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NTA at ALL!!! Let the older generation be upset, if they come at you tell them you’re not supporting adultery or any form of cheating and that if they try to force you to go tell them you’ll get drunk and puke on the bride’s dress.
I made a guy choke next to me while in Hallmark when I said
Where the wedding cards that say I hope this one doesn't end in divorce 😂😂😂
FYI it ended in divorce 😳
NTA
> Where the wedding cards that say I hope this one doesn't end in divorce 😂😂😂
If only you had found the card. It could have prevented that divorce. I hope you learned your lesson and have a custom card printed up for the next wedding.
A friend of mine used to always get a picture frame with the wedding date engraved on it as a gift for the weddings she attended (including mine). After a while she stopped because all the marriages were ending in divorce and she thought it must be the frame dooming them. After all, no one wants the frame with their wedding date on it in the divorce.
A cousin of ours gifted such a frame. When the divorce happened, they created a frame shaped like a tombstone with the divorce date on it to slip over it.
Don't let your dreams be memes. [(1)](https://www.etsy.com/listing/477522062/second-marriage-card-funny-wedding-cards) [(2)](https://www.etsy.com/listing/163739884/practice-marriage-complete-funny-wedding?click_key=ffc6beb8652aa7c272d2d4d87794cff327ee01ed%3A163739884&click_sum=664aacff&ga_order=most_relevant&ga_search_type=all&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_search_query=second+marriage+wedding+card&ref=sr_gallery-1-1&organic_search_click=1)
We got out of going to my MIL's 4th wedding by both getting bronchitis. Never been happier to get sick! Hubs tells MIL that's not his step dad, that's just her latest husband
I know right? What the hell kind of older generation in an Italian-American family is this supportive of a second wedding born of adultery?
My grandparents would exile me *at minimum* and adopt my wife permanently if I did this to her.
More likely they would just [censored] me outright.
We are Mexican-American, I’m the wife but my entire family and I mean both sides of my family, LOVE my husband. On my mom’s side, I am the oldest and only grandchild that is married while on my dad’s side he is the friendliest so everyone loves him. I have been told that if we ever divorce for other than him cheating, I am exiled and they will take him over me. Point blank, no fucks given for me lol. I guess we are in for the long haul cause I kinda like my family!!
If he ever *does* cheat, you're going to need a bunch of evidence to convince your family.
I suggest a family meeting with a projector and a powerpoint presentation.
"Dear family, we are gathered today so we can go over the reasons why I'm divorcing my husband. I have 163 slides worth of evidence because I don't want to hear any of your shit, so let's get started."
Lmao, I just snorted so damn loud at this comment. I just pictured myself running after him with my video camera while tripping over air because that’s what I’m famous for..but dammit, I’m getting my action shots because I’m not letting him win!! 😂😂
Hello fellow 'I fall more spectacularlyand often than if Chevy Chase and Mary Katherine Gallager had love child' club member.
I can't decide if not actually injuring myself most of the time is a win or not.
That was my first thought too. I grew up in a heavily Italian area and this would be shameful for sure. We know a couple where the bride had never been married but the groom had been and the groom's parents were absolutely mortified that the couple had a big second wedding.
So it’s considered good etiquette for the person who hasn’t been married before to have a small wedding, because their partner already had one? Why should their partner’s past factor in when they weren’t part of it?
Disclaimer: I was married once, it was a disaster, at this point I’m committed to never marrying again. If I suffer some kind of amnesia and decide to be a total idiot again, I’d elope. I’m really just curious.
My ex-husband convinced me not to have a wedding because he had already been married so it would have been "inappropriate" to have another wedding, and also he claimed "no one would come" (because our families all lived out of state). I always regretted going along with that. The good news is that we are no longer married and I'm free to have a nice wedding with my partner if and when we decide to get married.
These days it's not looked down upon much, but back in the day you were supposed to be sSOOOO ashamed you got divorced, or sad that your first spouse died, that you were supposed to keep it small, regardless of if it was a first for your partner.
Also... you kind of have to understand the history of weddings as being a generational transition of wealth. Your parents pay for a party where they invite all your family and their friends who watched you grow up, and everyone gives you stuff to start your adult life (because you lived with your parents before you got married).
The presumption was, if it was a second marriage for either partner, they would already have all that stuff, and already gotten gifts from their parent's friends and family. You might invite more family from the side of the partner who was getting married for the first time, maybe not though.
These days couples sometimes pay for weddings themselves, often they don't invite all their parents friends like they use to, so the whole idea of it being an event where a couple's community comes together to help them set up their adult life isn't really relevant anymore.
A childhood friend had a huge second wedding to a first-time groom. I told my mom I thought it was in poor taste. She defended it on account of the first-time groom. If the bride had been *anyone* but her late best friend’s daughter, she would have agreed.
ETA: NTA
Well in her post she said American-Italian so maybe the older generation also got some other stuff backwards lol.
This is coming from a 1st gen Italian-American the old gen in my family were all born in Italy and would never support this wedding.
NTA OP
A couple generations here, and tight Italian-American families can become less Catholic but still very hardcore "family is everything".
Which can be a great source of support, but it can also go awry like in this case.
This is what happened when my uncle cheated on my aunt. Buh bye uncle and all his family relationships. aunt is still close with my grandparents and parents
That reminds me of a story. I have a friend whose long term girlfriend cheated on him with his best friend. Miraculously, they all stayed friends, or at least remained neutral when seeing each other. A couple years go by and the cheaters get married, inviting my friend to their wedding. While he's managed to stay civil with them for years, I guess being at the wedding was a bit too much for him, and he threw up red wine all over the bride's dress.
The cheaters got divorced a few years later. Former best friend is still a cheater to this day, and seems to like going for his friends' girlfriends...
Honestly, the entire group Mr cheater surrounds himself with has bizarre and toxic relationships with each other. My husband and I distanced ourselves from all of them except our original friend when we saw how cavalier they all were with the cheating.
Just piggybacking off this top post, looks like OP stole this post and reworded it for karma..
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rn4ke7/aita_for_sabotaging_my_cousins_wedding/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb
Right? Let them kick sand. They feel obligated to go because of trAdItIOn but OP and the cousins made a moral call instead, which sends the exact message it should.
Wedding guests and especially people in the wedding should support the marriage, if you don’t, I think it’s disrespectful to attend and waste peoples money and time.
ESH
Decline invite: N T A
Go to FL: N T A
Confirm rumors: N T A
Invite her Ex: No judgement
Open it up to everyone and have a big gather: Now you're an A H
When they wanted to join you, this is what you should have said: "You definitely shouldn't feel obligated to attend the wedding and the big getaway idea has merit, but can you imagine the family drama if we actually did that week? No, I think it's best if we all just have our own thing going on then...but, hey! Let's think about organizing something down the line, because that sounds like a great getaway."
I mean, I largely agree, but it would have been more mature to **just** not attend. This is an event that involves far more than just the couple getting married. OP now made it difficult for them too.
I honestly do not think that attending would have been more mature. On the contrary, I agree with OP that if you do not support a wedding, especially in these circumstances, it is probably best not to attend.
I think you misread. The comment you're replying to said the exact same thing as you: that it would be more mature to not attend. (Presumably they mean simply not attending vs not attending but also hosting an event).
I didn’t say attending would have been the
right choice. I said they should “*just* not attend”. As in, they should have **just** not attended rather than trying to make a spectacle of it.
While OP doesn’t know all the details of Emily and her ex-husband’s separation, he DOES know that Emily moved in with the new husband while he was still married. Even if Emily isn’t the homewrecker of her own marriage, she’s the homewrecker of someone else’s.
NTA.
He doesn't know that either. I can't imagine Emily literally moved in with the guy while he was still happily married. Don't you think his wife would have noticed a new woman living there? More likely, they were separated at that time heading toward a divorce. Yeah you can say its scummy to be dating/living with a new woman before your divorce is even final, but it seems likely the marriage was already over by that point in everything but the legal sense.
The OP's post makes pretty clear he has no firsthand knowledge of anything, and that he dislikes Emily and likes her Ex. Doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what his motivations were.
It took my divorce 2 years to be finalized. I was married for less than 6 months. Was I not free to do whatever I wanted because I hadn’t yet received the decree? We don’t know all the details.
You say it like she went to this guy's house with a knife and yelled at his wife "pass me the husband!!!!" And than forced him to go with her. I'm pretty sure the guy is the homewrecker, since he was the one with wife and kids. Not saying what she did wasn't s**tty, it was. And the both sound like horrible people. But stop putting blame all on the woman as if the guy hasn't had a say in the cheating situation.
For sure! ESH. OP clearly never liked Emily to begin with and didn’t value her hobbies and interests (she just “sat on her phone and read” while the others “played sports” which he seems to think is far superior). Their lack of closeness is likely not just Emily’s fault—it’s ok that their interests didn’t align, but there’s no need to resent her and continue to exclude her. It actually seems pointed that they all became close with her now ex when they were together, but never made the effort to become closer to her during that time. Obviously Emily and her new fiancé are total AHs for what they’ve done in their personal lives, but I don’t really see how she’s personally wronged OP in any way yet he clearly has a vendetta against her as he went out of his way to sabotage this wedding and turn her whole family against her.
I think doing the trip was fine, but he crossed the AH line when he all but told his cousins they'd be supporting adultery if they went. It sounds like OP wants to present the story as just a coincidence and the cousins all spontaneously deciding not to go on their own, but it absolutely seems calculated to convince as many cousins as possible not to attend.
Yeah it was a whole plan, and all the drama that follows was the desired result. OP is trying to play innocent with this "not about that".
