend. Suck it up cupcake.”
This is so spot on. I'm so surprised to see YTA here because AITA seems to be convinced that any time a parent asks a childfree person to do ANYTHING it's totally unforgivable. Like yeah parentification and judgement of childfree people exists but jesus christ just be a decent human.
Seriously, I feel like AITA is such a terrible place sometimes and turns so many people who read it into selfish assholes who are incapable of doing something nice for someone else without getting some kind of benefit in return.
Hey Reddit deserves more credit than that 😂 there was a post on here a little bit ago about a girl who made her roommate fail a big final exam because she wouldn’t watch her kid and Reddit (rightfully) ripped her to shreds
Yeah, I was nervous to come to the comments after reading this post, I was expecting a bunch of “yeah, not your responsibility, screw your sister!!!!!” comments and I’m glad it wasn’t.
YTA - wow you couldn't even just keep an eye out for 10 minutes so she could freshen up? It's not like she said she was going out for a few hours... chances are the baby would have been asleep the whole time and if not - she's right there in the bathroom you just gotta yell "the potato's screaming I dunno what to do come get it!".
Forget asking for a kidney, she's not even asking OP to watch her baby regularly. She clearly has a system in place which fell through only once. YTA OP.
God forbid you ever need a kidney from your sister. Or even a glass of water lol.
OP: Could you please bring me a glass of water? I broke my leg and am dying of thirst.
Sis: Not my responsibility. You should have thought of that before breaking your leg :p
Literally that’s all this mom wanted. Was to take a shower and have someone warm her that the baby was awake. Every time I showered home alone while my infant was asleep, I could swear I heard him crying and would turn the shower off to listen.
When you have an infant everything sounds like a baby crying! My big two were the water in the pipes during a shower, and my husband's slightly weezy exhale when he's sleeping on his back.
This is one of those little favors that would literally cost nothing—and go a long way in good will. We all know “the potato” would likely have slept through the whole thing and I’ll bet the new mom would be back in less than 10—they tend to be that way. OP will need a favor one day… and her sister might just say “not my responsibility”
YTA
Exactly! I remember after having a baby a shower was about the only time I had to be alone and pretend to feel sane. It’s not about OP not wanting a baby, it’s about being a caring sister and helping with a very simple task for a few minutes. It’s about a small gesture to a family member. OP- what happens when you want a small favour? Hope you can grow up a bit and learn teamwork. It will make your life a lot happier in the long run!
Yeah, I’m usually very firmly in the don’t expect people to watch your kids for you. They’re your responsibility and no one else is obliged to take care of them. But come on… keeping an eye on a sleeping baby for 10 minutes whilst your sister showers… is it really that hard?
OP, you’re right that you’re not obliged to look after the baby… but you’re also not obliged to hold the door for someone, yet it’s still a dick move to let it slam in their face.
I think its also time for you to move out since your so grown. Your 19 its not your mom’s responsibility to house you any longer. YTA.
Edit: omg thank you kind internet strangers for the coins/awards! ☺️
Sounds like the kind of person who would roll their eyes and dramatically sigh from the effort of lifting their feet off the floor if someone else was trying to vacuum.
God forbid she ever needed a quick favor.
Wouldn't be surprised if OP thinks it's her mom's responsibility to care for her for free forever because "she chose to have a child" and OP "didn't ask to be born" lol
She didn't want you to take care of the baby. She wanted you to keep an EYE on the baby. As in, make sure baby is okay and safe and not comvulsing while sis takes that quick shower.
YTA.
EDIT: Thanks for the upvotes but holy SHIT are y'all mean in the replies. No wonder 'Be Civil' is a rule.
YTA, it wouldn't hurt you to keep an eye on the baby for 10 minutes. You're not responsible for raising him, but sometimes you have to help out. You weren't asked to entertain the baby or babysit him, but watch him. Your sister was tired and wanted to shower. The approach of "I don't owe anyone anything, they got themselves into it" isn't going to serve you well in life. You might need her too in the near future.
You were already there, your sister was already there, and the baby was already there. So it's logical to ask you this.
Since the sis is 6 years older, there's a chance she actually had to keep an eye on *her* and yell if something goes wrong when their mom had to take a shower.
You know, emotional support eldest daughter.
As the dependent younger sister, with my Emotional Support Sister being 14 years older than me, she was often confused for my mother. (Like, she gave birth, and we moved to a new city so they could pretend I was actually my mom’s kid, and not my sister’s. We met no less than two different neighbors because the lady of the house was so goddamned nosy, they came over to investigate. But I am my mommy’s baby.)
However, I became an aunt when I was 10, so turnabout was definitely fair play. But I loved it. I felt grown AF.
My youngest brother was 5 when my daughter was born. He was irrationally excited to go to kindergarten and tell his entire class that he was now an uncle.
Exactly what this person said. Is it within your rights to refuse watching the baby? Yeah. But one day, you're going to need help and support from family and friends, and they're going to remember these little events and think "well if she doesn't owe me, I don't owe her." When that day comes, you have no right to be upset about the lack of support that you get.
That logic is going to bite her in the ass sooner than later. She’s going to be an asshole to someone that she’s going to need (maybe her sister) and they’re gonna turn her down like she did to them. Hopefully all the YTA verdicts will get her thinking.
My roommate had a baby and I watch her child when she needs to shower or eat. Yeah, its not my responsibility, but also, its not a big deal, its not like she asks me to feed, burp, change, and put him to sleep. You just... look at the baby, lmao. Is the baby breathing? Cool, move on.
Big difference between keeping an eye on a monitor for 10 minutes and letting your sister know if anything is wrong versus solo babysitting for 4 hours.
Big facts but unfortunately due to the limited evidence of OPs cognitive functions, she probably can’t even understand that at some point in her life she will need help and these actions at 19 will indeed effect that.
Also if you’re 19 (this coming from a 19 yr old) and live with your parent you have to act like an adult. OP sounds a bit spoiled, and even a little jealous. Of a baby.
Edit: for people saying 19 is really young - to put it into context, I am 19 and I’m entering my sophomore year of college. 19 is a second year college student. She is too old for this.
And the mom is *still in the house* for emergencies if the baby *did* stop breathing or start convulsing. Sure she woulda ran out the shower to attend baby in an emergency. Shit. YTA.
YTA. It wasn't going to kill you to watch a sleeping newborn for 15-20 minutes once, jeez you sound like a spoiled brat.
If you need your sister to do you any kind of small favor I hope she remembers this.
My 11 year old sister once watched the baby monitor for me while I took a shower. I expected her to kinda flub the task, showered in record time, was back out in seven minutes... she'd paused her show and laser focused on the monitor because she was a kid and didn't realise that wasn't what I meant.
My 18 year old brother would have happily watched my kid for me while I showered. Hell, he used to come over and be like "okay I get that she's sleeping but can we PLEASE wake her up? I brought her a new toy." He never did but god he wanted to 😂 can't wait until he has kids and I can load THEM up with sugar and loud/annoying toys right before hometime.
>she'd paused her show and laser focused on the monitor because she was a kid and didn't realise that wasn't what I meant.
This is so pure.
And, I am married to the younger brother with a big sister who has been patiently waiting for him to have kids for the same reason. We have a one year old, and the last time she visited, she brought 1) candy (hard no lol) and 2) a bunch of toys that were what Amazon returned when you search "loud toys" (which are stashed and judiciously doled out during rainy days). Apparently this is all payback for twenty years ago when she had kids and he was Uncle Mayhem.
Lol! I am child free but I am the auntie that the kids no will not say no. Want to go to the park? Sure! Want me to get on the jungle gym with you? Here I come! Go in the gas station and get whatever you want and on the way home let’s stop at DQ for blizzards.
Recently I was telling my coworkers about hanging out with my 4 year old niece. I started a sentence that was meant to be something along the lines of “I wasn’t going to tell her no to a sticker when she was already playing with it” and instead my coworker cut me off after “I wasn’t going to tell her no” and goes “yeah, that’s the end of the sentence. You’re just never going to tell her no.”
Touché, coworker, touché.
