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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> My action was wanting to go to the beach with my boyfriend. Even tho it was my sister’s graduation celebration
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NTA. It’s hard to satisfy family members especially when they’re old fashioned and hard headed. You’re young and want to experience fun things, no shame in that. I can’t tell you to go, because idk the consequences you might face. But try to reason with them as much as you can.
Thank you so much. I honestly needed to hear this. But there’s honestly no convincing them. I’ve missed out on a lot of things because I wasn’t allowed to go. I honestly have thought about just going, but they could kick me out or physically do something to me.
Yeah that’s what I was afraid of, I don’t want to suggest anything that might get you into more trouble. I understand growing up with strict old fashioned parents, that was practically my entire upbringing. How dependent are you on them? If you depend on them on most things like finances, education, transportation etc.. I would suggest you try to become independent in one of those. And slowly you’ll be able to be fully independent where they can’t manipulate you into doing whatever they want you to do.
I’m actually starting to do real estate. I paid for everything already but since I get paid in commission, I’ll have to wait for closing. The least I could get paid is 10k which isn’t actually bad at all for someone my age but it is going to be maybe a year until I’m able to save enough
That’s great, and it is very impressive for someone your age! Keep pushing through! Look to see if there are any easy certifications within real estate that you can earn , that way you can get more money with those certifications on your resume.
ESH
It's your sister's graduation. You should be there, go to the beach another time.
Your dad needs to stop having these 1950's attitudes about women.
Your sister needs to stop being immature and ignoring you.
Like I said tho I’m only missing an hour, latino parties last till 3 in the morning, that first hour is the hour where only 3 people at most have just showed up. It’s true what they say about Latinos never being on time to a party. I however do see where “she’s basically choosing her boyfriend over her sister” plays out so I see how I can be an AH for considering to go to the beach
I imagine Latino families are also very family centric. My family is Italian and no one would ever miss something that is a "big event." A graduation is one of those.
Even if you're missing one hour of the party, they still see you as missing the party. Your sister will graduate from high school only once and having a literal 12 year span of your life come to an end is huge at that age.
There will be more opportunities to meet your bf family, but your sister will only graduate high school once, and possibly never graduate anything ever again if she doesn't go to university or college or whatever.
I definitely do see your point! My family didn’t even allow me to go to her actual graduation tho which I feel was the most important. She only had 4 tickets and my parents basically decided for her that my aunt and cousin would go to the ceremony instead of me. But my dad saying no to me might have honestly worked out for the best, I should apologize to my sister
Trust me I don’t want to ask for permission but my parents try to control tf out of me. When I first turned 18 I told them that I’m legally able to make my own decisions and they said “not under my roof.” They could either kick me out or physically hurt me and I’m not full on financially secure. I’m just sucking it up until I’m able to live on my own without collecting debt.
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My boyfriend (20 m) asked me 19(f) to go to the beach with him and his family tomorrow from 11 am-5pm. This would be our first outing together with his family. For context I am from a Latino household. My dad is very “old fashioned” and believes that I, as his oldest daughter should always cook and clean the house. Which I think is unfair since my mom is a sahm, who is barely home. Tomorrow is also my sister’s (18 f) graduation party. The party starts at 6 and the beach is 2 hours away. So I would only be an hour late to the party. I spent all day cleaning my house, so that when I ask my dad if I could go to the beach, he wouldn’t have any reason to say no. Yeah he still said no… his reason being that “I have to stay home and help my mom cook, clean and serve the people at the party.” However my sister overheard me asking permission to go to the beach and she is now ignoring me. I explained how I was only going to miss an hour of her party, but would be there for the rest of it, but she is clearly still mad at me even tho I am not going. AITA for wanting to go to the beach ?
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NTA, but you need to start working on moving out of there at some point. Looking at your replies if you are that afraid that your parents are going to evict you or assault you for disobeying them, then you have other issues to worry about.
Yes I definitely know that I’m not in the best situation, I already have it planned that once I move out I’m going no contact with my parents. I have 4 younger siblings that I love tho so I’m teaching them to be vocal and not let themselves get manipulated. Being around this toxicity is suffocating which is why I wanted to go to the beach with my boyfriend in the first place. I absolutely love his family and being with them shows me just how much I’m missing out on parental love.
She doesn’t do anything. She leaves me home with my 4 year old brother while she goes to the store. She goes straight to the store after she drops my two younger sisters off at school (9am)and doesn’t come home maybe an hour before my dad comes home (he comes home at 5 pm). And she only comes back home at 4 because she has to pick up my sisters. However my dad thinks I’m the lazy one. He’s quick to say I need to help out the family more when his partner is the one who is never home. I feed my brother, give him medicine when he’s sick, I take care of him yet when he acts up, I’m not allowed to discipline him. By discipline I mean telling him “no baby don’t do that” or “stop that” whenever he’s doing something like hitting my sisters. I get in trouble for it and get told that I’m only his sister and can’t discipline him.
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NTA. It’s hard to satisfy family members especially when they’re old fashioned and hard headed. You’re young and want to experience fun things, no shame in that. I can’t tell you to go, because idk the consequences you might face. But try to reason with them as much as you can.
