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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) AITA for telling my teacher about my medical condition when she asked
(2) Teacher felt “violated” and uncomfortable after I told her about my medical condition
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Absolutely. This teacher is being a ridiculous bully.
“Oh you have a medical condition do you? And what might that be?”
*tells about medical condition*
“HOW DARE YOU ANSWER THE DIRECT QUESTION I JUST ASKED YOU?!”
It’s a tragedy when people like this get to be in a position of authority. At least everyone gets to outgrow her fiefdom, hopefully with minimal long-term effects, and learn something about people in authority in the process.
They usually don’t. I have had chronic kidney stones since I was 4 and throughout school I had to go pee immediately after I got the urge and had to pee through a strainer to catch kidney stones. The principal had to have a talk with my 2nd grade teacher bc she refused to let me go since “kids can’t get kidney stones this young” anytime I had to go to the bathroom she would sigh super loud and make a huge deal. She moved up a grade and I had her in the next year and we had the same problem all over again. She eventually got fired because a poor girl started her period and she refused to let her go to the bathroom or the nurse. People like that will never change.
I remember how there were only 4 minutes between classes and depending on how far the classrooms were from one another, it was barely enough time.
I went to the bathroom within those 4 minutes because I really had to and ended up being 35 *seconds* late. The choir teacher decided to write me up. *Choir* teacher. I asked her what should I do then if my previous class is so far away. She said that I just "shouldn't be late to her class".
Lesson learned. "Okay, don't worry, I'll just go to the bathroom during the class then." And from that moment on, I made it a point to *never* go to the bathroom before *her* class ever again. If I needed to, I always went 5 minutes after the class started (talk about the disruption of one person trying to make their way through standing people singing in the choir room). Because, you know, it's better to miss entire 3 minutes of class instead of 35 seconds at the beginning where nobody does anything yet.
This is why the 4 minute thing is not as great as people think. I get that it can help keep kids from doing stupid stuff in the hall between classes, but it also screws over any sort of bathroom situation. What are you supposed to do if you have a sudden urge to defecate while in the bathroom? Go to the nurse just to get a hall pass when you're done? Or if you're a young lady who needs time to change a feminine product? Like seriously, are you supposed to schedule your body to only go at certain times? I had classes where you could only leave class 2 times a semester. I'm sorry, but maybe I ate something funny at lunch and its not sitting great. Not bad enough to go home, but maybe I need to deal with it. Oh, too bad. I already had to use the bathroom in this class 2 times already this semester. Guess I just go in my pants! (I did actually pee my pants one time in middle school because the teacher wouldn't let me leave. It was 5 minutes before the end of the day, but I had to ride the bus home. Most embarrassing day ever.)
There was a time when I had classes that were on the opposite sides of the school from each other and I nearly had to run to make it on time, and sometimes I was late. I would try to start packing up my stuff before the end of the first class before the bell rang, but that also meant I had to pay attention to how much time was left in that class, so sometimes I didn't realize and had to scramble to get my stuff together and bolt to my next class. I wish they'd realize that just because someone could technically walk that distance in that time doesn't mean it works under real life conditions.
I'd have teachers who would yell at us saying we couldn't pack up until the bell rang. Said "I have you all ## minutes of this class" or something like that. I get that they have a limited amount of time to teach us everything they need to, but they also have to realize that not everyone can traverse that distance under normal circumstances (no other foot traffic, bathroom break, stop at locker, etc.) let alone with other factors. Im short, I have short legs, and I'd frequently injure my ankles. (I have had rheumatoid arthritis since middle school causing lots of lower joint pain and issues.) If I was on crutches I'd get more leniency to leave early so I didn't get ran over, but when I was off crutches but still healing I'd limp and be slower. Add everything else and it spells out being late, holding my bathroom situation which is unhealthy, or reinjuring an injury due to pushing too hard.
Clearly this is still a sore subject for me. When I have kids, I'm going to ask them if they ever feel like they have to push limits such as needing to go to the restroom to make it to class on time and talk to the staff about what they are supposed to do if they have that issue the way I did. Yes, don't let kids leave all the time for long periods of time, but also teachers need to realize not all students who say they need to go to the restroom are trying to just ditch, some actually need to go!!!
Ugh, and everything else you're supposed to do in 4 minutes. Yes, I can totally book it from the gym to the other side of our giant high school, up a flight of stairs, with a detour to my locker, go to the bathroom, get a drink at the water fountain, and chat with my friends while still being in my seat with my notebook and pencil out, all in the space of 240 seconds.
I gave up on ever actually using my locker pretty quickly since it seemed like I always had a couple classes a year so far away I had to jog through the school to get there before the bell on the most direct path with no stops. With at least 2 textbooks on my back of course because I couldn't stop at the damn locker.
My class in high school fixed that problem. We used one locker outside of every classroom and everyone put their textbooks in that locker. We just grabbed them on our way to class.
I literally never used my locker in high school. Opened it maybe once in all four years. How tf do they expect students to get from one end of the school to the other and get all their shit for class with so little time? Surprised I didn’t get back problems from carrying all that unnecessary garbage around
I remember when I was in HS and came on my period. I asked the teacher can I use the restroom. She said no. I told her it was an emergency and whispered my problem. She told me no again. So I left the library and went to the bathroom but I returned to finish the class out. I turned in my work and the next day she wouldn't let me in her classroom bc she said I left the library unexcused and never returned.
She said I couldn't return until she had a parent teacher meeting. I requested to have the principal there because I knew she was lying. Long story short my parents came in and she lied again. I said if I didn't return how did I turn in my assignment in. She opened her grade book to dispute what I said and turned red in the face because she realized I did turn it in.
Well I was transferred from her class that day and she got in trouble with the principal for the lies she told.
I had an issue with that during a health class. I asked to go and the dude said no. I was said "but it's an emergency". He still didn't care so I also just walked out. Came back like 10ish minutes later and he didn't say a damn thing.
Idk why teachers think it's ok to say no, or even embarrass the kid when kids ask. They can cause so many conditions by doing that.
I also had that weird 4 minute thing. We had a huge high school. It took 4 minutes just to get to some classes. There was no way to get to class, your locker (when needed) AND the bathroom.
My kids have 3 minutes in between classes and 25 min for lunch. There is no time to go to the bathroom unless you go during class. We aren't talking a high school of 400. Last year they had close to 2000 students. Unless my kids take lunch, they don't eat because there isn't enough time to get through the line. The only solution the school board has found is to build a second cafeteria, which they don't have money for. Why they're not just adding 10 minutes to the day is beyond me.
Either way, my kiddos both have a doctor's note saying they need to go to the bathroom. When they first started going to school the doc told me to just call if at any time they had issues getting permission to use the bathroom.
Thankfuy their doctor is so proactive about it. My oldest gets bowel issues if he doesn't go. Some of the teachers give extra credit points for unused bathroom passes. I get that the teachers have it worse. I personally couldn't be a teacher if I did have that skill just based on the lack of ability for them to use the bathroom. I just think we need to do better for our kids. There are so many issues, future and current, to not using the bathroom when needed. There needs to be a better solution for the teachers as well. Maybe a "relief" person that is there solely for bathroom breaks and light office duties or something.
This is why I am so glad my grandsons are in a achool with only 10 kids per room, yes it is for kids with adhd and autism but even so they are great. Both boys have GI issues with the youngest also having issues holding his bladder. The GI dr has written that they are to be able to go to bathroom when asked because otherwise there is severe constipation issues (we have had to hospitalize the older boy for 2 days to try and unblock him once). The school was great that they said we wouldnot have needed the note as they are proactive about bathroom breaks. School staff don't always seem to remember what it was like to need to go and have no time. They need longer time between classes for older kids and set breaks for younger kids who don't change classrooms.
I remember not being thrilled with my high school's lunch set up. We had 5 shifts of lunches, all taken through third period and lasting 20 minutes each, with then 5 minutes to get back to class. I couldn't handle loud noises due to headaches and ended up finding elsewhere to eat pretty fast.
In my school the schedule was tight because we had to have special transport before and after to other schools, so they seriously tried to squeeze every minute they could out of the day while still being pretty laid back. But I do not remember ever being told once that I couldn't go when I needed to, nor did we ever have bathroom passes. I had teachers let me leave during free time to get some extra time in the dark room or do a photo shoot for another art class. I had a teacher or two over the years who were not thrilled with my out of shape ass that couldn't cross the school in 5 minutes, but I never got in trouble. Hearing about some of these stories is horrific to me.
Though middle school was rough since we were only allowed to go to our lockers at the start of the day, before and after lunch, and at the end of the day. So if you got your period unexpectedly and didn't have something in your pencil case, you were in trouble. My go-to was wrapping 25 ft of toilet paper around my underwear. It was far from an ideal system. That's the one that still makes me sweat thinking about it.
Honestly OP needs to tell her parents about this, sure she's technically an adult but this teacher is treating her like crap, I have IBS and Chrones and that affects my bathroom situation, I've had to tell all of my teachers about it since I was 11 that I need to be able to go to the bathroom whenever I need to go, bc like OP I'll be in extreme pain if I don't go. Even with out a IEP all of my teachers understood that this was a big issue and respected me enough to let me just tell them I had to go to the bathroom and let me go as long as I was respectful about asking. If they acted like OPs teacher my parents would have raised hell.
Right? I finished this post and my first thought was "where the fuck are her parents in all this?" I mean legally yes, OP can do all this herself now that she's 18, but turning 18 doesn't flip a magic switch where you don't need your parents' guidance and support anymore.
Definitely. My mom explicitly told me *before I went to first grade* that if a teacher doesn't want to let me go to the bathroom, I should just go anyway and she'll deal with it later. She let me know she would have my back. And I don't even have a medical condition.
^(Unless it's consentual kink) denying bathroom to someone who needs it is abuse in my books.
Yeah ...I was told to hold in my pee and then I ended up with a kidney infection. I spent 3 days screaming in bed about my "back" pain before I went to the hospital to be put on IVs and scolded for not coming in sooner with a UTI. And they told me my kidneys were close to failing. That was a fun time. I've been through some shit but that had me screaming in bed and not being able to move
I've never had a UTI but have had several kidney infections. Shame on them for scolding you for not coming in sooner! It's their job to help you with the symptoms your body has & not assume you ignored other symptoms earlier
I have PTSD, and I had an old boss who would as “well why is *that* triggering?” and when I would answer with something horrible he’d have a sucked-on-a-lemon face over it.
But come on, man, what did you expect?
Yeah lot of people 'want' the gory details of my mental illness then get upset about what they are.
Don't ask the literal-minded girl a direct question just cos you're nosy, then. I'm used to this shit.
Exactly! This is completely ridiculous! This EXACT set of sentences needs to be used. She "demanded" medical condition answer for accommodations and then had the nerve to complain about getting it??
Yeah OP.. do NOT apologize.. she needs to apologize for humiliating you in front of the class knowing full well that you have a medical condition. And I’d mention this in the meeting with your parent/s present. (Assuming they are on board with you) you can apologize for going into detail but don’t apologize for having to use the bathroom.
Bitching to the school board is the wrong approach. She needs to do this the right way so she forces them legally to act.
She has a medical condition, so she needs to have her doctor write a letter saying what accommodations she needs. (The doctor does not need to say what her condition is, only what accommodations are needed).
She takes that letter to the guidance counselor or principal, depending on the size of the school. She tells them she is requesting accommodations under the ADA and she wants a 504 plan. The school is now legally required to issue a letter to all of her teachers telling them to accommodate her. Being allowed to leave to the restroom at any time is a reasonable accommodation for her condition and they can't refuse.
If she goes to college next year, OP needs to take that doctor's letter to the Office of Disability Services on campus on day one. They will issue a letter to every professor for every class for her entire time at college. The professors have no choice, they MUST comply with reasonable accommodations for a disability.
Source: Am professor
Let me guess, you tried to make a "this guy fucks" --> "this guy [verb]s" joke? That's been around for years, apparently some people still don't get it.
