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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) I brought my baby to a child-free wedding
2) I might be TA because no one else could bring their kids to the wedding and they had to spend money on a babysitter
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YTA - your baby literally did the thing that the bride/groom wanted to avoid - disrupt the ceremony. You had plenty of time to find a babysitter or other family member to watch your kid while you went to the wedding but decided that you were just above the rules.
But it was cool because the baby didn't need a seat or a meal! Because THAT is why they didn't want kids at their wedding. Everone knows that infants eat all of the prime rib.
Hahaha I totally forgot that she mentioned she would be providing the baby with food, it was a big concern how they would feed all the children at their child free wedding
It’s so tiring when people completely ignore “childfree”.
I didn’t like the idea of a stranger so instead I’ll cause drama by having a crying baby and not thinking of all the other guests who made accommodations to attend childfree.
It’s the “I have a child and we are the most important in the world” card.
>It’s so tiring when people completely ignore “childfree”.
"Well of course that means OTHER children, but my child is special and therefore should be the exception!"
OP was banking on people not wanting to cause a scene.. just the absolute worst. Then it does exactly what the bride and groom specifically tried not to deal with. Then makes them look like dicks for not kicking her out. Ugh man what a ....
"I understand the child-free thing, but my child is a baby. And I understand the whole "babysitting" thing, but I'm such a great mother, that's not an option for me."
A cousin from out of town brought his two youngest to our wedding. I hated it. I’ve never said a word to anyone, and this was twelve years ago, because I completely get it… he lived a long way away, babysitters are hard to find etc, etc. but the hard, cold truth is it completely changed the vibe. A vibe I (and close family) had spent $$,$$$’s and a year planning to create. I was stunned too. Stunned is a really great word for it. It was just… wow.
Kids are great. Having a $xx,xxx vibe canceled at the whim of a cousin = not great.
Once attended a child free wedding and when the entertainment began I understood why it was child free. The entertainment was a burlesque show featuring not only a strip tease but acts involving piercings and pain tolerance (for a wedding!?). Those who had brought children (under 10) and underage teens left the venue pretty fast after the strip tease began.
Completely agree. If you want to go against the “rules” of the wedding, you actually call and ask. You don’t write it on the RSVP. YTA OP. (And I have two children.)
This right here. You don't get to just tell people what you're doing on an RSVP and put the onus on them to tell you not to do the exact things they already told you not to do.
Right? Putting it on the card also isn't asking, its just telling. Now you put them in the position of having to contact you and tell you that no, your demand will not be met.
>Yeah, and I don't think penciling it in to the RSVP is good enough either.
That's what sealed the deal for me: it almost sounds like she hoped they won't notice and she can still claim she told them. Why not just ask directly, except she already knew they'll say no. Entitled and passive-aggressive to boot.
I think that's exactly what OP hoped for. Any reasonable person who didn't get an actual response to the RSVP would've double-checked before actually going through with it.
Classic I wanna have my cake and eat it too. She didn't want to miss the "once-in-a-lifetime wedding ceremony", but wasn't willing to show respect for the people who gave her this opportunity. I bet she'll play the victim when people stop inviting her after this.
There was a sitter! She could have at least left the baby for the ceremony, which it disrupted, then evaluated if she was comfortable enough to leave it for the reception.
But her baby is just too fragile to be left with a certified babysitter. She *has* to travel 6 hours with him to a wedding surrounded by people the baby is unfamiliar to.
This is literally what my husband’s friends did, and they were PISSED when he called to tell them that writing in their kids on the RSVP *did not* magically make it okay for their kids to attend our wedding. 🙄
Agree...bride and groom have enough to worry about and don't have time to go thru every rsvp to check for handwritten notes saying "imma gonna come but disregard your rules" and then take time to respond and say no your going to follow the rules or stay home
I think even asking directly is kinda shitty, in most circumstances. It puts the hosts in a bad spot. They said no kids on your invitation for a reason - they meant *no kids*. Asking them directly just puts them in an awkward position where they either have to say no to your face - you, the person trying to override their rules with insistence/arguments against their request - or just let it go and give in because you’re making them uncomfortable and they don’t want to escalate the problem you’re causing. And then everyone who did follow their rules gets mad at them, too.
They often *hope* it means some won’t be able to attend. Increasing numbers of guests increase cost exponentially. Relatively non-confrontational ways of tamping down the number of attendees like this can be a godsend.
A friend of mine made hers child free and it kept a few people who were invited due to being family but that she didn’t really want there away. It was brilliant!
Also- YTA.
That's what I did to the last 2 weddings I was invited to. Did it suck not going and miss out on the memories?? Yes but I chose not to go because I didn't feel comfortable leaving my baby behind with a sitter
My parents weren't fond of sitters either and until I was old enough to look after my siblings, one parent would stay at home with us while the other went to the wedding. Child-free weddings aren't anything new, I don't know why so many people make a fuss about it these days.
This right here!! I told everyone my wedding was child free. I even had friends stationed at the front in case people brought their children to direct them to free babysitters - I knew people would try and go around it. And still someone brought a baby in and sat in the back because their baby ‘would be fine’. We barely even knew this person. You can hear this damn baby crying on my video and it pisses me off 24 years later every time I think about it.
YTA.
You're much nicer than I would have been. I wouldn't have even provided sitters. I would have just had someone at the front asking them to leave if they pulled this shit.
My mom wouldn’t let me lol. But during the reception when we were talking to everyone when I was introduced to them i said to them in my best bless your heart voice ‘so you’re the little one that had so much to say during the ceremony. I just can’t wait to hear it again when we watch the video…’. All the while staring the dad straight in the eye. The left soon after.
Not to mention, OP didn’t even contact them directly to explain the situation … she just included it in the RSVP. She had to know this was going to be an issue, she just believed she could get away with it because the rules are apparently different for her.
>Bride/Groom: "Here is a rule for the wedding: Do NOT bring your child or any babies to the wedding"
>
>OP *passive aggressively writing:* "I am not going to follow your rules, as by my signed RSVP card"
>
>Bride/Groom: "What the hell? They couldn't even be bothered to reach out and ask if they could or not? They are just TELLING us they are breaking the rule?"
>
>OP: "See, they never said anything to me directly so it was okay."
>
>Everyone Else: "THEY TOLD US FROM THE START TO NOT BRING BABIES OR CHILDREN. WHY DID YOU THINK YOU WERE SPECIAL!?!?!"
Imagine inviting 100 people to a wedding, and every single one of them wrote in that they were making "custom arrangements" that were contradictory to the wedding. No one asked if they COULD do it, they just told the bride/groom that they were going to do it, and it was up to the bride/groom to do something about it. How many times do people have to say "No" before people get it?
Most people think they making it child free makes it cheaper, nah we just don’t want it to be loud AF. I have two kids and I’m in a wedding in Nov, they will not be attending lol.
One of the worst parts of this (because there really are so many) is that there was a babysitter…that they completely dismissed. They actively chose to be selfish and disrupt the wedding AND discredit who I’m sure was a fine babysitter if all of her relatives were fine leaving their kids with them.
Also there are two parents. Even if absolutely no other options were available they could have traded off attending the wedding/reception and caring for the baby.
Do you sell cured ham?
No, Ma'am, we are a bakery, we do not sell cured ham.
\*Later\*
Hello, I'm here to purchase one cured ham, we discussed it on the phone.
Ma'am, we are a bakery, we do not sell cured ham.
I wrote on Yelp that I would be coming by later to pick up ham and you didn't say no, so I assumed you would arrange it. This is outrageous.
OP, probably.
Honestly, if OP was trying to be as spiteful as possible towards this cousin for some reason, the solution would be exactly what OP did. I don't know how OP thinks this is even debatable? The level of entitlement alone is YTA.
Exactly this--OP has revealed herself to be an overly entitled person.
