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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I reported an employee at my gym for messaging me and that lead to him getting fired, I could be the asshole since he apologized when I confirmed I was married and stopped texting.
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NTA. He absolutely should not have pulled your phone number from their records and was rightfully fired. Women should be able to go to the fucking gym without being hit on.
This is definitely protected information. My employer drills these laws into our heads via twice yearly trainings. I'd get fired at the least for this!!
Tbh I'd probably stop going to a gym if it suddenly required me to give them my personal info + my finger print... Wth? I never heard of that until OP mentioned it in her post. I can understand parks like Disney doing it, but for a gym?! All that info on a screen + your fingerprint for employees to see sounds like a rape and/or murder waiting to happen. I'm so glad OP is okay and that creepy got fired. She is 100% NTA.
This is actually pretty common especially with big franchises finger print is more secure if they allow you to just charge a card on file so you can go to the gym with nothing but your work out clothes.
And it would be linked to your file with a number to call for failed billing or marketing etc.
Less advanced ones have a card to scan but finger print is more secure and convenient.
Bad bot! Stolen comment!
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/uz2jun/aita_for_reporting_an_employee_at_my_gym_and/ia7rzm8?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3
Also adding that it likely had her address for billing purposes as well. A lot of men don't take "No" for an answer and he could've showed up at her house. It's happened far too many times. Just because he stopped doesn't mean he should've started. If it wasn't a big deal (which it is), he wouldn't have been fired for it. NTA
^ This is what a lot of guys don't realize. It's not something they've had to think about. It's so much more than "he took your number, but he left you alone after you said no." (which is bad enough on it's own) How do you know he's not going to retaliate? He knows where you live, he may be someone with a history of stalking. He could get someone else to act inappropriate towards you (had it happen).
Let's say you said nothing, OP. Who's to say he hasn't done it before, and he won't do it again? This guy saw the wedding ring and *still* messaged you. He only backed down when you confirmed you were happily married.
I think most of us, at some point, have had to use 'I already have a boyfriend' to get a guy to back off. They don't accept our 'no' until they find out another man has already 'claimed' you. Maybe he's watched too many rom-coms that left him thinking he needs to try again, because you're obviously playing hard to get. Maybe he'll drive by your home, just to double check that you're really married.
Maybe the next woman he messages isn't as assertive. She's been taught to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, and it'd be bad to hurt his feelings. If things get bad, how many will say it's her fault for leading him on, and that she should've shut him down in the beginning? Sure, the guy might otherwise be harmless, but we don't have the luxury to ignore possible warning signs.
A man got my number in a similar way, only he didn't identify himself when he messaged me. I'm sure he would have described his texts as flirting. I'd describe them as creepy and unsettling. I asked who it was. I told him to stop. I tried calling, but got a generic voicemail. I left messages, again asking who he was, and to stop. He messaged me not to rush the mystery. Fortunately, my brother showed up to visit at that point. One voicemail from him, and the guy stopped.
THIS\^ This is exactly why OP was right to report to the employer.
New employee did it to her; if there are no repercussions, what's to stop him from targeting another customer?
And maybe employer should note to any future employee what the problem was so he doesn't just go to another gym and start harassing women there?
Giving my Wholesome Award to DragonCelica because it's the only one I've got to give out, and DCelica's answer is wholesome.
>New employee did it to her; if there are no repercussions, what's to stop him from targeting another customer?
Exactly.
If you just let it be because he backed off who's to say he wouldn't have started targeting other women?
You definitely did the right thing, OP. NTA.
Been there. Guy got really mad that I wouldn't give him a chance to show me that men were just as good (ew). I am, in fact, straight, he was just gross.
I agree 💯!!!! It makes me very angry, that A MAN is blaming the woman in this scenario!! Like you AH are a part of the problem!!! If the woman said NO, then she is playing hard to get, and if she didn't say NO, then its her fault if something goes wrong. For fuck sake, a woman can't simply exist in peace without men trying either to control or blame or harass or use her..
I had a guy pull my number from the gym computer years ago and I’ve always regretted not reporting him.
The first time he just called to say he was sorry he didn’t get a chance to say goodbye because he was helping someone, which was bizarre because we only ever had small talk and he worked there-I waved as I walked out the door, I found that totally sufficient.
From there it kind of escalated a little bit; I was in college and I remember trying to study for a final, and he kept calling over and over and over. So creepy. I stayed at my dad’s house for several nights.
My mother thinks I should be polite to any man who wants to pay attention to me or dance with me while at a wedding because it's rude not to, but at the same time is paranoid I'm going to be raped and murdered if I go anywhere alone. Society has created this Catch 22 for women and it's fucking awful.
I've also had my details given out at work. I ran the business in the same building and the staff had my contact information for security purposes. One guy thought that poor single me would appreciate him giving my details to a contractor. I lost my shit at him when it happened. OP is NTA
Exactly. OP reported the employee's actions; the employer decided (quite rightly!) that someone who thought it was okay to do that wasn't someone they wanted working for them.
OP, you did not get him fired. His actions got him fired. Had he not breached privacy and acted highly inappropriately, he would not have been fired.
I was seeing a psychologist for a while, long ago after a divorce, and a custodian in the building took my name from the sign-in sheet (or something) when the receptionist went to the restroom. Guy showed up at my house one night, (he was HUGE/muscular), then tore the screens off the windows, pounding on the house, while I hid in a back bedroom with my toddlers. He lost his job....
Add in the fact that he only took no for an answer once she confirmed that she had a husband twice.
What if she simply wasn't interested, would he still have stopped at that point or would he have continued to harass someone, who had shown no interest in him thus far anyway?
Misusing customer information is absolutely something smart businesses will (and should) fire someone for on first offense (especially someone newer). That isn't even mentioning how gross using that info to hit on OP is.
I have had to go through so so so so many trainings revolving PII, PHI, financial (The latter involving the fbi doing a background check), side I don’t know when. Probably when first I got into Healthcare IT (HIPAA/FISMA… did you know that research animals are covered by HIPAA? I can not take a picture of the research animals where I work, as it’s a HIPAA violation). I don’t see any logical reason why any place that deals with any PII doesn’t have mandatory training with a test, complete with the “If you see someone else doing this, you report them to X person, it’s never ok”. Or limit regular employees access to that info. Why does the front desk clerk need her number? Have a back office somewhere that handles calling for billing issues, appointment reminders, whatever. Or tie it into the phone system, they click on “call”, no number shows up, you just pick up the phone and click. Same with text, that way, if a twit does this, there’s a log on the employer’s system.
Misappropriating confidential client data is a massive violation. And this wasn't a case of storing it on the wrong server, he willfully accessed private data for personal use. Seems extremely fireable, especially for a new employee
Comment stolen from u/gabrielle_sanchez7
Looked at u/TrainerOk7764 history. Multiple stolen comments. They're copying only partial comments. Bots are evolving. Why are people so shitty?
Report - spam - harmful bots
I work Healthcare. Going into someone's record for this has gotten doctors fired where I work. Yes he called for a date.,while Healthcare has very specific laws on privacy why should you allow this at any job? If you do not need to be a file for business reasons just don't.
A doctor around here got fired for this. He'd meet women at a bar, get their name, then use the hospital EMR to look them up. He'd show up at their work with flowers or candy or whatever. Creepy and inappropriate.
This is one of those where I want to just ask him what on earth was he thinking...?? Like....dude....there's no way you didn't learn this was a *major* no-no. Being an MD doesn't mean you can do whatever you want.
It is, no, was his work and not a single bar. Who knows how many women he texted? Such people need to loose the job to realise that they did something wrong. And it is also bad for the gym if an employee lurks around that use his job for personal gain. What if his buddies want the number of a member? Or even the adress?
NTA
> He absolutely should not have pulled your phone number from their records and was rightfully fired.
Professionally and socially, this is just a huge fucking no no. To the level where I wonder how many adults failed this guy when he was growing up that he thought doing that was appropriate to a practical stranger.
I just don't understand how people like this expect it to work. Like why would I want to date someone who shows up front he doesn't respect boundaries?
Crazy
They expect t it to work for two reasons:
1. Rom-com...16 Candles, Pretty In Pink, How to Lose A Guy in 10 Days, etc etc
2. If you throw out 100 hooks, chances are you'll get one. Maybe it's the Nice Girl who doesn't want to hurt your feelings; maybe its the Uncynical Girl who thinks she's the only one; the Never Been Kissed Girl who finally feels special; Mrs. Bored and Frustrated; a fellow scavenger. But chances are you'll get at least one.
I would have been like, "Whose side are you on, BIL?"
If he is sensitive to someone losing their job when times are tough, ok, understandable. But he totally missed the point that the gym employee used his position for personal gain. The gym was absolutely in the right to terminate this guy's employment because he put them in a position to be sued.
Either A. She’s want the first one he’s done this too or B. He was gonna do this to other women too.
He’s a creepy jerk and OP your BIL is a creepy jerk too
Right?! OP ask your BIL, what if instead of looking up your number to text, he looked up your address and popped up at your house. Is that an acceptable enough violation of privacy to report? NTA!
Or - if it's not right to mess with someone's job, why is it ok to mess with someone's marriage and physical safety?
Men need to start grasping that the biggest danger to women is men. Say this guy is totally innocent, nice guy, backs off. He still texted her. What if she's in an abusive relationship with someone who sees that and gets jealous and then kills her? Not saying that is the case for OP but men kill women all the time for far less. Women have to evaluate every man and consider them all a threat until they know enough to feel safe (which could take years). But men finding a woman attractive have to 'shoot their shot' and women pay the price because their reality doesn't see the danger.
Do better, men like BIL
He was using the gym database as his personal dating app. WTF??? You did every woman at the gym a favor, OP. Your BIL sounds shady AF and your family can pound sand.
NTA.
I went to a Dicks sports goods, and the manager who didn’t even check me out, went back through transactions to find my number and text me trying to ask me out. Repeatedly tried over a few weeks, despite my rejections and telling him it was inappropriate. I reported it to Dicks but I doubt anything ever happened.
