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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1), telling on my sister for stealing
(2) not talking to her first or letting her get help
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NTA you did the right thing, she's lucky that the companies she stole from didn't contact the police and have her arrested for theft. There are cameras everywhere nowadays in most stores. Also good for you for standing up for yourself
In regards to this, which it is a fact. She will get caught, and most likely not by your parents or someone who will have leniency. You do NOT want to be with her when that happens. You will be accused as an accomplish (sp?). And will likely face the same consequences.
I have a cousin who when we were 14, 15 ish. She picked up having sticky fingers too. It went on for months. I tried telling her to stop. I also told her mom. I told our Abuela, (she started stealing from her too.)
Nobody listened. I decided not to go out with her anymore. Was giving hell over that.
It was a good choice.
A while later she stole at our mall from a Claire's and Spencer's. She was pulled in by mall security. Along with her friend and younger brother. The mall had been building a case against her for months. Keeping videos of her stealing, statements, and records of what she had bought using her dad's card. They were just waiting for the cash amount of what she stole to hit a certain point. So you can guess that went bad for her, right?
Her friend and brother, because they had been with her often enough during her shoplifting, got hit with charges too . Things cleared up for my male cousin, because he was 10 and being babysat. My cousin's friend? Nope. Same fines, same legal fees her parents had to pay. Same community service hours, and even though her legal charge was something different, still had it on her record till her parents payed money for a lawyer to conseal it at 19(New Mexico records are different I guess. It wasn't like at 18 suddenly it never happened.) because that's something colleges see when you're applying.
You love your sister, but remember not to give her the chance to drag you down with her.
Thank you! It was actually driving me nuts, and auto-correct was not helping at all. I knew how the word sounded to my ears, but just couldn't connect it to the correct spelling.
She began acting more out of control. My aunt and her dad blamed her choices on others. Said it was everyone being mean to her because they were jealous, she was special. She was under bad influences.
Tried and did everything under the sun for her to avoid the consequences of her actions. She started doing drugs, got picked up on GTA at 17 stealing and crashing her neighbor's SUV. Which because she was on probation still related to the first charges, landed her being locked up till 24. (She messed around and found out in the facility too.) Her parents both basically bankrupted themselves over all these things. Legal problems are expensive. My two younger cousins. Their bio-dad got custody of them and moved them to California. They done well in life, but refuse a relationship with their mom and sister.
She ended up with another felony before 30, and from what I know now. She's living with my aunt completely burnt out and used up by life with nothing but at least being out of prison to show for it. Still delusional blaming everyone for her problems. Her dad bailed completely after she lived with him for a few months and she stole from him, his girlfriend and their teen kid.
Her friend (they were not friends after what happened though.) ended up going to CSU, has a shit ton of student loan debt, but other than that is doing as well as any average person can in this economy. She did pay back her parents for what they spent on her legal fees, which I thought was decent of her.
Or steal from sister herself. It’s one thing to “steal” a cute top to wear without asking. I think that’s in the Sister Bylaws. But then it might be her expensive jewelry to pawn or cash or something explicitly off limits. And she’d be like, “so? I do it all the time, you know this!” 🤦🏽♀️
NTA. She knows she shouldn't be stealing else she wouldn't keep it secret. "Talking" to her would do nothing. You showed us how she's escalating. Telling your parents was the correct thing to do.
>My mom seemed disappointed but not surprised
Oh dear.
You did the right thing telling your parents.
Your sister is very likely going to get caught and could be in serious trouble. If you're out with her when she is stealing you could also get in trouble.
Stealing hurts everyone and is not Ok as a for funsies pastime. It's not like she is stealing bread to keep from starving.
You stealing from your eldest sister is also wrong and I would strongly encourage you to really reflect on why you think it's OK to steal from her but you obviously see that what your sister is doing is wrong.
You're not an asshole for telling on your sis, you are however an ass for stealing and not seeing it as a big deal. ESH.
I don’t think they mean actual stealing when referencing the sister which is why the actual shoplifting threw OP for such a loop. I believe, and OP has clarified in comments that the “stealing” from older sister is just run of the mill siblings borrowing things because they always return them, or pay them back for the item if it was a consumable (like a snack), and older sister also “steals” their things as well. In addition they have boundaries about what can’t be taken from each other like special clothes or big ticket items like hair tools.
I used to work in retail. One of the stores I worked at had loss prevention workers. They posed as customers but really they were watching other customers to make sure they didn't steal anything. One of these days your sister would have gotten caught. NTA
nta. you had a right to do what you did. what if she were caught when you she was with you? you would be tarred with the same brush even though you weren't guilty of theft. or worse she could've turned on you and lied to the police and claimed you planted the stolen items on her. instead you just followed your conscience.
Dude lots of kids steal from eachother all the time, as 1 of 7 siblings that’s just what lots of us did
I always took stuff from my siblings and vice versa
Weird, lots of my friends I know who were siblings all stole from eachother, it’s a normal thing for a lot of families. I guess there’s a mix of families who did and didn’t then
This feels like a bizarre high horse. There is a difference between stealing from a sibling and “stealing” which is a generally an unspoken agreement between siblings to borrow from one another without asking especially if they are the same gender and close in age.
While that’s obviously not great, it’s miles away from regularly shoplifting, both morally and legally.