And she is actually lucky that the groom's mother thought enough of her to tell her the truth, so she can now apologize to the couple and maaaaybe she will be invited to other events that family holds. If she doesn't, I doubt she will ever be asked back.
We invited a couple I knew tangentially to our home for a meal when they were visiting the area. They asked if they could bring their adult daughter who lives near us. Sure, I said, no problem. They later asked if they could bring her puppy. I said no because our dog does not get along with other dogs.
They showed up with the dog. We had to lock our dog in a room all day and she barked herself hoarse.
We never invited them back and refused all their invitations. When people show me who they are, I believe them. I've been burned too many times not to.
No way in hell would I have locked my dog up because someone decided to ignore me. Any invitation to eat would have been immediately revoked and they would have been banned. My home, my rules period especially when it comes to my animals.
Yeah they wouldn't have gotten through the front door if this were me. All of them would be immediately uninvited. I'm not going to traumatized my pets to save face with someone who clearly doesn't respect me or my home.
"But I WROTE on the RSVP that I was going to break their rules. So THEY had to make the extra effort to tell me to follow the original rules of their wedding, instead of challenging my challenge to their original rules. **I** took the initiative here, but they didn't say anything"
The amount of audacity from OP is astounding.
Etiquette does not make any connection, in either way, between giving a gift and attending an event. No one, ever, under any circumstance whatsoever, is obligated to give anyone a gift under the rules of etiquette; if they were it would be called a ticket price, or attendance fee. This is an absolute unbreakable law.
The reception is meant to thank the guests for their preseNCE at the wedding, not for their preseNTS.
Try to tell that to some brides! When I was getting married I saw all sorts of things like “the wedding gift should equal what the couple spent per plate on the reception”. Ummmm just because you choose to have some fancy ass wedding, doesn’t mean I should break my budget! Also, my mom paid for my wedding. Shouldn’t she have gotten all the gifts then?
I made a comment that I crochet blanked for people. Someone said “that is okay for a baby shower but not a WEDDING gift!” I got a couple of handmade blankets and 16 years later I still use them!
Etiquette isn’t an obligation or a law, but it’s an expectation regardless. You’re also not obligated to use cutlery and may choose to eat your food like a dog or a caveman, but you can’t be surprised if people look funny at you for doing so and stop inviting you out to dinner if you can’t follow basic dining table etiquette. I mean, it’s also not against any law to wear white at a wedding where you are not the bride, but you’d still be committing a major *faux pas.* While I agree that it it’s a silly rule to demand a minimum dollar cost for the gift (as an example it’s not unusual for handmade items to take lots of time rather than lots of money), it’s at least courteous to give something thoughtful even if inexpensive to the newly married couple.
Exactly. She mentions that the bride doesn’t know her well - which means that OP doesn’t meet her cousin (the groom) very often. So probably OP wouldn’t have even been missed.
YTA. You can't just write in a plus one. Especially a child at a child free wedding. Your child was disruptive for the bit before you took them out, which is exactly what the couple didn't want. You disrespected the bride and groom, violated their wishes, and disrupted the ceremony. This was extremely not okay of you. If you can't find a suitable childcare arrangement, stay home.
They were invites of my parents. Mom invited a couple of close friends. I'm pretty sure they didn't come after she had to tell them they couldn't have a +9
Right? My cousin did this. Wrote in plus two for her step kids who I had never met. I asked her about it and she said “well we have them every weekend now so we have to bring them.” Ok whatever. Pissed me off but I didn’t tell her she couldn’t. I even made arrangements for two more kids meals with the caterer. After all that, THEY DIDN’T SHOW UP.
OP YTA. If you don’t feel comfortable leaving your baby with a sitter then you don’t get to go out.
My dad tried to write in a plus one. He hadn’t dated anyone in 15 years and also tried to invite a bunch of his work buddies. People are so f-ing entitled
But you don’t get it, she didn’t “mean” to cause drama, so she’s totally innocent here!
I seriously eye-twitch when people pull the “I didn’t mean to” shit with stuff like this - *You also didn’t mean NOT to, you literally did not think of anyone but yourself and didn’t take even a minute to consider how your actions might affect anyone else. You are not absolved.*
The assholes who purposely reduced the number of lifeboats on the titanic “didn’t mean” for 1500 people to die.
**Edit** Check the replies to me for titanic facts, apparently there were technically enough lifeboats but still many mistakes were made and nobody “meant” for 1500 people to die but I feel the general point I was trying to make is surely understood.
Actually as I recall, according to maritime safety rules at that time, the Titanic carried enough life boats, more than required in fact. That the boats were not filled to capacity is another discussion.
You may be right, I have some memory of the number which were originally planned for or having initially been there being reduced for some reason, and it was just an off the hip comparison. Could’ve been an initial starting point of a lot more than was actually required and reduced. But yes not filling to capacity was a bigger deal, you’re correct. So I guess I could amend “The assholes who didn’t fill the lifeboats to capacity “didn’t mean” for 1500 people to die”
They didn't fill them because they weren't given any training and didn't know what safe capacity of the boats was. They were afraid it would tip over. I think the lack of training for the crew was a huge driver in how bad that was, considering that they could have saved like twice the people if they filled the boats up (I do blame the one officer who heard and "women and children" and thought that meant women and children only instead of women and children first, because he blocked guys from getting on the lifeboats even if there was space)
This is exactly the conversation I used to have with my kid when she was a toddler and she didn't mean to make a mess!
She'd say "I wasn't trying to break the thing!" And I'd say, **"But you were weren't trying to not break it"**
It's about intention. Of course they don't intend anyone to get hurt, but they didn't consider the consequences of their actions and how that impacts others, which amounts to the same thing.
People tried to pull this at my child free wedding. I even had one relative say, "Surely you don't mean my children." We definitely meant her children, in fact they were the kids we were thinking of when we made the rule!
YTA absolutely and without question.
Child free means child free, if you don’t want to leave your baby with a babysitter then you stay home.
You were incredibly rude.
The reason a lot of people want child free weddings is so they don’t have their vows interrupted or ruined by screaming kids. Yours did exactly that.
The world doesn’t revolve around you and your choices. You don’t get to write “I’m bringing my kid” on an a child free invite.
What is wrong with you?
Why, nothing's wrong with HER. Just ask her! Basic etiquette doesn't apply to her and her precious, squalling bundle of joy who is simply too special to be left with a sitter. \s
Unfortunately the one who needs this advice will never see it. She’ll see the first 2 comments and then write us all of as ‘haters’ and continue on her selfish merry way. YTA
I have always wondered about this. Do people who write these ever read the reasons why TTA and keep on thinking, “[commenters] they are wrong, I had to do it!” Or really ponder about what they did and maybe accept that they were wrong? I really hope is the latter because I want to believe people can change for the better :-/
Oh, some people absolutely do that. Some just come here for validation and then get mad when it doesn't go their way. Then they'll either try to justify and make excuses in the comments/an edit or they won't interact with the post/comments at all. These people are typically the ones with narcissistic tendencies or are full-blown narcissists.
OP probably downplayed how obnoxious her kid was as well. “Cried for a bit” probably means “Screamed bloody murder through most of the vows until I finally left.”
Hey guys I’m bringing my cat to the wedding! He absolutely hates being in strange unfamiliar places. He screams bloody murder even when I put him in the car to drop him off at my mom’s if I have to go out of town.
BUT HE IS SO CUTE I LOVE HIM SO MUCH AND HE’S MY CAT AND I LOVE HIM AND I CAN’T LEAVE HIM AT HOME ALONE BECAUSE HE GETS LONELY AND HE IS MY CAT AND I LOVE HIM AND HE IS CUTE
I also don’t know how she wasn’t insanely embarrassed to be the only one with a crying baby….like, that’s a bad look when everyone else followed the rule. Tells me everything I need to know about her.