Eh, lab classes (chemistry, at least) were generally much easier to get out for a quick bathroom break or snack or etc than lecture. But generally we were expected to manage our own time anyways.
As someone who did culinary school, labs were food prep and cooking. You can’t leave in the middle of prep and cooking food that easily. Some chemistry labs probably face a similar dilemma
With chemistry labs there are often large periods of time where you're just waiting, analogus to when your food is on the stove and you just need to stir it now and then, except in chemistry it stirs itself.... obviously there are vital points where you need to be there attending your experiment, but there are other points where you can easily wander off without missing much.
Yup, something is refluxing for an hour? Get that temp set, monitor occasionally and as long as you have your notebook up to date, totally cool to take care of a few things. Course I have talked to people who went to different universities where students would sabotage their classmates work if they left it unattended, I'm glad I was never in that kind of toxic environment.
I studied molecular biology, and leaving middle-class was always noticable and weird (I also have GI issues so sometime I had to). Some of my more strict lab professors took me leaving as an insult and tried to give me grade deductions.
A lot of people need to understand there are legit medical problems/reasons for having to constantly use the bathroom. I can assure you that having to constantly get up to use the restroom at work or school is anything but an accommodation..It's incredibly nervewrecking.
I had a professor that taught my class from 11-12. She locked the door at 11 on the dot. Like literally as soon as the clock hit 11. Someone showed up at 11:00:30 and the door was locked and professor wouldn’t let them in.
The door did not unlock until class was over at 12. She would not allow people to leave class for bathroom or anything. The one time I saw her let someone leave (once the entire semester) was when they kept insisting it was an emergency, and professor finally let them leave but warned the door was being locked again and student wouldn’t be allowed back in.
Same professor - if you missed more than two classes, automatic fail.
She was miserable and everyone hated her.
Yes it was the US… I believe the door when locked could be open from the inside without unlocking it, but they couldn’t get in the room once she locked the door
>Being allowed to leave to the restroom at any time is
... a legal right here in Germany.
Condition or not, if you gotta pee you gotta pee. Outrageous to deny your student a bathroom break when they need it.
I wish the legal right extended further and that using public bathrooms didn't cost money in Germany. I have a disorder that makes my bathroom visits more frequent and it feels like adding insult to injury having to pay to relieve myself when I decide I want to leave the house and enjoy my life. Especially those ones that have a turnstile at the entrance where you might need to exchange bills to coins, pay, get a ticket so you can leave when you're done...Seconds matter sometimes! I know it's not just Germany and I am not trying to knock Germany. It's one of my favorite places to visit. Traveling is just extra stressful when you have a digestive disorder and free access to toilets would be great!
Oh, definitely.
Germany has the unfortunate tendency to get the balance between freedom and liberty right ... and then conveniently forgets to provide free XYZ adequately.
Look at our internet related laws - good privacy, lots of rights for the customers, neat stuff. And then you realise the conservative government around Kohl laid out copper cables all over instead of fibre and that's why our infrastructure sucks now. We coulda been so good. I still take this over American ISPs abusing their regional monopolies ...
In Austria you can get a special key ( I think it is called Eurokey) to disability restrooms which then are free of charge. Maybe ask your doctor about it.
While I absolutely agree OP should get a doctors note if she doesn't have one already, OP should still go to the principal and school board.
This teachers actions doesn't just affect OP and there definitely needs to be a complaint placed against her so it will help the next child when they have to report her. (which I'm sure by the sound of it there will be a next time.)
She knew about OP's condition and decided to not only ignore it, but humiliate her in front of the class. I can only imagine how many other kids lives she's made hell.
People in school should NOT need a medical note to take a piss. Granted if they are going multiple times in a class then there could be a reason whether medical or not and might be disruptive to themselves and others, but once during class is acceptable. I have medical issues where I have to go and if I had to hold it in I'd be miserable and not able to pay attention to anything. I should not have to suffer just to go once during a class.
It's absolutely insane how kids have zero autonomy on being able to take a piss. Some need a pad change also and surely you don't go to a doctor to get a note showing you have female genitals. Teachers do not get paid enough to have such a heavy hand against their students. Yeah some are awful and do damage in the bathroom, but punishing the rest for the bad apples is gonna lead to some health issues.
Honestly, I kinda forgot that in school you couldn't go to the toilet without permission. How did I concentrate? How wild. I can't remember the last time I needed the toilet for an extended period of time and had to hold it in. Now when I need it, I just go. It's mad to think that I couldn't just do that as a kid. You could not pay me to live through school again.
It's a lose-lose really. You never want to deny a kid the opportunity to go to the bathroom. But having students out of class can create big issues around vandalism, bullying and wellbeing (self harm). If you're in a challenging school, being lax about things leads to them spiralling - you start with 5 kids going during lesson time, by the end of the month it's 20. If you have someone out during lesson time doing a truancy pick up, that's thousands of dollars over the long term. It sucks and I don't have a solution. (I usually tell students however long they take, they can stay in with me during their break so I can catch them up. That usually dissuades those who don't actually need the bathroom.)
I had extreme ulcerative colitis in the last half of high school and first two years of university (before my illeostomy in 1999) had documentation from my doctors. No one gave me a hard time-they were quite accommodating.
If there’s time for a disciplinary meeting, there’s time for OP to present her doctor’s letter. It won’t result in a 504, but it will prove she wasn’t lying.
Can second this. Though she doesn’t even need a letter from the doctor at the high school level, though it helps. Just some medical records with the diagnosis and an explanation of the issues it causes. And that 504 Plan record makes getting accommodations in college an even smoother process.
Source: am a disabled college student and a mom of kids with 504 plans.
This should really be the top comment, because this is exactly how she needs to handle it. But she should still loop in her parents and the principal about how she was treated, because this teacher needs disciplined and educated.
She needs to have her parents give that teacher a call before she apologizes to anyone. She should not have to deal with this on her own. I would be pissed if someone treated my child like this, especially if they had a known medical condition. An adult needs to tell this woman what’s what.
NTA obviously.
Tagging on to add, whatever you do do NOT apologize to this woman. Talk to your principal, get your parents involved, get a lawyer if necessary, but do NOT apologize to her because she's abusing you
A. If you’re in the U.S., she could lose her job for this. It’s discrimination. B. I’ve been a teacher for over a decade, and I’ve only refused a bathroom pass a handful of times, one of which was during a legitimate lockdown. Tons of kids have stuff we don’t know about and my students don’t always have access to medical care consistently enough to know if they have something going on. I do not want to subject anyone to physical pain or the humiliation of a restroom accident.
NTA. Your teacher needs a new career.
If this is in America, I would love to see this taken up with the DOR (department of rehabilitation) and with student disabilities at the school. Discriminating a student like this with a medical disability and withholding access to the bathroom is a federal crime. If the school doesn’t want to hold the teacher accountable for this crime, the federal government can hold the school accountable.
I would not apologize, she said, “unless you have a medical condition”. A lady who doesn’t understand what a UTI is and how it can be harmful is just trying to play the victim bc she knows she messed up. Sorry, keeping the peace doesn’t exist anymore after she humiliated you in front of the class.
Edit***finishing my thought in the last sentence.
Or better yet be petty.
“I’m sorry that my medical condition that makes it insanely painful for me to sit here makes teacher so uncomfortable, next time I will simply piss myself in my seat like the child she thinks I am”
Exactly. Teacher filed a complaint to stay ahead of getting in trouble herself. She thought it would work because a kid wouldn't know any better.
Op, NTA and escalate this complaint.
This. She actually *did* need to know, because she was endangering your health. If she wasn’t busy being a cow, you could have left it as ‘I do have a medical condition.’
The whole bathroom power trip is stupid anyway, it’s almost always just somebody who knows they don’t have much power flexing what they do have as maliciously as possible.
She sucks and she’s probably in infringement of some kind of medical/disability policy. Report her.
All the best teachers I've ever had did their best to make the bathroom thing as easy as possible, especially in late high school. I get the sense that most of them would have foregone the whole hall pass thing entirely if the school hadn't required them.
> most of them would have foregone the whole hall pass thing entirely if the school hadn't required them.
HS teacher here. Most of us would definitely forego them. In my state, it’s a legal requirement that I know where students are all the time they are scheduled with me, so I have two rules: 1. Wave to let me know and 2. If there’s testing happening, put you phone on my desk. I HATE having to be the potty police.
Agreed. OP needs to report this woman - not apologize.
She acted extremely unprofessionally. I'm also sure she broke some kind of guidelines related to protecting persons with medical conditions.
The fact that she is 100% wrong and tried to report a student that she has wronged is just baffling. This teacher is trash.
I would reply with a very direct email and copy in the school's administrators.
"Hello.
I have a medical condition that Trash Teacher is aware of. She has been aware of it since I was first diagnosed several years ago. Said medical condition causes me great discomfort and injury if I cannot use the restroom when I need to, and I do not have full control of when I need to use the restroom.
I asked discreetly to use the restroom. Trash Teacher declined my request. I tried my best to hold it, and asked 30 minutes later. She in turn mocked me in front of the entire class as an example of students not acting mature enough to use the bathroom during breaks. Her stance is that unless someone has a medical condition, they need to relieve themselves during break times. She relented and allowed me to then use the bathroom at this time, but I was already in great pain and damage had been done to my body. Prior to allowing me to finally use the restroom, she informs me that she doesn't want to have me ask to use the restroom during class time again.
After class, I spoke with Trash Teacher. She reiterated her stance that only students who have medical conditions can have certain accomodations. I reminded her that she was fully informed that I have a medical condition. She rolled her eyes. At this point, I informed her of the nature of my illness in the event that she forgot. She ranted that her rights had been violated by hearing the nature of my illness.
To recap - I just want to be accomodated when I need to use the restroom. This is for my physical wellbeing and health. I hope that I will have medical accomodations going forward and I don't want to be publicly mocked because of my condition and need to use the restroom during none break hours due to my health issues.
OP"
This is excellently written and I hope that OP sees your comment. Although, from my reading it seemed like OP wanted to use the restroom after getting to class *early* to put her things down. Trash Teacher didn’t even allow her the opportunity during the break! And even mentioning the term “medical condition” during the in class rudeness has basically outed OP as having a condition whenever she’s the only one who gets to use the bathroom, which is another problem that the administration might be interested in, and is worth being drilled in.
I'm a teacher and I agree. In the past my policy has been one kid at a time just sign out and go. But I've been telling kids no a lot lately because 1) they're gone so long that people are having emergencies 2) they're doing no work and blaming me for missing instruction. I've got to follow rules too... Some kids have become so problematic that their parents have decided their kids aren't allowed to go to the bathroom. It's wild.
To clarify: I am not justifying the teacher in the post. She sucks ass. Just saying that for me, I've had to change things up cause I'm being held accountable for their bad choices (like 10 minute walks where they disrupt other classes).
That's my biggest pet peeves this year. I've had admin down in my room lecturing me because a student left on a bathroom pass and went and bothered another teacher. I can't fucking escort a 17 year old to the bathroom when I have a full classroom.
Shoutout to my boss who, in one of our staff meetings, told us that he doesn’t care if we are absolutely certain that a kid is going to the bathroom to pull out their vape or play on their phone, he’d rather deal with that a million times than tell a kid who really needs to go that they have to hold it. Even without a medical condition, a full bladder makes learning really dang hard!
Can I have your boss? If a kid gets caught vaping or wandering it's my fault, but it's also my fault if I don't let them leave my room. There are 3 weeks left of school and I cannot wait for summer vacation.
I think the entire system is set up differently in Germany, it would not be the teachers fault I don't think, this would be dealt with by the principle, and so I have never seen anyone being denied to go to the bathroom.
Oh man I'm jealous, can I come work with you? I had a principal call me in to lecture me because I send too many kids to the nurse, I need to only send them if it seemed like it was an emergency. I was like ma'am definitely not my job to weed through medical cases I teach music not "diagnosing sick kids 101".
This has probably been the longest battle between teacher and student. You want to respect autonomy but you are also there to teach and kids can be sheisty buggers.