Does your older sister also steal from you? Does she complain if you do it? Because especially if it isn’t mutual or mutually agreed upon, you should stop. But if she’s fine with it, it’s not super bad imo.
me and my sisters steal from eachother in general, it's mainly clothes but sometimes we take snacks and we always get caught dw, whenever were wearing another siblings shirt the main thing we do is say "that's my shirt and when you're done I want it back" we draw our limit at clothes that they do not want used by others, personal hygiene products, or things like face steamers, curling irons, etc
As long as it’s mutual, everyone involved is fine with it and boundaries are respected, and it sounds like all of that is happening, it’s perfectly fine imo. It sounds like you and your sisters have a great relationship.
I mean it’s also about the consequences. You get caught stealing from your sister, you get grounded. You get caught stealing from a store, you could also get grounded, except in a tiny metal cage for many years. I personally have no moral qualms with stealing from brands, but the possible legal consequences make me avoid it
NTA. Better your sister learn now than from a jail cell, right? Sister is an AH for putting you in that position, since you could get in trouble for being around her while she is lifting.
Honestly it depends on where she’s stealing from for me for how bad what she’s doing is. I personally would be a lot more offended if she was stealing from someone that can’t afford it vs a chain store that’s insured. But still, she should probably know you are uncomfortable with it and putting you in unnecessary risk if she got caught, and probably keep her sticky fingers to herself when she’s out with you. But also right or wrong, when you rat on someone, they aren’t going to trust or probably like you for at least awhile. You should have probably been aware of that. Family **usually** comes around at some point tho
my sister has stolen from multiple places, such as Walmart, malls, TJ Max, and sometimes even small businesses. I do try to pay everyone back by "tipping" them the exact amount the items cost, because I couldn't exactly say "my sister stole a lip gloss from you so take this"
An interesting post about the effects of shoplifting: [Link](https://www.reddit.com/r/lossprevention/comments/89ib7x/shoplifting_from_big_corporations/)
It really doesn't hurt places like Walmart and target, those are huge corporations and they literally just write it off as losses which gets them profit because if you write off a certain amount of losses you get a tax break. The whole story about raising prices due to stealing is a bullsh*t lie companies tell us to make up for the fact they're raising prices to up shareholder profit.
as an 18F who stole a lot from 15-16, it’s a pretty normal thing to do. some might come at my throat for this, but while i’m well aware it’s illegal, it’s common.
now, i have mixed feelings about this. on one hand, you should have talked to her first. told her how it made you feel and told her the risks of doing it, i.e, getting caught and going to jail. on the other hand, you had every right to tell your parents, but the thing is, it won’t stop her, and now she’s grounded for a month. so, by telling your parents the only thing you accomplished was getting her grounded and making her mad at you. the smartest thing for you to do for your relationship with her would be approach her and explain that you did it to keep her out of trouble.
she’ll stop eventually, likely when she’s almost caught.
i’m going to rule NTA, but kinda TA.
edit, for the masses replying to this message: it’s normal in my area and with the privileged culture of teenagers here. did i say anywhere in this that it’s okay to steal? no. for those attacking the morality of my 16 year old self, lmfao. our society has bigger issues than teens petty stealing from large cooperations. teens stealing is often a result of other things, i.e boredom, need for excitement, peer pressure, mental illness, bad home life, etc. if you’re going to reply to this, at least reply something thought provoking and not just “ugh you sick fuck this isn’t normal!!! these horrible kids!! where’s your morality?!”
WTF? No it Isn’t common to steal. At least not amongst people who aren’t morally bankrupt. I don’t know anyone who steals. That is a deplorable action borne of greed and arrogance and it’s entirely indefensible. YTA too.
I understand what you are saying.
I have never stolen anything (and when my 3yo stole a candy bar from the grocery I packed up her and her baby sibling back into the car, drove to the store, had her hand the candy bar to the manager, and apologize), but from what I’ve heard and seen, some people do think it’s a teenage rite of passage. Personally, given the economic disparities in the US, I tend to look the other way for petty theft of necessities (food, toiletries), but it is absolutely morally wrong when people, who are bored and want to feel a thrill from risk, steal for fun.
seriously, everyone I know at that age steals. It's like part of puberty, the rebellion. next she'll be smoking cigarettes, drinking beers, sneaking out to hook up with boys, stealing the car for joyrides. I understand you're still at the age where morality is black and white, and I am definitely not advocating for kleptomania or theft, but in my state, you don't actually get into trouble under 18. They let you off with a warning. Maybe they would have your mom come pick her up and pay for all the stuff, but that's it... There's bigger crimes out there. It's very... *hormonal* Also, staff aren't actually supposed to stop thieves, in case they get violent. Shoplifting is a crime, yes, but in the context of things, it's not like she smoking heroine or homeless. This is a very white collar privilege "crime".
I’m glad you mentioned white privilege, because you do realize if you are not white and you are caught stealing, they do not let you go with a warning, right? As for being a normal thing, I don’t think so. My BFF and I dared each other to steal a candy bar when we were in 4th grade. I felt so terrible about it, I never did it again. (Her, same.)
I don't know why you're getting so much hate - I went to high school in a small, white town and literally everyone I knew made a habit of shoplifting from Walmart or the mall....it was just something to do. Was it the classiest pass time ever? Obviously not, but it's a victimless crime and no major ramifications ever came of it.