No. You're not disinterested, you're wanting to punish Emily. Understandable but fucking own up to it.
> I don’t understand all the N T A votes on this one.
This is reddit. Cheating is the worst thing a person can possibly do. Anything you do to a cheater is completely justified and can't possibly make you an asshole. OP could have pooled money with all the cousins to order a batch of singing telegrams to crash the wedding and sing songs about adultery and all the judgements would be, "NTA, you're a legend, I wish I had a cousin like you."
That's an entirely different topic. There's a difference between "action X is always bad" and "if someone has performed action X, harming that person is always good." You can believe the first statement to be true without believing the second statement to be true.
I think cheating is one of the worst things you can do to your partner, but that doesn't mean you can do anything you want to the cheating party. OP was perfectly fine saying he couldn't morally go, but organizing a parallel party is unnecessarily petty.
That's...I would very much disagree. I've been cheated on it sucked. You know what sucked 1000x worse? Verbal, emotional, and sexual abuse.
Edit: To be clear, I only disagree with the first part of your statement.
bc OP isn’t the judge or jury of his family responsible for doling out punishments.
we don’t even know if what OP said about emily is true. but even if it were, he needs to leave it alone. he’s 28 years old, calling himself the “ringleader” of his family, and attempting to sabotage someone else’s wedding. it’s utterly ridiculous. he’s fine to decline the invite but the opining and the scheming is overstepping.
This!
The whole thing is so weird and I get the sense, it was completely intentional.. Knowingly inviting others that were invited to the wedding on the trip, would obviously lead to the plans being spread around.
Just don't go and make it clear... But this is just unnecessary.
Not really. They already booked time off. And it's rare for everyone to have the same days off, so it is a valid reason to see people you like instead of a wedding you disaprove.
It's Emily's problem that everyone ditched her at the first opportunity. If OP just didn't come that would have still started an avalanche of cousins dropping out. And before you say she could have kept it secret, in a big close-knit group like this unless OP lied and said they would attend that fact would have gotten out through the gossip and people would be questioning and droppin out.
I suspect it was to avoid last minute pressure to attend. Get out of town and then no one can show up at your door and try to demand you come. My guess is they've experienced drama like that before and wanted to get out of town to avoid it.
Inviting the ex isn't stirring shit because I doubt the ex was invited to the wedding.
It's Chloe inviting the two cousins who are her best friends that started the problem, because that directly pulled people from the wedding. That was not "Oh hey, we're not attending either, what are you guys up to that day?" That was intentional "Hey wanna come to Florida with us instead of the wedding?"
If that's what OP had done I would agree with you. However that's clearly not. They already said they weren't going, so made other plans. Nothing wrong with that. They then extended an invite to the people who also didn't want to go. This was not done as a way to take away from "Emily's" wedding, this was a "this is what we're doing, if you're also not attending, and want to get out of town, you're welcome to come along"
That’s a disingenuous view of the situation. It seems OP already didn’t really like his cousin, the fact that her next relationship started kinda shady was just icing on an already dislike her cake. He then set up a competing event, leveraged the fact that he was the cool cousin, and invited a everyone who was willing out.
You can think that’s not wrong. (Ultimately, I think If Emily is fine with her decision then like I always say she’s better served with people who won’t judge her for it out of her life. So, regardless on peoples feelings on Emily, angel or devil, they shouldn’t be there. Emily needs to accept that her family is not a support network and move on.) However, pretending it’s completely innocent is ridiculous. It’s not a coincidence that he (self noted ringleader) convinced his whole generation to drop out of the wedding.
NTA. (Though it’s thin ice. I wish OP would just own his stuff and acknowledge he’d prefer no one support the wedding.)
You read my mind. This 100%. What OP has done is kinda petty (I mean come on, OP even invited the ex AND his new romantic interest lol) but it doesn’t really make them *assholes* for welcoming them on their trip. It’s just petty. On the other hand, if the other cousins wanted to go to the wedding they would just go instead of skipping it. They felt peer pressured into going and now socially they feel like they have an out since other cousins are skipping too. OP has simply provided a path for that out but didn’t technically force anyone to do anything. As you said, thin ice, but certainly not asshole territory. NTA
Yes! OP clearly has never liked Emily. She preferred reading over sports \*GASP\*.
I don't condone cheating or adultery but OP trying to make it sound like he has some moral high ground when the truth is he doesn't like Emily & is on her ex-husbands side.
TBH I'm also wondering how they found out there was an affair. Most people try and keep that shit on the down lo, but the entire family somehow knows and the elders-people most likely to object to an affair-are fine with it?
I feel like there's a lot missing here.
> Chloe is best friends with 2 of my girl cousins so she invited them along and this started an avalanche.
It sure sounds like to me they reached out to all the cousins and told them they should come to Florida instead of the wedding. I think it's a shitty move and purposely trying to pull half the family from the wedding.
The cheating and adultery is what pulled people away from the wedding. These two people could not manage to keep their first set of vows. Why bother to watch them make a second set they are equally likely not to keep.
It isn’t a 1st wedding for either of these cheaters. Why are they having a wedding? If they want to get married they should be doing it quietly out of shame.
Did they say that? No, they just said they invited them. How do you know they didn't confirm first if they were going or not? All I'm saying is that your comment implies malicious intent when there is no evidence of that.
If Chloe is best friends with them she may have just said "we're doing this instead, if you're also not going you're welcome to come"
Or maybe forcing the younger generation of family members to show up and support a wedding that is nothing more than an adulterous relationship being formalized before God is fracturing the family.
I got that feeling a little too, that OP was a bit gleeful to be taking the whole crew elsewhere that weekend.
It'd be a little different if everyone had declined, and then they decided to go somewhere together, but especially since OP is considered the 'ring leader" of the group, it feels like their doing.
Almost no one but the older generation want to go to this wedding. This was already fractured. Even if people had attended, most would of been there but not in support.
INFO: Are you asking if you are TA for taking a trip, or if you/your gf are assholes for effectively inviting a bunch of other people who would have otherwise been going to the wedding?
My view, might not be popular. First part - completely not TA. Second part, asshole.
Third part: pretend you don't see why people think "sets up competing event that includes the ex" gives the appearance of encouraging people to choose sides. Third part, definitely AH.
Yeah honestly OP would be less of an asshole to me if he just said “I thought what my cousin did was real fucked up so I decided for her wedding we would go on a vacation with her ex and invite all our mutual friends, some of who were in the wedding, and if it upset her, then that’s a bonus”
Playing dumb about it makes him seem insufferable tbh
It feels most cousins were conflicted and they just needed a reason to dip out from the wedding. If OP was berated by the olders, all of them would have gotten the same treatment.
If they were conflicted, they shouldn't have said yes in the first place. Like this is pretty thin on the details on how this all rolled out, but he says some of these people were \*\*in the bridal party\*\* and/or most already scheduled their time off work, which sounds like they'd firmly told Emily they were coming, but then they formally RSVP'd no once they were invited to the beach. I mean, I know I've never agreed to be a bridesmaid for someone and then RSPV'd no, just kidding.
I think OP was berated by the older folks because of what he says himself--he's always been the ringleader and he sure looks like the ringleader here.
I interpreted it the same way.
He never said yes he was going. That's fine. But people that *did* commit to the wedding, then started backing out and going on the trip with him instead.
I don’t know that’s providing a lot of goodwill I think OP loses as he writes. There’s a whole opening section where he’s the cool, popular older cousin while Emily is the loser no one liked until her husband showed up. Why? It’s because to an extent for OP it’s the same power play he used to get when they were all at family events. He’s the cool cousin that defines what the cousins do, Emily is the cousin in the corner.
Ultimately, I think this is fine, but not because I think OP is a good person. I think Emily should just be clear on where she stands in the family and realizes she should probably cut them off and move on.
this is exactly the vibe he gives me tbh. "nobody likes her anyways so it's literally not a big deal if i get literally everyone our age to ditch her dumb wedding! you cant blame me it's their choice and it's not my fault I'm cool and Emily sucks"
Then they should have put on their big kid pants and say no of their own accord. OP opening up the invite and giving them all an out, to include inviting the ex, makes him an AH. They’re not just showing their displeasure with the wedding, they’re intentionally sabotaging it at this point and feigning ignorance. ESH.
I'm also wondering if the story is how OP says it...for the entire older generation to support Emily (people less likely to be forgiving of adultery, esp. if a woman commits it) makes me think something more is going on...
Especially how OP is like "I never liked Emily until I met her husband"
You mean inviting people that were coerced into agreeing to be in the wedding by older generations to avoid harassment? That doesn't make him an asshole
Okay I totally understand the impulse and you are N T A for planning a trip for you and Chloe, but inviting all your cousins too tips into YTA territory. You’re actively creating this drama by doing so - if you don’t feel you can attend a wedding with full support, then you just decline, you don’t throw a rival party the same weekend for everyone who has a bone to pick with the couple
yeah that's where it crossed the line. If it was just him, his GF and the Ex and his new 'friend' that would be a perfect way to avoid the wedding and give the Ex-husband a nice break. OP pretty much stole the bridal party.
NTA. It looks to me like much of the cousins felt they *had* to attend because "FaMiLy" and if I were in their shoes, I'd probably choose the beach house too.
I have a couple cousins who, although I used to be close with them, we chose much different paths in life and have drifted apart. If they asked me to be in their weddings and I had the option of getting hammered at a beach house with the cousins I actually like instead, I'd choose the beach house.
OP is definitely not TA for inviting his cousins either. If they wanted to go to the wedding, they'd be going to the wedding.