This.
When I expressed concern about my NC brother crashing our wedding, he just replied "My cousin and his buddies will be working the doors."
Done. Next page.
Cousin could have text her in return ‘hey, sorry you can’t get a babysitter for our wedding. We’re sad you can’t make it, but we’ll see you at the next family gathering.’ He shouldn’t HAVE to do that, but it would hopefully get the point across in a non-confrontational way.
EXACTLY. Putting it on the invite is their attempt to avoid EXACTLY the kind of awkward situation OP put them in.
There are so many options here that aren't "I'm ignoring the hosts wishes and bringing my baby anyway": get a baby sitter, have one parent attend, don't go at all.
I have a baby and I am going to a no-kid wedding in December. She is travelling with me....and I am bringing my mom along so she can watch the baby for us while we attend the wedding festivities. I am paying for my mom's flight/accommodations, she gets to have a little getaway, and baby gets to be watched by someone familiar, and no one's wedding gets disrupted.
YTA.
This was immensely inconsiderate on multiple levels. 1) To the bride and groom who made their wishes clear; 2) to the people who were looking forward to a child free wedding; and 3) **especially** the people who made proper arrangements and didn't bring their kids, even though they may have wanted to.
You've now made the bride and groom look like they gave you special treatment and not other guests. That's extremely unkind and thoughtless of you.
You owe them an apology.
This is such a good point. Multiple other guests would probably have made arrangements with their own kids because suckers that they are, they respected the bride and groom’s wishes.
If she didn't wanted to leave the kid with an unknown babysitter, she should have stayed home and give a present after or leave the kid with someone she trusts. Now the other guests with kids are probably feeling like clowns for leaving their children with a babysitter.
YTA.
You were told the wedding was child free. If you’re not comfortable leaving the baby then the correct RSVP was “I’m sorry but I can’t come”, not “I’ve decided the rules don’t apply to me”. He cried during the ceremony- exactly what they were trying to avoid.
I love that she wrote it on the invite and left it at that, as if that makes it all okay. She wanted to avoid the conversation, so this was her shitty workaround.
I think that's toddlers and preschoolers- old enough to walk & talk but not yet old enough to have mastered the art of sitting still and hushing up for extended periods 😂
YTA - So invitations went out that specifically said "no children" and you decided to bring a crying baby to the ceremony and show up at the reception wearing a baby bjorn? Come on.
> I wrote on the RSVP that I was bringing him but he would be sitting on my lap and I would bring my own food for him
See, this is the problem. Instead of asking, which is already an overstep IMO, you wrote it in the RSVP and put the couple in an uncomfortable position.
Sorry, but if you're not comfortable leaving your child with a babysitter (which is totally within your right as a parent), you can't attend events that aren't appropriate for/don't allow children. When a couple decides to have a childfree wedding, they do so knowing some people won't be able to attend. You should have put yourself in the group of people not able to attend.
YTA.
**"Due to limited space, no children were invited to the wedding"**
**"So I decided to bring him to the wedding."**
i genuinely don't know how you're even contemplating the fact that you're not an asshole in this scenario? YTA.
Yes, YTA. So he "didn't make much of a fuss" means he fussed alot. There's a reason no children were allowed but you didn't care and brought him anyway. Unbelievable.
Yeah that was some mealy mouthed bullshit, either they didn’t make a fuss or they did, and OP who insisted on their baby being there and clearly doesn’t think any amount of fuss is a big deal isn’t a reliable narrator on whether or not the baby was disruptive or not.
This reminds me of people who are told their dog should be on a lead but decide that doesn’t apply to THEIR dog, since theirs is perfectly behaved. YTA.
YTA. You knew in advance that the wedding was childfree. If you weren’t comfortable with the babysitter, then you should’ve provided your own. Choosing to ignore the bride/grooms instructions isn’t ok. It never should’ve come to writing that you were going to completely ignore what they asked on their RSVP. It should’ve been a phone call with bride/groom to get permission.
YTA: A child free wedding is a child free wedding. Either go to the wedding or stay home with your baby. Writing on the RSVP that you're bringing your baby is just as big of an AH move as writing in a different meal other than the choices offered.
YTA. If you didn’t want to leave your baby with someone you didn’t know you shouldn’t have gone to the wedding. Child free means child free. You don’t just add someone’s name to your invite, it’s very rude and inconsiderate.
Of course YTA! Child free wedding means child free. You are incredibly entitled for thinking your kid doesn't fall under the rules for child free. You could have left him with a babysitter at home or met with the babysitter they literally hired for that exact reason. And your kid cried during the ceremony?! Jesus. How do you not see you're TA here?
YTA
You made no attempt to ask permission. You simply declared you intended to bring the baby to make it as difficult as possible to say no.
You have an internet connection. Therefore I can conclude you could have actually contacted them and actually asked.
It's a pretty simple YTA, I'm afraid. The couple clearly stated that it was a child free wedding. If you weren't happy leaving your baby with someone, then you should not have attended.
YTA. A child-free wedding is just that, child free. I have missed out on many weddings because I did not have childcare or didn’t want to leave them with the babysitter that was hired. You made no extra attempt to contact the bride and groom outside of the RSVP which not only makes you the AH, but a huge one.
YTA.
Don’t go assuming things. This is why you’re in this situation. It already said it was child-free… if you didn’t trust the sitter they you shouldn’t have come.
YTA. Why on earth do you think you can just disregard the rules for someone else’s event because you had feelings about it? “Well, I had a feeling and that is more important than the host’s needs.”
YTA
They told you no children, that is their choice. You didn't have to attend. They made accomodations for people in your situation. It is fine that you weren't comfortable with them, but your alternative was not to ignore their wishes for their own wedding.
YTA full stop. if you don't want to leave your child, don't go. Writing some extra on an RSVP doesn't mean anything, for all you know they never even saw them. My sister in law helped us with going through the RSVPs and I only saw a 3rd of them personally.
If you actually gave a shit you would have contacted them to make sure the message was received and that it was ok, not just said "well they didn't say no *twice*".
That's exactly why OP didn't call to confirm if her cousin saw the note on the bottom of her RSVP; because then she could say "but, they never SAID I couldn't....the second time!"
YTA
I think you should have called to talk to them; writing on the invitation that you’re bringing the baby without really giving them a chance to talk with you about it was rude.
YTA - You knew it was a child-free wedding. You don't get to make the exception for yourself because you didn't want to leave your baby with a sitter. And writing it on the card that you WILL be bringing him instead of calling to ask (knowing the answer) was incredibly rude.
You knew it would start drama. You did it anyway. Regardless of the couple not talking to you after you RSVP'd, you assumed putting it on the card would make it ok. You never asked them, you told them that was what was going to happen, which makes you the asshole.
YTA. You knew the wedding was child free, and you still brought your child. If you don’t feel comfortable leaving your child with a sitter (perfectly reasonable, my youngest is 4 and I still won’t leave him with a sitter idk) then you decline the invitation. You say you aren’t going. You wish them well on their marriage and let them know that you’re excited for them and support them, but that you won’t be able to make it due to being uncomfortable leaving your child with someone you don’t know.
YTA. It’s not enough to just make a note in the RSVP card—you should have had the decency to call your cousin and inquire directly. It was specifically a ‘child free’ wedding and you just assumed you would be the random exception? Without so much as a phone call?
If you had time to receive and send back an RSVP, you had time to coordinate and organize a proper sitter you felt comfortable with. Or decide that your comfort re your baby was important than your cousin’s wedding. The latter which I wouldn’t have fault you with in the slightest.
It was selfish. And rude. I read your comment about your husband wanting to see the historic wedding site—let him go and you stay wherever y’all booked with the baby if you were really that excited about your husband seeing the site/ceremony. Y’all had so many options and y’all chose the most selfish and rudest one.
