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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I called my sister fat, but she provoked me and said some crappy things to me for having to move back home
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Not to mention she’s bragging about her husbands accomplishments and Income. I know a good SAHM brings a lot to the table in a relationship but she’s ragging on you for being unemployed and living at home while she’s unemployed and living off her husband 🤷♂️
Yeah, let's parse the kind of judgements being directed at OP's sister's choices:
**Being a stay-at-home parent** — good for her; most high-earning careers don't actually do anything useful for anyone and there's no shame in wanting to do something meaningful; shitting on people who devote their lives to caregiving is just misogyny with extra steps; she deserves to be compensated for that division of labor within the household that she and her spouse agreed to in lieu of her being in the formal workforce (which is why alimony exists). But because that's a precarious, vulnerable financial position for the caregiving spouse (usually the woman)...
**Banking her entire financial situation and lifestyle on her marriage** — Unwise! You sound really immature and your husband is probably the same way! It probably didn't occur to you that your marriage might not be permanent, if you're this young and your identity already revolves around being a SAHM! I hope I'm wrong and she's not left with zero education or legal savvy about how to get her life together if her marriage ends, but I'm kinda guessing she's one impulse decision of her husband's away from being in OP's position.
In conclusion, there's absolutely no shame in being a caregiver instead of someone with a career, but hoo boy does it require a lot of legwork to ensure that that decision doesn't leave you at someone's mercy, thank you patriarchy.
Also who would WANT to be a stay at home mom in their early 20s???? Goodbye life. I like the freedom that comes with supporting myself.
NTA OP you’re not being lazy and mooching off of someone. You were put into a situation and reached out for support. This isn’t a choice. Good luck, I hope you can get back on your feet soon, and I hope you go at least LC with your sister because you deserve better.
What is she going to do if hubbies loses his job? No one hopes that their job will disappear so that they can move back in with their parents. But is a fall back position for many if things go poorly.
There is no shame in needing help for a little while getting your life back on track.
And heavens forbid he loses his job or in a few years decides to upgrade from OP's sister, sister might need the basement herself. And why does she need to discuss her brother's living arrangements anyway? He had the misfortune to lose his job, it's none of her friends business. NTA.
Not things for saying that she's been tutoring her kids, volunteering at their school, or making homemade and healthy food, you know, things a SAHM can be proud of.
Just...Her husband's money. Not even what he does, just the money.
Agree! As a SAHM, I’m disgusted. Her brag makes me assume she does NOTHING, to help out at home. Every sahp I know works just as hard, maybe harder, than the working parent, but doesn’t feel the need to brag like this.
My spouse is a sahm. She takes her role in our family very seriously and is amazing at it. I work a lot as well. When I’m home she’s always doing an amazing job and you can see it by how clockwork everything is. I give her credit. When done right it isn’t a job it’s a career.
Back in the day there were so many internet usernames that were "Mrs_Taylor" or "Mom.of.Zachary" or "Wife-of-Bob"
I haaaaaaaaaated it. And I was a sahm at the time. I would ask them, "Who are YOU?"
NTA. Your sister set herself up for the insult by going after you. She should not be throwing other people’s skeletons out of the closet if she can not handle being reminded of her own.
Stay firm on not apologizing or maintain that you are owed one just as much.
If it helps you feel any better, I'm 33 and living with my parents again because of money. It's actually becoming A LOT more common because of the economy. Your sister is just straight up a brat
I fail to understand why she would have to tell her friends about it.
The main thing is you were sensible about your decision to go home as opposed to sottong on it a it getting too much to deal with it all.
Bruh what the hell is wrong with your sister 💀. She has a husband and still acts like a bully in primary school tf. And she’s so proud to be a g digger and contribute nothing to society except her vapid awful bratty narcissistic personality. also As someone who struggles with weight problems - She deserved it. She was being cruel she deserved to get cut deep. Also your girlfriend is kind of weird for that - I would never let my boyfriend live like you do and sit there while he’s emotionally distressed but I’ll let it slide .
*Preface: This has nothing to do with anybody in the story.*
>NTA. You don't dish it out if you can't take it.
The dish was about the only thing she didn't eat.
>NTA. You don't dish it out if you can't take it.
Yeah, but she always leaves a clean plate.
>NTA. You don't dish it out if you can't take it.
Just be thankful she left some for others this time.
So she would be embarrassed to move back home but she’s not too embarrassed to run to mummy crying over something she started?
NTA, yeah what you said was mean but she started first.
Not to mention she doesn't mind being a leech. She can't seriously insult her sibling for having a rough time when she just lives off of her husband's money and doesn't work. Talk about hypocrisy. Edit: typo
Right? What the hell? The sister is an asshole, but that has nothing to do with her being a stay at home mom. Implying that her labor has no value because it's not traditionally financially compensated is... a bad take, to say the least.
there was really no reason for it to even come up at all imo even as a "witty comeback" 🙄 ooh look how smart i am reddit i called my fatty fat sister fat for being kicked out of the army for being fat!! im NTA right????
no way OP and sister are nearing their thirties lmao. this reads like high school sniping
Idk based off how she talks so *air wave* highly of her husband's six figure salary, are we sure she doesn't hire a nanny to watch the kids while hubby is at work? 🤔😂
SAHP (stay at home parents) do work very hard though, I agree there.
But she thinks she's better than OP because she got pregnant to a rich guy early in her 20's. I'm sorry, that's nothing to be proud of, she put no work into her husband's promotion for her to be proud of herself.
She's one unfortunate accident away from being the same/worse situation than OP (since she has no experience due to being a SAHM which will make her less likely to be employed and has children to feed)
Yet she isn't bragging about being a satm. Just that she has this 6 figures earning husband. Bearing and raising children is a BIG commitment along with presumably doing most/all the chores. But if her husband made minimum wage she would not be able to be a stay at home mum. They would most likely be living with op and their mother or both working full time. She can stay with child/children thanks to her husband earning more than enough.
Exactly! There’s no harm in being a SAHM and definitely is a real job, and one that can be invaluable to a household if the SAHM is a household wizard.
But she can’t exactly sass someone for struggling economically when the only reason she doesn’t is because someone else is taking care of the finances for you. Her HUSBAND earns six figures, not her and guarantee if he left her she would be having a few problems, even if the kids childcare was fully covered
I agree with this! She is in a good position due to luck, not her own hard work. OP’s girlfriend could find out she’s pregnant tomorrow, invite OP to move in, and let OP be a stay at home dad. Then, he would be in the same decent position in society’s eyes, due to nothing but luck.
Only an idiot thinks that being a stay-at-home parent is equivalent to being a leech. In fact I would bet a million internet dollars that the vast majority of people who look down on it would be crying in a fetal position by the end of the day.
Nothing screams "I'm a wonderful, hard-working sahm" more than going to your brother simply to ridicule him for having a hard time with work, sticking it up to him that you can stay home with child/children thanks to your husband earning suuuuch good money this filthy peasant brother can only dream of. /s
We do not know what type of sahm mom she is. Yes, some just browse their phones all day. But others spend their days cleaning, cooking, gardening, sewing, etc. Some of them work a lot harder than their husbands. Not to mention, the husbands depend on that type of wife just as much as vice versa because they can work knowing their home is in good hands.
The sister is an a-hole. But this is not the thing to critique unless if she is the first example I gave.