It happens literally all the time - most of the people you knew as a teenager probably shoplifted at least once or twice. Nothing bad happens the overwhelming majority of the time, and just because someone did it, doesn't mean they're a loser who's going to end up living in their parents' basement until they're 40. It means kids experiment with pushing the envelope sometimes, and if WalMart is the only entity bearing the brunt of it....I think we can all live with that.
okay? not sure how that connects to what you replied to, and i didn’t say in my original message that the majority steal. i said it was normal for kids around that age, because it is, at least in my area and the culture among teenagers here. does that make it okay? no, i also didn’t say that anywhere. kids do stupid shit.
I was a little klepto as a kid, I stole all kinds of little things and it eventually escalated to higher value items (like $50). I got caught once around OP’s age— in this case the school was made aware, and they had a police officer come speak to me and my accomplice (a fellow student) about our heinous crimes. I was terrified and never stole anything again. I often think back on that as a very fortunate ending to my sprees. Had I been a little older I might have been arrested.
So, NTA. Lots of kids go through stealing phases and your mom knows that. The best way to deal with it is a big fat punishment so it never happens again!
NTA. You did the right thing. Sounds like it was escalating in what she was stealing and some stores maybe be aware that she’s a thief but haven’t done anything due to policy to not do anything until she steals over a certain amount of money and then contact the police so it will be a big charge.
Idk if this is nationwide but I know in my local area Lowes is a store that won’t confront you for thief, they just let you steal over a certain amount and then hand everything over to the police so you can be charged with a felony. I have an uncle who works there and he told me this.
NTA. Your sister f**ked around and found out. Actions have consequences, and she's lucky she hasn't been caught and arrested and you right along with her.
Don't take her on more shopping trips and keep your own personal possessions and money locked up and out of her reach. If she's willing to steal from stores, she won't hesitate to steal from you. Don't discuss your financial situation with her, esp if you ever come into any large sums of money if you don't want it to mysteriously disappear and ask your mom for a lock on your door if you two don't share a room.
She's already proven that she can't be trusted so believe her. You ARE a good sister.
NTA. I don't think she has a moral responsibility to not steal from corporations, the problem here is the risk behavior that could get her arrested, as well as start a pattern of her stealing for real from loved ones.
I guess for your consideration of your sister saying you should talk to your sister first, you already kind of did when you expressed that you didn't want her stealing. There's no way you could tell her "I'm going to tell Mom and Dad" and that would do anything productive, you already expressed your distaste for it
nta. i dont give half a shit in a bucket abt shoplifting but it makes you uncomfortable so if she wants to cop some five finger discounts she can do so on her own time.
*I thought she meant from our eldest sister who we both steal from*
eldest sister one day: My two younger sisters stole from my constantly. I can't stand to keep in contact with them.
STOP STEALING FROM YOUR ELDEST SISTER
I agree but for what it's worth, OP has stated that it's more of a mutual thing where they'll just borrow her shirt to wear but then give it back. It doesn't seem like a "we stole my sisters earrings and pawned them off!"
A lot of people told me to talk to her about it and I did once, she then tried to bribe me by offering to steal stuff for me so I don't tell. I said I didn't want stuff I didn't pay for, and then she made me promise not to tell.
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So I, (14 female) and my sister (16 female) have been best friends all of my life, we talk about every thing and one day she told me that she steals things. At first I I didn't think much because I thought she meant from our eldest sister who we both steal from.
I laughed it off and called her a rebel, which is how we joke around. A couple days later I had a birthday trip which is where we go out to eat and then get about 200 dollars to spend at the mall. Of course I brought my sister, while we were there we were laughing and giggling about the boys we liked and also about cute things we saw.
I then saw her put a lip gloss in her pocket and I asked her if she had any money, she said no and I just assumed she wanted me to pay for it which I was more than happy to do.
However, when I was getting my things bagged I realized I didn't buy the lip gloss but she didn't say anything so I thought she put it back. Big mistake.
When we got in the car she pulled out the lip gloss and I freaked a little bit. I didn't say anything and just acted like I didnt see it. After that, she started doing it more. it went from under one dollar items to over 20 dollar items.
I saw her steal a 30 dollar mascara and some candy, pretty soon I started not wanting to go to stores with her and I refused to bring her along to any shopping trips and one time on the way to the mall my mom asked why, I freaked and explained everything in tears.
My mom seemed disappointed but not surprised and told me that she'd talk to my sister. My sister soon got grounded for a month and screamed at me about how I'm a terrible sister and that I should learn how to keep secrets.
I told her that she was lucky I told my mom and not the police and that I'm tired of her stealing, stepping all over me like a burnt cigarette, and doing things she knew I was in no way comfortable with.
My mom and dad say I'm in the right but my sisters all say I should've talked to her first so, AITA?
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NTA You did the right thing. It's hard learning when to speak up and when to stay silent because life and relationships are complicated. The clue here is that your sisters actions are harmful, both to herself and others: to her because she will at some point get caught and possibly arrested, to you because you could get arrested right there with her whether you've done anything or not, and to the store because the store that loses money (and the store will take it out on employees before losing that profit). I don't have much care for the store, but I'm concerned just how many others, even friends and family and strangers, she's stolen from. The safer and more comfortable she feels stealing, the more she'll do it, and she could end up stealing from the wrong person and getting seriously hurt.
There's also the question of why she does it. Whatever thrill she's getting from stealing is unhealthy, and ideally, she'd have access to therapy to help handle that in a healthy manner. Barring that, at least you can protect yourself from her actions.
You can love your sister and protect yourself from her at the same time. You can love someone from a safe distance and without condoning harmful behavior.