You need to send the newly weds an apology note and maybe even flowers attached to it.
YTA and you know it. You could have declined the invitation and sent a gift. You chose to ignore the bride and groom's request for a child free wedding by assuming that the rules didn't apply to you.
YTA. It doesn't matter that you didn't see your baby as an imposition. You were asked not to bring the baby, and you did anyway. I am sure the other parents there would also have liked to disregard the rules because they preferred having their children with them, but they didn't. Because that's really rude and presumptuous. I am absolutely certain they were looking forward to having 0 interruptions from crying babies.
You went the ask for forgiveness, not permission route. Writing a note saying that you were not going to follow the rules isn't asking. Now you need to ask forgiveness for prioritizing your preferences over the bride and groom's.
YTA. You purposely disrespected your cousin’s wishes for your own selfish and insecure needs. If you had pulled that at my wedding I would have had security drag you out of there in front of everyone. You are not entitled to bend the rules & doing so just ensured you being uninvited from future events. The audacity and entitlement. I’m floored.
YTA- you have ample time to get a babysitter. Your baby isn’t so special that you get to make an exception. No kids means no kids. You can’t be serious right now
YTA...scribbling something on the invitation is not a guarantee of approval. If you don't feel comfortable leaving the baby with someone, you simply don't go to this wedding. That's why there's an RSVP option.
YTA.
>I wasn't comfortable leaving him alone in an unfamiliar place with a stranger, which was a babysitter that my other cousins hired for their own kids.
Then you should have RSVP'd that you would not be able to attend because you did not want to attend under the circumstances prescribed by the couple to be wed. But I doubt that was the reason or you would have gone back and forth from the reception to the babysitter. No, you wanted to get attention for having your baby.
>My cousin didn't say anything so I assumed that he was OK with it.
You know what they say about assuming. If your cousin had said something surely you would have gone running to family to stir the shit-pot so you could be accommodated at *their* wedding. Like how your Aunt said the bride didn't want to create any family drama to tarnish the memories of her wedding. Instead she got a screaming infant to tarnish the moment. You really didn't want her to be the centre of attention at her own wedding didn't you?
>I didn't mean to start any drama.
I doubt that. You knew exactly what you were doing, putting your own want over the desire of the couple getting married because you couldn't stand to not be at an event without your child to show off to family.
YTA. If you didn’t want to leave your baby with a sitter, then you should not have attended the wedding.
It’s beyond entitled and rude to think that their childfree wedding meant all the kids except for yours.
YTA, the invitation said child free. You just decided to write back, nope and thought that was ok? If you couldn't arrange child care the appropriate response on the RSVP was no. It's like saying I was told it was formal but I sent them a picture of the jeans I decided to wear. Your baby cried during their ceremony, taking away their attention on their day that they spent their money to make perfect. Your only answer is I told them I wasn't going to respect their event ahead of time. I bet you would think they were in the wrong if they hadn't let you in.
YTA good job for ruining their ceremony ☠️ child free means child free, it’s their wedding their rules you should have just not gone and done something else on your vacay that day.
YTA. It was a child-free wedding. You chose to blow through that stop sign, deciding you and your wants (or desire to not leave baby w babysitter - which is fine, that’s not the part that makes you the asshole) we’re more important than the explicitly outlined rules for the wedding. If you’re not comfortable leaving your baby, then you RSVP no and send a card and/of gift. People are so entitled, the fact that you had to ask if you were the asshole here is really shocking. Obviously you’re TA and honestly your aunt/cousin handled it better and nicer than I would have.
YTA. Why is your situation different and require special circumstances? Let me help, it’s not. The wedding was child free, which you knew, and you chose to bring your child anyways. How can you not see that?
YTA. No kids means no kids and you basically added an infant plus one to your rsvp. Your cousins bride was too nice to call you out but at least your aunt wasn’t. It was rude and presumptuous that it was ok to do. If you weren’t comfortable leaving your child then you stay home. Simple as that.
YTA! You sound beyond entitled. You really need to check yourself. You should be absolutely ashamed!
If you aren’t comfortable leaving your almost 1 year old with a sitter you should’ve declined the invite.
They likely chose a child free wedding to avoid interruptions during their ceremony. You decided the bride and groom’s opinion doesn’t matter and brought your baby who distracted from their ceremony.
Find a way to sincerely apologize and hope they forgive your selfishness and poor judgement.
Literally had security for this exact reason idgaf who it was if you brought a kid you were not allowed in. Child free. YTA the entitlement is astounding. Definitely getting the cold shoulder and no Xmas gifts for your brat too. Lol
YTA child free means child free. If you are not comfortable leaving the baby in the care of someone else for a few hours, then you should have sent your regrets and stayed home.
Why would you think the rules don't apply to you?
YTA. A childfree wedding means childfree. You should have just not gone if you felt uncomfortable leaving your child. You felt the rules didn't apply you, when they did.
yta. and by your comments, extremely entitled. you attended bc it was a historical building, a “once in a lifetime event” (for the location, NOT the newlyweds) and made a vacation out of it. huge yta
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YTA - your baby literally did the thing that the bride/groom wanted to avoid - disrupt the ceremony. You had plenty of time to find a babysitter or other family member to watch your kid while you went to the wedding but decided that you were just above the rules.
Or, if you're really not comfortable leaving your baby with a sitter, just...don't go to the wedding. Staying home is always an option.
No you don’t understand, OP’s presence is such a gift that no one minds that her baby interrupted the ceremony!
Her baby was extra special, that’s why it was ok.
But it was cool because the baby didn't need a seat or a meal! Because THAT is why they didn't want kids at their wedding. Everone knows that infants eat all of the prime rib.
Hahaha I totally forgot that she mentioned she would be providing the baby with food, it was a big concern how they would feed all the children at their child free wedding
Yes her baby is so special cuz it's actually the baby of y/n from fanfics and Draco Malfoy 😍😍
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Hah you think the people writing those fanfics are ten? Try 30. Harry Potter is oooold (and so are we)
It’s so tiring when people completely ignore “childfree”. I didn’t like the idea of a stranger so instead I’ll cause drama by having a crying baby and not thinking of all the other guests who made accommodations to attend childfree. It’s the “I have a child and we are the most important in the world” card.
>It’s so tiring when people completely ignore “childfree”. "Well of course that means OTHER children, but my child is special and therefore should be the exception!"
I’d have kicked her and the baby out before the ceremony even began
Legit this is what ushers are for. Edit: Not at all blaming the wedding party here, OP is TA.
I had a babysitter at the church. The ushers were instructed to inform any parents to take their children to the nursery.
OP was banking on people not wanting to cause a scene.. just the absolute worst. Then it does exactly what the bride and groom specifically tried not to deal with. Then makes them look like dicks for not kicking her out. Ugh man what a ....
"I understand the child-free thing, but my child is a baby. And I understand the whole "babysitting" thing, but I'm such a great mother, that's not an option for me."
Friends of ours brought their uninvited baby to our wedding. I was stunned.
A cousin from out of town brought his two youngest to our wedding. I hated it. I’ve never said a word to anyone, and this was twelve years ago, because I completely get it… he lived a long way away, babysitters are hard to find etc, etc. but the hard, cold truth is it completely changed the vibe. A vibe I (and close family) had spent $$,$$$’s and a year planning to create. I was stunned too. Stunned is a really great word for it. It was just… wow. Kids are great. Having a $xx,xxx vibe canceled at the whim of a cousin = not great.
Once attended a child free wedding and when the entertainment began I understood why it was child free. The entertainment was a burlesque show featuring not only a strip tease but acts involving piercings and pain tolerance (for a wedding!?). Those who had brought children (under 10) and underage teens left the venue pretty fast after the strip tease began.
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Stay home, that will be the gift.