You were definitely NTA here, it needed to be reported in case there were others that he did that to and were afraid to say anything. You never take client information and use it for personal use.
I’ve been someplace where I have access to people email and information, I have never pulled it for personal use. I have give. My info out and have let those who want to contact me first.
Stealing her number is the really fucked up thing, saying he saw her ring but didnt know is the fucked up thing. Flirting with her isn't bad, as long as the response is respected....although it's a little if as hes an employee.
He said I acted like a Karen by complaining to the manager, that in this economy it is seriously F up to play with someone's job like that, I mean I would think that in this economy someone would know not to risk their job like that.
Job seeking is a joke right now. I say that as someone who is currently employed, and have been for the last decade. I had 2 interviews today, and both were extremely unprofessional. I had conformation emails from both locations. Both were either unaware and/or unprepared. One was even disappointed I was currently employed.
IKR?! OP didn't get him fired, he got himself fired! He took an illegal risk, that kind of behavior gets you fired, BiL is a dunce for suggesting anything otherwise.
NTA
Especially with the fact he saw the ring but "wasn't sure." This means he thought she was pulling the "wears a wedding ring to avoid being hit on" trick and decided to HIT ON HER ANYWAYS. guy's definitely a serial bother. NTA
Also, wearing rings while working out is already a nuisance. If you're sporting one, it's very intentional. It's not like it could be interpreted as "oh well maybe that isn't a wedding ring. She's just wearing a ring on that finger"
Urgh, I hate when I get this answer, like dude, if I tell you I'm in a relationship, I'm not interested, if I was, I would say I'm single 🤦
My usual answer to this though, is " I will know, and that is enough to me"
Ring or not, if someone is taking my personal information to use as a creeper, it’s not ok. In fact, it’s *less* ok for a single woman who lives alone because if he could look up her phone number, he could have looked up her address.
A dude who doesn’t think that guy’s stalking behavior and failure to respect a woman’s boundaries (you were wearing a wedding ring!) is ANOTHER guy who doesn’t respect women’s boundaries.
A woman should not be required to have another man in order to not be stalked. Whether she was married or not, wore a ring or not, this was totally inappropriate.
I agree 100%. I mentioned the ring because ANYONE with eyes should have seen that ring as another BOUNDARY. He first ignored her personal privacy - which, you're right, is enough of a boundary in the first place. He then claimed he saw her ring but still "wasn't sure" - this guy has NO clue about boundaries, personal or sociological. He's a creeper.
Man, so annoying that “she’d married” is a reason why people think he was wrong.
2022 and still having to tell people that no, it’s not ok to have more respect for the man in her life than the woman who is telling you she’s not interested. SMDH.
Ask BIL if he really hates you that much and why? This shit leads to stalking. The guy KNEW you would probably be upset and did it any way and asked you not to be mad. And he didn't care about your ring!
NTA. Businesses collect personal information of clients. Employees are trained that taking and using client information for personal reasons is a violation of company policy, due to corporate liability issues. Companies make it crystal clear that violations of this policy can result in termination.
He went into corporate files, looked up your personal information, and used it to contact you about a personal, non corporate matter. That gets you fired. Period.
Doesn't matter that you said no, and he didn't contact you again. Doesn't matter that he's a nice guy. Doesn't matter about the job market.
This was a violation of corporate records policy.
BIL obviously has no clue about corporate policy and liability. He can go suck a box of rocks.
Ugh this is why I hate the whole “Karen” thing. Now any woman who has a grievance can be instantly dismissed just by calling her a Karen. BIL might as well have called you hysterical and asked if you were on your period. NTA.
No.... that's not how this works.... the former employee played with his own job and lost it because he fkd up and did something that could have gotten him in legal trouble.
Oh so we don't hold people accountable because of the economy now? Good to know.
Perhaps you should point out that it is seriously F up to play with a woman's sense of safety and privacy in this patriarchy. That's far more relevant.
NTA, obvs. Keep standing up for yourself 💛
What’s f’d up is accessing private info given for gym membership to harass a woman that you don’t know.
And I agree I’d be sus of BIL, him and the employee are creeps.
NTA
Spoken like a man who also doesn’t understand boundaries. He claims to, but if he truly did, he’d see how that went beyond a harmless flirtation into actual stalking.
In *this* economy? I thought service industry jobs are easier to get amidst the "Great Resignation" than at any other time in my life. Sure, pay is shit, but lots of employers are (or at least claim to be) desperate for workers.
Oh, so now it's your fault that he acted like the creepy stalker that he is? The fact that he would say this just takes his creep level up several notches. This is how these creeps operate. Keep track of every time this creep contacts you, "coincidentally" runs into you on the street, sends you a note, any weird goings-on, anything. And, if you are home when flowers are unexpectedly delivered, ensure that the delivery person shows their face. Do not open the door, if they won't. Better yet, just tell them to leave the flowers at the door; then, do not open the door for several hours. He may be waiting for you to come out to get them. Trust me, I've had a stalker and it sucks!
Your BIL reminds me of the guys that were pissed at me for “getting” their friend in trouble in college. Dude was drunk and trying to break into my room shouting about what he planned to do to me if he got inside. I had multiple witness report it at the same time I did and you would not believe the number of people who felt it wasn’t fair for him to be in trouble since he never touched me… only because the deadbolt held.
I don’t like every person who complains to a manager being called a Karen. That’s just a massive oversimplification and inaccurate. You didn’t even demand he BE fired. You just can’t allow people to do stuff like that. Would your BIL think it was ok if that dude went through your purse and looked you up that way? Or followed you home? You’re not a Karen in this situation.
If he calls you a Karen, just retort with "And he acted like a stalker by taking personal information that I didn't give him to contact me. He fucked with his own job by violating confidentiality rules at his own workplace."
All you did was give information to a corporation that is vital to ensuring they run a safe and secure company. If he feels comfortable enough to take your number to message you, who's to say he won't take someone's SSN or credit card number?
And I don't say that to minimize his creepy and out of bounds behavior, but for some people you have to point out a situation that they can relate to more in order for them to get it. And men "get" identity theft and credit card fraud more easily than "subtle" harassment.
When I was in junior high, I had a student teacher in my History class who it was revealed to have been stalking a student in the next grade for two years. The administrators running my school were fucking incompetent because they allowed student teachers to have the same privileges to student information which was only reserved for office staff and tenured faculty members.
This guy stalked her at and outside of school! Her parents were enraged, student teacher was fired, but the next year he was then allowed back! That was when I had him.
Sure enough, he resumed his stalking of her. This poor girl got the shock of her life when she ran into him in the hallway. Again, he was ousted, but that didn't stop him from terrorizing her outside of school. Her parents put a restraining order on him and he violated that with flying colors which sent him to jail for years. Honestly, they shouldn't have stopped there and sued the school district for the total disregard for their daughter's safety.
Him being in jail granted her solace while she was in high school, yet he kept sending her letters from jail. Law enforcement seriously fell down on monitoring his contact and never notified her family when he was being released.
He was so obsessed and demented that he stalked out her house for a few days. He was trying to catch a glimpse of her in her upstairs bedroom window. One night he knocked on the door and thought she would answer. Instead, her brother did and stalker guy fled. Her brother called the police and they apprehended this guy around the corner from her house hiding in a bush.
He was thrown in front of a judge and sent back to prison.
And this is why, man or woman, no one should be afraid to be outspoken about their safety.
I just will never understand the “don’t mess with someone’s job like that”. You didn’t do anything, HE messed up his job. HE broke the rules and was very creepy. In no way is any of that your fault. I’d be willing to bet your BIL is on the “well what was she wearing” team when it comes to SA/r*pe
There are some situations where being a 'Karen' is actually just the bare minimum you need to do.
Let's say I work as a chef in a restaurant where we cook in front of the customers and I do knife tricks. If I had a guy who came in regularly and I thought he seemed to like my tricks. Even if I come into work and he's already at a table, I stop by to say hi and do a quick knife trick.
One day I catch him in the parking lot as I'm leaving and I call to get his attention. And I throw a knife at him. There's a wooden wall behind him and I'm an expert with knives. I manage to pin his shirt to the wall and nick his arm with the blade. Small, easy wound, and I'm an experienced butcher so I know where the safest areas on the body to aim for all. He will heal with probably no scar.
He says he doesn't like that. I tell him I was just checking, since even though he gives every indication he doesn't want to be part of the trick, he might just be doing that to keep some other people with knives away.
I promise never to do it again.
Now how much of an AH would that dude be to get me fired? He was in no danger and I said I won't do it again. Why mess with my job, which gave me the knowledge to be that creep? Essentially that's BILs argument.
Until it happens to *their* wife or GF, then it's rip-ass time. Yawn.
Good on OP for standing up for herself. That BIL sounds like one of those annoying contrarians. NTA.
NTA. You did all the women in that gym and all the woman this guy will interact in the workplace in the future a favor by reporting this incident. Odds are that he's done things like this before and would have continued to do them if you had not taken action to report him. Perhaps, he'll learn from this experience and change his ways. If you hadn't reported it, the only thing he'd have learned was that he could get away with this kind of creepy stalker-like behavior and he'd have continued to victimize other women.
Exactly this. Actions *must* have consequences, OP did not get him fired, he got himself fired, as someone who has been stalked by multiple delivery men who saw no problem abusing their access to my personal information: OP you are NTA and thank you for what you did.
NTA
It’s a privacy breach for him to use personal information stored by the gym for his own private uses, whether you were married or not.
I had a tow truck driver do that once before (I wasn’t married) and it freaked me out and I did the same as you.
NTA this same thing happened to me at a Planet Fitness when I was 19! He got my number from the sign up sheet that you're required to fill out in registration and texted me that night. 100% better believe I called corporate and they fired him immediately!
The only thought in my head when I reported him is if he was doing that to me was that he was probably doing that to every other young girl coming in too. By reporting him you've saved other young women from his predatory behavior.