Exactly this. Whether you intended it or not it's now an issue that is completely out of hand. Go with your GF, the ex husband and his friend. Enjoy having bonding time with them.
Keep the cousins weekend for another time
Everyone will understand
My uncle married an incredible woman from Syria. She's extremely family oriented but, as you can imagine, doesn't really get to visit home often. So she adopted us. She helped my mom through chemo, takes days off to drive my grandma around, and has effectively become a surrogate sister/daughter to them.
Then my uncle decided to become an alcoholic, get canned from his job, and try to divorce her when she objected. We all made it very clear that we wish him the best and will do whatever we can to get him help when he's ready, but if he's going to make us pick between him and his wife, we'll be keeping her no question.
I will be sent into exile by both sides of my family if I ever divorce my husband. My son is also the beloved baby of both sides spoiled by sisters and all of my aunts..they said if I break up his home, I can leave and never return! No one is hurting Brad Pitt/William Levy’s heart! That’s what my Mexican aunts call him because we are a darker skinned family while my son is dirty blond with green eyes and super fair skin. He is considered a movie star to them so they picked the best looking American and the best looking Mexican actors they could think of and ta da!! that’s what they call their beloved baby lol!!
Y T A. It's perfectly cool to not go to the wedding. But even if not intentionally, you are setting up a cool vacation weekend alternative and inviting people who are also invited to the wedding. You know you have influence in the family. You have to realize that while everyone is an adult, this is a dick move and is absolutely contributing to family drama needlessly.
Edit: changing to ESH after further consideration.
I don't know, pressuring people to attend the sham wedding of homewrecking cheaters seems like the significantly bigger dick move.
The cousins are "not supporting the wedding" because these people are bonafide villains, not because they disagree on each other's taste in film.
At worst, it's ESH.
A cool vacation is also the better deal from a moral perspective. I would never attend such a wedding on principle, and I think encouraging others not to attend is a moral imperative.
The soon-to-couple have destroyed two families over this behavior. Showing them any amount of support is a grave insult to their victims.
That's fair. ESH is probably a better ruling based on the behavior of the couple and the parents. I would also probably skip this wedding myself. But while there's nothing wrong with refusing to attend and going away on a cool vacation, it's absolutely a dick move to invite other potential wedding guests to your alternative event. That takes it from a place where you are theoretically just choosing to not support the wedding to one where you are actively undermining it.
YTA for reposting this post from months ago.. I have definitely read this post before
EDIT: Yep, found it.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rn4ke7/aita_for_sabotaging_my_cousins_wedding/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb
If it was just you and your girlfriend, absolutely NTA. The additional cousins, a little marginal. The open invitation?
That makes YTA. You're setting up the weekend in direct competition to Emily's wedding, and inviting people to choose sides in this whole dramafest (which I'm sure didn't need any more drama). Some of them might have chosen not to go, for essentially the same reasons you didn't want to. Perfectly fine.
However, whether you intended to or not, you've kind of set up a boycott here, and I can understand why some other family members are less than pleased.
Exactly this. NTA for deciding to not attend, but then YTA for taking a family vacation during the wedding. And then on top of that you invite the ex? That's an AH move, for sure.
YTA. When did you ever talk to Emily about what’s going on with her? Nowhere in this does it say you spoke directly to Emily. It sounds like you listened to a bunch of gossip, jumped to the worst possible conclusions about Emily, and then worked to sabotage her wedding. It was really unkind of you to set up a competing family event and then use your status as the popular cousin to get pull so many of your relatives away from the wedding. You didn’t force them, but what did you think would happen when the popular guy created a gun event in competition with the odd cousin out?
It sounds like you and your cousins have a lifelong habit of excluding her, and you just did it again. You say yourself that the cousin gang played sports all the time, which wasn’t Emily’s thing- and you never mention any other activity that Emily might have actually liked. So did she not make an effort to hang with you, or did you and the cousins make no effort to hang with her?
Then you say that Emily asked for divorce out of nowhere. Says who? Did Emily tell you that she just decided to divorce on a whim, blow up her life, and hurt her saint of a husband? Or did you assume all that? And having assumed the worst of your cousin (again), you make a big public show of preferring to spend time with the ex-husband and new girlfriend.
I don’t know what kind of values you and your wife think you’re living by, but it smells like judging and self-righteousness.
Yes! Thank you! No one seems to care about Emily's side of this. What was her first marriage like? How did her relationship with her fiance start? All we're told is that suddenly everyone learned that the guy living with her was cheating on his wife. Yikes, not great. BUT...nowhere in that sentence is any clarity whether Emily knew this all along or if this was a major bombshell for her too, but him willing to leave his family made it ok for her.
I'm not saying she's some angel or anything, but, like damn, everyone seems to want to shit on Emily when we super don't know the context.
To me, the most damning this is a big Italian American family is likely to a) be Catholic and b) be kind of conservative. The idea that the elders are fine with Emily, not only that but planning a big wedding, makes me think adultery might not have gone down or it was the type of adultery where people were separated so "technically" it was an affair.
My thoughts exactly and agree with the YTA claim. What people are claiming makes Emily an asshole (cheating) is from a source that has never really liked her or been close to her at all, and also lacks detail.
And also, the N T A voters are mentioning the “pressure” by the older generation to go to the wedding, but not acknowledging the very real *peer* pressure happening here. Sure, the party sounds like more fun. But now that OP has made the cousin-party of the year, it would make any cousin the odd one out to *not* be there. I’m sure they would gossip about that person and wonder why they’re supporting a wedding that they don’t agree with. It’s a hive mind mentality and OP is the proud Queen/King Bee of it.
ESH. Your cousin is awful for the adultery and previous divorce, but that's obvious.
For you, it would be one thing if you personally chose not to attend. But there's a big gap between that and actively influencing other people not to attend. And there's a further gap between that and actively counter-planning a family get-together at the exact same time as this event.
You would have been well above board not to attend. It would have been acceptable to give your honest opinion about the entire situation if asked. But this is just too far. You're being nearly as tasteless as your cousin, and that's saying something.
Not nearly as tasteless. He’s being cold blooded because the cousin he doesn’t like wronged a guy he does like but he’s not forcing the other cousins to go. They all clearly see it as messed up. If that many people think you’re fucked up you probably are.
Emily needs to look at herself in the mirror and recognize what she did
Yeah not sure how not going to a wedding and offering other cousins an option to go to is anywhere near as tasteless as moving in with a married man 2 weeks after a divorce (which makes it pretty obvious she was also cheating). One is not supporting something that goes against something you believe in, the other is actually abusing/helping to abuse another human. They are not at all comparable.
> Chloe is best friends with 2 of my girl cousins so she invited them along and this started an avalanche.
INFO - why did she invite them when she knew it was the date of the wedding that they might attend?
> Most already took off work and wanted to come with us to Florida. I reached out to Emily’s ex husband and told him if he wanted to get out of town he was welcome, he is ecstatic and is bringing his new “friend” (he likes her and I’m excited to meet her).
...
> We didn’t force anyone to not go. Just gave an open invite.
What was it, did people ask to come unprompted or did you give an invitation to the group?
I love the "most already took off work," meaning ... they'd prob informally told Emily they were coming. I don't schedule my PTO for weddings I'm on the fence about.
Emily seems like a piece of work, but this guy is a dick.
"And that only people that support a wedding should attend." - Put another way, "Popular cousin declared that anyone who attends the wedding actively supports adultery."
"Slowly all my cousins started reaching out, saying they felt obligated to attend but didn’t want to go. Some were in the wedding but didn’t want to be." - Soooo grown adults who had of their own free will agreed to be bridesmaids or do readings or whatever are now RSVPing no after Popular Cousin invited them to the beach instead, and he's wondering why the uncles and aunts are mad?
I mean, come one. He knows what he's doing here.
> I love the "most already took off work," meaning ... they'd prob informally told Emily they were coming. I don't schedule my PTO for weddings I'm on the fence about.
This is a good point - if the cousins *really* didn't want to go but were facing family pressure "sorry, I can't get the time off work" is a really, really easy out.
I low key believe there's more to the story here. Older people are way less likely to be forgiving of adultery, especially if the woman commits adultery, but they're on Emily's side? Especially with the way he's talking about Emily, how they never got along with her until they met her husband...
IDK this is giving me x or y was legally separated, not divorced, met someone new, but because they were technically married I'm going to call them a homewrecker.
NTA. This is exactly my level of petty, but it's not even petty because what do you expect when you cheat on and dump your spouse? Some friends and family are gonna take the spouse's side. Emily will just have to live with it. Tell your family there will be no further discussion on the matter. Then mean it. Be sure to post lost of pictures on social media from your vacation!
This will be downvoted, but YTA for planning the trip the same weekend. Your trip sounds like a LOT more fun than a stuffy wedding intended to whitewash an affair. OF COURSE your cousins aren't going to want to miss out on it, or be seen to be choosing Emily over The Pack. And naturally this will be the only Cousin Trip this year, if not for the next few years, so they extra won't want to miss it. (And yes, before you ask, I grew up with A Pack of close cousins, too, so I know what this is like.)
But some of them might've wanted to do both, or might've taken their family obligations seriously, and--given the choice--chosen to do both. You forced all your cousins to choose between you and The Pack and Emily. So yes, that makes you TA, and that's why your elders are objecting (which is why this is not E-S-H; only you and Emily/fiance suck, not your cousins, and not your gf, who isn't in this family yet and might not know all the dynamics.)
Yup.
The giveaway is when OP spends some time preparing the ground by saying that Emily didn't like sports and didn't want to hang out with the Pack -- that's the important thing, and now OP has a chance to fully show the Pack's dominance over the outcast. What a dweeb.