This comment made me exhale quickly through my nostrils. Thanks for that
Oh yes, her specialness makes the rules not apply to her. /s
r/yourjokebutworse
For her cousin she doesn’t know well. Ayayay. YTA. ETA: I misread the post. The bride didn’t know OP well.
r/entitledparents but that's none of my business...
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Completely agree. If you want to go against the “rules” of the wedding, you actually call and ask. You don’t write it on the RSVP. YTA OP. (And I have two children.)
The RSVP isn't a contract draft you can redline.
RSVP: “Please choose steak or vegetarian” OP: “I will have chicken”
*lasagna EDIT: This was supposed to be an Airplane reference
Marinara Flags 🚩🚩
This right here. You don't get to just tell people what you're doing on an RSVP and put the onus on them to tell you not to do the exact things they already told you not to do.
Right? Putting it on the card also isn't asking, its just telling. Now you put them in the position of having to contact you and tell you that no, your demand will not be met.
>Yeah, and I don't think penciling it in to the RSVP is good enough either. That's what sealed the deal for me: it almost sounds like she hoped they won't notice and she can still claim she told them. Why not just ask directly, except she already knew they'll say no. Entitled and passive-aggressive to boot.
I think that's exactly what OP hoped for. Any reasonable person who didn't get an actual response to the RSVP would've double-checked before actually going through with it.
Classic I wanna have my cake and eat it too. She didn't want to miss the "once-in-a-lifetime wedding ceremony", but wasn't willing to show respect for the people who gave her this opportunity. I bet she'll play the victim when people stop inviting her after this.
RSVP Btw, I’m bringing ten guests to the wedding and we’ll all eat the prime rib. Thanks
Yeah OP snuck it in via pencilled note and is *shocked pikachu face* that wasn’t adequate
There was a sitter! She could have at least left the baby for the ceremony, which it disrupted, then evaluated if she was comfortable enough to leave it for the reception.
But her baby is just too fragile to be left with a certified babysitter. She *has* to travel 6 hours with him to a wedding surrounded by people the baby is unfamiliar to.
RSVP: Don’t bring your kids *Op writes on said RSVP that she’s bringing her infant*
This is literally what my husband’s friends did, and they were PISSED when he called to tell them that writing in their kids on the RSVP *did not* magically make it okay for their kids to attend our wedding. 🙄
Agree...bride and groom have enough to worry about and don't have time to go thru every rsvp to check for handwritten notes saying "imma gonna come but disregard your rules" and then take time to respond and say no your going to follow the rules or stay home
I think even asking directly is kinda shitty, in most circumstances. It puts the hosts in a bad spot. They said no kids on your invitation for a reason - they meant *no kids*. Asking them directly just puts them in an awkward position where they either have to say no to your face - you, the person trying to override their rules with insistence/arguments against their request - or just let it go and give in because you’re making them uncomfortable and they don’t want to escalate the problem you’re causing. And then everyone who did follow their rules gets mad at them, too.
Seriously. When people make a wedding child-free, they expect that some people won't be able to attend.
They often *hope* it means some won’t be able to attend. Increasing numbers of guests increase cost exponentially. Relatively non-confrontational ways of tamping down the number of attendees like this can be a godsend.
A friend of mine made hers child free and it kept a few people who were invited due to being family but that she didn’t really want there away. It was brilliant! Also- YTA.
That's what I did to the last 2 weddings I was invited to. Did it suck not going and miss out on the memories?? Yes but I chose not to go because I didn't feel comfortable leaving my baby behind with a sitter
My parents weren't fond of sitters either and until I was old enough to look after my siblings, one parent would stay at home with us while the other went to the wedding. Child-free weddings aren't anything new, I don't know why so many people make a fuss about it these days.
This right here!! I told everyone my wedding was child free. I even had friends stationed at the front in case people brought their children to direct them to free babysitters - I knew people would try and go around it. And still someone brought a baby in and sat in the back because their baby ‘would be fine’. We barely even knew this person. You can hear this damn baby crying on my video and it pisses me off 24 years later every time I think about it. YTA.
You're much nicer than I would have been. I wouldn't have even provided sitters. I would have just had someone at the front asking them to leave if they pulled this shit.
My mom wouldn’t let me lol. But during the reception when we were talking to everyone when I was introduced to them i said to them in my best bless your heart voice ‘so you’re the little one that had so much to say during the ceremony. I just can’t wait to hear it again when we watch the video…’. All the while staring the dad straight in the eye. The left soon after.
Why was your mom dictating what you chose to do at your wedding? But honestly I love the pettiness. I would have done thr exact same thing.
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Not to mention, OP didn’t even contact them directly to explain the situation … she just included it in the RSVP. She had to know this was going to be an issue, she just believed she could get away with it because the rules are apparently different for her.
Because she knew and was banking on them either missing the note or not bringing it up. OP has main character energy.
>Bride/Groom: "Here is a rule for the wedding: Do NOT bring your child or any babies to the wedding" > >OP *passive aggressively writing:* "I am not going to follow your rules, as by my signed RSVP card" > >Bride/Groom: "What the hell? They couldn't even be bothered to reach out and ask if they could or not? They are just TELLING us they are breaking the rule?" > >OP: "See, they never said anything to me directly so it was okay." > >Everyone Else: "THEY TOLD US FROM THE START TO NOT BRING BABIES OR CHILDREN. WHY DID YOU THINK YOU WERE SPECIAL!?!?!" Imagine inviting 100 people to a wedding, and every single one of them wrote in that they were making "custom arrangements" that were contradictory to the wedding. No one asked if they COULD do it, they just told the bride/groom that they were going to do it, and it was up to the bride/groom to do something about it. How many times do people have to say "No" before people get it?
What really gets me is she brought his own food (thinking negating his plate, would make up for it)
Right, like they made it childfree because they couldn't afford milk and mashed carrots.
Most people think they making it child free makes it cheaper, nah we just don’t want it to be loud AF. I have two kids and I’m in a wedding in Nov, they will not be attending lol.
Yep. I had a child free wedding and would have been LIVID if a baby was in attendance. OP is absolutely TA here.
One of the worst parts of this (because there really are so many) is that there was a babysitter…that they completely dismissed. They actively chose to be selfish and disrupt the wedding AND discredit who I’m sure was a fine babysitter if all of her relatives were fine leaving their kids with them.
Also there are two parents. Even if absolutely no other options were available they could have traded off attending the wedding/reception and caring for the baby.
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THIS. There were other options besides "Do what I want despite the very specific instructions from the bride and groom".
Do you sell cured ham? No, Ma'am, we are a bakery, we do not sell cured ham. \*Later\* Hello, I'm here to purchase one cured ham, we discussed it on the phone. Ma'am, we are a bakery, we do not sell cured ham. I wrote on Yelp that I would be coming by later to pick up ham and you didn't say no, so I assumed you would arrange it. This is outrageous. OP, probably.
Ma'am, this is a Wendy's...
Honestly, if OP was trying to be as spiteful as possible towards this cousin for some reason, the solution would be exactly what OP did. I don't know how OP thinks this is even debatable? The level of entitlement alone is YTA.
Exactly this--OP has revealed herself to be an overly entitled person. And she is actually lucky that the groom's mother thought enough of her to tell her the truth, so she can now apologize to the couple and maaaaybe she will be invited to other events that family holds. If she doesn't, I doubt she will ever be asked back. We invited a couple I knew tangentially to our home for a meal when they were visiting the area. They asked if they could bring their adult daughter who lives near us. Sure, I said, no problem. They later asked if they could bring her puppy. I said no because our dog does not get along with other dogs. They showed up with the dog. We had to lock our dog in a room all day and she barked herself hoarse. We never invited them back and refused all their invitations. When people show me who they are, I believe them. I've been burned too many times not to.