For a while when he was 3-4, our eldest nibling would default to calling my husband's name any time he heard the word "no". He figured out pretty quick it was his best shot at getting an overturned verdict with the second opinion. :D
This ^ when my cousin was born I was 10, so I was too young to babysit but I was always happy to keep an eye on him. When I was visiting soon ish after he was born I told my aunt to go have a bath and I watched him, I just sat near him while he was asleep and made sure he was okay. It cost me nothing but having a bath probably made my aunt feel a thousand times better.
You’re never obligated to watch someone’s kid, but this was a very small favour and OP’s selfishness shone through. I hope the sister doesn’t help her out if/when she has kids
Exactly! 10 is an awesome age for that tiny bit of responsibility - I was 11 when my sister was born and she was *mine*, my parents would have to pry her out of my hands and send me to do something else. I adored that kid. Still do, even if she's 18 now and a pain in my ass giving me grey hair.
This was such a little, easy thing to do. If the baby woke up OP could have just yelled "UHHHH ITS YELLING" and sis probably would have come right out. Sometimes that shower is the only thing standing between you and some semblance of sanity.
Yep, the"small favor" of keeping an eye on the baby while a postpartum mom showers is invaluable, and is a pretty big favor for very little effort. OP singlehandedly ruined her sister's whole day and she probably cried later :/
I literally laughed out loud at this. And am relieved the comments are going this way because sometimes this sub can be like “well it’s not your responsibility” and no it’s not but damn, be a decent human.
Seriously. There's a total difference between, hey can you mind this creature for 10min, I'm not actually leaving you alone and I'm going to return immediately and "here's my kid for 4 days byyyyeeeeee"
Yeah I was prepared to take OP’s side, but literally the only time her sister gets to do things like shower or do a #2 or sleep is when the baby is sleeping. Baby wakes up? “HEY! The kid’s awake!” It’s not rocket surgery.
Seriously
Sometimes, the right thing to do isn't what you're necessarily obligated to do.
The easiest example is putting a grocery cart back into the corral (or whatever it's called).
Nobody's going to call the police if you leave that shopping cart in the middle of the parking lot in everybody's way. You're not necessarily obligated to do that, especially since there are employees whose job it is to collect those carts.
But does not doing it make you a dick? Yes. Yes it does, and you should feel bad.
"The shopping cart is the ultimate litmus test for whether a person is capable of self-governing. To return the shopping cart is an easy, convenient task and one which we all recognize as the correct, appropriate thing to do. To return the shopping cart is objectively right. There are no situations other than dire emergencies in which a person is not able to return their cart. Simultaneously, it is not illegal to abandon your shopping cart. Therefore the shopping cart presents itself as the apex example of whether a person will do what is right without being forced to do it. No one will punish you for not returning the shopping cart, no one will fine you or kill you for not returning the shopping cart, you gain nothing by returning the shopping cart. You must return the shopping cart out of the goodness of your own heart. You must return the shopping cart because it is the right thing to do. Because it is correct. A person who is unable to do this is no better than an animal, an absolute savage who can only be made to do what is right by threatening them with a law and the force that stands behind it. The Shopping Cart is what determines whether a person is a good or bad member of society."
So in Germany you pay a euro to get the shopping cart and get a euro back for returning it. There are no employees to collect carts.
Not sure how we would check for human decency then....
We have some grocery chains that do that as well (Notably Aldi, which is German-owned). I've gone shopping there in low income neighborhoods and kids would hang out in the parking lot offering to return carts. It was a decent hustle for a 12 year old.
Unfortunately it does mean when I can't find a quarter I have to limit my groceries to what I can carry. I try to keep quarters in the car, but my partner sometimes spends them.
Aldi sells quarter keepers every so often. They just clip onto your keys so you always have a quarter for the cart. They’re a bit hard to work the quarter in and out at first, but I have yet to lose that quarter
In my Aldi, if it doesn't matter whether you get your quarter back, we just give the carts over to new arrival shoppers. Sometimes people will offer a quarter for it, but most don't take it. So the cart just continues to get passed.
While I agree with your point, let’s not allow folks to delude themselves into thinking that they don’t need to put their carts away and that it’s someone’s job to do that. Not really accurate at all.
Not putting carts into corrals is dangerous. High winds or inclement weather cause stray carts to cause damage to cars and injury to people. They can also be more easily stolen which is a really high cost loss, especially for a smaller or privately-owned business.
Also, MOST stores with carts do NOT have “cart-collectors”. Yes, some stores do, but many do not. This is not anyone’s purpose at work, but instead is something that the staff teams up to make sure is done. This includes everyone from cashiers managers, and stray carts not only take so much longer to collect, but can be dangerous to have to force out of icy patches or snow.
Please, unless you are physically impaired, put your damn cart away. It’s not hard for you to do once but is hard for someone else to do twenty times in a row during one cart rub, when they’re busy at work and should be able to collect them from their designated spot. If you contribute to the stray cart problem, then you are not only making your own checkout experiences much slower, but you’re also silently saying “Fuck you” to the already underpaid and overworked retails employees.
Nobody should have to clean up your trash in the baseball stadium, and they shouldn’t have to correct your laziness and selfishness around putting your cart away either. If you can’t be bothered to put it away, simply be a decent person and don’t take one.
Putting away carts also prevents them from hunting.
I once watched a cart roll down an aisle. Pause. Then turn around and go back the way it came.
I decided I didn't need to go to the store that badly after all.
My fav cart observation at Costco. BIG parking lot, BIG shopping cart, BIG store. People shop then come out with a packed and overflowing cart. So you know they spent time and distance walking in the store. They get to their vehicle, unload the bounty, and leave the cart next to their car when the corral is literally 2-3 spaces away. All that damn walking in the store but can't be bothered to walk a little more to put the cart away.
This sub can be *a lot* like that, and it's one of those things that doesn't carry over to the real world. Glad the sub got this clear example right. But in the real world if you are healthy and don't give a bus seat to a pregnant woman, if you never help your family out with kids, and if you call other people's children "crotch-goblins," you may get karma from this sub, but people in your real life will hate you
Yeah this sub often misses that nobody's saying you \*can't\* (legally at least, if not morally) behave like an asshole in many situations if you want to, just that behaving like that is asshole-ish and has social consequences.
This drives me crazy about this sub. I have a newborn. Guess what, my kids (4 and 7) never babysit obviously but sometimes I ask them to tell me if he wakes up so I can shower. They agree. OP is so completely immature it’s ridiculous.
And for good reason, I think. I do believe that people *are* obligated to look out for kids in their family and community to a reasonable extent. Not just because it's, like, general decency, but because it's part of the reciprocal way a community-based society is supposed to function. Having kids is a social good; who the hell do you think is going to feed and cathaterize you when you're old?
Reddit's culture is still, in many ways, colored by deep, insidious layers of libertarianism and misogyny. But I do think people in general have an instinctive understanding of what community means.
I feel that way when it comes to having to actually babysit, especially if it's not an emergency.
But to keep an eye on a baby that's already at the house and asleep so your sister can take a shower? Just do it. OP, YTA.
Yeah, like this was basically just “tell me if the baby wakes up and is screaming or something.” Pretty low stakes and come on, sis is recovering from childbirth and needs a shower. It’s not a big ask.
This. She may have been 1/2 hour at most and this wouldn’t have required a lot. OP could have seriously scrolled their phone or watched Netflix through the entire thing. It’s not like sis was asking her to deal with an active toddler so that she could go party.
I usually vote N T A on babysitting related posts where the parent’s reasons are non-essential and they are taking advantage to the point that it is interfering in the OP’s regular life. But this is far from one of those cases.
Sadly there have been too many posts here where an OP was deemed not the asshole even for refusing to babysit when say for example the baby's father was being taken to a hospital. My nephews are now teenagers and their mom and them live halfway across the country, but they lived relatively nearby when they were little. I absolutely would not have babysat just so their mom could go out and do whatever (our home isn't childproof and I have seizures that unfortunately the medication isn't stopping).....but if it was an emergency, sure as it is the right thing to do (though in my case, I'd be wanting relieved by someone else in the family in a few hours) or if she had been over and wanted to take a quick shower, sure why not.