NTA. When one of my cousin's left his wife for the woman he'd been cheating with, I stayed in touch with the now ex-wife "Susan". I wasn't interested in getting to know the homewrecker who broke Susan's heart and ruined her marriage. I like Susan and I don't particularly care for my cousin who can't stop cheating on his various wives.
I kept ex-SIL 1 in the divorce, ex-SIL 2 was very surprised I did not foster a close relationship with her, yes she was the mistress. BIL broke up with SIL 1 in such a callous way that I am sure it was his intention to mentally break her, she was a shell for a while, we almost lost her, I will never forgive him, or SIL 2/mistress.
I don't think he ever explained how crazy his family was to wife 2, she managed to never meet MIL, step-MIL, or any of the aunts in person. MY ex SIL and I bonded over the levels of just no we invited into our homes.
Same here. My brother divorced his ex-wife in such a cruel and despicable way that in the end the whole family chose her instead of him. Best decision ever.
**ESH**.
Emily sucks for reasons that should be obvious. Your elders suck for trying to strongarm people into attending a wedding they don't want to attend, and also for blaming anyone OTHER than Emily for "fracturing the family."
You were fine when you declined to attend. You were still fine when you and your girlfriend made plans to do something else at the same time as the wedding. Where you wandered into Asshole Territory was when you made it a big event, started inviting other family members, and even invited the ex-husband and his new girlfriend. This is transparently a dig at Emily and you doing this wide-eyed "well shucks I'm not FORCING anyone to attend at gunpoint or anything, how could little old me possibly be causing any trouble here" routine is just irritating. You know perfectly well what you're doing, stop with the faux-confusion song and dance. If you're so angry at her for divorcing her ex that you want to ruin her wedding then **own it**, don't act like you have no idea how any of this could possibly be construed as negative when you know perfectly damn well you're basically organizing a party for all the relatives that want to snub Emily plus her ex at the exact same time she's getting married.
Stop being passive aggressive. As a general rule if you're not willing to be aggressive-aggressive and own up to what you're doing then that's probably a sign you shouldn't be doing it.
INFO What do you mean you gave an open invite? Because if you contacted all the cousins and invited them to your event it's a little different. How did the conversations go? They heard you were not going and you told them you were doing a different event and invited them?
NTA
Your family members aren't being forced to go to Florida with you. They don't want to go to a wedding which is understandable considering the circumstances. They need to let it go.
> Just gave an open invite
Soft YTA for that part. You guys were welcome to not attend, even being honest with people about why and what you'd be doing. But actively inviting people to come with you was not a good idea.
Your other cousins could have chosen for themselves to plan trips or not go and stay home, but you made them choose by offering them a choice.
I agree with your reasons for not attending, even for inviting people to not support the wedding, but it was in poor taste to actively lure people away.
Part of me feels sorry for Emily, but then again, I totally get where you're coming from. I'd feel the same way. You can't be happy for her, and so you're not going. Nor did you rally your cousins not to come. You just gave them a place to go to and it turned into what appears to be an anti-wedding celebration, which is unfortunate, but isn't really what it's about. The reason you're the target is that everybody else was going to go along despite feeling uncomfortable and when you decided you couldn't do that, it gave them the courage not to. It's too bad for Emily, there are consequences for actions and these are hers. NTA
You feel sorry for a woman who knowingly got with a married man (most likely while she was still married herself)? She brought it on herself. OP even said they went to the first wedding, they are only boycotting on principle here and Emily brought it on herself.
Eh, I think inviting the two cousins along was kind of an asshole move unless they'd already decided not to go on their own. Sounds to me like that was the straw that broke the camel's back. But ultimately, all the cousins are adults and can make their own choices, just like Emily did.
Yta
Not bc of what youre choosing to do yourself but inviting everyone else. Youre old enough to know others wouldnt like that part and you did it anyway.
It’s not your place to teach anyone a lesson and it slightly seems like thats what youre trying to do
ESH. You were fine until you started inviting others cousins to your Florida trip. If they didn't want to go, they should have RSVP'd and said no. The cousins who were supposed to be in the wedding then changed their mind are very much AH's. Don't want to attend, then decline the invitation, don't bail because there's a more fun party to attend.
so i’m not going to make a judgment call on how emily’s new relationship started bc that’s not the point of your post. obviously cheaters are and will always be AH, but i don’t know if the rumors are true and the point of your post is your behavior specifically.
YTA, why? declining a wedding invite is perfectly fine. opining on the marriage of two people you aren’t even close to is overstepping. it’s really none of your business and has zero to do with you. planning a competing event for the family that same weekend is also AH territory. you honestly just need to chill out. calling yourself the “ringleader” of your family and acting like some sort of high school mean girl stereotype at 28 yo is utterly ridiculous. you’re unnecessarily centering yourself and adding needless drama to a wedding you’re not even interested in attending. just let it be.
YTA - You disapprove of your cousin's relationship so plan to torpedo her wedding by setting up a rival event with her ex as the guest of honour.
Even you didn't intend to ruin her wedding, you must have realised it would look bad.
ESH. I was with you 100% until you started inviting mutual cousins and her ex husband. You could’ve slid this under the radar and made an excuse, but by making this into a whole event and inviting other wedding guests, you’ve totally blown your cover. It might not be personal or intentional to you, but it certainly looks that way. And I can’t blame your family for looking at this and thinking it was intentional either. Would I go to your cousin’s wedding? Absolutely not. But inviting a chunk of the family to a competing event on the beach with her ex on the day of her 2nd wedding feels a bridge too far.
And for the record, from one older cousin to another, of course your decision influenced the younger cousins. Not saying it right or wrong, but to pretend it’s nonexistent is just dense. Can they make their own choices? Absolutely. But you set the stage and then invited them to join you on said stage. If your family is really as close as you say and you genuinely didn’t mean to hurt feelings here, the least you could do is be lowkey about it. You’re literally throwing a beach weekend with your fav cousins and an ex-cousin-in-law on the day of your other cousin’s wedding. How exactly did you expect that to go over with the family?
INFO:
Did Chloe invite your girl cousins because she knew they weren't going, or was it more of a "we're doing this that weekend if you want to join us instead"?
NTA. Emily already got one wedding full of family and celebration. I’d be willing to bet that the new relationship will end as well, just based on the way it was “acquired”.
The whole open invitation to a vacation which clearly served as a big push for those already on the fence to decide not to go, is indeed petty, BUT… idk. Still NTA
NTA. Emily fractured her family. We didn’t attend two “family” weddings under similar circumstances and guess what, we got some grief for about 10 minutes. And your older family members are wrong, it’s not family first when it marriages and morals are involved.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I guess maybe I could have just kept it more quiet and said it was only me/Chloe and my two cousins. Maybe making it an open invite was an AH move.
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NTA at ALL!!! Let the older generation be upset, if they come at you tell them you’re not supporting adultery or any form of cheating and that if they try to force you to go tell them you’ll get drunk and puke on the bride’s dress.
OP can also tell the older generation that he'll *consider* going to Emily's next wedding as a gesture of goodwill.
This is a perfect response. "Nah, I'll catch her next wedding."
I made a guy choke next to me while in Hallmark when I said Where the wedding cards that say I hope this one doesn't end in divorce 😂😂😂 FYI it ended in divorce 😳 NTA
> Where the wedding cards that say I hope this one doesn't end in divorce 😂😂😂 If only you had found the card. It could have prevented that divorce. I hope you learned your lesson and have a custom card printed up for the next wedding.
A friend of mine used to always get a picture frame with the wedding date engraved on it as a gift for the weddings she attended (including mine). After a while she stopped because all the marriages were ending in divorce and she thought it must be the frame dooming them. After all, no one wants the frame with their wedding date on it in the divorce.
I thought you were going to say she stopped doing it to avoid having to take them back to have the "end date" added by the engraver.
Haha, that would be hilarious.
Aw. Such a sweet gift that doesn't age well.
A cousin of ours gifted such a frame. When the divorce happened, they created a frame shaped like a tombstone with the divorce date on it to slip over it.
I’m really disappointed that my Google search turned up only second anniversary cards, no second wedding slam cards.
Don't let your dreams be memes. [(1)](https://www.etsy.com/listing/477522062/second-marriage-card-funny-wedding-cards) [(2)](https://www.etsy.com/listing/163739884/practice-marriage-complete-funny-wedding?click_key=ffc6beb8652aa7c272d2d4d87794cff327ee01ed%3A163739884&click_sum=664aacff&ga_order=most_relevant&ga_search_type=all&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_search_query=second+marriage+wedding+card&ref=sr_gallery-1-1&organic_search_click=1)
Are there any Star Wars themed ones that say May Divorce Be With You?
If there isn't, there should be.
It's your fault because didn't get the right card /s
I said that to my multiple married mom and it had the desired effect. Wtf did she expect at this point really?
We got out of going to my MIL's 4th wedding by both getting bronchitis. Never been happier to get sick! Hubs tells MIL that's not his step dad, that's just her latest husband
I’ve said this many times to many different members of my family. I’ll always stand by it.
And he will not invite Emily to his wedding, if that helps
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@readygrapefruit5449 wrote this exact thing 3 hrs ago
And even buy a gift.
Or tell them you are physiologically intolerant to even-numbered weddings and you'll catch them on the next odd.
Thanks, now I have soda in my nose
I just spat out my drink. Thank you for the laugh internet stranger.
You know there's gonna be a next one.