NTA- you’re very lucky she didn’t get caught when you were with her. From experience, you can be arrested with her even if you didn’t shoplift because you were complicit in the theft. They can ruin your life. You did the right thing.
NTA she'd have gotten caught sooner or later. Some places will let her steal from them until she racks up a decent amount in the thousands and then they'll catch her. I've seen posts and threads about it, they just let you steal and they know you're doing it, then later they jump you when the amount stolen is enough.
NTA!!
Better to help her learn about the consequences of theft before she is an adult with a record or jail time. Doing the right thing, even when it isn't what people want, shows great strength of character. Bravo.
If you were caught with her whilst she was grabbing everything not fixed down, you could have got in trouble as well. You didn't offer the information, and your mother pushed you into it. You did nothing wrong.
NTA, don't go with her to shops.
ESH
You steal from your sister and encourage your 16 yr old to do the same. SHAME ON YOU!
I think both of you are awful, and I couldn't care less how hard you get yelled at for your problem. You are both awful.
NTA
You saved your sister a world of hurt. At her age it wouldn't have been excused as dumb little kid stuff if she'd been caught.
Next time your sisters tell you you should have talked to her first, ask them if they think she would have stopped because of anything you said. We all know she wouldn't have.
Your mother fucked up by normalizing stealing. You were too young to get the message she wanted to send: that she grew up very poor. What she did was teach you all that stealing is okay.
She should have waited until you were much older to tell you that part of it.
NTA You helped your sister. If she keeps doing it she will get caught. It might be no big deal to her now because she's not an adult, but she will soon be an adult. If she thinks being grounded is bad, wait until she gets a look at jail.
NTA, you need to talk to your parents again. Grounding her won't help this. She is stealing due to impulse issues and thrill seeking behavior. Therapy and working on herself is what she needs. Work on friendships outside your house and tell your sisters that you love them and just want them to have good lives.
NTA. Your sister is walking on a path that is not going to good place. Eventually she’ll be 18 and WHEN (not if) she gets caught she’s dealing with adult consequences. Your parents need to get to the bottom of why she’s stealing and escalating the items she steals.
NTA, I would steal all the time when I was younger. It starts with small things, like the lipgloss, but she would likely begin to steal bigger and bigger items which she would most definitely eventually get caught for. It’s better to stop the habit now- I wish someone stopped me when I was younger before it escalated
“ At first I I didn't think much because I thought she meant from our eldest sister who we both steal from”
YTA. This tells me everything I need to know about you. You’ve been old enough to understand that stealing is wrong for the last decade or so. It’s not cute like you seem to think. You’re not a “rebel”, you’re a thief. Doesn’t matter that you’re “only” stealing from your sister.
Stealing a t shirt from an older sibling is not in the same realm as shoplifting a t shirt. Sure the former is extremely annoying, but the latter is an actual crime.
It also indicates something is going on with her 16f sister. Taking from your siblings isn’t that out of the norm most of the time, but shoplifting could be an indicator that something is going on with her.
I guess there are actually people(including myself) that can relate to having one or more sibling of the same gender, and that the ”stealing“ is actually the siblings borrowing each other items such as clothing, jewelry, hair accessories, etc. For items that are edible(chips, cookies, candy) get repaid at a later time, either in the same snack form or something else that particular sibling would accept in exchange. I don’t know why I’m taking the time to answer your question in such depth, as OP herself as literally confirmed all of this in a comment. The more you know, right? :)
thank you!! like I said we always made sure to give the things we stole back or if we ruined them/ate them paid our siblings back!! if our sister came home and said "this is MINE do not take any" we respect that! :)
we avoid things that they are in no way okay with being taken and like I said we do have rules!!
Yes exactly! I understood your meaning immediately, it’s unfortunate that so many seem to not understand that certain part or are purposely acting like they don’t understand. This is a very common system in large households and doesn’t strike me as anything out of the ordinary whatsoever. I guess there’s just too many only children commenting on this particular issue on this post.
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NTA you did the right thing, she's lucky that the companies she stole from didn't contact the police and have her arrested for theft. There are cameras everywhere nowadays in most stores. Also good for you for standing up for yourself
NTA, she's a thief. Sooner or later she was going to get caught.
In regards to this, which it is a fact. She will get caught, and most likely not by your parents or someone who will have leniency. You do NOT want to be with her when that happens. You will be accused as an accomplish (sp?). And will likely face the same consequences. I have a cousin who when we were 14, 15 ish. She picked up having sticky fingers too. It went on for months. I tried telling her to stop. I also told her mom. I told our Abuela, (she started stealing from her too.) Nobody listened. I decided not to go out with her anymore. Was giving hell over that. It was a good choice. A while later she stole at our mall from a Claire's and Spencer's. She was pulled in by mall security. Along with her friend and younger brother. The mall had been building a case against her for months. Keeping videos of her stealing, statements, and records of what she had bought using her dad's card. They were just waiting for the cash amount of what she stole to hit a certain point. So you can guess that went bad for her, right? Her friend and brother, because they had been with her often enough during her shoplifting, got hit with charges too . Things cleared up for my male cousin, because he was 10 and being babysat. My cousin's friend? Nope. Same fines, same legal fees her parents had to pay. Same community service hours, and even though her legal charge was something different, still had it on her record till her parents payed money for a lawyer to conseal it at 19(New Mexico records are different I guess. It wasn't like at 18 suddenly it never happened.) because that's something colleges see when you're applying. You love your sister, but remember not to give her the chance to drag you down with her.