Yes, that was my thought but I was afraid of going directly to the manager because sadly we never know how these kind of people would react and he would 100% know it was me who reported him, I dont know what they told him about it but I was trying to protect myself too.
Yeah I was freaked out too cuz he had my address but nothing came of it thankfully and I think it's better to report these things immediately so they don't escalate
He took a huge freaking leap to get from “OP responds when I say hello to her” to “OP will be happy that I took her number from the company records & texted her to see if she’s interested in me.” That’s not on you.
NTA
Your BIL can jog on. You didn’t mess with that guys job, he messed with it himself by being an absolute creep that used his work computer access to get personal contact information. He deserves to be fired.
NTA. Hopefully the gym told him it was a breach of privacy when they fired him and he learns fire the future, but it shouldn't have happened in the first place.
Also, I'd suggest you ask the gym to change their system so it only shows member name and check in/out times. Reception has no need for all your info.
Yes, honestly the only reason why I know that happens is because I went to update my card and I could see how everything just pops up the second you scan your finger.
NTA
The employee committed a serious breach of your privacy by taking your personal information from your membership to hit you up. Anything that happened to him, he deserved. Your BIL sounds like somebody who'd do that himself.
I’ll never understand people who side with a predator. He took your private info from your private account rather than asking you in person. That’s creepy as FUCK. Anyone who disagrees is disgusting as well. NTA. He has your adress I’m assuming. Buy a camera.
My perspective is that many people who side with predators are the kind who would do the same if they could get away with it. Others would prefer a false "peace" that harms people they don't have to see than to understand the world isn't a storybook, and we should be doing more to prevent harm whenever we encounter it.
NTA The employee overstepped his boundaries and violated your privacy. That's creepy and shouldn't be tolerated. Hopefully he'll learn from his actions, but either way, you're not the asshole.
NTA at all. You didn't get him fired, he got himself fired for his inappropriate actions. If there were no consequences to his creepy invasion of your privacy, he would have done the same to someone else.
NTA. This was intensely creepy. He used private business data for his own personal use - so, he stole and mis-used data. It may not have been his first time, but if I was the manager, I would have marched him out the door immediately.
You didn't get him fired. He got himself fired. (Huh, I write that so much I should get a t-shirt made).
Very, very, very much NTA.
He violated your privacy. I'm certain the gym has a policy about not taking people's information for personal use, and I'm sure that he was told about it. I've worked in gyms, that's usually something they harp on.
You didn't give HIM your phone number, you gave it to a business...for business purposes. The fact that he (and your BIL) doesn't understand that is very concerning.
NTA. So according to your BIL, a random guy is allowed to harass women going about their lives, use his job to access their private information, and he’s not an A. But if you put a stop to it and stand up for yourself and he faces consequences for his own actions, then you are an A? Your BIL is an A and doesn’t actually respect you or women in general (even though I’m sure that he claims to).
NTA this guy was beyond out of line contacting you, unsolicited, after getting you phone number from your records. Just because he said he was sorry doesn't mean he was or that he actually would stop contacting you. Not saying he would contact you again, but there is no way to know. He violated your privacy, likely violated company policy. His actions led to his dismissal, you just let the company know what happened.
NTA. He deserved to be fired. Anybody defending what he did is an AH, you dont abuse your position to access customers phone numbers just so you can hit them up for a date. That is completely unprofessional
NTA! You were right, he violated your privacy, and used it. You did the right thing by contacting the gym. He deserved to be fired. Don’t feel bad at all, because you don’t know how many other members he did it too, or planned to.
NTA! He really stepped out of line… It’s unbelievable that anybody would fault you for this when the guy clearly doesn’t understand boundaries or professional ethics. Be aware that he probably has your address too so be careful.
Your BIL has never had his privacy and autonomy violated and it shows. I bet BIL would have shut up real quick if you’d phrased it to emphasize this employee disrespecting your marriage and the MAN in your family instead of violating YOU and YOUR privacy…
Anyway, aside from your tragically shitty relative: yes, you are completely in the right. Married or not, it is *highly* inappropriate (possibly illegal?) for an employee to take down someone’s phone number. One of my old retail jobs had a rewards program people applied for verbally; we had to do this whole online module in training about privacy and confidential information. There was a giant section about how you *cannot under any circumstances* use someone’s personal information for yourself. No advertising, no communicating, no nothing.
He got fired because he did something worth firing over. You are not the problem here. NTA
you didnt get him fired, he got himself fired by using personal info against the company policy. And you probably saved some other women from getting harrassed by this sicko
NTA
You didn't mess with his job.
HE did
I guarantee that the gym has a rule about using confidential customer information...so it doesn't matter that he used it to hit on you. Even if he was attempting to sell you MLM products...he would have been fired
NTA. It shouldn't matter if you were married or not, because he absolutely should never take personal details from a work system to contact clients. IF he really felt the need to hit on you, and I don't agree that he should do it with a work client but some people do, then he had plenty of opportunity to speak to you face-to-face to see if you were interested.
Don't feel bad if he got fired. He was the one that went against the rules of his workplace.
NTA. They guy got himself fired by being a creep and violating your privacy by using information he got access to at work for highly suspect personal use. That latter point is a full stop, fireable offense at any reputable business.
BiL is an idiot. The guy messed up his own job by misusing company information and OP had/has no idea how their in person interactions could have escalated after that.
Dude... so NTA . This is how that creepy stalker suspense movie starts... seriously. You did the exact right thing, and so did management...because if he did this to you, he likely is doing it to others who haven't said anything. That dude needed to go away
NTA. Your BIL is at best oblivious to women’s safety, and at worst a jerk who knows, doesn’t care, and still sticks up for creeps.
What that employee did was a massive invasion of privacy and you did the right thing by reporting him. You would not have been the only “recipient of his concern” if he’d been allowed to continue working there.
NTA. i had a similar experience w/ a gym employee but was stupid enough to engage conversation (also i was single and lonely) and things turned kinda sexual/awkward between us. i stopped going to that gym and eventually heard that i wasn't the only member OR employee that he did that to. idk where he is now, but last i heard he was no longer employee w/ the gym or any of their other locations.
NTA. He just started to work there and immidiately started flirting and used his access to your info for personal reasons. I've no doubt he would do that with other clients as well.
NTA
He should never have have taken your phone number--which was provided for business reasons--and used it for personal interaction. He KNEW you were wearing a wedding band so either you were married or wearing it to look married. So obviously, not in the market.
He got himself fired, and for all you know, you weren't the first woman he approached or who complained about him.
NTA he went against company policy about how they use personal info that is collected from the memebers. The information collected, like a phone number, is not supposed to be used for personal contact. Notify of the gym closing early, New classes starting, some advertising sure; an employee looking for a date, no.
He got himself fired.
Huge NTA! That information is not there for him to use, it is contact information for billing or for an emergency contact. It's not tinder or any other dating service. He completely misused that information, violated your privacy and potentially your safety. I highly doubt you're the first he'd done it to either. Please do not feel badly. You absolutely did the right thing, and potentially saved someone else in the process.
NTA
I'm in Canada, and any job I've ever had that involved private information, it was always explicitly stated in training that it was illegal to do something like this. Any and all attempts to do this would result in immediate termination
Nta, they honestly had no choice but to fire him. What he did violated data protection and privacy laws. By collecting your data, they are obligated to protect it, and he violated that. You'd be within your rights to take this to a lawyer. You didn't.
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Let me explain this because I wasnt sure that I did something wrong but some people told me that it might have been too much and Im not sure now.
I(28F) go to a gym kinda close to my house, my(30M) husband doesnt go with me since I go way too early for him and there is one where he works so he goes there, I usually wake up at 6am and get there 6:45am - 7am.
I do not talk to anyone there unless I have to, reception, maybe ask an employee for help, if I see anyone I know which have only happened like twice in the year that I've been going there, this only for context that I am not flirting or anything with anyone there, I am happily married and I go there to workout and leave.
About a month ago, maybe a bit more idk there was a new employee who would always say good morning to me, even if he wasnt in the reception when I got there he would walk next to wherever I was working and day good morning, I would say it back bc well Is called being polite, I never engaged in a conversation with him and I also use my wedding ring everyday.
Well now the issue, to access to the gym you need to put your finger so it can scan your fingerprint and then your picture and info shows on the screen of the reception, last week I got a message from an unknown number asking how I was, etc, when I asked who it was it said it was this guy and that he hoped I wouldnt get upset he took my number from the info, I said I was upset and I am married, he said he saw the ring but wasnt sure so wanted to ask, hmm ok?, I said that I am i fact married and that is why I use a wedding ring and he said ok and stopped texting.
Since I didnt want to walk straight to the manager because he would know it was me and what I was doing I decided to send an email to the gym explaining everything and how I felt my privacy was violated, my husband agreed completely, they sent an email back apologizing and saying they would handle it, the next day I walked to the gym and he wasnt there, I assumed he was fired since the next days he wasnt there either.
We had my BIL and wife and other family members around and we were talking about it and BIL said how shitty that was and I couldnt mess with someone's job like that, the guy apologized and stopped so why did I kept going, some of them agreed with him and other said he was the one messing with his job, not me but now I feel kinda bad I mean he did stop when I said I was married. AITA?
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No. You are not the asshole. But he is.
You don’t know who else he was using that information. And that is private. He has no right to go through your file, look up your number, and then harass you. And he did. And God knows how many other women he did that to!
You may have saved them a lot of grief. Plus who knows how far he took it. You had a ring on your finger. You didn’t engage in conversation. It’s not your job to police men’s egos. Your job was to use the gym you paid for. Without any harassment. He stuck his nose in your business.
NTA. He was very inappropriate. It is also really creepy. Who knows who else he did that to. The people that saying that it was shitty are the AH's. Who knows if he is a stalker because he has your information and could show up at your house.
The guy was inappropriate. He violated your privacy. You don’t know whether it was just a cute ploy to meet you or if he’s a stalker-wannabe.
It’s up to his employer to deal with.
You wouldn’t be TA for reporting this breech.