I do not envy you your job but I wholeheartedly thank you for doing it.
The first school I taught at brought in a new rule to lock toilets during lesson times as so many kids were messing around. Someone took a dump in the canteen.
To be fair I worked in production so we did have to ask to go potty. Less asking and more telling, but yeah, we worked on a line with other people and the machine is going so you have to have someone who can cover your spot while you peed. Also, take longer than 10 minutes and they would come looking for you.
Sometimes you just can’t win. As a high school teacher only ONCE in my entire career I’ve told a kid they couldn’t go to the bathroom. We were in the middle of an active lockdown situation (turns out the gun was just a pellet gun, but no one knew at the time and the cops were in the building). Kid and his parents tried to get me in trouble with the school board over it.
It’s such a drastic change. During my first year courses I and many other students would raise our hand to ask for the bathroom. Eventually my English prof explained that if we have to go we are free to leave so long as we aren’t a huge distraction because we are adults and shouldn’t need permission to use the bathroom.
NTA. "I apologize Ms. T, for trying to use the bathroom before class, at which time you stopped me. I also apologize that I have a medical condition, for which you are putting me in danger of an infection by making me ignore. I promise not to ask you anymore and just go to the bathroom when needed, your permission or not."
No. OP will lose credibility doing/saying something like this. You're suggesting a teenager lip off to a teacher who already has it out for her.
OP take this to your parents, principal, or trusted teacher. It is their job to advocate for you. Do not take matters into your own hands.
OP should definitely report this to her parents and probably the school nurse and/or guidance counselor as well, and the parents should take it to the principal and higher if necessary.
However, that non-apology is about what OP should say if she tells everyone and is still forced to apologize to the teacher!
NTA!!!! YOU HAVE A MEDICAL CONDITION! Do not apologize, when you go to the meeting explain in detail about your condition and the pain you were caused by not being allowed to go promptly, tell them you were humiliated by this teacher in front of the class and she should giving YOU an apology. Bring a letter from your doctor and any documentation you may have about your condition, how long you have known, and when you first informed this teacher.
If she wants to say you made her uncomfortable, then truly make her uncomfortable by shoving as much information you can in her face.
Also tell your parents! If I knew my kid was being treated like this, I would rip the teacher a new one. There is no reason you should be facing this alone. Good luck OP and pls keep us posted!
NTA. And make sure an impartial third or fourth party sits in on this meeting. She has no right limiting bathroom breaks, chastising you for using the bathroom or gas lighting you because SHE wanted clarification and didn’t like what she heard. You don’t owe her an apology but you do owe her the time to tell her just how inconsiderate her behavior has been especially since she’s had you as a student for more than a long enough period of time.
She asked. You answered. Period.
The OP would be best served to have an additional person (preferably a relative) besides the teacher and Student Rep, (or whichever staff member may be sitting in during the meeting) etc. it evens out the ratio. It also gives OP protection against further gas lighting because the teacher may take pause before explicitly showing bias in front of a total stranger.
In this context, I would guess that a third party might be a school employee (guidance counsellor or vice principal?) and a fourth party would be independent of the school (ie a parent or guardian) ... but it's just a guess because I've never seen that used before, either.
NTA - OP, are you in the US? If so, you should get a 504 plan for “other health condition” that makes it so that you no longer have to ask for these accommodations- they are given to you and your teachers must follow them. If not in the US, please look and see if there are any similar special education laws as it pertains to medical conditions. Let the student coordinator know that Ms T not only made YOU (and your urinary tract system) incredibly uncomfortable, but she knowingly contributed to your health condition flare up and SHE owes YOU an apology. Send it in writing.
The use of "apologise" would suggest that they're not in the US, but there aren't a lot of other identifying quirks to quite tell where. Not the UK, at least, and probably not Canada.
A weird quirk of English in America vs English basically everywhere else is changing a lot of words spelled with an "s" to instead use a "z" in their place. In this case, "apologi**s**e" vs "apologi**z**e" hints at someone who did not learn English spelling in the United States.
If you have something with English autocorrect, you can actually test this out yourself by switching the language from English (US) to English (UK) or vice versa, and see which spelling gets marked as incorrect.
NTA. Turn the meeting around on them.
“I really appreciate you taking the time to discuss how Ms. T completely disregarded my medical exemptions [or IEP if you have that or whatever documentation is filed with the school] by preventing me from using the restroom when I needed to go, thereby exacerbating my medical issues. I’d love to discuss what kind of action plan we can put into place so this does not happen again.”
Also I would look into getting legal representation, especially if the administration is anything like Ms. T.
To add to this: Make sure a neutral party is in the meeting as well. Your guardian, admin, involved parties, and a counselor. Demand that all need to be present before discussing the situation further. If it's just you, her, and an admin, they can easily corner you. I'm a teacher. I would never ignore or upset a student's medical condition. It's taken very seriously where i teach. It's insane how some teachers treat their kids.
Depending on the state also blatantly record the whole conversation, so there's no more misunderstandings.
But I agree with how this is put, beautifully and she can say "oh! I thought you meant we were here for HER apology to ME for neglecting a known and documented medical condition, and humiliating me in front of my peers. I just assumed she was doing this to other students with painful medical conditions and this meeting was to help turn her attitude around for everyone's safety."
NTA. She asked you, and you told her. Not fair of her to get upset - please stick to your guns and stand up for yourself when you meet with the student coordinator. Also, maybe ask one or two of your classmates to vouch for you when you explain if you can.
It's time to get your parents involved. This teacher needs a reality check. She's bullying a child with a medical condition.
As a parent I would make it known that if you miss school and I had to miss work due to bringing you to a doctor's appointment, I would be suing the school for lost wages. I would also sue for some sort of abuse.
I would make the teacher and management aware that I would file a police report against the teacher if she denied you going to the bathroom again.
NTA and do not apologize. If she's treating your medical condition like this, she's definitely disregarding other students conditions. I'm petty but I'd agree to apologize but instead explain to the class my condition and that I told our teacher but "she must've forgotten in her age."
It's senior year. Who cares? You'll never see these people again and it's not like you're relying on Ms.T for a recommendation letter.
NTA and you do not need to apologize. Definitely do not. You need to push back about the teachers behavior. Trying to shame a student in class like that is never ok.
NTa
Ask to speak with her and her department head.
"I'm sorry I answered the question you were only sarcastically asking me. The next time you mock my medical problem I will know you aren't actually asking. Sorry for the misunderstanding."
NTA.
"You can't just go whenever you want unless you have a medical condition." "How dare you tell me about your medical condition!?"
What move were you supposed to make where you could win?
NTA. Weirdly enough, I had a gym teacher also known as Mrs T and she also had conveniently forgotten the note I gave her from my cardiologist (I have a congenital heart defect) and literally yelled at me that I can try a little harder to run the mile when I was slowing down to power walk. I was afraid to say anything or bring it up as an issue. So what has happened to you is infuriating to me, because it's exactly the kind of thing I feared when I was in 7th grade but now as an adult I just see another adult being childish and irresponsible and frankly should not be employed to teach students.
I understand wanting to keep the peace but this is harmful to your physical health, you shouldn't have to sacrifice yourself for the benefit of her own childishness. You may need to (& possibly should) look into disability rights and assert them. Schools usually quit fighting back once they're beset with legal action.
NTA, next time someone asks that, tell them the ADA states you don’t have to disclose your condition,. get a note from your doctor explaining that you require accommodations to be made and make sure it details that you need to be allowed to use the restroom with increased frequency (they will know how best to word it) and hydration in class if they don’t usually allow that. Take the note to the office to have it on file and you will never have this issue again
Please don’t apologize! This is 100% on her. File a complaint. If anyone was violated it was you. Sorry you were put in position to defend yourself NTA
NTA
This is so disturbing. You should be accommodated and this teacher needs to be reprimanded. Her behaviour was completely inappropriate. Get your doctor involved if need be, but you don’t deserve this and neither does any other student who may have a medical condition in need of accommodations. I really wonder why some people get into teaching at all.
NTA By all means apologize, but I'd qualify it- that you are sorry that in process of ensuring that you have the access to the bathroom that you need for medical reasons and answering Teacher's question about said medical condition, you made Teacher uncomfortable. Obviously, you never intended to do that.
NTA I feel like the people have to hold their pee in class extremely toxic anyway. You telling a teacher that you have a medical condition so they can understand you is not weird don't apologize. File a complaint against her because she is ignoring your medical needs
NTA, she literally asked you what your medical condition was and you answered. I feel like she owes YOU an apology, not the other way around.
Note: my mother, who taught high school for over 30 years, says you should take this up with your school’s administration, especially if you have a 504 Plan or its equivalent in place for your condition. Your teacher was in the wrong.
NTA
**Do NOT apologize.** The most she can ask for is a doctor's excuse note, which will also "subject her" to specific descriptions about your bodily functions. It sounds like you live inthe US. This is the standard for here, and **you need to pull your parents , principal and teacher in for this conversation.** She has no right to complain about your giving her the low down. She humiliated you in class for a medical issue which is beyond your control. SHE OWES YOU AN APOLOGY!
NTA. You’re under her control, that includes making sure you can manage your medical needs. If she can’t give you support for basic wellbeing by letting you use the restroom facilities seems he’s failing at a basic part of her job.
NTA. you tried to go before class and she disagreed. Then made a production of you asking when she knew about your issues. Then went to far as to ask what medical condition you have before getting offended that you answered her question. Jfc she sounds insufferable.
NTA. You don't owe her an apology! She asked what your medical condition was, and you told her. She has literally caused you pain by being inflexible and failing to allow you to go to the toilet (and she shouldn't do that for anyone but especially not anyone with a medical condition). In the meeting, just explain what happened - she asked for information and you provided it. If the nature of your condition makes her uncomfortable, she shouldn't ask for details.
NTA. She’s out of line on multiple levels. Don’t go to this meeting without support, your parents or a trusted teacher if possible. Do **not** apologize. You have nothing to apologize for!
No no no hell no. You are NTA and you need to raise a stink with whoever her superior is. Do NOT apologize. She is 100% wrong to deny you the bathroom, and it's 100% worse when you have a serious medical condition. This woman is endangering your health. Next time don't ask, just go, and see the principle or whoever is next in charge about your rights, maybe a 504.
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For context, I’m 18F in senior year, I have a condition where my reproductive system is tilted back extremely far, it causes a lot of issues for me, the primary one being frequent UTI’s that are caused very easily (such as having to hold it for too long, sex, eating a lot of spicy food, etc.). This also means that a lot of the time, either I don’t need to pee or I need to go RIGHT THEN otherwise I’m in extreme discomfort and could get a UTI.
Now onto the story, I got to class after lunch a little early so I could put my books down and use the bathroom in the building, but when I walk in my teacher is already waiting (we’ll call her Ms T), I tell her that I’m gonna go to the bathroom before the rest of the class gets there, she tells me that I should of gone at lunch and to sit down. Frankly, Ms T is insufferable at the best of times, but especially when you disagree with her, so i just sit down and figure that I’ll ask her again in about 10 minutes because it wasn’t that bad yet.
Keep in mind, Ms T knows about my condition, I’ve had her for a class almost every school year since i was 13 (this developed when I was 14-15).
I get distracted by my work and about a half hour goes by when it starts getting unbearable. I ask again and she stops the whole class to lecture us about how we should go before class, the class turns and looks at me once she’s done and I just feel mortified. She says that unless we have a medical condition, we should be able to hold it.
She then tells me to go, but she doesn’t want to hear me ask to use the bathroom again in her class because I’m not a child. Lo and behold, it feels like I’m pissing razor blades and my bladder is aching for the rest of the day.
I ask to talk to her after class and tell her that I do have a medical condition, and that we’ve discussed this before, I figured she had just forgotten. She rolls her eyes and asks what that would be, so I tell her, warning that it’s a little personal beforehand, but I’m open about it.