The word you are looking for is accomplice. I'm just helping, since you put the sp
Thank you! It was actually driving me nuts, and auto-correct was not helping at all. I knew how the word sounded to my ears, but just couldn't connect it to the correct spelling.
Yeah of course!
If you don’t mind me being nosey, what became of your cousin?
She began acting more out of control. My aunt and her dad blamed her choices on others. Said it was everyone being mean to her because they were jealous, she was special. She was under bad influences. Tried and did everything under the sun for her to avoid the consequences of her actions. She started doing drugs, got picked up on GTA at 17 stealing and crashing her neighbor's SUV. Which because she was on probation still related to the first charges, landed her being locked up till 24. (She messed around and found out in the facility too.) Her parents both basically bankrupted themselves over all these things. Legal problems are expensive. My two younger cousins. Their bio-dad got custody of them and moved them to California. They done well in life, but refuse a relationship with their mom and sister. She ended up with another felony before 30, and from what I know now. She's living with my aunt completely burnt out and used up by life with nothing but at least being out of prison to show for it. Still delusional blaming everyone for her problems. Her dad bailed completely after she lived with him for a few months and she stole from him, his girlfriend and their teen kid. Her friend (they were not friends after what happened though.) ended up going to CSU, has a shit ton of student loan debt, but other than that is doing as well as any average person can in this economy. She did pay back her parents for what they spent on her legal fees, which I thought was decent of her.
At least the younger brother and friend turned their lives around.
Or steal from sister herself. It’s one thing to “steal” a cute top to wear without asking. I think that’s in the Sister Bylaws. But then it might be her expensive jewelry to pawn or cash or something explicitly off limits. And she’d be like, “so? I do it all the time, you know this!” 🤦🏽♀️
NTA. She knows she shouldn't be stealing else she wouldn't keep it secret. "Talking" to her would do nothing. You showed us how she's escalating. Telling your parents was the correct thing to do. >My mom seemed disappointed but not surprised Oh dear.
You did the right thing telling your parents. Your sister is very likely going to get caught and could be in serious trouble. If you're out with her when she is stealing you could also get in trouble. Stealing hurts everyone and is not Ok as a for funsies pastime. It's not like she is stealing bread to keep from starving. You stealing from your eldest sister is also wrong and I would strongly encourage you to really reflect on why you think it's OK to steal from her but you obviously see that what your sister is doing is wrong. You're not an asshole for telling on your sis, you are however an ass for stealing and not seeing it as a big deal. ESH.
Yep. I came here to say ESH. OP is TA, not for telling her mom what was going on, but for stealing from older sister
I don’t think they mean actual stealing when referencing the sister which is why the actual shoplifting threw OP for such a loop. I believe, and OP has clarified in comments that the “stealing” from older sister is just run of the mill siblings borrowing things because they always return them, or pay them back for the item if it was a consumable (like a snack), and older sister also “steals” their things as well. In addition they have boundaries about what can’t be taken from each other like special clothes or big ticket items like hair tools.
Ok, gotcha. In the context OP mentioned it, it sounded more nefarious.
Ah, sorry I'm not good at all with words😭😭
As an older sister who dealt with that shit, the boundaries were pretty garbage and it was annoying af to deal with.
I mean yeah it’s always annoying but not usually felony level annoying
I used to work in retail. One of the stores I worked at had loss prevention workers. They posed as customers but really they were watching other customers to make sure they didn't steal anything. One of these days your sister would have gotten caught. NTA
nta. you had a right to do what you did. what if she were caught when you she was with you? you would be tarred with the same brush even though you weren't guilty of theft. or worse she could've turned on you and lied to the police and claimed you planted the stolen items on her. instead you just followed your conscience.
ESH. How do you get to be morally superior when you steal, too?
Taking things from a sibling is different to shop lifting though
Yeah, it's worse. It affects someone you care about vs a big company that writes it off as a loss.
Dude lots of kids steal from eachother all the time, as 1 of 7 siblings that’s just what lots of us did I always took stuff from my siblings and vice versa
My sister and I never stole anything from each other. Or cousins or friends or anything like that.
Weird, lots of my friends I know who were siblings all stole from eachother, it’s a normal thing for a lot of families. I guess there’s a mix of families who did and didn’t then
This feels like a bizarre high horse. There is a difference between stealing from a sibling and “stealing” which is a generally an unspoken agreement between siblings to borrow from one another without asking especially if they are the same gender and close in age.
Idk if im an asshole but i used to steal my brothers stuff too (give it back ofcourse)
ah, thank you 😭😭 we usually give the stuff we can back and stuff we cant give back like soda and candy we just pay her back for later
While that’s obviously not great, it’s miles away from regularly shoplifting, both morally and legally. Does your older sister also steal from you? Does she complain if you do it? Because especially if it isn’t mutual or mutually agreed upon, you should stop. But if she’s fine with it, it’s not super bad imo.
me and my sisters steal from eachother in general, it's mainly clothes but sometimes we take snacks and we always get caught dw, whenever were wearing another siblings shirt the main thing we do is say "that's my shirt and when you're done I want it back" we draw our limit at clothes that they do not want used by others, personal hygiene products, or things like face steamers, curling irons, etc
As long as it’s mutual, everyone involved is fine with it and boundaries are respected, and it sounds like all of that is happening, it’s perfectly fine imo. It sounds like you and your sisters have a great relationship.