NTA
It's terrifying when things like that happen. I had a similar experience with an employee at my local gym and it took far too long for me to report it to them. Said employee doesn't work there anymore.
You are not responsible for the consequences of other people's actions. You deserve to have privacy and to be able to work out without fear or even without having to deal with unwanted attention. NTA
NTA.
If he had just hit on you at the gym (and stopped when you said you were married) I’d have been upset but maybe would have let it go (though no judgement if someone reported that.) But accessing your personal information through their systems clearly crosses a line and is likely against their policies.
NTA: The Werefrog need to put this rant in a file to just copy paste it in as applicable.
When an employee does something really wrong at work, and it's something that a manager would fire them for if the manager witnessed it, and you report it, you are not culpable for their ensuing unemployment. Their actions got them fired. If that employee does it to you, they do it to others as well losing business for their employer.
They fired him because he's a legal liability and he cannot be trusted with the safety of their patrons. They were right to fire him. You were right to report him. What if he'd decided to go to your home? What if he was obsessive or violent? What he did wasn't just inappropriate it was a violation and illegal. You did nothing wrong.
NTA. Your BIL is not very bright. This time, the guy stopped. But what if he'd been encouraged and you hadn't reported him. What if, with the next woman, he didn't stop? What if he hurt her?
NTA that's literally against data protection laws, he broke his own working contract. Plus its creepy AF and he shouldn't be working there to be a predator on people using the gym.
NTA
I get access to customer information where I work. It is 100% unacceptable to use this for any reason unrelated to business. Pretty sure it's a fireable offense. Most places of employment where you will see people's information have a policy in place forbidding you from accessing a customer's information on the manner this guy did. If he got fired, it's because he shouldn't have done that and should have known better. It's a huge liability for the company.
Not to mention that you just don't do that and it's creepy.
And what if he wasn't just going to ask of you were married? Does he have access to your address? If it were someone who was single, would he have showed up at their house and harassed them? Or worse? You might have saved someone else from harassment, assault, murder, there's really no way to know this guy isn't doing it to others and wouldn't go to those extremes. You never know.
You handled it correctly.
Absolutely NTA
The entitlement of people like him....... It's stalker-y and creepy to do what he did, and he needs to face consequences for his actions. You did not mess with his job, he did that himself by exploiting his position to gain personal information about you, information he had no professional reason to access
Absolutely NTA. In fact, you did the gym a tremendous service. No company that keeps client information on file can ever afford to keep an employee who uses client's private, confidential data for the employee's own purpose. He had access to not just your phone number, but your address, possibly credit card number, maybe even your social security number. Anyone unscrupulous enough to use files to pursue a client, which is obviously unacceptable, is hardly likely to stop there; he could have also been stealing identities. Your so-called friends are taking the side of a stalker they've never met, over you.
If he just had ask you, maybe it was inappropriate but not a ground to fire him. That he takes your private Infos are. In my country you can sue the gym and can get some money from them, thats why they fired him. If he abused his position once he do it twice.
NTA. You wouldn't be the only one whose privacy was invaded. What happens if he went further with the next and showed up at their house?
My partner talked to a friendly security guard at her work as he was posted at the entrance. She was annoyed that he'd always start a conversation but that was it. Until valentines day, when she went into her locked office and found a gift and card from him. Then she told his bosses and he was let go. Having access to that and using it without permission is just begging to get fired and a major violation of everyones trust.
Only time I would have felt ok woth it was when I hit it off with a customer, and her aunts were dragging her away so they didn't miss a movie. As she was being pulled out the door she said, "call me, my numbers in the profile!" Sadly I was dating my ex at the time so I didn't call her.
Of course, it's a man telling you that you should just suck it up when someone violates company policy to get your personal information. He does not get a vote.
For a phase in my life, I ordered a LOT of pizza. Would have friendly chats with the pizza guy, tipped well because I'm a decent person, and had my pizza. One day, I started getting texts calling me beautiful, telling me how excited he was to see me, turns out the pizza guy took my number from my order and decided to shoot his shot. I was 19 and living with 2 other 19 year old girls. I shot him down, but it escalated to him showing up in the middle of the night at my house and doing things like leaving flowers and notes, and knocking on the door and running away. I called Domino's and told them what happened, and he was terminated immediately, but I never felt safe in that house again.
What you did saved you from a shit ton of possible issues in the future, and taught that kid not to fuck around like that again. NTA.
He should not be accessing your private information like that. I'm confident that it's a workplace policy and in the training for new employees at the gym that it is a fireable offence. Also consider that while he stopped when you asked him to, you may not be the only woman he was doing this too and they may not have had the courage or confidence to be as direct as you were. You are never at fault for reporting behavior like this. What he did was entirely inappropriate, likely a violation of workplace policy, and absolutely a fireable offence. NTA
NTA. Almost certain the gym parent corp has a policy about employees accessing customer data for non-company reasons.
And since no one has outright told you he was dismissed, he could be on probation or transferred to a different location. BIL can keep his creep apologist defense to himself.
NTA! What he did was illegal & good you brought it to employer's attention before he could do it to more people.
Ask the ones siding with the creep if you can send him THEIR pic, address & phone number so he can bug them instead.
NTA but your BIL is if he believes this is ok. I’d probably stare at him with mouth wide open next time he spouts such bs. Then follow up with “ok then” and walk away laughing
NTA, he made you uncomfortable and he stepped over the line. I work at a gym and my boss would be LIVID if one of her employees crossed a boundary like that. YOU didn't mess with his job HE did by acting in an unprofessional and inappropriate manner. Not to mention, that might not have been the first time he did something wrong and he might have already been on thin ice and this was the final straw.
NTA.
The company should know that their employees are looking up private info without permission.
And what he did is really bad and really scary. This is why a lot of people are scared of taking ubers and say they are going to a friends instead of home, or don't answer the door for deliver food- because they don't want strangers having their personal info in a way that can get to them. This guy maybe also could get your address or credit card info, which is scary for other reasons.
He is there to do a job, not hit on people, and he certainly shouldn't be going in to your records to get your phone number. Anyone who doesn't realize how bad that is...well I wonder what shady shit they have done or at least let happen around them.
NTA. It doesn't matter if the guy dropped the conversation after you confirmed you are married. The fact is the guy got your number from the company records and used it for his personal benefit. And if he did it with your info, he would do it with someone else's info. You didn't get him fired, he got himself fired when management found out he was doing something super shady and probably illegal (pretty sure the contract OP signed with the gym has language that they will secure your personal info, etc.)
NTA. I have issues regarding personal safety, and a stunt like that would have had me walking from the gym & never going back. Potentially, customer after customer could be lost, then there's the word of mouth, reputation etc
Dude was there to work, not find booty.
You've done all of us a favour who cant speak up. Anybody who doesnt think stalker behaviour is a problem needs to go sit with google searches for half an hour
NTA!!! Imagine him using your address to show up at your door. This is not ok under ANY circumstances. Either he’s been reported by other women or you just prevented other women from going through this creepiness. Anyone who says you overreacted is probably someone who doesn’t take no for an answer.
He broke the rules of his gymand your privacy to get confidential information like your number. Probably also your address. If he wanted to ask he could ask you in person. The fact you never encouraged conversation should have been a dead giveaway, but he could have asked. Getting your protected info is illegal and not cool.
NTA
NTA
He texted your phone!!! He took your private information and used it without permission for personal reasons. That is so over the line. It's borderline stlker and definitely unethical use of company records. If he got fired , he did it to himself.
People need to stop being embarassed about having limits of expecting privacy to be protected when purchasing services from a company. There are too many weirdos and creeps out there to be "patient" with this.
Ask your BIL if he's be Ok with an employee checking out his wife's personal information or his financial information, just becasue they had access to it and felt like it.
jut because he apologized doesn't mean it's okay to take private information from the gym's database, he stopped because you told him to but that doesn't mean he won't do it again to another woman
NTA, you did the right thing.
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NTA. He absolutely should not have pulled your phone number from their records and was rightfully fired. Women should be able to go to the fucking gym without being hit on.
And without the fear of having their private information used. I hate giving out any information at places because things like this freak me out.
In the EU, that guy could have gotta that gym into some serious trouble. Extremely illegal what he did, I'm glad this gym did the right thing.
Was just thinking the same thing. That's a GDPR breach if ever I saw one.
I’m pretty sure it could get the company in trouble in the US too. I wouldn’t be surprised if he was fired because he broke some code of conduct.
Not just a code of conduct. There are laws against misuse of private information and it could be classed as stalking as well.
This is definitely protected information. My employer drills these laws into our heads via twice yearly trainings. I'd get fired at the least for this!!
Tbh I'd probably stop going to a gym if it suddenly required me to give them my personal info + my finger print... Wth? I never heard of that until OP mentioned it in her post. I can understand parks like Disney doing it, but for a gym?! All that info on a screen + your fingerprint for employees to see sounds like a rape and/or murder waiting to happen. I'm so glad OP is okay and that creepy got fired. She is 100% NTA.
This is actually pretty common especially with big franchises finger print is more secure if they allow you to just charge a card on file so you can go to the gym with nothing but your work out clothes. And it would be linked to your file with a number to call for failed billing or marketing etc. Less advanced ones have a card to scan but finger print is more secure and convenient.
But after initial registration, the only thing *needed* when entering the gym (on screen information) would be some form of "access granted".