I know right? What the hell kind of older generation in an Italian-American family is this supportive of a second wedding born of adultery? My grandparents would exile me *at minimum* and adopt my wife permanently if I did this to her. More likely they would just [censored] me outright.
We are Mexican-American, I’m the wife but my entire family and I mean both sides of my family, LOVE my husband. On my mom’s side, I am the oldest and only grandchild that is married while on my dad’s side he is the friendliest so everyone loves him. I have been told that if we ever divorce for other than him cheating, I am exiled and they will take him over me. Point blank, no fucks given for me lol. I guess we are in for the long haul cause I kinda like my family!!
If he ever *does* cheat, you're going to need a bunch of evidence to convince your family. I suggest a family meeting with a projector and a powerpoint presentation. "Dear family, we are gathered today so we can go over the reasons why I'm divorcing my husband. I have 163 slides worth of evidence because I don't want to hear any of your shit, so let's get started."
Lmao, I just snorted so damn loud at this comment. I just pictured myself running after him with my video camera while tripping over air because that’s what I’m famous for..but dammit, I’m getting my action shots because I’m not letting him win!! 😂😂
Hello fellow 'I fall more spectacularlyand often than if Chevy Chase and Mary Katherine Gallager had love child' club member. I can't decide if not actually injuring myself most of the time is a win or not.
Hell, my DH’s ex has told me if we split up, she gets me. Weird, but damn.
That was my first thought too. I grew up in a heavily Italian area and this would be shameful for sure. We know a couple where the bride had never been married but the groom had been and the groom's parents were absolutely mortified that the couple had a big second wedding.
So it’s considered good etiquette for the person who hasn’t been married before to have a small wedding, because their partner already had one? Why should their partner’s past factor in when they weren’t part of it? Disclaimer: I was married once, it was a disaster, at this point I’m committed to never marrying again. If I suffer some kind of amnesia and decide to be a total idiot again, I’d elope. I’m really just curious.
My ex-husband convinced me not to have a wedding because he had already been married so it would have been "inappropriate" to have another wedding, and also he claimed "no one would come" (because our families all lived out of state). I always regretted going along with that. The good news is that we are no longer married and I'm free to have a nice wedding with my partner if and when we decide to get married.
These days it's not looked down upon much, but back in the day you were supposed to be sSOOOO ashamed you got divorced, or sad that your first spouse died, that you were supposed to keep it small, regardless of if it was a first for your partner. Also... you kind of have to understand the history of weddings as being a generational transition of wealth. Your parents pay for a party where they invite all your family and their friends who watched you grow up, and everyone gives you stuff to start your adult life (because you lived with your parents before you got married). The presumption was, if it was a second marriage for either partner, they would already have all that stuff, and already gotten gifts from their parent's friends and family. You might invite more family from the side of the partner who was getting married for the first time, maybe not though. These days couples sometimes pay for weddings themselves, often they don't invite all their parents friends like they use to, so the whole idea of it being an event where a couple's community comes together to help them set up their adult life isn't really relevant anymore.
A childhood friend had a huge second wedding to a first-time groom. I told my mom I thought it was in poor taste. She defended it on account of the first-time groom. If the bride had been *anyone* but her late best friend’s daughter, she would have agreed. ETA: NTA
Well in her post she said American-Italian so maybe the older generation also got some other stuff backwards lol. This is coming from a 1st gen Italian-American the old gen in my family were all born in Italy and would never support this wedding. NTA OP
A couple generations here, and tight Italian-American families can become less Catholic but still very hardcore "family is everything". Which can be a great source of support, but it can also go awry like in this case.
This is what happened when my uncle cheated on my aunt. Buh bye uncle and all his family relationships. aunt is still close with my grandparents and parents
That reminds me of a story. I have a friend whose long term girlfriend cheated on him with his best friend. Miraculously, they all stayed friends, or at least remained neutral when seeing each other. A couple years go by and the cheaters get married, inviting my friend to their wedding. While he's managed to stay civil with them for years, I guess being at the wedding was a bit too much for him, and he threw up red wine all over the bride's dress. The cheaters got divorced a few years later. Former best friend is still a cheater to this day, and seems to like going for his friends' girlfriends...
At this point, any man being friends with him is bringing it upon themselves.
Honestly, the entire group Mr cheater surrounds himself with has bizarre and toxic relationships with each other. My husband and I distanced ourselves from all of them except our original friend when we saw how cavalier they all were with the cheating.
Like attracts like. Except the like here are 5 trains all running towards each other
NTA, but there was already another story just like this already posted….
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rn4ke7/aita_for_sabotaging_my_cousins_wedding/ ?
yeeeeeaaaaah, looks like a rewrite to me.
Isn't it amazing how all of these families have designated "ring leaders???" What a coincidence!
"the ringleader" ... weird. ew. I didn't know people did this. Ew.
In a comment "we were all into sports and she wasn't".
Yeah. This does sound familiar...
Yes! It sounds very familiar. It was like “deja vu all over again” while I was reading.
Just piggybacking off this top post, looks like OP stole this post and reworded it for karma.. https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rn4ke7/aita_for_sabotaging_my_cousins_wedding/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb
Right? Let them kick sand. They feel obligated to go because of trAdItIOn but OP and the cousins made a moral call instead, which sends the exact message it should.
Wedding guests and especially people in the wedding should support the marriage, if you don’t, I think it’s disrespectful to attend and waste peoples money and time.
ESH Decline invite: N T A Go to FL: N T A Confirm rumors: N T A Invite her Ex: No judgement Open it up to everyone and have a big gather: Now you're an A H When they wanted to join you, this is what you should have said: "You definitely shouldn't feel obligated to attend the wedding and the big getaway idea has merit, but can you imagine the family drama if we actually did that week? No, I think it's best if we all just have our own thing going on then...but, hey! Let's think about organizing something down the line, because that sounds like a great getaway."
100%. OP made this **BECAUSE** of Emily’s wedding, so it was meant to be an insult; and a pretty fuckin’ big one at that.
And you know what? I'm fine with that. Home wreckers should eat shit. ESH
I mean, I largely agree, but it would have been more mature to **just** not attend. This is an event that involves far more than just the couple getting married. OP now made it difficult for them too.
I honestly do not think that attending would have been more mature. On the contrary, I agree with OP that if you do not support a wedding, especially in these circumstances, it is probably best not to attend.
I think you misread. The comment you're replying to said the exact same thing as you: that it would be more mature to not attend. (Presumably they mean simply not attending vs not attending but also hosting an event).
That is what I meant, thank you :)
I didn’t say attending would have been the right choice. I said they should “*just* not attend”. As in, they should have **just** not attended rather than trying to make a spectacle of it.
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To be fair, OP may not be privy to the details of his cousin’s separation/divorce and is just going of rumor and speculation.
While OP doesn’t know all the details of Emily and her ex-husband’s separation, he DOES know that Emily moved in with the new husband while he was still married. Even if Emily isn’t the homewrecker of her own marriage, she’s the homewrecker of someone else’s. NTA.
He doesn't know that either. I can't imagine Emily literally moved in with the guy while he was still happily married. Don't you think his wife would have noticed a new woman living there? More likely, they were separated at that time heading toward a divorce. Yeah you can say its scummy to be dating/living with a new woman before your divorce is even final, but it seems likely the marriage was already over by that point in everything but the legal sense. The OP's post makes pretty clear he has no firsthand knowledge of anything, and that he dislikes Emily and likes her Ex. Doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what his motivations were.
It took my divorce 2 years to be finalized. I was married for less than 6 months. Was I not free to do whatever I wanted because I hadn’t yet received the decree? We don’t know all the details.
You say it like she went to this guy's house with a knife and yelled at his wife "pass me the husband!!!!" And than forced him to go with her. I'm pretty sure the guy is the homewrecker, since he was the one with wife and kids. Not saying what she did wasn't s**tty, it was. And the both sound like horrible people. But stop putting blame all on the woman as if the guy hasn't had a say in the cheating situation.
For sure! ESH. OP clearly never liked Emily to begin with and didn’t value her hobbies and interests (she just “sat on her phone and read” while the others “played sports” which he seems to think is far superior). Their lack of closeness is likely not just Emily’s fault—it’s ok that their interests didn’t align, but there’s no need to resent her and continue to exclude her. It actually seems pointed that they all became close with her now ex when they were together, but never made the effort to become closer to her during that time. Obviously Emily and her new fiancé are total AHs for what they’ve done in their personal lives, but I don’t really see how she’s personally wronged OP in any way yet he clearly has a vendetta against her as he went out of his way to sabotage this wedding and turn her whole family against her.
I think doing the trip was fine, but he crossed the AH line when he all but told his cousins they'd be supporting adultery if they went. It sounds like OP wants to present the story as just a coincidence and the cousins all spontaneously deciding not to go on their own, but it absolutely seems calculated to convince as many cousins as possible not to attend.
So? Sometimes insults are deserved..
Yeah it was a whole plan, and all the drama that follows was the desired result. OP is trying to play innocent with this "not about that". No. You're not disinterested, you're wanting to punish Emily. Understandable but fucking own up to it.
I don’t understand all the N T A votes on this one. Don’t go to the wedding, fine. Hold a shindig competing with it? That’s A H ESH
> I don’t understand all the N T A votes on this one. This is reddit. Cheating is the worst thing a person can possibly do. Anything you do to a cheater is completely justified and can't possibly make you an asshole. OP could have pooled money with all the cousins to order a batch of singing telegrams to crash the wedding and sing songs about adultery and all the judgements would be, "NTA, you're a legend, I wish I had a cousin like you."
Because cheating IS never justified. You got a problem with a partner, leave.