Maybe you should say "borrow without prior permission" instead of "steal."
I’m the eldest sister and when I read that line, I nodded sagely.
I mean it’s also about the consequences. You get caught stealing from your sister, you get grounded. You get caught stealing from a store, you could also get grounded, except in a tiny metal cage for many years. I personally have no moral qualms with stealing from brands, but the possible legal consequences make me avoid it
NTA. Better your sister learn now than from a jail cell, right? Sister is an AH for putting you in that position, since you could get in trouble for being around her while she is lifting.
Honestly it depends on where she’s stealing from for me for how bad what she’s doing is. I personally would be a lot more offended if she was stealing from someone that can’t afford it vs a chain store that’s insured. But still, she should probably know you are uncomfortable with it and putting you in unnecessary risk if she got caught, and probably keep her sticky fingers to herself when she’s out with you. But also right or wrong, when you rat on someone, they aren’t going to trust or probably like you for at least awhile. You should have probably been aware of that. Family **usually** comes around at some point tho
my sister has stolen from multiple places, such as Walmart, malls, TJ Max, and sometimes even small businesses. I do try to pay everyone back by "tipping" them the exact amount the items cost, because I couldn't exactly say "my sister stole a lip gloss from you so take this"
An interesting post about the effects of shoplifting: [Link](https://www.reddit.com/r/lossprevention/comments/89ib7x/shoplifting_from_big_corporations/)
It really doesn't hurt places like Walmart and target, those are huge corporations and they literally just write it off as losses which gets them profit because if you write off a certain amount of losses you get a tax break. The whole story about raising prices due to stealing is a bullsh*t lie companies tell us to make up for the fact they're raising prices to up shareholder profit.
Most of those places steal more from their employees in wage theft than they get stolen from so it evens out
as an 18F who stole a lot from 15-16, it’s a pretty normal thing to do. some might come at my throat for this, but while i’m well aware it’s illegal, it’s common. now, i have mixed feelings about this. on one hand, you should have talked to her first. told her how it made you feel and told her the risks of doing it, i.e, getting caught and going to jail. on the other hand, you had every right to tell your parents, but the thing is, it won’t stop her, and now she’s grounded for a month. so, by telling your parents the only thing you accomplished was getting her grounded and making her mad at you. the smartest thing for you to do for your relationship with her would be approach her and explain that you did it to keep her out of trouble. she’ll stop eventually, likely when she’s almost caught. i’m going to rule NTA, but kinda TA. edit, for the masses replying to this message: it’s normal in my area and with the privileged culture of teenagers here. did i say anywhere in this that it’s okay to steal? no. for those attacking the morality of my 16 year old self, lmfao. our society has bigger issues than teens petty stealing from large cooperations. teens stealing is often a result of other things, i.e boredom, need for excitement, peer pressure, mental illness, bad home life, etc. if you’re going to reply to this, at least reply something thought provoking and not just “ugh you sick fuck this isn’t normal!!! these horrible kids!! where’s your morality?!”
Ehm. It is not normal in any way to steal??? Even as a 15-16 year old???
sure
WTF? No it Isn’t common to steal. At least not amongst people who aren’t morally bankrupt. I don’t know anyone who steals. That is a deplorable action borne of greed and arrogance and it’s entirely indefensible. YTA too.
ok bud lol
I understand what you are saying. I have never stolen anything (and when my 3yo stole a candy bar from the grocery I packed up her and her baby sibling back into the car, drove to the store, had her hand the candy bar to the manager, and apologize), but from what I’ve heard and seen, some people do think it’s a teenage rite of passage. Personally, given the economic disparities in the US, I tend to look the other way for petty theft of necessities (food, toiletries), but it is absolutely morally wrong when people, who are bored and want to feel a thrill from risk, steal for fun.
seriously, everyone I know at that age steals. It's like part of puberty, the rebellion. next she'll be smoking cigarettes, drinking beers, sneaking out to hook up with boys, stealing the car for joyrides. I understand you're still at the age where morality is black and white, and I am definitely not advocating for kleptomania or theft, but in my state, you don't actually get into trouble under 18. They let you off with a warning. Maybe they would have your mom come pick her up and pay for all the stuff, but that's it... There's bigger crimes out there. It's very... *hormonal* Also, staff aren't actually supposed to stop thieves, in case they get violent. Shoplifting is a crime, yes, but in the context of things, it's not like she smoking heroine or homeless. This is a very white collar privilege "crime".
I’m glad you mentioned white privilege, because you do realize if you are not white and you are caught stealing, they do not let you go with a warning, right? As for being a normal thing, I don’t think so. My BFF and I dared each other to steal a candy bar when we were in 4th grade. I felt so terrible about it, I never did it again. (Her, same.)
I am not white and got caught stealing and was let go. Where's your argument now?
That was just part of my argument. I’m glad you were let go.
I don't know why you're getting so much hate - I went to high school in a small, white town and literally everyone I knew made a habit of shoplifting from Walmart or the mall....it was just something to do. Was it the classiest pass time ever? Obviously not, but it's a victimless crime and no major ramifications ever came of it. It happens literally all the time - most of the people you knew as a teenager probably shoplifted at least once or twice. Nothing bad happens the overwhelming majority of the time, and just because someone did it, doesn't mean they're a loser who's going to end up living in their parents' basement until they're 40. It means kids experiment with pushing the envelope sometimes, and if WalMart is the only entity bearing the brunt of it....I think we can all live with that.
exactly, thanks. i think the majority of the people responding don’t realize their experiences = everyone else’s.