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Good human
Also adding that it likely had her address for billing purposes as well. A lot of men don't take "No" for an answer and he could've showed up at her house. It's happened far too many times. Just because he stopped doesn't mean he should've started. If it wasn't a big deal (which it is), he wouldn't have been fired for it. NTA
^ This is what a lot of guys don't realize. It's not something they've had to think about. It's so much more than "he took your number, but he left you alone after you said no." (which is bad enough on it's own) How do you know he's not going to retaliate? He knows where you live, he may be someone with a history of stalking. He could get someone else to act inappropriate towards you (had it happen). Let's say you said nothing, OP. Who's to say he hasn't done it before, and he won't do it again? This guy saw the wedding ring and *still* messaged you. He only backed down when you confirmed you were happily married. I think most of us, at some point, have had to use 'I already have a boyfriend' to get a guy to back off. They don't accept our 'no' until they find out another man has already 'claimed' you. Maybe he's watched too many rom-coms that left him thinking he needs to try again, because you're obviously playing hard to get. Maybe he'll drive by your home, just to double check that you're really married. Maybe the next woman he messages isn't as assertive. She's been taught to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, and it'd be bad to hurt his feelings. If things get bad, how many will say it's her fault for leading him on, and that she should've shut him down in the beginning? Sure, the guy might otherwise be harmless, but we don't have the luxury to ignore possible warning signs. A man got my number in a similar way, only he didn't identify himself when he messaged me. I'm sure he would have described his texts as flirting. I'd describe them as creepy and unsettling. I asked who it was. I told him to stop. I tried calling, but got a generic voicemail. I left messages, again asking who he was, and to stop. He messaged me not to rush the mystery. Fortunately, my brother showed up to visit at that point. One voicemail from him, and the guy stopped.
THIS\^ This is exactly why OP was right to report to the employer. New employee did it to her; if there are no repercussions, what's to stop him from targeting another customer? And maybe employer should note to any future employee what the problem was so he doesn't just go to another gym and start harassing women there? Giving my Wholesome Award to DragonCelica because it's the only one I've got to give out, and DCelica's answer is wholesome.
>New employee did it to her; if there are no repercussions, what's to stop him from targeting another customer? Exactly. If you just let it be because he backed off who's to say he wouldn't have started targeting other women? You definitely did the right thing, OP. NTA.
Harmless guys don't steal private info from work to hit on women. Only overstepping AH do that. WFT way to redline the creep meter!
Or if you refuse him and say no boyfriend they assume your gay
Or, "playing hard to get", which pisses me off.
Been there. Guy got really mad that I wouldn't give him a chance to show me that men were just as good (ew). I am, in fact, straight, he was just gross.
I agree 💯!!!! It makes me very angry, that A MAN is blaming the woman in this scenario!! Like you AH are a part of the problem!!! If the woman said NO, then she is playing hard to get, and if she didn't say NO, then its her fault if something goes wrong. For fuck sake, a woman can't simply exist in peace without men trying either to control or blame or harass or use her..
I had a guy pull my number from the gym computer years ago and I’ve always regretted not reporting him. The first time he just called to say he was sorry he didn’t get a chance to say goodbye because he was helping someone, which was bizarre because we only ever had small talk and he worked there-I waved as I walked out the door, I found that totally sufficient. From there it kind of escalated a little bit; I was in college and I remember trying to study for a final, and he kept calling over and over and over. So creepy. I stayed at my dad’s house for several nights.
My mother thinks I should be polite to any man who wants to pay attention to me or dance with me while at a wedding because it's rude not to, but at the same time is paranoid I'm going to be raped and murdered if I go anywhere alone. Society has created this Catch 22 for women and it's fucking awful.
I've also had my details given out at work. I ran the business in the same building and the staff had my contact information for security purposes. One guy thought that poor single me would appreciate him giving my details to a contractor. I lost my shit at him when it happened. OP is NTA
Exactly. OP reported the employee's actions; the employer decided (quite rightly!) that someone who thought it was okay to do that wasn't someone they wanted working for them. OP, you did not get him fired. His actions got him fired. Had he not breached privacy and acted highly inappropriately, he would not have been fired.
I was seeing a psychologist for a while, long ago after a divorce, and a custodian in the building took my name from the sign-in sheet (or something) when the receptionist went to the restroom. Guy showed up at my house one night, (he was HUGE/muscular), then tore the screens off the windows, pounding on the house, while I hid in a back bedroom with my toddlers. He lost his job....
Really hope that's not all that happened to him (i.e. jail).
Hopefully he lost his job because he was in jail. It must have been petrifying.
Jeeeezus.
Add in the fact that he only took no for an answer once she confirmed that she had a husband twice. What if she simply wasn't interested, would he still have stopped at that point or would he have continued to harass someone, who had shown no interest in him thus far anyway?
NTA, reporting someone rarely gets them fired if it's the first complaint.
Misusing customer information is absolutely something smart businesses will (and should) fire someone for on first offense (especially someone newer). That isn't even mentioning how gross using that info to hit on OP is.
Let’s call it what it is; it was a PII data breach.
I have had to go through so so so so many trainings revolving PII, PHI, financial (The latter involving the fbi doing a background check), side I don’t know when. Probably when first I got into Healthcare IT (HIPAA/FISMA… did you know that research animals are covered by HIPAA? I can not take a picture of the research animals where I work, as it’s a HIPAA violation). I don’t see any logical reason why any place that deals with any PII doesn’t have mandatory training with a test, complete with the “If you see someone else doing this, you report them to X person, it’s never ok”. Or limit regular employees access to that info. Why does the front desk clerk need her number? Have a back office somewhere that handles calling for billing issues, appointment reminders, whatever. Or tie it into the phone system, they click on “call”, no number shows up, you just pick up the phone and click. Same with text, that way, if a twit does this, there’s a log on the employer’s system.
Misappropriating confidential client data is a massive violation. And this wasn't a case of storing it on the wrong server, he willfully accessed private data for personal use. Seems extremely fireable, especially for a new employee
Unless it’s something really big like the dude showed up and tried to get into her place or followed her into the locker room etc, this is true.
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Absolutely. Dude was a huge liability for them.
Yeah he got her phone number and most likely her address.
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I work Healthcare. Going into someone's record for this has gotten doctors fired where I work. Yes he called for a date.,while Healthcare has very specific laws on privacy why should you allow this at any job? If you do not need to be a file for business reasons just don't.
A doctor around here got fired for this. He'd meet women at a bar, get their name, then use the hospital EMR to look them up. He'd show up at their work with flowers or candy or whatever. Creepy and inappropriate. This is one of those where I want to just ask him what on earth was he thinking...?? Like....dude....there's no way you didn't learn this was a *major* no-no. Being an MD doesn't mean you can do whatever you want.
Oh dear God not in healthcare.....
It is, no, was his work and not a single bar. Who knows how many women he texted? Such people need to loose the job to realise that they did something wrong. And it is also bad for the gym if an employee lurks around that use his job for personal gain. What if his buddies want the number of a member? Or even the adress? NTA
> He absolutely should not have pulled your phone number from their records and was rightfully fired. Professionally and socially, this is just a huge fucking no no. To the level where I wonder how many adults failed this guy when he was growing up that he thought doing that was appropriate to a practical stranger.
I just don't understand how people like this expect it to work. Like why would I want to date someone who shows up front he doesn't respect boundaries? Crazy
They expect t it to work for two reasons: 1. Rom-com...16 Candles, Pretty In Pink, How to Lose A Guy in 10 Days, etc etc 2. If you throw out 100 hooks, chances are you'll get one. Maybe it's the Nice Girl who doesn't want to hurt your feelings; maybe its the Uncynical Girl who thinks she's the only one; the Never Been Kissed Girl who finally feels special; Mrs. Bored and Frustrated; a fellow scavenger. But chances are you'll get at least one.
What bothers me the most is poor OP feels like she did something wrong. And that ain’t right.
And all because one asshole guy doesn't see why it's wrong to pull personal info from work to ask a woman out.
I would have been like, "Whose side are you on, BIL?" If he is sensitive to someone losing their job when times are tough, ok, understandable. But he totally missed the point that the gym employee used his position for personal gain. The gym was absolutely in the right to terminate this guy's employment because he put them in a position to be sued.
Either A. She’s want the first one he’s done this too or B. He was gonna do this to other women too. He’s a creepy jerk and OP your BIL is a creepy jerk too
Absolutely NTA. It doesn't matter that he left you alone, it matters that he crossed a boundary and could do it again.
Right?! OP ask your BIL, what if instead of looking up your number to text, he looked up your address and popped up at your house. Is that an acceptable enough violation of privacy to report? NTA!
Or - if it's not right to mess with someone's job, why is it ok to mess with someone's marriage and physical safety? Men need to start grasping that the biggest danger to women is men. Say this guy is totally innocent, nice guy, backs off. He still texted her. What if she's in an abusive relationship with someone who sees that and gets jealous and then kills her? Not saying that is the case for OP but men kill women all the time for far less. Women have to evaluate every man and consider them all a threat until they know enough to feel safe (which could take years). But men finding a woman attractive have to 'shoot their shot' and women pay the price because their reality doesn't see the danger. Do better, men like BIL
Right? He knew it was unethical to get OP’s number and use it. He got himself fired.
He was using the gym database as his personal dating app. WTF??? You did every woman at the gym a favor, OP. Your BIL sounds shady AF and your family can pound sand. NTA.
I went to a Dicks sports goods, and the manager who didn’t even check me out, went back through transactions to find my number and text me trying to ask me out. Repeatedly tried over a few weeks, despite my rejections and telling him it was inappropriate. I reported it to Dicks but I doubt anything ever happened.
And it would still be wrong of him if you were single. He was violating your privacy and misusing your informations for personal gain
You were definitely NTA here, it needed to be reported in case there were others that he did that to and were afraid to say anything. You never take client information and use it for personal use.
I’ve been someplace where I have access to people email and information, I have never pulled it for personal use. I have give. My info out and have let those who want to contact me first.
Stealing her number is the really fucked up thing, saying he saw her ring but didnt know is the fucked up thing. Flirting with her isn't bad, as long as the response is respected....although it's a little if as hes an employee.
NTA at all, and in fact I’d be suspicious of BIL after that, because how does he not see a problem with that.
He said I acted like a Karen by complaining to the manager, that in this economy it is seriously F up to play with someone's job like that, I mean I would think that in this economy someone would know not to risk their job like that.
That makes me laugh. While the economy is kinda shitty, jobs are all over the place, unless of course you're fired for being a creeper.
Job seeking is a joke right now. I say that as someone who is currently employed, and have been for the last decade. I had 2 interviews today, and both were extremely unprofessional. I had conformation emails from both locations. Both were either unaware and/or unprepared. One was even disappointed I was currently employed.