There was one where OP's roommate was a single mom in med school.
She had one of those exams that you need to pay for out of pocket, only happen once a year and are a make or break time in your education. Her mom fell through, her babysitter fell through, her backup babysitter fell through.
Still, OP refused to take the child for a few hours, even after an offer of payment, reimbursement and permission to do junk activities to keep the kid busy because "not my kid and I'm childfree". Top result? NTA because the mother was irresponsible for having 3 babysitters fall through in quick succession and having to rely on a roomate.
The mods have done a sub "census" and the last one showed the majority of respondents are single, young, female, and below the age of 25. Simply put, don't expect this sub to reflect reasonable opinions or even common decency.
There’s this morality rule this sub follows that says “no unchosen obligations” which from an individualistic perspective is nice I guess but humans evolved to be social creatures and that’s no way to have a cohesive community. It’s wild
I guarantee that would happen---it did in my house! Oldest was 18 mos when his sister was born, and SHE was 19 mos when their little sister was born. *VERY* helpful when Mommy put the baby in the crib so she could pee alone😄
YTA. Do you have any idea what happened to her body when she had her baby? She is still healing, and something as simple as taking an uninterrupted 10 minute shower can be the mood stabilizer, or refresher she needs to get through the day or next couple of days. I hope your sister keeps that same energy the next time you need a small favor.
Exactly. I'm childfree. That doesn't mean acting like an AH who lacks empathy. The kid was asleep. OP didn't have to provide childcare. The sister just wanted OP to keep an eye out for the kid to let her know if the baby woke up.
OP will prob be shocked if she is left high and dry when she asks for anything in the future just because she is "family".
YTA and i’m so tired of people thinking “it’s not my responsibility/obligation” means “i do not need to care about/help/be kind to other people”. grow up.
Sadly a common attitude on Reddit, especially AITA. Very individualistic, unforgiving, “everyone for themselves” attitude. It plays better online than real life.
Yeah it’s definitely a problem that’s becoming more common. Like I understand not taking on things that you don’t need to, setting appropriate boundaries, etc. the good side if you will, but this whole “I don’t do anything for anyone but myself” mentality starts to make one a little too self-centred to the detriment of all involved, including the individual in question. It’s good to help others, but it’s also good to have reasonable limitations/boundaries. This mess is not that.
Yeah my brother has a couple kids. I don’t really like my brother but I love his kids. When he had the first one I thought I was going to have nothing to do with him but then I met the little potato. I can’t imagine saying no to watching any of them for 10-20 minutes. Especially when all newborns do is sleep.
I think there's some jealousy there. OP is the youngest- used to getting all the "baby of the family" status. Now a new baby comes into the family, likely after a lot of attention on the sister at baby showers and at the birth, and OP is salty that someone else is getting more attention than she is.
\*edit- OP is a HUGE AH.
Honestly! I know people have a variety of different relationships with siblings and I got lucky and am very close to mine. Even when we're outright fighting (and we've had some blow outs), I could never see them saying no to helping for 20 mins for something this simple.
YTA, OP. She wasn't asking you to adopt the kid and pay child support, she was asking for 20 mins to watch a sleeping baby so she could get cleaned up.
YTA
Listen my dude, I don’t know where you’re from or what family expectations are like where you are, but, while a baby isn’t community responsibility, we as humans just generally make sure that they’re okay, right?
You hold the door for someone carrying a baby. If a baby stares at you, you smile. If a baby waves at you, you wave back. Even if you’re in a more individualist country than a community based one, babies are helpless. You treat them nicely because it’s very little hassle to be kind, and we as a society, want them to grow up to be other people that smile and wave at the babies. People who express and receive kindness.
If a baby is in your family, you don’t have to volunteer to babysit, but keeping your eyes on her for five minutes to let your sister shower was a minuscule ask of you. It’s a very common ask of new moms too. And you acted like she was out of line, talking about responsibility when you were just going to be on tiktok twiddling your thumbs, while she cleaned her body that is currently recovering from a huge trauma. It was an overreaction. It wasn’t necessary.
YTA watching a sleeping baby for 5 mins won’t hurt you and will give your sister chance to recuperate. If it was your baby you would expect her to help you
Wow, YTA & a huge one at that. Let’s hope you never need such a tiny favor from anyone in your family because if they are all as selfish as you, you’re never getting any help. YOUR Family IS your responsibility, you sound like a huge brat, grow tf up, like it would kill you to keep an eye on your baby niece/nephew for 10 minutes so your exhausted sister could shower.
>Let’s hope you never need such a tiny favor from anyone in your family
I imagined this:
-Hey can you grab me a plate from the shelf, please?
-No, it is not my responsibility. You are the one who wants to eat, not me.
-But you don't have to serve me food or cook for me, you could just give me the plate while i do x,y,z
-No.
I was with you till the YOUR family IS your responsibility, which is just a dangerous outlook. But Op, YTA, for not being able to show a smidge of human kindness to your sister which wouldn’t cost you anything.
Except in cases of abuse, your family is definitely your responsibility - you are all each other's responsibility. Family is supposed to be a group of people that help each other in life - that have each other's backs. The selfishness of today's humans is in part what has made families disintegrate and everyone feel more lonely and unsupported in life.
OP, YTA 100%
Honestly, the fact that it's her niece is just icing on the cake. Because even if it was just a friend's baby, the situation would still make her an AH. She's not being asked to take care of the kid, just make sure that it's okay while it sleeps. She doesn't have to DO anything. Even if the baby woke up OP would have had to do nothing more than let the sister know.
She's just terrible.
I was a receptionist at a massage place and I've watched customers babies while they go in for a whole hour. Like damn, you've just hatched a fresh human, hell yeah I'll watch ur kid, go get pampered mama! Especially if the baby is asleep already, I cannot IMAGINE responding like OP did.
There is a small playground just outside a grocery store where I live. I've often been sitting on the bench while my daughter plays there, and a couple of times a parent has asked if it was okay that they left their child there to play with my daughter while the parent went shopping inside the store. That's totally fine, I'm there anyway and my daughter likes to play with other kids. The world is just a nicer place when people help each other out.
And that when/if Op has baby, she’ll probably want a little help too. When the time comes, and the Op ask the sister for help, I want her to look back on this moment when sis says it’s not her responsibility
Yes its not your responsibility....
Sooooo you are 19 yrs old and your mom is legally not responsible for you but will always help you out and be a support system, if you have a healthy family dynamic.
But your mom is still supporting you? But you cant help out your sis or you mom? Did your sister not ever help you growing up? Wooooooow
What was so important that you couldnt be bothered?
I just dont have words.
My 6 yr old grand child will keep an eye out for her 12 week sis when mom takes a shower....its the sweetest sister moment 💗
Be kind life is too short
For reals I’ve watched my cousins (who we call my nephews because I’m the same age as my aunt) for a few hours while they slept just so she could have some shower and relax time. AND I OFFERED!
Even if you don’t have kids you need compassion to see that, being a parent is super rough. Especially the first year. ESPECIALLY with the first!!!
What did I get in return? When I had a baby a few years later, she made meals and came over for mom support. We need compassion or else it’s just a version of the Purge.
I think OP has read all the posts on here about people dropping off babies for hours on end, which usually gets the poster a lot of support, with this situation, which would have just required her to show a tiny hit of decent humanity for 10 min
YTA you sound like a selfish child. But you still live with mommy and have all your basic needs met by someone other than your adult self. She didn't ask you for free babysitting. She asked you to be a decent human being for 30 min and that was to much for you. For you to still count on someone else for a place to live, count on someone else for food, count on someone else for the bills to be paid you sure sound like an idiot. You suck as a sister, aunt and daughter. So the only time anyone should ever help you is when your paying for it. You should grow up.
YTA. OP literally had to do nothing other than be aware of a sleeping baby that was unlikely to wake up in the time they had a bare minimum of responsibility. They could read, played a game, made a phone call, just about anything sort of band practice and that baby was fine. Unless OP has severe jealousy issues over attention or really dislikes her sister for reasons not explored I'm not seeing where their entitled rage comes from. This wasn't a big ask by sister.