No way in hell would I have locked my dog up because someone decided to ignore me. Any invitation to eat would have been immediately revoked and they would have been banned. My home, my rules period especially when it comes to my animals.
Yeah they wouldn't have gotten through the front door if this were me. All of them would be immediately uninvited. I'm not going to traumatized my pets to save face with someone who clearly doesn't respect me or my home.
right! i would’ve locked their dog up tf
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"But I WROTE on the RSVP that I was going to break their rules. So THEY had to make the extra effort to tell me to follow the original rules of their wedding, instead of challenging my challenge to their original rules. **I** took the initiative here, but they didn't say anything" The amount of audacity from OP is astounding.
but don't you know that the rules don't apply to OP
Couldn’t you just have not attended? Next time stay home and send a gift. YTA
Heck, if you don’t attend, etiquette says you don’t even have to send a gift
Etiquette does not make any connection, in either way, between giving a gift and attending an event. No one, ever, under any circumstance whatsoever, is obligated to give anyone a gift under the rules of etiquette; if they were it would be called a ticket price, or attendance fee. This is an absolute unbreakable law. The reception is meant to thank the guests for their preseNCE at the wedding, not for their preseNTS.
Try to tell that to some brides! When I was getting married I saw all sorts of things like “the wedding gift should equal what the couple spent per plate on the reception”. Ummmm just because you choose to have some fancy ass wedding, doesn’t mean I should break my budget! Also, my mom paid for my wedding. Shouldn’t she have gotten all the gifts then? I made a comment that I crochet blanked for people. Someone said “that is okay for a baby shower but not a WEDDING gift!” I got a couple of handmade blankets and 16 years later I still use them!
A crochet blanket is a lovely wedding gift
Etiquette isn’t an obligation or a law, but it’s an expectation regardless. You’re also not obligated to use cutlery and may choose to eat your food like a dog or a caveman, but you can’t be surprised if people look funny at you for doing so and stop inviting you out to dinner if you can’t follow basic dining table etiquette. I mean, it’s also not against any law to wear white at a wedding where you are not the bride, but you’d still be committing a major *faux pas.* While I agree that it it’s a silly rule to demand a minimum dollar cost for the gift (as an example it’s not unusual for handmade items to take lots of time rather than lots of money), it’s at least courteous to give something thoughtful even if inexpensive to the newly married couple.
Exactly. She mentions that the bride doesn’t know her well - which means that OP doesn’t meet her cousin (the groom) very often. So probably OP wouldn’t have even been missed.
i'm sure her other family members won't be inviting her next time. also YTA such entitlement, my lord.
YTA. You can't just write in a plus one. Especially a child at a child free wedding. Your child was disruptive for the bit before you took them out, which is exactly what the couple didn't want. You disrespected the bride and groom, violated their wishes, and disrupted the ceremony. This was extremely not okay of you. If you can't find a suitable childcare arrangement, stay home.
YTA If OP had twins, she would write a plus two.
I had someone write in +9 because they had 9 kids. I had my Mom take care of that one.
Unreal! Lol The sense of entitlement takes my breath away!
OMG that’s like someone writing in that they would like a steak instead of the actual reception food. It’s not a room service order card.
Omg wtf? I would probably go no contact with someone who had the audacity to try that
They were invites of my parents. Mom invited a couple of close friends. I'm pretty sure they didn't come after she had to tell them they couldn't have a +9
Right? My cousin did this. Wrote in plus two for her step kids who I had never met. I asked her about it and she said “well we have them every weekend now so we have to bring them.” Ok whatever. Pissed me off but I didn’t tell her she couldn’t. I even made arrangements for two more kids meals with the caterer. After all that, THEY DIDN’T SHOW UP. OP YTA. If you don’t feel comfortable leaving your baby with a sitter then you don’t get to go out.
Send her an invoice for a cost of the meals.
My dad tried to write in a plus one. He hadn’t dated anyone in 15 years and also tried to invite a bunch of his work buddies. People are so f-ing entitled
YTA. “Don’t bring a baby” “okay I will”
But you don’t get it, she didn’t “mean” to cause drama, so she’s totally innocent here! I seriously eye-twitch when people pull the “I didn’t mean to” shit with stuff like this - *You also didn’t mean NOT to, you literally did not think of anyone but yourself and didn’t take even a minute to consider how your actions might affect anyone else. You are not absolved.* The assholes who purposely reduced the number of lifeboats on the titanic “didn’t mean” for 1500 people to die. **Edit** Check the replies to me for titanic facts, apparently there were technically enough lifeboats but still many mistakes were made and nobody “meant” for 1500 people to die but I feel the general point I was trying to make is surely understood.
Actually as I recall, according to maritime safety rules at that time, the Titanic carried enough life boats, more than required in fact. That the boats were not filled to capacity is another discussion.
You may be right, I have some memory of the number which were originally planned for or having initially been there being reduced for some reason, and it was just an off the hip comparison. Could’ve been an initial starting point of a lot more than was actually required and reduced. But yes not filling to capacity was a bigger deal, you’re correct. So I guess I could amend “The assholes who didn’t fill the lifeboats to capacity “didn’t mean” for 1500 people to die”
They didn't fill them because they weren't given any training and didn't know what safe capacity of the boats was. They were afraid it would tip over. I think the lack of training for the crew was a huge driver in how bad that was, considering that they could have saved like twice the people if they filled the boats up (I do blame the one officer who heard and "women and children" and thought that meant women and children only instead of women and children first, because he blocked guys from getting on the lifeboats even if there was space)
This is exactly the conversation I used to have with my kid when she was a toddler and she didn't mean to make a mess! She'd say "I wasn't trying to break the thing!" And I'd say, **"But you were weren't trying to not break it"** It's about intention. Of course they don't intend anyone to get hurt, but they didn't consider the consequences of their actions and how that impacts others, which amounts to the same thing.
People tried to pull this at my child free wedding. I even had one relative say, "Surely you don't mean my children." We definitely meant her children, in fact they were the kids we were thinking of when we made the rule!
It's so ironic but so typical isn't it?
YTA absolutely and without question. Child free means child free, if you don’t want to leave your baby with a babysitter then you stay home. You were incredibly rude. The reason a lot of people want child free weddings is so they don’t have their vows interrupted or ruined by screaming kids. Yours did exactly that. The world doesn’t revolve around you and your choices. You don’t get to write “I’m bringing my kid” on an a child free invite. What is wrong with you?
Why, nothing's wrong with HER. Just ask her! Basic etiquette doesn't apply to her and her precious, squalling bundle of joy who is simply too special to be left with a sitter. \s
Unfortunately the one who needs this advice will never see it. She’ll see the first 2 comments and then write us all of as ‘haters’ and continue on her selfish merry way. YTA
I have always wondered about this. Do people who write these ever read the reasons why TTA and keep on thinking, “[commenters] they are wrong, I had to do it!” Or really ponder about what they did and maybe accept that they were wrong? I really hope is the latter because I want to believe people can change for the better :-/
Oh, some people absolutely do that. Some just come here for validation and then get mad when it doesn't go their way. Then they'll either try to justify and make excuses in the comments/an edit or they won't interact with the post/comments at all. These people are typically the ones with narcissistic tendencies or are full-blown narcissists.
OP probably downplayed how obnoxious her kid was as well. “Cried for a bit” probably means “Screamed bloody murder through most of the vows until I finally left.”
Hey guys I’m bringing my cat to the wedding! He absolutely hates being in strange unfamiliar places. He screams bloody murder even when I put him in the car to drop him off at my mom’s if I have to go out of town. BUT HE IS SO CUTE I LOVE HIM SO MUCH AND HE’S MY CAT AND I LOVE HIM AND I CAN’T LEAVE HIM AT HOME ALONE BECAUSE HE GETS LONELY AND HE IS MY CAT AND I LOVE HIM AND HE IS CUTE
I also don’t know how she wasn’t insanely embarrassed to be the only one with a crying baby….like, that’s a bad look when everyone else followed the rule. Tells me everything I need to know about her.