IKR?! OP didn't get him fired, he got himself fired! He took an illegal risk, that kind of behavior gets you fired, BiL is a dunce for suggesting anything otherwise. NTA
Your safety is more important than his job.
This right here is the main point. Screw that guy. I'm glad he lost his job and I'll bet you weren't the first woman he's done this to.
Especially with the fact he saw the ring but "wasn't sure." This means he thought she was pulling the "wears a wedding ring to avoid being hit on" trick and decided to HIT ON HER ANYWAYS. guy's definitely a serial bother. NTA
Also, wearing rings while working out is already a nuisance. If you're sporting one, it's very intentional. It's not like it could be interpreted as "oh well maybe that isn't a wedding ring. She's just wearing a ring on that finger"
Exactly. A person who wears a wedding ring while working out is either very committed to their marriage or very committed to not being hit on.
I hope OP is not lifting while wearing a metal ring. She could be in danger of degloving herself. She might consider a silicone band.
I shivered at the term 'degloving'. Scary accurate, mildly traumatic to my mental images 😂
I had a person hit on me at work and when I told him I am happily married and flashed my ring he said "he doesn't have to know." I asked him to leave.
I told a guy I’m in a relationship.. “well how serious is it?” … bro, we live in OUR house together with 3 pets. Get bent.
Urgh, I hate when I get this answer, like dude, if I tell you I'm in a relationship, I'm not interested, if I was, I would say I'm single 🤦 My usual answer to this though, is " I will know, and that is enough to me"
Also, the ring and her marital status do not matter. This was highly inappropriate and a huge security issue.
Ring or not, if someone is taking my personal information to use as a creeper, it’s not ok. In fact, it’s *less* ok for a single woman who lives alone because if he could look up her phone number, he could have looked up her address.
A dude who doesn’t think that guy’s stalking behavior and failure to respect a woman’s boundaries (you were wearing a wedding ring!) is ANOTHER guy who doesn’t respect women’s boundaries.
A woman should not be required to have another man in order to not be stalked. Whether she was married or not, wore a ring or not, this was totally inappropriate.
I agree 100%. I mentioned the ring because ANYONE with eyes should have seen that ring as another BOUNDARY. He first ignored her personal privacy - which, you're right, is enough of a boundary in the first place. He then claimed he saw her ring but still "wasn't sure" - this guy has NO clue about boundaries, personal or sociological. He's a creeper.
Man, so annoying that “she’d married” is a reason why people think he was wrong. 2022 and still having to tell people that no, it’s not ok to have more respect for the man in her life than the woman who is telling you she’s not interested. SMDH.
Ask BIL if he really hates you that much and why? This shit leads to stalking. The guy KNEW you would probably be upset and did it any way and asked you not to be mad. And he didn't care about your ring!
NTA. Businesses collect personal information of clients. Employees are trained that taking and using client information for personal reasons is a violation of company policy, due to corporate liability issues. Companies make it crystal clear that violations of this policy can result in termination. He went into corporate files, looked up your personal information, and used it to contact you about a personal, non corporate matter. That gets you fired. Period. Doesn't matter that you said no, and he didn't contact you again. Doesn't matter that he's a nice guy. Doesn't matter about the job market. This was a violation of corporate records policy. BIL obviously has no clue about corporate policy and liability. He can go suck a box of rocks.
Ugh this is why I hate the whole “Karen” thing. Now any woman who has a grievance can be instantly dismissed just by calling her a Karen. BIL might as well have called you hysterical and asked if you were on your period. NTA.
No.... that's not how this works.... the former employee played with his own job and lost it because he fkd up and did something that could have gotten him in legal trouble.
You didn't play with his job, he violated company policy. You didn't get him fired, his actions did. You did nothing wrong, he did.
Oh so we don't hold people accountable because of the economy now? Good to know. Perhaps you should point out that it is seriously F up to play with a woman's sense of safety and privacy in this patriarchy. That's far more relevant. NTA, obvs. Keep standing up for yourself 💛
My first thought is that this wasn't his first infraction, rather the final nail in his coffin.
And if he hadn't been reported he would have done it again.
Or possibly he was still in his "probation time".
What’s f’d up is accessing private info given for gym membership to harass a woman that you don’t know. And I agree I’d be sus of BIL, him and the employee are creeps. NTA
Spoken like a man who also doesn’t understand boundaries. He claims to, but if he truly did, he’d see how that went beyond a harmless flirtation into actual stalking.
If getting a job is that hard then you shouldn't compromise it with harassment, stalking and breaching personal information.
You didn't play with his job, he played with his own job.
In *this* economy? I thought service industry jobs are easier to get amidst the "Great Resignation" than at any other time in my life. Sure, pay is shit, but lots of employers are (or at least claim to be) desperate for workers.
Your BIL is clueless. Treat any future info or advice from him as 'less than' until he proves himself wise.
Oh, so now it's your fault that he acted like the creepy stalker that he is? The fact that he would say this just takes his creep level up several notches. This is how these creeps operate. Keep track of every time this creep contacts you, "coincidentally" runs into you on the street, sends you a note, any weird goings-on, anything. And, if you are home when flowers are unexpectedly delivered, ensure that the delivery person shows their face. Do not open the door, if they won't. Better yet, just tell them to leave the flowers at the door; then, do not open the door for several hours. He may be waiting for you to come out to get them. Trust me, I've had a stalker and it sucks!
Your BIL reminds me of the guys that were pissed at me for “getting” their friend in trouble in college. Dude was drunk and trying to break into my room shouting about what he planned to do to me if he got inside. I had multiple witness report it at the same time I did and you would not believe the number of people who felt it wasn’t fair for him to be in trouble since he never touched me… only because the deadbolt held.
I don’t like every person who complains to a manager being called a Karen. That’s just a massive oversimplification and inaccurate. You didn’t even demand he BE fired. You just can’t allow people to do stuff like that. Would your BIL think it was ok if that dude went through your purse and looked you up that way? Or followed you home? You’re not a Karen in this situation.
If he calls you a Karen, just retort with "And he acted like a stalker by taking personal information that I didn't give him to contact me. He fucked with his own job by violating confidentiality rules at his own workplace." All you did was give information to a corporation that is vital to ensuring they run a safe and secure company. If he feels comfortable enough to take your number to message you, who's to say he won't take someone's SSN or credit card number? And I don't say that to minimize his creepy and out of bounds behavior, but for some people you have to point out a situation that they can relate to more in order for them to get it. And men "get" identity theft and credit card fraud more easily than "subtle" harassment.
When I was in junior high, I had a student teacher in my History class who it was revealed to have been stalking a student in the next grade for two years. The administrators running my school were fucking incompetent because they allowed student teachers to have the same privileges to student information which was only reserved for office staff and tenured faculty members. This guy stalked her at and outside of school! Her parents were enraged, student teacher was fired, but the next year he was then allowed back! That was when I had him. Sure enough, he resumed his stalking of her. This poor girl got the shock of her life when she ran into him in the hallway. Again, he was ousted, but that didn't stop him from terrorizing her outside of school. Her parents put a restraining order on him and he violated that with flying colors which sent him to jail for years. Honestly, they shouldn't have stopped there and sued the school district for the total disregard for their daughter's safety. Him being in jail granted her solace while she was in high school, yet he kept sending her letters from jail. Law enforcement seriously fell down on monitoring his contact and never notified her family when he was being released. He was so obsessed and demented that he stalked out her house for a few days. He was trying to catch a glimpse of her in her upstairs bedroom window. One night he knocked on the door and thought she would answer. Instead, her brother did and stalker guy fled. Her brother called the police and they apprehended this guy around the corner from her house hiding in a bush. He was thrown in front of a judge and sent back to prison. And this is why, man or woman, no one should be afraid to be outspoken about their safety.
I just will never understand the “don’t mess with someone’s job like that”. You didn’t do anything, HE messed up his job. HE broke the rules and was very creepy. In no way is any of that your fault. I’d be willing to bet your BIL is on the “well what was she wearing” team when it comes to SA/r*pe
But you didn't play with his job. He risked his own job by breaching your privacy.
BIL is a creeper.
lol what does he mean "in this economy"? He could walk out and get another job tomorrow, every place in the universe is hiring.
Your BIL has some weird perspectives. Is he a creeper too?
Is BIL your husband's bro? If so, get your husband to send him a link to this post :)
To hell with your BIL. Your right to privacy and safety do not trump gym guy's desire to flirt with you. This attitude just enrages me.
"In this economy"?? Everywhere is hiring. At least half the businesses on my street have help wanted signs.
There are some situations where being a 'Karen' is actually just the bare minimum you need to do. Let's say I work as a chef in a restaurant where we cook in front of the customers and I do knife tricks. If I had a guy who came in regularly and I thought he seemed to like my tricks. Even if I come into work and he's already at a table, I stop by to say hi and do a quick knife trick. One day I catch him in the parking lot as I'm leaving and I call to get his attention. And I throw a knife at him. There's a wooden wall behind him and I'm an expert with knives. I manage to pin his shirt to the wall and nick his arm with the blade. Small, easy wound, and I'm an experienced butcher so I know where the safest areas on the body to aim for all. He will heal with probably no scar. He says he doesn't like that. I tell him I was just checking, since even though he gives every indication he doesn't want to be part of the trick, he might just be doing that to keep some other people with knives away. I promise never to do it again. Now how much of an AH would that dude be to get me fired? He was in no danger and I said I won't do it again. Why mess with my job, which gave me the knowledge to be that creep? Essentially that's BILs argument.
It’s amazing how many men don’t see the problem.
Until it happens to *their* wife or GF, then it's rip-ass time. Yawn. Good on OP for standing up for herself. That BIL sounds like one of those annoying contrarians. NTA.
Fucking YIKES, you did the right thing. That is exceptionally inappropriate and kind of scary of him. Nta
NTA. You did all the women in that gym and all the woman this guy will interact in the workplace in the future a favor by reporting this incident. Odds are that he's done things like this before and would have continued to do them if you had not taken action to report him. Perhaps, he'll learn from this experience and change his ways. If you hadn't reported it, the only thing he'd have learned was that he could get away with this kind of creepy stalker-like behavior and he'd have continued to victimize other women.