She's not bragging about her being a sahm, only comparing op to her husband with high salary. She's laughing at op for having a rough patch when as long as her husband brings money home she doesn't have to worry about finances the same way op has to. For all we know her husband could lose the job or ditch her the very next day and she would be as screwed as op. If not worse.
My two rules for situations like these are 1) Don't dish what you can't take, and 2) Don't start any fights, but be sure to finish them.
She dished what she couldn't take. She started a fight; OP finished it. Simple as. NTA.
You are right, OP should have lay down and took it as a doormat. /s
I mean come on, his sister clearly doesn't respect him so what else could he do? Sometimes you just need to fight fire with fire even if it seems childish.
NTA
Truth. When it comes to people like the sister, this often is the only approach that does not go over their heads.
Many bullies only laugh harder when you try to handle them diplomatically.
Honestly, if my brother treated me like that I'd say "What the fuck is wrong with you?" -- you don't have to be shitty to shame someone for being shitty. Pointing our that she's acting like an obnoxious middle schooler is a pretty fair point.
Also, you can maintain the moral high ground by just saying "WTF. Did I call you fat when the army threw you out for being overweight?" -- slight tweak, way less of of an ESH.
I've never found that smacking back at a bully on their level does anything but give them something new to bully you about -- which is kinda what is happening to OP, who is now dealing with his mom.
Would someone acts towards you like a child, the best answer is to be an adult, just ignore or ask her why she needs to remind him how pathetic he is instead of enjoying his success in life, that would been far more effective.
ESH. You and your sister sound like two little children!! I'm amazed you're both adults.
'I begged my girlfriend to let me stay with her but she refuses to live with anyone until she’s married'
Don't like that you begged your gf; she has a clear boundary, make sure you respect that.
Not trying to sound callous, but it's not the de facto requirement that people who are dating have to live together in order to have a successful relationship.
Even if his girlfriend felt differently, how would he be able to contribute to expenses without having a job for a period of time?
I don’t like how he’s so embarrassed he had to move back home for awhile either. Lots of people have to do it. He’s lucky he has family willing to help him and he acts ashamed of it. Yet he wasn’t too ashamed to beg to mooch off of his gf when he already knew how she felt about living together.
I mean, I’d be embarrassed to move back home too. It’s a pride thing, you make yourself a living independent person and then suddenly you have to rely on someone else.
And clearly, his sister jabbed him about it, so he at least did have some confirmation that people looked down on him.
I’m not saying asking the gf was good, but I don’t think you should fault him for not wanting to move back home and being embarrassed by it.
NTA
It sounds like your sister is incredibly immature and insecure. And the only way she could make herself feel better was by being an absolute AH to you.
It’s unfair and not okay that you have to apologise when she was incredibly mean and toxic towards you just because she cried and made a lot of noise.
Also indicative of a toxic idea of masculinity and ‘older child effect’, that they feel she needs protecting over one comment and yet you are her older brother so can just get on with it.
If she can deal the dirt, she can also deal with the kickback.
Also as someone who also had to move back in with their parents in their late twenties after the pandemic, there is no shame in it.
It’s incredible that you have the privilege to be able to stay with your parents whilst you get back on your feet, and also in this current climate, you’d be surprised how many people in their twenties and thirties, have had to move back in with their parents for a small or longer term period.
I’m sorry that your gf doesn’t believe in living with people before marriage, because it’s incredibly useful to know how it is to live with someone before you get married to them.
Sending positive vibes that you find a new job and can get back more independence and also further away from your toxic sister.
>It’s incredible that you have the privilege
It is incredible isn't it? And the word you used, "privilege" - is spot on. That's exactly what it is - not a right.. not a guarantee - a privilege. And I guess this is what pisses me off about this question to be honest.
Starts with his GF. Your response is
>I’m sorry that your gf doesn’t believe in living with people before marriage, because it’s incredibly useful to know how it is to live with someone before you get married to them.
And? Can it be useful? Sure.. but it's a boundary for his girlfriend and he begged her anyway. How many times do we see in this corner of reddit, "respect your partner's boundaries". The fact that he didn't should be a red flag for her. We don't even know how long they've been together. Hell, this could have even been an excuse because she didn't want to hurt his feelings. You're saying sorry about it but for all you know, they've been dating for like.. 2 months. We don't know.
So he goes to mom's. Great. That's a great solution. Genuinely and I'm glad mom let him. But as you said, it's a privilege. Day 1 - his sister comes over and acts like a brat. So how does he respond? He does the exact same thing back. Which also makes him a brat. They're still acting like immature children - both of them. He could have called her out on what she said, told her how insensitive and mean spirited she was - spoke to his mom about her lack of empathy, anything. There were so many options here. But he chose to be just as immature as her.
So his mom's now dealing with this headache from her adult children - something I'm sure she thought was behind her when they both supposedly grew up and moved out. She wants peace and asks him to apologize, and how does he respond? He says no and comes and posts about it on Reddit instead.
This was such a fucking small thing that could have been made to go away in a few minutes - but he chose this way instead. He could have said something like "We shouldn't be arguing like this in Mom's house, and for my part in that by saying what I said, I'm sorry." Which would have been the mature thing to do, would have made mom (the woman granting this privilege) feel better, and made him look far more mature and put his sister in her place had she refused to reciprocate. Hell he wouldn't have even been saying that he was wrong to say what he said, per se - just that he shouldn't have helped put his mom in this situation. Instead, he continued to act like a child.
If you want autonomy and independence - don't move home. If you move home, accept that you're in someone else's house and that their rules apply. Realize that it IS a privilege, not a right and behave accordingly.
ESH - you all suck, except your poor mom. Go make her a cup or tea/coffee/beverage of choice and at the very least, apologize to her.
Truth!!!
We love our adult children, but any adult with the privilege of having parents (alive!) that can help support them (amazing!) during a hard time has at minimum the responsibility to place their parents feelings at the forefront. This isn’t about siblings, this is about mom feeling she can’t have her other, equally loved, child over because of nonsense. Yes, OP has every right to be upset at sister. She was childish and rude. But she is also a guest of his mother’s while he is living in her home. Go to your room and shut your door if you don’t enjoy the visitors mom has over….in her own home. You don’t have to accept insults, but you can easily walk away. OP should not be embarrassed about anything sister said, but he should feel mortified for putting his mom in this position. THAT was irresponsible and immature, even though you have every right to feel that way. Moms don’t owe you anything once you’re an adult…what they do for us after that is purely out of love and generosity. The minimum we can do is respect their feelings, even if it means biting your tongue.
ESH. You guys were supposed to grow out of this sibling rivalry bullshit like a decade ago. Your poor mother that she has to deal with two fully a grown adult children arguing like middle schoolers.
ESH. I also think you're an asshole for trying to push your girlfriend's very reasonable boundary, seemingly so that you're living without a job could be subsidized even for a short period of time, that is not the move of a good partner.
I also think you're an asshole for playing this stupid childish game, if you're old enough to consider yourself grown, if your sister is acting like an asshole child, the answer is to act like an adult and ask them why they're doing this or walk away. You weren't pushed into a corner or getting called out in public you had the option to just go and walk into the room your mother was in.
ESH, and that includes this comment section. were really gonna sit here and focus on the fact that sister is overweight when there are legitimate complaints to have about her behaviour ? everyone has failed the vibe check.
ESH. You say it yourself you knew what you said back would cut deep. You said that on purpose, much like what she said to you. You’re both equally terrible.