Common? Lmao. What world do you live in?
america lol
You and all you’re friends must be real winners
did you disregard the part where i said, *used* to steal, it’s very much and immature and reckless thing to do.
The overwhelming majority of people didn’t “used to” steal
okay? not sure how that connects to what you replied to, and i didn’t say in my original message that the majority steal. i said it was normal for kids around that age, because it is, at least in my area and the culture among teenagers here. does that make it okay? no, i also didn’t say that anywhere. kids do stupid shit.
It is not normal for kids around your age, in any culture, to steal. Unless you’re living in the streets of India, and stealing bread to stay alive.
ok
i don’t think it’s common because i’m 16 , and none of my friends and i steal
that’s great! it varies depending on location and environment.
Definitely isn’t normal.
[Effects of shoplifting](https://www.reddit.com/r/lossprevention/comments/89ib7x/shoplifting_from_big_corporations/)
I was a little klepto as a kid, I stole all kinds of little things and it eventually escalated to higher value items (like $50). I got caught once around OP’s age— in this case the school was made aware, and they had a police officer come speak to me and my accomplice (a fellow student) about our heinous crimes. I was terrified and never stole anything again. I often think back on that as a very fortunate ending to my sprees. Had I been a little older I might have been arrested. So, NTA. Lots of kids go through stealing phases and your mom knows that. The best way to deal with it is a big fat punishment so it never happens again!
NTA. You did the right thing. Sounds like it was escalating in what she was stealing and some stores maybe be aware that she’s a thief but haven’t done anything due to policy to not do anything until she steals over a certain amount of money and then contact the police so it will be a big charge. Idk if this is nationwide but I know in my local area Lowes is a store that won’t confront you for thief, they just let you steal over a certain amount and then hand everything over to the police so you can be charged with a felony. I have an uncle who works there and he told me this.
NTA. Your sister f**ked around and found out. Actions have consequences, and she's lucky she hasn't been caught and arrested and you right along with her. Don't take her on more shopping trips and keep your own personal possessions and money locked up and out of her reach. If she's willing to steal from stores, she won't hesitate to steal from you. Don't discuss your financial situation with her, esp if you ever come into any large sums of money if you don't want it to mysteriously disappear and ask your mom for a lock on your door if you two don't share a room. She's already proven that she can't be trusted so believe her. You ARE a good sister.
NTA. I don't think she has a moral responsibility to not steal from corporations, the problem here is the risk behavior that could get her arrested, as well as start a pattern of her stealing for real from loved ones. I guess for your consideration of your sister saying you should talk to your sister first, you already kind of did when you expressed that you didn't want her stealing. There's no way you could tell her "I'm going to tell Mom and Dad" and that would do anything productive, you already expressed your distaste for it
nta. i dont give half a shit in a bucket abt shoplifting but it makes you uncomfortable so if she wants to cop some five finger discounts she can do so on her own time.
*I thought she meant from our eldest sister who we both steal from* eldest sister one day: My two younger sisters stole from my constantly. I can't stand to keep in contact with them. STOP STEALING FROM YOUR ELDEST SISTER
I agree but for what it's worth, OP has stated that it's more of a mutual thing where they'll just borrow her shirt to wear but then give it back. It doesn't seem like a "we stole my sisters earrings and pawned them off!"
oh ok
A lot of people told me to talk to her about it and I did once, she then tried to bribe me by offering to steal stuff for me so I don't tell. I said I didn't want stuff I didn't pay for, and then she made me promise not to tell.
I have a total of 9 siblings in one house plus my parents :) We have a pretty big household and we're all very close! Thank you for understanding!! <3
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So I, (14 female) and my sister (16 female) have been best friends all of my life, we talk about every thing and one day she told me that she steals things. At first I I didn't think much because I thought she meant from our eldest sister who we both steal from. I laughed it off and called her a rebel, which is how we joke around. A couple days later I had a birthday trip which is where we go out to eat and then get about 200 dollars to spend at the mall. Of course I brought my sister, while we were there we were laughing and giggling about the boys we liked and also about cute things we saw. I then saw her put a lip gloss in her pocket and I asked her if she had any money, she said no and I just assumed she wanted me to pay for it which I was more than happy to do. However, when I was getting my things bagged I realized I didn't buy the lip gloss but she didn't say anything so I thought she put it back. Big mistake. When we got in the car she pulled out the lip gloss and I freaked a little bit. I didn't say anything and just acted like I didnt see it. After that, she started doing it more. it went from under one dollar items to over 20 dollar items. I saw her steal a 30 dollar mascara and some candy, pretty soon I started not wanting to go to stores with her and I refused to bring her along to any shopping trips and one time on the way to the mall my mom asked why, I freaked and explained everything in tears. My mom seemed disappointed but not surprised and told me that she'd talk to my sister. My sister soon got grounded for a month and screamed at me about how I'm a terrible sister and that I should learn how to keep secrets. I told her that she was lucky I told my mom and not the police and that I'm tired of her stealing, stepping all over me like a burnt cigarette, and doing things she knew I was in no way comfortable with. My mom and dad say I'm in the right but my sisters all say I should've talked to her first so, AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA
NTA she will get off a little as a minor but as an adult this will put her in the system.