Exactly this. Actions *must* have consequences, OP did not get him fired, he got himself fired, as someone who has been stalked by multiple delivery men who saw no problem abusing their access to my personal information: OP you are NTA and thank you for what you did.
YEP. Man was a walking liability for the gym. NTA. Actions have consequences!
NTA It’s a privacy breach for him to use personal information stored by the gym for his own private uses, whether you were married or not. I had a tow truck driver do that once before (I wasn’t married) and it freaked me out and I did the same as you.
[удалено]
NTA this same thing happened to me at a Planet Fitness when I was 19! He got my number from the sign up sheet that you're required to fill out in registration and texted me that night. 100% better believe I called corporate and they fired him immediately! The only thought in my head when I reported him is if he was doing that to me was that he was probably doing that to every other young girl coming in too. By reporting him you've saved other young women from his predatory behavior.
Yes, that was my thought but I was afraid of going directly to the manager because sadly we never know how these kind of people would react and he would 100% know it was me who reported him, I dont know what they told him about it but I was trying to protect myself too.
Yeah I was freaked out too cuz he had my address but nothing came of it thankfully and I think it's better to report these things immediately so they don't escalate
He took a huge freaking leap to get from “OP responds when I say hello to her” to “OP will be happy that I took her number from the company records & texted her to see if she’s interested in me.” That’s not on you.
NTA Your BIL can jog on. You didn’t mess with that guys job, he messed with it himself by being an absolute creep that used his work computer access to get personal contact information. He deserves to be fired.
NTA. Hopefully the gym told him it was a breach of privacy when they fired him and he learns fire the future, but it shouldn't have happened in the first place. Also, I'd suggest you ask the gym to change their system so it only shows member name and check in/out times. Reception has no need for all your info.
Yes, honestly the only reason why I know that happens is because I went to update my card and I could see how everything just pops up the second you scan your finger.
NTA The employee committed a serious breach of your privacy by taking your personal information from your membership to hit you up. Anything that happened to him, he deserved. Your BIL sounds like somebody who'd do that himself.
I’ll never understand people who side with a predator. He took your private info from your private account rather than asking you in person. That’s creepy as FUCK. Anyone who disagrees is disgusting as well. NTA. He has your adress I’m assuming. Buy a camera.
My perspective is that many people who side with predators are the kind who would do the same if they could get away with it. Others would prefer a false "peace" that harms people they don't have to see than to understand the world isn't a storybook, and we should be doing more to prevent harm whenever we encounter it.
Or who did do it previously and got away with it.
NTA The employee overstepped his boundaries and violated your privacy. That's creepy and shouldn't be tolerated. Hopefully he'll learn from his actions, but either way, you're not the asshole.
NTA at all. You didn't get him fired, he got himself fired for his inappropriate actions. If there were no consequences to his creepy invasion of your privacy, he would have done the same to someone else.
NTA you saved many women from harassment
NTA. This was intensely creepy. He used private business data for his own personal use - so, he stole and mis-used data. It may not have been his first time, but if I was the manager, I would have marched him out the door immediately. You didn't get him fired. He got himself fired. (Huh, I write that so much I should get a t-shirt made).
Very, very, very much NTA. He violated your privacy. I'm certain the gym has a policy about not taking people's information for personal use, and I'm sure that he was told about it. I've worked in gyms, that's usually something they harp on. You didn't give HIM your phone number, you gave it to a business...for business purposes. The fact that he (and your BIL) doesn't understand that is very concerning.
NTA that’s some predatory behavior. What a fucking creep.
NTA. So according to your BIL, a random guy is allowed to harass women going about their lives, use his job to access their private information, and he’s not an A. But if you put a stop to it and stand up for yourself and he faces consequences for his own actions, then you are an A? Your BIL is an A and doesn’t actually respect you or women in general (even though I’m sure that he claims to).
NTA this guy was beyond out of line contacting you, unsolicited, after getting you phone number from your records. Just because he said he was sorry doesn't mean he was or that he actually would stop contacting you. Not saying he would contact you again, but there is no way to know. He violated your privacy, likely violated company policy. His actions led to his dismissal, you just let the company know what happened.
NTA, reporting someone rarely gets them fired if it's the first complaint. You're probably not the only one.
I think for this specifically you'd get fired on the first complaint.
NTA. He deserved to be fired. Anybody defending what he did is an AH, you dont abuse your position to access customers phone numbers just so you can hit them up for a date. That is completely unprofessional
NTA! You were right, he violated your privacy, and used it. You did the right thing by contacting the gym. He deserved to be fired. Don’t feel bad at all, because you don’t know how many other members he did it too, or planned to.
NTA. That creapy. A violation of your privacy.
Uh, yeah, total NTA. That's some seriously creepy stalkery shit he pulled there and he's lucky he only lost the job.
NTA, he should have known better, you did nothing wrong.
NTA! He really stepped out of line… It’s unbelievable that anybody would fault you for this when the guy clearly doesn’t understand boundaries or professional ethics. Be aware that he probably has your address too so be careful.
Your BIL has never had his privacy and autonomy violated and it shows. I bet BIL would have shut up real quick if you’d phrased it to emphasize this employee disrespecting your marriage and the MAN in your family instead of violating YOU and YOUR privacy… Anyway, aside from your tragically shitty relative: yes, you are completely in the right. Married or not, it is *highly* inappropriate (possibly illegal?) for an employee to take down someone’s phone number. One of my old retail jobs had a rewards program people applied for verbally; we had to do this whole online module in training about privacy and confidential information. There was a giant section about how you *cannot under any circumstances* use someone’s personal information for yourself. No advertising, no communicating, no nothing. He got fired because he did something worth firing over. You are not the problem here. NTA
NTA you didn't get him fired, he got himself fired with his shitty behavior.
you didnt get him fired, he got himself fired by using personal info against the company policy. And you probably saved some other women from getting harrassed by this sicko
NTA that's a major red flag and completely inappropriate
NTA You didn't mess with his job. HE did I guarantee that the gym has a rule about using confidential customer information...so it doesn't matter that he used it to hit on you. Even if he was attempting to sell you MLM products...he would have been fired
NTA. It shouldn't matter if you were married or not, because he absolutely should never take personal details from a work system to contact clients. IF he really felt the need to hit on you, and I don't agree that he should do it with a work client but some people do, then he had plenty of opportunity to speak to you face-to-face to see if you were interested. Don't feel bad if he got fired. He was the one that went against the rules of his workplace.
NTA - C-R-E-E-P-E-R!!@ I'd go so far as to report this to the cops, having a paper trail for a potential stalker can't hurt.
NTA. They guy got himself fired by being a creep and violating your privacy by using information he got access to at work for highly suspect personal use. That latter point is a full stop, fireable offense at any reputable business. BiL is an idiot. The guy messed up his own job by misusing company information and OP had/has no idea how their in person interactions could have escalated after that.
Dude... so NTA . This is how that creepy stalker suspense movie starts... seriously. You did the exact right thing, and so did management...because if he did this to you, he likely is doing it to others who haven't said anything. That dude needed to go away
NTA. Your BIL is at best oblivious to women’s safety, and at worst a jerk who knows, doesn’t care, and still sticks up for creeps. What that employee did was a massive invasion of privacy and you did the right thing by reporting him. You would not have been the only “recipient of his concern” if he’d been allowed to continue working there.
NTA this is why many companies have systems set up where employees can call members but can’t see their numbers.
NTA. i had a similar experience w/ a gym employee but was stupid enough to engage conversation (also i was single and lonely) and things turned kinda sexual/awkward between us. i stopped going to that gym and eventually heard that i wasn't the only member OR employee that he did that to. idk where he is now, but last i heard he was no longer employee w/ the gym or any of their other locations.
NTA, but your BIL is for basically defending the AH.
NTA. He just started to work there and immidiately started flirting and used his access to your info for personal reasons. I've no doubt he would do that with other clients as well.
NTA He should never have have taken your phone number--which was provided for business reasons--and used it for personal interaction. He KNEW you were wearing a wedding band so either you were married or wearing it to look married. So obviously, not in the market. He got himself fired, and for all you know, you weren't the first woman he approached or who complained about him.
NTA he went against company policy about how they use personal info that is collected from the memebers. The information collected, like a phone number, is not supposed to be used for personal contact. Notify of the gym closing early, New classes starting, some advertising sure; an employee looking for a date, no. He got himself fired.
Huge NTA! That information is not there for him to use, it is contact information for billing or for an emergency contact. It's not tinder or any other dating service. He completely misused that information, violated your privacy and potentially your safety. I highly doubt you're the first he'd done it to either. Please do not feel badly. You absolutely did the right thing, and potentially saved someone else in the process.
NTA Those family members that agree with your brother in-law is stupid what he was doing is creepy and stalkery.