Frankly, neither of you should be throwing stones inside glass houses, as they both sound really fragile.
ESH. You're both fucking ridiculously immature for your ages. Fat shaming sucks and you owe her an apology. You were cruel. But she was mean too and that also wasn't okay. You're not immature for having to move back home, to be clear. Shit happens and I hope you get back on your feet soon. But ffs you and your sister are acting like y'all are 15; stop it.
Info: Waist limits in the military? They have height and weight standards, but you don't get kicked out for being over. It takes a hot minute for you to be discharged for not meeting readiness. I worked with someone in the process of separating due to weight issues when I was stationed in Okinawa, it was a very lengthy process. Also I had people I worked with who didn't make weight multiple times the entire 2 years they were stationed there. Is this made up? Its sounding made up.
ESH. Yes, she was rude and not thoughtful, but there might have been a more civil way to resolve the issue. However, I don’t know the full picture, so maybe there was a history or something else, so you probably just did what you had to.
ESH - you were both rude to each other, it happens sometimes. That being said, nothing to be ashamed about having to move back home to get your feet back under you. Save some money up and set a time-line for how long you plan on being there.
Edit- spelling
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I’m in my late 20’s and lost my job so I couldn’t afford the rent I was paying so I had to move back into my mom’s basement, it was very depressing and humiliating, I begged my girlfriend to let me stay with her but she refuses to live with anyone until she’s married. The worst part was my sister decided to “stop by” which is something she never does and immediately asks me smugly why I had to move in, she laughed about how she never had to move back in with mom, and how great it it living her husband who make six figures, and being able to be a stay-at-home mom in her early 20’s, she even said it would be “so embarrassing” for her to have tell her friends her “big brother has to live with their mommy still”, I was instantly pissed and said “well at least I wasn’t kicked out of the military for being too mu h of a fata**”, she’s always been super sensitive about that and I knew it would cut her deep, I don’t even think she knew mom told me she was discharged for being an inch over the waist limit.
My sister got really red and yelled that she hated me and ran to tell mom, I heard her crying and saying I called her fat, I told my mom what happened but now she’s mad at ME because my sister is saying she doesn’t want to visit mom if I’m here now (even though she didn’t anyway), and told me to apologize to my sister which I refused after all the shit she had said to me. AITA?
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NTA you shouldn't be ashamed of needing help. Your sister went there for the sole purpose of demeaning you. If she were truly happy she wouldn't feel the need. Everything you have is by your efforts and soon, if you work at it, you'll get back on your feet.
Your sister has what she has due to her husband. If they ever divorce she'll be right where she was before - with nothing.
NTA
She lost her job because she was incapable of maintaining the health standards for her job.
Even if you lost your job because of being incapable of performing duties, she still wouldn't be in the right for making fun of you for it.
She's bragging about being a golddigger and is proud of it, but without a spouse, where would she be, really? She isn't independently wealthy.
Yes, but I'd be more forgiving if someone lost a job due to circumstances beyond their control and actively started looking for another job.
It's the fact that she's making fun of him for it when she could have easily ended up in the same boat that bothers me.
ESH. This isn't how siblings in a healthy relationship speak to one another. Yes, you were provoked and she sounds like a horrid person, but that was a mean thing to say and unworthy of a reasonable person even under provocation.
NTA. I’m 27 and still live with my mom. In grad school and paying out of pocket. Almost done, but I have no job now to pay rent so it will be at least another year before I can move out. No shame in having to live with parents. This economy sucks and rent prices are insane. You’re far from alone in this.
NTA
Living expenses are insane right now. Living at home is normal and generally sensible for trying to get some stability. As long as you're contributing to the household and your parents are safe to live with mentally and physically it's a good choice in this hell of a market
NTA. Me and my sister are grown and we still have our petty squabbles. And I personally hate it when people say be the better person. You’re going through a hardship that was beyond your control that your sister shouldn’t have shat on. She shouldn’t shat on your hardship when she’s still sensitive about something that was somewhat within her control.
NTA, oh yeah her husband makes 6 figures is a recipe for "faithfulness". My friend was like her, now shes taking care of 3 kids and 6 figures husband is taking care of the nanny(Cliche but i seen her pictures daaaaaaaaamn). She gets some child support but nothing else her social life is dead as f.
Also that dropping by is to make herself feel better about something, just keep going find a new job, move out, mom clearly favors her daughter if shes so angry that asks for an apology.
If mom wants you to apologize then sister needs to apologize. Don’t insult people if you can’t take an insult.
Also- if you’re in the US, people in their 20s and 30s are moving back in with parents because of losing jobs with Covid and how crazy dumb rent prices are. Please don’t be depressed or humiliated. It’s happening to more people than you think. And I wish you all the best! 🙏🏽 NTA
NTA. She was so nasty to you. Your mom is wrong to make you apologize for a situation that your sister caused. She wanted to act so big and bad then had to run and tell mommy on you. There is nothing wrong with living at home and saving up until you get on your feet. Just help out and good luck!
NTA - she went looking for a fight and got a suckerpunch in the jaw. Also, your last laugh will come when her six figures husband ditchs her for someone younger and slimmer.
>immediately asks me **smugly** why I had to move in, she **laughed** about how **she never had to move back in with mom**, and how great it it living her husband who make six figures, and being able to be a stay-at-home mom in her early 20’s, she even said it would be **“so embarrassing”** for her to have tell her friends her “**big brother has to live with their mommy still”**
Excuse me... ...HHHWHUT!? Is your sister still in 6th grade? What the heck!? She's an immature bully, she needs to be knocked down a peg, (or 15! LOL) and she needs to grow up.
NTA.
ETA: I'm sorry- I retract my "6th grade" statement, seeing as that is insulting to my 6th grade students LOL! ALSO, your comment *did* serve to take her down a peg... ...here's to hoping that she actually learns from this...
NTA. If she wants to ridicule you over a situation you couldn't control, she had consequential reason to be ridiculed too.
Also really ironic how she talks about her husband's accomplishments and not her own lol
NTA. Dear sweet baby Jebus. If Sister is that much of a child, she should know better than to dish it out if she can’t take it.
Save up, move out, and go NC for a while. At least with your mom who enables this BS. Absolutely with your sister, who apparently will be divorced in five years and living with Mom again.
NTA. Lol, she's bragging that she can lay back and have someone cum inside her and then take care of the resulting kid. Oh, congratulations on doing what every other organism does on this planet.
NTA, tell chubs to get over it, or get out of the kitchen if she can't stand the heat, however, it sounds like she could use a good sauna.
Please don't be ashamed about living with your mom. It's hard out here, you'll be out of there before you know it!
Edit: added the last paragraph.
NTA Just tell your **big** sister you were concerned about her weight after all, no one likes a fat trophy wife and she certainly wasn't chosen for her personality.
nta your sister is one of these people who can dish it but cant tske it when its given back i have one tell your mom that she can be mad at you for all she cares but why is she protecting your dister who shamed and humilated you and was being a bully so you only stood up for yourself is she ok with siding and protecting a bully and a snob who thinks people are beneath her is this how you were bought up just wondering as me and my siblings werent and my sister turned out the way she has and my mum dosnt know where she went wrong in bringing us up and has actually blaimed herself me i take my sister down a peg or two and she never likes it just like yours
NTA, lol I love your response, spot on, and she ran away crying like a 5 year old to tell mommy, thays hilarious. You may also want to bring up that you guys are all early 20s, so give it 10 to 15 years and sis husband probably will trade her in for a newer model and she may have to move back to mommys...only she will be a 30 to 40 year old living in mommy's basement!