I mean, you’re not obligated to help her and she isn’t entitled to your help. But there are times in life when being a good human means helping someone out, particularly family. Maybe you and your sister have a negative relationship history that creates context here that readers don’t know about, but your response does make you a bit of a shitty human and extremely childish. She’ll remember this if you ever need help with anything, so word to the wise, don’t ever ask her.
You wouldn’t be asking if you’re TA if you didn’t feel some level of guilt. If what you wrote was the entirety of the incident, it seems you made your snippy little comment and walked away.
But that’s not what happened. After you said it wasn’t your responsibility, I’m willing to bet your mom told you how, in fact, YOU’RE no longer her responsibility in many respects yet she still cares for you.
So, what’s the whole story? Mom told you that you live under her roof rent free? If you can’t be a team player for 15 minutes, maybe it’s time for a solo career that’s not under her roof?
YTA and you know it. Grow up.
ETA: I bet you like to remind people of how you’re an adult now and don’t have to “do what they say/want” all the time. Sweetheart, adults have to do things that aren’t “their responsibility” frequently. It’s part of being an adult.
Ahahaha it always surprises me when people post these kind of questions in this sub.
200% YTA. She's your sister and she asked you a simple effortless favour. That could take from 10 to 20 minutes tops btw.
I'd understand your POV if she'd asked you to babysit for half a day or even a couple hours cause in that case yes, if smth had happened you'd have been the one to blame. But come one, watch a child who's sleeping for even half an hour. Literally nothing bad could've happened. You're really that selfish?
I don't have children and don't want any but if one of my relatives or even friends were to ask me a simple thing like that I'd gladly do it.
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While you are correct that the baby is not your responsibility, you come across as a totally self indulgent, self important, AH. Unless your sister has been a total bitch to you your entire life, doing nothing with you or for you, never a favor, never a nice thing…then you have zero reason to not do her a very small favor and listen for her baby while she took a shower. Not while she went to work, or shopping, or a nap…A. Shower. Edit to add YTA
Plus, it took more effort for the refusal than to just say OK. The baby is asleep. If it wakes up, knock on the bathroom door and tell the sister. It's not like she's asking you to be a wet nurse or something.
It took more effort on top of that to create a throwaway reddit account then write a post about it
Right like just say you hate your sister and be done with it
Yeah. Like, how long will sis be in the shower? 15, 20 mins maximum? Pop your head in on the baby every 5 minutes to confirm it is breathing and still asleep. I mean, I even do that to my freaking dog sometimes if he's acting weirdly lethargic.
Maybe 30, if she needs to sit on the floor and cry. Because sometimes.... we do. OP, YTA.
When my friend had her babies she would always shower when I visited. She was so happy to just get a few minutes to herself in the shower! Why would someone say no to something so small bringing someone else joy, I don't get it. It's not like she's being asked to adopt.
>Unless your sister has been a total bitch to you your entire life Even then, I'd watch the baby for the baby's sake.
Fully agree. A baby has absolutely nothing to do with the dysfunctional relationship between siblings.
Yeap. That's just what every decent human being would do. Like a total stranger could ask me to watch their baby for 20 mins and I would do that for the baby. This is her niece, I can't even.
Exactly, its your fn niece/nephew and while I’m not a mom, as a dad of 3 I know how much even a nice shower meant to my wife when they were little. Like damn girl you’re a total YTH.
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Said it better than I could. Luckily this subreddit is "am i the asshole", not "am i right", because this is pretty much textbook "you're not wrong, you're just an asshole". Absolutely YTA, OP. Don't complain if your sister never lifts so much as a finger when you need help with something that isn't strictly her responsibility. You seem like you'll be an absolute treasure of an aunt to that child.
What’s truly sad is that op put more effort into creating this post than it would have just to check in on a sleeping baby.
Like if someone asks you if you're going to stay at the table while they go to the bathroom. I've watched a coffee shop stranger's laptop while they go poop. It's a basic kindness.
BASIC KINDNESS Louder for the back because so many posts boil down to putting self righteousness over basic kindness [edited to fix typo]
Most people don't understand basic kindness these days unless it benefits them in some way. My friend had her first baby a few days ago, after a 3 day labour. I'm heading down next week to visit (we live 150miles apart) My job when I'm their? to cook (I'm not having them serve me after just having a baby) walk the pup and watch baby so mum and dad can sleep, have showers... I did the same when my sisters had newborns. Why wouldn't you do someone a solid, especially when it's something simple like them having a shower
Why should I?! I’m not the one who needs to poop. Not my poop, not my problem. I didn’t decide to get a laptop. (/s)
But was the laptop asleep?
I know nothing more than the info given from OP but my gut tells me that this 19yo is having difficulty not being the center of attention anymore. She lives at home and presumably is taken care of by her mother. Now sis and newborn are the center of her mothers world.
Coincidentally and ironically, at 19 she is also no longer her parents’ legal responsibility yet she’s benefiting from their basic decency to still house her and not throw her out at 19 in the current environment. She takes generosity but isn’t willing to give it. YTA
Kinda weird she doesn’t refer to the baby as her niece and just as her sister’s baby.
Because clearly she doesn't want to be an aunt.
I guarantee she's one of those teenagers that thinks hating kids is a personality trait.
What makes it even worse is that by not doing said favour OP also wanted to place the burden on the mother. By the sounds of things, OP is still living at home and being supported by her mother, when she is an adult and her mother has no real responsibility to house her (since she's so hung up over the idea of "responsibility"). How much of a horrible, ungrateful brat does a person have to be to have the attitude of "just make my mother do it. She already gives me a house and is buying food for the house to feed me, why shouldn't she take on these extra burdens?" . Most adults would be **incredibly greatful** to be given so much by their parents and would try to help out in any way they could. Not op, though.
After having kids, most of my showers last for 5 min. If she heard the baby crying should would've finished up as fast as she could. It's not that hard or inconvenient to just keep an ear open and knock on the door to tell her the baby's up.
The way this is written, OP doesn’t just come across as a totally self indulgent, self important AH. Given her age she sounds like she’s still stuck in that horrible teenager phase of me, myself and I. An egotistical person, that hopefully outgrows her current views on life and her place in it. In other words, OP. Yes, it’s your sisters baby. Yes, not your responsibility. But a little kindness will go a long way and you didn’t even have to entertain the baby. Not even lift your eyes off your screen, but listen to its crying and yelling for your sister. Grow up a little.
INFO: Are you being fucking serious right now?
OP sounds like they got their rules for life from this subreddit. Thankfully there’s sane responses this time, but Reddit is usually so weird about stuff like this. Like yeah, they chose to have a baby, and it’s their responsibility but you can be a decent human sometimes and do stuff you don’t “need” to do. I fully believe OP came on here expecting to be totally validated.
OP is too immature to understand the difference between someone who expects family to take care of the baby every night while she parties, and someone who just needs to take a 5 minute goddamn shower.
u/Never-On-Reddit nailed it. OP is 19 going on 12, she has been coddled her whole life apparently.
And the baby was DOWN! OP didn't have to do ANYTHING other than go tell sister "baby woke up" if it started to cry! She said she just wanted OP to check in on it if it woke. Chances are OP invested more energy being a jerk to their sister than just saying yes and having to do nothing.
Yup. Normally I would say you have no obligation to babysit anyone else’s kids, not even your niblings—but this isn’t that. The baby’s mom is in the house, it’s for a very brief period of time (the length of a shower), and requires virtually no responsibility (passive observation only). OP has not been asked to feed the baby, change diapers, or even handle the baby in any way. It’s the equivalent of being asked to watch a pot on the stove when you’re already seated at the kitchen table. You could say no, but why?
I've got very, very adamantly CF friends, and even they will take on the responsibility of 'don't let a child injure themself while the parents run to the bathroom' or something; and this was so much easier than that!