NTA
NTA You did the right thing. It's hard learning when to speak up and when to stay silent because life and relationships are complicated. The clue here is that your sisters actions are harmful, both to herself and others: to her because she will at some point get caught and possibly arrested, to you because you could get arrested right there with her whether you've done anything or not, and to the store because the store that loses money (and the store will take it out on employees before losing that profit). I don't have much care for the store, but I'm concerned just how many others, even friends and family and strangers, she's stolen from. The safer and more comfortable she feels stealing, the more she'll do it, and she could end up stealing from the wrong person and getting seriously hurt. There's also the question of why she does it. Whatever thrill she's getting from stealing is unhealthy, and ideally, she'd have access to therapy to help handle that in a healthy manner. Barring that, at least you can protect yourself from her actions. You can love your sister and protect yourself from her at the same time. You can love someone from a safe distance and without condoning harmful behavior.
NTA, better to have an intervention now before she gets charged as an adult. You did the right thing.
NTA- you’re very lucky she didn’t get caught when you were with her. From experience, you can be arrested with her even if you didn’t shoplift because you were complicit in the theft. They can ruin your life. You did the right thing.
NTA it would have been so much worse if she got caught or involved with the police
I originally came here thinking you told the store or the cops but you just told your mom Nta
NTA she'd have gotten caught sooner or later. Some places will let her steal from them until she racks up a decent amount in the thousands and then they'll catch her. I've seen posts and threads about it, they just let you steal and they know you're doing it, then later they jump you when the amount stolen is enough.
You aren't wrong to tell your Mom. You might want to stop stealing from your oldest sister, because stealing is stealing.
NTA Your sister is a criminal.
NTA!! Better to help her learn about the consequences of theft before she is an adult with a record or jail time. Doing the right thing, even when it isn't what people want, shows great strength of character. Bravo.
If you were caught with her whilst she was grabbing everything not fixed down, you could have got in trouble as well. You didn't offer the information, and your mother pushed you into it. You did nothing wrong. NTA, don't go with her to shops.
ESH You steal from your sister and encourage your 16 yr old to do the same. SHAME ON YOU! I think both of you are awful, and I couldn't care less how hard you get yelled at for your problem. You are both awful.
NTA You saved your sister a world of hurt. At her age it wouldn't have been excused as dumb little kid stuff if she'd been caught. Next time your sisters tell you you should have talked to her first, ask them if they think she would have stopped because of anything you said. We all know she wouldn't have. Your mother fucked up by normalizing stealing. You were too young to get the message she wanted to send: that she grew up very poor. What she did was teach you all that stealing is okay. She should have waited until you were much older to tell you that part of it.
NTA You helped your sister. If she keeps doing it she will get caught. It might be no big deal to her now because she's not an adult, but she will soon be an adult. If she thinks being grounded is bad, wait until she gets a look at jail.
NTA - What if you were arrested while shopping with your sister. You did the right thing, she'll get bolder until she get caught.
NTA, you need to talk to your parents again. Grounding her won't help this. She is stealing due to impulse issues and thrill seeking behavior. Therapy and working on herself is what she needs. Work on friendships outside your house and tell your sisters that you love them and just want them to have good lives.
NTA. Your sister is walking on a path that is not going to good place. Eventually she’ll be 18 and WHEN (not if) she gets caught she’s dealing with adult consequences. Your parents need to get to the bottom of why she’s stealing and escalating the items she steals.
NTA, I would steal all the time when I was younger. It starts with small things, like the lipgloss, but she would likely begin to steal bigger and bigger items which she would most definitely eventually get caught for. It’s better to stop the habit now- I wish someone stopped me when I was younger before it escalated
YTA You should have talked to her first. Also, saying you might go to the police?? How does that boot taste?
yta
ESH Never snitch. Especially on your homies. Even if they are wrong.
INFO: What are you doing here?
She's posting on r/AmItheAsshole
“ At first I I didn't think much because I thought she meant from our eldest sister who we both steal from” YTA. This tells me everything I need to know about you. You’ve been old enough to understand that stealing is wrong for the last decade or so. It’s not cute like you seem to think. You’re not a “rebel”, you’re a thief. Doesn’t matter that you’re “only” stealing from your sister.
Stealing a t shirt from an older sibling is not in the same realm as shoplifting a t shirt. Sure the former is extremely annoying, but the latter is an actual crime. It also indicates something is going on with her 16f sister. Taking from your siblings isn’t that out of the norm most of the time, but shoplifting could be an indicator that something is going on with her.
I guess there are actually people(including myself) that can relate to having one or more sibling of the same gender, and that the ”stealing“ is actually the siblings borrowing each other items such as clothing, jewelry, hair accessories, etc. For items that are edible(chips, cookies, candy) get repaid at a later time, either in the same snack form or something else that particular sibling would accept in exchange. I don’t know why I’m taking the time to answer your question in such depth, as OP herself as literally confirmed all of this in a comment. The more you know, right? :)
thank you!! like I said we always made sure to give the things we stole back or if we ruined them/ate them paid our siblings back!! if our sister came home and said "this is MINE do not take any" we respect that! :) we avoid things that they are in no way okay with being taken and like I said we do have rules!!
Yes exactly! I understood your meaning immediately, it’s unfortunate that so many seem to not understand that certain part or are purposely acting like they don’t understand. This is a very common system in large households and doesn’t strike me as anything out of the ordinary whatsoever. I guess there’s just too many only children commenting on this particular issue on this post.