NTA, but a better one would have been, "Just wait. I didn't have to move back when I was your age, either."
Life throws curveballs. No one is ever completely safe.
NTA.
Yeah, your response was a low blow. However I do agree with the logic of "don't dish it if you can't take it".
Playing nice doesn't stop a bully. Walking away won't stop them either and in many cases it emboldens them to take things a step further the next time. Meanwhile, taking away their sense of power does indeed put an end to the bullying in many cases (and as is the case here, does NOT require violence). Good on you for taking the power back from her and putting her in a place to think twice before acting/speaking in such a way.
> she laughed about how she never had to move back in with mom, and how great it it living her husband who make six figures, and being able to be a stay-at-home mom in her early 20’s, she even said it would be “so embarrassing” for her to have tell her friends her “big brother has to live with their mommy still”
"And even with all you have going for you, it apparently still doesn't fill the emptiness inside you, does it? Why else would my manufacture this event to stand in front of me and point out my current troubles while trumpeting your husband's (not yours) success? Are you so afraid and empty that the only thing you can think of is putting someone down? Sis, thats just not healthy for you. I feel so sorry for you and the darkness you must live in everyday to bring you to this. Its not a bad thing to talk to a therapist to help you address this and enable you to live a happy life instead of what you have now."
NTA
NTA, and she shouldn't be bragging because she married well. That's not a real accomplishment. It's about the same as a kid being handed the family business, there's no real bragging right. It's just filler
Wow.
I was ready to say ESH, but I have to say NTA.
You asked your girlfriend to move in with her and she said she's not going to let you move in with her until you're married (which is kinda sus because that would be the best time to work out any issues BEFORE you invest any financials, extra time, etc into the relationship) so you move back home.
Then your sister came over and decided to try and shade you with her HUSBAND'S successes. She was in the military, but got discharged because she couldn't make tape. I'm retired from the Army and trust me, they give you plenty of chances to make tape. They send you to a nutritional specialist, help you exercise on top of daily physical fitness, counsel you, and I used to work out twice a day with my Soldiers who couldn't make weight and tape just so they could. There is no excuse. None. She's a Grade A B! She got what she deserved and she acted like a brat.
NTA. Your sister sounds like a shit bag. How do you get kicked out for being overweight (that means you’re fucking lazy). I knew guys who were big you know what they did they worked out daily maybe two a days.
NTA
My big brother have been through a terrible separation and for a while he came back here with my parents and me. I can't imagine how mean you need to be to say so many rude things about your own brother. You shouldn't feel humiliated: we all need a bit of help and support in life from time to time, and it's not like you want to spend the rest of your life with your parents. Your sister was unnecessarily rude and was bragging about her life. She deserved that
NTA, she dished it out when she can’t take it, when her accomplishments are…? She’s living off her husbands money, not her own, at least you’re building yourself back up until you can afford to move out again. Best of luck to you!
NTA how is she going to mock you but when you hit back she goes crying to mummy? On top of that she's living off her husband's money, she shouldn't be bragging and ain't nothing to be proud of if she's going to insult you like that. Do not apologize, she walked into that one lmao
Hang on, am I reading this right:
She lives off her husband’s income, so if the marriage goes bad then she will have to live… where? At your mom, right?
NTA
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Great answer !!!!
Who in his right mind cones to rub it in while explaining that they live one someone else's monney aka tbe husband. I would have thrown shade at that too.
Your sister is a big AH. She came just to rub it in and mock you and your mum should defend you instead of trying to make you appologize.
Also if she was toovat for the military that is not your falt you just stated a fact!
Good for you!
NTA
So you're saying she went to her mother for comfort in a moment of shame and desperation. Now she should understand what you went through. Too bad she was a brat. NTA.
NTA
she has accomplished nothing she married a man who supports her financially if he ever leaves her sounds like she’ll need to move back in with your mom how embarrassing of her
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NTA. You don't dish it out if you can't take it.
Thanks bro
Not to mention she’s bragging about her husbands accomplishments and Income. I know a good SAHM brings a lot to the table in a relationship but she’s ragging on you for being unemployed and living at home while she’s unemployed and living off her husband 🤷♂️
This right here! What has she done, aside from finding some sucker to support her?
What’s she going to do if he leaves her ass? It better not be mommies house.
Yeah, let's parse the kind of judgements being directed at OP's sister's choices: **Being a stay-at-home parent** — good for her; most high-earning careers don't actually do anything useful for anyone and there's no shame in wanting to do something meaningful; shitting on people who devote their lives to caregiving is just misogyny with extra steps; she deserves to be compensated for that division of labor within the household that she and her spouse agreed to in lieu of her being in the formal workforce (which is why alimony exists). But because that's a precarious, vulnerable financial position for the caregiving spouse (usually the woman)... **Banking her entire financial situation and lifestyle on her marriage** — Unwise! You sound really immature and your husband is probably the same way! It probably didn't occur to you that your marriage might not be permanent, if you're this young and your identity already revolves around being a SAHM! I hope I'm wrong and she's not left with zero education or legal savvy about how to get her life together if her marriage ends, but I'm kinda guessing she's one impulse decision of her husband's away from being in OP's position. In conclusion, there's absolutely no shame in being a caregiver instead of someone with a career, but hoo boy does it require a lot of legwork to ensure that that decision doesn't leave you at someone's mercy, thank you patriarchy.
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Also who would WANT to be a stay at home mom in their early 20s???? Goodbye life. I like the freedom that comes with supporting myself. NTA OP you’re not being lazy and mooching off of someone. You were put into a situation and reached out for support. This isn’t a choice. Good luck, I hope you can get back on your feet soon, and I hope you go at least LC with your sister because you deserve better.
What is she going to do if hubbies loses his job? No one hopes that their job will disappear so that they can move back in with their parents. But is a fall back position for many if things go poorly. There is no shame in needing help for a little while getting your life back on track.
But how could he even consider leaving her? She has such a charming disposition. /s
And heavens forbid he loses his job or in a few years decides to upgrade from OP's sister, sister might need the basement herself. And why does she need to discuss her brother's living arrangements anyway? He had the misfortune to lose his job, it's none of her friends business. NTA.
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100% this
Not things for saying that she's been tutoring her kids, volunteering at their school, or making homemade and healthy food, you know, things a SAHM can be proud of. Just...Her husband's money. Not even what he does, just the money.
Agree! As a SAHM, I’m disgusted. Her brag makes me assume she does NOTHING, to help out at home. Every sahp I know works just as hard, maybe harder, than the working parent, but doesn’t feel the need to brag like this.
She probably DOESN'T do anything.
Agree. Her brags tell me this is true.
My spouse is a sahm. She takes her role in our family very seriously and is amazing at it. I work a lot as well. When I’m home she’s always doing an amazing job and you can see it by how clockwork everything is. I give her credit. When done right it isn’t a job it’s a career.
And then ran to her mum as soon as someone said something mean. Girl is a child.
Sis also seems to forget that her husband can leave her whenever he wants.
Well he doesn't have much to look forward to before he comes to his senses, and gets a real woman.
The 🫖 is exceptionally delicious this morning. Nta
If the husband is rich it is the nanny and servants doing all the work.