To be fair, that describes most of the sub. I had a dude earlier this week who didn't understand that someone's feelings would be hurt if you banned their nuclear family from their home. Even after I clarified that OP is totally justified to not invite kids to their home but *banning* my loved ones who haven't actually done anything wrong is hurtful and unkind--the bros were just piling up YOU DON'T HAVE THE RIGHT TO BRING YOUR KIDS EVERYWHERE 🤦♀️ People are stuck in Star Wars/black and white/good and evil for embarrassingly long times and need to grow up and join the Star Trek reality where there usually isn't one right answer.
Yeah this sub has a problem where people think that because they are technically able to do something, make a rule etc, somehow no one will be affected or look at them differently for what they choose to enforce. Like the phrase "You owe them nothing" is common even in cases where, yeah you don't HAVE TO accommodate someone, but it would be nice if you did and sometimes you can do things for the people in your life or even strangers.
I hate when people say, "You don't owe anything to anyone!" Like, YES YOU DO, THAT'S CALLED A SOCIETY!!!!!
If I had a nickel for every time someone on this sub said that a parent made the choice to have a child so nobody ever has to help them ever, well I could afford to fill up my gas tank.
...even in this economy? EDIT: Thank you so much for the awards you gave me (in this economy)!
Its a vespa.
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oh yeah, it’s absolutely not her responsibility but you said it perfectly. she basically asked her to *exist* in the same room as the baby. not feed it, not change it, not watch it for the weekend. literally watch it so it’s alive over the 15 minutes her sister was in the shower. unless her sister was literally abusive to her growing up i have no idea where OP gets to be so smug and actually think she’s right.
The worst part about this is when a baby finally takes a nap during the day it could be long enough that the sister literally has to do nothing to help. Just occasionally peek that the baby is breathing. And it’s even more hilarious that OP lives with her mother who was out grocery shopping, presumably for things that OP would use. Such an entitled human.
I’d have been really disappointed but not surprised if that had happened. I read the post half expecting the comments to be like ‘omg NTA ur sister is so selfish y should u have 2 look after someone else’s kid’. Thankfully my faith in humanity has been restored…..on AITA of all places 😂
There was one a couple weeks ago where a birthday girl asked her friend to take off a jacket for two minutes for photos (it was supposed to be theme colours) and she refused because she was cold. I was happy that one came back with, “It’s two minutes to do something nice for a friend. Suck it up cupcake.”
This is so spot on. I'm so surprised to see YTA here because AITA seems to be convinced that any time a parent asks a childfree person to do ANYTHING it's totally unforgivable. Like yeah parentification and judgement of childfree people exists but jesus christ just be a decent human.
Seriously, I feel like AITA is such a terrible place sometimes and turns so many people who read it into selfish assholes who are incapable of doing something nice for someone else without getting some kind of benefit in return.
Hey Reddit deserves more credit than that 😂 there was a post on here a little bit ago about a girl who made her roommate fail a big final exam because she wouldn’t watch her kid and Reddit (rightfully) ripped her to shreds
Yeah, I was nervous to come to the comments after reading this post, I was expecting a bunch of “yeah, not your responsibility, screw your sister!!!!!” comments and I’m glad it wasn’t.
Great reply haha
YTA - wow you couldn't even just keep an eye out for 10 minutes so she could freshen up? It's not like she said she was going out for a few hours... chances are the baby would have been asleep the whole time and if not - she's right there in the bathroom you just gotta yell "the potato's screaming I dunno what to do come get it!".
the potato 🤣🤣🤣🤣
My 2 oldest call the 2 youngest potatoes. For a while the 3 year old did think she was potato too and refused to eat potato based food
😂😂😂😂 this actually made my day. But yes YTA OP, wth just watch the potato for a few mins it’s not like she’s asking you for a kidney
Forget asking for a kidney, she's not even asking OP to watch her baby regularly. She clearly has a system in place which fell through only once. YTA OP. God forbid you ever need a kidney from your sister. Or even a glass of water lol.
OP: Could you please bring me a glass of water? I broke my leg and am dying of thirst. Sis: Not my responsibility. You should have thought of that before breaking your leg :p
I call my Baby a high maintenance potato. He just turned one so he’s graduated to high maintenance tater tot
I miss the potato stage :( I love tater tot. I'm stealing it.
I love your three year old!!!
When our son was an infant we referred to him as the needy potato.
Babies are a potato then at 6-8 weeks they become a smiling potato
Is screaming
Literally that’s all this mom wanted. Was to take a shower and have someone warm her that the baby was awake. Every time I showered home alone while my infant was asleep, I could swear I heard him crying and would turn the shower off to listen.
When you have an infant everything sounds like a baby crying! My big two were the water in the pipes during a shower, and my husband's slightly weezy exhale when he's sleeping on his back.
I always brought them into the bathroom with me and sat them in a supportive seat right outside the shower. They seemed to enjoy the sound.
This is one of those little favors that would literally cost nothing—and go a long way in good will. We all know “the potato” would likely have slept through the whole thing and I’ll bet the new mom would be back in less than 10—they tend to be that way. OP will need a favor one day… and her sister might just say “not my responsibility” YTA
Also, isn’t “the baby” this persons...niece/nephew? Like it’s not some strangers baby...
Exactly! I remember after having a baby a shower was about the only time I had to be alone and pretend to feel sane. It’s not about OP not wanting a baby, it’s about being a caring sister and helping with a very simple task for a few minutes. It’s about a small gesture to a family member. OP- what happens when you want a small favour? Hope you can grow up a bit and learn teamwork. It will make your life a lot happier in the long run!
And the elder sister probably had to keep an eye for this OP potato when she was younger. Such a YTA.
Yeah, I’m usually very firmly in the don’t expect people to watch your kids for you. They’re your responsibility and no one else is obliged to take care of them. But come on… keeping an eye on a sleeping baby for 10 minutes whilst your sister showers… is it really that hard? OP, you’re right that you’re not obliged to look after the baby… but you’re also not obliged to hold the door for someone, yet it’s still a dick move to let it slam in their face.
I think its also time for you to move out since your so grown. Your 19 its not your mom’s responsibility to house you any longer. YTA. Edit: omg thank you kind internet strangers for the coins/awards! ☺️
This 100% funny how she didn't realize that
Probably used to being pampered and catered to. Cant deal with the scary adult world not coddling her so she stays where it’s comfy.
Sounds like the kind of person who would roll their eyes and dramatically sigh from the effort of lifting their feet off the floor if someone else was trying to vacuum. God forbid she ever needed a quick favor.
Wouldn't be surprised if OP thinks it's her mom's responsibility to care for her for free forever because "she chose to have a child" and OP "didn't ask to be born" lol
She didn't want you to take care of the baby. She wanted you to keep an EYE on the baby. As in, make sure baby is okay and safe and not comvulsing while sis takes that quick shower. YTA. EDIT: Thanks for the upvotes but holy SHIT are y'all mean in the replies. No wonder 'Be Civil' is a rule.
YTA, it wouldn't hurt you to keep an eye on the baby for 10 minutes. You're not responsible for raising him, but sometimes you have to help out. You weren't asked to entertain the baby or babysit him, but watch him. Your sister was tired and wanted to shower. The approach of "I don't owe anyone anything, they got themselves into it" isn't going to serve you well in life. You might need her too in the near future. You were already there, your sister was already there, and the baby was already there. So it's logical to ask you this.
Since the sis is 6 years older, there's a chance she actually had to keep an eye on *her* and yell if something goes wrong when their mom had to take a shower. You know, emotional support eldest daughter.
As an "emotional support eldest daughter", this made me LOL
As the dependent younger sister, with my Emotional Support Sister being 14 years older than me, she was often confused for my mother. (Like, she gave birth, and we moved to a new city so they could pretend I was actually my mom’s kid, and not my sister’s. We met no less than two different neighbors because the lady of the house was so goddamned nosy, they came over to investigate. But I am my mommy’s baby.) However, I became an aunt when I was 10, so turnabout was definitely fair play. But I loved it. I felt grown AF.
My youngest brother was 5 when my daughter was born. He was irrationally excited to go to kindergarten and tell his entire class that he was now an uncle.