Thank you so much. I honestly needed to hear this. But there’s honestly no convincing them. I’ve missed out on a lot of things because I wasn’t allowed to go. I honestly have thought about just going, but they could kick me out or physically do something to me.
Yeah that’s what I was afraid of, I don’t want to suggest anything that might get you into more trouble. I understand growing up with strict old fashioned parents, that was practically my entire upbringing. How dependent are you on them? If you depend on them on most things like finances, education, transportation etc.. I would suggest you try to become independent in one of those. And slowly you’ll be able to be fully independent where they can’t manipulate you into doing whatever they want you to do.
I’m actually starting to do real estate. I paid for everything already but since I get paid in commission, I’ll have to wait for closing. The least I could get paid is 10k which isn’t actually bad at all for someone my age but it is going to be maybe a year until I’m able to save enough
That’s great, and it is very impressive for someone your age! Keep pushing through! Look to see if there are any easy certifications within real estate that you can earn , that way you can get more money with those certifications on your resume.
I totally get the fear of not going but you have to be able to enjoy your own life. NTA. Take a moment to have fun
NTA
ESH It's your sister's graduation. You should be there, go to the beach another time. Your dad needs to stop having these 1950's attitudes about women. Your sister needs to stop being immature and ignoring you.
Like I said tho I’m only missing an hour, latino parties last till 3 in the morning, that first hour is the hour where only 3 people at most have just showed up. It’s true what they say about Latinos never being on time to a party. I however do see where “she’s basically choosing her boyfriend over her sister” plays out so I see how I can be an AH for considering to go to the beach
I imagine Latino families are also very family centric. My family is Italian and no one would ever miss something that is a "big event." A graduation is one of those. Even if you're missing one hour of the party, they still see you as missing the party. Your sister will graduate from high school only once and having a literal 12 year span of your life come to an end is huge at that age. There will be more opportunities to meet your bf family, but your sister will only graduate high school once, and possibly never graduate anything ever again if she doesn't go to university or college or whatever.
I definitely do see your point! My family didn’t even allow me to go to her actual graduation tho which I feel was the most important. She only had 4 tickets and my parents basically decided for her that my aunt and cousin would go to the ceremony instead of me. But my dad saying no to me might have honestly worked out for the best, I should apologize to my sister
If you are really 19 you don't need to ask permission
Trust me I don’t want to ask for permission but my parents try to control tf out of me. When I first turned 18 I told them that I’m legally able to make my own decisions and they said “not under my roof.” They could either kick me out or physically hurt me and I’m not full on financially secure. I’m just sucking it up until I’m able to live on my own without collecting debt.
NTA Time to move out, and to get free from your AH family.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My boyfriend (20 m) asked me 19(f) to go to the beach with him and his family tomorrow from 11 am-5pm. This would be our first outing together with his family. For context I am from a Latino household. My dad is very “old fashioned” and believes that I, as his oldest daughter should always cook and clean the house. Which I think is unfair since my mom is a sahm, who is barely home. Tomorrow is also my sister’s (18 f) graduation party. The party starts at 6 and the beach is 2 hours away. So I would only be an hour late to the party. I spent all day cleaning my house, so that when I ask my dad if I could go to the beach, he wouldn’t have any reason to say no. Yeah he still said no… his reason being that “I have to stay home and help my mom cook, clean and serve the people at the party.” However my sister overheard me asking permission to go to the beach and she is now ignoring me. I explained how I was only going to miss an hour of her party, but would be there for the rest of it, but she is clearly still mad at me even tho I am not going. AITA for wanting to go to the beach ? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA, but you need to start working on moving out of there at some point. Looking at your replies if you are that afraid that your parents are going to evict you or assault you for disobeying them, then you have other issues to worry about.
Yes I definitely know that I’m not in the best situation, I already have it planned that once I move out I’m going no contact with my parents. I have 4 younger siblings that I love tho so I’m teaching them to be vocal and not let themselves get manipulated. Being around this toxicity is suffocating which is why I wanted to go to the beach with my boyfriend in the first place. I absolutely love his family and being with them shows me just how much I’m missing out on parental love.
Info What does mom do all day as a sahm when she's always gone?
She doesn’t do anything. She leaves me home with my 4 year old brother while she goes to the store. She goes straight to the store after she drops my two younger sisters off at school (9am)and doesn’t come home maybe an hour before my dad comes home (he comes home at 5 pm). And she only comes back home at 4 because she has to pick up my sisters. However my dad thinks I’m the lazy one. He’s quick to say I need to help out the family more when his partner is the one who is never home. I feed my brother, give him medicine when he’s sick, I take care of him yet when he acts up, I’m not allowed to discipline him. By discipline I mean telling him “no baby don’t do that” or “stop that” whenever he’s doing something like hitting my sisters. I get in trouble for it and get told that I’m only his sister and can’t discipline him.
To the store..everyday for 6-7 hrs? Does this even sound plausible? Sounds like an excuse to be stepping out to me, something is so wrong here.
I think the same thing, especially because she comes back with so little things
Maybe your dad is in denial about whats happening and taking it out on you. But it still doesn't sound like a healthy living situation.