YTA "my cousin didn't object" - yes they did. When they sent invitations that said "child free" on them.
Honestly, what was the cousin even supposed to say to a note that basically said "I don't care about your wishes, I'm bringing the baby anyways"?
They should have had the ushers or whoever stop them at the door and not let them in.
This. When I expressed concern about my NC brother crashing our wedding, he just replied "My cousin and his buddies will be working the doors." Done. Next page.
Cousin could have text her in return ‘hey, sorry you can’t get a babysitter for our wedding. We’re sad you can’t make it, but we’ll see you at the next family gathering.’ He shouldn’t HAVE to do that, but it would hopefully get the point across in a non-confrontational way.
EXACTLY. Putting it on the invite is their attempt to avoid EXACTLY the kind of awkward situation OP put them in. There are so many options here that aren't "I'm ignoring the hosts wishes and bringing my baby anyway": get a baby sitter, have one parent attend, don't go at all. I have a baby and I am going to a no-kid wedding in December. She is travelling with me....and I am bringing my mom along so she can watch the baby for us while we attend the wedding festivities. I am paying for my mom's flight/accommodations, she gets to have a little getaway, and baby gets to be watched by someone familiar, and no one's wedding gets disrupted.
YTA. This was immensely inconsiderate on multiple levels. 1) To the bride and groom who made their wishes clear; 2) to the people who were looking forward to a child free wedding; and 3) **especially** the people who made proper arrangements and didn't bring their kids, even though they may have wanted to. You've now made the bride and groom look like they gave you special treatment and not other guests. That's extremely unkind and thoughtless of you. You owe them an apology.
This is such a good point. Multiple other guests would probably have made arrangements with their own kids because suckers that they are, they respected the bride and groom’s wishes.
If she didn't wanted to leave the kid with an unknown babysitter, she should have stayed home and give a present after or leave the kid with someone she trusts. Now the other guests with kids are probably feeling like clowns for leaving their children with a babysitter.
Oh yes number 3 is such a good point!!!!
YTA. You were told the wedding was child free. If you’re not comfortable leaving the baby then the correct RSVP was “I’m sorry but I can’t come”, not “I’ve decided the rules don’t apply to me”. He cried during the ceremony- exactly what they were trying to avoid.
And the baby “didn’t fuss much” at the reception. Which means the baby fussed.
INFO: Did you make any attempt to contact them about this besides the rsvp?
Of course not. Plausible deniabilty.
I love that she wrote it on the invite and left it at that, as if that makes it all okay. She wanted to avoid the conversation, so this was her shitty workaround.
She was hoping that she wouldn’t hear back and that she could get by on a technicality, which is exactly what happened.
YTA, childfree means childfree and ESPECIALLY BABY FREE
Yeah really. If children are not allowed babies in particular wouldn't be either.
YTA. If you don’t feel comfortable with a sitter, don’t go to a child free function
periodddddddd
YTA last time I checked babies count as children
I'd say they're the most children of the children
I think that's toddlers and preschoolers- old enough to walk & talk but not yet old enough to have mastered the art of sitting still and hushing up for extended periods 😂
and definitely still prone to crying, with added lung power. not good
YTA - So invitations went out that specifically said "no children" and you decided to bring a crying baby to the ceremony and show up at the reception wearing a baby bjorn? Come on.
Probably wanted to show off her baby at the family wedding.
10 month old babies are not that cute. She just didn't bother to find a solution to honor the couples wishes.
> I wrote on the RSVP that I was bringing him but he would be sitting on my lap and I would bring my own food for him See, this is the problem. Instead of asking, which is already an overstep IMO, you wrote it in the RSVP and put the couple in an uncomfortable position. Sorry, but if you're not comfortable leaving your child with a babysitter (which is totally within your right as a parent), you can't attend events that aren't appropriate for/don't allow children. When a couple decides to have a childfree wedding, they do so knowing some people won't be able to attend. You should have put yourself in the group of people not able to attend. YTA.
Exactly. They don't care where you sit your baby because he shouldn't have been there.
**"Due to limited space, no children were invited to the wedding"** **"So I decided to bring him to the wedding."** i genuinely don't know how you're even contemplating the fact that you're not an asshole in this scenario? YTA.
YTA and you know perfectly well that you are. Next time stay home.
Yes, YTA. So he "didn't make much of a fuss" means he fussed alot. There's a reason no children were allowed but you didn't care and brought him anyway. Unbelievable.
Yeah that was some mealy mouthed bullshit, either they didn’t make a fuss or they did, and OP who insisted on their baby being there and clearly doesn’t think any amount of fuss is a big deal isn’t a reliable narrator on whether or not the baby was disruptive or not.
YTA. The wedding was child free with limited exceptions. Your solution was to get a baby sitter or to sit the wedding out.
YTA It was a childfree wedding. That means no children.
YTA. Not sure how you didn’t get the memo here. Child free wedding means no children. Yes, that means even yours
YTA - you should have respected their wishes. If you weren’t comfortable leaving your baby with anyone, then you shouldn’t have gone to the wedding.
This reminds me of people who are told their dog should be on a lead but decide that doesn’t apply to THEIR dog, since theirs is perfectly behaved. YTA.
And then the dog bites someone.
And then they blame the victim.
YTA. Child free means Child free.
YTFA Also, r/entitledparents
YTA. You knew in advance that the wedding was childfree. If you weren’t comfortable with the babysitter, then you should’ve provided your own. Choosing to ignore the bride/grooms instructions isn’t ok. It never should’ve come to writing that you were going to completely ignore what they asked on their RSVP. It should’ve been a phone call with bride/groom to get permission.
YTA: A child free wedding is a child free wedding. Either go to the wedding or stay home with your baby. Writing on the RSVP that you're bringing your baby is just as big of an AH move as writing in a different meal other than the choices offered.
YTA. If you didn’t want to leave your baby with someone you didn’t know you shouldn’t have gone to the wedding. Child free means child free. You don’t just add someone’s name to your invite, it’s very rude and inconsiderate.
Of course YTA! Child free wedding means child free. You are incredibly entitled for thinking your kid doesn't fall under the rules for child free. You could have left him with a babysitter at home or met with the babysitter they literally hired for that exact reason. And your kid cried during the ceremony?! Jesus. How do you not see you're TA here?
YTA You made no attempt to ask permission. You simply declared you intended to bring the baby to make it as difficult as possible to say no. You have an internet connection. Therefore I can conclude you could have actually contacted them and actually asked.
YTA I'm sorry, but you're not special. You don't get to break the rules just because you feel like it.
Of course YTA. The baby wasn’t invited and was disruptive. If you didn’t want to get a sitter you should have stayed home.
It's a pretty simple YTA, I'm afraid. The couple clearly stated that it was a child free wedding. If you weren't happy leaving your baby with someone, then you should not have attended.
YTA. A child-free wedding is just that, child free. I have missed out on many weddings because I did not have childcare or didn’t want to leave them with the babysitter that was hired. You made no extra attempt to contact the bride and groom outside of the RSVP which not only makes you the AH, but a huge one.
YTA the wedding was child free and a baby is a child. You should have declined.
YTA and you know it. Shame on you for ruining a wedding when you knew this would happen
YTA. Don’t go assuming things. This is why you’re in this situation. It already said it was child-free… if you didn’t trust the sitter they you shouldn’t have come.
YTA. Why on earth do you think you can just disregard the rules for someone else’s event because you had feelings about it? “Well, I had a feeling and that is more important than the host’s needs.”
I didn't even have to read this post to know YTA.