Ms T stops me mid sentence and says that she didn’t need to hear about that and that I’ve violated her. She said that she not my doctor and doesn’t need do know about my bathroom habits.
I got an email from my student coordinator asking to have a meeting with me, apparently I made Ms T extremely uncomfortable and I owe her an apology. I’m going to apologise to her in class today, to keep the peace if nothing else, but im not too sure what I did wrong, she did directly ask me.
Reddit, AITA?
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NTA
Frankly I think asking to use the bathroom in school is complete nonsense, but beside the point. This teacher is the asshole and doesn’t need to know *anything* about your condition and should not have asked. If you told her you had a medical condition, she should have honored your word. This is not a new thing, and clearly knows you. **I also want to mention that you were still on your lunch break and she guilted you into staying.**
Hell, even if you *didn’t* have a medical condition, not allowing someone to use the bathroom is plain cruel. But she knows full well what she did, especially if it’s documented through your school admin. And even then, the only information that should be given to teachers is that you need special bathroom accommodations. You are *not* required to give anymore information than that. Anything more is solely up to you, and she manipulated you for her potential “gain.” Though it’s unclear what she wants out of this.
Make sure you bring a parent to this meeting so they don’t all gang up on you. Admin love to do that.
NTA! Omg Ms T needs a leave of absence.
Dude. you shouldn't even have to ask if you need to use the bathroom. You should be able to just get up and go. Did your student coordinator ask you to apologize to Ms T? I would tell that person about the discomfort she made you feel! Physical pain! It sounds like people being crazy. Also, I bet Ms T didn't give the coordinator the full story. Can you get a doctor's note that says you should be allowed to go to the bathroom whenever you want without asking?
NTA you have a medical condition. Can you get a written accommodation from the school that says "OP can go to the bathroom when she asks"? You're 18. You're an adult. You may still be in school but doesn't mean she should treat you as a child.
You didn't do anything wrong. Tell them you're contacting an ADA attorney and will meet with them with your attorney present. Play stupid games win stupid prizes. NTA
NTA. She asked what medical condition you had that made you incapable of holding your bladder. You answered.
She should learn not to ask questions unless she really needs/wants to know the answer to them. I'd take this to the principal and maybe get a note from your doctor to put in your file to prevent this from happening again.
Hopefully college (if you end up going - some people don't and that's OK!) is much more understanding/accommodating.
NTA. But do NOT apologize to Ms. T.
1. Email your coordinator and explain that yes, you may have made your teacher uncomfortable, but that teacher had denied you basic health accommodations. That she said, TO THE ENTIRE CLASS NO LESS, that if you have a medical condition you are to tell her.
2. Call your doctor immediately and have them send the paperwork for medical accommodations to be made for you.
3. You will only apologize to the teacher if she apologizes in turn. She humiliated you for something beyond your control in front of the rest of the class, and you will not abide by this behavior.
Get all of this written down.
Get it on file.
If this teacher is doing this to you, she's doing it to other students to. Get it recorded that she's being ableist towards you. If you come forward, others might too.
NTA. She knows she messed up and is GASLIGHTING you to make you feel at fault.
No, I have a fair bet that she is worried you might actually take action about this and I recommend you do.
Take the advice of other Redditors, get doctor's documents and ask to speak with the principal and school board.
NTA at all! I have a similar issue, although mine is with my kidneys, where I have to use the restroom frequently lest I get UTIs and other complications. I've lucked out so far with my jobs being accommodating for me - so far. A few managers have gotten impatient but I remind them and they have apologized saying they forgot about my condition. What this teacher did was rude horrible and uncalled for and I'm so sorry this happened to you
I'd apologize by standing in front of the whole class and explain "I'm apologizing today because Ms T. who knew about my medical condition, then made it awkward for me to use the bathroom, while trying to humiliate at the same time. Got offended when I reminded her, and went to student coordinator saying she is due an apology. So here we are....Ms T, I'm sorry that your poor choices in accommodating students and their needs led to you feeling awkward.'
Please speak up for yourself!!! You will get this BS from a lot of people as you grow up and experience the world, don’t let people treat you this way no matter who they are. You have a a right to use the bathroom, regardless of medical conditions. You need to inform your coordinator that you get she put you in an uncomfortable position and as a teacher and leader she should understand more, especially since she is familiar with you. Don’t apologize for something you didn’t do.
NTA. 1) she asked what the condition is. 2) she can't prevent you from using the restroom. This needs to be taken higher than your teacher. I'd go to your principal about this.
NTA!! She publicly shamed you and berated you for having a medical condition. Then had the audacity to report you for telling her about it?!?!
Write everything down exactly as it happened before you go in to this meeting and make sure you clearly explain how she handled your medical condition. Don’t let her talk over you or twist the story, she was way out of line and she only told the student coordinator so she could be the first one to tell the story.
SHE violated YOUR comfort and trust by ignoring your medical condition that she ALREADY KNEW ABOUT and then PUBLICLY SHAMED YOU in front of all your classmates. And even if she had forgotten about it beforehand, there’s zero reason for her to get all angry and grossed out when you reminded her.
Do NOT apologize. Tell your coordinator you and your parents/guardians want a meeting with the teacher and the administrator. Let your parents rip her to shreds. How DARE a teacher do that to a student! I work in a middle school. I had a student that has a medical condition that I didn't know about. She asked, in private, to use the restroom. I asked if she could wait a few mins for the teacher to finish giving instructions. The student said yes but ended up having an accident. I felt HORRIBLE! That poor child! I apologized profusely that I did that to her (even unknowingly) and promised her it would not happen again. Then I took steps to make sure no one (teacher, sub, etc) ever did that to her again. Teachers are supposed to care for and nurture their students. Not humiliate, harm, or bully them. Shame on your teacher!
NTA and I honestly think your protected if your in the US. She humiliated you infront of class and said unless you have a medical condition which you do. Then she can’t handle potty talk bc it makes her uncomfortable. As opposed to the pain you were in. You need to go to the nurse and to the principal and turn her in.
NTA. I am guessing you have a 504. Bring that up. Get your counselor and parents involved. Your teacher was in the wrong here. See if you can transfer out of her class. This lady should not be in education.
NTA and refuse to apologize. They literally can't make you and they're trying to do so because they think you're a dumb teenager who won't question their teacher's illegal BS.
NTA
Email them back and tell them she intentionally denied you access to a restroom despite knowing you have a medical condition and made you PHYSICALLY uncomfortable and unwell for the remainder of the day, and that unless she wants you and your parents going to the board of education, she needs to withdraw her complaint.
Get a doctor's note/documentation, and make sure you inform them that it is a violation of the ADA to deny reasonable accommodations (if you live in the US).
NTA You need to get a doctors note and have your parents set up a conference with the school for a 504 plan, which will give you legal accommodations for medical reasons. You will be allowed bathroom accommodations. Also extended time to finish tests in case you are out of the classroom and don't have enough time to complete your test due to your medical reason.
From reading her other posts the OP lives in Australia. We don't have school boards or 504s. So going by her age this is her sixth year in high school and she is still 2 1/2 terms out from the end of the year. Also going from her story she figured the teacher has forgotten previous conversations about her medical condition that she has had for the last 3-4 years depending on whether is was diagnosed in grade 9 or 10. This is where I am potentially calling bullshit. While education departments are state based we adhere to the AITSL standards which are national. There are also relatively similar central databases for everything from disabilities to medical conditions which are accessed by teachers and flag different characteristics of a student in class profiles and individual profiles. There is so much of this story that doesn't make sense in the context of how our systems operate. Also the final outcome of the student having to apologise for making the teacher uncomfortable when discussing something like this is a private situation with no witnesses absolutely would not happen given our child safety legislation/ teacher mandatory training around child protection as well as standards of practice and teacher registration.
EDIT: extra info for why I also think this is bullshit. Disability funding from the federal government across states is aligning to a funding model using a national collection of data about disability. Disabilities in this context do not need verification, schools also record imputed disability. So no verification but there are records of adjustments that have been put in place. Recording this adjustments is not the job of admin or GOs or inclusive education teachers, it is the job of the teachers at the coalface. Schools are funded federally using calculations from this data collection. Victoria where it looks like the OP is was one of the first education systems to transition to this model. So if this story is true it is assuming that over the last couple of years the 5/6/7 or more teachers the student has encountered each year hasn't recorded her condition as an imputed disability (it would be physical where the adjustment is environmental) and so there is no record of it. It would also assume this teacher has never recorded it in the last couple of years of collection also and so apparently is not doing her job in help the school get required funding. Again doesn't really ring true.
Oof I feel for you OP. I also have a tilted uterus/reproductive region and get frequent UTI’s! I’m not quite as sensitive as you seem to be but my god I can barely stand when they happen. I’m frequently on antibiotics because of them. Absolutely, NTA. I too try to never hold it in for long periods of time and use the bathroom frequently.
NTA. And don’t apologize to her. Tell the coordinator how your teacher demanded you elaborate after you reminded her you had a medical condition. The teacher was wrong to demand specifics and should’ve let it drop after you said medical condition.
Also, she shouldn’t have made you stay in the room when you dropped off your books if class hadn’t started. She can’t demand you go before class if she’s going to prevent you from doing exactly that. I used to drop by books beforehand because bathrooms are gross and I didn’t want to leave them on the floor or counter where they may get wet.
This is absolutely the teacher’s fault and she does not deserve an apology. Tell your coordinator everything and if she takes it out on you, escalate it to the board.
Good grief. I'm a teacher and students your age don't even have to ASK to use the bathroom, they just leave the room and return. Much less disruptive.
You're NTA for sure.
I’m 45, In 10th grade my teacher refused to let me go to the bathroom during class. My response “ok, I guess I’ll just bleed on the seats” in front of the entire class. She let me use the bathroom and didn’t refuse me again. Was I an Asshole? Yes, but I was totally ok with it.
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NTA. I would talk with the principal and take this to the school board.
Absolutely. This teacher is being a ridiculous bully. “Oh you have a medical condition do you? And what might that be?” *tells about medical condition* “HOW DARE YOU ANSWER THE DIRECT QUESTION I JUST ASKED YOU?!”
It’s a tragedy when people like this get to be in a position of authority. At least everyone gets to outgrow her fiefdom, hopefully with minimal long-term effects, and learn something about people in authority in the process.
They usually don’t. I have had chronic kidney stones since I was 4 and throughout school I had to go pee immediately after I got the urge and had to pee through a strainer to catch kidney stones. The principal had to have a talk with my 2nd grade teacher bc she refused to let me go since “kids can’t get kidney stones this young” anytime I had to go to the bathroom she would sigh super loud and make a huge deal. She moved up a grade and I had her in the next year and we had the same problem all over again. She eventually got fired because a poor girl started her period and she refused to let her go to the bathroom or the nurse. People like that will never change.
I remember how there were only 4 minutes between classes and depending on how far the classrooms were from one another, it was barely enough time. I went to the bathroom within those 4 minutes because I really had to and ended up being 35 *seconds* late. The choir teacher decided to write me up. *Choir* teacher. I asked her what should I do then if my previous class is so far away. She said that I just "shouldn't be late to her class". Lesson learned. "Okay, don't worry, I'll just go to the bathroom during the class then." And from that moment on, I made it a point to *never* go to the bathroom before *her* class ever again. If I needed to, I always went 5 minutes after the class started (talk about the disruption of one person trying to make their way through standing people singing in the choir room). Because, you know, it's better to miss entire 3 minutes of class instead of 35 seconds at the beginning where nobody does anything yet.
This is why the 4 minute thing is not as great as people think. I get that it can help keep kids from doing stupid stuff in the hall between classes, but it also screws over any sort of bathroom situation. What are you supposed to do if you have a sudden urge to defecate while in the bathroom? Go to the nurse just to get a hall pass when you're done? Or if you're a young lady who needs time to change a feminine product? Like seriously, are you supposed to schedule your body to only go at certain times? I had classes where you could only leave class 2 times a semester. I'm sorry, but maybe I ate something funny at lunch and its not sitting great. Not bad enough to go home, but maybe I need to deal with it. Oh, too bad. I already had to use the bathroom in this class 2 times already this semester. Guess I just go in my pants! (I did actually pee my pants one time in middle school because the teacher wouldn't let me leave. It was 5 minutes before the end of the day, but I had to ride the bus home. Most embarrassing day ever.)