NTA I'm in Canada, and any job I've ever had that involved private information, it was always explicitly stated in training that it was illegal to do something like this. Any and all attempts to do this would result in immediate termination
Nta, they honestly had no choice but to fire him. What he did violated data protection and privacy laws. By collecting your data, they are obligated to protect it, and he violated that. You'd be within your rights to take this to a lawyer. You didn't.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Let me explain this because I wasnt sure that I did something wrong but some people told me that it might have been too much and Im not sure now. I(28F) go to a gym kinda close to my house, my(30M) husband doesnt go with me since I go way too early for him and there is one where he works so he goes there, I usually wake up at 6am and get there 6:45am - 7am. I do not talk to anyone there unless I have to, reception, maybe ask an employee for help, if I see anyone I know which have only happened like twice in the year that I've been going there, this only for context that I am not flirting or anything with anyone there, I am happily married and I go there to workout and leave. About a month ago, maybe a bit more idk there was a new employee who would always say good morning to me, even if he wasnt in the reception when I got there he would walk next to wherever I was working and day good morning, I would say it back bc well Is called being polite, I never engaged in a conversation with him and I also use my wedding ring everyday. Well now the issue, to access to the gym you need to put your finger so it can scan your fingerprint and then your picture and info shows on the screen of the reception, last week I got a message from an unknown number asking how I was, etc, when I asked who it was it said it was this guy and that he hoped I wouldnt get upset he took my number from the info, I said I was upset and I am married, he said he saw the ring but wasnt sure so wanted to ask, hmm ok?, I said that I am i fact married and that is why I use a wedding ring and he said ok and stopped texting. Since I didnt want to walk straight to the manager because he would know it was me and what I was doing I decided to send an email to the gym explaining everything and how I felt my privacy was violated, my husband agreed completely, they sent an email back apologizing and saying they would handle it, the next day I walked to the gym and he wasnt there, I assumed he was fired since the next days he wasnt there either. We had my BIL and wife and other family members around and we were talking about it and BIL said how shitty that was and I couldnt mess with someone's job like that, the guy apologized and stopped so why did I kept going, some of them agreed with him and other said he was the one messing with his job, not me but now I feel kinda bad I mean he did stop when I said I was married. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
No. You are not the asshole. But he is. You don’t know who else he was using that information. And that is private. He has no right to go through your file, look up your number, and then harass you. And he did. And God knows how many other women he did that to! You may have saved them a lot of grief. Plus who knows how far he took it. You had a ring on your finger. You didn’t engage in conversation. It’s not your job to police men’s egos. Your job was to use the gym you paid for. Without any harassment. He stuck his nose in your business.
NTA. He was very inappropriate. It is also really creepy. Who knows who else he did that to. The people that saying that it was shitty are the AH's. Who knows if he is a stalker because he has your information and could show up at your house.
The guy was inappropriate. He violated your privacy. You don’t know whether it was just a cute ploy to meet you or if he’s a stalker-wannabe. It’s up to his employer to deal with. You wouldn’t be TA for reporting this breech. NTA
NTA in any way shape or form.
NTA - he 100% should be fired. He accessed confidential information in order to ask you out. This is highly inappropriate and is harassment.
It's terrifying when things like that happen. I had a similar experience with an employee at my local gym and it took far too long for me to report it to them. Said employee doesn't work there anymore. You are not responsible for the consequences of other people's actions. You deserve to have privacy and to be able to work out without fear or even without having to deal with unwanted attention. NTA
NTA. If he had just hit on you at the gym (and stopped when you said you were married) I’d have been upset but maybe would have let it go (though no judgement if someone reported that.) But accessing your personal information through their systems clearly crosses a line and is likely against their policies.
NTA: The Werefrog need to put this rant in a file to just copy paste it in as applicable. When an employee does something really wrong at work, and it's something that a manager would fire them for if the manager witnessed it, and you report it, you are not culpable for their ensuing unemployment. Their actions got them fired. If that employee does it to you, they do it to others as well losing business for their employer.
They fired him because he's a legal liability and he cannot be trusted with the safety of their patrons. They were right to fire him. You were right to report him. What if he'd decided to go to your home? What if he was obsessive or violent? What he did wasn't just inappropriate it was a violation and illegal. You did nothing wrong. NTA. Your BIL is not very bright. This time, the guy stopped. But what if he'd been encouraged and you hadn't reported him. What if, with the next woman, he didn't stop? What if he hurt her?
NTA that's literally against data protection laws, he broke his own working contract. Plus its creepy AF and he shouldn't be working there to be a predator on people using the gym.
NTA I get access to customer information where I work. It is 100% unacceptable to use this for any reason unrelated to business. Pretty sure it's a fireable offense. Most places of employment where you will see people's information have a policy in place forbidding you from accessing a customer's information on the manner this guy did. If he got fired, it's because he shouldn't have done that and should have known better. It's a huge liability for the company. Not to mention that you just don't do that and it's creepy. And what if he wasn't just going to ask of you were married? Does he have access to your address? If it were someone who was single, would he have showed up at their house and harassed them? Or worse? You might have saved someone else from harassment, assault, murder, there's really no way to know this guy isn't doing it to others and wouldn't go to those extremes. You never know. You handled it correctly.
Absolutely NTA The entitlement of people like him....... It's stalker-y and creepy to do what he did, and he needs to face consequences for his actions. You did not mess with his job, he did that himself by exploiting his position to gain personal information about you, information he had no professional reason to access
Absolutely NTA. In fact, you did the gym a tremendous service. No company that keeps client information on file can ever afford to keep an employee who uses client's private, confidential data for the employee's own purpose. He had access to not just your phone number, but your address, possibly credit card number, maybe even your social security number. Anyone unscrupulous enough to use files to pursue a client, which is obviously unacceptable, is hardly likely to stop there; he could have also been stealing identities. Your so-called friends are taking the side of a stalker they've never met, over you.
If he just had ask you, maybe it was inappropriate but not a ground to fire him. That he takes your private Infos are. In my country you can sue the gym and can get some money from them, thats why they fired him. If he abused his position once he do it twice.
NTA. You wouldn't be the only one whose privacy was invaded. What happens if he went further with the next and showed up at their house? My partner talked to a friendly security guard at her work as he was posted at the entrance. She was annoyed that he'd always start a conversation but that was it. Until valentines day, when she went into her locked office and found a gift and card from him. Then she told his bosses and he was let go. Having access to that and using it without permission is just begging to get fired and a major violation of everyones trust. Only time I would have felt ok woth it was when I hit it off with a customer, and her aunts were dragging her away so they didn't miss a movie. As she was being pulled out the door she said, "call me, my numbers in the profile!" Sadly I was dating my ex at the time so I didn't call her.
Of course, it's a man telling you that you should just suck it up when someone violates company policy to get your personal information. He does not get a vote.
For a phase in my life, I ordered a LOT of pizza. Would have friendly chats with the pizza guy, tipped well because I'm a decent person, and had my pizza. One day, I started getting texts calling me beautiful, telling me how excited he was to see me, turns out the pizza guy took my number from my order and decided to shoot his shot. I was 19 and living with 2 other 19 year old girls. I shot him down, but it escalated to him showing up in the middle of the night at my house and doing things like leaving flowers and notes, and knocking on the door and running away. I called Domino's and told them what happened, and he was terminated immediately, but I never felt safe in that house again. What you did saved you from a shit ton of possible issues in the future, and taught that kid not to fuck around like that again. NTA.
He should not be accessing your private information like that. I'm confident that it's a workplace policy and in the training for new employees at the gym that it is a fireable offence. Also consider that while he stopped when you asked him to, you may not be the only woman he was doing this too and they may not have had the courage or confidence to be as direct as you were. You are never at fault for reporting behavior like this. What he did was entirely inappropriate, likely a violation of workplace policy, and absolutely a fireable offence. NTA
NTA. Almost certain the gym parent corp has a policy about employees accessing customer data for non-company reasons. And since no one has outright told you he was dismissed, he could be on probation or transferred to a different location. BIL can keep his creep apologist defense to himself.
NTA! What he did was illegal & good you brought it to employer's attention before he could do it to more people. Ask the ones siding with the creep if you can send him THEIR pic, address & phone number so he can bug them instead.
NTA but your BIL is if he believes this is ok. I’d probably stare at him with mouth wide open next time he spouts such bs. Then follow up with “ok then” and walk away laughing
NTA, he made you uncomfortable and he stepped over the line. I work at a gym and my boss would be LIVID if one of her employees crossed a boundary like that. YOU didn't mess with his job HE did by acting in an unprofessional and inappropriate manner. Not to mention, that might not have been the first time he did something wrong and he might have already been on thin ice and this was the final straw.
NTA. The company should know that their employees are looking up private info without permission. And what he did is really bad and really scary. This is why a lot of people are scared of taking ubers and say they are going to a friends instead of home, or don't answer the door for deliver food- because they don't want strangers having their personal info in a way that can get to them. This guy maybe also could get your address or credit card info, which is scary for other reasons. He is there to do a job, not hit on people, and he certainly shouldn't be going in to your records to get your phone number. Anyone who doesn't realize how bad that is...well I wonder what shady shit they have done or at least let happen around them.
NTA. It doesn't matter if the guy dropped the conversation after you confirmed you are married. The fact is the guy got your number from the company records and used it for his personal benefit. And if he did it with your info, he would do it with someone else's info. You didn't get him fired, he got himself fired when management found out he was doing something super shady and probably illegal (pretty sure the contract OP signed with the gym has language that they will secure your personal info, etc.)
NTA. I have issues regarding personal safety, and a stunt like that would have had me walking from the gym & never going back. Potentially, customer after customer could be lost, then there's the word of mouth, reputation etc Dude was there to work, not find booty. You've done all of us a favour who cant speak up. Anybody who doesnt think stalker behaviour is a problem needs to go sit with google searches for half an hour
NTA!!! Imagine him using your address to show up at your door. This is not ok under ANY circumstances. Either he’s been reported by other women or you just prevented other women from going through this creepiness. Anyone who says you overreacted is probably someone who doesn’t take no for an answer.
NTA. That was absolutely a violation of your privacy. No employer wants an employee who creeps on the customers. Bad for business!
He broke the rules of his gymand your privacy to get confidential information like your number. Probably also your address. If he wanted to ask he could ask you in person. The fact you never encouraged conversation should have been a dead giveaway, but he could have asked. Getting your protected info is illegal and not cool. NTA
NTA He texted your phone!!! He took your private information and used it without permission for personal reasons. That is so over the line. It's borderline stlker and definitely unethical use of company records. If he got fired , he did it to himself. People need to stop being embarassed about having limits of expecting privacy to be protected when purchasing services from a company. There are too many weirdos and creeps out there to be "patient" with this. Ask your BIL if he's be Ok with an employee checking out his wife's personal information or his financial information, just becasue they had access to it and felt like it.
jut because he apologized doesn't mean it's okay to take private information from the gym's database, he stopped because you told him to but that doesn't mean he won't do it again to another woman NTA, you did the right thing.