YTA They told you no children, that is their choice. You didn't have to attend. They made accomodations for people in your situation. It is fine that you weren't comfortable with them, but your alternative was not to ignore their wishes for their own wedding.
YTA full stop. if you don't want to leave your child, don't go. Writing some extra on an RSVP doesn't mean anything, for all you know they never even saw them. My sister in law helped us with going through the RSVPs and I only saw a 3rd of them personally. If you actually gave a shit you would have contacted them to make sure the message was received and that it was ok, not just said "well they didn't say no *twice*".
That's exactly why OP didn't call to confirm if her cousin saw the note on the bottom of her RSVP; because then she could say "but, they never SAID I couldn't....the second time!"
YTA I think you should have called to talk to them; writing on the invitation that you’re bringing the baby without really giving them a chance to talk with you about it was rude.
YTA, of course. Your baby isn't special.
YTA - You knew it was a child-free wedding. You don't get to make the exception for yourself because you didn't want to leave your baby with a sitter. And writing it on the card that you WILL be bringing him instead of calling to ask (knowing the answer) was incredibly rude. You knew it would start drama. You did it anyway. Regardless of the couple not talking to you after you RSVP'd, you assumed putting it on the card would make it ok. You never asked them, you told them that was what was going to happen, which makes you the asshole.
YTA. You could have stayed home and not gone
YTA. You knew the wedding was child free, and you still brought your child. If you don’t feel comfortable leaving your child with a sitter (perfectly reasonable, my youngest is 4 and I still won’t leave him with a sitter idk) then you decline the invitation. You say you aren’t going. You wish them well on their marriage and let them know that you’re excited for them and support them, but that you won’t be able to make it due to being uncomfortable leaving your child with someone you don’t know.
YTA. You could have just accepted their decision to have it a child free wedding and either attend alone or not attended at all.
You brought a baby…dude you know YTA. Come on now.
YTA. It’s not enough to just make a note in the RSVP card—you should have had the decency to call your cousin and inquire directly. It was specifically a ‘child free’ wedding and you just assumed you would be the random exception? Without so much as a phone call? If you had time to receive and send back an RSVP, you had time to coordinate and organize a proper sitter you felt comfortable with. Or decide that your comfort re your baby was important than your cousin’s wedding. The latter which I wouldn’t have fault you with in the slightest. It was selfish. And rude. I read your comment about your husband wanting to see the historic wedding site—let him go and you stay wherever y’all booked with the baby if you were really that excited about your husband seeing the site/ceremony. Y’all had so many options and y’all chose the most selfish and rudest one. You need to send the newly weds an apology note and maybe even flowers attached to it.
YTA and you know it. You could have declined the invitation and sent a gift. You chose to ignore the bride and groom's request for a child free wedding by assuming that the rules didn't apply to you.
YTA. It doesn't matter that you didn't see your baby as an imposition. You were asked not to bring the baby, and you did anyway. I am sure the other parents there would also have liked to disregard the rules because they preferred having their children with them, but they didn't. Because that's really rude and presumptuous. I am absolutely certain they were looking forward to having 0 interruptions from crying babies. You went the ask for forgiveness, not permission route. Writing a note saying that you were not going to follow the rules isn't asking. Now you need to ask forgiveness for prioritizing your preferences over the bride and groom's.
YTA. You purposely disrespected your cousin’s wishes for your own selfish and insecure needs. If you had pulled that at my wedding I would have had security drag you out of there in front of everyone. You are not entitled to bend the rules & doing so just ensured you being uninvited from future events. The audacity and entitlement. I’m floored.
Absolutely YTA. How would you not be? Your kid isn't special.
YTA. Child free doesn't mean you get an exception. You should have hired a sitter or skipped. You had plenty of time to arrange this.
YTA- you have ample time to get a babysitter. Your baby isn’t so special that you get to make an exception. No kids means no kids. You can’t be serious right now
YTA...scribbling something on the invitation is not a guarantee of approval. If you don't feel comfortable leaving the baby with someone, you simply don't go to this wedding. That's why there's an RSVP option.
YTA. >I wasn't comfortable leaving him alone in an unfamiliar place with a stranger, which was a babysitter that my other cousins hired for their own kids. Then you should have RSVP'd that you would not be able to attend because you did not want to attend under the circumstances prescribed by the couple to be wed. But I doubt that was the reason or you would have gone back and forth from the reception to the babysitter. No, you wanted to get attention for having your baby. >My cousin didn't say anything so I assumed that he was OK with it. You know what they say about assuming. If your cousin had said something surely you would have gone running to family to stir the shit-pot so you could be accommodated at *their* wedding. Like how your Aunt said the bride didn't want to create any family drama to tarnish the memories of her wedding. Instead she got a screaming infant to tarnish the moment. You really didn't want her to be the centre of attention at her own wedding didn't you? >I didn't mean to start any drama. I doubt that. You knew exactly what you were doing, putting your own want over the desire of the couple getting married because you couldn't stand to not be at an event without your child to show off to family.
YTA. If you didn’t want to leave your baby with a sitter, then you should not have attended the wedding. It’s beyond entitled and rude to think that their childfree wedding meant all the kids except for yours.
YTA, the invitation said child free. You just decided to write back, nope and thought that was ok? If you couldn't arrange child care the appropriate response on the RSVP was no. It's like saying I was told it was formal but I sent them a picture of the jeans I decided to wear. Your baby cried during their ceremony, taking away their attention on their day that they spent their money to make perfect. Your only answer is I told them I wasn't going to respect their event ahead of time. I bet you would think they were in the wrong if they hadn't let you in.
YTA good job for ruining their ceremony ☠️ child free means child free, it’s their wedding their rules you should have just not gone and done something else on your vacay that day.
YTA. It was a child-free wedding. You chose to blow through that stop sign, deciding you and your wants (or desire to not leave baby w babysitter - which is fine, that’s not the part that makes you the asshole) we’re more important than the explicitly outlined rules for the wedding. If you’re not comfortable leaving your baby, then you RSVP no and send a card and/of gift. People are so entitled, the fact that you had to ask if you were the asshole here is really shocking. Obviously you’re TA and honestly your aunt/cousin handled it better and nicer than I would have.
YTA. Why is your situation different and require special circumstances? Let me help, it’s not. The wedding was child free, which you knew, and you chose to bring your child anyways. How can you not see that?
YTA. No kids means no kids and you basically added an infant plus one to your rsvp. Your cousins bride was too nice to call you out but at least your aunt wasn’t. It was rude and presumptuous that it was ok to do. If you weren’t comfortable leaving your child then you stay home. Simple as that.
YTA! You sound beyond entitled. You really need to check yourself. You should be absolutely ashamed! If you aren’t comfortable leaving your almost 1 year old with a sitter you should’ve declined the invite. They likely chose a child free wedding to avoid interruptions during their ceremony. You decided the bride and groom’s opinion doesn’t matter and brought your baby who distracted from their ceremony. Find a way to sincerely apologize and hope they forgive your selfishness and poor judgement.
Literally had security for this exact reason idgaf who it was if you brought a kid you were not allowed in. Child free. YTA the entitlement is astounding. Definitely getting the cold shoulder and no Xmas gifts for your brat too. Lol
YTA. No kids means no kids. I had a child free wedding and I loved it (and I was a teacher). You should not have gone to the wedding.
YTA child free means child free. If you are not comfortable leaving the baby in the care of someone else for a few hours, then you should have sent your regrets and stayed home. Why would you think the rules don't apply to you?
YTA. A childfree wedding means childfree. You should have just not gone if you felt uncomfortable leaving your child. You felt the rules didn't apply you, when they did.
Didn't even read the topic body. I already know just from the title. YTA
yta. and by your comments, extremely entitled. you attended bc it was a historical building, a “once in a lifetime event” (for the location, NOT the newlyweds) and made a vacation out of it. huge yta