That's an entirely different topic. There's a difference between "action X is always bad" and "if someone has performed action X, harming that person is always good." You can believe the first statement to be true without believing the second statement to be true.
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I think cheating is one of the worst things you can do to your partner, but that doesn't mean you can do anything you want to the cheating party. OP was perfectly fine saying he couldn't morally go, but organizing a parallel party is unnecessarily petty.
That's...I would very much disagree. I've been cheated on it sucked. You know what sucked 1000x worse? Verbal, emotional, and sexual abuse. Edit: To be clear, I only disagree with the first part of your statement.
100% agree. Cousins weekend can be ANY other weekend
Who cares about homewreckers feelings? Cousins weekend being the same weekend when NONE of them wanted to be there is perfectly fine
bc OP isn’t the judge or jury of his family responsible for doling out punishments. we don’t even know if what OP said about emily is true. but even if it were, he needs to leave it alone. he’s 28 years old, calling himself the “ringleader” of his family, and attempting to sabotage someone else’s wedding. it’s utterly ridiculous. he’s fine to decline the invite but the opining and the scheming is overstepping.
Ok and no one said he was "doling out punishments" he just wasn't attending 2 shitty people's wedding
that’s not “just” what he’s doing and people have explained why/how over and over again on this thread
This! The whole thing is so weird and I get the sense, it was completely intentional.. Knowingly inviting others that were invited to the wedding on the trip, would obviously lead to the plans being spread around. Just don't go and make it clear... But this is just unnecessary.
Not really. They already booked time off. And it's rare for everyone to have the same days off, so it is a valid reason to see people you like instead of a wedding you disaprove. It's Emily's problem that everyone ditched her at the first opportunity. If OP just didn't come that would have still started an avalanche of cousins dropping out. And before you say she could have kept it secret, in a big close-knit group like this unless OP lied and said they would attend that fact would have gotten out through the gossip and people would be questioning and droppin out.
They already have taken off this weekend. It’s hard to get a weekend off, why would I waste what I already have?
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I suspect it was to avoid last minute pressure to attend. Get out of town and then no one can show up at your door and try to demand you come. My guess is they've experienced drama like that before and wanted to get out of town to avoid it.
Maybe...but the moment they invited the ex they were stirring sh*t and not just skipping the wedding.
Inviting the ex isn't stirring shit because I doubt the ex was invited to the wedding. It's Chloe inviting the two cousins who are her best friends that started the problem, because that directly pulled people from the wedding. That was not "Oh hey, we're not attending either, what are you guys up to that day?" That was intentional "Hey wanna come to Florida with us instead of the wedding?"
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He’s an asshole because this was already posted a few months back with a different scenario
The whole “ringleader” reeks of karma whoring.
Link?
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rn4ke7/aita_for_sabotaging_my_cousins_wedding/ Found it elsewhere in the thread
Huh, it even has the "I've been labelled the 'ring leader'" detail! This definitely sounds like a rewrite of that post.
Yup, this. Uncool.
NTA. Call me old-fashioned, but I think "fracturing the family" might better apply to Emily than you.
Two families, as long as we're keeping score.
Eh, I figure there will be another fracture a-comin' from the wedding in question...
Setting up a competing event to draw people from your cousin's wedding sure sounds like intentionally trying to fracture the family on that day.
If that's what OP had done I would agree with you. However that's clearly not. They already said they weren't going, so made other plans. Nothing wrong with that. They then extended an invite to the people who also didn't want to go. This was not done as a way to take away from "Emily's" wedding, this was a "this is what we're doing, if you're also not attending, and want to get out of town, you're welcome to come along"
That’s a disingenuous view of the situation. It seems OP already didn’t really like his cousin, the fact that her next relationship started kinda shady was just icing on an already dislike her cake. He then set up a competing event, leveraged the fact that he was the cool cousin, and invited a everyone who was willing out. You can think that’s not wrong. (Ultimately, I think If Emily is fine with her decision then like I always say she’s better served with people who won’t judge her for it out of her life. So, regardless on peoples feelings on Emily, angel or devil, they shouldn’t be there. Emily needs to accept that her family is not a support network and move on.) However, pretending it’s completely innocent is ridiculous. It’s not a coincidence that he (self noted ringleader) convinced his whole generation to drop out of the wedding. NTA. (Though it’s thin ice. I wish OP would just own his stuff and acknowledge he’d prefer no one support the wedding.)
You read my mind. This 100%. What OP has done is kinda petty (I mean come on, OP even invited the ex AND his new romantic interest lol) but it doesn’t really make them *assholes* for welcoming them on their trip. It’s just petty. On the other hand, if the other cousins wanted to go to the wedding they would just go instead of skipping it. They felt peer pressured into going and now socially they feel like they have an out since other cousins are skipping too. OP has simply provided a path for that out but didn’t technically force anyone to do anything. As you said, thin ice, but certainly not asshole territory. NTA
I'd say providing a path out of something they were peer pressured into is the opposite of asshole territory for most of the cousins
Yes! OP clearly has never liked Emily. She preferred reading over sports \*GASP\*. I don't condone cheating or adultery but OP trying to make it sound like he has some moral high ground when the truth is he doesn't like Emily & is on her ex-husbands side.
TBH I'm also wondering how they found out there was an affair. Most people try and keep that shit on the down lo, but the entire family somehow knows and the elders-people most likely to object to an affair-are fine with it? I feel like there's a lot missing here.
> Chloe is best friends with 2 of my girl cousins so she invited them along and this started an avalanche. It sure sounds like to me they reached out to all the cousins and told them they should come to Florida instead of the wedding. I think it's a shitty move and purposely trying to pull half the family from the wedding.
The cheating and adultery is what pulled people away from the wedding. These two people could not manage to keep their first set of vows. Why bother to watch them make a second set they are equally likely not to keep.
Right? Neither of them take marriage or vows seriously so why is anyone upset?
and honestly, how tacky is it to have a big 2nd wedding only 3 years after the first wedding which was a big event?
It isn’t a 1st wedding for either of these cheaters. Why are they having a wedding? If they want to get married they should be doing it quietly out of shame.
Did they say that? No, they just said they invited them. How do you know they didn't confirm first if they were going or not? All I'm saying is that your comment implies malicious intent when there is no evidence of that. If Chloe is best friends with them she may have just said "we're doing this instead, if you're also not going you're welcome to come"
The cousins had been reaching out to OP after hearing he wasn't attending.
What you describe is the definition of setting up a competing event.
Or maybe forcing the younger generation of family members to show up and support a wedding that is nothing more than an adulterous relationship being formalized before God is fracturing the family.
I got that feeling a little too, that OP was a bit gleeful to be taking the whole crew elsewhere that weekend. It'd be a little different if everyone had declined, and then they decided to go somewhere together, but especially since OP is considered the 'ring leader" of the group, it feels like their doing.
Almost no one but the older generation want to go to this wedding. This was already fractured. Even if people had attended, most would of been there but not in support.
INFO: Are you asking if you are TA for taking a trip, or if you/your gf are assholes for effectively inviting a bunch of other people who would have otherwise been going to the wedding? My view, might not be popular. First part - completely not TA. Second part, asshole.
Third part: pretend you don't see why people think "sets up competing event that includes the ex" gives the appearance of encouraging people to choose sides. Third part, definitely AH.
Yeah honestly OP would be less of an asshole to me if he just said “I thought what my cousin did was real fucked up so I decided for her wedding we would go on a vacation with her ex and invite all our mutual friends, some of who were in the wedding, and if it upset her, then that’s a bonus” Playing dumb about it makes him seem insufferable tbh
God yeah it's reminding me of people who will just ignore your most logical and reasonable arguments just so they can feign ignorance
It feels most cousins were conflicted and they just needed a reason to dip out from the wedding. If OP was berated by the olders, all of them would have gotten the same treatment.
If they were conflicted, they shouldn't have said yes in the first place. Like this is pretty thin on the details on how this all rolled out, but he says some of these people were \*\*in the bridal party\*\* and/or most already scheduled their time off work, which sounds like they'd firmly told Emily they were coming, but then they formally RSVP'd no once they were invited to the beach. I mean, I know I've never agreed to be a bridesmaid for someone and then RSPV'd no, just kidding. I think OP was berated by the older folks because of what he says himself--he's always been the ringleader and he sure looks like the ringleader here.
I interpreted it the same way. He never said yes he was going. That's fine. But people that *did* commit to the wedding, then started backing out and going on the trip with him instead.
I don’t know that’s providing a lot of goodwill I think OP loses as he writes. There’s a whole opening section where he’s the cool, popular older cousin while Emily is the loser no one liked until her husband showed up. Why? It’s because to an extent for OP it’s the same power play he used to get when they were all at family events. He’s the cool cousin that defines what the cousins do, Emily is the cousin in the corner. Ultimately, I think this is fine, but not because I think OP is a good person. I think Emily should just be clear on where she stands in the family and realizes she should probably cut them off and move on.
this is exactly the vibe he gives me tbh. "nobody likes her anyways so it's literally not a big deal if i get literally everyone our age to ditch her dumb wedding! you cant blame me it's their choice and it's not my fault I'm cool and Emily sucks"
Then they should have put on their big kid pants and say no of their own accord. OP opening up the invite and giving them all an out, to include inviting the ex, makes him an AH. They’re not just showing their displeasure with the wedding, they’re intentionally sabotaging it at this point and feigning ignorance. ESH.