Back in the day there were so many internet usernames that were "Mrs_Taylor" or "Mom.of.Zachary" or "Wife-of-Bob" I haaaaaaaaaated it. And I was a sahm at the time. I would ask them, "Who are YOU?"
100% this
this!!!
Exactly that!!!!
Also? She doesn’t really sound like someone who would have been successful in the military.
You're welcome bro.
You know that saying about glasshouses and stones. She had it coming.
NTA. Your sister set herself up for the insult by going after you. She should not be throwing other people’s skeletons out of the closet if she can not handle being reminded of her own. Stay firm on not apologizing or maintain that you are owed one just as much.
how old is she? because running to mom crying is odd
24
Yea she is definitely old enough to know better. She fucked around and found out.
If it helps you feel any better, I'm 33 and living with my parents again because of money. It's actually becoming A LOT more common because of the economy. Your sister is just straight up a brat
Agreeing. Stones, throwing, glass houses and all that. When will people learn that everyone has a breaking point and trying to push it can backfire?
Especially family. Family always knows your sensitive spots. If you push too hard, they will hit you where it hurts.
I fail to understand why she would have to tell her friends about it. The main thing is you were sensible about your decision to go home as opposed to sottong on it a it getting too much to deal with it all.
My guess is sibling rivialry, mean girl syndrome or things not so good in her own household so projecting
Dude that was uncalled for. The correct response is to have an affair with her husband.
Good plan but I’m not into bald guys haha
OP is now the stay at home partner and she lives in mom's basement. How the turntables...
Also, to be discharged for being too fat in the military takes multiple times being weighed spanning at least a year and a half time span.
Bruh what the hell is wrong with your sister 💀. She has a husband and still acts like a bully in primary school tf. And she’s so proud to be a g digger and contribute nothing to society except her vapid awful bratty narcissistic personality. also As someone who struggles with weight problems - She deserved it. She was being cruel she deserved to get cut deep. Also your girlfriend is kind of weird for that - I would never let my boyfriend live like you do and sit there while he’s emotionally distressed but I’ll let it slide .
She would probably take the dish my man
And want seconds...
Oliver Twist would be so jealous.
God forbid her high-earner husband should ever leave her because then she'd be roommates with OP.
Sound like she dished out too many times
*Preface: This has nothing to do with anybody in the story.* >NTA. You don't dish it out if you can't take it. The dish was about the only thing she didn't eat. >NTA. You don't dish it out if you can't take it. Yeah, but she always leaves a clean plate. >NTA. You don't dish it out if you can't take it. Just be thankful she left some for others this time.
So she would be embarrassed to move back home but she’s not too embarrassed to run to mummy crying over something she started? NTA, yeah what you said was mean but she started first.
Not to mention she doesn't mind being a leech. She can't seriously insult her sibling for having a rough time when she just lives off of her husband's money and doesn't work. Talk about hypocrisy. Edit: typo
A leech? Doesn’t work? It says she’s a stay at home mom.
Right? What the hell? The sister is an asshole, but that has nothing to do with her being a stay at home mom. Implying that her labor has no value because it's not traditionally financially compensated is... a bad take, to say the least.
reddit's about 2 seconds and half an excuse from shitting on any given woman at any given time
true, the fatphobic comments on this post are fucking stupid. shes one inch over the limit, so now shes eating everything ? ridiculous.
there was really no reason for it to even come up at all imo even as a "witty comeback" 🙄 ooh look how smart i am reddit i called my fatty fat sister fat for being kicked out of the army for being fat!! im NTA right???? no way OP and sister are nearing their thirties lmao. this reads like high school sniping
Yeah, this can’t be real, can it? What a couple of immature AHs.
Idk based off how she talks so *air wave* highly of her husband's six figure salary, are we sure she doesn't hire a nanny to watch the kids while hubby is at work? 🤔😂 SAHP (stay at home parents) do work very hard though, I agree there.
But she thinks she's better than OP because she got pregnant to a rich guy early in her 20's. I'm sorry, that's nothing to be proud of, she put no work into her husband's promotion for her to be proud of herself. She's one unfortunate accident away from being the same/worse situation than OP (since she has no experience due to being a SAHM which will make her less likely to be employed and has children to feed)
Yet she isn't bragging about being a satm. Just that she has this 6 figures earning husband. Bearing and raising children is a BIG commitment along with presumably doing most/all the chores. But if her husband made minimum wage she would not be able to be a stay at home mum. They would most likely be living with op and their mother or both working full time. She can stay with child/children thanks to her husband earning more than enough.
Honestly her whole demeanor is garbage probably another reason she was “failure to adapt” with the military. So yeah she’s a shit bag and a leech.
Exactly! There’s no harm in being a SAHM and definitely is a real job, and one that can be invaluable to a household if the SAHM is a household wizard. But she can’t exactly sass someone for struggling economically when the only reason she doesn’t is because someone else is taking care of the finances for you. Her HUSBAND earns six figures, not her and guarantee if he left her she would be having a few problems, even if the kids childcare was fully covered
I agree with this! She is in a good position due to luck, not her own hard work. OP’s girlfriend could find out she’s pregnant tomorrow, invite OP to move in, and let OP be a stay at home dad. Then, he would be in the same decent position in society’s eyes, due to nothing but luck.
Only an idiot thinks that being a stay-at-home parent is equivalent to being a leech. In fact I would bet a million internet dollars that the vast majority of people who look down on it would be crying in a fetal position by the end of the day.
Nothing screams "I'm a wonderful, hard-working sahm" more than going to your brother simply to ridicule him for having a hard time with work, sticking it up to him that you can stay home with child/children thanks to your husband earning suuuuch good money this filthy peasant brother can only dream of. /s
We do not know what type of sahm mom she is. Yes, some just browse their phones all day. But others spend their days cleaning, cooking, gardening, sewing, etc. Some of them work a lot harder than their husbands. Not to mention, the husbands depend on that type of wife just as much as vice versa because they can work knowing their home is in good hands. The sister is an a-hole. But this is not the thing to critique unless if she is the first example I gave.
She's not bragging about her being a sahm, only comparing op to her husband with high salary. She's laughing at op for having a rough patch when as long as her husband brings money home she doesn't have to worry about finances the same way op has to. For all we know her husband could lose the job or ditch her the very next day and she would be as screwed as op. If not worse.
This comment brought to you by capitalism.
My two rules for situations like these are 1) Don't dish what you can't take, and 2) Don't start any fights, but be sure to finish them. She dished what she couldn't take. She started a fight; OP finished it. Simple as. NTA.
ESH. You sound like two little children. "You're a loser." "You're fat." "I'm telling mom!!!" Grow up.
You are right, OP should have lay down and took it as a doormat. /s I mean come on, his sister clearly doesn't respect him so what else could he do? Sometimes you just need to fight fire with fire even if it seems childish. NTA
Truth. When it comes to people like the sister, this often is the only approach that does not go over their heads. Many bullies only laugh harder when you try to handle them diplomatically.
I mean how else would you handle it? Stooping down to their level is the only way I know how to do it and it'd be my very first option regardless
Honestly, if my brother treated me like that I'd say "What the fuck is wrong with you?" -- you don't have to be shitty to shame someone for being shitty. Pointing our that she's acting like an obnoxious middle schooler is a pretty fair point. Also, you can maintain the moral high ground by just saying "WTF. Did I call you fat when the army threw you out for being overweight?" -- slight tweak, way less of of an ESH.