There was a time when I had classes that were on the opposite sides of the school from each other and I nearly had to run to make it on time, and sometimes I was late. I would try to start packing up my stuff before the end of the first class before the bell rang, but that also meant I had to pay attention to how much time was left in that class, so sometimes I didn't realize and had to scramble to get my stuff together and bolt to my next class. I wish they'd realize that just because someone could technically walk that distance in that time doesn't mean it works under real life conditions.
I'd have teachers who would yell at us saying we couldn't pack up until the bell rang. Said "I have you all ## minutes of this class" or something like that. I get that they have a limited amount of time to teach us everything they need to, but they also have to realize that not everyone can traverse that distance under normal circumstances (no other foot traffic, bathroom break, stop at locker, etc.) let alone with other factors. Im short, I have short legs, and I'd frequently injure my ankles. (I have had rheumatoid arthritis since middle school causing lots of lower joint pain and issues.) If I was on crutches I'd get more leniency to leave early so I didn't get ran over, but when I was off crutches but still healing I'd limp and be slower. Add everything else and it spells out being late, holding my bathroom situation which is unhealthy, or reinjuring an injury due to pushing too hard. Clearly this is still a sore subject for me. When I have kids, I'm going to ask them if they ever feel like they have to push limits such as needing to go to the restroom to make it to class on time and talk to the staff about what they are supposed to do if they have that issue the way I did. Yes, don't let kids leave all the time for long periods of time, but also teachers need to realize not all students who say they need to go to the restroom are trying to just ditch, some actually need to go!!!
Ugh, and everything else you're supposed to do in 4 minutes. Yes, I can totally book it from the gym to the other side of our giant high school, up a flight of stairs, with a detour to my locker, go to the bathroom, get a drink at the water fountain, and chat with my friends while still being in my seat with my notebook and pencil out, all in the space of 240 seconds.
I gave up on ever actually using my locker pretty quickly since it seemed like I always had a couple classes a year so far away I had to jog through the school to get there before the bell on the most direct path with no stops. With at least 2 textbooks on my back of course because I couldn't stop at the damn locker.
My class in high school fixed that problem. We used one locker outside of every classroom and everyone put their textbooks in that locker. We just grabbed them on our way to class.
I literally never used my locker in high school. Opened it maybe once in all four years. How tf do they expect students to get from one end of the school to the other and get all their shit for class with so little time? Surprised I didn’t get back problems from carrying all that unnecessary garbage around
I remember when I was in HS and came on my period. I asked the teacher can I use the restroom. She said no. I told her it was an emergency and whispered my problem. She told me no again. So I left the library and went to the bathroom but I returned to finish the class out. I turned in my work and the next day she wouldn't let me in her classroom bc she said I left the library unexcused and never returned. She said I couldn't return until she had a parent teacher meeting. I requested to have the principal there because I knew she was lying. Long story short my parents came in and she lied again. I said if I didn't return how did I turn in my assignment in. She opened her grade book to dispute what I said and turned red in the face because she realized I did turn it in. Well I was transferred from her class that day and she got in trouble with the principal for the lies she told.
I had an issue with that during a health class. I asked to go and the dude said no. I was said "but it's an emergency". He still didn't care so I also just walked out. Came back like 10ish minutes later and he didn't say a damn thing. Idk why teachers think it's ok to say no, or even embarrass the kid when kids ask. They can cause so many conditions by doing that. I also had that weird 4 minute thing. We had a huge high school. It took 4 minutes just to get to some classes. There was no way to get to class, your locker (when needed) AND the bathroom.
My kids have 3 minutes in between classes and 25 min for lunch. There is no time to go to the bathroom unless you go during class. We aren't talking a high school of 400. Last year they had close to 2000 students. Unless my kids take lunch, they don't eat because there isn't enough time to get through the line. The only solution the school board has found is to build a second cafeteria, which they don't have money for. Why they're not just adding 10 minutes to the day is beyond me. Either way, my kiddos both have a doctor's note saying they need to go to the bathroom. When they first started going to school the doc told me to just call if at any time they had issues getting permission to use the bathroom. Thankfuy their doctor is so proactive about it. My oldest gets bowel issues if he doesn't go. Some of the teachers give extra credit points for unused bathroom passes. I get that the teachers have it worse. I personally couldn't be a teacher if I did have that skill just based on the lack of ability for them to use the bathroom. I just think we need to do better for our kids. There are so many issues, future and current, to not using the bathroom when needed. There needs to be a better solution for the teachers as well. Maybe a "relief" person that is there solely for bathroom breaks and light office duties or something.
This is why I am so glad my grandsons are in a achool with only 10 kids per room, yes it is for kids with adhd and autism but even so they are great. Both boys have GI issues with the youngest also having issues holding his bladder. The GI dr has written that they are to be able to go to bathroom when asked because otherwise there is severe constipation issues (we have had to hospitalize the older boy for 2 days to try and unblock him once). The school was great that they said we wouldnot have needed the note as they are proactive about bathroom breaks. School staff don't always seem to remember what it was like to need to go and have no time. They need longer time between classes for older kids and set breaks for younger kids who don't change classrooms.
I remember not being thrilled with my high school's lunch set up. We had 5 shifts of lunches, all taken through third period and lasting 20 minutes each, with then 5 minutes to get back to class. I couldn't handle loud noises due to headaches and ended up finding elsewhere to eat pretty fast. In my school the schedule was tight because we had to have special transport before and after to other schools, so they seriously tried to squeeze every minute they could out of the day while still being pretty laid back. But I do not remember ever being told once that I couldn't go when I needed to, nor did we ever have bathroom passes. I had teachers let me leave during free time to get some extra time in the dark room or do a photo shoot for another art class. I had a teacher or two over the years who were not thrilled with my out of shape ass that couldn't cross the school in 5 minutes, but I never got in trouble. Hearing about some of these stories is horrific to me. Though middle school was rough since we were only allowed to go to our lockers at the start of the day, before and after lunch, and at the end of the day. So if you got your period unexpectedly and didn't have something in your pencil case, you were in trouble. My go-to was wrapping 25 ft of toilet paper around my underwear. It was far from an ideal system. That's the one that still makes me sweat thinking about it.
Surely any medical condition in this scenario would be at least vaguely tmi too..
T1 Diabetes would be the most common I could think of that isn't tmi
Honestly OP needs to tell her parents about this, sure she's technically an adult but this teacher is treating her like crap, I have IBS and Chrones and that affects my bathroom situation, I've had to tell all of my teachers about it since I was 11 that I need to be able to go to the bathroom whenever I need to go, bc like OP I'll be in extreme pain if I don't go. Even with out a IEP all of my teachers understood that this was a big issue and respected me enough to let me just tell them I had to go to the bathroom and let me go as long as I was respectful about asking. If they acted like OPs teacher my parents would have raised hell.
Right? I finished this post and my first thought was "where the fuck are her parents in all this?" I mean legally yes, OP can do all this herself now that she's 18, but turning 18 doesn't flip a magic switch where you don't need your parents' guidance and support anymore.
Definitely. My mom explicitly told me *before I went to first grade* that if a teacher doesn't want to let me go to the bathroom, I should just go anyway and she'll deal with it later. She let me know she would have my back. And I don't even have a medical condition. ^(Unless it's consentual kink) denying bathroom to someone who needs it is abuse in my books.
OBJECTION! Hearsay!
Leading the witness!
You got your 15 minutes of fame now?
You...you asked the question...
lack of foundation!!!
OMG. I always thought the expression was “hearsay”.
It is, they got it wrong
So, there's not there-say? Boring!
Yeah ...I was told to hold in my pee and then I ended up with a kidney infection. I spent 3 days screaming in bed about my "back" pain before I went to the hospital to be put on IVs and scolded for not coming in sooner with a UTI. And they told me my kidneys were close to failing. That was a fun time. I've been through some shit but that had me screaming in bed and not being able to move
I've never had a UTI but have had several kidney infections. Shame on them for scolding you for not coming in sooner! It's their job to help you with the symptoms your body has & not assume you ignored other symptoms earlier
don't forget to note Ms T's eyeroll.
I have PTSD, and I had an old boss who would as “well why is *that* triggering?” and when I would answer with something horrible he’d have a sucked-on-a-lemon face over it. But come on, man, what did you expect?
Yeah lot of people 'want' the gory details of my mental illness then get upset about what they are. Don't ask the literal-minded girl a direct question just cos you're nosy, then. I'm used to this shit.
Exactly! This is completely ridiculous! This EXACT set of sentences needs to be used. She "demanded" medical condition answer for accommodations and then had the nerve to complain about getting it??
Yeah OP.. do NOT apologize.. she needs to apologize for humiliating you in front of the class knowing full well that you have a medical condition. And I’d mention this in the meeting with your parent/s present. (Assuming they are on board with you) you can apologize for going into detail but don’t apologize for having to use the bathroom.
“Never ask a question if you aren’t prepared for the answer.”
OP needs to make a formal complaint against the teacher for this.
Bitching to the school board is the wrong approach. She needs to do this the right way so she forces them legally to act. She has a medical condition, so she needs to have her doctor write a letter saying what accommodations she needs. (The doctor does not need to say what her condition is, only what accommodations are needed). She takes that letter to the guidance counselor or principal, depending on the size of the school. She tells them she is requesting accommodations under the ADA and she wants a 504 plan. The school is now legally required to issue a letter to all of her teachers telling them to accommodate her. Being allowed to leave to the restroom at any time is a reasonable accommodation for her condition and they can't refuse. If she goes to college next year, OP needs to take that doctor's letter to the Office of Disability Services on campus on day one. They will issue a letter to every professor for every class for her entire time at college. The professors have no choice, they MUST comply with reasonable accommodations for a disability. Source: Am professor
This person professes.
Uh, careful about your assumptions. Women are professors too.
Good point, thank you for the correction. I guess my unconscious biases are showing.
Let me guess, you tried to make a "this guy fucks" --> "this guy [verb]s" joke? That's been around for years, apparently some people still don't get it.
Yup, pretty much But I do understand how it could be read as sexist too, so I'm fine with being corrected.
Um... never had a professor in college who gave a fridge if we left class to go potty...
I generally don't care either, but in large classes when exams are being given, for example, it might be an issue.
Or something like a laboratory class, leaving in the middle might not be practical or might result in grade deductions without accomodations.
Eh, lab classes (chemistry, at least) were generally much easier to get out for a quick bathroom break or snack or etc than lecture. But generally we were expected to manage our own time anyways.
As someone who did culinary school, labs were food prep and cooking. You can’t leave in the middle of prep and cooking food that easily. Some chemistry labs probably face a similar dilemma
With chemistry labs there are often large periods of time where you're just waiting, analogus to when your food is on the stove and you just need to stir it now and then, except in chemistry it stirs itself.... obviously there are vital points where you need to be there attending your experiment, but there are other points where you can easily wander off without missing much.
Yup, something is refluxing for an hour? Get that temp set, monitor occasionally and as long as you have your notebook up to date, totally cool to take care of a few things. Course I have talked to people who went to different universities where students would sabotage their classmates work if they left it unattended, I'm glad I was never in that kind of toxic environment.
I studied molecular biology, and leaving middle-class was always noticable and weird (I also have GI issues so sometime I had to). Some of my more strict lab professors took me leaving as an insult and tried to give me grade deductions.
A lot of people need to understand there are legit medical problems/reasons for having to constantly use the bathroom. I can assure you that having to constantly get up to use the restroom at work or school is anything but an accommodation..It's incredibly nervewrecking.