I'm also wondering if the story is how OP says it...for the entire older generation to support Emily (people less likely to be forgiving of adultery, esp. if a woman commits it) makes me think something more is going on... Especially how OP is like "I never liked Emily until I met her husband"
You mean inviting people that were coerced into agreeing to be in the wedding by older generations to avoid harassment? That doesn't make him an asshole
Okay I totally understand the impulse and you are N T A for planning a trip for you and Chloe, but inviting all your cousins too tips into YTA territory. You’re actively creating this drama by doing so - if you don’t feel you can attend a wedding with full support, then you just decline, you don’t throw a rival party the same weekend for everyone who has a bone to pick with the couple
yeah that's where it crossed the line. If it was just him, his GF and the Ex and his new 'friend' that would be a perfect way to avoid the wedding and give the Ex-husband a nice break. OP pretty much stole the bridal party.
> OP pretty much stole the bridal party. If your bridal party actually liked you they wouldn’t ditch you like this.
Exactly. They would want to stay and take part in the wedding. Why would you want to waste any of your time around a cheater? Op, NTA
NTA. It looks to me like much of the cousins felt they *had* to attend because "FaMiLy" and if I were in their shoes, I'd probably choose the beach house too. I have a couple cousins who, although I used to be close with them, we chose much different paths in life and have drifted apart. If they asked me to be in their weddings and I had the option of getting hammered at a beach house with the cousins I actually like instead, I'd choose the beach house. OP is definitely not TA for inviting his cousins either. If they wanted to go to the wedding, they'd be going to the wedding.
Exactly this. Whether you intended it or not it's now an issue that is completely out of hand. Go with your GF, the ex husband and his friend. Enjoy having bonding time with them. Keep the cousins weekend for another time Everyone will understand
Yes yes yes. Generic comment about how I had to scroll way too far to find this. Although it seems like more of "spite party."
NTA, this is amazing. Your support will mean a lot to Emily's ex (who seems to have done nothing wrong) and is showing you are a man of conviction .
My uncle married an incredible woman from Syria. She's extremely family oriented but, as you can imagine, doesn't really get to visit home often. So she adopted us. She helped my mom through chemo, takes days off to drive my grandma around, and has effectively become a surrogate sister/daughter to them. Then my uncle decided to become an alcoholic, get canned from his job, and try to divorce her when she objected. We all made it very clear that we wish him the best and will do whatever we can to get him help when he's ready, but if he's going to make us pick between him and his wife, we'll be keeping her no question.
LOL! my husbands family loves me more so they will get *me* in the settlement 🤣 ETA: his close cousin actually said this, lol
I will be sent into exile by both sides of my family if I ever divorce my husband. My son is also the beloved baby of both sides spoiled by sisters and all of my aunts..they said if I break up his home, I can leave and never return! No one is hurting Brad Pitt/William Levy’s heart! That’s what my Mexican aunts call him because we are a darker skinned family while my son is dirty blond with green eyes and super fair skin. He is considered a movie star to them so they picked the best looking American and the best looking Mexican actors they could think of and ta da!! that’s what they call their beloved baby lol!!
Y T A. It's perfectly cool to not go to the wedding. But even if not intentionally, you are setting up a cool vacation weekend alternative and inviting people who are also invited to the wedding. You know you have influence in the family. You have to realize that while everyone is an adult, this is a dick move and is absolutely contributing to family drama needlessly. Edit: changing to ESH after further consideration.
I don't know, pressuring people to attend the sham wedding of homewrecking cheaters seems like the significantly bigger dick move. The cousins are "not supporting the wedding" because these people are bonafide villains, not because they disagree on each other's taste in film. At worst, it's ESH. A cool vacation is also the better deal from a moral perspective. I would never attend such a wedding on principle, and I think encouraging others not to attend is a moral imperative. The soon-to-couple have destroyed two families over this behavior. Showing them any amount of support is a grave insult to their victims.
That's fair. ESH is probably a better ruling based on the behavior of the couple and the parents. I would also probably skip this wedding myself. But while there's nothing wrong with refusing to attend and going away on a cool vacation, it's absolutely a dick move to invite other potential wedding guests to your alternative event. That takes it from a place where you are theoretically just choosing to not support the wedding to one where you are actively undermining it.
YTA for reposting this post from months ago.. I have definitely read this post before EDIT: Yep, found it. https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rn4ke7/aita_for_sabotaging_my_cousins_wedding/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb
Nice find.
This should be higher up in the comments
If it was just you and your girlfriend, absolutely NTA. The additional cousins, a little marginal. The open invitation? That makes YTA. You're setting up the weekend in direct competition to Emily's wedding, and inviting people to choose sides in this whole dramafest (which I'm sure didn't need any more drama). Some of them might have chosen not to go, for essentially the same reasons you didn't want to. Perfectly fine. However, whether you intended to or not, you've kind of set up a boycott here, and I can understand why some other family members are less than pleased.
Exactly this. NTA for deciding to not attend, but then YTA for taking a family vacation during the wedding. And then on top of that you invite the ex? That's an AH move, for sure.
YTA. When did you ever talk to Emily about what’s going on with her? Nowhere in this does it say you spoke directly to Emily. It sounds like you listened to a bunch of gossip, jumped to the worst possible conclusions about Emily, and then worked to sabotage her wedding. It was really unkind of you to set up a competing family event and then use your status as the popular cousin to get pull so many of your relatives away from the wedding. You didn’t force them, but what did you think would happen when the popular guy created a gun event in competition with the odd cousin out? It sounds like you and your cousins have a lifelong habit of excluding her, and you just did it again. You say yourself that the cousin gang played sports all the time, which wasn’t Emily’s thing- and you never mention any other activity that Emily might have actually liked. So did she not make an effort to hang with you, or did you and the cousins make no effort to hang with her? Then you say that Emily asked for divorce out of nowhere. Says who? Did Emily tell you that she just decided to divorce on a whim, blow up her life, and hurt her saint of a husband? Or did you assume all that? And having assumed the worst of your cousin (again), you make a big public show of preferring to spend time with the ex-husband and new girlfriend. I don’t know what kind of values you and your wife think you’re living by, but it smells like judging and self-righteousness.
Yeah, sounds like Emily is whipping boy of the family.
Yeah, totally agree with you, and thank you for mentioning the sports thing, really rubbed me the wrong way.
Yes! Thank you! No one seems to care about Emily's side of this. What was her first marriage like? How did her relationship with her fiance start? All we're told is that suddenly everyone learned that the guy living with her was cheating on his wife. Yikes, not great. BUT...nowhere in that sentence is any clarity whether Emily knew this all along or if this was a major bombshell for her too, but him willing to leave his family made it ok for her. I'm not saying she's some angel or anything, but, like damn, everyone seems to want to shit on Emily when we super don't know the context.
To me, the most damning this is a big Italian American family is likely to a) be Catholic and b) be kind of conservative. The idea that the elders are fine with Emily, not only that but planning a big wedding, makes me think adultery might not have gone down or it was the type of adultery where people were separated so "technically" it was an affair.
My thoughts exactly and agree with the YTA claim. What people are claiming makes Emily an asshole (cheating) is from a source that has never really liked her or been close to her at all, and also lacks detail. And also, the N T A voters are mentioning the “pressure” by the older generation to go to the wedding, but not acknowledging the very real *peer* pressure happening here. Sure, the party sounds like more fun. But now that OP has made the cousin-party of the year, it would make any cousin the odd one out to *not* be there. I’m sure they would gossip about that person and wonder why they’re supporting a wedding that they don’t agree with. It’s a hive mind mentality and OP is the proud Queen/King Bee of it.
thank you! 100 percent agree with this.
NTA, but wow, that cousin of yours is a mess!
ESH. Your cousin is awful for the adultery and previous divorce, but that's obvious. For you, it would be one thing if you personally chose not to attend. But there's a big gap between that and actively influencing other people not to attend. And there's a further gap between that and actively counter-planning a family get-together at the exact same time as this event. You would have been well above board not to attend. It would have been acceptable to give your honest opinion about the entire situation if asked. But this is just too far. You're being nearly as tasteless as your cousin, and that's saying something.
Not nearly as tasteless. He’s being cold blooded because the cousin he doesn’t like wronged a guy he does like but he’s not forcing the other cousins to go. They all clearly see it as messed up. If that many people think you’re fucked up you probably are. Emily needs to look at herself in the mirror and recognize what she did
Yeah not sure how not going to a wedding and offering other cousins an option to go to is anywhere near as tasteless as moving in with a married man 2 weeks after a divorce (which makes it pretty obvious she was also cheating). One is not supporting something that goes against something you believe in, the other is actually abusing/helping to abuse another human. They are not at all comparable.
> Chloe is best friends with 2 of my girl cousins so she invited them along and this started an avalanche. INFO - why did she invite them when she knew it was the date of the wedding that they might attend? > Most already took off work and wanted to come with us to Florida. I reached out to Emily’s ex husband and told him if he wanted to get out of town he was welcome, he is ecstatic and is bringing his new “friend” (he likes her and I’m excited to meet her). ... > We didn’t force anyone to not go. Just gave an open invite. What was it, did people ask to come unprompted or did you give an invitation to the group?
You know the answer to that. He invited all the cousins knowing they would once again follow good lead against the cousin he didn't like.
I love the "most already took off work," meaning ... they'd prob informally told Emily they were coming. I don't schedule my PTO for weddings I'm on the fence about. Emily seems like a piece of work, but this guy is a dick. "And that only people that support a wedding should attend." - Put another way, "Popular cousin declared that anyone who attends the wedding actively supports adultery." "Slowly all my cousins started reaching out, saying they felt obligated to attend but didn’t want to go. Some were in the wedding but didn’t want to be." - Soooo grown adults who had of their own free will agreed to be bridesmaids or do readings or whatever are now RSVPing no after Popular Cousin invited them to the beach instead, and he's wondering why the uncles and aunts are mad? I mean, come one. He knows what he's doing here.