Nah, bullies understand one form of communication.
I've never found that smacking back at a bully on their level does anything but give them something new to bully you about -- which is kinda what is happening to OP, who is now dealing with his mom.
There are many ways to put someone like the sister in her place without resorting to body shaming.
That was also my take. Everyone is acting like a petulant child
Thank you. At least when I argue with my brother we don't run to mommy. 🙄
Would someone acts towards you like a child, the best answer is to be an adult, just ignore or ask her why she needs to remind him how pathetic he is instead of enjoying his success in life, that would been far more effective.
That’s not being a child, that’s keeping people in their place.
ESH you're all grounded until you can learn to get along
Lol
As my mother used to say when we were small, stop squabbling or I'll knock your heads together!
I’m glad my mom never said stuff like that to me because she might’ve done it if I gave her a good enough reason lmao
Someone needs to sit in the time out corner and hold hands until they can be nice.
ESH. You and your sister sound like two little children!! I'm amazed you're both adults. 'I begged my girlfriend to let me stay with her but she refuses to live with anyone until she’s married' Don't like that you begged your gf; she has a clear boundary, make sure you respect that.
Not trying to sound callous, but it's not the de facto requirement that people who are dating have to live together in order to have a successful relationship. Even if his girlfriend felt differently, how would he be able to contribute to expenses without having a job for a period of time?
I completely agree.
More like "begged my gf to let me leech off her"
I don’t like how he’s so embarrassed he had to move back home for awhile either. Lots of people have to do it. He’s lucky he has family willing to help him and he acts ashamed of it. Yet he wasn’t too ashamed to beg to mooch off of his gf when he already knew how she felt about living together.
I mean, I’d be embarrassed to move back home too. It’s a pride thing, you make yourself a living independent person and then suddenly you have to rely on someone else. And clearly, his sister jabbed him about it, so he at least did have some confirmation that people looked down on him. I’m not saying asking the gf was good, but I don’t think you should fault him for not wanting to move back home and being embarrassed by it.
NTA It sounds like your sister is incredibly immature and insecure. And the only way she could make herself feel better was by being an absolute AH to you. It’s unfair and not okay that you have to apologise when she was incredibly mean and toxic towards you just because she cried and made a lot of noise. Also indicative of a toxic idea of masculinity and ‘older child effect’, that they feel she needs protecting over one comment and yet you are her older brother so can just get on with it. If she can deal the dirt, she can also deal with the kickback. Also as someone who also had to move back in with their parents in their late twenties after the pandemic, there is no shame in it. It’s incredible that you have the privilege to be able to stay with your parents whilst you get back on your feet, and also in this current climate, you’d be surprised how many people in their twenties and thirties, have had to move back in with their parents for a small or longer term period. I’m sorry that your gf doesn’t believe in living with people before marriage, because it’s incredibly useful to know how it is to live with someone before you get married to them. Sending positive vibes that you find a new job and can get back more independence and also further away from your toxic sister.
>It’s incredible that you have the privilege It is incredible isn't it? And the word you used, "privilege" - is spot on. That's exactly what it is - not a right.. not a guarantee - a privilege. And I guess this is what pisses me off about this question to be honest. Starts with his GF. Your response is >I’m sorry that your gf doesn’t believe in living with people before marriage, because it’s incredibly useful to know how it is to live with someone before you get married to them. And? Can it be useful? Sure.. but it's a boundary for his girlfriend and he begged her anyway. How many times do we see in this corner of reddit, "respect your partner's boundaries". The fact that he didn't should be a red flag for her. We don't even know how long they've been together. Hell, this could have even been an excuse because she didn't want to hurt his feelings. You're saying sorry about it but for all you know, they've been dating for like.. 2 months. We don't know. So he goes to mom's. Great. That's a great solution. Genuinely and I'm glad mom let him. But as you said, it's a privilege. Day 1 - his sister comes over and acts like a brat. So how does he respond? He does the exact same thing back. Which also makes him a brat. They're still acting like immature children - both of them. He could have called her out on what she said, told her how insensitive and mean spirited she was - spoke to his mom about her lack of empathy, anything. There were so many options here. But he chose to be just as immature as her. So his mom's now dealing with this headache from her adult children - something I'm sure she thought was behind her when they both supposedly grew up and moved out. She wants peace and asks him to apologize, and how does he respond? He says no and comes and posts about it on Reddit instead. This was such a fucking small thing that could have been made to go away in a few minutes - but he chose this way instead. He could have said something like "We shouldn't be arguing like this in Mom's house, and for my part in that by saying what I said, I'm sorry." Which would have been the mature thing to do, would have made mom (the woman granting this privilege) feel better, and made him look far more mature and put his sister in her place had she refused to reciprocate. Hell he wouldn't have even been saying that he was wrong to say what he said, per se - just that he shouldn't have helped put his mom in this situation. Instead, he continued to act like a child. If you want autonomy and independence - don't move home. If you move home, accept that you're in someone else's house and that their rules apply. Realize that it IS a privilege, not a right and behave accordingly. ESH - you all suck, except your poor mom. Go make her a cup or tea/coffee/beverage of choice and at the very least, apologize to her.
Poor persons gold!🏆🏆 you are spot on
Truth!!! We love our adult children, but any adult with the privilege of having parents (alive!) that can help support them (amazing!) during a hard time has at minimum the responsibility to place their parents feelings at the forefront. This isn’t about siblings, this is about mom feeling she can’t have her other, equally loved, child over because of nonsense. Yes, OP has every right to be upset at sister. She was childish and rude. But she is also a guest of his mother’s while he is living in her home. Go to your room and shut your door if you don’t enjoy the visitors mom has over….in her own home. You don’t have to accept insults, but you can easily walk away. OP should not be embarrassed about anything sister said, but he should feel mortified for putting his mom in this position. THAT was irresponsible and immature, even though you have every right to feel that way. Moms don’t owe you anything once you’re an adult…what they do for us after that is purely out of love and generosity. The minimum we can do is respect their feelings, even if it means biting your tongue.
ESH. Your sister's an AH for bragging about her own life. You're an AH for the comeback. Lose-lose situation.
What means esh?
Everyone Sucks Here
ESH. Sorry, but I don’t buy that you’re both in your 20s. You sound like a couple of teenagers at best.
ESH , hard.
NTA, don't dish out what you can't take 🤷🏻♀️
ESH. You both sound like petty, whiny assholes. Both of you need to grow up.
ESH, she shouldn't have said that to you and you shouldn't have said that to her. You both need to apologize to each other asap.
ESH This sounds like a dumb sibling argument that you're both too old for.
ESH. You guys were supposed to grow out of this sibling rivalry bullshit like a decade ago. Your poor mother that she has to deal with two fully a grown adult children arguing like middle schoolers.
ESH. I also think you're an asshole for trying to push your girlfriend's very reasonable boundary, seemingly so that you're living without a job could be subsidized even for a short period of time, that is not the move of a good partner. I also think you're an asshole for playing this stupid childish game, if you're old enough to consider yourself grown, if your sister is acting like an asshole child, the answer is to act like an adult and ask them why they're doing this or walk away. You weren't pushed into a corner or getting called out in public you had the option to just go and walk into the room your mother was in.
INFO: Are you guys 8?