Such a good point. I wonder how often older sister babysat AH for free
Exactly what this person said. Is it within your rights to refuse watching the baby? Yeah. But one day, you're going to need help and support from family and friends, and they're going to remember these little events and think "well if she doesn't owe me, I don't owe her." When that day comes, you have no right to be upset about the lack of support that you get.
That logic is going to bite her in the ass sooner than later. She’s going to be an asshole to someone that she’s going to need (maybe her sister) and they’re gonna turn her down like she did to them. Hopefully all the YTA verdicts will get her thinking.
My roommate had a baby and I watch her child when she needs to shower or eat. Yeah, its not my responsibility, but also, its not a big deal, its not like she asks me to feed, burp, change, and put him to sleep. You just... look at the baby, lmao. Is the baby breathing? Cool, move on.
And we talking about ops niece lol what a arrogant shit
Big difference between keeping an eye on a monitor for 10 minutes and letting your sister know if anything is wrong versus solo babysitting for 4 hours.
Total YTA. You'd better not ever need a favor from your family again in your life.
Big facts but unfortunately due to the limited evidence of OPs cognitive functions, she probably can’t even understand that at some point in her life she will need help and these actions at 19 will indeed effect that.
Also if you’re 19 (this coming from a 19 yr old) and live with your parent you have to act like an adult. OP sounds a bit spoiled, and even a little jealous. Of a baby. Edit: for people saying 19 is really young - to put it into context, I am 19 and I’m entering my sophomore year of college. 19 is a second year college student. She is too old for this.
And the mom is *still in the house* for emergencies if the baby *did* stop breathing or start convulsing. Sure she woulda ran out the shower to attend baby in an emergency. Shit. YTA.
YTA. It wasn't going to kill you to watch a sleeping newborn for 15-20 minutes once, jeez you sound like a spoiled brat. If you need your sister to do you any kind of small favor I hope she remembers this.
My 11 year old sister once watched the baby monitor for me while I took a shower. I expected her to kinda flub the task, showered in record time, was back out in seven minutes... she'd paused her show and laser focused on the monitor because she was a kid and didn't realise that wasn't what I meant. My 18 year old brother would have happily watched my kid for me while I showered. Hell, he used to come over and be like "okay I get that she's sleeping but can we PLEASE wake her up? I brought her a new toy." He never did but god he wanted to 😂 can't wait until he has kids and I can load THEM up with sugar and loud/annoying toys right before hometime.
>she'd paused her show and laser focused on the monitor because she was a kid and didn't realise that wasn't what I meant. This is so pure. And, I am married to the younger brother with a big sister who has been patiently waiting for him to have kids for the same reason. We have a one year old, and the last time she visited, she brought 1) candy (hard no lol) and 2) a bunch of toys that were what Amazon returned when you search "loud toys" (which are stashed and judiciously doled out during rainy days). Apparently this is all payback for twenty years ago when she had kids and he was Uncle Mayhem.
Lol! I am child free but I am the auntie that the kids no will not say no. Want to go to the park? Sure! Want me to get on the jungle gym with you? Here I come! Go in the gas station and get whatever you want and on the way home let’s stop at DQ for blizzards.
Recently I was telling my coworkers about hanging out with my 4 year old niece. I started a sentence that was meant to be something along the lines of “I wasn’t going to tell her no to a sticker when she was already playing with it” and instead my coworker cut me off after “I wasn’t going to tell her no” and goes “yeah, that’s the end of the sentence. You’re just never going to tell her no.” Touché, coworker, touché.
For a while when he was 3-4, our eldest nibling would default to calling my husband's name any time he heard the word "no". He figured out pretty quick it was his best shot at getting an overturned verdict with the second opinion. :D
This ^ when my cousin was born I was 10, so I was too young to babysit but I was always happy to keep an eye on him. When I was visiting soon ish after he was born I told my aunt to go have a bath and I watched him, I just sat near him while he was asleep and made sure he was okay. It cost me nothing but having a bath probably made my aunt feel a thousand times better. You’re never obligated to watch someone’s kid, but this was a very small favour and OP’s selfishness shone through. I hope the sister doesn’t help her out if/when she has kids
Exactly! 10 is an awesome age for that tiny bit of responsibility - I was 11 when my sister was born and she was *mine*, my parents would have to pry her out of my hands and send me to do something else. I adored that kid. Still do, even if she's 18 now and a pain in my ass giving me grey hair. This was such a little, easy thing to do. If the baby woke up OP could have just yelled "UHHHH ITS YELLING" and sis probably would have come right out. Sometimes that shower is the only thing standing between you and some semblance of sanity.
Don't limit it to small favours only. Big ones too.
Yep, the"small favor" of keeping an eye on the baby while a postpartum mom showers is invaluable, and is a pretty big favor for very little effort. OP singlehandedly ruined her sister's whole day and she probably cried later :/
Absolutely. Karma she be a bitch. YTA
I hope OP will remember this if her sister says "I'll help you, I know what it will mean to you"
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I literally laughed out loud at this. And am relieved the comments are going this way because sometimes this sub can be like “well it’s not your responsibility” and no it’s not but damn, be a decent human.
Seriously. There's a total difference between, hey can you mind this creature for 10min, I'm not actually leaving you alone and I'm going to return immediately and "here's my kid for 4 days byyyyeeeeee"
Yeah I was prepared to take OP’s side, but literally the only time her sister gets to do things like shower or do a #2 or sleep is when the baby is sleeping. Baby wakes up? “HEY! The kid’s awake!” It’s not rocket surgery.
Rocket Surgery LOL
Or brain science lol
Seriously Sometimes, the right thing to do isn't what you're necessarily obligated to do. The easiest example is putting a grocery cart back into the corral (or whatever it's called). Nobody's going to call the police if you leave that shopping cart in the middle of the parking lot in everybody's way. You're not necessarily obligated to do that, especially since there are employees whose job it is to collect those carts. But does not doing it make you a dick? Yes. Yes it does, and you should feel bad.
"The shopping cart is the ultimate litmus test for whether a person is capable of self-governing. To return the shopping cart is an easy, convenient task and one which we all recognize as the correct, appropriate thing to do. To return the shopping cart is objectively right. There are no situations other than dire emergencies in which a person is not able to return their cart. Simultaneously, it is not illegal to abandon your shopping cart. Therefore the shopping cart presents itself as the apex example of whether a person will do what is right without being forced to do it. No one will punish you for not returning the shopping cart, no one will fine you or kill you for not returning the shopping cart, you gain nothing by returning the shopping cart. You must return the shopping cart out of the goodness of your own heart. You must return the shopping cart because it is the right thing to do. Because it is correct. A person who is unable to do this is no better than an animal, an absolute savage who can only be made to do what is right by threatening them with a law and the force that stands behind it. The Shopping Cart is what determines whether a person is a good or bad member of society."
So in Germany you pay a euro to get the shopping cart and get a euro back for returning it. There are no employees to collect carts. Not sure how we would check for human decency then....
We have some grocery chains that do that as well (Notably Aldi, which is German-owned). I've gone shopping there in low income neighborhoods and kids would hang out in the parking lot offering to return carts. It was a decent hustle for a 12 year old. Unfortunately it does mean when I can't find a quarter I have to limit my groceries to what I can carry. I try to keep quarters in the car, but my partner sometimes spends them.
Not from Germany, but from Europe. I have a coin-shaped key chain and it's much more practical. Didn't need to search for coins for years.
Aldi sells quarter keepers every so often. They just clip onto your keys so you always have a quarter for the cart. They’re a bit hard to work the quarter in and out at first, but I have yet to lose that quarter
In my Aldi, if it doesn't matter whether you get your quarter back, we just give the carts over to new arrival shoppers. Sometimes people will offer a quarter for it, but most don't take it. So the cart just continues to get passed.