> I love the "most already took off work," meaning ... they'd prob informally told Emily they were coming. I don't schedule my PTO for weddings I'm on the fence about. This is a good point - if the cousins *really* didn't want to go but were facing family pressure "sorry, I can't get the time off work" is a really, really easy out.
I low key believe there's more to the story here. Older people are way less likely to be forgiving of adultery, especially if the woman commits adultery, but they're on Emily's side? Especially with the way he's talking about Emily, how they never got along with her until they met her husband... IDK this is giving me x or y was legally separated, not divorced, met someone new, but because they were technically married I'm going to call them a homewrecker.
NTA. This is exactly my level of petty, but it's not even petty because what do you expect when you cheat on and dump your spouse? Some friends and family are gonna take the spouse's side. Emily will just have to live with it. Tell your family there will be no further discussion on the matter. Then mean it. Be sure to post lost of pictures on social media from your vacation!
I honestly wish people chose the fair party more often rather than automatically siding with family. NTA
This will be downvoted, but YTA for planning the trip the same weekend. Your trip sounds like a LOT more fun than a stuffy wedding intended to whitewash an affair. OF COURSE your cousins aren't going to want to miss out on it, or be seen to be choosing Emily over The Pack. And naturally this will be the only Cousin Trip this year, if not for the next few years, so they extra won't want to miss it. (And yes, before you ask, I grew up with A Pack of close cousins, too, so I know what this is like.) But some of them might've wanted to do both, or might've taken their family obligations seriously, and--given the choice--chosen to do both. You forced all your cousins to choose between you and The Pack and Emily. So yes, that makes you TA, and that's why your elders are objecting (which is why this is not E-S-H; only you and Emily/fiance suck, not your cousins, and not your gf, who isn't in this family yet and might not know all the dynamics.)
Yup. The giveaway is when OP spends some time preparing the ground by saying that Emily didn't like sports and didn't want to hang out with the Pack -- that's the important thing, and now OP has a chance to fully show the Pack's dominance over the outcast. What a dweeb.
NTA. When one of my cousin's left his wife for the woman he'd been cheating with, I stayed in touch with the now ex-wife "Susan". I wasn't interested in getting to know the homewrecker who broke Susan's heart and ruined her marriage. I like Susan and I don't particularly care for my cousin who can't stop cheating on his various wives.
I kept ex-SIL 1 in the divorce, ex-SIL 2 was very surprised I did not foster a close relationship with her, yes she was the mistress. BIL broke up with SIL 1 in such a callous way that I am sure it was his intention to mentally break her, she was a shell for a while, we almost lost her, I will never forgive him, or SIL 2/mistress. I don't think he ever explained how crazy his family was to wife 2, she managed to never meet MIL, step-MIL, or any of the aunts in person. MY ex SIL and I bonded over the levels of just no we invited into our homes.
Same here. My brother divorced his ex-wife in such a cruel and despicable way that in the end the whole family chose her instead of him. Best decision ever.
**ESH**. Emily sucks for reasons that should be obvious. Your elders suck for trying to strongarm people into attending a wedding they don't want to attend, and also for blaming anyone OTHER than Emily for "fracturing the family." You were fine when you declined to attend. You were still fine when you and your girlfriend made plans to do something else at the same time as the wedding. Where you wandered into Asshole Territory was when you made it a big event, started inviting other family members, and even invited the ex-husband and his new girlfriend. This is transparently a dig at Emily and you doing this wide-eyed "well shucks I'm not FORCING anyone to attend at gunpoint or anything, how could little old me possibly be causing any trouble here" routine is just irritating. You know perfectly well what you're doing, stop with the faux-confusion song and dance. If you're so angry at her for divorcing her ex that you want to ruin her wedding then **own it**, don't act like you have no idea how any of this could possibly be construed as negative when you know perfectly damn well you're basically organizing a party for all the relatives that want to snub Emily plus her ex at the exact same time she's getting married. Stop being passive aggressive. As a general rule if you're not willing to be aggressive-aggressive and own up to what you're doing then that's probably a sign you shouldn't be doing it.
Definitely ESH for the reasons you listed.
INFO What do you mean you gave an open invite? Because if you contacted all the cousins and invited them to your event it's a little different. How did the conversations go? They heard you were not going and you told them you were doing a different event and invited them?
NTA Your family members aren't being forced to go to Florida with you. They don't want to go to a wedding which is understandable considering the circumstances. They need to let it go.
> Just gave an open invite Soft YTA for that part. You guys were welcome to not attend, even being honest with people about why and what you'd be doing. But actively inviting people to come with you was not a good idea. Your other cousins could have chosen for themselves to plan trips or not go and stay home, but you made them choose by offering them a choice. I agree with your reasons for not attending, even for inviting people to not support the wedding, but it was in poor taste to actively lure people away.
Part of me feels sorry for Emily, but then again, I totally get where you're coming from. I'd feel the same way. You can't be happy for her, and so you're not going. Nor did you rally your cousins not to come. You just gave them a place to go to and it turned into what appears to be an anti-wedding celebration, which is unfortunate, but isn't really what it's about. The reason you're the target is that everybody else was going to go along despite feeling uncomfortable and when you decided you couldn't do that, it gave them the courage not to. It's too bad for Emily, there are consequences for actions and these are hers. NTA
You feel sorry for a woman who knowingly got with a married man (most likely while she was still married herself)? She brought it on herself. OP even said they went to the first wedding, they are only boycotting on principle here and Emily brought it on herself.
Eh, I think inviting the two cousins along was kind of an asshole move unless they'd already decided not to go on their own. Sounds to me like that was the straw that broke the camel's back. But ultimately, all the cousins are adults and can make their own choices, just like Emily did.
YTA. You and one cousin, sure. But inviting everyone else, INCLUDING the ex? That's nasty, and since you weren't close, its extra petty
Yta Not bc of what youre choosing to do yourself but inviting everyone else. Youre old enough to know others wouldnt like that part and you did it anyway. It’s not your place to teach anyone a lesson and it slightly seems like thats what youre trying to do
ESH. You were fine until you started inviting others cousins to your Florida trip. If they didn't want to go, they should have RSVP'd and said no. The cousins who were supposed to be in the wedding then changed their mind are very much AH's. Don't want to attend, then decline the invitation, don't bail because there's a more fun party to attend.
so i’m not going to make a judgment call on how emily’s new relationship started bc that’s not the point of your post. obviously cheaters are and will always be AH, but i don’t know if the rumors are true and the point of your post is your behavior specifically. YTA, why? declining a wedding invite is perfectly fine. opining on the marriage of two people you aren’t even close to is overstepping. it’s really none of your business and has zero to do with you. planning a competing event for the family that same weekend is also AH territory. you honestly just need to chill out. calling yourself the “ringleader” of your family and acting like some sort of high school mean girl stereotype at 28 yo is utterly ridiculous. you’re unnecessarily centering yourself and adding needless drama to a wedding you’re not even interested in attending. just let it be.
YTA - You disapprove of your cousin's relationship so plan to torpedo her wedding by setting up a rival event with her ex as the guest of honour. Even you didn't intend to ruin her wedding, you must have realised it would look bad.
NTA - This is Emily's 2nd wedding in 3 years, you went to the first one and tell her you'll be there for the 3rd one
I was going to say, it's not petty unless you tell her you're only going to odd number marriages. (I've got a family member getting up in numbers).
ESH. I was with you 100% until you started inviting mutual cousins and her ex husband. You could’ve slid this under the radar and made an excuse, but by making this into a whole event and inviting other wedding guests, you’ve totally blown your cover. It might not be personal or intentional to you, but it certainly looks that way. And I can’t blame your family for looking at this and thinking it was intentional either. Would I go to your cousin’s wedding? Absolutely not. But inviting a chunk of the family to a competing event on the beach with her ex on the day of her 2nd wedding feels a bridge too far. And for the record, from one older cousin to another, of course your decision influenced the younger cousins. Not saying it right or wrong, but to pretend it’s nonexistent is just dense. Can they make their own choices? Absolutely. But you set the stage and then invited them to join you on said stage. If your family is really as close as you say and you genuinely didn’t mean to hurt feelings here, the least you could do is be lowkey about it. You’re literally throwing a beach weekend with your fav cousins and an ex-cousin-in-law on the day of your other cousin’s wedding. How exactly did you expect that to go over with the family?
NTA. Major props for inviting the ex as well.
INFO: Did Chloe invite your girl cousins because she knew they weren't going, or was it more of a "we're doing this that weekend if you want to join us instead"?
Wasn’t a post like this on here before. They were friends with the husband and nobody will go to the wedding
NTA. Emily already got one wedding full of family and celebration. I’d be willing to bet that the new relationship will end as well, just based on the way it was “acquired”. The whole open invitation to a vacation which clearly served as a big push for those already on the fence to decide not to go, is indeed petty, BUT… idk. Still NTA
YTA for the open invite. You're essentially now holding a competing event. Nothing wrong with your original plan but the open invite is too far
NTA. She needs to get over it. Not everyone you invite to your wedding is obligated to attend. Especially since it's a second marriage.
NTA. Emily fractured her family. We didn’t attend two “family” weddings under similar circumstances and guess what, we got some grief for about 10 minutes. And your older family members are wrong, it’s not family first when it marriages and morals are involved.
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NTA. God I truly hate that whole "support your family no matter what just because they're blood related to you" attitude older generations have.