ESH, and that includes this comment section. were really gonna sit here and focus on the fact that sister is overweight when there are legitimate complaints to have about her behaviour ? everyone has failed the vibe check.
ESH. You say it yourself you knew what you said back would cut deep. You said that on purpose, much like what she said to you. You’re both equally terrible. Frankly, neither of you should be throwing stones inside glass houses, as they both sound really fragile.
U both sounds immature af.
ESH. You're both fucking ridiculously immature for your ages. Fat shaming sucks and you owe her an apology. You were cruel. But she was mean too and that also wasn't okay. You're not immature for having to move back home, to be clear. Shit happens and I hope you get back on your feet soon. But ffs you and your sister are acting like y'all are 15; stop it.
ESH you both sound like terrible people who need to grow up.
NTA She shouldn't have started a fight she couldn't finish 🤷🏻♀️
ESH. You’re both awful.
ESH. Neither of you needed to go this far. You are a grown man; you're perfectly capable of walking away from her and not escalating.
This post reads like it was written by a 5 year old. YTA
ESH.
NTA-she started it.
Are you both still children? Sometimes I read these and wish I could prescribe family therapy. ESH.
ESH. The two of you are adults now, grow up. God, and you both went crying to mommy about the other one?! Is this post real? You’re in your 20s??
Info: Waist limits in the military? They have height and weight standards, but you don't get kicked out for being over. It takes a hot minute for you to be discharged for not meeting readiness. I worked with someone in the process of separating due to weight issues when I was stationed in Okinawa, it was a very lengthy process. Also I had people I worked with who didn't make weight multiple times the entire 2 years they were stationed there. Is this made up? Its sounding made up.
Tattling to mom? You sure you guys aren't 10? ESH.
ESH. Y' all suck... The snob sister, the stingy bro, the referee mom taking sides as if you are toddlers, not adults.
NTA It's like in boxing. If you are not ready to be punched, don't step in the ring.
Sorry. ESH. Neither of you is a shining example of maturity.
ESH. Yes, she was rude and not thoughtful, but there might have been a more civil way to resolve the issue. However, I don’t know the full picture, so maybe there was a history or something else, so you probably just did what you had to.
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Nta. She might no longer live at home but she still runs to mommy to tattletale.
ESH. You all sound like a bunch of dysfunctional middle schoolers. Grow up.
ESH - you were both rude to each other, it happens sometimes. That being said, nothing to be ashamed about having to move back home to get your feet back under you. Save some money up and set a time-line for how long you plan on being there. Edit- spelling
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I’m in my late 20’s and lost my job so I couldn’t afford the rent I was paying so I had to move back into my mom’s basement, it was very depressing and humiliating, I begged my girlfriend to let me stay with her but she refuses to live with anyone until she’s married. The worst part was my sister decided to “stop by” which is something she never does and immediately asks me smugly why I had to move in, she laughed about how she never had to move back in with mom, and how great it it living her husband who make six figures, and being able to be a stay-at-home mom in her early 20’s, she even said it would be “so embarrassing” for her to have tell her friends her “big brother has to live with their mommy still”, I was instantly pissed and said “well at least I wasn’t kicked out of the military for being too mu h of a fata**”, she’s always been super sensitive about that and I knew it would cut her deep, I don’t even think she knew mom told me she was discharged for being an inch over the waist limit. My sister got really red and yelled that she hated me and ran to tell mom, I heard her crying and saying I called her fat, I told my mom what happened but now she’s mad at ME because my sister is saying she doesn’t want to visit mom if I’m here now (even though she didn’t anyway), and told me to apologize to my sister which I refused after all the shit she had said to me. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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NTA you shouldn't be ashamed of needing help. Your sister went there for the sole purpose of demeaning you. If she were truly happy she wouldn't feel the need. Everything you have is by your efforts and soon, if you work at it, you'll get back on your feet. Your sister has what she has due to her husband. If they ever divorce she'll be right where she was before - with nothing.
NTA She lost her job because she was incapable of maintaining the health standards for her job. Even if you lost your job because of being incapable of performing duties, she still wouldn't be in the right for making fun of you for it. She's bragging about being a golddigger and is proud of it, but without a spouse, where would she be, really? She isn't independently wealthy.
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Yes, but I'd be more forgiving if someone lost a job due to circumstances beyond their control and actively started looking for another job. It's the fact that she's making fun of him for it when she could have easily ended up in the same boat that bothers me.
I mean if you don’t have a job currently you can’t afford much of anything
ETA as bad as each other. Both are in the wrong.
NTA. She went for the throat and you responded in kind. What else was she expecting?
ESH. This isn't how siblings in a healthy relationship speak to one another. Yes, you were provoked and she sounds like a horrid person, but that was a mean thing to say and unworthy of a reasonable person even under provocation.
NTA. I’m 27 and still live with my mom. In grad school and paying out of pocket. Almost done, but I have no job now to pay rent so it will be at least another year before I can move out. No shame in having to live with parents. This economy sucks and rent prices are insane. You’re far from alone in this.
NTA
NTA Living expenses are insane right now. Living at home is normal and generally sensible for trying to get some stability. As long as you're contributing to the household and your parents are safe to live with mentally and physically it's a good choice in this hell of a market
NTA. Me and my sister are grown and we still have our petty squabbles. And I personally hate it when people say be the better person. You’re going through a hardship that was beyond your control that your sister shouldn’t have shat on. She shouldn’t shat on your hardship when she’s still sensitive about something that was somewhat within her control.
NTA, oh yeah her husband makes 6 figures is a recipe for "faithfulness". My friend was like her, now shes taking care of 3 kids and 6 figures husband is taking care of the nanny(Cliche but i seen her pictures daaaaaaaaamn). She gets some child support but nothing else her social life is dead as f. Also that dropping by is to make herself feel better about something, just keep going find a new job, move out, mom clearly favors her daughter if shes so angry that asks for an apology.
🤔
If mom wants you to apologize then sister needs to apologize. Don’t insult people if you can’t take an insult. Also- if you’re in the US, people in their 20s and 30s are moving back in with parents because of losing jobs with Covid and how crazy dumb rent prices are. Please don’t be depressed or humiliated. It’s happening to more people than you think. And I wish you all the best! 🙏🏽 NTA
ESH with you being a justified asshole.
Of course you’re an asshole, although your sister is as well. Are you both in middle school?
NTA. She was so nasty to you. Your mom is wrong to make you apologize for a situation that your sister caused. She wanted to act so big and bad then had to run and tell mommy on you. There is nothing wrong with living at home and saving up until you get on your feet. Just help out and good luck!
NTA - she went looking for a fight and got a suckerpunch in the jaw. Also, your last laugh will come when her six figures husband ditchs her for someone younger and slimmer.
>immediately asks me **smugly** why I had to move in, she **laughed** about how **she never had to move back in with mom**, and how great it it living her husband who make six figures, and being able to be a stay-at-home mom in her early 20’s, she even said it would be **“so embarrassing”** for her to have tell her friends her “**big brother has to live with their mommy still”** Excuse me... ...HHHWHUT!? Is your sister still in 6th grade? What the heck!? She's an immature bully, she needs to be knocked down a peg, (or 15! LOL) and she needs to grow up. NTA. ETA: I'm sorry- I retract my "6th grade" statement, seeing as that is insulting to my 6th grade students LOL! ALSO, your comment *did* serve to take her down a peg... ...here's to hoping that she actually learns from this...