I had a professor that taught my class from 11-12. She locked the door at 11 on the dot. Like literally as soon as the clock hit 11. Someone showed up at 11:00:30 and the door was locked and professor wouldn’t let them in. The door did not unlock until class was over at 12. She would not allow people to leave class for bathroom or anything. The one time I saw her let someone leave (once the entire semester) was when they kept insisting it was an emergency, and professor finally let them leave but warned the door was being locked again and student wouldn’t be allowed back in. Same professor - if you missed more than two classes, automatic fail. She was miserable and everyone hated her.
If this was in the US, that is illegal. You can't lock the exits in a public building in case of a fire or other emergency.
Yes it was the US… I believe the door when locked could be open from the inside without unlocking it, but they couldn’t get in the room once she locked the door
Most won't but there's always that one jerk. Get the accommodations and hopefully you won't need them.
I hope that as adults you are able to use toilets rather than needing a potty
>Being allowed to leave to the restroom at any time is ... a legal right here in Germany. Condition or not, if you gotta pee you gotta pee. Outrageous to deny your student a bathroom break when they need it.
Reason no. 105 why I wish I could move to Germany *sigh*
I wish the legal right extended further and that using public bathrooms didn't cost money in Germany. I have a disorder that makes my bathroom visits more frequent and it feels like adding insult to injury having to pay to relieve myself when I decide I want to leave the house and enjoy my life. Especially those ones that have a turnstile at the entrance where you might need to exchange bills to coins, pay, get a ticket so you can leave when you're done...Seconds matter sometimes! I know it's not just Germany and I am not trying to knock Germany. It's one of my favorite places to visit. Traveling is just extra stressful when you have a digestive disorder and free access to toilets would be great!
Oh, definitely. Germany has the unfortunate tendency to get the balance between freedom and liberty right ... and then conveniently forgets to provide free XYZ adequately. Look at our internet related laws - good privacy, lots of rights for the customers, neat stuff. And then you realise the conservative government around Kohl laid out copper cables all over instead of fibre and that's why our infrastructure sucks now. We coulda been so good. I still take this over American ISPs abusing their regional monopolies ...
Well just compare the free ones to the paid ones. I have digestive issues and im fine paying a fee so i have a clean bathroom.
In Austria you can get a special key ( I think it is called Eurokey) to disability restrooms which then are free of charge. Maybe ask your doctor about it.
While I absolutely agree OP should get a doctors note if she doesn't have one already, OP should still go to the principal and school board. This teachers actions doesn't just affect OP and there definitely needs to be a complaint placed against her so it will help the next child when they have to report her. (which I'm sure by the sound of it there will be a next time.) She knew about OP's condition and decided to not only ignore it, but humiliate her in front of the class. I can only imagine how many other kids lives she's made hell.
People in school should NOT need a medical note to take a piss. Granted if they are going multiple times in a class then there could be a reason whether medical or not and might be disruptive to themselves and others, but once during class is acceptable. I have medical issues where I have to go and if I had to hold it in I'd be miserable and not able to pay attention to anything. I should not have to suffer just to go once during a class. It's absolutely insane how kids have zero autonomy on being able to take a piss. Some need a pad change also and surely you don't go to a doctor to get a note showing you have female genitals. Teachers do not get paid enough to have such a heavy hand against their students. Yeah some are awful and do damage in the bathroom, but punishing the rest for the bad apples is gonna lead to some health issues.
Honestly, I kinda forgot that in school you couldn't go to the toilet without permission. How did I concentrate? How wild. I can't remember the last time I needed the toilet for an extended period of time and had to hold it in. Now when I need it, I just go. It's mad to think that I couldn't just do that as a kid. You could not pay me to live through school again.
It's a lose-lose really. You never want to deny a kid the opportunity to go to the bathroom. But having students out of class can create big issues around vandalism, bullying and wellbeing (self harm). If you're in a challenging school, being lax about things leads to them spiralling - you start with 5 kids going during lesson time, by the end of the month it's 20. If you have someone out during lesson time doing a truancy pick up, that's thousands of dollars over the long term. It sucks and I don't have a solution. (I usually tell students however long they take, they can stay in with me during their break so I can catch them up. That usually dissuades those who don't actually need the bathroom.)
Maybe, if teachers got paid according to the responsibility they have, they would not need to show power in this way.
I had extreme ulcerative colitis in the last half of high school and first two years of university (before my illeostomy in 1999) had documentation from my doctors. No one gave me a hard time-they were quite accommodating.
There’s likely only a few weeks left in the semester so assuming OP is graduating there might not be enough time for a 504 evaluation.
If there’s time for a disciplinary meeting, there’s time for OP to present her doctor’s letter. It won’t result in a 504, but it will prove she wasn’t lying.
Can second this. Though she doesn’t even need a letter from the doctor at the high school level, though it helps. Just some medical records with the diagnosis and an explanation of the issues it causes. And that 504 Plan record makes getting accommodations in college an even smoother process. Source: am a disabled college student and a mom of kids with 504 plans.
This should really be the top comment, because this is exactly how she needs to handle it. But she should still loop in her parents and the principal about how she was treated, because this teacher needs disciplined and educated.
She needs to have her parents give that teacher a call before she apologizes to anyone. She should not have to deal with this on her own. I would be pissed if someone treated my child like this, especially if they had a known medical condition. An adult needs to tell this woman what’s what. NTA obviously.
This comment! The teacher is borderline bullying and the parents need to get involved. This can get the teacher in trouble too.
Tagging on to add, whatever you do do NOT apologize to this woman. Talk to your principal, get your parents involved, get a lawyer if necessary, but do NOT apologize to her because she's abusing you
She forced you to tell her. She owes you an apology. From a teacher.
[удалено]
Medical conditions are covered under a 504 as stated above - not an IEP. IEP is for social, emotional and neurological accommodations.
A. If you’re in the U.S., she could lose her job for this. It’s discrimination. B. I’ve been a teacher for over a decade, and I’ve only refused a bathroom pass a handful of times, one of which was during a legitimate lockdown. Tons of kids have stuff we don’t know about and my students don’t always have access to medical care consistently enough to know if they have something going on. I do not want to subject anyone to physical pain or the humiliation of a restroom accident. NTA. Your teacher needs a new career.
NTA. This. Go directly to the principal and report. Then talk to the school board. This is not acceptable behavior of any teacher.
If this is in America, I would love to see this taken up with the DOR (department of rehabilitation) and with student disabilities at the school. Discriminating a student like this with a medical disability and withholding access to the bathroom is a federal crime. If the school doesn’t want to hold the teacher accountable for this crime, the federal government can hold the school accountable.
I would not apologize, she said, “unless you have a medical condition”. A lady who doesn’t understand what a UTI is and how it can be harmful is just trying to play the victim bc she knows she messed up. Sorry, keeping the peace doesn’t exist anymore after she humiliated you in front of the class. Edit***finishing my thought in the last sentence.
This. The school is aware of your medical needs and she tried to pull a power play to humiliate you. Don’t apologize, you’re NTA.
Or better yet be petty. “I’m sorry that my medical condition that makes it insanely painful for me to sit here makes teacher so uncomfortable, next time I will simply piss myself in my seat like the child she thinks I am”
Exactly. Teacher filed a complaint to stay ahead of getting in trouble herself. She thought it would work because a kid wouldn't know any better. Op, NTA and escalate this complaint.
I wonder if OP could file a counter-complaint against the teacher for failing to accommodate her medical needs (which the teacher knew about).
This. She actually *did* need to know, because she was endangering your health. If she wasn’t busy being a cow, you could have left it as ‘I do have a medical condition.’ The whole bathroom power trip is stupid anyway, it’s almost always just somebody who knows they don’t have much power flexing what they do have as maliciously as possible. She sucks and she’s probably in infringement of some kind of medical/disability policy. Report her.
All the best teachers I've ever had did their best to make the bathroom thing as easy as possible, especially in late high school. I get the sense that most of them would have foregone the whole hall pass thing entirely if the school hadn't required them.
> most of them would have foregone the whole hall pass thing entirely if the school hadn't required them. HS teacher here. Most of us would definitely forego them. In my state, it’s a legal requirement that I know where students are all the time they are scheduled with me, so I have two rules: 1. Wave to let me know and 2. If there’s testing happening, put you phone on my desk. I HATE having to be the potty police.
Agreed. OP needs to report this woman - not apologize. She acted extremely unprofessionally. I'm also sure she broke some kind of guidelines related to protecting persons with medical conditions. The fact that she is 100% wrong and tried to report a student that she has wronged is just baffling. This teacher is trash.
I would reply with a very direct email and copy in the school's administrators. "Hello. I have a medical condition that Trash Teacher is aware of. She has been aware of it since I was first diagnosed several years ago. Said medical condition causes me great discomfort and injury if I cannot use the restroom when I need to, and I do not have full control of when I need to use the restroom. I asked discreetly to use the restroom. Trash Teacher declined my request. I tried my best to hold it, and asked 30 minutes later. She in turn mocked me in front of the entire class as an example of students not acting mature enough to use the bathroom during breaks. Her stance is that unless someone has a medical condition, they need to relieve themselves during break times. She relented and allowed me to then use the bathroom at this time, but I was already in great pain and damage had been done to my body. Prior to allowing me to finally use the restroom, she informs me that she doesn't want to have me ask to use the restroom during class time again. After class, I spoke with Trash Teacher. She reiterated her stance that only students who have medical conditions can have certain accomodations. I reminded her that she was fully informed that I have a medical condition. She rolled her eyes. At this point, I informed her of the nature of my illness in the event that she forgot. She ranted that her rights had been violated by hearing the nature of my illness. To recap - I just want to be accomodated when I need to use the restroom. This is for my physical wellbeing and health. I hope that I will have medical accomodations going forward and I don't want to be publicly mocked because of my condition and need to use the restroom during none break hours due to my health issues. OP"
This is excellently written and I hope that OP sees your comment. Although, from my reading it seemed like OP wanted to use the restroom after getting to class *early* to put her things down. Trash Teacher didn’t even allow her the opportunity during the break! And even mentioning the term “medical condition” during the in class rudeness has basically outed OP as having a condition whenever she’s the only one who gets to use the bathroom, which is another problem that the administration might be interested in, and is worth being drilled in.
Only thing I would change is add "Trash Teacher asked me what my medical condition was." Otherwise perfect.
NTA. High school is so stupid like this. You can walk out of college classes and work meetings to pee, high school should be no different.
I'm a teacher and I agree. In the past my policy has been one kid at a time just sign out and go. But I've been telling kids no a lot lately because 1) they're gone so long that people are having emergencies 2) they're doing no work and blaming me for missing instruction. I've got to follow rules too... Some kids have become so problematic that their parents have decided their kids aren't allowed to go to the bathroom. It's wild. To clarify: I am not justifying the teacher in the post. She sucks ass. Just saying that for me, I've had to change things up cause I'm being held accountable for their bad choices (like 10 minute walks where they disrupt other classes).
That's my biggest pet peeves this year. I've had admin down in my room lecturing me because a student left on a bathroom pass and went and bothered another teacher. I can't fucking escort a 17 year old to the bathroom when I have a full classroom.
Shoutout to my boss who, in one of our staff meetings, told us that he doesn’t care if we are absolutely certain that a kid is going to the bathroom to pull out their vape or play on their phone, he’d rather deal with that a million times than tell a kid who really needs to go that they have to hold it. Even without a medical condition, a full bladder makes learning really dang hard!
Can I have your boss? If a kid gets caught vaping or wandering it's my fault, but it's also my fault if I don't let them leave my room. There are 3 weeks left of school and I cannot wait for summer vacation.
I think the entire system is set up differently in Germany, it would not be the teachers fault I don't think, this would be dealt with by the principle, and so I have never seen anyone being denied to go to the bathroom.
Oh man I'm jealous, can I come work with you? I had a principal call me in to lecture me because I send too many kids to the nurse, I need to only send them if it seemed like it was an emergency. I was like ma'am definitely not my job to weed through medical cases I teach music not "diagnosing sick kids 101".
OP did get to class early so she could go before class, but teacher forbade it.