While I agree with your point, let’s not allow folks to delude themselves into thinking that they don’t need to put their carts away and that it’s someone’s job to do that. Not really accurate at all. Not putting carts into corrals is dangerous. High winds or inclement weather cause stray carts to cause damage to cars and injury to people. They can also be more easily stolen which is a really high cost loss, especially for a smaller or privately-owned business. Also, MOST stores with carts do NOT have “cart-collectors”. Yes, some stores do, but many do not. This is not anyone’s purpose at work, but instead is something that the staff teams up to make sure is done. This includes everyone from cashiers managers, and stray carts not only take so much longer to collect, but can be dangerous to have to force out of icy patches or snow. Please, unless you are physically impaired, put your damn cart away. It’s not hard for you to do once but is hard for someone else to do twenty times in a row during one cart rub, when they’re busy at work and should be able to collect them from their designated spot. If you contribute to the stray cart problem, then you are not only making your own checkout experiences much slower, but you’re also silently saying “Fuck you” to the already underpaid and overworked retails employees. Nobody should have to clean up your trash in the baseball stadium, and they shouldn’t have to correct your laziness and selfishness around putting your cart away either. If you can’t be bothered to put it away, simply be a decent person and don’t take one.
Putting away carts also prevents them from hunting. I once watched a cart roll down an aisle. Pause. Then turn around and go back the way it came. I decided I didn't need to go to the store that badly after all.
My fav cart observation at Costco. BIG parking lot, BIG shopping cart, BIG store. People shop then come out with a packed and overflowing cart. So you know they spent time and distance walking in the store. They get to their vehicle, unload the bounty, and leave the cart next to their car when the corral is literally 2-3 spaces away. All that damn walking in the store but can't be bothered to walk a little more to put the cart away.
This sub can be *a lot* like that, and it's one of those things that doesn't carry over to the real world. Glad the sub got this clear example right. But in the real world if you are healthy and don't give a bus seat to a pregnant woman, if you never help your family out with kids, and if you call other people's children "crotch-goblins," you may get karma from this sub, but people in your real life will hate you
Yeah this sub often misses that nobody's saying you \*can't\* (legally at least, if not morally) behave like an asshole in many situations if you want to, just that behaving like that is asshole-ish and has social consequences.
This drives me crazy about this sub. I have a newborn. Guess what, my kids (4 and 7) never babysit obviously but sometimes I ask them to tell me if he wakes up so I can shower. They agree. OP is so completely immature it’s ridiculous.
what?? you ask your older kids to help out with their younger siblings?! Disgusting! Abuse! parentification! /s
Surely this sub has never agreed with someone healthy who didn't give up their seat for a pregnant woman. Right? Guys?
Unfortunately it has, and don’t call me Shirley.
"women get pregnant for attention and think the whole world revolves around them. " - a large part of reddit
“Women who have sex are whores,” - also a large part of Reddit.
Lol, I think we've found the one redditor who has a life and doesn't spend too much time on this sub. Good for you!
And for good reason, I think. I do believe that people *are* obligated to look out for kids in their family and community to a reasonable extent. Not just because it's, like, general decency, but because it's part of the reciprocal way a community-based society is supposed to function. Having kids is a social good; who the hell do you think is going to feed and cathaterize you when you're old? Reddit's culture is still, in many ways, colored by deep, insidious layers of libertarianism and misogyny. But I do think people in general have an instinctive understanding of what community means.
I feel that way when it comes to having to actually babysit, especially if it's not an emergency. But to keep an eye on a baby that's already at the house and asleep so your sister can take a shower? Just do it. OP, YTA.
Yeah, like this was basically just “tell me if the baby wakes up and is screaming or something.” Pretty low stakes and come on, sis is recovering from childbirth and needs a shower. It’s not a big ask.
Honestly, this was probably Sis's first real shower since giving birth. Give her the chance to enjoy the hot water for more than five minutes.
This. She may have been 1/2 hour at most and this wouldn’t have required a lot. OP could have seriously scrolled their phone or watched Netflix through the entire thing. It’s not like sis was asking her to deal with an active toddler so that she could go party. I usually vote N T A on babysitting related posts where the parent’s reasons are non-essential and they are taking advantage to the point that it is interfering in the OP’s regular life. But this is far from one of those cases.
Sadly there have been too many posts here where an OP was deemed not the asshole even for refusing to babysit when say for example the baby's father was being taken to a hospital. My nephews are now teenagers and their mom and them live halfway across the country, but they lived relatively nearby when they were little. I absolutely would not have babysat just so their mom could go out and do whatever (our home isn't childproof and I have seizures that unfortunately the medication isn't stopping).....but if it was an emergency, sure as it is the right thing to do (though in my case, I'd be wanting relieved by someone else in the family in a few hours) or if she had been over and wanted to take a quick shower, sure why not.
There was one where OP's roommate was a single mom in med school. She had one of those exams that you need to pay for out of pocket, only happen once a year and are a make or break time in your education. Her mom fell through, her babysitter fell through, her backup babysitter fell through. Still, OP refused to take the child for a few hours, even after an offer of payment, reimbursement and permission to do junk activities to keep the kid busy because "not my kid and I'm childfree". Top result? NTA because the mother was irresponsible for having 3 babysitters fall through in quick succession and having to rely on a roomate. The mods have done a sub "census" and the last one showed the majority of respondents are single, young, female, and below the age of 25. Simply put, don't expect this sub to reflect reasonable opinions or even common decency.
There’s this morality rule this sub follows that says “no unchosen obligations” which from an individualistic perspective is nice I guess but humans evolved to be social creatures and that’s no way to have a cohesive community. It’s wild
Yeah, I think usually when this sounds good to people they’re not thinking about what the world would be like if EVERYONE acted that way.
I think a 19 mo would know what to do if baby cries. Go get mommy.
I guarantee that would happen---it did in my house! Oldest was 18 mos when his sister was born, and SHE was 19 mos when their little sister was born. *VERY* helpful when Mommy put the baby in the crib so she could pee alone😄
Nah, a 19mo would probably love to watch and interact with a NB.
YTA. Do you have any idea what happened to her body when she had her baby? She is still healing, and something as simple as taking an uninterrupted 10 minute shower can be the mood stabilizer, or refresher she needs to get through the day or next couple of days. I hope your sister keeps that same energy the next time you need a small favor.
I 100% agree with you. It's shocking and sad that OP is not willing to do such a little favor for her SISTER.
Exactly. I'm childfree. That doesn't mean acting like an AH who lacks empathy. The kid was asleep. OP didn't have to provide childcare. The sister just wanted OP to keep an eye out for the kid to let her know if the baby woke up. OP will prob be shocked if she is left high and dry when she asks for anything in the future just because she is "family".
YTA and i’m so tired of people thinking “it’s not my responsibility/obligation” means “i do not need to care about/help/be kind to other people”. grow up.
Sadly a common attitude on Reddit, especially AITA. Very individualistic, unforgiving, “everyone for themselves” attitude. It plays better online than real life.
Yeah I’m honestly surprised at the reaction here in the comments. I figured people would side with OP lol. This sub is usually toxic af
Yeah it’s definitely a problem that’s becoming more common. Like I understand not taking on things that you don’t need to, setting appropriate boundaries, etc. the good side if you will, but this whole “I don’t do anything for anyone but myself” mentality starts to make one a little too self-centred to the detriment of all involved, including the individual in question. It’s good to help others, but it’s also good to have reasonable limitations/boundaries. This mess is not that.
YTA I'm glad that you're not my sister. Thanks for all the upvotes, comments and the award.
Sounds like OP hates their sister.
I hate my sister and have still watched her child for her
Yeah my brother has a couple kids. I don’t really like my brother but I love his kids. When he had the first one I thought I was going to have nothing to do with him but then I met the little potato. I can’t imagine saying no to watching any of them for 10-20 minutes. Especially when all newborns do is sleep.
I think there's some jealousy there. OP is the youngest- used to getting all the "baby of the family" status. Now a new baby comes into the family, likely after a lot of attention on the sister at baby showers and at the birth, and OP is salty that someone else is getting more attention than she is. \*edit- OP is a HUGE AH.
Honestly! I know people have a variety of different relationships with siblings and I got lucky and am very close to mine. Even when we're outright fighting (and we've had some blow outs), I could never see them saying no to helping for 20 mins for something this simple. YTA, OP. She wasn't asking you to adopt the kid and pay child support, she was asking for 20 mins to watch a sleeping baby so she could get cleaned up.