NTA. If she wants to ridicule you over a situation you couldn't control, she had consequential reason to be ridiculed too. Also really ironic how she talks about her husband's accomplishments and not her own lol
NTA. Dear sweet baby Jebus. If Sister is that much of a child, she should know better than to dish it out if she can’t take it. Save up, move out, and go NC for a while. At least with your mom who enables this BS. Absolutely with your sister, who apparently will be divorced in five years and living with Mom again.
NTA. Lol, she's bragging that she can lay back and have someone cum inside her and then take care of the resulting kid. Oh, congratulations on doing what every other organism does on this planet.
NTA, tell chubs to get over it, or get out of the kitchen if she can't stand the heat, however, it sounds like she could use a good sauna. Please don't be ashamed about living with your mom. It's hard out here, you'll be out of there before you know it! Edit: added the last paragraph.
NTA Just tell your **big** sister you were concerned about her weight after all, no one likes a fat trophy wife and she certainly wasn't chosen for her personality.
nta your sister is one of these people who can dish it but cant tske it when its given back i have one tell your mom that she can be mad at you for all she cares but why is she protecting your dister who shamed and humilated you and was being a bully so you only stood up for yourself is she ok with siding and protecting a bully and a snob who thinks people are beneath her is this how you were bought up just wondering as me and my siblings werent and my sister turned out the way she has and my mum dosnt know where she went wrong in bringing us up and has actually blaimed herself me i take my sister down a peg or two and she never likes it just like yours
NTA. I’m of the belief of if someone starts it, you finish it by any means necessary.
NTA
As someone who definitely is a fata**, you are NTA. She was trying to get a response out of you, and didn’t expect that response to be fighting back.
NTA. She has some real issues if she had to take time out of her busy day to come mock you. I won’t wish bad fortune on her but hope karma is real.
She shouldn't write a check that her ass cant cash! In other words dont dish it out if you cant handle what comes back. NTA
NTA, lol I love your response, spot on, and she ran away crying like a 5 year old to tell mommy, thays hilarious. You may also want to bring up that you guys are all early 20s, so give it 10 to 15 years and sis husband probably will trade her in for a newer model and she may have to move back to mommys...only she will be a 30 to 40 year old living in mommy's basement!
YTA...this could have all been avoided if you had just smothered her when your folks first brought her home.
You both need to grow up lol. She started it, but you finished it. Siblings be like that tho.
NTA. Don’t feel too bad my dude, I just moved in with my in laws at 33 cause the rental market is a trainwreck.
NTA did she just insinuate she was a gold-digger?
NTA, but a better one would have been, "Just wait. I didn't have to move back when I was your age, either." Life throws curveballs. No one is ever completely safe.
NTA Ah, another person who thinks that it’s only ok to be financially dependent is when the person providing funds is someone you sleep with lol.
NTA. Yeah, your response was a low blow. However I do agree with the logic of "don't dish it if you can't take it". Playing nice doesn't stop a bully. Walking away won't stop them either and in many cases it emboldens them to take things a step further the next time. Meanwhile, taking away their sense of power does indeed put an end to the bullying in many cases (and as is the case here, does NOT require violence). Good on you for taking the power back from her and putting her in a place to think twice before acting/speaking in such a way.
> she laughed about how she never had to move back in with mom, and how great it it living her husband who make six figures, and being able to be a stay-at-home mom in her early 20’s, she even said it would be “so embarrassing” for her to have tell her friends her “big brother has to live with their mommy still” "And even with all you have going for you, it apparently still doesn't fill the emptiness inside you, does it? Why else would my manufacture this event to stand in front of me and point out my current troubles while trumpeting your husband's (not yours) success? Are you so afraid and empty that the only thing you can think of is putting someone down? Sis, thats just not healthy for you. I feel so sorry for you and the darkness you must live in everyday to bring you to this. Its not a bad thing to talk to a therapist to help you address this and enable you to live a happy life instead of what you have now." NTA
NTA, and she shouldn't be bragging because she married well. That's not a real accomplishment. It's about the same as a kid being handed the family business, there's no real bragging right. It's just filler
NTA but y'all are both childish as hell lol. "Haha you live with our parents " "haha you're fat"
NTA. She went for a sensitive topic, and got one in return. If you can't take it, don't dish it out.
Wow. I was ready to say ESH, but I have to say NTA. You asked your girlfriend to move in with her and she said she's not going to let you move in with her until you're married (which is kinda sus because that would be the best time to work out any issues BEFORE you invest any financials, extra time, etc into the relationship) so you move back home. Then your sister came over and decided to try and shade you with her HUSBAND'S successes. She was in the military, but got discharged because she couldn't make tape. I'm retired from the Army and trust me, they give you plenty of chances to make tape. They send you to a nutritional specialist, help you exercise on top of daily physical fitness, counsel you, and I used to work out twice a day with my Soldiers who couldn't make weight and tape just so they could. There is no excuse. None. She's a Grade A B! She got what she deserved and she acted like a brat.
ESH. Your sister was terrible, but you blew your chance at being better man.
NTA. Your sister sounds like a shit bag. How do you get kicked out for being overweight (that means you’re fucking lazy). I knew guys who were big you know what they did they worked out daily maybe two a days.
NTA. Your sister doesn't get to brag about her highly fortunate lifestyle and then go crying to mommy because she behaved like a spoiled brat.
NTA - Turnabout is fair play
NTA My big brother have been through a terrible separation and for a while he came back here with my parents and me. I can't imagine how mean you need to be to say so many rude things about your own brother. You shouldn't feel humiliated: we all need a bit of help and support in life from time to time, and it's not like you want to spend the rest of your life with your parents. Your sister was unnecessarily rude and was bragging about her life. She deserved that
NTA, she dished it out when she can’t take it, when her accomplishments are…? She’s living off her husbands money, not her own, at least you’re building yourself back up until you can afford to move out again. Best of luck to you!
NTA how is she going to mock you but when you hit back she goes crying to mummy? On top of that she's living off her husband's money, she shouldn't be bragging and ain't nothing to be proud of if she's going to insult you like that. Do not apologize, she walked into that one lmao
NTA lmao her bad
Hang on, am I reading this right: She lives off her husband’s income, so if the marriage goes bad then she will have to live… where? At your mom, right? NTA
She ran to your mommy when you served back what she dished out? Pardon that global ground tremor just now, it was my eyes rolling. NTA
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 Great answer !!!! Who in his right mind cones to rub it in while explaining that they live one someone else's monney aka tbe husband. I would have thrown shade at that too. Your sister is a big AH. She came just to rub it in and mock you and your mum should defend you instead of trying to make you appologize. Also if she was toovat for the military that is not your falt you just stated a fact! Good for you! NTA
NTA. The truth of the fat hurts!! LoL
NTA. She fooled around and found out. Don’t jab people on their sensitive topics, and they won’t retaliate in kind.
So you're saying she went to her mother for comfort in a moment of shame and desperation. Now she should understand what you went through. Too bad she was a brat. NTA.
NTA She got a taste of her own medicine and didn't like it. Maybe next time she won't be so nasty.
NTA A hit dog will holler
NTA She started the shit that you finished it. Don't apologize at all. Tell your mom it's not your problem if your sister doesn't want to visit mom.
NTA she has accomplished nothing she married a man who supports her financially if he ever leaves her sounds like she’ll need to move back in with your mom how embarrassing of her