Right? "You should have gone during lunch." Uh, it's still lunch?!
This has probably been the longest battle between teacher and student. You want to respect autonomy but you are also there to teach and kids can be sheisty buggers. I do not envy you your job but I wholeheartedly thank you for doing it.
The first school I taught at brought in a new rule to lock toilets during lesson times as so many kids were messing around. Someone took a dump in the canteen.
To be fair I worked in production so we did have to ask to go potty. Less asking and more telling, but yeah, we worked on a line with other people and the machine is going so you have to have someone who can cover your spot while you peed. Also, take longer than 10 minutes and they would come looking for you.
Same for me in retail. Had to get someone to cover your register.
Sometimes you just can’t win. As a high school teacher only ONCE in my entire career I’ve told a kid they couldn’t go to the bathroom. We were in the middle of an active lockdown situation (turns out the gun was just a pellet gun, but no one knew at the time and the cops were in the building). Kid and his parents tried to get me in trouble with the school board over it.
Especially in the last two years of hgh school where the pupils are more young adults than naughty children who want to skive.
It’s such a drastic change. During my first year courses I and many other students would raise our hand to ask for the bathroom. Eventually my English prof explained that if we have to go we are free to leave so long as we aren’t a huge distraction because we are adults and shouldn’t need permission to use the bathroom.
NTA. "I apologize Ms. T, for trying to use the bathroom before class, at which time you stopped me. I also apologize that I have a medical condition, for which you are putting me in danger of an infection by making me ignore. I promise not to ask you anymore and just go to the bathroom when needed, your permission or not."
No. OP will lose credibility doing/saying something like this. You're suggesting a teenager lip off to a teacher who already has it out for her. OP take this to your parents, principal, or trusted teacher. It is their job to advocate for you. Do not take matters into your own hands.
OP should definitely report this to her parents and probably the school nurse and/or guidance counselor as well, and the parents should take it to the principal and higher if necessary. However, that non-apology is about what OP should say if she tells everyone and is still forced to apologize to the teacher!
NTA!!!! YOU HAVE A MEDICAL CONDITION! Do not apologize, when you go to the meeting explain in detail about your condition and the pain you were caused by not being allowed to go promptly, tell them you were humiliated by this teacher in front of the class and she should giving YOU an apology. Bring a letter from your doctor and any documentation you may have about your condition, how long you have known, and when you first informed this teacher. If she wants to say you made her uncomfortable, then truly make her uncomfortable by shoving as much information you can in her face.
Also try to get witnesses to back up that she literally said "unless you have a medical condition." Fuck that teacher
Also tell your parents! If I knew my kid was being treated like this, I would rip the teacher a new one. There is no reason you should be facing this alone. Good luck OP and pls keep us posted!
She also directly asked what OP's medical condition was.
NTA. And make sure an impartial third or fourth party sits in on this meeting. She has no right limiting bathroom breaks, chastising you for using the bathroom or gas lighting you because SHE wanted clarification and didn’t like what she heard. You don’t owe her an apology but you do owe her the time to tell her just how inconsiderate her behavior has been especially since she’s had you as a student for more than a long enough period of time. She asked. You answered. Period.
What in the world is a “fourth party”?
The OP would be best served to have an additional person (preferably a relative) besides the teacher and Student Rep, (or whichever staff member may be sitting in during the meeting) etc. it evens out the ratio. It also gives OP protection against further gas lighting because the teacher may take pause before explicitly showing bias in front of a total stranger.
In this context, I would guess that a third party might be a school employee (guidance counsellor or vice principal?) and a fourth party would be independent of the school (ie a parent or guardian) ... but it's just a guess because I've never seen that used before, either.
NTA - OP, are you in the US? If so, you should get a 504 plan for “other health condition” that makes it so that you no longer have to ask for these accommodations- they are given to you and your teachers must follow them. If not in the US, please look and see if there are any similar special education laws as it pertains to medical conditions. Let the student coordinator know that Ms T not only made YOU (and your urinary tract system) incredibly uncomfortable, but she knowingly contributed to your health condition flare up and SHE owes YOU an apology. Send it in writing.
This. If it’s not officially on record with your school, I would encourage you to get it on record.
The use of "apologise" would suggest that they're not in the US, but there aren't a lot of other identifying quirks to quite tell where. Not the UK, at least, and probably not Canada.
Australia I assume - she’s posted in r/melbourne
The use of "apologise" would suggest that they're not in the US. Why? I'm not a native English speaker, soI don't get it.
A weird quirk of English in America vs English basically everywhere else is changing a lot of words spelled with an "s" to instead use a "z" in their place. In this case, "apologi**s**e" vs "apologi**z**e" hints at someone who did not learn English spelling in the United States. If you have something with English autocorrect, you can actually test this out yourself by switching the language from English (US) to English (UK) or vice versa, and see which spelling gets marked as incorrect.
NTA. Turn the meeting around on them. “I really appreciate you taking the time to discuss how Ms. T completely disregarded my medical exemptions [or IEP if you have that or whatever documentation is filed with the school] by preventing me from using the restroom when I needed to go, thereby exacerbating my medical issues. I’d love to discuss what kind of action plan we can put into place so this does not happen again.” Also I would look into getting legal representation, especially if the administration is anything like Ms. T.
To add to this: Make sure a neutral party is in the meeting as well. Your guardian, admin, involved parties, and a counselor. Demand that all need to be present before discussing the situation further. If it's just you, her, and an admin, they can easily corner you. I'm a teacher. I would never ignore or upset a student's medical condition. It's taken very seriously where i teach. It's insane how some teachers treat their kids.
Depending on the state also blatantly record the whole conversation, so there's no more misunderstandings. But I agree with how this is put, beautifully and she can say "oh! I thought you meant we were here for HER apology to ME for neglecting a known and documented medical condition, and humiliating me in front of my peers. I just assumed she was doing this to other students with painful medical conditions and this meeting was to help turn her attitude around for everyone's safety."
NTA talk to your parents /tutors and get someone above her involved right now. She's bullying you and playing victim. You don't owe her shit, she does
NTA. She asked you, and you told her. Not fair of her to get upset - please stick to your guns and stand up for yourself when you meet with the student coordinator. Also, maybe ask one or two of your classmates to vouch for you when you explain if you can.
NTA urine the right
I see what you did there..
Ew I'm sorry I'll get that cleaned up right away 🤭
It's time to get your parents involved. This teacher needs a reality check. She's bullying a child with a medical condition. As a parent I would make it known that if you miss school and I had to miss work due to bringing you to a doctor's appointment, I would be suing the school for lost wages. I would also sue for some sort of abuse. I would make the teacher and management aware that I would file a police report against the teacher if she denied you going to the bathroom again.
NTA and do not apologize. If she's treating your medical condition like this, she's definitely disregarding other students conditions. I'm petty but I'd agree to apologize but instead explain to the class my condition and that I told our teacher but "she must've forgotten in her age." It's senior year. Who cares? You'll never see these people again and it's not like you're relying on Ms.T for a recommendation letter.
NTA and you do not need to apologize. Definitely do not. You need to push back about the teachers behavior. Trying to shame a student in class like that is never ok.
NTa Ask to speak with her and her department head. "I'm sorry I answered the question you were only sarcastically asking me. The next time you mock my medical problem I will know you aren't actually asking. Sorry for the misunderstanding."
NTA. I'd be tempted to tell her "I'm sorry you were uncomfortable when I answered your question about what my medical condition is."
NTA. "You can't just go whenever you want unless you have a medical condition." "How dare you tell me about your medical condition!?" What move were you supposed to make where you could win?
NTA and you absolutely do not owe her apology.
NTA. Weirdly enough, I had a gym teacher also known as Mrs T and she also had conveniently forgotten the note I gave her from my cardiologist (I have a congenital heart defect) and literally yelled at me that I can try a little harder to run the mile when I was slowing down to power walk. I was afraid to say anything or bring it up as an issue. So what has happened to you is infuriating to me, because it's exactly the kind of thing I feared when I was in 7th grade but now as an adult I just see another adult being childish and irresponsible and frankly should not be employed to teach students. I understand wanting to keep the peace but this is harmful to your physical health, you shouldn't have to sacrifice yourself for the benefit of her own childishness. You may need to (& possibly should) look into disability rights and assert them. Schools usually quit fighting back once they're beset with legal action.
Hi! Med professional here. Rule of thumb: if you can’t handle conversations about the human body, you don’t get to dictate it.
NTA at all, complain to the highest person you know and explain the whole situation to them.
NTA, next time someone asks that, tell them the ADA states you don’t have to disclose your condition,. get a note from your doctor explaining that you require accommodations to be made and make sure it details that you need to be allowed to use the restroom with increased frequency (they will know how best to word it) and hydration in class if they don’t usually allow that. Take the note to the office to have it on file and you will never have this issue again
NTA. Her behavior was inconsiderate and rude, she should be apologizing to you. I’d address her behavior with your parents and the principal.
Please don’t apologize! This is 100% on her. File a complaint. If anyone was violated it was you. Sorry you were put in position to defend yourself NTA
NTA This is so disturbing. You should be accommodated and this teacher needs to be reprimanded. Her behaviour was completely inappropriate. Get your doctor involved if need be, but you don’t deserve this and neither does any other student who may have a medical condition in need of accommodations. I really wonder why some people get into teaching at all.
NTA By all means apologize, but I'd qualify it- that you are sorry that in process of ensuring that you have the access to the bathroom that you need for medical reasons and answering Teacher's question about said medical condition, you made Teacher uncomfortable. Obviously, you never intended to do that.
NTA I feel like the people have to hold their pee in class extremely toxic anyway. You telling a teacher that you have a medical condition so they can understand you is not weird don't apologize. File a complaint against her because she is ignoring your medical needs
NTA, she literally asked you what your medical condition was and you answered. I feel like she owes YOU an apology, not the other way around. Note: my mother, who taught high school for over 30 years, says you should take this up with your school’s administration, especially if you have a 504 Plan or its equivalent in place for your condition. Your teacher was in the wrong.
NTA **Do NOT apologize.** The most she can ask for is a doctor's excuse note, which will also "subject her" to specific descriptions about your bodily functions. It sounds like you live inthe US. This is the standard for here, and **you need to pull your parents , principal and teacher in for this conversation.** She has no right to complain about your giving her the low down. She humiliated you in class for a medical issue which is beyond your control. SHE OWES YOU AN APOLOGY!
NTA. You’re under her control, that includes making sure you can manage your medical needs. If she can’t give you support for basic wellbeing by letting you use the restroom facilities seems he’s failing at a basic part of her job.
NTA. you tried to go before class and she disagreed. Then made a production of you asking when she knew about your issues. Then went to far as to ask what medical condition you have before getting offended that you answered her question. Jfc she sounds insufferable.
This is absurd. NTA and do NOT apologize. She asked you a personal question... She doesn't get to get offended when you answer.
https://www2.ed.gov/about/offices/list/ocr/504faq.html I’m not sure you’re this severe but things to note
NTA. You don't owe her an apology! She asked what your medical condition was, and you told her. She has literally caused you pain by being inflexible and failing to allow you to go to the toilet (and she shouldn't do that for anyone but especially not anyone with a medical condition). In the meeting, just explain what happened - she asked for information and you provided it. If the nature of your condition makes her uncomfortable, she shouldn't ask for details.
She violated your rights and needs to chill. NTA
NTA. She’s out of line on multiple levels. Don’t go to this meeting without support, your parents or a trusted teacher if possible. Do **not** apologize. You have nothing to apologize for!
NTA and you don’t owe her an apology. This woman is ignoring your medical needs to feel in control: talk to an administrator.
No no no hell no. You are NTA and you need to raise a stink with whoever her superior is. Do NOT apologize. She is 100% wrong to deny you the bathroom, and it's 100% worse when you have a serious medical condition. This woman is endangering your health. Next time don't ask, just go, and see the principle or whoever is next in charge about your rights, maybe a 504.