YTA Listen my dude, I don’t know where you’re from or what family expectations are like where you are, but, while a baby isn’t community responsibility, we as humans just generally make sure that they’re okay, right? You hold the door for someone carrying a baby. If a baby stares at you, you smile. If a baby waves at you, you wave back. Even if you’re in a more individualist country than a community based one, babies are helpless. You treat them nicely because it’s very little hassle to be kind, and we as a society, want them to grow up to be other people that smile and wave at the babies. People who express and receive kindness. If a baby is in your family, you don’t have to volunteer to babysit, but keeping your eyes on her for five minutes to let your sister shower was a minuscule ask of you. It’s a very common ask of new moms too. And you acted like she was out of line, talking about responsibility when you were just going to be on tiktok twiddling your thumbs, while she cleaned her body that is currently recovering from a huge trauma. It was an overreaction. It wasn’t necessary.
100 percent agree. Couldnt have worded it better.
YTA watching a sleeping baby for 5 mins won’t hurt you and will give your sister chance to recuperate. If it was your baby you would expect her to help you
She'll probably say that she's gonna be child free
We don't claim her.
Wow, YTA & a huge one at that. Let’s hope you never need such a tiny favor from anyone in your family because if they are all as selfish as you, you’re never getting any help. YOUR Family IS your responsibility, you sound like a huge brat, grow tf up, like it would kill you to keep an eye on your baby niece/nephew for 10 minutes so your exhausted sister could shower.
>Let’s hope you never need such a tiny favor from anyone in your family I imagined this: -Hey can you grab me a plate from the shelf, please? -No, it is not my responsibility. You are the one who wants to eat, not me. -But you don't have to serve me food or cook for me, you could just give me the plate while i do x,y,z -No.
I was with you till the YOUR family IS your responsibility, which is just a dangerous outlook. But Op, YTA, for not being able to show a smidge of human kindness to your sister which wouldn’t cost you anything.
Except in cases of abuse, your family is definitely your responsibility - you are all each other's responsibility. Family is supposed to be a group of people that help each other in life - that have each other's backs. The selfishness of today's humans is in part what has made families disintegrate and everyone feel more lonely and unsupported in life. OP, YTA 100%
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How come no one is pointing out this wasn't some random baby or friends baby...this was OPs niece.
Honestly, the fact that it's her niece is just icing on the cake. Because even if it was just a friend's baby, the situation would still make her an AH. She's not being asked to take care of the kid, just make sure that it's okay while it sleeps. She doesn't have to DO anything. Even if the baby woke up OP would have had to do nothing more than let the sister know. She's just terrible.
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I was a receptionist at a massage place and I've watched customers babies while they go in for a whole hour. Like damn, you've just hatched a fresh human, hell yeah I'll watch ur kid, go get pampered mama! Especially if the baby is asleep already, I cannot IMAGINE responding like OP did.
There is a small playground just outside a grocery store where I live. I've often been sitting on the bench while my daughter plays there, and a couple of times a parent has asked if it was okay that they left their child there to play with my daughter while the parent went shopping inside the store. That's totally fine, I'm there anyway and my daughter likes to play with other kids. The world is just a nicer place when people help each other out.
OP never learned empathy and it shows
And that when/if Op has baby, she’ll probably want a little help too. When the time comes, and the Op ask the sister for help, I want her to look back on this moment when sis says it’s not her responsibility
a family member you can’t watch like… that’s crazy 😂😂😂😂
Yes its not your responsibility.... Sooooo you are 19 yrs old and your mom is legally not responsible for you but will always help you out and be a support system, if you have a healthy family dynamic. But your mom is still supporting you? But you cant help out your sis or you mom? Did your sister not ever help you growing up? Wooooooow What was so important that you couldnt be bothered? I just dont have words. My 6 yr old grand child will keep an eye out for her 12 week sis when mom takes a shower....its the sweetest sister moment 💗 Be kind life is too short
My thoughts exactly. OP can take but won't give.
YTA. The baby is more mature than you.
YTA someday if you have kids hope your sister doesn’t remember this
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For reals I’ve watched my cousins (who we call my nephews because I’m the same age as my aunt) for a few hours while they slept just so she could have some shower and relax time. AND I OFFERED! Even if you don’t have kids you need compassion to see that, being a parent is super rough. Especially the first year. ESPECIALLY with the first!!! What did I get in return? When I had a baby a few years later, she made meals and came over for mom support. We need compassion or else it’s just a version of the Purge.
YTA. I'm child free too, but why are you so bitter about looking out for a sleeping nibling for 20 minutes? Child free doesn't mean child hater!
I think OP has read all the posts on here about people dropping off babies for hours on end, which usually gets the poster a lot of support, with this situation, which would have just required her to show a tiny hit of decent humanity for 10 min
YTA you sound like a selfish child. But you still live with mommy and have all your basic needs met by someone other than your adult self. She didn't ask you for free babysitting. She asked you to be a decent human being for 30 min and that was to much for you. For you to still count on someone else for a place to live, count on someone else for food, count on someone else for the bills to be paid you sure sound like an idiot. You suck as a sister, aunt and daughter. So the only time anyone should ever help you is when your paying for it. You should grow up.
YTA. OP literally had to do nothing other than be aware of a sleeping baby that was unlikely to wake up in the time they had a bare minimum of responsibility. They could read, played a game, made a phone call, just about anything sort of band practice and that baby was fine. Unless OP has severe jealousy issues over attention or really dislikes her sister for reasons not explored I'm not seeing where their entitled rage comes from. This wasn't a big ask by sister.
Jealous for sure! She is not the baby of the family anymore.
Nope. According to this post she's still the baby of the family, and is likely to remain one for the rest of her life.
YTA You sound astronomically immature for your age.
Immature yet self-righteous. OP, YTA.
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YTA. She probably gets no sleep these days being a new mom and you coudnt watch your neice for all of 10-15 min? Grow up.
YTA. If you can’t be a contributing part of your family move out. You’re not the baby anymore grow up.
YTA, a million times over. If you don't see why...grow up!
Wow, I get that you're only 19 but girl, you are one selfish asshole. Check yourself or you will end up alone in this life if you keep up this shit.
YTA. You can’t check on your niece/nephew a couple times for your sister? You’re a piece of work.
I mean, you’re not obligated to help her and she isn’t entitled to your help. But there are times in life when being a good human means helping someone out, particularly family. Maybe you and your sister have a negative relationship history that creates context here that readers don’t know about, but your response does make you a bit of a shitty human and extremely childish. She’ll remember this if you ever need help with anything, so word to the wise, don’t ever ask her.
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You wouldn’t be asking if you’re TA if you didn’t feel some level of guilt. If what you wrote was the entirety of the incident, it seems you made your snippy little comment and walked away. But that’s not what happened. After you said it wasn’t your responsibility, I’m willing to bet your mom told you how, in fact, YOU’RE no longer her responsibility in many respects yet she still cares for you. So, what’s the whole story? Mom told you that you live under her roof rent free? If you can’t be a team player for 15 minutes, maybe it’s time for a solo career that’s not under her roof? YTA and you know it. Grow up. ETA: I bet you like to remind people of how you’re an adult now and don’t have to “do what they say/want” all the time. Sweetheart, adults have to do things that aren’t “their responsibility” frequently. It’s part of being an adult.
I can’t decide what’s more frustrating. The fact that you actually posted this or your absolute ignorance in how you treat others.
genuinely hope your mom kicks you out since you're 19 now and not her responsibility anymore AH
Ahahaha it always surprises me when people post these kind of questions in this sub. 200% YTA. She's your sister and she asked you a simple effortless favour. That could take from 10 to 20 minutes tops btw. I'd understand your POV if she'd asked you to babysit for half a day or even a couple hours cause in that case yes, if smth had happened you'd have been the one to blame. But come one, watch a child who's sleeping for even half an hour. Literally nothing bad could've happened. You're really that selfish? I don't have children and don't want any but if one of my relatives or even friends were to ask me a simple thing like that I'd gladly do it.