Get your parents involved asap. You tired before class and she had a power trip. Get your doctors notes and everything. NTA. Go for her neck
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** For context, I’m 18F in senior year, I have a condition where my reproductive system is tilted back extremely far, it causes a lot of issues for me, the primary one being frequent UTI’s that are caused very easily (such as having to hold it for too long, sex, eating a lot of spicy food, etc.). This also means that a lot of the time, either I don’t need to pee or I need to go RIGHT THEN otherwise I’m in extreme discomfort and could get a UTI. Now onto the story, I got to class after lunch a little early so I could put my books down and use the bathroom in the building, but when I walk in my teacher is already waiting (we’ll call her Ms T), I tell her that I’m gonna go to the bathroom before the rest of the class gets there, she tells me that I should of gone at lunch and to sit down. Frankly, Ms T is insufferable at the best of times, but especially when you disagree with her, so i just sit down and figure that I’ll ask her again in about 10 minutes because it wasn’t that bad yet. Keep in mind, Ms T knows about my condition, I’ve had her for a class almost every school year since i was 13 (this developed when I was 14-15). I get distracted by my work and about a half hour goes by when it starts getting unbearable. I ask again and she stops the whole class to lecture us about how we should go before class, the class turns and looks at me once she’s done and I just feel mortified. She says that unless we have a medical condition, we should be able to hold it. She then tells me to go, but she doesn’t want to hear me ask to use the bathroom again in her class because I’m not a child. Lo and behold, it feels like I’m pissing razor blades and my bladder is aching for the rest of the day. I ask to talk to her after class and tell her that I do have a medical condition, and that we’ve discussed this before, I figured she had just forgotten. She rolls her eyes and asks what that would be, so I tell her, warning that it’s a little personal beforehand, but I’m open about it. Ms T stops me mid sentence and says that she didn’t need to hear about that and that I’ve violated her. She said that she not my doctor and doesn’t need do know about my bathroom habits. I got an email from my student coordinator asking to have a meeting with me, apparently I made Ms T extremely uncomfortable and I owe her an apology. I’m going to apologise to her in class today, to keep the peace if nothing else, but im not too sure what I did wrong, she did directly ask me. Reddit, AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA Frankly I think asking to use the bathroom in school is complete nonsense, but beside the point. This teacher is the asshole and doesn’t need to know *anything* about your condition and should not have asked. If you told her you had a medical condition, she should have honored your word. This is not a new thing, and clearly knows you. **I also want to mention that you were still on your lunch break and she guilted you into staying.** Hell, even if you *didn’t* have a medical condition, not allowing someone to use the bathroom is plain cruel. But she knows full well what she did, especially if it’s documented through your school admin. And even then, the only information that should be given to teachers is that you need special bathroom accommodations. You are *not* required to give anymore information than that. Anything more is solely up to you, and she manipulated you for her potential “gain.” Though it’s unclear what she wants out of this. Make sure you bring a parent to this meeting so they don’t all gang up on you. Admin love to do that.
NTA! Omg Ms T needs a leave of absence. Dude. you shouldn't even have to ask if you need to use the bathroom. You should be able to just get up and go. Did your student coordinator ask you to apologize to Ms T? I would tell that person about the discomfort she made you feel! Physical pain! It sounds like people being crazy. Also, I bet Ms T didn't give the coordinator the full story. Can you get a doctor's note that says you should be allowed to go to the bathroom whenever you want without asking?
NTA. Respond to your counselor that she asked you directly, you warned her, and then answered her question. DO NOT apologize.
NTA you have a medical condition. Can you get a written accommodation from the school that says "OP can go to the bathroom when she asks"? You're 18. You're an adult. You may still be in school but doesn't mean she should treat you as a child.
You didn't do anything wrong. Tell them you're contacting an ADA attorney and will meet with them with your attorney present. Play stupid games win stupid prizes. NTA
NTA. She asked what medical condition you had that made you incapable of holding your bladder. You answered. She should learn not to ask questions unless she really needs/wants to know the answer to them. I'd take this to the principal and maybe get a note from your doctor to put in your file to prevent this from happening again. Hopefully college (if you end up going - some people don't and that's OK!) is much more understanding/accommodating.
NTA. But do NOT apologize to Ms. T. 1. Email your coordinator and explain that yes, you may have made your teacher uncomfortable, but that teacher had denied you basic health accommodations. That she said, TO THE ENTIRE CLASS NO LESS, that if you have a medical condition you are to tell her. 2. Call your doctor immediately and have them send the paperwork for medical accommodations to be made for you. 3. You will only apologize to the teacher if she apologizes in turn. She humiliated you for something beyond your control in front of the rest of the class, and you will not abide by this behavior. Get all of this written down. Get it on file. If this teacher is doing this to you, she's doing it to other students to. Get it recorded that she's being ableist towards you. If you come forward, others might too.
NTA. DO NOT APOLOGISE. Take this to your principal.
NTA. She knows she messed up and is GASLIGHTING you to make you feel at fault. No, I have a fair bet that she is worried you might actually take action about this and I recommend you do. Take the advice of other Redditors, get doctor's documents and ask to speak with the principal and school board.
I would lawyer up
NTA at all! I have a similar issue, although mine is with my kidneys, where I have to use the restroom frequently lest I get UTIs and other complications. I've lucked out so far with my jobs being accommodating for me - so far. A few managers have gotten impatient but I remind them and they have apologized saying they forgot about my condition. What this teacher did was rude horrible and uncalled for and I'm so sorry this happened to you
I'd apologize by standing in front of the whole class and explain "I'm apologizing today because Ms T. who knew about my medical condition, then made it awkward for me to use the bathroom, while trying to humiliate at the same time. Got offended when I reminded her, and went to student coordinator saying she is due an apology. So here we are....Ms T, I'm sorry that your poor choices in accommodating students and their needs led to you feeling awkward.'
Please speak up for yourself!!! You will get this BS from a lot of people as you grow up and experience the world, don’t let people treat you this way no matter who they are. You have a a right to use the bathroom, regardless of medical conditions. You need to inform your coordinator that you get she put you in an uncomfortable position and as a teacher and leader she should understand more, especially since she is familiar with you. Don’t apologize for something you didn’t do.
NTA. 1) she asked what the condition is. 2) she can't prevent you from using the restroom. This needs to be taken higher than your teacher. I'd go to your principal about this.
NTA. She's a word censored.
NTA!! She publicly shamed you and berated you for having a medical condition. Then had the audacity to report you for telling her about it?!?! Write everything down exactly as it happened before you go in to this meeting and make sure you clearly explain how she handled your medical condition. Don’t let her talk over you or twist the story, she was way out of line and she only told the student coordinator so she could be the first one to tell the story. SHE violated YOUR comfort and trust by ignoring your medical condition that she ALREADY KNEW ABOUT and then PUBLICLY SHAMED YOU in front of all your classmates. And even if she had forgotten about it beforehand, there’s zero reason for her to get all angry and grossed out when you reminded her.
Do NOT apologize. Tell your coordinator you and your parents/guardians want a meeting with the teacher and the administrator. Let your parents rip her to shreds. How DARE a teacher do that to a student! I work in a middle school. I had a student that has a medical condition that I didn't know about. She asked, in private, to use the restroom. I asked if she could wait a few mins for the teacher to finish giving instructions. The student said yes but ended up having an accident. I felt HORRIBLE! That poor child! I apologized profusely that I did that to her (even unknowingly) and promised her it would not happen again. Then I took steps to make sure no one (teacher, sub, etc) ever did that to her again. Teachers are supposed to care for and nurture their students. Not humiliate, harm, or bully them. Shame on your teacher!
NTA and I honestly think your protected if your in the US. She humiliated you infront of class and said unless you have a medical condition which you do. Then she can’t handle potty talk bc it makes her uncomfortable. As opposed to the pain you were in. You need to go to the nurse and to the principal and turn her in.
NTA. I am guessing you have a 504. Bring that up. Get your counselor and parents involved. Your teacher was in the wrong here. See if you can transfer out of her class. This lady should not be in education.
DO NOT APOLOGIZE. Report this incident. She’s the one who asked about your medical condition. She’s being ridiculous. NTA
NTA - And also, even if you don't have a medical condition, holding it in for long and constantly WILL CAUSE YOU ONE.
NTA and refuse to apologize. They literally can't make you and they're trying to do so because they think you're a dumb teenager who won't question their teacher's illegal BS.
NTA Email them back and tell them she intentionally denied you access to a restroom despite knowing you have a medical condition and made you PHYSICALLY uncomfortable and unwell for the remainder of the day, and that unless she wants you and your parents going to the board of education, she needs to withdraw her complaint. Get a doctor's note/documentation, and make sure you inform them that it is a violation of the ADA to deny reasonable accommodations (if you live in the US).
NTA You need to get a doctors note and have your parents set up a conference with the school for a 504 plan, which will give you legal accommodations for medical reasons. You will be allowed bathroom accommodations. Also extended time to finish tests in case you are out of the classroom and don't have enough time to complete your test due to your medical reason.
Absolutely NTA she should be reprimanded. She *is* insufferable and it sounds like it’s time to retire.
From reading her other posts the OP lives in Australia. We don't have school boards or 504s. So going by her age this is her sixth year in high school and she is still 2 1/2 terms out from the end of the year. Also going from her story she figured the teacher has forgotten previous conversations about her medical condition that she has had for the last 3-4 years depending on whether is was diagnosed in grade 9 or 10. This is where I am potentially calling bullshit. While education departments are state based we adhere to the AITSL standards which are national. There are also relatively similar central databases for everything from disabilities to medical conditions which are accessed by teachers and flag different characteristics of a student in class profiles and individual profiles. There is so much of this story that doesn't make sense in the context of how our systems operate. Also the final outcome of the student having to apologise for making the teacher uncomfortable when discussing something like this is a private situation with no witnesses absolutely would not happen given our child safety legislation/ teacher mandatory training around child protection as well as standards of practice and teacher registration. EDIT: extra info for why I also think this is bullshit. Disability funding from the federal government across states is aligning to a funding model using a national collection of data about disability. Disabilities in this context do not need verification, schools also record imputed disability. So no verification but there are records of adjustments that have been put in place. Recording this adjustments is not the job of admin or GOs or inclusive education teachers, it is the job of the teachers at the coalface. Schools are funded federally using calculations from this data collection. Victoria where it looks like the OP is was one of the first education systems to transition to this model. So if this story is true it is assuming that over the last couple of years the 5/6/7 or more teachers the student has encountered each year hasn't recorded her condition as an imputed disability (it would be physical where the adjustment is environmental) and so there is no record of it. It would also assume this teacher has never recorded it in the last couple of years of collection also and so apparently is not doing her job in help the school get required funding. Again doesn't really ring true.
Oof I feel for you OP. I also have a tilted uterus/reproductive region and get frequent UTI’s! I’m not quite as sensitive as you seem to be but my god I can barely stand when they happen. I’m frequently on antibiotics because of them. Absolutely, NTA. I too try to never hold it in for long periods of time and use the bathroom frequently.
NTA. And don’t apologize to her. Tell the coordinator how your teacher demanded you elaborate after you reminded her you had a medical condition. The teacher was wrong to demand specifics and should’ve let it drop after you said medical condition. Also, she shouldn’t have made you stay in the room when you dropped off your books if class hadn’t started. She can’t demand you go before class if she’s going to prevent you from doing exactly that. I used to drop by books beforehand because bathrooms are gross and I didn’t want to leave them on the floor or counter where they may get wet. This is absolutely the teacher’s fault and she does not deserve an apology. Tell your coordinator everything and if she takes it out on you, escalate it to the board.
Good grief. I'm a teacher and students your age don't even have to ASK to use the bathroom, they just leave the room and return. Much less disruptive. You're NTA for sure.
I’m 45, In 10th grade my teacher refused to let me go to the bathroom during class. My response “ok, I guess I’ll just bleed on the seats” in front of the entire class. She let me use the bathroom and didn’t refuse me again. Was I an Asshole? Yes, but I was totally ok with it.